Pod Insights My Therapist Ghosted Me MTGM EXTRA! "The words no woman should have to hear..." About this episode This episode will be potentially triggering if you've ever lost an entire makeup bag... You've been warned. As Vogue beams in from her Spanish holiday, Joanne is in York with some explaining to do about so-called "Powderpuff Castle". Plus, Joanne once again claims she used to be fluent in French and whether it's time to spare a thought for the football.
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Transcript 0:02 Speaker 00 You're parched, obviously, because you've had wine for your dinner.
0:08 Speaker 01 You should consider writing a book, my friend.
0:13 Speaker 00 I'm gonna throw it out here, this could be a mad thing to say.
0:16 Speaker 01 Joe, is she going there? Is she going there, Joe?
0:25 Speaker 01 It's only 9am your time and I've already thought about you and had a great laugh today.
0:30 Speaker 00 Oh, go on.
0:32 Speaker 01 I was in the supermarket looking for a cucumber.
0:35 Speaker 00 Were you?
0:37 Speaker 00 Were you topless again?
0:41 Speaker 00 Are we about to get hit with another article?
0:43 Speaker 01 No, but weirdly, I forgot my underwear and I was just going around bottomless. So I had the top on, but I just had no knickers on.
0:50 Speaker 00 It's a new one, yeah. They wouldn't even notice, you're so pregnant.
0:55 Speaker 01 I can't even see down there. Do you know when I was in the doctor's now, they make you do like a little wee in a cuff all the time.
1:02 Speaker 01 I have no idea where that's going, but there's very little by the time I'm finished. Like, somewhere right there.
1:11 Speaker 00 You're like, you could just mop that up, can't you?
1:17 Speaker 00 It's kind of riled up into the corners there.
1:20 Speaker 01 Oh, God. No, that's not why I was thinking of you, because I was, I was, I was looking for cucumbers and I couldn't find them. Automatically started thinking of Hilary Baldwin.
1:30 Speaker 00 Of course.
1:31 Speaker 01 Pretended that she was Spanish and, and then I learnt the word for cucumber was pepino and I was like, and she was like, what is the word in English?
1:37 Speaker 00 Cucumbers, cucumbers.
1:40 Speaker 01 That was just, that was mad.
1:42 Speaker 00 That was wild, it was a wild ride. Pretending you're Spanish and then like trying to back out of us. And saying it's just the influence of the culture and that she just really likes Spain.
1:57 Speaker 00 The whole thing was just banana town.
2:00 Speaker 01 It's funny the way people react to, to like trying to speak. I find the Spanish are really like engaging and he was really impressed that I had come along with ChatGPT and said pepino. And I think that they're really nice about it, but now in France, I feel like they don't really have any time for you. They're like, just say it in English, we know English and you're shite in French.
2:20 Speaker 00 Remember I used to be fluent in French, so sad. So sad. I know you don't believe me. You don't believe half the things I say. I'm not, I'm not a Larry Baldwin.
2:29 Speaker 02 Is there a chance that you're just slightly misremembering it?
2:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think.
2:33 Speaker 00 No.
2:33 Speaker 02 That it was fluency?
2:34 Speaker 00 No, not.
2:37 Speaker 01 It's like.
2:37 Speaker 00 Not. Not.
2:40 Speaker 01 It's like, I was driving down the road the other day and I was like, how am I gonna ask for an iced coffee in Spanish? And then I was like, oh, and I thought about it and I said, Jesus Christ, I'm good at Spanish.
2:50 Speaker 00 I was like, did you ask Trag2BT?
2:52 Speaker 01 No, I actually.
2:53 Speaker 00 Let the world burn.
2:54 Speaker 01 I could put the, I could put the words together. That's like probably what you were doing in France. I just, I don't feel like you lose fluency that easily.
3:03 Speaker 00 It was, I was.
3:04 Speaker 01 I think it comes back to you.
3:05 Speaker 00 I was 15.
3:08 Speaker 00 I was, do you know what? Look, I don't know what.
3:09 Speaker 01 How long were you in France for?
3:11 Speaker 00 A year.
3:13 Speaker 01 Oh, no, but there's potential there in IJ.
3:15 Speaker 00 Listen, I don't have to prove myself to either of you.
3:17 Speaker 01 But also, I'm not sure.
3:18 Speaker 00 I know.
3:18 Speaker 01 I'm gonna have to text Pat and make sure she's being honest about the full year.
3:22 Speaker 00 Well, Pat, it was a school year.
3:26 Speaker 01 Full school year? Pat's on a trip to France?
3:28 Speaker 00 Yeah. Well, two semesters. It was, it was a week.
3:34 Speaker 01 Did you go to a summer camp in France?
3:39 Speaker 00 I went to a French school for a week in Dublin, okay?
3:44 Speaker 01 I took French lessons on the side, that's it.
3:47 Speaker 00 I did my junior search. I don't know, like, whatever. But I, no, I was, I went to France.
3:51 Speaker 01 My French teacher got me suspended for a week. I'll never forget it. I know her name. I won't mention her by name, but if she's listening, I remember you and what you did.
3:59 Speaker 00 She did what?
4:00 Speaker 01 She got me suspended for a full week.
4:02 Speaker 02 But what did you do? Why did you get suspended?
4:04 Speaker 01 By the way, Miss R, I had a great time because my other friend was suspended at the same time and I'd already been thrown out of home. So my dad didn't give a fuck what I was doing.
4:13 Speaker 00 Why, why did you, why were you suspended?
4:15 Speaker 01 I never, I never stopped talking. The only reason I ever got in trouble is because I was so annoying and I never stopped talking. Like, I was never rude to teachers. I was never like, I'd never say swear words or anything. I thought, I just wouldn't shut up.
4:28 Speaker 00 You were disruptive.
4:30 Speaker 01 Yeah.
4:30 Speaker 00 Yeah. Well, you can be, I can't see that in you.
4:34 Speaker 02 If it fits the job you do now.
4:36 Speaker 00 Yes, indeed, yeah, it's gone back into your favour.
4:40 Speaker 01 Tell me, how was your gig in Powder Puff late last night?
4:45 Speaker 00 Well, I've been, I've made, there's been some gross errors. My, my accuracy of where I'm going to be performing is wildly off pissed. Turns out I was in York. As outdoor events go, York was incredibly enjoyable. Because those gigs can be a bit odd sometimes because it's early doors, it's bright, do you know what I mean? You're like, you're outdoors, the acoustics are flying off into the air. Yeah, you'd love them. They're like matinee shows. But anyway, it turns out I'm in Powder Puff Palace in Exeter this Sunday. No, sorry, this Friday, which I would like to plug.
5:25 Speaker 01 I, I really-
5:27 Speaker 02 That is Friday the 17th.
5:28 Speaker 00 Friday the 17th, at Powder Puff Palace.
5:32 Speaker 01 In Exeter.
5:33 Speaker 00 In Exeter.
5:34 Speaker 01 Joanne, I have never seen such, such a fantastic swerve trying to blame someone else for getting the dates wrong. Joanne texts a group and she was like to her agent, "I was testing you and you didn't realise that I had said York."
5:49 Speaker 00 Our agents both listen to the podcast, allegedly, wink, wink. And I obviously gave out the wrong information last week on the pod.
5:57 Speaker 01 Rick texts Joanne if you've heard this.
5:59 Speaker 00 Yeah, because I, and I said, "Oh, Rick, Rick's like, he says like, yeah, good effort mate, good, all, all good on our side." Just in case we've accidentally said something fascist that we didn't realise. And, and he, and he missed it too. So he was like, "So sorry." And I was like, "Yeah, I was testing you. You obviously don't listen to the podcast. You lying bastard." I don't listen to it either, so I can't really blame him. But mine's more from a self-loathing perspective rather than a couldn't be arsed.
6:25 Speaker 01 We're really happy when you don't listen to it. There's a couple of times where you've jumped on board and it's just, it's a tough, it's a tough three weeks for Jo and I.
6:32 Speaker 00 Yeah, it is. No one wants to be involved in that regard.
6:37 Speaker 00 So I'm in York, Vogue. Where are you?
6:39 Speaker 01 I am in.
6:41 Speaker 00 Oh, sorry, Spain, of course, sorry, that's why you're.
6:42 Speaker 01 I'm in Spain.
6:43 Speaker 00 Papanas, yeah.
6:45 Speaker 01 Pepinos, Pepinos. I'm in Spain with, in my mom's house because she's disappeared. Some people are like, oh, you're going to on holidays with your, with your parents. I'm like, no, we wouldn't holiday well together. My mom's gone, it's too hot for her. Neil had considered when it was raining in Ireland that he might come back to Spain. And we said, no, Spain's booked out. You don't live there now for the summer. Off you go. So we come down and take their house.
7:07 Speaker 00 Most people will call the police if their mother went missing, but no. Folks packs up the children.
7:14 Speaker 01 My fucking.
7:14 Speaker 00 Moves into the home.
7:15 Speaker 01 She's gone early this year.
7:16 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah. Don't hang the posters yet, okay? Let's just get a week, let's get a week out of this and then we can start the search.
7:22 Speaker 01 I'll, I'll do it in October. It starts, the weather starts going downhill in October, so I won't need the place in October. So then I'll figure out where she is then.
7:29 Speaker 00 Yeah, we can get forensics involved then, but for now, sorry.
7:33 Speaker 01 I'm getting the comments again though. Oh, are you away again? Somebody emailed me that and I was like, oh my God, how did you guess? It was a picture of a swimming pool she'd mailed it on. I was like, wow, how did you guess?
7:45 Speaker 00 Hold on, I'm confused. What, it was a picture of a swimming pool?
7:48 Speaker 01 People, so people will comment, you know, when people send you mails, sometimes you see them. So I posted a picture of the swimming pool at my mom's house and then someone goes, oh, away again, with about six question marks. And I said, how did you guess?
8:00 Speaker 00 You're the Jule Pivarn.
8:03 Speaker 01 I would like to say that I'm still working over here. I've just.
8:07 Speaker 00 Of course.
8:08 Speaker 01 I am, I have dual, what's it called?
8:12 Speaker 00 Citizenship.
8:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, well, I don't, but like I live in two places. I'll be non Dom.
8:18 Speaker 00 You're non Dom.
8:19 Speaker 01 What Kier Starmer says, I'm non Dom.
8:22 Speaker 00 I'm also, I'm just looking here because I had something in my, in my saved bits that I wanted to.
8:30 Speaker 00 And as we know, this always goes really well for me when I have something in my phone.
8:33 Speaker 01 Well, we talk about the football, isn't it interesting now? I was thinking to myself, it might be coming back to the country that I reside in a lot of the time. It might be, we could maybe possibly start singing that song. It's coming home to the country I reside in sometimes. It's coming home.
8:49 Speaker 00 Uh, one of your, one of your national.
8:51 Speaker 01 It's coming home to the country that I live in some of the time.
8:56 Speaker 00 Is it coming?
8:57 Speaker 01 No, it's coming home to the country. No, it's, I have to cut out home, sorry. It's coming back to the country. I sometimes stay in.
9:04 Speaker 00 Yeah.
9:04 Speaker 01 I can't say the words.
9:05 Speaker 00 Yes, well, well done. Cut all that, Jo.
9:08 Speaker 01 Jesus Christ.
9:10 Speaker 00 As an Irish podcast, I want no part of this.
9:13 Speaker 01 It was much catchier in my head.
9:15 Speaker 00 She's singing the national anthem, what she's singing. I just know I'm uncomfortable. What is this?
9:20 Speaker 01 I didn't say home. I didn't say home. Ireland is home.
9:24 Speaker 00 Speaking of, speaking of that, did you see, and like, I'm all about, like, not taking shit too seriously. Louis Tomlinson was watching the World Cup while performing. Did you see this? He had his, he had his phone set up on the stage while he was performing and he, and while England were playing and he was watching the match and he was kind of celebrating when they scored and everything. I was like, no, that's, that's rude. Sorry, Nate. That is cheeky AF. Like, if I paid, tickets are like 200 quid. And he's ringing it in, watching TV.
10:00 Speaker 01 Well, that is the difference between having a sold out show and having a lot of empty seats, John McNally. And it was not said at the start of his.
10:08 Speaker 00 Well.
10:09 Speaker 01 That he had empty seats because people were saying he was watching, I heard he was watching Breaking Bad to begin with.
10:13 Speaker 00 Yeah, he's just watching old episodes of Blue Peter. Like, he just couldn't give a shit. I have to say, as someone who was at Harry Styles only recently, I can tell you now, Harry Styles wasn't watching TV while performing. And Louis, you'd want to have a word with yourself. You've seen him at the Sound Guy, but that is just. Imagine, sorry, imagine us on the ghost tour. Imagine me in York last night with watching TV while on stage. It's absolutely, it's so obnoxious. I actually can't get over it. And I know it's a big deal for football people.
10:46 Speaker 01 Watching on repeat, like, I watched it with, well, T watched the highlights the next day. Watching on repeat. I thought you were going to say, did you know how much Erling Haaland looked like Amber? And I said, I was going to say, yes, I do.
10:59 Speaker 01 Do you know that fella, the Norwegian fella?
11:00 Speaker 00 Oh, I think, do you know what? I don't, I think I know who you mean because I don't, I don't see Amber in him, but he is quite an unusual looking fella. Like, he definitely looks Scandi, doesn't he? He has a Scandi vibe. You can tell he's not maybe from the Midlands.
11:13 Speaker 01 I always think he looks exactly like Amber. I've thought that for ages now, before I even saw him in the World Cup, when he was playing for his other team.
11:21 Speaker 00 If I was your sis-, if I was your sister, I would throw you off a cliff for that comment.
11:26 Speaker 01 I love him. I've been watching loads of stuff on him. He seems like a really standard guy.
11:30 Speaker 00 He does. He does. He seems like a nice guy, but he is quite masculine looking, I would say.
11:34 Speaker 01 I, I did think the, yeah, well.
11:37 Speaker 00 She's got, there's, yeah, there's a Viking vibe there, I would say.
11:42 Speaker 01 I have been into the World Cup, though. I did think the Norwegians would have it. So now we, you've got England, Argentina, and who else? France are playing who? Who are France playing?
11:51 Speaker 02 By the time this goes out, France and Spain has happened. That happened last night now, by the time you listen to this.
11:56 Speaker 01 Maybe it's coming home to the holiday, the place I'm on holiday at. You never know.
12:00 Speaker 00 What does that mean for us, Jo? Can we still stay?
12:06 Speaker 02 It means that, uh, England might become a bit of a, um, an irritating place for you to be more so than usual for a couple of days or weeks.
12:18 Speaker 00 I love it. But you'd want to see me, I was, I was, here I was. I was in a black car the other day, I'd given out about the traffic. And I was like, Jesus, Joanne, for a woman who's not even from here, you've really dug your heels in. I said to the driver, I was like, what the fuck is with the traffic? It's fucking disgrace. And he's like, I know, I'm really giving out about the two bridges being closed. Yeah, I'm giving out about people leaving their bins out in the streets. I know, I know. It's terrible. It's terrible.
12:43 Speaker 01 I sure, I do that, I do that when I go down to the Tube. And I'm like, the Tube is, the Tube will be three minutes. I'm like, for God's sake, three minutes. Whereas we'd be waiting for the dart for 25 minutes.
12:54 Speaker 00 I know. Like, for two immigrants, like, for two immigrants, we're very gobby about the country. Do you know what I mean?
13:02 Speaker 01 Well, I think it's nice for whoever wins.
13:04 Speaker 02 There's too many people coming over now, which is it. There's too many people coming over. It's full. It's full now.
13:09 Speaker 00 Can't get into town. It's a disgrace. Shut the airports.
13:19 Speaker 01 Did anyone see Conor McGregor's comeback fight?
13:23 Speaker 00 Is this something to do with his knee?
13:25 Speaker 01 Oh yeah, he lasted 59 seconds. He was going around the ring like the most embarrassing person in the world, thinking that he was gonna win his comeback fight. Within 59 seconds, he was out. His opponent actually had to say to the ref, "Will I stop punching him? Will I just, like, will I, will I stop?"
13:41 Speaker 00 59 seconds?
13:42 Speaker 01 59 seconds.
13:44 Speaker 00 I've pissed longer than that.
13:48 Speaker 00 That's, oh dear Conor, oh that, he won't take that well. He scares me.
13:52 Speaker 01 He's already, he's already proclaiming God again. "The Holy Spirit is behind me." I don't think he was behind you, pal.
13:59 Speaker 00 The Holy Spirit, did God knock out his knee?
14:04 Speaker 01 So that's my good news of the week.
14:06 Speaker 00 Does he need a new one?
14:08 Speaker 00 I had dinner with someone last night, she told me that her dog has had two knee replacements.
14:12 Speaker 01 I know, you always say that you won't pay for like really expensive things for your dogs, but when it's your dog, when you, and you can, you have to, you can't not.
14:22 Speaker 00 Two! I don't, I don't, I don't think I've even paid for Pat to have two. I'd say you can have one.
14:29 Speaker 00 You can have one knee replacement and then just get on with it.
14:32 Speaker 01 Pat, one knee replacement and a, and a, and a walking stick and you'll be grand. And you'll be happy about it.
14:37 Speaker 00 Yeah. Two! You could, two and a scooter. No, one and a scooter.
14:43 Speaker 01 What kind of dog is that, that would need two knee replac- what's he doing?
14:46 Speaker 00 He's a little cute white one. She showed me a photo of my, I, I couldn't tell the breed. Some sort of like Chihuahua poodle situation.
14:52 Speaker 01 I was thinking of getting Bertie a nose job actually, because I've seen them on Instagram.
14:57 Speaker 01 Do you know those when Frenchies, they get like half their nose?
15:00 Speaker 00 Yeah.
15:00 Speaker 01 Lasered so they can breathe better. I was thinking of getting that for Bertie, a little nose job.
15:04 Speaker 00 That'd be lovely. I had a friend, well, we, we had a friend. Lola. With the designer vagina, kind of pug. Well, she was a little pug. I was gonna say a little pug, bulldog, she's a little pug.
15:14 Speaker 01 No, she was a French bulldog.
15:15 Speaker 00 Sorry, she was a French bulldog. I mean, they don't look the same to me, can you say that?
15:21 Speaker 01 I think in the animal world, yes.
15:24 Speaker 00 And she had a little designer vagina because they're, God love them, they're so inbred that they have a lot of internal problems and they had to redo her vagina.
15:34 Speaker 01 Mm.
15:35 Speaker 00 Perfect little vagina at the end. God rest her. Anyway, can we do an email? I have to get a train.
15:41 Speaker 01 Okay. Uh-oh. Oh.
15:43 Speaker 00 Can I just also take a moment before we start? Hotel rooms that don't put water in the room, are we all okay? Are we all okay? Who, I like, am I completely out of touch with reality? Why, why would you not put a bottle of water in a hotel? You're waking up, you're like, you're parched, obviously, because you've had wine for your dinner. And then, and then there's no, like, I don't understand it. You're like, your tongue's stuck to the roof. Anyway, go on, sorry. That's why I'm... Oh.
16:13 Speaker 01 Hi Vogue and Joanne and Joe. I feel a need to report a crime, a beauty crime, a crime against cheekbones hydration and women just trying to get to work with a full face of products in peace.
16:25 Speaker 00 Whoa.
16:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, okay.
16:28 Speaker 00 Trying to see the connection, yeah, okay.
16:31 Speaker 01 Joanne, after hearing about your recent bin men beef, I was thinking about you the other day because our bin men came around and I went outside, I waltzed outside with three cans of ice cold Fanta.
16:42 Speaker 00 Did you indeed? I see, you've learnt from my mistakes.
16:47 Speaker 02 But we know why you did it. It's not just to do it.
16:50 Speaker 01 Joanne has me petrified.
16:53 Speaker 00 Did you walk out in slow motion? The hair, yeah, yeah, yeah, the hair blowing in the wind.
16:58 Speaker 01 That one that you like from that movie, Easel or whatever her name is.
17:01 Speaker 00 Easel? Who's Easel?
17:04 Speaker 01 From that movie that you played the bloke.
17:07 Speaker 00 Oh, Leesel.
17:09 Speaker 01 Leesel.
17:10 Speaker 00 No, what I was thinking more like, what's your one, the rat, like the sexy rabbit, not Leesel from The Sound of Music.
17:17 Speaker 01 Oh, I was thinking like prancing around, like throwing flowers and then just handing out ice cold Fanta. Okay, Joanne, after hearing about your recent bin men beef, I thought, God, how awful. Imagine being personally victimized by waste management.
17:32 Speaker 00 Yeah, when you put it like that, it's really sad, yeah.
17:36 Speaker 01 Is she the victim though, is she?
17:38 Speaker 00 I am, yes, I am actually.
17:39 Speaker 01 And today...
17:40 Speaker 00 I have a Google doorbell, I can show you all the footage.
17:45 Speaker 01 I meant today.
17:46 Speaker 00 Yeah.
17:46 Speaker 01 It happened to me.
17:49 Speaker 01 My boyfriend was leaving the house for work and my makeup bag was in his car. I shouted out the window like a perfectly normal, calm woman. Can you take my bag out and leave it on the grass by the curb? I'll be down in two minutes. Important context, it was not beside the green bin. Oh no. It was not leaning flirtatiously against the green bin. It was not paper, cardboard or a rogue oak milk carton. It was a leather bag full of gorgeous, expensive products, brushes.
18:15 Speaker 00 Oh dear. Oh no.
18:17 Speaker 01 And most tragically, my very recently purchased bare by Vogue face tan overnight mask. A new arrival, a baby, barely broken in.
18:28 Speaker 01 Oh, get her email.
18:32 Speaker 00 I have a feeling that might be the point of this entire, this entire letter.
18:37 Speaker 01 That's so weird. Something happened to me with an anxious preoccupied bag the other day. It was a small neon.
18:45 Speaker 00 Something happened to me with the private jet to Ibiza if anyone wants to step up there.
18:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, me, okay, now we could go on. I ran upstairs for literally two seconds to grab my laptop charger. Then I heard it. The bin truck, my blood ran cold. I shouted to my dad to run outside just to make sure they didn't take the makeup bag. Not because they would, obviously, because who looks at a leather makeup bag on the grass and thinks, ah, yes, recycling. I ran to the window like Rapunzel in a panic and looked out to see my dad and the bin men waving their arms, pointing at the truck. Then the words, no, no woman should ever have to hear. Gone, crushed in the bin.
19:23 Speaker 00 What? So sad.
19:26 Speaker 01 But there was a man who once fell asleep in a weedy bin and then he was put into the bin. And then he, the same thing happened to him, like the makeup.
19:34 Speaker 00 You're obsessed with the story. That's got to be the fifth time you've brought it up. But, but she's, he's not alone. That's, I'm not going to say it's a regular occurrence, but I'm fully aware there's two stories of, there was a woman, a young woman in Spain, the same thing happened to her. She was on her holidays and there was another woman in the UK. They think that.
19:50 Speaker 01 And a man in the UK.
19:52 Speaker 00 That they either are sleeping in the big bins or they're pissed and they fall in because they've dropped a handbag or something. Yeah, I know. What a way to go, man.
20:00 Speaker 01 Okay, like a banshee, like Kim Kardashian losing her diamond earring in the ocean. Except no one was there to say, Kim, there's people that are dying. There are. Because frankly, I was dying. My makeup, my brushes, my lovely products, my face. All compacted into oblivion amongst cereal boxes. Oh, do you ever lose your makeup bag? And you're like.
20:20 Speaker 00 It's the worst. Cause when you rack it all up, like it's really expensive.
20:24 Speaker 01 It's and it's your favourite things that you're dragging the arse out of. And it's like, you know, you need to get rid of it, but you can't.
20:31 Speaker 00 Yeah.
20:32 Speaker 01 The worst part, I then had no makeup left to cover the panda eyes I'd given myself. I'm crying over the makeup, a vicious circle of tragedy.
20:44 Speaker 01 You should consider writing a book, my friend.
20:48 Speaker 00 We are locked in. We are locked in. This is.
20:52 Speaker 01 So Joanne.
20:55 Speaker 01 I stand with you.
20:55 Speaker 00 Is this Marion Keys? Who wrote this?
21:00 Speaker 01 These bin men are out to get us. They're organised, they're swift, they're ruthless. You're talking about them like, you know, when the Uber drivers surge Uber at certain points in the day. And you're like, why are they doing this?
21:11 Speaker 00 Yes.
21:12 Speaker 01 And they do not respect a woman's right to bronze moisturise skin. Lesson learned, never leave anything unattended ever anywhere. You see, you guys have opposite problems. They won't take Joanne's shit. But they'll take anything off you.
21:25 Speaker 00 That's kind of wild. Do you know what I would say? Listen, I'm gonna throw it out here. This could be a mad thing to say. Do you reckon one of them just lifted it? Like, and there's a bin man's wife out there.
21:37 Speaker 01 Is she going there, Jo?
21:39 Speaker 02 You've just fixed it with your bin man. Just. And you wanna go do this?
21:44 Speaker 00 I reckon there's a bin man. There's a bin man's wife out there with a perfectly bronzed face. That's what I reckon. Sorry.
21:51 Speaker 02 I'll tell you why that didn't happen. And I'm aware that there are, obviously there are bin women. But most of the time you see bin men, right? And usually I'm not happy to speak for all men, but on this occasion, I think I probably am. Certainly all men who don't wear makeup.
22:08 Speaker 02 Um, we don't know how much it costs. We have no idea. I didn't know that it was expensive.
22:13 Speaker 01 You didn't know makeup was expensive?
22:15 Speaker 02 Well, yes, I wouldn't look at a makeup bag and think, oh, it's five grand in there. I just wouldn't.
22:20 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'm telling you now.
22:24 Speaker 00 No, they're not. You're right. They're not five grand.
22:25 Speaker 01 A makeup artist, okay.
22:26 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm just saying, I don't know how a bin man could confuse that and say it's rubbish. I'm saying there's a possibility that there was a rogue bin man and he lifted it. That's all I'm saying.
22:40 Speaker 01 I, I think it was a genuine mistake and there was no harm meant, no harm done. You weren't personally thrown in the bin yourself, so I would be grateful for that.
22:51 Speaker 00 I would like to know where these bin men are operating because I would like whoever he is, if he did throw it in the bin, on my route. Because my man won't take, every, every, every Wednesday morning I wake up. It with this pit of stress in my stomach to see if they've taken it or not. It's no way to live.
23:11 Speaker 01 Why don't you just fly tip around at my house? What are they gonna do about it? There's a skip out there.
23:17 Speaker 00 I know, yeah. I know. Well, I have to go. I have so many boxes at the moment. It's ridiculous with the move and all, like the place is like. And, and the mouse is just openly living in them now. Like, he's just, he's not even trying to hide anymore. He's just walking around the flat. Like, I guarantee, because I'm gonna, when I go home, because I've been away for a night, I'd say he's had his friends over and stuff.
23:38 Speaker 02 Well, we do need to go because you need to go and get a train. But before we go, Joanne, quickly tell Vogue why your mousetraps weren't working.
23:44 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah. Well, Joe, my mousetrap, so I put jam in the mousetraps because I don't have cheese. And I read up and, and I've heard that they eat jam, so I, I put some jam in some traps. Um, but I, I was like, oh God, he doesn't eat jam. Jesus, he's a high-end mouse. Turns out I hadn't set them. Wasn't that it, Joe?
24:01 Speaker 02 Yeah, they were all just. So he's just making his way around going, oh, look, she's having a buffet.
24:06 Speaker 00 Because I did think, God, the jam's, how is it, it's dissolving into the air, but he's obviously just coming up licking the jam.
24:11 Speaker 01 Must be the heat.
24:15 Speaker 00 I didn't set them properly. So yeah, so it's a, but I've also been coming down every morning terrified that I'm gonna come across him dead in one of the traps. Cause I don't, I, I, we kinda, we just kinda live together now, I think. I don't know.
24:26 Speaker 01 But that's gonna happen. You're gonna come, I, I want, I, I didn't use mousetraps after, I used them years ago in London and I felt so guilty about it. That I was like, I can't ever do this again.
24:37 Speaker 00 I think you can get moral ones.
24:39 Speaker 02 Commented about humane traps. There are humane traps, but I have been down that road. I had a mouse once. I had 15 humane traps around.
24:48 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah.
24:48 Speaker 02 They just weren't.
24:49 Speaker 00 Didn't work, did they not? So what's a humane trap? You just gonna play music and they walk in?
24:54 Speaker 02 It's like a little seesaw thing. So you put the peanut butter inside it.
24:58 Speaker 00 Yeah, okay.
24:59 Speaker 02 This little seesaw, it tips down, then they're in a little box and then they can't get out.
25:03 Speaker 00 Yes.
25:04 Speaker 02 Maybe they sometimes work, maybe it's worth a go. Thank you to the people who did send in those messages.
25:09 Speaker 00 Maybe I'll give that a go, cause I am, I, I don't wanna come down and find a little mouse with his neck broken on my sitting room floor. I just don't. So I don't know what, although I did try and kill it. I mean, look, I'm not, I did try.
25:22 Speaker 00 You know, it's all very well and good now to be like, I wanna go down the humane route. I've been trying for weeks to kill him.
25:29 Speaker 01 But the, the killing route isn't working, so I need to find another way to go.
25:34 Speaker 00 He's immortal, this lad. Um, yeah, but my mum is very determined that I get him out, cause she's like, if you don't get him out, he'll bring his friends in and there'll be loads of them. Yeah, so I am.
25:46 Speaker 01 Borrow a cat, borrow someone's cat. Cats don't actually eat them, they play with them, so he'll bring it out.
25:51 Speaker 00 Play with them fatally. You like, yeah.
25:55 Speaker 01 Just let's ride with him. Be glad.
25:57 Speaker 00 Did you see there was a woman in America eaten by an alligator the other day? She went swimming in this, she was hiking with her boyfriend and some friends and she dipped it, now it says everywhere, do not swim, like there's alligator, you know? And she went in and he bit the two arms off her.
26:13 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I did, a lot of people get eaten by animals every year. I look into that, obviously, because the kids love knowing stuff like that. There's a lot, hippos, hippos are the worst.
26:22 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
26:24 Speaker 01 So if you come across a hippo on your way home from York, watch out.
26:28 Speaker 00 Avoid, avoid.
26:30 Speaker 01 Don't strike that conversation.
26:32 Speaker 00 Yeah, don't be swimming in the Thames.
26:36 Speaker 01 You don't know what's... I saw a seal in the Thames before. I was like, what are you doing there?
26:40 Speaker 00 God love that seal. Jesus Christ. There's not enough tetanus in the world.
26:48 Speaker 00 Okay.
26:49 Speaker 01 Thank you everyone for listening.
26:50 Speaker 00 Off to go home.
26:51 Speaker 01 Joanne's in Exeter this weekend. Exeter.
26:54 Speaker 00 Powderham Palace this Friday.
27:00 Speaker 03 This has been a Global Production.
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