In with The Beckhams, Man Thrown Out & A Kardashian Up Close

There's always a lot to catch up on, but especially so after a two week break... Joanne's tour continues with some insane stories to tell and Vogue has possibly the biggest news she's ever had... Ever ever. Plus, fake pregnancy, If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [email protected] Please review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/ For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com Joanne's comedy gigs: www.joannemcnally.com This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.

• 0:02Speaker 00

  This is a Global Player original podcast.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  We're back. My therapist ghosted me is back from our two week break. It's great to be back. I'm still Joanne McNally, she's still in Vogue Williams and that is still Jo Addywell. Nothing has changed. Everything stays the same. Business as usual.

• 0:36Speaker 01

  While we're here, a couple of, a couple of bits of business.

• 0:39Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 0:40Speaker 01

  We have, we have a YouTube channel that we probably haven't pushed or plugged enough. And we should do that Vogue, because we get a little, we're not the, we're not the best pluggers in the world, although some would disagree. But, um, we have a YouTube channel. What is it, Jo? What is our YouTube channel? And, and all the full episodes of the podcast are on that channel to be watched.

• 0:58Speaker 02

  Full video episodes. And if you search for My Therapist Ghosted Me on YouTube, you can also watch on Global Player. You can watch full video episodes.

• 1:07Speaker 01

  Full video episodes.

• 1:08Speaker 02

  They take a very long time to make and I'd love it if someone watched them.

• 1:11Speaker 01

  They're full video episodes of me and Vogue in various shades of ugliness with baseball caps, glasses, no ring lights.

• 1:22Speaker 03

  We've tried, we've tried our best, we've tried our best. And do go and have a look when you, maybe when you're cooking your dinner or something, it'd be nice to have us on the background.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  But that's good Vogue to give them a suggestion like that.

• 1:32Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 1:33Speaker 01

  Yeah. We're getting ready for a night out with the girls.

• 1:36Speaker 02

  And do subscribe.

• 1:38Speaker 01

  And subscribe.

• 1:39Speaker 03

  I was just saying, because obviously I went to see Joanne on Saturday and this is the first time I've seen her since. And I was, um, very doughy eyed, like I fancied her for that night.

• 1:48Speaker 01

  Vogue fancies me.

• 1:49Speaker 03

  Had to go home. Yeah.

• 1:53Speaker 01

  It's the big, it's the.

• 1:53Speaker 03

  Take myself home.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  It's the big bush energy.

• 1:57Speaker 03

  I mean, it was really, and at the end, I just was tearful. I thought, oh no, this has gone too far this time. You had me on Prosecco, but I'm telling you, you've really got me now. I don't know if I can take myself to the show again.

• 2:09Speaker 01

  She threw the gob, she threw the gob on me after, didn't she?

• 2:12Speaker 03

  I did, I tried.

• 2:13Speaker 01

  You tried.

• 2:14Speaker 03

  I hit the ear, hit the ear.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  She tried to finger me in the green room after I said, Vogue, please. I'm a professional person.

• 2:21Speaker 03

  Please Joanne, just for God's sake.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  You can touch it on the outside.

• 2:30Speaker 03

  I was allowed a bit of dry writing.

• 2:32Speaker 01

  Through the Adidas tracksuit, you can just touch, touch it, just the tip. That's it. And I just go back to your family vogue.

• 2:39Speaker 03

  And I took the tracksuit home with me. I did. I took the tracksuit home. You have, you have seven of those tracksuits.

• 2:46Speaker 01

  I have seven Adidas tracksuits, yeah.

• 2:48Speaker 03

  The same one for stage.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  Thank you, Lifestyle Sports. Tag tag.

• 2:52Speaker 03

  Yeah. Thank you for nothing, Lifestyle Sports. I didn't even get one tracksuit.

• 2:55Speaker 01

  I'll get a tracksuit out of them for you.

• 2:58Speaker 03

  Oh, no, I have the one I took share the other night. I didn't want you to wash it before I got down.

• 3:02Speaker 01

  That's gas. Obsessed with me on stage.

• 3:06Speaker 03

  And you smelled so nice. Took a picture of your perfume and I said, that's Katrina Ryan's perfume.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  It's not, it's not Katrina Ryan's perfume.

• 3:14Speaker 03

  Yes, it is.

• 3:17Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 3:17Speaker 03

  Where did you get it off?

• 3:18Speaker 01

  Was it the Bloop?

• 3:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:21Speaker 01

  The Bloop, that's Victoria Beckham's new perfume.

• 3:24Speaker 03

  Joanne, I know Katrina Ryan doesn't have her own perfume, but I was in with her and she smelled like that.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  Sorry.

• 3:34Speaker 01

  It's nine AM. Sorry, sorry.

• 3:37Speaker 03

  I was in Joanne's dressing room and I, when I was sniffing her, I thought, wow, she smells extra special tonight. And I wasn't sure if it was the stage or if it was the perfume. And then I spotted this perfume across the room and I was like, she copied Katrina Ryan, who I copied with that perfume, you know, when someone has a nice perfume.

• 3:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's gorgeous.

• 3:58Speaker 03

  Is that where you saw it?

• 3:59Speaker 01

  I will say, it was a gift. I didn't buy it. It's about 200 quid a bottle.

• 4:03Speaker 03

  Who the hell gave you that?

• 4:04Speaker 01

  Allegedly. Well.

• 4:06Speaker 03

  It's rea, that's why I don't have a bottle.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. There's some things, we've discussed this before, there's some things you'll happily kind of splash out on. Perfume is not one of them. I do feel like it is one of the biggest cons. But I do like to smell nice.

• 4:21Speaker 03

  Katrina Ryan is, um, is our facialist slash, let's be honest, botox lady.

• 4:28Speaker 01

  She's actually a dermatologist.

• 4:30Speaker 03

  She's a dermatologist.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  And I don't know about you, Vogue, I go to her for my rosacea.

• 4:35Speaker 03

  Oh, do you? Yeah, Joanne. Do you want me to ring her and confirm that? Yeah, yeah.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  Honestly, rosacea.

• 4:43Speaker 03

  She said you were in there for three hours the last time. That's a lot of rosacea.

• 4:47Speaker 01

  Getting my, getting my knee lift. Yeah.

• 4:51Speaker 01

  My hair transplant. How dare you?

• 4:57Speaker 01

  But I was doing a job in a like kind of bougie chemistry place. And the girl gave me the tester of the Victoria Beckham. Because I was like, oh my God, that's gorgeous. And she and she was basically like, you can have the tester because there was hardly any in it. So I took it.

• 5:12Speaker 03

  You got the tester bottle? I thought you meant you got like a little, you know, those sachets.

• 5:16Speaker 01

  I got the tester bottle. So I'm not sure if that's the heft, but I I was gifted.

• 5:22Speaker 03

  It's not your theft.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  Exactly, exactly. I was the, I was on the receiving end of someone else's theft.

• 5:28Speaker 02

  Handling stolen goods.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  I'm only handling the stolen goods. The perfume is only resting in my account. I cannot be held responsible for it, but it is gorgeous. And Victoria Beckham. Sorry. Now that I'm part of the Beckham family.

• 5:43Speaker 03

  Oh, I saw that.

• 5:46Speaker 01

  The greatest.

• 5:47Speaker 03

  Okay, tell everyone, explain it in case it's here and stuff.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  The greatest bit of accidental PR I've seen in my professional PR life. Basically Cruz Beckham, you know, I'm always going on that I want to be one of the Beckhams and I want to be involved in David's sticky jam. Yeah. They're just the most perfect family despite the, you know, kind of, you know, affair.

• 6:08Speaker 03

  Perfect and perfect.

• 6:10Speaker 01

  You know, if a, if a, if a marriage doesn't survive an affair, is it even a marriage, in my opinion?

• 6:14Speaker 03

  They couldn't be more perfect now. They've gotten rid of Brooklyn after that selfie book finally. It took ages. They finally catch.

• 6:22Speaker 03

  That's why they're fighting.

• 6:23Speaker 01

  That is the meanest thing you've said.

• 6:26Speaker 03

  I actually, that's a joke because I actually don't mind Brooklyn and I.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  She's round back. She's seen what she's gone too far.

• 6:33Speaker 03

  Am I, have I gone in too deep? Okay. I don't care. I feel really sad after the weekend.

• 6:37Speaker 01

  She's recommitting.

• 6:37Speaker 03

  Taking it out on someone else.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  We know her so well.

• 6:44Speaker 03

  Victoria, don't hate me. Don't hate me, Victoria.

• 6:46Speaker 01

  Exactly. And the regret. Yeah. Send her some tan. Send her some tan.

• 6:51Speaker 03

  Will you send her a bag as well, please?

• 6:53Speaker 01

  I'll send her a bag. I'll send her a bag. She'd love one of my bags.

• 6:56Speaker 03

  She'd love one.

• 6:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:59Speaker 03

  Send Brooklyn one too, will you?

• 7:01Speaker 01

  She can put it inside her 20 grand bag. Put in my little 100 euro bag. So Cruz Beckham.

• 7:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:08Speaker 01

  Is, is, is starting a band, has started a band, is in a band. My facts are fudgy because I was just too shocked. And he posted a photo of himself outside the London, it's a Hammersmith Apollo with his band. And my name, because it was the, I was the runner three nights I was doing. So it has Jerome McNally. Sold out 16th, 18th of October in huge letters at the back. And he's like delighted to have opened for, and I was like, oh my God, did I black out Sack Road and hire Cruz Beckham? I was so confused.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  But it was just, he just did this dump as the kids do of this like collage of photos. And I just happened to be in the background of the first one. And then I, I went through the comments and David Beckham commented underneath going, congratulations Cruzy, like doing all your hard work. So David Beckham has seen my name. So I'm off to the Cotswolds for Christmas.

• 7:59Speaker 03

  Oh my God.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  I'm in the van.

• 8:02Speaker 03

  I, do you want to take, it's a lot more, I've said, I've actually said hello to David Beckham and I still haven't been invited to Christmas.

• 8:07Speaker 01

  Did he say hello back though?

• 8:09Speaker 03

  He actually said hello to me and I responded.

• 8:13Speaker 01

  Did he indeed?

• 8:14Speaker 03

  Yeah. In Barry's bootcamp. Yeah. Don't be a hater.

• 8:16Speaker 01

  He said in Barry's bootcamp.

• 8:18Speaker 03

  Yeah. Do you know what? I took a video off.

• 8:19Speaker 01

  I'll chat GPT if that happens, Joe.

• 8:22Speaker 03

  Talk, talk about, talk about me being bitchy. You know the way at the, at the Hammersmith Apollo, as soon as you finish, like remember we finished, I wanted to go outside, I, I get a picture of us, like the ghosted sign outside. And they'd taken everything down.

• 8:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:37Speaker 03

  When I was at your show, I got a video and I was like, Jesus Christ, well they robbed our graves quick. They were taking it down 20 minutes after you. And it's like, but no one's even on tomorrow. Like why do they do that so fast?

• 8:51Speaker 01

  Heavily unionised. Like it's, they want you out and gone. And also I remember I was the same when I did my first Apollo for Prosecco. I came out and as I, as I drove up in the car, Anastasia's name was up already. And I was like, wow. Yeah, they had the letters, they were taking the letters down. I was, I think I hadn't even popped the champagne. Yeah, I know.

• 9:14Speaker 03

  Oh my god, yeah, they, I couldn't believe it. I was standing outside.

• 9:17Speaker 01

  I wanted to DM Cruz as my new opener and go, come here, send your ma in, will you? Send your ma to the show, will you? We need to get her on side. I, I, I love her.

• 9:28Speaker 03

  I know, I really do love her and not just because I want her perfume.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  Did you see her new documentary?

• 9:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, but like, I thought she was amazing in David's documentary and I think she's just, she's always been a powerhouse. And I didn't know that she was like all musical theatre-y and everything. Like, she can dance and she can sing. Did you see her do the TikTok with Harper? I mean, she is a sick dancer.

• 9:50Speaker 01

  I fell asleep to the documentary. That is no shade on her. I was absolutely exhausted and I put it on to relax and her, her dulcet tones sent me off. We need to go back and watch it again. But she's finally admitting that she had an eating disorder, which I think was like, I hope this isn't the wrong thing to say, but it was, you know, quite visibly clear. Cause that's the thing with eating disorders, they're very visible. But I was like, of course you had a fucking eating disorder. You were a pop star in the noughties. Like, it was impossible to not have one, do you know what I mean? But I think she was, I'm glad that she's kind of airing it all. I loved it anyway. She's got great kids, hot husband, she's sound, power to her.

• 10:22Speaker 03

  Ten out of ten for the Beckhams.

• 10:24Speaker 01

  Now part of them, thrilled.

• 10:25Speaker 03

  Oh my god, imagine you actually did become friends with the Beckhams.

• 10:29Speaker 01

  I could see it. I mean, I could, I could see it. I, I could see it happening.

• 10:34Speaker 03

  Well, I will take your Beckhams and I will raise you.

• 10:37Speaker 01

  Ah! Are we, okay, go.

• 10:39Speaker 03

  I will raise you Kim Kardashian.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  This is huge news.

• 10:42Speaker 03

  My new best friend.

• 10:43Speaker 01

  This is huge.

• 10:44Speaker 03

  Wait, you're here, Jo. Jo, how much do I love Kim Kardashian? How much?

• 10:47Speaker 02

  It's an unhealthy obsession.

• 10:49Speaker 03

  Like, not normal? She, it was my mastermind subject, ten out of ten, obviously got all them right.

• 10:54Speaker 01

  I totally forgot she was your mastermind.

• 10:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know.

• 11:00Speaker 03

  Oh, I haven't met her yet. That happens tonight.

• 11:02Speaker 01

  Ah!

• 11:04Speaker 03

  She's a new show coming out on Disney Plus called All's Fair and the whole cast are coming over. And Chris is gonna be there. I can't.

• 11:13Speaker 01

  This is, this is the biggest thing that's ever happened to us, I would say.

• 11:16Speaker 03

  A hundred percent. And I'm hosting the red carpet and chat, like, I'm gonna touch her. I'm gonna touch her. Not like I touched you on Saturday.

• 11:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was gonna say, Vogue. Please, not when you're sexy.

• 11:29Speaker 03

  I'm gonna breathe her air.

• 11:30Speaker 01

  Not when your sexy touches.

• 11:33Speaker 03

  Oh, I wish.

• 11:34Speaker 01

  Just be appropriate with her, please.

• 11:36Speaker 03

  I'm so excited though, because I thought, who doesn't want to see a Kardashian up close? And I'm getting to see Kris, who has just come out and said she had that facelift with that guy. And I'm gonna ask her, Kris, what's the secret code?

• 11:48Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, because she, did you hear about this, Jo?

• 11:51Speaker 03

  Uh, no.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  You know the way Vogue likes to drop in a story with zero context?

• 11:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, all the time.

• 11:56Speaker 01

  She's a context-free zone, our Vogue. Basically, Kris Jenner had a very successful, very impressive facelift. And she named the surgeon because there was other surgeons coming out taking credit for it. So she came out and then said, look, this is who I actually, who did it. But she rang the doctor before and said, look, are you okay with me saying this publicly? Because she was like, he doesn't need the promo, like, he's booked and busy, you know? He's like, yeah, no, that's no problem. But what they did was they came up with the secret code word that if anyone rang to try and get an interview with him, or I'm supposed to say an audition, like a consultation with them.

• 12:32Speaker 03

  It's an audition at this stage.

• 12:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a tap dance on the other side if you'll fix her face.

• 12:37Speaker 03

  Please, please.

• 12:38Speaker 01

  But you've got to pick a pocket or two. He's like, no, you're a bitch, go home.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  Get your wigs and get out of here. I'm not fixing you. You have a head like a box of spanners. You stay there. But gave them a secret code word. And so if they are genuine friend of Kris Jenner's, if they have the code word, he'll give them a consultation. So Vogue's going in, we have her, we're gonna have you, we're gonna have you mic'd. We're gonna have a little secret camera on you.

• 13:04Speaker 03

  You're gonna wear a wire.

• 13:05Speaker 01

  We're gonna, she's gonna wear a wire. And I'm gonna be out in a van with a satellite dish out the front, waiting for this code word.

• 13:11Speaker 03

  Joanne, this is our private code word. I'm not recording this, you'll be lucky, you'll, listen, you'll have to reconsider your actions on Saturday, if you want that code word. For me? Of course I'd give you the code word. I'd never do something like that to you. I just wouldn't want to give it to everyone else.

• 13:27Speaker 01

  Imagine we both got facelifted and came out looking exactly like Kris Jenner. And we're like, what are you talking about? We didn't get the code.

• 13:32Speaker 03

  We haven't done a single thing. I don't know what you're on about.

• 13:38Speaker 01

  They're like, you look Armenian, what are you on about? A brace.

• 13:42Speaker 03

  Amazing.

• 13:42Speaker 01

  How dare you? You can't say that to me.

• 13:47Speaker 03

  Oh, God, stop.

• 13:49Speaker 01

  I'm so.

• 13:50Speaker 03

  There's loads of other people that I'm meeting, though. I'm meeting Nishi Nash, I'm meeting, I'm meeting Tiana Taylor. And if you, okay, I'm not obviously going to bring this up when I meet her because it's probably not the topic that I will ever talk about. But she is in Kanye West's video Fade.

• 14:06Speaker 03

  And oh, I have never seen a more perfect specimen, Tiana Taylor. Oh, she's just dancer. She basically, she, she's in the show with Kim and she basically choreographed for Beyonce when she was 15. Like, she created this routine for Beyonce and she's been going, she's just this, like, phenomenon of a person. And I watched her in the, because I didn't know it was her. And then I was obviously deep diving everyone because I'm interviewing them today. And I watched her in that, in that music video and I was just like.

• 14:35Speaker 01

  Is it not kind of weird for Kim to be working with somebody who worked with Kanye? Was this years ago?

• 14:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I think that, like, I'd say Kim is bigger than that, first of all. And I would say that there's too many people that would have worked with Kanye. You can't not work with everybody you don't like.

• 14:50Speaker 01

  Fair, no, that's fair, that's fair.

• 14:52Speaker 03

  Watch the video of her in, anyone listening, listeners, please watch that video. Like, you'll die. You'll feel like her body just doesn't even look like a real body. Oh, yeah. She's just amazing. I know. Swine. So I'm hoping that I meet them first so they can, like, ease me in. If I get, if Kim comes first, like, I'm just not going to be able to swallow or anything, you know, that way.

• 15:25Speaker 03

  I want to have fun with them. I have to stick to movie questions, but I also want to ask other questions. But it was her birthday yesterday, so I've got that to go on, you know, just to be like, Natch.

• 15:34Speaker 01

  This is mega.

• 15:41Speaker 01

  Word on the street is, and I say word on the street, I mean, facts on the internet say, that she is like tiny, like five foot, five two, five one.

• 15:50Speaker 03

  I know, but I can't wear a kitten heel.

• 15:52Speaker 01

  You have to, Vogue, you can't wear heels.

• 15:54Speaker 03

  Joanne, I have to wear heels. I'm not not wearing heels.

• 15:58Speaker 01

  You're gonna have to go in pumps. If you wanna be friend with her, you're gonna have to go in pumps.

• 16:03Speaker 03

  She won't be my friend if I'm in pumps, and she won't be my friend if the heels do I, but I don't think she likes a kitten heel either. I'm gonna have to go somewhere in between. I'm not going in a pump, Joanne. Me, I'm wearing a suit. I'll literally look like a bloke. I'm not wearing a pump.

• 16:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, I wonder what she's gonna wear. Is she gonna go dressed in her black plastic bags? Or what's she gonna, is she gonna go high fat? And that show looks amazing, by the way. I saw an advert, it looks fucking savage.

• 16:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know, it does look really good. She's gonna be wearing, I've seen what she's worn. They're all wearing these like gorgeous, stunning dresses, but like there's no point in even trying to compete or do anything of the sort. I've just gone black suit, like really gorgeous, structured black suit. I'm not gonna try and like outwear them because it's never gonna happen.

• 16:47Speaker 01

  Stunning. Yeah, I do think sometimes black is best. I think sometimes you're dead right. Go demure, go discreet and go, you just, and just accept, you're like, okay, I'm not gonna try and style them. I'm not gonna try and out style. And you're interviewing, you know, you're the Louis Theroux of the day. Louis Theroux doesn't go OTT.

• 17:05Speaker 03

  Louis Theroux. I am going in for a gloss in my hair, but hardly before, because he said Kim Kardashian likes glossy hair. So get in early, we'll do a gloss. I'm doing as much as I can to better myself.

• 17:15Speaker 01

  Just don't be, just, just don't be weird, okay? Because we would, we would love her in the gang. So just be cool, be chill.

• 17:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I can't tell her then how much I love her.

• 17:23Speaker 01

  No.

• 17:24Speaker 03

  Does he know how much I love her?

• 17:26Speaker 01

  Ignore her.

• 17:27Speaker 03

  Does he know?

• 17:28Speaker 01

  Ignore her. That's my advice.

• 17:30Speaker 03

  She'll just come up on stage. I'll just put my back down.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, make her really work for it. That's the best way. Treat her like a lad.

• 17:39Speaker 03

  Start tipping me on the shoulder, I'd be like.

• 17:43Speaker 01

  You'd be like, get over me.

• 17:46Speaker 03

  Just walk by her and go, hi, Tiana.

• 17:50Speaker 01

  Go full Mariah on her ass.

• 17:56Speaker 03

  Oh, here he is.

• 17:57Speaker 01

  There he is.

• 17:58Speaker 03

  Who are you on the phone to? Just out of interest. You can beep it out.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  Uh, the vet.

• 18:03Speaker 03

  Oh, no. Not another one. Not another one.

• 18:05Speaker 01

  You getting your shots?

• 18:07Speaker 03

  Is the dog okay?

• 18:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's okay. He's hurt his back, so he's in a cage and he's not allowed out of the cage and he's very sad.

• 18:14Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 18:15Speaker 01

  You have a dog?

• 18:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:17Speaker 02

  I've had a dog for all of the years I've known you.

• 18:21Speaker 01

  I've never seen a dog.

• 18:23Speaker 02

  All right, okay. Well, then I made it.

• 18:25Speaker 01

  You're so weird the way you make shit up.

• 18:27Speaker 03

  That wasn't, that wasn't the best. Well, one of my kids has finally paid an interest into the fact that Winnie's no longer here. Otto was sitting on the ground saying, he goes, where's Winnie? And I'm like, not here.

• 18:38Speaker 01

  Oh, no. That got, that's a good sign. That means he's like emotionally resilient. You don't, you don't, you won't have to worry about him. He's.

• 18:46Speaker 03

  It's three weeks and a day. It's three weeks and a day and he's finally mentioned it.

• 18:50Speaker 01

  He's in, he's in arid of those psychopathic tendencies his father loves to go on about.

• 18:57Speaker 03

  I have to hear about psychopaths anymore, honestly. Do you know what? There's loads of them though. There is loads of them.

• 19:02Speaker 01

  I know, there is loads of them. Now, I can't compete with Kim Kardashian.

• 19:08Speaker 03

  Neither can I. Like, I mean, it's the pinnacle of my career. I'm, I'm just giving up after this.

• 19:12Speaker 01

  It's a highlight. Yeah. That's.

• 19:15Speaker 03

  There's nothing left.

• 19:16Speaker 01

  There's nothing left. You've earned a year of a, a good, long nap after that now.

• 19:21Speaker 03

  Listen, it's the best day of my life, including when I gave birth to my children.

• 19:25Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, that hasn't even happened yet. I'm so excited.

• 19:30Speaker 03

  I can't wait to tell yous.

• 19:31Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, I can't wait for the scoop. I was set, Jo, you were, you were off taking your imaginary phone call, but I was saying to Vogue, that she needs to be chill with Kim and not like be O T T, just be like chill.

• 19:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm sure that'll be really easy for her to achieve. I'm sure she'll.

• 19:46Speaker 03

  I'm ignoring, we've decided I'll just ignore her completely.

• 19:49Speaker 01

  You just burn her.

• 19:50Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:50Speaker 01

  Burn her.

• 19:51Speaker 02

  She'll come to you.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what I think.

• 19:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:54Speaker 03

  Even when I sidestep her and go to like Glenn Close or something.

• 19:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, just.

• 19:58Speaker 03

  Glenn, I love you as Cruella.

• 20:00Speaker 02

  Just trust, trust.

• 20:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, call her Chloe or something, really fuck with her ass, yeah.

• 20:06Speaker 03

  Kim, it's lovely to meet you. I really was waiting for Chris.

• 20:11Speaker 01

  Well, I'm at work at the moment, as you know, because I haven't stopped talking about it. Oh, by the way, as we're talking about the Apollo's,

• 20:17Speaker 03

  Ten.

• 20:18Speaker 01

  I do want to, I do want to say here, because I have added two extra Apollo's, February 5th and 6th, just, I feel I should be allowed to use this as a platform to plug those Apollo's.

• 20:29Speaker 03

  I'm not going to lie, I'm probably going to go to both.

• 20:31Speaker 01

  Good.

• 20:32Speaker 03

  It was, it's your.

• 20:33Speaker 02

  At least one of them.

• 20:34Speaker 01

  Thank you, Jo. Bring the dog.

• 20:36Speaker 03

  At least one.

• 20:37Speaker 02

  Cool, the imaginary dog.

• 20:38Speaker 01

  I'd like a proof of life, because I think you're full of shit.

• 20:45Speaker 01

  Bring him out on stage. So, anyway, something fantastic happened to me recently on tour. So, I was gigging in York and then came off stage after and I heard through the grapevine there was a man removed from the stalls for having a go of himself.

• 21:04Speaker 03

  I saw, I saw the video.

• 21:07Speaker 01

  I sent both of them. I said, I have footage. It's, now, obviously, I was thrilled because, as we know, I am quite hostile. Like, I'm, you know, we've always said that the job, the shows, they're a little bit of a cock block. And I find it just stands in the way of me romantic, exactly. So when I heard he was having a go of himself, I was like, still got it, et cetera, et cetera. I was like, oh my God, what is it? Is it, like, is it, like, what are the levels here? Is he hot? Is he single? Is he wearing a ring? Blah, blah, blah. Then, one of the girls.

• 21:39Speaker 03

  He's wanking in public. Why would you care if he's, if he's hotter than us?

• 21:46Speaker 01

  Vogue, do you know how hard it is for me trying to meet men in this industry?

• 21:52Speaker 03

  Is he wearing a ring?

• 21:58Speaker 02

  Is he eligible?

• 22:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. What's he working, what's he doing? Is he booked and busy? Has he got kids? Is he co-parenting? What's his vibe?

• 22:07Speaker 03

  Does he flash on the side?

• 22:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. What was he wearing? He was wearing a waistcoat, quite demure. I was like, was he an usher? They're like, no. I was like, okay, okay. So, there I was, trying to get to the bottom of my new relationship. And then, one of the, one of the women who was at the show messaged me going, there was a lad removed from the stalls for wanking. I said, I heard. Humble brag. Blushy emoji. And she said.

• 22:33Speaker 02

  Fuck's sake.

• 22:34Speaker 01

  Peace sign. And I said, she said, we have a video and I said, send it to me, stat. So I'd heard his girlfriend was with him. I was hearing differing stories. So then she sent me the video and Vogue has seen it. It was, it wasn't as complimentary as I thought it was gonna be. It was a li, it was more, it was a rub. He looked like he was asleep. He looked, I thought he was kind of risking a danger wank because he couldn't control himself at my physical comedy and my glutes and my dulcet tones. But it was more like he was bored and passed out and then was just kind of self-soothing. Like, like a kind of, like the way I suck my thumb when I'm tired. It was more, he was just kind of rubbing. It was a rubbing.

• 23:20Speaker 03

  It was a rub.

• 23:21Speaker 01

  Keep it going for later. It felt like maybe he had a date later on. He was trying to keep it lit. It's cold outside. Kind of jumpstart.

• 23:27Speaker 03

  I feel like he wanted to have like a halfie. So he looked like he had, he was packing, you know?

• 23:31Speaker 01

  It sounded like maybe he had a plan for later on. It sounded like it wasn't really about me. And then he was asked to, he was, he was removed and he just went, which I thought was also insulting. I was like, you could, you know, you could fight for me, you know, fight. I'm still on stage. You haven't finished. You're not even hard yet.

• 23:53Speaker 01

  Do you know, that's a little lazy. So what started as a, as a giant compliment became quite insulting at the end. Ipso facto, I was disappointed by a man at my own show.

• 24:04Speaker 03

  I think it would be the most embarrassing thing in the world to get thrown out for doing something like that. Like you just don't want to be the creep and that's the creep. You can't be the creep.

• 24:11Speaker 01

  I sat in my DMs waiting to hear from this man and nothing, nothing.

• 24:18Speaker 03

  Well, I'll tell you what.

• 24:20Speaker 01

  He's intimidated.

• 24:23Speaker 03

  I nearly fell out of bed the other day. A, a man, quite a good looking man, DM'd me off the back of Joanne's show and said, hook a brother up. I nearly fell out of the bed. I was like, did he watch the show or has he reposted from someone else? No, no, no. He had taken the picture himself.

• 24:40Speaker 01

  Me and Vabre in shock. I actually said to Vogue, did he stay till the end? We could not figure out why he was asking to meet me. I just feel this.

• 24:49Speaker 03

  It's amazing. I have a new energy about me. I'm telling you.

• 24:52Speaker 02

  I'm not trying to be awful, but we absolutely a hundred percent sure he meant you and not Grode.

• 24:58Speaker 03

  Hundred percent.

• 24:59Speaker 01

  Joe, when your mom was wanking at the stalls, me and Garode were holding hands going, who was on? Who was on? Who was on? Yeah, who was at four?

• 25:09Speaker 03

  Garode did have that sparkly vest on and I saw a nipple. I saw a nipple.

• 25:13Speaker 01

  He's got the nips out, yeah. He does. He's, Garode in fairness, he's got a Leicester Square Theatre show to plug, so he's, you should go. Like, he's fucking savage.

• 25:21Speaker 03

  He was very funny, oh my god.

• 25:23Speaker 01

  We should go to that together as a team line out.

• 25:26Speaker 03

  We will. We've been going on about this team line out for ages, guys. I'm gonna be pregnant on my fifth child by the time we get through this.

• 25:31Speaker 01

  Obviously, I can't go to Garode's show. I can't listen to his material anymore. I've heard it too much, but you guys should go.

• 25:38Speaker 01

  You go, you go. Have a good time.

• 25:46Speaker 03

  It's very exciting when Joanne's gonna bring something up and you're like, oh, are we gonna be able to keep this or no?

• 25:54Speaker 01

  Oh, we'll keep this.

• 25:59Speaker 03

  Did you know I'm a tech genius now? Did Joe tell you? Not only have I set up my new phone alone, did the whole thing on my own. Took seven hours, by the way. This bullshit of things just transfer over like that, doesn't happen. Seven hours, Joe, that took. I had to leave it overnight. And then Joe forced me to buy a new laptop because he doesn't care about money.

• 26:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:17Speaker 03

  And...

• 26:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:21Speaker 03

  And I got a new laptop, left it sitting there for two weeks. I wasn't seeing you losers for two weeks. And then I was setting it up last night. Five hours. So all this bullshit about Apple saying, yeah, it just transfers over. No, it doesn't.

• 26:34Speaker 01

  It's a nightmare.

• 26:35Speaker 03

  Between five to seven hours.

• 26:36Speaker 01

  When I get a new phone, I have to cut family and friends out of my life because I'm like, you don't exist to me anymore. I can't transfer your number over. I don't know how to contact you anymore. Goodbye and good luck. Good luck on your journey. I hope to bump into you at a family funeral.

• 26:48Speaker 03

  At some stage. I did the whole thing and I'm considering getting a job in Apple on the side because I couldn't believe how good I was at it. We did it. I had a meltdown this morning.

• 26:57Speaker 02

  Call me and have a breakdown five minutes.

• 26:59Speaker 03

  That was about the email. That was about the email because I don't know my password.

• 27:03Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's impossible. Yeah. I was on to Lauren the other day. I was like, how can I access my Dropbox? And she was like, uh, with your email and password. And I was like, what's my email and password? Because I've different ones, you know?

• 27:18Speaker 03

  Yes. And it's always like, oh, there's a security leak on this. I'm like, oh, for fuck's

• 27:22Speaker 01

  Care.

• 27:23Speaker 03

  Yeah. Just take it.

• 27:25Speaker 01

  It's like, oh, your password has appeared in a security leak. Good. Send it to me. What is it? I'd like to see it, please.

• 27:32Speaker 03

  I just get on to Neil Wilson. I'm like, Neil Wilson, if I need my birth certificate, Neil Wilson, if I need anything, he's got my marriage shirts, both of them.

• 27:40Speaker 01

  Stop showing off that you have a dad, Vogue. Frankly, just.

• 27:44Speaker 03

  Well, you want to talk to, you want to talk to Pat Sanders or whatever at the back?

• 27:47Speaker 01

  I know. It's like Pat, she's probably stepped dad in there in the last, the last hurrah. She doesn't seem up for it. So, did you read the story about the young Scottish girl who faked a pregnancy and a baby?

• 28:00Speaker 03

  Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Only because you send it to me, weirdo.

• 28:05Speaker 01

  It's everywhere.

• 28:07Speaker 01

  And it's right up our alley.

• 28:10Speaker 03

  It's pretty bizarre.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  A woman tricked her boyfriend and her own family into believing she was pregnant, held a gender reveal party, which is probably the maddest thing about the whole fucking thing. And then pretended to have given birth to Bonnie Lee earlier this month, but days later, when people started asking questions about the fact that they're like, the baby hasn't moved or the baby looks a bit cold. She's like, oh, it's dead.

• 28:34Speaker 03

  Oh. Did you see it, Joe? Are you Googling it?

• 28:37Speaker 02

  No, I'm hearing this for the first time.

• 28:39Speaker 01

  It's like Googled it. It's like an AliExpress doll. It's like, no, in fairness, it does.

• 28:43Speaker 03

  That was a decent looking doll.

• 28:45Speaker 01

  It was, but at what point, like, imagine that thing going to college. They're like, I don't want to talk about the fact that, I don't, I don't, you don't accuse a child of having developmental issues, but, you know, how can it start a job in marketing? It hasn't grown. It's still three months out. Do you know, at what point was she going to be like, this isn't, there was no long-term strategy here.

• 29:05Speaker 03

  I feel like she has got, obviously got some serious problems there, but those dolls, I mean, it was an accident waiting to happen because I was in Heathrow Airport once and there was a child, she couldn't have been more than nine, dragging around one of those dolls and she banged its head off the side of a thing and I was like, what? And then the dad, yeah, and then the dad was like, oh no, that's a doll, it's not a real baby. But honestly, it was so lifelike. I actually thought, first of all, I was like, is that baby dead? And then she banged its head and I was like, oh god, it didn't move. And then the dad was like, it's not a real baby. I swear to god, this was, this was about six months ago. It was actually a friend of mine's cousin in the end. He was like, I know, blah, blah,

• 29:40Speaker 01

  blah. Was she in training?

• 29:42Speaker 03

  No, I used to go around with a dolly all the time. I used to have a baby born Sophie. They were all called Sophie, Ross and her new Sophie. It was just a dolly that she was bringing around, but it was so, like that one in Glasgow, so lifelike that it was like, it could pass.

• 29:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, she got away with it for a little bit, but I think the conversation about the child not hitting its milestones was going to come down the road. So I guess she was always planning on kind of un-aliving it out of her life. I don't know. Having a gender reveal party for a baby that doesn't exist, that's like having an Easter egg, couldn't have no Easter eggs at the end. It's so cruel and mean. I didn't even watch, I didn't even know the gender. Plus, gender isn't even a thing anymore, folk. I don't even know the gender of your kids. Who cares?

• 30:23Speaker 03

  Listen, she was just watching the party. She's looking for a bit of attention. And that does sound like something I would have done back in the day. I used to go around with platters on my head and no cuts.

• 30:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's an Instagram pregnancy. She's gotten locked in to the kind of the attention that comes with it. But I was delighted to know, because sometimes you look at relationships and you're like, oh god, they're obviously having loads of sex. It was nice for me to know that a woman in a relationship got away with a nine month fake pregnancy. Because no one's riding. That was nice for me to know. You know, even in relationships, no one's riding. That was, that was encouraging for me to know.

• 30:50Speaker 03

  She was, she was in the relationship the whole time and he didn't even know.

• 30:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:55Speaker 03

  I'm sure he wasn't in on it.

• 30:57Speaker 01

  No.

• 30:58Speaker 03

  Oh my god, weird.

• 30:59Speaker 01

  Well, I'll tell you this much.

• 31:00Speaker 03

  How did you come back from that?

• 31:01Speaker 01

  You can't. God love her. I think she's gone into hiding. So everyone's going mad about the fake baby. The main reason being because everyone bought her presents. So someone bought her a buggy for a grand. Someone gave her £500. Someone gave... Yeah, loads of people gave her money because she was pregnant. But I know, knowing that this could happen, I am now no longer going to give any babies presents. And Vogue, your next pregnancy, if you get pregnant again, I'm going to be... Your gender reveal party, you're going to bring a pair of stirrups and an ultrasound machine and be like, unless I see... Hop into the stirrup, Vogue, unless I see proof that there's a baby in there, you're not getting anything. And don't, and do not come back now and say, I don't give your kids presents. I do. Just never around occasions. I just sporadically give them.

• 31:44Speaker 03

  Only, only real ones. Well, I'll tell you what, Joanne, I'll be... I'm really excited that you've said you're going to throw a gender reveal party because I am... I've only ever had one baby shower and I don't know if you've noticed, but there's actually three children that live in this house. So I'm owed two.

• 31:57Speaker 01

  I'm happy to throw you one if you're happy to get into the stirrups for proof.

• 32:01Speaker 03

  I'd love to get into... Babe, I'd love to get into the stirrups for you.

• 32:05Speaker 01

  You'd love to get into the stirrups. You would, yeah. I'll wear the tracksuit.

• 32:09Speaker 02

  She's lowered you in. See how she did it?

• 32:11Speaker 03

  Don't wash it.

• 32:13Speaker 01

  She always gets what she wants in the end. She always gets what she wants in the end.

• 32:18Speaker 03

  I feel like a creep.

• 32:21Speaker 01

  Imagine trying to get her into school. They're like, we can't really take her on a count of her being wooden. Maybe try the school down the road.

• 32:29Speaker 03

  Sorry, this is the Catholic school, actually, and you have not been practising at our church. She can't come in.

• 32:34Speaker 01

  She's wooden. We've spoken to the department and after some consideration, we've sadly cannot enrol your child on the fact that she's plastic. But thank you.

• 32:44Speaker 03

  Not a...

• 32:44Speaker 01

  For your interest.

• 32:45Speaker 03

  Thanks for considering us, yes.

• 32:49Speaker 03

  I bet you could get her into a private school, though. Maybe like, yeah, we'll take anyone.

• 32:57Speaker 01

  She's going to eat.

• 33:05Speaker 01

  I hope she goes to Mallory Towers. Is that a real school or a fake one?

• 33:09Speaker 03

  Mallory Towers? Where is that?

• 33:10Speaker 01

  They were the books. They were the books about the boarding school. Do you remember?

• 33:15Speaker 01

  Mallory. Remember the books about the, and everyone wanted to go to boarding school because they read Mallory Towers?

• 33:21Speaker 01

  Joe?

• 33:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think that it looks like it's fictional, I think.

• 33:24Speaker 01

  Oh, grand. Fine, fine, fine. I've got, I've done that thing where I've confused the whole world with fantasy then.

• 33:29Speaker 02

  Enid Blyton.

• 33:30Speaker 01

  Enid Blyton.

• 33:30Speaker 03

  Enid Blyton.

• 33:31Speaker 01

  So I didn't go to Mallory Towers. Is that what you're saying?

• 33:34Speaker 03

  You've never been there.

• 33:36Speaker 02

  I'd say probably not.

• 33:37Speaker 01

  I should take it off my CV then.

• 33:39Speaker 03

  You went to Loretto Fox Rock, my friend.

• 33:41Speaker 01

  I went to Loretto.

• 33:42Speaker 03

  I went to Loretto Dorky. Oh, Loretto Dorky, sorry. Oh my goodness.

• 33:49Speaker 03

  Because I'm meeting Kim, um, obviously, like I've loads of skims anyway. Not just saying that, I've loads of skims.

• 33:54Speaker 01

  Do you? I've no skims. I've no skims.

• 33:56Speaker 03

  Oh, they're so soft. They are soft. They're not cheap either, though. I paid 20 quid for a pair of knickers, but they're the most comfortable knickers ever. Anyway, so I bought new skims for the occasion and I bought the Nike skims, which I'm wearing now, just to show you that I'm not lying. Nike skims.

• 34:10Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 34:11Speaker 03

  Um, because I want to show her that I like, love her so much.

• 34:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, I want to show her my knickers.

• 34:17Speaker 01

  This is the opposite of what we said about playing a girl.

• 34:20Speaker 03

  I just want to show her my knickers. She's a knicker girl, okay? And then I spotted the new Pube knickers and I thought, they would be much more appropriate, wouldn't they?

• 34:29Speaker 01

  I'm assuming it's a pure stunt. So again, I'll give context, Joe. So.

• 34:34Speaker 03

  I don't, I actually on purpose don't give context because I know that you're going to do it for me.

• 34:38Speaker 02

  We, we have a dynamic now.

• 34:40Speaker 03

  I just think that, I read the emails, Joanne, okay? You do the context.

• 34:45Speaker 01

  And I explain the topics, yeah.

• 34:46Speaker 02

  We have our roles.

• 34:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:47Speaker 03

  I kind of just assume that everyone's in my mind so that they know. They're like, oh yeah, I know what you're talking about.

• 34:56Speaker 01

  Kim has brought out a line of merkins.

• 35:02Speaker 03

  Is that what she's calling them, merkins?

• 35:03Speaker 01

  Pube knickers. Well, that's what they're called, merkins.

• 35:07Speaker 03

  The word pube is so awful.

• 35:09Speaker 01

  The term merkin is likely a blend of the old world malkin, a derogatory term for a lower class woman, and mar- marrikin, a diminutive of the name Mary, according to the online et- etymology, a directionary.

• 35:24Speaker 03

  Jesus Christ. I still don't know what that means.

• 35:30Speaker 03

  Was that the explanation?

• 35:31Speaker 01

  Dictionary and Wikipedia, early use of the word, which appeared in 1617, was likely associated with the lower class classes. Wow, what's happening?

• 35:40Speaker 03

  I do the reading. I do the reading, remember?

• 35:43Speaker 01

  I'm a terrible English.

• 35:44Speaker 03

  Reader explainer.

• 35:46Speaker 01

  Do you know, I was, the other day I was trying to write down spaghetti bolognese. And when I say it took me nine, nine attempts. And I was like, because you don't write as much now anymore, your spelling does suffer, doesn't it?

• 36:00Speaker 02

  I couldn't spell bolognese if you gave me 10, 10 years in a row.

• 36:03Speaker 01

  And spaghetti's tough enough as well.

• 36:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, it is.

• 36:05Speaker 03

  Spaghetti. The only thing I can't spell is jewellery, so I call it all jewels. I'm like, do you have any jewels?

• 36:10Speaker 01

  Jewellery's hard, yeah. I still get dessert and desert. I'm still a victim of that.

• 36:16Speaker 02

  Broccoli is a hard one.

• 36:17Speaker 03

  Guys, it's like I'm back in school.

• 36:19Speaker 01

  I've never struggled with broccoli.

• 36:20Speaker 03

  Broccoli, for God's sake.

• 36:22Speaker 01

  B O C C I.

• 36:26Speaker 03

  Joe, spell car.

• 36:27Speaker 02

  I can't do that.

• 36:28Speaker 03

  Spell car.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  How dare you? I'm highly educated. Now, I'm off to read my book, The Cat and the Mat, for the afternoon.

• 36:40Speaker 01

  Do not interrupt me, please. It'll take me all day.

• 36:53Speaker 03

  You could say we missed each other.

• 36:54Speaker 01

  We did miss each other, didn't we?

• 36:56Speaker 03

  We did.

• 36:56Speaker 01

  Did we miss, no?

• 36:57Speaker 03

  Well, we probably missed Joe, but we've seen each other, so.

• 37:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, but.

• 37:10Speaker 03

  I'm back at school, though, because the kids. So like, I'm relearning with them for their homework. I can do Gigi's homework, all right. It's teas. I'm struggling with a bit the maths now.

• 37:19Speaker 01

  I'd find the maths.

• 37:20Speaker 03

  Not even joking.

• 37:22Speaker 01

  I saw a meme the other day and it was like, we don't talk enough about the trauma of a parent sitting late into the night with their child, trying to teach them maths. And when I say, my father, God rest his soul, I'd say I took years off that man. I'd say he could have lived another 10 if he hadn't had to try and teach me maths. It was into the late, into the, and everything, the house was dark, everyone was asleep and there was just like one light over the kitchen table.

• 37:45Speaker 03

  It's just you crying.

• 37:46Speaker 01

  It's like Guantanamo Bay.

• 37:47Speaker 03

  Everybody had that. Neil used to take me back to basics. So like, if I couldn't do like one sum of something, I remember he sat me down and made me go through all the times tables for about three hours until I learnt them all perfectly. And then I was allowed to go back and do the one sum. I was like, Neil, you don't do it like that over here.

• 38:07Speaker 01

  It's hell. It's just hell. Anyway, the Merkin.

• 38:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, the Merkin. Whatever that might be. Yeah. Yeah, so I was planning on wearing it and I'm wearing a suit, so should I wear it?

• 38:20Speaker 03

  Well, I don't know, but should I wear it over my suit or under my suit? Or under my suit with the zip open?

• 38:25Speaker 01

  Good question.

• 38:26Speaker 03

  Or over the suit?

• 38:30Speaker 01

  Good question. I'm gonna say over. Get it out of the way.

• 38:37Speaker 03

  Over, go full, full out there.

• 38:39Speaker 01

  Establish. Establish yourself early on that you're insane. I think that's the way to go.

• 38:46Speaker 03

  Hmm, approachable. I would be approachable.

• 38:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, and then kind of start fiddling with it gently as she speaks.

• 38:53Speaker 03

  Can I also say, if pubes are bad, what are we going to do?

• 38:57Speaker 01

  Stop, I'm going to Turkey.

• 38:59Speaker 03

  What are we going to do? We'll have to, you and I, we'll have to go to Turkey. What the hell? I never really saw that turnaround coming.

• 39:08Speaker 01

  I laid everything off because they told me hair on women was disgusting and I believed them and I didn't know, I did not foresee the trend coming back. This is what, this is the, this is the important message. Everything comes back into fashion eventually.

• 39:20Speaker 03

  It does, but I just didn't foresee pubes coming back. Honestly, I really did not.

• 39:24Speaker 01

  No one did. No one saw it coming. No one saw it coming. And now it's like, we're all going to be off to Turkey to get turkey teeth and a decent amount of pubic hair. I used to do it in stand-up that I'm so bad at making arrangements, I'll come back with teeth in my vagina.

• 39:40Speaker 01

  I'm confused. I'm angel getting veneers in my vagina. Yeah. Just to add to my woes.

• 39:46Speaker 03

  That's really going to have them running, Edwina.

• 39:50Speaker 01

  Snapping at them.

• 39:53Speaker 03

  Oh, Jesus.

• 39:58Speaker 01

  Is there anything more terrifying than the image of teeth in a vagina?

• 40:02Speaker 03

  It's like, you know that crocodile game.

• 40:04Speaker 01

  I'm flossing.

• 40:12Speaker 03

  Oh, God. Well, on that note, thank you.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  Oh, you're finishing up for on behalf of us all again, Vogue?

• 40:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, Vogue's calling it. That's it.

• 40:21Speaker 03

  I thought it was a great, great house.

• 40:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:25Speaker 03

  It's not masturbating, it's flossing. There's no better house. I wouldn't care if we were at nine minutes, that would be the house.

• 40:33Speaker 03

  We can't go anywhere on this.

• 40:34Speaker 01

  She's too excited about meeting Kim. She doesn't care about us anymore, Jo. Risk gone.

• 40:38Speaker 03

  Stop bringing it up, I'm going to sweat.

• 40:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:41Speaker 03

  You guys are meaningless to me now.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  Is it, what's the crack? Is it like, are we going to see content earlier? John, is it a secret? Are you signing NDAs?

• 40:50Speaker 03

  Well, I'm not allowed to say anything about anything until I think when the show comes out, which is the 4th of November, I think. There's, I think they're releasing four eps and then they release weekly. They suck you in with the three. And, but also I got sent previews of the Kardashians. So you can only imagine how the new Kardashians, how happy I've been this week. It's really, it's just, well, I haven't been happy. I actually haven't been happy at all because of my birthday party.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  Why?

• 41:18Speaker 03

  I've been in, in the deepest, darkest hole because I'm not able to drink and I won't have it anymore. Everyone's making me drink all the time. It's not good for my mental health and that's the new line.

• 41:28Speaker 01

  And as we and Joe said, it's not good for our mental health, listening to you talk about your mental health. So we're, we're, we're in full favour of you giving up the biz.

• 41:35Speaker 03

  There's been a lot, a lot of tears and I, and I decided then on Sunday, I was like, that's it. And if anyone says to me, oh, go on, have a drink. I'll say, do you know what? No, because it's really bad for my mental health. I'm pulling out the mental health card because it's trying.

• 41:48Speaker 01

  Yeah. Go full Gen Z on it. I agree. Develop an allergy. Go hard.

• 41:54Speaker 03

  That's absolutely it. That's absolutely it. I'm allergic to it and it's bad for my mental health. You can't really argue with any of this.

• 42:01Speaker 01

  You're raising awareness for wellness.

• 42:07Speaker 03

  Thank you so much, everyone, for listening. That was My Therapist Goes With Me. And remember, always floss.

• 42:11Speaker 01

  Always. Whatever that means to you.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  Speaking of which, Joe, do you not have a lot of sex toys that were sent in by a PR company that are still in your locker?

• 42:24Speaker 02

  That I have two sets of sex toys now. So I have one bag and then I have another whole bag. I have two bags.

• 42:31Speaker 01

  And they sent me in, as, as, um, uh, what's it called? Lubricant that costs 70 pounds allegedly. So I'll be using that as-

• 42:38Speaker 02

  I haven't been through it forensically.

• 42:39Speaker 01

  I'll be using that as a body cream, as an under eye cream, because I'm not wasting that on a ride.

• 42:46Speaker 03

  Here, maybe I'll have a couple of sex toys. Actually, you don't need them all, John. Come on. There's like 17 there now.

• 42:51Speaker 01

  You don't need a sex toy. You have a husband. He's the sex toy.

• 42:55Speaker 03

  I do actually. Well, sometimes you want to do it on your own, don't you?