Love Is Blind’s Kelly Chase Reveals the Altar Moment That Never Aired

You saw Kelly Chase say, "I don't." You saw the gasps. The tears. The headlines. What you didn't see is what happened moments before, when the officiant stopped everything and said: "I'm getting word from production." Years later, Kelly is finally telling her side. What really happened at that altar. Why the edit turned on her. The hate DMs telling her she'd "die alone." And the one part of the story the cameras caught… but never aired. But first, Kwame Christian makes her wait 26 minutes before even saying the words "Love Is Blind," because the woman you think you know is only one chapter of the story. Kelly opens up about the isolation nobody saw after filming wrapped, and why she's 41, single, and never married, by choice. Plus: the money belief keeping women small, the attachment style that attracts the wrong partner, why eating more helped her finally lose weight, and the one decision underneath all of it: choosing yourself first. Stay until the very end, when producer Simon reveals how one of Kelly's TikToks became a rule he lives by. CONNECT WITH KELLY Work with Kelly (digital courses + 1:1 mentorship): chaselifewithkelly.com Instagram: @chaselifewithkelly TikTok: @iamkellychase Podcast: Chase Life with Kelly Connect with Kwame: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Request A Customized Workshop For Your Company⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow Kwame Christian on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠negotiateanything.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here to buy your copy of Finding Confidence in Conflict: How to Negotiate Anything and Live Your Best Life!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ @kwamenegotiates across all social platforms

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Hey, raise your hand if you want love, money, and happiness. Anybody's hands? Okay, yes, we all do. But here's the thing. When it comes to moving toward those things, the first thing we need to choose is not more money or somebody else or something that we think will make us happy. The first thing that we need to choose is ourselves. And that's what most people miss. And my friends, you are in for a treat because today's guest is Kelly Chase. You probably know her from season one of Love is Blind, but I have to tell you, she has so much more to offer. That's just one chapter of her life. When it comes to entrepreneurship, finance, health, she is the person you need to know. And she is changing the lives of thousands of people all around the world with her incredible message.

• 0:45Speaker 00

  For the big swings we want in life, we often look outside of ourselves. But this episode is all about what you need to do within yourself to become the person you need to be to take those big swings and make those big swings. This is the story of Kelly Chase. Welcome to Big Swings Only. Today's episode is brought to you by Shopify, Granola AI, Quince, and the Anxious Achiever Podcast. Stay present in your meetings. Get three months of Granola free at granola.ai/Quami. For your gift list, shopquince.com for free shipping and 365 day returns. And make sure to tell them that Quami with Big Swings Only sent you. Subscribe to the Anxious Achiever today on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

• 1:30Speaker 00

  Do you have an idea that you want live for the holidays? Launch before Black Friday at Shopify.com/Quami.

• 1:40Speaker 00

  The goal with this pod, feel free to be 100% yourself.

• 1:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:45Speaker 00

  You know, so Simone has been telling me for the last, you know, I don't know, 27 years. Hey, Quami, you're, we get you're smart. You sound really bookish right now. Why don't you act like yourself on your own podcast? And so I am aspiring to be more fun, which is funny because like once he would tell me like, once the camera goes off, then I just vibing with people. He's like, why don't you act like that?

• 2:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, I hear you so much. I resonate very, very much on that. It's so funny because my, like, I get, you know, I receive feedback from my friends, right? That I've been a for my whole life too. And they're like, Kelly, you're so serious. Like, all of your posts are so serious on, on Instagram. Like, but that's not all, you're not always so serious. You're like, actually kind of funny and you're like, you're silly. And they're like, we want to see more of like your personality. Like, yeah, I got you.

• 2:41Speaker 00

  You know, okay, let's vibe on this for a minute because it's really interesting because I've noticed this with a lot of accomplished people where you, they, they kind of, I know for me at least, I was saying, how do I act like a lawyer? How do I act like a negotiation expert? When, rather than just saying, hey, I'm Quami and I happen to know a lot about law and negotiation and whatnot. What for you, what was, what was the disconnect between the, the way you were presenting and the authentic self that your friends see?

• 3:14Speaker 01

  Perfectionism? I never thought that I was really like, I'm not a perfectionist. I'm really not. I don't care how things like I, I am very much like, I would rather show up with no makeup on because the message is coming through to me, right?

• 3:32Speaker 01

  But even in that moment of when the message comes through to me, it's like I, there's like this perfectionism that comes through where I'm like, oh, I have to sound like an expert, even though I, I look disheveled right now. Like, there's like, I don't, my, my, I don't know if I want to say like my ego and my higher self have like battled each other. It's like the ego wants to keep me stuck in this like perfectionism. If you've got to show up perfect or no one will like take you seriously or whatever. But then it's like my higher self's like, fuck it. I don't care. Like, I have a message right now to share. It's 12, like literally even last night, like, I don't have much of an attachment or as much of an attachment like on TikTok as I do on Instagram, but I'll post something in like five minutes later.

• 4:17Speaker 01

  I'm like, oh, who liked it? Who looked at it?

• 4:21Speaker 01

  I'm like, did, did they like it? Was it receivable? You know, and it's like so crazy, but like last night, I'm literally 11 o'clock at night and I was like, oh, I feel like saying something on my TikTok. I'm literally in my bed in my pajamas, no makeup, looking crazy. And I just, I was like, oh my God, like, I feel like I'm having like pillow talk with my strangers on the internet. Like, it felt, like it felt so good. And I feel like, again, I think because I've grown such like an attachment with my community on Instagram, there's this, it does get exhausting though of like feeling like you have to like, let's put this way, I've been working with a psychologist for the last, I don't know, four months, I guess, four and a half months.

• 5:05Speaker 01

  And she was like, one of our very first sessions, she was like, Kelly, you have no problem being visible. You create the most content that I have ever seen anybody create. Like you are constantly posting stuff on your Instagram stories, on your, on your feed. She's like, but some of it, and I'm not going to say all, because I know that some authentically does come through, she said, but some of it is very performing visibility versus authentic visibility. And I was like, huh. She was like, because, and that's where I think what I'm saying as far as like the perfectionism come in, like I'm, I'm performing like as what you, even what you were just saying, it's like, oh, I'm like this expert, I'm this authority figure, like whatever.

• 5:50Speaker 01

  And I'm coming from like an expert position versus like, I'm just, I'm just Kelly, this is what I've learned. This is what I know. Take it or leave it, you know?

• 6:01Speaker 01

  So yeah, I think that there's just been like, there's just been an interesting thing. So me coming home to myself, I mean, the psychologist has had me doing a lot of like nervous system work, um, regulation and it's, that's a process because you don't think that these things, you can't necessarily feel them like make massive shifts within you, but then you like notice how you start showing up differently and caring less about things or whatever. And then it's like, over time, you start seeing this like subtle change and subtle shift. And I feel like, you know, the more regulated that we are, the more coming home to yourself that you are too, because you're not constantly in this like fight or flight, like, am I good enough? Who's going to like my stuff?

• 6:47Speaker 01

  You know? It's just crazy. But yeah, I mean, I think it's, you know, coming home to yourself is just being super in right relationship with yourself and right relationship with God. If you have, you know, if you believe in God, um, my spiritual journey has definitely been an interesting one over the last few years and even more so in the last like year and a half.

• 7:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's just been really fascinating.

• 7:12Speaker 01

  Probably do like a 10 hour podcast on my life.

• 7:15Speaker 00

  Well, this is, this is a great opportunity to get at least 10% of the way there.

• 7:22Speaker 00

  This is a great answer because I, I feel the same way. And it's so interesting because from the outside looking in, people see you as the celebrity with a bunch of followers and everything. And a lot of folks would be surprised to see that you still struggle with this. I still struggle with this. I haven't found anybody or, yeah, I think most of the people that I talked to struggle with this in some capacity. This is one of those things.

• 7:48Speaker 00

  This is Quami being Quami. We'll see, watch me get a review specifically addressing this, but we'll see. It's all data. It would be really helpful to be a psychopath or narcissist. Wouldn't it be nice to just like not care? Just like that shred of it.

• 8:04Speaker 00

  To not care at all about what people think. I, I look at them and I'm like, you're evil, but you must feel pretty good day to day with the fact that you just simply don't care. And it's tough though, because going back to the body work too, because it's not just doing what needs to be done, because we're still showing up online. It's that you see that comment and then you, like you feel that response, like somebody is threatening your safety. It's like, oh, I know this is a comment from somebody who probably can't read and they're

• 8:43Speaker 00

  they're criticizing this psychology, but I, but it hurts my feelings. Why are my feelings hurt? And so, but again, it's just noticing that and then trying to figure out what it is inside that you need to fill to get that self-validation. So you're getting that self-worth, self-efficacy from a, a more stable source. So for me, I try to think about all of those, like getting, gaining that body knowledge. I think it's interoception, the ability to recognize what your body's feeling, notice that, and then say, all right, what is, what is this telling me about myself and the situation? Then what can I do right now to make things a little bit better? And then as you start chipping away at it over time, things start to change.

• 9:24Speaker 01

  Yes, absolutely. Yep, that's it. I mean, awareness is key to everything, you know? So having this, you know, mindset wise, understanding, bringing awareness to like your limiting beliefs and fears and all of that. But also it's like a deeper than the subconscious. What I've learned is the somatic, as you were just saying, like the somatic body and nervous system. It's like, okay, what does your body do in these moments? Cause like a lot of us, and this is kind of what, why I am working with this psychologist was because I was like, you know, my reality doesn't look much different than like, I feel like my, in my mind, I'm like light years ahead of where my reality is because I've done like the subconscious work and I've done nervous system work here and there, but just not at a consistent basis.

• 10:09Speaker 01

  And she was like, yeah, you know a lot, she said, but your body is still holding the patterns of the past. You haven't done that deeper work. And I'm like, Jesus Christ, I feel like I'm always working on myself.

• 10:22Speaker 01

  And it just like Mary pop and snap a finger and everything.

• 10:25Speaker 00

  I know. I know. When, like, when is this process done? You know, like at that point, where can we, where, when we're like floating on our lotus leaves, just in peace? That's what I'm waiting for. It's but it's funny, every level creates a new, a new challenge too.

• 10:43Speaker 01

  That's.

• 10:44Speaker 00

  Every change creates a new challenge. And a lot of times I say, oh, cool, I got it. And then something happens or and it's not even a bad thing. That's people don't talk about this enough. The, the things like grief that are associated with success. Because there's a part of your life that has to die as you go to the next level. So how do I deal with this? And so you have to, you have to, it's two things. You have to get acquire the knowledge to know what to do and then actually do the thing with consistency. And sometimes when you're in this space of self-help, coaching, leadership, that type of stuff. We can almost take for granted what we know and the knowledge that we've acquired. I'll, I'll give an example.

• 11:24Speaker 00

  I was, um, I was on a podcast, I was on Mel Robbins podcast and yeah, and it got a lot of play. Little fun thing, little, little aside, completely irrelevant being me and I'm not, I'm, I'm off topic now. This is cool, this is off topic.

• 11:41Speaker 00

  Which is vibrant. There was, I got this message on, I got this message on LinkedIn from somebody or a comment. And it was under one of the, the viral posts with, with Mel. And it was me explaining my framework compassionate curiosity for navigating conversations. Internal negotiations with yourself, external negotiations with other people. And they said, and they meant it as a compliment. I'm taking it as a compliment, but it's just funny. They said, man, I've been following Kwame for years, but it wasn't until I heard him explain compassionate curiosity on the Mel Robbins podcast. That I decided to try it and it worked. This is life changing. I'm like, so you needed Mel Robbins to just be pleasant? Like, that's what it takes?

• 12:24Speaker 01

  Right, exactly.

• 12:26Speaker 00

  Let me just like stand next to a celebrity next time I say something smart for people to latch on.

• 12:32Speaker 01

  It's so crazy. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

• 12:34Speaker 00

  It's so funny.

• 12:35Speaker 01

  It is. Yeah.

• 12:36Speaker 00

  But, um, there was a guy who sent me a message and I was talking about, um, emotional intelligence, managing your emotions. And he said, this is mind blowing to me because I didn't know that I could control my emotions. I just thought that I felt the way that I felt and then I would act based on those feelings. I didn't know that I had a choice. I didn't know there was a process. This is, I, I just did not know that. And again, it's an example of we can learn these things and we take it for granted, but you have to be, you have to be introduced to it at some point. So for you on, in, on your journey, when did you start going on this journey of self-improvement? Like, how did you get access to this information initially?

• 13:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, so I would say there were like two main events that happened. So the very first thing, um, this was like in 2017.

• 13:29Speaker 01

  A colleague of mine at a former job that I was working, he, two scenarios happened. One, this guy that I worked with, he brought in this book and he was like, I want to give my wife this book, but can you tell me if this would be insulting to give her?

• 13:45Speaker 00

  Oh, strong story.

• 13:47Speaker 01

  So he asked me to like read it so, or like read some of it, right? And I'm like, okay, like I don't read, like, I mean, I do now, but like I did not at the time. I'm like, dude, I'd have like Cliff Notes in high school, like I love reading. But anyways, it was the life-changing magic of tidying up. The book by Marie Kondo.

• 14:04Speaker 00

  Oh, okay, yeah.

• 14:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, she's on Netflix special, whatever now. But anyway, so I read the book and I was like, okay, for me, I loved it. Like, I was like, okay, it's not just like clearing out the, the physical space. It is actually creating space in your mind. Like it is such like a actual self, like a personal, it's a self-help book, more or less. But I went back to him and I was like, I think you're giving this to your wife because she's messy. So yeah, it would probably be insulting for her, but also I think it would, it's a great book. Also a great book. But then maybe like within like a month or so later, I posted some picture on Instagram and it was a, literally a, like a stock photo.

• 14:46Speaker 01

  It wasn't a picture of me, um, of a girl in a red canoe in like Banff, British Columbia, like in the Emerald Lake or whatever. And I don't know, I was just like, I want to be where this girl is right now.

• 15:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. And this like, and my, my Instagram has been public for a long time because I had started my chase life with Kelly Page in 2013. So, um, anyways, it's like this guy likes the picture or whatever. And I just, I was like, okay, most of the time it's just like my friends looking at stuff. Or I was a trainer for an all, like an all audio based fitness app for a while. And so it was just like, I knew the people that were following me. Let's bring it out. But like this guy did, and anyways, I like looked at his like Instagram and I was like, oh, one, he's very attractive. Two, he, um, went to the same health coaching school that I did. Like it was in his bio and I was like, oh, and so I just like started like looking at things. And then more intently following him and stuff.

• 15:46Speaker 01

  And he was like, you know, putting up, um, you know, images of personal development books or sharing it in his stories or like meditations and stuff. And I was like, okay, who is this hot man doing things that no hot man in Atlanta is doing? Like no guy that I hang out with is talking about this stuff. So we connected, we wound up, we actually, we're still friends to this day. But he and I, I, I was like, oh my God, like he introduced me to these books, these personal development books. And so that was kind of like the next layer of that first initial like thing that got me into the personal self-love space.

• 16:27Speaker 01

  So, I mean, I read a handful of books, but you know, the miracle morning was one of them. And I still, for the most part, practice the concept in that book to this day. And I read it in 10 years ago, nine years ago. It was so powerful. So, and I teach that like with my students too. But then after Love is Blind aired, or not after it aired, after we got done filming Love is Blind. I had worked right before we started filming, I was a part of a mastermind. And, cause I was like, 2018, like I had left my first corporate or my second corporate job at the time. And I was like, I'm just pursuing this like health and fitness coaching, all of that.

• 17:10Speaker 01

  And again, it was like all personal development, everyone, like I stopped, I like three, like what is it? 180 in my life, more or less, dreams. Cause I left corporate, um, I used to be the girl that was like going out and hanging out and drinking with my friends every Thursday, Friday, Saturday, sometimes Sunday.

• 17:28Speaker 01

  Very disconnected from myself, you know? And, um, anyways, like people, like even my parents are like, it's a Friday night. They're like, Kelly, what are you doing? Like who are you going to hang out with? And I'm like, I'm not, I'm reading a book or I'm listening to a podcast. And they're like, are you okay?

• 17:44Speaker 01

  Are you like depressed? And I'm like, oh, I just don't want to do that right now. I don't want to do it anymore. So yeah, so, and then I found this group on Facebook and I was like, oh, I'm just going to sign up to be a part of this mastermind. So I did, and it was great.

• 18:00Speaker 01

  The woman had like a handful of co-coaches within her program. And one of the coaches, I actually wound up hiring as my one-on-one mentor right after, like about three weeks after we got done filming Love is Blind. I just love what she was talking about. It was all the subconscious work and like feminine and masculine energy and money mindset. And I was like, these, I've never heard this language before. Like, I don't get it, but something is like awakening inside of me.

• 18:26Speaker 01

  And at the time, I mean, three weeks out from the filming, I was just not in a great headspace.

• 18:34Speaker 01

  Just so much, I mean, it's like you're submerged in such an intense container for nearly eight weeks and it is gone. Everything is gone. In like a matter of a minute, you know? And it's like, even the people that, you know, all the couples, we all went to the altar and everything. I think we were so like traumatized in our own sense that we didn't trauma bond together. Like we are now, I think, but like, we didn't, like, it was just so very isolated. We didn't reach out to each other really. I mean, maybe here and there, but like, I think we all just were like, what the fuck just happened?

• 19:09Speaker 01

  Happening. We two of the couples got married, they're still married to this day. I don't know, there was just like so much and I felt heartbroken, like what you see on TV is not the reality of what really happened. And so I was just not in a good space. And, um, anyway, so, but I always say like this Love is Blind experience was like the catalyst to like my greater like self-love journey. Because I, when I started working with this woman, I worked with her for like four or five months. I've worked with her over the years since then, that was still as in 18, 19. She, uh, she got breathwork, um, certified. And like as she was going through her, like facilitator course or whatever certification program.

• 19:49Speaker 01

  She was like, hey, do you want to like be one of my like guinea pig, you know, so I can get my credit hours, whatever. I was like, yeah, sure. I was like, she lived in San Diego. We did this virtually. I have never experienced something, I mean, I've experienced it since then, because I've done breathwork many times since then. But like, this like triact of breathwork, I was like, holy shit. Like I was crying as if someone died in front of my eyes. So much grief coming up for me. And I was just like, oh my God, like this is crazy. I was sweating, but I was freezing at the same time. Like it was just, it was a rad experience. But like I felt lighter and that was the whole thing.

• 20:29Speaker 01

  Like, I mean, you don't have to do that type of thing to like do nervous system work, but that is a nervous system technique and somatic. And my body was just holding on to so much and I just let it all go. And it was, it was wild, it was wild experience. And yeah, so I think just. That was the second like wave of everything that just went really deep and I just ever since then I was like I I love having mentors. I love having someone in my back pocket. Um, I think between this girl Erin and this other girl Maddie Maddie was a um I found her after we filmed like a year after we filmed Love is Blind. She had me on her podcast and it was funny because it was like a lot about like manifestation and whatnot and um

• 21:15Speaker 01

  manifestation manifestation and mindset. She was a student or consultant of Bob Proctor.

• 21:20Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 21:20Speaker 01

  And so I wound up going through the whole thing into results program of Bob Proctor, Proctor Gallagher, and that was like another wave of like wow, okay, I've been learning like I've been studying all this subconscious stuff, but like this just like took me to the next level. I don't know, like it's like everything has built upon one another and it's just been profound and I worked with that girl, you know, like not only in like a group coaching capacity, but also one on one too. And it's just been it's been very fascinating watching her journey. And then my journey in spirituality too, like she's gone from like manifestation culture to like God, Jesus.

• 21:58Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 21:59Speaker 01

  And I'm like, okay, I bought like my first Bible last year. I don't know. There's just been like this, I don't know, just journey along with all of my mentors. It's just been really fascinating.

• 22:10Speaker 00

  Wow. So would it be fair then to say that a portion of your motivation to coach is for you to have the impact on other people that your coaches and mentors had on you?

• 22:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause I'm like I don't and I I don't even know if I can describe like what I do, you know, like you were even just mentioning like a framework. I don't necessarily have it defined out what my framework is yet. You know, like I I come up with things every once in a while, but it's like, okay, obviously we're going to identify like

• 22:44Speaker 01

  like where you're at, what you want, what's keeping you from getting there and what do we need to to do to close the gap for you to get what you want? Like, obviously, that's what we're gonna cover. Um, but you know, I'm writing a book too, and I think that that's the biggest thing. My writing coach at one point, she was like, I think what's keeping you like what's making it hard for you? One, I'm writing about my life, so it's just like I want to put like every detail in there, right?

• 23:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:11Speaker 01

  I think it's like, this is gonna be like a 3000 page book.

• 23:16Speaker 01

  But but she named it one time and she was like, Kelly, I think you want the reader to receive the same type of transformation and impact that you have had, like personally. And so it's like you're almost that perfectionism comes through. It's like I have to put in every single detail because if I miss a detail, it won't connect the dots as well. And so it's so freaking long to write this book and I'm like

• 23:44Speaker 00

  Oh, this is fun. Okay. So how long have you been working on this book, Kelly?

• 23:49Speaker 01

  A few years.

• 23:50Speaker 00

  Okay, so

• 23:53Speaker 00

  I'm gonna be Kelly now. I'm I'm coach. I'm Coach Kelly. Okay, so give me a date. When will it be done?

• 24:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, I gave myself my birthday, but that was two months ago.

• 24:07Speaker 01

  The end of the year.

• 24:08Speaker 00

  End of, end of the year.

• 24:11Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 24:11Speaker 00

  This, this, this is the thing. Never if some, this, this is just for anybody listening, if you ever meet me. If you're not serious, never make the mistake of telling me your goals because I will hold you accountable. Look how uncomfortable you are. You just took a drink for the first time. Look at you see this? I I I analyze body language. I'm seeing this. They were seeing new gestures. Great. She's uncomfortable. So yes. Hold the, you get it. This is the thing. So when I was writing my book, I um, I my book coach told me something really helpful. He said that your book is never done. Your book is never done. And that's one of the reasons why people never finish because they have new insights, new experience that will change the way that they see things.

• 24:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:55Speaker 00

  And so you just have to put a conclude like a conclusion on it. And so then he he said, I I had this internal negotiation with me with myself. I said, okay, Kwame, fine. We're going to close the book and if you have any new ideas, those new ideas go in your second book.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:12Speaker 00

  That's it. So you just have more books in you. That's the thing. And then and then also think about the people who are going to read it and their lives will be changed. They might need it soon. They might need that urgently.

• 25:24Speaker 01

  Right.

• 25:24Speaker 00

  So you know, and and what's funny is you, you said you don't have a framework and then you very

• 25:30Speaker 01

  No, I mean, I do. I just didn't like name it per se.

• 25:34Speaker 00

  Hypothetical, this is fun.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  Framework, yes.

• 25:38Speaker 00

  So hypothetically, if you had to name it, what would you name it?

• 25:41Speaker 01

  Um, probably something like the Chase Life Method or something like that. Chase Method. I'll name it. My name.

• 25:48Speaker 00

  That sounds fucking awesome. We're done.

• 25:55Speaker 00

  It's it's over. It's done. Hey, everybody. Thanks for joining this coaching session with Coach Kwame Christian. This is great. Oh, amazing. I'm I'm excited about it. That's really cool. That that is super cool. Oops. Sorry, this alarm went off. I don't know why.

• 26:15Speaker 00

  But yeah, that's, that is super exciting. The look, look at us making breakthroughs here. This, this is nice. Um, see listeners, this is how things happen and I'm sure like we're going to first of all vibe outside of this. And then second, with you and your friends, this is probably how you sound all the time, like just helping each other go back and forth. And that's the key thing that people often miss. Your success is going to be is going to depend on the people you have around you. You know, you're going to be the average of your people around you, whatever that happens to be financially, spiritually, physically, all of these things. And so you have to be very mindful about curating your your people because then you have conversations like this

• 26:58Speaker 00

  where you make friends and then they'll hold each other accountable to just getting things done.

• 27:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, absolutely. I mean, environment, the people who surround ourselves is

• 27:07Speaker 00

  Try this. Pull up your notes from a meeting last week. Do they still make sense or do they just seem like random notes that only the old version of you could decode? That used to be me and as a negotiator, that's a real problem because my job is to listen, not type or write notes. That's why Granola has been one of my favorite tools, period. It's an AI powered notepad. I jot my usual rough notes and then Granola securely transcribes the meeting in the background and when it ends, I get clean, structured notes that still makes sense a week later. Decisions, owners, next steps, everything that I would need to feel good about going forward. And it works through your device's audio too, so there's no additional setup or any annoying AI joining your call.

• 27:49Speaker 00

  Just your normal meeting, but with superpowers. If meetings are eating up your day, Granola is a no brainer. You can try it totally free for three months. Just go to granola.ai slash Kwame. That's granola.ai slash Kwame to get your time back. Get three months free at granola.ai slash Kwame. If you were going to take a big swing this holiday season and start a business, what would you build? Maybe it's that one idea that you can't stop thinking about. I've built a business from the ground up and I can tell you that the hard part isn't the idea. It's getting it live. That's where Shopify comes in. You can sell everywhere people shop, online, in person, across social media, even in AI chats.

• 28:31Speaker 00

  And Shopify checkout with Shop Pay converts up to 36% higher than the competition. So more of the people who show up actually buy. Plus, Black Friday is when more people are already shopping and ready to buy. So the sooner you're live, the better. If you're ready to launch your business before Black Friday, go to Shopify.com slash Kwame to start your free trial. That's Shopify.com slash Kwame. Go to Shopify.com slash Kwame to hear your first

• 29:00Speaker 01

  So important.

• 29:02Speaker 00

  For sure, for sure. And so is hypoth- okay, I have a question. We made it 24 minutes without touching Love is Blind. Is that the longest you've gone or had anybody go in an interview with you without saying anything on it?

• 29:19Speaker 01

  Maybe.

• 29:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's, that was my goal. I was like, I don't want you to feel compelled to just, because there's more to you. So much more. So I wanted to make sure we led with that.

• 29:31Speaker 01

  Yes. I think that's too like, you know, kind of going back to the book thing when I first was like, oh, I'm gonna write a book. That was a few years ago and you know, that probably could have been a book is just the Love is Blind experience, right? And then I could have expanded on it, but I was like, I think that that was like, but I'm not like, I'm so much more and there's so much about Love is Blind that like, like I was just saying, it was like, I started this whole self-love journey before I even started filming. I went deeper afterwards and it's like, I have to like connect that. Because there's so much there, you know, like today, like, you know, some people are like, oh, you're 41 and you're single still, you know, and it's like

• 30:13Speaker 01

  I am and there's a reason why, you know, I entertained silliness for a long time.

• 30:22Speaker 01

  But that's a whole, all part of the journey.

• 30:24Speaker 00

  That's all part of the journey.

• 30:26Speaker 01

  You know, I don't want, I told someone or I created a video on this recently. I was like I'm 41 and single, no kids, never married. I said, but there's a reason and I was like, I went into it and I said, I don't I'm not creating content to show you like 41 and single content to show you like, oh, like whatever, like we can, like this is a lifestyle or whatever. It is right now. That's my current reality. I said, but like at the end of the day, I'm here to help you close that gap. So you're not 41, single with no kids and never married. Like it is what it is. If that's what you choose, that's what you choose. But I feel like there's a lot of women who Have been in the same situation that I have. They entertain the potential and not the

• 31:09Speaker 01

  reality of and you know, red flags were popping up and they kept trying to make it work. And again, what I was saying at the very beginning, it's like, it just gets exhausting, you know, but now we are, I'm forty one and I'm like, nah, I still want a baby and I want to get married and.

• 31:24Speaker 00

  Well, think, think about this. Well, before I am, before I respond, uh, for the folks who are listening on audio, my favorite part of your answer was as you carefully selected your words when you said, and I was entertaining silliness. I'm like, I wonder what words you went through.

• 31:41Speaker 00

  Because let's think about alternate realities, Kelly. Let's be honest. You could be married with a kid to one of those silly guys.

• 31:49Speaker 01

  That's right, exactly.

• 31:50Speaker 00

  But the thing is, you intentionally chose yourself.

• 31:55Speaker 01

  Right.

• 31:55Speaker 00

  That's one of the things I love about the, the way that you frame things. You're not rejecting people. You're always choosing yourself. And when the right person aligns with you choosing yourself, then, then you make the right decision. The, the reality is with life, we might have plans and then God, fate, circumstances, whatever, has another plan for you and you do the best you can with what happens. And you can't control all the circumstances, but you can control your actions and do the best you can. And here you are, forty one, single, and still happy and doing well. And probably impacting way more people than you ever thought was possible fifteen, twenty years ago.

• 32:33Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, it's funny too, cause like even if I'm like, okay, if I'm not uh, necessarily like having a coaching program, that's why I didn't like just abandon social media. It's like, I'm still creating impact over there and whether a thousand people see it, five people see it, whatever. It's like those five people needed to hear my message that day, you know, it's like, there's so much more. I think, you know, even a lot of like visibility and branding and whatnot, I help other women with, like I said, a single female entrepreneur is because like, there's a lot of fear in that. Like imposter syndrome and you know, who am I to talk about these things or who am I to like, start a business doing this? There's five thousand other of these same kind of businesses. I'm like, yeah, there's five thousand other coffee shops out there too.

• 33:15Speaker 00

  Right.

• 33:16Speaker 01

  We all get like, you're still gonna get coffee. Someone's just gonna, you're just gonna like the branding at one, you're gonna like the owner of another one, like it's the same thing, you know, but I don't know, there's just like a lot of fear around showing up online, but I'm like, again, your message is more important than that fear, you know, and I, I've held myself back. I've played small and, and have hid a little bit, but I also got, you know, shamed and trolled and all kinds of things after the show aired and it was a little PTSD, you know? So I was performing visibility, that's why.

• 33:50Speaker 01

  I was still showing up though.

• 33:52Speaker 00

  Makes sense. And I think too, there's a bit of self-protection in performing visibility too. Because you want to say, okay, I am me behind the scenes and then let me create this digital avatar that's clearly not me. So when people attack that, then I personally don't feel it. Like there might be some self, like subconscious self-preservation that makes it a legitimate strategy. And that's gotta be hard. Um, one of the things, uh, so you know, this disclosing this. I'm a love is blind junkie, but I started post-COVID. You know, so, so, um, I, that's one of our favorite shows to watch and we would just binge the shows.

• 34:33Speaker 00

  Like that's our, our guilty pleasure. So I, one of the questions we always had was when it comes to the discrepancy between what you experienced and what was actually put on air. How big is that gap and, and what is in it?

• 34:49Speaker 01

  For me, um,

• 34:53Speaker 01

  I would say everything was pretty fair until the end.

• 34:56Speaker 00

  Hmm, okay.

• 34:58Speaker 01

  Yeah. Um, I mean, so I'll spoil. So if you are going to, if you've never seen the show and you want to go watch it, um, to your listeners. Spoiler alert, we did not get married at the end. Um, they showed me saying no. He also said no, but they did not show him saying no.

• 35:18Speaker 00

  No, they did not.

• 35:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, like you gotta go wa, you gotta go back. Because they're like, you broke his heart at the altar. And I'm like, no, I didn't. Like he said no. Also, they just didn't show it. And it's the only, I think we were the only couple that they didn't show both people saying, I do or I don't. I was only, I was the only one because they couldn't like he would, he said no also. Every other couple had like a yes or no, I guess, right?

• 35:44Speaker 00

  Oh, okay, fair.

• 35:46Speaker 01

  But, yeah, but we were going to address the crowd, like we were gonna address our guests. Um, and we started to like turn around and like face, like he grabbed my hand, we like faced the audience. And he, you know, he started to present to them like, you know, thank you guys so much for coming. And he was gonna go into like, but you know, we care about each other. We, you know, we've, we've grown in love for each other, but this is not our path. And all of a sudden, like our pastor, priest, whatever he was, he interrupted us. And he, he goes, sorry, I'm getting word from production. I'm gonna need you guys to turn back around.

• 36:27Speaker 01

  And we were like, Kenny and I just looked at each other and I was like, oh, they know what we're up to. We're now watching this.

• 36:35Speaker 00

  He wasn't working for God, he was working for the network.

• 36:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:41Speaker 01

  But like I, I mean, I know where it's at, but in the scene, you can see like, there's just, there's, there's a very emotional, vulnerable moment between the two of us. Like, cause we're kind of like saying our vows, but not saying our vows. Like we're just sharing our, you know, thanking each other for the journey and like the relationship that we've grown and everything. And I'm like very emotional, I'm crying and you know, love the person that I've gotten to know and blah, blah, blah. And then you see all of a sudden I go from like crying to like, I smirk, like I turn my head really quickly and I was like, like that. And that's where they edited it because I was looking at the pastor to be like, oh my God, you've got to be kidding me.

• 37:26Speaker 01

  Like, so I was like, oh. But it looks like they kept that in because the smirk looks like, oh, she's about to do something crazy. And I'm like, there, do you take Kenny to, you know, and I was like, I don't.

• 37:40Speaker 01

  Then it was like bomb drops and everyone's like, what?

• 37:46Speaker 01

  Yeah. So I honestly think the reason why they turned it on me versus turning it on him, cause obviously he said no also.

• 37:56Speaker 00

  Right.

• 37:56Speaker 01

  Um, was because they had more storyline behind me. Like I was very vulnerable in, I mean, I'm always very vulnerable, but in our like one-off conversations with producers, you know, them asking me about family life and ex-boyfriends and past relationships and all of that. I gave them everything. And since they had a that, they could create a better narrative around my story versus, because I remember the producer, one time she was like, he's giving us nothing. Like he won't, he won't talk about you. He won't talk about like his ex-girlfriends. And I'm like, well, that's nice of him to say.

• 38:35Speaker 01

  But he wasn't, he wasn't, he didn't give him anything to like work off of. So I did. So they made it kind of look like I was still in love with an ex-boyfriend. And I'm like, it's been like ten years since we broke up.

• 38:48Speaker 01

  I just happened to talk about that ex-boyfriend because he was the last ex-boyfriend I had, like. Yeah. So it was just, and then people were like, you know, he was blonde. I kept, you know, I made a comment that I was more attracted to like brunette guys. And so they were like harp on that throughout the series too. And I was like, oh my God, I dated blondes before, like it's

• 39:12Speaker 01

  I don't know, it was just so silly, certain things. But yeah, it was that because like we were such a solid couple the entire time. And then for that to happen, like I said, it was, it was fine the whole time, pretty much. And then, yeah, that part. And then I was like getting, you know, just granted, there was a lot of positivity, like women being like, oh my God, she chose herself. She knew that that wasn't right for her. She walked away. She said no at the altar. But then there were a lot of people that did not have that perception and they were like, you know, you're gonna die alone. Um, you're, you know, you're terrible. Like he dodged a bullet, like all this stuff, but just like digs at my character. And I'm like, you don't even know me, but when you get hundreds of those, maybe thousands of those types of comments and DMs, it, it hurts.

• 39:58Speaker 00

  It takes, it takes a toll. And then to add insult to injury, you have the, the Mac giving you the thumbs up sign as you. My God, what's?

• 40:11Speaker 00

  I'm like, come on. Golly gee. So, hey, listeners, if you are listening on audio, you missed the good one there. Um, that's geez, that I could not imagine. Well, let me ask you this. When it comes now to vulnerability after that experience, did it make it hard for you to to open up again? Just in general?

• 40:36Speaker 01

  Um, not really. Honestly, yeah, which is kind of, I mean, there are certain things that I don't speak on that I protect. Um, that I think is kind of eating me alive at some times, like I have some like family issues and that I won't dive into too much here, but yeah, just some like grievances around some family and that I want to share more about. Um, but I've in protection of said family member, I have not talked about it.

• 41:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  But I do, and not that anyone, not that I owe it to anybody. It's just like, almost like what I was saying at the beginning. It's like I felt when I took a year and a half off from coaching because I wasn't sharing my messages.

• 41:20Speaker 00

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• 42:03Speaker 00

  Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Kwame with big swings only. That's the best way to support the show. Try this, pull up your notes from a meeting last week. Do they still make sense? Or do they just seem like random notes that only the old version of you could decode? That used to be me and as a negotiator, that's a real problem because my job is to listen, not type or write notes. That's why Granola has been one of my favorite tools, period. It's an AI powered notepad. I jot my usual rough notes and then Granola securely transcribes the meeting in the background. And when it ends, I get clean, structured notes that still make sense a week later.

• 42:48Speaker 00

  Decisions, owners, next steps, everything that I would need to feel good about going forward. And it works through your device's audio too, so there's no additional setup or any annoying AI joining your call. Just your normal meeting, but with superpowers. If meetings are eating up your day, Granola is a no brainer. You can try it totally free for three months. Just go to granola.ai slash Kwame. That's granola.ai slash Kwame to get your time back. Get three months free at granola.ai slash Kwame.

• 43:20Speaker 01

  Like although, yes, I was creating content here and there, I was still creating content and I would share some of this stuff through there. But I like, even I was telling my psychologist, I was like, I feel like I could create 30 videos a day and still not be done with the amount of like information that I have in my head. So I felt very suppressed because I wasn't able to like express that. And that's kind of how I feel about this family situation. Like I want to like get it out. Um, because I think that it could help people also. Like I've like, it's a sibling challenge. Um, I have like a lot of golden child guilt.

• 43:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:57Speaker 01

  There's just like a lot of stuff, but yeah, it's just, it's heavy. But anyways, um, yeah, it's just been, I, I don't think I have a problem being vulnerable. It's just figuring out what to share.

• 44:12Speaker 00

  Right.

• 44:13Speaker 01

  You know?

• 44:14Speaker 00

  It's tough. And the thing is, it's such an imprecise science. It's going to be different for different people under different circumstances, everything. And a lot of trial and error, but I, especially when you're focusing on family cohesion too. I think you're making the right choice, but then I know the coach in you is saying, I know this story could help so many other people too. That's challenging. I'll tell you one thing that I've done um, to to get around that is telling stories from the perspective of somebody that I've coached and then changing genders and circumstances.

• 44:46Speaker 01

  Got it, yeah.

• 44:47Speaker 00

  So I'm like, oh yeah, I was coaching this one person and their name was um, Kwame.

• 44:57Speaker 00

  Because then you can still get it out while still respecting anonymity. But yeah, I get it. It's, it's tough. And what's tough for me too is as a content creator, there's often a, a tension that you have between living life and sharing life too.

• 45:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:14Speaker 00

  Where it's like, I want to be present and enjoy a moment. And then the, the consummate teacher in me is saying, ooh, this would be such a good message for other people. I could frame it like this, like, ooh, how do I balance being good at what I do professionally with being good as a human in the moment?

• 45:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, absolutely, absolutely. And I like, this was a handful of months ago, but it was funny. I went to lunch with like my college girlfriends, you know, best friends. And I just, you know, they're all at different phases of life than me and they're always like, oh, are you like dating someone? And I'm always met with also like, maybe you should put your like, you know, your influencer stuff or your business stuff like on the back burner and focus on like a man, like finding someone, like you're getting older and stuff. And it really just chaps my ass. So I guess it was a little like wounded, whatever, but I, it was probably like a week and a half later or something. It wasn't immediate, but I just, I don't know, I felt this like thing.

• 46:15Speaker 01

  I'm like, I know I'm not the only person receiving, you know, messages or commentary like that. And so I created like a carousel post and you know, the, like the first handful of like things were like the hooks of like what that language looks like, like stop, you know, stop going after things, focus on dating right now. Like you're, you're single, like what's going on? I don't know, just like all kinds of things. And one of my girlfriends reached out who I, you know, had had that conversation with. And she was like, hell, like, you know, is, what's going on? Like I didn't, you know, and so I felt bad because I like basically used our conversation as, you know, fuel for an Instagram post, but it

• 46:57Speaker 01

  got what I wanted out of it in the sense of like connecting with a lot of women who feel the same way. And I'm like, to think like, I'm sorry that I like, yes, used our conversation. I said, but you're, it wasn't just our conversation. My mom says things like that, like there's, y'all aren't the only people that say those things. I wanted to spread a message, like stop it, like there, I have an intention and I have a message and I'm, and a mission here. And like, I, like, I, I think that we can have both. I'm not gonna like put my dreams on the back burner or like something that I feel so passionate about to pursue a guy, like if the guy that's gonna come in when it's, we're all just gonna merge and mesh, like it'll be beautiful.

• 47:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, yes.

• 47:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm not gonna do that, like, and that's what I tell like, you know, my mom's like very like, you know, uh, I don't know, she's very health conscious, she likes working out, like, which is great about her age and everything. And I'm like, mom, that's like me telling you, stop working out, go sit on the couch, like.

• 47:56Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 47:57Speaker 01

  You can't like, that's, it's a part of who I am to do this work.

• 48:02Speaker 00

  Yes, they're, they're telling you to not be you for a moment to get somebody else, which is not choosing yourself. Right, against everything that you preach. And there's, and tell me if I'm off on this, but it sounds like there's a very gendered component of this too. Because when guys are saying, oh, I'm having trouble getting, getting with a woman. The guy's advice is, hey, listen, man, you gotta buckle down and make some money.

• 48:25Speaker 01

  Money.

• 48:29Speaker 01

  It's so true. Well, no, that is 100% because I, like, I follow some women who are highly successful and they're always like, if you wanna like have the life that you want, the man and the money, you gotta discenter the men. Like you gotta focus on the money and like be the man, like do that, act like the dude. You gotta go after it and the right person is gonna show up for you where you're going.

• 48:51Speaker 00

  That's the key, that's the key. Because you, you have to find the right person and pretending to not be who you are is not the, the thing that's going to lead you to a longstanding relationship. Because think about it, if you turn off the business side, then you have a lot of time to spend with them, then you become who you actually are again. And now that means less time for them. They're like, oh, you changed. I think you're choosing business over me. Oh, I attracted the wrong one.

• 49:13Speaker 01

  Right.

• 49:13Speaker 00

  You know? Yeah.

• 49:15Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 49:16Speaker 00

  What is the most common subconscious money belief that is holding women back right now?

• 49:24Speaker 01

  Uh, crap, um.

• 49:28Speaker 01

  Um, that it's like

• 49:31Speaker 01

  that it'll change them.

• 49:33Speaker 00

  Hmm. Oh, so like the money, so that the money will change who they are like.

• 49:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, like if they make more money, it will change who they are and women have such a sense of belonging. And so it will make them not fit in anymore. With like maybe their friends, maybe they'll outgrow their husband or their partner like there's a sense of belonging and it's like unsafe to like out succeed people because then it's like making them uncomfortable because there's, they don't feel like they belong. And so they, then us women, we play small and we shrink ourselves to make other people feel comfortable.

• 50:08Speaker 00

  Wow. Wow. Oh, such a good answer. What is the attachment pattern that is most likely to attract the wrong partner and why?

• 50:18Speaker 01

  Anxious attachment style.

• 50:20Speaker 00

  Hmm. And why?

• 50:22Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah, anxious attachment style. I say that more so because a lot more women are anxiously attached. More men are avoidant attached. There could be vice versa there, but for my own lived experience,

• 50:35Speaker 01

  being more anxiously attached, you are coming from a place of lack and scarcity unworthiness. Um, so you're constantly like grasping for love. It's like, you know, there's like this meme of, I want to say it's like a deer and an ostrich and the deer is like chasing or the ostrich is chasing the deer or the deer is chasing the ostrich and it's like, just love me, just.

• 50:55Speaker 01

  It's something, it's like that, like it, you, you're actually repelling the person more, the more you're like needing them. I need you to love me. I need you to be here. I need you to show up. I need you to commit. It's like, oh my God, like that's such an aggressive like energy. It's so anxious, but we do the same thing, the attachment with money too. I need the money. I need the money now. And it's actually repelling the money too.

• 51:18Speaker 00

  Wow. Oh, that's good. That is good. Okay.

• 51:24Speaker 00

  Why do more people need to hear the message? Eat more, weigh less.

• 51:28Speaker 01

  Hmm. Yes. Um, eat more, weigh less. So many people are not eating enough already. Or they're not eating enough of the, what I say the right foods. I don't want to say it's like a bad or wrong, but healthy foods, like your balanced macros, whatever you want to call it. Um, we're not eating enough of that. And then they go and they restrict themselves. They're like, oh, I need to go on a diet. But at the end of the day, they probably, they're probably not already eating enough. And the reason why they can't lose weight is because they're kind of in like starvation mode. Their body is like creating, one, cortisol is high, so it's creating more inflammation in the body. Two, they're again, kind of going in that starvation mode.

• 52:12Speaker 01

  The stress is just again, with the cortisol, it's a stress. Um, but their metabolism has slowed because they're not eating enough food to fuel the body properly. So when you start to eat more, again, of the right foods, of the healthier foods, then you actually will kickstart your metabolism and you will start to see a weight loss versus a weight gain. Granted, if you're sitting there eating cheeseburgers and pizza, probably not gonna happen. But you know, our whole foods, that kind of thing. Um, I went through a personal experience where I was like, fine. I never really had like disordered eating. I want to say it's good disordered eating, not an eating disorder because it was disorderly. Um, but I, like I always ate like, you know, I was great.

• 52:55Speaker 01

  Had a thin body, like whatever, fit body, healthy. And then after a breakup, I got just in my head about things and I started to cut, like,

• 53:07Speaker 01

  let's put it this way, I followed a bikini competitor diet without having a coach to help me with that.

• 53:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:14Speaker 01

  Google can be very dangerous sometimes. So with that being said, um, I cut calories that I didn't need to cut. I didn't need to lose weight at all. Um, and but then I got like, I was like excessively working out and exercising. Um, so I lost about 10 pounds that I didn't need to lose. Like people were very concerned about me and I was looking a little anorexic. Um, and then I gained about 30 pounds after that. Um, so, and I didn't understand, like, I was like, I can't eat any less food. Like I'm eating half a chicken breast. I'm eating like four broccoli, like four broccoli florets. And I'm eating half a sweet potato for lunch and dinner and like chia seeds on egg whites, like and spinach.

• 54:00Speaker 01

  Like that's not an, I, it just wasn't connecting that it wasn't enough food. And then I started to like do more research in it. And they're like, you're not eating enough food, like your metabolism is slowed, your cortisol is crazy through the roof. That's creating so much inflammation in your body. Like you have to start eating more. So I was probably eating less than, I don't know, I was probably eating around like 800 calories a day.

• 54:19Speaker 00

  Whoa.

• 54:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was really bad. Um, and then, so when I started to eat, I was like, you know, almost like forcing myself to eat like 1,200 calories. And now I've stayed probably between like 15 to 1,800 calories. On some days I'm over 2,000, just depends, but um, yeah, when I saw that, like my body started to change. I started to like lose the weight. I started feeling better. Like I wasn't punishing my body anymore. I was working out, you know, when I was doing two hours in the gym, I went down to like 25 minutes, 30 minutes. Maybe just going for walks, eating the right amount of the right food and so eat more, weigh less.

• 54:56Speaker 00

  Beautiful. I love that. That's really great. That's powerful too, because people don't recognize how little they know about food.

• 55:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:04Speaker 00

  We say, hey, listen, I'm a human. I've been eating food for decades, bro. What you going to tell me about food? There's, there's so much we don't know. Um, yeah. So good for you. That's, that's great. And I'm glad that you're sharing it. Um, okay, here's another one. What is one word that you would choose to describe how it feels like to finally choose yourself?

• 55:28Speaker 00

  If you were going to take a big swing this holiday season and start a business, what would you build? Maybe it's that one idea that you can't stop thinking about. I've built a business from the ground up and I can tell you that the hard part isn't the idea, it's getting it live. That's where Shopify comes in. You can sell everywhere people shop, online, in person, across social media, even in AI chats. And Shopify checkout with shop pay converts up to 36% higher than the competition. So more of the people who show up actually buy. Plus, Black Friday is when more people are already shopping and ready to buy. So the sooner you're live, the better. If you're ready to launch your business before Black Friday, go to Shopify.com slash Kwame to start your free trial.

• 56:12Speaker 00

  That's Shopify.com slash Kwame. Go to Shopify.com slash Kwame to hear your first.

• 56:20Speaker 00

  Try this. Pull up your notes from a meeting last week. Do they still make sense? Or do they just seem like random notes that only the old version of you could decode? That used to be me. And as a negotiator, that's a real problem because my job is to listen, not type or write notes. That's why Granola has been one of my favorite tools, period. It's an AI powered notepad. I jot my usual rough notes and then Granola securely transcribes the meeting in the background. And when it ends, I get clean, structured notes that still make sense a week later. Decisions, owners, next steps, everything that I would need to feel good about going forward. And it works through your device's audio too. So there's no additional setup or any annoying AI joining your call. Just your normal meeting, but with superpowers.

• 57:06Speaker 00

  If meetings are eating up your day, Granola is a no brainer. You can try it totally free for three months. Just go to granola.ai slash Kwame. That's granola.ai slash Kwame to get your time back. Get three months free at granola.ai slash Kwame.

• 57:22Speaker 01

  Freedom.

• 57:24Speaker 00

  That's good. That's good. Okay. Quick description of why?

• 57:31Speaker 01

  Because when you are, when you choose yourself wholeheartedly and you love yourself, you're not going to self abandon. You're not gonna feel unworthy. You're, and there's, with all of those things, when you're in that anxious attachment style, all of that is like you're seeking those external love and validation from others. And again, it's, it's exhausting to hold all of that.

• 57:54Speaker 00

  Right.

• 57:55Speaker 01

  And so there's no freedom. There's no peace in that. And so when you can be just so centered and grounded in who you are, there's so much peace and freedom in that.

• 58:05Speaker 00

  Yes. Oh, so true. This is good. Okay. And believe me when I say this, um, I came up with this question months ago, years ago, maybe.

• 58:20Speaker 00

  What are you going to do between now and December to make sure that your book is done?

• 58:29Speaker 01

  I'm going to write in it every day.

• 58:32Speaker 00

  Good.

• 58:32Speaker 01

  Every day. Yes. I'm promising you and myself that.

• 58:37Speaker 00

  We will be following up. We will be following up. Okay. Great. Now, before we go, let me bring in Simone. Simone has been listening. He's going to ask a question, give a great comment, and then we will land the plane.

• 58:49Speaker 01

  Right.

• 58:50Speaker 02

  Okay, I think this is the first time that I don't have a question or a comment. I just want to say thank you because uh, I, I was analyzing your profile maybe a couple of months ago to see if you were a good fit for the podcast. And I started to, to stalk you, you know, I, I like more your TikTok. I like your TikTok than your Instagram. So I was on TikTok and I heard you saying something that was very important for me at that moment. You said that stop falling in love with the potential of someone, instead of falling in love with the actual person.

• 59:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:28Speaker 02

  So you said that for girls, but it actually works for, for everyone, you know? So, uh,

• 59:35Speaker 01

  It does.

• 59:35Speaker 02

  No matter what is your question in your relationship, if you're not fully convinced of someone, you just have to listen to that advice and that's it. Now everything is clear and it's up to you if you want to take action or not.

• 59:50Speaker 01

  Right.

• 59:51Speaker 02

  But you have all the answers right now. So I, I, that was very important for me at that moment. Now I am in a very different situation and a lot better. And uh, but at that moment I said, okay, this brought me light. So I'm gonna bring her to say thank you. And then I'll see if it's, if, if it's good for Kwame, but I just want to bring her to the show and say thank you because that was a very, very good advice. And what I liked as everything you just have, uh, you have said is that it's simple, but very profound. So, uh, for instance, what I like about compassionate curiosity framework of Kwame is this, it's, it's very simple, but it takes your whole life to practice it. So the things that you have said, like choosing yourself first,

• 1:00:37Speaker 02

  or this one, uh, don't fall in love with the potential of someone. It is very simple, but it's a rule for, for your life. So thank you so much for, for that advice. And it was very important for me at that moment. And now it's a rule of my life.

• 1:00:50Speaker 01

  That's amazing. Thank you so much for sharing that with me. That makes my heart smile.

• 1:00:57Speaker 01

  You never, like, you don't know, like, who's watching your stuff. And that's another thing. It's like, you just gotta keep showing up and putting it out there, you know? Whether it's performing or whatever, it's like, just gotta share the message and however it's supposed to land, it's supposed to land.

• 1:01:11Speaker 00

  Incredible. And look at this, coming full circle, you, you met a TikTok follower. So there you go.

• 1:01:18Speaker 01

  Thank you. Now I'm like, now I really gotta show up by my TikTok.

• 1:01:21Speaker 00

  There we go. There we go.

• 1:01:23Speaker 01

  Over there.

• 1:01:24Speaker 00

  Oh, so good. Kelly, you are amazing. Thank you for coming on the show. Um, let's say hypothetically, if anybody wanted to chase success and was looking for a coach, would you have any suggestions for what they should do?

• 1:01:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, reach out to me.

• 1:01:43Speaker 01

  Yes, no, reach out to me, uh, by TikTok, Instagram. I mean, I'm, I'm on Instagram a lot. Um, obviously the link's in my bio, but chase life with Kelly.com is where people can find how they can work with me. I have digital courses. I have one-on-one mentorship. Um, then obviously like I have a podcast. I kind of took a little break, but there's nearly 200 episodes there that they can go and binge my content there too. So lots of free resources, obviously my content on TikTok, as Simone said, um, and on Instagram. So yeah, I just, I would be honored to hold space for someone's transformation because it's been the people who have held space for me have changed my life.

• 1:02:23Speaker 00

  Amazing. Kelly, thank you so much for joining us. Really appreciate it.

• 1:02:26Speaker 01

  Thank you for having me. This is great. I loved it. Good energy.