Vogue has started her Christmas shopping ALREADY?!?

IT HAS BEGUN!! The MTGM / Celebrity Traitors adventure begins... Although no one's seen any episodes yet, everyone is certain it'll going to be unmissable. Recording at Vogue's house this week, Joanne brings up ayahuasca again and Vogue has started her Christmas shopping (in September) so despite the new location, it's all pretty much business as usual. My Therapist Ghosted Me is a Global Production. Tickets for Joanne's tour Pinotphile are now LIVE: www.joannemcnally.com http://www.joannemcnally.com/ If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [email protected] mailto:[email protected] Please review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/ For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com http://www.mytherapistghostedme.com/ This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.

• 0:02Speaker 00

  This is a Global Production.

• 0:04Speaker 01

  The show is basically a game about gaslighting everyone. Like, that's what it is. So, like, you know, as I said when I left, I'm just so scared I'm actually gonna say something by accident. You know, like, people were like, was it intense? I was like, yeah, like, it's, you know, it's not The Wheel. Do you know what I mean?

• 0:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:21Speaker 01

  It's not The Masked Singer. It's pretty hardcore. Yeah.

• 0:30Speaker 02

  It looks very light compared to Joanne's house. It's not very colourful.

• 0:37Speaker 00

  Oh. It is quite bright white in the background, yes.

• 0:40Speaker 02

  Well, it's not my house. I'm not allowed to put up arts.

• 0:43Speaker 00

  That's okay.

• 0:44Speaker 02

  Otherwise, I have to make good, Jo. And like, if I put up all my art and make good.

• 0:48Speaker 00

  We don't want you making good.

• 0:49Speaker 02

  I'm not making good.

• 0:50Speaker 01

  What's that? What does make good mean?

• 0:51Speaker 02

  I have to, like, replaster the wall and stuff. Replaster the wall and paint it.

• 0:56Speaker 00

  She's talking builder speak.

• 0:57Speaker 01

  Are we on?

• 0:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, we're on, you know.

• 0:59Speaker 02

  We're on.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  Do you know what I tell you, we're on?

• 1:01Speaker 00

  We don't start with a bang, you know, we just sort of flop into it now.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  We meander.

• 1:05Speaker 02

  We thought the mic would have been a giveaway.

• 1:09Speaker 01

  I'm sure I'm always got a mic in my hand.

• 1:12Speaker 02

  No, you don't.

• 1:13Speaker 01

  Always got a mic in my hand.

• 1:14Speaker 00

  Tell us some of your jokes, Joanne.

• 1:16Speaker 02

  I am excited to see if Joanne brings her equipment back to America. I am on the side of, and I listened back, and I don't think you could notice, and I would be on the side of her not doing that because it actually, it's very, it's a quick setup.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, and as well, like, you know, I couldn't hear any difference. Do we even need equipment?

• 1:37Speaker 00

  This is a conversation that we could have for a very long time. It could get very dull and boring. It's just quite a lot of work in the post-production part.

• 1:45Speaker 02

  Oh, got it. We don't see.

• 1:46Speaker 00

  To make it not sound like you're on a Skype call.

• 1:48Speaker 01

  Well, luckily for you, I flew home to collect us.

• 1:51Speaker 00

  Thank you, man.

• 1:51Speaker 02

  Very kind of you.

• 1:52Speaker 01

  That's why I'm here.

• 1:53Speaker 00

  Thank you so much.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  Yeah. I will be charging the flights to Global.

• 1:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, fine.

• 1:57Speaker 02

  It feels weird without a delay. Will we create one?

• 2:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:06Speaker 01

  That isn't even that long. And just for, for anyone looking at us.

• 2:11Speaker 02

  On the YouTube.

• 2:12Speaker 01

  On the YouTube. We are wearing matching outfits. Yeah, we are, we are, I rocked down in head to toe. Leprechaun, I wore it while I was away and had arrived at the house. So obviously, it's my new clothes, so I'm wearing it out on this first day. And I arrived down and Vogue started screaming.

• 2:30Speaker 01

  She's like, "Oh my God!" And she thought she was buying something, an original piece.

• 2:36Speaker 02

  I was from Australia. I was like, no one's gonna know this brand. I'm gonna rock up in this jacket.

• 2:40Speaker 01

  But you see, you're like me, you're chronically, you're an Insta shopper. And this woman is banging out the Insta. My algorithm is full of us.

• 2:47Speaker 02

  It's a very good, savvy, is that what it's called?

• 2:49Speaker 01

  Savvy, yeah.

• 2:50Speaker 02

  And it's a decent price brand.

• 2:52Speaker 01

  It's a decent price. Now, I'm not gonna lie, I got excited wearing my new jacket. I'm fucking boiling.

• 2:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know, I don't know how long the jackets will last. Even, even I'm boiling.

• 3:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, and you don't boil. Like, if this was, if this was TV now, I'd have to have someone come in and dab me. We'd have to cut and...

• 3:06Speaker 02

  Oh my God, I was talking to a makeup artist today, Lorraine. And she goes, "I was working on Unacceptable with Joanne." And I was like, "Did you have to dab her all the time?" And she just started laughing. I was like, "Joanne told us."

• 3:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, they had to stop. I told you that, didn't I? "Gosh, we're gonna cut there." And everyone, and there's one, only one makeup artist walks on set and just starts dabbing me. And then they, I did tell you that, didn't I?

• 3:27Speaker 02

  You did. That's how I knew when I said it to her.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  Then towards the end, they, they started vetoing any outfit that looked like it would make me sweat. I think it's because I have a lot of hair. There's a lot of face sweating.

• 3:35Speaker 02

  She did say that you were wearing very hot outfits and when I wore that.

• 3:38Speaker 01

  Did she?

• 3:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:41Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 3:42Speaker 02

  Well, I mean, look how you've arrived today.

• 3:44Speaker 01

  I wasn't really, it's not like I was sitting on set in a fur coat. I was just like wearing sleeves.

• 3:49Speaker 02

  I am scalding hot in this. Bertie's, Bertie's here for the, for the record as well today. So if you hear any snorts, it's not us, it's Bertie.

• 3:56Speaker 01

  I run, I run a little hot, as we know.

• 3:59Speaker 02

  A little hot.

• 4:00Speaker 00

  For a change.

• 4:01Speaker 01

  I don't feel well.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  You don't feel well? Why not?

• 4:04Speaker 01

  I don't feel well.

• 4:05Speaker 02

  I haven't got my flu jab yet. It's the old people first. I have to wait. Don't come near me.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  But you're in your 40s now, surely you can't.

• 4:12Speaker 02

  No, I'm more October. They start with the oldies in September and then I can have it in October.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  I think I've got a UTI, my period, on a plane hangover.

• 4:20Speaker 02

  You have a UTI?

• 4:21Speaker 01

  I think I'm mice.

• 4:22Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 4:23Speaker 01

  I know, I think I can feel it coming on. You don't, no.

• 4:27Speaker 02

  Did I ever tell you about the time I had a UTI when I was interraining with my boyfriend at the time? And we were heading to Serbia. So the train wasn't glamorous at all. It kind of, it smelled like I was on a farm. And I had to sit on the sink.

• 4:43Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 4:44Speaker 02

  In our room because it was so bad. You know when it's just like?

• 4:47Speaker 01

  It's awful.

• 4:48Speaker 02

  It's permanent. So I'm sitting there on the sink. Luckily, he was a long-term boyfriend, but still, it was, it's awful. That's why you're sweating. They make you sweat.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  Do they?

• 4:57Speaker 02

  Oh, because you're just like clenching the whole time.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know. I feel, you know, you're like, oh, that's, there's something coming on. And Jo, you won't know this, but it is like urinating glass.

• 5:08Speaker 02

  I think boys can get UTIs now.

• 5:10Speaker 00

  They can, I've never had one.

• 5:11Speaker 01

  Urine retract.

• 5:12Speaker 00

  Luckily. Although if you get a bit of shower gel in, in the wrong place, then you can have a sort of a similar.

• 5:17Speaker 01

  Really?

• 5:18Speaker 02

  I decided to buy myself a 0% shower gel. There is one called like, and I know it's really childish. It's like, it's like buying toilet roll in the shop and coming home and you're a bit scarlet. I just don't wanna have to buy Vagisil.

• 5:30Speaker 01

  Apparently, that's all horse shit. Like, you should, my, my thing is, when women got UTI back in the, back in the olden days, how the hell did they survive? I nearly rang an ambulance once when I had a UTI and so much pain. But all that, the vaginal washes and all, you don't need it.

• 5:48Speaker 02

  Well, that's where I got the other thing.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  Your vagina is well able to just clean itself.

• 5:52Speaker 00

  Please consult a medical professional and the baby.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, I just don't think.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  The baby's awake. We're recording very kindly in my house today, I would like to say. So we've got Bertie snoring and the baby waking because he can't believe the trash talk his mother is doing already. And they've only started, will we take off the coats?

• 6:08Speaker 01

  I think we might have to take off the coats.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  Take off the coats. Did you see that shaky thing on the pram?

• 6:12Speaker 01

  I had a little look at the pram. I, I couldn't see the baby.

• 6:16Speaker 02

  Well, he's in there.

• 6:16Speaker 01

  Is he? I don't know if he is, but I had a good look in there. I didn't see anything.

• 6:22Speaker 02

  He's there. Don't make me go and check.

• 6:25Speaker 01

  If you say so.

• 6:26Speaker 00

  I have just seen him pop up the stairs.

• 6:28Speaker 02

  Oh, he's gone upstairs. Okay, I was like...

• 6:30Speaker 01

  Is he walking up the stairs already?

• 6:32Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, yeah, he said he had some stuff.

• 6:34Speaker 01

  He's gone up to the office.

• 6:35Speaker 02

  He's very advanced.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  He's very advanced.

• 6:37Speaker 02

  Anyway, that yoke just rocks his pram and rocks him to sleep. It's, the stuff that's come out that I didn't know, that I didn't have before.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  We were, we were hanging off doors. Do you remember back in the day?

• 6:46Speaker 02

  Were we?

• 6:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, when I was hanging off a door.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  Oh, and one of those little things.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  There's, there's kind of elastic.

• 6:51Speaker 02

  Jumpers.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, and they hang you off the door and you just bounce down. While you were smoking, that was the alien.

• 6:57Speaker 02

  They love them.

• 7:00Speaker 01

  Do you know what I mean? I do remember we used to buy chocolate cigarettes.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  They weren't even that nice, but you just looked so cool. And then I quickly upgraded. I must have been eight. I know it's terrible to go around picking up cigarette butts and smoking them.

• 7:11Speaker 01

  I thought you were gonna say just chocolate cigars. And I was like, wow. You're so bougie.

• 7:16Speaker 02

  Too full on. No.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  You're so bougie.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  Smoked. And then I realised, hang on a second, I don't need to be this cheap. My dad smokes. I know. So I just used to help myself.

• 7:26Speaker 01

  We used to pull, we used to pull smoke butts out of the pubs, out of the ashtrays in pubs.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  Disgusting. How we didn't get like covered in cold sweats and stuff. I have some news. It's the 30th of September, we're recording, and I have gleefully started my Christmas shopping.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  You're not well.

• 7:44Speaker 02

  You're jealous.

• 7:45Speaker 01

  You're not well.

• 7:46Speaker 02

  You're jealous and you're jealous.

• 7:47Speaker 01

  I will.

• 7:48Speaker 00

  It's not jealousy, I'm feeling.

• 7:50Speaker 02

  Anger?

• 7:51Speaker 01

  But like, for, but for who, like?

• 7:53Speaker 02

  I have told you year on year, Spencer's mom does a Christmas, before Christmas, with like his whole side of the family. And they all buy everybody gifts. And I was caught in a hop last year because I just assumed we were just gonna maybe buy the kids gifts.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  Right.

• 8:08Speaker 02

  And so I didn't have a gift for everyone. And it's really embarrassing if someone gives you a gift and you've no gift to give back.

• 8:14Speaker 01

  It is.

• 8:14Speaker 02

  So like, I have a Christmas, pre-Christmas, that I have to get presents for.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:19Speaker 02

  So I have to start.

• 8:20Speaker 01

  What's a, what's a pre, what's a pre-Christmas?

• 8:22Speaker 02

  So this is the pre-Christmas Christmas for the family that we're not gonna see at Christmas.

• 8:25Speaker 01

  Well, congratulations. I'm glad, I know you enjoy that kind of thing.

• 8:29Speaker 02

  Thank you very, I thought you were congratulating me on the baby and I was like, oh.

• 8:32Speaker 01

  I forgot about you.

• 8:32Speaker 02

  I went, I went in, I went into Studio Lorraine today and they were all clapping. And I was like, thrilled to myself. And then I turned around and there's this really famous actor in there. He was in Gladiator and everything. And then they were like, "I will do Vogue one as well." And I was like, "It's not the same if you ask her."

• 8:49Speaker 01

  Who was the actor?

• 8:50Speaker 02

  What's his name? He was in Gladiator and everything. He was on.

• 8:52Speaker 01

  Russell, Russell Crowe.

• 8:53Speaker 02

  No. He's the old, just see who was on Lorraine this morning.

• 9:00Speaker 02

  That's not me.

• 9:03Speaker 02

  I'm thrilled anyway on the Christmas, on the Christmas situation. It just, it, it takes a lot of the heat off. Cause I'm, I'm hosting Christmas in my house this year.

• 9:09Speaker 01

  I'm also hosting Christmas, but it's just my mother.

• 9:11Speaker 02

  In London?

• 9:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  I might come back here for New Year's. Are you gonna be here for New Year's?

• 9:15Speaker 01

  Oh, you're going to Dublin?

• 9:17Speaker 02

  I'm going to Dublin for Christmas. Well, there's no room for everyone here.

• 9:19Speaker 01

  I think I might go to Mexico for New Year's.

• 9:22Speaker 02

  God, you lucky bitch.

• 9:25Speaker 02

  I'd love that.

• 9:26Speaker 01

  It is the one benefit to dying alone and having no partner or no children. There's a lot of travel.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  You're not gonna die alone. I've given you the gift of my children. You and Amber, they'll, they'll look after you. They won't send you to a home, but they'll want to be on the list.

• 9:38Speaker 01

  They want, I'd want some people to send me to a home. I wanna be looked after like a hotel.

• 9:42Speaker 02

  They'll look after you if they know that there's something in it for them.

• 9:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's so true. That's how children, that's how children work. But yeah, I think I might go to Mexico. I don't know.

• 9:51Speaker 02

  With who? Why have you just decided that?

• 9:52Speaker 01

  Grace Campbell suggested it to me.

• 9:55Speaker 02

  God.

• 9:55Speaker 01

  I might do ayahuasca.

• 9:58Speaker 02

  I think that'd be great content for the pod.

• 9:59Speaker 01

  Yes, I could go live.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  When did you go live on Instagram? Were you really drunk?

• 10:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've had, I'd had, I had it in the new show, but I've taken it out now. Cause I have to cut the show down. About when I went, I did the Insta live and then you started ringing me. And I was like, I can't speak, I'm on, I'm doing a Q and A. And you were like, I know, I'm watching it. Get off the internet. It's not the time to do your Q and A. I hate it. I used to do that when I'd come home from night's out. And then I'd look at my stories and I'd say, I'm like, oh my God. There's nothing, there's nothing worse than waking up when you'd allowed a drink the night before. And you've got like a fresh story. You're like, oh no. My biggest fear is that I'd post something by accident.

• 10:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, something that you've liked, I don't know, a screen grab of a message or something like that.

• 10:47Speaker 01

  And it happens all the time. I remember there was a girl, a woman saying that they're off a WhatsApp group. The cleaner posted a naked photo of herself by accident. Yeah, yeah. And then, do you know, I think she did that whole like delete for me.

• 11:03Speaker 02

  Oh no, not for everyone.

• 11:05Speaker 01

  You know, the way you delete for me and not for everyone, that's for people having affairs. It doesn't make any sense.

• 11:11Speaker 02

  The one where it comes up and it only lasts for a second.

• 11:13Speaker 01

  No, no, no. You know the way, like if I sent you a, a photo.

• 11:15Speaker 02

  You can delete for you and it stays on my thing.

• 11:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, it says delete for, you can delete for everyone or delete for you. And then, so people do that by accident. And then it's just stuck in the group for everyone else to see.

• 11:25Speaker 02

  Oh God.

• 11:27Speaker 01

  WhatsApp is really bitchy.

• 11:28Speaker 02

  It's, that's my biggest fear in death. And I don't even know what's in there. Like I could let you have my phone and I wouldn't be worried. But like, just when I die.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  Oh, no, no, no. The phone, your, your phone has to implode on death.

• 11:39Speaker 02

  If I die first, which I will.

• 11:42Speaker 01

  I'll go through your phone.

• 11:42Speaker 02

  Because, yeah, no, don't go through. I couldn't trust you. Actually, you would go through it.

• 11:46Speaker 01

  Of course it would.

• 11:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, we'll do a podcast, would.

• 11:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, we'll read.

• 11:49Speaker 02

  Vogue is a bitch.

• 11:58Speaker 02

  Did you see there's a Matthew Perry documentary coming out?

• 12:02Speaker 01

  Am I the only one that doesn't find that him interesting?

• 12:06Speaker 02

  There's, there's a, okay, so I.

• 12:08Speaker 01

  I wouldn't like, and I love documentaries and I love celebs.

• 12:11Speaker 02

  Didn't you read his book?

• 12:12Speaker 01

  I tried, I didn't like it. He was just giving out the whole time. Sorry, Matthew. Rest in peace.

• 12:16Speaker 02

  Somebody did say that. They said, yeah, that they weren't, he wasn't really taking accountability. But he spent seven million trying to get sober and 600 AA meetings and stuff. And I just find that just so sad.

• 12:29Speaker 01

  I know, it's really sad.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  I think as well, the way he died is like, it's.

• 12:33Speaker 01

  Ketamine in the bath?

• 12:34Speaker 02

  Ketamine in the hot tub.

• 12:35Speaker 01

  The, the Americans love ketamine.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  There's a lot of people that, Joe, Joe always gets so nervous. Look at him biting his inside of his mouth. But there is a real epidemic of it where people are getting really addicted and they don't realise that it's, it's actually, it's, it's causing people bladder problems.

• 12:50Speaker 01

  I think it's, they're, I've heard of like young people doing ketamine overdoses and stuff, but I think cause it's cheap. It's cheaper than what?

• 13:01Speaker 01

  I'll check my receipt.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, I have.

• 13:05Speaker 00

  Drugs are bad, drugs are bad, drugs are bad.

• 13:06Speaker 02

  Well, we know, we're saying they're bad because they're giving you bladder problems.

• 13:09Speaker 01

  And Matthew Perry had, had an overdose. Yeah. But yeah, I wouldn't be arsed.

• 13:13Speaker 02

  Did he have an overdose or did he just like go into a K-hole and drown?

• 13:18Speaker 01

  Oh, I don't think he drowned. I don't.

• 13:20Speaker 02

  Well, he drowned because he was in the hot tub. That's where he was found. I know, and hot tubs are just too hot to put your face in.

• 13:27Speaker 01

  Did he, no, no, no, no. Did he drown? Did you, can we fact check that?

• 13:31Speaker 02

  He, well, I assume he fell into a K-hole and drowned in the hot tub. But anyway, that's a documentary coming out 27th of October. I was talking about it today. That's why it's fresh in my mind.

• 13:39Speaker 01

  Okay, fine.

• 13:40Speaker 02

  And I, I think I'd be into it because I was watching it. I just thought it was really sad.

• 13:43Speaker 01

  Did you see, do you know, um, speaking of the Friends alumni, what, he drowned? Ooh. Perry's quite a peaceful way to go.

• 13:52Speaker 02

  I just don't think, no, that wouldn't be for me, no. Cause he'd be so terrified when it's happening.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, hopefully he didn't know.

• 14:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, I would think so.

• 14:02Speaker 01

  Now, on, on, oh, Friends.

• 14:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  I read an interview the other day with Jennifer Aniston's new boyfriend. Do you know him?

• 14:09Speaker 02

  He does, um.

• 14:12Speaker 01

  He's very annoying.

• 14:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, but does he not, is he not one of those like Jay Shetty's?

• 14:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, he is.

• 14:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm not into that. Sometimes I think people can be too positive.

• 14:20Speaker 01

  Yes, I, I agree. Too well, too, too. He's, can we fact check his name, Joe?

• 14:25Speaker 00

  Jim Curtis.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  Jim Curtis. He has some book coming out.

• 14:28Speaker 02

  It's a really old man name, isn't it? Jim Curtis.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  It would be weird to see Jim Curtis as like running around as a baby. But, um, he has some book coming out, but he did an interview in the, the Times and the journalist, I mean, she obviously didn't really like him. And she was kind of disputing things he was saying. Like he's one of these people that she, she was kind of highlighting the fact he's absolutely no qualifications in anything. Um, and, but Jennifer's mad about him, but they're like, they're really woo woo. They're like full blown white witch vibes. They're doing their, like, they do yoga together and all. I don't know.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  Woo woo yoga.

• 15:03Speaker 01

  They do yoga, but he just, he just seems like a real damp. He's just damp. Do you know when you describe someone, I just do it. He's just a bit damp and he's delighted with himself and all his celebrity friends. And he went up two million followers after Jennifer hard launched him.

• 15:17Speaker 02

  I don't even have two million followers.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  I know. Well, Jennifer has like 12 or something. Anyway, he's, I think he's a, he's a melt, but I wish her well.

• 15:25Speaker 00

  He blends neuroscience and spiritual principles to help people reprogram their patterns and become their best.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  He's a spoofers, what he is.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  You see, I just find, do you not find the people who have had like really bad problems in life? And then they like do a turnaround and all of a sudden they're a life coach.

• 15:40Speaker 01

  I know.

• 15:41Speaker 02

  I don't wanna be, I just, I, I think I'd rather life coach myself.

• 15:44Speaker 01

  Apparently Jay Shetty was barely a monk.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  He wouldn't be my vibe again. It's just a bit, it's just a bit, I don't like the deep divey, like therapeutic stuff, like coming out, like.

• 15:56Speaker 01

  They're too earnest.

• 15:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, and perfect.

• 15:59Speaker 01

  They're crack facts. That's what I call these people. They're like, someone went in and vacuumed the crack out of their soul and now they're in neuroscience.

• 16:05Speaker 02

  Jesus, I'm not even a lesbian, but I'd like to be set up with Jennifer. If it got me two million followers, yes, please.

• 16:14Speaker 01

  The hard launch we all want. Yeah. She does seem though very, she's quite witchy woo as well. Do you know what I mean?

• 16:20Speaker 02

  I think she seems sound though, and she seems.

• 16:22Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, she does.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  And I know that you don't judge people on whether they drink or not, but she likes the occasional drink and I think that she's like kind of good fun. Yeah.

• 16:31Speaker 01

  Yeah. I'd say they're all doing mushrooms and all the whole time.

• 16:34Speaker 02

  Oh God, yeah. But isn't there, there's a name, no, there is, there's a name for that now, where people are like, oh no, I'm sober. But there's a, there's a name for it. It's that it's like, you're not fully sober, but you're calling yourself sober, but you're still.

• 16:45Speaker 01

  Crack curious.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  You won't go to crack?

• 16:49Speaker 01

  No, I meant fun.

• 16:52Speaker 01

  Fun, fun.

• 16:55Speaker 02

  What else have we not covered?

• 16:57Speaker 01

  Crack curious.

• 16:59Speaker 02

  Something awful, a news story that I saw this week. Did you, on Sky News no less, so it is real.

• 17:05Speaker 01

  Oh my God, is this about the hookers being too fat in America?

• 17:09Speaker 01

  Fox News, yeah, there's a news reporter, a news reader on Fox News saying that it's, it's like an awful indication of the state of the country. He's like, the hookers, the hookers have put on a lot of weight. And he's like, it's not appealing. He's like, you gotta keep yourself, yeah.

• 17:23Speaker 02

  Stop. That was a news story.

• 17:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, on Fox News.

• 17:26Speaker 02

  It's Fox News, Fox News, that mad one that's owned by Murdoch.

• 17:30Speaker 01

  I think, yeah, Fox News is the real right wing one.

• 17:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, I, I mean, Jesus.

• 17:34Speaker 01

  Yeah. Anyway, he was very upset about the hookers being too fat in America. He's like, it's the state of the nation.

• 17:39Speaker 02

  Now, it wasn't as good as that, but it's still good. It was about the woman who woke up to find a bat in her mouth.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  You sent me this. I'm, I've got, I've got questions.

• 17:52Speaker 01

  Even you with the size of your mouth couldn't fit a bat in it. It's ridiculous. I think she's lying.

• 17:56Speaker 02

  She, basically, she's done a whole story on it and she's just speaking through it and it's the funniest thing to hear. She said she was asleep and then she felt like there was, there was a maze trying to get in her mouth in her dream. So there's a maze trying to climb in her mouth in her dream. And then she started like clawing at it. And then she started coming to. And then she realised that it was actually happening. And what she'd done is she'd folded up the bat's wings. Trying to get it out. And there was just this little bat in her mouth.

• 18:26Speaker 01

  Hold on, she fo, she folded the wings?

• 18:28Speaker 02

  Cause she was still asleep when the bat was trying to get in her mouth. I don't know, bats like dark.

• 18:32Speaker 01

  With her tongue.

• 18:34Speaker 02

  But bats have rabies. She was lucky she didn't get rabies. It didn't bite her, but she could have got rabies.

• 18:38Speaker 01

  Oh my God. Have you ever seen someone with rabies?

• 18:40Speaker 02

  And they can't, they're scared of the water.

• 18:41Speaker 01

  Yeah. What's that about? Why can't people with rabies drink water?

• 18:45Speaker 02

  And you can't, uh, once you get rabies, you're gone.

• 18:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're gone. Yeah, I know. I, there's, cause I, I don't know how I've, you've obviously seen it as well. Whatever way my algorithm.

• 18:57Speaker 02

  Well, I'm looking up bears with rabies for the kids, so I'm just getting, I get loads of rabies stuff.

• 19:01Speaker 01

  Why, why do you want to show, try and teach them a lesson about bears or something?

• 19:04Speaker 02

  Cause, cause they love animals. And I was like, look how mad this bear is. Like he's going absolutely, he's wild anyway. It just shows the force of a bear if it ever caught you.

• 19:13Speaker 01

  What a weird thing to show your children.

• 19:14Speaker 02

  I know, but they love it. I tried to show them the bears with the worms, you know, when they get worms and they're like three meters long and they weren't, they wanted the rabies.

• 19:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair. Yeah. Cause you see, the doctor is kind of using them. Are you, are you looking at it there?

• 19:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:29Speaker 02

  Is it tryptophobia or something?

• 19:30Speaker 00

  You get throat spasms. So it's not that the, the virus doesn't want you to drink water. Your throat spasms in a, in a really painful way. So you don't want to drink anything because it makes your throat.

• 19:42Speaker 01

  Yeah. And they kind of physically recoil from it. It's awful.

• 19:46Speaker 02

  But anyway, she didn't get rabies, but there was a bat in, like, I couldn't, a bat. I just feel like they don't know where they're going. Like you think that they're gonna go in your hair. I once had a bat in our house in Hoth. If you're really careful as well, cause they're very protective. You can't like, you can't touch them. If you have bats in your roof, you can't touch them. So we had a baby bat in our house. We left the window open. He went out on his own, but it took two days. We just locked the bathroom door. Cause you can't touch them.

• 20:10Speaker 01

  Wasn't it a bat that gave us COVID?

• 20:13Speaker 02

  Well, that's what, that's what Donald Trump said, isn't it?

• 20:17Speaker 01

  It was like this, it was like a, a bat kind of like broke out of his cage.

• 20:21Speaker 02

  In Wuhan.

• 20:22Speaker 01

  In Wuhan. He went on, he went on a bender.

• 20:25Speaker 00

  Yes, the virus that caused COVID-19 was almost certainly originated from bats.

• 20:30Speaker 01

  Yeah. And it was, but it, um, it was from a, a lab. I don't believe that wet market stuff at all. It was in a lab, even the Times.

• 20:37Speaker 00

  That might be conspiracy.

• 20:38Speaker 01

  There was a COVID, because there was a COVID lab in Wuhan. I mean, it's too much of a, honestly, there was an article in the Times where they, they were actually like, it was pretty clear that it came from a, I mean, I like, I mean, send us all in your opinions.

• 20:51Speaker 02

  Yeah. We, here we are. This is the conspiracy, uh, news lead pod.

• 20:55Speaker 01

  I remember, um, that I was in a, I was in, in the, one of the comedy clubs around the time of it all going mad. And there was this comedian came in and he was really, really sad. And I was like, what's wrong? And he's like, all my friends are gonna die. And I was like, what? He's like, yeah, everyone I know is gonna die. And I was like, why? And he goes, cause they've all taken the vaccine.

• 21:17Speaker 02

  Oh God, God.

• 21:19Speaker 01

  I know. And he was fully, truly believed that it was an intentional effort to kind of cut off a lot of the human race. Yeah. He thought it was like a man, you know, man made crisis and that they were trying to get rid of people. And he, but I was like, that poor guy, like he really.

• 21:34Speaker 02

  He's convinced himself.

• 21:36Speaker 01

  He's terrified. All his friends and family are gonna die.

• 21:38Speaker 02

  People are very funny about the COVID vaccine. They're like, you know me, I love a vaccine. So I was like, as soon as, as soon as I could get it, I was getting it. Everyone's like, she's being paid by the government. I was like, no, I was just thrilled to go and get it. Now don't get it now, but my parents get it every six months.

• 21:55Speaker 01

  The COVID vaccine.

• 21:57Speaker 02

  I know. I told them not to tell anyone and now I've told everyone.

• 22:05Speaker 03

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• 23:08Speaker 01

  Speaking of COVID, did either of you see the story about the lesbian bar in Massachusetts?

• 23:14Speaker 02

  No.

• 23:14Speaker 01

  With the masks?

• 23:15Speaker 02

  No.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  Can I Google a picture?

• 23:19Speaker 01

  So funny.

• 23:21Speaker 02

  Lesbian bar, Massachusetts.

• 23:23Speaker 01

  A lesbian bar in Massachusetts was set up around the time of the COVID and they, it was, you had to wear a mask in the lesbian bar.

• 23:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:31Speaker 01

  And then they obviously, it was also paying was optional in the lesbian bar. So basically they've turned it into this whole kind of right versus left thing. Because you know the way they say the left just kind of eat themselves, cause you're never left enough, you're never woke enough. But they kept the vaccine, they kept the mask rule, right? So you still.

• 23:47Speaker 02

  Still now?

• 23:48Speaker 01

  Yeah. So anyway, they're making no money because they also have this thing in the bar where paying is optional. So if you've no money, you don't have to pay, right? And so they, they, they, they released a statement. It's called ditch. And it was like, um, hello to my, um, immune, they did an announcement, a post, they're like, hello to our immunocompromised disabled divas. We've decided to make, um, masks optional on Saturday nights, but masks will remain on all the other nights of the week. Anyway. It kicked off. People were like, just admit you're being complicit in a mass disabling event and get over it. They went nuts. It was so funny and.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  That is really bizarre, but like some people do still wear masks everywhere.

• 24:34Speaker 01

  Anyway, they had to come out then and apologize and then that wasn't good enough. And people were basically going absolutely nuts. And it became kind of this, people were just slagging them, basically being like, how can you have such a.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  Weird policy.

• 24:48Speaker 01

  Well, no, as in like, and then the, and the guy, the, or the person who owns the bar then left in the middle of the scandal and went to join clown school, which of course is called great entertainment.

• 24:57Speaker 02

  This sounds like the Willy Wonka thing.

• 24:59Speaker 01

  But it's so, cause I was like, it's so funny, the difference between lesbian bars and gay bars. Like this lesbian bar is that they're all masked and all, whereas gay bars, they're on all fours with balls that you can wipe down. Do you know what I mean? One of my gay male friends goes into a, a bar in London where you just, you, you go in in your knickers. They don't even wear tops or, you know what I mean? And the gays are there at the saunas and the lesbians are like, they're wrapped up. Not all lesbians, obviously, you know, I just think it's a funny comparison.

• 25:27Speaker 02

  I don't think I'd be going to a bar where I have to wear a mask. I couldn't bear that. Do you not remember all the spots and stuff you'd get?

• 25:32Speaker 01

  The gay bars. We'd be in the Glorials.

• 25:35Speaker 02

  I was gonna say, are Glorials still a thing?

• 25:37Speaker 01

  Yeah. Glorials are huge.

• 25:39Speaker 02

  I'd be scared someone would bite me. I just, it's like sticking your finger in somewhere like that you don't know.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  Are Glorials still a thing? Fact check it there.

• 25:47Speaker 00

  I can tell you out of my own experience, cause I was in a public toilet the other day.

• 25:51Speaker 02

  That's a Glorial.

• 25:52Speaker 00

  And there was a little hole that was all filled in with toilet paper. But obviously if you wanna avail yourself, you just pop that through.

• 26:00Speaker 02

  A Glorial.

• 26:01Speaker 00

  Uh huh. And a little Arab boy tonight.

• 26:03Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 26:04Speaker 02

  What kind of bar was, oh, Soho, you're in Soho.

• 26:07Speaker 00

  I, I wasn't, no. I was, I was.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  Is this in the countryside?

• 26:11Speaker 00

  By the coast.

• 26:12Speaker 02

  Oh my God, by the coast. That's where it's all happening.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  Anyway, I don't know any disabled lesbians. I do have one friend who's bisexual, who's recently sprained her ankle. So I'm gonna see if, I'm gonna get her opinion on it to see if I'm allowed to talk about it like this. But I do think it, it really blew up on the internet. It was just ridiculous. Do you know the way? But look, I'm not immunocompromised and I'm not a lesbian. So maybe I'm not, maybe I have no right to speak on this.

• 26:36Speaker 02

  Yeah. And maybe, I don't know. No, I just, I can't.

• 26:40Speaker 01

  Calm down.

• 26:41Speaker 02

  I can't go back to the mask. So do you not remember when the masks came out as well? And they had these special ones that looked like, like what a painter would wear. I remember Gina got her hands on one and she was thrilled. And then I remember we all ran out of sanitizer, hand sanitizer. I'm, I know someone who made a fortune off, he bought loads of hand sanitizer and just got it all in. And I mean, made a huge amount of money because no one could get their hands on it.

• 27:08Speaker 01

  Give us the pun.

• 27:09Speaker 02

  That's the comedian, that's the comedian I am. I don't even know when it's gonna happen.

• 27:14Speaker 01

  It's like, oh, you're like, oh, just dropped a clangor joke there. Whoops. Um, anyway, last thing I'll say about the lesbian bar drama. They're, they are now making a documentary about it for Netflix and they're talking.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  No, they aren't.

• 27:27Speaker 01

  Swear to God, they are, where is the thing?

• 27:30Speaker 02

  Jesus Christ, it's so pathetic. I can't even get any sniff off Netflix. I need to just do something weird.

• 27:36Speaker 01

  I had to fly to LA and doorstep them to get a special.

• 27:39Speaker 02

  I had four kids, cause I thought this will do it.

• 27:43Speaker 01

  You do, you do need some sort of reality TV show.

• 27:46Speaker 02

  Have you watched The Rooney's?

• 27:48Speaker 01

  No.

• 27:48Speaker 02

  Oh, I love it. I started watching it last night. I'm two episodes in. Wayne Rooney's quite funny. I'd say he does nothing around the house and she is really cool. I like to go for a drink with her.

• 27:57Speaker 01

  Really?

• 27:58Speaker 02

  Very organised.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  Oh, she, I knew that, yeah.

• 28:00Speaker 02

  She has packing cubes that are labelled. She's labelled her packing cubes. She was putting jeans and packing cubes. I was like, there's nothing in the suitcase, not in a cube.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  You sound like a perfect match.

• 28:11Speaker 02

  I do think that we'd get on really well. So Colleen, if you're listening.

• 28:14Speaker 01

  Anyway, yes, the lesbians are getting their own TV show.

• 28:18Speaker 02

  Well, that just makes me feel down about myself, but fine.

• 28:21Speaker 01

  I know. You need to, you need to do something. You need to have, you need to have a, uh.

• 28:26Speaker 02

  What a divorce can just.

• 28:27Speaker 01

  Have a mental breakdown or something.

• 28:30Speaker 02

  Divorce would catch us. We're going to have to get a divorce because I choose Netflix over you.

• 28:34Speaker 01

  Performative divorcing. You can consciously uncouple for, for, for the winter.

• 28:38Speaker 02

  For like six months, but then he'll be raging. He's not allowed in it. Well, we could be friends.

• 28:43Speaker 01

  Of course. No, would you be co-parenting? You're not, there's no getting rid of that lad.

• 28:46Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, it's definitely too far now.

• 28:48Speaker 01

  You have six kids with them at this stage.

• 28:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:51Speaker 01

  Do you know?

• 28:51Speaker 02

  Him being one of them.

• 28:52Speaker 01

  Him, yeah, exactly.

• 28:53Speaker 00

  I feel like we'd get a lot of engagement if we send the two of you out to cuff for cuffing season together.

• 28:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:59Speaker 02

  I wouldn't even know what to do. I'd be so embarrassing if I tried to go out and date people.

• 29:03Speaker 01

  Yeah. I, even I, at this point, it's actually ludicrous.

• 29:06Speaker 02

  It's too, it's too hard.

• 29:08Speaker 01

  I've kind of lost the plot.

• 29:11Speaker 02

  On dating?

• 29:12Speaker 01

  As in.

• 29:12Speaker 02

  You need to get back into it.

• 29:13Speaker 01

  I really need to get back into it.

• 29:14Speaker 02

  You're busy now, but come January, you're less busy and I think it's time.

• 29:18Speaker 01

  I feel dead from the waist down. I need to be resuscitated spiritually and vaginally.

• 29:28Speaker 01

  I do, I do, I really do.

• 29:31Speaker 02

  Well, obviously I haven't done it in ages either because I've just had a baby and I'm like, how do I get back into this now?

• 29:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:36Speaker 02

  How do I get back in?

• 29:37Speaker 01

  I know.

• 29:38Speaker 02

  I feel embarrassed.

• 29:38Speaker 01

  That's what I'm like, how the hell did I get a UTI? I'm practically celibate. That's usually from sex.

• 29:43Speaker 02

  That's impressive that you gave yourself a UTI.

• 29:45Speaker 01

  How did I give myself, I'm like Prince, did I go down on myself?

• 29:49Speaker 02

  I think, I actually, that's what's happened.

• 29:52Speaker 01

  Is that what's happened? Oh my god, I'm flexible.

• 29:57Speaker 01

  Remember, I saw it online recently, it was reminding us of the rumours that we spread around when we were kids. And one of them was that Prince had one of his ribs removed to go down on himself, do you remember?

• 30:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, I prefer that one to Richard Gere, I'd always prefer them all to Richard Gere.

• 30:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, the Richard Gere one, was that the hamster of the arse?

• 30:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, terrible that that, like, that that goes around and there's nothing you can do about it, I'd take anything over that. I'm hoping now Traders kicks off a bit of gossip around me, something, plant a story.

• 30:24Speaker 02

  It starts tomorrow.

• 30:25Speaker 00

  Well, by the time this goes out, it started last night.

• 30:27Speaker 02

  Oh my.

• 30:29Speaker 00

  We don't know anything.

• 30:30Speaker 01

  We don't know anything.

• 30:31Speaker 00

  But we will.

• 30:31Speaker 01

  I, like, I obviously knew, obviously I know it's a big show, I actually didn't expect this much attention. Like, about it, do you know what I mean? It's absolutely ginormous.

• 30:41Speaker 02

  I've been offered a job about Traders because you're in it, so thank you.

• 30:45Speaker 01

  What? Wow, I'd love that.

• 30:49Speaker 00

  You're fixing the economy, you're creating jobs.

• 30:52Speaker 02

  Thank you so much for this opportunity.

• 30:56Speaker 01

  Are you gonna do it?

• 30:57Speaker 02

  I might do.

• 30:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:59Speaker 02

  I do, I, I watch the Traders, I watch it even when you're not in it, and now that you're in it, I am like, gonna be flat out.

• 31:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:06Speaker 02

  And you can't miss an episode, I find it hard to catch up on because there is so many in a week, and once you're into it, like, you're really into it. I heard gossip about it, I heard Charlie Sheen, no, what's his name?

• 31:17Speaker 00

  Michael.

• 31:18Speaker 02

  Michael Sheen, I heard Michael Sheen was bawling his eyes out on one of the roundtables.

• 31:23Speaker 01

  I can either confirm or deny. Hey, Percy. Pretty.

• 31:27Speaker 02

  Pretty little slag.

• 31:28Speaker 01

  I'll say this much, I think it's gonna be very good TV.

• 31:31Speaker 02

  Oh my god, I can't wait.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  But obviously, and I never say that about anything, I do, I really don't.

• 31:35Speaker 02

  It's so, but like, it's an intense, I know that you didn't find it as intense as other people, but it's an intense thing to be a part of.

• 31:41Speaker 01

  It is very intense, and like, the whole kind of, you know, in, locked in your hotel, and like, I told you that, didn't I? You have to put a little card underneath if you want them to go, and you can't speak to anyone, like, but they have a whole welfare team and they have psychiatrists and everything, but sure. I was just sitting in my, I literally had no change to my day to day life. I saw other cast members going out for like, like, mental health walks and all, I was just tapping away on the iPad and the, like, because I couldn't leave the hotel room, but I was like, sure, that's what I, that's my life. On my own in hotel rooms, nothing changed.

• 32:11Speaker 02

  It does sound nice.

• 32:12Speaker 01

  Except they let me out for a couple of hours a day, I was like, this is great.

• 32:15Speaker 02

  Could you train and stuff, could you go to the gym?

• 32:16Speaker 01

  You could do, like, you could kind of slip in a 20 minutes.

• 32:19Speaker 02

  Oh god, that's it?

• 32:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:20Speaker 02

  I'd probably take bands with me to the room.

• 32:22Speaker 01

  10 minute phone calls.

• 32:23Speaker 02

  What would you take to the room? I'd take bands, can you have any food you want, like sweets and stuff?

• 32:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:29Speaker 02

  And they'll get everything for you.

• 32:30Speaker 01

  Nick Mohammed, but you're not, obviously you've no wifi or you've no, no phone and all that jazz, but Nick Mohammed used his Netflix account to communicate with his family. He wasn't on my series, he was on the series before, but, because he would change his names, you know, you can change your account names, and he was telling them what was going on.

• 32:47Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 32:48Speaker 01

  He's so smart, like, you never would have thought of that.

• 32:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you wouldn't do it anyway, you gave us nothing.

• 32:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:53Speaker 02

  You could have easily done it now, at this stage, we're, we have to watch it in real time.

• 32:56Speaker 01

  I kept, I've kept secrets like a boy keeps secrets.

• 33:00Speaker 02

  But now, I think because you, like, you're not a confrontational person, but when something comes up, you really want to talk about it straight away and get it sorted. So I wonder how you're gonna react to people like bitching about you behind your back. About saying if you're a traitor or not, because that's the worst thing, I'm walking into a room and knowing someone's talking about you.

• 33:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, and like, but the show is basically a game about gaslighting everyone, like, you're, that's what it is, so like, you know, a- as I said, when I laughed, I'm just so scared I'm actually gonna say something by accident, you know, like, people were like, was it intense? I was like, yeah, like, it's, it's, you know, it's not the wheel, do you know what I mean?

• 33:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:35Speaker 01

  It's not the masked singer, it's pretty hardcore, yeah.

• 33:40Speaker 01

  You know? Yeah, you're there, yeah.

• 33:49Speaker 02

  Oh my god, did you see Mr. England? There's, you know, there's like, Miss, Miss, Miss England, and then there's a competition for Mr. England. They only got seven people, like, applying for it, and they need 12 people for finals. And like, it could be any seven people, like, any old toad.

• 34:08Speaker 01

  I'm surprised at that.

• 34:10Speaker 02

  That's all they got in this year, they're having to ask Miss England to ask her friends to join.

• 34:15Speaker 01

  But I'm really surprised because there's so many, like, men now in their kind of fitness era, like, bodybuilding.

• 34:21Speaker 02

  Maxing and everything like that, now they've seven.

• 34:23Speaker 01

  I went down, I, I somehow, I don't know how, my algorithm, I mean, god knows, but anyway, I ended up going to all these bodybuilders who died, all these men. It must be the steroids, isn't it? Because they're huge, they're so big, but a lot of them die young, I'm like, them, because they, there must be what they're taking.

• 34:42Speaker 02

  It must be.

• 34:42Speaker 01

  They're all dying of these underlying heart conditions, and I'm like, come on now, how are you getting that, huh?

• 34:48Speaker 02

  But like, I don't know, it's probably got nothing to do with caffeine, but I read this story as well, that this man died of a caffeine overdose, and he was quite young, he was taking those, like, caffeine tablets.

• 34:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:56Speaker 02

  An overdose on it, so like, maybe they're just taking stuff like that.

• 34:59Speaker 01

  I'd even be worried about pre-workout stuff.

• 35:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, it's a lot, that sends you wild.

• 35:04Speaker 01

  There was, my, my brother asked me to speak to a, a younger member of our family, because the younger member of the family was taking pre-workout.

• 35:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:12Speaker 01

  And my brother was like, will you tell him? And I was like, um, he was on the phone, and I was like, you'll die, you'll die, and, and my brother was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's not, not, no, no, you're not gonna die, you're not gonna die. The young, the child was like, oh, and Connor was like, you're not, you're not gonna die, you're not gonna die. I was like, sorry, I went too hard, I went too hard.

• 35:34Speaker 02

  Says Joanne vaping on the phone to him.

• 35:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. You'll die!

• 35:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, rack it up, my ket- my ketamine, you're gonna die! Yeah, I'd be a terrible parent.

• 35:45Speaker 02

  Ah, you would not, you'd be great, you'd be good crack, you'd probably have more patience than I'd have.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  Do you reckon?

• 35:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:51Speaker 01

  But I find with you, like, I think because you're so kind of at ease with it all now, like, I, when I, in the old house, when I'd come down sometimes, I was like, I was overwhelmed.

• 36:01Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 36:02Speaker 01

  But it's like you don't even notice it.

• 36:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:03Speaker 01

  Like, all the kids are going nuts and all, and there's like, there's screaming and someone's crying, and I, because I'm not used to it, I, and I, I've developed sensory issues from living alone, that I would find it a lot.

• 36:14Speaker 02

  I find it a lot.

• 36:15Speaker 01

  But you're just kind of rocking around.

• 36:17Speaker 02

  Well, no, because I haven't been down here.

• 36:19Speaker 01

  You're like, hey!

• 36:20Speaker 02

  And I'm like, I'm only coming back, I'd love to leave you in the house between five and seven.

• 36:25Speaker 01

  I have to go, I have to go.

• 36:25Speaker 02

  You'd pass away between five and seven.

• 36:27Speaker 01

  In the morning?

• 36:28Speaker 02

  In the evening, it is like, wild behaviour. But like, in the mornings, I've missed the mornings the last while, I'm only getting back into them because the baby started sleeping a bit better, so I haven't had the mornings. And even I come down and I'm like, oh my god, it's so full on in the morning, to start your day like that, but that's how they start their day, every day.

• 36:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, it means the kids.

• 36:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, but they're only up there, in and, up and out within an hour, but within that hour, you're like, Jesus Christ, I need to take Xanax after this.

• 36:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, I, yeah, well, I'm surprised, because I really did see, you seemed so, I, I remember being like, I don't think she can hear it.

• 37:03Speaker 01

  You're just like smiling and rocking around the kitchen, I'm like.

• 37:07Speaker 02

  I don't hear a lot of it, like, you mustn't hear a lot of it, Jo, because you have to knock some of it, but my mum, she was sitting here, and she came over to see the new baby, and honestly, it just went ding, five o'clock, and she was like, phew, gone.

• 37:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:18Speaker 02

  She knew, she just was like, nah, not staying here.

• 37:20Speaker 01

  Do you remember Motherland, the show, this, it's the, it's the greatest loss that had stopped.

• 37:26Speaker 02

  Amanda Land is amazing, but I wish they'd do another Motherland.

• 37:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, there was so, yeah, I know, something must have happened, but, um, remember the first episode in the first series? And her mother's hiding, remember, she's trying to get her mother to babysit the kids? And she's like, I want my children raised like I was, by my mother! And then she goes, she goes to knock to the mother's house, and the mother's hiding, she's lying down behind the couch. And then she finally answers and she's got cornrows. She's been on holiday, she's got cornrows. Yeah, her mother's like, I don't want to mind your kids anymore, I'd say that happens a lot.

• 37:57Speaker 02

  Spencer's mom will do, like, she will literally stick around for everything. And she'll like, like, she was up in T's room last night when he was going to sleep, and I'm like, where's Nanny Jane? She's sitting beside me, don't worry, she's not talking. Poor Nanny, Nanny Jane's in my bed, but she's not talking, don't worry, because he's meant to be going to sleep. And Nanny Jane will just sit there with him, and he's thrilled that he's got the company, yeah. It's completely, it's berserk.

• 38:22Speaker 01

  It's berser- it's berserk!

• 38:23Speaker 02

  I wanted to talk to you about Drake and his September bucket list.

• 38:27Speaker 01

  I don't like him.

• 38:27Speaker 02

  He's actually kind of a good rapper, but he's, he just seems a bit weedy or something.

• 38:32Speaker 01

  Damp.

• 38:34Speaker 02

  Another damp, like, he had this, um, he had this, uh, this fight with Kendrick Lamar, they both had, like, wrote songs about each other, were slagging each other off, and then Drake took it to court, it's like, dude, you're meant to, like, come on.

• 38:45Speaker 01

  Come on, yeah, we're all having a bit of a crack.

• 38:46Speaker 02

  And I think he lost the court case as well, and Kendrick Lamar is very cool, but he had this September list, which can only mean that he has a bucket list for every month. And on the bucket list is, T's new album, Stop Overthinking So Much.

• 38:57Speaker 01

  Oh, no, sorry, sorry, how do you access to this?

• 38:59Speaker 02

  It's on his Instagram.

• 39:00Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  Fifty plus hours of Roblox, that game that kids play. Yeah. Breastfeed from a goth mommy. I don't know what that means.

• 39:11Speaker 01

  Suck, suck milk out of a goth mother, I'm assuming. Um, why is he publicising this?

• 39:18Speaker 02

  Perform at an elementary school, seven o'clock bedtime every night fair.

• 39:21Speaker 01

  Sorry, this sounds like a child's journal.

• 39:24Speaker 02

  Test out the new strap-on, ribbed.

• 39:26Speaker 01

  Okay, now we've gone into, not, not, we've moved on from the child's journal.

• 39:31Speaker 02

  And why would he?

• 39:32Speaker 01

  This, this is my worst nightmare. This is the kind of shit that I'd write privately and accidentally post. That's what I'm, did he accidentally post this to Insta?

• 39:39Speaker 02

  No, he's really strange. A link with Roblox girlfriend. So he's mad for Roblox, which is a kid's game. It's just, that's why I don't want my kids on it. There's weirdos like him on it.

• 39:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, what happened to the bit of Lego?

• 39:53Speaker 02

  He's too old for Lego. He shouldn't be doing.

• 39:55Speaker 01

  He wants to breastfeed.

• 39:56Speaker 02

  It's like, it's like the people that I see, like, I don't know, like, go ape, adults there on a date. I'm like, guys, I know you're, I know you're trying to do something different, but like, you're literally here with, like, this is a child's thing. It's like.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. This man has a serious case of arrested development by the sounds of it.

• 40:12Speaker 02

  What would you have on an October bucket list?

• 40:14Speaker 01

  I would have do my shows in Phoenix, Arizona, Las Vegas.

• 40:19Speaker 02

  That's really clever. Where else would you have on the list?

• 40:24Speaker 01

  I think from my October bucket list, I would perform in Denver, Salt Lake City, Las Vegas, Las Vegas, Las Vegas, Las Ve- what? I'm doing four shows in Las Vegas. That's ridiculous. No wonder I can't sell any tickets.

• 40:40Speaker 02

  I have someone you can hang out with there. I know someone who lives there.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  Who?

• 40:43Speaker 02

  Uh, Sean, my brother's friend.

• 40:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:45Speaker 02

  And he also gets discounts in restaurants because of his job.

• 40:48Speaker 01

  Phoenix, Vancouver, Houston, Austin, Austin, Austin, Austin. Why am I doing four shows in Austin?

• 40:56Speaker 00

  It's a residency now.

• 40:57Speaker 01

  Oh my God. I'm like a shit Adele. Dallas, Chicago, Washington, Philadelphia, Philadelphia, Philadelphia, Philadelphia.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  That's outrageous.

• 41:11Speaker 02

  Philadelphia's meant to be nice. I feel like you'll like it there. You're gonna have to like it there.

• 41:13Speaker 01

  Boston, Boston, New York, New York, Toronto. Yeah. I mean, obviously I'm looking forward to every single one of them.

• 41:21Speaker 02

  And you will. You'll have a great time.

• 41:22Speaker 01

  I will, but four shows in Las Vegas is, it's ridiculous. Like, I'm, you know, why am I here? Actually, I have to say, Salt Lake City, I'm actually really excited to go to Salt Lake City.

• 41:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think that, well, you might, it might not be what you think, but anyway, um, I'll be on to you about the shows that I'm gonna be going to.

• 41:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Send over your requests. I mean, I could, I mean, it would be really fun if I flew you in, into the three arena. And I don't mean like on a Ryanair, I mean on strings, like actually flew you in. Wouldn't that be funny, like a finale?

• 41:51Speaker 02

  You could milk me on stage.

• 41:57Speaker 02

  It'd be so good for the breastfeeding community.

• 41:59Speaker 01

  I could milk you into a super sober and then spray the audience. I do.

• 42:02Speaker 02

  They'd love that.

• 42:03Speaker 01

  I do need a finale.

• 42:05Speaker 02

  What happened to the little thing you're going around in?

• 42:07Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, but for the arena.

• 42:08Speaker 02

  Don't throw that out.

• 42:10Speaker 01

  God, no, the mobility scooter.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  No, that's staying.

• 42:12Speaker 01

  That's coming to New York.

• 42:13Speaker 02

  Oh my God, my kids, no, but don't leave it in New York.

• 42:15Speaker 01

  No, no, no, I won't, I won't, I won't. Oh God, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, I just feel like you need all the bells and whistles in the arenas. And I, I do think breastfeeding you on stage is a great idea.

• 42:23Speaker 02

  Okay, let's do it. I'm willing to do it. As long as there's a few tickets on the table for me.

• 42:28Speaker 01

  Ta-da, ta-da, yeah. It's a great finisher. It was bad to throw a road out of a cannon, so he'll be delighted. To hear that there is an alternative ending.

• 42:38Speaker 02

  Okay. Well, everyone, thank you so much for listening. Thanks for coming over to my house. Tell us, Bertie, how you feel. The one time he's not snorting. Come on.

• 42:53Speaker 01

  Sweet baby dog. Kind of unethical to have these dogs because they can't breathe properly.

• 42:56Speaker 02

  Fuck you.

• 43:00Speaker 02

  He's a rescue, so he's not unethical. And I don't think I'd choose a French bulldog myself, no. Spencer really wanted a French bulldog and I said, okay, fine, we'll get one. There's a rescue one. I feel, well, I feel bad for him because he can't breathe and I think I'm gonna have to get him a nose job because I feel bad for him in the, in the summer.

• 43:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I knew a French bulldog who got a designer vagina.

• 43:18Speaker 02

  We know Lola.

• 43:19Speaker 01

  Lola, yeah.

• 43:20Speaker 02

  Well done Lola.

• 43:21Speaker 01

  Yeah. She's dead now, God love her.

• 43:30Speaker 04

  This has been a global production.