Pod Insights Normal Gossip Prank Sinatra with Jenée Desmond-Harris and Joel Anderson About this episode We're BACK for season TEN and more than ready to be petty! We brought Jenée Desmond Harris back, along with her husband Joel Anderson, for some gossip about a mom who just can't quit pranks.
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Transcript 11,128 words · 6 speakers
0:02 Speaker 00 Oh my god.
0:03 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
0:04 Speaker 00 Oh my god. What? Oh my god.
0:05 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
0:06 Speaker 00 Oh wow. Oh my god.
0:08 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
0:08 Speaker 00 Oh my god. What? Oh my gosh.
0:11 Speaker 01 What?
0:12 Speaker 02 Hello and welcome to season 10 of Normal Gossip. I'm your host, Rachel Hampton, and in each episode of this podcast, we're gonna bring you an anonymous morsel of gossip from the real world. That's right, y'all, we are back, baby, and better than ever. I cannot believe how long it's been since I've communed with y'all, my little flock of gossip birds. I've missed being in the gossip kitchen whipping up fresh treats for all of us to enjoy, and look, I'm already back to mixing metaphors. Didn't you miss me? Before we get into today's lovely little gossip treat, we've got some major announcements. As you just heard me say, today's episode marks the beginning of the 10th season of Normal Gossip. This season felt so far away when I took over back in December of 2024,
0:55 Speaker 02 but somehow we're here and we couldn't not mark the occasion. For a while now, we've been thinking of this as our All-Star season, a season where we not only bring you some of the wildest gossip to grace our inbox, but we also bring back some of our favorite guests, along with some new friends that y'all have been requesting for ages. So buckle the fuck up. You might have already noticed one of the ways we've chosen to celebrate our All-Star season. Last year, our friends over at Radiotopia put on this event called the Radiotopia Mixtote, which was kind of like a little White Rabbit situation where we composed a little audio love letter to one of our fellow Radiotopia shows. Season seven guest Rishi Kesh Hirway, and host of Song Exploder, chose Normal Gossip
1:36 Speaker 02 and he did us the huge honor of composing the new theme song you just heard. I was obsessed from the moment I first heard it, and I'm truly so, so, so grateful to Rishi for not only making the song, but for allowing us to use it this season. So everyone say, "Thank you, Rishi." And finally, the last major change for this season is that Normal Gossip is now doing video. Yes, we have finally decided to join y'all in the modern world. So if you would like to watch this episode, head on over to youtube.com/defectormedia and check us out. This isn't necessarily- My first video rodeo, but I am very much still learning. So please bear with me as I learn to like actually look at the camera.
2:17 Speaker 02 And speaking of bearing with me, I do want to take just a short little moment to thank every single one of y'all for your kindness and grace while I was recovering these past few months. If you listen to last year's finale, you'll know that I was diagnosed with Bell's palsy in the week between Christmas and New Year's, which definitely forced us to adjust the end of our production schedule. More importantly, it forced me to actually reckon with what I need to make this work sustainable for me and for the normal gossip team. And I can't tell you how much I appreciate y'all giving us the space and time to do that. Just know that if you reached out over the past few months, I saw it and it meant the world to me. Okay, that is enough housekeeping for today. Let's get into the motherfucking gossip.
2:56 Speaker 02 To kick things off right, I'd like to introduce the very first guest of the season, Janaye Desmond Harris and Joel Anderson. Janaye Desmond Harris is a Slate staff writer and editor. She writes the Dear Prudence advice column and previously worked at the New York Times. You might remember her from the season seven episode of Normal Gossip, Romancing the Stone. Joel Anderson is a senior staff writer at The Ringer and a co-host of The Press Box and Ringer Tailgate. He most recently worked at Slate where he hosted seasons three, six, and eight of the award-winning Slow Burn narrative podcast series. And in addition to being lovely and talented individually, y'all should probably also know that Janaye and Joel are married, which makes them our very first guests that are a couple. Janaye, Joel, welcome.
3:40 Speaker 03 Man. It's so good to see you. This is like a Slate reunion, like, you know, meeting in the, what was that, a kitchen in the Brooklyn office?
3:48 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
3:49 Speaker 03 I would see you in there. I'd be getting my oatmeal or something and you'd be in there doing your thing. So, yeah.
3:55 Speaker 02 I was always so excited to see you.
3:56 Speaker 03 Yeah, man, likewise.
3:58 Speaker 02 Well, usually I ask my guests what their relationship to gossip is, but you guys are actually the first married couple that we have had on the show.
4:07 Speaker 03 Wow. Really? Crazy.
4:09 Speaker 02 Yeah.
4:10 Speaker 03 Really?
4:10 Speaker 02 Yeah. But you guys' presence made me want to ask, do you feel like being married to each other has changed your relationship to gossip at all?
4:18 Speaker 04 One thing is you have someone who always has to give you the gossip they have.
4:22 Speaker 02 Yeah.
4:23 Speaker 04 With like some exceptions. Joel's pretty good about not telling stuff about his friends. I can like see it in his eyes when he's holding something back, but I respect it.
4:31 Speaker 02 Wow.
4:32 Speaker 03 You gotta respect your bros, right?
4:33 Speaker 04 Yeah.
4:34 Speaker 03 You can't do that. That's not respectful.
4:36 Speaker 04 But he's not good at lying. Or, I mean, no, no, there's nothing to say. And it's like, his eyes are really big. But in general, I credit it to us both being Geminis. We love to talk and analyze things, especially just kind of going deep on the emotional side of things. It doesn't have to be groundbreaking headline gossip.
4:57 Speaker 03 Yeah.
4:58 Speaker 04 But we're good for a lot of, oh, is she still like that? How do you think she feels? And we can kind of go off something like that for a while.
5:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
5:07 Speaker 03 We always, we're just fascinated at people and how they interact with the world. And I think that that's where the gossip comes from. It's just like, wait, that person, they're no longer posting their husband on Instagram. Like, what do you think's going on there? You know, and they posted him in six months. What's happening? You know, that kind of stuff.
5:22 Speaker 04 And he's probably better than most. You know how men are stereotypically like?
5:26 Speaker 02 Not good at gossip.
5:28 Speaker 04 And they say, my friend is getting divorced. And you're like, why? I don't know. I didn't ask any questions. He generally has like, he has pretty good information, although I sometimes have to prod to get a little more reporting.
5:40 Speaker 03 So I actually am a friend, when my friends get divorced, they call me to talk about it. I will keep the information that needs to be under lock and key, under lock and key.
5:50 Speaker 04 Oh, so maybe that's what's behind some of the I don't knows. You actually do know.
5:53 Speaker 03 I mean, I don't need to say everything about everything, but you know, like the broad strokes, you know, I'll tell you, like if somebody cried while they were talking to me or whatever. So, yeah, I'm that person in my friend's life.
6:06 Speaker 02 Probably because you're a man who actually asks follow-up questions, which is hard to find these days.
6:12 Speaker 03 That's right. You know what? I'll take that, man. I remember in seventh grade, and this man, this guy ended up becoming a prominent person, so I can't even say his name here. But he he was struggling, man, and he would like come to me and just talk about all this. Probably like, so like, I always used to say in college I had friendly on my forehead. I felt like people would unburden themselves.
6:30 Speaker 02 Yeah.
6:31 Speaker 03 And so I do, I possess a lot of gossip that I never tell, but if I do have some stuff, I'm taking it to Janae. I mean, Janae would have been a psychologist in another life.
6:41 Speaker 02 I could see that.
6:42 Speaker 04 I would have loved to, but I don't think that's a healthy approach to being a psychologist. You don't want to be a psychologist because you're like, I can't wait to hear all the bad, weird stuff. That would have been my motivation. That would have been wrong.
6:53 Speaker 02 Well, you know, speaking of gossip, a little birdie told me that you have some gossip for me.
6:59 Speaker 04 Yeah.
6:59 Speaker 02 And I'm so excited to hear it.
7:02 Speaker 04 I've been on here once before.
7:03 Speaker 02 Mm hmm.
7:04 Speaker 04 And what is similar about this gossip and the gossip I shared then?
7:09 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:10 Speaker 04 Is that it's a little bit less gossip and more a report on someone just having a lot of nerve and audacity. That's a kind of gossip, right?
7:18 Speaker 02 That is definitely a kind of gossip.
7:20 Speaker 04 Joel and I have two kids, and this story takes place when we were getting ready to have our first kid. After a pretty long journey with like IVF and what have you, like a lot of medical intervention. And we were really wanting to just do everything right, you know, dot all the i's, cross all the t's. So even though it was going to be a planned C-section, we took all our friends' advice, who said we would need a doula.
7:45 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:46 Speaker 04 And I was like, sure. I mean, before you have a kid, you don't know any, if someone tells you, you're gonna be tired and miserable and confused, and this person will make it better. You're like, okay, yes.
7:56 Speaker 02 Sign me up.
7:57 Speaker 04 And Joel decided to take on the task of finding the doula.
8:00 Speaker 03 If you read like Reddit threads on moms or expected moms, men are fucking up, doc. You know, like, and so I just always wonder, I don't want my wife to be the, like, well, my husband did do nothing, you know, he didn't do. And so I was really big into like the division of emotional labor and all that other stuff.
8:16 Speaker 04 He read like one too many Atlantic articles about this. Not one too many. He read the right amount. And Joel is also very competitive. So his orientation toward being a new father was like being in competition.
8:29 Speaker 02 With all the other fathers?
8:30 Speaker 03 I love in one help and also I was like, I don't know what I'm doing.
8:32 Speaker 04 Yeah.
8:33 Speaker 03 So like, I wanted to like, you know, read up and be a part of it.
8:36 Speaker 04 This is my footnote is that Joel is someone who loves to hire a guy, gender neutral.
8:41 Speaker 02 Hmm.
8:42 Speaker 04 He doesn't want to just go on Yelp or something. He wants like a hookup from his Twitter followers. He wants it to feel like a special connection and like he's found the very best person.
8:53 Speaker 02 It's a network. You gotta work your network.
8:56 Speaker 04 Yeah, he wants to work his network to find the person.
8:58 Speaker 03 If I need something done, like, why am I just gonna accept whatever the algorithm shows me?
9:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:04 Speaker 03 With the doula, I had a therapist in Oakland, a black woman. You know, she knew about all my concerns about being an expectant father. So she sent me this website where you could find all these doulas. And so I picked out, you know, five names, something like that. And just, you know, started calling and trying to reach out to people. And so I'll throw it back to you now, baby.
9:25 Speaker 04 And so we're getting closer and closer to the due date. And he tells me that he's found someone and gives me the rundown of like her basic qualifications, which we don't know. The qualifications are she's a doula who lives near us.
9:37 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:38 Speaker 04 And she is a person of color, which was also important.
9:41 Speaker 03 Yeah.
9:42 Speaker 04 Um, you hear all these things about black maternal health and let's get someone in the room.
9:45 Speaker 03 Yeah, absolutely.
9:46 Speaker 04 Not gonna perpetuate that.
9:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:48 Speaker 04 And he's like, well, I've found her, but you should have a Zoom call with her to make sure that you like her.
9:53 Speaker 02 Makes sense.
9:54 Speaker 03 I called her and I'm talking to this woman. I'm like, oh, we're vibing.
9:58 Speaker 02 Okay.
9:59 Speaker 03 I felt like, oh, like this is a person, if she's gonna come into our house in a really sensitive time, this is the kind of person I would want to be here. Like, she was cool.
10:07 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:08 Speaker 04 So I log into my Zoom appointment at the agreed upon time. So she's like, hi, hi, I'm, I'm not gonna say her name. However, nice to meet you. And we go over the due date and any concerns I have. And she shares a little bit about her general philosophy, which again, all sounds the same.
10:23 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:24 Speaker 04 There were a couple of moments where I thought she came across a little forceful. For example, somehow the issue of Vaseline came up. I assume it had to do with like moisturizing the baby's skin or maybe like circumcision healing.
10:36 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:37 Speaker 04 And her eyes like narrowed and she was like, that is poison. You're putting petroleum on your baby? And I was kind of, again, I didn't have a lot of confidence and
10:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:47 Speaker 04 I'm open to the more woo woo, earthy side of things.
10:51 Speaker 03 Definitely.
10:52 Speaker 04 I was like, okay, well, I'm happy to use Shea butter, whatever it is instead. Again, I thought, whatever, I'll do what you tell me to. I just want to have this baby and keep it alive.
11:00 Speaker 02 Important.
11:01 Speaker 04 But she's starting, as I'm looking at her to look familiar. And I'm asking myself, do I, is she my high school classmate? Do I know her from somewhere? And I text Joel and I'm like, make sure you actually look at the screen because I think we know her. And so he comes on, oh, hey, and he says hi to her and he gets a look at her face. We wrap up the call with her and as we get off, we put together her image with her name. And we have a revelation that this is a famous person. Anyone in our age range would know her from
11:33 Speaker 02 The way I'm going to be asking who this is after this recording is over.
11:37 Speaker 04 Yeah, we're going to tell you, but again, I don't want you to have a defamation suit on your hands.
11:41 Speaker 02 Thank you so much and I appreciate that. Okay, but it sounds like you guys did not end up going with this doula.
11:46 Speaker 04 We did.
11:47 Speaker 02 Oh, incredible.
11:49 Speaker 04 I mean, who are we to deny her the opportunity for a second career, right?
11:53 Speaker 02 And you're right.
11:54 Speaker 04 You can't be on your whole life.
11:56 Speaker 03 Yeah, it was years ago too, at this point.
11:59 Speaker 02 Yeah.
12:00 Speaker 04 You know, we'd looked at her website and it was like, I have such and such doula certification and such and such childcare. We didn't look at the details, but it sounded like a good paragraph of, you know.
12:09 Speaker 03 And she came through my, you know, through a hookup through my
12:12 Speaker 04 We still need to ask about that, but we did decide to still go with her. She still seemed reasonable. We still like, obviously are busy trying to get every, put the curve together. We don't have time to go start from square one and do another doula search.
12:23 Speaker 03 Yeah, and she, yeah, we vibe, like, it was like, she was cool and it was like, all right.
12:27 Speaker 02 Yeah.
12:28 Speaker 04 So the due date gets closer and closer.
12:31 Speaker 02 Mm hmm.
12:32 Speaker 04 She's told us that she's going to come see us at our home and get to know us. Then she will meet us at the hospital on the C-section date. Then she will come to our house the day we get sent home from the hospital and do whatever she does with her Vaseline alternative moisturizers. I think she said, we haven't signed the contract yet because there's something going on with like the PDF situation on her end, but she said, we have an agreement, right?
12:54 Speaker 03 Yeah, we have an agreement.
12:55 Speaker 04 I'll be there, we have an agreement, I'm so excited to work with you. Things are getting closer and closer. We're hearing from her less and she has not made the visit to our home.
13:03 Speaker 02 I'm getting nervous.
13:05 Speaker 04 And we would text her to kind of check in. Oh, we haven't had like the conversation about the, the plan, the birth plan, C-section birth plan, um, or any of the other stuff, but let us know. And we heard back from her once, like, I'm out of birth. You know, it was an emergency birth. And what can you say?
13:21 Speaker 02 Literally nothing.
13:22 Speaker 04 And then the big day comes. We go to the hospital at 4:30 a.m. or whatever it was. Keep in mind, we have a plus two, cause it's still kind of COVID era. We can have two other adults come. My mom is one and we have a spot for her. She's on the list.
13:35 Speaker 02 Yeah.
13:36 Speaker 03 We were already at the point where I was like, man, I feel like I'm bothering her. You know what I mean? It's like, cause it's like, the more that you reach out to them, it's like, it's like, oh, you don't trust me?
13:47 Speaker 04 Yeah.
13:48 Speaker 03 You know, what's, what's, what's the deal? So I was just kind of like.
13:50 Speaker 04 And then there's a layer of like, is this because she's famous? And she thinks we're just trying to get more attention from her? So we're in, you know, getting prepped or whatever. I'm like, can you text her and tell, ask her when she's coming? So he texts her and then I'm sedated or busy.
14:03 Speaker 03 Yeah.
14:03 Speaker 04 I'm having a C-section and didn't get an update until I had the baby in my arms and there's no doula. Um, and of course, we're both very tired, very overwhelmed, very emotional.
14:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
14:14 Speaker 04 She's not the first thing on our mind, but she is the person who's supposed to be there to help us manage everything, right?
14:20 Speaker 03 Yeah.
14:21 Speaker 04 I think we probably waited another like 12 to 24 hours before texting her again, just because the nurses were so wonderful, right?
14:28 Speaker 03 Right.
14:28 Speaker 04 There wasn't a huge unmet need.
14:30 Speaker 03 Right.
14:31 Speaker 04 But where was she?
14:32 Speaker 03 Especially as we got closer to, oh, it's almost nighttime.
14:36 Speaker 04 Yeah.
14:36 Speaker 03 Which is really scary because I'm like, man, you know, I've never done this before. I don't want to be, you know, whatever out of it. And so I'm thinking, well, she'll be here for this part, right?
14:45 Speaker 04 Yeah.
14:45 Speaker 03 Yeah.
14:46 Speaker 04 Once we got home, I was like, she'll just come to the house. Cause that's when we won't have the nurses anymore. And that's when we'll really need her to figure out like, how the hell we take care of this kid. I remember getting home, sitting on the recliner, having the baby and being like, can you text her again? Nothing.
15:01 Speaker 03 She didn't even say congratulations, man.
15:02 Speaker 04 No congratulations, no acknowledgement, no nothing. We never heard from her again.
15:09 Speaker 03 That was it.
15:10 Speaker 04 We never heard.
15:11 Speaker 03 She ghosted us.
15:12 Speaker 02 You got ghosted by your doula?
15:15 Speaker 04 We got ghosted by a [BLEEP]. Doula, anything could have happened. Luckily, everything was fine.
15:20 Speaker 03 Everything's fine.
15:21 Speaker 04 But then we went and looked a little more into like her website and Yelp reviews, like, once we'd had a bit of sleep and everything. And she lied about everything. I look back at that paragraph that talked about her 25 years of childcare experience. That's impossible. She's been on a million spinoffs of shows. She cannot have been doing doula work that whole time.
15:41 Speaker 03 Yeah.
15:42 Speaker 04 I think she counted her childcare experience, starting from when her daughter was born.
15:47 Speaker 03 Or maybe, or maybe taking care of siblings or something like that.
15:49 Speaker 04 Oh, yeah. It's like the first time she babysat.
15:51 Speaker 02 Well, I'm a doula as the older sister of a brother who was born when I was nine.
15:56 Speaker 04 Yeah. And to be fair, it didn't say she had 25 years of doula experience. It was like childcare experience. And then the kind of like certifications she mentioned were not legit things, right? Like the water birth.
16:08 Speaker 02 Special certification, yeah.
16:10 Speaker 04 These weren't like professional bodies. And then her Yelp reviews, she's done this to other people.
16:16 Speaker 02 She's ghosted multiple families.
16:19 Speaker 04 At least two other times.
16:20 Speaker 02 Oh, my God, guys. That is an incredible story. I'm so sorry that happened. I'm so glad that everything turned out well.
16:30 Speaker 04 You know, we turned it okay. And for our second child, we did not hire a doula. No doula.
16:36 Speaker 02 And you know what? That's real. Okay, well, now I have some gossip for you.
16:40 Speaker 04 Okay.
16:40 Speaker 02 Okay. That does involve children.
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17:17 Speaker 02 I'm gonna admit something embarrassing. I know, shocker. I have not had a bedside lamp for an undisclosed amount of months, long enough that I basically haven't read before bed for a really long time. And I only realized this because I'm hosting a friend and I was like, wow. They deserve to have a light by their bed at night. I don't. But uh, this finally inspired me to find the perfect bedside lamp and I had a vision in mind. Wayfair, they had exactly what I need, which is one of those library style lights with like the green lampshade and little pull cord. I have been having this image in my mind of having one and now I have one because of course Wayfair had it.
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18:44 Speaker 02 And that is what growing feels like. If you've been thinking about starting therapy, then I think you should check out today's sponsor, Growth Therapy. Growth Therapy is built for therapy that actually feels like care. You can find therapy based on what matters most to you, like insurance taken, mental health specialties, identity, or night and weekend availability if you're working a lot. Book your first session in minutes and you can start in as little as two days. Sessions average $21 with insurance and some pay as little as $0 depending on your insurance plan. Prepare for holiday glimmers instead of holiday stress. Visit growtherapy.com/gossip to get started today. That is growtherapy.com/gossip.
19:29 Speaker 02 Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.
19:39 Speaker 02 Today's story is about a prank. And because it's normal gossip, I'm sure you will not be surprised to learn that it's about a prank gone wrong.
19:49 Speaker 04 Mm-hmm.
19:50 Speaker 02 But before we get into today's hijinks, I want to know, what are your opinions on pranks? I feel like I have a vibe that Joel is maybe a bit of a prank apologist, but please let me know if I'm wrong.
20:02 Speaker 04 I don't feel like you do, you don't do a lot of pranks.
20:05 Speaker 03 No, that shit annoyed me.
20:07 Speaker 02 Really?
20:08 Speaker 03 I didn't like that foolishness. So I didn't pledge a frack because I didn't want to have to be out in the woods naked with honey on my body trying to get out.
20:16 Speaker 02 And you know what?
20:17 Speaker 03 Trying to get beat up. No disrespect.
20:19 Speaker 02 Yeah.
20:20 Speaker 03 The craziest things that ever happened in my house. I had my homeboy come and stay with me when I lived in Oklahoma City. It was two of them. And I'm in the bathroom. I don't know if I was taking a shower or if I was just, you know, having a moment. And all of a sudden, a bucket of ice comes over the top and it's just dropped on me.
20:38 Speaker 02 While you're in the shower?
20:40 Speaker 03 Yeah. And I was so pissed. I was like, I was like, man, I'm too old for this shit, dog. I was like, I was like 24, but I was like, bro, what are we, what are we doing here, man? Putting toothpaste in people's ear, that kind of, I don't, I'm not, I'm not with that. So no, I'm not a prank person.
20:54 Speaker 02 No, it's too much.
20:55 Speaker 04 I have a couple of pranks that I'm proud of.
20:57 Speaker 02 Hmm. Oh.
20:59 Speaker 04 So when I was a lawyer at a big law firm in DC, there were a lot of people who I didn't like, mostly because I didn't like the work and I just resented being there. But in particular, I worked for one partner who was probably 60 something. And between the partner and me was a more senior associate, guy who was just a jerk, just always giving me assignments at the last minute, not explaining things, blaming me for things.
21:23 Speaker 02 Yeah.
21:24 Speaker 04 And I did decide I was leaving the firm to go pursue journalism, media, what have you.
21:30 Speaker 02 Yeah.
21:31 Speaker 04 In that period where I had a foot out the door and I didn't care about them anymore, I really enjoyed myself.
21:36 Speaker 02 Oh, hell, yeah.
21:39 Speaker 04 April Fool's Day came up and I just decided to play a joke on the senior associate who I hated because he was wound up so tight and his whole thing was always like. Wanting to please the partner he worked for and throwing me under the bus to make that happen.
21:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:54 Speaker 04 So I went to his office and I was like, let's say his name was George. Jim told me to get you. And Jim was the partner we both worked for. And he's like, why? What is it? What is it? And I said, oh, the underprivileged children are downstairs in the conference room and you're going to be giving them a speech on how to become a lawyer. And he like, I got lied. He completely, he's turned red. He started sweating. And I let him sweat it out for like, a good five to seven minutes before I told him April Fools.
22:18 Speaker 02 Yeah.
22:19 Speaker 04 But I just really enjoyed seeing that. So I guess I like a prank that someone deserves.
22:23 Speaker 02 Okay, so you're the prank apologist.
22:26 Speaker 04 Yeah.
22:26 Speaker 02 In this couple. Okay, I love that. I don't have that prank dog in me. I really, it's not an aversion, it's more that I simply never think that far ahead.
22:37 Speaker 03 Yeah. Also, you don't want to see people suffer.
22:39 Speaker 02 Yeah, I, well, I wouldn't go that far. I host the show.
22:43 Speaker 03 Okay. That's true, fair point, fair point.
22:47 Speaker 02 Well, this is not today's friend of a friend, whose name is Nina. And Nina's love affair with pranks began when she was just six years old on the most auspicious day of the prank calendar.
22:59 Speaker 04 April Fools.
22:59 Speaker 02 April Fools Day, exactly. When her older brother gave her what looked to be just like a simple plastic whistle, which are, as I understand, the nightmare of parents in general.
23:12 Speaker 04 Because of the noise.
23:12 Speaker 03 Anything making a noise.
23:13 Speaker 02 Yeah. Well, this whistle was special because instead of a piercing note, it let loose the sound of an outrageous fart.
23:21 Speaker 03 That's kind of cool. I kind of fuck with that.
23:24 Speaker 02 Is, you know, the funniest sound possible to any child under the age of like 13. And also Joel.
23:31 Speaker 03 Yeah, I fuck with that, that's cool, I like that.
23:34 Speaker 02 So for weeks, Nina terrorized her family. Anytime someone would sit down, there she was with the whistle and a fart and a gleeful shriek of April Fools. Fart, April Fools. How many days before this fart whistle goes missing in your household if one of your children gets one?
23:52 Speaker 04 I'd probably let him have it for a good two days and get tired of it, or they would get tired of it first.
23:56 Speaker 03 I think he'd bring it in the house, use it, then I'd try to hide it. I don't want to deal with that no more.
24:03 Speaker 02 Yeah, Nina's parents lasted like two and a half weeks.
24:06 Speaker 04 Good for them.
24:07 Speaker 03 Alright, tolerance.
24:08 Speaker 02 Yeah, and then they explained that April Fool's jokes had a time limit.
24:12 Speaker 04 Usually a day.
24:13 Speaker 03 That's funny, that's true.
24:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, but it was too late. The prank was out of the bag. Nina was infected by the prank bug. And Spencer, her older brother, was thrilled to have someone to share in this particular mental illness with him. So the year after the fart whistle, Nina and Spencer learned how to peel labels off of canned goods and like replace them.
24:34 Speaker 03 Wow.
24:36 Speaker 02 What this meant is that for months Nina and Spencer's mom Gloria would be like opening a can of black beans for taco night and end up with a can of clam chowder.
24:45 Speaker 04 Oh my god.
24:46 Speaker 03 I was, oh man, I was thinking about how frustrated that would be. Oh my god.
24:49 Speaker 02 This one actually kind of backfires on Spencer, uh, who as the oldest is usually the one who is blamed for ring leading. Um, to this day Spencer still shudders when he remembers the night his mom made him eat clam chowder tacos.
25:04 Speaker 04 Oh wow.
25:07 Speaker 02 As the baby of the family, Nina had it really good though. And I gotta say, as a younger sister, there's nothing better than blaming something on your older brother. My older brother remembers to this day a time when I drew on the wall in his bedroom and he took the blame for it. So I wouldn't get in trouble, which is very sweet. Shout out to you DJ.
25:23 Speaker 03 Your brother took the charge for you, for real?
25:25 Speaker 02 He did. He still talks about it.
25:27 Speaker 04 That's amazing.
25:29 Speaker 03 I don't do this like that. I want to, he won't be like that, but it would be nice if he would.
25:33 Speaker 02 I was gonna ask you guys, I feel like your kids are a little young to be pulling pranks at this age. So this is a hypothetical, but as parents, do you think you'd be able to tell when one child was taking the fall for the other?
25:44 Speaker 04 Yeah, absolutely.
25:46 Speaker 02 Yeah?
25:46 Speaker 03 Yeah. Yeah.
25:48 Speaker 04 Well, I don't know. Dez hasn't gotten to the age where he's ever tried to lie yet. He doesn't know how.
25:53 Speaker 02 Yeah.
25:54 Speaker 04 That's so cute.
25:55 Speaker 03 I imagine he would love to do pranks.
25:57 Speaker 04 Yeah, he would.
25:58 Speaker 03 He's gonna love pranks.
25:59 Speaker 04 I mean, speaking of pranks, he has a whoopee cushion.
26:00 Speaker 03 Yeah.
26:01 Speaker 04 Where he like, he puts it on the ground and says, mommy, is it okay if I sit right there? And I have to say yes and act like I don't see it and then act surprised when there's a fart sound.
26:10 Speaker 02 It's like, oh, my God, where'd that come from? Well, this dynamic between Nina and Spencer reaches its apex when they're in high school at the prestigious Sweetbrier Academy, which, like, if you're imagining the high school rivals of like a ragtag group of misfits from a 1990s high school movie, that's what Sweetbrier is giving. Nina and Spencer's family, the St. Clouds, are actually black sheep at Sweetbrier because their money is not generational, their new money. Papa St. Cloud is a partner at a big fancy law firm, but his dad worked on the factory floor. All of this means that once Nina and Spencer enter high school, the focus of their prank war shifts from their parents to their hoity-toity school and all of its stuck-up inhabitants.
26:55 Speaker 02 But you can only get away with listing the school for sale on Craigslist for so long.
26:59 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's a good one, too. Maybe I'm a prank apologist.
27:02 Speaker 02 That's what I guessed when I came in here, but you know, we'll know by the end of this episode. The night before swim meet against Crestwood Prep, also known as the Battle in Toads, Spencer and Nina pooled their allowances and bought hundreds and hundreds of plastic frogs that they released into the school's Olympic-sized pool.
27:20 Speaker 03 Wow.
27:21 Speaker 02 But they didn't just stop there. They put plastic frogs in the drinking fountains, they put plastic frogs in the toilets, and even in the sink in the faculty lounge. Would you be impressed if your kids pulled this off?
27:36 Speaker 04 Yeah, it's funny because it's like a really good joke, but in this day and age with like all the cops in schools, it's either a joke or it's a felony conviction.
27:43 Speaker 03 Internally, I'd be like, y'all kind of showed up, man, I'm probably appreciate that. But publicly, I'd have to be like, y'all really can't do that, man.
27:51 Speaker 04 You just don't know how it'll be received. But it is, I think I would like the personality of a kid who wanted to do that.
27:56 Speaker 03 Yeah.
27:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, and these kids were convinced that they would get away like scot-free. They were like, the other school's gonna be blamed for it. It's gonna be completely fine.
28:05 Speaker 04 Oh, cuz the frogs were the other schools.
28:10 Speaker 02 And they even scoped out the school. They know that the school is rich, so they're like, they're gonna have cameras. We know where the cameras are at. These are prank professionals. They had it all planned. Except they missed a camera. And it was one that wasn't even really supposed to be there. Someone had been stealing lunches out of the faculty fridge. So one of the teachers had set up a little nanny cam, and this is how Spencer gets caught.
28:36 Speaker 02 And he is the only one caught on tape because Nina was waiting in the hallway. So once again, Spencer takes the fall.
28:47 Speaker 02 The morning of the swim meet against the battling toads, Spencer has to clean up every single frog on campus, all three hundred and fifty of them. He is suspended for two weeks. And the principal swears that if he ever sees the name Saint Cloud on anything except the honor roll or diploma, there will be hell to pay. Do you think this is an appropriate punishment?
29:08 Speaker 04 I think suspension is dumb.
29:10 Speaker 02 Say more.
29:11 Speaker 04 I mean, you've done something at school, so you're gonna go sit at home unsupervised and not get an education. Cleaning up the frogs, sure, but yeah, not the suspension. And I don't think the principal should threaten to retaliate later. Like, let it be done, let it be over, you know?
29:23 Speaker 03 Yeah, you would have to talk to me about that. Like, hold on, bro. What'd you say to my kids? At Catholic school, the punishment, you had to sit, basically like in school suspension. They call it penance hall. I got penance hall during a Saturday penance hall.
29:37 Speaker 02 So you were already there for penance hall, and then you got another one?
29:41 Speaker 03 R I P brother Casey. But I don't like the way he was talking to me.
29:46 Speaker 03 We were sweeping under the stadium. I threw the broom. I didn't like the way he was talking to me. I was like, oh, fuck, I'm not doing this shit, man. So I got P H. My high school experience is that I got ten P Hs as a sophomore. And up to my senior year, I got like thirty. It didn't get better for me.
30:01 Speaker 04 I didn't know you were that bad.
30:02 Speaker 03 Yeah. My parents, I mean, you guys, my mama, she was saying, she was like, she's saying, I had to go up there.
30:09 Speaker 04 She had to go up to the school.
30:12 Speaker 02 Well, Nina and Spencer. Managed to finish out their high school careers without any more incidents after this. Like, under the threat of expulsion, they're like, you know what? We're OK on this. And, once they graduate, they both swear that they will never be caught dead on sweet, bright grounds ever again. So, for about fifteen years, Nina's love affair with pranks is dormant. It helps that she goes into a field that is not really known for its prankishness, um, data science.
30:39 Speaker 03 OK.
30:40 Speaker 02 And, as the daughter of an epidemiologist, I'm allowed to say that statisticians are not known for their fifteen-minute tight-five routine.
30:51 Speaker 03 I would thought they would need a release, to be honest, but maybe not.
30:54 Speaker 02 They're doing Sudoku for release, Joel. It's really, it's a problem.
30:58 Speaker 03 Yeah, OK.
30:59 Speaker 02 This is how Nina ends up meeting her husband Liam, who is also a data scientist. They're set up by a mutual friend who's like, you guys are the only stats nerds I know who are actually funny. So, you guys should get along well. Liam's humor is more on the dad joke side of the spectrum, but this means that Liam and Nina have like a beautiful Venn diagram, and like, right in the middle is physical comedy. So, they spend a lot of time watching compilation videos of people falling down.
31:24 Speaker 04 So, not funny to me.
31:25 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah. I tried to get her to watch this video, these two guys jumping off a house into a table.
31:31 Speaker 04 Yeah.
31:31 Speaker 03 She's not with it, man.
31:32 Speaker 04 That, and like, what do you still, like, people fighting animals? Like, people fighting like a kangaroo?
31:36 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah, I love that kind of stuff.
31:37 Speaker 04 I don't get it. I just don't.
31:38 Speaker 02 OK, so this dynamic of having different kinds of humor is familiar. I want to ask a kind of controversial question, which is, who is the funny one in your household?
31:50 Speaker 04 Oh, Joel's the funny one.
31:51 Speaker 03 No.
31:51 Speaker 04 Yeah.
31:52 Speaker 03 No.
31:52 Speaker 04 Of course, it's OK to say that. It's not sexist to say that. You're the funny one. I know when things are funny. I'm not necessarily the person, like, producing the comedy, but I can identify something hilarious.
32:04 Speaker 03 I see, I think your humor is good if it's mean. If she can be cruel, or something, say something mean. No, no, no. What I'm saying, if you're gonna make fun of somebody that deserves it.
32:14 Speaker 04 It kind of lines up with my prank philosophy. Like, I wanted to hurt that guy. I wanted to make him uncomfortable.
32:18 Speaker 03 Yeah, she can really do it. I'm a lot more.
32:20 Speaker 04 Generous?
32:21 Speaker 03 Yeah, than that.
32:22 Speaker 04 Good-natured?
32:22 Speaker 03 Yeah. Well, I would say not. No, I'm just saying, but I don't.
32:25 Speaker 04 Goofy.
32:26 Speaker 03 Goofy.
32:27 Speaker 04 Yeah.
32:27 Speaker 03 I like Anchorman. I like Talladega Nights.
32:30 Speaker 04 Oh, yeah.
32:31 Speaker 03 I like Napoleon Dynamite.
32:33 Speaker 04 Oh, God. Oh, Lord, I hated that movie. Oh, my God.
32:36 Speaker 03 I'll never get to watch Napoleon Dynamite again.
32:37 Speaker 04 I mean, you can watch it whenever you want, but I don't understand any of that stuff.
32:41 Speaker 02 Well, at the time that our story takes place, Nina is in her late 30s and she has two children of her own. And I think if there is one thing children do, it is surprise their parents.
32:52 Speaker 04 Hmm.
32:53 Speaker 02 Or at least this is what Nina is thinking one day, when her sweet daughters, who have not an ounce of prankishness in their tiny little bodies and who are in fact very businesslike, they sit her and Liam down. They present a color-coded slideshow arguing in favor of their one most desperate wish in the world, which is to attend none other than Sweetbrier Academy.
33:15 Speaker 03 Wow. What?
33:17 Speaker 04 Okay.
33:18 Speaker 02 I have complicated feelings about every school that I went to, which is why I'm not a parent.
33:24 Speaker 02 But would you feel any type of way about your kids wanting to attend any of the schools that you went to?
33:29 Speaker 04 Oh, yeah, I desperately want my kids to go to Howard, desperately. But I won't say it because if I make too big a thing of it, then they won't.
33:35 Speaker 03 If my kids wanted to go to my high school, I would, that would actually disappoint me. I feel like I emerged from the experience without a fun school experience, but like it hardened me. It made me smarter. You know, I had to learn, but I wouldn't want my kids to do that. I like the way that Janey describes her school experiences. Like, I want them to have that.
33:53 Speaker 02 The reality is that the options for middle and high school in Nina's town are kind of mediocre. So Sweetbrier is the best option. So assuming money is not an issue here, would you let your children go to the hoity-toity school that you hated?
34:07 Speaker 04 Well, this is a very broad statement. I'm sure I would have lots of exceptions to it in my own life. But in general, I'd lean toward a kid going to high school where they want to go.
34:14 Speaker 03 Yeah.
34:15 Speaker 04 It's such an important time of life and like happiness is so fragile and friendship is so important. And it's tough. And if you can be in a physical environment, a social environment that for whatever reason you like, sure.
34:27 Speaker 03 Yeah. Know your kid. And this is like, yeah, if you, if this is what you really want to do, then I'm not going to stop you.
34:32 Speaker 02 Nina is on the same page. Which is how she finds herself sitting through her own personal hell. The annual Sweetbrier Academy School fundraiser.
34:42 Speaker 02 You might be asking, what could a school as prestigious as Sweetbrier Academy possibly need money for? They have so many high-earning alumni, none of which have ever been investigated by the SEC or mentioned in indictments with words like money laundering or the Cayman Islands. The year that our story takes place is the same year that Sweetbrier decided to build out their marine biology program.
35:06 Speaker 04 Cause every teenager and younger wants to be a marine biologist.
35:10 Speaker 02 Yes, exactly. Is Sweetbrier located in a state that is entirely landlocked? With no coast to speak of, not even a peninsula or a great lake? Yes, that doesn't matter, though.
35:20 Speaker 04 They can build their own.
35:21 Speaker 02 Exactly. At this fundraiser, Sweetbrier's principal says to the room of parents, "You can't put a price tag on your children's future, ladies and gentlemen."
35:29 Speaker 04 Convincing.
35:30 Speaker 03 It is. It speaks to your soul.
35:34 Speaker 02 And then he proceeds to go through a PowerPoint presentation that labeled the cost of the aquarium, the fish being flown in from Australia and New Zealand, even the artificial seawater treatment plant. Something important to note is that this story takes place in the world where QR codes have taken over all of our lives. So instead of using a checkbook to donate, Sweetbrier, parents and alumni are encouraged to go to this QR code to donate.
35:58 Speaker 04 I'll just interrupt and say, I'm impressed that Nina was even at the fundraiser.
36:02 Speaker 02 No, it's true. She could have skipped.
36:04 Speaker 03 She wants to be involved.
36:05 Speaker 04 She loves her kids.
36:06 Speaker 03 And now she's an alumnus. So now you can kind of work shit and bend shit to your favor, you know what I'm saying?
36:11 Speaker 02 Yeah.
36:11 Speaker 04 You gotta have a seat at the table if you want to change things.
36:13 Speaker 02 As you might be able to guess, Sweetbrier Academy attracts a specific kind of parent. The one who says that money talks, but wealth whispers. And this is why there is a second screen in the auditorium that is purely dedicated to donating the donation amount. So with every new donation for the marine biology program, there is a name and a donation amount that gets displayed because it's such a quiet little whisper of wealth. And amid all these quiet little whispers of wealth, Nina feels a familiar urge starts to rise. One that has been dormant for over a decade now. She's feeling an urge to pull a prank.
37:02 Speaker 02 Nina's like, wouldn't it be so funny to do a donation under a fake name? And it does not take long for Liam to be right there with her. He is immediately like, oh, like Hugh G. Rexion?
37:18 Speaker 03 Don't pretend you don't like that kind of camera.
37:19 Speaker 02 I don't. I mean, it's a courtesy laugh. It was a courtesy laugh. I get it. I'm just acknowledging that I get what he was going for. Yeah.
37:28 Speaker 02 Nina's like, exactly, babe. I love where you're going with that. We gotta be smarter than that, though, because she's like, this prank cannot be connected to me. We have children now. I simply cannot be a ringleader. And Liam's like, you're right. We can't donate from our own phones, so we have to find someone to call. We have to find an accomplice who's willing to do this for us. And in the end, Nina's like, there's only one person I would want to take the fall for me. And it is her brother, Spencer.
37:56 Speaker 03 Spencer, that's right.
37:57 Speaker 02 In the years since the plastic frog prank, Spencer has translated his love of goofs and physical mischief into a career as a rock climbing instructor. This maybe helps explain why, when Nina calls him from the Sweet Brier fundraiser, he is immediately down to clown, though not before asking what's in it for him. Nina's like, $25 and revenge served cold, which is more than enough for Spencer. Is that enough for you guys? Would you do this for Nina?
38:26 Speaker 04 I'm too scared of technology and making mistakes with technology.
38:30 Speaker 02 Yeah.
38:30 Speaker 04 I wouldn't trust myself to do anything involving a QR code, a phone. I would think it would be, like, traceable. This is not the path I would choose.
38:38 Speaker 03 It's just, I need to know how close I am to my... It sounds like they have a lovely brother-sister relationship. And so that probably would nudge me in the end. If you, if it's like, this is, how important is this to you? Okay. But my thought is, there's so many ways things can go wrong that you don't even think of.
38:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
38:54 Speaker 03 That it scares me from doing stuff.
38:56 Speaker 02 Well, Nina returns to the auditorium. She tells Liam that Spencer is in, so all they have to do is wait. So they wait, and they wait through donations from, like, the Kensington family and the Wickham Stokes family and whatever the fuck is going on. And then, there it is. A $100 donation from your mom, right up there on the big screen for the entire Sweet Brier auditorium to see.
39:19 Speaker 04 That's what he chose, your mom.
39:22 Speaker 02 The room erupts in laughter and Nina feels the familiar thrill of like a perfectly executed prank. The Sweetbrier principal, who is still talking about like the importance of a strong childhood foundation in marine science, is like, okay, I think we've had our fun here, ladies and gentlemen. And Nina's like, I sure the hell hope not. And her dreams are fulfilled because a few minutes later, a hundred dollar donation to the school from OnlyFans rolls across the screen.
39:51 Speaker 04 That's a better one.
39:52 Speaker 03 That's a good one.
39:53 Speaker 04 Yeah.
39:54 Speaker 02 This one does not go over nearly as well. Nina hears a small child ask, mommy, what's OnlyFans? Nina is like ecstatic. This dopamine hit is gonna last for at least three weeks. And best of all, she got off clean. She's like, there's nothing to link back to me. She sends Spencer his money and she texts him a thumbs up, like, best $25 I ever spent. You guys kind of already told me what you think of this prank, but I kind of feel like donating like $300, $275 for a prank is a lot.
40:27 Speaker 03 They still got my money.
40:28 Speaker 04 They still got the money, yeah.
40:29 Speaker 03 They got my money, man. It was temporary embarrassment. And I gave you money on top of the money I'm giving you again.
40:34 Speaker 04 What would have been funny would to pretend to be a big donor to the school, set up a meeting with the principal, and then the link goes to OnlyFans instead of Zoom. And they now have that on their work computer and have to answer for it.
40:47 Speaker 03 The OnlyFans was good. I was also thinking like the Central Tennessee Abortion Fund.
40:52 Speaker 03 Something like that.
40:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
40:54 Speaker 04 I mean, the important thing is that she felt resolution. She closed the loop on this whole experience. And I bet going forward, she felt better about being a part of that school community because the score had been even to her.
41:05 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah. She spends the next few days just like writing this sweet dopamine hit. She's just giggling about, mommy, what's OnlyFans? As she's like cleaning up data sets. But then one day Spencer calls her and it is very clear that he is not happy. Spencer is like, Nina, how did you manage to get me in trouble again?
41:24 Speaker 04 I knew it was traceable.
41:25 Speaker 02 Spencer's like, they emailed me at my job about your dumb prank. And he explains that he had received an email from none other than Sweetbrier Administration about an inappropriate donation. I'm not gonna read the whole email. But the most important part is the last paragraph, which reads, Furthermore, our staff and administration are aware of your history of disruptive behavior and damage to the reputation of this community and its student body.
41:53 Speaker 04 Wow.
41:54 Speaker 03 Oh, what?
41:55 Speaker 02 Your past and current actions demonstrate a shocking lack of morals that are not becoming of a Sweetbriar alumnus. Should we find any more evidence of your wrongdoings, we will refer the matter to local law enforcement.
42:07 Speaker 03 Wow. Man, that's some-
42:09 Speaker 04 That's what I was afraid of in the beginning.
42:11 Speaker 03 That's some ho shit, man.
42:14 Speaker 02 Before I get to Nina's response, any immediate thoughts or feelings about this email besides that's some ho shit?
42:20 Speaker 04 What did they do? Google his name? I mean, how did they trace him back to the other incident? Have they remembered this the whole time?
42:26 Speaker 03 You know what it was? These schools are small communities.
42:29 Speaker 04 That's right.
42:29 Speaker 03 And those names, it's like somebody that went to school there was a teacher that works in, you know, administration now. And they're like, man, is that Spencer? That family, they're, you know, they're full of shit. Yeah. So that's what happened, I bet.
42:40 Speaker 02 Well, all Nina can think is sucks to suck loser. Because not only was her name not mentioned a single time in the email, but her married name, Jefferson, means that she cannot be connected in any way to her idiot brother. So Spencer's like, what if I get fired over this? And Nina is like, from your job at the climbing gym? But instead of that, she says, that's rough, Spence. And then she's like, how did they even find your phone number? Because remember Spencer donated over a QR code on his phone?
43:09 Speaker 03 Yeah.
43:09 Speaker 02 And Spencer's quiet for a moment before he's like, isn't that normal to have your phone number public on your LinkedIn?
43:15 Speaker 03 What?
43:16 Speaker 02 Nina's like, make that private? Also, why do you have a LinkedIn? You're a climbing instructor?
43:23 Speaker 03 Also, I'm just like, your phone number on LinkedIn? That's crazy. Because I have a hard time finding emails on LinkedIn.
43:30 Speaker 04 Right.
43:30 Speaker 03 You know what I mean? Like your phone-
43:31 Speaker 04 Where would he even put it? There's not, I don't think there's even a space for it.
43:34 Speaker 03 No, he had to add it in somewhere.
43:36 Speaker 02 It's in his bio.
43:37 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's crazy.
43:38 Speaker 02 Well, Nina reassures her brother that it is not an actual crime to make dick and ball jokes in a PowerPoint presentation for rich parents. But I kind of want to turn this into a Dear Prudence question.
43:49 Speaker 04 Okay.
43:49 Speaker 02 So imagine someone writes in, Dear Prudy, I decided to pull a prank at a fundraiser for my children's school by donating under the name Your Mom and OnlyFans. I think this is totally harmless. Still, I made sure to get my brother to send a donation so my name wouldn't be attached. But then the school emailed him at his job about it. Should I come clean? Should I let my brother fall on the sword? Or should I carry this secret to the grave?
44:15 Speaker 04 I think we have to wait and see what happens with the local law enforcement part of things. Because if nothing is actually going to happen to the brother, then you just owe him a nice dinner out, a gift, more money.
44:27 Speaker 02 Yeah.
44:28 Speaker 04 The copays for his therapy sessions, whatever, to make up for the emotional toll of this.
44:33 Speaker 02 Yeah.
44:34 Speaker 04 But nothing really bad has happened to him. So it doesn't make sense for her to take the hit if he's not actually going to suffer as a result or have a really serious legal problem. Because then, you know, they're going to kick her daughter out of school.
44:47 Speaker 03 Yeah.
44:47 Speaker 02 Exactly.
44:48 Speaker 04 And she really cares about their experience and they're innocent here, right?
44:51 Speaker 02 Yeah.
44:52 Speaker 04 So I think like, right up until the point where her brother is served with some kind of legal paperwork, there's no reason to come clean.
45:00 Speaker 02 Well, a few weeks pass and no one gets any more threatening emails. All seems well. Nina's starting to feel good. She's maybe even planning another prank. When, one day, her mom Gloria is waiting for the girls in the Sweetbrier pickup line and Gloria sees a UPS man come out the admin building. And he is like visibly freaking out because the Sweetbrier parents have blocked the UPS man into the loading dock with their cars and my man has got packages to deliver. For most people, the response to this would be, not my problem. But not for Ms. Gloria. She pulls her car out to make space. She encourages the other parents waiting in the pickup line to make just enough space for this UPS driver to back his truck out. Gloria's like, my good deed is done for the day. Until later that afternoon,
45:44 Speaker 02 when she notices a small streak of brown paint on her otherwise pristine silver Mercedes.
45:51 Speaker 02 A Mercedes that she had spent years talking about buying in retirement. So Ms. Gloria does what any sensible woman does with the Mercedes, which is alert the proper authorities. In this case, the police, her insurance company, UPS headquarters, and the principal's office at Sweetbrier, in that order.
46:08 Speaker 03 That's definitely somebody's mama.
46:10 Speaker 02 Nina doesn't learn about any of this until she arrives home later and her mom is recounting the story to her. Gloria is telling Nina that she alerted the school. And at this, Nina feels the blood drain from her face. She's like, what do you mean you called the school? And Gloria is like, do you want some reckless UPS drive around your kids? I don't, and I minded the security footage for my insurance. But Nina is only concerned about one thing. She's like, Mom, did you give Sweetbrier your last name? And Gloria is like, of course I did. And Nina feels her heart sink because if they know Gloria's last name, they know Nina's maiden name, which connects her to Spencer.
46:51 Speaker 02 So, your Nina, your prank web might be unraveling. What do you do?
46:58 Speaker 04 Again, wait and see if they put it all together.
47:01 Speaker 02 Yeah.
47:01 Speaker 04 Because you never know if the admin who answers the phone has the information on the OnlyFans donation, the last names.
47:08 Speaker 02 Yeah.
47:09 Speaker 04 They could, because like we were saying, I guess it's a small community and they talk a lot. But I wouldn't assume a catastrophe is about to happen.
47:16 Speaker 03 Yeah, and this is fairly harmless.
47:18 Speaker 04 Yeah.
47:18 Speaker 03 Like, it's like, you know, you wouldn't think anything bad would come of it or whatever, just because of that. I understand her anxiety about it, but I'm just kind of like, eh, they're busy people too. It's not gonna happen after this.
47:30 Speaker 02 Nina comes clean to her mom. She spills the beans about everything immediately. She does not have the ability to keep a secret at this point. She's like, ah, here are the donations, the OnlyFans, here's the email Spencer got, here is everything that happened in the past two weeks. And after asking Nina what exactly in OnlyFans is, all Gloria can do is shake her head. She's like, wasn't it enough when Spencer nearly got expelled when you guys were kids? And Nina's like, it was all going perfectly until you told them your name. Gloria is like, Nina, you did not graduate from there in the Stone Ages. They know who you are. A week passes after this, a week where Nina feels her heart drop every time she checks her email.
48:11 Speaker 02 And she has just managed to convince herself that everything is fine when she gets a certified letter. It's from Sweetbrier Academy, which is not that crazy. They get mail from the school all the time, but this letter is different. The return address is the school's charitable organization, and on the envelope is two names. "To Nina Jefferson", it says. And under that, it says, "AKA Nina St. Cloud."
48:36 Speaker 04 Oh, no. Oh, no.
48:39 Speaker 02 Nina's hands are shaking so much she can't open the envelope, so it's Liam who has to pull out the letter, which is very long and on fancy, heavy stationery. And in bold letters at the top of the letter, it says, "Incident Report: Donation Board Sabotage." Once again, cannot read you the whole document, but this letter calls into question a troubling breach of decorum that sullied the image of Sweetbrier, a lewd and undignified act that required a comprehensive forensic audit of attendees' social media accounts. At the end of this letter, it reads, "Our findings indicate that you attempted to perpetuate fraud through an accomplice, your brother, Mr. Spencer St. Cloud, an individual with
49:23 Speaker 02 a known record of vandalism and malicious intent against Sweetbrier Academy."
49:28 Speaker 03 Man, look, this is the Karen shit. These are super Karens. Yeah.
49:33 Speaker 02 Well, the letter ends with a request to join a Zoom meeting at 7:00 a.m. the next Monday morning to discuss restitution to Sweetbrier and its students, and steps to settle the case outside of court.
49:44 Speaker 04 They're throwing around all this legal adjacent terminology, but it's not official. They're just saying things that sound really threatening. There's no case.
49:52 Speaker 03 Yeah, they want them to be scared.
49:53 Speaker 04 Yeah, they're really trying to scare them. I'm sure it worked.
49:56 Speaker 02 Well, what are you doing if you receive this letter? Are you going to the 7:00 a.m. Zoom meeting?
50:00 Speaker 04 No, give me a subpoena.
50:01 Speaker 03 But if you get on there, you don't have to say nothing, right?
50:04 Speaker 04 I guess you wouldn't have to.
50:05 Speaker 03 I mean, I'm curious, what is this about? And then they start asking questions like, "Meh, you can talk to my attorney."
50:11 Speaker 04 That or not go at all.
50:13 Speaker 03 Yeah.
50:14 Speaker 02 Next time I get a scary legal letter, I'm gonna send it to you guys.
50:18 Speaker 04 So you can tell me what to do.
50:21 Speaker 03 You mean, they probably used AI to write that too.
50:23 Speaker 04 Oh, they totally did.
50:24 Speaker 03 Yeah, make it seem more litigious.
50:26 Speaker 04 It probably has layers like, and honestly, what you did was really bad.
50:30 Speaker 03 Yeah. Yeah.
50:32 Speaker 02 Well, Nina immediately calls Spencer, who sure enough had received the exact same letter. And the two of them decide that they don't really have much choice. They feel like they have to do something they've never done up to that point, which is face the music together. Nina is like simmering with rage at being caught red handed over something so stupid as a marine biology program in a landlocked state. Meanwhile, Spencer is kind of happy that his sister is finally gonna get in trouble because he's been taking the fall for their entire relationship. The day of the Zoom meeting, Nina makes sure to put on her best show. She puts on a little Brooks Brothers crew neck and some pearls. She texts Spencer repeatedly to make sure that he is ready and not taking the call from the climbing gym.
51:17 Speaker 04 Did they prepare their story together?
51:19 Speaker 02 Well, when the time comes, Nina goes to the Zoom link. She sits in the waiting room and she sits. And just as she's wondering if she got the time right, she sees Spencer pop up on screen. And he's thankfully not at the climbing gym. He is wearing a bow tie for some reason. But then someone else joins the call. And it's not the principal like Nina expected, or even the president of the Sweetbrier charitable organization. It's Gloria. Nina is like, oh my God, how could this get any worse? They called my mom? She and Spencer are stunned. Spencer's like, Mom, what are you doing here? Did Sweetbrier call you? And then Gloria is like, it doesn't feel so good, does it?
52:01 Speaker 04 She got him. I knew it. She got him.
52:03 Speaker 03 Oh, man.
52:04 Speaker 04 That was good. Gloria, we forgive you for using ChatGPT to write the letter.
52:08 Speaker 03 Yeah.
52:09 Speaker 04 It worked.
52:10 Speaker 03 Oh, that, that got him. Oh, that's so good.
52:14 Speaker 02 She's like, my sweet stupid children. I sent her a letter, a whole lifetime of pranks, and I am sick of it. Your life is yours to fuck up, but you are not gonna jeopardize my grandchildren's education.
52:28 Speaker 04 That's really good.
52:29 Speaker 03 Would you take that off, Mimi? Talking to you like that?
52:32 Speaker 04 I'd like to say I would. Yeah, I think I would know I deserved it in this situation. Yeah.
52:37 Speaker 02 Well, so the first email that Spencer received from the school actually was real. But once Nina confessed to her mom what was going on, Ms. Gloria decided she had had enough. So she actually conscripted her granddaughters into helping her. They borrowed some stationery from the school and they set up a Zoom link. Cause lord knows Ms. Gloria was not gonna be able to set up a Zoom link on her own. Honestly, the hardest part was convincing the girls that pulling a prank on their parents would be fun. And to this day, they're still like, pranks are stupid, but at least we get to go to school in peace.
53:08 Speaker 04 They have better things to do.
53:10 Speaker 02 Exactly. They have marine biology to study.
53:12 Speaker 04 Right. Hopefully in a new lab.
53:15 Speaker 02 And that is basically the end of our story. I have exactly one update, but before I get to it, do you think there are any villains in this story?
53:23 Speaker 04 The principal.
53:24 Speaker 02 Yeah.
53:25 Speaker 04 For holding that grudge and for just taking things to another level with being upset about this stuff.
53:29 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's real.
53:31 Speaker 04 Yeah, and creating a culture of exclusion and snobbery and letting it exist for so many years.
53:36 Speaker 02 That's from the top down.
53:37 Speaker 03 I agree with that. Yeah, I mean, there's no villains. I mean, the one thing I'd be with Nina is like, I mean, it's time to move on now.
53:44 Speaker 04 Well, also Nina, like next time you feel motivated to do a prank, take 24 hours, sit with it and workshop it with someone. And think about the potential pitfalls. Don't just do it in the spirit. You can't be a good prankster if you're not like doing a little bit of planning and forethought.
53:59 Speaker 03 Janaye is really good at talking people out of doing stuff or whatever. Like she's, I mean, there's a bunch of tweets and stuff in my life.
54:07 Speaker 02 Well. Speaking of, that's actually kind of a perfect segue into the update that I think Joel might love.
54:16 Speaker 02 So this update came actually after we emailed our friend of a friend to tell them that we chose their story. When we told them that we anonymized the prank donation name to OnlyFans, their response was, quote, "I might use that at the next fundraiser. I have a list going. An out-of-state friend will be donating, and I may add that."
54:38 Speaker 04 Oh, my god. Let's come up with something better.
54:42 Speaker 03 She's a person that's got to get get back, man. She's scared because she'll hold something forever.
54:46 Speaker 04 I would tell her, don't just keep coming up with more weird, raunchy names. Wait until a moment where you can do something that's actually really good. If you're going to risk them calling the cops on you again.
54:57 Speaker 02 You said, "Step your prank game up, Nina. Think bigger."
55:00 Speaker 04 A little, to make it worth it.
55:01 Speaker 03 You don't understand that kind of comedy, though, so you're not a good judge of it.
55:05 Speaker 04 I think I understand it, but I don't appreciate it.
55:11 Speaker 02 Thank you for listening to Normal Gossip. If you have a gossip story to share with us, email us at [email protected] . Or you can leave us a voicemail at 2679Gossip. If you love this podcast and want to support us, become a friend or a friend of a friend at supportnormalgossip.com. You can follow the show on Instagram and TikTok at Normal Gossip. You can follow me on all social media at HeyDanae. Subscribe to our YouTube channel at Defector Media to watch today's episode. Normal Gossip is written by me, Rachel Hampton, and Jay Tolviera. This podcast was produced by Sierra Spragley-Ricks and Jay Tolviera. Our audio engineer is Samantha Gatzick. Emily Cherish is our video editor. Theme music composed by Rishi Kesh Hirway.
55:55 Speaker 02 The co-creators and dowager queens of Normal Gossip are Kelsey McKinney and Defector's supervising producer Alex Tujong Loughlin. Justin Ellis is Defector's projects editor. Jasper Wang is Defector's business guy. Tom Lay is our editor-in-chief. This season was made in memory of Dan McQuade, who ran our merch store, which you can find at normalgossip.store. Tara Jacoby designed our show art. Thank you to Brandy Jensen, David Roth, Catherine Shu, Sabrina Embler, Chris Thompson, Dave McKenna, Patrick Redford, and Ray Rado for your help with this season. Thank you to the rest of the Defector staff. Defector Media is a collectively owned subscriber-based media company. Normal Gossip is a proud member of Radiotopia. I'm your host, Rachel Hampton, and remember, you didn't hear this from me.
56:41 Speaker 01 Radiotopia.
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