8 Unrealistic Expectations We Have in Relationships & 8 Ways to Replace Them for Success in Love

In every relationship we have, we often set expectations. When these expectations aren’t met, we feel unloved and uncared for. And sometimes, we feel that it’s not working and that it isn’t true love. What we fail to realize is that our expectations are based on our standards, our own ideals, our own terms. OURS, not theirs. It’s one sided. We want the other person to meet our standards, ideals, and goals; but we never consider THEIR own expectations of us. In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty explains why setting unrealistic expectations only leads to a failure in your relationship and builds up your insecurities. Sign up for Jay Shetty’s free “Pursuit of Purpose” Live Masterclass at www.jayshettypurpose.com Key Takeaways: 01:34 What are your expectations when you’re in a relationship? 03:45 Expectation #1: We create a list of expectations that we will find 07:07 The three G’s: Goal, Growth, Gratitude 11:20 Expectation #2: Our partner should be perfect 15:50 Expectation #3: Expecting your partner to make you happy 18:56 Expectation #4: Our partners can read our mind 22:20 Expectation #5: Know how to do things we usually do that we’ve never explained 25:33 Expectation #6: Have it all together all the time 27:38 Expectation #7: Our partner want the same things we want 30:03 Expectation #8: Our partner should understand us immediately Like this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 0:44Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on.

• 1:29Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose.

• 2:16Jay Shetty?

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• 3:00Jay Shetty?

  Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees, so you keep every dollar you earn. All expectations are not helpful, because an expectation is a hope. An expectation is a wish. An expectation is an assumption that this exists. What it takes away is any responsibility in creating it, developing it, and building

• 3:33Jay Shetty?

  it. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. And I just want to say that it's so nice. I've been bumping into so many of you, whether we've been out on a hike, or I bumped into you on the streets, and it's been so wonderful. And I'm loving seeing all your Instagram posts. I love seeing all of you walking your dogs, or cooking, or listening with your partners. It means the world to me. I feel like our community is just growing and growing, and I can feel that positive energy around On Purpose, and that's happening because of you. So thank you to each and every one of you that's recommending this to a friend, or sharing it with a family member.

• 4:17Jay Shetty?

  It truly means the world to me, and it's amazing. To see the impact that On Purpose is having in just two years. It's only been two years. And so make sure if you're a new listener that you go back and listen to some of our epic episodes from 2019 to 2020. And if you just joined us more recently, thank you for being here. It means the world to me. Thank you so, so much. Now, in this episode, we're talking about the eight false expectations you shouldn't have in a relationship. And you're sitting there going, Jay, what are they? What are those eight expectations I shouldn't have? Right?

• 4:58Jay Shetty?

  Mostly, our conversations around relationships start with, well, what do you expect from a relationship? What are the things that you think are important that your partner should have? What are the expectations that a person should have before a relationship? That's a very normal conversation. It's been happening for years and years and years. And people will say to you, what's your list of expectations? If you have a list of expectations, then you'll find the right person. Right? How many of you have sat there? Be honest. Raise your hand. No one's looking apart from you in your reflection in the mirror on the phone right now. Raise your hand, be honest. How many of you have ever written down what you want from a relationship?

• 5:41Jay Shetty?

  And I remember reading those funny columns in magazines that were lying around my parents' home when I was younger, where people said they wanted someone with a good sense of humour, they wanted someone who was flexible, they wanted someone who was confident, they wanted someone who was ambitious, they wanted someone who had time for the family. And I'm like, yeah, none of those things actually work at the same time, right? But we've all been trained to have a list of expectations. And our hope is that if we walk into a room with a list of expectations, we will find someone who matches those expectations. Now, it's important to have a list of values. It's important to have a list of focuses.

• 6:24Jay Shetty?

  It's important to have a list of criteria to look out for. That's an important thing to have. But a list of expectations can actually be very, very misleading. Right? Very, very misleading.

• 6:39Jay Shetty?

  And today I want to discuss what those eight false expectations are that we have from a relationship that actually make us go down the wrong path, actually make relationships extremely difficult. And the first expectation is that we should create a list of expectations that we will find. That is the first false expectation, that your expectation list will actually help you find the right person. The challenge with an expectation list is that it's often idealistic. It's often not human. It often doesn't allow for error.

• 7:24Jay Shetty?

  It doesn't allow for a background and a past. It doesn't allow for trauma. It doesn't allow for uncovering new challenges. It doesn't allow for someone healing and growing, which is so much what a relationship is a part of. Right? The role of a relationship is so much more about growth and development and healing than it is about having fun and enjoyment. And what I mean by that, it's something that I was speaking about in the episode with Will Smith, when I said that relationships are more about education and enlightenment than they are enjoyment. And the education and enlightenment is the enjoyment. When you figure out your partner,

• 8:09Jay Shetty?

  when you learn about them, when you grow together, now you're actually enjoying. Now you're actually having a full experience. When you have a limited understanding of what someone or something is able to do, you have a very limited sense of joy and often more frustration. When you have a complete understanding of something, that allows you to experience it fully. Right, it allows you to truly have a deep immersive experience when you allow yourself to truly understand someone more deeply. So the first false expectation is thinking that your expectations are going to be met. And I have something I call the three Gs model,

• 8:53Jay Shetty?

  which is what you need to focus on instead of setting expectations. So not only do I believe these are false expectations, I actually believe all expectations are not helpful. Because an expectation is a hope. An expectation is a wish. An expectation is an assumption that this exists. What it takes away is any responsibility in creating it, developing it, and building it. I'll give you an example. You may have an expectation that the perfect house in the world is out there. And you go out and you find a house, and then you realize it's not near the schools you want to send your kids to. Or you find the house, but the garden's not quite perfect.

• 9:38Jay Shetty?

  Or you find the house, but actually the last tenants destroyed the floors. Whatever it is, you can tell that I got really personal on that last one. Whatever it is, the point is that an expectation doesn't help you focus on creating, building, or developing. It's all about finding, wishing, and hoping. And what that means is that your probability for failure increases. Your probability for failure goes through the roof with expectations. As opposed to if you focused on creating, building, and developing, you're less likely to fail because you get to influence the outcome. So the three Gs are as follows. The first one is instead of setting an expectation, set a goal.

• 10:21Jay Shetty?

  Set a goal that I want to create a relationship like this, and this is what it's going to take. Right? Set a goal for the type of relationship. I often speak to Radhi and I'll say to her, "Well, this is the type of relationship I want to create with you. Are you in with me?" And that sets a goal, it sets a mood, it sets a pace, that now we both know what we're working towards. As opposed to an expectation is expecting that someone's already going to have it, already going to be able to deliver, and already going to have it covered, as opposed to the idea that we're going to get there together. After understanding your goal of the relationship, you want to set your growth. Okay, well, we want to get to that goal. What are we both going to have to do?

• 11:06Jay Shetty?

  What are we both going to have to grow? What are we both going to have to learn in order to achieve that goal? So now, again, you're not expecting that the other person has amazing communication skills. You're not expecting that the other person really understands how to be emotionally intelligent. You're both saying, "Well, that's what we're going to learn. That's what we have to develop." Now, of course, there is something here that both people are willing to do this. But what I've always found is that in a relationship, one person has to tread the path first

• 11:38Jay Shetty?

  and they have to patiently wait and see if the other person will tread the path to follow them. And it's never the person that forces the follower. It's never the person that pressurizes the follower. It's never the person that stresses out the follower that wins. It's the person that improves and grows because they know that's the right thing to do. That's the thing that they believe they need to do for their sanity and themselves. And then if the other person joins, then that's amazing. And if they don't, then they have an opportunity to say, "Well, maybe this isn't the right relationship." And it's all about how long you're willing to be patient and wait for a person to grow because sometimes it will take forever, sometimes it will never happen,

• 12:23Jay Shetty?

  and their growth is not up to you. But setting a growth plan instead of an expectation is the right way to approach any relationship. Whether you're in one or whether you want to be in one, setting an expectation is not going to help you find the right person. Setting a plan of growth is going to help you find and be with the right person. And the third way of replacing expectations is replacing expectations with gratitude. Gratitude for who you are, what you've learned, what you've already achieved. It's so important because so many of us have expectations. And even when those expectations are met, we forget that at one point, that was all we wanted.

• 13:08Jay Shetty?

  At one point, we forget that that expectation that we currently have, something that we expected has now been met, but we forget that it's been met. Even at one point, that was your dream, that's what you aimed for. So gratitude is a great replacement for an expectation because it truly allows you to live from a place of being centered and grounded. It allows you to move from a place of feeling aligned. And that's really what it is. You can either respond from your unalignment or respond from your alignment to life.

• 13:52Jay Shetty?

  And gratitude brings you back to an alignment. If you want to respond to someone, you either react based on your lack of alignment or you respond based on your alignment. Now, those are the three Gs, goals, growth, and gratitude to replace expectations as a way of operating. This second expectation that we have of our partner is a big one. And this applies to anyone who feels like they're in a good relationship. It's kind of going in the right direction. But you're like, ah, they're not, you know, they're not perfect. You know, I keep getting attention from people that are, that seem nicer. This second expectation we have, that is a false expectation,

• 14:34Jay Shetty?

  is the expectation that our partner should be perfect. That our partner should be God. We want our partners to be our God. Take a moment to just let that settle in. Take a moment to really let that land.

• 14:53Jay Shetty?

  We want our partners to be our God. We want our partners to be perfect. We expect them. And I know you're sitting there going, Jay, I don't expect perfect. I just want them to improve this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this. You've just explained perfection, right? If you look at the probability of that, you've just explained perfection. Your partner's at about an 83, you want them to be at a 97. And worse, you believe that someone out there is a 99, you just haven't met them yet. No, I'm not saying to settle. And I'm not saying to accept less than you deserve. And I'm not saying to stay somewhere you don't want to stay. But I am saying that there is a difference between a good relationship,

• 15:38Jay Shetty?

  a great relationship, and the expectation of a god-like relationship. Our partners are not God. They will let us down. They will not be perfect. They will make mistakes. And if we're not willing to work with them through those moments, if we're not willing to elevate at those moments, we're really going to struggle in any relationship. This is one of the reasons why so many people cheat or so many people leave their partner in search for another, because they believe the next relationship will be the god-like relationship. The next relationship will be the perfect relationship. We don't realize, we just carry our trauma and baggage from this one into the next one.

• 16:23Jay Shetty?

  They're carrying their one into the next one. And now we're just dealing with more baggage and more trauma. And we don't realize that what we're experiencing in a relationship is ourself. Listen to this carefully. In any relationship, you are experiencing that relationship through yourself. It is an experience of you. What triggers you, triggers you because of your triggers that have been created through your trauma. What upsets you, what makes you feel insecure, has come from something. Now, I'm not saying that your partner is, like, has no responsibility or, or isn't...

• 17:04Jay Shetty?

  Someone who should take responsibility. What I'm saying is that your experience, even if you were with the most trustworthy person, if you had an insecurity trigger, that would still be the case, no matter who you were with. That's what I'm trying to help you understand, that whether you're with someone who's imperfect or perfect, if you have an insecurity, you will feel that with anyone. But expecting our partner to be God comes from that desire to love, to adore, to worship, which no person is worthy of. And the challenge is that we have this strong expectation. We want to find someone that perfectly holds us,

• 17:46Jay Shetty?

  helps us, supports us, believes in us, understands us. And I'm not saying you shouldn't have someone who understands you, believes in you and all of that, but just don't expect someone to be perfect. Because you could push away a really great thing in the pursuit of wanting them to be God.

• 18:06Jay Shetty?

  So replace that expectation of wanting someone to be God for wanting to be great yourself and helping that person become great, the great version of themselves that they see, not the potential that you see. And this is where this God paradox comes into a relationship, is the idea that you have to help someone become as great as they want to be, not as great as you see them. And often we project, we project what we believe they can be onto them, when actually they need to help us understand where they want to be and who they want to be and where they want to go. So allow yourself to not project godliness onto them or greatness onto them that they don't want to be.

• 18:51Jay Shetty?

  Allow yourself to understand them so deeply that they grow in the direction that they want to grow in, without any sense of pressure. The third expectation is expecting your partner to make you happy. It's like, almost like a happiness machine. You wanna put in a little quarter, or a dollar, or a penny, or a pound. I've started using all US currency terms. I've been living here for five years, I guess that's normal. But you have this habit of like, you think, "Oh, I'll put a coin in, I'll get happiness." Right? It's like that instant gratification, like, "Make me happy." Almost like a toy. I press this button and you say the right thing. Right? And you may say, "Jay, that sounds crazy, I don't feel like that."

• 19:35Jay Shetty?

  But we do, we look at our partners and, almost like the first thought is, "Make me happy, make me happy." Or, "Why don't you make me happy?" Right? That's often how we approach our partners. This is a false expectation. Your partner cannot make you happy. You make yourself happy, you have that choice, you have that power. Your partner cannot make you happy. So having that expectation puts so much pressure on someone. Do you think that you're the only person that can make your partner happy? And by the way, that also creates issues. When you think that your partner's happiness is dependent on you, how much pressure do you feel? How much weight do you think you're carrying?

• 20:20Jay Shetty?

  When you think that your partner's happiness is dependent on you, how hard is that to carry? And we carry that, and then we make them carry that. Now, we're both carrying the pressure of making each other happy. We've only known each other for three months, right? You're putting the pressure of making each other happy on each other, when actually, we should have the responsibility for our own happiness, and then to share that happiness with others. And by the way, I promise you, it is a lot easier to make yourself happier than to make someone else happier. And when you are happy, it is much easier to help someone in an unhappy place than it is when you're unhappy too.

• 21:04Jay Shetty?

  So it all makes sense, it all lines up. So I really want you to consider that. Like, are you sitting there going, "Oh my gosh, my partner's happiness is dependent on me," and you're stressing yourself out? And you're putting yourself under so much pain, and that false dependence that you've created on yourself is debilitating for you.

• 21:26Jay Shetty?

  So let go of that desire that your partner is going to make you happy, or that you're the only person that can make your partner happy, and start focusing on developing your own sense of happiness, your own choice, your own sense of love, your own sense of passion in your life, because that's a position of strength, right? A tree can only give shade to others after it's grown itself. Otherwise, it's just trying to compete for the sun, right? Think about that. Trees are competing in the direction of the sun when they're trying to grow, but when a tree's really high and grown and strong, it can give shade to so many. Think about that.

• 22:07Jay Shetty?

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• 22:50Jay Shetty?

  That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by Wayfair. Home should be a place that feels like a sanctuary, a space that truly reflects who you are, but it can be challenging to balance style, budget, and endless options. I was looking to create a dedicated calm space for my morning meditation and reading, but I was struggling to find pieces that felt grounding but could also stand up to daily use. I went on Wayfair and found a beautiful, solid wood accent chair and a bookshelf. Now that corner is my favorite place to anchor my day. The quality is incredible, it's built to last, and it completely shifted the energy of the room. Plus, you can shop with Wayfair Verified, where products

• 23:35Jay Shetty?

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• 24:20Jay Shetty?

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• 24:39Jay Shetty?

  The fourth thing that we expect from our partners, and you know this one all too well, is for them to know what you're thinking and feeling all the time. We expect that our partners can read our minds, and that reading our minds is almost a sign of love. That if they can remember, if they can intuitively get a signal from us, from that mystical power of our minds, then they are the one. Right? We have this thing of like, oh, if they can sense what I'm feeling right now, then we must be connected. We feel that connection means knowing intuitively.

• 25:25Jay Shetty?

  We make connection parallel with reading my mind. Right? If you can read my mind, we are in love. And if I can read your mind, then we are in love and we have something real. And I don't know where that idea comes from, actually. I want to look into that. Like, I wonder where that idea comes from. Like, why do we have this deep desire to feel that our partner...

• 25:48Jay Shetty?

  You know, like, just can read our mind at any given time. The gift we want, how we wanna celebrate our birthday, uh, what we want to do for our anniversary, what we want for dinner tonight, all of that kind of stuff. And again, instead of that, we can help our partners know what we're thinking and feeling. So saying things like, hey, when we're going through an argument, I just really need time to process. If I don't talk, I promise you it's not personal. It's just something I need to deal with. Hey, when I come back from work after a long day, the last thing I wanna do is talk about work. So don't ask me about work, let's talk about something else. Oh, by the way, you know, when it comes around to my birthday, I get really nervous because my birthday was never a big thing growing up

• 26:32Jay Shetty?

  and it's a time of anxiety for me. So I just want you to know that. So if I'm acting odd around my birthday, it's because of that. And for you to be able to inform your partner of any of these things, you have to be aware of that. You have to be conscious, you have to be self-aware enough to help them understand that. But that's what's needed. Instead of having the expectation that you should know what I'm thinking and feeling, let's set the plan to say, hey, I actually am going to communicate to you what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling, and I want you to grow with me. I want you to learn from me. I wanna help you learn about me and understand me better. Right? And just think about how much more successful your relationship would be

• 27:17Jay Shetty?

  if you approached it that way. Just genuinely think about it for a moment, think about it right now. How much more successful would your relationship be if instead of trying to get someone to read your mind and know what you're thinking, you actually helped them understand what you're thinking at different times? You actually did the hard work. And that's it, right? That's it, actually. It's the idea of we want someone else to do the hard work and we don't wanna do the hard work ourselves. We don't wanna do the hard work of understanding ourselves, so we want someone else to do the hard work of understanding us. And the truth is, we need to focus on understanding ourselves and articulating that effectively. So that was the fourth expectation that we have that we need to switch.

• 28:03Jay Shetty?

  The fifth is, we expect them to know how to do things that we usually do, that we've never explained. I speak to so many parents who say, "Oh, my gosh, my kids, they just don't know how to do any housework. They don't help around the house." And my first question is, "Well, when did you teach them?" And they say, "What do you mean, teach them? I always let them focus on their studies, and I always let them focus on their work." I was like, "Yeah, but you've never taught them how to do that." I remember my mom taught me how to iron my own clothes when I was 12 years old. And till this day, I iron my own clothes. I take a lot of pride in it. I don't like wearing anything without it being ironed. I don't like wearing anything with a crease in it.

• 28:48Jay Shetty?

  And so, I remember that. My mom taught me how to do that at 12. My mom also taught me how to wash the dishes and, you know, clean the tabletop and the surfaces at that age. And so, I got very comfortable doing those things. And so, if we're not teaching someone how to do something, we can't just expect them to do it. You know, Radhi and I go through this all the time. And I've never learned how to cook. It's not a skill of mine. And I manage certain things in the home that Radhi doesn't manage. And we've realized that breaking up our responsibility actually really helps. But the problem is when you expect the partner to fill in your gap, but they've never had that experience. They've never had that experience before.

• 29:31Jay Shetty?

  And so, if you have an expectation of your partner to do something around the house that you're good at, make sure that you've taught them how to do it. Make sure you've shared it with them. And you may find it really simple. You may think it's the easiest thing in the world, but I promise you, that doesn't make it easy. You may think it's the most basic skill. You may think it's the most obvious skill that someone should be good at, but that does not make it obvious. There are certain things that I find so difficult, like cooking, that Radhi finds so easy. And there are certain things like scheduling, organizing, managing, that I find so easy and Radhi finds so difficult. And so, you have to start to recognize that if we want to grow with someone, you can't set them up for failure.

• 30:15Jay Shetty?

  And often, we set our partners up for failure. We know they can't do something. We're like, "Let's see if they care enough about me to learn it." And we realize it's not about whether they care enough about you. It's about whether they have the skill or not, and if someone's helped them or not. And so don't set your partner up for failure. We have to realize that if you're gonna spend the rest of your... This, this really helps me. I just wanna take a pause to talk about this point. This has always helped me. If I really wanna spend the rest of my life with this person, why do I wanna see them fail? Why do I wanna see them make mistakes? Why do I want to set them up for failure? So I can say, "I told you so. Look, I'm better than you in this relationship." Why am I turning this relationship into a competition?

• 30:58Jay Shetty?

  So you can't expect people to do things you've never explained to them. And I think we all experienced that with our parents, where they just expect for you to know about mortgages and finances. And you're just like, "But you never taught me." And they're like, "Well, that's what you learn when you grow up." And you're thinking, "Yeah, but we never went through this, right? It wasn't on the curriculum." All right, the sixth expectation that we have is that we expect our partner to always have it together. Today, we want our partners to be more emotional and more vulnerable, more open, but we also expect them to have it all together all the time. And when they don't have it all together, we get insecure because now we realize that we've been holding it together and we haven't been allowed to drop our guard. We haven't allowed ourselves because we were too scared

• 31:43Jay Shetty?

  that we weren't allowed. And because we thought we weren't allowed, we thought they weren't allowed. And now when they're being vulnerable and open and sharing their feelings... I remember when the first time Radhi cried to me. And she'd, she's so good at having it all together often. And I really had to check myself and be like, "But if I wanna be there for my partner, I have to understand this. I have to listen to this. I have to hear her out." I can't expect her to have it all together all the time. And I shouldn't expect myself to have it together all the time. But we expect our partners to be resilient, stoic. And the problem with that is they're now holding it in. And that's why 10 years down the line, they come out and share something huge with you and you're shocked. You're surprised. Where did this come from? I didn't realize you were going through this. Why didn't you tell me?

• 32:28Jay Shetty?

  But when they did try and tell you, you were like, "Yeah, yeah, suck it up. You know, get it all together. Like, don't worry about it. It's not a big deal." That's the crazy thing. We want people to be honest with us. But when they're honest with us, we're like, "Oh, you're not being honest in the way I want you to be honest with me." Have you ever had that? Think about that for a moment. It's, it's literally such a mind mess. You're like, "Please be honest with me." But when then someone's honest with you, you're like, "Oh, no, not like that." Right? Honesty means someone being transparent and saying exactly what they feel, even if it doesn't sound like something you want to hear. So don't expect your partner to have it all together. Instead, allow your partner to have an honest, transparent relationship with you, where you build a plan of action to improve, and then you do the same with them.

• 33:11Jay Shetty?

  Don't force them into wearing a mask when they're trying to be really transparent with you. Okay, expectation number seven. Oh, this is a big one, and we're nearly there. We've only got two more to go. So there's the penultimate one. We have the expectation that our partner wants the same thing. And we see them not wanting the same thing as a sign that we're not meant to be. Now, me and Ravi, we want the same thing in a lot of things. Luckily, like interior design and homes and things like that. And in certain areas of our life, we don't want. Like, I love change, and I love moving and traveling.

• 33:54Jay Shetty?

  And she likes being in one place and nesting and building a home. So we have lots of differences. But the problem is when we see our differences as disrespect. In a relationship, you can't see your differences as disrespect. You have to see them as just what they are: differences. They are just differences of opinion, different backgrounds, different experiences, different upbringing. Expecting your partner to want the same thing is not always going to work. Creating something together is better than wanting the same thing. Create something together, build something together, but sitting there going, "Well, why don't you want the same thing as me?

• 34:36Jay Shetty?

  I thought we were in love," is a completely fiction-based statement. There's no fact in that statement. You can't say, "I thought we were so in love. I thought we wanted the same thing." Wanting the same thing doesn't mean you're in love, but we see it as that. So if someone doesn't want to get married when we want to get married, we think that they don't love us. If someone doesn't want to move when we want to move, that means they don't love us. That's not the truth. They just have a different pace. I move quickly and make decisions quickly, Riley takes time. So if we're talking about moving home, if we're talking about even when we're moving country, I know it takes Riley longer to get around to it. And she needs certain things and levers to move in her mind to help her get there. So I can either help her get there without force or pressure,

• 35:19Jay Shetty?

  or I can expect her to get there. Notice the difference between expecting and respecting. When you expect something from someone, you stop respecting them. Because when you expect it, you expect that they should do it at the drop of a hat. Wow, this podcast, I hope is so powerful for you right now. I feel like there are so many things that I'm discussing that are really, really powerful for me. I hope they're powerful for you. And now is number eight. It's expecting our partner to understand us immediately, all the time. We expect our partners to understand us as soon as we speak. We want them to autofill, right? Like Google autocomplete, sorry is what I'm thinking about. Google autocomplete our sentences. We want them to understand us immediately.

• 36:03Jay Shetty?

  There's this instant that we need, we need you to, you need to get me immediately. I've explained it once, you should already know. You should know exactly what I'm saying and what I'm thinking and what I believe in. Right now, you should get it. You might have been thinking about it for months, or maybe even a year. You may have had an idea that you've let simmer and build and brew, and now you've shared it, and you want someone to be at the level you're at. How does that make sense? How does that make any sense? So instead of that expectation, you want to switch that expectation to, again, focusing on articulating yourself as deeply as your partner needs. If your partner needs more explanation, more clarification, more detail, more color, give it to them.

• 36:46Jay Shetty?

  Don't see it as a sign of a lack of love. And if they close off, when you're sharing something really deep, if they close off, don't make it personal, don't make it defensive. Say, "Hey, how can I help you understand this better? Hey, how can I understand what insecurity you're going through right now?" So these are the eight expectations we falsely have in relationships and the eight upgrades that we need to make. I really hope that you apply this in your relationship. I promise you, any one of these will be a game changer. If you love this episode, make sure that you leave a review on the app. It means the world to podcasts. And again, thank you for being part of the On Purpose community. I'll see you soon.

• 37:34Jay Shetty?

  Let's get real. Most people either don't like their jobs, feel unfulfilled in their jobs, or realize their day jobs are no longer stable. But what's required in a fulfilling career? You need to feel like you're good at what you do and that your job allows you to serve the world through your greater purpose in some capacity. If you feel like you haven't achieved this yet in life, the important thing to remember is that it's never too late. It's never too late to start over and choose to really go after what you're meant to do. Join me on July 1st for my brand new live masterclass, Pursuit of Purpose. We'll discuss the ways in which you can create a career that fulfills your soul and how you can serve the world by living out your values, passions, and purpose. To register,

• 38:18Jay Shetty?

  just go to jayshettypurpose.com. Again, that's jayshettypurpose.com. The only way you're going to feel satisfied in your career is if you choose to honor your greatest values. It's time to find what makes you come alive. I'm so grateful and so excited for you to join your pursuit of purpose. See you on July 1st.

• 38:37Speaker 01

  Mr. President, my company foreme of the explosion on our rig on October 2nd. Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all keep the blame on me. Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess and Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 38:54Speaker 02

  What would happen if I stopped going? You start, you freeze to death, that's what.

• 38:58Speaker 01

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  I'm not the first then.

• 39:02Speaker 01

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only appears October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a middle without parent.