Sindhu Vee (Tasting Menu)

Another fan favourite returns to the Dream Restaurant, and this time it’s straight-talking stand-up Sindhu Vee, all the way back from episode 15. Will she have more words of wisdom like ‘to the hungry person even the doorway looks like crisps’? Listen to Sindhu’s original episode https://podfollow.com/off-menu-with-ed-gamble-and-james-acaster/episode/eece14d43d9031aa3e6aa30f51cedb5ad40be941/view Sindhu Vee is on tour across the UK in 2026 and 2027 with ‘Swanky’, including a date at London’s Eventim Apollo. For dates and tickets go to www.sindhuvee.com https://sindhuvee.com/ Follow Sindhu on Instagram @sindhuvee https://www.instagram.com/sindhuvee/ and TikTok @sindhuvee100 https://www.tiktok.com/@sindhuvee100 Don’t forget, video episodes of Off Menu are out every Wednesday on our YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast. Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcast https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast Follow Off Menu on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/offmenuofficial and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@offmenuofficial: @offmenuofficial. And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk https://www.offmenupodcast.co.uk/ for a list of restaurants recommended on the show. Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster. Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Artwork by Paul Gilbey https://www.instagram.com/pushgilbey/ (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Hello, it's Ed here from the Off Menu podcast that you are listening to right now. You'll know that I'm doing a brand new stand-up comedy show on tour next year, fresh hell. And we are delighted to announce that we are doing two more shows at the London Palladium, Friday the 19th of March, Saturday the 20th of March. You've got to come to these shows, they're going to be great, they're on sale now. Edgamble.co.uk for ticket details.

• 0:25Speaker 01

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• 1:46Speaker 00

  Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, tasting menu, James.

• 1:49Speaker 03

  It's a tasting menu where we get a fan favorite back on the pod, we give them the menu of another fan favorite and they react to it. It's a fan favorite-a-thon.

• 1:58Speaker 00

  It's a fan favorite-a-thon and the fan favorite we are interviewing today is the wonderful Sindhu V. OG fan favorite.

• 2:05Speaker 03

  An OG fan, I mean, this is maybe the first series we did. Sindhu was on it.

• 2:10Speaker 00

  Episode seven, maybe.

• 2:11Speaker 03

  People absolutely loved Sindhu's episode. It was one of the earliest episodes that got talked about all over the internet, all over the internet.

• 2:19Speaker 00

  Yes, all over the net.

• 2:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:21Speaker 00

  That's the last time James was on the net, by the way. It was back in episode 15 of this pod, but we will be giving Sindhu the menu of another guest.

• 2:31Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 2:31Speaker 00

  And the choice here is always, do we want to give our guest a menu that will annoy them or a menu that they will like or a menu that they can discuss a lot about? And it depends on who they are and Sindhu's really funny when she's annoyed, so.

• 2:46Speaker 03

  We're gonna try our best to annoy Sindhu. Fingers crossed it will work.

• 2:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, I wonder. I, sometimes I annoy her by breathing, I think.

• 2:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's very easy to annoy Sindhu. She offered to send me some mangoes the other day and I asked how many and she was like, what kind of a question is that?

• 3:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's true. It's very ungrateful.

• 3:04Speaker 03

  I thought it was quite a reasonable question.

• 3:06Speaker 00

  Ungrateful.

• 3:08Speaker 00

  No secret ingredient because it's a tasting menu, Sindhu has to stay in here for the long haul.

• 3:12Speaker 03

  Swanky.

• 3:14Speaker 00

  Swanky is the name of her tour, of course. They've added more dates, they keep adding dates to this tour, doing so well.

• 3:21Speaker 03

  Into 2027.

• 3:22Speaker 00

  Into 2027.

• 3:23Speaker 03

  Get yourself some tickets.

• 3:24Speaker 00

  Do go to sindhuvee.com and you can get tickets for that. Hopefully it's coming to a town near you. But let's get on with it, this is the Off Menu tasting menu of Sindhu V.

• 3:42Speaker 00

  Welcome back Sindhu to the dream restaurant.

• 3:44Speaker 03

  Good to see you again Sindhu.

• 3:46Speaker 04

  Hi, I'm so happy to be back.

• 3:47Speaker 03

  Welcome back.

• 3:48Speaker 00

  You're here for a tasting menu, of course.

• 3:51Speaker 04

  I am. It better taste good.

• 3:53Speaker 00

  Well, you weren't aware of the concept until you just arrived.

• 3:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:56Speaker 00

  Which is, I think, how we like it, isn't it, James?

• 3:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, it's how we like it.

• 4:00Speaker 00

  That you don't know what's going on until we start, really?

• 4:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, and also then it's spontaneous, unless like there's a lot of prep, like quadratics, which I doubt in this.

• 4:09Speaker 00

  There's no prep, it's not like quadratics. I don't even know what that is.

• 4:12Speaker 03

  No, I don't know what that is.

• 4:13Speaker 04

  It's algebra.

• 4:14Speaker 00

  Algebra.

• 4:15Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 4:15Speaker 00

  No, it's nothing like algebra, we rarely like algebra here on the Off Menu podcast. We like to keep it spontaneous, but we also, we didn't want you to say too much before we started recording because you were telling us that you got hair botox and I want to talk about it on the podcast.

• 4:28Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 4:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, I thought it was not relevant for your food podcast that I got hair botox, but I did.

• 4:33Speaker 00

  What you'll learn about the tasting menu is, yes, we'll be talking about food, we will be giving you the menu of a previous guest, but also we're willing to sort of spin off in multiple directions. It's just an excuse to talk to you again, Sindhu.

• 4:43Speaker 03

  We'll see how you've been since we saw you last, which was all the way back in series one, I believe.

• 4:48Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 4:48Speaker 03

  So knowing that now you have hair botox and your hair looks different is quite, you know, exciting for the listener.

• 4:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's exciting for me. It's, it's, it's like, so what happened was, I, my hair has become very frizzy.

• 5:01Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 5:02Speaker 04

  And it's partly age and it's partly that it's been processed a lot because when you do filming, they do different things to your hair and they don't care.

• 5:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:11Speaker 04

  They only want you to look like that character. What happens to you after? They don't care.

• 5:15Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 5:16Speaker 04

  They put rubbish in your hair, they use hot hair dryers and so it was very frizzy.

• 5:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:20Speaker 04

  And Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday this week, I had free. So on Tuesday, I took my work to do some writing for my show and I was sitting around in a cafe and I picked up my phone and I want to take a photo, but the photo was turned to me.

• 5:35Speaker 00

  Hmm, always awful when that happens.

• 5:38Speaker 04

  You know, just so damaging at some level, just so damaging. I looked at this hair and I had like a froth of frizz and I thought, you know what? I am doing too well in life to allow this just on a Tuesday. This, I mean, I'm not doing that well, but I'm doing well enough that this should not be allowed.

• 5:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:59Speaker 04

  So I Googled frizz hair, this, that, and I couldn't come up with anything, but it did say, then I, then I Googled fancy hair salons near me.

• 6:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:08Speaker 04

  And then there was one walking distance and it was in Mayfair and it was super fancy and it was like you have to book in advance and the lady's name and she's my Hello Magazine, this, that. I said, I'm going. So I walked into this place and I went to the reception and I said, I, I pointed, I'm not kidding, I pointed to my hair and I said, you see this? This is really upsetting and so can, can you do something? And it was such a fancy place that the lady, she was older and she said to me, I'm sorry. And I said, no, you, do you see this? And she said, yes, yes. I said, this, this is really, and then I just, it just came out. I said, it's really affecting my self-esteem.

• 6:51Speaker 04

  I tell you what, she started paying attention. She was like, I think she was scared. And I said, can we do this? And then she said, oh, there's all these different treatments and this and that. And all I heard was like, blah, blah, blah. And I said, but can you fix it? And she said, you have to talk to our hair, our like frizziness consultant. They have a hair fixing frizziness consultant. She pointed to this woman and said, oh, she's just going to be finished and she'll talk to you.

• 7:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:15Speaker 04

  In my head, if I say that to you, what do you think? You think?

• 7:19Speaker 03

  A frizziness consultant?

• 7:20Speaker 04

  Is gonna fix my hair?

• 7:21Speaker 03

  I think I'm about to be on a prank show.

• 7:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:23Speaker 04

  Okay, no, but like, that's not the word she used, but like, whatever, you know, treatment consultant.

• 7:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay.

• 7:28Speaker 04

  If they're gonna talk to you, they're gonna fix it, right? That's what you think?

• 7:31Speaker 00

  Well, I'd imagine, no, I'd imagine they're gonna try and work out how to get the most money out of you.

• 7:36Speaker 04

  Okay, Ed, take all that out. Imagine that you're in a place where you actually believe in people and are not a cynic.

• 7:42Speaker 00

  Okay. So you mean a hair salon I've just walked into off the street?

• 7:45Speaker 03

  What Sindhu was asking is, what is your opinion if you were someone else?

• 7:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:52Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 7:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think they're gonna fix it.

• 7:54Speaker 04

  As my mother used to say, that's like saying if my aunt had balls, she'd be your uncle. And it's like, what? So, yeah, if you were someone else.

• 8:00Speaker 00

  So you're asking me, so what would I say if I was you in this story? Did you think that they could fix it?

• 8:06Speaker 04

  I thought they would give me solutions and I would like one of them and if I did, we would fix it.

• 8:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:10Speaker 04

  So she said, can you wait? I said, yes. Then she started offering me like, this is fancy, offering me like, would you like a flat white? Would you like a jasmine tea? I was like, this is gonna be expensive. I said, no, thank you, I'll have tap water.

• 8:19Speaker 03

  Flat white is the opposite of what your hair was like, by the way.

• 8:21Speaker 04

  Exactly. Absolutely, absolutely right.

• 8:24Speaker 00

  You've got to be careful. They say, would you like a flat white in a fancy salon?

• 8:28Speaker 04

  And then I come out.

• 8:29Speaker 00

  Next thing you know.

• 8:30Speaker 03

  You got a buzz cut.

• 8:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, so then this consultant talks to me. She starts saying, you can get keratin, but it'll make your hair very straight. And I don't like super straight hair because, I mean, I'm, that's not my hair. She said, then we have this thing called hair botox where it just takes the frizz out. I was like, perfect, that's what we'll have. She said, okay, well, when you come to get it done? And I said, when I come to get it done? I mean, I'm here. She said, oh yes, but this is a consultation, I don't have time today. And I looked at her in the mirror and I said, I'm getting this done today from you. And she said, no, no, you know, blah, blah. And I said, you don't understand, it's really affecting me in it.

• 9:13Speaker 04

  Like I, I have three kids and I don't, and she was like, oh my goodness. She left and came back and said, can you come at 3:30? And I said, yeah, I'll wait. It was 10:15. She was like, wow.

• 9:25Speaker 00

  Well, were you worried that you didn't wanna leave the building? You're like, it's gonna get more frizzy if I leave the building.

• 9:29Speaker 04

  No, and also, but also I had, this became my goal of the day.

• 9:33Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 9:34Speaker 04

  Do you know, it's like my goal of the day.

• 9:36Speaker 03

  Cause you were trying to make your show.

• 9:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, and I was like, I need to find something else to do, you know?

• 9:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, we've all used procrastination techniques, hair botox is a new one.

• 9:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, this is quite big.

• 9:44Speaker 04

  What an expense, with these, these salons in Mayfair have to pay the rent, let me tell you. Oh my god, but anyway, she said, oh, well, you're welcome to wait in the reception. I think she just thought this is too weird, but I didn't, I went out, had lunch, came back, and then we did my hair botox.

• 10:01Speaker 00

  Is it injections in the head?

• 10:02Speaker 04

  No, it's just a treatment they put on, it smells weird, and then they put it like a hot thing, and you were just forty five minutes, but it's great, cause I was finishing Stranger Things to get ready for season five. So then I just did that, and look at it, I mean, it's a little straighter than it usually is, but after I washed it.

• 10:19Speaker 00

  No frizz on that.

• 10:20Speaker 04

  No frizz on that, and you, you, you, you can't get it wet for four days. So this is day four.

• 10:25Speaker 00

  Okay, so it's only been four days?

• 10:27Speaker 04

  It's only been four days, and I'm very excited, because when I wake up, I don't look like I've been electrocuted and run over by a truck at night, which is usually how my hair looks when I wake up at the moment. Anyway.

• 10:39Speaker 00

  Well, it's nice to have you back, Cindy, I'm glad.

• 10:40Speaker 03

  Great to have you back, Cindy, your hair looks great. Your original menu is still a firm fan favorite, and I'd say one of the, like, first menus we had that everyone was like, I wanna eat that, I wanna eat that menu, and there was a lot of, a lot of people.

• 10:56Speaker 00

  One of the best food describers in the biz.

• 10:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, really described food.

• 11:00Speaker 04

  Well, you know, I love food.

• 11:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:02Speaker 04

  And I think a lot about it.

• 11:04Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 11:04Speaker 04

  And on the move, on the TV show set I'm right now, you know, you get lunch, what are you gonna have? What are you gonna have? And it turns out, I'm the only adult who orders baked potatoes with cheese and beans, and you open them and they look messy, like brains, but that's, that's how you know they're gonna be yum. And everyone looked at me like, are you seriously going to, in the middle of the day, eat that? And I thought, well, yeah, it's better than whatever vegetarian chicken protein wrap shit you're eating. I didn't say that, but I did get through a lot of cheese. No, but you know, when you really have a microwave baked potato with beans and cheese, it looks like.

• 11:43Speaker 00

  Hearty.

• 11:44Speaker 04

  So yummy, so yummy, and because it's a small role, I don't have much dialogue, so I can just lug myself around all afternoon.

• 11:51Speaker 00

  It doesn't matter that when you do your lines, it's like full of melted cheese and beans and stuff.

• 11:55Speaker 04

  No, it doesn't matter that if I just say, no, no, don't do that, no one cares. No one cares.

• 12:01Speaker 00

  It's a good line.

• 12:02Speaker 04

  It's a good line.

• 12:03Speaker 03

  No, no, don't do that.

• 12:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a good line.

• 12:06Speaker 04

  It's a big potato line. Anyway, no, I'm glad, because I do love food, and I, I think this was the first foodie podcast I did, and it was such a, it's, and it's such a sort of intuitively understandable one for me, because it's like, what food did you like? How did you get to it? Why do you like it? I mean, that's really a huge amount of my thinking is in that direction.

• 12:26Speaker 00

  That's good, that's, I mean, we're the same, this is why, this is why this just works.

• 12:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, remember that time when we met in Canada and I made you stand in that line and he got so upset?

• 12:34Speaker 03

  Did he?

• 12:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, but the food was good.

• 12:37Speaker 00

  Yes, it was.

• 12:37Speaker 04

  It took you a long time to agree.

• 12:39Speaker 00

  You sat at a different table to us, didn't you?

• 12:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, well.

• 12:41Speaker 00

  Because Cindy didn't wanna wait as long as us, so we went and sat at a different table.

• 12:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:45Speaker 00

  So we went as a group, there was a big queue, and I complained, cause there was a big queue.

• 12:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:48Speaker 00

  And then Cindy went, oh no, there's a table for two, now I'm gonna go and sit.

• 12:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, I did, and it was great, and you also ate the same food, so what, we're not sitting on each other's laps? We got good food.

• 12:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, but we were queuing, so we could get a table big, can't believe this has come back up again. So we could get a table for all of us as a group, and then you just went off and sat, were you by yourself? I think you went and sat by yourself.

• 13:08Speaker 04

  No, it was me and I took one other person who was most sheepish, and I was like, oh, don't worry about it.

• 13:14Speaker 00

  Ed won't mind.

• 13:15Speaker 04

  I said Ed will mind, but when he eats the food, he'll understand.

• 13:17Speaker 00

  That was also the trip, where, that wasn't the first time you upset me, that trip, Cindy.

• 13:20Speaker 04

  Oh, what was the second?

• 13:22Speaker 00

  I arrived, and I think you were already there, this is in Montreal, and I got, I, I had a moustache.

• 13:25Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 13:26Speaker 00

  And I got into the hotel lobby and literally hadn't, I'd just checked in, and Cindy came up to me, I don't think there was a hello, and said, you look like a paedophile.

• 13:34Speaker 00

  So I went upstairs and I shaved my moustache.

• 13:35Speaker 03

  That's a good friend.

• 13:36Speaker 00

  I shaved my moustache off straight away, cause Cindy told me.

• 13:38Speaker 04

  And look, you're so handsome.

• 13:40Speaker 00

  Thank you very much.

• 13:40Speaker 04

  Straight from pedo to handsome, and what a leap.

• 13:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, not many people go from pedo to handsome, Ed.

• 13:45Speaker 04

  Just like that, and, and trustworthy.

• 13:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, and that was also the trip where you, is it you who decided to check Dairy Queen?

• 13:53Speaker 03

  No, no, that was, that was Dara, yeah, yeah, took the, took the DQ on the.

• 13:56Speaker 04

  And it was DQ on his foot.

• 13:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, DQ on his foot, yeah.

• 13:59Speaker 03

  I, I, I came out of that whole trip smelling of roses, I, I, I didn't put a foot wrong, it was great. Everyone else was looking like a pedo and putting ice cream on the floor and.

• 14:08Speaker 04

  Eating by themselves.

• 14:10Speaker 03

  Abandoning their friends in a queue, but I was a.

• 14:13Speaker 00

  Can I just say, I've since, I've had a moustache since then.

• 14:15Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 14:16Speaker 04

  I haven't met you.

• 14:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're not, I've, I've avoided you at every cost, I've ducked down corners to avoid you, I don't want my self-confidence rocked, but let me tell you, it's one of the least popular things I've ever done in my life.

• 14:26Speaker 04

  Yes, because no one wants to be around a pedo.

• 14:29Speaker 00

  I, I think I look smashing.

• 14:32Speaker 04

  Don't.

• 14:33Speaker 00

  If I was, if I was a pedo, I'd be like the Pied Piper of pedos, I'd be leading the kids around the town.

• 14:38Speaker 03

  I, I, I mean, I'm always very proud of Ed when he does it, because no one encourages him, he gets nothing but pushback from everybody.

• 14:48Speaker 04

  I discourage it.

• 14:49Speaker 03

  And, and yes, and he sticks to the fact he likes it and he does it.

• 14:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:53Speaker 04

  But you know.

• 14:53Speaker 03

  I'm quite proud of him for that.

• 14:55Speaker 04

  No, kudos to you.

• 14:56Speaker 00

  And you're a hairy guy today.

• 14:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm, I've got lazy this week.

• 15:00Speaker 00

  Stubby boy?

• 15:00Speaker 03

  I've got lazy.

• 15:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, but he doesn't look like a pedo.

• 15:02Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 15:03Speaker 04

  Looks slightly sleepy and lazy.

• 15:05Speaker 03

  Compliment received.

• 15:06Speaker 04

  Not a pedo.

• 15:07Speaker 00

  Shabby chic.

• 15:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:10Speaker 00

  It's nice.

• 15:10Speaker 04

  But you know, I think that whole idea that I think this is gonna look good and I'm gonna do it, I think it's great.

• 15:16Speaker 00

  No, you don't, you said I look like a pedo.

• 15:18Speaker 04

  No, no, but I mean, if you, if you want to look like a pedo, that's on you. Then you say, I'm, I'm pedo-like, but I want this moustache, and I say, okay.

• 15:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:29Speaker 04

  You know, I respect that in my, I mean, I didn't have the guts to keep my frizzy hair and look electrocuted, I got hair botox.

• 15:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, now, you've obviously got a swanky new hairdo, so we should talk about your tour, swanky.

• 15:41Speaker 03

  Swanky.

• 15:41Speaker 04

  Yes, and the hairdo for the poster of that show is indeed swanky. I want to say, it's all my own hair.

• 15:48Speaker 03

  That's impressive.

• 15:49Speaker 04

  And the, the amount of hairspray in my hair, if someone in Wales had lit a lighter, I would have gone on fire. So I was, and, and that was back when I was smoking, and I was like, I can't be smoking around my own self.

• 16:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:02Speaker 04

  So I was very scared, but it looked amazing.

• 16:04Speaker 00

  It's mad when you think about, you know, you see like pictures of people in the fifties and they've got that hair and they're having a sick.

• 16:09Speaker 04

  I don't know how they're doing it, but I think they would do a lot of back brushing, and I don't like doing back brushing, because.

• 16:14Speaker 00

  Your hair's so frizzy.

• 16:16Speaker 04

  Well, my hair's frizzy, but also back brushing takes a lot to, like, get out, and it's just painful, but I think we did some, but not that much, but that's, that hairdo was something else, and it was very much influenced by the fact that I was gonna be on Celebrity Mastermind, and my topic was Jackie Onassis.

• 16:32Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:32Speaker 04

  I started reading about her and then Maria Callas.

• 16:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:35Speaker 04

  And I was like, not only is this woman, I mean, I feel sad for her, she's so goddamn tragic, but her hair. And then I put the hair in my poster.

• 16:42Speaker 03

  Did you keep the hair for when you went on Mastermind?

• 16:45Speaker 04

  No, because that hair, you couldn't, I mean, I wanted to smoke, so I took the hair out, and I went on Mastermind and didn't win, I hate talking about it.

• 16:52Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 16:53Speaker 03

  Where, where did you come?

• 16:55Speaker 04

  I don't know, I didn't win, that's what matters. Don't.

• 16:59Speaker 00

  We didn't win either.

• 17:00Speaker 03

  We didn't win?

• 17:00Speaker 04

  I know, but you know, it annoys.

• 17:02Speaker 00

  I came joint second.

• 17:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, but don't talk to me about winning, cause you always win that game with the smashing words, and it drives me out of my mind.

• 17:09Speaker 03

  You talk about answer smash?

• 17:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, on House of Games.

• 17:12Speaker 04

  Every time, I'm like, what could this be? And you always know what it is, and I want to run over and punch you, cause you, how do you get it every time? It bothers me.

• 17:19Speaker 03

  I'm good at answer smash as well, and Diamond got really angry at me, cause I was so good at it.

• 17:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, but we haven't.

• 17:24Speaker 03

  She hissed at me like a cat at one point.

• 17:26Speaker 00

  Are you looking forward to being back on tour after five years?

• 17:29Speaker 04

  I am, the fact that I haven't toured in the UK for five years is really the thing that's making me, you know how like, before your birthday, you're like, oh, I'm gonna get nice presents? I feel like that, because I feel, I very much feel like a UK comic, you know? And I like going to different places in the UK and gigging, and then in the daytime, walking around the high street.

• 17:50Speaker 00

  You walk around the places you toured to?

• 17:53Speaker 04

  Well, if I have nothing else to do, I walk around.

• 17:55Speaker 00

  Have you heard of sitting in the theatre dressing room, meeting Nando's?

• 17:58Speaker 04

  The whole of the previous day?

• 18:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:01Speaker 04

  No, no, I go get my nails done.

• 18:02Speaker 03

  In the hotel?

• 18:04Speaker 04

  But whatever hotel I'm staying at, I don't really care.

• 18:06Speaker 03

  But like, you, you go out, out in the, in the town, you don't just sit in the hotel?

• 18:10Speaker 04

  Well, depends, if I'm watching a Netflix running to get through, cause I get very obsessive, then I do, but if I don't, so there's a couple of things I always do when I go on tour in different cities, is I always find a nail place, cause I like getting my nails done, cause it's a bit like buying a handbag, but less expensive, it makes you feel great, it's like low touch. Anyway, I get my nails done, or I get my hair done, not hair botox, just get my hair done. So for that, you have to leave the hotel.

• 18:35Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 18:36Speaker 04

  Especially cause I always stay in Premier Inn, so you really have to leave the hotel.

• 18:39Speaker 00

  See, this is, I'm thinking swanky, we've talked about hair botox, we've talked about getting your nails done, it's like buying a nice handbag, swanky, swanky, swanky.

• 18:47Speaker 04

  And then Premier Inn.

• 18:48Speaker 00

  And then suddenly you're in Premier Inn.

• 18:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's an issue, which will be dealt with, when I.

• 18:53Speaker 00

  But it's your issue that you can deal with.

• 18:55Speaker 04

  Yes, because I had this idea when I first toured, that it's just, you're so tired and you just go to sleep, what's the big deal?

• 19:02Speaker 00

  The John, the John Robbins ideal.

• 19:04Speaker 04

  Oh, is it?

• 19:05Speaker 00

  That's the John Robbins theory.

• 19:06Speaker 03

  John Robbins views his life.

• 19:07Speaker 04

  Okay, so I was like, oh, you just go to sleep, and it worked in my first tour perfectly, because I also didn't know what was going on, I started touring and I didn't really understand what it meant, and I was like, where am I? Also, I had never left London, really, I was like, what is this place? And people would say, it's St Albans, it's not really that far, and I'd be like, where are we? And then I started going further and further out and stuff. Then the second tour, for many different reasons, I didn't change it, because the options were not great. Also, it's not like there's fantastic four seasons in different places, so you think, I'll just save on this. This time, I'm going to come up with different ideas, and I don't know exactly what they are, but I'm going to avoid staying in Premier Inn, because it can make you sad.

• 19:49Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 19:50Speaker 04

  Especially if it's like a red brick one, and you, the only view is the parking lot, can make you sad.

• 19:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:56Speaker 04

  And I don't wanna be sad.

• 19:57Speaker 00

  I don't, you're on a tour called Swanky.

• 19:58Speaker 04

  And I wanna, and I'm on a tour called.

• 20:00Speaker 00

  Get swanky, baby.

• 20:01Speaker 04

  I'll get swanky, there's one brand of hotel, which always is like set up so that everyone who's there imagines they're having an affair in the middle of the afternoon.

• 20:10Speaker 00

  Marmazon?

• 20:11Speaker 04

  There you go, it's like all.

• 20:14Speaker 04

  Do you know what I mean?

• 20:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:15Speaker 03

  Absolutely, just straight away.

• 20:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, but that's what it is.

• 20:18Speaker 00

  It's a shagging hotel.

• 20:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, but it's, but it's not just regular shagging with, no, it's got to be some kind of illicit massive. And I go in there and I'm like, wait, what? That, that's jarring to me.

• 20:28Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 20:29Speaker 04

  You know, for many different reasons, which we cannot get into in this podcast, but there's got to be some other in between, like a country hotel type situation.

• 20:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, doesn't feel like having an affair or about to have a red hot poker shoved up your butt.

• 20:43Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 20:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:44Speaker 04

  There you go. That's the bit I didn't want to bring up, but now you brought it up.

• 20:47Speaker 03

  I just thought I'd make it clear to the listeners.

• 20:49Speaker 00

  I mean, I've got ideas for you, but we'll probably do it after the podcast.

• 20:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, otherwise we'll never get to the food bit.

• 20:57Speaker 03

  So we are gonna present you a tasting menu. You don't know what you're gonna have today.

• 21:03Speaker 00

  And we're not, and we're not revealing who it is until the end, is that you prefer that?

• 21:06Speaker 03

  Is that what you want to happen? So normally we would tell you at the top, but we won't do that this time, apparently. Okay.

• 21:11Speaker 04

  I can't control my prejudices.

• 21:14Speaker 00

  But that makes me want to tell her.

• 21:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, but like, we'll tell you what, you can guess as we go along if you like, if you think you know who it is.

• 21:20Speaker 04

  Of all the people that have ever come on this podcast.

• 21:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:22Speaker 04

  Yes, do I know this person?

• 21:24Speaker 03

  Mm hmm. We'll, we'll tell you it's a comedian.

• 21:27Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 21:27Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 21:28Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 21:29Speaker 03

  So for your water course, it's water from the fountain of youth in Big John Little John.

• 21:35Speaker 00

  Would you like some explanation?

• 21:36Speaker 04

  What does that mean?

• 21:37Speaker 00

  So apparently Big John Little John was a kids TV show in the seventies.

• 21:41Speaker 04

  In this country?

• 21:41Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 21:42Speaker 04

  Okay, well, there you go.

• 21:43Speaker 00

  About, um, about a man called John who drinks from the fountain of youth. And what that does is it means every so often he just turns into an eight, his eight year old self and then grows again.

• 21:55Speaker 04

  Okay, and this person wanted to drink water from that so they could go to being eight years old and back again?

• 21:59Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 22:00Speaker 04

  What a happy childhood they must have had.

• 22:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:02Speaker 04

  Good lord. Okay.

• 22:04Speaker 00

  So you would not, you would not want to drink the fountain of youth to turn into an eight year old version of yourself?

• 22:10Speaker 03

  What are you talking about? You just said you got your hair botoxed. You were talking to us about those kind of procedures earlier. And you were like, you were like, you were like, I would get everything done.

• 22:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:21Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, I would.

• 22:21Speaker 03

  This is fountain of youth, it's just gonna make you younger.

• 22:26Speaker 04

  It's gonna make me eight. I don't want to be eight again. Gee, I had a terrible stammer.

• 22:31Speaker 03

  I didn't fancy you.

• 22:31Speaker 04

  And I, and, okay, pedo. Um.

• 22:35Speaker 00

  James, man. James.

• 22:38Speaker 04

  No, this Ed wouldn't, mustache Ed would.

• 22:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:41Speaker 04

  This Ed doesn't have.

• 22:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, this is, this is good Ed.

• 22:43Speaker 00

  Cool, that guy is cool, suave, heavy metal Ed. So heavy metal, cool musketeer.

• 22:50Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 22:51Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 22:51Speaker 00

  Slick, slick Rick, I call him.

• 22:54Speaker 04

  Oh, that's even worse.

• 22:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:55Speaker 04

  Okay, now you're really entering, like you're even giving yourself a.

• 22:58Speaker 00

  It's not a pedo name, slick Rick.

• 23:00Speaker 03

  He's a rapper.

• 23:01Speaker 04

  Okay, so all I'm saying is I don't want to be eight.

• 23:05Speaker 00

  You're saying because you had a stammer when you were eight?

• 23:07Speaker 04

  I had a terrible stammer and I was bullied all the time.

• 23:09Speaker 00

  But you wouldn't be, this doesn't take you back to the time, it just physically turns into an eight year old.

• 23:14Speaker 03

  But I guess Cindy's worried that when she goes, when she's turned into an eight year old, she gets her stammer back and then new, new bullies are gonna find her.

• 23:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, but also when I was eight, I was so scrawny that my mother used to say to me, if you don't finish your dinner, then you'll not put, and I would say, no, I don't want to eat, because it was always like.

• 23:27Speaker 03

  What would she say to you? Don't finish your dinner with what?

• 23:29Speaker 04

  She would say, if you don't finish your dinner, you'll keep looking like this, I'll give you a cup, go and beg. Because you look like a beggar.

• 23:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:39Speaker 04

  That's what she used to say, all right? So it wasn't a time I felt like I looked great. Okay, and you know me, vain and shallow.

• 23:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:46Speaker 04

  Kind hearted, but vain and shallow.

• 23:48Speaker 03

  Uh huh.

• 23:48Speaker 04

  I wouldn't want to be eight. I show you a picture of myself when I was eight, my mother used to cut my hair like a square and then send me to the American school where I had a stammer, got the shit kicked out of me all the time. It was not a great time, man.

• 24:00Speaker 03

  I shouldn't laugh so much at this.

• 24:02Speaker 04

  It is hilarious. I was also very annoying because I wanted to talk all the time. And kids would just punch me, right? Be like, shut the fuck up. But adults couldn't. So I would corner adults in my parents' house and be like, do you want to, da, da, da, da, do you want to hear a joke? And they'd be like, Jesus, we're gonna take half an hour. I was, I was universally disliked. So I don't want to drink this Little John, Big John water and go there, okay? Sorry.

• 24:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:28Speaker 04

  Can we just have that water?

• 24:30Speaker 03

  Well, no, you gotta have, you gotta have what's on the tasting menu.

• 24:33Speaker 04

  Oh, I have to, is it?

• 24:34Speaker 00

  Well, you don't, if you don't want it, it's there, it's gonna be on the table.

• 24:37Speaker 03

  That's what we're bringing you, it's Big John Little John Fountain of Youth Water.

• 24:40Speaker 04

  Well, you guys explained it and as per that explanation, I will not be drinking it.

• 24:43Speaker 00

  What if, I mean, I don't know how the water works, but if you don't drink it, maybe if you just like dip your hand in it, you get an eight year old's hand. How do you feel about that?

• 24:49Speaker 04

  No.

• 24:50Speaker 03

  You'd like that, put your hair in it.

• 24:52Speaker 00

  A tiny little hand.

• 24:53Speaker 03

  What if you just washed your hair in it?

• 24:54Speaker 00

  Well, and then it's.

• 24:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, then I'd have great hair.

• 24:56Speaker 00

  No, but then it'll go to Lego lady hair again.

• 24:57Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:58Speaker 04

  But that's fine, because if I could keep this personality and non-stammer, I could carry off that hair. It's also very thick.

• 25:04Speaker 00

  Yes, okay.

• 25:05Speaker 04

  So I could put my hair in it.

• 25:06Speaker 00

  We'll let you wash your hair in the fountain of youth water.

• 25:08Speaker 04

  Perfect, perfect.

• 25:10Speaker 03

  Okay, that sounds good.

• 25:11Speaker 04

  Amazing. No, but it's true, it was a diabolical time for me, it was horrible.

• 25:15Speaker 03

  Okay, so you wouldn't want to go back to being an eight.

• 25:17Speaker 04

  No, but I would like my eight year old hair.

• 25:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, so we'll, we'll put your hair in the water.

• 25:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:21Speaker 03

  We'll wash your hair in it.

• 25:22Speaker 04

  I'll just do this, this, it'll be fine.

• 25:24Speaker 00

  And then you get your lovely eight year old hair back.

• 25:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, and I don't care about the hairstyle because I could carry it off.

• 25:28Speaker 03

  Uh, papad or bread?

• 25:31Speaker 04

  Papad.

• 25:31Speaker 03

  Papad, papad.

• 25:33Speaker 00

  So he, he really can't like lean into it with confidence, can you?

• 25:37Speaker 03

  No, no, never.

• 25:38Speaker 04

  No, you must.

• 25:39Speaker 03

  Never, but on the previous episode we recorded today, I, I, I said it the way that you told me to because, uh, I, I promised you that I would do it over a year ago.

• 25:49Speaker 04

  You said it so well.

• 25:50Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 25:50Speaker 04

  Papad or bread?

• 25:51Speaker 03

  Papad or bread?

• 25:53Speaker 00

  But then, then, then he'll go.

• 25:54Speaker 03

  Papad. Papad.

• 25:57Speaker 04

  No, you should.

• 25:58Speaker 00

  You get really shy.

• 25:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, really shy, yeah.

• 26:00Speaker 04

  Oh, gosh, don't be.

• 26:01Speaker 03

  Any other language, when I was a kid.

• 26:04Speaker 00

  Any other language?

• 26:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, when I was a kid, my dad was like, we were in a French service station and he, he went, you go and pay for your food by yourself. Cause he's like, it'll help you learn the language. And I got to the front and the person started saying a whole bunch of stuff I didn't understand, absolutely panicked, there's a long line behind me. I can't do it.

• 26:23Speaker 04

  No, but it's not easy.

• 26:24Speaker 03

  Still now, I feel like I'm in the French services.

• 26:28Speaker 00

  The worst though is when you learn basics of a language when you're going somewhere, just to say like hello and thank you or can I have the bill? And you get so good at doing that, that then they assume that you've got more.

• 26:37Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 26:38Speaker 00

  And you have to reel it back in and go, no, me stupid English.

• 26:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm doing Spanish on Duolingo and I did it as a kid, so it's like not, there's someone. I'm so good in Duolingo, that owl is so happy with me.

• 26:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:52Speaker 04

  Like just, you know, bing, bing, and, and woo hoo and all that stuff. And then I go to the grocery store in Mallorca and I want milk. And I'm like, estoy leche, I am milk.

• 27:04Speaker 04

  I forget all my grammar, I just panic. And my husband is standing behind me like, but I insist that I know it because I know it in my head and then I get there and I panic and I say estoy.

• 27:15Speaker 00

  And there's no owl there like bigging you up or anything?

• 27:17Speaker 04

  No, but the lady, the lady's looking at me like not another foreigner in Mallorca who's, you know, fucking. So then, anyway, but yeah, I know, but you know what? We have to break through that.

• 27:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:27Speaker 04

  And you break through it with papad, I will break through it with, uh.

• 27:32Speaker 00

  I am milk.

• 27:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, leche.

• 27:34Speaker 03

  Well, I, yeah, I am milk would be a good, like a Will Smith film.

• 27:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, or leche ahora, milk now.

• 27:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, milk now.

• 27:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's good.

• 27:42Speaker 03

  That, that's like the sequel to Apocalypse Now. Uh, so, but actually they chose a bread anyway, injera bread.

• 27:48Speaker 04

  What bread?

• 27:49Speaker 03

  You know, the Ethiopian bread that is like all the, the different, uh, dishes are on top of it and you kind of tear it and you use it to like.

• 27:56Speaker 04

  Like a big nun.

• 27:58Speaker 00

  It's sort of, it's a little bit, injera bread is a little bit spongy, it's almost got a little sour taste, it's really delicious. So, and it's like sort of big, it's sort of like crumpety, pancakey sort of consistency. And they'll put all the stuff on top of it. It's really good, you can go for like an Ethiopian meal, it's so delicious. I believe this guest, he said when he remembered it to him, um, that it was almost a whole table. I don't think that's right, I don't think the table.

• 28:23Speaker 04

  Oh, it can be, there can be huge breads like this, but a whole table depends on the size of the table.

• 28:27Speaker 00

  I think he wanted it to be the si, the size of the table.

• 28:29Speaker 03

  He wanted it to be the size of the table, so I guess for you it's gonna be the size of the table as well, because it's his menu.

• 28:33Speaker 04

  This person drinking that ridiculous Big John Little John water now wants a piece of bread the size of a table? Who is this?

• 28:40Speaker 00

  What I will say about this person is they used the dream aspect of the dream menu to its maximum capacity.

• 28:46Speaker 04

  Okay, so it's in their head.

• 28:48Speaker 03

  Fountain of youth water.

• 28:49Speaker 04

  All right.

• 28:50Speaker 03

  Injera bread the size of the table.

• 28:51Speaker 04

  Okay, how are we spelling the name of this bread?

• 28:54Speaker 00

  I think it's I N J E R A.

• 28:56Speaker 03

  Yes, he did it without even looking.

• 28:58Speaker 04

  Injera bread, okay, well.

• 29:00Speaker 03

  It's a big moment for the podcast.

• 29:01Speaker 04

  You know what? I have never eaten it and regardless of the size of this, this parachute of bread that we have, I will have some.

• 29:07Speaker 00

  I think you would really like it.

• 29:08Speaker 04

  I'm sure I would love it, is there stuff on it?

• 29:11Speaker 03

  They, they didn't say there was.

• 29:12Speaker 00

  This is just for the bread.

• 29:13Speaker 03

  So I think you just got that, the side, there's, you know, like a tablecloth.

• 29:16Speaker 04

  Let's go, get the tablecloth.

• 29:17Speaker 00

  Quite often when I've been through Ethiopian food since we recorded this episode, rather than it all coming out as one, you get that, but then also extra, and it's like rolled up into little rolls of bread.

• 29:28Speaker 04

  So bread on bread?

• 29:29Speaker 00

  Well, there's like extra bread on the side to dip, because there's a lot of sauces in Ethiopian food and a lot of like curry type things.

• 29:34Speaker 04

  In real life, not on the tablecloth.

• 29:35Speaker 00

  No, no, no, I'm talking about my own life here now.

• 29:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, real life.

• 29:38Speaker 04

  Good, all right, well, that, this is something for me to go and explore.

• 29:41Speaker 00

  This has started really well, you've already got your hair from when you were eight and a nice bit of Ethiopian bread.

• 29:45Speaker 04

  Not a bit though, a nice, massive curtain.

• 29:49Speaker 00

  Huge curtain.

• 29:50Speaker 04

  Huge tablecloth curtain.

• 29:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:52Speaker 04

  Bed cover of bread.

• 29:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:54Speaker 03

  Like.

• 29:54Speaker 00

  That's good, I'd love a bed cover.

• 29:56Speaker 04

  I know, me too, I, me too, me too, me too.

• 29:57Speaker 00

  I keep getting AI things on my algorithm of people getting into beds made of different food.

• 30:02Speaker 04

  But you know, but can I, this is so interesting because that you know is AI.

• 30:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:06Speaker 04

  I get real stuff and then I send it to my kid, she's like, mom, this is AI.

• 30:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, I, I have to ask my wife when, when stuff's AI.

• 30:12Speaker 04

  And I'm like, how do you know it's AI? She's like, why would the tiger be in the dining room?

• 30:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:15Speaker 04

  I'm like, it can happen. She's like, no, it cannot happen.

• 30:18Speaker 00

  I sent one to my wife the other day, I was like, look at this, it's amazing.

• 30:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:20Speaker 00

  And she was like, those, they're giraffes that are like two inches tall, what?

• 30:24Speaker 04

  How would?

• 30:24Speaker 00

  So I don't know what a baby giraffe looks like.

• 30:26Speaker 04

  I know, and then she gave me a trick, she said, look at the eyeballs.

• 30:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:30Speaker 04

  Not all the eyeball, I said, I'm looking at a meme, I'm not doing a, not in a life threatening situation. I have to look at eyeballs and I'm looking at a meme, she's like, ma, it's AI. Yeah, but I would like AI of people getting into beds made of food.

• 30:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, so it's like, it'll be like.

• 30:44Speaker 04

  Can you send me something and then I'll start following?

• 30:45Speaker 00

  The videos will be like, which bed would you prefer? And it'll be like a bed of bread, a bed of beans or something like cheese. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a bed of croissants, that'd be good.

• 30:55Speaker 03

  Wow, wow.

• 30:57Speaker 00

  It's good, I'm getting loads, I'm getting loads.

• 30:58Speaker 03

  And then you think about that with yourself, do you? You think what bed would I like to get in that's made of food?

• 31:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, I like the video, I comment on which one I'd like and I keep getting sent them, it's really annoying.

• 31:07Speaker 04

  I would do that.

• 31:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:10Speaker 04

  I would do that.

• 31:10Speaker 03

  What do you comment?

• 31:12Speaker 00

  Good, uh, yeah, bread bed.

• 31:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, bread bed or

• 31:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:17Speaker 04

  Cheese and beans, bread disgusting.

• 31:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:19Speaker 04

  Too much.

• 31:20Speaker 03

  Yeah. You wouldn't like the big jacket potato that you

• 31:22Speaker 04

  No, I wouldn't.

• 31:23Speaker 03

  Have on set.

• 31:23Speaker 04

  No, I would like to eat that. I would like to sleep in that.

• 31:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:26Speaker 04

  Because it is messy.

• 31:27Speaker 00

  Also, um, my wife Charlie keeps getting AI videos of, um, like a, a cat being sat on the doorstep. And there's loads of these. And then an old lady comes out and goes, hello, you all right? And then the cat blasts a jet of water out of its mouth and blows the old lady away. And then the whole house collapses.

• 31:44Speaker 04

  She knows it's AI.

• 31:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:46Speaker 04

  As opposed to you who's like, check out this crazy cat.

• 31:48Speaker 00

  That poor lady, that poor lady. But I watched that and I go, people are worried about AI, but we're, we're in a golden age right now.

• 31:55Speaker 04

  We are in a golden age.

• 31:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:56Speaker 00

  That's funny stuff.

• 31:57Speaker 04

  That is.

• 31:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, so there's, I mean, that's not the same AI that would kill us though. They're different types. So that one, we can keep that one forever.

• 32:04Speaker 00

  What do you mean it's different types?

• 32:06Speaker 03

  Different types. It's not super intelligence.

• 32:08Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 32:09Speaker 03

  So like that one with the, with the cats spraying the lady, we can have that forever and it's not gonna hurt anyone.

• 32:13Speaker 04

  The AI that's going to kill us is sending us this. So we become kind of

• 32:16Speaker 03

  No, that's not how it works.

• 32:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, brain rot.

• 32:18Speaker 04

  That is, yeah.

• 32:18Speaker 03

  No, it's not. It's not that the AI that can kill us already exists and is sending us nice little memes and gifs to trick us.

• 32:25Speaker 00

  I think it is.

• 32:25Speaker 03

  That's not been invented yet.

• 32:27Speaker 00

  Well then, why are we worried about it if it's not been invented yet?

• 32:29Speaker 03

  Because they're trying to invent it. And if they do invent it.

• 32:31Speaker 04

  You watch X Machina and you believe it.

• 32:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:33Speaker 03

  Yes, sure. You two can't tell the difference between a photo and an AI thing. So I don't think you'll want to talk.

• 32:42Speaker 04

  Fair, but I think that AI exists. I, I think it's in a lab.

• 32:45Speaker 03

  It does exist. But not, but not super intelligence doesn't exist.

• 32:48Speaker 00

  Just to get, just

• 32:48Speaker 03

  Yet.

• 32:49Speaker 04

  Killer AI exists.

• 32:50Speaker 00

  I think AI exists.

• 32:51Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 32:52Speaker 04

  No, killer AI exists, but they just haven't told us.

• 32:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, they know what

• 32:55Speaker 04

  You called it killer AI.

• 32:57Speaker 03

  Okay, fair enough. But like, it, it, that doesn't exist yet.

• 33:00Speaker 04

  No, I think it does. They just haven't, it just hasn't gotten to us. But here's the thing, you guys, life is now.

• 33:06Speaker 03

  Oh, good.

• 33:07Speaker 04

  And I'm not AI, you're not AI, Benito is not AI, this podcast is not AI.

• 33:11Speaker 03

  This is AI.

• 33:12Speaker 04

  So we are all here now. Fuck the, the future killer AIs. Let's enjoy our memes, try and differentiate between AI and normal memes and move on.

• 33:20Speaker 03

  Makes no sense to, to live life like that. Go, go, don't, don't worry about what's gonna happen in the future because life is now.

• 33:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's true.

• 33:27Speaker 00

  That's true. Don't worry about the future, James.

• 33:28Speaker 04

  Don't worry about the future.

• 33:29Speaker 03

  Because life is now.

• 33:30Speaker 00

  People are too worried about the environment.

• 33:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:33Speaker 00

  People are too worried about AI.

• 33:34Speaker 04

  No, well, listen.

• 33:35Speaker 00

  Hello?

• 33:36Speaker 04

  No need to catastrophize it. Just let's think about it and put shit in recycling and be like, okay, cool.

• 33:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:42Speaker 04

  And also let's not, you know, use bad fuels.

• 33:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:45Speaker 04

  And fracking is terrible.

• 33:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:46Speaker 04

  But oh God, what can I do? But anyway, it is terrible. And then like, you know, support the right things. Make sure kids are getting an education. If you have some extra money, put it in girls' education. I think that's important. Just do like your, your bit.

• 33:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:58Speaker 04

  But don't catastrophize the future because we have so little control.

• 34:00Speaker 00

  And the cat spraying the lady is funny.

• 34:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:02Speaker 03

  Yes, but we all agree that that's funny.

• 34:04Speaker 04

  That is hilarious.

• 34:05Speaker 03

  The cat spraying the lady isn't funny. I've not seen it, but it sounds funny.

• 34:08Speaker 04

  I'm dying to see it.

• 34:08Speaker 00

  Also, I get a lot of like wrestling ones where it's like Stephen Hawking wrestling people on WWE.

• 34:13Speaker 04

  That is the kind of thing my son would send me.

• 34:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:17Speaker 00

  He wins.

• 34:19Speaker 03

  That's important.

• 34:22Speaker 03

  Stephen Hawking, by the way, went on record, uh, warning people not to pursue super intelligence.

• 34:28Speaker 04

  Yes, he did.

• 34:29Speaker 03

  Because it would kill everyone.

• 34:30Speaker 04

  Yes. But see now, now, now he can do nothing. He did it and that, that was his rule.

• 34:34Speaker 03

  Yes, well, he's dead now.

• 34:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, there you go.

• 34:37Speaker 00

  Today's episode of the Off Menu Podcast is sponsored by Cozy, the home of possibilities, James.

• 34:43Speaker 03

  Ah, man, Ed, Cozy has everything you need to make your home feel like it has a plan. Do you know what I mean?

• 34:48Speaker 00

  I know what you mean. Cozy is a wonderful furniture company. It makes furnishing your whole home easy. Sofers, dining, storage, rugs, bedroom, even outdoor, all designed to make your space feel put together without the usual furniture stress. And James, we talk about dream meals on this podcast. But you know what? We very rarely talk about where we want to eat this dream meal.

• 35:08Speaker 03

  Sure, yeah, I like it when it does come up. It is very important. It changes the whole meal, the set in the vibe. And Cozy's modular customizable furniture for the whole home does just that.

• 35:19Speaker 00

  And the meal, James, doesn't necessarily end at dessert. We've often talked about wanting to take our maybe final course through to a comfy room. And I think this is where Cozy can really come in handy. Go and relax on the sofa, maybe even eat your meal at a lovely, beautiful cozy table. Linger a little bit, move through with coffees and dessert to a lovely couch. But I know what you're like, James. You're a mucky pup.

• 35:41Speaker 03

  I'm gonna spill stuff everywhere. Is that gonna ruin the Cozy furniture?

• 35:44Speaker 00

  No, don't worry about that, James, because it's highly washable, James. It's sauce, wine, sparkling water, dessert crumbs. You telling one of your big stories and sloshing a coffee everywhere? Don't worry, you can pop it in the wash.

• 35:56Speaker 03

  Oh, so you're saying Cozy makes every day at home feel like my best day?

• 35:59Speaker 00

  Absolutely. That's exactly what I'm saying. And with Cozy, your home can grow with you, adapting to new spaces, new styles and every era of your life, James. I think it's so hard, especially when you move somewhere new, to immediately make that place feel like yours, that it's been put together well. And that's where Cozy comes in.

• 36:16Speaker 03

  And because it's cozy, the furniture isn't just good looking, but actually practical. Modular pieces, easy assembly, washable and interchangeable covers and free design consultations if you want help making the whole room work.

• 36:28Speaker 00

  And it's easy to order, ship and assemble and maintain, James. The only way is the Cozy way.

• 36:34Speaker 03

  Visit Cozy today, that's C O Z E Y dot com and make yourself at home.

• 36:43Speaker 01

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• 37:16Speaker 02

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• 37:52Speaker 03

  When you came on the podcast, your starter was whitefish ceviche from Uruguay.

• 37:56Speaker 04

  No, from that wedding and I stole it on the side.

• 37:58Speaker 03

  This person has chosen, so this is what you're getting today, the one bag of salt and vinegar kettle chips from the 1990s and one bag of salt and vinegar kettle chips from present day. And you have both of them and you just see if they have changed.

• 38:11Speaker 04

  That is fucking fantastic. Okay. Because do you understand what we're talking about here?

• 38:19Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 38:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:19Speaker 04

  In 1990, I had never eaten salt and vinegar chips. I didn't know it was a crisp. I didn't know anything. I knew there was a in India, we called it potato chips and it was the flavor of potato and I was not allowed to eat them because my mother said it's processed. She said, I'll make them at home and whatever the fuck she was making was not what my friends had in a bag.

• 38:38Speaker 00

  What would she do?

• 38:39Speaker 04

  She was slicing potatoes really thin and frying them.

• 38:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:41Speaker 04

  And then saying, Yolo, oh, take this. And it's like

• 38:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, Yolo, you only pick ones.

• 38:48Speaker 00

  No, your mum was really ahead of the curve.

• 38:50Speaker 04

  No, she was like, eat this and it's not processed and the oil is not bad. And it was like, but this is not the stuff my friends have. And she said, then go to their house and ask the mother to adopt you and stuff like that. Then you were like, oh, I can't do that. Eat those at home.

• 39:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:04Speaker 04

  So I had never eaten them. And then I moved here in 1991.

• 39:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:08Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 39:09Speaker 04

  And crisps, you guys eat them like a religion. Everyone eating crisp, crisp, crisp. I didn't know about salt and vinegar. I ate just normal potato. I was like so greedy because I could have the real thing. And that's when I met Walker's crisps. You know, I love, why are you laughing?

• 39:27Speaker 00

  Just because you said Matt.

• 39:28Speaker 04

  I meant, it's like, it was so amazing. And like, you could get bags, you know, in the supermarket, lots of bags in one bag.

• 39:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:35Speaker 04

  My, oh my God, loved it. So now that I am British enough to easily eat crisps and have a preference. My favorite crisp is salt and vinegar.

• 39:45Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 39:45Speaker 04

  So I know what the current several different brands of salt and vinegar taste like.

• 39:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:50Speaker 04

  So I would be not only overjoyed to eat the ones from now, I could now find out what they tasted in nineteen ninety when I hadn't eaten any British crisps.

• 39:57Speaker 03

  This is actually, I think.

• 39:59Speaker 04

  This would make me so happy.

• 40:01Speaker 03

  Uh, a better starter for you than it was for our original.

• 40:05Speaker 04

  No, I love that.

• 40:06Speaker 03

  Who chose it. I think.

• 40:07Speaker 00

  Our original guests wanted to know whether, because they had a theory that kettle chips, but they called them kettle crisps. Kettle chips taste different now to how they did in the nineties and he couldn't work out whether the crisps are changed or he had. So he wanted to compare them, see if it's an actual taste thing or whether he'd just matured or changed over the years.

• 40:28Speaker 04

  Your taste buds don't change. Who is this person?

• 40:31Speaker 03

  They do change a bit, don't they? Olives and stuff, you know, like olives when you were a kid and.

• 40:35Speaker 04

  But they like kettle chips even then.

• 40:37Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 40:37Speaker 04

  So it wasn't that they'd never tasted them and like, like my mother used to feed you food you didn't like and you'd say, I don't like this. She'd say, cultivate the taste and cultivate.

• 40:46Speaker 00

  Did that work? Did that work for you?

• 40:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, I ate mushrooms under the fear of death. I had mushrooms on my pizza because she used to have mushroom pizza and it was very expensive.

• 40:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:54Speaker 04

  So she would order one pizza of what she wanted.

• 40:57Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 40:57Speaker 04

  And then you had to eat it and if you tried to take the mushroom off, you're wasting mushroom. It's very expensive. Cultivate the taste. I love mushrooms now, but I think for a long time I was just afraid. So I would just eat them.

• 41:08Speaker 00

  A lot of the times when you tell stories about your mom, you're like, she used to do this. Oh my God, she used to do this. But it does sound like something that you you do now, right?

• 41:15Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, all sounds like stuff you would do now.

• 41:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:16Speaker 04

  Not in the same context. I have bigger fish to fry than forcing my half white kids to eat mushrooms, right? I have bigger fish to fry. But yes, some of the tactics and the tone.

• 41:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:27Speaker 04

  And the underlying intentionality is very similar.

• 41:30Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 41:31Speaker 04

  Right? I don't know why that's so funny.

• 41:33Speaker 03

  It's funny because you, because you refer to your children as my half white kids.

• 41:37Speaker 04

  Well, because they come, because they come sort of pre-packed with certain DNA, you know, that just makes them not like me. You know, like they want to do art in school.

• 41:47Speaker 00

  As in not like, as in not similar to you rather than not like you.

• 41:50Speaker 04

  That also, but not similar. But they're at that age now where they're like, you know, they don't like you and they don't like you, they don't like their mom or whatever. But they'll eventually have to come back.

• 42:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, they do.

• 42:00Speaker 04

  You know, no one, I mean, even people who hate their mom are in therapy because their mom is a big deal. It's like, where are you gonna go?

• 42:06Speaker 00

  Especially now, like the economy's fucked. They're not gonna be able to get a house without coming back around.

• 42:10Speaker 04

  That also, but also if you don't sort out your mom's stuff, you cannot really move forward. So one way or the other, they're stuck with me in their head and I hope it's good, but if it's bad, fine. I, I have to say one thing my mother taught me and that I have ve- and I very much lived that as a mother is you have to guide your children, you have to give them good values and then at some point you have to try and see who they are.

• 42:36Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 42:37Speaker 04

  And then step back and I think that's important.

• 42:40Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 42:40Speaker 04

  Because you, you, you sort of load them up like a program and then you say, go out in the world.

• 42:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:46Speaker 04

  And then you see, you know, then, then you try and see who they are. My kids are, three of them are so different. You know, I sometimes look at them and I think you're all three so different. You're only similar in that you've picked up so little from me. That makes me sad for them. But anyway, okay.

• 42:58Speaker 03

  It's got a lot from your white husband.

• 43:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's a fantastic, I mean, like in my next life, if he's not my husband, can he be my dad? He's such a great dad.

• 43:07Speaker 00

  One of the weirdest things anyone's ever said.

• 43:09Speaker 04

  Why? In, in every life, you have a different relationship with the same people in your family because of your karmic load.

• 43:15Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 43:16Speaker 04

  Debts and credits. Do you guys not know this?

• 43:17Speaker 00

  Even just the phrase load, don't they?

• 43:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, karmic load. I don't really like being in this.

• 43:20Speaker 04

  All the perverts in this room can filter this information how they want.

• 43:24Speaker 00

  Imagine if I had my moustache.

• 43:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:27Speaker 03

  Unbroadcastable.

• 43:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:28Speaker 04

  Okay, sorry. Should we take, okay, I'll, we can cut all that out.

• 43:31Speaker 03

  No, we can keep it all in that you, that you wish your husband was your dad.

• 43:34Speaker 00

  Call him me a pedo and then.

• 43:35Speaker 04

  In my next life, when you don't remember the previous lives' relationships.

• 43:39Speaker 00

  Right.

• 43:40Speaker 04

  Because he's such a great father.

• 43:42Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 43:43Speaker 04

  You know, and he's given the kids, he has given them what confidence they have.

• 43:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:48Speaker 04

  I have given them a deep ability to self-criticize.

• 43:51Speaker 03

  Uh huh.

• 43:52Speaker 00

  I don't believe that's true. You're a very confident lady, Cindy.

• 43:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, but in my head, it's, I mean, like with them, I'm like, why didn't you do this? You should do this better. You could get a hundred. Why did you get ninety? You know, that kind of thing. He's just like, you're amazing.

• 44:04Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 44:04Speaker 04

  Ninety? Wow. I'm like, what?

• 44:10Speaker 04

  You know what I mean?

• 44:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:11Speaker 03

  Even, even when you tried to do the impression that you started to start casting.

• 44:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:14Speaker 04

  I know.

• 44:15Speaker 03

  Ninety? Wow.

• 44:18Speaker 04

  Start away. He is truly genuinely, and I have great kids. I have, I have great kids. I just feel like I'm the bad cop, you know?

• 44:26Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 44:33Speaker 03

  The, the main course, uh, they want four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie. And they would, they specified they would like the blackbirds to survive.

• 44:44Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 44:44Speaker 03

  And start singing when the pie is opened, like in the, so you know, you cut the pie open.

• 44:50Speaker 00

  So you know, that's like the sort of medieval.

• 44:52Speaker 04

  King in the thing counting all my money. That's me.

• 44:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:57Speaker 03

  Oh, in the song?

• 44:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:58Speaker 04

  Yeah. I'd, I would like to be that.

• 45:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 45:01Speaker 04

  But apparently I have to be the guy that eats this goddamn fucking singing pie.

• 45:06Speaker 04

  I'm sorry, sorry. Can I say?

• 45:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, but also they wanna eat a pie with blackbirds, but they have to be alive and sing.

• 45:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 45:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:14Speaker 00

  Well, I guess that's what they used to do is that the sort of presentational thing in like medieval banquets, they cut the pie open, the blackbirds would fly out and everyone would be like, whoa.

• 45:22Speaker 04

  That didn't happen. They were dead. They were baked. I'm, I'm sorry. Are we forgetting science?

• 45:26Speaker 00

  No, but I don't think, I, I think maybe the idea is that in medieval times, they'd just do it as a showmanship thing. So they'd bake the crust, put the blackbirds in and then open the pie and the blackbirds would fly out and everyone would be like, holy shit. But in medieval.

• 45:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:40Speaker 04

  In medieval.

• 45:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 45:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:42Speaker 00

  Holy shit us.

• 45:43Speaker 04

  Holy shit us.

• 45:44Speaker 00

  Holy shit us.

• 45:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, okay.

• 45:45Speaker 03

  So we're gonna bring you out what looks like a big pie.

• 45:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 45:48Speaker 04

  With twenty four birds in it.

• 45:50Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 45:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 45:51Speaker 00

  No, four and twenty, very specific.

• 45:52Speaker 03

  Twenty, actually, and uh.

• 45:54Speaker 04

  Four and twenty is twenty four.

• 45:55Speaker 03

  Huh?

• 45:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you've got to say it four and twenty because it's like in the song.

• 45:59Speaker 04

  Okay, so with four and twenty blackbirds is a pie and it comes out?

• 46:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:04Speaker 03

  It's four twenty is when people get stoned, right?

• 46:07Speaker 04

  What?

• 46:07Speaker 00

  I don't think that's why it's that.

• 46:09Speaker 04

  I've never been stoned, so I don't understand the reference. I'm not sure I was stoned when I.

• 46:13Speaker 03

  Four twenty is when people smoke a J.

• 46:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:15Speaker 03

  Uh, J is the type of bird, blackbird.

• 46:18Speaker 04

  Wait, what's, what's, what's four and twenty? Is it the time?

• 46:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, four twenty is like stoner time. That's when people start smoking weed.

• 46:25Speaker 04

  In the morning or afternoon?

• 46:26Speaker 00

  Afternoon.

• 46:27Speaker 03

  Afternoon, yeah.

• 46:27Speaker 04

  Huh?

• 46:28Speaker 00

  If you watch a Quentin Tarantino film, all the clocks are set to four twenty in every scene.

• 46:32Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 46:33Speaker 04

  Oh, even in Kill Bill?

• 46:34Speaker 00

  I think so. Well, certainly in Pulp Fiction, they're also.

• 46:36Speaker 03

  I didn't know this. This is, this is a movie trivia that I didn't know and I'm loving this right now.

• 46:40Speaker 00

  Look it up, Ben.

• 46:41Speaker 04

  I love Pulp Fiction.

• 46:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:43Speaker 04

  It's the movie I've watched the most.

• 46:44Speaker 03

  It's great.

• 46:45Speaker 00

  You're not gonna be looking at the clocks. Watch it again.

• 46:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm gonna probably go and watch it today.

• 46:49Speaker 00

  It is good.

• 46:50Speaker 03

  Do you have a favorite story in Pulp Fiction, a favorite part of it?

• 46:53Speaker 04

  When John Travolta is talking to himself in the bathroom.

• 46:55Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 46:56Speaker 04

  Convincing himself not to go out and bang what's her face, Uma Thurman.

• 47:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:01Speaker 04

  And that, just that conversation, it's like, it's so, he's, he, there's an innocence to him. But he's also, it's, it's just a fantastic scene. I like that scene.

• 47:10Speaker 03

  Tell himself he's gonna go home and jack off.

• 47:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:13Speaker 03

  And that's what you're gonna do.

• 47:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's what you're gonna do. And he's just like, it's like you're just talking to yourself like, like a friend, you're not gonna, and she's fully giving him the vibe.

• 47:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:22Speaker 04

  And he knows he's gonna get murdered. So I know there are a lot of other great scenes. The one, I'll tell you the line, the storyline I could not give a shit about in that movie, which should have not been there at all. Bruce Willis wasting our time.

• 47:34Speaker 03

  Really?

• 47:34Speaker 04

  Wasting our goddamn time throughout that film. And also with that girl that he likes in the end who talks like, like a baby, that whole thing, I was like, this is spoiling the movie so badly. My God. But then the second time I went to watch it, I was like, just block that shit out because you know it's coming.

• 47:51Speaker 03

  I love the Bruce Willis storyline, but I do agree that the relationship, I don't like the relationship with him and his girlfriend. Because it is, yeah, it's not a good balance there between, he's very, yeah, it's bad vibes, that relationship.

• 48:05Speaker 04

  And also the worst rubbing of salt in my wound was that John Travolta gets killed by Bruce Willis.

• 48:10Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 48:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:11Speaker 04

  To me, I, I was like, I'm gonna vomit. I'm gonna vomit in the theater.

• 48:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, it sounds like you like this film.

• 48:16Speaker 04

  I loved it, but the Bruce Willis thing I hated.

• 48:18Speaker 03

  All the time. But you must have, in Bruce Willis, but you must have at least liked at the beginning where the Christopher Walken um monologue about the, the watch.

• 48:27Speaker 00

  That's a good bit, that.

• 48:28Speaker 03

  That's great.

• 48:28Speaker 04

  I liked Christopher Walken. I liked what he was doing, but the whole fact that it was Bruce Willis and his dad and the watch was up his ass and I was like, yeah, whatever. But Christopher Walken, I loved that whole thing. Um, and I just, I think, and I'd feel bad saying anything about Bruce Willis now because he's not well now, right? He, but it's just that that was a storyline. I was like, we are wasting my time with this.

• 48:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:48Speaker 04

  Everyone else was interesting. Everybody else except this, even the wife of the drug dealer.

• 48:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:55Speaker 04

  She was interesting and she was on for like two minutes and this guy was taking up so much space. Oof.

• 49:00Speaker 03

  Butch, the boxer.

• 49:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:02Speaker 03

  Um.

• 49:02Speaker 04

  Idiot.

• 49:03Speaker 03

  Is that, is there an animal or a bird that you would rather have in the pie if you don't want this?

• 49:10Speaker 00

  They have to be alive, though.

• 49:11Speaker 03

  They have to be alive when the pie opens.

• 49:12Speaker 04

  Okay, good. So there's no question of eating it.

• 49:14Speaker 00

  No.

• 49:15Speaker 03

  No, this is just.

• 49:15Speaker 04

  Unless you're Ozzy Osbourne eating live birds. Okay. I would love it instead of four and twenty blackbirds, which I think are also very bad vibes, blackbirds. I would love it if it had four and twenty owls. I love owls. Do you know? Because first of all, first of all, I don't even know why you're laughing. It's like, blackbirds are not less funny than owls.

• 49:41Speaker 00

  I just think it was the delight on your face.

• 49:42Speaker 04

  I love.

• 49:43Speaker 03

  And owls are bigger as well, so for some reason.

• 49:45Speaker 04

  There's also miniature owls.

• 49:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, those tiny little guys.

• 49:48Speaker 04

  They're like the marmoset of owls, you know, the tiny, but the thing about owls.

• 49:52Speaker 00

  Do they definitely exist or they, they're not AI?

• 49:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, you guys might have been looking at more AI pictures.

• 49:57Speaker 04

  Into animals and the.

• 49:59Speaker 00

  They're not AI, they're owl?

• 50:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:01Speaker 03

  What?

• 50:05Speaker 04

  Only English people can say what like that.

• 50:08Speaker 00

  What's the, what's your problem?

• 50:09Speaker 03

  I, I think we can't do this podcast.

• 50:11Speaker 00

  Why? That's good stuff.

• 50:13Speaker 03

  We can't recover from that.

• 50:14Speaker 00

  That's a cute joke.

• 50:15Speaker 03

  Are you?

• 50:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:16Speaker 03

  We can't, we can't recover from that.

• 50:18Speaker 00

  Why not? That's good stuff, man. You enjoyed it.

• 50:22Speaker 03

  I don't think you enjoyed it anymore.

• 50:23Speaker 04

  I not only enjoyed that, I enjoyed his what.

• 50:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. If you get a what out of James, you know it's gone really wrong.

• 50:29Speaker 04

  Anyway, so these tiny little owls, and the thing is, even the tiny owls, they look at you with the seriousness of like the four foot tall owls, because owls are wise. They've decided they're wise.

• 50:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:40Speaker 04

  And so they just look at you very wisely and then they don't like you. They go all like exorcists all the way around. But they stop on that side. What an insult. They're like, I'm going to look directly opposite you and you see. They don't even come back round until they feel like.

• 50:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:56Speaker 04

  I love that about them because that's kind of, I often want to do that, you know.

• 51:00Speaker 00

  But they think they're wise. Don't they have like tiny brains? Don't their eyes take up most of their head?

• 51:05Speaker 04

  Yes, but it's all about self-confidence, right? You think I'm so confident. I walk into a room, I have self-confidence. But I'm like super interiorly, very, not very, it's getting less with age, but quite insecure.

• 51:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:18Speaker 04

  They maybe have tiny brains and insecure, but they are, they think they're wise.

• 51:21Speaker 00

  They're confident and sexy.

• 51:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, there, there is, and there's something menacing about them, but wise. So you know they'll only kill the right people.

• 51:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:30Speaker 04

  Do you know what I mean?

• 51:31Speaker 03

  They'd only kill the, yeah.

• 51:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, they wouldn't.

• 51:32Speaker 00

  So you want four and twenty owls in a pie?

• 51:34Speaker 04

  But the little ones. I don't want giant owls.

• 51:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, those tiny, yeah, we don't want like Hogwarts owls.

• 51:39Speaker 04

  No, no, even, and there's bigger owls than that. I was just seeing tigers in India last month, as you do. And there was a humongous owl. Okay, here's something. Twenty seven years I've been married. I know my husband quite well. We're looking at this owl and the owl, of course, at some points like, fuck these people, I don't want to look at them. Starts turning its head, but it's polite enough to come back round. My husband's like, what's it doing? Like, what's it, it's owl doing. It's what owls do with their head. And he's like, I thought that was just like in the books.

• 52:10Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 52:11Speaker 04

  I'm like, I'm sorry, you thought someone had made that up? And he was like, why are you getting so offended? I'm like, this is the most owl thing about an owl. And he said the most owl thing about an owl is sits in the chimney and does whoo whoo. I was like, absolutely not. It was really something, but he saw it do the turning thing and then he was so fascinated by it. Then, then we had to drive the Jeep in front so he could look back and see it looking this way. And then we reversed the Jeep and then it looked this way and he was fascinated. And I was like, bro, what? Anyway, twenty seven years I didn't know, he didn't know about this owl thing, but little owls.

• 52:48Speaker 03

  Our parents can be embarrassing sometimes.

• 52:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, oh dad.

• 52:55Speaker 04

  Next life, James. Next life.

• 52:57Speaker 03

  Yes, yes. Your next life, dad.

• 52:59Speaker 04

  Next life. You guys have made it pervy, you know? Although it's not that pervy, there's all these, can I say that now?

• 53:06Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 53:07Speaker 04

  Well, there's all these women now who are like, you know, like for them sexy talk is like, who's my daddy?

• 53:12Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 53:13Speaker 04

  That, so that's not the vibe. The vibe is in my next life, when I have another husband who I'm getting it on with. Not that I would discuss it with my then dad, but it could be my husband because he's such a great dad. But I would not discuss it with him.

• 53:25Speaker 00

  So it's more like, who's my next life daddy?

• 53:28Speaker 04

  But not in that tone.

• 53:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay.

• 53:29Speaker 03

  But I would say, I mean, I, I think that's not women saying who's my daddy. I think it's men, pervy weird men saying, who's your daddy to women?

• 53:40Speaker 00

  No, I think there's.

• 53:41Speaker 04

  I think women have a lot of daddy.

• 53:43Speaker 03

  Do women say, who's my daddy?

• 53:44Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. It's a big thing for women.

• 53:46Speaker 00

  Is it? Yeah, it's a good point.

• 53:48Speaker 03

  I've never heard a woman go, who's my daddy?

• 53:50Speaker 04

  Well, maybe they're, well, no, but maybe they're saying to someone.

• 53:54Speaker 00

  Because that's actually a very open-ended question, isn't it?

• 53:57Speaker 04

  It could be anything.

• 53:57Speaker 00

  Call me daddy or who's your daddy. You sort of know what the answer to that is, but who's my daddy could be like, well, yeah, I know, he's a really nice man.

• 54:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, I picked you up from your house.

• 54:05Speaker 04

  Perhaps, I mean, you, you've never heard that, sure, but it happens. And you can leave it there.

• 54:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay.

• 54:18Speaker 03

  Side dish. You, you chose some stuffy ones, potatoes?

• 54:22Speaker 04

  I did, which by the way are very good potatoes. Can we agree?

• 54:26Speaker 00

  Oh my goodness, I made some the other day.

• 54:27Speaker 04

  Aren't they great?

• 54:28Speaker 00

  So good.

• 54:28Speaker 04

  Do you, and you use cream?

• 54:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:31Speaker 04

  Do you put pepper?

• 54:33Speaker 00

  No, or salt.

• 54:35Speaker 04

  Good.

• 54:35Speaker 00

  No salt or pepper. You can add stuff afterwards, but

• 54:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:38Speaker 00

  The recipe I use is literally like sliced potatoes, cream, milk, three garlic cloves in with a cream and milk while you cook it and then strain them out. Then pour it over and a little gruyere cheese on the top, which I don't know how, um, how authentic that is, but that does a lot of the salting as well.

• 54:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, that kind of cheese, but also if you use very high quality butter when you're serving it, that takes care of the salt.

• 54:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:58Speaker 04

  This is one thing I don't put chili in, you know?

• 55:00Speaker 00

  Oh, really? Because you want the potatoey potato-ness of the whole thing.

• 55:03Speaker 04

  Cream butter.

• 55:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:05Speaker 04

  Thing.

• 55:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 55:06Speaker 04

  It's so good.

• 55:07Speaker 03

  Well, I think you might like this side even more.

• 55:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, earlier on I was thinking this has actually worked out very well.

• 55:12Speaker 03

  A jacket potato from his last year of university from a van with coleslaw, chili sauce, garlic mayo, cheese and butter.

• 55:20Speaker 04

  I'm sorry, what was the first thing? Coleslaw?

• 55:23Speaker 03

  Coleslaw.

• 55:25Speaker 04

  And then?

• 55:25Speaker 03

  Chili sauce, garlic mayo, cheese and butter.

• 55:30Speaker 04

  Well, fine. Also, where's the protein?

• 55:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 55:35Speaker 04

  But then you're in your last year of school, so what do you care? Like your last year of college. And to be fair, the first time I, I was going to say meta jacket potato, but we know that sets you off.

• 55:44Speaker 00

  I love it.

• 55:44Speaker 04

  Uh, the first time was in a van when I came to university here.

• 55:48Speaker 00

  Ah.

• 55:48Speaker 04

  And everyone, because I was very strict vegetarian. And so everyone had, and I didn't, did I drink? I think I drank with the confidence of someone who could drink, but was just vomiting, like just one gin and tonic and then like, and everyone was like, what is up with her? But anyway, everyone was from somewhere else. It was fine. I remember being very hungry and it was, of course there was a boy. So I was like walking around, oh god, it was like very early in the morning. I was hungry. I'd been throwing up.

• 56:19Speaker 00

  You hadn't had your daily slice of pizza yet?

• 56:21Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 56:21Speaker 04

  No, no, that was Montreal. This is here. And then someone said to me, oh, there's a donor kebab van. And I said, kebab, I don't eat kebab, blah, blah. They said, no, no, you can get a potatoes. And I thought french fries. Then they were huge potato and they said, no, you have to put stuff in it. And then there's all these choices. So yes, I understand that university and potato. The idea that you would put cold salad in a hot potato shows, you know, I don't know, just not, I, I guess you're at that stage, you're not discerning. You're just eating whatever.

• 56:52Speaker 00

  Why I thought you might chime with this a little bit is obviously you were talking about having a jacket potato, but you were talking about how it's a mess and it all looks like brains. This guest.

• 57:01Speaker 04

  It's beans and cheese looks like brains.

• 57:03Speaker 00

  No, sure, but this guest was talking about how like coagulated and like,

• 57:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:07Speaker 00

  You get it back home and it's in that polystyrene container and you open it up and it's just like a total mess, but you just dig in and it's delicious.

• 57:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, I've never gotten home. I would just sit on the curb there and eat it. But also I don't mix hot and cold. So I think I, I, I would eat it, but I would move the coleslaw to the side. Also garlic mayo, absolutely not. So I would, I don't like mayonnaise. And so I would just move it to the side.

• 57:31Speaker 00

  Well, coleslaw's, I guess, pretty mayonaisey as well.

• 57:34Speaker 04

  There you go. And it's cold. I mean, it's just fucking you at every level. It's cold, it's mayonnaise. You're like, oh, fine. So you move that to the side, you move the garlic mayo to the side, but maybe you're so drunk, you don't care. And then the butter and what was the other thing?

• 57:46Speaker 03

  Cheese, chili sauce.

• 57:47Speaker 04

  Oh my god. I would, actually, you know what I would do? I would focus my mind on the butter and, because butter and chili is quite a combination.

• 57:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 57:55Speaker 04

  If you've ever, what's the word? Roasted corn on the cob? And then you rub butter and lemon or lime and chili on it, you're divine. So I would just focus on that in my mind. I would zen myself into that and ignore all the other shitty bits they put in it.

• 58:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:12Speaker 04

  But you know, you'd be like, okay, fine. So I would get through that and I would be quite satisfied.

• 58:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:17Speaker 04

  Especially because I had kettle chips. So it was that, that, that kind of meal, you know?

• 58:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:21Speaker 04

  It's just like a trashy, messy meal.

• 58:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, it really is. And I think, I think this guest wanted it to be quite a substantial side dish because the main course, basically all you're eating is pie crust because all the birds have flown away.

• 58:32Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 58:33Speaker 00

  Because they're all alive.

• 58:34Speaker 04

  Yeah. So you wouldn't be hungry at the end of it. Because there's nothing as bad as eating food and then thinking, I'm still hungry. Then having to go home and order a pizza.

• 58:43Speaker 00

  The jacket potato has taken on quite, uh, it's become quite trendy now.

• 58:47Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah?

• 58:48Speaker 00

  Well, online, online, there's a couple of guys who like run jacket potato vans, who have loads of followers online, who do like POV videos of them preparing jacket potatoes for people.

• 58:59Speaker 04

  But I, I suppose the social media has decided that it's trendy. It's always been trendy. For me, a jacket potato is a staple of this UK. It's like, if you don't know what else to eat, eat a jacket. It's, it's on every catering menu.

• 59:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:12Speaker 04

  Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. And then for anyone who can't fucking decide, jacket potato.

• 59:16Speaker 00

  Potato with anything you want.

• 59:17Speaker 04

  So you say a fine hello, that's me.

• 59:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:19Speaker 04

  You know, and also they're always done really well. And also where are they getting these gigantic potatoes? I mean, what's in those potatoes? They're like watermelon.

• 59:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, they're gigantic. I watch these videos and they're like, do you want a large? And the person will be like, yeah. And they'll turn around and open the oven and this fucking thing comes out that looks like a UFO. It's bonkers.

• 59:35Speaker 03

  AI, AI again.

• 59:36Speaker 00

  It's not AI, man. This is real.

• 59:39Speaker 04

  No, no, they're, they're.

• 59:39Speaker 00

  This is real, man.

• 59:40Speaker 04

  And do you know what's distressing to me is that I have a kid who loves jacket potatoes, but wants tuna and sweet corn in their jacket potato. And I'm like, it's cold. And she's like, bro, what?

• 59:51Speaker 00

  Tuna mayo. I quite like hot and cold together.

• 59:54Speaker 04

  And she likes mayonnaise.

• 59:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:56Speaker 04

  But you know, you think.

• 59:57Speaker 00

  That's her dad's doing that, I think.

• 59:58Speaker 04

  No, no, he's, he's never eaten a jacket potato. Danes find that bizarre. It's like one of those English things. They're like, no spotted dick, no thanks. But jacket potato, no thanks. They don't get it.

• 1:00:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:07Speaker 04

  He's just like, and given how much potatoes they eat, they just eat them boiled. It's like, do something fun. Bake it and put this stuff in it. No thanks. So it's definitely not him, but she, you know, but then she's English. That's the other thing. That's the third thing in them. They're English.

• 1:00:23Speaker 00

  We like cold and disappointing things soaked in mayonnaise.

• 1:00:25Speaker 04

  No, but they like mayonnaise and sweet corn and tuna. So I'm like, you know what? It's a jacket potato, knock yourself out. So sometimes for dinner, when it's just me and her, we'll have a jacket potato. I'll have beans and cheese. And she's like, you're so gross. And then she'll have this mayo tuna thing. And I'll be like, I'm gonna throw up. And then we just sit there and eat and insult each other's food, but we're happy.

• 1:00:43Speaker 00

  That's nice.

• 1:00:46Speaker 01

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• 1:01:19Speaker 04

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• 1:01:57Speaker 03

  Drink is, you had a white version.

• 1:02:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:01Speaker 00

  Would that still be your dream drink?

• 1:02:04Speaker 04

  Uh, no.

• 1:02:05Speaker 00

  What's taken over now?

• 1:02:07Speaker 04

  See, what's happened is I can't handle alcohol the same way.

• 1:02:12Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:02:12Speaker 04

  Because I started doing Dry January, and it's fucked with my drinking. So then when you come off of Dry January, suddenly your body's like, I can't drink this, I can't drink that. I think I might have told you guys this before, but I used to be very partial to like gin and tonic and vodka tonic. And then vodka, I had to let go of because I started telling the truth. And it was just, I mean, I lost a couple of friends.

• 1:02:32Speaker 03

  Imagine what that would be then.

• 1:02:34Speaker 04

  Oh, it was horrible. No, but I mean, seriously.

• 1:02:36Speaker 00

  Because normally, you really, you know, hide your light under a bush, or you're not telling any.

• 1:02:40Speaker 04

  No, no, but like real truth, you know, like.

• 1:02:43Speaker 00

  Can you give us an example?

• 1:02:44Speaker 04

  Oh, at this.

• 1:02:44Speaker 00

  Not about us.

• 1:02:46Speaker 04

  No, no. Well, I was at a dinner party, and when I, this is how I knew it could be an issue. And how should I put this? Because people will listen to this. Okay. There was a couple we know, and this is a big group, and a couple we know where he's never really been nice to her. Like, he's a bit spiky with her, and she just takes it. And, but he's a really big deal. Let's leave it at that, at that. So everyone figures, no one really can say anything to him, and he's a really big deal, and he's doing very well in life. And, but he's always been a bit, like, he's always, you know, like, if she says something, he says, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then, and then I said, and he was sitting next to me, and, and I said something, and he sort of made fun of something to do with Jacob. And I'd been drinking vodka tonics, which I thought was a totally safe

• 1:03:30Speaker 04

  drink. I'd been drinking them my whole life. And then he said something else, and he said, yeah, well, that's fine for you. Like, you wouldn't have married an Indian, because then you would have had to, you know, explain yourself. You've married this dull Scandinavian. And I thought, I looked at him, and then I said to him, well, whoever I've married, at least I don't treat my spouse like shit, and I'm not rude to them and put them down. I don't even fucking know where you get. Everyone stopped talking. He left. He got up and left. And I remember my one friend looking at me across the table like, and I was like, I don't know why I said that. I didn't drink vodka for five years after that, because this is like, we socialize with these people, and the wife was very upset with me. So you see what I mean?

• 1:04:12Speaker 00

  Sounds like he deserved it, right?

• 1:04:13Speaker 04

  No, but I didn't have to take that, like.

• 1:04:15Speaker 00

  It sounds like vodka turned you into a superhero.

• 1:04:18Speaker 04

  No, no, it was very bad. Oh, my God.

• 1:04:19Speaker 03

  It sounded like he deserved it. I think that's fine.

• 1:04:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I didn't need to be the one, no, because then it became so awkward. Like, there were so many parties we just didn't get invited to, or were like, people would call and be like, you can't come. Be like, oh, so, yeah, I get it, I get it.

• 1:04:33Speaker 03

  I went to your house for a Christmas party.

• 1:04:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, that was, but that was my party.

• 1:04:36Speaker 03

  It's your party.

• 1:04:38Speaker 04

  And everyone loved it that I had one of my non-civilian friends. I was so happy you came.

• 1:04:43Speaker 03

  I was the only comedian there.

• 1:04:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, non-civilian friend.

• 1:04:47Speaker 00

  Apart from Cindy.

• 1:04:47Speaker 03

  Apart from Cindy. And then, yeah, I had to leave when I, I'd had probably one too many drinks, and a similar thing, just too honest, because I was meeting a lot of bankers.

• 1:04:57Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 1:04:58Speaker 03

  Because that's, you know.

• 1:04:59Speaker 04

  And some hedge funders.

• 1:05:00Speaker 03

  Yeah. And two of the bankers met me, two, two blokes, maybe both about 10 or 20 years older than me. And one of them went, I bet you think that we're all awful people, don't you? And I went, yeah.

• 1:05:13Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 1:05:17Speaker 03

  And his face fell. And he went, what? I went, yeah, no, but I'm having a nice time, mate. Hanging out with all you guys, but obviously you're bad people. And then I had to walk over to Cindy and go, I need to go home now, Cindy.

• 1:05:32Speaker 04

  I know, and he suddenly left. I was like, oh, but we had a great time.

• 1:05:35Speaker 03

  I had a great time.

• 1:05:35Speaker 04

  We went into the kitchen and started drinking whiskey.

• 1:05:38Speaker 03

  Yes, we were drinking whiskey in the kitchen.

• 1:05:40Speaker 00

  I can see where this came off, came off the rails, actually.

• 1:05:42Speaker 03

  Yeah. And then I was like, I'm just gonna mingle. And then, and then I had to circle back one lap.

• 1:05:46Speaker 00

  Basically, you know, you know it's gonna go wrong if James suddenly gets sociable.

• 1:05:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:51Speaker 00

  If James is like, I don't care, but you're people. You're like, oh, buddy, you're going home. This can't happen.

• 1:05:55Speaker 04

  It's a bit like what happened with me. If someone is that provocative, and say, oh, you married a Scandinavian, well, then, you know, and if someone says, well, you think we're all bad people.

• 1:06:03Speaker 00

  There's no, there's no other way James is gonna react to that.

• 1:06:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, but no.

• 1:06:06Speaker 03

  But he said it in a cheery way. He didn't say it in an, he wasn't being like accusatory, trying to like, oh, I bet you think we're bad people. He went, you must think we're all awful people. Oh, I went, yeah, I do. That doesn't mean we can't chat. I'm enjoying chatting to you. Just think morally, you're fucked.

• 1:06:25Speaker 04

  Hilarious. Also, you said to me, I said, are you, are you okay? He said, yeah, I'm having a great time. I feel like I'm in an episode of Succession.

• 1:06:32Speaker 00

  Great. That's funny.

• 1:06:35Speaker 03

  I loved it.

• 1:06:36Speaker 04

  That made me laugh.

• 1:06:36Speaker 03

  I've heard the piano in my head all the time.

• 1:06:38Speaker 04

  That was so funny. I laughed so much when he said that, because I was like, no one here has a private jet.

• 1:06:43Speaker 00

  Yeah. We all know what character you are in your head.

• 1:06:47Speaker 03

  Cousin Greg?

• 1:06:47Speaker 00

  100%.

• 1:06:48Speaker 04

  Are you Cousin Greg?

• 1:06:49Speaker 03

  100% in that situation. I think I'm Cousin Greg walking around.

• 1:06:52Speaker 04

  I like Cousin Greg. Who was your favorite character in Succession?

• 1:06:55Speaker 00

  Big fan of Cousin Greg.

• 1:06:56Speaker 04

  Yeah. You know, we have a life-size Cousin Greg in our house?

• 1:06:59Speaker 03

  Do you?

• 1:06:59Speaker 04

  Because one of my kids had a crush on him. So, and every time I go into a room, I have a heart attack, because there's a giant Cousin Greg. And he's actually very tall, so it says life-size. You like Cousin Greg?

• 1:07:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, I love Cousin Greg.

• 1:07:10Speaker 04

  Who did you like?

• 1:07:11Speaker 03

  I loved Carl as well, the, one of the, like.

• 1:07:17Speaker 04

  Yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 1:07:18Speaker 03

  Like, top guys who's like, always like, trying not to get fired all the time.

• 1:07:21Speaker 04

  Fired, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:22Speaker 03

  I think they bore on the floor him at one point.

• 1:07:24Speaker 04

  Weak guy, but interesting. Who did you dislike?

• 1:07:27Speaker 00

  I mean, I dislike all of them, I'd say as a blanket statement. As people, they're absolutely awful, but I think they're all very well-drawn characters.

• 1:07:33Speaker 03

  I bet I know who you liked.

• 1:07:35Speaker 04

  Who?

• 1:07:36Speaker 03

  Skarsgård.

• 1:07:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:37Speaker 03

  The Dane?

• 1:07:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:38Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no. He was, he was too much of a techie bro.

• 1:07:41Speaker 03

  Is he a Dane? I don't know.

• 1:07:42Speaker 04

  He's a Swede. But he's, he's too much of a techie bro. I like the husband.

• 1:07:46Speaker 00

  Matthew McFadden character.

• 1:07:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:48Speaker 04

  He was so vile, but he was so self-preserving.

• 1:07:52Speaker 00

  Yeah. Would you want him to be your husband?

• 1:07:54Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:07:55Speaker 00

  Or your daddy?

• 1:07:55Speaker 04

  Neither.

• 1:07:57Speaker 03

  The answer is always, but it's a trick question, because it has to be.

• 1:07:59Speaker 04

  Neither, neither.

• 1:08:05Speaker 03

  Well, their dream drink that you're having is not a white version, it's not a vodka, it's whatever the local beer on holiday is.

• 1:08:13Speaker 04

  I've never drunk beer. I'm not starting now. So it's gonna come, it's gonna be there.

• 1:08:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:18Speaker 04

  And I'm gonna be like, great, there's some beer.

• 1:08:20Speaker 00

  Why have you avoided beer?

• 1:08:21Speaker 04

  Because when I was growing up, my sister told me it made you fat.

• 1:08:24Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 1:08:26Speaker 04

  And I think when you're seven, you don't worry. But it was, and my dad drank San Miguel. And he would fix the car, and he would say, get me a beer, please. He never said please. He'd say, beta, ek beer leo. So go ahead, I'd get him a San Miguel. We lived in the Philippines. And that's how I learned to open a bottle. And I would give him a San Miguel. And then I would get under the car, he would teach me about the car. So I remember beer was always something that you did when you were in a good mood, you were doing stuff.

• 1:08:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:52Speaker 04

  But my sister was like, beer makes you fat. She just said that one day, and I was like, oh.

• 1:08:56Speaker 00

  And that's it? And then it's in your head forever?

• 1:08:57Speaker 04

  No, and then my mother said to me, when I got older, you're very tall. Don't put on any weight, because people will think when you walk in the room that Himalaya Parvath has walked in, which is the mountain Himalayas have walked in. So that stuck in my head. And then I went through all the things to stop looking like the Himalayas, and beer was on that list.

• 1:09:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:16Speaker 04

  Because mom was like, you have to get married, because you're not that bright. So we're gonna get you married, don't get fat. So it was just like, there was things on my list, you know? And that was on the list. And then, then when I came here, and everyone had pints and pints, I would look at them and be like, I can't drink that.

• 1:09:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:09:31Speaker 04

  Because I still, when I came here, was still supposed to be, I was, I was supposed to study for two years for this scholarship, and then go back and get married. And I was like, I can't get fat. It's funny how I never questioned that.

• 1:09:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, when things are baked in that young, I think you just don't question them, do you?

• 1:09:46Speaker 04

  And then I had a friend in, on the basketball team, because I played basketball here for university, and she was German. And she drank beer, like, and she was tall, and she drank beer, and she was really skinny. So I said to her, I said, Micah, how are you drinking beer and not getting fat? And she was like, what? Because she didn't make the connection. And I said, what? And she's like, you know, you just don't. And I was like, no, it must be because they're German. And so I put that in the file. And I just never drank beer. And then, of course, I, you know, when I started drinking, I drank liquor. And it just, it was just better.

• 1:10:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:10:17Speaker 04

  You know, I, I never saw anyone drink. Also, I didn't think beer was very elegant, you know? So it wasn't even like, you know, sometimes you do something for effect. Who is going to drink a beer for effect? What am I, a Ladette?

• 1:10:29Speaker 00

  Well, that's it in the 90s. It was, it was Lad and Ladette culture, right?

• 1:10:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, and I was like, I never, I remember when I moved here in 97, and Ladette culture. And I thought, well, none of these people are like me, and I'm not gonna be like them. But I was a tomboy as a kid. But the Ladettes and tomboys are different.

• 1:10:46Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:10:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:47Speaker 04

  So, anyway, I never got into beer, and I never drink it. And I never answered your question of what I do drink now. So I drink whiskey.

• 1:10:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:10:56Speaker 04

  And I like to drink Japanese whiskey.

• 1:10:57Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:10:57Speaker 04

  But completely contradicting what I said earlier, I have gone back to drinking neat vodka, because I don't drink so much of it. Like, you don't have a double.

• 1:11:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:07Speaker 04

  And then you drink, I think that was the problem. Too much vodka makes me honest. Neat vodka with ice is a great buzz, and you don't get a hangover.

• 1:11:15Speaker 00

  What vodka are you drinking? Are you drinking nice stuff then?

• 1:11:17Speaker 03

  Crystal Skull.

• 1:11:19Speaker 04

  Yes, I drink a vodka that I know that, I don't know the name of, but I know it's very good, because yeah, I have it at home.

• 1:11:23Speaker 03

  I didn't get that wrong.

• 1:11:24Speaker 04

  It's very good.

• 1:11:25Speaker 03

  I can't believe I got Crystal Head wrong.

• 1:11:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:27Speaker 03

  Call it Crystal Skull, which is Indiana Jones. But like, Crystal Head is a vodka this podcast.

• 1:11:33Speaker 04

  Okay, mezcal.

• 1:11:34Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:11:34Speaker 04

  I just said, okay, I have no idea what was Crystal Head, Indiana Jones. I never watched that movie, because they had that Om Puri being Indian, and everything but India was full of snakes. And we were all like, what is this stupid movie?

• 1:11:46Speaker 03

  Yes, that's fair enough.

• 1:11:48Speaker 00

  I think the idea behind our guests, our other guests' dream drink was, it's like a drink you have on holiday, and it tastes amazing, and you try and drink it when you get back, and it tastes awful. And it's just about being on the holiday and the atmosphere of the holiday.

• 1:12:01Speaker 04

  Do you know what? For the sake of this, like, you gave me this menu, you said, Cindy, we're giving you a tasting menu. Taste it.

• 1:12:09Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 1:12:09Speaker 04

  I would drink some of that beer, especially if it had the frothy stuff on top.

• 1:12:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:12:14Speaker 04

  I would drink that.

• 1:12:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:12:15Speaker 04

  Just cause it looked also like a cappuccino, but you know, with the chino or.

• 1:12:20Speaker 00

  Well, what, before you've had it, what do you think it's gonna taste like? If you imagine what beer, which you've never had, tastes like. Sour?

• 1:12:26Speaker 04

  Sour.

• 1:12:27Speaker 00

  Uh huh.

• 1:12:28Speaker 04

  I mean, I've made out with people who've been drinking beer, so it's kind of soury smell. Do you know what I mean?

• 1:12:32Speaker 00

  Uh huh.

• 1:12:33Speaker 04

  I would think it'd be sour. It had to be cold.

• 1:12:35Speaker 00

  Hmm. Oh, yeah, it'd be freezing cold.

• 1:12:37Speaker 04

  If there wasn't like water droplets on the glass, I'd be like, oh, God, warm beer.

• 1:12:41Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 1:12:41Speaker 04

  What is this beer soup?

• 1:12:43Speaker 00

  But I guess you've had it quite warm from when you're making out with the people who've drunk beer.

• 1:12:46Speaker 04

  Well, they haven't, they haven't had it in their mouth, but yes, yes, yes, that kind of thing. So I think it'd be sour. I'd have a few sips. I'd be like, you know what? This is for James and Ed.

• 1:12:57Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 1:12:58Speaker 04

  I'll drink this beer a little bit.

• 1:12:59Speaker 00

  What would be worse if you were making out with someone and their mouth was full of beer? Or if their mouth was freezing cold?

• 1:13:05Speaker 04

  Full of beer.

• 1:13:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13:06Speaker 04

  Yeah. Freezing cold, I could, I would, I would fix that.

• 1:13:09Speaker 00

  Be weird though, wouldn't it?

• 1:13:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, it'd be weird in the beginning and then we'd be like, we need to fix this.

• 1:13:13Speaker 03

  Do you have a snog of snowman?

• 1:13:14Speaker 04

  No, no, I've never.

• 1:13:16Speaker 03

  Would you ever though?

• 1:13:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13:17Speaker 03

  If I dared you to snog a snowman.

• 1:13:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:13:19Speaker 03

  At your next Christmas party, if there was a snowman in the garden and I've, I've come again for some reason, even though half of the party now, I think I hate them.

• 1:13:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13:27Speaker 03

  And I said, oh, look, there's a snowman. I've got a day to go and snog it, Cindy.

• 1:13:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course, I'd snog the snowman. That's really not that high stakes, is it? In my own house, at my own party.

• 1:13:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13:37Speaker 04

  People would be like, she's drunk again. We had a huge party once at home and I got so drunk, I walked into the wall and I fell over and my husband was so pissed off. He told me, don't start so hard. You can't take your alcohol. And I'd had cocktails made with like different parts of our relationship.

• 1:13:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13:52Speaker 04

  And they had those names. I would've gone really creative.

• 1:13:55Speaker 00

  That's nice. So like, can you give us an example?

• 1:13:58Speaker 04

  Like the, the strongest drink was the beginning and it was called Chicago, cause we'd met there. And it was very strong. And I'd spoken to the bartender and of course I started drinking these things on my own. Like a fucking idiot.

• 1:14:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:14:09Speaker 04

  Before the food came and I was off my tits, as they say. And my husband kept saying to me, this is our party. What are you doing? And I was like, no, it's fine. Ah. Oh my God, that was so scandalous. I had, it was a Christmas party again. And I think the largest piece of clothing I had on was my Santa hat.

• 1:14:25Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 1:14:26Speaker 04

  Which also my husband was like, that's great, but the more drunk you get, it's like, this is our party. We are adults. We have teenage children. What's, and I was like, no, it'll be fine. We, anyway. And at some point I got very drunk and I walked into a wall and I fell over and I like, and my husband was like, you know what? He just rolled me over to my stomach and stepped over me and kept going to the party. And at some point I woke up and I came out, I said, I passed out. He's like, I know. I rolled you over so you didn't choke on your vomit. It's like, oh.

• 1:14:52Speaker 03

  Well, gentleman.

• 1:14:53Speaker 04

  Yeah. But he was like, I told you, you can't take it, but you don't listen.

• 1:14:57Speaker 00

  I think that's, that's spirits though, isn't it?

• 1:14:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:14:59Speaker 00

  Spirits sneak up on you. You'll drink loads of it and then you feel fine.

• 1:15:03Speaker 04

  I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.

• 1:15:03Speaker 00

  And then suddenly all at once.

• 1:15:05Speaker 04

  And everything is so crazy. And also I was doing all of the drinks, but it was a great party. It was a great.

• 1:15:12Speaker 03

  I've forgotten that about the party as well, actually, that I went to is that, um, the, the only rule was we had to be wearing a funny Christmas hat.

• 1:15:20Speaker 04

  Which I gave you in a basket. You had to pick one and wear it.

• 1:15:23Speaker 03

  So I wore a Christmas tree hat.

• 1:15:24Speaker 00

  That's right, obvious tree.

• 1:15:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Well, especially like chatting to all these people for the first time and we're just wearing stupid hats.

• 1:15:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:15:32Speaker 03

  It was quite a nice little.

• 1:15:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think, I think the trick about having a good party is everyone should immediately feel like they can be exactly what they want and everyone else will appreciate it.

• 1:15:42Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 1:15:42Speaker 04

  You did that and then didn't think people appreciate, so you dashed out the door. But you know.

• 1:15:48Speaker 03

  Well, he was upset, that man.

• 1:15:49Speaker 04

  Well, that's his fucking problem. And I think I know who it is.

• 1:15:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, probably. I've, I've, I told you at the time.

• 1:15:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, I mean, he'll, he'll get over it.

• 1:15:57Speaker 03

  All the other guests, the best thing about being the only comedian there besides the host is that everyone tells you how brave you are.

• 1:16:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, the whole time.

• 1:16:04Speaker 03

  For the whole party.

• 1:16:05Speaker 04

  The whole time.

• 1:16:09Speaker 03

  The dessert.

• 1:16:10Speaker 04

  Oh, wow.

• 1:16:11Speaker 03

  Three of these, but the same thing. Oh, they're, they're each made by a different person.

• 1:16:16Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, okay.

• 1:16:17Speaker 03

  Bella's pudding. One by Bella, one by his grandma and one by his mother and sister.

• 1:16:24Speaker 04

  Bella is a man?

• 1:16:26Speaker 03

  Bella's a lady?

• 1:16:27Speaker 00

  Bella is our previous guest's grandma's friend.

• 1:16:31Speaker 04

  Okay. Oh, you say his, you mean the comics?

• 1:16:33Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:16:33Speaker 04

  Oh, okay. Not Bella the man.

• 1:16:35Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:16:35Speaker 04

  Cause Bella is a lady.

• 1:16:36Speaker 00

  Bella's a lady who is the comic's grandma's friend, who made a pudding called Bella's pudding. We tried to work out what it was. I don't think we could quite work it out.

• 1:16:45Speaker 04

  Well, give me a hint.

• 1:16:46Speaker 00

  But it had a caramel bottom to it.

• 1:16:48Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 1:16:49Speaker 00

  And then like a meringue top. But what our guest said was, he didn't really like the top, so he just wants to eat the bottom of it.

• 1:16:55Speaker 04

  He just wants to have a caramel crust.

• 1:16:57Speaker 00

  Basically, yeah.

• 1:16:58Speaker 04

  Fair. And then what's the second pudding?

• 1:17:01Speaker 00

  It's just that made by different people in this.

• 1:17:03Speaker 03

  Three times, cause I think Bella made it.

• 1:17:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:17:05Speaker 03

  His grandma made it and his mother and sister made it. And I guess he will, again, once like all three.

• 1:17:10Speaker 00

  To compare what they're like.

• 1:17:11Speaker 03

  Compare them and have them all made by different people.

• 1:17:13Speaker 04

  But they all are gonna put meringue and he's not gonna like the meringue.

• 1:17:15Speaker 00

  No, he'll scrape that off.

• 1:17:16Speaker 03

  But you can eat the meringue if you want. It will be on there.

• 1:17:19Speaker 04

  I will be eating.

• 1:17:19Speaker 00

  I think his problem with it was that it was like, it was soft meringue. You know, it was like Italian, Italian meringue rather than the, the hard meringue all the way through.

• 1:17:28Speaker 04

  Ay, ay, ay. Eggie meringue.

• 1:17:30Speaker 00

  Hmm. Eggie meringue. Not a fan either.

• 1:17:33Speaker 04

  No, cause you get that egg smell that you sometimes get in glasses that are not clean.

• 1:17:36Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:17:37Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 1:17:38Speaker 04

  That's very bad. I'm not eating that eggie meringue.

• 1:17:41Speaker 00

  Well, neither, neither did he, so I think it's absolutely fine.

• 1:17:43Speaker 04

  Well done. Scrape it off.

• 1:17:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:17:45Speaker 04

  But we eat the caramel. It, is it a caramelized, like, like when you have what's called creme caramel?

• 1:17:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think it was similar to that.

• 1:17:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:17:53Speaker 04

  That's good. I love that.

• 1:17:54Speaker 00

  It's caramelly or almost treacle tartie, I think maybe as well.

• 1:17:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, I love that because that, you know, creme caramel in the Philippines was called egg pudding.

• 1:18:01Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 1:18:02Speaker 04

  And my mother used to make it all the time and I used to love it.

• 1:18:06Speaker 00

  That must be eggie though.

• 1:18:08Speaker 04

  No, cause it's all steamed and all you don't know. And then that, there's a burnt sugar caramel stuff. So I will eat three of those, no problem. And I will scrape off the eggie meringue.

• 1:18:17Speaker 00

  What was Cindy's dessert?

• 1:18:18Speaker 03

  Your dessert was the Godfather from Bella Pasta.

• 1:18:21Speaker 00

  Of course it was, of course. It was the Godfather from Bella Pasta.

• 1:18:25Speaker 04

  With the sparkler.

• 1:18:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:18:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:18:27Speaker 04

  It's funny, a friend of mine from those years, who I stopped speaking to for a decade. Because she kind of went bananas. And you know, I had young kids and I was like, I, I I don't have bandwidth for this. You know, like you're crazy, man. And that's fine. I don't think people with kids have more rights. It's just that we have less energy.

• 1:18:47Speaker 00

  Hmm, sure.

• 1:18:48Speaker 04

  So she went, you know, she just went off and was crazy. And I can't talk about the specifics of the crazy because this podcast is very popular, but I'm talking cuckoo, like proper fucking bad choices in life, deranged fucking behavior, crazy, okay?

• 1:19:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:19:09Speaker 04

  And I kind of peripherally kept, kept, so not in touch, but knew off.

• 1:19:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:19:16Speaker 04

  And then every once in a while you'd get a story and you'd be like, holy, this is spiraling.

• 1:19:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:19:20Speaker 04

  Has since then, I wouldn't say turned their life around because I don't think they thought they were doing anything bad. Has since then stabilized somewhat. And has had some acute health issues and that has helped them stabilize and have returned to the fold. Why are you, I, I can't tell this story if you guys are laughing.

• 1:19:39Speaker 00

  No, go on.

• 1:19:40Speaker 03

  So much. What's funny for me, I don't know if it's the same with them.

• 1:19:43Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 1:19:44Speaker 03

  But is that you are, um, being so, it's like you're being so diplomatic about it while saying the most insulting shit still. So it's like still completely disrespectful.

• 1:19:56Speaker 00

  It's just the, it's just come out nowhere.

• 1:19:59Speaker 03

  Yes, it's come out nowhere. But it's funny how it's, it's still harsh.

• 1:20:03Speaker 04

  But it's true.

• 1:20:04Speaker 03

  While trying to be as balanced as you can.

• 1:20:06Speaker 00

  Because I know at some point it's gonna have to come back around to the Godfather from Bella Pasta.

• 1:20:10Speaker 04

  It's coming, it's coming, it's coming, it's coming. And so this person has now sort of come back into my uni- universe and I'm delighted.

• 1:20:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:20:18Speaker 04

  Because, hey, my kids are older, so I'm sleeping nights.

• 1:20:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:20:21Speaker 04

  So I have more bandwidth.

• 1:20:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:20:23Speaker 04

  And they're also less crazy.

• 1:20:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:20:25Speaker 04

  And I've also found out a way to be in touch with them without ever letting them visit me.

• 1:20:31Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 1:20:32Speaker 04

  Do you know what I mean? Just keep it at that. You know, like.

• 1:20:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:20:35Speaker 04

  You have to know that, you get, you get to an age where you have to know where you have to place people in your world. Some people cannot come to your house.

• 1:20:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:20:41Speaker 04

  You can wish them well, you can chat to them, you can send them memes, but they cannot enter your home.

• 1:20:45Speaker 00

  Now, so I'm glad that you've, I'm glad that you've now invited me to a Christmas party. Cause if you'd said that before you invited me to the Christmas party, I would, I would have been really worried.

• 1:20:54Speaker 03

  Well, now the moustache is gone, you can come.

• 1:20:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:56Speaker 04

  No, do, if the, I'll make you shave the moustache in the bathroom before you come out. Otherwise I have to introduce you as my friend, Pedo Slick Rick, or whatever your name is.

• 1:21:08Speaker 04

  And let me tell you, the so-called succession friends will really think you're brave.

• 1:21:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:21:16Speaker 00

  I'm definitely turning up with a moustache to your Christmas party.

• 1:21:18Speaker 04

  Anywho, the, the point of this friend is, they were, they were so close to me in those days. They reminded me. And they have left the UK like a decade ago, two decades. They reminded me the other day. They said, remember when you would go alone? You would take money out of the ATM and go alone and sit in Bella Pasta and order that dessert with the fireworks on the top. And I was like, oh, yeah, I talked about it recently. They said, you know, it was just so weird. And I wanted to say, you don't talk to me about weird. Let me tell you about, I didn't say that. I said, hmm, yes, yes, yes, yes. But anyway. So it was kind of interesting because that really bonded.

• 1:21:58Speaker 00

  That's interesting, isn't it? That.

• 1:21:59Speaker 04

  It bonded us so much.

• 1:22:00Speaker 00

  We might think people are crazy, but they think we're crazy too.

• 1:22:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, of course. But that's, I mean, everyone's reality is in their head.

• 1:22:05Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 1:22:06Speaker 04

  Do you know what I mean?

• 1:22:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:07Speaker 04

  Oh, completely. But that was very, very good that they reminded me of that because it also is such a part of my youth. And they remember it and we kind of bonded over it.

• 1:22:17Speaker 03

  Whose menu do you think this is?

• 1:22:19Speaker 00

  It's a comedian.

• 1:22:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's a comedian and it's a he. Uh, first of all, I have to think of comedians.

• 1:22:24Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 1:22:24Speaker 04

  Trying to like also put names to faces.

• 1:22:27Speaker 03

  Like if I, if I said, if I said to you now, just name a comedian, it doesn't have to fit this, like go, name a comedian, say a comedian's name.

• 1:22:32Speaker 04

  Bridget Christie.

• 1:22:33Speaker 03

  Bridget Christie.

• 1:22:33Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:22:34Speaker 04

  You see, but I know.

• 1:22:34Speaker 03

  But they know each other.

• 1:22:37Speaker 04

  Was she married to him?

• 1:22:38Speaker 03

  No, but someone she was married to was in a double act with this person.

• 1:22:42Speaker 04

  I know who this is. This is Richard Herring.

• 1:22:48Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:22:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, Richard Herring.

• 1:22:52Speaker 04

  I have such a bad mind for names.

• 1:22:55Speaker 00

  You got it.

• 1:22:55Speaker 03

  You got it.

• 1:22:56Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:22:56Speaker 00

  I'd say you remembered it in the worst way you possibly could have.

• 1:22:59Speaker 03

  You added about five H's to his name, but like, you got it.

• 1:23:02Speaker 00

  It was either the way to go was either say Richard Herring or I can't remember his name, but you went with Richard Herring.

• 1:23:09Speaker 04

  I had that moment of panic that you have with a foreign language.

• 1:23:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:23:13Speaker 04

  But I only had it because I'm terrible with names. This is the thing about me now and names. You have to, okay, if it's an Indian name, I won't forget it because Indian names have meanings.

• 1:23:23Speaker 00

  Right, okay.

• 1:23:24Speaker 04

  So, you know, and also I don't mind insulting you if you're Indian, actually. That's the other thing. I say, what is it, Swati, Shruti, you know, and they say, oh, you're fine. But what's happened to me with Western names, I've had to keep so many. There's my kids, their friends, their friends' parents, you know, it's just been a lot of information over the years. I have to have a little piece of information that will help me stick.

• 1:23:42Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:23:42Speaker 04

  Right? So if you say, hello, I'm Mark, I say, okay. And then the next day I meet you, I'm like, oh. But if you say, hello, I'm Mark, and avocados make me cry, I will never forget your name. Because forever, you know, obviously avocados don't make anyone cry, but you know, some Yeah, yeah. little salient thing about you like that. Then you say, oh, Mark.

• 1:24:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:24:03Speaker 04

  Mark cries with avocados. I need that little bit of thing.

• 1:24:07Speaker 00

  So that must, you must have been gutted when I shaved my moustache off then.

• 1:24:10Speaker 04

  No, you I know. No, no, this is all new. Like, I can't take new.

• 1:24:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:24:15Speaker 03

  So when you tried to remember Richard Hammond, was there anything there that you were able to latch on to?

• 1:24:18Speaker 04

  See his face.

• 1:24:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:24:19Speaker 04

  I could see everything. I was blanking, but I knew Richard.

• 1:24:23Speaker 03

  So what do you think overall of that menu?

• 1:24:25Speaker 04

  I think that's a menu of someone who likes to make food sound interesting, but doesn't really care about food. You see, this is not a menu that, I mean, like you said, it's a dream menu. So no shade. But it's a, it's a little contrived.

• 1:24:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:24:42Speaker 04

  Whereas I think real food and real interest in food doesn't have to be like that. It's like, I'm confused. I'm like, why can't you talk about really the food you love? But, you know, what do they say, horses for courses?

• 1:24:56Speaker 00

  Horses for courses.

• 1:24:57Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:24:58Speaker 03

  Something for him to reflect on, I think.

• 1:25:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:25:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:25:00Speaker 03

  Think about why he can't talk about the food he loves.

• 1:25:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:25:03Speaker 04

  Or maybe, yeah, who knows?

• 1:25:07Speaker 00

  Cindy was gonna say something there, but then pushed it down.

• 1:25:09Speaker 03

  Thought better of her.

• 1:25:13Speaker 00

  Well, we'd better go then, Cindy, because it feels like, I mean, it feels like you've had a vodka, if I've been honest.

• 1:25:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, a little vodka tonic.

• 1:25:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. When, when you switch the mics off, I'll give you what I was gonna say.

• 1:25:23Speaker 00

  Fantastic. Well, let's switch them off now. Thank you so much, Cindy.

• 1:25:26Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 1:25:26Speaker 03

  Thank you, Cindy.

• 1:25:34Speaker 00

  Well, there we are. Lovely to see Cindy again. I don't think we annoyed her.

• 1:25:36Speaker 03

  Not, not as much as I'd like.

• 1:25:38Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:25:39Speaker 03

  But, uh, but thanks for coming on anyway, Cindy. It was lovely to chat to you. Lovely to see you. And everyone should go and see Swanky, which is, uh, on tour at the Apollo as well.

• 1:25:48Speaker 00

  Doing the event in Apollo, of course. Big room. Go and see Cindy, cinduvie.com for tickets.

• 1:25:54Speaker 03

  Um, you know, what else is there to say at this point?

• 1:25:58Speaker 00

  My catchphrase, I guess?

• 1:26:00Speaker 03

  At gamble.co.uk.

• 1:26:02Speaker 00

  I'm on tour as well, fresh.

• 1:26:18Speaker 01

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