Pod Insights My Brother, My Brother And Me MBMBaM 787: Man Vs Kramer Vs Wild Vs Predator About this episode SHOW US YOUR DRAWERS! Do you keep your knives and your butter knives together, throwing caution to the wind? Maybe there's bees in there, in the guise of a baby? Or some seasonal coffee that's only 23 years out of date?
Suggested talking points: So Tired of Verse-ing, 30 Burger King Commercials Looped, Fork Fencing, Ass Up, Blade Down, Peter Remnolds' Predatory Practices, I'm Trying to Smell What the Rock is Cooking
Native American Aid: https://nativepartnership.org/naa/
Transcript 10,853 words · 7 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?
1:10 Travis McElroy? Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother My Brother, me and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.
1:15 Griffin McElroy? What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your middlest brother Travis Big Dog Vroom Vroom McElroy. Hey, what's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, media luminary Griffin McElroy. Jing, jing, jing, you just hear those sleigh bells ringing. No, it's not even Halloween yet. We're on the creep. It is when this comes out. Fucking Candle Knights Creep, baby. We're on it. Comes out, Trav, think about it.
1:34 Travis McElroy? But my, but our births haven't even happened yet. I almost said my birthday, Justin, apologies. This is a first.
1:39 Griffin McElroy? No worries, brother, no worries. In there, but it's gonna slot into an open space in the Candle Knights Creek, cuz I'm already putting my holiday plans together, boys.
1:49 Griffin McElroy? We didn't. Have you heard? Have you heard? Do you know where, do you know where you're? The angel, what has the angel told you? The angel came down from the big star and he said, what's your ass doing on December 11th? I said, you cuss? He said, fuck, yeah, I cuss. About this. He said, you know Rowan Atkinson? I said, yeah. And the angel that came down from the big star was like, um, he is completing his circuit of the traditional conflict structures in, in classical literature.
2:21 Travis McElroy? Oh, he's going for the canon.
2:22 Griffin McElroy? He's going for the whole thing. He's got man versus man.
2:26 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
2:26 Griffin McElroy? Love Actually. Man versus nature.
2:30 Travis McElroy? Man versus.
2:31 Griffin McElroy? Johnny English, man versus himself being.
2:34 Travis McElroy? Being.
2:35 Griffin McElroy? Man versus society, Blackadder.
2:37 Travis McElroy? Man versus machine is rat race.
2:40 Griffin McElroy? Rat race.
2:40 Travis McElroy? Yeah, because that's a bunch of different.
2:42 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
2:43 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
2:43 Griffin McElroy? Man versus bee, unlikely. Not a lot of people get hit that one, but.
2:49 Travis McElroy? Well, I think just B movie and man versus bee.
2:53 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, those are the only two.
2:55 Travis McElroy? If, if, you know, Euripides or some of your great playwrights had done all the classics, they would have gotten.
3:00 Griffin McElroy? If they had lived longer, life expectancy back then was like you were 15 years old and you beefed. If you made it longer, they would have gotten the man versus bee, but now.
3:07 Travis McElroy? Can I also just say, cause I invoked the name, I watched an explainer video of B movie recently.
3:13 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
3:13 Travis McElroy? It makes me mad that we haven't talked about it more.
3:16 Griffin McElroy? What are you talking about?
3:16 Travis McElroy? But.
3:17 Griffin McElroy? What are you talking about?
3:18 Travis McElroy? Let me. Are you immortal? An explainer video about the B movie?
3:22 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, man.
3:22 Travis McElroy? Mike, Mike's Mike makes some really good video content and he did a whole thing about the B movie.
3:27 Griffin McElroy? Rowan has completed the canon with.
3:32 Travis McElroy? Okay. Yeah. I'll focus up, focus up.
3:34 Griffin McElroy? Let me say it, the name. Man versus baby. Man versus baby, the last one.
3:42 Travis McElroy? Man versus baby.
3:43 Griffin McElroy? December 11th.
3:44 Travis McElroy? Now, just to be clear, Griffin, it's not man versus B A E B E E, right? It's not his girlfriend, the bee.
3:51 Griffin McElroy? I heard, so like, there's fucking nothing about this film out there right now.
3:56 Travis McElroy? Comes out in like five weeks.
3:58 Griffin McElroy? It comes out quite soon. Thank you. Yes. I have heard just from some like, you know, set side scuttlebutt, that at the end of the movie, the baby bursts open and it was actually 200 bees. That was like pranking him.
4:11 Travis McElroy? Like Wicker Man. I haven't seen it.
4:13 Griffin McElroy? Sort of a Wicker Man situation. Um.
4:16 Travis McElroy? Now, the first one was a mini series, wasn't it?
4:19 Griffin McElroy? This one is also a four part, 30 minute episode mini series. Just make it a two hour movie, guys.
4:25 Travis McElroy? Give us a movie.
4:26 Griffin McElroy? The massive.
4:27 Travis McElroy? Something I could put on my shelf.
4:29 Travis McElroy? Please.
4:30 Griffin McElroy? I can't have a cinema premiere.
4:32 Travis McElroy? Where's the Criterion Collection, you know?
4:35 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. I can't rent the Cinemark at the Huntington Mall. If it doesn't get a theatrical release, you know?
4:41 Travis McElroy? Do you think with a Netflix special?
4:43 Travis McElroy? With the release date being in December.
4:46 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
4:47 Travis McElroy? Do you think that there was a time where they thought about Man vs. Baby Jesus?
4:51 Griffin McElroy? So, here's the thing. There's nothing out about this movie. You can't find fucking anything. There's two pictures from the set.
4:58 Travis McElroy? They know what they know you want.
5:01 Griffin McElroy? Dirty dogs are gonna fucking do with that information. We'll take it and run with it. They saw it.
5:05 Travis McElroy? Griffin, can I just say, actually, I don't think there is anyone that would make good use of a lot of information about Man vs. Baby. I agree with you there that it is probably a smart play that like, no one who wants a lot of that information about it is going to make good use of that.
5:23 Griffin McElroy? No, for sure. Only ill intent at heart.
5:25 Travis McElroy? Just us.
5:26 Griffin McElroy? Just us, mostly. There's two photos. One, he's walking down the street holding the baby. One, he's sitting on a couch and he's got his arms crossed and he's feeding two babies. So, uh, how many babies is it Man vs. Baby? Cause if it's more than one.
5:38 Travis McElroy? One of the babies is on his side.
5:40 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
5:41 Travis McElroy? Oh, he's teamed up. Whoever wins, we're cute. I love it.
5:45 Griffin McElroy? One man and a baby versus a different, meaner baby this fall, winter, December.
5:50 Travis McElroy? Boss baby.
5:51 Griffin McElroy? Boss baby. He's.
5:52 Travis McElroy? Oh, man, Man vs. Boss Baby?
5:55 Griffin McElroy? We're watching it. There's no trailers out.
5:58 Travis McElroy? No.
5:58 Griffin McElroy? There is a surplus of artificially inseminated trailers that have been created by robots and put on YouTube to trick everyone. This is, this is what buoys my spirits in the wake of this tide of the, of robots taking all of our jobs for real though this time, is that all the comments in all of these AI trailers are like, this is not my Trevor Bingley. This is AI slop. Trevor Bingley would fucking never, never.
6:30 Travis McElroy? Never. He doesn't have that Trevor Bingley's joie de vivre.
6:34 Griffin McElroy? You made his eyes all big and nightmarish. That's not my pleasant Trevor Bingley. Well-intentioned house sitter.
6:41 Travis McElroy? Does he babysit? Probably babysits in this one. I wanna see if we can reverse engineer.
6:47 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
6:47 Travis McElroy? Man versus baby.
6:49 Griffin McElroy? I saw one trailer that I think had some real information that said he was a school teacher this time around. How the fu- I saw Man vs. B. I don't want that.
7:00 Travis McElroy? Anyone who saw that.
7:01 Travis McElroy? That's also not baby related, like babies don't go to school.
7:05 Griffin McElroy? Um, well, he's, it's a school for ba- just calm down.
7:08 Travis McElroy? The school board must have ruled Man vs. B in municipal.
7:11 Griffin McElroy? It's a school for babies.
7:13 Travis McElroy? A daycare.
7:14 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, he works at a daycare and there's a nativity play and no one comes to pick up the baby Jesus, so.
7:20 Travis McElroy? So it is Man vs. Baby Jesus.
7:22 Griffin McElroy? Yes, and he takes him to house sit at a different house. I'm saying this out loud, this sounds also fake. There's no way. There's no way the series is he's a daycare teacher and he takes home a baby no one picked up while he's house sitting a fancy house.
7:37 Travis McElroy? It's also, it's been six years since I had a baby.
7:41 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
7:42 Travis McElroy? Right, in the house. I didn't have the baby.
7:44 Griffin McElroy? Gotcha, okay.
7:45 Travis McElroy? I mean, since I, since I had a baby present in the home.
7:48 Griffin McElroy? Right.
7:49 Travis McElroy? I don't think parents take the baby to nativity practice and just say, "I'll be back in two hours."
7:58 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah.
7:59 Travis McElroy? "Keep a good eye on this baby."
8:01 Travis McElroy? Why else am I letting them use the baby then if I'm not getting some free babysitting out of it? Why are they, why am I letting them use the?
8:06 Travis McElroy? You can still watch your phone while you sit in the pew.
8:09 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, because the answer to that, Justin, is on your drive back to the house to get in, you know, a good hour and 15 minutes of shitting, gaming and all that stuff. You could die in a car accident on the way back and then Mr. Bean's gonna have your baby in a stranger's house for the holidays. Merry Christmas, it's Man vs.
8:27 Travis McElroy? And you know it's not baby proofed?
8:28 Griffin McElroy? You know that house isn't baby proofed? He certainly isn't. Can't handle a, can't handle a bee? Do you have any idea how much more shit a hu- a human child is gonna rain down on you than a little tiny poops?
8:43 Travis McElroy? Literally.
8:45 Griffin McElroy? I think.
8:45 Travis McElroy? You don't got diapers in the house?
8:47 Griffin McElroy? No way. I think the next one they do should be man versus it's a wonderful life. And Clarence visits him and he's like,
8:57 Travis McElroy? it should be better if I was never born. I keep versing everybody.
9:01 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. I'm so tired from versing everyone all the time.
9:05 Travis McElroy? Once word got out that I was the man to verse, people are calling me out on the street.
9:11 Travis McElroy? And then like Clarence shows up and he takes them to this hellscape that's just covered in bees. It's just a planet of bees.
9:19 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, he's the one I want though.
9:21 Travis McElroy? B movie.
9:22 Travis McElroy? Like a B movie, Trav, I guess. I didn't watch the explainer, so I might have missed some of the context.
9:26 Travis McElroy? Be Sue hu- humanity.
9:29 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Hey, did you guys catch the trailer for Man vs Kramer vs Kramer? It looks like it's gonna be, it looks like versus man versus Kramer versus Predator. It's a fucking really, really good idea for a movie.
9:42 Travis McElroy? Man vs Kramer vs Wild vs Predator.
9:45 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
9:46 Travis McElroy? Bear Grylls.
9:47 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
9:49 Travis McElroy? Is on our side.
9:50 Griffin McElroy? Is he?
9:50 Travis McElroy? But he's a baby. He's a baby.
9:52 Griffin McElroy? Baby Bear Grylls.
9:53 Travis McElroy? Baby Bear Grylls.
9:54 Griffin McElroy? Cub Grylls.
9:55 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
9:56 Griffin McElroy? Cub Grylls is a baby. He's got dropped off at wilderness camp and never picked up. And so Trevor Bingley, Rowan Atkinson, has to take care of him, but the homie's taking care of him. It's a married couple who are going through a hard time. Kramer vs Kramer. Kramer vs Kramer. And then we'll get bees in there too, of course.
10:16 Travis McElroy? And Predator.
10:17 Griffin McElroy? We'll save bees for the last episode, like you'll, at the end of episode three, he finally got the baby to sleep. And he's like, oh, finally time to relax. What's that he hears? Ding dong, checks the nest cam, nothing there.
10:30 Travis McElroy? Santa.
10:30 Griffin McElroy? It's no.
10:33 Travis McElroy? Dang it.
10:33 Griffin McElroy? And he's like, oh, nothing's there.
10:35 Travis McElroy? All right, back to my nap.
10:37 Griffin McElroy? And he puts his phone down and the camera zooms in on the phone where you don't, didn't see anything before. And a single bee climbs over the camera lens and everyone at home is like, oh shit, he's here, the bee. And the bee's back.
10:51 Travis McElroy? And then Predator shows up hunting the bee.
10:54 Griffin McElroy? Yes, yes. And then Santa, go ahead, Juice, get Santa in there.
10:57 Travis McElroy? And then Santa. I mean, it's like, if you guys put Santa in it, that's, that's the thumbnail. You know what I mean? Like then, then every Christmas.
11:05 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
11:05 Travis McElroy? And the fun thing is, if we have Cub Grylls, the baby.
11:09 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
11:10 Travis McElroy? Trevor Bingley.
11:11 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
11:11 Travis McElroy? Predator, bee, Santa, Kramer.
11:14 Travis McElroy? And Kramer.
11:15 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, we can pick one.
11:17 Travis McElroy? We can match up, mix and match. Who's teaming up versus who in there?
11:22 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
11:23 Travis McElroy? Cause I'd love to see Santa and Predator team up against the B.
11:27 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
11:28 Travis McElroy? That's where my fan fiction's at.
11:31 Griffin McElroy? Of the Kramers, I think I'd go with Meryl Streep in our picture. Um, over Dusty Hoff and.
11:38 Travis McElroy? Yeah, and, and Michael Ritchie.
11:40 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
11:40 Travis McElroy? Michael Richardson.
11:41 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, so we'll get.
11:43 Travis McElroy? Mikey Ritchie.
11:44 Griffin McElroy? Meryl got out of that one good, so we'll get her and the B and the Predator.
11:50 Travis McElroy? And there at the end, Freddy.
11:52 Griffin McElroy? Freddy can get up in it too.
11:54 Travis McElroy? Freddy, yes.
11:55 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
11:55 Travis McElroy? Freddy's alright.
11:56 Griffin McElroy? But actually, and Travis, did you hear it? You sealed the joke. I heard it like, there can't be anything else on top. Did you hear it?
12:04 Travis McElroy? It was like, listen, listen, listen real close.
12:07 Griffin McElroy? The perfect kind of like Salt Bay you did on there. And then it was like, everybody take a step back from it. That's really good shit.
12:14 Travis McElroy? It's so rare that we recognize that in the moment. You know what I mean? Normally we, we, we have to see it in the rearview, you know what I mean? But this time.
12:21 Travis McElroy? It's just nice to know that I was there to do the seal or as one might say, killing blow.
12:28 Griffin McElroy? No, it's, it's still a living document. This, this show is a living, it's in the Library of Congress. Hey.
12:35 Travis McElroy? Wow.
12:35 Griffin McElroy? In the bathroom. I keep living, leaving USB drives of our show in the Library of Congress bathrooms.
12:40 Travis McElroy? Yeah, sealed in a Ziploc baggie in the tank.
12:42 Griffin McElroy? Yep.
12:42 Travis McElroy? Um, I have been seeing the psychiatrist for a while. I congratulate, oh, for my anxiety disorder. Sorry, I, I should have finished the whole.
12:52 Travis McElroy? Either way, congratulations.
12:53 Travis McElroy? I mean, congratulations either way.
12:55 Travis McElroy? My health is important.
12:56 Travis McElroy? It's, it's been pretty helpful. She's also really cool and recently suggested that I watch horror movies. Going so far as to recommend me a few of her favorites. I've now watched 30 odd movies and the issue is I don't really like the ones she's told me to watch. Thirty?
13:11 Griffin McElroy? That's a lot of fucking movies, dude.
13:15 Travis McElroy? Man, if somebody recommends me something, they got about 10 minutes. If they whiffed it, they've whiffed it for good, man. Uh, I found them super boring with okay scares, but a baffling plot. Is there a way I can let her know about this without turning her against me? Or do I have to lie to my psychiatrist? My next appointment is on Halloween. Please help. That's from Madden by mediocre movies. I personally would caution you against lying because I think your psychiatrist needs to know exactly how twisted you are.
13:46 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
13:46 Travis McElroy? You know what I mean? Your psychiatrist, if they're gonna get up there in the, in the, in the dark cobwebs and like dig around in the annals of your brain.
13:55 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
13:56 Travis McElroy? They gotta know that like, are the clowns up there?
13:59 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
14:00 Travis McElroy? You know what I mean? Like all the bad guy.
14:02 Griffin McElroy? There's like, there's both Freddy's. There's four people, there's four people on this earth that I want to know what scares me. And my psych, my therapist would be, would be one of them because it'd be helpful in some of our work.
14:16 Travis McElroy? I would also say the person most likely to know you are lying.
14:19 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:22 Travis McElroy? Now, because they've studied your psyche.
14:24 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, they know you inside and out. It is an impressive feat to recommend someone thirty movies that they don't like.
14:35 Travis McElroy? Thirty, you're gonna get one just out of dumb luck, right? Thirty is so many.
14:41 Griffin McElroy? So many movies to watch you don't like. And it's like, if someone recommends me two movies I don't like, I've stopped taking recommendations from that person.
14:49 Travis McElroy? I don't think I've watched thirty movies this year.
14:51 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, no, no way.
14:53 Travis McElroy? I would also find it concerning if my therapist who ostensibly has studied my psyche, attempting to understand my brain, then went, I know thirty movies you'll love.
15:05 Griffin McElroy? Just distressing for sure. Absolutely.
15:08 Travis McElroy? Maybe the thing is. This, the, your psychiatrist is actually like, kinda out of their depth. Because like, once they see the, once they kinda see the kinda sick and twisted shit that you get off on, maybe they would be messed up too.
15:24 Travis McElroy? Yeah, sure.
15:25 Travis McElroy? You've been watching all this crazy scary stuff.
15:28 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
15:28 Travis McElroy? The psychiatrist can't help you, cuz you wa- didn't you listen?
15:31 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
15:32 Travis McElroy? Don't watch that stuff, that's evil.
15:34 Travis McElroy? That's evil, bad stuff, dude. I'm trying to walk you back.
15:37 Travis McElroy? Trying to fix you. Yeah, I know, watch these boring movies, you sick fuck.
15:43 Travis McElroy? I'm trying to detox your twisting mind.
15:45 Travis McElroy? Trying to resensitize you, freak.
15:50 Travis McElroy? I do think. I can satiate your bloodlust, no kidding.
15:54 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
15:54 Travis McElroy? That was just a bunch of Faces of Death movies.
15:58 Travis McElroy? You're getting VHSs mailed to you in unmarked packages, man.
16:03 Travis McElroy? That's direct feed of executions from prisons. You're a terrible person.
16:09 Travis McElroy? I think it's wild to me, maybe I just have a, a different flavor of anxiety.
16:15 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
16:15 Travis McElroy? But the idea that my therapist would be like, hey, I know you're in here for worrying too much and getting too much tension and being too freaked out by things. Anyway, here's thirty scary movies you should watch.
16:26 Travis McElroy? I mean, that makes sense, those, Experation of Pity and Fear, it's one of the great uses of drama. I get that, but it's just, you gotta get your rocks off, though, if it's gonna work, you know, you gotta get your.
16:37 Griffin McElroy? Also, they probably didn't include this, but I assume the therapist told them to like, listen to Yakety Sax while they were watching the movies.
16:45 Travis McElroy? Oh, yeah, that's good.
16:46 Griffin McElroy? There's like this whole theory, uh, you know, an acceptance, acceptance, commitment therapy where it's just like, take it and twist it and turn it, if you have something fucked up in your brain, like, turn it all, turn it around and look at it a different way. And so playing like Yakety Sax over, um, I don't know, some Troma flick, it changes it. It takes the teeth off of it, it makes you brave.
17:08 Travis McElroy? Guys have got it. They don't specify the anxiety disorder, but if it's related to social anxiety, this is a test.
17:16 Griffin McElroy? Oh, fuck.
17:17 Travis McElroy? Oh dang. Yeah, they gave you movies they knew you wouldn't like.
17:20 Griffin McElroy? Why do all the great-
17:22 Travis McElroy? To see if you can say it wasn't good to their face.
17:26 Griffin McElroy? Why do all the great therapists have to use so many tricks?
17:29 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
17:30 Griffin McElroy? You know what I mean? All the great therapists are so focused on different tricks and puzzles and ways they could catch you up.
17:36 Travis McElroy? Well, did you watch King's Speech? Where fucking Jeffrey Rush is bullying the king to get him to stop stuttering or whatever? I didn't watch it, but I've seen the clip. And he's like yelling and he's like poking him in the eye or something.
17:48 Griffin McElroy? Fucking Good Will-
17:49 Travis McElroy? Fuck, man, stop poking me in the eye. And he's like, mm, didn't stutter, did you?
17:52 Griffin McElroy? Go well hunting when he's like, it's not your fault, kid. And then he starts to cry and when he gets close, Robin Williams farts on his hand and puts it close to his face.
17:59 Travis McElroy? Yeah, man. Classic.
18:01 Griffin McElroy? What do we teach? What are we teaching here?
18:04 Travis McElroy? Math? I think that's what they're teaching in Go Well Hunting.
18:07 Griffin McElroy? They do teach a lot of math in Go Well Hunting. Every time you go back and watch that movie, you forget about all the math in it, huh?
18:12 Travis McElroy? No, but you do learn something new.
18:14 Griffin McElroy? They Trojan horses in there. Good. Yeah, man.
18:16 Travis McElroy? How many apples do I have? Do you like these apples or these apples?
18:20 Griffin McElroy? You need to walk in confidently and say, I've fig- I've solved your puzzle. I fucking hated those shitty movies. And you are a bad person for recommending all of them to- because Travis is right. They want to make sure you can stand up.
18:35 Travis McElroy? Travis is right.
18:36 Griffin McElroy? You have to stand up for yourself.
18:38 Travis McElroy? Huh.
18:39 Griffin McElroy? Thirty bad movie recommendations. That's crazy.
18:42 Travis McElroy? Frame it as I've solved your test. You gave me these movies because you knew I wouldn't like them and see if I have the confidence to tell you. You've also now given them the out to say, yeah, that's exactly what it was.
18:51 Griffin McElroy? That's it. That's it.
18:51 Travis McElroy? What if the therapist is like, okay, I'm, I'm hearing your feedback, Jeremy, but please, how many did you watch? Just tell me, how many? Not thirty. No, god damn it.
19:03 Griffin McElroy? Wow.
19:03 Travis McElroy? Have you not been listening to anything? You watched thirty movies? What are we doing in here, Jeremy? I recommended those a week ago.
19:11 Griffin McElroy? You told me your people pleasing was under control. You watched thirty bad movies. You swore to me. You said it was getting better. Thirty?
19:23 Travis McElroy? You watched one of them twice? Just to see if you missed something?
19:28 Griffin McElroy? What was that Wubbles movie with Carrie Elwes in it? What's wrong with you?
19:34 Travis McElroy? This is thirty, this is just thirty Burger King commercials Looped together to make an eighty minute movie. Of course it was boring. God.
19:44 Griffin McElroy? Justin, we gotta talk to-
19:45 Travis McElroy? How did you find a director's cut of the Burger King loop movie?
19:49 Griffin McElroy? Justin, we gotta talk about this crazy fucking lumpy ass gourd you got going on behind you.
19:56 Travis McElroy? Beautiful gourd.
19:57 Griffin McElroy? It's-
19:57 Travis McElroy? That is a biblically accurate gourd.
20:00 Griffin McElroy? It's an octopus monster that got all dried up by science.
20:05 Griffin McElroy? Bring him in. Beauty blog that nasty fucking gourd dude.
20:07 Travis McElroy? Cooper grabbed, got this cat for me at Floyd's.
20:12 Griffin McElroy? That's crazy, man.
20:13 Travis McElroy? I thought it was, I thought it was some ears of corn you had glued together in a weird-
20:17 Griffin McElroy? No, man, that's a single vegetable or fruit.
20:20 Travis McElroy? It's this. I don't know if this, either, these sometimes look like a banana sometimes. Or, this is one of the most important and powerful gourds ever on, on the internet. I don't know. This is either a huge viral thing that everybody's wild about and you're seeing this everywhere on your FYP.
20:42 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
20:43 Travis McElroy? Or this is a nothing burger. And I still appreciate it because my daughter thought of me when she got this for me.
20:48 Travis McElroy? My daughter's never gotten me a gourd my whole life.
20:50 Griffin McElroy? Listeners at home, it looks kind of like a small pumpkin that a big fat scorpion climbed on top of and then like kinda goosed all over.
20:59 Travis McElroy? Kinda looks like a banana.
21:01 Griffin McElroy? Like a banana that someone fucked into a tiny pumpkin and then they got banana lumps everywhere.
21:07 Travis McElroy? Yeah. I don't know.
21:09 Griffin McElroy? Get it close to the camera. I know that you're not used to this wide angle, but get it up on, get, give it to me.
21:14 Travis McElroy? I'm so glad we're a video forward podcast now.
21:17 Travis McElroy? I don't know how long it'll last. I don't, I was thinking about if, should I lacquer it? Yeah, lacquer it, right?
21:23 Griffin McElroy? Lacquer that, lacquer that gourd. That'd be cool.
21:26 Travis McElroy? This is, this, I'm, I'm not gonna get up from my chair, so that's the best I can do.
21:29 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, you're just holding that gourd for the rest of the recording. Nope. Recording.
21:35 Travis McElroy? Yeah, bazinga.
21:38 Travis McElroy? All right. You guys want another question?
21:40 Travis McElroy? Please.
21:40 Griffin McElroy? Yes. All right, good. Allow me. My wife came home yesterday and said that her work Slack channel posted a reminder to all the staff to bring back any forks they may have accidentally taken home with them. She said she thought it was weird that anyone would take all the forks with them. I had to tell her that she was in fact the fork thief and that I had been noticing them show up in her lunch bags that she was bringing home with her.
22:03 Travis McElroy? I've been washing them and putting them away with the rest of our dishes, not thinking much about it. Brothers, we've collected over a dozen forks now and we're not sure how to get them back into the office without anyone noticing. How do we return them? That's from fork thief asking for forgiveness in Frederick.
22:18 Griffin McElroy? I feel like I can walk through the mind of this individual and look at the series of small hidden choices they were making to themselves of whether or not to confront their loved one about this fork stealing behavior and saying, no, I will accommodate it and I will in fact be complicit in it.
22:36 Travis McElroy? Yeah, you're fencing it. He was fencing the forks.
22:40 Griffin McElroy? You're laundering him.
22:42 Travis McElroy? You are laundering the forks. Absolutely. You are.
22:45 Griffin McElroy? I mean, literally.
22:46 Travis McElroy? You're putting it in a machine and then they come out yours? I don't think so. I'm, I guess I'm learning people, most people are a lot less particular about their silverware than I am. Cause if I put one of a fork in my mouth, that isn't one of my normal shoulders, I'm going to absolutely not be having a good time. I'm pretty particular about those. I like a number of tines. I like some, some tight tine spacing. I like a good hand feel. If somebody's bringing in some scrawdy Raul fork from Nowheresburg, Sean got three for a dollar at the Dollar General. No, thank you. No, thank you. Take that back to work.
23:21 Travis McElroy? Aesthetically, Justin.
23:23 Travis McElroy? What?
23:23 Travis McElroy? You've been putting these away in the drawer with your other forks. When you open that drawer and you look into the fork slot and you see these weird, don't fit the shape, don't stack right.
23:36 Travis McElroy? Tell me the slots that you guys have. What are the slots?
23:39 Travis McElroy? Big fork, little fork, big spoon, little spoon, butter knife.
23:43 Travis McElroy? Travis, that's fucking amazing.
23:44 Travis McElroy? Random.
23:45 Travis McElroy? That's good.
23:45 Travis McElroy? And then random slot with like some plastic, like reusable straws and some chopsticks and et cetera.
23:56 Griffin McElroy? I think you can measure how much you've given up by how you sort the silverware drawer. And at the bottom of the list is probably just like big old bucket. You throw it all in, but I'm, I think I'm probably close to the bottom of the list because we do butter knife, but some steak action will slide in there from time to time.
24:13 Travis McElroy? No, Griffin.
24:14 Griffin McElroy? Big spoon, little spoon in the same drawer, big fork, little fork in the same drawer, and then one for straws, chopsticks, et cetera.
24:21 Travis McElroy? Okay. First of all, piece by piece here, Griffin.
24:24 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
24:24 Travis McElroy? You put the steak knives in with the butter knives? Oh, Justin's camera got too hot from the thing you said.
24:29 Griffin McElroy? What is that happen now? It's fucking insane. It's fucking crazy.
24:33 Griffin McElroy? Are you? It's not that, it's not that wild. It's a, it's a camera and it gets hot because it's been on for a while and then it turns off. Every time you act like it's like Cletus, the slack jawed yokel, it's just a warm camera, Griffin. You gotta calm down.
24:46 Travis McElroy? Could you at least turn your camera feed on? So I'm not looking at color boys?
24:50 Griffin McElroy? No, not without standing up. I can't.
24:52 Travis McElroy? Griffin, you put the steak knife in with the butter knife. Well, how is when you reach in to get a butter knife? And some slicey action happens.
24:59 Griffin McElroy? How much fucking, first of all, they all go in kind of like blade first, handle, hand ass up, ass up, up blade down. That's the way we stack our silverware. I'm not going to fucking toss them in there like.
25:12 Travis McElroy? So you reach in to grab a butter knife. You come away with a steak knife and then you have to put that down and pick up a butter knife. Now you've had two trips, two trips.
25:23 Griffin McElroy? I mean, all my steak knives have, you know, this fine elk bone.
25:27 Travis McElroy? If I don't get the thing I want right out of the drawer, I'm so bothered.
25:33 Griffin McElroy? I can, and yeah, but I know what the difference is. I can tell by just the touch of it, of what is a butter knife and what is a steak knife? I don't need to have.
25:40 Travis McElroy? Why are you touching the knife? Like, think about it, though. That's dangerous.
25:44 Griffin McElroy? To get it and use it. What are you talking about?
25:46 Travis McElroy? Dangerous. What if you poke your finger? How small is your sword?
25:52 Griffin McElroy? You guys genuinely do sound a little bit like my mother-in-law right now, who does, every time I'm in the kitchen, usually during Thanksgiving, cutting something, saying, ooh, careful, that's knife looks. And it is true that the first time that they came over Thanksgiving, I cut my fingers so badly. I cut it so, so badly. And so I haven't established a great track record. But I'm good with knives, generally speaking. I'm not going to cut myself reaching into the butter knife drawer.
26:15 Travis McElroy? When you mix your spoons, let's get to spoons, Griffin. The bold depth and size is different.
26:23 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, but like. I look at it. Here's what I do. I look down in the drawer and I look at the spoons. I say, there's a small one. I would like that for cereal.
26:29 Travis McElroy? But they don't stack correctly.
26:31 Griffin McElroy? But it, they don't stack correctly, but it does make the question, Griffin, if you are already doing this, if you're looking at spoons and deciding which spoon you want, why don't you just pile the spoons and the forks together then? Well, because. Damn, you're right. I'm no better.
26:44 Travis McElroy? You're not. You're an animal.
26:46 Travis McElroy? We live in a society.
26:47 Travis McElroy? That's fine, Griffin. You got clawed back out. All right?
26:50 Griffin McElroy? I got you.
26:50 Travis McElroy? Maybe today try separating them and just take a moment to appreciate the step you've taken.
26:57 Griffin McElroy? Is it okay to put chopsticks and straws together?
26:59 Travis McElroy? Yeah, that's fine.
27:00 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I put a big bag of chopsticks, straws, popsicle molds, trash, you know?
27:07 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
27:08 Travis McElroy? Yeah. Uh, it also helps Griffin if the chopsticks can fit into one of the straws that you can just eat it like a blow dart into some foam. And yeah, that's actually really important.
27:18 Griffin McElroy? The government should pay for you to move back into your own house every year. Cause I bet I would do so much of a better job at this time, like knowing where shit should go.
27:28 Travis McElroy? Cause you've lived there for a while now, you know?
27:30 Griffin McElroy? For like a long time.
27:30 Travis McElroy? You get mad at yourself all the time. Like, why did you do this?
27:33 Griffin McElroy? Moving sucks and it's so expensive, but if the government paid for me to do it once, now that I'm good at it, I'd kick ass.
27:41 Travis McElroy? And the government loves paying for stuff right now.
27:43 Griffin McElroy? Well, no.
27:44 Travis McElroy? They're paying for everything.
27:45 Griffin McElroy? Travis, you have to get political and it's like.
27:48 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
27:49 Griffin McElroy? Like, I know they're not gonna do it. It's obviously a fancy dreamland. Like, we say a lot of bullshit on this show, like Rowan Atkinson is starring in a four-part mini-series sequel to Man vs. B called Man vs. Baby. Like, we make shit up on this show, like, all the time. And we play with it. We play with it. Yeah.
28:07 Travis McElroy? I, everything I've ever said on this show is 100% true.
28:11 Travis McElroy? Perfect. That's great. Good news.
28:12 Travis McElroy? Just to balance it out.
28:14 Travis McElroy? Let's take a break.
28:25 Travis McElroy? You know how normally Sundays are for humans?
28:29 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
28:30 Travis McElroy? Not anymore. Now, they've come out with a brand new product, Sundays for dogs.
28:38 Griffin McElroy? This is a good name.
28:39 Travis McElroy? Wait, no, I'm looking here and I'm looking at the bag of food they sent me. It's dog food. It's not a day of the week. Is dog food.
28:46 Griffin McElroy? Sundays for Dogs is still a kick ass, like really strong name. I would be honored to have that on the, on the face of a product that I created.
28:54 Travis McElroy? I did break down weekends for my kids that Saturdays are Daddays. Which is like, could mean I have things I need to take care of, like organizing the garage or whatever. Or it could be like, hey, you're gonna hang out with dad today. And then Sundays are fun days where we usually go somewhere to, you know, like a museum.
29:12 Griffin McElroy? Fridays for the freaks.
29:14 Travis McElroy? Where either they'll have fun or they'll stay quiet while you have fun.
29:18 Griffin McElroy? Exactly.
29:19 Travis McElroy? It mixes and matches. It's a beautiful system.
29:21 Griffin McElroy? Gotta move that now though, cause Sundays for Dogs.
29:25 Travis McElroy? Yes, Sundays for Dogs, you know, normally you can either have fresh or healthy. With Sundays for Dogs, you have fresh and healthy. They sent us a bag. And one, I'll tell you this, both of my pups, they got sensitive tongue toms. But we've been using Sundays for Dogs as treats for Lily, our big old dog. And she yummys that shit up. She loves it. She's finally listening to me for the first time ever.
29:51 Griffin McElroy? She finally likes Travis. It's amazing.
29:53 Travis McElroy? She likes me. Sundays is fresh, air dried dog food made from great ingredients. The rest of these are customized based on the needs of your dog, its size, breeds, allergies, activity levels and more. You don't need to thaw it. There's a lot of dog foods now that like you find in the refrigerator at the pet store where it comes like frozen. You don't gotta do that. And you can make the switch to Sundays by right now going to sundaysfordogs.com slash mybrother to get 50% off your first order. Or you can use code MYBROTHER at checkout. That's 50% off your first order at sundaysfordogs.com slash mybrother. sundaysfordogs.com slash mybrother or use code MYBROTHER at checkout. Woof woof, big dog approved.
30:41 Travis McElroy? Griffin Andrew McElroy.
30:43 Griffin McElroy? All right.
30:43 Travis McElroy? My name is Peter Riddles. I'm an agent to the stars. I know you've fallen on hard times and I got good news for you.
30:50 Griffin McElroy? What which hard times?
30:51 Travis McElroy? Hard times? I didn't know that.
30:53 Travis McElroy? I know you've fallen on hard times, Griffin.
30:54 Griffin McElroy? Which kind of hard times? I've fallen on a few different types of hard times.
30:58 Travis McElroy? Struggling to pick up work lately. Uh, his brothers can't carry his coattails anymore. It's been, it's sad Travis. He's reduced. He actually wrote a book, if you can believe it. It's getting pretty sad.
31:07 Travis McElroy? Was it like a novel?
31:08 Travis McElroy? He had to write a book. He had to write a book, but listen, I'm going to turn things around for you, baby, because I have, uh, I've been learning the web and, uh, I'm gonna be charging you an absolute premium to make a website for you because I, I've taken the time to make myself into an expert, Griffin. So for a very reasonable fee.
31:27 Travis McElroy? Name again, Agent Man?
31:28 Travis McElroy? Peter Squarespace is my name and, uh, I'm gonna, yes.
31:32 Griffin McElroy? Are you sure that's the name you said at the start?
31:34 Travis McElroy? Said Peter Reynolds.
31:36 Travis McElroy? Re- Reynolds?
31:39 Travis McElroy? With an M?
31:41 Griffin McElroy? Which one, Pete, which one is it?
31:43 Travis McElroy? No, Reynolds.
31:45 Griffin McElroy? No, obviously not Remnolds.
31:47 Travis McElroy? Certainly not Reynolds.
31:49 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. So what did you need me to, what did you need me to do, Pete?
31:55 Travis McElroy? I'm making your website, baby. And, yeah, you gotta pay me a, a bunch of money because, uh, I'm a, I got a big team of experts and they can let you do whatever you want with a website, Griffin. You're gonna have to pay me a huge premium because our websites that we build, they can do anything. You can sell stuff with these. You can, yeah.
32:12 Travis McElroy? Hey Griffin, can I talk to you over here real quick?
32:14 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, you keep going, Pete.
32:15 Travis McElroy? You're gonna miss out on the deal.
32:16 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
32:18 Travis McElroy? What's up, Griffin? I think that this Remnolds guy is maybe trying to take you to the cleaners because you can do all that with Squarespace. You don't need, you don't need Remnolds.
32:27 Griffin McElroy? Did say his name was Peter Squarespace.
32:28 Travis McElroy? We got, wait, wait, wait. I don't want to interrupt, but we got, we got world-class designers.
32:32 Griffin McElroy? Hold on. That was crazy.
32:33 Travis McElroy? Getting a call from another, another client.
32:35 Griffin McElroy? Sorry, I got another guy coming in. Hold on. Really? That's your ringtone for Sydney?
32:38 Travis McElroy? No, Griffin's dragging his feet. I don't know. Maybe I'll have room for you because Griffin's dragging his feet.
32:43 Travis McElroy? I know for sure that's Sydney.
32:45 Travis McElroy? Do what? Just because the ringtone is on the wings of love? That's gotta be my wife? You're ridiculous.
32:49 Travis McElroy? You're married to Sydney too?
32:51 Griffin McElroy? Uh-oh.
32:51 Travis McElroy? Peter Reynolds and Justin McElroy are both married to Sydney?
32:55 Travis McElroy? The sequel to Sydney.
32:56 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, so.
32:57 Travis McElroy? Listen, I have world-class designers that have made templates for me only and I can let you use them for a, an exorbitant fee.
33:06 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
33:06 Travis McElroy? Go ahead with what you're saying. Sorry.
33:08 Griffin McElroy? First of all.
33:11 Griffin McElroy? The book that I'm writing is The Stow Away. I've written it. It's coming out next year. You can preorder it at bit.ly/griffinstowaway. Really excited for that.
33:20 Travis McElroy? A choose your own adventure experience.
33:22 Griffin McElroy? It's a choose your own adventure experience. Penguin-
33:25 Travis McElroy? This is why you're never going anywhere.
33:26 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, Penguin Random House made the website for that one. Didn't, did not, did not have the opportunity to whip one up. But if I did, Mr. Remnold, I would, I would use Squarespace and not whatever bogus bullshit you're trying to sling my fucking way, dude. I've got you dead to rights in my sights and I know that it's not right, what you're doing.
33:47 Travis McElroy? So don't fall for Peter Remnold's predatory practices. Instead, head to Squarespace.com/mybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MYBROTHER to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
34:06 Speaker 04 Pokemon, Insecure, Love Island, Paramore. What do all these things have in common? Black people love them. That's where Black People Love Paramore comes in. We're a pop culture podcast, taking a funny look at the common and sometimes very uncommon things black people love. From asking why so many black kids were secretly emo, to debating whether Beyonce is underrated. Hint: she is. We're getting into all the things that make us feel a little bit more seen. Get it? And yes, everybody's invited. No matter your niche, we have room for you. Listen to Black People Love Paramore on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts.
34:50 Speaker 05 Hello?
34:50 Speaker 06 Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network Podcast.
34:54 Speaker 05 No, I'm sorry, no sales calls. Goodbye.
34:56 Speaker 06 It's a multi-award-winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long.
35:00 Speaker 05 I don't know what a Josie Long is. And anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old. She's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones. I don't want that to carry you home again, do I?
35:19 Speaker 06 Right. Well, if you were looking for a podcast-
35:20 Speaker 05 Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello.
35:26 Speaker 06 Simply go to MaximumFun.org.
35:29 Speaker 05 I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother! Mother, not that hat!
35:38 Travis McElroy? I never know if Justin's waiting for one of us to talk, so you could interrupt it with a bit. Yeah, I know. And so let's, sometimes I just like to do a gentle. All right.
35:53 Travis McElroy? So. I wanna munch.
35:57 Travis McElroy? I want you munch. Squad.
36:03 Travis McElroy? Welcome to Munch Squad. It's a podcast of the podcast profile and the lazy, crazy and brand of eating. And finally, someone's doing something about Elf. Guys. Elf? Scooter's Coffee. This is a first. That's not a real place. This is a first press release I've ever had that is also adventure. Cool. So I want you guys to experience. Is there anything we should know to be ready for the adventure? Just imagine it in your mind's eye, I guess, to experience the adventure. Okay.
36:30 Travis McElroy? Press your own adventure.
36:31 Travis McElroy? At Scooter's Coffee. Smiling is our favorite. Scooter's Coffee is partnered with those, those wizards over at Warner Brothers Discovery Global Consumer Products. They doesn't say that. It doesn't say that sentence. What? The wizards. No, I added wizards, but it does say has partnered with Warner Brothers Discovery Global Consumer Products. Man alive. Globochem Corp. Fuck, man. Happy holidays from Globochem. To bring out smiles and holiday cheer to coffee drive-throughs far and near. The holiday menu at Scooter's Coffee is filled with magic and sweet surprises inspired by New Line Cinema's film Elf. Which is at least 15 years old.
37:15 Travis McElroy? Which is at least 600,000 years old. Throughout the holiday season, you've got drinks and food items that feature maple, peppermint, and cherry flavors. That's inspired by the holiday classic film. Each drink comes with served in a cup, featuring guys' designs inspired by Buddy the Elf and Jovi's North Pole looks. And there's a stick, there's a sticker featuring a friendly face for the North Pole. Can you give me the original take on that? It's a seeger.
37:45 Travis McElroy? It's a sticker with a friendly face from the North Pole. Now, they don't go so far as to say it's Santa, but I'll be fucked if it's not Santa.
37:54 Travis McElroy? It's trademarked.
37:55 Travis McElroy? It's a sticker, but they can't say sticker, a Santa sticker.
37:58 Speaker 04 Collect the wool, collect all the wifey's.
38:02 Travis McElroy? Many stores will also feature holiday lighting and decor inspired by Buddy's journey to New York City to save his, find his father.
38:10 Griffin McElroy? Shit, yeah. Save his father would be better.
38:13 Travis McElroy? Cherry?
38:14 Travis McElroy? Second.
38:15 Travis McElroy? I love that they put in the press release, check this, folks, we're doing something new and different this holiday season. Our store, holiday decorations.
38:24 Griffin McElroy? Trees and shit, garland.
38:26 Travis McElroy? We're gonna have lights.
38:28 Travis McElroy? I, I really, the, uh, I really like the version of this journey where the sea serpent that greets Buddy is played by, in the TV animated special, I don't know if you guys know this, but the sea serpent that says goodbye to Buddy is voiced by one Matt Lauer, a real black mark on another one.
38:44 Griffin McElroy? It's a delightful film, yeah.
38:47 Travis McElroy? A monster playing a monster, fantastic. Hey, the candy cane forest, mocha. Hot or ice blended, features our world-class espresso combined with decadent mocha and peppermint flavors, a mocha drizzle and topped with whipped cream, more mocha drizzle and peppermint chips.
39:02 Travis McElroy? Wait, that's too much mocha drizzle.
39:04 Griffin McElroy? That's a lot of.
39:05 Travis McElroy? That's a mocha storm.
39:07 Griffin McElroy? Why do I need two strata? Two, two strata of mocha drizzle.
39:12 Travis McElroy? No matter which peppermint option you choose, we're bringing the candy cane forest to you. Now, we're gonna go through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops. And have a swirly twirly sugar cookie latte. That's hot, iced, or blended.
39:27 Travis McElroy? Well, now, hold on.
39:28 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
39:29 Travis McElroy? A sugar cookie is not a gumdrop.
39:31 Griffin McElroy? Close to a gumdrop.
39:33 Travis McElroy? Yeah, dude. They're two wildly different sweet, like, universes.
39:37 Travis McElroy? How everybody hates gumdrops and they're all busted down flavors.
39:41 Travis McElroy? They're good if you want to build with them in toothpicks.
39:44 Travis McElroy? They, that is good. That's the only reason they keep making them. That's the reason, only Michael's sells gumdrops because they're only for crafts.
39:50 Griffin McElroy? Have we talked about, it feels like this sounds like, this sounds like the kind of thing we've definitely talked about before, but is there a gingerbread house eating contest that happens after the gingerbread house, like, creation contest? Because I would love to see someone try to pound down more than like. A half dozen gum drops.
40:07 Travis McElroy? You know what happens to the gingerbread houses that Disney World makes, right?
40:11 Griffin McElroy? What?
40:11 Travis McElroy? They become houses for bees.
40:17 Griffin McElroy? I guess, yeah, man, I guess.
40:18 Travis McElroy? What they do is they take them out and they become houses for bees.
40:22 Griffin McElroy? Okay, you can't just say they become houses for bees. That is nature.
40:26 Travis McElroy? I don't know how much clearer he could say it. Here's what I'm saying. They chuck them out there.
40:31 Griffin McElroy? Where?
40:32 Travis McElroy? Alligators, where the alligators and mosquitoes are. They chuck them out there.
40:35 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
40:36 Travis McElroy? And then they bring a bunch of bees and they say, fucking go for it. We got a new queen here and she loves this gingerbread house and this is her gingerbread castle.
40:43 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
40:43 Travis McElroy? Maybe we'll name her Anna and glue a little wig to her or whatever. But here's the point is you guys live in this fucking house now. Eat it up.
40:49 Griffin McElroy? That's, that's, that sucks for them, man. That's a bad.
40:52 Travis McElroy? Are you kidding? It sounds pretty fucking good.
40:54 Griffin McElroy? It sounds pretty fucking good, except it's like, oh, guys, it's winter time and our house is gonna happen. We eat it at all because it's sweet candy.
41:01 Travis McElroy? It's winter time in Florida and California, Griffin. Don't get on your high horse.
41:04 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, it's what, 60? 60 in the afternoon? Come on.
41:08 Travis McElroy? Also, I want to say, here's my pitch for a gingerbread house eating competition. It's not how much or how fast. It is, in fact, how long do you think you can wait? And then still be able to consume.
41:20 Griffin McElroy? Dryest.
41:21 Travis McElroy? Yeah, so it's like, I'm gonna wait. But if you wait too long.
41:25 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
41:26 Travis McElroy? And then you go to eat it and you're like, actually, this is no longer consumable. You're disqualified.
41:31 Griffin McElroy? I have to imagine that there is, they make space for like the big gulp full of water that they just dunk, dunk them all in, get it soft and gullible like they do in the hot dog one.
41:42 Travis McElroy? It would be different categories.
41:43 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
41:44 Travis McElroy? Right? There would be with liquid, without.
41:47 Griffin McElroy? With toothpicks, without.
41:49 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
41:49 Griffin McElroy? Toothpicks is.
41:50 Travis McElroy? Get them down.
41:51 Griffin McElroy? Chomp them down. It's faster to eat the toothpicks, definitely.
41:55 Travis McElroy? Yeah, it is. You gotta, it's a few extra chews.
41:58 Griffin McElroy? Yep.
41:58 Travis McElroy? There's a, there, okay, so now, and finally, we've got treats inspired by Buddy the Elf. You did it. Congratulations. You made the whole journey through the press release.
42:06 Griffin McElroy? Now they're elf flavored.
42:08 Travis McElroy? Celebrate your holiday season victories with maple infused options that don't skimp on the syrup. The Buddy the Elf Maple Caramelicious Hot Iced or Blended Features Our Signature Drink. I'm assuming they mean coffee.
42:21 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
42:22 Travis McElroy? But we put an elf-inspired new spin on the classic. Creamy Carol meets Maple and Rich Espresso before being topped with whipped cream. Creamy Caramel meets Maple.
42:31 Griffin McElroy? Creamy Carol is the woman who puts the whipped cream on all of the drinks.
42:34 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
42:35 Griffin McElroy? That's true. She hates it when you call her that.
42:37 Travis McElroy? Where's the cream on my thing?
42:38 Griffin McElroy? Creamy Carol is at a death in the family. Creamy Carol is.
42:42 Travis McElroy? And none of us are trained on it.
42:44 Griffin McElroy? Creepy Carol is on sabbatical. It's rough, man. I do not know what to say to her.
42:48 Travis McElroy? Perfect for making snow angels, The Buddy the Elf Maple Chai gives your favorite spiced chai an elf upgrade with warm notes of golden maple syrup.
42:57 Griffin McElroy? How is it perfect for making snow angels?
42:59 Travis McElroy? You dump it on the ground.
43:00 Griffin McElroy? Dump it on the ground in the shape of an angel.
43:02 Travis McElroy? It's perfect for making snow angels because you need to, after you've gotten down there with Jovi and made beautiful snow angels, then you need a warm up.
43:09 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
43:09 Travis McElroy? Before you go find your dad. James Cobb.
43:13 Griffin McElroy? I love you, Dad.
43:14 Travis McElroy? He's on the naughty list.
43:15 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, he is.
43:16 Travis McElroy? Uh, don't have as much of a sweet tooth as Buddy the Elf? Try our Son of a Nutcracker Brewed Coffee, a special limited brewed coffee featuring notes of dark chocolate, roasted nuts, and warm brown sugary bread. It's all based on a movie that's older than your kid's kindergarten teacher, believe it or not. Amazing.
43:31 Griffin McElroy? Great flick, great, great flick.
43:34 Travis McElroy? Great flick.
43:35 Griffin McElroy? This is one of the more comprehensive brand partnerships.
43:38 Travis McElroy? Dude, we're not even done. Welcome to the, we're filled with holiday cheer. There's plenty more to cheer about with our Cheery Cheer Sparkling Float. Tart, cherry, and vanilla flavors mixed with sparkling soda and creamy snowy vanilla float topping and whipped cream for a carbonated cup of Cheery Cheer. This one's trying to fuck with me. I'm not great of a reader, but this one is trying to make problems for me intentionally.
44:00 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
44:01 Travis McElroy? Which is rude.
44:02 Griffin McElroy? How big's their menu that they can slot in two dozen?
44:05 Travis McElroy? Snowball Fight Cake Bite with a delicious bite of vanilla cake goodness with creamy blue filling surrounded by white chocolate and topped with. They're now getting into like deep cut elf references that only the real elf heads.
44:19 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
44:20 Travis McElroy? Only the real elfies remember this.
44:22 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
44:23 Travis McElroy? There's exclusive co-branded X, sorry, elf.
44:27 Travis McElroy? Scooters Coffee Merchandise. That's how I'm saying, or no, sorry, we're pronouncing those, right?
44:32 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
44:32 Travis McElroy? Is that what we sell them on?
44:33 Griffin McElroy? That is, yeah.
44:34 Travis McElroy? There's co-branded Elf Scooter Coffee Merchandise. Makes for a sweet holiday gift, available in stores and online. Our Son of a Nutcracker Tumbler, a stainless steel 32 ounce insulated tumbler. Finally, folks, a cup with Elf on it.
44:50 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
44:50 Travis McElroy? I think, I think we finally did it, guys. A coffee mug with Elf.
44:56 Griffin McElroy? You've, they've like tripled the size of their core menu options.
45:00 Travis McElroy? Merchandise is available at scooterscoffee.com, including a Son of a Nutcracker blanket, featuring the same design.
45:07 Griffin McElroy? Did they just get rights to the one saying, the one quote?
45:11 Travis McElroy? Yeah. What did you guys have left over that we could just troll for? Uh, so that is an exciting partnership. I'm excited to get over to Scooters. Never been to one. Can't imagine I'll go now. Too much Elf stuff.
45:25 Griffin McElroy? Too much.
45:26 Travis McElroy? You would have to say the name of these things out loud to order them.
45:30 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
45:31 Travis McElroy? Cause yeah, can't do it, won't do it.
45:33 Griffin McElroy? I'll do it like I do it at like a restaurant where I don't know how to pronounce some of the menu items, or I'll be like, I will have the stew. And they'll know what I mean when I say like,
45:44 Travis McElroy? This one?
45:44 Griffin McElroy? I would like.
45:45 Travis McElroy? Can I have this one, please?
45:46 Griffin McElroy? May I have the cherry beverage? And you know.
45:51 Travis McElroy? And how many does that cost?
45:53 Griffin McElroy? You want me to say, son of a nutcracker? You have a knife in your hand. You're saying, say, son of a nutcracker.
45:58 Travis McElroy? Out loud, okay.
45:59 Griffin McElroy? You said, you said, say, son of a nutcracker, or I can't finish? You said that to me, a customer at your coffee shop?
46:07 Travis McElroy? God, this place is a drive-through. I wouldn't want to stay here for very long.
46:10 Griffin McElroy? Thanks.
46:12 Travis McElroy? Uh, on the first day of class, our TA told us not to raise our hands, but simply to speak up when we had something to share. For context, I'm in grad school and there are about 20 people in the class. I respect the TA and want to follow their request, but I keep forgetting and raising my hand anyway. To say this bothers her would be an understatement. She is clearly annoyed and has even begun to threaten docking grades. I've started to realize what I'm doing partway through raising my hand and trying to pass it off as raising my hand through my hair or stretching.
46:37 Griffin McElroy? Awesome.
46:38 Travis McElroy? I could only do this so many times before it looks suspicious. The other day I tried to pass off raising my hand as pretending to shoot basketball and it didn't go over well. Brothers, what are some other convincing ways that could pretend I am not raising my hand? That's from Teacher's Pest in Tennessee.
46:52 Griffin McElroy? Stretch.
46:53 Travis McElroy? No, they already said stretching.
46:54 Travis McElroy? I mean, they did cover that. Now say, pretend to shoot basketball.
46:57 Griffin McElroy? Pretend to shoot a basketball, big one in the hoop.
47:00 Travis McElroy? Oh, there he did it.
47:01 Travis McElroy? Pretend like you're raising an antenna to get better reception on your invisible ham radio.
47:06 Travis McElroy? Yeah, that's good. Pretend to grab a bug.
47:12 Travis McElroy? Oh, that's a good one.
47:13 Travis McElroy? Oh, that's a good one. If you just like snap it out of the air and then
47:18 Travis McElroy? Maybe.
47:18 Travis McElroy? Body odor, body odor check.
47:21 Travis McElroy? Write a fun phrase on the palm of your hand.
47:24 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
47:24 Griffin McElroy? Don't think you're cheating. Don't think you're cheating.
47:26 Travis McElroy? No, no, no. So then when you raise your hand, they see and it just says like, hi TA.
47:31 Travis McElroy? They'll kill you.
47:31 Griffin McElroy? Oh, wait, no, Tracy's a good idea. Waving. Hi.
47:37 Travis McElroy? I'm not, don't call on me. I know I have shit.
47:40 Travis McElroy? And give him a thumbs up. Let him know they're doing a good job.
47:42 Griffin McElroy? Just glad to see you teach.
47:44 Travis McElroy? Air high five.
47:46 Griffin McElroy? It sucks that you only.
47:47 Travis McElroy? Great point. Great point, teach.
47:49 Griffin McElroy? Sucks you only get to wave when you say hi or bye to someone. You should be able to mid-conversation be like,
47:55 Travis McElroy? I wave all the time. What are you talking about?
47:57 Griffin McElroy? I'm fucking stoked all over again to be talking to you, man. Here's a big one for you, dude.
48:02 Travis McElroy? I'm not very good at waving too, so I do it all the time to try to practice.
48:06 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
48:06 Travis McElroy? Sometimes when I wave, it makes it seem like my wrist is disconnected from my hand and it's just kinda all over the place.
48:14 Travis McElroy? Yeah, it's, you need to, you need to, it needs to be more of a lever action.
48:17 Travis McElroy? I can't. I'm trying to do kind of more of a princess dying.
48:21 Travis McElroy? No, man.
48:22 Travis McElroy? Parade wave.
48:23 Travis McElroy? It would be, you know, it would be nice if we use the wave as a symbol to like, start the conversation over. Like, I'm not, like, I've accidentally lied a couple of times and I don't want to have this anymore and you're going to talk to me about something I don't care about. And I just want to start over, please.
48:37 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, watch that hand, man.
48:38 Travis McElroy? You would have to limit the amount of times you could do that, right? Like, you could do that like once a conversation.
48:45 Griffin McElroy? Do you guys think John Cena, the first time he did the, you can't see me thing, he was just waving at himself? Cause he was like.
48:53 Travis McElroy? Or he smelled something?
48:54 Griffin McElroy? He wanted to, that's possible too.
48:56 Travis McElroy? Or he would want to just smell something. He was trying to walk.
49:00 Griffin McElroy? That was it. It was Cena V Rock and the Rock was like, do you smell? And John Cena was like.
49:06 Travis McElroy? I don't know, man.
49:08 Travis McElroy? I'm trying.
49:09 Travis McElroy? That looks cool. That looks really cool.
49:10 Travis McElroy? That's another thing you could do. You could do the John Cena wave. You start to wave your hand and then you just wave it in front of your face.
49:16 Travis McElroy? That's cool. Yeah, you raise one hand, you raise the other hand.
49:19 Griffin McElroy? Bring it down like crotch chop.
49:20 Travis McElroy? Oh, yeah. Brutalizing our microphones during this question. It's, I've been seeing interviews of John Cena lately pop up on TikTok and he's talking about a lot of like debonair stuff like his, like, uh, his preferences of coffee or.
49:33 Travis McElroy? I watched that as well, Justin.
49:35 Travis McElroy? He's very debonair and it gave me this strange, a strange emotion I don't think I've ever had before, which is the feeling that I am glad John Cena is as big as he is, so he is not bullied. Because I think if John Cena was not John Cena sized, he would get bullied a lot. Like, I felt weirdly defensive for a John Cena that didn't exist. That didn't have his huge muscles, you know what I mean? But I'm glad he is as, he is as, John Cena is as big as he needs to be. And I don't think I understood this because I was not a wrestling person. Yeah. And, but he is, I will say, it seems like widely bullied in that, even in that world, for a strong man, it seems like even people who like wrestling
50:18 Travis McElroy? bullied John Cena more than they would feel comfortable bullying a man of his size.
50:22 Travis McElroy? Well, he left wrestling to go to Hollywood, Justin, where being debonair is appreciated. Now he comes back and he's like, y'all bullied me when I was just a big, strong wrestler, but look at me now.
50:34 Travis McElroy? Look at me now. I'd like to get a gut check from Griffin on this angle of John Cena being highly bullyable because I feel that in my bones. I want to know if it's a right, a right feeling. Um, I need, I need 10 seconds.
50:49 Travis McElroy? Can I also just say, uh, Justin, he wasn't always that big. Like, as much as I want to picture a 10-year-old John Cena who's absolutely jacked and it's just the same, but scaled down to 10? There must have been a time where he did get bullied and he thought, I'm gonna become an absolutely jacked mountain of a man.
51:10 Travis McElroy? Yes, but what I'm saying is like, I think. Baby Cena's. His hugeness is directly proportionate to how big of a dork he was. He real like a lot of people would have that realization and they do like 20 pushups and be like, okay, I'm all right. I feel good. John Cena's like, I'm a, I think I need to get just really huge to be able to carry off.
51:32 Travis McElroy? That's what I did.
51:33 Travis McElroy? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Travis. Yeah. The Travis McElroy system. He called it.
51:37 Travis McElroy? Yeah. Where I got real big.
51:39 Griffin McElroy? In 2000.
51:40 Travis McElroy? Weirdo.
51:41 Griffin McElroy? In 2002, John Cena debuted the alias that he had at the time, which was a freestyle rapping wrestler named the Doctor of Thuganomics.
51:58 Travis McElroy? I'm gonna hyperventilate.
51:59 Travis McElroy? Okay, so.
52:00 Griffin McElroy? This is real.
52:02 Travis McElroy? Cannon.
52:02 Griffin McElroy? A hundred percent, fully, fully super. I know, guys, I get it that that sounds like some shit, I would say, that would be made up on this show where we say made up shit all the time, like man versus baby. But that's very real. I have to imagine.
52:15 Travis McElroy? Man versus baby is real too. I want to be clear.
52:20 Travis McElroy? Damn it. Okay. Go ahead. Thank you.
52:22 Griffin McElroy? I have to imagine.
52:24 Travis McElroy? Did you guys make that?
52:24 Griffin McElroy? That where he is.
52:25 Travis McElroy? Because I didn't even Google it.
52:26 Griffin McElroy? It's very real. I have to imagine where John Cena is now, the frame, the frame he occupies now was largely, he was pressed firmly into that mold.
52:40 Travis McElroy? Like a plate, like the Playdo dentist.
52:42 Griffin McElroy? Like a Playdo dentist.
52:43 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
52:43 Griffin McElroy? Because of a slingshot effect that he took around Doctor of Thuganomics to come back. He went, whoa. And everyone's like, this sucks. And he was like, rip. And he launched back forward into that huge guy mold. And now he's like, he is where he is now. And that's like a, who, who does that? Who can make that fucking transition? Nobody.
53:06 Travis McElroy? My question is. Did the Doctor of Thuganomics have a PhD or a medical degree?
53:14 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
53:15 Travis McElroy? Because even in there, what it applies implies is that the character went, yes, I could just be a layman of Thuganomics, but I will attend more schooling.
53:28 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Um, debuting the Doctor of Thuganomics character in 2002, Cena began performing freestyle raps and promos and wore jerseys and hats as part of his gimmick, along with the slogan, "Wordlife." So he had to, he had to, they had to crush him at the bottom of the fucking pit. Batman broke his back so he could climb back up. Now he's the fucking fear. You know what I mean?
53:50 Travis McElroy? I love that.
53:51 Griffin McElroy? I love that for him.
53:52 Travis McElroy? Good for you, John. Cool journey. Would love to get you on my brother, my brother and me, or McQuaid family clubhouse. Standing offer, John.
53:59 Travis McElroy? Or just a cool hang if you, if you're afraid of the attention.
54:03 Griffin McElroy? And I'm not gonna bully you.
54:03 Travis McElroy? If you're afraid of all the attention you would get from guessing on our show, I understand that can be off putting. We can just chill out and play Fortnite together.
54:11 Travis McElroy? That's fine.
54:12 Travis McElroy? You can, you can play as yourself.
54:14 Griffin McElroy? I can be you, John, in Fortnite.
54:16 Travis McElroy? He probably doesn't play as John Cena, right?
54:19 Travis McElroy? No, but I bet it would make him more comfortable if you did.
54:22 Griffin McElroy? He do pickle, he do pickle Rick.
54:26 Griffin McElroy? John Cena loves that. John Cena's still talking about Pickle Rick, guys.
54:31 Travis McElroy? John, hi. The invite was real. Griffin doesn't mean this.
54:34 Griffin McElroy? No, please, please.
54:35 Travis McElroy? I do know that part.
54:37 Griffin McElroy? I do fully mean it. He's on his farewell tour season still in WWE and every once in a while I'll be like, "I'm about to take you down like Pickle Rick." And they're like, "Dude, you can't fucking..."
54:47 Travis McElroy? You're saying, Griffin, there's two things, there's two things John Cena loves that we know about. The perfect flat white, which he discusses at length in the video Justin and I watched, and Pickle Rick.
55:00 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, dude.
55:01 Travis McElroy? So when John Cena goes into a coffee shop, he orders a flat white to see if they know what they're doing, and then asks the barista, "Also, what are your feelings on Pickle Rick?"
55:11 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, and you know, it's great, it's like, he... He's, he hasn't seen it. He said, he, and he said in an interview, he's not, he said, I'm not allowed to watch Rick and Morty, but I-
55:23 Travis McElroy? It's on Adult Swim.
55:24 Griffin McElroy? He said, but I see a lot of like really funny stuff about this guy.
55:27 Travis McElroy? I'm busy studying Thugonomics.
55:29 Travis McElroy? I haven't, I haven't watched it. I asked AI to generate a version of it for me based on what I knew about it.
55:36 Travis McElroy? I saw the T-shirt at Hot Topic and I-
55:39 Travis McElroy? I do like-
55:40 Travis McElroy? So focused on the iconography.
55:42 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. He is a subscriber to the American Journal of Thugonomics because you can't just like learn that shit in 2002 and then-
55:50 Travis McElroy? No, he goes to the conferences.
55:52 Griffin McElroy? Constantly changing.
55:53 Travis McElroy? He reads the articles.
55:55 Travis McElroy? Hey, thank you so much for listening to my brother, my brother, me and a true podcast full of absolutely true stuff.
56:03 Travis McElroy? For grownups.
56:04 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
56:04 Travis McElroy? For dogs.
56:05 Travis McElroy? This is true. On December 6th, we're going to be doing a candlelight show right here in Huntington, West Virginia at 7:00 PM. That includes a virtual stream ticket. If you want that digital premiere of recording the show with bonus behind the scenes footage, that premiere is going to be December 19th at 9:00 PM Eastern through, and you can watch that through January 4th. We'll be in the chat now. Hanging out with you, watching that. All benefits from this show are going to be donated to Harmony House, which seeks to end homelessness in the Huntington area through permanent housing and supportive service programs. I don't need to tell you how important that is right now. Uh, and, uh, we would really appreciate any support you can provide. Tickets for both of those events are available at bit.ly forward slash candlelights 2025.
56:49 Travis McElroy? Also, uh, if this goes out at noon on Monday, which it normally does, that means that Champions Grove 2026 tickets are on sale right now. So Champions Grove, real quick, the whole pitch is there's a castle in Hocking Hills, Ohio called Ravenwood Castle. It is a castle, hotel, uh, event space. And on Memorial Day weekend, we have rented it out. Uh, me and the Champions Grove folks, and I'm bringing in some, uh, game hosts and, you know, people who do amazing projects in the TTRPG space to run games. You guys come in, we run the games for you. You play games with each other. We have events.
57:30 Travis McElroy? We have fancy dinners. We have all kinds of stuff that you can-
57:35 Travis McElroy? You're gonna meet a bunch of cool people. I went to the first one. It was a delight.
57:38 Travis McElroy? Thank you, Justin. And that's Memorial Day weekend, and we have accommodation packages for two to four people. You rent out the accommodation, and that also is going to give you, when you get the accommodation package, you get access to the event, and then you're going to reserve the hotel room through Ravenwood Castle. You can find out all the information, championsgrove.com. It's there. That's also where you can get the packages. But like I said, it's on sale now, and the spots are limited, so don't wait. Championsgrove.com.
58:15 Griffin McElroy? Two more quick things. I did write a choose your own adventure book. Comes out March 10th next year. It's called The Stowaway. You can preorder that at bit.ly/griffinstowaway. And we also have revealed the cover for the final Adventure Zone graphic novel adaptation, written by us and our dad, illustrated by Kerry Peach, the Adventure Zone story and song. That one comes out on July 14th.
58:42 Travis McElroy? There it is.
58:43 Griffin McElroy? July 14th. And you can preorder that at theadventurezonecomic.com. It's a lot of stuff happening next year. Oh, and thanks to Montane for these for a theme song, My Life is Better With You. It's a great one. Great track.
58:56 Travis McElroy? We got a fear, Trav, that we want to be faster than this year. We started, John Stan, would you like to read that?
59:03 Travis McElroy? This year, I'm gonna go faster than my fear of a large flock of birds coming down and taking me away into the sky forever.
59:12 Travis McElroy? Fair enough.
59:13 Griffin McElroy? Clean, simple, simple and clean.
59:16 Travis McElroy? My name's Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. It's been my brother, my brother, me, kiss your dad. Square on the lips.
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