Bonus Episode: Menopause Advice for You & Loved Ones

Advice. Hot tips. Book recs. Perspective. It’s the third and final installment of our Emmenology series on perimenopause and menopause, and it’s all wise words from Patrons. Dealing with brain fog, giving spouses grace, finding estrogen patches amid short supply, what to ask the HR department at work, and analogies that would melt even the coldest haters. Tune in, hang on, and sweat it out.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Alie Ward?

  This episode is sponsored by Seed. Bloating, irregular bowel movement, gas. When your gut is off, it gets your attention. Seed's DS1 is a three-time award-winning probiotic, clinically shown to improve regularity, reduce bloating, and alleviate gas, so you can move and eat more freely. Take better care of your gut with Seed. Get 25% off with code 25OLOGIES at seed.com/ologies. These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. We have to say that. Does your closet need a fall reset? Stitch Fix is the secret for refreshing your wardrobe and feeling totally confident in how you dress. Their expert human stylists get to know your life,

• 0:45Alie Ward?

  your style, and budget, so they can pick pieces that actually work for you. Unlike other services, there's no subscription required, so you can order whenever you want without a huge commitment. Plus, you get free shipping and returns. Get started today at stitchfix.com. That's stitchfix.com.

• 1:04Alie Ward?

  Oh, hey, it's the candle on your desk that you just tried to sip because you thought it was coffee for a sec. Ally Ward, here we are, part three, menopause. I promised you, and here it is. So I asked patrons at patreon.com/ologies if they had any advice for people going through menopause or for people who are supporting people going through menopause. These are the spouses. These are the kids. These are the coworkers, the family, the Subway sandwich artists I mentioned before. And here we are. I have them for you. If you have not listened to our first two episodes on menopause, please go for it. Episode one tells you all about what it is and why it is happening and has some tips there. And episode two is all like, what do you do about it?

• 1:47Alie Ward?

  From hot flashes to the latest on hormone studies, libido, we got it all. So that's part one and two. This is a little bonus episode for you. And before we get into it, of course, you can join Patreon, patreon.com/ologies. It's one hot dollar a month. You can submit questions to the ologists before we record. You also support the show. Thanks for doing it. We have Ologies merch available at ologiesmerch.com in case you need items to put on to your nude body to make it less nude. We have those. We also have totes and hats and such. And we have Smologies, which are smaller, shorter, kid-friendly episodes, available wherever you get podcasts. S-M-O-L-O-G-I-E-S.

• 2:32Alie Ward?

  Those are classroom-safe, G-rated, no swears. Go for it if you have kids or you do not like words that make you feel a little funny in the tummy. So those are available. Also, thank you for leaving reviews. I read them all. They help so much. And to prove it, here's a freshie from Sleep is God, who wrote in to say, I'm a primary care PA and recommend episodes to my patients all the time. They say that the show has helped them convince people to get colonoscopies, try new hobbies to help with their mental health and more. So Sleep is God, couldn't agree more about sleep. And thank you for having us in your patients' ears. It's an honor to be there.

• 3:16Alie Ward?

  Okay, let us get into this. This is part three. Also, I want you to know, like this Secrets episode, I'm trying to do this with zero edits. And if you know me, if you've listened to this show for a while, you know, sometimes I get squeaky about it. I don't want to mess up. I don't want there to be long pauses, whatever. Today, I don't care. Okay? I'm going to read you a bunch of advice. We're just going to hang out together. This episode is about taking care of yourself. And so we're just going to chit chat it up. So here we go. Advice from people who have lived it to people who maybe are about to live it or to the people who love them. All right, here we go.

• 4:15Alie Ward?

  Okay, and we're back. First thing I heard a lot of in your advice pieces are education. Susan Fricken said, please allow children and non-menopause experiencers to listen and hear what happens. It will help. Also, please research us more. I think that was a plea to science in general. If you are the loved one of someone going through menopause and you're also a research scientist, why not research menopause more? Christie said, I wish my family had understood what was happening to me. Education is key. And She Purple said, get interested, get invested, read a couple of books and learn about what's happening, what to expect, why it's important to take seriously. Don't make her figure it out and manage it all by herself.

• 5:00Alie Ward?

  Exclamation point from She Purple. Look at that, I left it in. I left it in. Perfection is a myth. Okay, this is something I thought was great. Dr. Lisa B. said, don't take it personally. Don't minimize it. And Erin Bagley said, what has helped is being able to have open conversations with my spouse about what I'm feeling and for him to know it's not personal, it's crazy hormones. And Carrie Steele, Montana Baker, 456Meme, James Thomas said, she will have some mood swings, so toughen up and grow some stones. They pass as quickly as they arrive. And Elmo says, this rings true for me.

• 5:42Alie Ward?

  If you discount every bout of anger to menopause, you might be dismissing very valid reasons for being upset. But you should also toughen up because there might just be mood swings and deal with it. Betsy Hofmeister said, do not take it personally if your perimenopausal person is out of fucks to give. Do not breathe loudly. Eat chips with your mouth open. Eat chips with your mouth closed. Make bad smells. Have the heat on. Argue, mansplain, snore, chew food, sneeze like an elephant seal. Basically, if you could be non-corporeal, that would be great, Betsy says. In fact, best-case scenario, separate houses for the duration. And serious, though, they write,

• 6:24Alie Ward?

  we have a split bed situation with different covers. This seems like really good advice. Betsy said, I sleep like a rotisserie chicken, rotating all night long, flinging covers on and off. And it has helped that I'm not sharing the blankets, which is a thing that most Americans do, sharing blankets. So Betsy says, I'm now on the other side, and it's so much better, except that occasionally their feet erupt into itchy flames. Who knew that was a thing? So I once stayed in Scandinavia. I think it was Scandinavia. I think I started in Germany, and then I went to Scandin- anyway, it was a while ago, it was for work. And there's like two omelets on the bed when you get into a hotel room.

• 7:07Alie Ward?

  And you're like, what are these two blanket duvet omelets doing? And in a dual occupancy bed, they are like, you get your own covers. So look into that. I don't know what other countries do that, but look into having your own little duvet. You can throw it on and off, your own temperature. I think that's ace's advice. Carrie Steele says, my husband doing research and learning not to take things so personally has been a game changer. So research, don't take it personally. Also, if you cannot stand the sound of chewing, you may enjoy our misophonia episode, which is somewhat recent. And misophonia, definitely a real term.

• 7:51Alie Ward?

  Also, it's a field of study. You can learn why the sound of certain things makes you want to throw yourself in a volcano or others. So enjoy that. Also, think about someone going through perimenopause, right there, or menopause. They're dealing with all these hormonal things they absolutely can't control. A lot of their doctors are not educated at all. Like, only 30% of doctors get an education in menopause, which is bonkers. And so even their doctors are like, ah. So imagine if you were going through something that was like excruciatingly physical. Like, let's say that you are a person

• 8:32Alie Ward?

  who has external gonads, and you got kicked in the nuts. And then at the same time, someone comes up to you and asks you about cleaning the gutters. And you're like writhing. And then they're like, wow, you're prickly. I'm sure you would be annoyed. So learn about menopause, what it feels like, how difficult it can be, and just try to empathize. Imagine, again, you got punched in the face and then someone's like, what's wrong with you? Anyway, which brings us actually to empathy. Susan Fricken said, listen to people when they say they're struggling. It's real. James Thomas says, for husbands, it's simple. Reassure your wife that menopause is a change and not an end.

• 9:17Alie Ward?

  James, this is so sweet. Still the woman that you love. Still brilliant, beautiful, funny, whatever the attributes that drew you to her in the first place. So for husbands, reassurance is great. And Julia Gray says, believe them and be kind and give them grace and do your best to do the things the way they want them done, which might change tomorrow. Angela O. says, patience. Give me lots and lots of patience, please. Trust me, I do not want to be this hot, this irritable, this sexless, this sad, this acne-ridden, this itchy, any more than you want me to be. Do some research and know that I'm trying and give me grace. And Loth Lauren said, gotta echo my fellow perimenopausalers

• 10:00Alie Ward?

  and say to listen to us and don't dismiss us. They say that my doctor asked how I was doing, and I mentioned all my symptoms and said, I thought I might be in perimenopause. They say, I'm 36 and I got my period at 10. And he scoffed and says, well, I have a hard time believing that, is what her doctor said.

• 10:21Alie Ward?

  Speaking of getting hurt in the nuts, but Loth Lauren said, "My husband, on the other hand, bought me neck coolers and popsicles and rubs my shoulders and tells me I'm pretty." LOL. So you know you are doing something right if you're not scoffing in their face. And Belit Novak said, "I have no idea what it's like to go through menopause, but from what I hear, I guess just validating the symptoms and acknowledging the suffering might be a good first step, making sure that the people in menopause are heard and feel seen and that their problems are taken seriously." Heck, yeah. MiniMe says, "The inflammation also can be absolutely unreal. Validate any pains she might be having and encourage doctor's appointments and try to address whatever can be addressed before it becomes chronic."

• 11:06Alie Ward?

  Things like frozen shoulder and joint pain and coughing and asthma, which by the way, we do talk about that stuff in both episode one and two. Frozen shoulder? That's a menopause symptom? What? We talk about it. Also, if you're like, "I don't remember that, but I just listened to that episode two days ago," that's okay, because Megan Bachan says, "Irritability and some brain fog can be natural consequences of menopause. Give the person time to gather themselves before responding to questions or in conversations." So just be a little patient. "Slowing down helps lessen the irritability response and allows time for the brain to think," Megan says.

• 11:46Alie Ward?

  And Christine Pikestein says, "Most people know about hot flashes and irregular periods, but the mental and cognitive symptoms need discussion." And Christine says, "I forget names, feel like crying, my filter is totally off, and I can only put up with so much of others' shit." Definitely less Blanche and more Sophia. "My body is doing some weird things that I'm finding out are perimenopause, like randomly choking, cold feet, and tingling in the hands." Now, Jay Steinbacher got a slew of advice from friends. And Jill Seidenstein says, "For many people assigned female at birth who are neurodivergent, it isn't until the perimenopause stage of life that we start to figure out that we are neurodivergent."

• 12:31Alie Ward?

  And Jill had said, "What gave me comfort was knowing many people who went through this before me and survived, and them telling me I would get through it too." Individual experiences can vary so widely. Also, hormone therapy is safe, they say. And we discussed this in part two. The black box warning labels came off of estrogen therapy this past year, and there's been a lot of data. And we talk a lot about oral estrogens and topical estrogens and people who are at risk for ovarian or breast cancers and alternate therapies for them, but also for the majority of people, the safety levels we talk about in part two.

• 13:15Alie Ward?

  So Isabel Leclerc says, "Stop talking at us. Take note of what we're doing before asking us where your stuff is. We're likely in the middle of something, and with the new brain fog, any interruption will cause mental overload and subsequent delays." This is especially true for menopausal people with ADHD, as the hormonal shifts worsen symptoms significantly. So, you know, a little bit of brain fog, normal. If you are the loved one of someone going through perimenopause, just, you know, stay patient. Erin Bagley says, "Stay quiet and stay out of the way." LOL. And you have to take the LOLs with a hee-hee. They know it's not easy, but you know, just some understanding.

• 13:59Alie Ward?

  Susan Gere says, "I wish that I had known that the breathtaking, sleep-taking, appetite-taking anxiety had a lot to do with perimenopause. There was a family situation that was bothering me at the time, but the hormone crashes I was going through made it so much more difficult." So it's always good to try to keep that in mind if someone's going through hormonal changes and/or if you are, you know? Try to keep things in perspective. Not anything and everything that is annoying or painful is going to be menopause-related, but it's good to keep that in mind if you're a loved one or if it's you. And what can you do about it? We talk a lot about that in part two.

• 14:42Alie Ward?

  But Rebecca Rome says, "If you aren't already, get active." And I thought this was so helpful. Kaitlyn June says, "Former personal trainer here, and they say, 'All my menopausal, perimenopausal clients so appreciated working out. They got to vent to me and really found that strength training helped.'" And they say, "If she's not doing it already, it's hard to get motivated to start, plus the gym is scary and the fear of injury is real." So find your lady or your person going through menopause, a good trainer, and gift them some sessions. Great idea. Make sure to be delicate, they say, about how you give them to her. A good trainer will teach her, so she won't need to have a trainer forever, but it's such a good way to get going, even if it's 30 minutes twice a week.

• 15:26Alie Ward?

  And Kaitlyn says, "I'm 31 now and really appreciated the insight all of my clients gave me into perimenopause." So it's really women helping women. And Sunflower Star says, "Make time and find ways to have fun and to have an active life." So jumping exercises for bone density, lift heavy weights and some cardio. We talked a lot about this in part two of the menopause episode, how important it is to do strength training and to jump around, keep your bones safe. And Ellie says, "I started learning pole dance in my early 40s and became stronger than I had ever been before." They say, "I've also sampled partner acro, parkour, and circus stuff, like silks and

• 16:10Alie Ward?

  rope and hoop and trapeze." And Ellie says, "I've heard about places that teach seniors parkour as a way to help build strength and mobility and prevent injuries from falls." Just the notion of like a 67-year-old guy named Gary just hopping around a business park doing parkour, I think that's good for the world, even just to envision that. But Ellie says, "If you have young kids or are caretaking for someone else's kids, play with them. Explore exercises together as play, including activities where you take some or all of their weight." And Ellie says, "We need to normalize that healthy adult movement isn't just fitness or sports or gyms, and that creative, silly, and playful movement is for everyone of all ages."

• 16:54Alie Ward?

  And they say that my personal muse for that is Marlo Fiskin, who you can find on Instagram at Marlo Fiskin, so I'm gonna have to check that out, too. Yvette Bearcanto says, "Younger people, start caring for your bodies early." They say, "I have a pretty healthy lifestyle, exercise, not smoking, eating and sleeping well, etc., and I'm still getting surprised that I got osteopenia, weird digestion, etc. You can start at any age, but the earlier the better." So Yvette, good to know, as a fellow person with osteopenia? It sucks. Keep those bones strong. Melissa Hart says, "My mom went through early menopause, but she never discussed it, and I thought she just turned into a raging bitch." Advice?

• 17:39Alie Ward?

  Y'all in your late 30s, early 40s know that early menopause is real. Treat yourself gently, build a supportive community, whatever that looks like. And Melissa Hart also says that long-distance running saved me. I will say, as someone who loves running and used to do it more and is trying to pick it back up again, a playlist that helps you pound your anger into the ground, very helpful. It's kind of like dancing in public, but just in a straight line. And wow. Sometimes you got some rage in you, you got some feelings, and the only way to get them

• 18:21Alie Ward?

  out is like to do a sprint, even if it's for like 20 feet, and you go, "Ha." It really, I imagine also kickboxing is great for that. But if you are running around all over the place, and part of that is because you cannot find estrogen patches, I want to talk to you a little bit about that. Hormone therapy, we talked a lot about it in part two, but people right now are having a hard time finding topical estrogen, especially in the US, and it's a bit of a problem. So what are some pieces of advice? You can call around to pharmacies. Sometimes that might take hours. I don't know. They say, "Check smaller neighborhood pharmacies.

• 19:03Alie Ward?

  They may not have as much of a run on the stock." And again, black box labels were removed. People are turning to estrogen therapy now because data is saying that it's safer than we thought it was. The other thing you can do is you can cobble doses together by wearing two patches if the pharmacy only has them in half doses, or you can ask if it's the type of patch that everything's in a matrix, so you can cut it in half if they only have larger doses. You can try that. You can also ask your providers for gel or for a ring if you can't find patches. Taking oral isn't advised for some contraindications, but you can talk to your doctor about that.

• 19:46Alie Ward?

  So if you're having some trouble finding some hormone therapy, that's little advice. Now, in terms of advice about hormone therapy, Susan Bricken said, "My MD has me on a combination of estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone, the latter of which, testosterone. Insurances aren't paying for much, but hopefully that will change." And Susan said that hormone therapy has helped symptoms to decrease. They say, "I'm still warmer, but it's manageable. My sleep is better, my sex drive is better, my vagina is no longer dry, and it helped things I couldn't imagine, like I'm able to gain some strength back, my joints no longer feel as if they are made of tissue paper, my earwax is less dry," they say. And, oh, "One of the best and most unexpected things from going on hormone replacement

• 20:30Alie Ward?

  therapy is that my skin no longer randomly splits. I used to go through boxes of Band-Aids, keeping my hands together, super glue, literal super glue, nightly gloves, and slathered moisturizer to increase hydration, but no luck." And they say that the one thing that has completely, completely cured it is the hormones. So. Good to know. Talk to your doctor about hormones. Yuri says, if you have mast cell, you might need a different ratio of hormones. The cream estradiol is so much better for them than the patch. They had to push their doctor for a higher dose of bio-identical hormones. But after going up, they felt a million times better.

• 21:09Alie Ward?

  In terms of other medications, Debbie Gloom says that just when they got their last period, they got a breast cancer diagnosis. And so they're on an estrogen blocker for five years. They're halfway through that. And because they couldn't go on hormonal birth control because of their breast cancer diagnosis, they tried something called Viosa, which is not a hormone blocker, which can help with hot flashes. And they say, what a relief. I have very few mild hot flashes a day now. The doctor has to do blood work monthly for a while to make sure it's not damaging their liver. But they say that that has helped if you can't take hormone therapy. And Ellie says, if you can't do HRT because of breast cancer recurrence, recent research

• 21:52Alie Ward?

  indicates that vaginal estrogen is still safe to use. Some listeners might not be aware of this. And they say, my oncologist didn't say anything about it until I mentioned that dryness was a problem. So you can ask about that. Anne Over says that I have experienced hot flash symptoms for 10 years. However, when I started, their gynecologist suggested a simple non-HRT that controls hot flashes called paroxetine. It's a mild antidepressant, very affordable, works wonders. Talk to your doc about that option. In general, they say, I still only wear cardigan sweaters, which is great for travel anyway. And I imagine that is for easy stripping down, in case you do have a hot flash. Janet R. says, it would have been helpful to have the myth that HRT is harmful debunked about 10 years ago.

• 22:36Alie Ward?

  But if you're taking antidepressants, you may want to be aware that they suppress the symptoms of menopause. So if you are trying to wean off, be prepared for another surge in hormones that include hot flashes and mood swings and brain fog. So yes, antidepressants can make menopause symptoms less bad. So if you're getting off of them, keep an eye out. Now, what other things can help with hot flashes? Yvette Bura Kintu said, Vipassana meditation has helped me deal with the hot flashes, meditation in general, I would assume. And it is true. In episode two, we talk about how those sort of like mind-body like meditation practices do help with hot flashes in controlled studies. So more information on that in part two.

• 23:20Alie Ward?

  Marla J. says, let your teenagers know that mom's hot flashes are normal and give her some space and ice water. Laugh with her, not at her. And DLC says, my life mate asked me once how long my hot flashes lasted. And I timed a few and found most could be counted in seconds and they never lasted more than a minute. It became easier to pause, count, and know they would be over soon. Oh, and let your bed partner use you as a foot warmer. Guaranteed to cool a hot flash. DLC, nice advice. Tabitha Delangelo says, I've been through it. And I figured out early that anytime I drank wine, I got hot flashes. And they say, for me, wine and caffeine were difficult, yet there were so many stupid

• 24:04Alie Ward?

  wine o'clock signs marketed to people my age. It was maddening. So Tabitha's advice is to try avoiding alcohol and see if it alleviates the hot flashes to a degree. And Mini Me says, hand the suffering woman on fire an ice pack or glass of ice water. Holding on to something cold can help bring your whole body temperature down, like wrapping your hands around a hot beverage kind of warms you up. Same concept, but in reverse. And Has Hydro says, get her a rechargeable fan. Judy says, friends and loved ones can practice kindness and buy their loved one a fan. Julie K. Rose says, put a fan in every purse, backpack, and nightstand. They say they can't do HRT and that the hot flashes during the summer can be brutal.

• 24:49Alie Ward?

  And so, fans. Rich Jester says, buying your wife a ductless AC unit for the bedroom to combat relentless hot flashes? Best husband ever. Shelby says, people in perimenopause and menopause control the AC. Hard stop. Keep frozen rice pouches at the ready. Always allow for changes of plans and be down for adventure. And Erin Bagley says, he lets me control the AC. Dave Brewer just says, I've been wearing sweatshirts around the house a lot. So yeah, if you are going through menopause, perimenopause, or someone in your home is, let him control the AC and maybe grab a sweater. Or if you don't have AC. Margaret says, Costco's large freezer became a welcomed friend.

• 25:34Alie Ward?

  I'd push my cart slowly through the bagged salads and berries and gently nod to the other lingering women. The camaraderie was reassuring. So find friends in the Costco freezer. You might want to avoid the bagged salads, but that doesn't mean you can't stand next to them. Marla J. wants to get sexy. They say, guys, her sex drive might change. It might vanish, might get stronger. Deal with it in a kind and understanding way, but good luck. You don't have to deal with birth control anymore. And James Thomas says, celebrate the sexual freedom that comes when pregnancy is off the table. Also, remember, it's not menopause until you haven't gotten a period for a year. Things can be sporadic.

• 26:18Alie Ward?

  So if you don't want to get surprised, I don't know, you may want to talk to a doctor about timing. Brittany Corrigan says, being a partner who's open to communication and has patience, specifically when it comes to the bedroom, is so important. Menopause can affect libido, make sex painful, and cause weight gain, all of which can be challenges for a healthy sex life. And they say, my ex-husband was not so good at dealing with this. My new partner is amazing, Brittany says. They also say, I want partners to know that it does get better. And making your menopausal partner feel sexy and beautiful and loved and validated during this transition goes a long way. And Kelly Robson says, understand that menopause means a person's relationship with sex is going to change in really important ways.

• 27:02Alie Ward?

  They may want much more sex, or less, or none, or even just different sex. Some sex may be painful. It may come to feel pointless, or it may be something that they can't live without. And Kelly notes that at the best of times, talking about sex is really hard for most people. So this is going to be a difficult time. Judging them, pressuring them to do things that might have become painful or unappealing is obviously really damaging psychologically. But not having sexual needs met is also hard. So be patient, be loving, be supportive, and try to create a space where they can talk about these changes. And Christy Karas says, for friends and family of peri- and menopausal folks, there is a 99% chance that her body will change. She will most likely gain weight. Some weight will move around, most annoyingly into the belly region, which will probably

• 27:47Alie Ward?

  force her to buy new clothes, whether she wants to or not. We do talk about that in part two. She may get hot, not able to sleep, and suddenly have to fend off messages all about the ways she needs to take care of herself, because otherwise she'll lose bone and muscle and brain matter and apparently turn into a hunchback zombie. Christy writes, so one very helpful thing you can do is expect her body to change. She won't know in advance exactly how. No one will. When it does change, you don't need to say anything about it unless asked. And if asked, be kind. Remember all the ways she has supported you over the years and be prepared to pay her back for that without judgment. Also, remember that the worst parts are most likely temporary. Hang in there. And Rachel Cannon says, also, maybe just tell me I'm pretty. And if you're my mom, maybe stop implying that you want more grandkids.

• 28:33Alie Ward?

  Rachel's mom, I hope you're listening. And Marla chimes in, her body's going to change. It will be frustrating for her. She's still the same beautiful, amazing woman you fell in love with. Guys, your bodies change too. Deal with it. And Marla also wants you to know, please know that she still needs to get her pap tests and other checkups. Just because the parts aren't making babies anymore doesn't mean that they should be ignored and that every woman goes through it differently. Just because your mother, sister, best friend's wife, or your ex had a certain experience, it doesn't mean that your partner will have that experience. But let her know that she's still sexy, beautiful, intelligent, fun, amazing, and valued. And I'd like you to know that you are also all those things. And thanks for listening. And for every episode, we donate to a cause.

• 29:16Alie Ward?

  We're going to be donating to menopause.org, the Menopause Society, which I talked about in part two. They're doing great work in terms of research and awareness. And we had several menopause experts say that they are a great resource to go to. So that is menopause.org. Thank you, sponsors of the show, for making these donations possible every week. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. If you haven't heard me gushing about Squarespace for years, it's an all-in-one website platform. Whether you're trying to grow a business you have, or if you're just a baby business getting started, it has everything you need. That's where I secured my domain name. It helped me build a professional site. I can update it so easily. I've been using Squarespace since before Ologies existed.

• 29:59Alie Ward?

  After procrastinating for years, I literally built my website in one evening. They have templates, they have flexible editing tools. Squarespace also makes it easy to share your work. You can book clients, you can get paid. They have built-in tools for scheduling and invoicing and email, all in one place. Whenever someone I know needs a website, whether they're a scientist that needs to put their work up, or someone who's just starting a business, I'm like, dude, Squarespace. So head to squarespace.com/ologies for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code OLOGIES to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. You can do it. The other day, your podmother, Jarrett, was like, why do we have to eat every day? Like, three times a day? But Hungry Root, they get it.

• 30:44Alie Ward?

  And they get to know your likes and your dislikes, your goals nutritionally, what works with your lifestyle, and then they recommend groceries and recipes just for you. They help you discover new meals, ingredients you may not have chosen for yourself, but could end up being like, this is my new favorite. Hungry Root, they just help you spend less mental energy planning meals, shopping for groceries and cooking, so you can just put that time toward what matters to you. And I teamed up with Hungry Root to create an online cookbook. It's called Pod Mom and Dad's High Protein and Low Dairy Menu. And we have a protein-packed chicken avocado rice bowl, sweet potato and chipotle salad. They also have some really great veggie options, too, like this Moroccan vegetable tajine. That's hecka good.

• 31:28Alie Ward?

  You can explore my digital cookbook, Pod Mom and Dad's High Protein Low Dairy Menu, for free at hungryroot.com/ologies. And for a limited time, get 40% off your first order, plus a free item in every box for life with code OLOGIES. Oh, trips are full of unexpected discoveries. Maybe you see a sea slug, or you find out that your friend still sleeps with a stuffed animal. But when it comes to your vacation rental, there should not be any surprises. When you book a Verbo vacation rental, if what you expect isn't what you get, Verbo Care has you covered. If something's broken or just not right, Verbo will work to make it right. Plus, you get 24/7 live human support with every booking. Grab your stuffy, we're going on vacay.

• 32:13Alie Ward?

  So book today on the Verbo app. If you know, you Verbo. Terms apply. See verbo.com/trust for details.

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• 32:52Alie Ward?

  Okay, back to your advice, which is excellent advice. Let's talk a little bit about how you can talk to your doctors. Okay, so Alice Rubin said, support people to find a doctor who is supportive. Don't stand for a rejection of symptoms, or only offering one or two treatments. There are so many different treatment options that we know of, and people should be supported to find what's right. Also, Alice says, therapy. This is like reverse puberty. Hormones are up and down, so mood is up and down, and therapy is so helpful. Totally agree. Emotional regulation skills, definitely helpful when you feel like your hormones are pulling the strings. And Dr. Lisa B. says, encourage them to talk to their healthcare providers, and to

• 33:35Alie Ward?

  keep talking until someone listens. Addie Capello says, absolutely find a doctor that doesn't dismiss you. It's so frustrating and absolutely unprofessional, especially from a person without a uterus. Good grief. And Meg Madona says, get blood work done and look at it. Make sure the symptoms you're writing off due to menopause aren't due to something else. Addie also says that working with multiple different experts helps triangulate what you're going through to strategize a plan forward. So medical doctors, therapists, psychiatrists, supporting you as a united front is key. And as I mentioned in part two, also Planned Parenthood does do menopause treatment. So if you are going through that, just know Planned Parenthood is also there. They have a sliding scale.

• 34:19Alie Ward?

  And so if you don't have health insurance, if you don't have a doctor, there are other options out there for you. But I hear you. Here in the United States of money, it is so hard to find doctors who will listen to women and who won't send you into bankruptcy. So I get it. But you can also check out local clinics. For example, Planned Parenthood, which is why they are so important to fund. Which, you know what? An extra donation goes to Planned Parenthood. Look at that. Menopause.org and Planned Parenthood getting double donations from us this week. Zoe from Malta says, posted on behalf of my mom, who is a nutritional therapist. They say, many women think they are not experiencing perimenopause because their periods are regular,

• 35:03Alie Ward?

  but perimenopause starts way before periods start to get erratic. So a feeling of just not feeling oneself is often the first symptom. Not feeling joy, or feeling unmotivated, or even a bit depressed. And exercise becomes more important than ever. Meals should contain protein, plenty of fiber and good fats. Sleep hygiene is essential. Stress management is a must, and female friendships are very important. So Zoe, thank you for that. Tell your mom. Cool advice. Desiree Blumquist had some great advice. They say, as a nurse practitioner specializing exclusively in perimenopause and menopause, I hear the same thing in my practice almost every day, which is, I thought I was losing my mind. And Desiree says, the biggest misconception is that menopause is simply hot flashes after your period stop.

• 35:47Alie Ward?

  In reality, the menopause transition often begins years earlier and can affect nearly every organ system, because estrogen receptors exist throughout the body. Brain fog, anxiety, insomnia, joint pain, recurrent UTIs, painful sex, heart palpitations, migraines, frozen shoulder, and changes in mood or metabolism are often connected, but women are frequently told these are unrelated problems, or stress, or just aging. So to spouses, childrens, friends, and employers, if someone tells you they don't feel like themselves, believe them. Menopause isn't a lack of resilience. It's a significant biological transition that deserves the same understanding that we give pregnancy or puberty. On average, Desiree writes, women see five to seven specialists before they're diagnosed

• 36:31Alie Ward?

  with perimenopause, which is a normal and expected phase of a woman's life. And these referrals can lead to unnecessary testing and antibiotics and antidepressants or self-doubt. Women now spend over a third of their lives after menopause, and they deserve evidence-based care, not dismissal. And they say that we need to change the mindset from suffering is normal to treatment and feeling like yourself again is normal. So Desiree Blumquist of Heatwave Health, if you're looking for a nurse practitioner. I don't know where Heatwave Health is, but Desiree, thanks for your service. I hope you meet some ologites in the wild. Now, Ray says, what I wish doctors or therapists or any healthcare professionals knew is what

• 37:13Alie Ward?

  menopause means for trans masc people who are on T, depending on if they've had both ovaries out, or just one, or neither, because I certainly don't know. Ray says, hell, I don't even know if I'm post-menopausal or not, or how that's defined for me, or anyone else without a uterus. So Ray, we have some information about that in part two. As a person who doesn't have ovaries and a uterus myself anymore, I feel ya. But we do talk about that and some papers that have recently been written on that. And Rachel Cannon says, perimenopause is knocking at my door at the ripe old age of 37. My blood tests showed very bad high cholesterol, that it wasn't genetic, and that, Rachel says they had to see a specialist who told me that low estrogen can cause high cholesterol

• 37:56Alie Ward?

  and give you extra weight around your waist, but that estrogen patches have helped. They've also meant that they no longer wake up in pools of their own sweat in the middle of the night. They don't get hot flashes during the day, but the nights were brutal. Rebecca Rome says, here's an idea, vote for people who want to help women. I didn't know that was an option. Is it? We should try doing that.

• 38:24Alie Ward?

  Speaking in American. No, there's a lot of people out there that want to help women. Do they have the power to override the people who don't want to help women?

• 38:36Alie Ward?

  TBD. We'll see. TB33 says, "As a human resources professional, don't be afraid to advocate for yourself at work to get what you need. Many of the individual symptoms of perimenopause and menopause are legitimate disabilities under the ADA. And Ask Jan is an amazing resource about how to get support and accommodations, navigate the ADA process, know your rights at work, and you can search by symptom or condition and get a list of reasonable accommodations to ask for. So, literally, you can talk to someone in HR at your work if you need more accommodations." Rhonda Wants All The Dogs says, "I work with all men, and they make me feel like a crazy person. I've laughed off all the jokes for the last 20 years, but now I just want to rip their nuts off when they make a hormone joke."

• 39:21Alie Ward?

  Rhonda, that process sounds messy from a cleanup perspective, but I do feel like if hormone jokes are on the table, then please feel free to remind them that they wouldn't last a week as a woman. Because if they're complaining about being around hormones, imagine if they had them in their body. I don't think that they would do well. I've seen men with a cold, laid up, useless, and they know it. So feel free to remind them that they can give it a rest. Speaking of rest, Mini Me says, "The exhaustion and inflammation can be absolutely unreal. Let her rest." Swedish Chef says, "Let us rest."

• 40:02Alie Ward?

  Yes, I went to bed early, and yes, I got up late, and yes, I had a nap, and yes, I'm still tired. Swedish Chef, night-night. Megan Backen says, "First and foremost, quit expecting the person to do everything. Get in there and help your mom, spouse, friend, coworker, or adult child with any and everything. Let them know it's okay to step back from doing it all. When that hot flash comes, tell them, 'Take a break.'" Put their feet up, sip a glass of ice water, close your eyes for five minutes. Yes, even at work and when caring for another. It makes the hot flash more like a warm wave by allowing it to move through the person instead of fighting it. And Mea says, "My mom really appreciated us taking some tasks off her plate by handling the grocery shopping and the cooking. And as long as people are being nice to you."

• 40:47Alie Ward?

  Curiosity PJ says, "Cut yourself some slack. Remember to breathe and rest as much as you can. Maybe go to bed early with a book." What kind of a book? Well, Beverly Sobelman says, "Ah, I must mention this amazing book, What Fresh Hell Is This: Perimenopause, Menopause, Other Indignities, and You," by Heather Carina. And Beverly says, "It's inclusive, funny, sympathetic, and full of great information. You can read it and then give it to your loved ones to read to help support you." So that is What Fresh Hell Is This by Heather Carina. And Curiosity PJ says, "To all the neurodivergent people, I recommend the book Autistic Menopause by Rachel Mosley and Julie Gamble Turner."

• 41:27Alie Ward?

  Yuri says, "Dr. Louise Newsom is incredible for actual science-based info, and she goes into the studies and the limitations of which studies." And again, we have two partners with five different experts. We have Dr. Mary Claire Haver, we have Dr. Monica Christmas, we have Dr. Sarah Wachowski, Dr. Laura Dergovich, and also Dr. Daniel Westcott, talking about everything from bones to orangutans to hormone replacement therapy. So if you have not listened to those two, start there. And spread the word. A lot of people, effortlessly weird, for example, said talking about it would help everyone. And effortlessly weird says, "Shout out to Gen X on social media for being the first to start documenting symptoms so the rest of us could figure out

• 42:12Alie Ward?

  what the fuck was going on with our bodies. So helpful." Julie K. Rowe says, "Talk about it with other women going through it, and tell younger women your stories. They deserve to know what's to come, good and bad." And of course, as we said in part one and part two, women can go through menopause, trans, masked people can go through menopause, non-binary people, intersex people, a lot of people can go through menopause. Talk to each other about it. It is so helpful to share information. And Andy says, "Older women telling me what it was like, how they got through it, et cetera, has been so helpful in my ability to diagnose some of my own perimenopause symptoms. It's made me feel less like I'm crazy and more like everything is fine. It's just my body gaslighting me like it's supposed to at this time in my life."

• 42:56Alie Ward?

  And Beverly Sobelman says, "I'm also so grateful to friends who have posted about their own experiences. Like, I would not have known that injectable estrogen was an option until a friend posted about it. And I know not everyone can do HRT, but it's been a lifesaver for me, and so far, the injection seemed to do the trick. So friends talking about it really helped Beverly." Alice Rubin says, "Talk about it openly and honestly. Stop making it a secret. Get it out in the open." Mary Kirby says, "Might be bad advice, but tell everyone. My mom says the worst part about menopause is that no one wants to talk about it, except all the lovely ologites," Mary adds. Marie Kirby says, "It might be bad advice, but tell everyone. My mom says the worst

• 43:38Alie Ward?

  part about menopause is that no one wants to talk about it, except all the lovely ologites," Marie adds. Of course, Daughters of the Red Sunset said, "In nursing school, I learned menopause was hot flashes and no longer bleeding, and that was it. So when menopause kicked my ass, I had so much to learn," Daughters of the Red Sunset writes. So my advice is to talk about it. Don't let people tell you that you're being too sensitive about your symptoms or concerns. Talk with your friends, parents, and kids. Make women's health a completely normal thing to talk about at parties and around the dinner table. Find well-educated practitioners who will listen and know how to work with you individually. And Wondering Wyatt says, "Patience, patience, patience, and kindness. Normalize symptoms.

• 44:21Alie Ward?

  Encourage talking to friends and physicians." And Paul Alcontra says, "Just be a friend. Be present with them wherever they are mentally. Express empathy for what's happening. Authentically agree and/or disagree with what feelings they have and actions they take. Suggest specific things you can do for them to ease their responsibilities, like grocery shopping, or mowing the lawn, or picking up children from school, et cetera." Lastly, you might simply ask what they need: to be heard, to be helped, and/or to be hugged. And Sarah Chaney says, "I feel like people accept and acknowledge the hormonal changes and all the other changes that happen during puberty and pregnancy, but menopause is just as major in terms of changes happening to our bodies. I wish we would all give it the

• 45:02Alie Ward?

  same respect and grace and understanding that those other two big changes usually receive." And the last piece of advice I want to read is from Cecily Hoffman. And I thought it was so sweet and really resonated for a lot of people going through menopause. So I will end on hers. And Cecily says, "Be prepared for mental attitude changes. The hormones that made you care about being nice all the time and compliant with rules that only applied to women are gone. Now, you have to make choices, and your choices may surprise you. You may choose not to put up with crap from idiots, which may include family and

• 45:42Alie Ward?

  friends. You may choose your own interests instead of accommodating others. Simple but emphatic no's may come out of your mouth with greater frequency. Who is this person? She is you, finally living her own life without apology." Cecily, words will take into battle. And thank you for them. Thank you for listening. I appreciate you all so much. Again, we are donating to two different causes, Planned Parenthood and menopause.org. You can find menopause episodes one and two linked in the show notes. You can go to alieword.com/ology/ menopause to get so many links, so

• 46:23Alie Ward?

  many links, so many studies. We have like three hours of menopause audio for you. So listen, share it, tell people about your experiences. If you are supporting someone who's going through it, just be empathetic. Don't take it personally. Offer to help and know that it's like, what would you do for someone going through pregnancy? You'd probably be pretty understanding. Now imagine that that's all happening, and they might not even know about it yet, or it might happen for 10 years. So be nice. So there's that. I want to thank, of course, Erin Talbert for adminning the Ologies Podcast Facebook group. Aveline Malik makes our professional transcripts. Kelly O'Dwyer

• 47:04Alie Ward?

  does the website. Noel Dilworth is our scheduling producer. That was my doggy shaking her collar. Susan Hale is our managing director. Jake Chaffee and Mercedes Maitland are our editors. Mercedes Maitland is lead editor of Maitland Audio. Nick Thorburn wrote the theme music. If you stick around until the very, very end, you know I tell you a secret. The secret is I did have to make a few edits, because there were moments that I just stared off into space thinking about what I was going to say next, and that's just not good radio. But I did leave a lot of flubs in. I did leave them in. And that's growth, and that's good.

• 47:44Alie Ward?

  Like this one. I left that one in. Now I'm going to take a sip of a cola right now, which I maybe shouldn't be having because I have bad bones. But you know what?

• 47:55Alie Ward?

  Shut up. Anywho's all. My secret this week is I did start picking up garbage publicly, and I loved it. If you listened to the first two episodes, you know I've been talking about being a trash witch in the neighborhood. There is really, there's nothing more satisfying than going out there with a little trash grabber. It can pick up the tiniest pieces. I feel like I could do laparoscopic surgery with my trash picker. I feel like I can pick up a shred of plastic. And wow, how satisfying. And then the next day, you might walk the same path of street and go, not even one piece of garbage I can pick up. Disappointed.

• 48:37Alie Ward?

  You know what's really fun? Walk down the alleyways on trash day, a lot of flipping garbage flipping everywhere. It is satisfying, and it is a hobby, and I stand by that. It also helps me get my steps in. Thank you so much for listening to these. These menopause episodes were not fun to make for me, if I'm being honest. It brought up a lot of feelings I didn't expect. Like, I went through ovarian failure so early, and so I went through all this stuff like violently and unknowingly. And so it brought up a lot of that, and also just like pissed about women's health research in general, had to do some grappling with mortality.

• 49:19Alie Ward?

  I just was, you know what? It hasn't been easy. And I always try to end on like such an up note. And I guess my up note is, is like, look at us. We're still living. I mean, think about all the weird little accidents you escaped. I mean, if you aren't going through this, you didn't fall down a hole at some point, and that's good. You know? Like, you didn't try to save a rat on the subway tracks and get mowed over. That's good. You didn't get rattlesnake bite, and now you're alive to go through menopause.

• 50:00Alie Ward?

  I think that's good, too. You didn't choke on a chicken wing or anything, and now here you are with an estrogen patch. So let's look on the bright side, okay? Okay, well, bye-bye.

• 50:33Speaker 03

  It's actually not the worst advice. It's great advice.

• 50:35Speaker 04

  Hey, Richmond. Mark Smith, Midas Richmond, 2026. We have been doing what we do for 29 years. Total car care, total community care. In 2026, we are donating $365,000, $1,000 a day to the nonprofits we've historically supported. Goochin Care, Shalom Farms, St. Joseph's Villa, Ask, the Colonial Heights Food Pantry, everybody we've helped over the years. These are important things making a big impact in our society right now. Total car care, total community care, that is Midas of Richmond.

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