Pod Insights Myths and Legends 397: Monkey King: King of Hearts About this episode 🐵Monkey and Co. are really hoping this city is different🐵I mean, it has to be, right? Not every city can be full of monsters...can it? We're back in the Journey to the West with Sun Wukong, the Monkey King.
😈 The Creature: Cacus
A half spider man that does whatever a spider can. Providing spiders breath file, steal cattle, and get killed by Hercules
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Transcript 0:00 Speaker 00 This week on Myths and Legends, we're back with Sun Wukong, the Monkey King, and the Journey to the West. We'll see which animal you should transform into when you're lowering the per capita attractiveness of that hot new city, and that, when it comes to hiring, maybe avoid the person who wants to hold the whole city hostage. The creature this time is that half Spider-Man, who's less about the heroics and more about the opposite of that. He's a murderous thief.
0:32 Speaker 00 This is Myths and Legends, episode 397, King of Hearts.
0:41 Speaker 00 This is a podcast where we tell stories from mythology and folklore. Some are incredibly popular tales you might think you know, but with surprising origins. Others are stories that might be new to you, but are definitely worth a listen. Okay, real quickly, in the story of The Journey to the West, a 16th century Chinese novel, we follow Shuangzong, the human monk, who was tasked with retrieving the holy scriptures from the Thunderclap Temple in the West. Since the road is impossibly long and dangerous, he was granted four guards, essentially monsters on a redemption arc for his trip. There was Sun Wukong, the Monkey King, a superpowered monkey who turned against heaven and nearly won hundreds of years prior. He was imprisoned and granted to Shuangzong as a bodyguard. There's also Pigzi, a stinky,
1:26 Speaker 00 appetite-driven pig man, and Sandy, a dour, indigo sandman. There's also their horse, which is actually a dragon, but who almost never leaves the form of a horse. Today, we'll catch up with the group, not on the road, but outside of a city, hoping that this time it'll be different.
1:54 Speaker 00 Sun Wukong, the Monkey King, walked up to the soldier slumped over by the wall. Back on the road, closer to the forest, Shuangzong, Pigzi, and Sandy, all huddled in the snow, waiting to see if this was the type of city where they would have to bargain with and eventually fight demons to not get eaten. Or if they could just have their travel re-script certified and get back on the road. It's so rarely the second one, Pigsy whispered. But arriving and seeing a sleeping, uneaten human guard was actually positive. Humans could exist, uneaten, which is actually our natural state. But also, the city could bear a pretty egregious dereliction of duty with the guards sleeping on watch
2:38 Speaker 00 and not getting swarmed by demons. The Monkey King walked up and gently shook the sleeping guard awake. The man shot first to his feet and then to his knees. "Holy Father," he bowed. "What are you talking about?" Sun Wukong shook his head. "Your, your holy father thunder god, aren't you?" "What? No." The soldier looked him over and sat down with the yawn. "Yeah, that makes sense." He didn't look like a thunder god. "Okay, what's going on? This guy's going back to sleep? What city is this?" The man yawned again and fluffed his helmet. "It used to be Bixu Kingdom. Now it's Young Master's City."
3:22 Speaker 00 "Why'd they change the name?" Monkey demanded. But if the soldier wasn't sleeping, he was doing an awesome job of faking it. "It's Young Master's City?" Sun Wukong said. "They renamed it?" "Hey, he had to ask. Was he not scary anymore? Had he lost his edge?" Shuangzong quickly pivoted. "Young Master's City. They should figure out why they renamed it." And began walking toward the city. "He was probably frightened into unconsciousness by you, big brother." "Happens to me every night," Pigsy whispered. "That's called sleeping, Pigsy. You're just being nice. You should lie better, but I appreciate the thought." They left themselves into, um...
4:06 Speaker 00 The travelers looked at all the people going this way and that, buzzing all around. Monkey looked at the other members of the group.
4:16 Speaker 00 Was he wrong in thinking everyone in this city was like, really hot? They did happen to notice that everyone there was inordinately attractive. Monkey in a suspicious way and Pigsy in a the Pigsy way. Sandy acknowledged their symmetry and cleanliness. And Shuangzong, for all of his renouncing of the world, well, he had eyes and yes. They were in a city full of very attractive people. And also, this isn't just like a fun little addition. The original spends a good amount of time talking about how attractive everyone in the city was. "Monkey," Shuangzong whispered. Sun Wukong said, "Yeah, you're causing a scene. People here are attractive.
5:02 Speaker 00 You're gonna frighten them with your ugliness." Shuangzong hissed like Monkey was a six-year-old causing a scene at a department store. Because the six-year-old doesn't want to stop pretending the circular rack of clothes isn't a fun fort because it clearly is. And it's really the store's fault for designing it that way and being super boring to begin with. Oddly, specific examples aside, before you start thinking, yes, a glow up for Sun Wukong, we're gonna have our own version of the sexy Squidward meme, sorry. He turned into a bee. "While you're not a hideous monkey, please do something useful, Wukong," Shuangzong said. Each house had a goose cage in front of it. Try to figure out what's going on. If there's like a festival or something we need to honor.
5:44 Speaker 00 We wouldn't want to run afoul of these beautiful, beautiful people. Sun Wukong buzzed to his discontent, but did listen to his master. He should go figure out what the deal was with all those cages and... Oh. "Master, don't move. A bee has landed on your ear." Pigsy raised a hoof to swat it. "Pigsy, it's just Monkey. He left in the form of a bee," Shuangzong said. What's just me? Monkey walked up behind them. After a few seconds of them freaking out and Pigsy swatting at the bee, Monkey stopped it with a clap between his hands and with a smile, the hare returned to his side. Shuangzong sneered that he did not like that little joke
6:29 Speaker 00 and told Sandy to stand in front of them to block Monkey's ugliness. Now, Monkey, what are in the cages in front of everyone's house? Oh, those would be boys, Monkey said. Pigsy and Master cocked their heads while the Sandy screen dropped. Um, what? Monkey said there weren't too many other interpretations you could glean from that. They were boys, all between the ages of five and seven, all trapped in cages. Some played with toys, some slept, some ate fruit, but yeah, kids in cages. Shuangzong took a deep breath. He knew, he knew that you had to accept the world for what it was. He was to be apart from it, but come on,
7:12 Speaker 00 did every single place have to be so ridiculously evil? I mean, boys in cages? And so brazen in front of every house? Do I have to hide now? Monkey said. Shuangzong sighed. No, Monkey can take the lead. Monkey spun his finger in the air. Murder triangle, go. I hate that name, Shuangzong said as they took their positions. Monkey and Pigsy in front and Sandy behind Shuangzong. Let's get to the administrator, get the re-script certified, and get out of here before they reveal how evil they all are. How much more evil can you get? Shuangzong said, and Monkey had to agree.
8:03 Speaker 00 Oh, nope, no can do. Can't get you into the meeting with the court until tomorrow morning, the station master said as he waved in the tea. For a city that kept kids in cages outside their front doors, the station master was a sweet man and prepared a vegetarian feast for them. As they ate, Xuanzong asked, um, "normal dinner conversation? How did they rear children in this city, like, generally?" The man was happy to describe where babies come from in specific biological detail. And then, after all that, they're born after about 10 months, they're fed with milk until about three years. Xuanzong sighed, "Um, thank you for the junior high health class, but if he was being honest,
8:48 Speaker 00 and he was always honest, he was the Tang monk, he was more so curious about the children in goose cages." "Oh, don't mind that, kind elder," the man laughed. "I mean, I, I do, I do mind," Xuanzong said. "It's nothing for you to worry about, dear sir. Before you get on the road tomorrow and never return to the city," the station master laughed again. Xuanzong smelled the food to confirm that it was not, in fact, people. "That happened more than you'd think," and then said, he was gonna have to insist. "Why were there kids in cages?" The station master held up a finger, and when an attendant came back with the tea,
9:34 Speaker 00 the station master told the man to tell the others he was fine looking after the travelers. They could all go home. The man bowed, and for the next five minutes, until the station was empty, the pilgrims and the station master ate in silence. "It is our king," the station master shook his head a few minutes after the doors closed. The travelers could see that he was holding back tears. "All those boys, all 1,100-plus boys, they were going to die." The station master took a drink of his tea and said that this city used to be known as Beiksu Kingdom. Recently, though, the people at a protest changed it to Young Master's City.
10:15 Speaker 00 Three years ago, a Taoist monk arrived, or someone claiming to be a Taoist monk arrived, in the city. An old man. He traveled with a girl of sixteen. She was, by all accounts, beautiful. The old man presented her as tribute to the king. The girl, though, took to her new position and spent a lot of time with the king. Morning, noon, and night, the king neglected his consorts, his duty, and his people to spend time in the arms of this girl until, well, he began to grow sick. He was unable to eat or drink. The king began wasting away. It was then that this Taoist presented a secret formula to save him. Pigsy's hoof shot up. Sorry, a quick question.
11:01 Speaker 00 He keeps saying Taoist, but what is that? Is that like a type of cow? Monkey turned. Yes, a cow took over the city with his cow daughter. Do you seriously not know what a Taoist is? We've never talked about it, Pigsy noted. Monkey thought that they had talked about it, but they were probably due for a refresher. Rooted in the teachings of Lao Tzu and the Tao Te Ching. Taoism is a Chinese philosophical and spiritual tradition emphasizing living in harmony with the way, or the Tao, which is the fundamental natural order of the universe. It advocates simplicity, humility, and aligning oneself with the flow of nature rather than resisting it, valuing balance. So they're violent and evil?
11:47 Speaker 00 Pigsy was still confused. No, not at all, actually. Quite the opposite. They value peace and life and will only use force in self-defense. So, and I think I'm almost caught up. Why are Taoist monks frequently the baddies? Pigsy put his hooves together. Monkey said, well, if Pigsy had been paying attention, which he clearly wasn't, the monks were not the baddies. In fact, it was frequently demons and monsters in the disguise of Taoist monks and not the Taoist monks themselves. All this comes from, well, culturally, there's a tension in this time between Buddhism and Taoism. And the story we're a part of is the Buddhist one, so it would take that side.
12:31 Speaker 00 Oh, and we're Buddhist pilgrims. Pigsy noted. Yes, we are. Monkey smiled. Okay, I think I get it. I hate Taoist now. Pigsy slammed his hoof down. No, no, we don't. And once again, it's very clear, these are not real Taoists. He turned back to the station master, who continued on with the background. Anyway, the traveling priest returned from a long trip abroad with the solution for the king. Boys' hearts. 1,111 boys' hearts boiled in presumably one big cauldron or several small batches. He wasn't 100% sure on the logistics, but he did know that that was bad. The boys were selected by the priest to put in cages to put some weight on before the big day.
13:17 Speaker 00 Those were the children that Monkey saw. Okay, so why does everyone seem so happy then? Shuangzong couldn't quite understand what he had seen in the very attractive city outside. But the station master said that everyone was afraid of the king and the minister, and didn't want to seem like an enemy of the state. Some had fought back initially. They were gone now. Those that were giving up their sons didn't want to lose anymore, and those that weren't didn't want to risk what they had. Well, yeah, good idea on their part, Pigsy nodded in the original. Before taking another bite of food. Realizing the entire room was looking at him in disgust, he said, what? Oh, Master was crying? What, do you take someone else's coffin, bring it into your house,
14:01 Speaker 00 and cry about it when it's not your problem? Come on, this had nothing to do with them. Shuangzong fumed. Pigsy, stop it. This was a clear injustice, and they would set it right. Besides, whoever thought of eating someone's heart to lengthen your life? Sandy raised a finger to point out that, um, that had been not every stop so far, but it had to top at least 80% of them with demons kidnapping Shuangzong to eat him to live forever. But Monkey shook his head. Don't bring that up. Sun Wukong patted his master on the back. It was okay. They would go get their travel re-script certified the next morning and, what words couldn't solve, an iron rod to the skull absolutely could.
14:44 Speaker 00 Shuangzong opened his mouth in protest, but Monkey said he would try everything first. He would teach the king how to cultivate himself, try to reason with the priest. He'd even get the kids out of the city first, but if it turned out that the priest was a demon, which, I mean, let's be real, there were two ways of dealing with them. Making their brains spill out like meat patties, once again, also the terminology they use in the original, or calling on the denizens of heaven to aid them, which they have been doing that kind of a lot lately. Shuangzong said that Monkey should have let him finish. He was pretty down with extermination. No need to even talk it through. This was frankly, pretty messed up.
15:25 Speaker 00 Monkey said, okay, fun and interesting turn of events, but he would still feel more comfortable getting the kids out of the city first. He had some work to do, but when the cool wind blows, they should know that Monkey had gotten the kids out. And a few hours later, the cool wind blew. It was a wind so cold that it began to freeze the outer layer of cloth of any citizen outside that night. And a dark mist dropped on the city. When it lifted, the goose cages were gone. Monkey had gone to talk to some local deities who knew what was going on in the young master's city. They were more than happy to rescue the children, but couldn't stand against the evil false priest. The kids were safely in their caves, warm, fed, and entertained,
16:09 Speaker 00 which isn't the most important thing, but is a really important thing when it comes to having like multiple five to seven year olds over. The next morning, Monkey squinted, looking out on the city. Man, these people did not miss a beat. Their children slated for death were gone and they didn't even cry. When Shuangzong announced that he was leaving to get their travel re-script certified, then Shuangzong blinked and Monkey was gone. "Sorry if that was confusing, master. I'm actually still here," Shuangzong heard in his ear. No, I, I know, Monkey. How many times have we done this?
16:55 Speaker 00 We'll see Xuanzong and Sun Wukong confront the king, but that will be right after this.
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17:57 Speaker 00 Oh, it's like a Theoden-King grim a worm-tongue situation, Monkey whispered as Xuanzong entered the grand and ornate throne room. Xuanzong whispered under his breath that he didn't understand Monkey's references. Also, Monkey could talk to him, but he was unable to talk back. It was like a dentist's office. It was awkward. Monkey said he understood. He understood. So, got any plans for the weekend? Xuanzong sighed as Monkey laughed. The Tang monk bowed before the king, who was less sitting in the chair than melting in it. His hands hung limp at the armrests and his neck barely propped up his head. Xuanzong bowed and presented his travel re-script, which the king took, affixed his seal, and handed back to the monk.
18:42 Speaker 00 Wow, that was super easy, Monkey whispered. Well, at least that was out of their way. Now they only had the evil priest reveal and "slow clap", they heard from behind the throne, as Xuanzong tucked the re-script into the pouch at his side. A man in silk robes stepped out. He was older, but strong. His hair was white at the temples, but his shoulders were broader than any of the guards they had seen. "It's rare we meet one so accomplished in the way as the Tang monk", the priest said. "Walking in the throne room and not only failing to bow to the king, but completely ignoring him." What brought such an illustrious man to their humble city? The Tang monk told him they were seeking the scriptures in the Western Heaven.
19:27 Speaker 00 "Tell me," the priest demanded, "is it true that through submission to the Buddha, a monk can not only transcend death, but gain longevity in life?" Xuanzong said, "Yes," but that wasn't really the focus. Through self-cultivation, he gained wisdom and knowledge, and worked to sever attachment and bring about an end to suffering. By doing this, he could lead others to peace and harmony as well. The priest laughed. "Nope. Wow, you really believe that? What a fool. What an absolute knave." Xuanzong wasn't going to be suckered into a bad faith debate. "I'll tell you what I believe," the false priest looked around with a half grin to the courtiers. "I believe that when it comes to believing the right stuff, I do, and you don't."
20:10 Speaker 00 A chorus of "Oooh!" went up from the courtiers, and even a throaty chuckle from the king. "And I'll say another thing. When it comes to your enlightenment, and your way, and your meditation, you know what I say to that? Sit, sit, sit. Your butt will split." That's a real quote from the book, and he won the argument, according to the laughter and the cheering in the throne room. He really knew his audience. "Taoists meditate too," Monkey pointed out in Xuanzong's ear. Xuanzong, though, had no reason to try to debate him, and since he didn't feed the troll, the priest didn't have any more to use. He wiped a fake tear from his eye and said all this was in good fun.
20:56 Speaker 00 "They would be preparing a vegetarian feast for their guests in the postal station where they were staying. Then they could get on the road before nightfall." "Well, that was super easy," Monkey said as Xuanzong left the throne room. "He's obviously evil, though, and seems to know next to nothing about actual Taoism. Also, he or his daughter are sucking the life from the king. Weird that they didn't mention the cages being removed, though. Hey, go back and hang out with Pigsy and Sandy. Tell them to be on high alert. I'm gonna hang out here and see what I can learn." Xuanzong nodded in assent, and felt the flea jump from his ear. Out of the corner of his eye, as he left the palace, he saw a kingfisher, a bird, now perched in the highest rafter.
21:55 Speaker 00 You all have friends in high places. The station master marveled as the king's servants brought in dish after dish steaming with food. Pigsy salivated and Shuanzong took a seat. Ten minutes later, the doors flew open and Monkey strode in. Ah, Sun Wukong, you're back. Shuanzong swallowed his food. What did you learn? Monkey walked up to his master, took the pawful of mud he had, and shoved it in his master's mouth. Through muffled screams, Shuanzong watched in terror as the hairs of Monkey's body crept down from his arms and entered the mud, which then spread out all over his master's face, creeping all venom-like to his torso, arms, legs, hands, and feet.
22:40 Speaker 00 What are you doing? Pigsy screeched, reaching for his rake. Shuanzong, the monk, gagged as the mud continued spreading all over his body. Soon, he was still, and then, he was Monkey. Sun Wukong rose next to Sun Wukong, and the Sun Wukong who had entered as Sun Wukong became Shuanzong. They've closed the gates of the city, and when I flew here, they were surrounding the postal station. Monkey, in the form of Shuanzong, informed the group. Monkey, what have you done? Monkey, aka Shuanzong, shrieked, and then his hands went to his throat. Why did he sound like that? It had to be convincing. That's the reason they didn't care about the boys in the cages being rescued.
23:24 Speaker 00 They're coming after you, and since you can't fly or change your shape, this was the only way to get you to safety. Don't worry, I'm not gonna kill all those people out there, because they, and not even the king, are evil. They're all under the sway of whatever is masquerading as that priest. I can't just bludgeon my way out of this. It has to be me, Monkey told them. Luckily, there was some mud outside, and the hairs should hold it in place. Wait, like, right outside? Pigsy asked. Yeah, by the wall. Why? Xuanzong, aka Monkey, gestured. Oh, whoops. That's actually, um, where I peed. Pigsy grimaced, and he actually did do that in the original.
24:10 Speaker 00 Xuanzong started screaming, but Monkey held up a hand to silence him. When, at the door, rows and rows of soldiers entered. They had an invitation for the Tang monk to return to the palace. Xuanzong, once again, Monkey, ordered the other three to stay there. He nodded to the guards and started the walk to the palace.
24:43 Speaker 00 We need a supplement from you. The king managed to sit up as high as he could on the throne. Behind him, the priest snickered. If he gave it to them and saved the king, they would build a shrine to him. He would earn daily sacrifices, and the state would honor him with perpetual incense. Oh, wow. What a great deal. I wonder what the supplement is that I could possess? For I am just a poor, traveling monk who has run out of the world. Monkey was setting them up for their big sinister reveal. With a nod, the soldiers behind the false Xuanzong marched a few steps closer. What we need from you, dear elder, is your heart.
25:26 Speaker 00 The priest cackled, then stopped. Um, why was the monk not freaking out? Oh, I mean, yeah, okay. Xuanzong shrugged. Oh, okay? The priest waved his soldiers in closer. Xuanzong said, yeah, it was no big deal. Which one did they want?
25:50 Speaker 00 Which heart? The king cocked his head. Yeah, I have a few. We, we want your black heart. The one with the purest essence? The king and the priest were very confused. Shuangzong turned to the man who was sneaking up on him and waited for him to just bring him the knife. He would check, but he wasn't sure he had a black heart. Looking at the priest for confirmation, the soldier handed the faux monk the knife. They watched the Tang monk undo his robes and bare his chest, feel just under his left pectoral, nod, and then plunge the knife in.
26:32 Speaker 00 After cutting away his flesh, Shuangzong held out the bloody knife for the wincing and horrified soldier to hold on to. He, ah, he forgot about his ribs. He gripped one, pressing his fingers as best as he could between them, and with a crack, broke the first one, then two, then three. Oh, shoot. Shuangzong tried to catch all the hearts that came spilling out. A white heart, a yellow heart, an avaricious heart, a greedy heart, an envious heart, a petty heart, a competitive heart, an ambitious heart, a murderous heart, and several more dangled from veins and arteries, extending back up into the supposed Tang monk's chest.
27:14 Speaker 00 How, how do you have so many hearts? The king was nonplussed. The Tang monk studied all of them. Yeah, unfortunately, it was just as he thought. No black heart. He turned to the soldier who had by now fainted and said, fine, he put them all back in himself. One by one, Monkey put the hearts back in his chest. They were all of his actual hearts, by the way. That part was real. He put the rib back in place and lazily laid the skin back over top of it. The more he thought about it, though, he actually could provide a black heart for the king. A pure heart. The priest behind him hadn't mentioned the source of this one, and frankly, no one could blame him.
28:00 Speaker 00 Because it was the priest's black heart that could save the king. With this, Monkey shook and, his face simian, his body covered in fur once again, his sharp teeth formed into a grin. Let's open him up and find it. The priest took to a cloud, but Monkey's foot found his face before he was able to burst through the ceiling of the room, sending him tumbling toward the floor. The priest held out his hand, drawing his coiled dragon staff to himself, and attacked. He brought down the staff and Monkey blocked it. He unleashed a magical blast of fire and Monkey blocked it by spinning his iron staff and dissipating the blaze. He turned his attention to the assembled nobles and courtiers cowering by the wall
28:44 Speaker 00 and Monkey said, "Oh, no, not the people complicit in his rounding up and murdering children," and sat down. The priest sneered and dropped that tactic, and trying a few more times to hit Monkey, and failing a few more times, he turned into a beam of light and shot back into the palace. As Monkey sighed, two beams of light, a golden and silver, father and daughter, shot out an open window toward the sky. Monkey turned to the king. Well, at least that was over. What did we learn? But the king was gone. "Where's the king?" Monkey turned to the people bowing and cowering, saying they would do whatever he asked of them. He was their leader now.
29:30 Speaker 00 Shaking his head, Monkey said, "Stop doing that for strangers. That's how you end up harvesting boy hearts for a demon." Floating back, Monkey discovered the concubines still trembling. Across the room, Monkey's eyes searched the king. "Oh, hey," the king waved, huddled in a pillow fort being weighted on by his concubines. He was just making sure the women here were safe. Monkey nodded. Mm-hmm, indeed. That was brave of him, by the way, to flee in terror to go check on all these human shields, I mean, concubines. Monkey shook his head and found his way to the watchman at the front of the palace. Who are you? The watchman pointed his spear at Monkey.
30:13 Speaker 00 Monkey said he was Sun Wukong, the Monkey King, great sage equal to heaven. Maybe the man had heard of him. What happened to the guy I let in this morning? The watchman was puzzled. That guy from earlier, he was good looking. Monkey said first, it was an elaborate ruse to free your kingdom. And second, he's not that handsome. More handsome than you? The watchman chuckled. Okay, this is not helpful this week. Did you see which way the beams of light went? Monkey demanded. But the man said, no, it was light and daylight. Did Monkey know where drops of water go when they enter the ocean? Monkey really restrained himself from launching this guard into a nearby mountain
30:56 Speaker 00 and told him to send an envoy down to the postal station to get his master.
31:13 Speaker 00 We'll see Monkey go after the priest, but that will, once again, be right after this.
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32:44 Speaker 00 You know, "This is on us," the king laughed. "He was only human. He only wanted to live forever at any cost, even if that cost was the murder mutilation of 1,000-plus children. Was that so wrong?" "Yes, yes, objectively, wrong," Monkey groaned. "Well, a priest said it was okay, so what am I supposed to do?" The king shrugged, still barely able to hold himself up. "I don't know, think a little bit about it?" Monkey pleaded, "Like, a good starter is any time a plan involves mass murder of children, or anyone, really. It's a bad plan." Monkey had done a few more interviews before they got there and learned the location of the cave.
33:28 Speaker 00 If he let the demons, and they were demons, keep going, they'd just be back and take over again. Monkey turned to his master and said it was relatively safe here, just don't let them worship you or anything. They seem to have a tendency to start doing that. Monkey then thought about it. Pigsy was coming with him. Of everyone in the group, he trusted Pigsy the absolute least to not inadvertently start a cult. So, leaving Shuangzong in the care of Sandy and sitting down to yet another vegetarian feast, Monkey and Pigsy traveled about 70 miles north to the Pure Fluorescence Cave. But there was no cave. "Hey, you guys, uh, looking to mess up that demon that lives here?"
34:11 Speaker 00 They heard, spinning around to see the local god. Monkey said, "Yes," but what prompted that? "Well, not a lot of times we get an anthropomorphic monkey and pig traveling through here, so figured it was a safe bet. I would've come for help, but he's super powerful, and there would've been retribution against me and everyone I care about. He's down north of the brook. Just find the willow tree with nine branches, circle the trunk three times from left to right, three more from right to left, put both hands on the trunk and say, 'Open the door.'" Monkey thanked the spirit, and he and Pigsy went back down to the brook. When they did that fairly simple thing, the tree shifted to the right all Legend of Zelda-like,
34:55 Speaker 00 and a stairway, dropping down into the darkness, appeared. Monkey told Pigsy to wait outside for him. He'd chased the monster here. Pigsy did not need any extra incentive to not enter a dank monster lair, and, to be honest, was still a little mad at Monkey for not letting him start a cult.
35:27 Speaker 00 Three years, the priest held his daughter in the residence below, which were actually quite nice and homey. Three years of planning ruined by that ape face. Sun Wukong stood from the darkness. That was too far. He was a monkey, not an ape, so he smashed their house. Hearing the battle below, Pigsy put aside his dreams of cult leadership and got amped up. All right, fight time. He knocked over the willow tree to get warmed up and started beating it with a rake. As you do. And noticed that it was starting to bleed. Bleed blood. Just then, Monkey chased the priest from the cave, who, taking one look at Pigsy, said, "No way",
36:11 Speaker 00 and turned into a beam of cold light, taking off into the sky yet again. Monkey sighed. Emerging. Really? They had to do this all over again with the chasing and the mountain spirit and the... Then the priest hit the ground. Hard. Cowering from the white light in the sky above. "Hey, Wukong", they heard. And Monkey shielded his eyes. "Was that aged star of the South Pole?" "It is. Long time", the star of the South Pole said. He chuckled. Monkey would never believe what happened with this guy, the one pretending to be a priest. "He's one of your beasts of burden who got loose, stealing your magic staff in the process,
36:55 Speaker 00 and who came down here to wreck havoc. But while he's been down here for literal ages, you only just noticed because time works differently?" Monkey asked. It was more rhetorical than anything, though. "Sorry", the star said. He was playing chess with a friend and the creature got out. To his credit, he did go looking immediately.
37:15 Speaker 00 Change back, or your master will spend the next thousand years picking up pieces of you from the hillside, Monkey demanded. And the priest turned back into a white deer. He's my riding deer, the star descended and mounted the deer. Great, and who's his daughter? Daughter? The star asked. Monkey sent Pigsy into the cave, and then Monkey played something like 16th century baseball with the daughter, who shot up in a beam of light, and was then hit by Monkey's staff. Unfortunately, when the fox's body dropped to the ground, there was no saving her. Monkey waved the body of the deer's adopted daughter before the wailing beast of burden,
37:57 Speaker 00 and then even the South Pole Star thought that that was a bit much. The star announced that he wanted to personally apologize to the king of these lands, though, and Monkey gave him the address. After Monkey and Pigsy burned down the lair— You can't have Zelda lairs with secret tree doors just sitting around, they'll attract monsters— They made their way back home, where Monkey and Pigsy found a feast already in progress. The South Pole Star had dialed back the brightness, and was telling everyone about realtowism, but— The aged king coughed. Um, so he had been drained of life by the foxwoman? Yeah, for doing gross things, Monkey spoke up. Everyone else shot him an annoyed look. Monkey didn't care, he was right.
38:41 Speaker 00 I was supposed to get an elixir that would heal me today, the king said in the saddest, weakest tone he could muster. By sacrificing a thousand children, Monkey blurted and then shook his head. He needed to go take a walk. The king asked the star if he had just a little immortality he could give him, just a taste of complete eternal life and youth. The star said he did bear some responsibility, and while he doesn't pack immortality elixir when going out looking for his deer, he did have some dates in his sleeve. He tossed the kings some dates who ate them, and—in a moment, his wrinkles smoothed out, his hair turned black, and his eyes were clear. He breathed.
39:26 Speaker 00 The court applauded, their king was young again. The king smiled. Wow. Thank you. So like, the rest of the elixir, though? When could he expect that? Tomorrow? The South Pole star said he would look into it. He'd get back to the king with that. The king didn't know the disparity between time passage for heaven and earth, so he might be waiting a while. Monkey called out. They were back. The court emerged to see 1,100 goose coops on the wind, being set down at the different houses. Because, yes, the boys were back in town. Sorry I had to. They were also allowed out of their cages, which feels like they should have been allowed
40:08 Speaker 00 to do that sooner. I guess the local spirits were just protecting them and not babysitters, though. The boys, having learned all about how Sun Wukong negotiated their salvation, declared that they would heft the party onto their shoulders and parade them all through town, even though they were horrifically ugly. Monkey sighed. Thanks. That was the meanest way anyone had ever been nice to him. The travelers stayed in the city for a month, eating a meal at each of the boys' houses, which still left about 1,000 houses to go. The rest of the families helped to outfit the group for their journey. And when Shuangzong, Monkey, Pigzy, and Sandy left, the perpetually burning incense wafted up from in front of
40:49 Speaker 00 their pictures in the temple because, for their kindness and courage, they would always be remembered in the city.
41:11 Speaker 00 That's where we'll leave it this week. I actually almost skipped over this one, but I like how Monkey had to work his way through a threat without hurting a human. He's actually showing growth as a character that that wasn't even on the table. I also like the ridiculousness of the attractive city, though Shuangzong only ever hassled Monkey about his ugliest and not the obvious Pigzy. Also, we're not told why the city was so attractive. Next week, it's a Scandinavian Christmas, where your dad hates you and you go to zombie church. If you'd like to support the show, there's still a membership thing on the site. There are links to Discord and social media in the show notes. And if you're looking for myths and legends merch, our store is back up and running at shop.nextpod.com.
42:02 Speaker 00 The creature this week is Cacus, from Greek mythology. Now, we've talked about it, but the smith god Hephaestus was among the best of the male Olympians. It's an astoundingly low bar, but he manages it. Even good people can have challenging children, though. And growing up the son of a dad dealing with his own issues of anger and inadequacy, and possibly being the son of Medusa, you're gonna end up on the bad side of the Olympians. Or at least their lackeys, but when that lackey is Hercules, and you rob him on the way home from one of his labors, yeah, you're gonna have a bad time. Cacus was, according to some places, half-human, half-spider, with a gigantic body and three heads that could breathe fire.
42:45 Speaker 00 He lived in a cave his dad carved out for him and robbed travelers. Not the most honorable profession, but the job market for a half-spider son of the lowest ranking Olympian was not great. His fatal mistake was angering Hercules. While Hercules was on his 10th labor and driving cattle home, Hercules stopped off at the house of a friend and, thinking that no one would try to steal his cattle he just stole because he was Hercules, Hercules had his cattle stolen. Cacus tried the whole "walk the cattle backwards to hide where they went." This didn't work because Hercules didn't remember taking them from a random cave in a field. The three-headed spider monster saw Hercules and bolted for the safety of home, and when
43:29 Speaker 00 his adamantine rock door, the one that his dad made, slammed down behind him, he knew that he was safe. But a door is only as strong as the house to which it's attached, and Hercules lifted up the entire cave. You might be thinking, "How does that work? Caves are attached to the ground. Caves basically are ground." And for that, I have a one-word answer. Hercules, but Caukis wasn't done. To his credit, he didn't try to fight Hercules, opting instead for an octopus escape where he clouded the area so much he could flee. Spewing smoke, Caukis almost got away with it.
44:11 Speaker 00 Until Hercules thought about it and went to the area where the smoke was the most concentrated, wrapping his rippling bicep around it. Caukis's cause of death was that of so many monsters in Greek myth, a semi-nude hug from Hercules.
44:32 Speaker 00 That's it for this time. Myths and Legends is by Jason and Carissa Weiser. Our theme song is by Broke for Free and the Creature of the Week music is by Steve Colmes. There are links to even more of the music we used in the show notes. Thank you so much for listening and we'll see you next time.
44:51 Speaker 04 This is Colin Coward from the Colin Coward Podcast. Buy smart, drive for less and trade for more. That's Toyota Ford ability. All starts with a great deal on an off-road ready Tacoma or a half-ton Tundra to a Toyota's most capable and longest-lasting trucks. Built on a reputation for quality and reliability, Toyota trucks are known for holding their value, which could mean big savings when it's time for your next Toyota. For a great deal today to a great value tomorrow. Shop toyota.com. Toyota, let's go places.
45:23 Speaker 05 Hey, I'm Niall Rogers. This fall, I'll be driving across the country, meeting some of today's coolest and most fascinating artists. We'll explore the stories before the moments that changed everything. Because every musician remembers the moment where it all began. Experience Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series on the iHeartRadio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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