MBMBaM 802: Assassinating the Moon Queen

We like to think of My Brother, My Brother, and Me as a safe space to talk about sharp bazongas, sick contra-bassoon riffs, and your shrimp walk with Jesus. But you have to be sure to get those skin puppies fed first. Suggested Talking Points: Comic Relief Epona, Slick Skylar Gissondos, Only a Contra-Bassoon Can Defeat A Bassoon, Shrimp Out for Jesus Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota: https://www.ilcm.org/donate/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 1:10Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, the advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother Travis, Big Dog, Wolf, Vroom, Vroom, The Heater McElroy.

• 1:22Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, I'm Griffin McElroy. I'm 38, 5'10". I live in DC, but I'm willing to commute for a long-term project and this is myself, Tate. Thank you.

• 1:34Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:38Travis McElroy?

  Oh, for adult films?

• 1:42Griffin McElroy?

  Those are the only sides that were provided to me by Nintendo and I don't know. I just hope, I hope, I'm very enthusiastic about the project and I'm pointing at my tattoo right now. So just something to, just something to keep in mind. I have that tattoo. Wouldn't it be cool if Link had a tattoo of the Triforce on it? Probably gonna do that anyway.

• 2:02Travis McElroy?

  That would be applicable.

• 2:04Griffin McElroy?

  I already got the thing, so.

• 2:05Travis McElroy?

  So this is for the Zelda movie?

• 2:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, this is my, we were told by Joel and I'm starting to realize now because you guys didn't do it, that maybe it's one of Joel's classic pranks that he likes to play on us. Um, where he was like, record some self tapes. You're gonna be Link. Uh, I think you're a shoe. He said, I think you're a shoe in. And I said, I'm thirty eight. Don't you think that's a little bit old? For boy hero of Link. And he said, no, no, no. Trust me, they'll love it. And so I, I, I feel like a fucking asshole right now. Cause you guys look like a space alien.

• 2:38Travis McElroy?

  I think the confusion is, I'm pretty sure the boy hero of the Zelda games is named Zelda.

• 2:44Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, he's gonna do. He's gonna do that bit. That'll, that'll chest nut. So.

• 2:50Travis McElroy?

  If you want, I could try. I have two characters here that I could try for it.

• 2:55Griffin McElroy?

  From Zelda?

• 2:56Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Oh, you got some Zelda. Listen, listen.

• 3:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:01Travis McElroy?

  Listen. That was, that's, that's some options.

• 3:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. No, options. That's interesting for.

• 3:08Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:08Griffin McElroy?

  An audition.

• 3:09Travis McElroy?

  I feel like you should have one vision of the character.

• 3:12Griffin McElroy?

  And really commit to it.

• 3:13Travis McElroy?

  And really commit to it. Listen. That could be.

• 3:17Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Okay, here's another one. This is a character that I was told is a small but pivotal role in the film.

• 3:25Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 3:26Travis McElroy?

  Oh, man, my warehouse full of jars.

• 3:29Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:29Travis McElroy?

  What happened?

• 3:30Griffin McElroy?

  Jar's man.

• 3:31Travis McElroy?

  Oh, my jars.

• 3:32Griffin McElroy?

  That would be funny.

• 3:33Travis McElroy?

  They had my grandmother's ashes in them.

• 3:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. What if that did happen though? He's smashing up shit in Hyrule Town and like just a bunch of dust comes out. And he just makes silent eye contact with the owner of the house. Like, oh, fuck.

• 3:45Travis McElroy?

  Fuck, fuck, what? There's one last jar to smash. That one on the mantle.

• 3:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:49Travis McElroy?

  No link.

• 3:50Griffin McElroy?

  Hard on the ground and he picks it up and eats it.

• 3:52Travis McElroy?

  Oh, link, no. Blood all over his face.

• 3:54Griffin McElroy?

  Why is it rated M? There's one jar and he cusses a lot when he breaks it. It's really wild. I do, I don't know why that's in there.

• 4:02Travis McElroy?

  I have a problem with the Zelda, uh, the Link casting specifically where my problem is, I keep trying to read the name of the cat that's playing Link, but I get so tired.

• 4:12Griffin McElroy?

  What do you mean?

• 4:13Travis McElroy?

  Through the na- I haven't been able to make it all the way through.

• 4:15Griffin McElroy?

  Joel said they haven't casted anyone yet and that it's all still.

• 4:18Travis McElroy?

  So the two leaves are done.

• 4:20Griffin McElroy?

  Wide open, baby.

• 4:22Travis McElroy?

  The other ones are wide open and I want to let you read for the other ones. But unfortunately, Link has been already taken by Benjamin Evan.

• 4:31Travis McElroy?

  Oh, now he fell asleep.

• 4:32Griffin McElroy?

  Fell asleep saying the name. That's so rude.

• 4:36Travis McElroy?

  Justin, Justin, come back. I could try it. There's just so many soothing bells.

• 4:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, sure.

• 4:41Travis McElroy?

  Try again. Okay. Benjamin.

• 4:46Griffin McElroy?

  No, no, there he goes.

• 4:47Travis McElroy?

  Oh, he goes. Justin, Justin.

• 4:48Griffin McElroy?

  Sleep again.

• 4:50Travis McElroy?

  Justin.

• 4:50Griffin McElroy?

  I have a read for you. Buddy, wake up.

• 4:52Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, guys. It's the painkillers.

• 4:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:54Travis McElroy?

  From the Carpal Tunnel release. It's like, I'm like way sleepy all the time.

• 4:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:58Travis McElroy?

  Anytime I try to read the name of the guy who's playing Link, which is Benjamin Evan Ainsworth.

• 5:05Griffin McElroy?

  Benjamin Evan Ainsworth. Okay, that's cool. Is it three names like a assassin?

• 5:09Travis McElroy?

  That was actually all one name. Whoa.

• 5:11Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 5:11Travis McElroy?

  Guys. Justin, could you give us a Ganon?

• 5:15Griffin McElroy?

  What's a?

• 5:15Travis McElroy?

  What?

• 5:15Griffin McElroy?

  Well, I don't, I don't think Justin's got Ganon energy.

• 5:18Travis McElroy?

  Oh, I mean, I'm no Matt Mercer, but I.

• 5:22Griffin McElroy?

  That's a good point. We actually can't audition for that one because we know Ganon. You know what I mean?

• 5:26Travis McElroy?

  How about Ganon's son? We had, hey, listen, I sat down to a nice meal with Ganon.

• 5:31Griffin McElroy?

  Ganon took us out to a nice LA dinner one time. It was excellent.

• 5:35Travis McElroy?

  Could you be Ganon Jr.? Like if they decided Ganon had a son in this one?

• 5:39Griffin McElroy?

  Ganondorf is Ganon Jr. A lot of people get confused because it looks like he turns into them.

• 5:44Travis McElroy?

  He's Ganon on his knees with like sneakers in front of his knees.

• 5:48Griffin McElroy?

  And it's talking about golf himself.

• 5:50Travis McElroy?

  It's not, it's not very tasteful.

• 5:52Griffin McElroy?

  Justin, can you give me, I mean, there's a role that I think the three of us could tackle. And in fact, I think once I say it, I might ruin our entire dynamic because the three of us will be so desperate to get this role. We'll do anything to get it. Backstab, betrayal, slander, and that's Tingle. I think one of the three of us has Tingle, the old nasty Link, old nasty flying Link, Tingle, him? I think that's a good thing.

• 6:20Travis McElroy?

  Let me hear your, let me hear your, let me hear your Tingle. Oh. Gru Limpel.

• 6:28Griffin McElroy?

  Tingle. So something like that.

• 6:31Travis McElroy?

  Really good.

• 6:31Griffin McElroy?

  Really good. Thanks. Yeah. Yeah, thanks. I've been playing Majora's Mask. So like I, I interface with Tingle on a deeper level.

• 6:39Travis McElroy?

  You to have it.

• 6:41Griffin McElroy?

  You don't want Tingle?

• 6:42Travis McElroy?

  No, you earned it. You don't want Tingle?

• 6:44Griffin McElroy?

  You realize what this is gonna do? It's the wire stuff. It's the wire work. He doesn't want to do the wire work.

• 6:48Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's fair. Scared of the wire work?

• 6:49Griffin McElroy?

  I'm very afraid.

• 6:50Travis McElroy?

  of the wire where

• 6:50Griffin McElroy?

  don't act like if fucking Shigeru Miyamoto rang your doorbell and was like Travis, we want you to be tingle. You would say, mm, Griffin can have it. That's crazy. Do you realize what this is gonna mean for my career? I'm gonna explode, dude.

• 7:01Travis McElroy?

  I would like to play one of the big busty fairies.

• 7:05Griffin McElroy?

  No one's ever really talked about this before, and I would love it if this could be, could this be a safe space? I get uncomfortable talking about sometimes sensitive, maybe trending erotic issues with you guys, cuz you're my brothers and that's yucky. But no one's really ever broken, no one's broken down the fact that in Ocarina of Time, they say, okay, we're taking this franchise to the next level. 3D. It's like, that's great. What's Octo Rocks gonna look like? 3D Octo Rocks. Awesome. I love that. Uh, what about these, uh, what about a like like? Yeah, we're gonna take the design of the 2D like like and we're gonna make it three dimensional. And then they're like, okay, awesome. There are these fairies that float over small ponds, and when you go see them, they refill your health.

• 7:43Griffin McElroy?

  And they're like, yeah, let's give them gigonzo bazongas that are gonna be sharp, sharp enough to cut through concrete diamond tip. Fucking size triple J bazungas, dude. And someone was like, wait, what are you, what? Let's have them have

• 7:59Travis McElroy?

  Okay, but you're They're like tastefully Eight stitches. Yeah, they're like tastefully suggested kind of off frame. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

• 8:07Griffin McElroy?

  No, dude.

• 8:08Travis McElroy?

  These things are dead center. Cannot miss.

• 8:11Griffin McElroy?

  Fishnet onesie miniskirt crop top size Z bazanches, and we're gonna have them be sharp and pointy. She's gonna do nothing but scream.

• 8:21Travis McElroy?

  Birthright view. She comes out the flower. Bazongas are jumping, having a great time. If a fair, if the fairies end up that gigantic with the boobs that sharp, someone in the chain of command is difficult to work with.

• 8:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 8:34Travis McElroy?

  Someone is difficult to have conversations with. Like, don't bring it up. No, no, no, no, no. I know, I know, I know. I know the fairy, the giant fairies with the bazongas. Don't.

• 8:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:43Travis McElroy?

  It's your whole day.

• 8:44Griffin McElroy?

  Cuckoos, 2D to 3D? That's a cuckoo. Fucking, uh, what are these little spider guys? Uh, uh,

• 8:49Travis McElroy?

  It's called cholo.

• 8:51Griffin McElroy?

  2D to 3D? Great. Love it. Just with these one, this one set.

• 8:56Travis McElroy?

  There's

• 8:57Griffin McElroy?

  Just wild and wild.

• 8:58Travis McElroy?

  Somebody at Nintendo at that time was a real giant honker fairy hardliner.

• 9:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:04Travis McElroy?

  Who was like, guys, I will die on this hill. I will take the code down with me. I will set fire to the servers if you try to cut these fairies. Someone, at some point, someone said to artists like, and just think about how a fairy is gonna make the transition from 2D to 3D. The artist is like, so it's kinda like when adult Robin Williams kisses little Julia Roberts and she gets gigantic with huge bazongas. It's like, wait, no, why are you drawing already? Stop, put your pen down. I actually have a portfolio ready to go. Dave, not again. I have a mechanical hard drive loaded with many images that I'd love to share with you. And three backups, just in case. It's in the clouds, sir.

• 9:48Griffin McElroy?

  There's nothing wrong with the great fairies having huge, sharp bazongas. But I am saying, there is a story there. There's a behind the scenes story of one creator's passion that we will never get.

• 10:02Travis McElroy?

  Well, not with that attitude. Coming to Sundance this year, our in-depth documentary exploring how we got to this point. From the McRoy brothers. I could do a Midna. Midna's just gotta be kinda nasty and mean. Like, ah, Link, you look great, your ass stinks. That kinda like.

• 10:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that was cool.

• 10:24Travis McElroy?

  More like comic relief.

• 10:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that. I like that a lot, Juice.

• 10:29Travis McElroy?

  Your feet look like bananas.

• 10:31Griffin McElroy?

  Nice. That's awesome. Why are you rolling?

• 10:35Travis McElroy?

  Which one of you is Link?

• 10:37Griffin McElroy?

  Why do you roll all the time? Stop yelling.

• 10:40Travis McElroy?

  You should see my aunt's bazongas, they're gigantic. My aunt is a fairy. Midna's aunt is a fairy, canonically.

• 10:47Griffin McElroy?

  Aunt is not a fairy, Midna's from the Twilight realm.

• 10:50Travis McElroy?

  I wanna be apona.

• 10:51Griffin McElroy?

  Different thing.

• 10:52Travis McElroy?

  What? I wanna be apona, and this one, apona talks.

• 10:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:57Travis McElroy?

  You should have apona talk. Give Link a sidekick that talks, talking with apona. What would apona's vibe be, do you think? Oh, I don't know about this one, Link.

• 11:06Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, that's cool. Yeah, comic relief apona, I didn't even consider, but someone like, oh, looks like you got me into another fine mess, little Link.

• 11:15Travis McElroy?

  It's me, Josh Gad. I don't know about this one, Link. We're trying to get fucking parts in the fiction of the thing and you're giving that to God? Apona. Gad hasn't had enough bites of apple? Josh Gad is not a point, I watched one. Man, Travis's suggestion, great suggestion. Josh Gad is now at a point where not only does Josh Gad get to play all the roles that he plays, he's also just like getting to play fictionalized versions of Josh Gad.

• 11:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:41Travis McElroy?

  Nice worker, you can get it, Josh.

• 11:43Griffin McElroy?

  You made it at that point, I think.

• 11:45Travis McElroy?

  Me and all the other Gadflies are wild about it.

• 11:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Gadflies is what they'd be called. Let's start the program. We're long overdue.

• 11:55Travis McElroy?

  Well, I'm happy to be talking to you. Together we'll do it once again.

• 12:05Travis McElroy?

  Make sure not to laugh, cuz that is a sin. That's right. That's the new energy.

• 12:11Griffin McElroy?

  New theme song.

• 12:12Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Very puritanical. No enjoyment here. I'm a middle school teacher and recently one of my students was passing out Valentine's Day cards. She had made for some of her friends and her teachers. As she looked through the stack to find the one she had made for me, I noticed that some of her cards had Pokemon cards sticking out of them. I did not get a Pokemon card, but now I really want to know what card she would have picked for me. Brothers, how do I tell this student I would like to receive a Pokemon card without coming across as ungrateful to a child? That's from Seeking Pokemon in Poughkeepsie.

• 12:46Griffin McElroy?

  Have you let slip? And you can take some advice from me on this pretty directly. Have you let slip subtle clues that maybe you are a Pokemaniac on the DL? Just dropping like little hints here and there, just like, uh,

• 13:00Travis McElroy?

  Like what?

• 13:01Griffin McElroy?

  pointing at a kid's shirt and be like, oh, Onyx, great. Like little stu- like little stuff to let people know like, hey, I'm, I'm actually, I'm into this stuff. Don't be too obvious about it.

• 13:10Travis McElroy?

  If you have five Pikachus and two feint, how many Pikachus do you have left to battle?

• 13:15Griffin McElroy?

  Still five. I'll get those two, I'll get those two fucking going again. Don't even worry about it, dude.

• 13:20Travis McElroy?

  In the middle of the fight?

• 13:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, dude. Revive, max revive. I'll get those bad boys right back in there. There's no, there is no rest on my bench. I have no bench. It's right back out there, pal.

• 13:31Travis McElroy?

  Your kid's school's doing the uh, Slidin' Valentine's Day card exchange thing?

• 13:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 13:36Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's a wild, it's an absolutely unhinged.

• 13:39Griffin McElroy?

  Unforced error, unforced error.

• 13:41Travis McElroy?

  Unforced error, like so unnecessary, like why do we need the pressure? Uh, one of the girls' teachers this year said, don't write names on them.

• 13:49Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome.

• 13:50Travis McElroy?

  So you like, don't, yeah, don't, don't even personalize, like you write your name in there, right?

• 13:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 13:55Travis McElroy?

  But you can't even personalize, I want an un-personalized stack of paper with your name on the inside. And you just picked the IP.

• 14:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:02Travis McElroy?

  That's all you're basically saying is like, I endorse the turtles. This year, the girls got like these little Airheads candies with the to and from spots on the wrappers. And we're like, this is great, we'll do it. Impossible to write on. And then I started writing on it, wouldn't happen. And this, this guy, National American Scholar Travis McRae, started looking at the Airheads package to see if it came with instructions of what kind of writing utensil to use. It didn't, so I ended up writing all their names on it because my children are still learning handwriting. They're nine and six, they're not ready for the, you know, Black Diamond slope that is writing on Airheads.

• 14:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's hard.

• 14:41Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, they got, they had Haribo, Haribo like gummy bear packets with to and from on it. You can't write all, what?

• 14:47Griffin McElroy?

  How the fuck am I supposed to write on that?

• 14:48Travis McElroy?

  How am I gonna write Dyson? How am I supposed to write Dyson on a, on a package of Haribo gummies? Impossible.

• 14:57Griffin McElroy?

  Can you just say, I'd like a, hey, I think this could bring you to, if I was a kid and I was into Pokemon,

• 15:05Griffin McElroy?

  that's basically how it was. So if I, if when I was a kid.

• 15:07Travis McElroy?

  When, when you were a kid.

• 15:09Griffin McElroy?

  When I was a child.

• 15:10Travis McElroy?

  If then.

• 15:11Griffin McElroy?

  Then, a teacher came up to me and was like, hey, I'm also super into Pokemon. No, you can't fucking do that, huh?

• 15:19Travis McElroy?

  Can't.

• 15:20Griffin McElroy?

  I also like Pokemon, check out my card, what card do you think I'd be?

• 15:22Travis McElroy?

  I spotted you passing out some Pokemon cards.

• 15:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 15:25Travis McElroy?

  Notice I didn't, you didn't grace my palm.

• 15:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 15:28Travis McElroy?

  With anything, any duckets?

• 15:29Griffin McElroy?

  I think there's a way to do that and just say like, you know, I'm also into Pokemon. What Pokemon do you think I'd be? Is that too much?

• 15:36Travis McElroy?

  No, but like you hear it, right? You can hear it, you can hear it. I think that would be a fun. To say like, if everybody gets like this score on this test, you're all allowed to anonymously write on this card what Pokemon you think I would be. Yeah, right.

• 15:55Griffin McElroy?

  Says here, shit eater. Who said, who wrote shit eater?

• 15:58Travis McElroy?

  This is what I'm saying, man. You're gonna get some problematic responses. You're talking about an interesting phenomenon that I have noticed though, where Pokemon card trading has been now a thing or a concept for so long.

• 16:13Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 16:14Travis McElroy?

  It is basically passed a generation to where you will hear people have conversations about Pokemon cards as sources of stored value. It's almost become like an intergenerational sort of exchange where like, we all kind of know what Pokemon cards are worth. There's like the span of 20 years where like, we can kind of agree on the worth of that.

• 16:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 16:33Travis McElroy?

  And you can, you can see that continue to evolve. It's like this secondary currency that has arisen and fallen alongside the USD.

• 16:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I have a sort of opposite investment portfolio, which is a website I've saved, tracking the value of the entire original series of Pokemon cards and how much they're worth now, because I definitely fucking had those at some point. And, but then I did like sell them in, I don't know, 2005 for a gaming PC.

• 16:59Travis McElroy?

  Peak of the market.

• 17:01Griffin McElroy?

  And so now when I look at that, it's like an opposite of how much I've like lost, how much, not how much I've gained, which is what a lot of people do when they trade the markets, but how sort of, how bummed out I should be.

• 17:12Travis McElroy?

  Oh.

• 17:14Griffin McElroy?

  I don't need a lot more sources of stuff like that, but it's nice to have a kind of numerical value.

• 17:18Travis McElroy?

  Something you can count on.

• 17:19Griffin McElroy?

  And it really makes me pay attention to not giving away things now that may be worth a fucking lot of money somewhere.

• 17:27Travis McElroy?

  Diamond hands, baby. Maintain more of a selfishness.

• 17:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, selfishness, yes.

• 17:32Travis McElroy?

  Agreed.

• 17:33Griffin McElroy?

  Every, nothing brings me joy in my house, but a lot of things bring me anxiety that if I got rid of them, then the next day Jake Paul will be like, this is worth 1000 million dollars actually. And I'd be like, god damn it.

• 17:47Travis McElroy?

  Man, where's that anti-Griffin show with Jake and Logan Paul just declaring randomly what they think things are worth? I've been pitching this show for 30 years.

• 17:58Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, guys, Jake Paul here, and I'm here to announce that these six old Disney Magic fans are all worth $100 million now, so I hope no one got rid of those yesterday, Griffin. Fuck, dude.

• 18:09Travis McElroy?

  Jake Paul, here Jake Paul, this is my Easy Bake Oven, I've had it since I was a kid. He just rips it apart, his bare hands and Bitcoins fall out of it.

• 18:16Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 18:17Travis McElroy?

  That's where, that's where they've been the whole time. You're welcome. They have Bitcoins in there.

• 18:20Griffin McElroy?

  This is worth nothing, I broke it. Every other Easy Bake Oven is now worth a billion dollars. I am a genie named Jake Paul, and I will curse you.

• 18:31Travis McElroy?

  I'm a first-year college student at a music conservatory. We have a dedicated building for practice rooms, and the walls happen to be not too noise insulated. As I travel up and down the floors, you'll hear a loud trombone glissando or a virtuoso piano concerto. Sorry, I messed up piano. Why piano?

• 18:52Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know, they snuck it in there between two words.

• 18:55Travis McElroy?

  Damn. Piano. Piano, pianissimo. Um, how do I, uh, that's what I meant. Yes, I meant piano.

• 19:04Griffin McElroy?

  Concerto.

• 19:05Travis McElroy?

  Volume.

• 19:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:06Travis McElroy?

  How do I let these people know what they did was sick? Every door has a little window, so I was thinking of giving them a thumbs up. However, I want to be mindful of their practice time and focus. Do I leave them a little note? Maybe paper airplane it in through the open practice window? That sounds like more of a distraction. I like people editing themselves as they type. No, not that. I should delete that sentence. Nah, I'm too far. Brothers, what do I do? That's from Spreading Support in Cincinnati. Listen, as someone who played trombone in middle school, I think I can speak with confidence when I say the two examples you've listed here are not exactly the same. I mean. Right?

• 19:49Travis McElroy?

  I hear someone playing a sick piano concerto, and then somebody else just going to town on a trombone.

• 19:57Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, if I hear, you know how hard it is to pull off a slick glissando, right? Like.

• 20:03Travis McElroy?

  Oh, hell yeah, dude.

• 20:04Griffin McElroy?

  To bust out a, to bust out a Skyler Gisando on the trombone like that seems like it would be definitely worth applause.

• 20:11Travis McElroy?

  I mean, I think you gotta celebrate the achievement in the moment that it happens.

• 20:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:17Travis McElroy?

  I think that you, if you get a note later, I think that that's, the person is gonna think, well, they probably felt bad for me, cuz no one was cheering when I actually did the thing. I think when they hit the note, I think you just gotta give them like, now you're cooking, baby!

• 20:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:33Travis McElroy?

  Like that, or like-

• 20:34Griffin McElroy?

  It needs to be immediate-

• 20:34Travis McElroy?

  Cook it, baby!

• 20:35Griffin McElroy?

  Cook it up in the kitchen!

• 20:38Travis McElroy?

  Turn up the heat, Frankie!

• 20:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:40Travis McElroy?

  If their name is, I don't know their, or maybe they're on the doors, I don't know if their names are on the- Pop that shit in the fryer, dude!

• 20:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, exactly.

• 20:49Travis McElroy?

  Turn the thermostat up, Frankie, it's too cold, baby!

• 20:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's cool. Trav, you do one.

• 20:57Travis McElroy?

  Uh, yeah, I don't know, I was thinking of something else.

• 21:00Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, you weren't listening? Oh, Trav, the jokes were good!

• 21:03Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, Trav, that's the best time to do another one, cuz you're gonna take it into a funky direction, man.

• 21:09Griffin McElroy?

  The jokes were really good, it would've been really fun to get up on that one, man.

• 21:11Travis McElroy?

  What if? It was an easy one, too.

• 21:14Griffin McElroy?

  It was an easy, good jokes, it was like, I was like vibing, and I was like, Trav, you're gonna love this.

• 21:18Travis McElroy?

  I wanna tell them about it, and tell-

• 21:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, please, cuz I was thinking of a different vein of jokes.

• 21:23Travis McElroy?

  Listen.

• 21:25Travis McElroy?

  All you had to do, the joke was, you had to be like, something, something Frankie, and you're kinda yelling, and then said something about temperature. It was so easy.

• 21:33Griffin McElroy?

  And it was like really funny, and it didn't take any brain work at all, you could just kind of vibe.

• 21:37Travis McElroy?

  Frankie boil that frog!

• 21:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I do think if it had been like more close to the, to the bit, it would've, you could've-

• 21:44Travis McElroy?

  So what about this, they hear a knock on the window, they turn and look, it's you in a Phantom of the Opera mask.

• 21:50Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, cool.

• 21:51Travis McElroy?

  Yelling, "Bravi, bravi, bravi!"

• 21:54Griffin McElroy?

  No, no, no, no, you're so close, you almost had it, you almost had it. You look, you're in the Phantom of the Opera mask, looking in the window, as soon as they turn to look at you, you give them a, and you're away.

• 22:03Travis McElroy?

  Oh, and you're gone.

• 22:04Griffin McElroy?

  If you fucking make a big deal out of it, they'll know like, oh, that's some dude in a mask, but if you get out of there quick, like really quick, and they don't see you, now in their mind, they're like, am I getting Phantom of the Opera?

• 22:13Travis McElroy?

  And then you mention it to someone else, like, he only appears to the most talented.

• 22:17Griffin McElroy?

  Uh-huh.

• 22:18Travis McElroy?

  Only the most talented amongst us. I've seen zip hunt them. Yeah. And after that, you can leave little notes signed from the angel of music for that point forward like that was a sick tribunal sondo. The angel of music. See Trav, you knocked on the door and in my head, I'm like, why, why did we stop knocking?

• 22:40Travis McElroy?

  Open the door. It's like knock, knock, knock. And they get up to open it, but it's like knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. And you're jiggling the handle to give it some hi hat?

• 22:50Travis McElroy?

  Very funky. Yeah, music is everywhere. They would love that. I will, I will let you in. Please stop. And then you break the doorknob off and they're stuck. Please stop. No, you're turning it while I'm turning it. We're both turning it.

• 23:06Griffin McElroy?

  Does your guys algo serve you up videos of people like walking around in the park with their violin and they see someone like DJing or something? They're like, can I jam with you? And then they jam together or like they're walking around and there's people like drumming on the subway and they're like, can I jam? Or they have two saxophones. They're like, let's blast. Do you guys get those videos?

• 23:22Travis McElroy?

  Gr- Griff? Yeah, I actually just got served one of these and it pissed me off. I want to hear what you're talking about, but it pissed me off because it was a, a man who walked around with like eight turntables. Yes. And a bunch of DJ equipment. Yes. And then who, who happens upon him? Wyclef Jean? Just happened. No, you found, he went looking for Wyclef. He, I think you dropped a pin. That's all I'll say. And I don't, I think someone dropped a pin. Because I have been walking around lots of times, never with DJ stuff ever. No. And have not once seen Wyclef Jean. You know what I mean? That's so funny. They were filming it too. Damn.

• 24:04Travis McElroy?

  For me, my problem is whenever I do see Wyclef Jean here in Cincinnati, Ohio, I never have my DJ stuff with me. And then when I have my DJ stuff with me, I can never find him. Travis is like, let me get my recorder out. And Wyclef Jean's like, I'd rather, no.

• 24:19Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 24:19Travis McElroy?

  But thank you. Not the recorder. Do you think when two people are playing saxophone at the same time, kind of facing each other, doing like dueling saxophones?

• 24:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:28Travis McElroy?

  They're worried that if they get too close to one another, it will form kind of a seal. And when one blows, it'll puff out the other one's cheeks and explode their lungs?

• 24:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's a, and that's a huge, huge, huge concern. When you're playing the saxophone, it's the only instrument that you have to breathe in and out through it.

• 24:46Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:46Griffin McElroy?

  You can't, you can't remove your, if you break the seal of your amature, then the reed loses all of its rigid rigidity. And so you have to breathe in and out of it.

• 24:56Travis McElroy?

  And so if the two bells touch.

• 24:59Griffin McElroy?

  If the two bells touch.

• 25:00Travis McElroy?

  That air is gonna go straight into their lungs and pop them.

• 25:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, and that is where bassoons come from.

• 25:07Travis McElroy?

  Oh.

• 25:08Griffin McElroy?

  When two saxophones love each other very much, their bells touch, one blows into the other one till the cheeks explode, and then a bassoon comes out.

• 25:15Travis McElroy?

  Out pops the baby bassoon.

• 25:16Griffin McElroy?

  Out comes out a bassoon.

• 25:17Travis McElroy?

  If you hit up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B A start, contra bassoon.

• 25:22Griffin McElroy?

  Contra bassoon, sure, doesn't make any sense. Didn't make any sense what you just said. Why did you bring contra, why did contra get invited to the party?

• 25:30Travis McElroy?

  Cause a contra bassoon is an instrument, and that was contra. That directly opposes the bassoon. It's the bassoon's greatest enemy.

• 25:37Griffin McElroy?

  I've never heard of this evil twin bassoon.

• 25:40Travis McElroy?

  The contra bassoon?

• 25:41Griffin McElroy?

  A contra bassoon, I've never heard of.

• 25:42Travis McElroy?

  The only thing that can stop a bassoon is a contra bassoon. Right now, cause you're in for a real treat, cause this thing is a fucking big bassoon.

• 25:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 25:51Travis McElroy?

  Hey, click the share. Can you not even share a picture or whatever? You're looking at pictures over there of the contra bassoon, not even sharing pictures.

• 25:57Griffin McElroy?

  I'll share the picture of a contra bassoon. I don't know how to do that shit. You always do that shit.

• 26:01Travis McElroy?

  Really? Just press the share button. Do you not have a share button?

• 26:03Griffin McElroy?

  Well, I, what if it's, yeah, this is a YouTube video.

• 26:06Travis McElroy?

  Oh, so loud.

• 26:12Travis McElroy?

  Yo, yo, Grif, you okay, man?

• 26:15Griffin McElroy?

  Guys.

• 26:17Griffin McElroy?

  You guys were really quiet in my mix. I turned up my headphones really, really loud. Cause you guys, I thought your mics were quiet. So I turned you up really loud thinking like, well, I'm not gonna hear any other sounds. While I'm doing this. And then I accidentally opened up a video of a guy playing the contrabassoon. And it fucking shattered my eardrums. Okay, hold on. I gotta get this fucking thing up here. I gotta figure out how to share the contrabassoon. Okay.

• 26:44Travis McElroy?

  Aw, man. I mis-googled and I searched for contra Bassoon.

• 26:47Griffin McElroy?

  No, don't do that.

• 26:48Travis McElroy?

  And I got some wild stuff. I got a contrabassoon. There's a contrabassoon right there.

• 26:52Griffin McElroy?

  Screen share. Get rid of this. This is what I need to show you it though.

• 26:57Griffin McElroy?

  You gotta see the size of this fucking thing, man. Let me get theater mode. Can you see? You ready? I don't think you'll be able to hear it.

• 27:05Travis McElroy?

  I hope not.

• 27:08Travis McElroy?

  I can't hear it.

• 27:12Griffin McElroy?

  Look at that bad boy. Oh, that seems hard to press.

• 27:20Griffin McElroy?

  It's broke. Hey dude, it's broken. I don't think that's what it's supposed to sound like. Dude, your shit's broken. Dude, he's fucking ripping, man. Dude, it's all such a shit. You're fucking drumming ass, dude. It's not music. That's the funniest thing I've ever seen. That can't be it. It's coming.

• 27:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, dude. Don't stop, please. That's a gun.

• 27:54Griffin McElroy?

  He looks like he's about to assassinate the moon queen.

• 28:02Griffin McElroy?

  Are we gonna get another blast?

• 28:05Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, this one note everyone remembers. Everybody knows this. That's not a note. That's not a note. It's the engine starting.

• 28:15Griffin McElroy?

  That's a W flat he's hitting right there. I love that. Oh my god, sir. Fucking jerk. But we're on the other side of the thing. What's that like for him? Why is he pretending like it is a musical experience? This freaking guy.

• 28:32Travis McElroy?

  God.

• 28:33Griffin McElroy?

  That man is actually 19 years old, but the vibrations of the contrabassoon have aged him. Jack disease. He got contact jack disease from his contrabassoon. It's so fu-

• 28:45Travis McElroy?

  Fucking big and deep. That's what she said. And it's not, it's like they made it so big that it sounds bad. Yeah. And it's like, good job.

• 28:57Travis McElroy?

  That's the guy that there's one note in the, in the entire like concerto that you need a controversy and they're like, yeah, that's why you're here, Doug. He's my nephew.

• 29:06Griffin McElroy?

  The sheet music is like a CVS receipt with the number of staves they have to go down just to reach it.

• 29:12Travis McElroy?

  Oh, man. We've just printed out your sides, Doug. It's just this one note. I'll point to you. You'll know when it's time, Doug, because the whole place will get really quiet and then you'll just.

• 29:23Griffin McElroy?

  You'll just blast.

• 29:25Travis McElroy?

  Man. Let's take a break and we'll come back and talk about our.

• 29:41Travis McElroy?

  We actually have settled into a morning routine here where I have not been able to keep up my end of the bargain.

• 29:49Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, no.

• 29:49Travis McElroy?

  I can't open the Smalls for the cats in the morning.

• 29:53Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, no.

• 29:53Travis McElroy?

  It's really put a damp on our relationship. I've gotten to a point now where I've asked Sydney to open the package of the delicious Smooth Bird or whatever while I stand next to her. So at least the cats still associate me.

• 30:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 30:06Travis McElroy?

  With the delicious, flavorful, nutrient-packed food from Smalls.

• 30:11Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe she'll think you're some sort of new four-handed food distributing entity that now dwells within this, this household.

• 30:18Travis McElroy?

  Or maybe they'll get the completely mistaken impression that you're somehow in charge of Sydney and make her do it.

• 30:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 30:25Travis McElroy?

  Gosh, they are actually too smart for that because they kind of are in charge in our house. But that means that I like taking care of these kitties and I like giving them the best food that I can. And I feel like Smalls does that. It helps us to control their portions because we usually just do like kind of grazing dry food. So the, the Smalls has been great for that. Their coats look really nice. They have a lot of energy and it's seemed to have really been great for them. Which one's your favorite? My, uh, probably other bird. No, I meant of the cat. When it's late at night, Travis and I am feeling a little peckish. I reach for other bird or smooth pig. No, which of the cats? Uh, which of the cats is your favorite? Stop guessing which meals are gonna upset their stomach for a limited time, cuz you're my brother, my brother, me listener.

• 31:10Travis McElroy?

  Get 60% off your first order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash my brother. One last time, that 60% off your first order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash my brother. Which of us is your favorite? Neither.

• 31:25Griffin McElroy?

  You guys know how some people call their pets their fur, their fur babies?

• 31:30Travis McElroy?

  Uh, yes.

• 31:32Griffin McElroy?

  Is it okay to call a baby like a skin dog?

• 31:37Travis McElroy?

  A skin puppy.

• 31:38Griffin McElroy?

  A skin puppy.

• 31:38Travis McElroy?

  Square, Squarespace.

• 31:43Griffin McElroy?

  You don't wanna talk about that, do you?

• 31:45Travis McElroy?

  Check out Griffin's new website, skinpuppy.com.

• 31:48Griffin McElroy?

  It's a bad idea. So.

• 31:51Travis McElroy?

  Guys, I can't, you can't do this to me. I'm on the IR. You can't, please, please, I can't register that domain right now.

• 31:59Griffin McElroy?

  Type that fast for, for the domain.

• 32:02Travis McElroy?

  My hands. Oh, no, only skinpuppy.edu is left.

• 32:06Griffin McElroy?

  No, do not.

• 32:07Travis McElroy?

  I don't wanna learn about skin puppies.

• 32:10Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, listen, if you, if you have a thing that's actually stands the, the test of Christ's judgment more than skin puppies. And you wanna put that up on the internet, that is a killer idea. Have you thought about how you're gonna do it? Cuz there's like one way that you can do it where it's gonna look really good and it's gonna be super easy. And it's gonna make it look like you know your shit. And that way is Squarespace.

• 32:34Travis McElroy?

  What's the other way?

• 32:36Griffin McElroy?

  Like, I guess some other service where it'll be like, alright, start, start coding. And you're like, fuck, I don't know anything about it. You better put the stuff where it looks good. Watch the kerning or whatever. Squarespace like does that stuff for you. We've all used Squarespace to make websites that look extremely high quality, extremely professional. Um, and you can too, cuz it's easy. If you, if you do, if you sell stuff, your goods or services, there's a bunch of different ways that you Get paid and, and, you know, sell those goods and services. You can generate invoices. You can streamline your workflow with built in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. It's, it's really whatever you need a website for Squarespace is,

• 33:17Griffin McElroy?

  is gonna be an amazing way to do that. I'm not just a paid spokesperson. I'm a customer. I, I also use it.

• 33:25Travis McElroy?

  I have a new idea for a website where I get celebrities. And people can commission them to hit home runs for them in, in the spirit of heater for the big boy. They'll hit home runs for the person and then send them a video of it. It's called whammyo.

• 33:42Griffin McElroy?

  Whammyo, and that's for home runs. Squarespace will even let that happen. Squarespace will let that.

• 33:49Travis McElroy?

  Videos of home runs on behalf of people. Yeah.

• 33:52Griffin McElroy?

  It's, it's a, it's, it barely stands up in the judgment of Christ's light, but I think that it will make it on Squarespace. It'll look good.

• 33:59Travis McElroy?

  We have a lot of celebrities already, um, ready to go.

• 34:04Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 34:05Travis McElroy?

  Most of them are celebrity like Tik Tok animals.

• 34:09Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. So that's, I don't know how you're gonna get a video of them hitting a, hitting a dinger.

• 34:14Travis McElroy?

  Well, you know, it's, there's some wire work.

• 34:17Griffin McElroy?

  You have not thought this through. Head to Squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial. And when, when you're ready to launch, use offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 34:32Speaker 03

  Hello.

• 34:33Speaker 04

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• 34:36Speaker 03

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• 34:38Speaker 04

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• 34:43Speaker 03

  I don't know what a Josie Long is. And anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old. She's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones. I don't want that to carry you home again, do I?

• 35:01Speaker 04

  Right. Well, if you were looking for a podcast.

• 35:03Speaker 03

  Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is a musical theater, not a Parisian bordello.

• 35:09Speaker 04

  Simply go to MaximumFun.org.

• 35:11Speaker 03

  I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy four as we speak. Mother, mother, not that hat.

• 35:17Speaker 05

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• 36:21Griffin McElroy?

  I want to do the whole fucking thing, man. You can't just give me some of Frankenstein.

• 36:26Travis McElroy?

  I didn't even realize I was doing it until I was like, a few bars in, I was like, heck yeah.

• 36:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 36:37Travis McElroy?

  Okay, listen.

• 36:38Griffin McElroy?

  Nailed it.

• 36:39Travis McElroy?

  So much.

• 36:39Griffin McElroy?

  Every eight bars, that song is like, uh, let's shred in a different rad way.

• 36:42Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I'm actually gonna add a guy going.

• 36:48Griffin McElroy?

  Weird, weird, weird drum solo? And they bring it the fuck out.

• 36:51Travis McElroy?

  I brought in a spaceman from Mars to do this part where he's like.

• 36:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, perfect.

• 36:56Travis McElroy?

  The, the Lenten season is upon us, as you know.

• 36:59Griffin McElroy?

  I saw, I had to explain to Gus this morning as we were driving to school, he saw a bunch of people with ash on their forehead. And I had, I had to explain what that meant. And there were maybe other conversations that would have been helpful to have with him before this conversation.

• 37:13Travis McElroy?

  Any kind of context, perhaps?

• 37:15Griffin McElroy?

  Kind of just threw, threw him right in.

• 37:16Travis McElroy?

  Kind of walked in, walked in when they're revealing the nature of the smoke monster. And it's like, you actually need to be in the hatchet. There's a lot you need. Uh, the Lenten season is upon us, and it does delight me that. As like despite them being largely agnostic most of the year, the fast food industry does fall over itself to offer people seafood options for Fridays when they need to eat seafood. Doesn't it say a lot though about those options? I've always found this funny that they don't offer them the rest of the year. Like they know that these are the real bee stringers. Whereas like, listen, we know, we know you don't have to, you can't do this.

• 37:56Travis McElroy?

  I just like, I just, I'm not a, I'm not a Catholic, as you know. What? I'm not as familiar with the rules of the Lenten season. I understand there's many religions that have, you know, rules about diet or whatever. So I don't want to be too flippant about that. I do, in my understanding though, I don't think Jesus's idea was that for this certain time of year, you would plan seafood feasts every Friday. I don't think Jesus meant for you to have seafood feast Friday. Just to mix it up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. He wanted more Filet-O-Fishes out there. So he took one, he divided the Filet-O-Fish

• 38:39Travis McElroy?

  and made enough for everybody to have some Filet-O-Fish.

• 38:42Griffin McElroy?

  I'm sorry, I'm thinking about this now for the first time and I don't want to be some religious or anything, but about three quarters of the disciples were fishermen. It's a little bit sus that he was like, oh, and one day of the week is only eat fish day.

• 38:55Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Oink. And make sure to stock up for leftovers. Yeah, right. Make sure you pay your taxes on it, right, guys? Yeah. Into that. Smash Burger introduces new shrimp lineup for Lent. Okay. So listen, hold on, I'm gonna open an image. Is it? I'm gonna tell you about these. I'm gonna tell you about these, these lineups that they have for Lent, okay? But just imagine a god, imagine a deity where you're like, this is what I'm eating for you. Deity's like, ah, good job. That's, that's what I wanted you to do. And moderation.

• 39:36Travis McElroy?

  Thank you. Thank you. Did this in remembrance of me smash this fried lobster roll. Thank you. What a show. Wow, beautiful. You could have had a. You could have had a hamburger today and you did it.

• 39:51Griffin McElroy?

  Chat.

• 39:51Travis McElroy?

  Amazing. You just had butterfly shrimp with bang bang sauce.

• 39:56Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, chat, we're looking, we're looking at like, uh, Texas toast sized French toast wrapped around a long and extraordinarily crunchy shrimp. Uh, feast with a bunch of orange sprizzled across it. I do see what appears to be.

• 40:12Travis McElroy?

  A bunch of orange sprizzled across it.

• 40:16Griffin McElroy?

  And, and we have leaves.

• 40:17Travis McElroy?

  Eat of this bang bang sauce. It is my blood. Cause I'm awesome dude.

• 40:22Griffin McElroy?

  We got two big baskets of popcorn Delios with french fries and everything. So it's, I mean, it looks good.

• 40:29Travis McElroy?

  Smash Burger, the fast casual restaurant company that popularized what?

• 40:33Griffin McElroy?

  Smash Burger?

• 40:34Travis McElroy?

  Smash Burger. Smash Burgers introduced, that's what it says in the press release.

• 40:38Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 40:39Travis McElroy?

  Introduced its new shrimp, uh, limited time offerings, adding fresh seafood variety. Cause I think freshness, when I'm looking at this, this pile of brown, fresh seafood variety for in time for Lent.

• 40:52Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 40:52Travis McElroy?

  Hey, can we do that by the way? Can we start press releases about us as like my brother, my brother in me, which popularized my brother, my brother in me.

• 41:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 41:02Travis McElroy?

  Uh.

• 41:02Griffin McElroy?

  Point.

• 41:04Travis McElroy?

  At Smash Burger, we're always looking for ways to bring fresh flavor and variety to our guests. And our new shrimp offerings do exactly that, said Tom Ryan, founder of Smash Burger.

• 41:16Griffin McElroy?

  How lucky.

• 41:17Travis McElroy?

  Lent is a time when many people look for seafood options and we wanted to deliver something that meets that need while staying true to the great tastes our guests expect. The new shrimp lineup brings a delicious twist to the season. The season full of flavor and often at a value that makes it easy for guests to enjoy something different. We know that the other 325 days of the year, you guys think about eating like fish and shrimp and stuff that are in the ocean and you're like, ew, yucky.

• 41:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yuck.

• 41:44Travis McElroy?

  We know that. So imagine you are sitting down at dinner. Okay. And Travis, you're Jesus. Okay. So I need you to say like, like you snuck up behind me and I'm eating dinner and just be like, ah, good job, Justin. What are you having?

• 42:04Travis McElroy?

  Hello, my son. Ah, Justin, my favorite. Uh, you're having a great Lent. What are you eating in my name? Scorchin' Big Shrimp Roll. I'm doing it for you, Jesus. I'm eating a scorchin' big shrimp roll. It's a dozen crispy shrimp, marinated in scorchin' hot spices, leaf lettuce, and remoulade sauce, served on a butter toasted roll for you. I never asked you to do that, Justin. Thank you, Lord. No, there's so many other things that you should be worried about. Bible?

• 42:39Travis McElroy?

  What have you been, which Bible have you been reading, Justin? I've given everything for you, God. Because of you, I'm eating, I wanted to get a burger at Smash Burger. Instead, I'm eating a scorchin' shrimp basket, which is just two dozen crispy shrimp, marinated in scorchin' hot spices, served with french fries, remoulade sauce, and chipotle mayo, Jesus. Justin, you're crying. You're crying and just chugging milk. Cause I wanted a burger so much, Jesus, but instead I have to eat two dozen crispy shrimp, served with french fries, remoulade sauce, and chipotle mayo. You didn't have to do that. You could have had like some nice tuna, maybe like a salmon filet. No, Jesus, he couldn't have. Hi, I'm Jim Sullivan, CEO of Smash Burger.

• 43:22Travis McElroy?

  Jim, my greatest enemy. How dare you, Jim.

• 43:27Griffin McElroy?

  His quote starts, "Actually, Jesus."

• 43:30Travis McElroy?

  Actually, Jesus, "Our new shrimp lineup is more than just a seasonal addition. It reflects our commitment to meeting guests where they are and giving them fresh reasons to choose Smash Burger." But shouldn't they be choosing me, Jim? No, no, Jesus. Taste has always been at the heart of our brand and our greatest competitive advantage. And now we're, I guess we're adding Jesus into there and doing what he wants. Uh, with these flavor-forward seafood options for Lent, we're reinforcing our leadership in fast casual and showing guests they can count on Smash Burger for bold innovation and real value. I'm more of a Taco Bell man myself.

• 44:08Griffin McElroy?

  That makes sense. That tracks.

• 44:10Travis McElroy?

  I, I wanted to get the scorchin' cheese. Easy max smash.

• 44:13Griffin McElroy?

  Jesus, can you make the Doritos Locos Taco come back at Taco Bell? Do you have any?

• 44:17Travis McElroy?

  It's the one thing I can't do.

• 44:20Griffin McElroy?

  The one thing you can't do is bring back the Doritos, the specifically Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Taco from Taco Bell.

• 44:25Travis McElroy?

  I can bring them back at limited locations. Listen, Griffin, it's called Good Friday, not Great Friday. I'm a cook. I love making all sorts of food, but one of my favorite ingredients to work with are beans. This week, I'm me too.

• 44:40Travis McElroy?

  Okay, this week I love, I made a large batch of red beans and rice and I've been loving it. My husband is not. This morning we had a full coming, coming to God meeting where he told me that I was farting in my sleep all night. It was so bad that he had to leave the bedroom at 5 a.m. to go in the living room to escape my emissions. The problem is I still have two pounds of cooked beans in the fridge and about eight pounds dried in the pantry. I don't want to throw them away, but I can't trust myself not to keep ripping ass in the twilight hours. What should I do? That's from Garbanzo Glutton on the Gulf Coast. I think my first question is why did this nasty dog well can wake up to smell your farts?

• 45:15Griffin McElroy?

  That's crazy. Yeah.

• 45:16Travis McElroy?

  Go back to bed, Gerald. You know what I mean? Like, why are you up huffing farts?

• 45:21Griffin McElroy?

  Why Gerald? Go back to bed, dude. There's no way, there's no way while you were dreaming, you smelled the smell where you're like, whoa.

• 45:31Travis McElroy?

  You're not fucking goofy. You're not goofy. You didn't get lifted up by the scent waves on your nose.

• 45:37Griffin McElroy?

  No way, dude.

• 45:38Travis McElroy?

  I woke up, I woke up to the blanket floating six inches above the bed.

• 45:43Griffin McElroy?

  Gerald, I'm on the iPad connected to your account. It says you have a timer set for 2 a.m. every morning that says it's fart time?

• 45:49Travis McElroy?

  Hmm.

• 45:50Griffin McElroy?

  Do we need to talk about this?

• 45:53Travis McElroy?

  One bite of beans a day till they're all gone. Microdose.

• 45:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you're like your fucking Andy Dufresne scooping walled dust.

• 46:05Travis McElroy?

  What's uh, um, there's some beans, I mean.

• 46:10Griffin McElroy?

  Here you go.

• 46:11Travis McElroy?

  You know?

• 46:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure. I, I do wanna say, uh, I know this is maybe a privileged position to take, but there aren't many medicines out there that are more, there aren't that many medicines out there that are more sort of self instructed as to what they help with than Bino.

• 46:36Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 46:36Griffin McElroy?

  Bino is, it, do you know what I mean? Like, it's like if there was, uh, when you, if, if Dayquil was called like Coldo or something like, like, this is what you do, Sneezeo. It's like, this is what you eat when the, when you have beans and it helps digest the fibers better.

• 46:52Travis McElroy?

  And it also is like, and if you take it, there'll be no gas and it's like, that's a double, that's a great.

• 46:58Griffin McElroy?

  What?

• 46:59Travis McElroy?

  All kinds of stuff going for it.

• 47:00Griffin McElroy?

  You're done. You're done. You're done. It's the greatest product. It's crazy.

• 47:03Travis McElroy?

  You don't reach for often, but when you do, it always hits. Bino always hits.

• 47:07Griffin McElroy?

  Why don't you try, have you tried Bino?

• 47:10Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, dog. I'm gonna contradict my own one spoon a day idea with one day, 10 pounds of beans. Get it all over with in one night. Let your husband know it's gonna be bad.

• 47:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:25Travis McElroy?

  But all, it's like the worst it's ever been, but for one night only, like a pay-per-view boxing match, one night only. Yeah, when I was in college, actually, or actually right after I graduated, I did take a, I had a similar situation. I took a bean walk. Where it was two weeks and I just bought, I think it was eight pounds of uncooked beans with me in my satchel and I had my pan. And I, and I would just find water sources and I would just travel. I mean, I traveled for weeks just farting and eating beans. It was a bean walk and I actually, I made it to Dublin. I met Ewan there. Ewan.

• 48:03Griffin McElroy?

  You fart hives to Ireland?

• 48:06Travis McElroy?

  It carried him across the sea.

• 48:08Griffin McElroy?

  You fart-hiked to the Emerald Isles?

• 48:10Travis McElroy?

  I met you in there and he actually put me in his sidecar because I'd exhausted myself. Well, yeah.

• 48:17Griffin McElroy?

  So did you?

• 48:17Travis McElroy?

  Because I had many nutrient deficiencies by that point.

• 48:20Griffin McElroy?

  You crammed the eight pounds of beans, walked to Boston, did a fucking Super Mario sixty-four backwards long jump ass-riff.

• 48:28Travis McElroy?

  It was more of a mayday Mr. Magoo thing where I like walked into the wrong shipping container and clothes behind me and then I got. And did you keep walking in a shipping container just to keep your steps up?

• 48:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. And you died within an hour because of how you'd filled filtered up with your bean mistakes.

• 48:46Travis McElroy?

  You could also go spoon for spoon with your husband and just be like, hey, if you want these gone, we're doing this together. I eat a bite, you eat a bite. We're gonna hold hands, you know, through the storm, as it were.

• 48:57Griffin McElroy?

  Man, I'd say throw them out, but then you're gonna have way more beans.

• 49:01Travis McElroy?

  A lot of giants coming down.

• 49:03Griffin McElroy?

  The giants coming down.

• 49:06Griffin McElroy?

  Definitely.

• 49:06Travis McElroy?

  I was gonna say like, there's definitely, you know, places in your community that will accept beans. I will say two things. One, beans is kind of does take a long time to cook and also like, you don't necessarily want to give people who are in close quarters the gift of like, here, why don't you guys eat a thousand beans?

• 49:28Griffin McElroy?

  So bad.

• 49:29Travis McElroy?

  Why don't all of you fart?

• 49:32Griffin McElroy?

  This much, this much of the beans made me fart so bad, my husband woke up. So this many beans.

• 49:38Travis McElroy?

  Do you guys want to swim in them like Scrooge McDuck? There are so many foods in my pantry that I go, I'm like, oh, you know what? I just remembered I have this thing. I can make this for dinner. And then like I look at the instructions and they're like, oh, do you want to have this for dinner? Start it yesterday. And I'm like, oh, well, I didn't do that. And then they remained there.

• 49:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:00Travis McElroy?

  Forever. You gotta, you gotta think about it. It's like cold brew coffee. When you think like, man, like people who make their own, like, man, I'd love to have some coffee tomorrow.

• 50:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, but I don't even want beans today, let alone tomorrow. Like, I don't, you know what I mean? I'm not gonna set myself up like that.

• 50:16Travis McElroy?

  You do have to. There is like, I mean, if the beans are done, you've got to start eating the beans. So you could kind of set up. Uh, it's kind of like an alarm for yourself to eat beans. Like, the beans are done now. Like, you have to eat them. You're kind of making, you're forcing your own hand. Oh, solved. Eat the beans right before you go to bed. So that way, they've, let's call it what it is, brewed overnight. Then you wake up, you're farting throughout the day. How long do you think this reacts to it?

• 50:46Griffin McElroy?

  You understand this is like a chemical reaction that pretty much works within.

• 50:50Travis McElroy?

  Then wake up in the middle of the night, whatever time, you're gonna have to do some scientific. You're a mammal. Like, you can't time your body like that. You can't game the system. You're not fucking four hours. They have enough beans that they can run some tests. They can work out the timing perfectly and then just have the circumstances happen throughout the day. Yeah, there's just, I'm saying there's like a rate at which you could eat the beans that is not by the spoonful. That it is a bean every minute.

• 51:21Griffin McElroy?

  And then you double it every day.

• 51:22Travis McElroy?

  And you're just slowly farting a little bit throughout the day? There's gotta be a amount at which the body's fart sensors aren't triggered. Oh, they don't catch it. I'm saying you don't chew it, right? You just swallow like a pill. You swallow the, a bean every minute or whatever. You don't chew it and you're just passing. That can't make you fart if you're passing them whole. And it's so important that if you do this, no one ever sees you doing it because you'll never be able to explain it. Or they think you're on an extremely demanding medicine regimen. You know what I mean? And they feel super bad for you. Like, wow, Justin takes a lot of pills. Throughout the day, I see him popping beans.

• 52:04Griffin McElroy?

  Why does he look inflated like the bad guy in Live and Let Die? He's floating, he, Justin's floating away like a big balloon right now.

• 52:12Travis McElroy?

  You're, wait, what do you mean I'm sitting on him now?

• 52:15Griffin McElroy?

  That's crazy.

• 52:16Travis McElroy?

  He's a beanbag. He's extremely comfortable. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. I hope you've enjoyed it.

• 52:26Travis McElroy?

  I hope so too. Really though, like really. Yeah, man. Liked it because I like recording it.

• 52:31Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, we got merch in the merch store. Can I tell all the people all about it?

• 52:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. You better do that.

• 52:36Griffin McElroy?

  If you're as stoked about our year name as we are, and I truly am, guys, I feel like I'm using it a lot. Because I'm the type of guy who wants to stop doing stuff a lot. Having a little, little guy in my brain who's like, that's really good stuff. Anyway, we got a sticker for that. If you need reminding from designed by Lucas Hespin Hyde. And we also, if you didn't watch Candle Night this past year, we did it back in Huntington at the Keith Albee Live. It was so much fun and you can watch the whole thing on demand. It's pay what you want. And our merch store is macroymerch.com. 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota. So, so check that stuff out. We got streaming stuff coming up at the McRoy Family YouTube channel.

• 53:21Travis McElroy?

  That's true. Tomorrow, the 24th on Tuesday is another Clubhouse. Join, join us there on McRoy Family at noon Eastern time. Talk of the Limps.

• 53:31Griffin McElroy?

  What?

• 53:31Travis McElroy?

  What? We're talking about the Limps.

• 53:33Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah.

• 53:33Travis McElroy?

  The Limp Bizkit.

• 53:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, we are going to be doing sort of Olympic jokes.

• 53:37Travis McElroy?

  And then every other Tuesday, so the last Tuesday of every month is going to be McRoy Family Clubhouse. Every other Tuesday at noon is Super McRoy Brothers playing our little video games, our little digital games. Come check those out over at the McRoy Family YouTube channel and all our solo streams.

• 53:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yep, we're streaming almost every day, every, every day over there. Oh, also I have a book coming out, March 10th. It's a choose your own adventure book from the Choose Your Own Adventure Company. I'm very, very excited. It's called The Stowaway. You go to bit.ly/griffinstowaway and you can preorder that now. And it's $10 and it would mean a lot to me personally. Thank you so much.

• 54:15Travis McElroy?

  Do we think, Montane?

• 54:16Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you, Montane, for the use of our theme song, "My Life is Better With You." It's a slapper, it's a clapper, it's a flapper, it's a trapper.

• 54:21Travis McElroy?

  Griff, you have to decide. I have been at the pretzel rod. I haven't gotten to throw in a couple episodes.

• 54:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I think it is Travis's turn and I know that I don't, I don't want to contribute to food waste.

• 54:30Travis McElroy?

  I keep the pretzel rods like here all the time.

• 54:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, so Travis is going to throw his stuff to Miggy. Now Travis is always makes me nervous because he has a lot of what looks like pretty breakable shit in his background. I'm always worried he's going to aim for the mic or something. That's best practice. Let's see.

• 54:48Griffin McElroy?

  Nice actually.

• 54:49Travis McElroy?

  That's a good sound though.

• 54:50Griffin McElroy?

  Travis square fucking hit dude, that sounded really good.

• 54:51Travis McElroy?

  My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

• 54:54Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McElroy.

• 54:55Travis McElroy?

  This has been my brother, my brother, me, kiss your dad, square on the lips.

• 55:30Speaker 05

  Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.