Vogue's Baby Shower at Joanne's!

Did a lot of preparation go into this so-called "baby shower" episode? Yes, by hard working people behind the scenes. (Bless you, Pete.) Did Joanne ignore all of the preparation and planning? Mostly, yes. Did Vogue expect much? Realistically, probably not. Is this an absolutely mad episode where the end-of-term vibes were strong and where both Vogue & Joanne forgot they were supposed to be making a podcast? Definitely. My Therapist Ghosted Me is a Global Production. Tickets for Joanne's tour Pinotphile are now LIVE: www.joannemcnally.com http://www.joannemcnally.com/ If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [email protected] mailto:[email protected] Please review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/ For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com http://www.mytherapistghostedme.com/ This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.

• 0:02Speaker 00

  Donna Televersace accidentally booked blue instead of blur. Who could we be accidentally mistaken for?

• 0:11Speaker 01

  I was gonna say Paddy and Selma. Do you know who won?

• 0:14Speaker 02

  Not if it was you.

• 0:16Speaker 00

  You have to have like a press angle.

• 0:19Speaker 01

  You have to have a thing.

• 0:20Speaker 00

  Which is a prolapsed.

• 0:27Speaker 01

  Hello. Hello, we're back. Joanne is wearing scuba shades, which makes me feel uncomfortable because they're.

• 0:34Speaker 00

  Very you.

• 0:34Speaker 01

  Very me.

• 0:35Speaker 00

  They're from the specs. What, Jo, what do you reckon? Les specs?

• 0:39Speaker 02

  They're quite big.

• 0:40Speaker 00

  Les specs.

• 0:40Speaker 02

  Quite big.

• 0:41Speaker 01

  Look how much smaller they look on my face now.

• 0:43Speaker 00

  Well, I can't really.

• 0:44Speaker 01

  You've got your green stuff on.

• 0:47Speaker 01

  Who, are you gonna bring.

• 0:48Speaker 00

  I look like a smallpox.

• 0:49Speaker 01

  Your own eye, oh my god, how can you wear these? They're really dirty. Oh, they're quite good.

• 0:57Speaker 02

  You've gotten very greedy in your late stage of pregnancy.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  Are you taking scuba shades away from me now? Like, it's, they're mine and look at her. Everything is a scuba.

• 1:08Speaker 00

  You can't, can you scuba dive in scuba shades?

• 1:10Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:11Speaker 02

  You could give it a go.

• 1:12Speaker 00

  What's your, you know the way you always wear glasses, Jo?

• 1:14Speaker 01

  I have a scuba diving licence.

• 1:17Speaker 01

  I do have a scuba diving licence.

• 1:19Speaker 00

  What?

• 1:20Speaker 01

  I got it off Diego.

• 1:21Speaker 00

  Is it provisional?

• 1:22Speaker 01

  It's a Paddy licence, I can dive 17.

• 1:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 17 feet, yeah, yeah, yeah. But sure, that's you standing up, that's not you going.

• 1:32Speaker 00

  Do you actually go under the water?

• 1:33Speaker 01

  I didn't go under, I actually didn't make it under the water, yeah.

• 1:36Speaker 00

  She's standing at the sea in snorkels.

• 1:38Speaker 01

  Sorry, Amber was telling me this thing about, now, I know we're talking about porn again, but giantess porn. So people are into porn, men, yeah, I know, I'd never heard of it.

• 1:49Speaker 00

  No, I've never, I don't know what you said.

• 1:51Speaker 01

  Giantess porn.

• 1:52Speaker 00

  Oh, giantess porn, got it, yeah. I prefer giants, porn for giants.

• 1:57Speaker 01

  Men are into.

• 1:58Speaker 00

  Giant women.

• 1:59Speaker 01

  Giant women, yeah.

• 2:00Speaker 02

  Tall women.

• 2:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, giants.

• 2:03Speaker 02

  You should do that.

• 2:03Speaker 01

  I know, I was thinking to myself, I saw your one Lily Phillips was on Holly Willoughby's show, which you were on.

• 2:11Speaker 00

  I was.

• 2:12Speaker 01

  Which was.

• 2:12Speaker 00

  Holly's a great friend and personal confidant.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  I do love Holly Willoughby, and she's really good crack as well. I don't think that people know how, no, maybe people do know how much crack she is, because she is really good crack.

• 2:23Speaker 00

  She, yeah, she's great crack.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  And she's a ride, and her husband's sound as well.

• 2:26Speaker 00

  I don't know her husband at all.

• 2:27Speaker 01

  He's sound as well. I always think that, like, I would judge people on their, well, I suppose, I don't want people to entirely judge me on Spencer.

• 2:35Speaker 00

  Do you think he judges you on Spencer?

• 2:36Speaker 01

  No, I don't want people, I was saying, it's a good judge if somebody has a good.

• 2:40Speaker 00

  Sorry, I get, yeah.

• 2:41Speaker 01

  But, but anyway, she had that girl Lily Phillips on, I just saw.

• 2:45Speaker 00

  Did she?

• 2:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, and Lily Phillips was sitting there, she goes, she was talking about like how she's able.

• 2:49Speaker 00

  She seemed very nice, she got, sorry, go on.

• 2:51Speaker 01

  She was talking about how she's able to take more down there because she's used to it. And she was, because she does two at a time, and Holly was like.

• 3:02Speaker 00

  Go on.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  I just thought it was an interesting.

• 3:03Speaker 00

  Oh, that was it, I thought you, you were setting that up like Holly has some great clapback.

• 3:07Speaker 01

  No, because Holly just got a little bit of a, she just got a bit of a shock, but like, she does, like, that's, that's kind of.

• 3:13Speaker 00

  But isn't Lily famous for, isn't she big into anal?

• 3:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I think so. But she does both at the same time.

• 3:21Speaker 00

  God, fair play.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  So she, her numbers clock up quicker.

• 3:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, oh god, yeah.

• 3:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:27Speaker 00

  Because that's where we are now.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:30Speaker 00

  Didn't, wasn't she the, you can't just be, you can't just do.

• 3:34Speaker 01

  10:15.

• 3:36Speaker 00

  You can't just do porn now, you have to have like a press angle.

• 3:39Speaker 01

  You have to have a thing.

• 3:40Speaker 00

  Which is a, which is a prolapsed anus, because wasn't there, wasn't that the conversation?

• 3:44Speaker 01

  Who had a prolapsed anus?

• 3:45Speaker 00

  Well, wasn't, didn't Lily.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  I have a prolapsed anus.

• 3:48Speaker 00

  No, she didn't have, basically, if memory serves me correctly, which it rarely does.

• 3:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:54Speaker 00

  She was gonna have so much anal that people were saying.

• 3:58Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, she wanted to anal a thousand people.

• 4:01Speaker 00

  She wanted to anal.

• 4:02Speaker 02

  A thousand? Are we sure a thousand?

• 4:04Speaker 01

  I think she wanted.

• 4:05Speaker 02

  I can't, on my work laptop, can I?

• 4:08Speaker 01

  If you did on your phone and Josie ever looks at your history, August.

• 4:12Speaker 02

  Sorry, I might, sorry.

• 4:13Speaker 01

  It won't be unusual to find online.

• 4:15Speaker 00

  He'll be the next Hugh Edwards if he does it on his work one, you need to do it on your personal one, and then just your wife will see, which is fine.

• 4:21Speaker 01

  I'm sure she was gonna anal a thousand people.

• 4:23Speaker 00

  I think she did anal.

• 4:24Speaker 01

  She did?

• 4:25Speaker 00

  Well, I've seen, I've definitely seen photos of her, which, with a lot of the, sorry, the OF girls who are like actually like riding around rather than just like showing their feet or their tits.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:35Speaker 00

  They do these photos where they, their eyes are like covered in.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  Jizz?

• 4:40Speaker 00

  And, and their eyes are kind of like red, and they're like, need to share, like, it's, I'm sorry, like, your body or choice, etcetera. It's fucking gross, it looks awful.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  There's some jizz in my eyes.

• 4:49Speaker 00

  But, as I, I'm always divided over the porn thing, I'm like, is it, are they empowered?

• 4:55Speaker 01

  Well, it's never, it's never real, like, when you're watching, or like.

• 4:59Speaker 00

  I don't, I don't like that extreme shit, I just don't.

• 5:02Speaker 01

  No, no, but I had to do this thing recently, so fair play to her for the bum thing.

• 5:06Speaker 00

  Feral animals, remember them queuing for Bonnie Blue?

• 5:09Speaker 01

  Oh god, I had to stick this cotton wool bud thing up my bum recently.

• 5:14Speaker 00

  Whoa, what happened? Did I just black out? Where did that come from?

• 5:18Speaker 00

  Are you comparing that to, are you comparing that to Lily doing a thousand anals?

• 5:21Speaker 01

  Well, this is how, I'm about to say where I would land, so like, I had to stick a cotton wool bud thing up my bum.

• 5:28Speaker 00

  Oh my god, hope you're okay.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  For the hospital.

• 5:30Speaker 00

  How much did you get paid? Oh, it was free.

• 5:33Speaker 01

  What I'm saying is, it was really hard to get up there, I think I might have been nervous, but I couldn't get it up for ages. And I was like, and then I was like, am I not seeing?

• 5:43Speaker 00

  Like a tiny cotton bud?

• 5:44Speaker 01

  It was, but I swear to god, maybe it's because the cotton bud was dry.

• 5:48Speaker 00

  Was someone looking at you? Were people, were you being looked at?

• 5:51Speaker 01

  I was trying to look at myself, I eventually had to be in front of the mirror, like this, trying to see.

• 5:57Speaker 00

  I'm not being bad, Vogue, but like, we do, we do a podcast twice a week, that could have been great content, stuff like that, you should ring me or Jo and we'll go, won't we, Jo?

• 6:04Speaker 02

  Just send us a quick message.

• 6:06Speaker 00

  I'll go.

• 6:08Speaker 02

  So that we can cover it.

• 6:09Speaker 01

  But that, I did think about that, I was like, god, I could barely get that cotton wool thing up my bum, how the hell is she doing a thousand up the bum?

• 6:15Speaker 00

  Sorry, Vogue, I have, I have to, I have to.

• 6:17Speaker 01

  You try and do it, you try and get, go upstairs and try and shove an earbud up your arse.

• 6:22Speaker 00

  The fact you think I have cotton buds means, sometimes I'm like, do you see me at all? As if I have cotton buds.

• 6:32Speaker 00

  I clean my face with Jif, no, I don't, I actually love.

• 6:35Speaker 01

  Anyway, fair play to her, she's able to get that many up there.

• 6:37Speaker 00

  Do we say fair, yeah.

• 6:39Speaker 01

  It wouldn't be for me, it wouldn't be, I know it's not for me, especially after the cotton wool situation.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  Best of luck to her.

• 6:45Speaker 00

  Best of luck to her in her endeavours, did you Google it, Jo, was she? Did she do a thousand anals?

• 6:50Speaker 02

  I don't think she did do that, no.

• 6:52Speaker 01

  It was her plan.

• 6:52Speaker 02

  It was talked about.

• 6:53Speaker 00

  Do you know what, though, I will say, difference of her and Bonnie Blue, Bonnie Blue ragebites and that's kind of her whole marketing strategy is to piss women off.

• 7:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:00Speaker 00

  And tell us we're all fat and ugly and that everyone's husband wants to ride her instead, that's kind of like her thing, which is, I mean, it works because, like, it's really annoying to listen to. Whereas your one Lily seems really sound, she's just like, hey. Yeah, she does, and then I saw her interviewed with her parents, who were lovely.

• 7:17Speaker 02

  And her fella, I've seen an interview when.

• 7:19Speaker 01

  Oh my god, what does her fella think?

• 7:21Speaker 02

  He seems very proud of her, he apparently watches her content.

• 7:24Speaker 01

  What?

• 7:25Speaker 00

  Right, yeah, okay.

• 7:26Speaker 02

  To each their own.

• 7:27Speaker 00

  To each their own. Was he kind of drilling, is he having a bottom?

• 7:30Speaker 01

  Isn't it like a different world, isn't it?

• 7:33Speaker 02

  It's a very different world.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  I would be like not able for that.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  I never know, one day, one day we might have.

• 7:39Speaker 00

  Just for the listeners, she's opening a can of Heineken.

• 7:45Speaker 01

  Hi, yum yum.

• 7:46Speaker 00

  Another hard seltzer, Vogue.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  We should say.

• 7:49Speaker 00

  She's still pregnant.

• 7:50Speaker 02

  We should say that in terms of, in terms of timeline, where you're seeing this, this is, this was recorded a week ago, this is a pre-recorded episode.

• 7:59Speaker 01

  Sorry, sorry. Are we not recording next week?

• 8:02Speaker 02

  No.

• 8:03Speaker 01

  I'm recording with Amber, why won't they let, let me have a break?

• 8:06Speaker 02

  Well, you've got a break from us, this is it for us, this is end of term.

• 8:10Speaker 00

  Oh my god. Just for the listeners.

• 8:11Speaker 01

  Don't worry, guys, I brought the vlog camera.

• 8:13Speaker 00

  Oh, for fuck's sake.

• 8:14Speaker 01

  We can do a little bit of vlogging.

• 8:15Speaker 02

  Not in the podcast.

• 8:16Speaker 00

  You're vlogging.

• 8:17Speaker 02

  Don't you dare.

• 8:19Speaker 00

  The camera's spinning.

• 8:20Speaker 02

  Look at it, look at it, all looking at you.

• 8:23Speaker 01

  You make me hype up your YouTube channel.

• 8:26Speaker 02

  My YouTube channel?

• 8:28Speaker 00

  Sorry, Vogue, why does that camera look, it looks like you're about to give me a colonoscopy. What are you doing with the camera? Stop pointing at me.

• 8:35Speaker 01

  This is my vlogging camera.

• 8:37Speaker 02

  Why does its little head move?

• 8:39Speaker 01

  Because it's following you, you're jealous.

• 8:41Speaker 02

  I'm not sure about that at all.

• 8:42Speaker 01

  Go watch my vlog, what does she even do?

• 8:44Speaker 02

  Well done.

• 8:44Speaker 00

  Is it called What Does She Even Do?

• 8:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, you told me to call it that.

• 8:47Speaker 00

  Did I?

• 8:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:48Speaker 00

  That's hilarious, that was a great call on my part, did you call it that?

• 8:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, I did, here we are, vlogging in Joanne's, oh, they do look nice to me, don't they?

• 8:53Speaker 00

  Do, you can have them if you want, as a gift.

• 8:55Speaker 01

  Look at us, I would love them, thank you.

• 8:56Speaker 00

  You can have them for the baby.

• 8:57Speaker 01

  They're for the baby, I will give you that top back.

• 8:59Speaker 00

  They're from the specs, give them a shout out, they're great brand.

• 9:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, I will give you that jacket you brought, she's your back, because no one's wearing it, and I'm doing clearing it, I've got to be honest, Joanne, you aren't wearing it, who's gonna wear it? She's six, it's too big.

• 9:14Speaker 01

  And I was like, if Joanne spots that on my.

• 9:15Speaker 00

  You're gonna send my present back?

• 9:17Speaker 01

  If Joanne spots that on vintage, I'm in trouble.

• 9:22Speaker 00

  You can't send my present back.

• 9:24Speaker 01

  Well, I don't know what to do with it, I'm not gonna wear it, personally, it's not my vibe.

• 9:27Speaker 00

  What age are your kids now?

• 9:28Speaker 02

  Three and one.

• 9:29Speaker 00

  Perfect, one of them will wear it.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  It looks like a fluffy Ikea jacket.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  There you are.

• 9:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, fluffy Ikea coat, I'm sorry, I just don't, and I thought, and I looked at it and I was like, Joanne hates charity, so I won't put it on my vintage.

• 9:41Speaker 00

  You know I hate charities, I bought that for traders, and then when I.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  Fucking god, you didn't wear it on.

• 9:48Speaker 00

  It was one of those things that arrived, and I was like, it's teeny tiny, I thought it was.

• 9:51Speaker 01

  Traders is happening in October.

• 9:54Speaker 00

  Is it?

• 9:54Speaker 01

  And then I won't need you for anything because you told me fuck all, and I'll remember that.

• 9:57Speaker 00

  I'll tell you nothing. I've said, I've said nothing.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  Only because you don't remember.

• 10:01Speaker 00

  No, no, I do, no, I do, no, I struggle with remembering.

• 10:04Speaker 01

  Do you know who won?

• 10:06Speaker 00

  Do you?

• 10:06Speaker 01

  Yes, of course I.

• 10:08Speaker 00

  You know who won? I know, Vogue, I was actually, I was actually compos mentis for the show, like, I'm not, I don't have dementia.

• 10:16Speaker 01

  Was it you?

• 10:17Speaker 02

  Not if it was you.

• 10:20Speaker 01

  Laugh of Aziz, she laughed.

• 10:23Speaker 01

  She's good, she's good at keeping secrets when she needs to.

• 10:26Speaker 00

  Even my mother, I haven't said, I haven't said a single word.

• 10:27Speaker 01

  You haven't told Pat?

• 10:28Speaker 00

  No.

• 10:29Speaker 01

  I wouldn't tell Pat, I wouldn't trust her, she'd tell people.

• 10:30Speaker 00

  She'd be straight on to the Daily Mail.

• 10:32Speaker 01

  She would definitely tell, even I know Pat would tell people.

• 10:35Speaker 00

  She'd be, she'd be wearing a new fur coat, I'd be like, where'd you get the money for that, Pat? And I, even, I was out for dinner with Jo Lysit the other night, who was also on the show, and there was a table of two women, it was in.

• 10:46Speaker 01

  Did he win?

• 10:48Speaker 02

  She did nod her head down there.

• 10:50Speaker 00

  I didn't, I just, I just moved my head.

• 10:53Speaker 01

  Jo won.

• 10:54Speaker 00

  He wasn't even in it, Jo.

• 10:56Speaker 01

  Jo Lysit?

• 10:56Speaker 00

  Our Jo, oh, look, I'm not saying anything, I'm not, I'm not, but there was a, there was two girls sitting at the table beside us, and I, even, even with me and Jo, we didn't, we were like, we were using sign language and stuff, now the girls couldn't give a shit. But we were, I'm so, I'm so proud of myself, I've never kept a secret about anything before, as you know, I've been selling stories on you for years.

• 11:20Speaker 01

  We don't care.

• 11:21Speaker 00

  You don't care.

• 11:22Speaker 01

  Don't care, literally not even gonna watch it.

• 11:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, of course.

• 11:28Speaker 03

  Rasputin was known for having a massive Can you believe Neil Armstrong actually said it's one small Come on, Gav. Boudicca ordered all her men to rock to their Honestly, history is wild and we love it. Join me, Johnny Vaughan, alongside my historical sidekick, Gavin the Woodman Woods, for Blummin Legends, the history lesson you wish you had. Each week, we dig into the mad, messy and downright hilarious stories behind history's biggest names. Eccentric kings and queens, dazzling con men, dastardly weirdos, iconic warriors. And people who probably should have had a better PR team. Listen and watch on YouTube, Global Player or wherever you get your podcasts. History has never been this outrageous.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  I don't think that I would be mentally able for it.

• 12:25Speaker 00

  Well, you did the jungle.

• 12:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I wasn't. I felt like in the jungle, which I loved everyone that I did the jungle with, I actually didn't not get on with anyone. But like, I didn't have like,

• 12:35Speaker 00

  It's very diplomatic.

• 12:35Speaker 01

  I didn't have like, like, I always, I always have a best friend around me or somebody I know really well. Like, I just always do because like, I have, I'm, I'm, I have really good friends.

• 12:47Speaker 00

  Staff, yeah.

• 12:48Speaker 01

  I feel like I'm, I feel like I'm showing off. I have really good friends.

• 12:52Speaker 00

  I have really good friends.

• 12:54Speaker 01

  But I felt like in there, I didn't have like best friends and I couldn't like talk them about stuff that like,

• 12:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:00Speaker 01

  Do you know what I mean? Or be vulnerable.

• 13:02Speaker 00

  Well, sure, I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone in Traitors. We weren't allowed to talk at all.

• 13:05Speaker 01

  I don't, yeah, but you like that.

• 13:07Speaker 00

  I'm so mentally resilient now because I've been doing, I'm, I'm a single, I'm a single comedian. I'm on my own all the time.

• 13:14Speaker 01

  It's really nice to actually have sunglasses on inside with the lights and everything.

• 13:18Speaker 00

  Well, I'm not fit for purpose. I look like I've got smallpox. Still, look at me, I'm still covered in bites. Can I just please remind you of the funniest, maybe the funniest news story ever? Do you remember when Donatella Versace accidentally booked Blue instead of Blur?

• 13:38Speaker 01

  Did she?

• 13:39Speaker 00

  Do you remember this story?

• 13:40Speaker 01

  Is that true?

• 13:41Speaker 02

  This is the second time this has come up. Not recently.

• 13:44Speaker 00

  Really?

• 13:44Speaker 01

  On this pod, I've never heard this before.

• 13:47Speaker 00

  It does sound like something I would repeat.

• 13:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:50Speaker 01

  Blue.

• 13:51Speaker 00

  Do you not remember this?

• 13:52Speaker 01

  Blue are fantastic though. I've seen that.

• 13:54Speaker 00

  Well, Donatella wasn't delighted. Donatelli, oh, hold on, let me get the, the OG.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  Donatelli, well, he's Versace.

• 14:00Speaker 00

  Donatelli.

• 14:03Speaker 00

  She says, quote, "Well, I've still not met Blur. The time Blue got ignored." Here we go, here we go.

• 14:09Speaker 01

  Poor Blue. Who's the other ones? Five. Five are great as well. Remember Five? Five, Blue, Backstreet Boys. Imagine going to like a mashup of all of them.

• 14:21Speaker 02

  That probably, that gig probably exists. They're all very much back in business.

• 14:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, there's a lot of nostalgia going on. We should, we, we, we literally could have a second career as the cheeky girls if we just put wigs on. No one would know. No one really knew. Do you remember one of them, remember one of them went out with the politician?

• 14:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:37Speaker 00

  It was really weird.

• 14:38Speaker 01

  Are they not still together? He was in.

• 14:40Speaker 00

  I wouldn't say so.

• 14:43Speaker 01

  He wasn't of my street, that fella.

• 14:45Speaker 00

  No. Donatella Versace has brilliantly responded to Blue's revelation that their band was accidentally flown out to one of the designer shows in Milan after being mistaken for Blur. Italian fashion icon Donatella, 66, accidentally found herself entertaining the Blue Boys at a Milan fashion week show. Assistance to the fashion star accidentally mixed up the boy, boy band, which stars Duncan James, Simon Anthony and Lee Ryan, with parklife singer Blur.

• 15:15Speaker 01

  So she's, so what did she say to them?

• 15:17Speaker 00

  So she flew them out, put them in, put them in stunning suits, realised they weren't Blur and then basically burnt them for the weekend.

• 15:27Speaker 01

  Oh no, and did they even get to play?

• 15:30Speaker 00

  Oh, I don't think that. Taking to her Instagram stories, the Italian fashion star poked fun at the blunder as she shared a screenshot of the Daily Mail headline calling it the mix-up. Yeah, so she thought it was her, I think it was her assistance. Yeah, she booked, they booked Blue instead of Blur. I mean, is that not the most iconic thing for everyone involved?

• 15:46Speaker 01

  Oh, Blur, but they're very different bands now, in fairness. You couldn't really put Blur on instead of Blur and you couldn't put Blur on instead of Blue.

• 15:53Speaker 00

  You're so wise.

• 15:54Speaker 01

  I feel like, I feel like, yeah, I feel like Blur feel more Versace.

• 15:58Speaker 00

  You're so wise.

• 15:59Speaker 01

  They feel more Versace. But Blur don't even really feel Versace, to be honest with you. Versace feels more like, I don't know, Will Smith back in the day, party in the city where the heat is on, on, and on the beach so they break it on, that kind of vibe.

• 16:11Speaker 00

  Who could we be accidentally mistaken for?

• 16:16Speaker 00

  The high-low.

• 16:17Speaker 01

  I was gonna say Patty and Selma.

• 16:19Speaker 00

  Dolly and Pandora. What?

• 16:22Speaker 01

  Patty and Selma.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  Simpsons.

• 16:28Speaker 01

  It's this dude.

• 16:29Speaker 00

  The yellow, or is that because I'm yellow?

• 16:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:33Speaker 00

  It's your tan, if that's what you're, yeah, it's your tan.

• 16:35Speaker 01

  Same. You did a good job of your tan on holidays. I was shook eh.

• 16:39Speaker 00

  Do you know what's so, do you know what's so, the real downside to wearing fake tan?

• 16:43Speaker 01

  Having to get it off and redo it.

• 16:45Speaker 00

  No, is the delusion that comes with when you think you're actually that colour. So when I was on holidays and I was obviously in the sun for a month and I, look how white I am. It's so weird, right? And I, like, I literally, it's really sad. And, but I was obviously doing the Bear by Vogue thing, blah, blah, blah. And then I believed my own hype. I swallowed my own soup and I thought I was super tanned. I was like, fucking, who's this hot Latino? And then, and then, of course, the tan wore off and I was standing in Gatwick Airport and I was like, wow. I'm whiter than when I went. Yeah, it was a real anticlimax.

• 17:21Speaker 01

  You have to be careful. Some people don't like when you talk about tanning being the, the, some people want to embrace their pale skin. That's fine.

• 17:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's fine.

• 17:29Speaker 01

  We're fine. If you want to embrace your pale skin, that's fine. But would you not? No, neither do I.

• 17:35Speaker 00

  I just think everyone's hotter with the tan.

• 17:37Speaker 01

  I actually think it's good for the mental health. Honestly, when I was had the flu, I'll never forget that time and I dragged myself out of bed to do the tan and I was like, I think I'm better. And I wasn't better. I had to go back to bed, but at least I went back to bed brown.

• 17:48Speaker 00

  It's great for morale.

• 17:49Speaker 01

  Now, what do you have for me here?

• 17:52Speaker 01

  Don't we have some quizzes?

• 17:53Speaker 02

  This, for all the people that organised this programme, this was supposed to be a baby shower episode. This is supposed to be the theme.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  Where's my presents?

• 18:00Speaker 00

  Are you still pregnant? This is, this is relentless.

• 18:06Speaker 01

  The next time you see me, I won't be pregnant.

• 18:08Speaker 02

  When this episode goes out, you might not be.

• 18:10Speaker 00

  No, you will. I'm coming in for the gas and air.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  Come here to me. Do you know Gabby Bryant's coming over here and I'm going to see Bon Jovi with her? Do you want to come? Are you here?

• 18:19Speaker 00

  When, when you do.

• 18:19Speaker 01

  Latest, it will be his ninth of September. Are you gone? Oh God, I'm going to see, it's my life, live. I can't wait. Anyway, go on, show me the baby shower stuff.

• 18:29Speaker 00

  Why didn't I just marry my lady?

• 18:31Speaker 01

  Do I need?

• 18:32Speaker 02

  There's still time.

• 18:33Speaker 00

  Oh, there's not. I'm 43.

• 18:34Speaker 01

  Do I need to get a black cab for all the stuff or will it fit in an Uber?

• 18:37Speaker 02

  Ah, yes, the presents part of it.

• 18:39Speaker 00

  Well, I tried to get you a nice latte and I won't name the brand, but Phone the Foose didn't deliver three. They delivered one. I've had to complain to delivery.

• 18:47Speaker 01

  And I, and so. Flow and the fluse.

• 18:49Speaker 00

  Only one arrived and I drank it because that's how I roll. Yeah, flow and the fluse. If you're listening, flow and the fluse.

• 18:56Speaker 01

  You'll be one of those people that you won't even contact them to say you didn't deliver my.

• 19:00Speaker 00

  No, I did. I've already complained.

• 19:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would complain.

• 19:03Speaker 00

  Joe, I gave, what did I, didn't I give you a present today?

• 19:06Speaker 02

  You've showered me in gifts.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  What the hell did he get? Why?

• 19:10Speaker 02

  So I had to let myself in.

• 19:12Speaker 01

  You're not gonna ask me for these back, are you? Or am I allowed to have these?

• 19:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, you can have them back.

• 19:15Speaker 01

  Fab. Okay, well, I'm delighted.

• 19:16Speaker 00

  Tagless backs, will you?

• 19:17Speaker 01

  I will tagless backs and tag you and say, look what you are and gave me.

• 19:20Speaker 02

  I had to let myself in.

• 19:21Speaker 01

  Because she's an ungrateful bitch.

• 19:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, you don't need anything. You've load, you've fucking nine kids. You've all your, you have all the stuff already. It's wasteful at this point.

• 19:29Speaker 02

  Joanne texts me at half past two last night with.

• 19:33Speaker 00

  This is a bit more information than they needed, but come, come on.

• 19:35Speaker 02

  With access details.

• 19:36Speaker 01

  Joanne, you're the only one who doesn't mind when people know how long you slept.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  So I had to let myself in and then when Joanne woke up.

• 19:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, sorry, sorry, sorry, Joe. Yeah, you're, you're welcome. I now trust you with my lockbox code.

• 19:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, thank you. It was an early start, so it's fair play that she was still in bed. She came down and straight away she fires through the door a bottle of very nice aftershave.

• 19:57Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 19:57Speaker 02

  It's called Creed. You might have heard of it.

• 19:59Speaker 00

  Shut up, I love Creed. She gave you Creed.

• 20:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, she did.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  Oh, lovely.

• 20:03Speaker 00

  Do you know, and Joe, do you know what?

• 20:05Speaker 01

  Special occasions only.

• 20:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:07Speaker 01

  That's like 300 quid a bottle. They've gone completely mental.

• 20:09Speaker 00

  So I, so I, I, I actually went to give it to somebody else and she's.

• 20:15Speaker 01

  I wouldn't take away from the story.

• 20:16Speaker 00

  And she said.

• 20:17Speaker 02

  That's fine.

• 20:17Speaker 00

  She said to me, she said, you know, this is like, they're like 200 quid. And I honestly, Joe, I took it back off her. I said, I hadn't realised and I took it back and I gave it to you.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Are you going to take it back off of me?

• 20:30Speaker 00

  Potentially, yeah.

• 20:31Speaker 01

  I'd leave, I'd leave promptly.

• 20:33Speaker 00

  I like to give things and then, and see the joy in the receiving and then take it back. No, yeah.

• 20:39Speaker 01

  I had, I had Sush over yesterday organising my clothes to sell on Finted and I was, I was going through my makeup at the same time because I couldn't get out of the bed with the, with the pain of my leg. And I was going through my makeup and I was like, right, I'm gonna leave and you can choose five things from my makeup, but I just can't see it.

• 20:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm the same.

• 20:54Speaker 02

  That's actually does it.

• 20:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:56Speaker 01

  Don't tell me you took.

• 20:57Speaker 02

  Creed is in my bag currently. Do you need it back?

• 21:01Speaker 01

  Maybe leave it on the table, Joe.

• 21:04Speaker 01

  You need it back.

• 21:05Speaker 02

  It's not the only thing she gave me, though.

• 21:07Speaker 01

  What else?

• 21:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was very generous today.

• 21:09Speaker 02

  There was an anxious preoccupied bag, a big purple one for my wife.

• 21:13Speaker 00

  Yeah. She's annoyed.

• 21:15Speaker 01

  One of my favourite ones. No, I'm annoyed. I have the purple one. No, she's annoyed at you.

• 21:18Speaker 02

  No, not you.

• 21:19Speaker 01

  Not anymore, not anymore.

• 21:20Speaker 00

  We probably can't put that in, can we?

• 21:21Speaker 02

  No, that's okay. We're shooting this on a Friday. We wouldn't tend to do it. So I've left her a bit in the lurch.

• 21:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, she's worried because we have to, we have to film an extra episode because you're having another baby.

• 21:31Speaker 02

  Which we are going to get around.

• 21:32Speaker 01

  And no one seems to care that I'm, I like, God forbid, I take five seconds of maternity leave.

• 21:37Speaker 00

  All our lives and Joe's wife is annoyed because he has to report on a Friday.

• 21:41Speaker 01

  Well, actually, if we're really honest about it, we could have, we could have done this next week, but somebody's going to Edinburgh Fringe and we don't trust her up there.

• 21:47Speaker 02

  Ah, yes.

• 21:47Speaker 01

  Yeah. So we don't trust her up at Edinburgh Fringe. So that's why.

• 21:50Speaker 00

  And then, and then you said, you said, thanks so much for the bag. My wife's actually kind of annoyed at me today. And then what did I say?

• 21:56Speaker 02

  And then another gift.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  No, what?

• 21:58Speaker 02

  Then she brings through anxious preoccupied wallet as well, matching colour.

• 22:03Speaker 01

  Fuck off. I don't have the wallet. I don't have the wallet.

• 22:05Speaker 02

  Now she is annoyed. Now that she is annoyed.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  No, I literally, I went into, I'm gonna.

• 22:09Speaker 00

  Vogue, you have no money. It's all Spencer's. You don't need a wallet. As we notoriously know, you don't make a single cent yourself. And you just tap him on the apple pay.

• 22:17Speaker 01

  My mom, my mom still gives me weekly, my mom still puts weekly money in my account. So that's what's happened.

• 22:23Speaker 00

  We're still collecting the doll.

• 22:24Speaker 01

  My mom is, whenever she's like, it's my birthday. I don't want, no, I don't want anything. And I'm like, okay, so I won't revolute you for your face. You, you don't wanna, you don't wanna go see Katrina.

• 22:34Speaker 00

  You rev Sandra for?

• 22:35Speaker 01

  I rev Sandra to go see Katrina.

• 22:37Speaker 00

  No.

• 22:38Speaker 01

  Well, that's because that's what I get her for her birthday.

• 22:40Speaker 02

  For the uninitiated, Katrina is.

• 22:41Speaker 01

  Katrina does, um, she is a dermatologist who does botox and stuff like that. And so Sandra's favourite thing to do is to go and see her.

• 22:48Speaker 00

  Well, yeah.

• 22:48Speaker 01

  And so there's no point in me buying her something that she might not like. I might as well rev her.

• 22:53Speaker 00

  I can't, I wonder, will the belching finish when the baby comes? Is it the baby?

• 22:59Speaker 01

  I don't.

• 23:00Speaker 00

  Is it heartburn?

• 23:01Speaker 01

  It's a vomit.

• 23:02Speaker 00

  Is it because you're drinking Coca-Cola?

• 23:04Speaker 01

  Okay. Well, I can't drink cocktails. I don't feel well.

• 23:08Speaker 00

  Is it because you're slamming the Coca-Cola?

• 23:10Speaker 01

  I don't feel well.

• 23:13Speaker 00

  I honestly don't know how you've dealt with being pregnant with a heatwave. Like I can only imagine.

• 23:18Speaker 01

  People are like, you're not gonna wanna do anything on that day. And I'm like, are you insane? I am going straight out the door. The baby can come with me. We're going out and about. We're going on the tear. I don't care. I'll feel better. I won't be taking any of my vomit tablets. It's gonna be a good day.

• 23:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:34Speaker 01

  To have a good day.

• 23:35Speaker 00

  Yeah. I can't, I can't, now, and now that the baby's not called Elvis, I can't wait to meet him.

• 23:45Speaker 01

  Now you can be honest. What did you think of the name Elvis when you knew I was gonna call him Elvis?

• 23:49Speaker 00

  Well, I, I, I.

• 23:50Speaker 02

  I really liked it.

• 23:51Speaker 00

  Of course you do. Look at your hair, Joe.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean.

• 23:54Speaker 00

  Of course you do.

• 23:55Speaker 01

  What did she want us to?

• 23:56Speaker 00

  Well, I said it to you, I said it to you at the time. I said, it's a big swing.

• 24:00Speaker 00

  It's a big swing. It's a big swing. Like, if anyone can pull it off, you can. But it's a, it's a big swing.

• 24:09Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 24:10Speaker 00

  I've, I've said to you.

• 24:11Speaker 01

  I have a few names, but now spending won't let me have one that I want.

• 24:15Speaker 00

  Sorry, sorry. Can we, this is supposed to be a baby shower.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  Well, on the, on the topic of baby names, there is a baby name quiz.

• 24:21Speaker 00

  Okay, let's do it.

• 24:22Speaker 01

  Okay, fine.

• 24:22Speaker 02

  So the way the quiz is gonna work is, uh, you will hear the names of the children. You have to name the celebrity parents.

• 24:29Speaker 01

  Oh God, this is like fucking easy for me. I'd, I know too much about celebrities. It's pathetic.

• 24:34Speaker 02

  Let's see how you do.

• 24:35Speaker 01

  It's the worst thing about me. It's the worst thing about me, how much I know about celebrities. It's the worst. Like, can I not just invest in?

• 24:42Speaker 00

  That's not true. You didn't know Donatella Versace, there's any books blue instead of blur, which is a huge story in my world.

• 24:47Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 24:48Speaker 02

  And a story that's been on the podcast before. She's got the document there.

• 24:51Speaker 01

  That's really unusual though. I wouldn't remember something on the podcast. It's more like Joanne's style.

• 24:54Speaker 00

  Who's the famous parent? We'll, we'll give you the name of the kids. Can you name the famous parents?

• 25:01Speaker 01

  I can see Joanne has had a lot to do with this.

• 25:03Speaker 02

  Yes. She was up until all hours writing these.

• 25:08Speaker 00

  I was told as a baby shower, I just bought champagne. I didn't know it, I didn't know it to fucking mite up.

• 25:13Speaker 01

  She bought champagne and a coffee for herself.

• 25:15Speaker 00

  And Creed, and Creed for Joe.

• 25:18Speaker 02

  Subject to, subject to being returned.

• 25:24Speaker 00

  Okay, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay. Oh, oh yeah, fine, fine.

• 25:29Speaker 00

  Here's the children's names. Exodark Sidral, Techno McAnaninos.

• 25:36Speaker 01

  That sounds like Elon Musk. I'm assuming Elon Musk.

• 25:38Speaker 00

  And then like some sort of wifi code at the end. Who's that?

• 25:42Speaker 02

  That's X Ash A12.

• 25:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  Elon Musk, honestly, I can't.

• 25:46Speaker 00

  I get it. He's a sci-fi. He's sci-fi.

• 25:48Speaker 01

  No, I can't even.

• 25:49Speaker 00

  Is he not doing the self-drive cars?

• 25:50Speaker 02

  Let's do the next question.

• 25:52Speaker 00

  Sorry. Cut that.

• 25:57Speaker 00

  Is he not? Did Elon not do the Tesla's?

• 26:00Speaker 02

  He did, yeah.

• 26:01Speaker 00

  Okay, here we go. Rocky Irish. Okay, so here's the kids' names.

• 26:05Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 26:05Speaker 00

  Riot Rose. No, that's not true.

• 26:08Speaker 01

  Uh, that's Rihanna's. I'm pathetic. I'm, I am pathetic.

• 26:13Speaker 02

  Wow. You are quite good at this.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  I know. Cause I, I, I know.

• 26:17Speaker 02

  Give her another one.

• 26:18Speaker 01

  It's too much.

• 26:20Speaker 00

  Well, this one's really obvious.

• 26:21Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, she'll know this.

• 26:22Speaker 00

  She'll know that one. There's no point.

• 26:25Speaker 01

  Well, whose kids are they?

• 26:27Speaker 00

  Stormy and.

• 26:28Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, Kylie, Kylie, Kylie. Yeah, yeah.

• 26:30Speaker 00

  Oh, here we go. Well, we, again, we know.

• 26:32Speaker 01

  She changed, she changed.

• 26:33Speaker 00

  Imagine calling your kid Wolfie and be like, what a ridiculous name. And then rename, renaming them Air.

• 26:39Speaker 01

  Well, all you judgmental bastards have ruined this child's name. Elvis was a great name.

• 26:44Speaker 00

  Here's my child Bubble Gun.

• 26:46Speaker 01

  That's actually not a bad name.

• 26:47Speaker 00

  It's actually not a bad name.

• 26:48Speaker 02

  Do, do the last one there. See how you get some of that last one.

• 26:50Speaker 01

  Here's Hubba Bubba.

• 26:52Speaker 00

  Kid, uh, uh, ki- a- apple.

• 26:55Speaker 01

  Uh, uh, what's her name? Uh, I'm not a massive fan of it.

• 26:59Speaker 00

  I'm actually insulted by this quiz.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  You wouldn't have known who Riot Rose was. That's a cool name, isn't it?

• 27:03Speaker 02

  I wouldn't have known any of these.

• 27:04Speaker 00

  No, it's not a cool name.

• 27:06Speaker 01

  Okay. So Rocket's definitely off the table too then. Fine. Okay. Fine. Fine.

• 27:09Speaker 00

  Riot. Calling your child Riot.

• 27:11Speaker 01

  Okay. What about Rocket?

• 27:12Speaker 02

  I have to be honest. I assumed Rocket was a punchline the other day.

• 27:15Speaker 01

  Oh, so you don't like Rocket?

• 27:17Speaker 02

  Not that I don't like it. Now that I know it's serious.

• 27:20Speaker 00

  Calling your child glassed in the face.

• 27:24Speaker 01

  Rocket is a cool name. I met a girl called Rocket and she was 30 something. So she's called Rocket her whole life. And sometimes her friends.

• 27:30Speaker 00

  Not just half her life, yeah.

• 27:31Speaker 01

  Her whole, sometimes her friends call her Rocks.

• 27:34Speaker 00

  There you go. Who is this woman? Is this what, is this what you've been influenced by?

• 27:38Speaker 01

  When I was doing the Rivals podcast.

• 27:40Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 27:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 27:42Speaker 00

  Um, are you, are you, are you serious about Rocket?

• 27:45Speaker 01

  No, everyone's upset about Rocket too.

• 27:48Speaker 00

  Would you not just call the fucking thing? We said Kevin or something and just get on with our lives.

• 27:55Speaker 00

  Last question.

• 27:58Speaker 00

  Zillion, Zion, Zeppelin, powerful queen, legendary love.

• 28:04Speaker 01

  Oh, that's Nick Cannon's kids, isn't it?

• 28:06Speaker 02

  Oh, she's remarkable.

• 28:08Speaker 01

  Isn't it pathetic? Isn't it pathetic? No, it's not wow.

• 28:10Speaker 00

  It's not pathetic. It's impressive.

• 28:11Speaker 01

  This is not wow.

• 28:12Speaker 00

  What year was the cholera outbreak in Soho?

• 28:14Speaker 01

  When did, when did World War Two end?

• 28:20Speaker 00

  Like, in the date? I don't know. I was, I'm only 43, Vogue. I wasn't around.

• 28:27Speaker 00

  When did the world, world, is this something you learnt on the way to the podcast? You're trying to embarrass me in front of our four YouTube.

• 28:36Speaker 00

  World War Two ended when everyone.

• 28:41Speaker 01

  Stop fighting.

• 28:42Speaker 00

  Stop fighting. It was Christmas Day. I knew that. They played football on Christmas Day.

• 28:48Speaker 02

  That was World War One.

• 28:49Speaker 00

  To silent, to silent night.

• 28:52Speaker 01

  She doesn't even know.

• 28:52Speaker 00

  I wasn't in the war. I'm in Ireland. We're a neutral country. It's none of my business. Yeah, it's none of my business.

• 28:58Speaker 02

  Got out of that one.

• 29:02Speaker 01

  Can we do it? Can we do a history, a history exam?

• 29:05Speaker 00

  Was it the seventies?

• 29:06Speaker 01

  Oh no, Joanne. No. Joanne.

• 29:08Speaker 00

  I'm obviously taking the piss.

• 29:10Speaker 02

  She's obviously taking the piss.

• 29:11Speaker 00

  I'm obviously taking the piss.

• 29:12Speaker 02

  That much is obvious.

• 29:13Speaker 00

  Yeah. Imagine conscription existed. Like, would we go to war?

• 29:18Speaker 02

  Well, I, Ireland is a neutral country.

• 29:20Speaker 00

  No, Ireland is.

• 29:21Speaker 01

  I wouldn't, I don't know. Remember they were talking about conscription over here? There was like murmurs about it. I'm like, I'm not sending my kid anywhere to do that. No way.

• 29:30Speaker 02

  I'd probably have to go. I'm under 40.

• 29:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:32Speaker 01

  Oh God. Well, they'd have you doing something techie.

• 29:35Speaker 00

  Your kids would be, all that time in Purple Dragon, what are they training for if it's not to be conscribed?

• 29:42Speaker 00

  They're doing military courses, the ropes, the fucking fences. Surely what are they training for? I assumed it was to defend Britain. No?

• 29:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, no. I'd be straight home to Ireland.

• 29:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, you would be.

• 29:56Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 29:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, good luck, kids.

• 29:59Speaker 00

  Um.

• 30:00Speaker 02

  Do the, do the Mystic Mum at the bottom. Little predictions. That's what you do at baby showers, isn't it?

• 30:04Speaker 01

  Predictions.

• 30:05Speaker 02

  Little predictions. Right at the bottom of the table.

• 30:08Speaker 00

  Oh, right. Okay, okay. I've never been to a baby shower. This is my first one.

• 30:11Speaker 02

  Here we are.

• 30:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're all very similar to this.

• 30:16Speaker 00

  I don't feel well. Okay, Mystic Mum.

• 30:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:20Speaker 00

  Before we meet, before we meet the new baby, Vogue has to make some predictions. Then on the first episode back, we'll see how close she was.

• 30:30Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 30:32Speaker 00

  Are they all like this?

• 30:36Speaker 00

  Birth date.

• 30:38Speaker 01

  Oh, I spoke to a family.

• 30:39Speaker 00

  I know what it is. September 4th, because I'm going in for the Ass and Gar. It's in my, Ass and Gar.

• 30:42Speaker 01

  It's not, it's not September 4th.

• 30:43Speaker 00

  It's in my calendar.

• 30:44Speaker 01

  No, first, it's changed to first. September 1st, latest.

• 30:47Speaker 00

  Would you not have told me that?

• 30:48Speaker 01

  I didn't know. I told you the fourth. The fourth was never a thing.

• 30:51Speaker 00

  You know how busy I am. And I put in Ass and Gar. Why do I keep calling it Ass and Gar? What's it called?

• 30:56Speaker 02

  Gas and air. That's what you're saying. I thought, I thought you were speaking Irish.

• 31:00Speaker 00

  Ass and Gar.

• 31:07Speaker 02

  I was coming in for your ass and gear.

• 31:09Speaker 01

  Put it in at the first, the first.

• 31:10Speaker 00

  Would you not have told me about the, that the ass and gears changed to the first?

• 31:13Speaker 01

  I think he's gonna come.

• 31:15Speaker 00

  I'm free on the first, Vogue.

• 31:16Speaker 01

  Right, I'm gonna tell you when he's gonna come. I think, I am gonna say, he is gonna come, I think he's gonna come on the 27th.

• 31:26Speaker 01

  Only because of this whole thing where I can't walk properly and now I feel like it's a bit puffier, like, like the front bit, the front bit.

• 31:35Speaker 00

  It's prepping.

• 31:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, I feel like, yeah.

• 31:37Speaker 00

  So ass and gear, so are we putting in the ass and gear on the first?

• 31:39Speaker 01

  Ass and gear on the first, now that's the latest. If he comes early, I can't, I can't complain to me if he comes early.

• 31:45Speaker 00

  Yes, I can.

• 31:46Speaker 01

  Okay, well, that's your.

• 31:47Speaker 00

  What are my other options?

• 31:49Speaker 01

  Buy your own gas and air.

• 31:50Speaker 00

  We always reschedule. If something doesn't work, we reschedule. What are, what are our other options?

• 31:53Speaker 01

  I'm thinking the, I'm thinking the 27th.

• 31:55Speaker 00

  Of August.

• 31:56Speaker 01

  August, are you here?

• 31:59Speaker 01

  Well, I just start pushing. Do you want me to just start now?

• 32:02Speaker 00

  But there's no ass and gear here.

• 32:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, we'll go to the hospital, we'll get the ass and gear. They can look at my bars and see what's going on.

• 32:09Speaker 00

  I don't think this is gonna work for me. These days don't work for me, Vogue.

• 32:12Speaker 02

  Well, what's the next prediction?

• 32:14Speaker 01

  I'm incredibly sorry.

• 32:15Speaker 00

  None of these days work for me.

• 32:17Speaker 02

  What's the next prediction on this?

• 32:18Speaker 00

  I have the fourth in, very clearly marked.

• 32:21Speaker 01

  Well, T's birthday is the fifth and I didn't want them to be too close together because it's not fair. I don't, my cousin's birthday, my cousin Aaron, his birthday's on the second and I still begrudge him.

• 32:29Speaker 00

  This is none of my business.

• 32:31Speaker 01

  I begrudge him for it because when everyone sends a happy birthday text, now it's like, happy birthday, Vogue and Aaron. I'm like, well, this is my day that Aaron has taken.

• 32:39Speaker 00

  Sorry, Vogue, we're getting completely sidelined here. So I, I am.

• 32:42Speaker 01

  So Aaron, if you're listening, I'm not impressed.

• 32:44Speaker 00

  I'm back available for ass and gear from, I'm September 8th to the 11th at about 2.

• 32:49Speaker 01

  Okay, great. I'll just, I'll just fucking hold him in. Okay, perfect. No, no bother.

• 32:53Speaker 00

  It's a hymn.

• 32:56Speaker 00

  That's a, that's a big reveal, isn't it?

• 32:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, two episodes ago, yeah.

• 33:02Speaker 00

  Are we not supposed to be buying flamingos and they pop blue powder? Is that not, is that not what we're supposed to do?

• 33:07Speaker 01

  We missed a trick. We should have done a baby reveal together. That was really stupid.

• 33:11Speaker 00

  What's the thing when you hit the pony with all the?

• 33:14Speaker 01

  Piñata.

• 33:14Speaker 00

  There you go. Should we not, are we not supposed to?

• 33:15Speaker 01

  Oh my God, why didn't we do a baby reveal together?

• 33:19Speaker 00

  Fucking stupid.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  That was really stupid. We didn't think about that.

• 33:20Speaker 00

  Again, Joe missed a trick on that.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Pick up the slack on it.

• 33:25Speaker 01

  Um, you're not gonna read that book, by the way. That's not very you.

• 33:29Speaker 00

  What book?

• 33:29Speaker 01

  The, uh, Sarah J. Maas. They're really, really popular, but it's not really your vibe, I wouldn't think.

• 33:35Speaker 00

  Sorry.

• 33:37Speaker 02

  Bit of a sidetrack.

• 33:38Speaker 01

  It's not really your vibe.

• 33:39Speaker 00

  How dare you? I am going to, actually, I've already read it.

• 33:42Speaker 01

  It looks brand untouched.

• 33:45Speaker 00

  In peak condition.

• 33:48Speaker 00

  I saw a really funny meme the other day. It was two books sitting at a bar chatting and one of them looks absolutely rallied and the other one looks fine. And the one that looks fine says to the other one, how was the holiday? And I, it really resonated because I was reading Adam Kay's book on holiday and it got so rallied, I had to fucking throw it out and buy, well, actually, I didn't throw it out, I lost it and buy a new one. Cause I.

• 34:10Speaker 01

  Have you ever gone through a book and just read the whole book without having to buy a replacement?

• 34:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All my audiobooks.

• 34:24Speaker 00

  Mystic mum. Right, okay. Sorry, your birthday, we've, we've flagged that that's.

• 34:28Speaker 01

  I think it's 27.

• 34:29Speaker 00

  That's an issue. We've, I'm, if Lauren's listening to this, please take that out of my calendar. Um, birth weight?

• 34:37Speaker 01

  Four and a half kilos, I'd say.

• 34:39Speaker 00

  Is that you or the baby? What's a kilo? I don't understand.

• 34:40Speaker 01

  I think he'll be at least eight pounds.

• 34:43Speaker 00

  Is that normal?

• 34:44Speaker 02

  On the bigger side of things.

• 34:45Speaker 00

  Is it?

• 34:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, eight and a half.

• 34:47Speaker 00

  You're not, you're very tidy.

• 34:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I'm very long.

• 34:52Speaker 01

  I'm long. I'm a long girl. I'd like, everyone's like, oh, you have lovely long legs. I'm like, no, I will correct you there. I wish I had lovely long legs. I actually have a very long fucking torso, which is not ideal.

• 35:01Speaker 00

  Torso long, torso long. You are torso heavy.

• 35:04Speaker 01

  Particularly for swimsuits.

• 35:05Speaker 00

  That, that's probably why you're so good at being pregnant, because there's so much space.

• 35:09Speaker 01

  I don't know why people think I'm so good at being pregnant. I literally have had to take two vomit tablets today.

• 35:14Speaker 00

  You just keep doing it.

• 35:15Speaker 01

  I know, because you forget, you forget. You do forget.

• 35:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, that first, that's.

• 35:19Speaker 01

  I have forgotten. Even to Sven, I'm like, no, I wasn't this bad the last ones. And he's like, you were. I'm like, I wasn't.

• 35:23Speaker 00

  Should we be writing these answers down, Joe? So we know?

• 35:26Speaker 02

  Oh, it's okay. I'll do that.

• 35:27Speaker 00

  I suppose it's on the podcast. We'll have evidence.

• 35:29Speaker 02

  It says there. This is a document.

• 35:31Speaker 00

  Eye color. This is very, this sounds like a fascist question.

• 35:33Speaker 01

  Oh, okay, eye.

• 35:36Speaker 01

  If he's not blue eyed and blonde haired, he's gonzo.

• 35:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know. I don't want to be building like the Aryan race.

• 35:46Speaker 01

  You should be asking me what religion I'm gonna have this baby.

• 35:48Speaker 02

  Oh, yes.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  Fuck knows. I don't know what I'm gonna do.

• 35:52Speaker 02

  Different one again.

• 35:53Speaker 00

  Well, I will say, I'm listening to a lot of stuff by Scientology.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  Hindu seems very nice. Hindu seems very nice. Isn't that what the Nepalese have? Hinduism. It seems really just like a nice religion.

• 36:05Speaker 00

  It sounds like you've been Googling a lot this morning, Joe.

• 36:09Speaker 00

  There's a Scientology.

• 36:10Speaker 01

  She's jealous because I know things.

• 36:14Speaker 00

  Hinduism, showing off.

• 36:15Speaker 01

  What?

• 36:18Speaker 01

  Um, I think, uh.

• 36:20Speaker 00

  Scientology. I'm telling you now, they're having a moment.

• 36:23Speaker 01

  They're not having a moment. They're not. They're not doing it. They want money off me and I'm not giving it to them. They want money. They always want money, the Scientologists.

• 36:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, but so did, so did the Catholic Church. Sorry, the Catholic Church handing around baskets that were supposed to put money in while they're drinking wine out of goblets of gold.

• 36:38Speaker 01

  Are they still doing that? Are they still doing that?

• 36:39Speaker 00

  Yes, they do.

• 36:40Speaker 01

  Do they still, they don't still put the money around? No one has money. No one has cash anymore.

• 36:45Speaker 00

  Well, if they don't, I haven't been to mass in a while, but I'd say they're doing Apple Pay. I'd say their priest is handing around a tap.

• 36:48Speaker 01

  Joe, will you Google that? There's no way. Are they still doing collections at mass?

• 36:52Speaker 00

  Guarantee he's got a tap. He's, he's doing the tap.

• 36:55Speaker 01

  Cause no one has cash.

• 36:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, financial collection's still happening at Catholic mass.

• 37:00Speaker 00

  I'd rather play, I'd rather pay to go to space, which is what the Scientologists.

• 37:03Speaker 01

  What was the original question?

• 37:05Speaker 02

  It says it does vary by parish. Carry on.

• 37:08Speaker 01

  What was the original question there?

• 37:10Speaker 02

  Eye color.

• 37:12Speaker 01

  Well, I know that he has lots of hair because my doctor saw it and I have really bad heartburn.

• 37:19Speaker 02

  As, as displayed.

• 37:20Speaker 00

  She just coughed up a hairball there, like a cat.

• 37:25Speaker 00

  She's vomited a tiny fringe.

• 37:28Speaker 01

  I can't wait to not be disgusting anywhere. Sven, he looked at me the other day and he was like, darling, will we? And I was like, I know you're fucking joking. Like, I've seen myself walking around today.

• 37:37Speaker 00

  There's a, there's a, it's, I think it's adorable though, the waddle. It's, it's really cute.

• 37:42Speaker 01

  It's so bad.

• 37:43Speaker 00

  You're like a really hot duck.

• 37:47Speaker 01

  Uh, he is gonna, I'd say he'll be dark like Otto, because Otto's the dark one. But he'll be good, a good boy, because Otto's, Otto's a bit of a lunatic.

• 37:57Speaker 00

  He's kind of having a moment, isn't he?

• 37:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:58Speaker 00

  What time will it arrive? I'm only reading the notes.

• 38:02Speaker 02

  He.

• 38:03Speaker 01

  What time will he arrive?

• 38:04Speaker 00

  Ish, it sounds very.

• 38:04Speaker 01

  I'm really, I've been thinking about this and I think I love sleeping. So I don't think he's gonna do it in the middle of the night. I think that like, maybe, maybe we'll go around 11am. Cause then I'll be up, I can go into labour at like six, I'm up anyway. I'll have my coffee. I'll go into the hospital, I'll do lots of gas and air. I'll relax, I'll watch something and then we'll do the rest.

• 38:28Speaker 00

  You'll do lots of gas and air, will you?

• 38:29Speaker 01

  I'll do loads. Well, I'm gonna have surplus now, I'm sorry.

• 38:31Speaker 00

  You're gonna have a lot now, yeah, because you didn't even have the decency to tell me that you'd move the date. I've turned down the Graham Norton show to get that day. You know, I was booked to Graham Norton that day and I said, no, I'm going in for the gas and air.

• 38:45Speaker 01

  If I was booked for Graham Norton, I'd go on the day of give, I'd go during birth.

• 38:50Speaker 00

  She saw him the other day. He was inside. Um, oh, sorry. Okay. So next question. Do you mind me? So sometimes I wonder if I've just made something up in my head or it's someone else's memory that I've taken as my own, or you told me this. Did you tell me that the last time or one of the times you had a baby, Spencer packed your ba, uh, hospital bag and put loads of lingerie in?

• 39:14Speaker 01

  You've made that up.

• 39:15Speaker 00

  Did I make that up? Good. Okay. That's good to know. I, and that's why I asked you.

• 39:19Speaker 01

  You wanted, you've wanted that to be true for so long.

• 39:20Speaker 00

  I don't know where. Why, why, why is that in my head?

• 39:24Speaker 02

  We've heard that story anecdotally. I think from emailers and, and so on. I think that's coming. Yeah.

• 39:27Speaker 00

  Got it. I think someone emailed in and said her husband packed her hospital bag and he put lingerie, he put suspenders in and all.

• 39:35Speaker 01

  You've never seen knickers bigger than the ones that I have packed. They look so comfortable.

• 39:39Speaker 00

  Really?

• 39:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm gonna keep them for future wear. They're like bed knickers. They're just so comfy looking.

• 39:45Speaker 00

  Yeah. Um, uh, that's, that's it. That's the end of the quiz.

• 39:49Speaker 01

  Well, that's the baby share over. Guys, thanks for having me. Um. I'm off, lizards. See you later.

• 39:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, we'll be, we'll be back in a couple of weeks.

• 39:57Speaker 01

  We'll be back in a couple of weeks.

• 39:59Speaker 02

  Friday, the 18th of September.

• 40:00Speaker 01

  And don't blame me for the time off because it was that, we were actually due two weeks anyway.

• 40:05Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, you were.

• 40:06Speaker 01

  We were due the two weeks.

• 40:07Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 40:07Speaker 00

  By the way, anyone, if, if anyone's listening and they are giving birth around the dates of September 8th to 11th in the London area, I am free for.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  Gas and air.

• 40:17Speaker 00

  Gas and air. Yeah. I've been very much let down by the original booking.

• 40:21Speaker 01

  Sorry, can you not just get the gas and air that people are doing over at festivals and stuff? I don't know. Where do they get that, Joe?

• 40:27Speaker 00

  Where do they get it, Joe?

• 40:28Speaker 02

  I think it's something to do with cooking, isn't it? It's like icing sugar and that. No, don't do that. Drugs are bad. No.

• 40:34Speaker 00

  Joe, it's not to do with cooking. That's an air fire.

• 40:36Speaker 01

  We want the clean one. We want the clean one from the hospital.

• 40:38Speaker 02

  Please.

• 40:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I want the tank. Right, well, we'll see you in a, we'll see you in a couple of weeks. Thanks, everyone.