A warning about Ibiza...

If the next episode is late, or doesn't happen at all, what you need to know is that Joanne is travelling to Ibiza tomorrow and she's SUPPOSED to be recording the Wednesday episode on Monday morning... Good luck everyone. Before the inevitable happens, though, there's reflection on the World Cup halftime show (wtf...), fascination over twins, LOTS of "Google that Joe" and Joanne's next career as a DJ. My Therapist Ghosted Me is a Global Production. Tickets for Joanne's tour Pinotphile are now LIVE: www.joannemcnally.com http://www.joannemcnally.com/ If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [email protected] mailto:[email protected] Please review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/ For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com http://www.mytherapistghostedme.com/ This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.

• 0:02Speaker 00

  I'm gonna stop taking my meds.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  That's a good idea, isn't it? That sounds like a really good idea, actually, yeah.

• 0:10Speaker 00

  I don't know if you're familiar with mercury and retrograde.

• 0:14Speaker 01

  Can you imagine? I find out that my dad wasn't my dad and so he wasn't dead. So then I had an alive dad and I've been going on about this dead dad and talking about him all the time and I'm drunk when there would be no need to.

• 0:26Speaker 00

  It'll be touching, inappropriate, I would say culturally, what I'm about to do.

• 0:35Speaker 00

  Before we kick off, we have some plugs to do. Pluggy plug. New York, penifile finally on sale, November 7th, I will be in New York. I'm also going to Toronto, Vancouver, Boston, Chicago, Salt Lake City, Las Vegas, Denver, San Francisco, Seattle and other places, because it's just not in front of me.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Do you remember last year I was filming a TV show called Renovation Rescue? It's finally coming out, Channel 4, Thursday the 30th at 8pm. And basically, we go and help people who've been let down by their builders, who have basically left them with half a build or stuff that has to be torn down. And they've no money left, they've gone through their whole budget and we try and help them get their gaff back on track and get it done and finish it. It's actually really, really lovely. We do it with, it's a six-part series. And we've six different families who have been completely ripped off by their builders. And you can see if we can figure the whole thing out for them.

• 1:38Speaker 01

  But obviously it's a Channel 4 show, so there is always a happy ending, but it is a show to film. And I can't wait till the day because it's been-

• 1:46Speaker 00

  Spoiler alert!

• 1:47Speaker 01

  I know, but it's been like, it's been a year since, since we did it. So, so it's coming out now on the-

• 1:53Speaker 00

  Imagine you're just driving off and there's a family living in a tent under a bridge. You're like, well, we tried.

• 1:58Speaker 01

  Sorry, tough luck.

• 2:00Speaker 00

  We tried.

• 2:02Speaker 01

  Listeners, I excuse the noise for the next three minutes. This is just a soundtrack to my life. And actually, to me, this feels quiet and very relaxing.

• 2:14Speaker 00

  And Joe has muted himself because there seems to be some sort of childlike domestic kicking off in his as well.

• 2:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's, there's, there's children leaving all corners of this, this online podcast studio. Here as they dissipate and fade into the background.

• 2:28Speaker 00

  And I'm actually sitting in silence. I've just poured a glass of champagne.

• 2:32Speaker 02

  It's just different lives, isn't it?

• 2:34Speaker 00

  It's different lives, guys. The struggle is real.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  Who has made the better life choice?

• 2:39Speaker 02

  Who could say?

• 2:39Speaker 01

  We shall let you decide, which would very much seem like Joanna.

• 2:43Speaker 00

  Well.

• 2:45Speaker 01

  She looks very relaxed and happy.

• 2:47Speaker 00

  Very relaxed, having a glass of champagne. But I am the one gonna be looked after by an android when I die. So at least you guys will have family around you.

• 2:57Speaker 01

  No, no, you're putting in the work with my kids. You came to the party, you're putting in the work.

• 3:00Speaker 00

  I came.

• 3:01Speaker 01

  You know, you know, they're gonna be around the corner from you.

• 3:04Speaker 00

  Well, when Otto finally understands what money is, I feel like then our relationship can begin. But while he's still tossing it on the ground like it's an apple core, we've, we've, we've, we've room to go. How was Gigi's birthday party? Did it kick off?

• 3:19Speaker 01

  Oh, Gigi's party was so, like, it's, I just am obsessed with going to toy shops and looking around and trying to find things that I would have absolutely loved as a child. And that also I could possibly get a bit of use out of. So I got her this thing for the pool. Do you remember? Like, if, well, you probably don't do it, but if I go on holiday, sometimes you see these sea bobs. I was on a, sure, I was on a pedal boat yesterday. Like, I love doing stuff like that.

• 3:44Speaker 00

  Where are you, by the way? Are you back from Ibiza now?

• 3:47Speaker 01

  I'm back from Ibiza. I went to Ibiza for two days for a job with Amber. And now I'm back from Ibiza and I'm back at my mom's house.

• 3:56Speaker 00

  Great, you're back in the mainland. Okay.

• 3:58Speaker 01

  Where I intend on, because I would, I don't want to be known as the Julie of Ireland forever. This is going to be my, my, my plan is that I will spend, like, I will work from here and during the summer all the time. That's my life goal.

• 4:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, that is, that's, that is nice. You're non-dom. Actually, maybe no, stop.

• 4:21Speaker 00

  Getting outraged, we're going to get orders.

• 4:23Speaker 01

  I do, I do think it's nice to, to be able, like, like, I'm lucky that, like, and as are you, like, we can take our jobs around with us.

• 4:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:29Speaker 01

  And doing, like, it's just, I can work from here. Svenny's just flown home to London today for a few days because it's not, it's not actually that far. I'd rather work from here where I can and then.

• 4:39Speaker 00

  It's the dream.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  It is the dream. Well, it's the dream. It's not the reality, yes.

• 4:43Speaker 00

  I have friends who, they were working from home and then their company threw a tantrum and just said, everyone has to come back into the office. And it's, it's very hard if you're used to working from home and suddenly you're back in office life. They're hating it. And do you know one thing about the Gen Z's? I know everyone says they criticize Gen Z's and say they're lazy and they lack purpose and they're rude and

• 5:08Speaker 00

  other things and they're entitled and, you know, they're like overly sensitive and easily shocked, et cetera. However, one thing the Gen Z's have really nailed is their work ethic. They're not, they're not working themselves to death. Like our generation, it was like a flex. You're like, I'm working so hard, I'm always working. It was like you worked yourself into the ground. And that was what was seen as status and professional and successful. Like if you could breathe in the day, if you weren't up at 3am doing emails, you're, you're, you're not working, like you're not a success. Whereas they're better at saying, no, no, I've, I've clocked off. It's five o'clock. I'm out.

• 5:44Speaker 01

  I, I wouldn't, I don't, I wouldn't, I think that they might, may have gone, in my opinion, I think they may have gone a step too far.

• 5:52Speaker 00

  Uh oh.

• 5:53Speaker 01

  With the younger.

• 5:53Speaker 00

  Oh god.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  I think that they're.

• 5:56Speaker 00

  I'm just flagging now. Do you want another Daily Mail headline? Cause I'm here to protect you.

• 6:01Speaker 01

  I'm just saying, there's nothing wrong with work and working hard to get to where you want to be. I don't think that you can, like, you can, you can work to a certain point. I think in certain jobs, it's, it's, it's, it's easier to be able to clock off, but there are jobs in this world, if you want to do, you can't really always clock off. That's just the reality of it.

• 6:18Speaker 00

  I agree with that.

• 6:19Speaker 01

  Working in a management company, like they're, like, I try to avoid contacting any of my, like, management or anyone like that outside of office hours as much as I can. But sometimes you have to. And I think they have to be on for like everyone that they manage all the time, which would be a difficult job. But if that's the career you choose, you have to sacrifice.

• 6:40Speaker 00

  But here you, here you, I feel like this is a direct message to somebody.

• 6:45Speaker 01

  I just, I, I love.

• 6:46Speaker 00

  John in the office. I will call you on a Sunday morning if I want to.

• 6:53Speaker 01

  Now, if you are listening. If you're listening that holiday you took last week, forget it.

• 6:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, the time is not being taken off. I have it sometimes because I work weekends. So it's, it's tricky. And I do, I think I am very contained. Like I wouldn't, it was only if I needed something, do you know what I mean? Like information about a show or something, but like, I, I, I am working, I guess.

• 7:16Speaker 01

  Sometimes I'll apologize though, like if it's a Sunday night. I'm like, sorry, sending, I'm sorry I'm sending this email on, on a Saturday night. I don't expect a response till Monday, but it's just in my head now. So I'm just getting it over there and then I don't, I don't want to respond, but I just want to know that I've done it. Because I'm the same as you, sometimes we, we might have a Monday off instead of a Saturday or Sunday.

• 7:36Speaker 00

  Mine is because I, because I live in, live in the UK, but I'm obviously Irish and I am, I get very confused about the bank holidays. So I'd be banging out, I remember one time I was, I've been banging out emails to my English agency for hours. Do you know when you're just, I obviously taken some medications or whatever, I was just like in the zone. And I was like, where is this? And what about that? And how am I getting there? And what's happening? What are the sales for this? And in fairness, they were replying at the start. And then Rick was like, mate, you know, it's, it's my holiday here. And I was like, oh, my sincerest apologies. My condolences.

• 8:11Speaker 01

  I think it's worth stealing a bank holiday off somebody than it is on a Sunday. I'd rather someone stole my Sunday of, don't touch my, and they're saying that I haven't had a bank holiday in ages. I don't know how it works out, but I'm either in Ireland when the bank holiday is in the UK. And then I'm in the UK when the bank holiday is in Ireland. So it never, I've got someone mailing me from somewhere. Anyway, we're very lucky in the jobs that we do. Thank you very much.

• 8:30Speaker 00

  Exactly. And I was like, sorry till I take all this hectic needing of silver to my Irish agency for the afternoon. And I'll see you guys tomorrow. I didn't know. I didn't know.

• 8:41Speaker 01

  They're in the blue striped bag and it's in a little, it's in a little blue bag in the blue striped bag. Sorry guys, goggleers, goggleers. They can't find their goggles.

• 8:49Speaker 00

  Where are they? What a life these children lead.

• 8:54Speaker 00

  Are they going scuba?

• 8:56Speaker 01

  They go scuba.

• 8:57Speaker 00

  Are they go scuba? Are they go scuba?

• 8:59Speaker 01

  I bought you this thing for a birthday and the worst thing I ever did was not buy two because there's just been war over it. That's what I was trying to tell you, like a sea bob, I half got into the story and then I pulled out. So a sea bob is this like, it's like, it's like divers and stuff use them, but they use like really expensive proper ones that like drag you around the sea and like you basically take it underwater and it's like this mechanical thing. You'd love it, Joanne. It take, you don't have to swim, it just drags you around.

• 9:24Speaker 00

  Ooh.

• 9:25Speaker 01

  They're all down to go sea bobbing in the pool.

• 9:28Speaker 00

  Sorry, I have huge news.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah?

• 9:31Speaker 00

  Huge news. You know the way I don't like getting wet and I've been very clear about it?

• 9:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:39Speaker 00

  I went sea swimming yesterday.

• 9:43Speaker 01

  In our hands?

• 9:44Speaker 00

  In to the sea.

• 9:48Speaker 00

  Inside the sea.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  Where'd you get up to?

• 9:51Speaker 00

  All the way.

• 9:53Speaker 01

  Shut head?

• 9:54Speaker 00

  I had to, I had, I had to wash my hair.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  Oh my.

• 9:59Speaker 00

  How far down I went.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  Who took you?

• 10:01Speaker 00

  Excuse you. My friend, Oonah. My friend, Oonah.

• 10:06Speaker 01

  I was gonna say, was that goalkeeper in there?

• 10:08Speaker 00

  She was like, are you actually getting in? And I was like, yeah, I said I'd get in. She goes, you say that all the time. You never actually get in. You don't like getting wet. I was like, I'm do, I'm doing it. I'm doing it.

• 10:19Speaker 01

  How lovely for the mental health.

• 10:21Speaker 00

  And then I was like, I walked in, I paddled around for a bit and then I got out and then I spent the rest of the day hoping that people would smell the waft of sea salt off me because I was like, I'm a sea swimmer now.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  Wait, you paddled, did you swim? Did you do like breaths?

• 10:36Speaker 00

  I did breaths, breast strokes across because obviously you never go out.

• 10:40Speaker 01

  Oh my god, well done.

• 10:41Speaker 00

  And, and Oonah was like, you, all you do is tell me horrific news, Joanne, because there was a kid there on a little dolphin blow up thing and I was like.

• 10:49Speaker 01

  The grief gazette.

• 10:52Speaker 01

  I do that all the time.

• 10:54Speaker 00

  Is it an Irish thing? Someone could bring up the most innocent story and I'll be like, yeah, I've heard a story similar, except they're all hacksawed to death at the end.

• 11:04Speaker 00

  We were swimming and I was like, did you hear about the woman who had her arms ripped off by an alligator? She's like, I didn't, Siobhan, our alligators are very different. And I was like, there was a child float a past on a dolphin blow up thing. Not a real one, that would have been very cool though. And I was like, do you remember the woman?

• 11:19Speaker 01

  Frowned upon now, frowned upon.

• 11:20Speaker 00

  Frowned upon getting thrown on dolphins. I said, do you remember the woman who went out in the Lila and was never seen again? She's like, I didn't, Siobhan, again, I didn't.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  Do you never remember the baby who went out on a boat? They put the baby, they put the baby on a little blow up boat thing, like a baby baby in one of those rings. Gone.

• 11:38Speaker 00

  What?

• 11:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, it must be an Irish thing.

• 11:40Speaker 02

  Cheers mate, that's, yeah.

• 11:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, just hang on to your baby, just put it on a rope or something.

• 11:45Speaker 00

  Oh my God, that's horrific.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I follow this thing, it's called Daily Scary Facts or something. And I just, I should unfollow it, but like, it's where I find the bin man story and stuff like that, you know?

• 11:55Speaker 00

  Do you remember the story about the woman and she got lost at sea with her two sons? And she sent her son back to swim to the shore and he made it.

• 12:03Speaker 01

  Poor house.

• 12:04Speaker 00

  How on earth? I mean, that's, that's a real tricky conundrum for a parent.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  Then you know, you know who the favourite is.

• 12:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:14Speaker 01

  Amber be swimming back in a heartbeat, my mum would be clinging on to me for dear life. Amber, you go, you go.

• 12:23Speaker 00

  I think I'd send my mum.

• 12:26Speaker 00

  I'd be like, Pat, come on, you're doing mobility classes now, you can do it.

• 12:31Speaker 01

  Pat, who's more important here, come on?

• 12:39Speaker 00

  I went back to Ireland to see my mother because I haven't seen her in ages. And it was a, it was a quick spin, it was a dunk and dive trip and. Obviously, I'm in London, where we have been dealing with El Nino's and the heatwave and everything. Got back to Ireland.

• 12:55Speaker 01

  Stunning.

• 12:56Speaker 00

  I felt at sea. I woke up, I was like, I'm not even sweating. I have a duvet on me, I have pyjamas on.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  Did you feel at sea when you were at sea, or was this out of the sea?

• 13:04Speaker 00

  No, after the sea, I felt at sea.

• 13:06Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 13:06Speaker 00

  I was like, I miss giving out about the heat. There was people eating soup in Ireland. I saw a woman eating soup.

• 13:14Speaker 01

  Well, Joanne, my friend, don't you worry.

• 13:18Speaker 00

  I was like, I have nothing to talk about. I just sat there in silence for 24 hours. I had nothing to say. I have nothing to talk about if it's not the heatwave.

• 13:25Speaker 01

  Amber and I, when we were in Ibiza, the main topic of conversation was, Joanne's gonna die, isn't she? Isn't Joanne gonna die here?

• 13:31Speaker 00

  Oh, really?

• 13:33Speaker 01

  Every time we left, I was like, oh, Joanne's not able now. She won't be able for this.

• 13:39Speaker 01

  How is she gonna survive?

• 13:40Speaker 00

  I'm gonna die, but it's certainly right.

• 13:43Speaker 01

  It's boiling hot.

• 13:44Speaker 00

  It's certainly right.

• 13:46Speaker 01

  Where are you going?

• 13:48Speaker 00

  Pat's like, I can't go out because the heat, they've recommended. I was like, don't you dare give me that bullshit. Get out there and get your steps in. If I find you, if you put your Fitbit on a dog, because I'm looking at her steps, I can see her steps online. I'm like, get out there into that heat. The most you'll get there is fucking a flu. It's freezing out there.

• 14:08Speaker 00

  Freezing.

• 14:08Speaker 01

  26. It's the sea air in Ireland that blows in and it's just different.

• 14:12Speaker 00

  It was like winter. I went back on Hinge. I went back on Hinge. It's like, this is cuffing season. It's cuffing season. I had dinner outside. I was in a, I had to buy an emergency jacket.

• 14:25Speaker 00

  I was like, guys, this is not a heatwave. They're like, well, it was a lot hotter and all. I was like, well, I'll have to take your word for it, I guess, but.

• 14:32Speaker 02

  Before we move on, can I just say for anyone distressed by the baby floating out to sea story, I've had a look. And the only evidence I can find is the evidence of a one-year-old baby girl who floated a mile out to sea in Tunisia, but she was rescued. So I can't find any evidence of the one that didn't come back.

• 14:48Speaker 01

  Joe, this is like in the 80s. I read about it and I've read about it a couple. If the story pops up again, which it inevitably will, I will show you. I know that you prefer it didn't happen, but it did. I wanted it.

• 14:58Speaker 02

  Well, the one in 2021 was rescued. She's fine.

• 15:01Speaker 00

  Well, that's a better story to tell, considering we're in uplifting. Podcast, Vogue just loves like a fatalistic ending.

• 15:08Speaker 01

  Excuse me, it's sad you're talking about the girl who got her arms eaten off.

• 15:12Speaker 00

  Oh, she did.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  At least she survived, I suppose.

• 15:16Speaker 00

  She's an adult, you know.

• 15:18Speaker 01

  I know, but it's still sad. It's still sad.

• 15:20Speaker 00

  Of course it's just sad. She bled out on the side of the swamp in front of her three friends.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ.

• 15:27Speaker 00

  Okay, well. Do you know what I mean?

• 15:29Speaker 01

  They don't spit you out like a shark, by the way. Alligators will eat you. Like, there was a man recently, and Joe, you can Google this as well, but it is from the Daily Facts. So he was eaten.

• 15:38Speaker 00

  You're like, it's Daily Facts, it's CNN. Yeah, you can Google it if you want, Joe, but I think you'll find.

• 15:44Speaker 02

  Get that on the Daily Facts.

• 15:45Speaker 01

  You try and find out what's wrong with this one, Joe. But he was basically, he was swallowed whole, and they actually had to take the alligator out, and they cut open the alligator and took him back out. Now, he was dead, obviously. It wasn't like Little Red Riding Hood or something. She just popped back out. He was dead, but like, they do eat you. It's not like a shark who's like, oh, this doesn't taste nice. Yeah.

• 16:05Speaker 00

  Look at Pinocchio.

• 16:06Speaker 01

  Pinocchio?

• 16:08Speaker 00

  Wasn't he swallowed whole?

• 16:10Speaker 01

  No, Geppetto was swallowed whole.

• 16:12Speaker 00

  No, it's Pinocchio.

• 16:13Speaker 01

  Geppetto went into the whale. Geppetto was looking for Pinocchio, and then Geppetto went into the whale.

• 16:19Speaker 00

  We're gonna need that fact check, Joe.

• 16:21Speaker 02

  Okay, well, I'm still on alligators, and it says an alligator cannot swallow an adult human whole due to the limitations of its throat size and digestive.

• 16:30Speaker 01

  For fuck's sake, Joe, I didn't make this up. This was in the news. It was an horror to man.

• 16:36Speaker 00

  It's almost like Daily Facts.

• 16:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, they can eat you. They can definitely eat you, but they can't swallow you whole. They can't.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  Okay, well, they cut his, they cut his dismembered body out.

• 16:44Speaker 02

  There we are then. That's nice. At least we're staying at that level.

• 16:48Speaker 01

  I was trying to make it more pleasant.

• 16:49Speaker 00

  Sorry for trying to add a bit of razzmatazz to the story, Joe. That's all she's doing.

• 16:54Speaker 01

  For god's sake, it was, it just sounded a bit better. I suppose the wolf didn't swallow Little Red Riding Hood whole either, did he not? No?

• 17:00Speaker 00

  Next in the pile of me. Goldjocks didn't even eat the parrot, huh? Right, Joe, fact check, will you fact check the Pinocchio Geppetto incident?

• 17:09Speaker 02

  Luckily, hopefully everyone will be right on this because both Pinocchio and Geppetto are in the whale.

• 17:15Speaker 01

  Jesus, he got them both?

• 17:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, they get out, don't they? Spoiler alert, they get out.

• 17:19Speaker 01

  You were denying Geppetto.

• 17:21Speaker 00

  No, no, no, I didn't really deny, but I knew for sure that I think Pinocchio very much led the charge and went in first.

• 17:28Speaker 01

  Well, I'll be throwing out the kids, I'll be throwing out the kids book that I have because in that book, Pinocchio's not in there.

• 17:33Speaker 00

  No, no, no, Vogue, one of your pages is stuck together, he's very much in there.

• 17:37Speaker 01

  I'm, that's a real possibility, that happens more often than not.

• 17:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, there's a bit of Gigi Jam in the book there, or she's, her caviar fingers have gotten them, the page is stuck together.

• 17:53Speaker 01

  Well, I tell you about Ibiza, when are you, first of all, when are you going to Ibiza?

• 17:57Speaker 00

  Well, that's why I'm having the glass of champagne, because I'm going tomorrow. But I've decided that today is when the holiday starts, today is the first time I holiday and I'm like, I'm, I'm, I'm getting, I'm getting involved, I'm gonna start putting a load of house music on, I'm gonna start packing.

• 18:14Speaker 01

  It's just actually, I've heard it's good for you to do this because then by tomorrow, when you start drinking, you have to, you have to ease yourself in for when you're gonna really kick the shit out of yourself and then you don't feel as bad after.

• 18:27Speaker 00

  I'm training, I'm in training and, and Vogue, wait until you see, wait until you see the Bear by Vogue job I'm gonna do on myself, I know you're gonna block me and ask me not to post, but I am going 20 layers down.

• 18:42Speaker 01

  20, why didn't I just, I could have sent someone to do a spray tan on you.

• 18:46Speaker 00

  It'll be touching, inappropriate, I would say culturally, what I'm about to do.

• 18:50Speaker 01

  Someone asked me yesterday if I was having twins, it went from people, it went from people saying, your bum's too small to, are you having twins? I said, no, I am not, but thank you.

• 19:02Speaker 00

  Do you know that, and I, sorry to, well, you're not, so that's okay, I was gonna say sorry for interrupting you, but like, you're just now already, you're not having them.

• 19:09Speaker 01

  No.

• 19:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, it wasn't interrupting, it revealed her, actually I just jumped on, she's like, oh, by the way, I met a twin once and she's got a big announcement. This is no word of a lie, this isn't even me adding raspant as for the story, in the last seven days, I have seen five sets of twins.

• 19:30Speaker 00

  Can someone tell me, if Hannah Fry was here now, she'd be able to tell me the likelihood of that. Five sets of twins. It was four and then I saw two, another set of twins.

• 19:41Speaker 01

  Babies or grown up twins?

• 19:43Speaker 00

  When I went to sea swimming, I saw another set of twins. It was, Jo, what are the chances of that? Because that is, I thought, a glitch in the matrix vibes.

• 19:53Speaker 01

  They're not that unusual. Twins are pretty like, loads of people have twins.

• 19:57Speaker 00

  Do they?

• 19:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, anyone can actually have twins.

• 20:01Speaker 00

  I, I was like, this could be, this is like The Truman Show and, and they've, and they've hired too many actors. It felt like a glitch in the system. It felt, it was like lizard men vibes. I was like, how?

• 20:13Speaker 01

  Adults or children though? Adults or children?

• 20:14Speaker 00

  Adults and then one set of children.

• 20:16Speaker 01

  I once saw, there was this set of twins and I saw them loads of times in, in, when I was skiing. And they were dressed the same, they had the same skis, the same skis. But they were like 34.

• 20:27Speaker 00

  I would do that. I, I know for sure, if I was a twin, I'd be leaning into similarity. I wouldn't be struggling for difference.

• 20:34Speaker 01

  I wouldn't want that too much now. You know, sometimes, well, in the kids' school, they prefer to kind of split them up so that they can make their own different friends groups.

• 20:41Speaker 00

  I think they're fascinating. They're fascinating. I think they're fascinating. I think they're, I find them a bit strange, but I think they're fascinating.

• 20:49Speaker 01

  I met these two little girls in the pool. Because they came over to play a lot. So they were, they were little, little Irish girls. And they must have been about seven or eight. And I said, and Amber said, are you two twins? And they said, no, we're Irish twins.

• 21:05Speaker 00

  Oh, they know about the Irish twins?

• 21:09Speaker 00

  Yeah. Does everyone, do you know what an Irish twin is, Jo? My mum's an Irish twin.

• 21:12Speaker 01

  13 months apart, imagine.

• 21:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:14Speaker 02

  Oh, is that what that means? Immediately after the, oh, got you. No, I didn't know that. There you are.

• 21:21Speaker 00

  The only thing identical twins have different is, can you guess?

• 21:26Speaker 01

  Wait. Is it internal or exterior? Exterior?

• 21:31Speaker 00

  Exterior.

• 21:33Speaker 01

  Noses?

• 21:34Speaker 00

  No, fingerprints. They have different fingerprints.

• 21:36Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, damn.

• 21:37Speaker 00

  Yeah. Even though identical twins share the exact same DNA, their fingerprints are unique because they touch the amniotic sac differently as they move in the womb.

• 21:46Speaker 02

  Is that what makes our fingerprints? Touching the amniotic sac?

• 21:49Speaker 00

  I don't know. Is that what it is? 3D scans show that twins actively reach out and stroke each other in the womb, starting around 18 weeks.

• 21:59Speaker 01

  Will we call this pod the Google app?

• 22:02Speaker 00

  Okay, I'm loving the twin data.

• 22:08Speaker 00

  Vogue, I have a question for you. You won't know the answer, but that's okay. This'll be, it'll be like me not understanding.

• 22:13Speaker 01

  A rhetorical question.

• 22:14Speaker 00

  Caterpillar. It's a rhetorical. Perfect. I'll, I'll set it up like a question that you won't answer.

• 22:21Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 22:24Speaker 00

  Can you tell me? I will give, I will give you £5 sterling if you can tell me what superficundation is.

• 22:32Speaker 01

  Well, I wouldn't have done it for £5, but since you said sterling, fine. Superficundation. That is when

• 22:42Speaker 01

  non-identical twins are found in the same sac.

• 22:46Speaker 00

  Very good effort. Eh eh. Wrong.

• 22:53Speaker 00

  I will not be revolting you £5 sterling today. Superficundation, which I'm definitely pronouncing wrong, is a rare phenomenon where it allows a woman to release two eggs fertilized by different men during the same ovulation cycle, resulting in twins with different biological fathers.

• 23:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:10Speaker 00

  I mean, what are the chances?

• 23:13Speaker 01

  There's also this thing where you can have, you can be pregnant with a baby and get pregnant with the other baby slightly later. Oh, God, is that, is that fake as well? That sounds like bullshit. That last bit sounds like bullshit there. Can someone do something to my phone so I'm not reading this bullshit?

• 23:26Speaker 00

  We kind of sound, we kind of sound like the Virgin Mary trying to explain why she's knocked up.

• 23:32Speaker 00

  No, I am a virgin, but sperm can fly on the wind from the heavens and inseminate.

• 23:42Speaker 02

  Oh no, you're basically talking about the same thing. What you just said Vogue is superfet- superfetation, superfetation.

• 23:51Speaker 01

  Oh my god, that would be very unlucky, can you imagine?

• 23:54Speaker 00

  About one in five sets of twins include a left-handed person, which is twice the rate of the rest of the world.

• 24:02Speaker 01

  There you go.

• 24:02Speaker 00

  Why am I screaming?

• 24:03Speaker 02

  I don't know, she's very excited.

• 24:07Speaker 00

  I'd love to be a twin, because obviously, I don't know if I've mentioned, but I'm adopted. I'm an adopted ex-publicist, who used to work at a nursing home, and oh sorry, also went and stayed in your hotel. I was like, also-

• 24:20Speaker 02

  Which one? I've worked in loads.

• 24:21Speaker 00

  No, the one near your house. I was like, also, your auntie used to work there, she used to clean- she used to clean the toilets! Yeah!

• 24:27Speaker 02

  Shut up!

• 24:28Speaker 00

  I was like, why do I know Fitzpatrick? I was like, oh my god, that's where your aunt worked. I'm an alumni.

• 24:37Speaker 00

  I'm an alumni.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  So the toilet was very dirty. He didn't actually, he didn't actually.

• 24:43Speaker 00

  Well, as an adopted person, and you're wondering like where you came from and the family and all, and it was, it was a big dream of mine

• 24:52Speaker 00

  to be presented with a twin. It would have been amazing. Really weird, but it would have been amazing. And I mean, you're not supposed to split twins, but people do, people split twins, you know? Certainly back in the day when they didn't give a flying fandango. But it would have been my dream to be a twin. Sadly, I'm not. Although, I don't know, yet, but you know, I'm not dead.

• 25:13Speaker 01

  You never, you never know. Sure, I could be a twin. Sometimes I think Amber did her, her DNA, and I wasn't very impressed by, by her stats. And I said, well, mine might be different. She said, yours are the same as mine. And I said, but you never know, maybe I have a different dad, and I just never knew about it.

• 25:31Speaker 00

  That'd be so much fun, wouldn't it?

• 25:32Speaker 01

  So I would be interested.

• 25:33Speaker 00

  Wouldn't it be so much fun?

• 25:34Speaker 01

  Can you imagine? I find out that my dad wasn't my dad, and so he wasn't dead. So then I had an alive dad, and I've been going on about this dead dad and talking about him all the time when I'm drunk, when there would be no need to.

• 25:46Speaker 00

  It happens all the time. Like, it happens all the time.

• 25:51Speaker 01

  It does. If you're doing that DNA testing, you actually have to be ready to get a surprise because the chances of you getting a surprise are pretty high. People hide dirty, deep, dark secrets all the time.

• 26:03Speaker 00

  All the time. Men in particular.

• 26:05Speaker 02

  We'll reveal your results on the pod.

• 26:08Speaker 00

  Men in particular, Joe.

• 26:09Speaker 01

  Now, I mean, if I had a different dad, I'd probably like to do that privately to begin with, and then we can share.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  No, on the podcast.

• 26:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, we're going full Tavina. We're going, we want giant fat tears. We want to record the whole thing, the hugging on the end of the pier.

• 26:25Speaker 01

  Oh, that show makes me cry, my god.

• 26:30Speaker 03

  What do Peruvian babies, Anne Hathaway's pregnancy and the FIFA World Cup final all have in common?

• 26:37Speaker 04

  We're talking about them on Shouldn't Laugh But with me, Laura Smith.

• 26:40Speaker 03

  And me, Carmen Bittcher.

• 26:41Speaker 04

  This week, we're getting into the chaos from the FIFA World Cup final, from Messi's full circle moment with Lamine Yamal, to the championship rings and that absolutely massive half-time show.

• 26:50Speaker 03

  We're also talking about Anne Hathaway's surprise pregnancy and how we completely misunderstood the phrase buzzer beater.

• 26:57Speaker 04

  Plus, we find out one of Carmen's most embarrassing moments ever.

• 27:01Speaker 03

  Expect chaos, oversharing and probably a few things we shouldn't laugh at.

• 27:05Speaker 04

  But obviously, we will anyway.

• 27:06Speaker 03

  Listen and watch Shouldn't Laugh But on Global Player, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 27:15Speaker 01

  It's in the bag, Eda.

• 27:17Speaker 00

  Who's that?

• 27:18Speaker 01

  No, it's you. She wants to meet with the mother.

• 27:20Speaker 00

  Wait till she finds out you're not a real mother. I gotta tell her. Just fuck, just fuck it up.

• 27:26Speaker 01

  But you know what? At least I know.

• 27:28Speaker 00

  You're not my real.

• 27:28Speaker 01

  I know their minds. Svenny doesn't know if they're his.

• 27:31Speaker 00

  Well, this is the thing.

• 27:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, isn't that interesting to think about that?

• 27:37Speaker 01

  They are, but he doesn't know that.

• 27:40Speaker 00

  I think there's so much going on in the world. There's so much madness. And like, I know stories about people's parents dying and it turns out they had other families. I know stories.

• 27:52Speaker 01

  A lot of that, a lot of the other family thing.

• 27:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, being lied to about who their parents are. There's like, kind of, women who had birth really young and then their mother raised the child as theirs, so their sister's actually their mother. It's all going on. It's all going on. All kicking off.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  I know.

• 28:09Speaker 00

  Where did that come from, that conversation?

• 28:11Speaker 02

  EastEnders, I think.

• 28:14Speaker 00

  EastEnders.

• 28:15Speaker 01

  It came from twins, as far as I know. So you're going to Ibiza tomorrow. I went to Ibiza, had a great time, did not make it to Carl Cox. It was, it's, I, I'm not a nighttime girl. I think I'm more like, like, I'd like to go to Ibiza next year. And I'd like to go for like two or three days, day party it up. So like from lunchtime till about midnight, have loads of drinks, have loads of fun, and then I like to go to bed. I can't be going to a club at half three in the morning. It's just, I just, and do you know what I was thinking? DJs probably don't want to be playing at that time either. They probably want to go to bed.

• 28:52Speaker 00

  I mean, well, this is nothing we didn't know. The chances of you going to see Carl Cox at 3am were about as much as me going to a Pilates class at 6am. It ain't gonna fucking happen.

• 29:04Speaker 01

  It was originally sold to me as 1am and I would have made 1am.

• 29:08Speaker 00

  Really? Would you have even made 1? You're pregnant.

• 29:12Speaker 01

  I would have made, listen, Amber and I, we were out till 12 watching the match, which was brilliant, by the way. I want to talk about the World Cup. We were out till 12 watching the match and we could have, I could have easily made it till 1. But because it was half three, and then I was thinking, I'm sure Kyle Cox doesn't want to be on stage at half three either.

• 29:30Speaker 00

  Oh, I'd say he's having a ball. You know, he's like the longest resident DJ out there, the biggest DJ out there. It's something, something impressive.

• 29:37Speaker 01

  Do you not think he'd rather be on stage at 6, home by 11?

• 29:41Speaker 00

  No, I really don't. I don't think so. I don't think so. But now that I am involved in the Ibiza scene, I am thinking, I've got, there's people getting in touch with me like, oh, I'm DJing here, come here, I'm DJing here. I fucking love to DJ.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  Just gonna have another career change.

• 30:00Speaker 00

  And I might pivot. I might pivot.

• 30:05Speaker 00

  And go out to DJ, DJ, and no offence to the DJ community, it doesn't look that hard.

• 30:10Speaker 01

  It depends the kind of DJ that you're doing.

• 30:12Speaker 00

  They're just playing an iPod Nano.

• 30:14Speaker 01

  There was, there was DJs, and they called themselves the Faders, because they used to just fade in and out of songs, so they didn't actually mix. So you could do, you could be Fader, you could just, that could be your name, Fader, you just switch in and out of songs, just change the volume.

• 30:29Speaker 00

  I'll just bring my CD player, I'll bring a mic, now do you know what those Fisher Price, you know those Fisher Price musical boxes with the mic? Yeah, it'd be ironic or something.

• 30:38Speaker 01

  Why don't you just use your YouTube app, fuck it, go all out, use your YouTube app, you'll find great remixes on the YouTube.

• 30:44Speaker 00

  Exactly, just like a house party, look what Justin Bieber did, he just went up and played his own YouTube videos. I just want to be in the scene, it feels really fun, a lot of sequins, a lot of women having the crack, vaping, having champagne, staying up late. Beach, sunset, sunrises, great sense of community, good tunes.

• 31:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, John, you'd have to stand up there, you'd have to do a bit of work, you can't just go to the bar whenever you want, like you'd have to, you can't wee, like where are you weeing?

• 31:16Speaker 00

  Myself, I'm, I'm just, what do you mean I can't wee?

• 31:17Speaker 01

  You're doing a six hour set, six hour set, you don't see a Carl.

• 31:21Speaker 00

  Well, I'm not gonna do, I'm not gonna do, I'm only starting, they're not gonna book me for six hours.

• 31:27Speaker 01

  So how long are you gonna start, are you gonna just do an hour set?

• 31:30Speaker 00

  No, I'll do like a stand-up, I'll do a tight end.

• 31:35Speaker 01

  John's coming up to play.

• 31:36Speaker 00

  I'll do a tight end.

• 31:37Speaker 01

  You could play a Solomon track to start with, which is six and a half minutes probably, and then just mix into another one and then fuck off, that's all you have to do.

• 31:45Speaker 00

  I know I don't, I know I constantly say I'm not into music, but I do have great taste in tunes. Glow Worm, Carry Me Home, I would just play that on repeat, because that's a really good tune.

• 31:59Speaker 00

  And I'd be like, it's the Glow Worm set. Do you want to come and dance to Glow Worm? Carry me home, over and over and over and over again. Where are my ADHD girlies? Let's go. Yeah. And then, and then I, I wouldn't, I wouldn't leave, obviously, but I would just sweat myself, I guess. I mean, I've wet myself in professional situations before.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  You'd be drenched in sweat anyway. No one would know the difference.

• 32:17Speaker 00

  No, no, the difference.

• 32:20Speaker 01

  You, I can't wait for the stories. I don't know. I, I think if you just party at night is probably the best idea for you. Go into the club where there's Eric on and just stay inside all day long. Someone was texting me yesterday and she was like, I, we, we just stay inside for most of the day and, and go in and out to the pool sometimes, but it's too hot. Like, I'm not.

• 32:42Speaker 00

  It's too hot to go to the pool?

• 32:44Speaker 01

  It's, it's, it is exceptionally, I don't know why it's so hot over there. Maybe it's gone down. It's the humidity. I don't know. It's, it's like, it was a lot.

• 32:52Speaker 00

  There's, there's a global heatwave. It's all Nino.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  I got back here though, and it was like normal temperature and we're able to sit outside. It's not like gonna, it's not gonna, it doesn't feel like the pits of hell.

• 33:03Speaker 00

  I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna bite the bullet and get one of those neck fans.

• 33:09Speaker 01

  I just don't know. You think you're gonna have to take quite a few fans away. I would suggest packing that purple one you always use on the pod.

• 33:15Speaker 00

  I'm gonna stop taking my meds.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, that sounds like a really good idea, actually. Yeah.

• 33:21Speaker 00

  Gonna go to a week that, unmedicated.

• 33:25Speaker 01

  Drink, drink all the booze that you can find.

• 33:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:29Speaker 01

  And then, yeah, that's a great idea.

• 33:30Speaker 00

  Try and crack into the industry by repeatedly playing Glow Worm, carry me home. I've, I think it's gonna go really well.

• 33:37Speaker 01

  What the hell is Glow Worm, carry me home?

• 33:40Speaker 00

  Joe, can we play it there? It's my song.

• 33:44Speaker 02

  No, definitely not. No, absolutely not. If you're, if you're listening, don't go away now to listen to it, but do remind yourself to have a listen to that.

• 33:52Speaker 00

  It's really good. Yeah. I think I'd get married to that song.

• 33:57Speaker 01

  Did anybody watch the World Cup final? Joe, I know you did.

• 34:03Speaker 01

  John, did you not?

• 34:06Speaker 00

  I don't, I don't.

• 34:07Speaker 01

  I said you were going to the pub.

• 34:12Speaker 00

  I knew, I knew it happened and I knew you would tell me about it.

• 34:15Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 34:17Speaker 00

  It was so funny, the night that the, the, the, that the UK were kicked out. So I was in, sitting in my kitchen and I heard this explosive roar, like it was like an earthquake. And I was like, oh my God, they've scored, England scored. And then just silence and, and people walking home past the house, just stone cold silence. You could just feel the disappointment in the air. I'm sorry for your loss, John.

• 34:43Speaker 01

  They did, no, they came third, they did pretty well for themselves and they came third and they, in a, in a match that had six, four against France. Who were the, I don't know, I've gotten really into it, who were the original, people thought that France were going to win it originally. But anyway, Spain, Argentina in the final, I was watching it outside the hotel, they'd set up this big screen. And me and Amber watching it, but I don't know what was going on. Someone upstairs, their feed was slightly ahead of ours. So like about 30 seconds before we'd see a goal, they'd be like, whee! And we'd be like, oh my God, waiting to see what happened. So like, we knew someone had scored, but it was, it was Spain, Argentina in the final.

• 35:22Speaker 01

  And people did not like the, the World Cup, it was at the halftime show that they had.

• 35:29Speaker 00

  Well, that bit I did see.

• 35:33Speaker 00

  The football, like even when you're talking to me about the football, I, I, and this is no offence to you. It's like when my dad tried to teach me to my times tables, I just zone out. I can't, I really struggle to, to like take in the information. But the halftime show, that I did watch.

• 35:47Speaker 01

  Oh my God, the halftime show was like.

• 35:51Speaker 00

  It was like, it was like if the Eurovision had money, it was mental and why does it bother?

• 35:56Speaker 01

  But it was like America had just been like, right, we'll show, we'll show them what a halftime show is. And so much like, I, there's nothing Madonna could ever do that would make me say that she wasn't good. And I think Madonna, at the start, she was epic. She had Stuart Price, a really good DJ behind her who produced her albums. But then she had Ronaldo and Ronaldino sitting in a car with her. Ronaldo looked like a corpse, a smiling corpse. He just didn't. Like, I know he's like, one of the greatest-

• 36:31Speaker 00

  Which Ronaldo?

• 36:32Speaker 02

  Original Ronaldo.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  Original Ronaldo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he literally looked like a smiling corpse with his hands ten to two. He was doing nothing. At least Ronaldino, he kinda was moving a little bit with the music. I get that they're total football legends, but like, I mean, anyone, I suppose if someone said, do you want to go on stage with Madonna, you'd be like, yes, please, I do want to go on stage with Madonna. But they just didn't do anything. It didn't make sense. But her, she was really good. I didn't-

• 36:58Speaker 00

  Madonna, I, I just think Madonna's come too far in her career to be performing with the Muppets.

• 37:04Speaker 01

  I don't feel like she did a full performance with the Muppets. They, they just were there. They had their own section.

• 37:10Speaker 00

  I heard she was upstaged by the Muppets.

• 37:12Speaker 01

  She definitely wasn't upstaged by the Muppets. I don't know, I don't know where the Muppets came. I don't, I didn't understand why the Muppets were there. No shade to the Muppets. It didn't really make sense.

• 37:23Speaker 00

  I, the Americans, as we know, they do try and Americanize things and they love a halftime show. Like, I, I'd say, I'm actually surprised they don't do halftime shows in, at their own funerals. I can only imagine they're like, before we lay this woman to rest, we're gonna welcome Shakira to the stage. Like, for presidential funerals and stuff, I'm surprised that Shania Twain isn't doing a couple of medleys at the top.

• 37:45Speaker 01

  Shakira, who is on the halftime show. And I will just always have a deep love for Shakira because obviously she got fucked over by her fella, Gerard Pique, who was a footballer, and he actually was in the World Cup four years ago, wasn't there this year? But Shakira was. And she looked unbelievable. And I just feel like Shakira, she held her head up high in all that shit. She got away with the tax stuff too. She got away with the tax stuff. So she went to pay the tax bill. She kinda did. She's not fair.

• 38:17Speaker 00

  Well, I'm, when I was looking at her- Twirling around, I was like, hon, as someone who also likes to write things off, I hope she knows half this fee has to be put aside for the tax. That's all I was thinking.

• 38:29Speaker 01

  Were you worried about her?

• 38:30Speaker 00

  I was worried. I was like, she thinks she's gonna write all these pants off, she can't.

• 38:33Speaker 01

  I'd say she can look back on it and be like, you know what? Fine. Everything has turned out the way it was meant to turn out.

• 38:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  But you'll always have that little, like, even with this person that cheated on me, you'll always have that little, hmm. And when you see the person that they cheated with, sometimes I'm like, hmm, hmm.

• 38:53Speaker 00

  All is fair in love and jam. Wasn't that how she found out that he was cheating on her?

• 38:57Speaker 01

  The jam.

• 38:58Speaker 00

  She came home and her jam that she loved and her husband didn't like the jam had been eaten.

• 39:03Speaker 01

  Oh, Jesus.

• 39:05Speaker 02

  Even if that's not true, I'm not gonna Google that, because that's...

• 39:07Speaker 00

  No, it is. You don't even need to allegedly that shit, Jo. That's actually true.

• 39:11Speaker 01

  Joanna remembers the most bizarre things. I would tend to believe that.

• 39:14Speaker 00

  Clickbait news, wherever Vogue's getting her news from.

• 39:19Speaker 00

  I read it from, who knows?

• 39:23Speaker 00

  I read it on, I read it from, take it with a pinch of salt.

• 39:32Speaker 00

  Speaking of the World Cup, are we gonna discuss the fact that Robbie Williams, everyone's accused of being on drugs? It was actually really funny. For anyone who didn't see it, Robbie was performing, obviously, because literally, like, I don't know who wasn't, but, I'm surprised you weren't performing Good Girl over there. Like, everyone was over there performing.

• 39:49Speaker 01

  I told them I was on my holidays, I couldn't make it.

• 39:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're like, I'm in a spa resort and I beat that. I don't have the time or the interest.

• 39:58Speaker 01

  Sorry, I'm busy.

• 39:59Speaker 00

  No, you were like, it's free, I'm not going. So, he was being interviewed after and, uh...

• 40:06Speaker 01

  It was on French TV, wasn't it?

• 40:09Speaker 00

  Was it German TV? A friend of mine was like, he's only wearing a tracksuit. I was like, well, at least he's out of the bed. Do you remember he took to the bed for years?

• 40:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, and he was just going around in his knickers. Yeah, he did a documentary in a pair of knickers.

• 40:21Speaker 00

  He's making an effort. Anyway, something fell out of his face, it was white, and it fell on the mic and he flitched it off. And of course, the internet, because the internet loves accusing people of doing drugs, it's one of their favourite things, even though half the majority on drugs themselves. But it's that thing of like, ha, ha. Look at you, because there's so much shame around drugs and judgement around drugs. Anyway, it turned out it was a mint and he did a very funny video where he kind of apologised for it and everything. But like, he's clean and sober years, although I will say, when I saw the length of the half time show, I was like, no wonder. When I didn't know what was going on, I said, I don't blame him.

• 40:57Speaker 01

  Did you see Gabby Logan?

• 41:02Speaker 01

  Gabby Logan was interviewing Wayne Rooney, and like, they were all chatting there on this panel, and she just goes to Wayne Rooney. "Well Wayne, what did you think of that?" "Thought it was crap."

• 41:11Speaker 00

  "I saw it!"

• 41:12Speaker 01

  "Thought it was crap." And he was just like, "Aha." And she was like, "Well, what was the best part for you?" "When it ended, I'm sorry, it was crap."

• 41:22Speaker 00

  Come on Wayne.

• 41:23Speaker 01

  He's had a glow up, he's had a glow up, hasn't he? Jesus, I thought he looked all green.

• 41:28Speaker 00

  Do you know I was offered a hair transplant, speaking of Wayne Rooney?

• 41:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, company got in touch.

• 41:35Speaker 01

  Who?

• 41:36Speaker 00

  Really lovely woman.

• 41:36Speaker 01

  Where is it? In Turkey?

• 41:39Speaker 00

  No, it's in England.

• 41:40Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 41:41Speaker 00

  And she was like, "Hey," she was like, "Look, we listen to the pod and we hear you always talking about your hairline and that you're on the monoxidil, and would you be interested in getting like a hair transplant at the front?" And I wrote back going, "Stop." So, as in, I was, "Wow." Because that's how I respond to things, I say "stop" and "wow."

• 41:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:56Speaker 00

  In a positive way, but she read it as, "Wow."

• 41:59Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 42:02Speaker 00

  She was like, "Oh my God, I'm so, so sorry, you're gorgeous, your hair's gorgeous, your hairline's gorgeous, I didn't mean to..." And I was like, "No, no, no, no, I'm saying..."

• 42:09Speaker 01

  Yes, please, yes, please!

• 42:11Speaker 00

  "In a good way." And she was like, "Oh my God, I nearly died, I thought that you, I'd really offended you." And I was like, "No, no, no, no, not at all." And then I actually voice noted her, and then there was an Irish nurse in the background going, "See, I told you, you didn't offend her."

• 42:28Speaker 01

  Now, Joanne, I'll let you do most things, and I let you, I let you go on your merry way and just do most of the things that you like to do, but I'm not going to let you get a hair transplant, I'm sorry, you can't, you can't, I'm sorry. I've booked it in. Oh, for fuck's sake, no. Jo, honestly, this can't...

• 42:45Speaker 00

  Well, we're talking dates. So what I was saying was-

• 42:47Speaker 01

  Oh my, please no.

• 42:50Speaker 00

  I have, I have a receding, I have a bit of receding, which I am plugging back with the regain on the minoxidil. But I would like, just, just, I'm not saying I want a fringe. I'm not saying I want it down to my eyebrows. I wouldn't mind just an extra couple of inches at the front. But I'm gonna wait till next year when I have nothing on. Not that I have nothing on, but I'm not like on tour with Penifiler, I'm not doing a lot of TV.

• 43:15Speaker 01

  Do you have to shave, you don't have to shave your head.

• 43:17Speaker 00

  When I write my book, I can have a hair transplant when writing the book.

• 43:21Speaker 01

  I, I just don't, okay, I just, listen, everyone should do what they want to do, their own body, their own choice. But I really just don't feel like you need a hair transplant. And I just don't think it's, I think that you'll be, you won't like it. I don't think you'll like it.

• 43:34Speaker 00

  I think I'll love it.

• 43:35Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 43:36Speaker 00

  It's happening. It's happening.

• 43:39Speaker 01

  I have a lot of control over Joran, as you can see.

• 43:44Speaker 01

  Back, back to the World Cup.

• 43:46Speaker 00

  Sorry.

• 43:47Speaker 01

  So, Argentina, I'm sorry, but they are very rough. I didn't like the way they were rough with England, and I like a conspiracy theory. And the conspiracy behind, and they were very rough with Spain. Your man at the end came up and battered one of the players from Spain, and nothing was done by FIFA. And the conspiracy is that people think that FIFA were trying to get Argentina to win the World Cup. So what they did was, they let them away with loads of things that no other team would have been allowed away with, when actually, they should have been kicked out. And actually, when they were playing England, they should have lost players because they should have been red-carded, and they weren't.

• 44:27Speaker 01

  And this is the conspiracy that I'm looking at, because Donald Trump wanted, because he goes on about how much he hates the Spanish. The feeling is mutual. He goes on how much he hates the Spanish.

• 44:38Speaker 00

  Hates the Spanish? Like, why?

• 44:43Speaker 01

  There's actually a quote about what he says about the whole nation of Spain. It's like, dude, like, and then he had to, and then he had to present them with the World Cup at the end. And as you were trying to say earlier, they couldn't get him off the stage. And they had to cut him out of the pictures. He's just standing like a complete plonker in the middle of the mall.

• 45:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, he was very much drunk and won't get out of betting photos. That was very much the vibe. This, I have an explanation for why everything's going nuts. I don't know if you're familiar with- Mercury and retrograde.

• 45:16Speaker 01

  It's always doing something though, that's why I just kind of stay out of it because it's at any point it's in retrograde, like all the time.

• 45:24Speaker 00

  It's not always in retrograde, but apparently it's been, this is more retrograde-y than ever before in the mercury, right? So, I obviously don't believe in astrology at all, I'm a science person. However, once I got wind that this was basically an amnesty for bad behaviour, I think we should really lean in. So, people, real people with brains and careers and, and normal things are saying that they're using this as a genuine excuse as to why shit's going loco. Because we're all cucumbers and we're basically pulling, we're a victim of the tides and the waters and mercury is in retrograde.

• 46:02Speaker 00

  I don't know what that means, but what I do understand that it means is key the car, turn up to the ex's garden, fuck it up, do you know what I mean? Get a chest tat, quit your job, all these things will be explainable. There's no accountability anymore, until mercury goes out of retrograde or something, I don't know.

• 46:20Speaker 01

  When is it, is it in or out of retrograde at the moment? Because you just never know. Joe, what is it doing?

• 46:25Speaker 00

  Google it Joe, because there's something big going on with mercury and the retrogrades.

• 46:30Speaker 02

  If you're going to do anything, I'll advise you need to do it today, that's day of recording, the 23rd. By the time you hear this, mercury won't be in retrograde anymore.

• 46:37Speaker 00

  Oh, it's gone.

• 46:38Speaker 02

  So, cut it out.

• 46:39Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 46:39Speaker 01

  So, everything you were planning for Ibiza, Joanne, you'd want to pull back a bit on that now because it's tough.

• 46:45Speaker 02

  It'll next be in retrograde on October the 24th, so just note that down.

• 46:50Speaker 01

  See, again, it's back in retrograde.

• 46:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, but this one was particularly retrograde-y apparently, according to all the women now sitting in prison.

• 47:03Speaker 00

  It's not me, it's the fucking stars. Do you know what I want to do? Do you know why I'm re- Really going to Ibiza?

• 47:08Speaker 01

  Why?

• 47:09Speaker 00

  Because I think my husband is there and I think it's the manager of Pikes. Now, for anyone not aware of the viral voice note that went around.

• 47:16Speaker 01

  I was a pageant. That was all, can I just say, that was the only thing I saw in Ibiza. I saw one person in a K-hole and I was like, great, trip made. Eight o'clock at night.

• 47:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:29Speaker 01

  Being dragged out of a car, couldn't walk, in a total K-hole. And I was like, that's what I came to Ibiza for.

• 47:35Speaker 00

  There you go, tick, tick. Just to see the sights. Just see the sights.

• 47:39Speaker 01

  The manager, the manager of Pikes basically voice notes his, this lad's friend, he picks up this guy's phone, who's in a bad way. And he voice notes his friend and he's like to his friend, can you come and pick up your friend? He's after falling into a K-hole.

• 47:53Speaker 00

  He's in a K-hole.

• 47:54Speaker 01

  And he's in absolute bits, hearing Pikes.

• 47:57Speaker 00

  And the guy goes, I'm, I'm sound. And he goes, yeah, yeah. And he goes, listen, come and get him, he's in a K-hole. The manager from Pikes here, come and get your friend, he's in a K-hole.

• 48:07Speaker 01

  I thought that was really sound.

• 48:08Speaker 00

  Does he, you are saying? And he goes, you've maneuvered me like you think I'm some sort of, can you say that word anymore?

• 48:16Speaker 00

  I'm repeating what he said. And then the manager goes, yeah, you are, anyway. And then moves on with the conversation and it's very funny and everyone laughed. Anyway, that's, I mean, the, the dream is to hook up with the manager of Pikes. The reality is I'll probably end up with a guy in the K-hole.

• 48:32Speaker 02

  Tune in next week to find out.

• 48:34Speaker 00

  It's all good stuff.

• 48:34Speaker 01

  We're away, really, you'll be back, back into ocean beach.

• 48:38Speaker 00

  It's all good stuff.

• 48:40Speaker 01

  I did see, I saw a few sights now in the, in the morning in Ibiza airport.

• 48:44Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. I'm very nervous about that.

• 48:46Speaker 01

  I had a very nice time.

• 48:51Speaker 01

  Remember when we were coming over from Ibiza and I, I had auto there, but Joanne had gone out with my friend Megan and they kicked the shit out of it, as you would do in Ibiza.

• 49:00Speaker 00

  Ah, yeah. When in Rome.

• 49:03Speaker 01

  Or Megan hadn't slept because we had a morning flight and she went, going around the airport with auto in the bookie.

• 49:13Speaker 00

  Oh my god, yes. I loved it.

• 49:17Speaker 01

  You were... I loved it. She just turned into this super mom for some reason. With no sleep. I had the nicest time.

• 49:28Speaker 00

  I had so... I don't know what I was doing. I just really took to him that day, didn't I?

• 49:32Speaker 01

  You like took to what? I had the day off. I was thrilled with myself.

• 49:37Speaker 00

  I actually totally forgot about that.

• 49:42Speaker 00

  Well, next time we speak, I'll be in Ibiza. So I'm assuming my microphone won't work because it'll be underwater. Thanks for listening. We'll see you on Wednesday. Like and subscribe if you are that way inclined. And please keep sending us your emails. We love to read them. [email protected].

• 50:02Speaker 01

  See you later.