BLISS

Vogue honestly didn't believe the BLISS tattoo was real... It is and Joanne doesn't care what ANYBODY thinks. She's thrilled. Meanwhile, Vogue is coming back from St Barts with an unwelcome addition to her face. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [email protected] mailto:[email protected] You can now watch FULL video episodes of My Therapist Ghosted Me! Visit www.youtube.com/@mtgmpod http://www.youtube.com/@mtgmpod and remember to subscribe! Please review Global's Privacy Policy:https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/ For merch, tour dates and more visit:https://www.mytherapistghostedme.com/www.mytherapistghostedme.com http://www.mytherapistghostedme.com/

• 0:02Speaker 00

  This is a Global Player original podcast.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  You should probably stay in New Zealand. If this is to work.

• 0:10Speaker 02

  Well, well, well.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  Was I pregnant at 12? No. Was I selling drugs at 18? No. Was I arrested for shoplifting in my twenties? Yes, but that was related to mental illness.

• 0:21Speaker 02

  Get away from me with the vitamin C serum. I don't want it.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  Between yourself and myself, I should have shaved my arms the other day.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  Vogue, it's me.

• 0:35Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 0:36Speaker 01

  Do you remember me?

• 0:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:38Speaker 01

  It's Joanne. So, welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me, Vogue. I am your work colleague and podwife, Joanne McNally. You're Vogue Williams and that's Jo Addy Wells in the corner box. Now, for some context, Jo or Vogue, you are beaming in from St Bartolomew's, where you remain to be on holiday, which at this stage feels like an illegal amount of time to be away. I am in-

• 1:04Speaker 02

  I think once it goes over the two week mark, people are like, my friends are texting me like, "Time to come home now." I'm like, "Okay, sorry, I'm away for 16 days." I know I've reached the threshold of two weeks. And if it makes anyone feel better, I'm fucked. I'm away with three kids and I said to my friends last night, I was like, "I can't wait to go to work."

• 1:27Speaker 01

  You're so right. There does feel like there's a threshold of acceptable holiday time. And you have really rallied that into the ground. Yeah. This feels like, every year, it's like, has she moved? Is she like, yeah, she's resettling herself.

• 1:44Speaker 02

  My friend Johanna was like, "This is enough now. When are you coming home? Like, I'm not looking at this anymore." But we do, I have some news. I'll tell you about my holiday news after.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  Is it still a holiday after the six month mark, Vogue? Is that, what's the crack?

• 1:57Speaker 02

  It is, it is 16 days. And Joanne McNally, sometimes when you go places, you also have a holiday that you tag on, but people don't realise. So Joanne is a fan of a holiday as well.

• 2:08Speaker 01

  Yes, Vogue, yes. No, you're right. Sometimes I treat myself to a seven hour break on the way between tour guide. Yeah, you're right, Vogue. No, you're right. What a selfish pig I am. Look at you.

• 2:20Speaker 02

  She's a holiday gal. She's never not, oh, I'm in Melbourne doing shows. Oh, sure. We know you went early to go on holidays.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  They're AI. All the show content, it's all AI. I'm doing nothing. I'm just sitting around eating croissants and vaping. It's been fantastic. I haven't lifted a finger, touched a stage or a microphone. No, but I, I, I think what you have is a very delicious life work balance where you work your tits off.

• 2:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:51Speaker 01

  Which explains why you don't have any. And then

• 2:55Speaker 01

  you go travelling, excuse me, and you get a proper whopper break and then you come back and you work your tits off again. It's iconic.

• 3:02Speaker 02

  That's, I literally, I said that to Svenny. I said, I was like, God, I've really loved this holiday because we're obviously, we're going home very shortly. And we're going home tomorrow. Actually, sorry. That's when we're going home tomorrow. So the fun is over. I said to Svenny, I was like, right, let's go home, work loads. We can go on holidays again.

• 3:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:17Speaker 02

  That's what I do. I just wanna, I just wanna, I wanna go and like, go on holidays and, and support other people's economies.

• 3:25Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 3:27Speaker 03

  Bless you for that.

• 3:28Speaker 01

  Wow. Yeah. What, what, what an amazing, what an amazing pivot.

• 3:34Speaker 02

  St Bart's looked like it needed it. So I thought, do you know, do you know?

• 3:39Speaker 01

  You should go to Pakistan next, folk.

• 3:41Speaker 02

  Do you know, I do wanna go there. It's something very green.

• 3:43Speaker 01

  It's the roads.

• 3:45Speaker 02

  Now, the thing, the thing about it is I'm recording at 7am. It's 12 in the day for Joe and for Joanne, it's 11 o'clock at night. So we do feel, Joanne, I am wondering why you have, you're still in the sunglasses and you haven't done your makeup for the, you promised us you were gonna do your makeup.

• 4:02Speaker 01

  This is our dream situation. You're up with the Krakatoan Chow and Collagen Powder. Joe's in the middle of the day. He's probably put his kids down or picking them up. I don't know how kids work, but he's fine. I'm in the evening. I've had a half bottle of Raisin and 150 grams of chicken crisps. This is literally our dream time. We're all excelling. Emotionally. We should always be working at opposite times of the day, to be honest.

• 4:25Speaker 02

  The only way that can work is you're gonna have to move because Joe and I kind of work on the same timings. Many of the world works on mine and Joe's timings. You are the one who is out of sync, not meaning to be out of sync, but you should probably stay in New Zealand. If this is to work.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  Well, well, well. That's good.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  Are you gonna have me exported, are you? For stealing, what are you gonna accuse me of stealing your sunglasses again so I get sent to Australia? Like the olden times? Where they'd steal a loaf of bread and put them on the ships?

• 4:55Speaker 02

  Do you know how I can tell you karma's a bitch? I lost those sunglasses. They're gone.

• 5:01Speaker 02

  They no longer exist.

• 5:02Speaker 01

  Delighted to hear the news. You should open with that. I have news.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  Go on.

• 5:08Speaker 01

  Which both of you know?

• 5:09Speaker 02

  Now, I need to ask you about this news.

• 5:11Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  Is it real?

• 5:16Speaker 01

  Folks, you know how, I can't even plug in my own microphone. Do you think I have the AI capacity to make up a tattoo?

• 5:23Speaker 02

  I honestly was like, maybe she's done a skit and she's going to tell us on the pod and this would be the one of, did you think that a little for a little minute, Jo? Cause I was like-

• 5:33Speaker 03

  I did. I wondered if it was just, you know, a bit of, a bit of humour, maybe.

• 5:38Speaker 01

  Jo, come on now. I don't have the-

• 5:41Speaker 02

  Is it?

• 5:42Speaker 01

  I don't have the smarts. It's not, well, no, it's not, no, so, but you know, when you, but folk, when me and Jo were, we were, I was on, I was on the record a little early, as I like to be. I'm either early or I don't turn up at all. That's kind of how I, how I, how I vibe. And I was, I couldn't log into the system for some reason. So I had to screen recorded to Jo to show him why it wasn't working. And my laptop was being a little weird and he was like, log out and log back in. So I logged back in and I don't know why or how. Genuinely, Jo, I don't know why this lesbian porn site popped up like that, like it was my-

• 6:22Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 6:23Speaker 03

  And, and, and the excuses flooded out. I don't know what that is.

• 6:29Speaker 01

  I've, I've never seen porn. I don't know what a lesbian is.

• 6:32Speaker 03

  How that got there.

• 6:33Speaker 01

  Yeah. I've never seen a tip before, Jo. But in my defence, genuinely, I think my phone, like my laptop, because, cause, cause Jo was like, look, I understand you've, you're on the road, you're on your own. I was like, no, Jo, no, no, no, no.

• 6:48Speaker 01

  Genuinely, I like, that wouldn't be my vibe anyway.

• 6:54Speaker 02

  It would have been.

• 6:55Speaker 01

  I'm very basic.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  I'll tell you what happens. I'll tell you what happened.

• 6:59Speaker 01

  I think it's an app blocker. I think I, I think I forgot to pay my firewall or whatever.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  No, what happened is you had opened a tab that you were watching. And then when you open the tab that you're watching, other tabs pop up that you will then forget to close.

• 7:16Speaker 01

  Oh, I, I was just reading the news, Vogue. I was just reading about the fuel protests in Ireland. I don't know how the lesbians popped up. I don't know how that happened. I was just trying to inform myself and educate myself.

• 7:28Speaker 02

  Turns me into the porn addict and she's there. With Windows. Poor Joe, he's just trying to do his job.

• 7:36Speaker 01

  I know. It was, it was very embarrassing.

• 7:44Speaker 01

  Vogue, you've the meanest, you've the most villainous laugh I've ever heard in my life.

• 7:50Speaker 02

  Just so happy. Cause you're like, you're like, I don't watch that kind of stuff.

• 7:57Speaker 01

  You should do voiceovers for The Sopranos. Your, your, your laugh is so evil.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  Oh, that really made me, that made me laugh.

• 8:05Speaker 01

  No, gen- genuinely, and I, I say this hand on heart, I do not know where that came from.

• 8:12Speaker 02

  She's drinking, but she's got sunglasses on, so I can't see.

• 8:15Speaker 01

  I've been hacked. I've been hacked.

• 8:18Speaker 02

  That's what I'm gonna say.

• 8:19Speaker 01

  I've been hacked.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  That's what you have to say when I die and anyone gets a hold of my phone. She was hacked.

• 8:24Speaker 01

  She was hacked.

• 8:25Speaker 02

  She was hacked. I'll do the same for you.

• 8:28Speaker 01

  She was hacked by that AI Stormzy porn. She was hacked. She was hacked. It's nothing to do with her.

• 8:34Speaker 03

  The other thing that happened last week is a thing that has happened before. And we record online in a sort of online studio. And then after we've recorded, I have to go and get the files, the video files and download them. It happened again. Joanne left her laptop open. Joanne had gone to bed, so I logged in.

• 8:54Speaker 02

  With the porn.

• 8:56Speaker 03

  No, but Jo- Joanne's. Joanne's unconscious body was just laying there before me, her, her silhouette form in a dark room. She'd left the landing light on.

• 9:08Speaker 01

  What was I, what was I wearing, Jo?

• 9:11Speaker 03

  You were just a silhouette, mate. I've no idea what you were wearing. And to be absolutely honest, I didn't dwell. I didn't stick around and have a good look. I was just like, oh god, I gotta download the files. Don't make any noise because I'll wake her up and then, and then I'm gonna...

• 9:22Speaker 02

  That's gonna...

• 9:24Speaker 01

  I can't believe I did that again. I cannot believe I did that again. Like, Jo, like, obviously, we have a professional working relationship and we, and we're, and we do our best to keep it that way.

• 9:34Speaker 03

  Hmm, and this is a breach of that.

• 9:36Speaker 01

  It's a breach. And, and, and do you know what, Jo? It's my fault. I'm sorry because I'm basically, I don't know, like sex calming you against your will. I'm, and I'm, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

• 9:46Speaker 03

  I didn't consent to it. You're right. I didn't, I didn't consent.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  I did, I did that to, I did that to Brylee this week, who, who does my vlog for me. I, Svenny, I was filming, I was filming something.

• 9:57Speaker 01

  Call it, no, sorry, sorry, finger up. Call it what it's called.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  I was doing my vlog.

• 10:04Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 10:04Speaker 02

  Vlog. I was doing my vlog this week. Brylee, who does it for me, she edits it for me. I basically, I send her all the footage and so I'd been recording something in the bath and Svenny goes, oh! And I was like, oh, Svenny, like, were you in shot there? And he was like, no, no, no, no, I don't think I was in shot. Anyway, Brylee mails me the other day and she, she's like, I nearly spat my tea out. I just got a full frontal of Svenny. I was like, oh, and Brylee's a lesbian. She doesn't like men.

• 10:31Speaker 01

  Well, that's...

• 10:31Speaker 03

  That's worse, actually. That's worse.

• 10:34Speaker 02

  I was like, I'm really sorry.

• 10:35Speaker 01

  I know, she couldn't even get a cheap kick out of us. Although...

• 10:38Speaker 02

  Don't, don't, don't, don't sue me.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  Jo, imagine I had a sex life. How embarrassing this would be. You're so lucky I'm an incel.

• 10:46Speaker 02

  I have the footage. I'll send it to you and you can...

• 10:48Speaker 01

  Please do, will you?

• 10:49Speaker 02

  It seems, it seems like you're doing all right with your laptop on your own there, pal.

• 10:53Speaker 01

  I'll stick, I'll stick someone else's head on him in AI. I'll do it in post.

• 10:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, so maybe give him a, give him a little trim as well while you're on it. AI, tie it to him.

• 11:03Speaker 01

  I had a cr...

• 11:08Speaker 01

  I'll make it longer like Pinocchio's nose. Brrr. Add, add girth, add length. Thank you. Listen, I said it before, I said it before.

• 11:22Speaker 01

  What if I added Vogue's face to Spencer's naked body? What would that do? Brrr. Brr, brr, brr. That's my vibrator.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  So Vogue, as you know, I had said that I was gonna get a tattoo. Do you know, I'm in a, I'm in a stage in my life, if I'm gonna be honest, and a bit whimsy about it, where, I'm 42, I feel like I procrastinate a lot in my life, so I'm like, oh, I'll do that, I'll do that eventually, I'll do that eventually, I'll do. I work a lot, I don't make a lot of time for myself.

• 12:02Speaker 01

  Except for the wine and the chicken crisps, which like, isn't, you know, like, self fulfilling as such. Obviously, I make a big.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  Chicken crisps are a new thing, by the way, you've gone really, you've gone really Australian there, I've never seen you eat a chicken crisp.

• 12:14Speaker 01

  My, well, they don't have them in, around, my two favourite things in life are chicken and crisps, so, so I've actually asked, I've actually rang down to reception and asked them to remove all the bags of chicken crisps from the room, because they keep, in Melbourne as well, they.

• 12:27Speaker 02

  Restocking, restocking.

• 12:28Speaker 01

  Restock.

• 12:28Speaker 02

  Okay, so you thought that you procrastinated too much about loads of things, so with the tattoo, you thought, you know, I've thought about this for 4.5 seconds, there's no more time to procrastinate. I am, oh, it's still there, show me it, show me it.

• 12:40Speaker 01

  It's still there, yes, because it's a tat, it's a.

• 12:44Speaker 03

  You need to stand on the chair so we can see it.

• 12:46Speaker 01

  Imagine it was just because, do you remember when we were kids, you get little transfers of garbage pail kids and stuff, and you stick them on, do you remember this, Jo? I remember one summer, I was covered in bros transfers.

• 12:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:57Speaker 01

  Do you remember bros? Jo, you're a little younger than us, but we were covered.

• 13:01Speaker 03

  I know who bros are, but they are before my time.

• 13:03Speaker 01

  Cabbage Patch Dolls, Barbie, and you transfer them on. But I wanted a tat for ages, I like, anyway, so, and obviously, I'm, my tour manager Kylie, Vogue, you know, because she tour managed Ghosters when we were in Australia as well. And she tour managed, she tour managed me in the UK, and she is like, covered head to toe, I mean, there is not an inch of her body. I'd say the only part in her body that's not tatted is potentially her, I don't know, like, labia, like, everything else is. And it's, I love it, I fucking love it, I've always been attracted to tats, I fucking love them, but because I have such a short attention span, I was like, there's nothing I can think to get. Do you know that I'd care about or whatever? Anyway, Kylie has this stunning tattoo bliss written

• 13:48Speaker 01

  across her leg and I've been looking at it for two years and we talk about it all the time. And Vogue, as you know, and Joe, as you know, I get a little overwhelmed at times. Not in a bad way, not in a bad way. Like, nothing, nothing mad. I'm not going to be sectioned or anything. But I do get a little overwhelmed. And me and Kylie would talk about the philosophy of like, engaging in the bliss and just like calming down. And because I don't, I'll never meditate. I couldn't give a fuck. I went to one sound, I went to one of these classes once where they play sound bowls.

• 14:14Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Yeah. With cacao and all that kind of stuff.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  There was no cacao, but there was a, like, a big drum thing. Do you know one of those? What are they called, Joe? When you say bang? What are they called? Singing bowl, sort of. No, the bigger thing. Huge big brass yoke. Gone. On its own. Gone! Good man. I went to a gone class thing and 10 minutes in, I was like, no, I need to leave immediately. Anyway, so we've been discussing the philosophy of the bliss thing. Blah, blah, blah. Went to skip few, went and got the tattoo. But I think because, because I'd spoken about it, I think people thought, when I talked about getting tattooed, that I was going to get like a kind of a, like a star on my wrist or something. Do you know, like something kind of cutie. Whereas it's a little bit of a statement piece. Well, well, well. Now, I understand there was a parasocial relationship when

• 15:01Speaker 01

  you do a podcast. And that's why we do the pod Vogue. And that's why the pod has done us great, great stead for our careers. Because we talk about our lives and we mind our personal lives and all that stuff. When I say, the commentary. Now, in the same breath, I do understand when you put content online, you're opening yourself up to commentary. Like, I get it. Like, you know, that's kind of the point of the internet. It's where I got a fascist logo on my neck. Uh, disgusting. How could you? Sick. The big one was, wait till Vogue sees this. Wait till your mother sees this. I was like, girls, I am 42 years of age. Like, I am.

• 15:44Speaker 02

  I woke up and thought someone had died. I literally woke up and I had so many, I was like, what the fuck has happened? Because I'm five hours behind. But Bridie had obviously posted for me during the night. And I was like, what has happened here? And then I was like, oh, jeez. And then I was like, I should take this. What did pass then?

• 16:04Speaker 01

  She's not thrilled, I'll be honest. She's not thrilled.

• 16:08Speaker 02

  But we need the whole conversation.

• 16:10Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no, no, because it was sticky. But I was like, you know what? Like, I'm 42 years of age. I, you know, I'm entitled to graffiti and sabotage my life if I so want. And I love it. But like I say, you'd swear I'd gotten a, I cannot explain. And, and also tattoos, they're so personal. Anyway, Joe, do you want to see it?

• 16:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, stand on the chair, let's see it.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  Now, it's still a little, so, and this is only the start. Wait till you see what I'm about to do to my arse cheeks.

• 16:49Speaker 03

  There we are. Yeah, we can see it. Yeah, we got that.

• 16:53Speaker 01

  So, here it is. It's a philosophy.

• 16:58Speaker 01

  Because the Prozac's not working as much anymore. So I thought, I said, I needed something else to focus on. I want 60 milligrams of Prozac and it's not really working. I either go up to 80 and become comatose or I get a tattoo.

• 17:10Speaker 02

  I mean, well, do you know what? You can't miss it. That is for sure. It's, that's there.

• 17:16Speaker 01

  Vogue, you're so funny. Do you know, do you know what this is? You're like when my mother comes to my shows and I'm like, did you like it, Mum? And she goes, ah, do you know what? Sure, I couldn't hear a thing. And, and I liked your costume.

• 17:29Speaker 02

  Your costume, I like your jumper too today. It's very nice. I, I think tattoos are very personal. They are personal to what you want and what you like. And if you're the one looking at it all the time, you're the one that needs to like it. I'm not, I'm not a mad tattoo person, as you know. I've never been a mad tattoo person.

• 17:49Speaker 01

  I'm in my 40s. I'm not going to call it a midlife crisis because I think that's reductive. But something happens and, Vogue, you know, you're now in the same bracket as me, where you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I could literally have seven years left of my life. I don't know when I'm going to go. I wanna, I wanna fuck it up, just start living.

• 18:06Speaker 02

  We certainly won't fucking lose, you know.

• 18:07Speaker 01

  Also.

• 18:08Speaker 02

  Have a bliss tattoo above me.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  Sorry. Do you know, do you know what's so funny? Like, we are so, I feel like we're such frigid vanilla women. Like, there's, there's friends of mine who were getting tramp stamps at 12 years of.

• 18:19Speaker 02

  Me.

• 18:20Speaker 01

  Shouldn't like that, shouldn't like that, shouldn't like that.

• 18:23Speaker 02

  It's so funny because Joanne went and got a big, massive tattoo for her midlife crisis. I was literally looking.

• 18:29Speaker 01

  No, not midlife crisis, awareness.

• 18:33Speaker 02

  Midlife awareness.

• 18:34Speaker 01

  Midlife awareness.

• 18:35Speaker 02

  I was looking, I was looking at buying this blow puffer thing yesterday that's really good for your breathing and you can practise your breathing technique and it's good for sleep and anxiety. We are on opposite ends of the scale. Albi, what's that called? What's that called when people do mad shit to be healthy? Biohacking.

• 18:54Speaker 01

  Biohacker, yeah. Like Brian Johnson, yeah, you'd be selling your neon pink supplements or whatever, yeah.

• 19:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:01Speaker 01

  But I, I, so obviously, also Vogue, I wanted to say, since I got to Australia, like, when I say we've really missed out, because we haven't been in communication much, because obviously we're on such different time zones. But I've been doing, there's been a lot of sleep chat and I was like, Vogue would lo-, I know, I'm sorry. My circadian rhythm, because I went from.

• 19:22Speaker 02

  Who have you been talking to?

• 19:23Speaker 01

  I've been going through multiple time zones of late. I don't know my arse from my elbow. But I was like, Vogue would love this chat because I was very much invested in sleep chat. How much I was getting, how much of it was good, how much of it was drink related on planes, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, that aside, Vogue, I decided to do up a list. I have two things to say. One, I've done a list of the worst tattoos in the world of all celebrities. Will I do that now?

• 19:51Speaker 02

  Well, can I get a couple?

• 19:53Speaker 01

  Well, you know, we both know.

• 19:56Speaker 02

  Ben Affleck.

• 19:57Speaker 01

  Yes, and now that I have been on the receiving end, I am now very much team Ben. I understand why he has a phoenix rising out of his arse. I get it. Like, let him live his life.

• 20:08Speaker 02

  How many comments are we talking here? Like, did you just get hundreds?

• 20:12Speaker 01

  Do you know that I was, there was girls that I, do you know that in your DMs, you kind of, some women, like, you kind of reply. You reply to on the regular, like, and you're not, like, you don't know them. It's all the parasocial thing. But a couple of them came in to me really hard and I, I blocked them.

• 20:27Speaker 02

  Really? Well, I actually just blocked some of this morning. They said something about my, my kids. They've been saying like little-

• 20:33Speaker 01

  Well, that's, sorry, that's different altogether, Liz.

• 20:35Speaker 02

  No, but they've been saying little, little slights, almost that like I couldn't, but like little bitchy comments. And I was like, no. Then they said something about my kids too. And I was like, no, you're gone, you're blocked.

• 20:45Speaker 01

  No, you're out, you're out.

• 20:46Speaker 02

  No.

• 20:46Speaker 01

  You're out.

• 20:47Speaker 02

  I need to know what people were like, just really going in on you.

• 20:50Speaker 01

  Hideous, disgusting, you're gonna regret this, what the fuck is wrong with you? You're obviously pissed out of your mind, blah, blah, blah. Like, just really going in. And I was like, girls, I understand, we all comment on stuff that people do. But like, you'd swear I had live, laugh, love tattooed across my neck. It is my leg.

• 21:11Speaker 02

  I think, I think you might have gotten away with live, laugh, love. I think it's just, I wasn't expecting the size, to be honest. And I thought you were saying like varsity letters or bubble letters.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  There's men who would slip into the DMs as such, who on paper have nothing going for them. In fact, they would have things going against them as such. Do you know what I mean? But if they have a tattoo, I don't know what it is. I don't know where it's come from. I find them insanely attractive. I would get up on a gremlin if you had a neck tattoo.

• 21:48Speaker 02

  You see, that's the thing, I don't like tattoos for myself personally. But I feel like if somebody has tattoos, and they don't touch on this because he's desperate for one.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  Is he?

• 21:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, he wants a few.

• 22:01Speaker 01

  Eh, does he?

• 22:02Speaker 02

  Don't get on, don't even get on to them.

• 22:05Speaker 01

  I'll ring him now.

• 22:07Speaker 02

  I like, I like, I like when somebody who has like, there's loads, do you know what I mean? Like, so they've, like, it's been going on for a while, so it's not just like-

• 22:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:15Speaker 02

  Like they had, like a man who has, has quite a few, that's why I don't mind. I used to go, I would have got tattoos on his hands and everything. Very attractive, yeah.

• 22:22Speaker 01

  Oh, delicious. Well, I, your man who did my tattoo, I asked him, I was like, because we were chatting away, he was saying, he'd actually come to the, he'd actually been to the peanut oil show.

• 22:31Speaker 02

  How long did it take, by the way?

• 22:33Speaker 01

  In and out, two hours.

• 22:35Speaker 02

  Painful.

• 22:36Speaker 01

  It was, it was at the start, well, I obviously took a load of Solpodes before I went in.

• 22:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:41Speaker 01

  Which I do every day anyway, but I was like, take extra Solpodes because you're getting attacked. And then it was at the start, because he was like, oh God, you're like, you're kind of really holding it together. And I was like, yeah, Grant, but then as it moves across the leg, kind of the inside of the leg is a little more sensitive. No, it's sore, like it's absolutely sore. Like I can imagine, like I was in and out, whereas I was chatting to this male comic I know who's, he's covered in tattoos and we're talking about it and he was saying that one of his, one of his tattoos was, it was five working days. So he was in there in the morning and he left in the evening. And like now that would be, because I knew, I was like, it's not, it's not, it's not long, you know, like it's going to come to an end.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:19Speaker 01

  Whatever. But no, yeah, it's, it is sore, but like, fucking cares. Life is sore. Do you know what I mean?

• 23:27Speaker 03

  Medically speaking, please don't take Solpedines every day. Please consult a medical professional before you take any medication.

• 23:34Speaker 02

  I'm telling the pharmacy on you.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  Can't get Cody in Australia. Did you know that, Joe?

• 23:40Speaker 03

  I'm sorry for you.

• 23:41Speaker 02

  Can you not?

• 23:41Speaker 03

  Can you get in?

• 23:42Speaker 02

  You can't take.

• 23:43Speaker 01

  Not over the counter now.

• 23:45Speaker 02

  And you can't take, you can't get melatonin unless you're over the age of 55. Did you know that?

• 23:50Speaker 01

  What?

• 23:51Speaker 02

  Not in Australia. Yeah. In Australia, unless you're over the age of 55, you're not allowed to have melatonin. Hmm. Cause I was so jetlized when I got there. I don't ever remember it being that bad, but then I remembered I used to go on the absolute seshwanda. When I used to fly back there. So I'd get home and then I'd just stay up. So my body would be like, oh, what's happening? And then I would, it's the best thing, it's the best way to do it.

• 24:14Speaker 04

  You're listening to a quick ad. You know what else is quick? Selling your car on Carvana. Just put in your vehicle information and we'll give you an offer. Done. No hassle, no negotiation, no guy from an online listing lowballing you. Which means by the time I'm done explaining this, you could have basically done it.

• 24:37Speaker 04

  Still haven't started? Hey, better late than ever. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  You've got to tell us a bit about what Pat said. How did you tell her? Did she see it on the internet first? Did you tell her before you went in? Is she talking to you now?

• 24:55Speaker 01

  She, yeah, she saw it on the internet first. I'll say to you what I said to my mother.

• 25:01Speaker 01

  If I, I am a 42 year old woman. I am self-sufficient. I work my tits off. I have no husband. I have no children. I have nothing. I am allowed, get a tattoo. Like, can we all calm the fuck down? Was I pregnant at 12? No. Was I selling drugs at 18? No. Was I arrested for shoplifting in my twenties? Yes, but that was related to mental illness.

• 25:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:34Speaker 01

  Therefore, I do feel I am entitled. Do you know what as well, I think? When you're single with no kids, and obviously because me and my mother are very close, they're, they're, if I was married with kids, you'd have more autonomy in your life. But because I'm not, I feel like I still sit in this kind of child version, if you know what I mean? Does that make sense? Just nodding, but it's Mike.

• 25:56Speaker 02

  She still kind of feels you like, she kind of still sees you as a child's child.

• 26:00Speaker 01

  A little, I, I, I think you, if you don't, if you were married with children, then you're like undeniably adult. If you're not, you're kind of slightly still infantilized in a way. Do you know what I mean? Like a certain, you're just, she's like my kind of person. Like she's still my next of kin. Whereas I'm assuming, you know, you would choose one of your children as your next of kin because they're going to live longer. It's a more sensible decision.

• 26:24Speaker 02

  I should be your next of kin. Sorry, just saying, but I live in London instead of you, so.

• 26:27Speaker 01

  I would. Love that.

• 26:31Speaker 02

  And I'll be the expert of your well.

• 26:33Speaker 01

  You'd have my ashes turned into a stunning crustacean framed on the wall.

• 26:36Speaker 02

  Oh, I'd take the skull. The skull would be going out of me.

• 26:40Speaker 01

  Oh, you turned me into a dresser. So when I was in Morocco with the girls, we were looking around at furniture and there was gorgeous piece of furniture and they were made from camel bone. And then me and one of the girls, Laura, we were like, oh my God, like, I didn't know you could make furniture out of bone. And I was like, oh my God, I want to be a side table. And then we spiralled into what furniture we would choose to be, do you know? And I was like, I'd love to be a side table or a lamp. Obviously, you know, I'm big into ceramics. And so, yeah, Vogue, imagine you, imagine you took my corpse. And I will die first, we all know that. I'd say I have three years left. Imagine you took my corpse, skinned it off, gave it to a professional and turned me into either a coat hanger or a lamp.

• 27:24Speaker 02

  No, I'd have you something. You'd be pride of place, a coat hanger. I wouldn't put you in the cupboard. You'd be pride of place.

• 27:31Speaker 01

  No, sorry, a coat hanger in, in the hall. I'm not going to the cupboard. I might as well go on an urn.

• 27:37Speaker 02

  No, no, no, you're not going to the cupboard. I'll have you like properly, like you'll be in our like family area.

• 27:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or bunk beds.

• 27:44Speaker 02

  God damn it, you see, I should have kept, I should have kept Winston. I knew it. And it was only because you all told me everyone would think I'd be weird if I stuffed Winston. I could be petting that dog now if it wasn't for all of you.

• 27:55Speaker 01

  Speaking of Winston, so I did a list of the tattoos that if you were to get a tattoo.

• 28:00Speaker 02

  Oh, stop.

• 28:00Speaker 01

  Also, can I just say, I know, I thought, I have Winnie on the list.

• 28:04Speaker 02

  A baby Winnie.

• 28:06Speaker 01

  I think, I think, I think our parents are like, kids go fucking bananas. We've really kept our shit together. We haven't done anything insane. Uh, you know, there's, there's parents out there dealing with kids who are like, have gone off the rails completely.

• 28:26Speaker 02

  Uh, but you want, our parents didn't really know, like, come on, think about what we were getting up to. We were hardly Latter Day Saints.

• 28:34Speaker 01

  I, I know, as I pass, it's rare I got a dick tattooed on my forehead. Can we all just round it in, please?

• 28:40Speaker 02

  Do you remember that programme, Summer, I'd already got the dictation?

• 28:44Speaker 01

  Do I what? I've been talking about it, I've been talking about it non-stop since I got here. Every Australian I meet, I'm like, Summer, hi.

• 28:55Speaker 01

  She's a naughty girl with a bad habit.

• 28:58Speaker 02

  Bad habit for drugs.

• 29:00Speaker 01

  Okay, so here's what I thought that you, Vogue, if you were to get a tattoo.

• 29:05Speaker 02

  You've got me on the turn at Winston already. You stop. Imagine if they could do a tiny winnie on my wrist.

• 29:11Speaker 01

  Well, I was thinking more-

• 29:12Speaker 02

  And then I'd get my dad's signature.

• 29:14Speaker 01

  Oh, for fuck's sake. Yeah, you see, this is the bollocks that we're talking about. No, commit or don't commit?

• 29:20Speaker 02

  And my granny's name.

• 29:22Speaker 01

  Your granny? Vogue, I've known you 60 years. I've never heard you once mention your granny.

• 29:27Speaker 02

  Okay, Marjorie. Marjorie.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll get Lurpak tattooed on my wrist. I'll get Lurpak.

• 29:34Speaker 02

  Mar-

• 29:35Speaker 01

  If we're gonna go, if we're gonna go down the butter route.

• 29:39Speaker 02

  My, my Auntie Sharon, my quadruple wick Auntie Sharon will be listening to this and she will hear you. That is her mother, Marjorie.

• 29:46Speaker 01

  Well, I'm sorry, Sharon. I'm sorry. And God rest her cell. God rest her buttery cell. I've never heard of her.

• 29:57Speaker 01

  Here's what I thought. Ideas for Vogue's tat.

• 30:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:02Speaker 01

  A lobster, obviously.

• 30:05Speaker 02

  Obviously, yeah, yeah. People really associate me to the lobster. I don't own the lobster. Like, I don't, I actually, do you know what? I hate lobsters. I'm terrified of them. I would never touch a lobster. I don't even eat them because that's how scared I am of them.

• 30:20Speaker 01

  There's a giant lobster in your basement.

• 30:23Speaker 02

  I know, but he's dead. He can't get me.

• 30:27Speaker 01

  Okay, so from now on, the list will be rhetorical.

• 30:29Speaker 02

  Do you know what I used to say? When I was going into the jungle, they were like, when I went into the jungle, they're like, what are you scared of? I was like, fish and crabs and lobsters. They're like, I think you'll be okay. But then I had those little crawfish and I was like, I don't want to be in with the crawfish.

• 30:46Speaker 01

  You're like Michelin restaurants, basically. Anything, high-end food and privilege. These are my biggest fears.

• 30:53Speaker 02

  Fluffy duck.

• 30:54Speaker 01

  Good service.

• 30:55Speaker 02

  Duck feather pillows.

• 30:57Speaker 01

  Good service terrifies me, if that's-

• 31:00Speaker 02

  Kerastat shampoo, hate it.

• 31:05Speaker 01

  A daily curly blow dry. Please, no.

• 31:08Speaker 02

  Don't do it to me. I couldn't stand it.

• 31:13Speaker 02

  No facials, no facials.

• 31:15Speaker 01

  No facials.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  For fuck's sake, not the poly nucleotides under the eyes. No.

• 31:23Speaker 02

  Oh, god damn it. Get away from me with the vitamin C serum. I don't want it.

• 31:32Speaker 02

  Yes, they were all on my list.

• 31:33Speaker 01

  So here's what I thought if you were gonna get a tattoo.

• 31:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:37Speaker 01

  I thought a Faberge egg between your breasts.

• 31:40Speaker 02

  No, no.

• 31:41Speaker 01

  No, rhetorical, rhetorical, not looking for a bit.

• 31:44Speaker 02

  Okay, I don't want it, don't want it.

• 31:45Speaker 01

  A tanning mitt.

• 31:47Speaker 02

  Oh, that's a good one.

• 31:48Speaker 01

  On your inner thigh. I thought that would be kind of like a proper little tanning mitt.

• 31:52Speaker 02

  That would be a good one.

• 31:53Speaker 01

  A sleep mask.

• 31:54Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. I love a sleep mask. Yeah. With little earplugs beside it.

• 31:58Speaker 01

  Mm hmm. A kettlebell.

• 32:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:01Speaker 01

  Then I went really deep and I was like, she could tattoo abs on, but then I was like, no, Joanne, because she already has them. And then I thought Joe could do that.

• 32:09Speaker 02

  Oh, nice for Joe.

• 32:11Speaker 01

  I have a list for you, Jo, as well. Yeah. No, no, no. We know, Jo, we know.

• 32:17Speaker 02

  You have to get one of these. You're a tat girl now. You have to get one of these.

• 32:20Speaker 01

  I'm a tat girl, hardcore. It's gonna be a har- it's gonna be a Harley next. I'm gonna be on a Harley.

• 32:27Speaker 02

  Would not surprise me at all.

• 32:28Speaker 01

  Jo, for you.

• 32:30Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 32:31Speaker 01

  Two packs.

• 32:33Speaker 03

  Thank you to go.

• 32:34Speaker 01

  No, no, no, sorry. Not, not, not to, no, sorry, not to, not to draw the packs on. Sorry, I meant on your packs.

• 32:40Speaker 03

  Oh, right. I thought you just needed to, more muscle, a bit of that wasn't there.

• 32:44Speaker 01

  No, Jo, I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't think about your body.

• 32:47Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 32:49Speaker 01

  Vogue on one pack, me on the other. Face tats.

• 32:52Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, be fine. Any preference to the side?

• 32:55Speaker 01

  Or maybe one testicle each, me on one testicle, Vogue on the other.

• 32:59Speaker 03

  Less keen on that.

• 33:01Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 33:02Speaker 02

  The packs, the packs.

• 33:03Speaker 01

  Listen, they're just suggestions.

• 33:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, they're, we're just, these are just ideas and that's fine.

• 33:07Speaker 01

  Speak to Josie, see what she says, but I think.

• 33:10Speaker 02

  I think Josie would like it, to be honest.

• 33:12Speaker 01

  I think she'd be okay with it.

• 33:13Speaker 03

  Do you think?

• 33:14Speaker 01

  I think, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:15Speaker 03

  We can run it by her.

• 33:16Speaker 02

  Do you know what? Just say the girls. Say the girls, because she won't know if you're talking about your kids or us. And then you come home and it's us and then you say, actually.

• 33:24Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 33:25Speaker 02

  Josie, I ran this by you, so.

• 33:27Speaker 03

  I did say.

• 33:28Speaker 01

  This was approved, yeah.

• 33:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can't be annoyed.

• 33:34Speaker 01

  That's so funny.

• 33:38Speaker 01

  This was signed off, honey. I told you. Remember, you said.

• 33:45Speaker 01

  I was getting a girl on each arse cheek and you said gorgeous, stunning, love it.

• 33:52Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 33:53Speaker 01

  It'll be me and my sunglasses in Vogue on a race scooter.

• 33:56Speaker 02

  I have grown a holiday beard, which is brilliant news.

• 34:00Speaker 01

  Oh, go on.

• 34:02Speaker 02

  You know, you get the, you know, when you get the pigmentation, mine was, used to just be a tash. And now it's gone full beard, full beard. And I asked Benny, I said, do you notice it? And he goes, no. And then yesterday he was like, actually, yeah. I was like, oh no, like it's, it's real bad.

• 34:19Speaker 01

  So not hair as such?

• 34:21Speaker 02

  No, not, no.

• 34:22Speaker 01

  You've developed pigmentation because I'll tell you about.

• 34:25Speaker 02

  Couple of cuts on the side of my face.

• 34:26Speaker 01

  I'll tell you about.

• 34:27Speaker 02

  I have been microdermablating or whatever, dermaplaning.

• 34:30Speaker 01

  I'll tell you about my, my actual, my actual beard in a second, but go on, carry on.

• 34:35Speaker 02

  So we're away and do you know what? We had this thought that in like four or five years' time, we might move here for a year and do a school year here. So the kids, because you ever see those families that are always away on holidays and always doing stuff?

• 34:49Speaker 01

  I knew, I fucking knew she was gonna do this.

• 34:52Speaker 02

  In like four or five years' times, you can come. I'd love that because I've no, I've no friends here. There's no friends. Imagine like when you're a kid getting to grow up somewhere like this, even if it's for a year, even though the kids were like, no, we'd absolutely hate that. We're not leaving our school.

• 35:06Speaker 01

  Stop, it's beautiful. Like a French babies, little baguette babies, stop.

• 35:10Speaker 02

  I'd finally learn French. We don't wear berets over here.

• 35:18Speaker 02

  Where's your beret? We're going to the beach. Where's your beret? We're in the Caribbean.

• 35:23Speaker 01

  If you have the opportunity to have little tropical babies for a year and turn them into little mermaids, I would do it in a shot.

• 35:28Speaker 02

  Benny is, we're planning his 40th here, so he's gonna do his 40th at a time when it's very quiet over here. And so we're planning that as well.

• 35:37Speaker 01

  Your husband's not 40. Do you know that I was, sorry to interrupt you there, but I'm obviously not sorry enough to not do it. I. Was I, yeah, no, fine. Hooked up with a guy a couple of times and recently he invited me to his 30th birthday.

• 35:54Speaker 02

  No.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  I was like, scusey say, scusey say what? I was like, how are you not even 30 yet?

• 36:02Speaker 03

  Was he having a bouncy castle?

• 36:07Speaker 02

  What do they do for their 30th now?

• 36:09Speaker 01

  One of those plastic ball, one of those, one of those plastic ball things.

• 36:14Speaker 03

  And a slide.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  What are they called?

• 36:16Speaker 02

  She's going to, she's going to Gambados for his birthday. Children's play, a play of soft lay.

• 36:23Speaker 01

  I robbed a purple dragon for the day. Can't wait.

• 36:26Speaker 02

  Oh my God, his 30th.

• 36:28Speaker 01

  Now he's got an old soul, he's got an old soul, blah, blah, blah, whatever. But, but I was, I was about to tease you about the fact that Spencer isn't 40 yet. And I was like, Joanne, a bit of self-awareness wouldn't go astray there.

• 36:42Speaker 02

  Spencer might, Spencer might not have turned 40, but it brings me great joy that he looks older than 40 because he is sitting out in that sun. And I'm like, what's that you're putting on your face? Still on the six oil. He's on the six oil. I don't know where he buys it, where he finds it, but he's whacking six oil all over his face. Oh wait, have you seen the colour of him?

• 37:01Speaker 01

  You know what lads are like? We could have a 20 care, 20 skincare routine and it would knock a week off us. And lads would do nothing and wash their face with toilet tuck and look 12. Like it makes no sense. Look at Joe. Joe, do you even like?

• 37:16Speaker 02

  He's a Nivea man.

• 37:18Speaker 01

  I guarantee.

• 37:20Speaker 03

  If you're going to ask me about any sort of routine, I don't have one. I put moisturiser on because my face falls off otherwise. But yes, it's blue Nivea.

• 37:28Speaker 02

  I knew it'd be blue. There's nothing wrong with blue Nivea though. It's pretty good.

• 37:31Speaker 03

  It's the cheapest, it just does it does.

• 37:33Speaker 01

  Do you know what the, do you know what, actually, so a dermatologist, Katrina Ryan, who me and Valga are hooked into, like we are, oh, God love her. I'm texting her like all the time.

• 37:43Speaker 02

  Well, stop texting. I need to text her about the beard.

• 37:47Speaker 02

  Katrina.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  She's Katrina. Oh, because I love skincare. I love it. It's like, it's like a hobby of mine. I absolutely love it.

• 37:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, me too.

• 37:55Speaker 01

  And she's like, less is more. Because I get sent a lot of skincare from brands and, and then you kind of end up using it because you're like, I don't want to waste it because obviously I'm Irish and the famine. And she's like, Joanne, less is more. Like, stop, stop putting all this shit in your face. She's like, Sierra V, keep it really fucking simple. The beard, sorry, Beau, can I just say, because you know that I have lost my front hairline with the bleaching.

• 38:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:18Speaker 01

  So I'm on the Monoxidil.

• 38:21Speaker 02

  Oh, God. No, what's Monoxidil?

• 38:23Speaker 01

  It's a prescribed tablet that helps the hair regrowth. And it is working. I've got little baby hairs, Jo, look.

• 38:32Speaker 02

  Do you honestly, do you rattle when you walk around?

• 38:36Speaker 02

  Here's another thing.

• 38:39Speaker 03

  I think it's the fourth medication or the fifth one you've mentioned in this episode.

• 38:43Speaker 01

  How dare, how dare both of you? How dare both of you? I just want to be, sorry, sorry that I want to be mentally well and haired.

• 38:50Speaker 03

  Monoxidil.

• 38:52Speaker 02

  And haired.

• 38:53Speaker 01

  Sorry that I.

• 38:54Speaker 02

  So sorry.

• 38:55Speaker 01

  Sorry they want to be happy and have a hairline. Sorry.

• 38:59Speaker 03

  Riesling.

• 38:59Speaker 02

  Does it, tell me right now, does it make your, are you getting a beard from it? Or is that not just because we're in our 40s? Come on, everyone gets a beard in their 40s.

• 39:10Speaker 01

  Between yourself and myself, I had to shave my arms the other day.

• 39:15Speaker 02

  No, I want some of that, really? I'm watching the hair grow on the heads.

• 39:20Speaker 01

  I was, I was having my hair and makeup done for a job in Melbourne that I was doing on your one, the hair and makeup artist. I was like, I would need to do a bit of dermalblading, which, Jo, we've explained to you before, dermalblading is just a feminine term for shaving your face. We just don't like to call it that. And it's the optics. And she, and I looked at my arms, she had a mirror in front of me and I was like, oh, this is proper, I'm an animal. Like, this is, like, there was, my arms had a full blown beard. And so I dermalbladed them.

• 39:53Speaker 03

  You're a mammal.

• 39:54Speaker 01

  I'm a mammal. No, hold on. Am I a mammal, Jo?

• 39:57Speaker 03

  We're all mammals.

• 39:58Speaker 01

  Does a mammal not breathe underwater?

• 40:00Speaker 03

  Definitely not. Most certainly not.

• 40:02Speaker 02

  No.

• 40:03Speaker 01

  God, you're so condescending, Joseph.

• 40:07Speaker 03

  I, I actually know.

• 40:08Speaker 02

  Joanne, so think.

• 40:09Speaker 03

  No, I think you're thinking of fish.

• 40:13Speaker 01

  Don't you dare.

• 40:14Speaker 02

  Fish have no hair. Fish are very silky. You're like a silky little fish.

• 40:23Speaker 01

  Life is gonna life.

• 40:24Speaker 02

  Do you like that song? Life is life?

• 40:26Speaker 01

  No, what?

• 40:27Speaker 02

  Life.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  Are you the one eating this house? The worst lyrics I've ever heard in my life. No.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  No, it's not that song. It's a really good song. Opus.

• 40:37Speaker 01

  I don't listen to music.

• 40:37Speaker 03

  You're thinking of the song by Desiree, Life, Oh Life.

• 40:41Speaker 01

  Definitely.

• 40:41Speaker 02

  Oh, life.

• 40:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course I am. Oh, Jesus. Of course I am. That's one of my favourite songs. It'll be, if I ever got married.

• 40:50Speaker 02

  You were just slagging it off a minute ago.

• 40:52Speaker 01

  If I ever got married, that would be my first dance. Put it on, put on the record there, Jo.

• 40:58Speaker 02

  Do you know what? Do you know what my first dance song was? And it's like, I'd never listen to it now anymore.

• 41:03Speaker 01

  I don't know, because I wasn't invited. Go on.

• 41:05Speaker 02

  I didn't know you for the first one, for fuck's sake. Not really how we weren't.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.

• 41:11Speaker 02

  You weren't invited. You just didn't get the invite because it went to your previous address. This is what had happened. Someone invited me to their wedding the other day, but they didn't invite me there. Like, I was gonna invite you, but I didn't want to invite you because it might be awkward for you. And then I was like, listen.

• 41:25Speaker 01

  Was he your ex-husband?

• 41:27Speaker 02

  That's all. No, he's already, no, he did not invite me to his new wedding, weirdly.

• 41:32Speaker 01

  He's like, I'd love to see you, but I don't know how you.

• 41:35Speaker 02

  I do find that incredibly rude that he didn't invite me actually, and that is why we don't talk.

• 41:40Speaker 01

  He's like, I'd give you away happily.

• 41:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'd be beating him down the aisle.

• 41:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:47Speaker 02

  Get out of here, you.

• 41:49Speaker 01

  He's like, I was, I was planning on going a little slower down the aisle here. Like, you're fucking throwing them down the aisle.

• 41:54Speaker 02

  Pulling them by the ear. Come on, we're off.

• 41:58Speaker 02

  It's your problem now, my friend.

• 42:02Speaker 01

  We're so mean.

• 42:04Speaker 02

  I used to think that though, because he was obviously engaged loads of times before. I was like, those lucky bitches.

• 42:09Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 42:10Speaker 02

  Because they never got married. They just got engaged.

• 42:12Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, do you know what I will say?

• 42:14Speaker 02

  Logistically, that would have been great.

• 42:17Speaker 01

  I do think there's something chic about getting divorced. I do. I don't know why. I feel, when I meet women now who are divorced, I feel like they've got stories. I don't know. I feel like you've got, you've lived a life. Like, I'm just. Still same shit, different day, you know, like I haven't had the same kind of, I don't know, romantic trauma. I don't know. I just, I kind of admire it. I think it's chic. I'd love to be.

• 42:41Speaker 02

  Divorced. But now the problem is I'm no longer a divorcee, which I liked the sound of now. I'm just married, which is a bit, you know.

• 42:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know. Well, I mean, for now, for now, for now.

• 42:51Speaker 02

  I'll be a double D, a double divorcee. I will if Svenny keeps snoring over here. Fucking hell. I can't like, I actually.

• 42:59Speaker 01

  Strap a tennis ball to his back. Strap a tennis ball to his back. That's what the old school women did. They stitched a golf ball into his back. So when he rolls in his back, he, because they don't snore on their front. They're not arsed on their front.

• 43:13Speaker 02

  He's snoring left, right and centre, honestly. And when I'm like, I'm Svenny, snoring, snoring. He's like, I was awake there. I know I wasn't snoring. And I'm like, I'm not having a fight with you about the fact that you're actually snoring. I'm sitting here listening to you. I haven't just nudged you to say snoring. And now you're telling me that you were awake when you weren't because you were snoring.

• 43:31Speaker 01

  So hard. I like, I've, I've, I've shared a bed with men on several occasions, humble brag. And there is a moment in the night where like, could I stab him?

• 43:40Speaker 02

  Did you hear about the woman who won't leave her hospital bed?

• 43:42Speaker 01

  Go on.

• 43:43Speaker 02

  You know, you find these mad, mad stories online. I'm like, is that real? I have, please God, tell me it's not AI, but it seems very legit. There's a woman and she has been, she has overstayed her stay in hospital by six months. They've tried to get her out and she refuses to leave. And I was reading it and I was like, fair play. Cause do you ever get like, do you ever feel like sick or really like, if I'm really hungover, I'm like, I just, I wish I could get a little nudge off a car and then I could get picked up and taken to the hospital and looked after for the day until I feel better. It's a really nice place to be. Everyone's kind to you. And like, if you're not like a generally sick person, you don't really get a lot out of it. So if I ever go in, I probably will take

• 44:27Speaker 02

  some time out in there for a couple of weeks at least.

• 44:29Speaker 01

  Who doesn't want to be waited on hand and foot? And a hospital's free. Well, in Ireland, obviously in the States it's not, but like, it's stunning. I think I, I'd, I'd love that. There was a meme going around and every time I see it, it makes me laugh every single time. And I've seen it, I'd say 12 to 15 times. And it's someone kind of waking up and they're like, oh, when you hear the sound of the rain outside, but you know you're cosy because you're in a mental asylum. Or no, it's like, when you hear the rain outside, but you know you don't have to go to work because you're in a mental asylum. And then they go back to sleep smiling. And I was like, oh, the joy. I will say, as someone who lost their mind completely, there is a great freedom to it. When you, when you are, when people say you're forced to check out of the human race and the rat race,

• 45:10Speaker 01

  it's, it's kind of glorious in a way. You're like, there is, there is a freedom to it. It's, I would highly, I would recommend, five stars. Have a break down.

• 45:19Speaker 02

  But removing yourself from the world in that kind of way, which is what I'm obviously doing is a nice thing. Like, that's the thing about doing the jungle and stuff. That was one of my favourite things about it. Like, you're literally in there and you're back to basics and you've no phone. And the freedom of not having a phone and just being like, well, I can't get back to anyone. It's, nothing is my problem now. Somebody else is gonna have to sort that out. And it's just like, I, you probably, that will never happen again to me till I'm dead. Like, it genuinely won't.

• 45:46Speaker 01

  I have a job coming up that I'm not allowed to have a phone on and I'm, I'm so stressed about it. Now, I want, I want to do the job, obviously, but the idea of not having a phone, I'm like, I, I don't.

• 45:57Speaker 02

  That is the least of your, you're gonna, it will take you two days and then you'll forget.

• 46:02Speaker 01

  Are you sure? Because I assume I'll just be like swiping on a brick or something just to get the kind of the finger motion of it, just to like, I'm like, I don't understand.

• 46:10Speaker 02

  It's mad how, it's mad how quickly you'll forget. You'll just won't even care that you don't have it. No, and it's really, it's so, like, it's, it's like what I'm saying into, um, well, cacao ceremony, it's very freeing.

• 46:22Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 46:22Speaker 02

  Really nice. Now, you do have that thing of like, you know, when you give up smoking and you kind of like,

• 46:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 46:28Speaker 02

  You're holding something to your mouth the whole time. You have that because your phone's like always in your hand.

• 46:33Speaker 01

  It's like a news your dog. You ever seen a news your dog try and shag something and then it kind of remembers halfway through, it's got no. Nuts or whatever, I don't know what they take, I don't know what the neutering system is.

• 46:44Speaker 02

  Well, everybody, there you have it. The tattoo is real. On stop. Stop sending Joanne mean messages because it's here to stay.

• 46:52Speaker 01

  I'm over it now.

• 46:53Speaker 02

  It's here to stay.

• 46:54Speaker 01

  I will take a certain level of abuse from women that I have spoken to before, but I kind of hit a wall with it all. And I'm like, stop now, stop it, stop it. My own mother is trolling me. I'm like, I've had enough now.

• 47:06Speaker 02

  I had to, imagine how I felt. I had to wait till the pod. She got this done days ago. I haven't been able to say a single word to her because I nearly asked you last night, is it real? And I was like, no, just.

• 47:16Speaker 01

  Sorry, just, just to say, Amanda Seyfried has minge tattooed on her foot.

• 47:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, but what size is that, Joanne? It's probably a little minge.

• 47:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's not, it's not a huge minge. I'll agree. It's, it's, it's small enough. It's discreet. It's a discreet minge on her foot.

• 47:31Speaker 02

  Thank you. Thank you so much, everyone, for listening. We will see you on the bonus next week.

• 47:36Speaker 01

  Bless, bless out. I need to start making, I need to start making a thing of this saying so that it sounds like I have a meaning.

• 47:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, so everyone.

• 47:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, so it sounds like I've done something with thought. Bless, guys. Means a lot to me.

• 47:53Speaker 00

  This has been a Global Player original production.

• 47:57Speaker 05

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