Pod Insights My Therapist Ghosted Me Austin Butler, Cardi B & Dream Catchers About this episode Cardi B, the meme sensation, has just won her court case - so the girls chime in. Plus they decide its time to get a dream catcher for their wild dreams about Gemma Collins and Salma Hayek.
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1:38 Speaker 02 Before we begin, we are down one Joe Attiwell. He's had the audacity, the knack and the gall to go on holidays with his family.
1:47 Speaker 03 Now that he's not here, let's just put it the way it is. He's always on holiday.
1:52 Speaker 02 He's always on holidays. First time he's ever brought away two babies. He's got two babies under, what are they, both under?
2:00 Speaker 03 Under three.
2:01 Speaker 02 Three. So I don't, look, I don't know. I am as yet unfertilised, but I'm imagining that's going to be quite stressful. So.
2:10 Speaker 03 I did tell him it wouldn't be so much a holiday, more of a moving the problem to a warmer place.
2:16 Speaker 02 Yes, kind of herding, as it were.
2:19 Speaker 03 Yeah.
2:19 Speaker 02 Yeah. Well, also, we should, we should test him to see if he listens outside of his mandatory contractual hours.
2:26 Speaker 03 Yes.
2:27 Speaker 02 He said he does. We don't believe him. And nor should he. Why would he? Like, you always say about, you're always dying to go on your holidays and get away from me and Joe. He wants to get away from me and you. And good luck.
2:36 Speaker 03 He just doesn't, yeah, he just doesn't admit it. Sorry, I'm putting on a big jacket. Come here to me. I, speaking of holidays, I found myself, I had to check myself. You know, the way you're like, they're just jealous. They're just jealous. I was the jealous one. So someone would show me pictures of their holidays and in my head I was like, another holiday.
2:57 Speaker 02 You were judging them?
3:00 Speaker 02 You're judging them, yeah.
3:01 Speaker 03 And I was like, you jealous bitch?
3:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
3:04 Speaker 03 You are just jealous.
3:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, but you've, you've done, you've done the work. So you know what it is now. Do you know what I mean? You've done the work on yourself and you realise, you're like, oh, I'm projecting this person has something I want.
3:15 Speaker 03 Mmm.
3:16 Speaker 02 The internet's an amazing place to be a lot of the time. There's a lot of shit in there as well. It can be a very depressing place to be. But I do believe that Instagram can bring out the absolute worst in people. I really do.
3:27 Speaker 03 It does. And do you know what? It really does. But I do, I like it. But I, I limit myself to half an hour at night. Now, when I say that, that's just my night scrolling. I'm not saying I don't look at my phone for the entire rest of the day.
3:39 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when your batteries run out and your, your thumb's in bits and it's in a sling from scrolling throughout the day. You give yourself half an hour in the evening and you think you're the Dalai Lama. I do the same.
3:50 Speaker 03 Oh, I meant to say to you, so I've been talking. Sorry, I have to take the jacket off again. It's actually.
3:55 Speaker 02 Why did you, why did you put it on? You just threw on a raincoat there.
3:59 Speaker 03 Because it looks really cool. And then I was like, I'll record in the raincoat. And then I was like, I certainly will not. I'll be dripping by the time.
4:06 Speaker 02 I look like shit today, so I'm really, I'd be really happy if we could pixelate out my face for this and you can, so you put the raincoat on if you feel it's gonna draw attention away from me. But I was, I was gonna buy this thing called Brick on the internet, which is, it blocks all, it's always been sold to me on the gram, which is ironic because I'm trying to get off Instagram. So I bought this off Instagram and it kind of locks down your apps and stuff. And then an Irish company got in touch to say, don't get Brick, get Kip, which is their thing. And obviously, we'd like to support, you know, we buy Irish when we can. So I'm gonna set that up when I got my next time I'm back in London, because I left it in the flat. And then it locks down.
4:42 Speaker 03 So, sorry, is it, is it a phone or was it?
4:44 Speaker 02 It's an app, Brick thing. It's an app, I guess.
4:48 Speaker 03 It's an app. So what are you gonna pick up? Is it not just on your phone then?
4:51 Speaker 02 So it locks down my phone. So I am no contactable, no, no Instagrams, no WhatsApps, no messages, nothing for like, say, three hours a day or whatever it is, whatever way, whenever I want to kind of escape from the digital world, which is constant. I went for lunch with a friend of mine yesterday and she's like, your phone never fucking stops. I was like, I know, it's, and then you're on this, it feels like you're on call.
5:13 Speaker 03 Catch up.
5:14 Speaker 02 Joanna Lonely called it once. She was like, it's like being on call because it's this culture of instant replying. They have to reply instantly to everything all the time. Or, especially my mother, if I don't reply within 30 seconds, the question, just these passive aggressive question marks.
5:27 Speaker 03 Oh, well, if I don't ring my mom and stuff, she's like, oh, oh, nice to hear from you. And I'm like, mom, you, like, the phone works both ways. But like, I don't know, I found myself at my birthday, and this is before the birthday happened. This sounds so bitchy and just mean.
5:42 Speaker 02 Hit me.
5:43 Speaker 03 But like.
5:44 Speaker 02 You know, we're on, anyway, we're on recording, but fine. Hit, hit it.
5:47 Speaker 03 But I was like, oh, I can't wait for the party tomorrow. And then I was like, oh, Sunday, everyone's gonna text me saying thanks and I'm gonna have to reply.
5:54 Speaker 02 Listen.
5:55 Speaker 03 And I was like, I'm gonna have to thank people for like, presents and the donations that they gave, because I asked for donations. And I was like, not donations to myself.
6:04 Speaker 02 I was gonna say, I was like, wow, you're being very brave today.
6:06 Speaker 03 Yeah, I set up a GoFundMe just in the name of me. Now I ask for people to donate to Choose Love in, in my name. So I don't know who's done it. Yeah, well, I feel like I've, I've, I've got enough. Um, but then I was like, that was my thought. And I think it like, I think it around my birthday. Like, you don't know, like when people know it's your birthday, because then people text you all the time. But it's the same at Christmas. It's like, just fuck off and enjoy your Christmas day. Stop texting me.
6:30 Speaker 02 I have to say, and it is, it's a terrible way, but like, there is, I've always said it, there's a lot of admin for birthdays. Where there's a lot, I know, and I'm, I'm a bit of a phone dodger at the best of times. So, I remember one, one Christmas, one of my male, straight friends, so kind of, one of those, exactly.
6:49 Speaker 03 I need a name. I don't believe that exists.
6:52 Speaker 02 I have two of them, two and a half. One of them, I think.
6:54 Speaker 03 Are you sure?
6:55 Speaker 02 Text me a Christmas day. Happy Christmas. Full stop. I was like, dude, where's the feeling? And now I've just, now I have to text you back. And because I'm a woman, I've, I'm gonna add 28 exclamation points and ask about your family.
7:08 Speaker 03 Hope Santa was good to you.
7:10 Speaker 02 And now I've had to open the conversation. You've sent me a sociopathic, psychopathic text. Happy Christmas. Full stop. Not even a Christmas tree emoji.
7:18 Speaker 03 But at least we're not in the era of having to send Christmas cards.
7:21 Speaker 02 I'd love that.
7:22 Speaker 03 John, John, stop pretending to be someone you're not. You getting your assistant to send Christmas cards is not the same thing.
7:29 Speaker 02 I didn't even think of that, but that's, that's a great idea. I'll get onto Lauren's stats.
7:35 Speaker 03 From Lauren, I'm sorry.
7:38 Speaker 02 Just send out, I'll just send out those. Did I tell you about all the, all the photo, the, um, so one, I'd say maybe three people, old skill people have come in via certain channels and asked for a signed photograph, right? And it's so old skill. So I was like, that's a great idea. Yeah. So we had, um, photos of me printed off.
8:00 Speaker 02 Hundreds of them.
8:04 Speaker 02 They're like postcard sized photographs of me, right? They're like headshots. It looks like I'm showing them my ass crack. That's what it looks like to me. It's, it's just a bit weird and a bit inappropriate.
8:14 Speaker 03 If I'm doing radio or something like that, sometimes I'll be people outside and they'll have all these pictures printed off of me. And they want me to sign them. I have like five or six. And I'm like, where are these going? And I'm like, will I sign it to you? And they're like, no. And I'm like, well, where is it going? Who? And like, I'm not saying that I'm the shittest of all the shit people, but like, who? In their right mind wants to have a signed photograph from me, like in fairness.
8:37 Speaker 02 Loads of people, what are you talking about? You're royal adjacent. I had to say, I didn't know that was a thing until, I think, until after I did Taskmaster, maybe. And then the lads turn up with the glossy printed off photos and you sign them and stuff. Oh, I didn't realise, are they selling them?
8:56 Speaker 03 For like two shillings.
8:57 Speaker 02 Because you can't.
8:59 Speaker 03 I can't imagine they're generating a profit, but they're doing something with them.
9:05 Speaker 02 Oh, there's now, these lads are, but by the time they print off the glossies, if they're selling me and you, they're running, they're running at a loss. Let's be real.
9:13 Speaker 03 Who is God's name? They're doing it for the love of it.
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10:52 Speaker 03 Okay, I have a new fascination.
10:53 Speaker 02 Hit me.
10:55 Speaker 03 It's, it's kind of full on. You know the way when I fancy somebody, I go in hard.
11:00 Speaker 02 Oh, it's a person. It's a, it's a, it's a human fascination. Okay.
11:03 Speaker 03 Yeah.
11:03 Speaker 02 Is it, is it male?
11:05 Speaker 03 Male.
11:05 Speaker 02 Can I, can I, can I take three guesses?
11:07 Speaker 03 Three guesses, male. I'll tell you, I'll tell you three things about him and you can like, guess who?
11:11 Speaker 02 Okay.
11:12 Speaker 03 Blonde hair, unusual for me.
11:15 Speaker 02 Mm hmm. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:17 Speaker 03 Tall.
11:20 Speaker 02 Yeah, okay. Oh my God. I was gonna say Peter Crouch until you threw the Americana in the end there.
11:30 Speaker 03 Not Peter, no.
11:31 Speaker 02 Not old Pedro Crouch.
11:33 Speaker 03 Peter Crouch, he told me at Glastonbury, he was like, I was like, God, it was actually, I never thought about this because loads of people stop him. And I'm like, he's like, it's not like I can hide.
11:44 Speaker 02 Oh my God, yeah. He's so tall.
11:47 Speaker 03 Yeah, you can't hide from anyone.
11:48 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:49 Speaker 03 Okay, anyway, who is it?
11:50 Speaker 02 Tall men are the worst, by the way. I talk about them on many stand up shows. They are, they are so spoilt by women wanting to climb them like a tree. They are, and I wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw them. And you can't throw them anywhere because they're so bloody tall. I'm not saying anything about Peter Crouch. I know nothing about.
12:06 Speaker 03 Tall men could just have the face of a pig and he'd still be climbing up there.
12:10 Speaker 02 It's the height, I'm telling you. We're just wired for this hu- we're like, oh, look at the to- we're just, do you know what? We're just, our, our primal cave honing in us is like, huge babies. That's all you're thinking. Okay, so I'm back. Is it one of the, is it, is it one of the Backstreet Boys?
12:25 Speaker 03 No, Joanne. Like, no, have you?
12:28 Speaker 02 Sorry, they're back in the sphere in LA. They're having a moment.
12:30 Speaker 03 I know they're back in the sphere, sphere, but like, who, who are you going for out of them? Go Google them.
12:36 Speaker 02 I think AJ is a bit of, bit of all right.
12:39 Speaker 03 I don't know. Didn't he go a bit odd? I could have made that up though.
12:41 Speaker 02 He's aged, well, everyone goes odd. Look at us.
12:47 Speaker 03 Okay, his ex-girlfriend is so hot that you wouldn't be able to go out with him because you'd feel very uncomfortable about yourself. You'd feel too ugly to go out with him. Like, I really fancy him, but like, you wouldn't go out with him. Yeah.
13:00 Speaker 02 I feel like that about most men, because most men are going out with women way more attractive than them. So even if he's a two out of 10, the chance that his ex is a nine out of 10. And I'm coming in at a hard four in the mornings.
13:15 Speaker 02 And then I'm a six by the evening.
13:17 Speaker 03 I'd say you're more of an eight. You're an eight girl.
13:22 Speaker 02 Okay, I don't know.
13:24 Speaker 03 Austin Butler.
13:27 Speaker 02 Oh, God.
13:28 Speaker 03 I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. At least I've moved off.
13:33 Speaker 02 I shouldn't have said, I shouldn't have said, oh, God, like that. Do you know what? He is stunningly beautiful.
13:39 Speaker 03 Stunning.
13:40 Speaker 02 But I don't, there's one thing that's very much missing from him, I would say, and we're allowed to kind of tease him out of his. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, yeah.
13:51 Speaker 03 I'm not looking for his personality. Do you know what? I'm happily married.
13:53 Speaker 02 Yeah.
13:54 Speaker 03 It would be a fling. Okay?
13:55 Speaker 02 Yeah, there is, there's a, and yeah, he's absolutely stunningly beautiful.
14:01 Speaker 03 Stunning. Did you see Zoe Kravitz was pictured with him? But not only was Zoe Kravitz, so everyone thought that Zoe Kravitz was going out with him. And then Zoe Kravitz, that girl is cleaning up. I mean, she is on fuego herself. She's on fuego. She's got Harry Styles on the go now.
14:18 Speaker 02 She's Harry Styles on the go.
14:20 Speaker 03 Austin Butler, Harry Styles.
14:21 Speaker 02 No, no, no, no.
14:22 Speaker 03 She's living the dream life.
14:23 Speaker 02 No, no, no. She wasn't going out with Austin Butler. They were just doing a film together. And it's one of those, I think people, it's the same with the Pamela and the Liam Neeson thing. It's a load of wamp. It's not true. It's a PR stunt, baby. They're lying.
14:35 Speaker 03 I have to say, I was a bit disappointed now in Pammy. Not so much in Liam, because I just don't, I don't really mind what he gets up to. But Pammy, I have a lot of, like, I put a lot into her. I think about her more than I should, and she let me down.
14:47 Speaker 02 I believe, I agree with you, because Pamela is very much selling authenticity of late with all the makeup free stuff. And then she sells as a bogus PR relationship. But that's what they do to sell the films. But I will say this, and I will say no more. As an ex-publicist myself, which I like to start all my sentences with, even if it's got nothing to do with publicity.
15:05 Speaker 03 It's like me, my mom used to be in Air House, yes.
15:07 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to work here. As an ex, I'd be like, as an ex-publicist, I don't eat bacon. Like, what's the relevance? Just like throwing it out there. As an ex-publicist, it was very clear to me that Liam Neeson had zero interest. He looked nothing but insanely uncomfortable. Every single time she tried to lay on the fake romance and the cutiness and she was trying to suggest, she was like, anything he asks me to do, I do. He looked awkward as fuck.
15:37 Speaker 03 Well, can I tell you one thing? The film absolutely flew and I think.
15:41 Speaker 02 What film?
15:42 Speaker 03 They had a film out.
15:44 Speaker 02 See, I don't even know the name of the film, so obviously I was too distracted by how uncomfortable Liam Neeson looked.
15:49 Speaker 03 Naked Gun. They did Naked Gun, a remake of Naked Gun, and it absolutely killed it. And Steve Martin, was it Steve Martin who did the first one? No, that other fellow who kind of looks like Steve Martin, but I don't remember his name.
16:01 Speaker 02 Grey lads, yep.
16:02 Speaker 03 It was grey his whole life for some reason. Anyway, he, it sort of flopped because the first one did so well and it did amazingly well. So I believe that you and I should seriously consider embarking upon a romance.
16:14 Speaker 02 Sorry, speaking of grey, I just want to throw this in there. So I'm starting to, I have a little patch of grey that's, it's here obviously and it's here to stay. And I've been Googling grey hair just out of interest. You know the way I'm on my hair journey? So you don't, when you grow your hair, so remember I had some hair loss and now I've been like regaining it up to the max and it's coming back. After 35, your hair, you can't regrow your coloured hair, so your pigment is gone. So because of my hair journey and my regrowth.
16:46 Speaker 03 No.
16:47 Speaker 02 Yeah. The stuff that's coming back is grey. Anyway, I was Googling it and it says that UV can also encourage greyness. So I'm after investing in a load of bowler hats.
16:58 Speaker 03 Bowler hats, so you don't get your hair in the sun.
17:00 Speaker 02 Hats is my new thing now.
17:02 Speaker 03 I tell you what, I know that you don't want to be grey, but I'm just saying like hair extensions and everything are now being made in grey. Because grey is, I don't want to be grey either, I have to say, I don't want to be grey. I'm not doing this to my face to then be grey.
17:11 Speaker 02 It's a commitment and when you're ready, you're ready. And I hung out with a woman at Glastonbury who had the coolest grey hair, but she, she was just really fucking cool. And she was like, you know, covered in tacks and she was just deadly. And so she really rocked it, but the grey was so smooth. So, you know, her hair was in amazing condition. She might have been a hairdresser actually because her hair was so good. But that was, that's a look and she's, she's wearing it and she's serving it and she's leaning it and it looks really cool. Mine's, look, one day I might just rock a grey kind of, um, pat like a raccoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm just not.
17:44 Speaker 03 Grey slag strips.
17:45 Speaker 02 I'm not ready yet. I'm just not ready yet. I will be one day, one day I'll be like, ah, yeah, let's go. But I'm just not ready yet. It's a journey. But anyway.
17:53 Speaker 03 It's not for everyone.
17:54 Speaker 02 It's not for everyone. And I think we've been very lucky to not go grey up to this point. I have friends who went grey in their twenties.
18:01 Speaker 03 Sure, Neil was bald when he was like twenty five. Neil's actually aged backwards. He's like Benjamin Button. He just looked really old when he was like twenty two. He was completely bald and now he's just been the same.
18:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, stagnant. So what you're suggesting is we embark on a PR relationship stunt?
18:19 Speaker 03 Yeah, no, I know that you aren't, I've decided I will take the hit. I will be daddy because I'm bigger. I will be the bigger spoon and I'll make sure that I walk on like the outside of the pavement. Like I'll be the gentleman.
18:33 Speaker 02 Well, I'm obviously in the market for a celebrity romance thing as my member. I was telling you, I was dreaming I was going down to J Mac Collins.
18:42 Speaker 03 I had terrible dreams about people last night and I have to ring them today because I had dreams last night about people dying.
18:47 Speaker 02 It's the melatonin. Are you on the melatonin?
18:49 Speaker 03 No, I've been taking, I'm only on magnesium. I'm not taking anything.
18:52 Speaker 02 But I know dreams are so boring for other people to listen to. And frankly, the listeners are very lucky. We haven't started a Joanna Vogues dream section. Because obviously there's a touch of narcissism in anyone who goes on about their own dreams. But last night, so I woke up this morning and I dreamt that you cut your hair into like a friar tuck.
19:12 Speaker 03 You wish, bitch.
19:20 Speaker 02 And I was like, Vogue, please put your extensions back in, put your extensions back in.
19:27 Speaker 03 Sound cheesy. Please, Mama.
19:29 Speaker 02 Please, Mama, make your hair nice again. But yeah, it was really thin and it was like really wispy. It was like, have you seen Miley Cyrus's new fringe?
19:38 Speaker 03 She gets away with that, though.
19:39 Speaker 02 But if that was, you're all around your head. So that like thinning, like kind of very thin style of like a couple of bits at the front was all the way around. And I was like, Vogue, and it was all grey and weird. Yeah, I don't know. But I, I know it's the melatonin. I'm having mental dreams at the moment, but I'm not willing to give them up because I'm kind of invested now.
19:57 Speaker 03 Well, it's, it's good to have melatonin in your body, but I remember when I took them, I did have crazy dreams and I just didn't like it. And last night I had such weird dreams. I have to bring my friend Reds as well. I had mad dreams about him.
20:07 Speaker 02 You don't have to, you know, you can keep, some things you can, you know, you don't, like, I'm not contacting Gemma Collins.
20:11 Speaker 03 I worried about them. I worried about them. There's two people I'm now worried about. I'm like, are you all right?
20:15 Speaker 02 Someone told me, they're like, did you tell Gemma Collins you had a dream you were going down there? It's not really, so I don't know Gemma.
20:21 Speaker 03 Sorry?
20:22 Speaker 02 Sorry? Well, I said canoodling, but I didn't go into the deeds.
20:28 Speaker 02 Yeah.
20:29 Speaker 03 Had a dream? What the hell did you go to bed? You didn't tell us you went down on Gemma Collins in a dream.
20:36 Speaker 02 No, I, I said we were canoodling in, in Dublin city and that I was, I was very nervous about getting papped before we were ready to announce the relationship. But I was actually going down there.
20:47 Speaker 03 Lucky Gemma. She'd been, I think that's nice to hear. I'd like to hear that about someone.
20:51 Speaker 02 Do you know what? I wasn't physically, it was just that I, in my dream, I knew I just had. Do you know what I mean? I, I knew it was, we were like post, post going down kind of vibes. I just knew I had.
21:03 Speaker 03 Oh, God.
21:05 Speaker 02 I know, yeah. But anyway, I think it's a sign that you respect the person. That was, that's what I read somewhere.
21:09 Speaker 03 Did she hear?
21:10 Speaker 02 I was like, get me a dream catcher now. I can't, I can't be, I can't be sexually involved with any more celebrities in my sleep.
21:18 Speaker 03 What does it mean when someone dies in a dream then? That they're not going to die? That it's a long life?
21:21 Speaker 02 It means you're gonna die, Vogue.
21:24 Speaker 03 I was thinking about that yesterday. I was like, I go on about that so much it's gonna happen. And I'm really invested in, in doing my will and stuff like that. I'm like, I just feel like I'm really getting ready or something.
21:34 Speaker 02 Come here to me. There's a new something you might be interested in.
21:38 Speaker 03 What?
21:40 Speaker 02 You can pay, you can pay fifty.
21:43 Speaker 03 I know what you're gonna say, in Asda.
21:47 Speaker 02 No.
21:47 Speaker 03 Are you talking about, oh, you can get a whale in Asda for 50 quid. Someone told me that yesterday.
21:54 Speaker 02 That is not what I meant at all.
21:56 Speaker 03 It's like, wow, I didn't expect her to have seen that.
22:00 Speaker 02 No, there was an article in the Irish Times, hold on, a handful of the, I'm a fighter, the Irish people paying to cryo preserve their bodies for life after death. They're spent, apparently they can pay 50 euro a month.
22:15 Speaker 03 Who's doing that now?
22:16 Speaker 02 Let me see if I can actually see.
22:17 Speaker 03 Well, here's my thing. I don't want to be here on my own. I'd have to have everyone with me.
22:23 Speaker 02 I'm trying to convince myself when I close my eyes, I'll open them 500 years from now. So there's young people who are terrified of death. Like yourself, this young lad, I don't want to pay for the article.
22:36 Speaker 03 I am, I'm not as scared as I used to be of death. I just, and I'd rather not be here when I have no friends. I'm not great at making new friends. I don't love making new friends.
22:45 Speaker 02 Will you be friends with your cryo preserve buddies? So last year, this man became one of a handful of people in Ireland to sign up to be cryo preserved by Tomorrow Bio, according to the Berlin based company, which already has cryo preserved more than 20 bodies alongside 10 pets. So I don't know.
23:01 Speaker 03 I'm sorry, where are we getting the space for this? We don't even have the space to bury people anymore. In 20 years' time, you won't be buying grave plots.
23:08 Speaker 02 No, they're all, there's someone in Berlin taking 50 quid a month off these people and then throwing their corpses into a huge big freezer in Berlin. There's no more going to be defrosted. And if they are, can you imagine the state of them?
23:20 Speaker 03 They'll be in bits. You'll be all wrinkled and gross. And like, I don't want to get frozen at 90. No, thanks.
23:25 Speaker 02 You have no mates, no job, no money.
23:29 Speaker 03 You're fucked. Yeah, you're dead. Everyone's going to take, everyone's going to clear out your bank accounts when you're gone. Forget about it. You won't even have, you literally won't have a pot to piss in.
23:38 Speaker 02 You'll wake up with, in a wasteland of the world where it'll have been taken over by turtles or something, although they're not aggressive enough. I know, yeah.
23:46 Speaker 03 My god.
23:47 Speaker 02 Don't do it. No, I'm actually not going to do it. I've kind of, I think I've really turned a corner. It's what every flight I do, I get, I get less and less frightened of death because I come to terms with it every time I'm in the air. So I'm like, it's grand.
23:59 Speaker 03 Yeah.
24:00 Speaker 02 It's grand.
24:00 Speaker 03 Yeah.
24:02 Speaker 02 It's gonna ha- it's gonna happen, you know? Um, did you see that story of- It's inevitable. No one's getting out of this alive. Isn't that what they say?
24:10 Speaker 03 That is what they say. There's two certainties in life, taxes and death, Joanne.
24:14 Speaker 02 Look at us, whipping out the mantles.
24:17 Speaker 03 So grown up.
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25:52 Speaker 02 Does she breastfeed kids?
25:54 Speaker 03 Yeah, remember she was over, she was over on a charity mission somewhere and she breastfed someone's child?
26:00 Speaker 02 No, but did they, they probably wanted her to. She's hardly just going around randomly breastfeeding kids who don't need, who haven't been asked to be fed.
26:11 Speaker 02 Folks, any other news for me?
26:13 Speaker 03 Wow, so uplifting today, Joanne. Thank you.
26:17 Speaker 03 I was, did you see that? Now, I only, I don't actually watch the tennis. Well, we did watch it a bit at Wimbledon, but did you see? It's been a bad year for CEOs. Did you see that CEO at a tennis match? Oh. It was, so basically, there was this man at a tennis match and he was standing beside these two kids. And as the tennis player comes over, he signs little bits and bobs and he hands them back to them. And the tennis player handed who he thought was the child in front of him, the hat.
26:45 Speaker 02 Yeah.
26:46 Speaker 03 This older man in his 40s snatched the hat and the kid was trying to get the hat back. And your man just gave it to his partner and she stuffed it in her bag and they basically stole the hat off this kid. And it was all caught on camera. So it came out, it was all on camera and it kind of went viral of him nicking the hat.
27:04 Speaker 02 Yeah. Not his best moment.
27:06 Speaker 03 Not his, I mean, he's come out, he's come out with a statement now. The statement was like, was like basically, oh, I was taking the hat from my kids. Of course I wouldn't want to take something from a child. It's like, dude, he fully snatched it from that kid. That is, and, and first of all, what are you really going to do with the hat? I never, I don't really understand that, although one time in Aberdeen, when I was living there, I went to see a DJ called Felix the House Cat. Not my finest moment. And I was up the front. It was really sweaty. So Felix had a sweat towel for the whole gig. And then he gave it to me at the end.
27:39 Speaker 02 I know.
27:40 Speaker 03 And I took it home.
27:42 Speaker 02 Yeah, you told, you told us this before. You're a scummer. I would have taken it too. Like, sure, come on. Sydney Sweeney's selling their bath water. Like, there's a market for people's bodily fluids once they hit a certain level of fame.
27:54 Speaker 03 I know, but a hat, a hat. I'm nicking it off a kid anyway.
27:59 Speaker 02 Well, I think this lad, a couple of things. Having to release a statement is insane. Like, come on, who cares? Like, I, look, it was.
28:07 Speaker 03 Do you know what happened to his company though? People were putting all these terrible reviews on his company. Went from five star to 1.5 star. People are just like.
28:15 Speaker 02 The internet's wild.
28:16 Speaker 03 Oh, who are these?
28:18 Speaker 02 Pure radical fascist. Like, come on. But also, this also just goes to show, while I think it's ridiculous that this mom is having to release a statement, like, the world's gone a bit insane. Also, this is tennis, people, okay? This is ego, money and champagne. That would never happen at a darts match. Yeah? You know what I mean? You gotta go to more sound sporting events.
28:39 Speaker 03 That kid would have just punched him and that would have been it.
28:46 Speaker 02 Give me the hat, boof! Yeah, I mean, it's more, I mean, we probably, yeah.
28:50 Speaker 03 Well, it was a very polite child.
28:52 Speaker 02 Should be careful if we don't, we're not saying they're, um.
28:57 Speaker 02 What am I trying to say?
28:58 Speaker 03 We're not saying to punch him, but I would, had that have been me in that child's face, I probably at that age would not have been as kind.
29:04 Speaker 02 Rich CEO men are, were expecting kindness and compassion of men who are probably sociopaths. You know, let's face it, did we not learn from Jumbotron Man? These are not honest people. These are CEOs. These are rich, spoiled people coming up on their champagne, thinking they rule the world. You gotta go to sounder sporting events if you're still starting expecting better behaviour.
29:30 Speaker 03 Did you see, yeah, darts.
29:32 Speaker 02 That's the only one I can think of.
29:34 Speaker 03 Snooker, probably.
29:35 Speaker 02 Snooker, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
29:38 Speaker 03 That's all we can think of.
29:39 Speaker 02 The man, also the man who's still the hat, I'm gonna say this.
29:43 Speaker 03 Scarred.
29:44 Speaker 02 And, and, and tie me up. No, actually, that's not, that's not what you're saying. I might get rinsed for this. A woman would never have done that.
29:53 Speaker 03 John, I don't even think if you got handed the hat, you'd keep the hat. You wouldn't want the hat. You're like the only person, you'd be like, no, thanks.
29:59 Speaker 02 I'm actually very maternal. I probably would have just started breastfeeding the kid.
30:04 Speaker 03 Okay, Sam Ahayek.
30:05 Speaker 02 I'd give him the, I think you mean a Larry Baldwin.
30:09 Speaker 03 No, I mean, Salma Hayek.
30:12 Speaker 02 She got, she, does she breastfeed kids?
30:14 Speaker 03 Yeah, remember she was over, she was over on a charity mission somewhere and she breastfed someone's child?
30:21 Speaker 02 No.
30:22 Speaker 03 Yes. Do you remember? I'm sure we spoke about that. How did you miss that? Come on, that definitely happened.
30:28 Speaker 02 But they, they probably wanted her to. I mean, she's hardly just going around randomly breastfeeding kids who don't need, who haven't been asked to be fed.
30:36 Speaker 03 Well, I mean, if she, if she offered, if Salma Hayek offered to breastfeed one of my children, who am I to say no to Salma Hayek?
30:42 Speaker 02 Exactly. It's true, actually. That's, that's an abuse of power, Salma.
30:46 Speaker 03 Could I have a go? I'm joking. Yuck.
30:50 Speaker 02 I consent, Salma. That's tonight's dream taken care of.
30:57 Speaker 03 Oh, no.
30:58 Speaker 02 One of my favourite stories, which is unraveling and has actually just come to a full conclusion this morning, is the Cardi B trial. The Cardi B trial, which is going on because she was at an appointment in her gyno and the security guard in the gyno was filming her on the sly. And Cardi spotted us.
31:18 Speaker 03 And she had booked out the gyno, by the way, so she'd booked out the whole thing. So nobody else would go and find out that she was pregnant.
31:23 Speaker 02 Yeah, she's, she was attempting to maintain her privacy. And, and as we know, like, that's, you know, a woman's right, et cetera. And the security guard, who was a woman, I think, was filming her on the sly. And then they, um, Cardi kind of went for, called her stupid bitch, whatever. And then they caught into a physical altercation and the security guard tried to sue, said she was scratched on the face, which we've never seen any evidence of. And tried to sue her for $24 million and it ended up in court.
31:57 Speaker 03 I wonder where she got that figure, 24 mil? Honestly, where did you, where did you pull that out of? What do I want? Any four million.
32:04 Speaker 02 I'm guessing, I'm guessing her legal team were like, this is what we should go for. I don't know. I mean, the whole thing was bizarre.
32:12 Speaker 03 It was a farce.
32:13 Speaker 02 It was a farce, but Cardi was incredibly entertaining throughout the whole run of the court case. She looked fab.
32:20 Speaker 03 She is like a doll, isn't she?
32:23 Speaker 02 She's like a doll.
32:24 Speaker 03 She's that stunning. She's gorgeous.
32:26 Speaker 02 She's like a doll. And she also said, she said, let this be a lesson. She was very sound. She goes, no, and go after this person. Obviously, the court case was thrown out. She won, right? But she said, don't go after this person's Insta. Don't go after their family. Just leave it now. But she also said, but let this, let it be known that if this happens again, I will countersue. Now, she didn't countersue this time because it's not saying to countersue people with no money when you have billions and billions of monies. But she said, next time, I will countersue. And I was like, good for you, Cardi.
32:52 Speaker 03 Yeah, I think that makes her sound really sound as well. But it's like, remember the whole thing happened with Gwyneth Paltrow? People can just take you to court because they see that you've got money and they're like, I'm going to get some of your money.
33:03 Speaker 02 Mm hmm.
33:04 Speaker 03 And, um, and I think that it's, it's a really good thing to say because people will try and go for her again. And now they won't. They'll think twice because if you get countersued, you're fucked.
33:12 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like when you're obviously suing Cardi B because you want the money because maybe you don't have a lot of your own. So there's, you don't want to be, you don't want to be sued by a Cardi B. She will take you to the cleaners.
33:22 Speaker 03 I know, but also how much is like, if you think about how you're saying that is of Cardi B, because how much did she have to pay for her solicitors and her lawyers? To be doing all that court case for that long? She probably, that probably cost her a million anyway.
33:33 Speaker 02 Imagine dragging her through, and she's in her first trimester. No wonder she's wrecked.
33:38 Speaker 03 Is she pregnant now?
33:39 Speaker 02 Yeah.
33:40 Speaker 03 What?
33:41 Speaker 02 Oh, hold on.
33:42 Speaker 03 No, I think she's pregnant before.
33:44 Speaker 02 Sorry, but I do think she is pregnant now, but that's, that's my own assumption.
33:49 Speaker 03 Oh, you've just made that up. Okay.
33:50 Speaker 02 Yeah, I've made that up.
33:51 Speaker 03 Well, maybe. Okay.
33:52 Speaker 02 Yeah.
33:52 Speaker 03 But we don't know. I mean.
33:54 Speaker 02 Congratulations, Cardi. You look glowing. You look fab. Thanks for, thanks for bringing more entertainment into our lives via a different channel, which is the legal system.
34:06 Speaker 05 You're listening to a quick ad. You know what else is quick? Selling your car on Carvana. Just put in your vehicle information and we'll give you an offer. Done. No hassle, no negotiation, no guy from an online listing lowballing you. Which means by the time I'm done explaining this, you could have basically done it.
34:29 Speaker 05 Still haven't started? Hey, better late than ever. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply.
34:36 Speaker 03 So you remember you said that you were, well, I saw it on your Instagram. You said you were watching the Amanda Knox thing?
34:40 Speaker 02 Yes.
34:41 Speaker 03 I think that like, maybe once a month, we could all watch something.
34:45 Speaker 02 Yeah.
34:46 Speaker 03 We could talk about it on the pod. But we could tell the listeners that we're gonna watch it, that we all have an opinion on it, and that we could talk about it.
34:53 Speaker 02 This is like yesterday, I was, I'm back in Tottenham, I'm doing a lot of like beach walks and stuff. And I was thinking about, I was like, because I love recommending stuff, you like recommending stuff, and people recommend stuff to me, but I always lose the DMs. I never, I never keep them. And then the recommendations are kind of wasted on me. And then people will also contact me saying, what was that thing you recommended? And I'm like, I don't bloody remember.
35:16 Speaker 03 Yeah.
35:16 Speaker 02 But I was gonna do like a grid post where I just say, like, just write all your recommendations underneath this grid post, and then we can all come back to it. I was like, it's basically like a digital, digital book club where no one has to do anything. Great. Minimum inputs.
35:31 Speaker 03 I tried to do the book club, but it's hard to get everyone to do it at the same time. And then I remember I was doing my Insta lives and the book club, and I just felt so embarrassed that I couldn't do it.
35:39 Speaker 02 Yeah, Insta lives are, they're hitting this. You need balls of steel on those things. I don't have balls of steel. I couldn't do it. I remember being like, this is too much. I feel, I feel shame and embarrassment. There's the, so the Amanda Knox TV show I'm watching on Disney, Sharon Horgan plays her mother. It's really, really good. And Amanda Knox and Monica Lewinsky are co-producers on it. And then because of that, I've gone down a little Amanda Knox hole. So John Robbins had her on his podcast, How Do You Cope?, which I'm gonna listen to today. And Dax Shepard, the armchair expert, had her on his podcast, which I have listened to. And that's a brilliant listen. How anyone, anyone thinks she is guilty at this point is beyond me. And it's so hard.
36:22 Speaker 03 I thought she was before I started watching the Disney thing. I did, because I hadn't really looked into it. It was just everything. But when you, like, the first episode of that Disney thing, it's like, oh, I didn't know that all that other stuff had happened before. And it's mad, though. It's so insane. Did they ever find out who did do it?
36:40 Speaker 02 Yeah, he's in prison. I think he just got out.
36:43 Speaker 03 Was it the bar man?
36:44 Speaker 02 No, it was just some burglar guy.
36:46 Speaker 03 Stop.
36:47 Speaker 02 Yeah, it was the baron. It was that guy that, remember, so you'll get to, you'll get to us. But yeah, he's in, he went to prison.
36:55 Speaker 03 My god.
36:56 Speaker 02 I know, yeah. But like, and people are saying to me, oh, well, of course she looks innocent of that. She's copious. I was like, no, no, no. Like, she's still in contact with her prosecutor. So the TV show, the Disney TV show, it starts with her going back to Italy with her mum and her husband and her newborn baby to try and meet the prosecutor to kind of try and talk to. And she goes into it in great detail on the Doc Shepherd podcast, where she talks about how it's very hard to watch someone. Like, she talks about kind of belief and truth and how he was just absolutely convinced that he was in the right. He doesn't, he's not a bad person, the prosecutor guy. He just totally believed she was guilty. And anyway, it's just really, really interesting. And Sharon Horgan is, as always.
37:39 Speaker 03 I just, I just love Sharon Horgan.
37:41 Speaker 02 It's great to see her in a different type of role.
37:44 Speaker 03 Yeah, she's just such, she's such a brilliant actress. I love her. But I love all her writing and everything like that. I just think she's brilliant. Multi-talented.
37:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, there's triple threats and then there's like Sharon Horgan, who's like a quadruple threat.
37:57 Speaker 03 Yeah, an octuplet threat, maybe. Yeah, she's an octuplet.
38:03 Speaker 02 Fair play, Sharon. Fair play, Sharon. Good woman, Sharon. That's her commitment.
38:07 Speaker 03 One shot.
38:08 Speaker 02 That's it?
38:09 Speaker 03 It's from, no, it's not the commitment. What's it from?
38:12 Speaker 02 What the hell? The Snapper. The Snapper. Sorry.
38:15 Speaker 03 Irish film. Have you ever watched that back? It's so old. When you watch it back, it's wild.
38:22 Speaker 02 Before we leave, I just have to talk quickly. Huge news in celeb land.
38:28 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah.
38:29 Speaker 02 Taylor Swift and Travis Watts' face are after getting engaged. That aside, because whatever, fair play to her. She found love.
38:37 Speaker 03 They do seem like they're very, very in love. They're both super, super, like, they're kind of in the same, well, maybe she's more famous, I don't know, but they're in that same kind of league where their life is mental anyway, both of them.
38:49 Speaker 02 Yeah, how she managed to pull it off while on the Irish tour is frankly triggering for me because my only excuse for not ever maintaining a relationship is because I'm so busy. And my mother.
39:00 Speaker 03 Pat will hear you.
39:02 Speaker 02 Very, very cleverly heckled me by sending me a link to Travis and Taylor's engagement and saying, are you busy with Taylor Swift? Frankly.
39:11 Speaker 03 Yes.
39:12 Speaker 02 Yes, clearly, yes. But what I was gonna say was, I didn't realise, oh, sorry, I'm off mic there.
39:21 Speaker 02 There's a really funny article in The Cut, so it's like, "Most Swifties were ecstatic by Taylor Swift and travel Kelsey's engagement. They've been crying at work, group chatting with their friends and furiously decoding any Easter eggs in the couple's collaborative Instagram post." So the Swifties go in and they do the big decoding, they're like, "What else is she trying to tell us?" But then she said, "But there is a community of super fans who aren't exactly thrilled." And on Tuesday, they convened in the 50,000-member-strong Gayler Swift subreddit to rehash their longstanding theory that Swift is queer.
39:54 Speaker 03 I did not, no.
39:55 Speaker 02 You wish.
39:58 Speaker 03 That's like me and your man from Bridget, and I'm like, "Is he sure he's gay?"
40:02 Speaker 02 I was the same with Russell Tovey, I was like, "He's not gay." They're like, "Jonathan Bailey."
40:07 Speaker 03 Jonathan Bailey's not gay, I refuse to believe it.
40:10 Speaker 02 I mean, we don't agree with conversion therapy unless we want to send Jonathan Swift. Is it Jonathan Swift?
40:16 Speaker 03 Jonathan Bailey.
40:16 Speaker 02 Jonathan Bailey and Russell Tovey, and then we might get behind it. One for the road.
40:22 Speaker 02 But I didn't realise there was such a huge community of Gaylers who were convinced that Taylor Swift is gay, and it's really funny.
40:28 Speaker 03 A Gayler.
40:28 Speaker 02 They're calling them Gaylers, but they've closed the Reddit thread now because people were kind of taking the piss out of them. But before they did, they got some screen grabs. So they're saying that the fact that she's wearing a striped dress in the engagement announcement, it's like prisons. They're like, "She's in a prison of her own sexuality, she can't come out."
40:48 Speaker 03 She doesn't give me lesbian vibes, she never has.
40:51 Speaker 02 Well, she does, she could give lipstick lesbian vibes, she does. There's different types of lesbians, she does. And they're saying that her relationship with, what was her one's name, her mate?
41:01 Speaker 02 Kelsey, Cardi Close.
41:03 Speaker 03 Not Blake Lively anymore.
41:05 Speaker 02 No. They're saying that she was going out with Cardi Close, which I don't know if she was or not, but anyway. But they also then brought me down the other hole that I'd kind of gotten bored of. I'd gotten bored of the Blake Lively, Justin Ball, I only think it was kind of a roundabout bit too long.
41:19 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'm waiting for something to come out about that.
41:21 Speaker 02 Just give us the results. Come on, give us a yes or no.
41:24 Speaker 03 Why did Cardi, Cardi was quick, why can't they be quick?
41:26 Speaker 02 Yeah.
41:27 Speaker 03 Hurry up.
41:28 Speaker 02 Cardi was quick. Yeah, you're right, it's dragging on too long now. But they were saying, I didn't realise that Blake... And has said nothing about the Taylor engagement and hasn't engaged with the past at all. So obviously, there's been a huge fallout over the Justin Badonny thing, which I was then thinking, is that not a bit unfair? Because it only kind of came out that Taylor was involved because Blake's text messages were subpoenaed, or Justin publicised his text messages. She didn't publicly say anything about Taylor Swift. Anyway, big fallout.
41:58 Speaker 03 I'd say you just want to, yeah, you just want to be away from that anyway.
42:01 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, as an outsider, it's great too. But yeah, as an insider, I'd be allergic.
42:07 Speaker 03 Do you know what I'm hoping the results come? February. February's not a great month. So I think that if they could work it out that, like, we do something, they could have something come out in February, that'd be, that'd be nice for us.
42:17 Speaker 02 I'm on tour. Dublin dates available to buy in February and March. Thank you for that segue, Vogue.
42:21 Speaker 03 Lovely. I was just saying, thinking to myself, what am I doing in February? I'm going to Joan's tour.
42:26 Speaker 02 Also, Plymouth and Guildford are coming up, and Barcelona are coming up next week, and they need it, they need a plug. So that's me doing my electrician business there.
42:35 Speaker 03 Plymouth is, Pete's from Plymouth.
42:37 Speaker 02 They don't know who Pete is.
42:39 Speaker 03 Oh, Pete's a producer on another pod I do.
42:47 Speaker 03 Anyway, everyone, thank you so much for listening.
42:49 Speaker 02 Thank you.
42:50 Speaker 03 We will see you for the bonus on Wednesday.
42:54 Speaker 02 Wednesday.
42:54 Speaker 03 A Wednesday.
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