Kojey Radical

Brit Award- and Mercury Prize-nominated musician and rapper Kojey Radical is in the Dream Restaurant this week. But he’d rather be watching Spanish reality TV… Kojey Radical plays a massive show at London’s Royal Albert Hall on 20 May. For tickets go to royalalberthall.com https://www.royalalberthall.com/tickets/events/2026/kojey-radical Follow Kojey on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kojeyradical and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@kojeyradical @kojeyradical Watch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast on Thu 19 Mar. Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcast https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast Follow Off Menu on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/offmenuofficial and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@offmenuofficial: @offmenuofficial. And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk https://www.offmenupodcast.co.uk/ for a list of restaurants recommended on the show. Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster. Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Artwork by Paul Gilbey https://www.instagram.com/pushgilbey/ (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:13Speaker 00

  Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, taking the vodka of chat, adding the vermouth of friendship, pouring over the ice of the internet, stirring vigorously for 60 to 90 seconds and straining into the martini glass of podcasting and adding a twist of giggles vodka martini with a twist. Didn't know which way that was going, did you? Dirty or twist? Dirty for me, please. But twist for you guys. Martini. Why do you look at me so...

• 0:50Speaker 01

  My name is James Acaster. Together, we own a dream restaurant and every single week, we invite a guest and after their favourite ever starter, make a dessert side dish, drink, not in that order. And this week, our guest is Kojey Radical.

• 1:02Speaker 00

  Kojey Radical.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  This is exciting, man. I love Kojey Radical.

• 1:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, me too.

• 1:08Speaker 01

  23 Winters was his album in 2016.

• 1:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11Speaker 01

  He says it's an EP. I say it's an album because it's, quite frankly, 45 minutes long. So I'm pretty sure that makes it an album.

• 1:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:21Speaker 01

  It's brilliant. I got to interview Kojey around that time for another podcast that I was doing at the time and I promise I'll never do it again.

• 1:28Speaker 00

  Please.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  But we haven't had him on Off Menu yet. Wanted to for ages. Very much looking forward to hearing.

• 1:34Speaker 00

  He was also on Taskmaster New Year's Treat.

• 1:36Speaker 01

  He was brilliant on Taskmaster New Year's Treat.

• 1:39Speaker 00

  Wonderful.

• 1:39Speaker 01

  All of his albums are brilliant, by the way.

• 1:41Speaker 00

  Yes. Very talented man. Looking forward to having him on the pod to chat about his dream menu.

• 1:48Speaker 01

  He's also performing at the Royal Albert Hall on the 20th of May.

• 1:51Speaker 00

  Whoa.

• 1:52Speaker 01

  People should go and see that if they can.

• 1:54Speaker 00

  Absolutely.

• 1:55Speaker 01

  It'll be fantastic. We love the Royal Albert Hall, don't we?

• 1:57Speaker 00

  We're always bloody there.

• 1:58Speaker 01

  We're always bloody there. And Kojey Radical is going to be fantastic there. So make sure you get along there. But listen, as much as I love Kojey Radical, we will be forced to kick him out of the dream restaurant if he chooses the secret ingredient, ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable. And this week, the secret ingredient is... Tinned potatoes.

• 2:16Speaker 00

  Tinned pots.

• 2:17Speaker 01

  Tinned pots.

• 2:17Speaker 00

  Tin tinny pots.

• 2:19Speaker 01

  Tinned potatoes.

• 2:20Speaker 00

  Tinned potatoes, yes, those weird little peeled potatoes.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  Was an audience member at the Palladium when we did.

• 2:26Speaker 00

  Which we love as well.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  Which we love the Palladium.

• 2:29Speaker 00

  Palladium, if you're listening, don't get, don't get jelly.

• 2:33Speaker 01

  And, uh, I really liked that.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  And, uh, yeah, someone shouted out, secret ingredient suggestion, tinned potatoes. I thought, how have we not done that yet?

• 2:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:44Speaker 01

  Cause they are disgusting.

• 2:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. There's some people who think they're nice, but.

• 2:47Speaker 01

  Those people are wrong. They're too salty.

• 2:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  Too like chalky and weird and grainy.

• 2:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  Uh, the water's disgusting. They're really not good.

• 2:56Speaker 00

  Also just get a potato, you know?

• 2:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, just get, just get, just why you, why you getting the tinned potatoes? Just get a potato.

• 3:02Speaker 00

  I guess it's convenience. They last long. Maybe they work out cheaper, but good idea, actually.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  Oh, you're gonna start doing it?

• 3:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Well, fair enough. But if Kojey says it, we're kicking him out.

• 3:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think if I had a nuclear bunker, I'd get some tinned potatoes in there.

• 3:17Speaker 01

  I, I, I think it's in an inevitability that one day you will have a nuclear bunker.

• 3:23Speaker 00

  Well, it's an inevitability that there will be nuclear apocalypse. So everyone should be getting a nuclear bunker.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  And there we have it.

• 3:34Speaker 00

  I know he's not invited to my bunker.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  I don't wanna be in there.

• 3:38Speaker 00

  What, you'd rather have, you'd rather have the flesh flayed from your bones?

• 3:43Speaker 01

  Yes, cause I know what you'll do. You'll get a nuclear bunker.

• 3:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  And in the amount of time that it takes for there to actually, it's been necessary. You're gonna be going down there and doing all sorts of grubby little shit.

• 3:52Speaker 00

  What are you talking about?

• 3:53Speaker 01

  Just you by yourself beating off in your little bunker.

• 3:55Speaker 00

  No, I won't be off in the bunker. There's no beating off in the bunker. That's one of the main rules.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  There's already rules, is it, for this?

• 4:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, no beating off in the bunker because there's gonna be a lot of friends and family there.

• 4:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I think that maybe that rule is what's gonna egg you on even more. You're gonna be like, oh, this is great. It's just so naughty. I shouldn't be beating off in the bunker.

• 4:12Speaker 00

  I get, I get off on breaking my own rules that I've established. Not at all.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  I think you do.

• 4:16Speaker 00

  I like following my rules. No beating off in the bunker.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  Okay, we'll see.

• 4:21Speaker 00

  You can't come, you can't come to the bunker. Bonito, do you wanna come to the bunker? No, so that's fine. So there's a bit more room in the bunker.

• 4:28Speaker 01

  But he doesn't wanna come if you're not allowed to be off there.

• 4:29Speaker 00

  Well.

• 4:33Speaker 01

  Immediately turns it down.

• 4:34Speaker 00

  No way. What's that rule again? No way.

• 4:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. I'm not coming. I'm staying in my own bunker. No rules in my own one.

• 4:42Speaker 00

  Don't forget, this is out on YouTube tomorrow. You can watch it happen. Not live, you know what I mean? Pictures.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  They are live. All the YouTube videos are live.

• 4:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, so we just recreate the exact.

• 4:53Speaker 01

  Every time you watch it, we've got to rush it.

• 4:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:55Speaker 01

  And do it again.

• 4:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:57Speaker 01

  Happy to do so. We appreciate the views.

• 4:58Speaker 00

  We always nail it. Do subscribe to the YouTube, Benito gets sad.

• 5:02Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 5:03Speaker 00

  This is the off-menu menu of Kojey.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  Kojey radical.

• 5:13Speaker 00

  Welcome, Kojey, to the dream restaurant.

• 5:15Speaker 02

  Oh, God, so exciting.

• 5:16Speaker 01

  Welcome, Kojey Radical, to the dream restaurant. But it's been you for some time.

• 5:20Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, you have. Let's get into it. I told you about a sip of coffee. He sent me a brief.

• 5:27Speaker 00

  A brief?

• 5:28Speaker 02

  A brief. And I was like, what do I need a brief for? Think I don't know this show?

• 5:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:32Speaker 02

  I know this show.

• 5:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:33Speaker 00

  That's good.

• 5:33Speaker 02

  I sat at home by the phone. This outfit has been pressed for such a long time.

• 5:39Speaker 00

  You bought this outfit specifically for the show, yeah?

• 5:42Speaker 02

  Because we was talking about it out there. 2020, we did an interview.

• 5:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, you and I.

• 5:46Speaker 02

  You and I, I and you. And ever since that day, I thought, any minute now.

• 5:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:50Speaker 02

  James will call.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:53Speaker 00

  I'm so sorry.

• 5:53Speaker 02

  Minutes turn to days.

• 5:57Speaker 02

  Days to weeks.

• 5:58Speaker 00

  So we're blaming James for this, though?

• 6:00Speaker 02

  Weeks to months.

• 6:01Speaker 01

  No, Kojey knows.

• 6:02Speaker 02

  Months to years.

• 6:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:05Speaker 02

  Years to today.

• 6:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:07Speaker 02

  At least it's not been decades.

• 6:08Speaker 01

  Well, you know that, you know, I went and interviewed you because I had already interviewed you. So, yeah.

• 6:14Speaker 02

  It was him the whole time.

• 6:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:15Speaker 00

  Come on, come on. I wanted you on the Taskmaster podcast.

• 6:19Speaker 02

  Oh, what a good time.

• 6:20Speaker 00

  Because you did Taskmaster New Year's treat, of course.

• 6:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I was really campaigning for a full season.

• 6:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, we can start the campaign here.

• 6:27Speaker 02

  There was someone started a petition.

• 6:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:31Speaker 02

  After the episode came out. I was in Australia. So I was like. Hours behind, like ten hours behind. So I've woken up to see the reaction of the episode coming out. And I saw there was a whole petition and like loads of people had signed it, like asking for me to do a full season and they ignored it. That is a shame.

• 6:47Speaker 00

  They are tyrants on that show though, they will, they will ignore, I mean, you, you've got to get it up to an amount of signatures that it's discussed in parliament.

• 6:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I plan to.

• 6:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  I plan to, sign my petition, please. How, how did you find Alex? Pretty annoying? No, he was alright. The duality of Alex is, is amazing to me. He's like, when, when he comes into the dressing room, just having a chat with you about the show. He's just so like, I, I hate to use the word normal, but he's just so normal. Yeah, sure. So much so that you forget that he's hilarious. And then you get on set and he just starts talking and you're just like, oh. Oh, I'm, I'm gonna go any minute now. I'm gonna start crying with laughter. I was trying to hold it together and not look like such a super fan. Yeah. On the stage, but everything was exciting. I thought, oh my god, this is, feels like real gold.

• 7:34Speaker 02

  Um, are you much of a foodie, Coach? I like to eat. Yeah. Yeah, I like to eat. I, I feel like I can't call myself a foodie because there's still a lot I won't eat. Like what?

• 7:42Speaker 00

  That's a good point. Should we list the, should we list the things that you definitely?

• 7:45Speaker 02

  I'm not eating.

• 7:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:46Speaker 02

  Absolutely not eating. Now I've taken a stand against pheasant.

• 7:51Speaker 02

  Not eating.

• 7:52Speaker 00

  It's about time someone should.

• 7:53Speaker 02

  That's a mark of. So how far you've come? Budget peacock.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  Get me trick. It's, it's shit.

• 8:02Speaker 00

  So would you eat peacock then?

• 8:03Speaker 02

  No.

• 8:04Speaker 00

  No.

• 8:04Speaker 02

  See, and the more exotic the animal goes, the less likely I am to eat it.

• 8:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  The most kinky thing I've eaten in the bird world is ostrich.

• 8:14Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 8:15Speaker 02

  Cause I was confused. I wanted to, I thought, hmm, could do with a chicken burger.

• 8:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:19Speaker 02

  What's up there? They had a beef burger, they had an ostrich burger. They should have told me they're the same thing. They should have told me on the spot. That's basically, it's the same thing. I was like, I bit into it. I almost took it back and said, what are you doing?

• 8:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:29Speaker 02

  Friend put his hand on my chest, stop, you'll embarrass yourself.

• 8:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:33Speaker 02

  So I stopped. Well, mushrooms, I don't like mushrooms. What, what do you mean ostrich and beef are the same thing? Do you mean? They're basically, so ostrich is basically red meat. Oh, right. Okay, that's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, by the time it's there, between two buns. Mm hmm. That's the, that could have been, that could have been a cow. It's the bird version of a cow. Yeah, we could have had one more ostrich in the world still. Unless we're only, it's like only once, like they've lived the full life, but what's a full ostrich life? Yeah, that's. I didn't even know they was being hunted for food trucks. Yeah, I thought they were just chilling out. I mean, I didn't know. I didn't know. Someone should start a petition for that. Yeah. I, I wouldn't chuck many more petitions out there because you want to focus on the. On mine, on mine. Yeah. True. Yeah. No other petitions.

• 9:18Speaker 02

  I don't think they're conflicting petitions. Well, just. I don't think it's. Clicks these days, you can only direct people so far. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Comment, like and subscribe. See, that's it. We're done now. Unless we lump the petitions together, so it's get Kajira to kill a full series of Taskmaster plus. Yeah. Stop eating ostrich. Yeah, it's stop that. Yeah. Okra, don't like that. Oh, what? Delicious. Nah, slimy. Can't be slimy. No, well, it's not. We've got a crispy okra, so sometimes it's done all. If it's like, if it's like fried, no, which is basically, then it's a fry. Mm hmm. Yeah, still tastes nice. It's nice then, but in its slimy state. I like the slimy one. I mean it. I don't mind the slime, actually. I like it. Love it. Watership Down, not doing it. What? The film? Rabbits.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  Rabbits. Okay. Not doing that. Just calling all rabbits Watership Down. That's the faction that they belong to. Yeah. Not doing that. There's loads of them that I'm not doing. Anything too slimy, I'm not interested in. Yeah. Um. I think mushrooms is the only one that's going to give you a problem there. The rest of them are pheasants, ostrich, rabbit. Mushrooms is gross. And I'm sure it does something to my stomach that I'm not really ready to deal with in my adult ages because I feel like I have less in the way to stop it from happening. Mm hmm. Do you know what I mean?

• 10:33Speaker 00

  As in you've lost.

• 10:34Speaker 02

  I feel like toilet related accidents just get more and more likely the older you get. Despite in the fact that in your mind you're like, of course I could hold that.

• 10:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm a grown up.

• 10:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm a whole adult person.

• 10:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:45Speaker 02

  Then you're just at your doorstep.

• 10:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:46Speaker 02

  Puddling your lap.

• 10:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:48Speaker 02

  Cause you can't get your keys out of your pocket on time.

• 10:49Speaker 00

  I've I've noticed in my own life, when I go away on tour, I take more pairs of pants with me now.

• 10:55Speaker 02

  Hundred percent.

• 10:56Speaker 00

  Just in case.

• 10:56Speaker 02

  Just in case.

• 10:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:58Speaker 02

  And there's nothing wrong with that. Pack an extra pair.

• 11:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm packing more than one extra pair. Cause in my mind, as soon as I leave the country, I'm gonna shit myself three times.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, which is which could happen.

• 11:07Speaker 00

  It could happen.

• 11:08Speaker 02

  Could happen.

• 11:08Speaker 00

  And I don't wanna.

• 11:09Speaker 02

  And you can be careful all you want till someone's like, oh, I have this.

• 11:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:12Speaker 02

  And you think, oh, it's just a Coca Cola. If you get this ice in it.

• 11:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:15Speaker 02

  Ice does you over.

• 11:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:17Speaker 02

  You're done. You're done for.

• 11:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'll do you over. I mean, do you, I went for precautionary wee before this.

• 11:24Speaker 02

  Absolutely should have.

• 11:25Speaker 01

  Because he just gets so annoyed at me, Benito.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  What, if you have a midway.

• 11:29Speaker 01

  If I go, oh, I've got to go for a wee.

• 11:31Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  Oh, I guess I have.

• 11:33Speaker 02

  It's just feng shui. The feng shui. And then it's like, it's too much of a reset point. You've got to just hold it together. I hope I can.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:39Speaker 02

  But I'm the guest, so if I.

• 11:41Speaker 00

  You're the, it's fine. He won't, he won't get mad at you. We won't get mad at you. And you've already told us that toilet related accidents.

• 11:46Speaker 02

  Could happen to anyone.

• 11:47Speaker 00

  Of your mind.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  At any time.

• 11:49Speaker 00

  And a guest has never pissed themselves on camera in this.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  Well.

• 11:54Speaker 02

  Watch this.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  Coach, you were very excited because we're doing Royal Albert Hall, and so are you.

• 12:02Speaker 02

  You guys are.

• 12:03Speaker 01

  We're, yeah, we're Royal Albert Hall buddies.

• 12:05Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 12:05Speaker 02

  What, what day?

• 12:07Speaker 00

  March sometime.

• 12:08Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 12:08Speaker 01

  You're there in May.

• 12:10Speaker 02

  I'm in, I'm there in May, so we'll check it out for me. Yeah.

• 12:12Speaker 01

  May twentieth.

• 12:13Speaker 02

  Yep. Yes, May twentieth, Royal Albert Hall.

• 12:16Speaker 00

  That's really exciting.

• 12:17Speaker 02

  It is. I'm, I'm, I'm super excited. There's so much that I like to do with a live show that I've never been able to do before. That I was gonna do before, uh, the Roundhouse.

• 12:28Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 12:29Speaker 02

  Um, just before Covid, Covid shut it down, couldn't do it. And like all of these ideas kind of stayed in my head. And we had the Brixton Academy show after that, but I feel like Brixton Academy is still not the right stage for what I wanted to kind of do, um, with that show. So like this one now, that's why there's such a long lead up time. Like, we're really kind of take the production value to the sky, do you know what I mean? And, um, put on a show that I'm like, I could retire on that one. I won't.

• 13:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:00Speaker 02

  Could, do you know what I mean?

• 13:02Speaker 01

  Are there like particular people that you're working with who you haven't worked before or that you have in the past?

• 13:07Speaker 02

  I think it's it's it's working with the same people but to a different degree like I think for me and Swindle. We've always wanted to, Swindle's my producer for context, um bad boy producer, he's produced for. Legends for many, many years and luckily he's a very close friend of mine and um a long time collaborator. And a music man to the core and um what he he's had envisioned for doing a show has kind of been. Super excited as well and um he's got access to everyone, do you know what I mean? He can just make calls and like people turn up so. Yeah, I think I think this one's gonna be very special. We're gonna have all the special guests. I think for me as well, I wanted to go, but I've been doing this a while now.

• 13:49Speaker 02

  Long time, too long, too long to be rapping, but um a lot of the older songs I've never been able to bring to stage in that way, so I kind of wanna go back. Do some records from Twenty Three Winters.

• 14:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:00Speaker 02

  Do some records from In God's Body, Cashmere Tears and kind of build up this story till where we are today with um Don't Look Down, so. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

• 14:10Speaker 01

  You say too long to be rapping, but like one of the really exciting things now with rap music is how uh you get older rappers.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 14:18Speaker 01

  Talking about things from their perspective and that's almost created a whole new genre because it's still quite a young genre.

• 14:24Speaker 02

  For sure. I think I think a lot of the time music doesn't necessarily mature in the ways that you'd want it to.

• 14:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:30Speaker 02

  And I felt like um hip hop suffered with that the most because the iconographies of it were. Kind of so like childish in nature, do you know what I mean? Like, I've got all of this, I've got all the girls, I've got all the cars, I've got all the money, I've got all this. Eventually, it's like, no, we've got mortgages and.

• 14:49Speaker 02

  And like prostate checkups and stuff. It's that real old man, grown man shit.

• 14:56Speaker 01

  I'm worried about toilet accidents.

• 14:58Speaker 02

  That's why Andre Three Thousand is just walking around food aisles playing a flute.

• 15:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:03Speaker 02

  Yeah. You know what I mean? He's just like, well, I can't rap about this stuff no more.

• 15:08Speaker 01

  He's got, he's got, I I would say he's got too much shit for that, for that comment.

• 15:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think.

• 15:14Speaker 01

  Like, I I I think he was talking more about himself.

• 15:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I and I still think the rap album's there. I think he knows. It's like a red button, he can push that whenever he wants to and the world will stop.

• 15:29Speaker 00

  So we always start with still of sparkling water, coach.

• 15:32Speaker 02

  Still, please.

• 15:33Speaker 00

  Still.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  I don't even like people around me that drink sparkling.

• 15:38Speaker 02

  And my friends do it to, to just get on my tits.

• 15:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, that was every time.

• 15:42Speaker 00

  They know.

• 15:43Speaker 02

  So I'm like, what are you doing?

• 15:44Speaker 00

  You just don't even understand.

• 15:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, this ain't you.

• 15:47Speaker 00

  Yeah. So you see it as people trying to make out there's something they're not.

• 15:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, what is the point? There's bubbles in it. Get a real drink.

• 15:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:57Speaker 02

  Do you know what I mean? Full fat coke, if you're, if you're out about it.

• 16:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:00Speaker 02

  Do you know what I mean?

• 16:01Speaker 00

  If you want the bubbles.

• 16:01Speaker 02

  Take it to the chin. Do you know what I'm saying? This bubble stuff, it makes me, it makes me itch from behind my eyebrows whenever I drink.

• 16:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  Sparkling water, I hate it with a passion.

• 16:13Speaker 00

  Are you not, are you not a bubbles guy anyway? Because you were saying out there before we started recording.

• 16:17Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 16:17Speaker 00

  That you hate champagne.

• 16:18Speaker 02

  I hate champagne. You don't get your kicks from champagne? Awful drink. Awful, awful drink, awful hangover. Yeah. Is that, what, what did I miss? Kicks from champagne. I've got to look at. James is a secret lyricist.

• 16:31Speaker 00

  He is, yeah, yeah.

• 16:32Speaker 02

  He just drops these little bars in the background.

• 16:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:35Speaker 02

  And he thinks I don't hear him.

• 16:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sneaky. Sneaky little, you get what I mean? Sneaky. But I'm no awful drink, awful horrible, chuck it away.

• 16:45Speaker 00

  And is that the bubbles or the ta- or the taste?

• 16:47Speaker 02

  Who scares me, sorry, now I'm, now I'm here, I'm here.

• 16:50Speaker 00

  Please.

• 16:51Speaker 02

  Do you know who scares me even more?

• 16:52Speaker 00

  Go on.

• 16:53Speaker 02

  People that have the bubble maker machine in their house.

• 16:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. I used to have one.

• 16:57Speaker 02

  And I knew there was something.

• 16:59Speaker 00

  I used to.

• 17:02Speaker 00

  I don't have, I don't have one anymore.

• 17:03Speaker 02

  You got rid of it.

• 17:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, got rid of it.

• 17:05Speaker 02

  Senses.

• 17:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:06Speaker 02

  What's the point? Especially when you've got to remember to buy the air, the gas.

• 17:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that, at that point, got on my nose.

• 17:12Speaker 02

  Just get another bottle.

• 17:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  And just dash the machine away.

• 17:15Speaker 00

  I was tempted to experiment with it though, obviously, like make loads of things fizzy.

• 17:19Speaker 02

  Okay, that makes sense.

• 17:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:21Speaker 02

  If it was just exclusively water.

• 17:23Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 17:24Speaker 02

  Problems.

• 17:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:25Speaker 02

  But you was in there trying to make tiza.

• 17:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, I hardly, I wish I'd made tiza.

• 17:30Speaker 02

  That'd been good.

• 17:30Speaker 00

  I don't even know what tiza is.

• 17:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, it'd be hard to make that. Make it, you just got to find out. Even the ingredients, the bubbles is the easy part of that.

• 17:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:36Speaker 02

  Put everything red that you can find in your kitchen and fizz it up.

• 17:40Speaker 00

  Well, it's basically then it's ketchup.

• 17:41Speaker 02

  Standard.

• 17:42Speaker 00

  Chopped tomatoes.

• 17:43Speaker 02

  I miss.

• 17:44Speaker 00

  Go on.

• 17:44Speaker 02

  When, do you remember K A? Nah, where did you grow up?

• 17:48Speaker 00

  London.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  Whereabouts in London?

• 17:49Speaker 00

  South west London.

• 17:50Speaker 02

  Come on now, you know a K A, you know a K A.

• 17:53Speaker 00

  Oh, the drink?

• 17:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:54Speaker 00

  Oh, right, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:55Speaker 02

  Do you remember when it used to taste purple, like black grapes, to taste actually purple?

• 17:59Speaker 00

  All the drinks back then were so much better.

• 18:02Speaker 02

  Panda pop.

• 18:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:03Speaker 02

  What's, what's the world come to now?

• 18:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, the. Is Umbongo still around?

• 18:06Speaker 02

  Nah, well, it, it probably is, but it's like proper third shelf.

• 18:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:11Speaker 02

  Budget supermarket liquid.

• 18:13Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 18:14Speaker 02

  Like that Robinson's is definitely paid more than them.

• 18:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, definitely.

• 18:18Speaker 01

  I think K A is still knocking about.

• 18:20Speaker 02

  They are, but they're just, it's not knocking about with the same vim.

• 18:23Speaker 01

  Doesn't, doesn't taste like.

• 18:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, the tenacity is not there anymore.

• 18:26Speaker 01

  It did taste like this liquidized colour.

• 18:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, and that's perfect.

• 18:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 18:29Speaker 02

  That's what I want.

• 18:30Speaker 00

  Sunny D as well, I mean, I, I, we weren't allowed Sunny Delight.

• 18:32Speaker 02

  Did, did they tell you it was gonna turn you orange?

• 18:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think there was a lot of stuff, there was a lot of anti Sunny D stuff in the press at the time, and so I think my mum was very anti Sunny Delight.

• 18:42Speaker 02

  Same, and I thought, mum, like, the likelihood of a liquid turning me orange is.

• 18:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:48Speaker 02

  So low.

• 18:50Speaker 02

  But even still, I don't think she wanted to pay the extra, because Sunny D was spenny.

• 18:53Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 18:54Speaker 01

  It was, I, I, and you wanted it, I don't know why I wanted it so much.

• 18:58Speaker 02

  Advert.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  Before I even tasted it.

• 18:59Speaker 02

  That was when adverts were king.

• 19:01Speaker 01

  They opened the fridge.

• 19:02Speaker 02

  What? An advert.

• 19:03Speaker 01

  Around what they've got in the fridge.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  I don't even know what yop is.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, sure.

• 19:08Speaker 02

  Do you know what I mean?

• 19:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:09Speaker 02

  Know that.

• 19:10Speaker 00

  But you know, you know you want it.

• 19:11Speaker 02

  Off by heart.

• 19:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, mama.

• 19:15Speaker 01

  I drank a yop once on the street, someone shouted.

• 19:18Speaker 00

  Yop on the street?

• 19:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was walking down drinking a yop.

• 19:25Speaker 01

  This is like.

• 19:26Speaker 00

  We can't make that sound normal, don't you think you can slip that past us? Drinking a yop on the street.

• 19:31Speaker 01

  This is like two thousand eight.

• 19:36Speaker 02

  Soon as he got out of that car.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  Cracked up on a fresh yop.

• 19:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:42Speaker 02

  Right over.

• 19:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was drinking a yop on the street.

• 19:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:45Speaker 01

  And someone went past me in a car.

• 19:48Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 19:48Speaker 01

  And with a bunch of lads, younger than me, one of them, uh, called me fridge wanker, like, like it was a milkshake fridge, and I.

• 19:56Speaker 00

  Oh, right.

• 19:57Speaker 01

  And I said, back is a yop.

• 20:01Speaker 00

  You got him.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:03Speaker 00

  You told him.

• 20:04Speaker 02

  You told him.

• 20:05Speaker 01

  Pretty good.

• 20:06Speaker 00

  Did he say sorry?

• 20:07Speaker 01

  He said, sorry, I didn't know it was a yogurt based drink. I thought you were drinking a delicious milkshake. No, I'm drinking a yogurt.

• 20:15Speaker 02

  In the street.

• 20:15Speaker 01

  Who suddenly doesn't taste as nice. Thank you. It's a yop.

• 20:19Speaker 00

  For your still water, we could give you a K A instead if you want.

• 20:24Speaker 02

  Oh, if I could just make random requests like that, can I get a sorrel and ginger?

• 20:28Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 20:30Speaker 00

  What's that?

• 20:31Speaker 02

  It's um, sorrel and ginger, it's like, I'll call it a Caribbean drink because I normally get it when I go to the Caribbean. To get myself a little one meal and a drink. And there's one drink that I normally get sorrel and ginger and I think sorrel is something and ginger is ginger. I don't know what sorrel is, but it's kind of red.

• 20:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:48Speaker 01

  Put that in a taser.

• 20:49Speaker 02

  It's nice though, what's sorrel?

• 20:51Speaker 00

  It's like a, it's like a herb, isn't it, or something? Or like a leaf.

• 20:55Speaker 02

  You know what's so funny is I never even asked him ever.

• 20:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:58Speaker 02

  Someone Caribbean said, drink this. And I drank it and I was like, this is banging.

• 21:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:02Speaker 02

  And never questioned it.

• 21:03Speaker 00

  Don't need to ask any more questions.

• 21:04Speaker 02

  What's this?

• 21:07Speaker 02

  I never asked.

• 21:08Speaker 00

  Herbaceous plant.

• 21:09Speaker 02

  Herbaceous plant and ginger.

• 21:10Speaker 00

  Nice.

• 21:11Speaker 02

  Lovely liquid. Beautiful. Have some of that.

• 21:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can have some of that.

• 21:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:15Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 21:16Speaker 01

  Ed, can you shout poppados of bread? My throat isn't a hundred percent.

• 21:18Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 21:19Speaker 00

  Oh, this is the first time.

• 21:20Speaker 02

  Can I do it?

• 21:20Speaker 01

  So.

• 21:21Speaker 00

  You, you want to shout it yourself?

• 21:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm gonna shout it myself. Yeah. Because I'm a fan of this.

• 21:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:25Speaker 02

  Poppados of bread.

• 21:28Speaker 01

  Poppados of.

• 21:28Speaker 02

  Poppados of bread. Sorry. I didn't think the first one.

• 21:32Speaker 01

  No, I.

• 21:34Speaker 01

  It was good.

• 21:34Speaker 00

  It was good.

• 21:35Speaker 01

  It's nice to hear someone else do it.

• 21:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's the first time a guest's done it for themselves, isn't it?

• 21:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, I had to.

• 21:39Speaker 01

  First time.

• 21:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  I wanted to. The bucket list things.

• 21:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 21:42Speaker 02

  Bread though, bread, definitely bread. What, like who's, has anyone ever picked poppados?

• 21:46Speaker 00

  A lot of people, yeah. For a while, it was near on fifty fifty.

• 21:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:50Speaker 00

  I think.

• 21:50Speaker 01

  For a while.

• 21:51Speaker 02

  Bread supremacy, we're bringing it back.

• 21:53Speaker 01

  Um, any particular type of bread?

• 21:56Speaker 02

  Turkish.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  Turkish bread, lovely.

• 21:59Speaker 00

  Any particular type of Turkish bread? Which Turkish bread are we thinking?

• 22:02Speaker 02

  There's a place in Wood Green, ah, I forgot its name. Everyone knows it, that's big.

• 22:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm trying to think now, so Wood Green was the first place I lived in London.

• 22:10Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 22:11Speaker 01

  Uh, and I was around there for quite a bit, so I should know.

• 22:13Speaker 02

  Gi- Gi- Giocia, something like that. Anyway, it's over there. It's nice though, big one, two floors.

• 22:19Speaker 00

  Restaurant?

• 22:20Speaker 02

  Restaurant.

• 22:21Speaker 00

  Gokizzi?

• 22:22Speaker 02

  That's the one.

• 22:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:23Speaker 01

  I never actually learnt any of their names or any of them, so that's, you know, you know it proper.

• 22:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, cause there's a couple of Gokizzi's, there went, there's one, there's one in Walthamstow.

• 22:31Speaker 02

  It started to dive off.

• 22:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:33Speaker 02

  Was Wood Green the original one then?

• 22:34Speaker 00

  I think it might have been.

• 22:35Speaker 02

  Oh, well, that's OG.

• 22:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:37Speaker 02

  OG Turkish bread.

• 22:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:38Speaker 02

  From Gokizzi.

• 22:40Speaker 00

  Like the flat, like the flatbread, the, yeah, cooked on the grill.

• 22:42Speaker 02

  It's got to be spicy one.

• 22:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay, nice.

• 22:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, not the plain Jane.

• 22:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:46Speaker 02

  Nah.

• 22:47Speaker 01

  What spice, what spice they got in there?

• 22:49Speaker 02

  You know, obviously the obligatory chili sauce.

• 22:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:52Speaker 02

  It's got some must that comes with the table, chili sauce, garlic sauce, right there.

• 22:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:56Speaker 02

  But I think they put chili flakes and oil, olive oil, bit of chili flakes sprinkled over the top, bake that in there. Gives it a nice little zing.

• 23:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:05Speaker 02

  Do you know what I mean?

• 23:06Speaker 01

  When I lived around there, I didn't know the names of any places. I wasn't really interested in food back then. And Josh Weddick and I lived nearby, would always text each other, um, meet you in the cafe where the man farted.

• 23:19Speaker 01

  Cause that was just like, we didn't know the name of it.

• 23:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:21Speaker 01

  But a man.

• 23:22Speaker 00

  Was it a Turkish cafe?

• 23:23Speaker 01

  I don't think so, but like a man had just cocked a cheek and farted once, like, just on the next table.

• 23:28Speaker 02

  Literally cocked it up.

• 23:29Speaker 01

  We couldn't stop laughing about it.

• 23:30Speaker 02

  I know.

• 23:31Speaker 00

  I think if you are gonna fart in a cafe, that's the way to do it, isn't it?

• 23:34Speaker 02

  Or just discreetly.

• 23:36Speaker 00

  No, no, no, I think if you're gonna then go outside, if you're farting.

• 23:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay, fair.

• 23:40Speaker 00

  And there's other people in the cafe, yeah, just.

• 23:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, fart with pride.

• 23:43Speaker 00

  Cock it up and go.

• 23:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, cock it up and go.

• 23:46Speaker 00

  You've got to cock it up and go, haven't you?

• 23:48Speaker 01

  Yes, yeah, yeah, cock it up and go.

• 23:49Speaker 00

  What is it with you and people farting in cafes, isn't it?

• 23:51Speaker 01

  It's bad, isn't it?

• 23:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:52Speaker 01

  I don't know why, and it is then.

• 23:54Speaker 02

  Wait, what?

• 23:55Speaker 00

  He's had this before.

• 23:56Speaker 02

  Wait, what?

• 23:58Speaker 01

  Nish, of course.

• 23:58Speaker 00

  Nish Kumar.

• 23:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:00Speaker 00

  He farted in a restaurant when we were in New York. Lovely, lovely restaurant as well and did the worst fart I've ever smelt in my life.

• 24:07Speaker 02

  Is it?

• 24:07Speaker 01

  Into Ed's face.

• 24:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, into my face.

• 24:09Speaker 02

  No, what did you do to deserve such a heinous crime?

• 24:13Speaker 00

  I think he's just so comfortable around me now that he knows, yeah.

• 24:17Speaker 02

  He needs to know my scent.

• 24:18Speaker 00

  Yeah. He was marking his territory.

• 24:21Speaker 02

  Just in case I ever go missing, then he just said.

• 24:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can sniff him out.

• 24:26Speaker 00

  Yeah. I think anyone could sniff about those, to be honest.

• 24:29Speaker 01

  What else do people fart?

• 24:31Speaker 00

  There's your Banbury cake.

• 24:32Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, the Banbury cake lady, yeah, yeah, the old lady.

• 24:35Speaker 02

  What happened?

• 24:35Speaker 01

  It was a really, really oldest woman in the world in Banbury.

• 24:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  And me and my family went, I was probably in my early twenties and, yeah, she was handing out, we all ordered Banbury cakes.

• 24:46Speaker 02

  Right, what's a Banbury cake?

• 24:47Speaker 01

  It's like a raisiny kind of cake that they're making in Banbury. Yeah, I can't remember it that well now because the last in memory is that she was handing them out. She handed my brother his plate, he was furthest away, and she said, here's your Banbury cake, and then she farted. And it was the fact that she'd said, here's your Banbury cake beforehand, which is what made us all laugh for so long and we couldn't stop laughing. And so for a long time in my house.

• 25:08Speaker 02

  Every time someone farted, they said, here's your Banbury cake.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  Just beforehand, it was a lot of fun.

• 25:14Speaker 00

  Which is, which is good, I think. I think it's good to have something you say before you fart.

• 25:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, especially if it's here's your Banbury cake.

• 25:21Speaker 00

  Do you have anything you say before you fart, Cody?

• 25:23Speaker 02

  No, you don't. No. To be honest, more time, I'm just like hoping that it's a clean operation.

• 25:31Speaker 00

  Of course.

• 25:32Speaker 02

  No, not to say I'm mean shit myself, but just like, if I'm in a public space, you don't want a loud.

• 25:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:38Speaker 02

  Like in private, the loud ones are like real, like there's pride in them.

• 25:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:42Speaker 02

  Do you know what I mean?

• 25:43Speaker 00

  And they don't often smell the loud ones, I find.

• 25:45Speaker 02

  Exactly, yeah, they're calm.

• 25:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:47Speaker 02

  But there's nothing worse than being in a scenario where it's got to come out.

• 25:51Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 25:51Speaker 02

  Because you can't hold it in, your belly's fucked up.

• 25:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:55Speaker 02

  It's got to come out and you're thinking, right, if I angle it the right way, I can probably get away with a silent one.

• 26:00Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 26:01Speaker 02

  And it's just not that, it's anything but that. And there's no way to like, you can't, you look around for a victim.

• 26:10Speaker 00

  As in someone to blame or as in someone to aim it at.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. At his place. At his niche. At his place. We're dealing with chemical warfare.

• 26:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:21Speaker 02

  So you look around and it's like everyone around you know they it couldn't be there. You know you're this is a hard sell. Yeah, this is a hard sell. Everyone's immediately looked at you or me in this scenario.

• 26:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:36Speaker 02

  And I know I'm guilty and it's just not nice. So I whenever I fart in public.

• 26:41Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 26:42Speaker 02

  I I try and make sure I'm sitting down.

• 26:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay.

• 26:47Speaker 02

  I I try not to fart standing up.

• 26:51Speaker 00

  To baffle the sound a little bit.

• 26:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I probably like and I was like, do you know what I mean? I'm like pelvis down. Yeah. I'm like, I'm trying to be courteous.

• 27:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:01Speaker 02

  Yeah. Do you know who doesn't care? My son doesn't care. He's fine if you fart anywhere.

• 27:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's five though.

• 27:07Speaker 02

  I'm just and that's the problem.

• 27:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:08Speaker 02

  That's the problem. Cause when do we stop that? When do we go, you're six, you can't fart now outside no more. We need to get out of him now. Do you know what I mean? But we're just it's gentle parenting. So it's just like, how do you like gently coax someone into not farting? You don't want to shame him about his farts. Exactly. You don't want to be like, oh, god. Do you know what I mean? But I now I'm just giving him a look and he just like, do you know what he said to me the other day? He was like, it's fine, open the window. That's what he said. That's what he said. I'm driving and this is a new car. Fresh.

• 27:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 27:37Speaker 02

  The new car smell hasn't even left the car. It's fresh. Yeah. Now I could just smell fart in the backseat and I've looked behind me and he's not said a word apart from it's fine, just open the window.

• 27:52Speaker 00

  Let's get into your dream menu proper now.

• 27:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:55Speaker 00

  Your dream starter.

• 27:56Speaker 02

  How many can I have? As many as I want. It's my world.

• 27:59Speaker 00

  Well.

• 28:00Speaker 02

  Sharing plates.

• 28:01Speaker 00

  It's sharing plates.

• 28:02Speaker 02

  Sharing plates. Newfangled, dangled rules in this.

• 28:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, but the sharing plates then, we're we're working with a system where we don't have the starter main side. It's just sharing plates.

• 28:12Speaker 02

  You don't get starter sharing plates. They try to get you for everything when you go in them establishments.

• 28:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, but then the sharing, then it's also sharing for the main, right, as well.

• 28:20Speaker 02

  Good dude. So you're how hungry are you?

• 28:22Speaker 00

  I'm always, I'm always hungry.

• 28:24Speaker 02

  Are we all eating?

• 28:27Speaker 02

  I would love for you to join me for dinner.

• 28:29Speaker 00

  I'm a disaster with a sharing plate, so it's, it goes mad.

• 28:32Speaker 02

  It goes crazy, you're not a fan of it.

• 28:33Speaker 00

  No, I love it.

• 28:34Speaker 02

  But you're just like.

• 28:35Speaker 00

  But it's always, it's an argument with the waiter every time where it's like, we recommend three to four plates.

• 28:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Do you know what they start doing as well, which I think is diabolical. I think it's rude in fact, yeah. Let's say now it's you, you're on a date. Yeah. Person's there, you're there. Plate comes out, sharing plates. Why is there three?

• 28:55Speaker 00

  Three things. Yeah, it's mad.

• 28:57Speaker 02

  Why is there three of them?

• 28:58Speaker 00

  It's mad.

• 28:59Speaker 02

  There's two of us.

• 29:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:00Speaker 02

  One of these, one, one is now a conversation of, do you want it?

• 29:05Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 29:06Speaker 02

  No, no, you have it. No, no, no, you have it.

• 29:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:08Speaker 02

  That goes on for too long.

• 29:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:11Speaker 02

  Or you just rush eat it and then now you look crazy, you look greedy.

• 29:14Speaker 00

  Or it's something that, and it's something that you can't split in half successfully as well.

• 29:17Speaker 02

  One of the other.

• 29:18Speaker 00

  So if it's like a whole thing that you can just immediately go like that and you don't need to have the conversation.

• 29:22Speaker 02

  The lady and the tramp days are gone as well. You can't just like half bite it and go in.

• 29:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:27Speaker 02

  Have a, have the other half of this dumpling, babe.

• 29:29Speaker 00

  The lady and the tramp days are gone.

• 29:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:32Speaker 00

  And this is what's wrong with Britain.

• 29:33Speaker 02

  I think so.

• 29:35Speaker 01

  The amount that you got to cut up, uh, what other, why am I blanking on this name? Oh, here's a fun thing. Try and, try and.

• 29:41Speaker 00

  I try and work out what.

• 29:42Speaker 01

  Think what I'm talking about.

• 29:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:43Speaker 01

  Croquettes.

• 29:45Speaker 02

  Well, that's what I'd have.

• 29:46Speaker 01

  Oh, I could chop up another croquette in my life.

• 29:49Speaker 02

  For my starter, I'd have a Oxtail Croquette.

• 29:52Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:54Speaker 02

  Oxtail Croquette.

• 29:54Speaker 00

  Beautiful. And, and from anywhere particular that you've had the best Oxtail Croquette?

• 29:58Speaker 02

  How often? Just help me out.

• 30:00Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 30:00Speaker 02

  How often, when a name of a restaurant is said on this podcast, does a person get a complimentary free dinner from that place?

• 30:06Speaker 00

  Quite often, I would say.

• 30:07Speaker 01

  Pretty often.

• 30:08Speaker 02

  Well, it was Smokestack in short.

• 30:09Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 30:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's good.

• 30:11Speaker 00

  What a place.

• 30:12Speaker 02

  What a place.

• 30:13Speaker 00

  And the Oxtail Croquettes are one of the best things on the menu there.

• 30:15Speaker 02

  Wonderful. And there's something about an Oxtail Croquette that's just like biting into the best parts of gentrification. Yeah. Like Oxtail was like polystyrene boxes.

• 30:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:27Speaker 02

  Oxtail butter beans, rice peas, cold floor, planting.

• 30:30Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 30:31Speaker 02

  Go about your day. Now shredded, lightly fried, nowhere about, lovely.

• 30:36Speaker 00

  A hipster place is like smokestack.

• 30:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, I like, they got, actually no, they don't, do you give you plates in there or is it just like?

• 30:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:45Speaker 02

  They give plates in there.

• 30:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:46Speaker 02

  Big up you guys for putting out plates, cause gone are the days. You remember they just bring out logs?

• 30:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, logs or a roof tile or something.

• 30:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, just what was that phase of restaurant in?

• 30:56Speaker 00

  I think it still exists, but it's moved out of the like trendy restaurants and now it's in like the mainstream restaurants.

• 31:01Speaker 02

  Oh, I'm not going there.

• 31:02Speaker 00

  Like I walked past a sign for a roast dinner in a pub the other day and it was all on a breadboard.

• 31:07Speaker 02

  What's the point?

• 31:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, and in the picture they're pouring gravy on it. It's like, well, that's fucking gravy all over the side.

• 31:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, now your table's full of gravy.

• 31:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:14Speaker 02

  Forearm, cause at some point you're gonna fit yourself a lean forearm.

• 31:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:18Speaker 02

  Gravyed out your forearm.

• 31:19Speaker 00

  I thought you were saying that they were gonna do it like Salt Bay but with gravy.

• 31:24Speaker 02

  That'd be awful.

• 31:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, gravy bay.

• 31:25Speaker 02

  These restaurants are pants.

• 31:26Speaker 01

  He doesn't shut up about Salt Bay.

• 31:29Speaker 00

  What do you mean I don't shut, I don't shut up about Salt Bay?

• 31:31Speaker 01

  He talked about him last time we did an episode. He was talking about Salt Bay.

• 31:34Speaker 00

  Well, okay.

• 31:34Speaker 02

  I went there once, it was so rubbish.

• 31:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, it looks really bad.

• 31:38Speaker 02

  Pants.

• 31:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've, I only learnt about Salt Bay via, via Ed on this podcast, but I hate, I hate Salt Bay.

• 31:43Speaker 02

  He's pantsy pants, man.

• 31:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:45Speaker 02

  Big him up though, I guess.

• 31:46Speaker 00

  No, we don't need to big him up.

• 31:48Speaker 02

  I just, I like to end on positivity.

• 31:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah.

• 31:52Speaker 02

  Cause I'm a natural born hater.

• 31:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:55Speaker 01

  Here's a positive thing, opposite smokestack, there's some graffiti on a wall that looks like Stuart Laws.

• 32:00Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 32:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:02Speaker 02

  How often have you had a window seat in there?

• 32:04Speaker 01

  Uh, just the one side of window seat and I looked over and my, my partner said, hey, that graffiti of the cartoon man looks like your friend Stuart. I texted Stuart, he didn't like it.

• 32:13Speaker 00

  No.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  He didn't, he didn't think you looked like him?

• 32:15Speaker 01

  Didn't like it, no, but then I texted a, a mutual friend and said, who's this? And he went, that's Stuart Laws. So I said, he, he says it's you. I said, show it to your girlfriend.

• 32:24Speaker 02

  Right.

• 32:24Speaker 01

  And see what she says. So I, I said, all you can say is who's this?

• 32:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:28Speaker 02

  Right.

• 32:28Speaker 01

  So he showed it to her and said, who's this? She went, that's you.

• 32:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:30Speaker 01

  She, she went, oh, she said, that's my boyfriend. So he had to admit that.

• 32:34Speaker 00

  And you, next time you go to a smokestack.

• 32:36Speaker 02

  I might have to get a window seat.

• 32:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, get a window seat.

• 32:37Speaker 01

  Do you wanna know what Stuart Laws looks like?

• 32:39Speaker 02

  Um, good luck.

• 32:40Speaker 01

  Sit there, look out the window. It's right there.

• 32:43Speaker 02

  Can I pair drinks with different, can I pair a drink?

• 32:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:47Speaker 02

  What I wanna pair that with.

• 32:49Speaker 00

  While you're thinking about it, I was in Lisbon the other day. And I had goat croquettes.

• 32:53Speaker 02

  What, as in the goat was in a croquette?

• 32:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, as in.

• 32:57Speaker 01

  Not croquettes for goats.

• 32:59Speaker 00

  Or greatest of all time croquet. I'm talking about goat meat croquettes.

• 33:03Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 33:04Speaker 00

  Which was excellent as well.

• 33:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, cause to me, that's the same as like having like a curry goat.

• 33:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:09Speaker 02

  Which I'd have.

• 33:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:10Speaker 02

  If anyone wants to make me a curry goat croquette.

• 33:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:13Speaker 02

  Please hurry up.

• 33:14Speaker 00

  I don't, there's not many things I can think of that I wouldn't want to croquet.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  Interesting.

• 33:19Speaker 02

  Oh, there's so many things.

• 33:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:21Speaker 02

  I could give you a whole list. To not put, don't put pheasant.

• 33:24Speaker 00

  No pheasant, no peacock.

• 33:26Speaker 02

  No peacock, no pheasant, no rabbit.

• 33:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:28Speaker 02

  No veal. I don't want veal.

• 33:30Speaker 00

  No, veal croquette wouldn't work. It has to be a bit of fat in the meat.

• 33:33Speaker 02

  What's um, what's my man always, Venison? Is it Venice? No, it's not Venice, son.

• 33:40Speaker 02

  Bulge.

• 33:40Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 33:41Speaker 02

  UFC.

• 33:42Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 33:43Speaker 02

  Joe Rogan.

• 33:44Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 33:45Speaker 01

  El.

• 33:45Speaker 00

  Dea?

• 33:48Speaker 02

  I don't want elk croquettes.

• 33:50Speaker 01

  No, I don't want anything endorsed by Joe Rogan in a croquette or otherwise.

• 33:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, nah. I mean, nah.

• 33:58Speaker 00

  Ivor McTin croquettes.

• 33:59Speaker 01

  Sorry?

• 34:00Speaker 00

  Do you remember Ivor McTin?

• 34:01Speaker 02

  Who's that?

• 34:02Speaker 00

  That was something that Joe Rogan was obsessed with. It was the cure for Covid is like horse medicine or something.

• 34:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm, I'm only, I'm like a clip merchant.

• 34:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, sure.

• 34:14Speaker 02

  He just, they just bombarded me. I get shown the weirdest, my YouTube reels.

• 34:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:18Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 34:19Speaker 02

  It's a weird place to be.

• 34:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:21Speaker 00

  Do you ever get to top five Karens?

• 34:23Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:25Speaker 02

  But I've searched that.

• 34:28Speaker 02

  I looked for it.

• 34:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's top five.

• 34:31Speaker 00

  I get so many top five Karens.

• 34:32Speaker 02

  I, I like to, I like to, it's a bit of like a, it's a weird obsession because like, sometimes you just like to imagine what life is like on the other side, man. Do you know what I mean? Just being like an old white woman.

• 34:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:44Speaker 02

  Just wanna know what that's like. That's power that I can never imagine. People think about like ruling countries.

• 34:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:49Speaker 02

  Do you know what I'm saying? Taking over small islands, stuff. There's people that got arrested for that in America. They was gonna take over Haiti.

• 34:56Speaker 00

  Oh, really?

• 34:56Speaker 01

  Really?

• 34:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, two white guys just said, we could pull up there, get a couple of our mates, pull up there, take over the country. Little did they know that they couldn't.

• 35:04Speaker 00

  Cause there's people there.

• 35:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. And um, but sometimes I think to myself, old white lady, wow. Powers, man. Powers, powers, powers.

• 35:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:12Speaker 02

  And it's like, it's like the power of delusion.

• 35:15Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 35:16Speaker 02

  To the max.

• 35:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:17Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's a crazy level.

• 35:19Speaker 00

  A lot of these Karens though, when I'm in my top five Karens, they don't get away with it because I watch a lot of top five Karen.

• 35:24Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 35:24Speaker 00

  Instant karma.

• 35:26Speaker 02

  Oh, the sugar on top.

• 35:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:29Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, you lack a resolution.

• 35:32Speaker 00

  I love a resolution.

• 35:32Speaker 01

  It's not the same Ed watching it as you watching it.

• 35:35Speaker 00

  No, no, no.

• 35:35Speaker 02

  Nah.

• 35:36Speaker 01

  Ed watching it, you know, Ed's there, he's got more privilege of the cabin.

• 35:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:42Speaker 01

  But he's watching it, loving it and laughing.

• 35:43Speaker 02

  He's got, he's picking up tips, he's like, yeah.

• 35:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's not being an ally.

• 35:47Speaker 02

  I didn't know I could just cry.

• 35:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:50Speaker 02

  I didn't know I could just cry on the spot.

• 35:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:52Speaker 02

  Or just throw myself on a carb on it.

• 35:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:56Speaker 02

  Slowly roll off, pull out my phone as I stand up and say, he hit me. Oh, what? That's power.

• 36:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:10Speaker 02

  Hello?

• 36:12Speaker 00

  That's good. That's a good one.

• 36:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  Have you seen that one?

• 36:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, of course. Did you think of a drink that you want to pair with the upstairs?

• 36:18Speaker 02

  I'll have a Paloma, please.

• 36:19Speaker 00

  Lovely.

• 36:20Speaker 01

  Oh, lovely. Yeah, it's a good start of the meal drink, a Paloma.

• 36:24Speaker 02

  My other, because it's sherry.

• 36:26Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 36:26Speaker 02

  Starter is a bit of, we call it chabab in Ghana, but in Nigeria they call it soya.

• 36:31Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 36:32Speaker 02

  But it's like, a lot of the time it's like beef and it's like a spice blend and that little onions that go like in between it, it's always on a stick. It's like street food, but it's fucking banging.

• 36:44Speaker 00

  And with like, yeah, the seasoning is like a sort of spicy powder on top, yeah?

• 36:48Speaker 02

  That's so good.

• 36:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:49Speaker 02

  So I'll have a bit of that and then some plantain.

• 36:52Speaker 00

  Beautiful. Today's episode of the Off Menu Podcast is sponsored by Cozy, the home of possibilities, James.

• 37:00Speaker 01

  Oh, man, Ed, Cozy has everything you need to make your home feel like it has a plan. Do you know what I mean?

• 37:05Speaker 00

  I know what you mean. Cozy is a wonderful furniture company. It makes furnishing your whole home easy. Sofers, dining, storage, rugs, bedroom, even outdoor, all designed to make your space feel put together without the usual furniture stress. And James. We talk about dream meals on this podcast. But you know what? We very rarely talk about where we want to eat this dream meal.

• 37:25Speaker 01

  Sure, yeah, I like it when it does come up. It is very important. It changes the whole meal, the setting, the vibe. And Cozy's modular customizable furniture for the whole home does just that.

• 37:36Speaker 00

  And the meal, James, doesn't necessarily end at dessert. We've often talked about wanting to take our maybe final course through to a comfy room. And I think this is where Cozy can really come in handy. Go and relax on the sofa, maybe even eat your meal at a lovely, beautiful Cozy table. Linger a little bit, move through with coffees and dessert to a lovely couch. But I know what you're like, James, you're a mucky pup.

• 37:58Speaker 01

  I'm gonna spill stuff everywhere. Is that gonna ruin the Cozy furniture?

• 38:01Speaker 00

  No, don't worry about that, James, because it's highly washable, James. It's sauce, wine, sparkling water, dessert crumbs. You telling one of your big stories and sloshing a coffee everywhere, don't worry, you can pop it in the wash.

• 38:13Speaker 01

  Oh, so you're saying Cozy makes every day at home feel like my best day?

• 38:16Speaker 00

  Absolutely, that's exactly what I'm saying. And with Cozy, your home can grow with you, adapting to new spaces, new styles and every era of your life, James. I think it's so hard, especially when you move somewhere new, to immediately make that place feel like yours, that it's been put together well. And that's where Cozy comes in.

• 38:33Speaker 01

  And because it's Cozy, the furniture isn't just good looking, but actually practical. Modular pieces, easy assembly, washable and interchangeable covers and free design consultations, if you want help making the whole room work.

• 38:45Speaker 00

  And it's easy to order, ship and assemble and maintain, James. The only way is the Cozy way.

• 38:51Speaker 01

  Visit Cozy today, that's C O Z E Y dot com and make yourself at home.

• 39:04Speaker 01

  Dream main course?

• 39:07Speaker 02

  The main course that I dream of, I'd have like, because it's sherry. So we want something that feels like we've hunted it ourselves, even though we just ordered it off the menu. So we'll take a whole grilled fish stuffed with like vegetables and vibes, flavours.

• 39:24Speaker 02

  Probably like a white, tilapia.

• 39:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:26Speaker 02

  Whole grilled tilapia.

• 39:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:29Speaker 02

  Filet. Just have at it.

• 39:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:33Speaker 02

  Carnivorous.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  The first tilapia we've had on the pod.

• 39:36Speaker 00

  Might be the first tilapia. Is there another name for tilapia though, Benito? It feels like one of those multi-name fish, like when you go to America and they go, do you want a branzino? And you have to go, that's sea bass. You mean sea bass.

• 39:48Speaker 02

  They call it what?

• 39:49Speaker 00

  They call it branzino.

• 39:50Speaker 01

  I didn't know that branzino was a sea bass.

• 39:52Speaker 00

  Crazy, right?

• 39:53Speaker 01

  I knew branzino, but I didn't know that was sea bass.

• 39:56Speaker 02

  That's awful.

• 39:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, don't like that.

• 39:59Speaker 00

  Any other names for it? There are hundreds of them apparently, it's a whole species.

• 40:02Speaker 02

  Tilapia's banging.

• 40:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:03Speaker 02

  Never had tilapia?

• 40:04Speaker 00

  I think I must have had tilapia, yeah.

• 40:05Speaker 02

  Man, must have. You look well travelled.

• 40:08Speaker 00

  I've travelled.

• 40:09Speaker 02

  Yes. I guarantee one of the places where you travelled to, when you've ordered that fish, didn't ask, but it was tilapia.

• 40:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  Do you want to guess some of the places that Ed's travelled to?

• 40:19Speaker 00

  Guess where it was yesterday?

• 40:21Speaker 02

  Yesterday, wait, let me.

• 40:24Speaker 00

  It wasn't in the UK.

• 40:25Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 40:26Speaker 00

  Well, that's.

• 40:27Speaker 02

  I was looking for like, visible signs of sunburn.

• 40:30Speaker 00

  No, no, no, no.

• 40:31Speaker 02

  So it was nowhere hot?

• 40:32Speaker 00

  No, well, it was warmish, but it was November.

• 40:35Speaker 02

  You was in Latvia?

• 40:37Speaker 00

  No, I was in Gibraltar yesterday.

• 40:39Speaker 02

  Close?

• 40:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:40Speaker 01

  Did a gig in a cave?

• 40:42Speaker 00

  Did a gig in a cave yesterday in Gibraltar.

• 40:44Speaker 02

  Is it?

• 40:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, and you're thinking.

• 40:46Speaker 02

  Why did you do that?

• 40:47Speaker 00

  Well, I was on tour. Got us to go to a cave. You've got to go to a cave.

• 40:51Speaker 02

  Put on the date, put, schedule it in.

• 40:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, exactly.

• 40:53Speaker 02

  Schedule it, why not?

• 40:53Speaker 00

  Um, I wouldn't, I mean, I was expecting maybe a bit of tapas, because it's obviously near Spain, it's in between Spain and Morocco, but basically it's still like a British stronghold, so I had a Pizza Express on the marina.

• 41:06Speaker 02

  I've never been to Spain.

• 41:08Speaker 00

  You've got to go to Spain. I mean, I'd say start in Madrid or Barcelona. I wouldn't go, I wouldn't go straight to Gibraltar.

• 41:15Speaker 02

  Well, isn't it welcoming?

• 41:16Speaker 00

  No, it's welcoming, but it's, it doesn't feel very Spanish.

• 41:20Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 41:21Speaker 00

  Because it's, you know, an Irish pub with an outdoor football screen and then

• 41:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:26Speaker 00

  A Pizza Express, a Wagamamas and a, um, Lassiguanas.

• 41:29Speaker 02

  That's bloody brilliant.

• 41:30Speaker 00

  Go on.

• 41:30Speaker 02

  Um, Spanish reality TV shows.

• 41:33Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah?

• 41:36Speaker 00

  How how did you get into these and what are they?

• 41:38Speaker 02

  Oh man, I got into it the same way when I was did. Viral Twitter clip.

• 41:41Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 41:42Speaker 02

  Broski was running on the beach.

• 41:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:44Speaker 02

  Thunder and lightning behind him. He was screaming out for his bird.

• 41:50Speaker 02

  His bird is getting the brakes be off her by this big Spanish man. He's he's in her guts and he's speeding down the beach. Fa fa fa. I can't remember what her name is. It's something, it's like Anita, something like that. It's like he's running.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  Boom gets there, imagine, yeah? He gets grabbed, you think the security guard grabs him.

• 42:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:16Speaker 02

  Nah. Broski that's beating down his girl. It's his friend, he's grabbed him and said, whoa, hold there buddy. My friend's busy right now. Relax, he's on his knees. Ah, I can't believe you did this to me. In Spanish, obviously.

• 42:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:32Speaker 02

  She comes out now. So you was in your island, rubbing up on next girl. Now look, one up, you lose. Then she came to her senses, she was like, no, no, come back. She was like, I don't want you though. What, what? His name's Montoya. Montoya. Cause the lady, the old, the old lady, she's like.

• 42:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:53Speaker 02

  Fairy godmother of the houses. Ah boom, let's just explain, let me break the show down.

• 42:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, sure.

• 42:59Speaker 00

  Cause you've given us a scene from the.

• 43:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:02Speaker 00

  But without any of the context of what the show.

• 43:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, so the show's the Spanish for Temptation Island.

• 43:07Speaker 00

  Oh, right, okay.

• 43:08Speaker 02

  It's a temptation island type show.

• 43:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:10Speaker 02

  Couples, the girls go in one house, the boys go in another house. They send single girl into the boy's house, they send single guys into the boy's house.

• 43:18Speaker 00

  Uh.

• 43:19Speaker 02

  The aim of the game is to not cheat on your partner.

• 43:22Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 43:23Speaker 02

  But anytime something funky happens, yeah? So like, let's say you go in there, you set your rules. My missus is staring too long. If she's in the pool with my man, they're hugging up.

• 43:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:35Speaker 02

  Anything that's cheating for me. But the problem is. Anytime someone does something wrong, there's an alarm that would just sound off. Right. You don't know who set the alarm off. So you're in your house, the alarm goes off, you're just thinking, oh no, oh no, oh no. Yeah. And it's and it's nuts. And all the things that you can imagine going wrong goes wrong, right? Yeah. Every couple has their own story. I could break down all of them. It's great. It's great. It's so good. It's so good. But Montoya, they put the show on the map. Yeah. And basically, Montoya, he's like a little, you can tell everybody likes him. Yeah. So he likes the attention. So he was getting the attention. He was he was nibbling on the attention too. Yeah. And the problem is, at the end of the week, they'll show your misses what you did that week. Yeah.

• 44:20Speaker 02

  This is what he was up to. He was dancing on table this bird. He was sharing croquettes with this one on Tuesday. Do you know what I mean? So then she's, do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Right, seven days. By the Sunday now, fireworks. Yeah. Cause she's seen this now and she's like, oh, you think, you you think you're the only one that likes croquettes?

• 44:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. She goes back in the house now, weren't even thirty minutes later, boom, they're in the pool going mad. Yeah. So then the alarm's ringing up for Montoya. Montoya's like, so now let me break down the scene, yeah?

• 44:55Speaker 02

  Let me break down the scene. So this is when he runs down. When he's running on the beach. Yeah, yeah. So the fairy godmother comes here and she's like, man them, unite. Yeah, boom. So the man them unite, boom, into this room now. Yeah. Wish I wish that's what happened. I wish the fairy godmother says mad definitely. Fairy godmother comes, man them unite. Yeah. The boys are on the sofa now. She's like, listen, here's the deal. Yeah, I'm gonna break it down to you like this. I'm gonna give you an opportunity, yeah? One of you can come with me and we're gonna show you a live feed of what's happening in the girl's house right now. Yeah, it's like CCTV footage. Yeah. But the only one that's gonna have sound is your girl, but you can see everyone else. Yeah. Yeah. So but you have to pick one. So the boys know Montoya's been going through it, right?

• 45:38Speaker 02

  So they're like, we're gonna send Montoya, but they're like to Montoya, please, brother, like, look out for my girl, like, tell me what she's up to. Please, brother. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've got you. So he goes with her now, yeah? Bear in mind, I've had to get this on VPN today.

• 45:57Speaker 02

  I've had to, I've had to subtitle, translate, I'm calling up my brethren Clara, Clara translator, what they saying? What they saying? Cause I needed to know, it was getting too, it was almost getting too far, you know when it's Spanish, you're Spanish and it's too fast for the subtitles.

• 46:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:10Speaker 02

  Keep up, yeah, but boom, so Montoya goes now, he's sat in front of all these, the cameras now, you can see everyone.

• 46:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:16Speaker 02

  Scan it, so let's say his guy's on camera eleven.

• 46:18Speaker 00

  Mm.

• 46:18Speaker 02

  It's there for, bear in mind, he's only got ten minutes.

• 46:20Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 46:21Speaker 02

  To do this.

• 46:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:22Speaker 02

  He's only got ten minutes. He's scanning them, boom, all right, cool, his guy's there, his guy's there, boom, boom, boom. Camera eleven, please, enlarges, his guy's in there with our little best friend in the house now, they're chatting.

• 46:35Speaker 02

  Blazy, blazy, blah, she's all crying, I can't believe Montoya's being an idiot over there.

• 46:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, dancing on the tables, eating the croquettes, yeah.

• 46:41Speaker 02

  What's he doing?

• 46:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, she's like, babe, don't cry. Manuel, I think his name is, Manuel knocks on her door. Says, boha, whatever her name is. Do one, I need to chat to her. Bear in mind, this is all within ten minutes.

• 46:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:56Speaker 02

  Walks in there, says.

• 46:57Speaker 00

  This is live, it's happening.

• 46:58Speaker 02

  Live, live, oh, Montoya's watching this live, oh.

• 47:01Speaker 00

  Oh, Montoya.

• 47:02Speaker 02

  He's walked in now, he must have said some smooth shit in Spanish. Some smooth Spanish shit. Señorita this, señorita that.

• 47:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:11Speaker 02

  Can I kick it with you?

• 47:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:12Speaker 02

  Do you know what I'm saying?

• 47:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:14Speaker 02

  Boom, she's like, yeah, next thing you know, lights flick off, baby's just rattling. Montoya says, what?

• 47:25Speaker 02

  Starts running down the beach.

• 47:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:27Speaker 02

  La, I said the lightning was a play that to lightning, thunderstorm, gaga, cameraman's on a gimbal now. Before it's fixed cameras, had to load up the tank, boom, fairy godmother's chasing after Montoya, Montoya, Montoya! So wherever, look, I say all that to say, wherever they're shooting that is the part of Spain. I need to go.

• 47:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:47Speaker 02

  Cause that is excitement.

• 47:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:51Speaker 02

  That is excitement.

• 47:52Speaker 00

  We can put your dream restaurant there if you want, we can put it on the beach.

• 47:54Speaker 02

  On the beach, so that while I'm eating the fish.

• 47:56Speaker 00

  The moment that you're eating the fish and it's been grilled on the beach, the thunderstorm starts, you're like, I know what's happening here.

• 48:02Speaker 02

  This is why.

• 48:02Speaker 00

  And Montoya runs, runs past you while you're eating the fish.

• 48:05Speaker 02

  That's it, man, entertainment.

• 48:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 48:07Speaker 02

  No one ever thinks of that.

• 48:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 48:08Speaker 02

  I'm entertained by that, I'm worth that. Thank you for letting me tell my story.

• 48:13Speaker 00

  Not your story.

• 48:22Speaker 00

  Dream side dish.

• 48:24Speaker 02

  Ah, do you know what the problem is, yeah, I don't know what they're called or what he calls them turf. No surf potatoes.

• 48:33Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 48:33Speaker 02

  Chef Tom Brown, he's got a restaurant, uh, he's got a new one with his brethren in King's Cross.

• 48:39Speaker 00

  Has he got a new one? So he's got, he's got cornerstone, right?

• 48:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's got that and he's got a new one now, King's Cross.

• 48:46Speaker 00

  Nice.

• 48:46Speaker 02

  Mayor Street Market called Island.

• 48:49Speaker 00

  Uh huh.

• 48:50Speaker 02

  And they've got these crispy potatoes, roast potatoes, but they're like seasoned with like lots of, lots of like citrusy kind of flavors. It's, it's like, do you know what I mean? It's got a little tang to it, but it's got that crispy fluffy potato feeling. And they always recommend to pair that with the fish.

• 49:08Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 49:09Speaker 02

  And it's kind of hard to go back once you've had them.

• 49:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:13Speaker 02

  So I want those ones specifically, we'll just call them surf roast potatoes.

• 49:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, that makes sense to get that some like citrusy potatoes with your fish.

• 49:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then obviously the, the fish is stuffed, so we'll have like all our fresh vegetables in there and all that stuff.

• 49:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, what you, when you said what was in the vegetables, I think you, in the fish, you said vegetables and then you said vibes.

• 49:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:36Speaker 00

  Were there any more specifics to the vibes?

• 49:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, like obviously good chop some garlic up, some red peppers, maybe a little Scotch bonnet, so it's a bit spicy. We're gonna have some basil, some coriander. Basically all of our green seasoning.

• 49:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:49Speaker 02

  Sweet peppers as well, red onions, some shallots, do you know what I mean? We're gonna blend most of it up, some of it we're gonna keep kind of chopped whole, but most of it we're gonna blend up, so it's a bit pasty.

• 49:59Speaker 00

  Uh huh.

• 49:59Speaker 02

  And then we're gonna paste that over the fish, fillet, grill, bit of foil on it, so it's just like.

• 50:06Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 50:07Speaker 02

  Is that what I'm saying? Fucking bring that out.

• 50:10Speaker 00

  Delicious.

• 50:11Speaker 02

  Bring that out.

• 50:12Speaker 00

  So good. And are you, when it comes off the grill, are you gonna be the one like picking the fish off or are you gonna have someone that's sort of expertly do it?

• 50:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're gonna make a show out of it for us.

• 50:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:22Speaker 02

  Proper nice in there, I promise you.

• 50:24Speaker 00

  Well, cause you got that show happening and then obviously you got Montoya like caning it past.

• 50:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, caning it past.

• 50:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:28Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 50:29Speaker 00

  Montoya some fish?

• 50:31Speaker 02

  No, he's the, he can't, he couldn't eat for days.

• 50:35Speaker 02

  He couldn't eat for days, he was heartbroken. He was heartbroken.

• 50:40Speaker 01

  With reality shows, when they get pitched and stuff, but like, how they get made and like, how they know it's gonna work. Because for me, if I was a commissioner.

• 50:49Speaker 00

  Hmm, yeah.

• 50:50Speaker 01

  And someone said, we're gonna put all the men in one house, all the women in another house. We're gonna then send in like sexy people to both of the houses. And the thing is, is that if you don't cheat, then you win.

• 51:02Speaker 02

  Do you know what's so crazy?

• 51:03Speaker 01

  Think as the commissioner, well, just know what's gonna cheat, what are you talking about?

• 51:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, but that's, but that's casting, right?

• 51:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, but they're like, they know people well enough now in reality TV that they go, no, no, no. Some people can't resist it, even though they're being filmed on TV.

• 51:19Speaker 02

  People do it for the clips.

• 51:21Speaker 00

  Well, that's it. It's either, it's either they can't resist it, or more likely, people don't go in those shows to win. People go in those shows to then get a career where they can go on other reality shows. And the way you do that is by cheating in Temptation Island.

• 51:34Speaker 02

  Do you know what, do you know what I've been seeing on my timeline a bit more these days? The Married at First Sight. The new season, I used to be in Married at First Sight.

• 51:42Speaker 00

  Right.

• 51:43Speaker 02

  Connoisseur, especially the Australian one.

• 51:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:46Speaker 02

  What, what a series.

• 51:47Speaker 00

  Well, all Australian versions of TV shows are just madder than anywhere else in the world, right?

• 51:52Speaker 02

  And they, and they fight.

• 51:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:54Speaker 02

  There was one Filipino babe on there that was ready to go. Every dinner party, she was flipping tables, chucking chairs. Surprise, she made it past like two episodes.

• 52:04Speaker 00

  The only Married at First Sight one I get is the British one where the guy walks down, uh, no, the lady walks down the aisle. And the guy turns around, he's put big fake teeth in. That's the only one I get regularly.

• 52:14Speaker 02

  Why have I not seen that? I need to see that immediately.

• 52:16Speaker 00

  Let's get on my algorithm. If you're on the Karen's algorithm, you'll get it eventually.

• 52:19Speaker 02

  Oh man, do you know what my favorite season was? There was one brother, I can't remember what his name is now, it's so bad, but it's probably better that I don't.

• 52:25Speaker 00

  Should we just call him Montoya?

• 52:26Speaker 02

  Let's call him Montoya of Married at First Sight.

• 52:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:30Speaker 02

  But imagine, yeah, it's the day, yeah, where they're meant to take them to like your house now.

• 52:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:36Speaker 02

  To be like, ah, boom, meet my family, meet my peoples, look into my world. Yeah. This brother took the girl to Leyton Park.

• 52:47Speaker 02

  Took her, put her on a bench. I said, I just like being private. I didn't want all the cameras in my house. But this is where I grew up. This is my areas, my ends.

• 52:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:56Speaker 02

  Late in part, she was sat there thinking, wow.

• 52:59Speaker 00

  Yeah. Exactly. It should be a nice thing where you go into someone's house and you know, meet their mum or whatever.

• 53:05Speaker 02

  Seed.

• 53:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:08Speaker 01

  It's mad when I was talking to my partner about this this morning, but like when I think back to the first series of Big Brother.

• 53:14Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 53:14Speaker 01

  In the nineties.

• 53:15Speaker 02

  Hmm, good times.

• 53:16Speaker 01

  And it was such a gentle show.

• 53:19Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 53:20Speaker 01

  And there was like nasty Nick, but really, what was he doing?

• 53:23Speaker 02

  He's just being.

• 53:23Speaker 01

  He was just like saying one thing to one person and a slightly different thing to another.

• 53:27Speaker 00

  Sliding nights to people.

• 53:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, but we didn't even know about the sliding nights. When we were getting annoyed about it, until he got busted.

• 53:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:33Speaker 01

  We didn't really know.

• 53:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:34Speaker 01

  About the slide. All we knew was.

• 53:35Speaker 00

  Craig knew about the nights.

• 53:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, but all we knew, we were like, well, he's saying to that person he likes him. And then he's going to another person going, I don't really like that guy. That was it.

• 53:44Speaker 00

  He was trying to influence the vote though, to be fair.

• 53:47Speaker 02

  It was nasty.

• 53:48Speaker 00

  It was nasty. It was nasty.

• 53:49Speaker 01

  Compared to now. Compared to now.

• 53:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, now it's it's.

• 53:53Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's insane.

• 53:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:55Speaker 01

  How much everyone hated nasty Nick in the country. It was like, we've got to get him out. And someone threw a little, flew a plane in there.

• 54:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:01Speaker 01

  A little toy plane saying he's lying to you. Cause we were, everyone was so up in arms about nasty Nick.

• 54:07Speaker 02

  I feel like the country needs someone to hate every year, like one, especially as a nation, as a, the British, we liked, we like a good.

• 54:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, but back then.

• 54:14Speaker 02

  A good hate session.

• 54:14Speaker 01

  Back then, we'd actually like get together and hate a guy who actually wasn't very nice.

• 54:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:19Speaker 01

  Now, the people who were the worst people on those shows, everyone loves them.

• 54:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 54:24Speaker 01

  That person's great. They just speak their mind. They're so great.

• 54:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, you've got to get it done. You're someone's.

• 54:28Speaker 01

  We're so much worse now.

• 54:30Speaker 02

  Someone's got to be the bad guy.

• 54:32Speaker 01

  I'm just saying, we're fucked. We're fucked.

• 54:35Speaker 02

  As a nation, as a people.

• 54:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're fucked.

• 54:37Speaker 02

  You do, you reckon you could do it reality TV?

• 54:40Speaker 01

  No.

• 54:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, you'd be the worst guy on it.

• 54:42Speaker 02

  Like Big Brother, do you reckon you could do a Big Brother?

• 54:44Speaker 01

  No way, I'd go nuts.

• 54:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. Celebrity?

• 54:47Speaker 01

  Dad love it.

• 54:48Speaker 02

  Huh? I'm a celebrity, you reckon?

• 54:49Speaker 01

  No, I'd go nuts.

• 54:52Speaker 01

  I'm a celebrity, I wouldn't jump out the plane.

• 54:54Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 54:55Speaker 01

  I'd be like, forget this.

• 54:56Speaker 02

  You would, but early.

• 54:57Speaker 01

  Early, yeah, I'd be like, yeah, goodbye, goodbye forever.

• 55:00Speaker 02

  When it's like still basically toe touching distance from the floor, he's like, yeah, I'm off.

• 55:05Speaker 01

  Do you reckon? I'd do it if it was like, I think I've said this before, if if they were like, the other people who were going in are all a bunch of legends who you'd love to hang out with. Yeah, I'd do it, but it's not, it's always, cause Joel went on it and he got on with everyone and he had a great time and then they went, oh, can't have that happen again.

• 55:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:23Speaker 01

  So they they they've always tried to make it that there's gonna be arguments and people that you don't get on with and I'm sleeping on the jungle floor on top of that. And they're feeding me like kangaroo dicks, I'm not gonna enjoy it, there's gonna be none of that that is gonna.

• 55:35Speaker 02

  The more exotic you go.

• 55:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, and a break, I'd break down in the bake off tent, I'm not gonna do well in in the jungle. With like, yeah, the J L C or whatever her name is, what's her name? Gemma Collins.

• 55:47Speaker 02

  Gemma Collins.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  But like.

• 55:49Speaker 02

  But like, not J L C.

• 55:50Speaker 01

  No, that's Goldie looking chain.

• 55:51Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's a mix between Goldie looking chain and J L S.

• 56:04Speaker 01

  Uh, your drink, drink, we've had a few shout outs for drinks that you like.

• 56:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, my dream drink, um, plum wine with a spirit, not like with with a, not with a spirit, what am I talking about? Plum wine and tonic.

• 56:16Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 56:17Speaker 02

  Had it in Japan.

• 56:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:19Speaker 02

  And I got very drunk, cause it was so delicious.

• 56:23Speaker 01

  So this is, yeah, in Japan, that sort of sour, the sour plum sort of thing, the umaboshi, I think is the sour plum.

• 56:30Speaker 02

  Lovely dose, you could have it, you could have it plain Jane, no, no tonic.

• 56:35Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 56:35Speaker 02

  But that's the one time where bubbles are allowed to be introduced. A tonic is, tonic's not sparkling water.

• 56:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:41Speaker 02

  You know what I mean, I feel that's that's got a bit of a thing to it. You can get elderflower in it now.

• 56:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's why I get it.

• 56:46Speaker 01

  It's come a long way.

• 56:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:47Speaker 01

  Like crime.

• 56:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:51Speaker 02

  Uh do you know what's annoying me about my, has anyone else got like the Google thing? In the like, instead of ring doorbells, I feel like I should have just gone ring doorbell.

• 57:01Speaker 01

  What's happened?

• 57:02Speaker 02

  It just, it just doesn't ever work.

• 57:04Speaker 01

  You're, you're on your watch and you're getting annoyed, something's just suddenly happened.

• 57:07Speaker 02

  It's, it's because.

• 57:08Speaker 01

  And for the listener, this isn't a hard edit where we've just gone into something else.

• 57:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:11Speaker 01

  This has just happened in real time, the coach was talking about grime and tonic and then suddenly.

• 57:16Speaker 02

  Got mad at my watch.

• 57:17Speaker 01

  Has anyone else got this Google thing? What, what, what was happening there?

• 57:20Speaker 02

  It just, it's just, it never works when I want it to work.

• 57:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:23Speaker 02

  Like yesterday, I really desperately needed to check something.

• 57:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:27Speaker 02

  Couldn't.

• 57:28Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 57:28Speaker 02

  Kept selling me, nah, don't feel like being a camera today.

• 57:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:34Speaker 02

  Fuck you, fuck you and your dreams.

• 57:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:36Speaker 02

  And then, and then today, notifications at the Wazoo. Someone's, someone's cat is just like fucking jumped on your mailbox.

• 57:43Speaker 01

  Someone's looked at your house.

• 57:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, some of the people from Zoopla are here again, taking pictures.

• 57:48Speaker 01

  This is why we need to get rid of the Apple Watch.

• 57:51Speaker 02

  You don't like Apple Watches?

• 57:51Speaker 01

  No. We got enough notifications coming through.

• 57:54Speaker 02

  You're right, you're right, you're right. They get, I've got, this was a gift.

• 57:58Speaker 01

  All right, fair enough. All right, I'll take one if anyone's offering.

• 58:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, I was against them, so it was free.

• 58:07Speaker 01

  So what is it, like a camera that's on your door that just films everything that's going on?

• 58:10Speaker 02

  You don't have a ring doorbell camera?

• 58:11Speaker 01

  No.

• 58:12Speaker 02

  Oh, you're a different kind of rich then. You've got snipers, you've got people on the roof.

• 58:18Speaker 01

  James lives next door to a detective, so.

• 58:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:21Speaker 01

  I do actually.

• 58:22Speaker 02

  He has a trained pet owl that circles.

• 58:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:26Speaker 02

  Wants any trouble.

• 58:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I can talk owl, talk to the owl.

• 58:31Speaker 02

  That'd be cool though, if you just get home and just do this, uh your doorstep for the owl.

• 58:36Speaker 01

  That's what we all want.

• 58:37Speaker 02

  And you go, what happened today? It goes. And you go, good looking owl.

• 58:42Speaker 01

  The thing is, that would suggest that if you had a pet owl who looked out for everything, that you'd ever leave your house. Cause if I had a pet owl flying around looking at stuff, I'd just sit there and watch the owl.

• 58:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, just be like.

• 58:52Speaker 01

  You'd never fucking see me again.

• 58:53Speaker 02

  Yeah. Just do, you could do like a, a whole segment with the owl.

• 58:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:58Speaker 02

  Just put a little GoPro on his chest. I'll go up to in a, in a day, so I was like, like.

• 59:04Speaker 01

  That would be good. Let me ask some more wholesome thing to watch on YouTube then.

• 59:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:07Speaker 02

  I watch all kinds of stuff on YouTube.

• 59:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:09Speaker 00

  I'd train my owl to attack Karens with the Go, GoPro on.

• 59:12Speaker 02

  Be good.

• 59:13Speaker 00

  And then that's making top five Karens, isn't it?

• 59:15Speaker 01

  Yes, it would. If whatever got attacked by an owl, it would make top five.

• 59:19Speaker 02

  Banged by owl.

• 59:20Speaker 01

  That's like the staircase, isn't it?

• 59:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:23Speaker 01

  Thought she was attacked by an owl.

• 59:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:25Speaker 01

  They didn't think it was the defence.

• 59:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:27Speaker 01

  Was saying that at one point, even though no one else believed she was attacked by an owl.

• 59:31Speaker 02

  Was she attacked by an owl?

• 59:32Speaker 01

  Was no way.

• 59:35Speaker 01

  You know, but it was like the people defended her husband were like, oh, we think she was on top of the stairs. And then the window was open and an owl flew in. And grabbed, put its talons in her head. And that made her stagger back and then she, and then she fell down the stairs because we found these marks in her head. That we think must have been owl talons.

• 59:58Speaker 02

  Where is that? Imagine being in Streatham.

• 1:00:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:03Speaker 02

  And someone's defence being like.

• 1:00:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:05Speaker 02

  Going to tap by now.

• 1:00:06Speaker 00

  Well, you know, you've run out of, you know that you have no defence if an owl's popping in, right?

• 1:00:10Speaker 02

  You've done it. You've done the crime.

• 1:00:12Speaker 01

  If you're going, going into court going, okay, this is, this is our last chance. We're going to claim it was an owl.

• 1:00:17Speaker 02

  This is all I've got. This is all I've got left.

• 1:00:19Speaker 01

  I think, you know, this guy's going to go to prison for this, it's like, but we've got a career to uphold after this.

• 1:00:26Speaker 02

  And we've got a crime committing owl on the loose.

• 1:00:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:29Speaker 02

  How do we recommend that?

• 1:00:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. If, if they believed that, yeah.

• 1:00:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:33Speaker 02

  Someone's got to go down for that.

• 1:00:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:36Speaker 01

  That would be good. It's like the next case is like the owl. And weirdly, they have been hired as the lawyers.

• 1:00:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:44Speaker 01

  Same people.

• 1:00:44Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 1:00:45Speaker 01

  Now defending the owl.

• 1:00:46Speaker 02

  That'd be good. I love watching, I love watching court stuff nowadays.

• 1:00:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:50Speaker 02

  It's my entertainment. Seriously. I'm into it.

• 1:00:53Speaker 01

  Like you watch real life court.

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm into it.

• 1:00:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:56Speaker 02

  I wanna know what's going on in there.

• 1:00:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:59Speaker 02

  Tell me about it.

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  Is it fun?

• 1:01:01Speaker 02

  No, the crimes are horrific, but like. But, but you know what I mean, it's it's more, I like watching the defence lawyers. I think that is hilarious a little bit.

• 1:01:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:14Speaker 02

  You know when you just got someone banged to rats?

• 1:01:16Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 1:01:16Speaker 02

  Oh, we done it.

• 1:01:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:01:18Speaker 02

  On the stairs with a spatula, two o'clock, broad daylight, we all saw it.

• 1:01:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:01:22Speaker 02

  Do you know what I mean? And they've still got to go in and just think of something.

• 1:01:26Speaker 00

  Yeah. No, no, and now about?

• 1:01:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:30Speaker 00

  He didn't.

• 1:01:30Speaker 02

  He didn't do it.

• 1:01:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:01:32Speaker 02

  But no, he did it. No, no, he was possessed.

• 1:01:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:36Speaker 02

  His dog told him to do it.

• 1:01:38Speaker 00

  Is that?

• 1:01:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, that all that, is owl told him to do it?

• 1:01:41Speaker 00

  Yeah. Would you be a good defence lawyer, do you think?

• 1:01:44Speaker 02

  If it was my brethren, it was my friend, yeah.

• 1:01:47Speaker 00

  What if Ed got in trouble for sending an owl to attack a Karen?

• 1:01:51Speaker 02

  Oh, I could get him off from that. Easy, easy.

• 1:01:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:01:54Speaker 02

  Easy.

• 1:01:54Speaker 00

  Even if I filmed it and put it on my YouTube channel?

• 1:01:56Speaker 02

  Easy. We would play it in court, we'd play it in court, we'd play it.

• 1:02:00Speaker 00

  And I'd still get.

• 1:02:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, that was the defence.

• 1:02:02Speaker 00

  And the beginning of the tape is literally me looking right into the camera on the owl going, gonna go and attack a Karen now. And then I let it go and it attacks the Karen who's sat there in the court with all scratches on her face.

• 1:02:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:13Speaker 00

  And you, as my defence lawyer, are gonna get me off, because I put a video out saying top five Karens being attacked by owls.

• 1:02:18Speaker 02

  No, because what we're gonna do, what we're gonna do.

• 1:02:19Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:02:20Speaker 02

  Is we're gonna, because obviously the bit that went viral is.

• 1:02:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's horrible, obviously.

• 1:02:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:29Speaker 02

  But what people didn't see is the Karen.

• 1:02:31Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 1:02:32Speaker 02

  Beating a Karen.

• 1:02:32Speaker 00

  Yes, of course.

• 1:02:33Speaker 02

  So we just put the first five minutes, like, five minutes prior to her being.

• 1:02:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:38Speaker 02

  Done in by the owl.

• 1:02:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:39Speaker 02

  We just show what she was doing, everyone's gonna go, oh.

• 1:02:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:43Speaker 02

  And me, even like, it's gonna be long, and we just show the whole five minutes of her even getting into character to like throw herself on the bonnet and cry, yeah. And midway through the video, everyone's gonna be thinking, I can't wait for her to get hit by this owl.

• 1:02:57Speaker 00

  And there's a reason the video's gone viral, right? So they'll love it in the court, they'll all be applauding and stuff.

• 1:03:02Speaker 02

  And then, there you go, Your Honour.

• 1:03:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:06Speaker 02

  Instant karma.

• 1:03:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:07Speaker 02

  Boom, Al comes in.

• 1:03:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:09Speaker 02

  Fa, fa, fa, two-piece combo.

• 1:03:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:12Speaker 02

  She's none the wiser at first, then she tries to fight back, which then, we can now say that Al had to use more force. Because she was Peter Griffin.

• 1:03:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, not guilty.

• 1:03:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, let him go.

• 1:03:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:27Speaker 01

  Ed and I pretended to be YouTubers once, before we, before we started doing off-menu.

• 1:03:32Speaker 02

  I was gonna say, this is on YouTube. You guys are technically YouTubers.

• 1:03:34Speaker 00

  We're YouTubers.

• 1:03:35Speaker 01

  We're YouTubers now, we finally got it, you know, years and years.

• 1:03:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:39Speaker 01

  But like, just before we did off-menu, we were gonna do a funny YouTube thing, where we were gonna pretend to be, you know, the people who watch like TV shows and have fan theories about it. We were gonna be, trying to be fan theorists, called Ed, Ed Gamble and Jamie. And, um, and we filmed a load at Ed's house in one go. Uh, but then neither of us knew how to edit it, so we just never put it online. But, um, I remembered one of them this week, because my mum came over and she'd never seen Westworld before. And I, and I was, I was resting up, I couldn't talk.

• 1:04:12Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:04:12Speaker 01

  So I was like, we'll just watch something. I knew she'd like season one of Westworld.

• 1:04:15Speaker 02

  I've never seen one.

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  So I put it on. And then I, and I remembered, oh yeah, me and Ed did that Ed Gamble and Jamie thing. Where we talked to the camera, and we had a theory about Westworld that, um, when Ben Barnes gets, uh, this is spoiler, but.

• 1:04:29Speaker 02

  I was gonna say.

• 1:04:30Speaker 01

  Ben Barnes gets put naked on a horse.

• 1:04:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:32Speaker 01

  And, and they slap the, and the person doing it to him slaps the horse's butt. And, and Ben Barnes just goes off.

• 1:04:38Speaker 00

  Into Westworld.

• 1:04:39Speaker 01

  Into Westworld, just never to be seen again.

• 1:04:41Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:04:41Speaker 01

  And we had a fan theory that Ben Barnes fucks the horse and that's how Mr Tubler's is born.

• 1:04:46Speaker 02

  Mate.

• 1:04:46Speaker 01

  In, in, in Narnia. And it's just, and it's just us, it's just us.

• 1:04:53Speaker 00

  When you, when you, when you.

• 1:04:56Speaker 01

  And the whole video was us going.

• 1:04:57Speaker 00

  I can't believe we never released this. This would have been, we have very different careers now.

• 1:05:01Speaker 01

  We had caps on like, we had caps on like this. And we were going like, it's that gamble and Jamie. And we're like, Ben Barnes fucked that horse. And we kept on saying like, the amount of times we kept saying like, Ben Barnes fucked that horse. All the time.

• 1:05:15Speaker 00

  We did one for Stranger Things as well. That's how long ago.

• 1:05:18Speaker 01

  Did a Stranger Things one about the upside down. I can't remember what that one is. But the, the Westworld one was the one.

• 1:05:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, we'd be very different, you know, probably wouldn't be sat here now.

• 1:05:28Speaker 02

  Well, I'm glad you didn't put it out.

• 1:05:31Speaker 00

  Cause we would have been like Mr. Beast, Mr. and Mr. Beast.

• 1:05:34Speaker 02

  Cause that would have taken off and then that's now your life.

• 1:05:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:36Speaker 02

  Do you know what I mean? Everyone's gonna be like, say the thing.

• 1:05:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, say it.

• 1:05:40Speaker 00

  Now I get popped on. Ben Barnes fucked that horse.

• 1:05:42Speaker 01

  Ben Barnes fucked that horse, yes.

• 1:05:44Speaker 02

  Gamble, real last name?

• 1:05:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:45Speaker 02

  Why is this?

• 1:05:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, Ed Gamble and Jamie.

• 1:05:48Speaker 02

  That is a great last name.

• 1:05:49Speaker 00

  It's a good one. I'm happy with it.

• 1:05:51Speaker 02

  I don't know if I could have a doctor.

• 1:05:53Speaker 00

  Called Doctor Gamble?

• 1:05:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:54Speaker 00

  No, yeah, it's not, it's not a good name, is it? Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:57Speaker 02

  Lawyer, same thing. You don't want, you get me?

• 1:05:59Speaker 00

  And you want certainty with those.

• 1:06:01Speaker 02

  Certainty.

• 1:06:02Speaker 00

  Yeah. I would have to change my name if I was a doctor or a lawyer.

• 1:06:05Speaker 02

  Hundred percent. Or go with the middle one.

• 1:06:08Speaker 00

  Stevenson, which does sound like a surname.

• 1:06:10Speaker 01

  Stevenson, yes.

• 1:06:11Speaker 02

  Lovely.

• 1:06:12Speaker 01

  I'm sorry, I'm just thinking.

• 1:06:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:17Speaker 01

  Your dream dessert.

• 1:06:18Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Who's hungry?

• 1:06:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, I'm still hungry.

• 1:06:21Speaker 02

  One of you is hungry.

• 1:06:22Speaker 01

  Me.

• 1:06:22Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, I don't just stomach going.

• 1:06:24Speaker 02

  Well, you didn't eat breakfast?

• 1:06:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, I had some Rice Krispies and bananas.

• 1:06:29Speaker 02

  Together? One go?

• 1:06:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, I like, not in same bowl. No, no. I ate a couple of bananas and then had a big bowl of Rice Krispies.

• 1:06:37Speaker 02

  Banana.

• 1:06:38Speaker 00

  Still eating Rice Krispie?

• 1:06:39Speaker 01

  I love Rice Krispies so much.

• 1:06:41Speaker 00

  Forty one.

• 1:06:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm forty.

• 1:06:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, don't, don't age me.

• 1:06:46Speaker 01

  I'm forty one in a month and nine days.

• 1:06:48Speaker 02

  Oh, I.

• 1:06:49Speaker 00

  When's this coming out, Mateo?

• 1:06:50Speaker 01

  I'm forty one when this goes out. Okay, fine. Well, when this goes out, who knows? I might have got over my Rice Krispie face.

• 1:06:57Speaker 02

  I had cereal for the first time in ages the other day.

• 1:07:00Speaker 00

  Yeah? What'd you have?

• 1:07:01Speaker 02

  It was a protein soup. I'm trying to.

• 1:07:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which one?

• 1:07:05Speaker 02

  Ah, it's good surreal.

• 1:07:07Speaker 00

  Surreal, yeah, yeah. You're either going surreal or grandma crunch, those are the two.

• 1:07:16Speaker 01

  Grandma crunch.

• 1:07:18Speaker 02

  I keep derailing this whole show, sorry.

• 1:07:20Speaker 01

  It's okay, it's okay.

• 1:07:22Speaker 02

  My dream dessert.

• 1:07:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:25Speaker 02

  Is, it's not, it's barely a dream, but to be honest, it's the only one that I like, like that.

• 1:07:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:30Speaker 02

  That I'm out is a sticky toffee.

• 1:07:33Speaker 01

  Sticky toffee.

• 1:07:34Speaker 02

  Sticky toffee pudding.

• 1:07:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:36Speaker 00

  So you're not much of a dessert guy?

• 1:07:37Speaker 02

  I feel like that makes me a connoisseur of desserts.

• 1:07:40Speaker 01

  Go on.

• 1:07:41Speaker 02

  Cause it's like, cause it's like the rest of them are a bit faffy.

• 1:07:44Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:07:45Speaker 02

  I'm, I'm there now, it's the end of the meal.

• 1:07:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:47Speaker 01

  My stomach is going nuts.

• 1:07:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're hungry, brother. And you do a podcast like eating food.

• 1:07:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:53Speaker 02

  Maybe it's just self.

• 1:07:54Speaker 01

  Here's what's really bad, after we said earlier, I need a wee now. I don't know who's gonna get annoyed, it's dessert.

• 1:07:58Speaker 00

  Well, it's the, it's the end now, so hold it.

• 1:08:00Speaker 01

  But I'm gonna piss.

• 1:08:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, that'd be funny from what we talked about at the beginning, if you piss yourself.

• 1:08:04Speaker 02

  We thought it was gonna be me.

• 1:08:06Speaker 01

  Trousers, we've got another guest after this. Now I've got to go to meal, and then I've got to go to a gig.

• 1:08:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, look, just hold it in.

• 1:08:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:11Speaker 01

  Jesus, okay.

• 1:08:16Speaker 02

  I feel like ice cream on a sticky toffee pudding.

• 1:08:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:21Speaker 02

  Adds another level of like danger.

• 1:08:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. Vanilla?

• 1:08:25Speaker 02

  Gotta get that quick.

• 1:08:26Speaker 01

  Vanilla ice cream?

• 1:08:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, it has to be.

• 1:08:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, nothing too exotic.

• 1:08:29Speaker 00

  Cause then it just turns into custard on top, basically, doesn't it?

• 1:08:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then it's just all nasty.

• 1:08:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:33Speaker 02

  I feel like the rest of them are a bit too faffy, do you know what I mean? They're just, arguably, it's just lots of versions of cream.

• 1:08:41Speaker 00

  James, what have you got to say about this?

• 1:08:42Speaker 01

  All the desserts.

• 1:08:43Speaker 00

  As a dessert.

• 1:08:44Speaker 01

  All the desserts are versions of cream. I would absolutely rip Kojey apart for this, but I need to piss so badly that I'll just say, yeah, you're right.

• 1:08:52Speaker 02

  No, not anymore.

• 1:08:53Speaker 01

  Everything's just a version of cream.

• 1:08:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:56Speaker 01

  The world to me right now is either cream or piss.

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  That's all, that's all I can really think about. So, yeah.

• 1:09:05Speaker 00

  This is it. This is the way to stop James getting angry on the podcast is make sure he was ill before and lost his voice. So he can't shout poppernums of bread and put his bladder full of piss.

• 1:09:14Speaker 01

  It's full of piss. And if I shouted or got angry, it would just all erupt out of me and that would be it.

• 1:09:19Speaker 00

  Where are you going for a meal?

• 1:09:20Speaker 01

  Huh?

• 1:09:20Speaker 00

  You're going, you said you're going for a meal.

• 1:09:21Speaker 01

  Going to Hopper's.

• 1:09:23Speaker 02

  Oh, nice. Shrank and food.

• 1:09:25Speaker 01

  What's that unbelievable?

• 1:09:26Speaker 00

  I'm not invited.

• 1:09:27Speaker 01

  Well, because you're not coming to the gig I'm going to.

• 1:09:28Speaker 00

  Yeah. And I never found out about this gig and I wish I was invited to that.

• 1:09:31Speaker 01

  But you know, you like Cameron Winter.

• 1:09:33Speaker 00

  I do.

• 1:09:33Speaker 01

  Since when?

• 1:09:34Speaker 00

  I enjoyed the album. I told you.

• 1:09:35Speaker 02

  Yep. That's how I feel about coming on this podcast. I was just.

• 1:09:39Speaker 00

  I know. I'm by the phone, Kojey. I'm waiting.

• 1:09:41Speaker 02

  You see?

• 1:09:42Speaker 00

  Yeah. Days turn into months, months turn into years.

• 1:09:49Speaker 00

  Well, sticky toffee pudding is the delicious way to end it and it's the only dessert that is not a version of cream.

• 1:09:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think so. What's tiramisu really?

• 1:09:57Speaker 00

  Gas cream, coffee cream.

• 1:09:58Speaker 02

  Right then.

• 1:09:59Speaker 01

  I mean, yeah, it's unfair to pick that one, but yeah.

• 1:10:04Speaker 02

  It was just cream.

• 1:10:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:06Speaker 02

  It was just cream in different solid states.

• 1:10:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:10:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, to be fair.

• 1:10:10Speaker 00

  Trifle, trifle.

• 1:10:11Speaker 02

  That's cream.

• 1:10:12Speaker 00

  Cream, bottle of cream.

• 1:10:13Speaker 01

  But today I had to choose.

• 1:10:18Speaker 02

  It's the origin.

• 1:10:20Speaker 02

  No, it's all right. No, focus. Laser in.

• 1:10:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, today I had to choose my meal for a wedding I'm going to next year.

• 1:10:27Speaker 00

  So, oh, his wedding, you.

• 1:10:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, I grew up for him in Catwick. I just used dessert and it was between sticky toffee pudding.

• 1:10:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:35Speaker 01

  And a cheesecake.

• 1:10:37Speaker 02

  And you made the right choice, right?

• 1:10:39Speaker 01

  I chose the cheesecake because the groom, when he was at the tasting dessert tasting thing, had texted me going, this is the most incredible dessert I've ever had. And I felt like if I don't choose it, he's going to think that I don't respect his opinion.

• 1:10:51Speaker 02

  Cheesecake is basically just cream.

• 1:10:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:10:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, maybe.

• 1:10:55Speaker 02

  Cream at a base.

• 1:10:55Speaker 00

  Well, even as if you get there and when he said cheesecake, he means like at weddings when it's just like piles of cheese. And they arrange it like a cake. So you've chosen the cheese course, essentially. What are you gonna do?

• 1:11:10Speaker 02

  Like a shark.

• 1:11:11Speaker 01

  I.

• 1:11:11Speaker 02

  Tree board.

• 1:11:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:12Speaker 01

  Well, it's his, it's his day. So I've just got to be all right with that. I've got to pretend that I like it and that it's okay.

• 1:11:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:18Speaker 01

  But I will be angry.

• 1:11:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:20Speaker 01

  I will, I will carry that resentment out of the wedding and into our friendship moving forward.

• 1:11:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:25Speaker 02

  As you should.

• 1:11:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:27Speaker 02

  You've got to like, just, yeah, make sure anytime you invite him somewhere, his plate is different from everyone else's.

• 1:11:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:11:32Speaker 00

  And make sure.

• 1:11:33Speaker 01

  He'll have a breadboard.

• 1:11:34Speaker 00

  Make sure you need to piss. Cause then you can't shout him.

• 1:11:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'll have to make sure the whole wedding I need to piss.

• 1:11:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:40Speaker 01

  So that I'm on my best behaviour.

• 1:11:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:43Speaker 02

  It works. If it works, it works.

• 1:11:45Speaker 01

  Tony Blair used to make sure he needed a piss before every speech.

• 1:11:48Speaker 02

  Is it?

• 1:11:48Speaker 01

  Cause it would.

• 1:11:49Speaker 02

  He made sure of it.

• 1:11:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, he would drink loads so that he needed to piss. And then it meant that he focused in the speech. That's, that's what he said. He really focused.

• 1:11:57Speaker 00

  Is that why he moved his hands around so much?

• 1:11:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:00Speaker 00

  Cause he's like so desperate for a piss.

• 1:12:01Speaker 01

  So desperate.

• 1:12:02Speaker 00

  You know, when you need a piss and you can feel it in your fingers and your teeth.

• 1:12:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:12:05Speaker 02

  I don't, I.

• 1:12:08Speaker 00

  You don't remember that?

• 1:12:09Speaker 02

  I don't remember a prime minister before Tony Blair.

• 1:12:12Speaker 00

  You don't remember one?

• 1:12:13Speaker 02

  I know them from like the history books.

• 1:12:15Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:12:16Speaker 00

  Yeah. How old are you?

• 1:12:17Speaker 02

  Thirty one now.

• 1:12:18Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, I guess Blair would be the OG for you.

• 1:12:21Speaker 00

  Yeah. I can remember.

• 1:12:22Speaker 02

  I'm thirty two. I'm thirty two. I'm gonna be thirty three next year.

• 1:12:26Speaker 00

  When this goes out.

• 1:12:28Speaker 02

  I'm thirty three when this goes out.

• 1:12:30Speaker 00

  Do you roast Crispy's?

• 1:12:32Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:12:32Speaker 00

  No. Cause there's kids on the box.

• 1:12:34Speaker 01

  They're delicious.

• 1:12:37Speaker 01

  That couple of couple of pop aren't kids.

• 1:12:39Speaker 00

  Course they are. What are they? How old are they?

• 1:12:41Speaker 01

  They're like pixies or something.

• 1:12:42Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:12:46Speaker 00

  You get to an age where you can't eat something with kids on the box.

• 1:12:49Speaker 01

  They're like, they're like little wood imps.

• 1:12:51Speaker 00

  I think they're.

• 1:12:52Speaker 01

  Like wood elves or something.

• 1:12:53Speaker 00

  They're maximum fourteen.

• 1:12:55Speaker 02

  Max.

• 1:12:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:12:57Speaker 01

  They're wood elves.

• 1:12:58Speaker 00

  They're not wood elves.

• 1:12:59Speaker 02

  Even, even in the grand scheme of their year, like let's say if they live longer than the average human being, I still feel in the portion of life that they was on that box.

• 1:13:07Speaker 00

  Yeah. Yeah. Cause they're not, they might be older now.

• 1:13:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:10Speaker 00

  But when they when they did the photo.

• 1:13:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, when they did that, they was they was they was they was teens.

• 1:13:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13:16Speaker 01

  It's tasty, it's just either way, so it's not exactly like a kid's, like, I'd say like Cocoa Pops are the kids.

• 1:13:23Speaker 02

  It's because it's there's a sensory element to it that makes it childish.

• 1:13:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13:27Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:13:28Speaker 02

  The snap, the crackle and the pop.

• 1:13:29Speaker 01

  Well, that's the thing, actually, when my mum was staying over and watching Westworld.

• 1:13:32Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:13:32Speaker 01

  I got myself a big bowl of Rice Krispies.

• 1:13:34Speaker 02

  All you could hear is.

• 1:13:35Speaker 01

  And I walked in the living room and she hadn't been around a bowl of Rice Krispies for ages, because she hadn't, you know, and and and she and she, her face lit up and she went. They still make the noise. And I was like, what did you think though? That it doesn't make the noise anymore? And she was like, listen to it, it's still making the noise. And I was like, mum, it's not. It's like a natural phenomenon, it's not something that they put into it. It's a natural phenomenon.

• 1:14:00Speaker 00

  Well, you think they just found found them on the floor one day and went, those make noise, put them in a box?

• 1:14:04Speaker 01

  Well, they did. They just discovered that when you put milk on them.

• 1:14:06Speaker 02

  They snap and they crack.

• 1:14:08Speaker 01

  They they didn't go, let's make it snap, crackle and pop, let's take out the snap, crackle and the pop.

• 1:14:11Speaker 00

  What you mean now by natural phenomenon, yeah.

• 1:14:13Speaker 01

  It's natural phenomenon.

• 1:14:14Speaker 00

  Nice for your mum, because you know, a lot of things change in the world, right? And it's nice to know that when you get older, there are some things you can rely on, like snap, crackle and pop. That's lovely.

• 1:14:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was it was pitiful how much her face lit up. I'll read you a menu now, see how you feel about it. You would like, oh, you would like still water, but also a sorrel and ginger.

• 1:14:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:14:37Speaker 01

  You would like Turkish bread from Gok Gok Kuzu.

• 1:14:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:42Speaker 01

  Starter, you'd like oxtail croquette from Smokestack and a paloma and a chabab and a plantain.

• 1:14:48Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 1:14:49Speaker 01

  Main course, whole grilled til- tilapia stuffed with vegetables, garlic, scotch bonnet, herbs, et cetera.

• 1:14:55Speaker 00

  Vibes, vibes.

• 1:14:56Speaker 01

  Vibes. Side dish, surf roast potatoes from Ireland. Drink, plum wine and tonic. Dessert, sticky toffee pudding with vanilla ice cream.

• 1:15:03Speaker 02

  Oh, dang it.

• 1:15:05Speaker 01

  How do you feel about that?

• 1:15:06Speaker 02

  I think that sounds brilliant.

• 1:15:07Speaker 00

  That is a really good menu, I think.

• 1:15:08Speaker 02

  Sounds good.

• 1:15:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:15:09Speaker 02

  That sounds like now, please.

• 1:15:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:13Speaker 02

  Do you know what I mean?

• 1:15:13Speaker 00

  Now, please.

• 1:15:14Speaker 02

  Now, please.

• 1:15:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:15:15Speaker 01

  Now, please. Obviously, I forgot to mention that, you know, everyone's running past you on the beach and all of that stuff, isn't it?

• 1:15:20Speaker 02

  Everyone's running past, thunder, lightning, Montoya.

• 1:15:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:15:23Speaker 01

  Montoya.

• 1:15:24Speaker 02

  It's it's a proper, like, good, check it out.

• 1:15:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:15:28Speaker 02

  It's so good. Um, I could play it to you off cam.

• 1:15:30Speaker 00

  Okay, we'll watch it, we'll watch it off.

• 1:15:32Speaker 01

  Watch it off cam.

• 1:15:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, but not before James has gone for a piss.

• 1:15:36Speaker 01

  I don't need one anymore.

• 1:15:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:15:39Speaker 01

  It just suddenly subsides.

• 1:15:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:41Speaker 00

  Is it just soaked back into your body?

• 1:15:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I think maybe like talking about Rice Krispies or something to sort it out.

• 1:15:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, puts you in a happy place, zen.

• 1:15:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, kind of just like I'm kind of chilled out again now, I'm all right.

• 1:15:53Speaker 00

  Kojey, thank you very much for coming to the Dream Restaurant.

• 1:15:55Speaker 02

  No worries. Thank you for having me.

• 1:16:03Speaker 00

  There we are, a great chat with Kojey.

• 1:16:05Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 1:16:06Speaker 00

  Lots of food chat, but mainly chat about a Spanish reality television show, James.

• 1:16:11Speaker 01

  I love, I love having TV shows described to me that I've not seen.

• 1:16:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:16:15Speaker 01

  By someone who absolutely loves the show.

• 1:16:17Speaker 00

  Loves the show.

• 1:16:18Speaker 01

  Really, really great stuff.

• 1:16:19Speaker 00

  Took us ages to get to the heart of what he was talking about.

• 1:16:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, sure. I was confused.

• 1:16:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, I've, you know, I've obviously as soon as we finished recording.

• 1:16:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:29Speaker 00

  We watched the clip and it is amazing.

• 1:16:31Speaker 01

  It's a fantastic clip and I'm sure if you haven't already watched it.

• 1:16:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:16:34Speaker 01

  Uh, just watch it now.

• 1:16:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:16:36Speaker 01

  It's really good. It is worth it. Um, and Kojey didn't say tinned potatoes, of course.

• 1:16:40Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:16:41Speaker 01

  We can, we can promote his gig at the Royal Albert Hall again on the 25th of May.

• 1:16:45Speaker 00

  Yes, do go and see that. He is brilliant.

• 1:16:47Speaker 01

  Absolutely fantastic. Listen to all of his music, uh, watch Taskmaster New Year's Treat that he did as well.

• 1:16:52Speaker 00

  Why not?

• 1:16:53Speaker 01

  Um, watch this on YouTube, of course.

• 1:16:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:16:56Speaker 01

  Benito's, uh, sneakily filmed it and, and put it on YouTube. But if you don't watch it, it's gonna get sad. So watch it there.

• 1:17:03Speaker 00

  He always, he secretly films it. He's got like little, little cameras everywhere.

• 1:17:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:08Speaker 00

  He films through Meta glasses as well.

• 1:17:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, to go on YouTube, you have to look up Benito's grubby little perv shots.

• 1:17:15Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:17:15Speaker 00

  That's what it's called.

• 1:17:16Speaker 01

  That's what you have to Google, I'm afraid.

• 1:17:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:17:17Speaker 01

  Put, put, search that on YouTube.

• 1:17:19Speaker 00

  Benito's grubby little perv shots.

• 1:17:21Speaker 01

  Yes, if it doesn't come up, second try, just off my YouTube podcast.

• 1:17:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, I tell you what, Benito, I'm, I'm not saying foot in your bunker.

• 1:17:29Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:17:29Speaker 00

  Captured from every angle.

• 1:17:31Speaker 01

  He doesn't want, he doesn't want a bunker, he says.

• 1:17:33Speaker 00

  You just, what, you just want to have the flesh flayed from your bones?

• 1:17:37Speaker 01

  Will you stop saying that phrase?

• 1:17:38Speaker 00

  Well, who doesn't want to be in a bunker?

• 1:17:40Speaker 01

  Not a normal way to talk.

• 1:17:41Speaker 00

  Nuclear, if there's nuclear explosion.

• 1:17:43Speaker 01

  Stop saying to people, you want to have the flesh flayed for.

• 1:17:48Speaker 01

  It's like, I don't, the, the, the flesh.

• 1:17:51Speaker 00

  Flesh?

• 1:17:52Speaker 01

  The flesh flayed for.

• 1:17:53Speaker 00

  Flayed?

• 1:17:54Speaker 01

  The.

• 1:17:56Speaker 00

  Oh my goodness.

• 1:17:57Speaker 01

  Flesh.

• 1:17:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:17:58Speaker 01

  Flayed from your bones.

• 1:17:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:18:00Speaker 01

  Stop saying that to people.

• 1:18:01Speaker 00

  Oof.

• 1:18:02Speaker 01

  I don't know how you're even doing it, to be honest.

• 1:18:07Speaker 00

  Thanks for listening, we'll be back again, bye. Bye.