Pod Insights My Brother, My Brother And Me MBMBaM 771: Face 2 Face: Le Oink About this episode Live, ten minutes from Disneyland at the Grove Theater, we're bringing class and superhero merch to answer California's most pressing questions about friends and nemeses, good neighbors, and drawing photorealistic pictures. Why do you need to know what we look like?
Suggested talking points: Scoop of Papa, The Enthusiastic Yelp of a Power Washer, OGG Farts, Pirate Radio Snack Wraps, Scareacter, Next Iteration of Mess
Immigrant Defenders Law Center: https://www.immdef.org/
Transcript 13,342 words · 16 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 The McElroy Brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?
0:21 Speaker 01 It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has gossip, it's rapping into a precious friendship.
0:33 Speaker 01 I could've never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. Life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better with you.
1:10 Travis McElroy? Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.
1:21 Travis McElroy? What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your middlest brother, Travis Vroom Vroom McElroy.
1:28 Griffin McElroy? What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, Griffin, sweet baby brother, 30 Under 30, media luminary, Bill Fortough, McElroy.
1:42 Griffin McElroy? All right.
1:43 Travis McElroy? You're right, he needs this more than we do.
1:46 Travis McElroy? That's the message I'm getting, and I couldn't agree more. Now, Dad, I hope you don't go too far, pal. Anybody go see Superman today?
1:56 Travis McElroy? Anybody see Superman at the Grove 30 AMC?
2:01 Travis McElroy? At 9 a.m.?
2:02 Travis McElroy? At 9 a.m.
2:03 Griffin McElroy? In, in fucking IMAX?
2:07 Travis McElroy? At 9 a.m. in IMAX.
2:11 Travis McElroy? The time to see movies.
2:14 Travis McElroy? When we asked for the tickets, they said, "Are you sure?"
2:18 Griffin McElroy? They yell a lot in this movie. There's so much yelling. Your, your mind can't handle that at 9:00 in the morning.
2:26 Travis McElroy? Hey, but we are 2,000 miles from where we live. So we thought, let's go see a movie. Now, I mention that distance because I'd like Dad to come back out real quick if he could, because I asked him to stay close by.
2:42 Travis McElroy? Show us.
2:45 Griffin McElroy? It's his fucking movie merch.
2:47 Travis McElroy? So this is, again, this is a man that has a suitcase. This is a man that has a suitcase. And I just want to show you, Dad, what have you bought for us? What have you brought today?
2:58 Speaker 05 Well, Justin, today I have the special Superman commemorative cup.
3:04 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
3:05 Speaker 05 With cape.
3:09 Speaker 05 Which also came with a commemorative keychain.
3:16 Speaker 05 I know. And this lovely popcorn box. Shaped like a Daily Planet newspaper box.
3:25 Travis McElroy? I want to touch on, uh, before the movie started, I overheard a conversation that happened in the seats directly behind us between a father and his son. I believe the son was probably about 10 years old. And he was talking about how he wanted one of those popcorn boxes that Dad had set up on the ledge in front of him. And the dad goes, "No way. Do you see how big that thing is?"
3:47 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
3:48 Travis McElroy? "It's like the size of a seat. You don't need that."
3:51 Griffin McElroy? And then I made eye contact with this child, like, "You're going a different path than I went."
3:59 Griffin McElroy? Just because of who's raising you.
4:02 Travis McElroy? But.
4:03 Griffin McElroy? Justin also said, "The meanest thing I've ever heard him or anyone say to our father." Would you like to repeat that in front of the...? No, come on, Juice. You were proud enough of this to say it out loud in front of this little kid who was seated right behind us.
4:17 Travis McElroy? Come on, come on, Justin, my son, my firstborn.
4:21 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I really, I don't want to do it.
4:24 Griffin McElroy? Juice, no, no, Juice, it was mean, but you...
4:26 Travis McElroy? It was too mean and I was mad because of how early it was and I wasn't...
4:29 Travis McElroy? I didn't... I don't know what this is about me. I didn't think it was that mean.
4:33 Griffin McElroy? I thought it was pretty mean, but you did eat, so can you please?
4:38 Travis McElroy? I just told Dad that absolutely guaranteed 100% no question, I was gonna be putting his ashes in it.
4:48 Travis McElroy? And it was not a damn thing he could say or do.
4:53 Griffin McElroy? He goes right in there where the newspapers go.
4:55 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
4:56 Griffin McElroy? And then that's great, because anytime we need a scoop of Papa.
5:00 Travis McElroy? Like, like if it snows and there's ice on the driveway or something, we need to grit it?
5:04 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
5:05 Travis McElroy? Also be a great little gerbil litter box.
5:07 Griffin McElroy? Hey, that popcorn can't still be good, huh? Because we saw that movie at 9:00 in the goddamn morning.
5:11 Travis McElroy? Alright, thanks Dad. Thank you so much, Dad. Appreciate you. Thank you. Thank you. Don't forget your glass.
5:18 Travis McElroy? Yeah, you don't want to lose the cup.
5:19 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
5:23 Travis McElroy? Do you guys ever see him buy shit like that and think, "Oh, man, that money would have been mine in about 10 years"?
5:28 Travis McElroy? You know what sucks? What sucks is I clowned on him so hard when the box came out and I was clowning on him so hard, that when the cup came out and I thought, "Man, that cup kinda fucks."
5:42 Griffin McElroy? But you can't...
5:42 Travis McElroy? I can't, I can't imagine what would happen to myself because I talk so much shit.
5:46 Griffin McElroy? The cup with a cape kinda fucks?
5:51 Travis McElroy? I like Superman, dude. I don't know, man. I like a big tumbler. I can make... It's perfect for white wine. You need a lot of...
5:58 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, sure, man.
5:59 Travis McElroy? Space for that. This is My Brother, My Brother, Me. It's an advice show.
6:05 Travis McElroy? We take your questions on this show and turn them alchemy-like into wisdom. We asked you, the people of Anaheim.
6:13 Travis McElroy? We took a poll.
6:14 Travis McElroy? And these are the questions that you sent in to us, the Brothers McElroy.
6:19 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that's usually how it works.
6:20 Travis McElroy? Justin, Travis, and Griffin.
6:22 Travis McElroy? You guys know I'm vamping because my wifi won't connect. Now, hang on. How do you ask your neighbors if you can power wash their sidewalks for fun? That's from one of you in here, named Power Wash of Friendship. Are you here? Wait, sorry. Are you here? All right.
6:43 Travis McElroy? Do you ever think in those moments when we ask, are you here, when there's like a significant break and then someone moves, that someone in the audience thought, oh, they're not here. The McElroy brothers are gonna feel terrible. I'll make a noise.
6:54 Travis McElroy? It's definitely happened at least once, guaranteed.
6:55 Griffin McElroy? That was the enthusiastic yelp of a power washer, if I've ever heard one.
7:00 Travis McElroy? And I get it. One, I got my own power washer at home. I love that dang thing. It's fun. And I feel like I'm, I'm just taking care of bugs and ghosts or whatever. It's great. I get it.
7:13 Travis McElroy? You're fucking bragging now onstage.
7:15 Travis McElroy? I'm just talking about power washing, Griffin.
7:17 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I guess so. I don't know how you can communicate to the person that you are not just passive aggressively telling them they need to clean up their sidewalk. Because that sounds like an excuse that you would invent, like, well, I gotta clean them somehow. Oh, I know. I tell them I love to do it. That'll get, that'll smooth things along.
7:39 Travis McElroy? How many times would you have to watch your neighbor power wash their own sidewalk? Before you went over to them, hat in hand, very shamefaced, and said, could you do mine too?
7:50 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Yeah, I would need to know they can handle their instrument, because it's a dangerous job. I don't want them going rogue and blasting one of my gnomes. Like, no fucking way, man.
7:59 Travis McElroy? I need to make sure they're constantly moving. If they stay in one place for too long, they'll bore a hole.
8:04 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, right.
8:05 Travis McElroy? Through the sidewalk. I don't need that.
8:06 Travis McElroy? I, I think the most surprising thing about a power washer, and if you have a power washer, you know this, and I learned it the hard way, is that if you put the nozzle on just the right way, you will rip through cement. You will make lines in the cement. Now, I didn't know this.
8:25 Travis McElroy? And when, and when it first happened, my thought was this, well, that can't be right. It's just water. It's just water. It's just fast water. And so I just like kept...
8:37 Travis McElroy? How the fast water go in the rock? I just sat there, I just sat there doing it and thinking, that's the damnedest thing.
8:44 Travis McElroy? Do you think that...
8:45 Travis McElroy? There's no way, there's no way, that's what I keep thinking, there's no way this is happening.
8:49 Travis McElroy? Do you think that's what God felt when he watched the river carve out the Grand Canyon?
8:53 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah.
8:54 Travis McElroy? And he was like, no fucking way, man.
8:56 Travis McElroy? No fucking way.
8:57 Griffin McElroy? It's so big.
8:58 Travis McElroy? Gabriel, Gabriel, that's his shit out.
9:00 Travis McElroy? Gabriel, watch, wait, watch, hold on, wait, wait, wait, just keep watching.
9:02 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
9:03 Travis McElroy? Just, it's like 2 million years, just watch, wait for once, wait for 2 million years. It's crazy, right?
9:09 Travis McElroy? I gotta make people so they can see this.
9:12 Travis McElroy? I'm gonna act like I planned it, you watch, it's gonna be amazing.
9:16 Travis McElroy? I better make donkeys too, I got a plan.
9:20 Griffin McElroy? Would it be easier to make their sidewalks super duper yucky through some sort of sneaky means?
9:28 Travis McElroy? Do you have a neighbor on the other side of their house who's a big messy boy?
9:31 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, and you just happened to be walking through with the nozzle on, and you just did their sidewalks.
9:36 Travis McElroy? Oh, you were doing your own sidewalk, but you went a little too far?
9:39 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
9:39 Travis McElroy? And then you offered to even it out?
9:41 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that's good. I was trying to fly around on it like a Super Mario Sunshine did, and I got a little bit on your sidewalks, and I am sorry about that.
9:50 Travis McElroy? No, no, Steve, just let me do your sidewalks for free, you don't understand the joy it'll bring me.
9:55 Travis McElroy? I will, I do think you have made my sidewalks look demonstrably worse by comparison. You do owe me something, right? Like, you've just gone out there, cleaned your sidewalks, and made me aware of how bad mine look, so you do, you are in debt to me somehow.
10:11 Travis McElroy? I thought we were all in this together.
10:13 Travis McElroy? Right.
10:13 Travis McElroy? I didn't know we were like a power washing street when I bought the house.
10:17 Travis McElroy? Right.
10:17 Griffin McElroy? I do love the impulse to explain to the neighbor that you are doing it for fun and not for nice. Like, you're explicitly telling them, like, you don't have to pay me, but also, this is about me, and not about you.
10:32 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I wouldn't do this if I didn't love it.
10:34 Griffin McElroy? I actually hate your fucking guts, but you have a long, unblemished trail of asphalt out there that I would love to get my...
10:42 Travis McElroy? I think it would be actually supremely blemished, right? That's the issue, right? It's tantalizingly blemished.
10:47 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
10:49 Griffin McElroy? How about another question?
10:50 Travis McElroy? Can I ask you guys a question?
10:51 Travis McElroy? Uh, yeah.
10:52 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I guess so.
10:53 Travis McElroy? I was thinking about this the other day, and then I was reminded of it today during a conversation we had during dinner. You know how there are people who think, like, "Oh, 100 guys versus a gorilla. I think if I was one of those guys, I'd win." Or they think like, "Oh, I've never been in a fight before. I think I would fight."
11:11 Travis McElroy? I don't know.
11:12 Travis McElroy? Do you think it's normal
11:14 Travis McElroy? I don't know about this.
11:14 Travis McElroy? to believe that if faced with just something inhumanly evil, like something from hell,
11:20 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
11:21 Travis McElroy? that in that moment, I could summon a blade of pure light?
11:25 Griffin McElroy? Okay, I'm gonna put a-
11:26 Travis McElroy? Do you think that's normal?
11:27 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
11:29 Travis McElroy? Do other people feel that way?
11:32 Griffin McElroy? This is, um, I feel like I'm having a dream, and it's not a good one. Do I think you would summon a bl-?
11:44 Travis McElroy? No, not do you think I would? Do you think it's normal that I think I would?
11:48 Griffin McElroy? I need you to promise not to yell, because me and Justin are about to say a lot of mean stuff at you
11:53 Travis McElroy? Right.
11:54 Griffin McElroy? pretty fast.
11:55 Travis McElroy? And if we start talking over each other, it's gonna get unpleasant sonically.
12:00 Griffin McElroy? Would you produce a blade of pure light if faced up? You can't- Trav, fuck, man! You just introduced this subject out of nowhere. The fucking bridge that you used to get us to the subject was a meme that is, at this point, 600 years old. You brought up fucking David after dentist and asked us to play in the space, and then also, that's not really what you wanna talk about onstage with your two brothers in front of 5,000 people. It is, can you project a blade of pure light out of your arm?
12:32 Travis McElroy? No!
12:33 Griffin McElroy? Like, what the fuck, man?
12:34 Travis McElroy? Griffin, I can't stress this enough. I'm not asking if you think I could do it. I'm asking, do you think other people think they could do it just like I do? Is it normal to feel that way?
12:44 Travis McElroy? What you're asking is, do other people think that it's normal for you to think it?
12:48 Travis McElroy? Yes.
12:49 Travis McElroy? And the answer to that is a resounding yes.
12:52 Travis McElroy? If you-
12:53 Griffin McElroy? If you start producing shit made out of pure radiant light out of your chest, or whatever.
12:59 Travis McElroy? It would be in my hand, like I would just kinda throw my hand out and the blade would form.
13:04 Griffin McElroy? Okay, that's weird.
13:06 Travis McElroy? What?
13:07 Griffin McElroy? It's gonna come out blade first then, it's gonna hurt your hand if it comes out of your chest then.
13:11 Travis McElroy? No, it just, the handle would be in my hand and the blade would form.
13:14 Griffin McElroy? If someone sees you produce anything made out of pure light from your hand or chest, do you realize the expectation you have been set in their mind? You're hanging out with them later and they're like, "Where's the clicker?" I don't know, Travis, produce one.
13:27 Travis McElroy? When you see a mother lift like a burning car off their child, you're not like, "Great, Debbie can help me move later."
13:33 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
13:37 Travis McElroy? At first, it's funny. At first, I was tolerating this just because I still couldn't get connected to the wifi. And then at a certain point, I did get connected to the wifi and I found myself powerless to stop it. It was like a real, it was a real hand on the stove kinda moment, you know what I mean? I was thinking like, "How long can you take it?" It's not like, I don't know.
13:59 Griffin McElroy? No.
14:00 Travis McElroy? I'm an engineer, not an artist, but I mess around with drawing for fun. Hey, you're an artist. Many years ago-
14:09 Griffin McElroy? A machine, a machine artist.
14:12 Travis McElroy? Many years ago, I made a silly drawing based on a sillier inside joke between me and a friend. I thought it came out pretty good, so I decided to gift it to said friend. This friend displays all sorts of things around their house, from capital A art to McDonald's Happy Meal toys, and my drawing would absolutely fit in nicely. It has been well over a decade and I have-
14:37 Travis McElroy? I wanted to see how y'all would react if I didn't put any mustard on it at all. And the answer was still pretty good, yeah.
14:44 Griffin McElroy? He put some mustard, put the appropriate amount of mustard on it.
14:47 Travis McElroy? It's been well over a decade and I have never seen my drawing again. How do I ask for it back?
14:58 Travis McElroy? That's from "No Public Display of Friendship in Orange." "Are you here?" And I'm kinda hoping no, cuz I'm scared of you a little bit.
15:09 Travis McElroy? Hi.
15:09 Travis McElroy? Hello.
15:10 Travis McElroy? Hi, this is a... Hi.
15:13 Griffin McElroy? You're very close.
15:14 Travis McElroy? You're quite close, huh?
15:16 Travis McElroy? I could be farther away. A decade is a way of putting things that is so interesting to me. A decade is how a supervillain thinks in time. A supervillain thinks in terms of decade, score, millennia, eon.
15:33 Griffin McElroy? Eon.
15:34 Travis McElroy? For eons.
15:35 Travis McElroy? Millennia, yeah.
15:36 Travis McElroy? Millennia.
15:37 Griffin McElroy? I can't remember shit from a decade ago. And it's so awesome and great that this is one of your decade-long memories.
15:48 Travis McElroy? So much in my life has changed in the last decade. I've moved numerous times. The idea of someone I know saying, "Hey, do you remember that thing I handed you over a decade ago? Go get it for me now."
16:05 Travis McElroy? I'd change my name and fake my death.
16:09 Griffin McElroy? Do you think that they are going to say, "Oh, of course, I have it hanging..."
16:13 Travis McElroy? I have it. "I filed it right here under friend drawing."
16:18 Travis McElroy? Oh, that drawing you made? I have it.
16:21 Travis McElroy? It was too beautiful. It's in my safety deposit box.
16:23 Travis McElroy? Oh, that drawing? It's here, in my house.
16:27 Griffin McElroy? We have it hanging in the annex. In reserve.
16:33 Travis McElroy? I sealed it in resin. I got news for you. If they liked your art, they got a place to put it. It's called their walls. I'm very afraid to say that I don't think it is still exit in terms of like what you think.
16:47 Travis McElroy? I go through this almost every day. I have two children, and they will hand me things that they have made constantly. And in my head, I have to decide, is... Are they handing it to me to display or to get rid of? And I can't ask that.
17:01 Griffin McElroy? And they don't ever say it. They don't ever say, "Get rid of this for me," or "This is a test."
17:08 Travis McElroy? I, uh, I was using a service to help with this for a, quite a while called Archive. And what you do is, there's a big box, and then you throw your kid's art, the good stuff, not the weak shit, like the good-
17:21 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. They're like, "I just kinda scribbled on a thing, look."
17:24 Travis McElroy? Yeah, you traced your hand, thank you. Um, so the good, the good stuff I'll save. But then, I swear to God, this is the most demented, like, I have loved this system, because it has saved me from having to do this calculation all the time. If there's any doubt, I'm just like, "Pfft," put it in the box. I came home, and with, oh, sorry, with the box, what you do is, you ship it out to this company and they digitize everything.
17:46 Griffin McElroy? Oh, wow.
17:46 Travis McElroy? So they'll like, they'll send you back like a digital file, or whatever, a book, however you want it. So, uh, uh, uh, I come in and I see Cooper has drawn a painting on the box.
18:01 Griffin McElroy? Wow.
18:02 Travis McElroy? Oh, my gosh.
18:03 Griffin McElroy? Dude.
18:04 Travis McElroy? It's the Kobayashi Maru!
18:07 Travis McElroy? Guys, she drew a painting on the box over the label, "I need to send it to the company to digitize it."
18:15 Griffin McElroy? Dude, can I just say, though? That's some Banksy-level meta-commentary.
18:23 Travis McElroy? It's like, I couldn't even be mad.
18:25 Griffin McElroy? It's worth millions at this point, Justin.
18:28 Travis McElroy? I couldn't even be mad.
18:30 Travis McElroy? So draw your friend another drawing, and then insist that they put them together. So you're like, "I just, it's a companion piece, I'd love to see the two side by side. I'll wait."
18:42 Travis McElroy? You ca- yeah, hey, you know what's funny? If you didn't hang the front, could've, I thought you would've hung the map on the back.
18:49 Griffin McElroy? Oh, that's good! What's the map, what's the map go to?
18:53 Travis McElroy? And they'll, you'll say like, "I'm sure you noticed it." Well, why don't you go check it out right now?
18:58 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that'll get a, you got me good, I got no response to that, man.
19:01 Travis McElroy? When they go to look for it, they'll never come back out. You just don't have that friend anymore, they will wait for you to leave their house.
19:09 Travis McElroy? They do not need to be party to that.
19:11 Travis McElroy? Listen, um, it's so wonderful to be here in Anaheim-
19:14 Griffin McElroy? I was just thinking that.
19:15 Travis McElroy? I'd like to take this moment to just kinda class up the show a little bit, it's been a little silly and a little-
19:20 Travis McElroy? Oh, Jesus Christ.
19:23 Travis McElroy? A little pure rile, if you will, with random people bringing up Swords of Pure Light. Um, so I'd like to present a little work of fart.
19:42 Griffin McElroy? I hate that stinger every fucking time I hear it played. Do you realize what a shame it is to me, for me? What a shame it is on me. Whenever people ask me what I do, and I explain, this is the moment I always think of. Playing that wet fart noise at 64 kilobytes.
20:01 Travis McElroy? And that was a new one. Paul changed it up with the fart.
20:03 Griffin McElroy? I was actually gonna say, that sounded fully lossless.
20:06 Travis McElroy? Yeah, super.
20:07 Griffin McElroy? Okay, well now when I tell people what I do and I think of this exact fucking moment, I won't feel embarrassed because the fart noise was a higher resolution, for sure.
20:15 Travis McElroy? What I do is I notice the difference in bitrates of fart noises.
20:19 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
20:19 Travis McElroy? I notice whether or not fart noises are ogphiles.
20:22 Travis McElroy? I will present to both of you some works of fart.
20:26 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
20:27 Travis McElroy? Uh, specifically this time, Disney related, as we are here in Anaheim, home of Disneyland.
20:31 Griffin McElroy? Amazing.
20:32 Travis McElroy? Um, so you will have to tell me which Disney titles slightly change.
20:37 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, sure.
20:38 Travis McElroy? Uh, I am talking about.
20:39 Griffin McElroy? I despise this game and I absolutely smash ass at it. Let's fucking go.
20:44 Travis McElroy? This version of the animated undersea classic reveals that those creepy shriveled things-
20:49 Griffin McElroy? The little spermade.
20:52 Griffin McElroy? I'm just saying. You gotta get out of bed a little bit.
20:55 Travis McElroy? No, get down, now, can I say?
20:59 Griffin McElroy? Oh, I'm sorry, do I not smash? Just ask me that. Just say, Griffin, Griffin, please, please, please, no smash my ass.
21:05 Travis McElroy? Say that, like, just say, if you want-
21:07 Travis McElroy? I'm super not gonna say that. Like, super not gonna say that. You know I'm not gonna say anything like that.
21:11 Griffin McElroy? Say, don't smash that much ass, dude, and I will back. I swear, I promise you, dude, I-
21:15 Travis McElroy? Just like, I was saying, he wrote the jet, like-
21:17 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I'll pump the brakes if you don't want me to smash complete ass, dude, for sure.
21:21 Travis McElroy? You zoom out. It's a comedy podcast.
21:24 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
21:24 Travis McElroy? They came here for-
21:25 Griffin McElroy? A competitive comedy podcast. Yeah, and I'm smashing ass over here.
21:28 Travis McElroy? Travis went to the trouble of writing the jokes-
21:32 Travis McElroy? Can I tell you, the biggest joke is on Griffin as proving he thinks about this the same way I do.
21:37 Griffin McElroy? I know, it sucks! I smash ass at this and very little else.
21:42 Travis McElroy? I just feel like you should be forced to let him finish the setup.
21:45 Griffin McElroy? Okay, cool.
21:46 Travis McElroy? So the audience can enjoy the whole bit.
21:49 Griffin McElroy? What if I'm wrong?
21:50 Travis McElroy? This version of the animated undersea classic reveals that those creepy shriveled things Ursula has captured are mermaids.
21:55 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
21:56 Travis McElroy? And it was the Little Mermaid. Little Spurmaid, thank you. Okay, this next one is written in the form of a personal ad.
22:02 Travis McElroy? Thank goodness.
22:03 Griffin McElroy? Why?
22:04 Travis McElroy? As I suspected you would say soon.
22:07 Travis McElroy? Cursed furry with anger issues seek to cake up book lover with ass for days.
22:14 Griffin McElroy? Oh, The Booty and the Beast?
22:15 Travis McElroy? Correct!
22:16 Griffin McElroy? That sucks.
22:23 Griffin McElroy? I hate that it took me as long as it took me to get that. I'm embarrassed that I didn't get it faster.
22:28 Griffin McElroy? Fuck.
22:29 Travis McElroy? In a retelling of the Rapunzel story from Flynn Rider's point of view, he spends most of the movie hanging his dick over things.
22:38 Griffin McElroy? Dangle?
22:52 Griffin McElroy? You're fucking alright, Travis McElroy.
22:57 Travis McElroy? Okay.
23:00 Travis McElroy? He may not be a real boy, but this puppet is all man, and his nose isn't the only thing that grows.
23:07 Griffin McElroy? Tilk-o-ke?
23:09 Travis McElroy? No.
23:14 Griffin McElroy? Pin-o-ke?
23:18 Travis McElroy? I was looking for Pin-o-ke. I also would have accepted Penis-o-ke, it just doesn't work as well.
23:24 Griffin McElroy? No.
23:25 Travis McElroy? Okay, I got one more. He may not be considered a looker, but this guy sure knows how to ring those bells and swing his balls.
23:34 Griffin McElroy? The Hunch sack of Notre Dame.
23:35 Travis McElroy? Correct!
23:37 Griffin McElroy? Sucks.
23:38 Travis McElroy? Sucks, that's great. I can't even tell who won. It's hard to say.
23:41 Griffin McElroy? I mean, I got all of them.
23:42 Travis McElroy? Only I win in work of art.
23:44 Griffin McElroy? Except I do, but I did, but I did, but I did win, right? Yeah, you won. Okay, good.
23:51 Travis McElroy? He needs this, Justin. We don't need it. You and I have our own things going.
23:56 Travis McElroy? We coach a high school esports team, and we want to buy matching uniforms to help our players be taken seriously. How do we convince a bunch of skeptical gamer teens that wearing matching uniforms is cool? That's from Jersey Jadids in Orange County. Are you here?
24:16 Griffin McElroy? Awesome.
24:16 Travis McElroy? Hoggers.
24:17 Griffin McElroy? What?
24:19 Travis McElroy? Hoggers.
24:21 Griffin McElroy? I do not know what that is.
24:26 Griffin McElroy? I mean, does it have to be an athletic-looking uniform? Could it just be like, could it just, you have six Wolverines?
24:36 Travis McElroy? At least let them be Deadpools. They said they wanted to be respected.
24:39 Travis McElroy? You have to earn Deadpool. The team captain can be Deadpool.
24:43 Griffin McElroy? Deadpool.
24:43 Travis McElroy? Whoa, what if you have, are you saying you have one Deadpool and several Wolverines on each team? Or are you saying you have a power ranking?
24:50 Travis McElroy? On each team, hold on. So you're saying that competing teams of esports athletes...
24:55 Griffin McElroy? Sometimes a family is one Deadpool and his five Wolverines.
25:00 Travis McElroy? I'm saying, here's what I'm saying. However many numbers of your chess team there are, you should have that many iconic outfits.
25:07 Griffin McElroy? Esports.
25:07 Travis McElroy? If you have four, then you should do Sex and the City characters. So each one of you, there's one Samantha, one Charlotte, one, you know.
25:16 Griffin McElroy? Carrie.
25:17 Travis McElroy? You get it?
25:17 Griffin McElroy? One Miranda.
25:18 Travis McElroy? Yeah, the whole, the whole bit. But if you got seven or eight, um, Avengers? I don't know.
25:25 Griffin McElroy? Cool. The wheels fell off.
25:28 Travis McElroy? Once you get to seven, it's a lot harder to contextualize. Like a seven-member team? I mean, I should have said five, because then you got the Planet Tears you got them dressed up as.
25:37 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, sure.
25:37 Travis McElroy? I think that you're missing the obvious option here. It's one word: skins.
25:44 Travis McElroy? Like Fortnite skins.
25:47 Griffin McElroy? Okay. It sounded like about-
25:49 Travis McElroy? I heard it. I heard it. I heard it as I said it.
25:53 Travis McElroy? So I assume we're getting a bunch of war boys together, a bunch of... It's just a bunch of shirtless teens. Zerking, zerking out.
26:05 Travis McElroy? Zerking out.
26:06 Griffin McElroy? They do the same thing every time, but look at them. They're so intimidating.
26:11 Travis McElroy? No, I meant don't call them uniforms, call them skins like Fortnite skins. But now I see that maybe don't introduce the concept of skins to your teenage war kids.
26:20 Griffin McElroy? Because it'll be too powerful and then all the teams will want to be skins. And then it'll just be a fight over who gets to be skins and who's on shirts today.
26:27 Travis McElroy? I think if you could earn, what if you did loot crates? Just little cardboard boxes that you let them rip them open. There's different size uniforms. Maybe they fit, maybe they don't, you know?
26:36 Travis McElroy? You gotta trade them in.
26:37 Travis McElroy? Gotta trade them in.
26:39 Travis McElroy? And give them kids a spray paint that they can spray their own tags on stuff.
26:42 Griffin McElroy? They don't make you worry about that in Fortnite where you open one up and it's like, "Oh, cool. I can wear a suit to look like Bruno Mars." "Aw, man. It's way too big for my guy." "I look like I'm wearing Bruno Mars' dad's clothes, dang it."
26:56 Travis McElroy? They also don't show whatever custodial staff there is in Fortnite, who has to go around scrubbing all the spray paint tags off of everything after the game ends. Aw, dang kids.
27:07 Griffin McElroy? By the way, we're about to do 20 minutes of observational Fortnite humor. So brace your asses.
27:16 Travis McElroy? More like fart night.
27:17 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
27:20 Griffin McElroy? I mean, can it give you some sort of advantage in the game? Can it be pumping, have pumps with coolant?
27:30 Travis McElroy? Okay, yeah.
27:31 Griffin McElroy? I'm imagining sort of like Bane, but it's like pumping, like, you know, uh, energy drinks.
27:37 Travis McElroy? Yeah, like Monster, yeah.
27:39 Griffin McElroy? Like Monster.
27:40 Travis McElroy? If they could make suits that would like work your muscles to keep you from getting carpal tunnel syndrome, that would be huge.
27:46 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that'd be sick, too.
27:47 Travis McElroy? Send all electrical pulses? What about like darts? Like what if the uniforms had dart guns like built in like weapons?
27:56 Griffin McElroy? Oh, yeah.
27:57 Travis McElroy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, like smoke bombs and stuff.
27:59 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, do you think that would let, do you think they would let that happen? Do you think they would let that? The rules differ.
28:05 Travis McElroy? Just like six predator costumes.
28:07 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. A EMP that they can set off if the match starts going not their way.
28:13 Travis McElroy? A bunch of switchblades.
28:15 Travis McElroy? We're just talking about lowdown at this point. I haven't had these uniforms anymore. Hey, here's another question. I'm an artist and I like to go to places like coffee shops to practice drawing strangers as they go about their business. It's a great way to practice figure drawing. The problem is, from a distance, it looks like I'm just intently staring at people while scribbling in a notebook.
28:36 Griffin McElroy? I mean, alright.
28:38 Travis McElroy? From a distance, it looks like what it is.
28:41 Travis McElroy? Brothers, how do I get my art practice in without coming across as creepy? And that's from my promise, I'm an artist, not a serial killer.
28:50 Griffin McElroy? Are you here? Hello?
28:53 Travis McElroy? Hey, I want to say, first off, most are both.
29:00 Griffin McElroy? That is a good point. The Venn diagram, most artists aren't, most serial killers are.
29:05 Travis McElroy? Yeah, for sure.
29:07 Travis McElroy? Have you ever considered building a hunting blind?
29:11 Travis McElroy? Obviously not for hunting.
29:12 Griffin McElroy? No, no, no. You're draw, then maybe call it something fuck out.
29:16 Travis McElroy? An artist's blind? Some kind of camouflage, perhaps a fake bookcase that you can stand behind, not be spotted by your prey.
29:26 Travis McElroy? The subject.
29:29 Travis McElroy? Everybody's so PC these days.
29:33 Travis McElroy? Can't even call human prey anymore.
29:36 Griffin McElroy? If I saw someone taking discreet photos of me while seated in the corner of a cafe, I would be bummed out by that. I would not, but I would want to walk over and say like, hey, don't take a picture of me. If someone's doing a sketch of me and I walk over, I guess it depends on how good the sketch is. That's my bar. If the sketch is so good that it almost looks like a photograph of me, fuck that. You can't have that for free, no way.
30:06 Travis McElroy? Wait, are you saying, sorry. Is the idea here that the better the picture is, the more upsetting you find the picture?
30:13 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, the more they caught me.
30:14 Travis McElroy? I agree, because the better the picture is, the less practice they need.
30:17 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
30:18 Travis McElroy? You could have hired a model at this point. I understand if you're so bad at it, that you're like, "I can't even, like, show this to a model or take a class, they wouldn't see this." Yeah, of course you would have to do that in the wild. But if you're really good at it, go pay.
30:33 Griffin McElroy? But if they really fucking capture me, I don't want them to have that. No way! What are you gonna do with it, creepazoid?
30:42 Travis McElroy? Why do you need to know what I look like so bad?
30:44 Griffin McElroy? But if it's a shitty drawing of me where you can't tell it's me, go right ahead.
30:50 Travis McElroy? Now, Griffin, let me ask you a question.
30:51 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, go ahead. I feel like I've established my rules pretty solid.
30:55 Travis McElroy? In this same scenario, you look over.
30:56 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
30:57 Travis McElroy? Someone's clearly drawing you.
30:59 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
31:00 Travis McElroy? You can hear it, right? You can hear it? Okay, go ahead.
31:03 Travis McElroy? They have a big easel set up.
31:06 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
31:06 Travis McElroy? They're wearing a floppy beret.
31:08 Travis McElroy? Sure.
31:08 Travis McElroy? Maybe like a linen tunic.
31:10 Griffin McElroy? Why?
31:11 Travis McElroy? They've got like a paintbrush behind their ear.
31:13 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
31:13 Travis McElroy? They're constantly leaning out, pointing a thumb at you. That's clearly an artist.
31:18 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
31:19 Travis McElroy? Does that help?
31:19 Griffin McElroy? No, it doesn't! Did you hear my rules? If I walk over and the painting looks exactly like me, I'm gonna slap it to the ground and say, "You can't have my picture like that."
31:28 Travis McElroy? What if it's like a cubist or abstract, but it's clearly you?
31:31 Griffin McElroy? Go right ahead, baby! That could be fucking anybody!
31:36 Travis McElroy? What if it's like you, but very green?
31:42 Travis McElroy? But it's clearly you, but it's green.
31:44 Travis McElroy? It's like a, it's like a Shrek hill?
31:46 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
31:48 Griffin McElroy? Have they, how much of my features have they accurately captured?
31:53 Travis McElroy? Dead on, but it's very green.
31:54 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, no way you can have that! What are you gonna do with that, you fucking weird beard?
32:00 Travis McElroy? What if you're just one of like nine different subjects in the picture? But all share equal focus?
32:06 Travis McElroy? No way.
32:06 Griffin McElroy? Um...
32:07 Travis McElroy? And you're very red.
32:08 Travis McElroy? He doesn't deserve that!
32:10 Griffin McElroy? No, I can answer this! Hold on, let me run it through the rubric. That's probably just nine that they're gonna, you know, jerk off to or whatever.
32:21 Travis McElroy? Okay, what if you go over there, it's a caricature of you on a skateboard.
32:24 Griffin McElroy? Right.
32:25 Travis McElroy? Totally shredding.
32:26 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
32:27 Travis McElroy? And saying like, "Hang loose dude."
32:28 Griffin McElroy? Do I have a shirt on?
32:31 Travis McElroy? It's unbuttoned.
32:33 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, it's on the bubble, but go right ahead. You're in the clear.
32:39 Travis McElroy? I understand why you can't mention it to somebody there, because if someone said this to me, I would have no problem with it, but I would immediately start posing like Helen Hunt in As Good As It Gets. You know, arching my back to find the sexiest way of emulating retro games on my Linux laptop.
32:57 Griffin McElroy? Hey, we're gonna take a quick break and come back and do more goofs and jokes. We got signed posters out in the lobby. Have a bathroom break, get in whatever, and we'll be back soon. Bye.
33:17 Griffin McElroy? Folks, they say that a fool and their money are often parted. And, anyway, our dad has been interested in using Rocket Money to sort of square up his finances. Yeah, I've been very foolish. Very, very foolish.
33:30 Travis McElroy? Griffin, give dad the URL where he can get started right now. Start with that, and dad can start signing up.
33:36 Griffin McElroy? I mean, it's rocketmoney.com-mybrother, and then you go there and you can sign up, and it's great.
33:41 Travis McElroy? Let's act like dad's not already convinced, though, and maybe like sell him on it, or like ignore the fact that he's already convinced.
33:48 Travis McElroy? Well, while he's signing up, I could tell him that it is gonna look at your spending, and it's gonna highlight some places where you could save a few bucks. One great way is subscriptions. It looks at some subs you may have forgotten, and ask if you want to keep them. They may even be able to help you cancel them or save a few bucks on them, dad.
34:05 Travis McElroy? Man.
34:07 Griffin McElroy? Now I'm even more convinced, Justin.
34:09 Travis McElroy? Okay, yeah, but hold on Dad, because Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in cancelled subscriptions. Just to be clear Dad, that's all of them together have saved 500 million. Not each one saves 500 million, I don't want you to get confused. With each member saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features.
34:30 Travis McElroy? Travis Griffin, I'm a little bit worried about something. If the Rocket Money robots start climbing through Dad's finances looking for, quote, "unnecessary purchases," I'm afraid their little robo-brains might melt.
34:44 Travis McElroy? That's fair.
34:45 Griffin McElroy? I think that the robots at Rocket Money are top of the line models. They will be able to scan his finances and help him save money, no problem.
34:53 Travis McElroy? I would, I would love. Dad, can you report back? Hopefully we'll have another Rocket Money ad at some point. Report back and tell me what crazy garbage the thing found in your, in your history.
35:03 Griffin McElroy? Be like our dad in this one specific way only. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com/mybrother today. That's rocketmoney.com/mybrother, one last time, rocketmoney.com/mybrother.
35:19 Travis McElroy? Dad, how's that silent prices going?
35:20 Griffin McElroy? Really good. I need the, whatever the, the, the code is again.
35:24 Travis McElroy? Rocketmoney.com/mybrother.
35:27 Griffin McElroy? We just said it three times, man. Yeah, you had to have already gone to it. I type with my thumbs.
35:32 Travis McElroy? I'm ignoring my dad now.
35:33 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
35:34 Travis McElroy? Because I also want to bring everyone's attention to the fact that it's nice outside. Especially here, we're recording this live in Anaheim, the weather.
35:42 Travis McElroy? California's always like 10 degrees better than where you live.
35:47 Travis McElroy? Yeah, and I'll tell you, when the weather's nice like that, I don't want to spend all my time inside. Cooking, gross. So instead.
35:54 Griffin McElroy? With all the oil and all, and all the gritty spices.
35:57 Travis McElroy? I do live in an oil there, that's true.
36:00 Griffin McElroy? And you spill the gritty spices on the floor, you walk around the floor layer, feels like sand.
36:04 Travis McElroy? The spice must flow, Griffin.
36:06 Griffin McElroy? No way.
36:07 Travis McElroy? That's why I turned to Factor, because Factor's chef crafted meals are ready in just 2 minutes, taking the hassle out of eating well.
36:15 Griffin McElroy? Drop all the spaghetti, goes down the air conditioning vent on the floor, you gotta fish it out.
36:19 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
36:20 Griffin McElroy? No way, man.
36:21 Travis McElroy? That happens to me every day.
36:23 Griffin McElroy? Only factor, I don't have to go spaghetti fishing in the air conditioning.
36:27 Travis McElroy? Sometimes I accidentally throw the spaghetti, it goes in the ceiling fan, gets everywhere.
36:31 Griffin McElroy? A piece of spaghetti hit my son in the eye the other day.
36:34 Travis McElroy? Hey Griffin, a lot of kids at school told me that Factor meals are just a bunch of carrots and cucumbers chopped up with ketchup mixed around.
36:41 Griffin McElroy? That's so weird. They said that because it's so not true. They've got 45 weekly menu options that can fit your, your goals, your tastes, whatever.
36:50 Travis McElroy? That's why I like that.
36:53 Griffin McElroy? It's better that way for sure. Uh, they've got nutritious breakfast. They got on the go lunches, premium dinners, whatever you are in the mood for. Factor's got your whole day covered.
37:03 Travis McElroy? So get started at factormeals.com slash brother 50 off and use code brother 50 off. That's brother 5 O off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. That's code brother 50 off at factormeals.com slash brother 50 off for 50% off plus free shipping. Factormeals.com slash brother 50 off.
37:28 Griffin McElroy? Oh my God, he's, he's looping.
37:30 Travis McElroy? It's fun to say.
37:31 Griffin McElroy? He's trapped in the singularity.
37:33 Travis McElroy? Brother 50 off also sounds like some kind of like weird monk character that I've written about.
37:38 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I think dad is done signing up for Rocket Money because his phone is curling into a monkey's paw.
37:45 Griffin McElroy? Enjoy the rest of the show, folks.
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39:18 Griffin McElroy? There's a table and chairs set up. By the way, there's a table and chairs set up immediately behind this screen. It's where we signed some of those lovely posters earlier. And right now, right before we walked on stage, we saw that dad is sitting at one of those chairs, literally right behind this screen, just...
39:38 Griffin McElroy? If we seem a little on edge,
39:43 Griffin McElroy? that is why.
39:44 Travis McElroy? Dun la la la la.
39:50 Travis McElroy? Rrra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra.
39:53 Griffin McElroy? All right.
39:54 Travis McElroy? Dun la la la la. Yeah. Dun la la la la la la la la la la la la. I wanna munch! Wow!
40:02 Griffin McElroy? Ba ba ba ba ba ba. I want to munch!
40:06 Travis McElroy? Wow!
40:06 Griffin McElroy? Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Welcome to Munch Squad, this podcast within a podcast, profiling.
40:13 Griffin McElroy? The very latest and the very greatest in brand eating.
40:18 Speaker 08 I hope some folks over at Angel Stadium heard that and were like, "What the fuck they got going on over there?"
40:23 Griffin McElroy? That sounds like 5,000 people screaming "Squad!"
40:28 Travis McElroy? What's up with the giant helmets? Hey, what's up with those giant helmets?
40:33 Travis McElroy? It protects their giant heads.
40:35 Travis McElroy? Outside the stadium, those are biggest helmets I've ever seen. It's amazing. I thought that big blue horse in Denver was big, but these helmets are something else.
40:45 Travis McElroy? We're gonna start a rivalry between Anaheim and Denver tonight.
40:49 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
40:49 Travis McElroy? Yeah, let's get it going. Hey, folks, I don't know.
40:51 Griffin McElroy? You're ready to hate.
40:52 Travis McElroy? You guys were too ready.
40:53 Griffin McElroy? You're so ready to hate.
40:55 Travis McElroy? Finally, an excuse to hate Denver.
40:58 Travis McElroy? Um, I don't know if you all heard the news, but I hope you heard the news, because snack wraps are back.
41:06 Travis McElroy? I mean, they're just back, brother. We're right here in the middle of snack wrap fever. You didn't know it, but this is a snack wrap emergency. They just came back yesterday, and America is losing its fucking mind.
41:20 Travis McElroy? Wait, go back. Did that Marquis say snack wrap is like? You won.
41:23 Griffin McElroy? I love how defeated.
41:25 Travis McElroy? This is how McDonald's has been messaging the snack wrap return. If you can zoom in there on the text, Paul, because it's a little difficult to... Oh, I'm wearing my glasses still, sorry. I, uh, Dad...
41:35 Travis McElroy? No, up top, up top.
41:37 Travis McElroy? Dad made me feel bad about my eye, and he told me to put my glasses back on at one point. So I've been wearing them very intentionally anytime he's around, like, and apologizing, like, "Oh, I'm sorry, Dad. Let me put my glasses back on, so you don't have to look at your son."
41:51 Griffin McElroy? It's because he saw Superman at 9:00 a.m. on IMAX, and it made his left eyeball explode.
41:58 Travis McElroy? I'm so glad that McDonald's brought back the snack wrap, because since it went away, I've been craving a chicken tender in a tortilla with a couple shreds of lettuce and some cheese and ranch, and I couldn't crack the recipe.
42:11 Travis McElroy? Well, you know what's amazing is Dad was confused. He was like, "Wait a minute, they've had the snack wrap back for a while." I was like, "Okay, Dad, I understand why you think that, because our, the local affiliate..." I don't think that's the term. "The franchisee of McDonald's in Huntington just went absolutely loco and started their own snack wraps a couple of years ago." They looked around and realized that Kroger would legally sell them tortillas and chicken tenders, and they just fucking went for it.
42:39 Griffin McElroy? That rules.
42:40 Travis McElroy? Yeah, so I've been enjoying these bad boys for a while.
42:43 Travis McElroy? The pirate radio snack wrap.
42:45 Travis McElroy? This is the entirety of the press release, by the way, when they announced it. The following statement was released today by Joe Erlinger, President of McDonald's USA, in response to questions about the return of the iconic snack wrap to menus. It's back.
42:59 Travis McElroy? That's- Why are they so embarrassed of this chicken tooth? They're so mad, and honestly, if you are surprised by this news and you do not see the writing on the wall when the crispy strip was introduced to the menu, you are high. They had all the clues they needed. They're all in front of you.
43:15 Travis McElroy? Can I just say, looking at it again, I think maybe one of the reasons they're writing this from such an embarrassed kind of voice is because they realize, like, my theory is that the reason they stopped carrying snack wraps is not because they made a decision. It's like the cheapest, easiest-to-build ingredients ever. They forgot to, like, check a box on a form at a yearly meeting, and then it was like, "Oh, fuck, how long has it been since we didn't do snack wraps? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"
43:41 Travis McElroy? You can't make it blast goo like that at home, man. That takes special machinery. So when I say America's losing its fucking mind over this beauty, I mean, America's losing its mind. Paul, I've pulled a sampling of some reactions from across the globe. We've got media reports, we've got local testimonials, we've got it all. Oh, we got a printed review here. My honest review of the snack wrap is, um, not good. There was so much ranch, like a fruit gusher, but ranch. The chicken tastes like a possum leg.
44:13 Travis McElroy? How specific?
44:15 Travis McElroy? The, I, by the way, my Facebook's all West Virginia people talking about it, so I may be getting some local flavor, I don't know. I was gonna say, man. I waited so long for this, so long. I'm sticking to Burger King's chicken wraps, alright. Are these snack wraps good or not? Because I haven't ate McDonald's all motherfucking year! So if that go and they're trash, I'm flipping everything over! That's not a review, I guess.
44:40 Travis McElroy? We're so back. Woke up feeling much better today and emptier after a stomach bug yesterday. Gross. Guys, this is Fox 13's Regina Gonzalez. Hey Regina, you fucking... After I blew my asshole inside out yesterday. Breaking news. While hubs looked on, we had, obviously had to commemorate this special day. Snack wraps have made a return to McDonald's after five years. It's been 10. Fun fact, when Spencer and I started dating, we would go on weekends. We would always make a point to grab these the other way home. Kinda feels like a wedding present from McDonald's. That is the ending of someone that forgot they started with dropping ass. Yeah.
45:20 Travis McElroy? Now, I also love, and sometimes punctuation can be so powerful.
45:25 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
45:25 Travis McElroy? Uh, kinda feels like a wedding present from McDonald's? Question mark, question mark. Uh, I don't know. I also don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. I'm so dehydrated right now. I shit for 36 hours straight. Come on.
45:40 Travis McElroy? Uh, what else? Uh, we tried the snack wraps and we were highly disappointed. Three out of 10. The chicken tender was giving dinosaur tail or something. Shit was chilly as fuck.
45:53 Travis McElroy? The fuck?
45:53 Travis McElroy? Dinosaur tail.
45:55 Travis McElroy? Okay, y'all sitting out there judging the West Virginia person for talking about days like a boss. I'm like, who out here is eating dinosaur tail that we don't know about? Do you guys have access to that here? Fuck.
46:08 Travis McElroy? Paul, do you have it? Can you play the Today Show? Oh, yeah, okay, okay, listen.
46:12 Speaker 09 The snack wrap is back for good and guys, look, after nearly 10 long years, we get to sink our teeth into one.
46:16 Speaker 10 Had you had one before?
46:18 Speaker 09 Oh, yeah.
46:18 Speaker 10 Okay.
46:18 Speaker 09 It's like taking a bite of nostalgia. I don't remember the snack wrap, but you've wolfed that round down.
46:23 Speaker 10 I used to love a snack wrap.
46:24 Speaker 09 Really?
46:25 Speaker 10 Oh, my gosh.
46:25 Speaker 09 Okay.
46:26 Speaker 10 My kids are gonna be very excited.
46:27 Speaker 09 And look, it's like, I brought it back.
46:29 Speaker 10 It's perfect.
46:30 Speaker 09 It's like an I voted sticker, but instead it's about this.
46:33 Travis McElroy? What's happening? Sorry, one more time, if you could just play the last second of that. Savannah Guthrie just said, uh, the craziest thing I've ever heard anybody say out loud. One more time, it's, the sticker is like, what Savannah?
46:46 Speaker 09 It's like an I voted sticker, but instead it's about this.
46:51 Travis McElroy? Um, next up-
46:52 Travis McElroy? That felt like a thing from a sketch.
46:56 Travis McElroy? No.
46:56 Travis McElroy? Is that real?
46:57 Travis McElroy? It's all fucking real, Travis. America's losing-
47:00 Travis McElroy? A bite of nostalgia?
47:02 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, man.
47:02 Travis McElroy? Um, I-
47:04 Travis McElroy? You haven't had chicken tenders and ranch in a decade?
47:08 Travis McElroy? So, Paul, do you have the text message? Okay, so-
47:12 Griffin McElroy? This is how he actually talks to us in group texts, by the way.
47:16 Travis McElroy? What?
47:18 Griffin McElroy? Just, it starts with "my ass is going to Micro Center, fuck y'all" is a pretty good cross-section of how we-
47:24 Travis McElroy? That, and, so you know, was in response to dad asking if Justin wanted to go to a bookstore with him.
47:31 Travis McElroy? He said some mean things about my eyeball, though, remember?
47:34 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah, sure.
47:35 Travis McElroy? After you told him you were gonna put his ashes in a popcorn bucket!
47:40 Travis McElroy? So, anyway, dad said "right now", and then I was like, "I don't wanna go to Micro Center with dad", so I was like, "just kidding, just JK, JK", and then dad's like, "lol", and then Amanda says "10 minute lift right away", and I was excited, and then I say,
47:55 Travis McElroy? "y'all want any snack wraps? I'm gonna order some at 12:44". At least two of the people in this chat, I signed their paychecks. See the time at the top of this, Paul? It's 2:30. It's an hour and 45 minutes later. I'm here to tell you, friends, I could've screen capped it right now-
48:18 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
48:19 Travis McElroy? -'cause I still am waiting a response to that particular text.
48:22 Travis McElroy? I am still, to this very second, trying to decide what sauce I want.
48:26 Travis McElroy? 12:44 to 8:55, yep, it's, okay, Griffin just texted "yes".
48:34 Travis McElroy? So, I thought everybody would want some, and they'd wanna get in. I'll try, dad wants some too. He just said, "dad wants some too". I thought everybody would wanna get on the action, but they didn't, but that's okay, 'cause I, I've brought the experience to you. Hi, hi, welcome to my exclusive taste test of the, um, the new return McDonald's snack wrap. Uh, I have invited some of the other brothers over and some of our other folks here, but I haven't heard back, uh, but I didn't want them to get cold, so I didn't think that was fair to McDonald's. So, let's just get into it. Um, I'm gonna start with this one. I don't know which is which, but this one didn't fit into my pyramid I made, so... I wish I hadn't gotten so many.
49:15 Travis McElroy? Sorry, I thought I heard it on. Okay, so this is the wrap. This was mine, because there's no sauce on it. Now let's give this a try, and I'll try one of the ones with sauce.
49:24 Travis McElroy? Did you ask for it dry?
49:24 Travis McElroy? Yeah, for sure, man.
49:29 Travis McElroy? Thank you.
49:31 Travis McElroy? No one needs that.
49:37 Travis McElroy? I'm looking for a drink. I wanted to get a drink.
49:40 Travis McElroy? He has a dry loaf.
49:41 Travis McElroy? It's not their dry. I said it on the video, you couldn't listen. Exactly like they used to. Anybody who says differently is incorrect. I ate about a hundred thousand of these bad boys back in the day, and this is what it tasted like. Just some crispy chicken in a friggin' wrap, and some bites were just tortilla, and that's the way I liked it. This was...
50:02 Travis McElroy? Were these all dry?
50:03 Travis McElroy? Okay, see, this was spicy sauce. Sometimes I can get into like a spicy sauce, but if they go too much with the mayo and stuff, I'm gonna bail out of that. You don't have to see that, but we're not gonna complete that bite. Just one second, okay?
50:19 Travis McElroy? Fuck. Fuck, fuck, no.
50:26 Travis McElroy? Why was that the IU close?
50:27 Travis McElroy? I'm gonna try knocking over here just to make sure you can hear it.
50:30 Travis McElroy? Of the two, yeah.
50:33 Travis McElroy? It seemed like you'd hear it. Um, uh, yeah, that's spicy. Um, it's really spicy.
50:39 Travis McElroy? This is giving me powerful vibes of like a grandfather made a bunch of hamburgers for all his grandkids, and they didn't show up.
50:46 Travis McElroy? Uh, so I think this is...
50:50 Travis McElroy? I'm ten minutes from Disneyland.
50:55 Travis McElroy? Uh, it's, I really like these snack wraps. Uh, this was a great lunch. I'm gonna put these in the fridge and maybe nuke them for a post-show treat, and what, and I'll see if...
51:05 Travis McElroy? You got some for after show?
51:07 Travis McElroy? See if anyone wants to have some after the show or whatever.
51:09 Travis McElroy? Yeah, man.
51:10 Travis McElroy? I don't know. It's whatever. I brought some, I brought Mario Kart, so it's...
51:16 Travis McElroy? I'll tell you what. Yeah. Snack wraps are better after they steep. It's true.
51:21 Travis McElroy? Uh, yeah, so those will be sort of very old, uh, by the time we get to that point. But snack wraps are definitely back and they did, it doesn't matter how they tasted, because who cares? Uh, but I will say, um, the scary thing about this is, and this is where it gets a little real. Um, there are, there are chicken snack wrap wars that are firing up right now. Um, yeah, I know, it's tough. Uh, Burger King is already sort of like-
51:51 Travis McElroy? Can you make that go, sorry, Paul?
51:54 Travis McElroy? Okay.
51:55 Travis McElroy? The face was disconcerting to have big-
51:58 Travis McElroy? It's the only human face I have. Uh, the, the, uh, just as a reminder, when everybody uses my face as a punchline, it is still the only one that I do possess. I don't want to put the sunglasses back on, but I will if I have to. The thing was, I was singing karaoke and I did Fancy so hard that I blew up my eyeball. That's what happened.
52:19 Travis McElroy? That's the real truth! Okay, that's the first time he said it publicly, folks. You know what it's like for Griffin and I to know that that's what happened-
52:26 Travis McElroy? That's what happened.
52:27 Travis McElroy? That he sang Reba McEntire's Fancy so hard, he burst a blood vessel in his eyeball.
52:33 Travis McElroy? I did not-
52:34 Travis McElroy? So when you all claim Griffin and I, or Justin and I, or all three of us don't like each other, remember that Griffin and I knew that Justin sang karaoke so hard, he brought the blood vessel in his eyeball. And we didn't say it, because we love him!
52:46 Travis McElroy? Yeah. Yeah. It was, it was submitted for me. That's not really my song anymore. In my 30s, I could hit those notes, but not in my 40s.
52:59 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
52:59 Travis McElroy? I do Something in Red now by Lori Morgan.
53:01 Travis McElroy? Oh, yeah.
53:02 Travis McElroy? But I knew I was gonna hurt myself and somebody submitted Fancy for me and I gave it the old college try and it blew up my goddamn eyeball. Um, there is, sorry, this is, there is the risk of the, the chicken snack wrap wars firing up. Uh, the most troubling, fuck, the most troubling salvo came from, came from Popeyes. Um, I really hope there will be a rest of this show, but I may want to watch this video 18,000 times. I'll watch it one more, whenever you're ready, Paul.
53:32 Speaker 11 The snack wrap is back at McDonald's, but Popeyes is countering with its own wrap. Oh, beef.
53:41 Speaker 12 Shit, man!
53:51 Speaker 12 Oh my, the fast food chain dropped this AI-generated diss track yesterday with the caption, "To all the clowns in the kitchen, it's time to put down the chicken."
54:01 Speaker 12 Wow! It also has a creepy AI version of Ronald McDonald that you saw there not too long ago, who appears to be losing his mind. Oh, there he is again!
54:09 Speaker 11 That's quite terrifying.
54:10 Speaker 12 Yeah! What, a kangaroo? What's the kangaroo doing there? An alien? No, those are real.
54:18 Speaker 11 Honestly...
54:18 Speaker 12 It's not AI.
54:20 Speaker 11 It's kind of like nightmare fuel.
54:22 Speaker 12 The fuck?
54:23 Speaker 11 For people who don't like clowns.
54:24 Speaker 12 Yeah. Candace does not like clowns. They're speechless! Probably why they ran this when she wasn't here. That is clever, dude. You're a fan?
54:34 Speaker 11 You really liked it!
54:35 Speaker 12 That's crazy. Their chicken Sammy over there is pretty good at Popeyes. Yeah.
54:40 Speaker 11 Ranked, what, number 5? I think it was number 5 yesterday.
54:42 Speaker 12 Yeah, we talked about that yesterday. What is happening? It was number 1. Chick-fil-A!
54:48 Speaker 11 No surprises.
54:50 Griffin McElroy? Fucking cool, man! So the Chicken Sack Rats Wars are fully... Oh, I thank you to everyone...
54:56 Travis McElroy? I would've told you that was a promo for Twisted Metal.
54:59 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
55:01 Griffin McElroy? Uh, so thank you to McDonald's and thank you to everyone in the Munch Squad. I appreciate you, thank you. Um, we...
55:08 Griffin McElroy? We are going to turn it over to you all. We've asked you to send in your questions. We're gonna call some people down to this microphone here. It's, uh, House Center, right, right in front of us. Apologize to the people sitting next to the microphone. You're just... You're co-stars now. Welcome to the podcast. Um, we are gonna call some people down to the microphone, uh, and, uh, we're gonna answer your questions. Please don't come down to the microphone if we don't call you. Uh, sucks.
55:34 Travis McElroy? Unless you have like a real...
55:35 Griffin McElroy? No, fucking don't! Don't put that out there, dude! Um, before we start, we do... We have started to knock out some quick ones in like rapid succession. Uh, and we did receive one message, uh, from, uh, Jeremy and Rebecca, who brought us a special present if Justin, you wanna walk in what we've got.
55:55 Travis McElroy? Yeah, they brought us a box of Progresso soup drops.
55:59 Griffin McElroy? Uh, formerly featured...
56:02 Travis McElroy? The soup you can suck on.
56:05 Griffin McElroy? Formerly featured in The Munch Squad.
56:08 Travis McElroy? Yes, this is an unopened tin of soup drops.
56:11 Griffin McElroy? Of course it is. If it wasn't unopened, we would not even try eating it. Nice try.
56:16 Travis McElroy? This is the on-the-go chicken noodle flavor.
56:19 Travis McElroy? Open it, no, open it on mic.
56:22 Griffin McElroy? Grip it and rip it.
56:24 Griffin McElroy? Crack that fucking shit. Oh my god!
56:28 Travis McElroy? Wait, wait, wait.
56:31 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, dude. How many are in there? Looks like three.
56:34 Travis McElroy? Plenty.
56:34 Griffin McElroy? Okay, cool. I don't actually wanna do it. I'll do the talking while y'all do the sucking. Alright, cool.
56:40 Travis McElroy? Coward. Okay, so cheers?
56:44 Griffin McElroy? Cheers, yeah.
56:44 Travis McElroy? Cheers, Justin.
56:49 Travis McElroy? For Paul and Amanda. Oh, wait for one, Rachel, too. Boop!
56:52 Travis McElroy? So, one for Dad.
56:52 Griffin McElroy? Give one to Dad.
56:53 Travis McElroy? And for Shannon. Okay, so I'm not gonna throw anymore, cuz they're probably gonna break. Cheers.
56:58 Griffin McElroy? Cheers, everyone. We're not gonna make any sucking noises on the microphone. I'll leave the stage. Here we go.
57:04 Griffin McElroy? That sucks.
57:05 Travis McElroy? Instantly.
57:06 Griffin McElroy? It sucks right away. It sucks.
57:07 Travis McElroy? Instantly, so regret it so hard. It's not sweet at all. There's no sweetness. There's no sweetness.
57:21 Travis McElroy? It fucking sucks. It sucks.
57:25 Travis McElroy? You could, you could get someone so good by giving it to them and saying it's like a butterscotch.
57:30 Travis McElroy? This is the lowest.
57:32 Travis McElroy? I don't, my mouth doesn't want it in it.
57:36 Travis McElroy? I'm out, dude. I'm out. I'm out. I'm cash. I'm out, I'm out, I'm out, I'm out. I'm about.
57:40 Travis McElroy? I might have thrown up.
57:40 Griffin McElroy? That's so fucking gross. That's grosser than you would even think it is. You would think it's like doing a bouillon hard candy.
57:47 Travis McElroy? Every time we do one of these, it's always like, that kinda sucks. It doesn't. It doesn't fuck at all.
57:52 Travis McElroy? The, the back of my throat wanted to throw up.
57:55 Griffin McElroy? Dude, this sucks. It still sucks. It's not even in my mouth anymore, but it is in my mouth forever, like a ghost. Like a ghost, it is haunting my palate. Get it out. If Dad put one of those in his mouth, have him spit it out.
58:06 Travis McElroy? Get it away from Dad. Paul, get it away from Dad.
58:08 Travis McElroy? My Dad! There's still popcorn in the tin. We can't put him in yet.
58:13 Travis McElroy? Might be a little popcorn in the tin.
58:17 Travis McElroy? No!
58:19 Travis McElroy? Hey, if anybody has an extra dad...
58:23 Griffin McElroy? Real quick, Mikey C. asks, "Can we vape?" No.
58:26 Travis McElroy? No.
58:27 Griffin McElroy? No, you shouldn't do that in here.
58:29 Travis McElroy? Not here, or, I don't know, maybe anywhere. The science is out.
58:32 Griffin McElroy? We'll see if this one, you know, pans out. But Becca, you gotta take a cleansing breath or two, because otherwise, we're gonna struggle for the rest of the show. That was the grossest thing I've literally ever put in my mouth.
58:43 Travis McElroy? It is... I live a pretty easy life at this point. It's 2025, you know what I mean? I don't have a lot of mastodons. But it was a real threat warning from my body that there was a serious, a serious situation.
58:55 Travis McElroy? I was trying to be contrarian, of like, "Not so bad."
58:57 Griffin McElroy? No.
58:58 Travis McElroy? And like, my immunosystem was like, "Get it out."
59:03 Griffin McElroy? It tasted like a cat food smells.
59:07 Griffin McElroy? Pretty much exactly. Becca R. sent in a message that said, "I have a jacket from the crew of the OC. Does Griffin want it?" Like, fucking yeah. Do you have it with you, or is this a... Yes? Do you have it with you, or is this a...? Yeah.
59:22 Travis McElroy? Yeah, yeah.
59:24 Travis McElroy? Thank you so much!
59:28 Travis McElroy? Oh wait, here comes the spot. Aw, man.
59:33 Travis McElroy? Fuck, I've never been jealous of you before, ever. I've wondered what it would feel like. I'm experiencing it now.
59:40 Griffin McElroy? Not gonna get this.
59:41 Travis McElroy? You have something I want! We should switch.
59:43 Griffin McElroy? This fucking rules it smells like Peter Gallagher was close to it. Thank you so much. What an amazing gift. Hello!
59:51 Speaker 13 Hello!
59:52 Travis McElroy? Hi.
59:52 Griffin McElroy? How's it going?
59:53 Speaker 13 My name's Emily. Is she hurt? And I don't know which question that you asked me about.
59:57 Travis McElroy? You asked a question about a pig that I... we were so delighted by.
1:00:02 Speaker 13 Um, I wanna know how I can sneak a pig into my wedding. My venue won't allow it, and I'm desperate for it to be like the ring bearer.
1:00:13 Griffin McElroy? Emily, so rarely are the questions we get sent so deliciously farcical. And I'm excited to tackle this one.
1:00:22 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
1:00:22 Travis McElroy? Do they have a specific, like, Air Bud-inspired rule that says, like, "No pigs as ring bearers"?
1:00:30 Griffin McElroy? Specifically?
1:00:32 Speaker 13 I mean, I'm assuming they won't let me have a pig. It's a nice yacht club, and it's inside, it's not outside on the grass. So I'm just thinking, maybe we can bring it in with some of the rentals?
1:00:46 Griffin McElroy? But is it on a boat?
1:00:47 Speaker 13 No.
1:00:48 Griffin McElroy? Good. You can't put a pig on a boat? That's fucking crazy.
1:00:51 Travis McElroy? It's also, that's also bad luck.
1:00:53 Griffin McElroy? That's bad luck to get a pig on a boat. They'll get so scared.
1:00:57 Travis McElroy? Are you going to have, like, a crew of people setting up, like, the wedding?
1:01:01 Speaker 13 My family.
1:01:02 Travis McElroy? Okay. Could you dress the pig like a member of your family?
1:01:07 Speaker 13 I could see the resemblance.
1:01:08 Travis McElroy? That's not...
1:01:10 Griffin McElroy? Emily.
1:01:10 Travis McElroy? That's not what I was saying. Don't you put words in my mouth.
1:01:14 Travis McElroy? This, you could say, "Now, I know that's a pig, but he is the florist, and he will depart before the ceremony begins. You don't have to worry about him. And then, once the ceremony begins, you put him into a different outfit that makes him look like a guest. And I don't think this is helping you, but a badge to get is helping me a great deal."
1:01:33 Speaker 13 Yeah.
1:01:33 Travis McElroy? You know, one thing you could...
1:01:35 Travis McElroy? Oh, he's a little chef now in my head. He just became a little chef.
1:01:38 Speaker 13 That rules!
1:01:39 Travis McElroy? That's great, actually.
1:01:40 Travis McElroy? We cannot make enough, we can't make enough beignets for the crowd. Does anybody know?
1:01:45 Travis McElroy? Oink, oink!
1:01:46 Travis McElroy? Does anybody know how to cook beignets?
1:01:50 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. That's cool.
1:01:53 Travis McElroy? Um, a power that you can wield, and this is not based on fact, but rather old-school beliefs of a thing. Just say, "Yeah, I know we shouldn't have a pig, but it's a favorite of my mother-in-law."
1:02:04 Griffin McElroy? That's, oh, man.
1:02:07 Travis McElroy? One thing that wedding venues are never, ever, ever, ever gonna do is during your wedding, be like, "I, I, I, I, stop the wedding, everyone, stop the wedding." They won't have the guts. They can get mad afterwards if they want, and you just be like, "Fine, I'll never get married here again."
1:02:24 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. If I may, one piece of feedback is that if you are going to attach your incredibly precious wedding rings to an animal, maybe don't do it on the one that famously people compete to try to catch at county fairs and stuff.
1:02:41 Travis McElroy? This is an excellent point. How have you sourced this pig?
1:02:44 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
1:02:45 Speaker 13 Um, there's livestock rental companies that will like bring petting zoos to you.
1:02:50 Griffin McElroy? So it's not like a pig, it's not like your pig?
1:02:53 Speaker 13 It's not my pig.
1:02:54 Griffin McElroy? I can't get married without my pig.
1:02:56 Travis McElroy? It's a childhood dream here from Philly, what's happening?
1:02:58 Griffin McElroy? Are you telling me it's just some pig?
1:03:00 Speaker 13 It's just, it's just some pig.
1:03:05 Griffin McElroy? It's, we try to have fun, you know?
1:03:08 Travis McElroy? You only go around once in a big year, bro.
1:03:10 Travis McElroy? So just when you picture your wedding, right? What you see is this venue, whatever dress you're gonna wear or outfit you're gonna wear, your partner up there, and non-negotiables, the pig carrying the rings down the aisle. That's just part of it?
1:03:28 Speaker 13 Oh, or walking the pig down with me?
1:03:31 Griffin McElroy? Well, yeah, I assume there would need to be some chaperoning of the pig.
1:03:35 Travis McElroy? I love the idea that it is a petting zoo pig who on the day is gonna be like, "No, no, no, I get it."
1:03:40 Griffin McElroy? Trust me.
1:03:41 Travis McElroy? All right, you put the rings on my back, I walk down there, you take them off, I turn around, maybe I throw some flowers out if you want, that costs extra, but that's okay. And then I head back and open bar, I'm assuming?
1:03:52 Griffin McElroy? All these flower petals just scattered around, are those free game, or were you guys planning on eating those?
1:03:58 Travis McElroy? You guys aren't gonna eat me during the, no, that's just a joke that I tell. I've done this a hundred times.
1:04:03 Travis McElroy? I was about to ask you to sit down in the very nice way that we do it. You'll know it when it happens. But before we do that, I did wanna say earlier when I said that they're not gonna stop your wedding, I don't know that that's true. I've been sitting up here thinking about it, like, I just fucking said that. I don't know. And if they like, did stop it, I would just feel terrible about it. So, I don't know. I don't have like, a better answer, but it's like, don't do that. And count on that being accurate.
1:04:29 Travis McElroy? No, but it would be wild to see like, "And if anyone objects to this wedding, speak now." Or, "Yeah, yes, what is it? I don't mind actually the union, but they shouldn't have pigs in here."
1:04:42 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
1:04:42 Travis McElroy? Wait a minute, you're right.
1:04:44 Travis McElroy? Can you make the pig look like it ran in off the street? That's not, he's not supposed to... Oh no, but the rings fell on him.
1:04:53 Travis McElroy? Oh, maybe make him look like, he's wearing like, a striped jumpsuit, like he escaped from prison.
1:04:58 Travis McElroy? That's cool, yeah.
1:05:00 Travis McElroy? And he stole those rings.
1:05:02 Travis McElroy? Yeah. So, does that help?
1:05:04 Speaker 14 That's so helpful, thank you.
1:05:05 Travis McElroy? Thank you so much, Emily. What a wonderful little play space to play in. Look at them.
1:05:11 Travis McElroy? Oh my god, yeah, if you have two pigs, they gotta say yes.
1:05:17 Travis McElroy? You get two pigs married.
1:05:18 Travis McElroy? Especially if you have the pigs walking down the aisle and say, "I was adopted."
1:05:21 Travis McElroy? Hello.
1:05:22 Speaker 14 Hello, I'm Caitlin.
1:05:24 Travis McElroy? Hi Caitlin.
1:05:24 Speaker 14 Um, I'm a scare actor at a theme park in the area.
1:05:28 Travis McElroy? Okay. Do you ever say scare actor?
1:05:31 Speaker 14 Scare actor?
1:05:32 Travis McElroy? Scare actor.
1:05:34 Travis McElroy? Scare actor?
1:05:34 Speaker 14 Scare actor.
1:05:35 Travis McElroy? Sorry.
1:05:36 Travis McElroy? No, while we're asking...
1:05:37 Travis McElroy? But do you...
1:05:38 Travis McElroy? Sorry.
1:05:38 Travis McElroy? Shut up, everyone but me and her, shut up. Scare actor.
1:05:44 Speaker 14 A scare actor.
1:05:45 Travis McElroy? Yeah, okay, good, alright, we got it, alright, scare actor.
1:05:48 Travis McElroy? Can I tell you?
1:05:49 Travis McElroy? I thought that's what you said, I wanna make sure you said scare actor. You also extremely answered his question by doing that.
1:05:54 Travis McElroy? In a rare moment, you said scare actor, my brain went, "Ask if they ever say scare actor." And I thought, "That's too dumb." And then Justin said it, and it was one of the most validating moments
1:06:08 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
1:06:08 Travis McElroy? in my adult life.
1:06:10 Travis McElroy? The ideas will hop like fleas between us. That's how big magic works. Sometimes they land on me and they were supposed to go to him, you never know, right? So, how can we help?
1:06:20 Speaker 14 Um, I love scare acting, I think I'm pretty good at it. But I am a bit of a scaredy cat, personally.
1:06:25 Travis McElroy? You get it.
1:06:26 Travis McElroy? That's how you know.
1:06:28 Speaker 14 When I walk to my lunches, there are guests who will try to scare me. And it's pretty effective. I try to stay in character as much as I can, but I'm wondering if a guest does scare me, how should I retaliate while remaining in character?
1:06:44 Griffin McElroy? Caitlin.
1:06:45 Travis McElroy? Okay, is there a way, I don't want you to tell us what character you play.
1:06:50 Griffin McElroy? It's impossible for us to do this without knowing it.
1:06:53 Travis McElroy? I know, but I need you two in a non-legally binding way, tell me what character you play.
1:06:59 Speaker 14 A demon clown?
1:07:01 Griffin McElroy? Okay, yeah, that does, yeah, okay, that narrows it down.
1:07:04 Travis McElroy? So this is a clown, sorry, were you a demon first who became a clown, or a clown first who became a demon?
1:07:11 Speaker 14 A clown who became a demon.
1:07:12 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, it doesn't go the other way, there's not a demon like, "It's my calling."
1:07:18 Travis McElroy? Okay, what, no, sorry Griffin, what's fucking wilder? A demon who started as a demon and said, "You know what, I'd love to be a clown," or a clown that during life Lucifer went, "You know what, kid, you've gotta..."
1:07:32 Griffin McElroy? I'm changing you.
1:07:34 Travis McElroy? What if you look at the person and say, "Finally, there's someone to scare, Pagliacci."
1:07:40 Griffin McElroy? That's good. Yeah, have a complete fucking mental collapse right there on the boardwalk or whatever.
1:07:46 Travis McElroy? No, see, because Pagliacci was a clown, right? But there was nobody that could, he told the doctor.
1:07:51 Travis McElroy? Oh, now take it back, he goes to the doctor.
1:07:53 Travis McElroy? And the doctor says, "You should go see this clown Pagliacci," and he says, "But doctor, I am Pagliacci."
1:07:57 Travis McElroy? No, no, no, you gotta step back, he was sad, right?
1:07:59 Travis McElroy? No, he was sad, and he was a clown, did I say he was a clown?
1:08:03 Travis McElroy? And he's sitting there in clown makeup, which is so weird that the doctor brought it up.
1:08:09 Travis McElroy? Um, I think if they scare you, you should run as fast as you can, because that is always very funny, but also kind of disconcerting the longer it goes on. Because I would laugh at first, but then the longer you ran, I'd be like, "Wow, they're really committed to it."
1:08:22 Travis McElroy? I will say, I worked as a character, and that's what we call it, for a while, at a couple different places. And, um, the thing that always struck me is the people who wanted to, one, show me how unscared they were of the haunted house, and two, try to scare me back. And all I can think is like, we both know what's going on, you bought a ticket.
1:08:42 Griffin McElroy? It's your 1999, pal.
1:08:44 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I'm getting paid to be here, you paid to be here, which one's scarier?
1:08:49 Travis McElroy? The difference between you and me, I think, is that if that happened to me, the need to piss would immediately disappear. And all I would think of is how I was gonna scare this person back so fucking hard, they wouldn't even know. I would start following them around the park and wait till they're most vulnerable, I mean, by themselves, in the dark.
1:09:09 Travis McElroy? Follow them home.
1:09:10 Travis McElroy? Wait till they're in the toilet and then stand outside and be like, ew, nasty.
1:09:16 Travis McElroy? What, you've been doxing them on social media?
1:09:19 Travis McElroy? Gross.
1:09:20 Travis McElroy? I bet your mom Karen is disappointed in you, Doug. Yeah, it's scary, isn't it, Griffin?
1:09:25 Travis McElroy? It's an escalation. The lengths that they're willing to go to, does that help?
1:09:29 Travis McElroy? It helps. Okay, good.
1:09:31 Griffin McElroy? Thank you, Caitlin.
1:09:31 Travis McElroy? Thank you.
1:09:35 Griffin McElroy? Uh, can we, uh, yeah, this is good, yeah, come on down.
1:09:39 Speaker 15 Hi, I'm Dominic, he him. Hi Travis.
1:09:41 Travis McElroy? Hi Dominic, how are you?
1:09:42 Speaker 15 Good, how you doing?
1:09:42 Travis McElroy? I'm doing great, man, it's good to see you.
1:09:44 Speaker 15 Yeah, good to see you. Hi.
1:09:45 Griffin McElroy? Hi.
1:09:45 Speaker 15 Okay, so my parents haven't bought any new towels for about 30 years.
1:09:50 Griffin McElroy? Yes, okay, yes, yes.
1:09:51 Speaker 15 It got to the point where I was dreading going home because I had to dry myself with this sandpaper.
1:09:55 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
1:09:56 Speaker 15 So for the last four years, I've been smuggling new towels into their house and hiding the old ones in like little, like cachets around the house.
1:10:04 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
1:10:04 Speaker 15 But I'm getting concerned that if I don't, like, empty the cachets soon, they're gonna be found and put back in circulation.
1:10:10 Griffin McElroy? Right.
1:10:11 Travis McElroy? Dominic, can I ask a question? In your own home, how particular are you about towels? Are you, do you feel that your parents' position on towels has created in you a need to have the finer towels in your, in your home?
1:10:25 Speaker 15 There are few things more important to me at this point.
1:10:27 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah.
1:10:28 Travis McElroy? Okay, so, okay, Dominic, this is what I suggest, as suspected this. Our parents were fucking towel degenerates. Our mom bought, I think my mom, our mom bought 30 towels the day I was born and never bought another fucking one. As far as I know.
1:10:41 Travis McElroy? I do think when I went to college in Oklahoma, like 2,000 miles away from West Virginia, I took a pre-existing towel.
1:10:47 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
1:10:48 Travis McElroy? I don't think new towels were all for me.
1:10:49 Travis McElroy? The reason Griffin looked at me confused is because he didn't use a new towel until he was 23 years old.
1:10:55 Travis McElroy? He didn't even know that was a possibility.
1:10:56 Travis McElroy? He didn't even know you had the option. In my home? I have two different kinds of towels. They're the ones that I use and the ones that anybody who isn't me or married to me uses. And if the ones that aren't the ones that get used by me or the people married to me uses, you know, the good towels, if they end up in the wrong drawers, which confusingly, the other half of the team who benefits from this arrangement often is the one messing it up. And it's like, hey, Sidney, do you not care about which towels you use? And she's like, go away, you know, whatever.
1:11:30 Travis McElroy? I'm a doctor, I'm busy saving lives.
1:11:32 Travis McElroy? So I think it creates a new scarcity mindset.
1:11:34 Travis McElroy? In my home, the towels that touch mine and my wife's body get rolled up. Other towels get folded. That's the difference. Good towels, like, we know, like, oh, these are the towels that deserve Travis.
1:11:50 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
1:11:52 Travis McElroy? When we've, when we've.
1:11:54 Travis McElroy? God, I wish that wasn't true.
1:11:55 Griffin McElroy? I know, but it is. And we're really being very vulnerable. You two are being so weirdly vulnerable.
1:12:00 Travis McElroy? Also, most of the towels that does my body have purple streaks across them.
1:12:04 Travis McElroy? It's true.
1:12:05 Travis McElroy? Like, these are marked.
1:12:07 Griffin McElroy? It looks like it, all of Travis's towels look like they just cleaned up Grimace's sex mess.
1:12:13 Travis McElroy? That's the color of my hair dye.
1:12:15 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
1:12:16 Travis McElroy? So, what I would start with, Dominic, is towels are hard to throw away. Because when you throw them away, it will fill up a whole trash can and it will be very obvious that you've thrown away a towel. I think you gotta start with hand towels. You cut it in half, you got two hand towels. Excellent. Do it again. Washcloths. Hmm, might throw away a washcloth. This one's looking.
1:12:38 Travis McElroy? Do it again. Postage steers.
1:12:40 Travis McElroy? Yes. Eventually, you've cut it up enough times, you can make jeans. You just grind it down to denim.
1:12:47 Travis McElroy? How many towels are we talking about, Dominic?
1:12:49 Speaker 15 At least twenty to thirty. Twenty to thirty, yeah. They, because they kept buying new ones for like ten years or so.
1:12:55 Travis McElroy? Oh, so they bought new and didn't get rid of old ones?
1:12:57 Speaker 15 Yeah. So there was some, like, slight increasing towel quality, but after like ten years.
1:13:02 Griffin McElroy? Can I ask, how wet are your parents getting? Because it's, twenty to thirty is pretty.
1:13:08 Travis McElroy? Is that all of them?
1:13:11 Speaker 15 It's beyond science at this point.
1:13:14 Travis McElroy? Okay, so, okay, okay. Dominic, are you ready for this?
1:13:18 Speaker 15 Hit me.
1:13:18 Travis McElroy? They're saving those towels for when there's a big mess that needs cleaned up that will ruin towels.
1:13:24 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
1:13:25 Travis McElroy? That they're like, well, those are scrap towels that we won't feel bad cleaning up this thing.
1:13:29 Travis McElroy? Yes.
1:13:30 Travis McElroy? You must create within the house that thing that ruins the towels so bad that they can't be washed.
1:13:37 Travis McElroy? The big, the big one, Dominic, the big one, the big spill, the big spill they've all been waiting for.
1:13:44 Speaker 15 I'm glad you said spill and not anything more human.
1:13:46 Travis McElroy? No, the big spill.
1:13:48 Travis McElroy? I'm not gonna box you in.
1:13:50 Travis McElroy? No, no, no.
1:13:51 Travis McElroy? This is your art form to create. Because if I tell you what it is, they've probably already thought about it. You're going to generate the next iteration of mess.
1:14:01 Travis McElroy? Yeah, good luck.
1:14:03 Travis McElroy? A mess no one's ever thought of or braced themselves for.
1:14:06 Travis McElroy? Yeah, show me, show me an AI that can make that kind of mess.
1:14:12 Travis McElroy? No way.
1:14:13 Griffin McElroy? Does that help?
1:14:14 Speaker 15 Oh, you nailed it.
1:14:15 Griffin McElroy? Thank you so much, Dominic, and thank you all.
1:14:17 Travis McElroy? Thank you.
1:14:21 Griffin McElroy? Hey, folks, thank you all so much for coming here to our Live My Bam Bam here in Anaheim. We have had a wonderful time.
1:14:30 Travis McElroy? You've been so incredibly kind to us and this has been a weird, they're always weird, but this has been a really weird one and I've really enjoyed it, so thank you so much.
1:14:40 Travis McElroy? Energy has been off the charts. Thank you all so much. Tomorrow night, we're doing a Taz Dadlands with Brendan Lee Mulligan.
1:14:50 Griffin McElroy? Please come to that. Thank you to the Grove of Anaheim for having us. This is a beautiful, beautiful space.
1:14:55 Travis McElroy? Beautiful place.
1:14:56 Griffin McElroy? And thank you to Montane for these for our theme song, "My Life Is Better With You."
1:15:02 Griffin McElroy? Thank you to Fay Day Arts for creating this incredible poster of all of us on a road trip.
1:15:08 Travis McElroy? There's a bunch of Easter eggs in there too, so make sure you scan that. Yeah, you gotta catch all the Easter eggs.
1:15:13 Travis McElroy? I specifically asked no Easter eggs.
1:15:15 Griffin McElroy? We also have the Paul Suborn Memorial Can Food Drive Challenge Coin for sale still, benefiting Second Harvest Food Bank of Orange County. Thank you to Paul, thank you to Amanda, and to Rachel, and to Shannon, and our dad, Clint McElroy.
1:15:32 Griffin McElroy? And...
1:15:33 Travis McElroy? He's gonna, he's gonna tell us that we were wrong about the towels and I'm gonna be like, "Fuck you, man, you don't fucking remember."
1:15:39 Travis McElroy? I've heard how Justin talks to dad, vis a vis the ashes thing.
1:15:42 Griffin McElroy? Thank you to Becca again for this kick-ass jacket. It's a, I feel very strong.
1:15:48 Travis McElroy? May I, may I read the fear?
1:15:50 Griffin McElroy? Yes, please.
1:15:51 Travis McElroy? Ahem. "This year, I want to be faster than my fear of the Pirates of the Caribbean animatronics. I don't know why, but I'm worried they're gonna cut off my glutes."
1:16:04 Travis McElroy? But he's Justin McElroy.
1:16:05 Travis McElroy? I'm Travis McElroy.
1:16:06 Travis McElroy? I'm Griffin McElroy.
1:16:07 Travis McElroy? My brother, my brother, be kiss your dad, square the lips!
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