MTGM EXTRA! "Eight pages."

It seems that there is something in the idea that men are hand writing letters to their exes. Vogue & Joanne need to get to the bottom of this. Tickets for Joanne's tour Pinotphile are now LIVE: www.joannemcnally.com If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [email protected] Please review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/ For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.

• 0:02Speaker 00

  This is a Global Player original podcast.

• 0:10Speaker 01

  Hello and welcome to the bonus episode, which is quite chaotic and feels more like a main.

• 0:15Speaker 02

  There was no solid thoughts there. The main, we do, we do kind of force ourselves to have a solid thought about something culturally, topically interesting. This was just.

• 0:22Speaker 01

  Lucy goosey.

• 0:23Speaker 02

  What's going on?

• 0:26Speaker 01

  Oh my God, I saw the weirdest, the weirdest thing in the world happened to me this week.

• 0:31Speaker 02

  Jesus.

• 0:32Speaker 01

  I like, I'm still shook it from it. So I'm sitting in Soho House.

• 0:39Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 0:40Speaker 01

  Having a meeting and who walks by me?

• 0:44Speaker 02

  Can I guess? Can I guess? Cliff Richard?

• 0:47Speaker 01

  No.

• 0:49Speaker 01

  You'll never guess. It's totally outrageous. You'd never guess it.

• 0:53Speaker 02

  Vogue, less of that, please.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 0:56Speaker 02

  If that's the attitude, speak to each other positively, please.

• 1:00Speaker 03

  Positive language only.

• 1:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02Speaker 03

  Reaffirming language.

• 1:05Speaker 02

  Sonia Sullivan.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  This is a really fun game. Okay. You've only got three more guesses because we have to do an actual pod.

• 1:12Speaker 02

  Man or woman?

• 1:13Speaker 01

  Man.

• 1:14Speaker 02

  Killian Murphy?

• 1:16Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:16Speaker 02

  Barry Keoghan?

• 1:17Speaker 01

  No. Did you see Barry Keoghan? He had his lips done.

• 1:22Speaker 02

  I think there is natural lips. I think they're nat.

• 1:24Speaker 03

  Shall we chuck an allegedly on there? Sorry, Barry.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  An allegedly, no, because it's been, and then I saw there was a whole thing and it said Channing Tatum and everything. All the men are getting their lips done.

• 1:32Speaker 02

  Of course they are.

• 1:33Speaker 01

  Moisturizing. Okay. Go on now. One more guess.

• 1:38Speaker 02

  Jamiroquai.

• 1:41Speaker 01

  I'd always like you to be with him. I just don't know what's your type. I'm like one minute Benicio del Toro.

• 1:46Speaker 02

  JK.

• 1:47Speaker 01

  Jamiroquai.

• 1:48Speaker 02

  Has he rebranded as JK?

• 1:50Speaker 03

  Well, that was the name of the band. Jamiroquai is the band. JK is.

• 1:52Speaker 02

  Oh, sorry. Come here and just remind me, I want to come, I want to come back to the fact that is it true? Kanye is doing the bar exams to piss off Kim? We'll answer that later on in the podcast. Joe will figure it out. Yeah. I think he's about to, I think he's trying to do the bar. He's like, I'm going to do, I'm going to finish what she started.

• 2:10Speaker 01

  Oh my God, that is like, that's, that is literally like something I would do.

• 2:14Speaker 02

  Yes. Sorry. Okay. Vogue, who was it?

• 2:18Speaker 01

  Joe Attywell. I couldn't believe my eyes. A Joe in the wild. I was like.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  I was taking meetings.

• 2:28Speaker 02

  The call was coming from inside the house. I had no idea. Joe, do you mind me asking, where the fuck did you get a membership for Soho House?

• 2:36Speaker 01

  Well, he was taken out for a look.

• 2:38Speaker 03

  For anyone who's not a media asshole, Soho House is a members' club. It's for media people and I don't have a membership there.

• 2:48Speaker 01

  I was meeting TV people, yeah.

• 2:49Speaker 02

  And Joe, you know I'm teasing you. I think you belong there more than me and Vogue combined.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  Joe, Joe doesn't belong there and neither do we, I hate to tell you. I, I just, listen, it's really hard to get a membership. So when you get one, you kind of don't want to let it go.

• 3:02Speaker 02

  Go.

• 3:02Speaker 01

  And I haven't been, like this, that was my second time there. That's, I used it twice in a whole year, but I'm like, what if I let it go?

• 3:09Speaker 03

  Stuffing away sausages, you see. She was just sat in the door eating sausages.

• 3:12Speaker 01

  I was meeting.

• 3:14Speaker 02

  Meeting.

• 3:17Speaker 01

  I was meeting these producers, but I knew them. So I was like, I fucking, I'll have sausages. I know her, Sarah. I've known her for ages. So I was like, Sarah, but they were very judgmental of the sausages. They're like, you got a side of sausages? I was like, yes, I did.

• 3:30Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  Okay, do you want another game?

• 3:33Speaker 02

  It's always a weird side of you. Oh, sorry, just on the Soho House of it all. And it is a kind of a members, members' club.

• 3:39Speaker 03

  Lovely club.

• 3:40Speaker 02

  It's lovely, yeah.

• 3:41Speaker 01

  Well, this is my first time there. That was a nice one, John. You'd like that one.

• 3:45Speaker 02

  Which one?

• 3:46Speaker 01

  180 The Strand. They had a gym. I went to the gym.

• 3:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But the, I, it's for creatives, I say in inverted commas, like TV, blah, blah, blah. Cause I remember when I.

• 3:56Speaker 01

  What a club.

• 3:57Speaker 02

  Well, I, when I first moved to the UK, when I first moved to London, obviously I wanted in, I wanted in. And I was interviewed and turned down.

• 4:07Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 4:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  What?

• 4:10Speaker 02

  They actually brought me in for like, to meet me face to face. And then the application was just never accepted. Now, it has been since, because then they opened extra houses and I think then they were like, right, we were, if it's a numbers game. But I was seeing this guy who was in finance and he was asking, could I get him in? And I was like, how, I fucking, I can't fucking get you in anywhere. But I didn't realise, they don't let any, any of the finance bros in, because they're, but it's the same, as you know, Oisin, who runs the Davenshire pub in Soho, the Irish, the Irish pub. He, so he is a backroom for inverted commas creatives as well. And apparently some big footballer tried to get it. Now, this is the story, whether this is true or not, I don't know. I, I think that I heard Ronaldo tried to go into the back of the dev and sure enough, she was like,

• 4:54Speaker 02

  "No, creatives only." And it was just me and some lad playing a fiddle down the back.

• 5:01Speaker 02

  That's the story now, whether it's true or not, I don't know.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  Do you know what the BAFTAs write? There is, in the line that I was in where Leonardo DiCaprio touched me and we fell in love and got married. That line isn't for everybody. So like, I was standing in that line with Spenny and some people got turned away that I would have recognised, but they got turned away. And, but me and Spenny were in the line and I was like, please can we get out of the line? And he was like, "No, we're in the line." And I was like, "Yeah, but I just feel like I shouldn't be in this line."

• 5:30Speaker 02

  Like, who?

• 5:30Speaker 01

  What if someone comes and pulls out by the ear?

• 5:34Speaker 02

  Like, that is so mean. If someone's in the line, just let them do whatever they need to do. Let them take the photo.

• 5:40Speaker 01

  They didn't pull us out of the line, okay? I'm just, I'm just putting that out there in case the Daily Mail said that we got pulled out of line. We probably, listen, it didn't feel like I should have been in the line.

• 5:49Speaker 02

  You're moving up, Sugarpuff. You are moving up. You are on the move.

• 5:53Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  So is Joe. Strolling around Soho House.

• 5:58Speaker 01

  Hang on, I've another one for you. It was a busy day in Soho House.

• 6:03Speaker 02

  I would have ordered a coffee off you, Joe. I would have been like, "Joe, while you're there, um, could you not take me order?"

• 6:09Speaker 01

  I asked him for a side of sausages.

• 6:13Speaker 02

  More sausages.

• 6:17Speaker 01

  Okay, I bumped into another person there.

• 6:20Speaker 03

  Embarrassingly, the person that you're going to say is someone that actually the meeting I was at, I should have invited that person to that meeting and I didn't. And then I saw him there.

• 6:27Speaker 02

  Is this, is this pod chatter? Is this just an internal communications chat for us?

• 6:33Speaker 01

  It was just such an, it was so unusual. I was just sitting there enjoying the sausages.

• 6:37Speaker 02

  Okay, five, okay, man or woman?

• 6:39Speaker 01

  Man.

• 6:39Speaker 03

  Man.

• 6:40Speaker 02

  Would they be known to our listeners?

• 6:42Speaker 03

  The name has been said lots of times.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  Is it your husband?

• 6:45Speaker 01

  No.

• 6:45Speaker 02

  Is it Otto?

• 6:46Speaker 01

  No.

• 6:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was just there.

• 6:49Speaker 02

  I'd say they've offered him a membership already. They've probably given him mine.

• 6:52Speaker 01

  He's got the under 27s, that's why we only go on Sundays. So that Otto pays his half price.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  I need some, I need a bit of guidance, I don't know.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  You know this person very well.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  I don't know if I, I don't want to clog up the whole bonus with me guessing, because I'm not good.

• 7:03Speaker 01

  Rick!

• 7:04Speaker 03

  It was Rick.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  Do you want to say it? Walked by me, I was like, and I didn't even, I literally, because I was sitting there on my throne. Looking at him and I was like, Rick.

• 7:13Speaker 02

  Was he there with his skeleton child, Kevin Bridges?

• 7:15Speaker 03

  But the reason it was embarrassing is because I was having a meeting with Rick, your agent's other client, Joel Dommett, and I should have invited Rick to that meeting, but I didn't because I just thought Rick couldn't be asked.

• 7:27Speaker 01

  And Joanne, I felt bad because then we don't take Joe for lunch and they were taking Joe for lunch and when I did the stride, we only ever dangle sushi sandwich in front of him and it never happens.

• 7:36Speaker 02

  Joe doesn't eat, Vogue. He's a robot. We just charge him in the evening.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  You didn't go come round to Joanne's house that night. We had a party.

• 7:46Speaker 02

  We charge him in the evening and sometimes we overcharge him. That's why his hair sticks up.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  Oh, God. I just, I just thought it was very serendipitous.

• 7:58Speaker 02

  Have you signed with Off the Curb? Is that what you're telling me?

• 8:01Speaker 01

  I know.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  Is that what you're telling me?

• 8:03Speaker 01

  I would, okay, everyone, I'm playing, I'm signing in Bicker Street because I'm

• 8:09Speaker 01

  putting on my new comedy show, I Will See There. Um, I met a woman this week and I thought.

• 8:17Speaker 02

  I can't guess. I'm, I'm, I'm.

• 8:19Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no, no, no.

• 8:23Speaker 02

  Lorraine. I don't, who was it?

• 8:27Speaker 01

  So, Joanne, I was in a very fancy hotel.

• 8:29Speaker 02

  Not in a Brulea. I'm out of options, I don't know.

• 8:34Speaker 01

  Claire Danes came to my head for some reason there. I'm like, why Claire Danes?

• 8:39Speaker 02

  She's exceptional. Go on.

• 8:41Speaker 01

  She is. So you are a fan. You're, you are, I would call you a hotelier at this point. And I was in a very fancy, what hotel are you in now? I know you're in a.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  I'm a, I'm a sommelier hotelier, I would say at this stage.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  Why are we today?

• 8:54Speaker 02

  We are. Do you know where, do you know where, I'm in the, do you know where I am, Vogue? And I've never stayed here before, but I've, I've, I've, I've frequented the bar. I'm in the Herbert's.

• 9:06Speaker 01

  Oh, fancy pants.

• 9:08Speaker 02

  I'm in the Herbert Park Hotel. Now, Joe, you won't know this on account of being an Angloid, but the Herbert Park Hotel, it's a real rugby hotel. And I'm actually moving tomorrow because I'm going back into town.

• 9:19Speaker 01

  Just trying to score a rugby fella.

• 9:21Speaker 02

  Well, so I heard on the grapevine that the Irish rugby team are arriving tomorrow.

• 9:29Speaker 01

  Shut up.

• 9:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  Let me get that number. I think it's number 14 you want to look out for. I think.

• 9:36Speaker 02

  Oh, well, I mean, I still think I'm, I still think Brian O'Driscoll's on the team. I need to kind of update myself. He's a geriatric rugby player now. I think he's still sitting in a wheelchair on the sidelines. But this is a real rugby, it's allegedly whatever joke. We're geriatrics too. This is a real rugby hotel. And yeah, like I say, five stars. I fucking, I love a hotel. Best chicken salad to die for. How's the breakfast? Huge glasses of white wine. So I've been getting breakfast to the room and I've been getting five boiled eggs, eight minutes each. Eight minutes? Five. I eat three in the morning and then I put two in the fridge. Oh no. And I keep the salt from the tray. That's it? Yeah.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  Oh my god. I'm a freak. They would have unreal sauces in there. I bet you the breakfast is amazing. Send me pictures of the breakfast menu. Every morning, your man arrives up with the tray and he unveils my eggs like a royal dinner. A clusk? Yeah. A clash. He unclashes my eggs and I look at him and I know, because I know, I know he's like, what? And I said, it's, it's, it's protein. I'm in my 40s now. I'm trying to avoid muscle atrophy. And then he's like, thank you so much. Yeah, I've had a ball and the staff have been, when I say, I'm like, have I? I don't know what I've done to deserve this treatment, but I am fucking, well, no, I was like, I think they're going to be, going to give me a royal, do you know those cross arms royal, what are they called? A curtsy?

• 11:06Speaker 02

  No, not a curtsy.

• 11:09Speaker 02

  Dude, they curtsy you.

• 11:12Speaker 02

  I'm Kate Middleton. I just had some work done. No, they, they, what's that? Like the.

• 11:19Speaker 02

  Fuck, what am I trying to say?

• 11:20Speaker 03

  Is it a piece of furniture?

• 11:21Speaker 02

  No, where the, as kids. Like a sailor went to C C to see, would you cook one of them? Stop both of you.

• 11:30Speaker 02

  Enough chiming in.

• 11:31Speaker 03

  Job. We're guessing games.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  This is the guessing part, everybody.

• 11:37Speaker 02

  The game that where you cross your hands and then people sit, the, the, King's, King's lift.

• 11:42Speaker 01

  Oh, King's chair.

• 11:44Speaker 02

  King's chair.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, Jesus, like,

• 11:46Speaker 02

  Sorry.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  That's the worst description.

• 11:49Speaker 02

  Sorry, I know, I'm sorry. Edit that down, Jo.

• 11:54Speaker 02

  Anyway.

• 11:55Speaker 01

  Do not edit a second of that.

• 11:58Speaker 02

  Edit it down.

• 11:59Speaker 01

  I listen back to the part and I'm like, God, she got a nice edit there.

• 12:02Speaker 02

  Edit it down there, yeah. Pat came in and met me for lunch in the lobby. It's been lovely. I was like, welcome to my home.

• 12:10Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 12:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:11Speaker 01

  Maybe when I go back to Arundel, I'll let the kids go back to Hoth and I'll just go into the Herbert Park.

• 12:16Speaker 02

  Head into the Herbert. I'm telling you, I'm telling you. I, I think in an alternative universe, I was a hotelier.

• 12:24Speaker 01

  You do love, you love a hotel. Well, I was gonna tell you this, right? I was in, I was in the Savoy yesterday.

• 12:31Speaker 01

  That's when you just feel like, you feel like shit on a shoe.

• 12:36Speaker 02

  10 grand a night, I heard. That's what I heard.

• 12:38Speaker 01

  Is it 10 grand? Google it, Jo. I was only there for, I was there for a speaking event for this, a company called Must Have Ideas, but,

• 12:46Speaker 02

  Do they have any?

• 12:47Speaker 01

  It is pretty, listen.

• 12:48Speaker 02

  Or do you have?

• 12:49Speaker 01

  I know. No, she, she, she has this, she's really young and she's built this company and basically like, like, I was like, please tell me you're 70 and you just look, you just look really good because she's achieved so, yeah, fucking really. But anyway, I met a woman there, right? And, because I was doing some pictures of people after I spoke and she kind of hobbled over and I was looking at her. Her name was Lizette. I actually got her name because it was such a, so she hobbled over and she goes, I'm really sorry, I only have one shoe. I lost it at the train station.

• 13:23Speaker 02

  Sounds like a bit of me. Sounds like a bit of me. Sounds like a bit of me.

• 13:27Speaker 01

  She had come from Kent or something on a train, lost it at Kent Station. Her train was delayed, so she didn't have time to go. It fell in between the tracks and the train. So she didn't have time to go and buy a new pair of shoes before the event. And so she strutted into the Savoy. Hardcore. With one shoe and went around at the event for like four hours, just with one heel on. It was amazing.

• 13:53Speaker 02

  That's when you know you've made it, when you can walk into the Savoy and the butlers and all are like, welcome, Lady Lizette. And they're not going, who's this scumbag with one fucking shoe on it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when you know, when you can, when you can, when you can underdress in a super posh place and they leave you alone.

• 14:12Speaker 02

  That's when you know you've made it.

• 14:13Speaker 01

  Did you Google how much a room is there? Now I want to know.

• 14:16Speaker 03

  You can get an entry level room in the beginning of June for fourteen hundred pound for the night.

• 14:24Speaker 02

  Jesus Christ.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  For one night?

• 14:27Speaker 03

  Just the night, yeah.

• 14:28Speaker 01

  Entry level.

• 14:30Speaker 03

  I mean, that's not their language. Sorry, that's, that's not what they're calling it. They have a word for it, but the cheapest you can, oh, hang on, I've got something for a grand. Lovely. Superior Queen room, breakfast included, one thousand and thirty one pounds, please.

• 14:44Speaker 02

  It's probably like inferior cupboard room. Yeah.

• 14:48Speaker 01

  Room, broom closet. There will be mops by your head.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  Fine, we will come in occasionally and hang other people's jackets.

• 14:58Speaker 02

  Your cupboard and then take them out as the night progresses and you will have to hand us the tickets as we go.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  I'll take it.

• 15:06Speaker 02

  I'll take it.

• 15:46Speaker 01

  Oh my goodness.

• 15:48Speaker 03

  Just I have to.

• 15:49Speaker 02

  Oh god, is he dressed as, what is he?

• 15:51Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 15:52Speaker 02

  Is he a Smurf? What is he?

• 15:55Speaker 02

  Joanne, he's Huggy Wuggy from YouTube. Sorry, of course, of course. That was my next guess.

• 15:59Speaker 01

  Show Joanne and Joanne quickly.

• 16:01Speaker 03

  Oh my Christ.

• 16:02Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 16:06Speaker 02

  Who are you? You're scaring your auntie Joanne. Sorry, that mask is absolutely terrifying for, if this makes it to the podcast, I want the listeners to know. There's a film called, there's a horror film called Smile. Do you know this film?

• 16:20Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  Theodore looks like your man. He looks like a character from Smile.

• 16:24Speaker 01

  I'll tell you what happened. So Theodore, World Book Day's coming up, so I was like.

• 16:27Speaker 02

  Oh Jesus.

• 16:28Speaker 01

  I know, I was gonna be really good in make costumes, but I'm already making the Easter bonnets and I thought I can't do both. So Theodore was like, I wanna be Huggy Wuggy and this costume arrived and I was like, Theodore, you can't, you can't come into school with that outfit. Like you're gonna.

• 16:41Speaker 02

  It's terrifying.

• 16:42Speaker 01

  The junior inference and he was like, he started crying and stuff and then I had to buy the outfit anyway. And then buy a different one that he can change into.

• 16:51Speaker 03

  Horrific it is.

• 16:52Speaker 02

  One of the, Motherland, my favourite show in the world.

• 16:55Speaker 01

  I love that.

• 16:56Speaker 02

  The show that I auditioned for and didn't get.

• 17:00Speaker 01

  Did you?

• 17:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:01Speaker 01

  Stop it.

• 17:03Speaker 02

  I auditioned for those things. I didn't get anything.

• 17:05Speaker 01

  Oh my god, you should definitely, I would have loved to, I would have loved to.

• 17:09Speaker 02

  I was like, you should have done that. I'm like, you know, I tried. You should have taken that job.

• 17:14Speaker 01

  Why didn't you?

• 17:15Speaker 02

  But it was a very small, it was like mother three at the gate. I think I'd won line or something, but obviously I didn't get it. But there was the episode where the main mom, I never remember any other names. She turns up and she's realised it's book day and she takes off her own top and puts it on her and sends the kid in the stripey top and says she's like, where's Wally and stuff. I just, I hear a lot about book day and how much stress it brings parents.

• 17:36Speaker 01

  I mean, it's just, oh yeah, but you don't wanna be, I personally find the Easter bonnet more stressful because you kinda can't, people will see your work because the parents come and watch the parade. So it's like, you can chuck them into school in any old outfit, not huggy wuggy because it's too frightening.

• 17:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, it's terrifying.

• 17:50Speaker 01

  But like, people will see and judge your bonnets and I feel very stressed about that.

• 17:53Speaker 02

  I actually can't get up, that was like, I was triggered. That was like, he was dressed up as Ish. Do you remember? The clown.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  Yeah. I have to go into school with the costume to show his teacher, to prove to him that he's not allowed to wear it on book day. I got him a ninja as well because I'm like, just be the ninja. You can't be that.

• 18:10Speaker 02

  Do you remember? Ish, we all float down here.

• 18:13Speaker 01

  Stop, says Bright.

• 18:14Speaker 02

  Remember, you can't drag the kid.

• 18:15Speaker 01

  Can't you man all of them at the same time?

• 18:17Speaker 02

  So basically, I was momentarily separated from my AirPods during the weekend and then found them again, blah, blah, blah. And as you know, I kind of run through AirPods a lot and I lose AirPods a lot. Now, in fairness, in my defence, some of them were like petrol station AirPods, do you know what I mean? They're the bane of my life. And I do think it's a con. I think that, why are they living independently of each other? They should be attached in some way, but the problem is with the string AirPods, you can't really train with them. Because anyway, whatever, look, I need a huge pair of overhead ones, like I'm going gun pigeon shooting.

• 18:49Speaker 01

  The ones you're currently wearing.

• 18:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:52Speaker 02

  Or clay pigeon shooting. Do you know those like ducks, you know, the shooting ducks? Not that I would shoot a duck. Anyway, I was banging on the internet, of course, on Instagram, losing AirPods, blah, blah, blah. A woman messaged me, she's like, my boyfriend lost one of his AirPods. We tracked it on Find My Phone and they were definitely in the house. After an hour of pulling the place apart, I got the idea for him to put on a podcast and the AirPod he had in a separate room and walk around to see if we could hear sound from the missing room. I think she means pod. Missing pod. We could hear it in every room we were in and I realised that it was louder when I stood next to him. I moved my ear around his body like a sniffer dog and it was coming from the hip area. However, his pyjama bottoms had no pockets. I turned him around and pulled down his bottoms. Lo

• 19:35Speaker 02

  and behold, his AirPod was in his arsecrack.

• 19:38Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 19:41Speaker 02

  Turns out he'd fallen asleep in bed, listening to dulcet tones of Alistair Campbell and Rory Stewart and one had fallen out in bed and then he'd lain on it and then put on his pyjama bottoms when he got up to make coffee. As a point of clarification, he has disinfected said AirPod and stopped listening to political podcasts in bed.

• 19:59Speaker 01

  At least he found it. That's very lucky.

• 20:01Speaker 02

  Do you remember I dropped one down in airport, or an airplane toilet? I still track it every now and again. It's in Heathrow.

• 20:06Speaker 01

  Do you remember that time, do you remember that time I lost one in the, in the, in the Rolls Royce that I cringely got down to Glasson, remember? And I never got a pack?

• 20:14Speaker 02

  No!

• 20:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, just the one gone. And then I actually found this other, I'm, I'm not as bad as Joanne, I'd like to point out. But I have two of the same one, like, so I have two rights and I thought I'd found the other one. I was like, ah!

• 20:27Speaker 02

  Just melt it, melt it back the other way.

• 20:30Speaker 01

  I should just go back and say, sorry, actually, these came like this? And I was wondering could you?

• 20:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:38Speaker 01

  Girls, just heard the bonus and heard the letter about the men handwriting letters. This has happened to me recently. Okay, show off. I had no idea this was a thing.

• 20:48Speaker 02

  But that's it. This could be a solicitor's letter. We don't know what it is. It could be a, it could be something really dark. Yeah.

• 20:54Speaker 01

  A six weeks dalliance romance situation ship, whatever you want to call it. The guy was lovely, but too full on. So I called it a draw. All the best and all that. I will say he was a lovely man and I wished I was more into him. That's nearly the worst, isn't it?

• 21:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know.

• 21:10Speaker 01

  A month or so later, I get a handwritten letter from him, eight pages long, and he's talking about how he hopes it brings me some comfort.

• 21:17Speaker 02

  Okay, okay.

• 21:18Speaker 01

  Question mark. I'm fine. Question mark. It was the strangest thing. It was stamped, so I knew it wasn't hand delivered. Thank goodness. Gutted now. I didn't think to smell it to see if his aftershave was on it. I'm all for writing letters that I don't send to people. Get it off my chest, feel better than destroy it usually. Never actually send it. I'd probably be sectioned if some of those made it to the outside world. Anyway, all the letter did was to convince me that I did the right thing. And a bit like Joanne, whilst nothing bad actually happened with this fella, I did feel like the champ for a change. Love the pod. Keep doing what you're doing.

• 21:53Speaker 02

  Hold on, like, girls, listen, as, we love the emails, but they're coming a little...

• 22:00Speaker 02

  Light these days on details. What was in the letter? What was in, what did he say in the eight pages? Was he trying to get her back? Was he kind of confirming he didn't?

• 22:10Speaker 01

  I think he was trying to make her feel, yeah, I think he was trying to make her feel better about the breakup. As if he had initiated the breakup, but actually she was like, oh, it's just a thing. But in his own mind, he's created, fair play to him. He's created a story where like he was the one doing the dumping.

• 22:27Speaker 02

  Yes, he rewrote history, but I just, I just, just moving forward. I wouldn't mind a little more detail on things. Or if you don't feel it's, if you feel it's too much information, the podcast, feel free to contact me directly in my DMs.

• 22:41Speaker 02

  I, I would like a little more information there. Eight pages. I mean, come on, that's a lot like.

• 22:46Speaker 01

  I kind of really want to read the letter. Do you still have it?

• 22:49Speaker 02

  Eight pages is a lot of handwritten messaging. I would like to know what was in it. After for a follow up, Jo, email her back.

• 22:57Speaker 01

  The most romantic thing anyone ever did for me was this guy that I was sleeping with in, no, I don't want to say that in case my mom hears.

• 23:05Speaker 02

  I think your mum knows you've written people.

• 23:07Speaker 01

  She doesn't.

• 23:08Speaker 02

  You've three kids.

• 23:12Speaker 02

  You've three children.

• 23:14Speaker 01

  Anyway, this guy that I was hanging out with.

• 23:17Speaker 02

  Spending time with, yes.

• 23:19Speaker 01

  Spending time with getting to know. I didn't fancy him anymore. I don't know if I ever fancied him. Anyway. He called to my dorm and he, I had told him once that I loved orange Smarties. Remember this? This is before they came in their own packet, I would like to say. So he dropped around this huge jar of orange Smarties for me.

• 23:38Speaker 02

  That's really sweet.

• 23:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know. I didn't get back on, but I did eat the Smarties and I, and I wrote about it in my book and now I'm saying it here. So I appreciate that. Man, I don't remember your name, but I remember the Smarties.

• 23:48Speaker 02

  There's always a, there's always a thin, I think there's a very discreet line between fun, enjoyable, impressive romance, attractive romance and

• 24:03Speaker 02

  weird.

• 24:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:04Speaker 02

  You know, there is that line, there is that line where, and it's very, it's very Cathy Heathcliff vibes where I obviously. I'm still thinking about that film on the regular.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  And by the way. I have to go and see it. Don't tell, I'm gonna, I might go, I might go alone. What'd you call it again?

• 24:23Speaker 01

  Do they? I can't remember the book, you stupid arsehole.

• 24:25Speaker 02

  No one remembers the fucking book. These hardcore English lib people have been so snobby about it. There's been like thirty-five versions of, like, people remaking and recreating Wuthering Heights. Do you know, like, people need to calm the fuck down. Anyway, what I'm saying is, there's a thin line between fun, romance that's hot and makes you feel attractive, and then crossing that line between, I feel uncomfortable now. But like I say, I'm here for the handwritten letters, but I would like to know what was in it. Um, yeah. And, oh, also, I might set up a P O box.

• 24:59Speaker 01

  Joanne. No, you just never know what's gonna come out, ever. Where did you get that idea? Where did that come from?

• 25:08Speaker 02

  Well, I can't ask for people to send me letters and not have somewhere to send them to.

• 25:13Speaker 01

  Um, one thing I want to say, you know your pal Kevin McGarren?

• 25:16Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 25:17Speaker 01

  Did you see, he did this song, Jo, you'd love it. He did this song at the Iftas.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  Very funny.

• 25:23Speaker 01

  He was hosting the Iftas, which is a huge ceremony in Irish for actors. It's like our, it's like our BAFTAs.

• 25:28Speaker 02

  Irish film, Irish film TV awards.

• 25:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's, uh, it's a, it's a, we should go, like, well, we didn't get invited.

• 25:34Speaker 02

  We weren't invited.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  Joanne, this is like, oh, next.

• 25:39Speaker 02

  You should have taken that job in Motherland. We should go to the Iftas. No. No, I didn't get the audition.

• 25:45Speaker 01

  I forgot, we weren't invited. But anyway, he did this song, um, it won't really work if I play it. Go look at his, Kevin McGarren. And he did this whole song about all the Irish actors and Steve Coogan's sitting there and he's like, he talks about Steve Coogan pretending he's from Mayo. And it's just, it's, I have to say, hats off to him. I thought that that was absolutely brilliant.

• 26:07Speaker 02

  He is one of the funniest people I know. We did Republic of Tally together years ago and.

• 26:11Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, when you got the job of me, yeah, I remember that.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  When I got the job, when I got the job, that I was then fired from Seventeen Minutes.

• 26:20Speaker 02

  But no, Kevin McGarren is hilarious. In fairness to him, he is. He's absolutely gassed. I must watch that, actually. I saw the clip floating around. I must give it the time.

• 26:28Speaker 01

  I must post it myself because I love it so much.

• 26:31Speaker 02

  Share it, support.

• 26:32Speaker 01

  I will share it and support, like and subscribe. You know yourself.

• 26:42Speaker 02

  That's it for the bonus. Please like and subscribe if you haven't because it does make a real difference to listeners. Doesn't it Joe?

• 26:50Speaker 03

  Oh yeah. Go on, watch on YouTube as well. It's available on YouTube.

• 26:53Speaker 02

  Oh, and the YouTube, the YouTube for Joe loves YouTube. And also I'm on tour in Vogues vlogging, so check all that out as well.

• 27:18Speaker 04

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• 27:49Speaker 00

  This has been a Global Player original production.

• 27:53Speaker 05

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