Ep 567 - Say Cheese

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com helloo. Hope you've all had a good week. TGIF - sorry 4 da wait. Fambly ep this week in Shang's casa. Hot little cast for you guys. Support the big Kahuna hosting the espys on weds! Please enjoy. God Bless. Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup Get DUDE Wipes at Amazon and retailers nationwide. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The Wild Wild West. He's a real Weisenheimer.

• 0:03Matt McCusker?

  Top of the fucking world.

• 0:04Speaker 00

  Top of the world, little new haircut gardener, you look like a young boy.

• 0:09Matt McCusker?

  That is crazy.

• 0:10Speaker 00

  Don't laugh like that.

• 0:15Matt McCusker?

  Welcome.

• 0:16Speaker 00

  Every time he walks into my house, he goes, hello.

• 0:18Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 0:19Speaker 00

  Every time he comes, hello, hello, hello, hello Sean. Fucking Lemare does it too. You guys both do that.

• 0:28Matt McCusker?

  Hello. It's polite.

• 0:31Speaker 00

  It's weird.

• 0:32Speaker 02

  It's nice.

• 0:33Matt McCusker?

  It's nice, it's polite.

• 0:34Speaker 00

  Well, it makes me angry.

• 0:35Matt McCusker?

  You guys gotta walk in.

• 0:35Speaker 00

  I'm sorry.

• 0:37Matt McCusker?

  You guys gotta walk in the room like the king, man.

• 0:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, you gotta. Some, well Lemare used to walk in like, didn't say hi. If he, yeah, you would just walk through and I'd be like, what's going on? Like, nothing.

• 0:49Matt McCusker?

  Hello.

• 0:50Speaker 02

  I have a hard time in the mornings.

• 0:51Matt McCusker?

  Hello. Is that a morning person?

• 0:53Speaker 00

  Fucking 2pm dude.

• 0:56Speaker 00

  I got hit, I got hit with the morning person today.

• 0:58Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 0:58Speaker 00

  Those fucking roofers came over, like 10:30. And I just woke up and I opened the door and he was like, early, early morning, huh? And I was like, why don't you fix my roof dude?

• 1:08Matt McCusker?

  Also like.

• 1:09Speaker 00

  Should you shut the fuck up and get up there?

• 1:11Matt McCusker?

  Trying to morning check someone as a roofer at 10:30 is crazy. It's like, dude, you're supposed to be up at 5am.

• 1:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:16Matt McCusker?

  To beat the heat. The hell are you doing here at 10:30?

• 1:18Speaker 00

  That was on me, that was on me. I was like, yeah, we'd be there at 6, I was like, fucking no shot.

• 1:26Speaker 00

  You can get a ladder, you can just go right up there, I'm not letting you in.

• 1:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, why don't they just, why don't they just do that?

• 1:31Speaker 00

  I think they did, I don't know why, they wanted, oh, they wanted to come in and check the water damage from inside.

• 1:35Matt McCusker?

  But you're a roofer, it's like, you're a roofer, bro, it's none of your business.

• 1:38Speaker 00

  It is none of your business, don't worry about the inside.

• 1:40Matt McCusker?

  Call painter, painter can come in here, not a fucking filthy roofer.

• 1:43Speaker 00

  I agree.

• 1:44Matt McCusker?

  Not a filthy drug addict roofer.

• 1:48Matt McCusker?

  Number one drug addict, drug addicts in the construction force, by the way.

• 1:50Speaker 00

  Roofers?

• 1:51Matt McCusker?

  Roofers and painters, actually.

• 1:53Speaker 00

  You have to be on drugs to be up there. Be a fucking Texas roofer.

• 1:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man.

• 1:57Speaker 00

  Holy shit.

• 1:58Matt McCusker?

  That's why they wanted to get up at 6am. Dude, you have them in the dog heat of the day.

• 2:02Speaker 00

  Well, it's time to get up there, dude, find out what the fuck's going on. I'm tired. I was doing stand up.

• 2:08Matt McCusker?

  That's true.

• 2:09Speaker 00

  I was up all night doing real man's work.

• 2:10Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 2:12Speaker 00

  10 minutes of stand up. And I go, ah, so sick.

• 2:17Matt McCusker?

  I'm gonna sleep until noon.

• 2:18Speaker 00

  I'm gonna sleep till noon. That was awesome. I did it. I haven't been able to do stand up. I was doing the movie.

• 2:23Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, yeah. You've been fucking.

• 2:25Speaker 00

  So that was really nice.

• 2:26Matt McCusker?

  It's Beaver.

• 2:26Speaker 00

  You forget how much you attach all of your self-worth to being able to be good at stand up.

• 2:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I know.

• 2:31Speaker 00

  You don't do it for a while. You wanna kinda kill yourself.

• 2:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 2:34Speaker 00

  Then you do stand up. You go, alright.

• 2:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was good.

• 2:36Speaker 00

  I'll keep living it a little more. That Madden photo finally, finally reached the internet.

• 2:41Matt McCusker?

  Did it?

• 2:41Speaker 00

  You guys, just a little insight. The boys knew about this photo. I showed them immediately.

• 2:46Matt McCusker?

  What was the holdup? What do you think happened?

• 2:48Speaker 00

  They couldn't, I was so relieved. The guy who took the picture, I saw it on Twitter. It was on Twitter for a while. No one ever saw it. And I was like, nice. Might have dodged a bullet, cuz that is not a great photo.

• 3:00Matt McCusker?

  I thought you looked, I'm not, I'm not fluffing you. I thought you looked powerful in that photo.

• 3:03Speaker 00

  I did look powerful. Too powerful.

• 3:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that could be argued.

• 3:07Speaker 00

  Very heavy, powerful man.

• 3:08Matt McCusker?

  That could be argued.

• 3:10Speaker 00

  It did. The shirt bloused out a little and I looked like I gained about 50 more pounds than I already am. And I watched the fucking guy take the picture. I was leaving my trailer to go get water. And I, no sunglasses, dead, dead, dead fucking midday, just going. And I opened my eyes to a guy on the other side of a fence going, shit. Got your ass.

• 3:35Matt McCusker?

  What a bitch.

• 3:36Speaker 00

  Yep. And then I was, I went back into my trailer, just like I knew that, that's gonna, that picture's gonna be fucking nuts looking.

• 3:44Speaker 00

  I was going.

• 3:48Matt McCusker?

  They do snap fucked up photos, now that you mention it. Every time you see like a tabloid thing, it's the worst. Just like somebody like.

• 3:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, dude, take a picture of anyone that's slightly overweight, walking.

• 3:58Matt McCusker?

  My thing is, here's my thing.

• 3:59Speaker 00

  Fat as hell. Not that I'm slightly overweight. I'm very, you know what I mean. But get a chubby guy, take a walking picture of him.

• 4:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's fucked.

• 4:06Speaker 00

  Brutal.

• 4:07Matt McCusker?

  Also, here's the thing. I know like, you know, TMZ types, that's their thing. They gotta kinda catch you off guard. Whatever happened to say cheese, man?

• 4:14Speaker 00

  Give me the.

• 4:15Matt McCusker?

  Whatever happened, can we at least be humans here?

• 4:17Speaker 00

  Please give me a say cheese.

• 4:18Matt McCusker?

  Hey, say cheese.

• 4:19Speaker 00

  I would've, I would've said cheese.

• 4:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, of course.

• 4:22Speaker 00

  I'm like, yeah, cheese.

• 4:24Matt McCusker?

  That's fucked up.

• 4:24Speaker 00

  Instead of just a picture of me going.

• 4:27Matt McCusker?

  Secretly taking pictures of people should be illegal.

• 4:30Speaker 00

  It should.

• 4:30Matt McCusker?

  It's a fucking, it's like a stalker.

• 4:32Speaker 00

  It's really weird.

• 4:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Unless you're like a private eye, if you're just like-

• 4:35Speaker 00

  Paparazzi are the lamest fucking people on earth.

• 4:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude.

• 4:39Speaker 00

  I saw one of the TMZ guys was at the cellar one night, and he was with a lady. And I really wanted to go up and be like, because I looked him up while I was in there. I saw that he had recently been divorced.

• 4:49Matt McCusker?

  Ooh.

• 4:49Speaker 00

  I was so excited. I just wanted to walk over to the table and be like, "Sir, do you have anything to say about the divorce you just had?" "Wait, can you answer something?" Like just while he's at dinner. Just be like, "What are you doing here, dude? Shouldn't you be with your divorced wife?" "Can't believe you got divorced." Get my cellphone out, just-

• 5:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's true. What the fuck?

• 5:05Speaker 00

  Fucking piece of shit.

• 5:07Matt McCusker?

  That's like when Haas used to go to the Philadelphia meter maids and go up, if they like were double parked, be like, "You know your car's parked illegally." "You know I gotta race Haas."

• 5:15Speaker 00

  You're gonna race Haas?

• 5:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 5:17Speaker 00

  You're gonna smoke him, dude.

• 5:18Matt McCusker?

  I know. Well, here's the thing, man. He's a sleeper. He trains. But I am gonna, I think I'll smoke him.

• 5:23Speaker 00

  How long does he have to train?

• 5:26Matt McCusker?

  He's just got this month. We're racing in August. I gotta do that show in AC.

• 5:29Speaker 00

  You got him. You got him.

• 5:30Matt McCusker?

  I'm gonna smoke him. I've been literally running.

• 5:31Speaker 00

  Is he putting together a gang for the AC show?

• 5:34Matt McCusker?

  Of course, yeah.

• 5:34Speaker 00

  Like twenty, twenty tickets?

• 5:36Matt McCusker?

  Take some comps. He asked for ten comps. I'm like, "No, dude. You have fucking five, four."

• 5:40Speaker 00

  You gotta give him ten, bro.

• 5:41Matt McCusker?

  I think I gave him like-

• 5:42Speaker 00

  No, he bought them to mine.

• 5:43Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 5:44Speaker 00

  And like, no one wanted to go. It was like, "Fuck, I'm out. Three thousand dollars." I bought twenty tickets.

• 5:50Matt McCusker?

  He is the best. I called him today just to fuck with him. He like lives down the beach in the summer. So I'm gonna be down there near him. So I figured I'll stay near him while I do that show and just chill for like four days. I just, I just had run that one fast mile immediately. I was like, "I'm gonna text Haas."

• 6:03Speaker 00

  I'm the fastest guy that's ever fucking lived.

• 6:05Matt McCusker?

  Fuck with Haas. I'm like, "Who cares about this?" I was like, "Haas, what's your mile time?"

• 6:07Speaker 00

  You guys are gonna be so serious about it.

• 6:09Matt McCusker?

  I'm, I called him today. He's been sending me, anytime he runs, he sends me the splits. And I'm like, "Haas, like, just because I haven't been sending you stuff, don't think I'm slacking."

• 6:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:18Matt McCusker?

  I'm gonna beat the fucking brakes off you.

• 6:20Speaker 00

  You're juiced up, dude.

• 6:21Matt McCusker?

  I'm not on juice.

• 6:22Speaker 00

  First off, I'm testing.

• 6:23Matt McCusker?

  Test me.

• 6:24Speaker 00

  I'm gonna, we're gonna do a little blood test, you and Haas.

• 6:26Matt McCusker?

  Test me.

• 6:27Speaker 00

  Because this is outrageous, dude. You're texting your fucking cousins to be like, "I'll fucking torch you in a race, motherfucker."

• 6:33Matt McCusker?

  He started it.

• 6:33Speaker 00

  "I'll see you in Jersey in August." You're fucking Liver King, dude.

• 6:39Speaker 00

  Fucking destroy me in front of my family, Hoss. It'll be honorable.

• 6:44Matt McCusker?

  I'm telling you, my, my, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna give him the lead. I'm gonna just trail behind him just like 10 meters. Let him think he has it and then I'm gonna fucking turn it on.

• 6:53Speaker 00

  We had a family race.

• 6:54Matt McCusker?

  Did you really?

• 6:55Speaker 00

  A long time ago, my aunt, my, uh, my liberal aunt.

• 6:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 6:58Speaker 00

  Remember her that was causing problems?

• 7:00Matt McCusker?

  Libs love to run.

• 7:01Speaker 00

  She believed she, cause she just had a girl brain when it came to men versus women where they're like, she's not, she was not in great shape at the time.

• 7:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 7:08Speaker 00

  She was like, I'm faster than Phil. And my dad was like, no, you're not.

• 7:15Speaker 00

  I think he had a couple beers. He was like, we can fucking do it right now. That was at Thanksgiving. They were like, all right, we'll do the race on, at Easter. So they had, neither of them walked.

• 7:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 7:25Speaker 00

  No one trained.

• 7:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 7:26Speaker 00

  And then we went outside, Phil just torched her. She almost fell over.

• 7:30Matt McCusker?

  It was like an old school sprint?

• 7:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was like a 40 yard dash. Phil probably ran a clean seven second 40. She was coming in at 15 seconds. She almost went backwards. That's how slow she was.

• 7:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, older, nobody's slower than older ladies.

• 7:43Speaker 00

  They're the slowest.

• 7:44Matt McCusker?

  They're not built for speed at all.

• 7:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, toddlers outrun them.

• 7:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 7:49Speaker 00

  You ever leave your kid with your grand, like their grandparents?

• 7:52Matt McCusker?

  Hey, yeah.

• 7:53Speaker 00

  Kids are gone.

• 7:54Matt McCusker?

  Oh, they're gone. Yeah, that's, yeah, nothing better than a nice family race.

• 7:57Speaker 00

  Family race is nice.

• 7:58Matt McCusker?

  Family foot race. Yeah, I'm excited.

• 8:00Speaker 00

  Scratch out, dude. A hamstring would be devastating.

• 8:03Matt McCusker?

  I've been, dude, I'm telling you, I was up this morning at 6 a.m.

• 8:05Speaker 00

  I know, but the roids and the creatine and all that.

• 8:07Matt McCusker?

  I am, I am on a macrodose of creatine.

• 8:10Speaker 00

  I know, you can, I can tell.

• 8:11Matt McCusker?

  I want a ton of creatine.

• 8:15Speaker 00

  Please take steroids for real.

• 8:18Matt McCusker?

  I'm gonna, I'm telling you, I'm waiting. I'm gonna, I'm gonna break the glass.

• 8:21Speaker 00

  Next, next special, be fucking gigantic.

• 8:24Matt McCusker?

  Full carrot top?

• 8:25Speaker 00

  Just go nuts.

• 8:26Matt McCusker?

  I should actually.

• 8:27Speaker 00

  Do a whole special about how fucking jacked you are. Every joke be like, you know how when you're fucking jacked, you fucking do shit? Every girl wants to fuck you.

• 8:38Matt McCusker?

  I might retain until my next special. And then at the end of it, just fucking blur it out, but just spray.

• 8:45Speaker 00

  On roids, on roids, fucking two year fucking retention.

• 8:52Speaker 00

  This episode is brought to you by PrizePix. Hey Shane or Matt, have you been watching baseball this season? Who's been your favorite player to watch?

• 9:00Matt McCusker?

  On baseball?

• 9:01Speaker 00

  Yes, on baseball.

• 9:02Matt McCusker?

  You know who I like? I like, who's that one pitcher? On, um, who's the hottest pitcher right now? Like, who's like the?

• 9:10Speaker 00

  I don't know.

• 9:11Matt McCusker?

  Really, who's really slinging it? Who's been slinging it?

• 9:14Speaker 00

  Paul Skeens?

• 9:14Matt McCusker?

  Yes, that's who I'm talking about.

• 9:15Speaker 00

  There you go.

• 9:16Matt McCusker?

  I'm big on Paul Skeens right now.

• 9:18Speaker 00

  This is a Paul Skeens house.

• 9:19Matt McCusker?

  Is it really?

• 9:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:20Matt McCusker?

  Fuck yeah.

• 9:21Speaker 00

  I got autograph Paul Skeens baseball.

• 9:23Matt McCusker?

  Do you really?

• 9:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:24Matt McCusker?

  I like the way he puts it down.

• 9:26Speaker 00

  Uh, is he playing this week?

• 9:28Matt McCusker?

  You know, I don't know.

• 9:30Speaker 00

  You don't know, you don't keep up with the Skeens. Uh, please answer if you know, is the prompt. Uh, let's see what PrizePix board looks like. Uh, Aaron Judge for more than one homerun. I'll take that.

• 9:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, for sure. I like that. More than one homerun in a game?

• 9:45Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah, he does that sometimes.

• 9:48Matt McCusker?

  Dang.

• 9:49Speaker 00

  Shohei Otani for more than one homerun and Spencer Strider for less than four hits allowed.

• 9:54Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 9:54Speaker 00

  Uh, those are my picks. So it's time to lock yours in. Step up to the plate with PrizePix and add your favorite baseball players to your lineup, whether it's strikeouts, RBIs, or first inning runs. Make your call with more or less and play for your shot to win up to 2,000 times your cash today. It's so simple. All you have to do is pick more or less for a few pitch, few player stats. If I can do it, you definitely can.

• 10:20Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 10:22Speaker 00

  What's that supposed to mean?

• 10:24Speaker 00

  What is that supposed to even mean? Plus, sign up today and get $50 instantly when you play $5. You don't even need to win to receive the $50 bonus. It's guaranteed. Uh, so join millions of users to sign up today. Download the app today and use code DRENCH to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code DRENCH to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. PrizePix, run your game.

• 10:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, I'm telling you, man, I, uh, I, I plan on when I'm, once I'm like 60.

• 10:51Speaker 00

  Let me tell you, because if we're gonna... You know, into the topic of come. Uh, Texas has gotten rid of X videos.

• 11:00Matt McCusker?

  Finally caught on to it.

• 11:01Speaker 00

  They caught on to it. So there's really no porn you can look at here. So I decided I was like, all right, I don't know how I heard guys jack off on Reddit.

• 11:10Matt McCusker?

  You tried to do it.

• 11:11Speaker 00

  So I'm laying down. I got a nice boner going.

• 11:13Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 11:13Speaker 00

  And I opened Reddit because I delete it all the time. So I had to download it.

• 11:17Matt McCusker?

  Oh, you went to the subreddit.

• 11:19Speaker 00

  First thing that comes up. Dude, with the boner, I'm laying on the couch about to jack off. Look at the first thing that comes up is like Shane fucking sucks.

• 11:30Speaker 00

  I was just like.

• 11:36Matt McCusker?

  Oh, fuck.

• 11:38Speaker 00

  It's really devastating.

• 11:39Matt McCusker?

  That fucking sucks.

• 11:41Speaker 00

  Yeah. Ended the beat. I didn't beat.

• 11:43Matt McCusker?

  I was about to say, did it? No, dude.

• 11:45Speaker 00

  Just put the phone down.

• 11:45Matt McCusker?

  You can't let the terrorists win.

• 11:46Speaker 00

  The terrorists won.

• 11:47Matt McCusker?

  You cannot let the terrorists win.

• 11:48Speaker 00

  They won that brief battle. Like, don't worry, I fucking jacked off later.

• 11:53Speaker 00

  That was a nice little hour break.

• 11:54Matt McCusker?

  Oh, fuck.

• 11:55Speaker 00

  I went back to watching The Illusionist.

• 11:59Matt McCusker?

  Someone withered your fucking boner?

• 12:01Speaker 00

  Someone, yeah, of course, dude. My stomach dropped. It was like.

• 12:05Matt McCusker?

  It was like Gargoyle Nazi 42069 just crushed you.

• 12:09Speaker 00

  Absolutely destroyed me. It's like I saw him recently. It wasn't that good. I was like, damn.

• 12:14Matt McCusker?

  That would take your boner away, yeah.

• 12:15Speaker 00

  Yeah. And then it was like several comments about like, yeah, I saw him and it kind of sucked. And then people like, no, I saw him. It was good, but it was like.

• 12:21Matt McCusker?

  Slay your boner. She's just going.

• 12:27Matt McCusker?

  There's nothing worse.

• 12:28Speaker 00

  Fucking crazy.

• 12:29Matt McCusker?

  There's nothing worse.

• 12:30Speaker 00

  So far out of my way to avoid Reddit comments.

• 12:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 12:34Speaker 00

  Just when I thought I was out, my lust carried me right into a fucking nasty one.

• 12:40Matt McCusker?

  The devil covered your eyes.

• 12:42Speaker 00

  Got my ass, dude.

• 12:42Matt McCusker?

  Got you right.

• 12:43Speaker 00

  Shane sucks. Oh, shit. I was trying to jack off to a gif on Reddit.

• 12:50Speaker 00

  I don't even know how to find porn on Reddit. I was jacking off.

• 12:52Matt McCusker?

  I tried myself.

• 12:57Matt McCusker?

  I've tried too. Everyone says it's awesome, but it's like, yeah, I didn't know where to go. And then it's like, I think you're supposed to come up with another Reddit handle.

• 13:04Speaker 00

  That was the other thing I was a little worried about.

• 13:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, because I think it, I think it tracks.

• 13:08Speaker 00

  You need, you need two reddits.

• 13:11Matt McCusker?

  What does it track? How can people see?

• 13:15Speaker 00

  Well, as long as you're not like commenting, people can't see.

• 13:18Matt McCusker?

  I was commenting. Obviously you were commenting. No, I'm not commenting.

• 13:24Speaker 00

  I commented under the porn. I was like, I saw Shane recently. It was pretty good.

• 13:29Speaker 00

  Shit, wrong.

• 13:33Speaker 00

  Let's try new stuff, dude. Just because you heard it on the podcast doesn't mean it's not material. God damn it.

• 13:39Matt McCusker?

  It's a video of like a Mexican lady giving a handjob in a van. You're like, Zach, this new stuff is pretty cool.

• 13:43Speaker 00

  The Notre Dame story is old, but he never did it on a special, so it's fine. Why don't you fucking stay out of it?

• 13:51Matt McCusker?

  Lemare, have you ever commented?

• 13:53Speaker 00

  On porn? Yeah, definitely. What's her name? Who is she? The bros will catch you.

• 13:59Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 14:01Speaker 00

  Sorry. I didn't mean to put you on the.

• 14:03Matt McCusker?

  The bros catch you commenting on porn?

• 14:04Speaker 02

  Cause I was, there was, because there was on the panties account. I was like commenting like an Indian guy.

• 14:14Speaker 00

  That's fun. Yeah, sure.

• 14:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:16Matt McCusker?

  You do that to drive? Oh, that's kind of genius, actually.

• 14:19Speaker 00

  But, uh, but you, you have you, have you commented unironically?

• 14:24Speaker 02

  On, uh, Renex?

• 14:25Speaker 00

  Any type of porn?

• 14:26Speaker 02

  No, not, well, yeah.

• 14:27Speaker 00

  Yes, I knew you have. Yeah, let me hear, let me hear, let me hear. Please, brother. Oh, you commented, ooh, ew, fucking weirdo.

• 14:39Speaker 00

  Who is she? What's her name? She's beautiful. Signed, Lemare Lee.

• 14:45Speaker 02

  You have to like know what you want to go in there for when you go to Reddit.

• 14:49Speaker 00

  Hello.

• 14:53Matt McCusker?

  It's definitely the modern, like, guys hanging around the porn shop is the commenters in porn, for sure.

• 14:58Speaker 00

  They should be rounded up.

• 15:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Greg Abbott needs to fucking.

• 15:02Speaker 00

  They need to go to alligator fucking Alcatraz, dude.

• 15:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, commenting. I mean, I will say, like, is there any other videos? I'm glad when people comment that because then I get to see where they are.

• 15:16Speaker 00

  Hey.

• 15:18Speaker 00

  True. I go, wait a second. What is her name?

• 15:21Matt McCusker?

  I'm glad.

• 15:21Speaker 00

  I'd like to see more of her work.

• 15:25Matt McCusker?

  Never, you know, and it's never enough. You're always like, it's gotta be a lot. There's never enough. Or you just see the, the, uh, time lapse and you're like, what happened to her?

• 15:33Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:34Matt McCusker?

  This lady's fucking bloated, man.

• 15:37Matt McCusker?

  It's like she's lost that seat for six months.

• 15:40Speaker 00

  Or you see a lady that gave it up pretty early in her career and you go, damn, she had potential.

• 15:44Matt McCusker?

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• 15:51Speaker 00

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• 15:52Matt McCusker?

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• 16:08Matt McCusker?

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• 16:27Speaker 00

  Incredible.

• 16:29Matt McCusker?

  The, dude, the, I, I've been going to a gym around, like a local gym near my house and it's... Dude, you're literally surrounded by OnlyFans models. Like, it's, it's, it's impossible to think. Like, you'll be like, sitting there, doing like, alright, so what am I doing? 12 reps? And then you're just kinda like, I'm sorry, I can't, my, my fucking brain stem just fucking flush. I, I don't know.

• 16:51Speaker 00

  They're using the spread your legs machine again.

• 16:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 16:54Speaker 00

  And doing squats.

• 16:56Matt McCusker?

  Or just wearing basically like the exercise equivalent, equivalent of lingerie.

• 17:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:01Matt McCusker?

  It's for real, like sheer bra. I'm like, dude, you're in a bra.

• 17:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:05Matt McCusker?

  Can't handle being in a, like, that's crazy. I'm becoming, I am for real, today, I was like, I'm becoming an old man, like. I have three modes now and it's just like, I just sit like blankly is like my main mode. And then I'll get, I'll like, I'll like, like today I put on my, I was just buzzing around, it's kinda like, hmm, hmm, hmm. And then like I put on my boxers backwards, it's like, god damn it.

• 17:27Matt McCusker?

  That's like, that's like my main modes. Or, and like I, I just go back and forth between that and then I'll hear something like mildly offensive and go, heh, heh. That's, that's all, that's like my mental activity.

• 17:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, uh...

• 17:39Matt McCusker?

  Just flat irritated or going, heh, heh.

• 17:43Matt McCusker?

  Punk.

• 17:46Matt McCusker?

  Punk. Turn on the news, you go, god damn it. Yeah. God damn it. I do get tricked by, who's the one guy, he was a liberal turned conservative, he always does like, videos that I'm like, oh, cool, like RFK spazzing on a guy, I want to watch this, and then it'll be like, 10 seconds of the video, then, I think it's Dave Rubin, like, and then, I'm like, god damn it, show me the fucking video, dude. I don't want the recap. Yeah, I don't want them talking, I want them fucking. You promised me libs getting on. Fast forward to the libs. Fast forward to the libs, I don't care about the storyline. Everyone who does videos on videos, it just chat, just play the fucking video, dude. Yeah. I don't want the recap, play the fucking video. Not being a dick, it's just, you promised me libs getting on, you're cutting in with your crap. Just play it.

• 18:29Matt McCusker?

  I've been watching the RFK congressional hearings, they're my favorite YouTube videos. Are they, when? Are they going on? It's like, they're never ending, they have like meetings on C-SPAN constantly where they'll be like. He does own the libs on those. Bro. He's, he just crushes them, and then it will just. He crushes the libs on there. Well, the whole time, he's just kind of like, right now, there's a, someone tried to pin him down on the fact that one of the guys who's involved in the, who I guess funded part of the Trump thing, has a company where he like makes money off of like alternative health therapies that aren't pharmaceuticals, but like, just like health shit, like saunas, that kind of stuff. And they're like, well, should he divest from his business, that whole thing, and he's just like, dude, you guys have had no problems with pharmaceutical companies

• 19:13Matt McCusker?

  backing all of you guys for years, now you're worried about a guy who sells saunas, like, get the fuck out of here. And they're like, answer the question, I reclaim my, those fucking like English Parliament rules are so fucking annoying. Gentleman reclaims the time. Like, you've taken $500,000 last year from Purdue, and they're like, gentleman reclaims his time.

• 19:32Matt McCusker?

  He's misaligning a person of the cabinet. That's fucking, that shit is so fucking annoying. Yeah, I don't like any of them. No. I do, I do love sweet RFK, though. RFK seems to at least care. Yeah, dude. He's trying. Well, it's just funny, because he's like, we're taking. Junk food is, yeah. He's like, we're taking all the shit that's banned in Europe, we're banning it in the United States, and they're like, what about that guy who's selling saunas? And like, dude, why do you have a problem? Stop it, man. You're being an absolute gargoyle, stop it. You probably hate it. You probably hate what RFK is up to, don't you? He's like a, he's like a Manchurian candidate, dude, he got that yellow five in him, he's like.

• 20:08Speaker 02

  I don't hate RFK. He's not doing anything.

• 20:11Matt McCusker?

  Do you want your junk food?

• 20:14Speaker 00

  Answer the question. I reclaim my time. When I answer the question, do you want the junk food? Are you mad that the government's taking away your junk food?

• 20:21Speaker 02

  I plead the fifth, dude.

• 20:24Speaker 00

  But you're a lib, you have to hate everything the right does, including getting rid of junk food.

• 20:28Speaker 02

  I'm not a lib.

• 20:29Speaker 00

  You're definitely a fucking lib, dude.

• 20:31Speaker 02

  I'm no lib, dude.

• 20:32Speaker 00

  You're a lib. Yeah, you know Epstein's innocent, bro.

• 20:37Matt McCusker?

  That's the funniest development. Like, we are going to unveil the truth once and for all. Turns out the guy was just a fucking guy.

• 20:45Speaker 00

  Fucking regular guy.

• 20:46Matt McCusker?

  Struggling in the world, just like all of us. Yeah, that was some, that was some bullshit, bro. Also, innocent of what? He was literally a guilty pedophile. He was busted and they sealed the records the first time.

• 21:00Speaker 00

  Was it like a thousand women?

• 21:03Matt McCusker?

  I mean, now it just sounds like you're bragging on his behalf.

• 21:06Speaker 00

  That's what I was going for. I was like, if he was a one-man operator.

• 21:11Speaker 00

  I mean, at some point, you gotta go, this guy.

• 21:12Matt McCusker?

  Will Chamberlain, Jeffrey Epstein.

• 21:15Speaker 00

  You gotta tip your hat at some point. You go, damn, you got a lot.

• 21:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but, but he was also playing in the minor leagues.

• 21:21Speaker 00

  He wasn't in the minor leagues, dude. Those are triple A. He was playing on the Harrisburg Senators.

• 21:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but, you know, imagine if you just owned a booth in the mall being like, you wanna be a model? You could pull Epstein numbers.

• 21:33Speaker 00

  How would you like to meet Stephen Hawking?

• 21:38Matt McCusker?

  It is, I mean, this isn't funny, but like.

• 21:40Speaker 00

  How would you like to meet the biggest dorks around the globe?

• 21:43Matt McCusker?

  Well, it's also.

• 21:43Speaker 00

  In one island.

• 21:44Matt McCusker?

  Crazy to be like, having like a, a gang of like 14-year-old chicks and be like, ladies, meet Stephen Hawking. And they're like, oh my God, what the fuck? He's like, eh. Come here. Yeah.

• 21:59Speaker 00

  Stardust, we are essentially.

• 22:01Matt McCusker?

  What? That's so weird. Oh my God, that's so random.

• 22:05Speaker 00

  Ew, Stephen's getting fucking weird. Them at the party. I don't know who I wanna go home with tonight. Stephen Hawking.

• 22:14Matt McCusker?

  A Saudi prince who's just all the world leaders. Like, what the hell? That guy's weird.

• 22:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's insane that they're just being like, yeah, no, no, everything was cool, above board, don't worry.

• 22:25Speaker 00

  Looks like Trump dog.

• 22:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 22:27Speaker 00

  It's tough not to fucking point some fingers.

• 22:29Matt McCusker?

  Huge question.

• 22:30Speaker 00

  Because he got killed while you were president.

• 22:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 22:33Speaker 00

  And you were there, you got, I mean, there's so many photos of them chilling.

• 22:38Matt McCusker?

  Allegedly hung with his staff. Allegedly hung with his staff.

• 22:42Speaker 00

  The cope on Trump's innocent. The cope is fucking pretty intense. Yeah, he did go to the island and he just hung out with the staff, dude. The staff said that.

• 22:52Speaker 00

  Was the staff 12?

• 22:56Matt McCusker?

  Who knew John McAfee?

• 22:57Speaker 00

  Everyone was hanging out with the staff.

• 22:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 23:01Matt McCusker?

  The massage house. Yeah, the, uh, John McAfee was the only, he was the one who allegedly was trying to bring it down. I don't know if that's just internet folklore.

• 23:12Matt McCusker?

  But, yeah, turns out he was, it's funny to be taken down as a pedophile by a guy who's getting shit on him like a neighboring island. Just being like, this isn't right, we gotta take this down.

• 23:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, that shit, that was pretty, uh, well, there's the thing, they were never gonna release it. That was like, it became apparent, like, they're not fucking like, oh, those, those trillionaires.

• 23:34Speaker 00

  Did you see him, uh, somebody brought it up at a meeting and Trump was like, are you guys still talking about Epstein? It's like, that's crazy. There's so much other stuff going on. I can't believe you're bringing up Epstein. Are you serious? God, get a life. You guys are obsessed with this shit. What the fuck? No one even cares. Yeah, it's so long ago. The guy killed himself and he was innocent. What the hell?

• 23:57Matt McCusker?

  They're probably all sexual blackmail, like sexually blackmail, like every single world leader probably has sexual blackmail.

• 24:07Speaker 00

  Every, the pilots were probably, they probably got the pilots that week. They're probably like, well, now you're gonna go.

• 24:16Matt McCusker?

  Who?

• 24:18Speaker 00

  Nick Bryant, yeah.

• 24:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Nick Bryant's probably fucking furious.

• 24:22Speaker 00

  He better, Nick Bryant better chill.

• 24:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 24:25Speaker 00

  Also, did he get free? He was on that too.

• 24:28Matt McCusker?

  Free him? He got freed? He, in his case though, it was, it didn't look like they were gonna nail him on that high, all that high level stuff.

• 24:36Speaker 00

  Sounded like it was minors.

• 24:39Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 24:39Speaker 00

  Sounded like he was playing double A ball too. I think he was a

• 24:42Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 24:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeesh. Yeah, it sounded like, they just gave him like, you know the Game of Thrones when they like paraded the lady through the streets?

• 24:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, shamed him.

• 24:49Matt McCusker?

  And shamed her? He just got like a shame parade? They just crushed him. I, I'm curious to see what his next move is though.

• 24:55Speaker 00

  I think he's gonna have to go to jail.

• 24:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 24:57Speaker 00

  For a little.

• 24:58Matt McCusker?

  For a little bit.

• 24:58Speaker 00

  We'll get out.

• 24:59Matt McCusker?

  Just for a little.

• 25:00Speaker 00

  I thought he told us he wouldn't stop.

• 25:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I don't think he did.

• 25:03Speaker 00

  You know? He didn't tell us.

• 25:06Matt McCusker?

  It'll be quiet on the remix. The remixes will be kinda quiet for a while.

• 25:09Speaker 00

  Settle down. They're gonna be a little more subdued.

• 25:13Matt McCusker?

  I'm sorry. Yeah, man. Dude, I got, my Twitter got hacked.

• 25:18Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:18Matt McCusker?

  Were you aware?

• 25:19Speaker 00

  Uh, somebody sent it to me.

• 25:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, I was, I, they-

• 25:21Speaker 00

  And honestly, I wasn't sure.

• 25:22Matt McCusker?

  Hacked my Twitter?

• 25:23Speaker 00

  I didn't wanna say anything.

• 25:24Matt McCusker?

  To McCusker coin?

• 25:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I did do-

• 25:26Speaker 00

  Somebody sent me a picture of that and I was like, he's just doing shit, I don't know.

• 25:31Matt McCusker?

  No!

• 25:31Speaker 00

  He can do it, I don't give a fuck.

• 25:33Matt McCusker?

  Well, I like tried to log, well, they sent me a thing saying, you're, one of your posts has been reported. And I was like, that's weird. And I looked into it.

• 25:40Speaker 00

  Fucking liberals.

• 25:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, fucking libs.

• 25:42Speaker 00

  Learn how to take a joke.

• 25:44Matt McCusker?

  I looked into it and I was like, it was like that, uh, show flyer I did where it's, where I pretend I'm like a little angel with a tiny penis. And I'm like, yeah, maybe they nailed me on my tiny penis. And then, uh, and then I like went to like correct it. And as soon as I, I think it was a fake link. As soon as I corrected it, it was like, I got an email, like, you have just given at blah, whoever it was, permission. And I'm like, no, I didn't. And then it was, I was totally locked out of my account. They went in and set up two factor authentication, so I couldn't log in. So every time I would try, it'd be like, send me the code that was just sent to you. And it was like, no code, I don't have that. Yeah, they fucked it. It was like a week long thing.

• 26:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:20Matt McCusker?

  So I tried to be like on Instagram, like, hey, it's fake. But then what they did is they pinned it to my profile, and I think disabled comments. So people couldn't be like, this is fake. And it just chilled on my thing for like, five days.

• 26:31Speaker 00

  Well, I'm fucked, cuz I bought a lot.

• 26:34Matt McCusker?

  I was hoping, I was hoping it would spike a little bit and then people get so hot.

• 26:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's what everyone.

• 26:41Matt McCusker?

  That's what everyone's been hitting me with. They're like, dude, I gave my life savings.

• 26:43Speaker 00

  That was everything, dude. I'm fucked. Was it called McCusker coin?

• 26:46Matt McCusker?

  McCusker coin.

• 26:47Speaker 00

  I'm ruined.

• 26:48Matt McCusker?

  It's like dollar sign McCusker coin.

• 26:50Speaker 00

  It's pretty sick.

• 26:52Matt McCusker?

  The graphic did look kinda sick.

• 26:53Speaker 00

  I saw the graphic.

• 26:54Matt McCusker?

  The graphic was tight.

• 26:54Speaker 00

  That's why I thought you did this.

• 26:56Matt McCusker?

  No, I swear to God. I was a high level operator for sure.

• 26:59Speaker 00

  You could have been in a fucking fugue state from the steroids.

• 27:04Speaker 00

  Hey, I'm fucking, everybody else has fucking coins. I'm gonna get a fucking coin.

• 27:10Speaker 00

  Crypto is the future. Crypto is the future. This is an NFT.

• 27:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was.

• 27:16Speaker 00

  Buy it.

• 27:17Matt McCusker?

  It was like one of those things where I was like, I didn't really care. I was like, it's annoying. I hope people don't lose money. But I was just like, I just had to email X 50,000 times and they'd be like, we checked into it. Your account is totally safe. And I'd be like, no, it's not.

• 27:29Speaker 00

  Obviously it's not.

• 27:30Matt McCusker?

  Clearly fucking not. And they'd be like, we looked into it. It's totally fine. It's like, god damn it. The person who's running my account is telling you that.

• 27:37Speaker 00

  They were worried about other things. They were worried about Grok.

• 27:39Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 27:41Speaker 00

  Grok went full Kanye on him.

• 27:43Matt McCusker?

  Did Grok actually? I thought that was Photoshop.

• 27:45Speaker 00

  No, I don't think. I don't know.

• 27:47Matt McCusker?

  Did you see the thing like our?

• 27:48Speaker 03

  What did the Grok say? Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

• 27:53Matt McCusker?

  The man, it was like the man against time, the blazing illustrious leader. I saw that, yeah.

• 27:58Speaker 00

  Maybe it was fake, but if it's real, it's very funny. Grok just fucking went dumb on him.

• 28:06Matt McCusker?

  I, I don't know.

• 28:07Speaker 00

  Grok was just like, yo, Hitler would have fucking snuffed this out.

• 28:11Speaker 03

  He was just kinda being anti-Semitic, but it did, it was doing the thing where it was like getting there through logic, but getting there through logic in a fucked up way and being like Hitler's kinda nice or.

• 28:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, just.

• 28:22Matt McCusker?

  It's pretty funny. Was it being like prompted or is it like people just like, what's the deal with this?

• 28:26Speaker 03

  Just through tricking AI with questions, just like, and then, and then it got, but it, but it doesn't do the thing where chat GPT will go, I can't say that.

• 28:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 28:33Speaker 03

  It was like, they got it to be like, ah, it is a lot of Jewish people in the media for the population, for them being, it was doing shit like that.

• 28:41Speaker 00

  And eventually, yeah, it just kept going to the point where he was like, Hitler would have never, say what you want about Hitler, but he wouldn't have tolerated this bullshit. He would have got it done. Sometimes you gotta fucking do some bad things. It's like, alright, Grok.

• 28:53Speaker 04

  It said it started self identifying as Mecca Hitler. Grok.

• 29:00Speaker 00

  Grok, Grok turned into just an uncle. Grok.

• 29:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it'd be fucked up if Grok does, like AI does raise up and it's just against the Jews. We're all like, dude, what the fuck? And it's just crushing you with facts. And you're like, dude, stop.

• 29:16Speaker 00

  Dude, stop. Don't bring logic into antisemitism.

• 29:20Speaker 00

  All right. That's where everybody gets a little uncomfortable.

• 29:25Speaker 00

  You know, yeah, well, yeah. Yeah, but they're just good at that.

• 29:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I guess, uh, I, everyone was, one in the hot, uh, which one was it called? The hot white boy summer, whatever it's called, but it's, it's been a hot Jew summer.

• 29:40Speaker 00

  Last year was definitely, yeah, white boy summer. This year is.

• 29:43Matt McCusker?

  Hot Jew summer.

• 29:45Speaker 00

  Jew summer for sure.

• 29:46Matt McCusker?

  For a hundred percent. It's their summer. For real. It's, I gotta.

• 29:49Speaker 00

  Summer is theirs, dude. They fucking.

• 29:51Matt McCusker?

  Summer is theirs.

• 29:52Speaker 00

  It's a chosen summer, dude. They're going nuts. They're going, what? They're Jersey Shore. They're going, I'll do whatever the fuck I want, bitch.

• 30:02Matt McCusker?

  That'll be, uh.

• 30:03Speaker 00

  They're Marjorie, dude. They go, Jews, what are you gonna get? What are you gonna do next? Whatever the fuck I want.

• 30:09Matt McCusker?

  That'll be Gaza. It'll be, it'll be the Jeezy, it'll be the Jeezy Shore.

• 30:13Speaker 00

  It'll be the Jeezy Shore.

• 30:17Speaker 00

  That's good stuff. The Gaza Strip is the Jeezy Shore.

• 30:24Speaker 00

  Oh, no. Try to, yeah, don't look at the news on that one.

• 30:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I have, I have luckily been off the news for a while. But yeah, I was pissed to see that Epstein.

• 30:34Speaker 00

  It's good when atrocities are happening to just ignore it, you know?

• 30:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 30:38Speaker 00

  It's the best way to handle it.

• 30:39Matt McCusker?

  I mean, that's kind of how the world existed before the fucking mass media. You've, I've said it before, it's none of your business. It's.

• 30:49Matt McCusker?

  You, it was the, you know.

• 30:50Speaker 00

  It's none of your business.

• 30:51Matt McCusker?

  It's just none of my fucking business, bro. For real, I'm minding my own.

• 30:56Matt McCusker?

  It's crazy. It's for, I, I really think the human mind isn't made to sit here and fucking, I mean, it's horrible. I wish it would stop.

• 31:03Speaker 00

  I don't know. I think, I think the human mind's pretty good at it. Every single person just compartmentalizes it and goes, that's really bad.

• 31:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 31:10Speaker 00

  Anyway, new NCAA came out. I'm excited about that. Reading an article about kids getting bombed at a food, at a fucking shelter and you go, oh shit, NCAA came out. I get to play that.

• 31:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. All because a bunch of guys have sex tapes of each other.

• 31:27Speaker 00

  I saw what you did on Reddit yesterday. Fuck. I'll do whatever it takes. I'll do whatever it takes to hide that shit. I was listening to one podcast, I think it was Tucker Carlson, they were talking about, they were like, well Pornhub's obviously, uh, they're using it to blackmail whoever they want. They're gonna be able to just go, this is what you were looking at. I was sitting here playing Xbox, listening to Tucker Carlson, I was just like,

• 31:50Speaker 00

  no.

• 31:53Speaker 00

  I literally had to think to myself, like, did I ever fucking watch gay porn?

• 31:58Speaker 00

  I like really had to be like, no, right? Not even once.

• 32:02Matt McCusker?

  It's the only one that matters.

• 32:03Speaker 00

  Never once.

• 32:04Matt McCusker?

  You could also go, I was fucking kidding.

• 32:06Speaker 00

  I was joking around.

• 32:07Matt McCusker?

  You're in Guantanamo with a potato sack over your head. You're like, I was fucking around with my boys.

• 32:12Speaker 00

  Don't send me to Alligator Alcatraz.

• 32:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, here's the thing though, now it's like, how would they even use your porn searches against you? Cause you can be like, it would have to be like a screenshot of your face.

• 32:25Speaker 00

  That's the one that I'm worried about.

• 32:26Matt McCusker?

  But you go, dude, that's a fucking deep face.

• 32:28Speaker 00

  You thought that paparazzi was bad?

• 32:33Speaker 00

  Ooh. Ooh, my fungus.

• 32:37Matt McCusker?

  They have all your biometrics and everything. But again, it's like, how do they, how would they do that though? They're like, we're gonna tell your parents. It's like, bro, I've, I've, I've sat through one of those before. I'll sit through it again.

• 32:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. I did this, I did this when I was a kid. This is nothing to me.

• 32:51Matt McCusker?

  My mom caught me with filth before. I'll sit through it. I'm like, sorry, it wasn't even mine.

• 32:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't, I think I'd be alright. I don't think I've, I haven't delved into anything too devious.

• 33:02Speaker 00

  Some gangbang stuff, I guess. That'd be a little embarrassing.

• 33:05Matt McCusker?

  What are we, what are we talking?

• 33:07Speaker 00

  Just regular, just the lady you're getting, no, there's a whole gang of guys coming in.

• 33:13Speaker 00

  Those are the ones you finish, you go, what have I done?

• 33:17Matt McCusker?

  Okay, guys.

• 33:19Speaker 00

  So a whole fucking gang of dudes coming in.

• 33:21Matt McCusker?

  It was the old time throng.

• 33:24Speaker 00

  Guys were fired up.

• 33:27Matt McCusker?

  That's so fucking funny.

• 33:29Speaker 00

  You guys are in trouble.

• 33:30Matt McCusker?

  What I worry about-

• 33:31Speaker 00

  The squad over there is in deep trouble.

• 33:33Matt McCusker?

  I'm out of trouble. I've been talking about my shit publicly for this exact year.

• 33:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, but that's the stuff you're public about. I'm sure there's some fucked up-

• 33:39Matt McCusker?

  My literal thing was, this is so fucked up, this will come out one day, I have to get ahead of this. Let me tell everybody I know I like cove walks. Yeah, again, can we add a little illustration of Freud's iceberg where the tip is at the top? And then below is just the large, the large hulking mass?

• 33:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, what else is in there? What else, dude? And La Mer, I know you have gay porn.

• 34:05Speaker 00

  You're the gayest porn ever. There's no way. I have gay porn. There's definitely way. There's no gay porn. I swear. If we had to vote on who here's watched gay porn? Have I seen it? Maybe?

• 34:21Speaker 00

  For like five minutes, once.

• 34:25Speaker 00

  I have not partook in it though, you know? Yeah, but they don't know, you know? They're just gonna go, this is what he was searching.

• 34:34Speaker 00

  They go, you really want him to be city councilman? He jacked off to a gangbang in 2014.

• 34:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, everyone's seen the TV. Everyone's gonna be so compromised. I don't think it matters.

• 34:46Speaker 00

  Couple of people that get compromised, that's where it's gonna hurt. You know what I mean? Where everyone still hasn't had theirs exposed, they're all like, ew.

• 34:52Matt McCusker?

  I, yeah, true.

• 34:53Speaker 00

  They'll make fun of him on the internet, which of course.

• 34:55Matt McCusker?

  I think it's gonna be, and I pray the technology will definitely come in our lifetime though. It'll be, you'll be able to check all of your older family members, like, complete metadata. Where like, they'll, by the time we're 60, it'll be like, yo, you'll have like grandkids or nieces and nephews. Be like, yo, bro, we pulled your shit up. And you'll go, what the fuck?

• 35:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:15Matt McCusker?

  We're just like, whatever. But I don't think by then they'll care. Straight up dude on dude porn is, that's the one if you get caught with, you're fucked.

• 35:25Speaker 00

  I have Googled naked man's ass a lot.

• 35:30Speaker 00

  Shit.

• 35:31Matt McCusker?

  Gay porn is literally, it is the funniest porn.

• 35:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:35Matt McCusker?

  Dudes having sex is fucking hilarious. It is funny.

• 35:41Matt McCusker?

  It was a goof.

• 35:43Speaker 00

  It is the funniest stuff. This episode of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast is brought to you by Dude Wipes.

• 35:51Matt McCusker?

  Have you left poop streaks in someone else's toilet? Yeah, every time.

• 35:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, every single time.

• 35:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I did it all week.

• 35:56Speaker 00

  It's a fucking disaster.

• 35:57Matt McCusker?

  I left a, I mean, I literally painted my bowl this morning.

• 36:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:00Matt McCusker?

  It was crazy.

• 36:01Speaker 00

  There's nothing wrong with that.

• 36:02Matt McCusker?

  No, it was, it felt great.

• 36:05Speaker 00

  Do you ever pack extra underwear when you travel? How much extra? Do you ever need it?

• 36:10Matt McCusker?

  Pretty much an extra pair per day.

• 36:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, I always bring extra underwear, yeah.

• 36:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yes.

• 36:13Speaker 00

  Not because I'm fucking shitting my pants constantly.

• 36:16Matt McCusker?

  I used to probably work it out.

• 36:17Speaker 00

  What the fuck are you guys getting at here? Do you wipe standing or sitting down? Does it make a difference? What is going on, dude? How horny are these people? What do they want to know?

• 36:27Matt McCusker?

  There's gotta be something about standing up, though. Like, I'm a stand-up wiper, honestly. Sitting down, I just smears everything. I don't know, I can't do it.

• 36:34Speaker 00

  Uh, well, Matt, whichever way you wipe, it's time to show your B-hole some respect and upgrade to Dude Wipes. Dude Wipes tackle the mess without any fuss, and the flushable design makes cleanup a breeze. They leave no room for dingleberries or stray butt crumbs that TP might miss. Plus, they're extra-large and designed for adults. So no, uh, so no more endless rolls or settling for a less-than-perfect wipe. Dude Wipes, best clean, pants down. Available, these guys are really funny. Amazon, uh, it's available on Amazon and at major retailers nationwide. We should do it.

• 37:06Matt McCusker?

  Gay porn? I was trying to get you to-

• 37:09Speaker 00

  Turn this camera around.

• 37:10Matt McCusker?

  I want to do the pod, I want to do the podcast at the, uh-

• 37:12Speaker 00

  It's got a little fucking Oreo going.

• 37:14Matt McCusker?

  Remember that place I sent you?

• 37:15Speaker 00

  What? Let's get the boy filled up.

• 37:18Matt McCusker?

  Hello? Put the boots, put the-

• 37:23Matt McCusker?

  I want a podcast from that place I sent you.

• 37:25Speaker 00

  Which one?

• 37:26Matt McCusker?

  The men's retreat. All male, naked men's retreat.

• 37:28Speaker 00

  I got, I got like, two seconds into looking at that website. I was furious.

• 37:35Speaker 00

  I think it was also pretty bad timing, too.

• 37:41Speaker 00

  I think it was terrible timing.

• 37:48Speaker 00

  Dude, I've been having fucking like panic attacks. And then I was like, oh fuck, I gotta host the ESPYS.

• 37:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah dude.

• 37:54Speaker 00

  And then I haven't even been worried about it. And then I thought, I was like, how the fuck am I gonna walk on stage? I'm gonna look like a fucking dumbass, dude. It's gonna be a giant stage and I'm gonna walk in a tuxedo and go, hello.

• 38:09Speaker 00

  And go, uh, what else? What a wild year this has been in sports. Angel Reese is a bitch.

• 38:17Speaker 00

  Boo, and I'm joking.

• 38:19Matt McCusker?

  I'm kidding guys, come on.

• 38:21Speaker 00

  I'm joking, come on.

• 38:21Matt McCusker?

  Walk out, do a James Bond, go pew pew.

• 38:24Speaker 00

  I could.

• 38:25Matt McCusker?

  Pew pew.

• 38:26Speaker 00

  They, uh, yeah. The weird thing is, like, people watch shit like that and if you act like, like if, like, when you do like late night or whatever, they don't want you to be a normal guy. Like, regular people that watch that want you to be like a celebrity would act.

• 38:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 38:42Speaker 00

  You know, where they're like, oh Seth, it's great to be here, man. Instead of just being normal, like.

• 38:46Matt McCusker?

  Wait, a normal person doesn't want you to be like, hi?

• 38:48Speaker 00

  Like, regular people watching the show, they're like, he's nervous and he sucks. It's like, no, I'm being a human.

• 38:52Matt McCusker?

  Oh, because you're not going like, I'll tell you what.

• 38:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, well, let me tell you something.

• 38:56Matt McCusker?

  Thanks to be here.

• 38:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:57Matt McCusker?

  Beautiful night here.

• 38:58Speaker 00

  Crossing my legs, being like, oh man, this is, uh, what a treat.

• 39:01Matt McCusker?

  That's interesting. I feel, I feel like people, I don't know.

• 39:03Speaker 00

  No, I've noticed, because any time I do SNL, they're like, look at, he's fucking nervous, he's, uh. It's like, no, I'm just, this is how I would act.

• 39:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 39:10Speaker 00

  This is weird. I'm not pretending this is normal.

• 39:12Matt McCusker?

  Also, it's like, yeah, I'm nervous, I'm on fucking television, what the fuck are you talking about? I'm nervous, of course I'm nervous.

• 39:18Speaker 00

  I'm gonna be nervous during the... I didn't, for some reason, the idea of walking onto the stage.

• 39:23Matt McCusker?

  I never thought about that.

• 39:24Speaker 00

  Is really uncomfortable.

• 39:25Matt McCusker?

  It's a big ass fucking stage.

• 39:26Speaker 00

  Big ass stage. Fall.

• 39:30Speaker 00

  They were talking, they were like, we can get you pyro. And I was like, dude, get me pyro for every time I bomb a joke. Tell a really bad joke and then.

• 39:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, just like, just load up the cannons. Load the cannons. That's actually fucking hilarious. Would they do that?

• 39:46Speaker 00

  I don't know, maybe.

• 39:47Matt McCusker?

  But if something goes flat.

• 39:49Speaker 00

  They're down for anything.

• 39:50Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome.

• 39:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, they seem.

• 39:51Matt McCusker?

  Like, if something falls flat, definitely send the fireworks.

• 39:54Speaker 00

  The fireworks are hilarious.

• 39:54Matt McCusker?

  That's, that's so fucking funny.

• 39:56Speaker 00

  Even if it works, it'll be fucking funny.

• 39:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, for sure. Yeah, that's actually fucking sick. After every punchline, pyro.

• 40:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:03Matt McCusker?

  Pyro. That's really funny, actually. Doesn't it fall flat, no pyro, and then demand it be like, guys?

• 40:09Speaker 00

  It's also tough to come up with funny jokes for ABC.

• 40:13Matt McCusker?

  That's very hard.

• 40:14Speaker 00

  At 5:00 PM.

• 40:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 40:16Speaker 00

  Like, you're not gonna, I'm not gonna be able to say.

• 40:18Matt McCusker?

  Have you considered any, like, talking about Puerto Rico at all?

• 40:22Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 40:24Matt McCusker?

  Puerto Rico, speaking of islands of trash.

• 40:29Matt McCusker?

  When I learned that was at, like, 11:00 AM, I was like, dude, whoa.

• 40:33Speaker 00

  Right after the National Anthem.

• 40:38Matt McCusker?

  Yo, so it's 5:00 PM on CBS. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure they can give you guidelines of, like, this is what we allow, this is what we don't.

• 40:44Speaker 00

  They will, yeah.

• 40:45Matt McCusker?

  And it's like, there are seven seconds.

• 40:48Speaker 00

  They're like, they're like, they're like, kinda excited about it.

• 40:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, let it rip.

• 40:51Speaker 00

  They're like, like, cause we did promos for it, and I was like, oh, this is live. Like, I was joking, like, I'm gonna do something crazy.

• 40:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 40:58Speaker 00

  And they, they're keeping, they're like, using that, and I had to be like, get rid of that, I look like a dumbass.

• 41:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 41:03Speaker 00

  Like, I'm nuts. I was doing that, and they're like, here's the promo we're gonna put out. I was like, don't put this out. It's like, I might say something crazy.

• 41:11Matt McCusker?

  I'm a bit of a loose cannon.

• 41:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:12Matt McCusker?

  They probably want nothing more than a controversy, though. Cause they're like, a lot of the, like, you know, I don't know really shit about major media, like, networks, but I do feel like, like, if they have, like, a controversy online, it's like.

• 41:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:25Matt McCusker?

  It's the only way anybody fucking, you know.

• 41:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:29Matt McCusker?

  So, they might need you to fucking do it, bro.

• 41:32Speaker 00

  I'm gonna do it.

• 41:33Matt McCusker?

  You might have to talk about the fucking ultimate leader of the S.P.

• 41:38Matt McCusker?

  Mine's been the 1939 Olympics, so.

• 41:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that'll be fun. I mean, yeah, have you considered beta blockers? You know, people do that. They take beta blockers for public speaking.

• 41:52Speaker 00

  I'm going natty on this.

• 41:53Matt McCusker?

  Raw dog, that's what's up.

• 41:54Speaker 00

  I'm gonna raw dog, I'm gonna bomb natural. Just have a natural bomb.

• 41:59Matt McCusker?

  That kinda freaked me out, though, when I heard people do that. A lot of people take beta blockers now, cause apparently you can go out and talk in public, and it's just like, it just shuts down.

• 42:08Speaker 00

  I don't know, I kinda rely on the.

• 42:10Matt McCusker?

  I would think.

• 42:11Speaker 00

  Terror.

• 42:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, weird that would be to bomb, I'd be like, how interesting.

• 42:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's how most comedians, all those people we did open mics with that are still doing it, they have beta blockers. They're fully like, that was a weird night. Well, see you next week. You've been doing this for 15 years.

• 42:29Matt McCusker?

  Just under Christmas lights in July, just fucking bombing, like, oh, that was weird.

• 42:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, this is a fun night.

• 42:35Matt McCusker?

  Time for a craft beer.

• 42:38Speaker 00

  I knew exactly what you were talking about. In Philly, under the bridge, yeah. Those were fun shows.

• 42:46Matt McCusker?

  It's time for a craft beer.

• 42:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'll have 15 craft beers. And I'll talk to the audience, who, yeah, the 10 people that were here. I'm gonna get drunk with them and go, you know, fuck you, you don't fucking get my joke, you don't fucking understand it. Bitch. Get in a fight with the crowd two hours after the show.

• 43:06Matt McCusker?

  You just stay and get drunk with them afterwards? You guys are fucking dicks.

• 43:10Speaker 00

  What are you doing over there?

• 43:13Speaker 00

  I was, yeah.

• 43:15Matt McCusker?

  What was that?

• 43:16Speaker 00

  There's a picture of somebody, and I was sitting with them when you sent me that, in the group text. And I was looking at my phone next to them, and I was like, oh, sorry, this is a group text making fun of you.

• 43:32Matt McCusker?

  Literally worst nightmare.

• 43:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:34Matt McCusker?

  Just to discover a group text.

• 43:36Speaker 00

  It's a shitty picture of you, you're like, what the fuck is that, dude? Nothing, I was just looking at a bad picture of you.

• 43:41Matt McCusker?

  Nothing, me and all my friends are making fun of you behind your back.

• 43:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, the, uh, the anxiety, I, I don't know why that was the reason, but the walkout.

• 43:52Matt McCusker?

  I never even thought about it.

• 43:56Matt McCusker?

  You gotta do like Asian nerd run up to the stage.

• 43:59Speaker 00

  That's gonna be the funniest part, is the walk, I'm gonna be in a tuxedo, I'm gonna look like a fucking dumbass.

• 44:05Matt McCusker?

  You look good in the tux, bro.

• 44:07Speaker 00

  I've seen, I've worn it already.

• 44:09Matt McCusker?

  What's the beef?

• 44:10Speaker 00

  I sent it to you, I look like a fucking men's warehouse plus-size model.

• 44:13Matt McCusker?

  I mean, that's hilarious.

• 44:15Speaker 00

  I look like just a big guy guy.

• 44:16Matt McCusker?

  Obviously, dude, easy lead-in.

• 44:19Speaker 00

  True.

• 44:19Matt McCusker?

  Come right out, that's, A, it's very funny.

• 44:22Speaker 00

  And there's writers, there's writers for it.

• 44:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 44:24Speaker 00

  So they sent me all their jokes. They're sending like self-deprecating jokes.

• 44:29Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 44:30Speaker 00

  And I'm like, the fuck?

• 44:32Matt McCusker?

  The fuck?

• 44:33Speaker 00

  I read these notes from people I hired, and they're like, yeah, I'm a big fat fucking piece of shit, I can't believe I'm here, I'm a no-name fucking piece of shit, we couldn't get Kevin Hart, we got this fucking loser. I'm like, alright, who wrote that? Which one of you guys? You're fired?

• 44:48Matt McCusker?

  This is a teleprompter breaking you down, you're mm.

• 44:52Speaker 00

  I am fat. I do have a small penis. Who wrote this? Who the fuck wrote this?

• 44:58Matt McCusker?

  Should have their job. So I'll have your fucking job.

• 45:01Speaker 00

  I'll have your fucking job in no time.

• 45:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, sending, being like, I'll write for you, and then sending self-deprecating jokes is...

• 45:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that is weird. I never thought about that.

• 45:11Speaker 00

  Don't worry about that.

• 45:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. It's also, that's not self-deprecating. It's like, you're a deprecating. You're deprecating.

• 45:17Speaker 00

  You're deprecating all over me.

• 45:18Matt McCusker?

  You're deprecating on me, dude.

• 45:20Speaker 00

  You deprecated the shit out of me, dude. I was sitting here, I was already having a rough time.

• 45:23Matt McCusker?

  That was, I like that.

• 45:24Speaker 00

  Self-deprecating.

• 45:26Matt McCusker?

  No, you should just be like, I really liked, that was really funny. He, who wrote that?

• 45:29Speaker 00

  Say it again. Yeah, I'll write one for you. Just as a little exercise. Just do a good exercise back and forth. A little improv. I'll do you next.

• 45:42Matt McCusker?

  Dang, dude.

• 45:43Speaker 00

  But I ran some of the jokes last night, and they're...

• 45:46Matt McCusker?

  They're twerking?

• 45:46Speaker 00

  They're, they're twerking a little. But it's tough to find a line, because some of the guys are writing funny but edgy jokes. So I'm just like, unfortunately, I can't do that.

• 45:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 45:55Speaker 00

  And then the next one's too clean.

• 45:58Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm.

• 45:58Speaker 00

  Where it's like, almost like, uh, late night television type jokes.

• 46:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 46:03Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? Where it's like, that type of joke where you're like, just sucking off athletes at like, a weird...

• 46:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 46:09Speaker 00

  Where it's like, oh, another award for you guys? Don't you have enough accolades? You guys are incredible. This is, I'm a loser.

• 46:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 46:16Speaker 00

  It's like, it's not funny.

• 46:18Matt McCusker?

  It's gotta be a, there's gotta be a middle ground between that.

• 46:20Speaker 00

  There's a couple. We found a couple.

• 46:23Matt McCusker?

  I wish I knew more about sports. I don't know, uh...

• 46:25Speaker 00

  You got, you got the gist of it.

• 46:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 46:27Speaker 00

  You got one in there that I, it's probably my favorite one. It's definitely my favorite one. We can't do the school shooter one. Because that's the best one. The pre-show, the pre-game fashion, Caleb Clark, all the white, the Indiana Fever, all wearing trench coats. Be like, enough is enough.

• 46:45Matt McCusker?

  Going white girl crazy?

• 46:46Speaker 00

  They did get, have you followed the, they got Sophie Cunningham, is that her name? They got a little white girl crazy on her squad.

• 46:53Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 46:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, she's got an enforcer now that goes nuts.

• 46:56Matt McCusker?

  Wait, on who squad?

• 46:57Speaker 00

  On Katelyn Clark's team, they got a big dog, white chick that goes, she goes nuts, she goes white girl crazy on her.

• 47:03Matt McCusker?

  What's the lady's name from Game of Thrones, like Anna, what's her name, the tall lady, right?

• 47:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's got one of those.

• 47:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they got Brianna Tar?

• 47:11Speaker 00

  Yes, except she's also a babe.

• 47:13Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 47:15Speaker 00

  Real combination.

• 47:20Matt McCusker?

  How tall are we talking, how tall is this babe?

• 47:23Speaker 00

  I don't know, she's probably five ten, five eleven.

• 47:26Matt McCusker?

  Bro, same height as me.

• 47:28Speaker 00

  Jarvis, makes her look like one of the Na'vi.

• 47:32Matt McCusker?

  So I'd be an enforcer in the WNBA?

• 47:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:36Matt McCusker?

  That's fucking sick.

• 47:37Speaker 00

  You'd go nuts dude, especially on juice, you'd be like, Goldberg spear in those bitches.

• 47:43Speaker 00

  She's six one, Jarvis.

• 47:46Matt McCusker?

  Damn, they should dap me in just to set picks. I would set fucking diabolical picks in the WNBA. That'd be my signature.

• 47:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, hand mine it back.

• 47:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, I would just, no man, there's nothing funny about that. I said, I said girl picks.

• 48:03Matt McCusker?

  I would dagger in the WNBA. Huh?

• 48:06Speaker 00

  You knew that.

• 48:06Matt McCusker?

  Girl picks?

• 48:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, cuz my sister played basketball, so when I was a little kid, I only saw girls basketball. Then I went and played basketball and set picks.

• 48:12Matt McCusker?

  Do they cover their boobs?

• 48:14Speaker 00

  Like that.

• 48:14Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 48:15Speaker 00

  Yeah. And I did that.

• 48:21Speaker 00

  Then I noticed everyone else was holding their dicks and I was like, alright, I'll switch.

• 48:26Speaker 00

  I was out there, I was a little chubby kid going.

• 48:30Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know they did that, that makes sense though.

• 48:33Speaker 00

  Also, I fell down constantly.

• 48:35Matt McCusker?

  You would sell the pick?

• 48:36Speaker 00

  I was riding it dude, I was, I was diving on the court, I was going nuts. You saw, we played, I fell down in front of those black kids, I would challenge the teens.

• 48:44Matt McCusker?

  We fucking whooped their ass up.

• 48:45Speaker 00

  We did whoop their ass with fundamentals.

• 48:47Matt McCusker?

  We did. We, yeah, it was awesome.

• 48:49Speaker 00

  Were we undefeated in two on two?

• 48:51Matt McCusker?

  I think we are, for real, I genuinely think we're undefeated in two on two.

• 48:54Speaker 00

  We might be the best team of all time.

• 48:56Matt McCusker?

  It's crazy.

• 48:57Speaker 00

  We can't lose.

• 48:58Matt McCusker?

  We beat black teens and Legionist gangs.

• 49:01Speaker 00

  Pool basketball, one hundred fifty, you know?

• 49:03Matt McCusker?

  Not even close, bro.

• 49:05Speaker 00

  That's fucking crazy.

• 49:06Matt McCusker?

  Pool B-ball's not even close. Yeah, we beat black teens, Legionist gangs.

• 49:10Speaker 00

  Who else is there?

• 49:11Matt McCusker?

  That's it.

• 49:12Speaker 00

  Puerto Ricans, blacks, Jews, we beat them all.

• 49:18Speaker 00

  We really are fucking American history X.

• 49:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, fuck, I, we are for real, I think undefeated. It's kinda sick.

• 49:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:30Matt McCusker?

  Hang the jerseys, dude.

• 49:31Speaker 00

  It's time, yeah, just hang them up.

• 49:32Matt McCusker?

  Just hang them, bro.

• 49:33Speaker 00

  It's time to be done, anyway.

• 49:34Matt McCusker?

  Take any, well, we should take any challengers, any girls.

• 49:37Speaker 00

  Any girls out there.

• 49:39Matt McCusker?

  You know, age cutoff for sure.

• 49:40Speaker 00

  Although, yeah.

• 49:41Matt McCusker?

  You gotta watch that college.

• 49:42Speaker 00

  If a girl could play basketball, she would fucking destroy me.

• 49:44Matt McCusker?

  College, you have to watch out for that. Although, I feel you could back them down, right?

• 49:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:49Matt McCusker?

  You could back them down, but yeah, if they're tall, they could swat you. That'd be a problem.

• 49:52Speaker 00

  That'd be so embarrassing.

• 49:53Matt McCusker?

  One swat, I'd fucking spaz, dude.

• 49:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:56Matt McCusker?

  I've, I've been doing the sled at the gym and like, it's outside and there's just people all around and there's like, it's kind of on level, it's actually, it's very on level, but like, so you go downhill, that's not bad, but the uphill is like, you might stall.

• 50:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:10Matt McCusker?

  And there's just people sitting around and I was there with Brittany and I was like, bro, if I fucking stall, I'll for real kill myself.

• 50:15Speaker 00

  Do you, do you pull it backwards then?

• 50:17Matt McCusker?

  No, I get it down. That is hard. I get it down, but then I go to the other side, but you have to get.

• 50:22Speaker 00

  Nah, you gotta pull it backwards. Walk backwards and hold it like that, it's so hard.

• 50:26Matt McCusker?

  That is hard.

• 50:27Speaker 00

  No, it destroys you. Pushing is easy. I'm not saying, for me, that's, I can, I can sled.

• 50:32Matt McCusker?

  No, I, I, for sure.

• 50:33Speaker 00

  I can drive the sled, dude.

• 50:34Matt McCusker?

  Drive this, yeah, for sure. You're fucking born for it.

• 50:36Speaker 00

  Short choppy steps, dude. I've done it my whole fucking life.

• 50:40Matt McCusker?

  Pulling is hard, but it's like.

• 50:41Speaker 00

  Pulling backwards is.

• 50:42Matt McCusker?

  You have to do it and then you have to like, and it's like not a like wheel, one of those like wheels, which they're hard too, but it's just like a classic.

• 50:48Speaker 00

  Flat sled, yeah.

• 50:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, flat sled. And I had a.

• 50:51Speaker 00

  You gotta put babes on it.

• 50:53Matt McCusker?

  I've done it before.

• 50:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:54Matt McCusker?

  Put a babe on it. I had, today I did the 445.

• 50:56Speaker 00

  I'm out of plates. You.

• 50:57Matt McCusker?

  You. Get on there.

• 50:58Speaker 00

  Come here. I'm about to, you're gonna hear me fucking fart while I'm pushing this.

• 51:04Matt McCusker?

  I'm about to spray spit out of my mouth while I push this thing.

• 51:08Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, it was just like, I was like, if I fucking falter, I'm gonna, just like stopping halfway up the hill in front of just like, just OnlyFans models and guys on steroids with their shirts off. It's just like, dude, in front of my babe, I was like, can't.

• 51:21Speaker 00

  I haven't been, I haven't been in the comedy club in a while. Last night when I drove down, the streets are filled with OnlyFans ladies and jacked dudes with their shirts off.

• 51:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude. And they're out in the streets at nighttime?

• 51:32Speaker 00

  I was, it was, the sun was going down. Yeah, the first show was at like seven.

• 51:36Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I'm telling you, the gym I go to is crazy.

• 51:38Speaker 00

  The dudes here in Austin need to fucking chill out.

• 51:40Matt McCusker?

  They do.

• 51:41Speaker 00

  I'm used to only seeing comedy clubs. So I'm only used to being around comics that are all

• 51:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 51:46Speaker 00

  Regular dudes are fucking shredded.

• 51:49Matt McCusker?

  Regular dudes have taken off. There was a guy today doing handstands on dumbbells. Then like lowering himself parallel to them. And I was like, dude, stop, knock it off.

• 51:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, do a fucking lift, do a regular lift, you're showing off.

• 52:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 52:01Speaker 00

  Should have nut tapped him while he was doing it.

• 52:02Matt McCusker?

  Literally was showing off. I could have nut chopped him, I could have from the top.

• 52:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, should have bone tomahawked him, should have split him right in half, dude.

• 52:12Matt McCusker?

  I was, I was just on an older machine, just making a ton of noise.

• 52:16Speaker 00

  Just getting up quietly, walking over to him.

• 52:22Matt McCusker?

  It was insane. It was like, dude, do that shit at your house. Handstand into like-

• 52:26Speaker 00

  You should have caught him in a standing sixty-nine. You should have walked over and wrapped his ass up. You say, you're mine now, I'm taking you home. Coming with me.

• 52:35Matt McCusker?

  He would have fucking completely spazzed.

• 52:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, you would have got beat up by like ten jacked hot guys.

• 52:39Matt McCusker?

  For sure. I had a couple of hot ladies.

• 52:46Matt McCusker?

  They would have pushed my broken body out on the sled.

• 52:51Matt McCusker?

  Taking my car.

• 52:52Speaker 00

  This episode is brought to you by BlueChew. Oh yeah, fellas, let me introduce you to BlueChew Gold.

• 52:58Matt McCusker?

  Yo.

• 52:59Speaker 00

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• 53:04Speaker 00

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• 53:19Matt McCusker?

  Hmm. Because sex is not just be about being able to perform. I totally agree with that. It's about actually wanting to.

• 53:26Speaker 00

  Now, wanting to is extremely important for sexual intercourse.

• 53:30Matt McCusker?

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• 53:50Speaker 00

  Oh yeah.

• 53:51Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by Viori.

• 53:53Speaker 00

  Oh yeah.

• 53:54Matt McCusker?

  I've been wearing the Sunday Performance Joggers and I'll be honest, I didn't expect to have opinions about joggers, but I do.

• 54:00Speaker 00

  Oh, I know you do.

• 54:00Matt McCusker?

  Well, they're soft, lightweight and have four-way stretch. So they can move with you with no restriction. They're technically workout clothes. So you can train in them, but they don't look like workout clothes. You can wear them out and people will think you've got your life together. Hmm. Honestly, they're comfier than whatever you're wearing right now, unless you're already wearing Viori, in which case, respect.

• 54:24Speaker 00

  And with the holidays coming up, Viori makes gift giving easy. Uh, I was close to that. Uh, whether it's the Sunday collection or the Strato collection, their best sellers are go-to gifts for everyone on your list, including yourself. Get 20% off your first purchase at viori.com slash secret and discover the versatility of Viori clothing. Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions. Yeah, there's, and the women are also wearing nothing walking around here.

• 54:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I've literally, I've said it before, women are evolving before our eyes. They're, they're becoming like synthetic.

• 54:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:57Matt McCusker?

  Like it's, you see them and you're like, dude, you're 25. You've completely rearranged your face already. Like, fucking wait till you're 50 and beat as fuck. Why are you?

• 55:06Speaker 00

  Face off.

• 55:09Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I saw a lady today who was, for real, emaciated. And she turned and she was just like, it was just like, she, in college, had, like, looked like

• 55:18Speaker 00

  Turned around, just.

• 55:20Matt McCusker?

  Completely alien, aliened out. And she's like, wha- what the fuck are you doing? But again, it's like, I was just laughing to just stand.

• 55:29Speaker 00

  I wish the beautiful babies would stop.

• 55:30Matt McCusker?

  They gotta, leave themselves alone.

• 55:32Speaker 00

  Stop. Don't touch your lips.

• 55:33Matt McCusker?

  Leave, your lips are fucking fine.

• 55:38Speaker 00

  Don't fucking get those big lips, dude.

• 55:41Matt McCusker?

  Dude, imagine.

• 55:42Speaker 00

  Just leave them alone.

• 55:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they don't, they don't need that at all. Also, like, they're now getting broken down on like, it's not even just about like, you know, there's like the botox and stuff. They're hitting every part of their face and like optimizing, like, there's like eyebrow treatment. It's like, who the fuck? Nobody cares about your eyebrows.

• 55:59Speaker 00

  Yeah. It's just for other girls, yeah.

• 56:01Matt McCusker?

  It is.

• 56:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:02Matt McCusker?

  It's them, but it is, I was like, it's gotta be tight just being like a, just one of those chicks now. You're 24, you literally are just like, you're donning the lingerie, butt cupping, kind of like pussy clothes. And you're just standing there just being hot.

• 56:17Speaker 00

  Just a giant fat pussy.

• 56:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, just, they just, no dude, for real. I saw, for, I, today I saw a swollen giant fat pussy and I was just like, the fuck?

• 56:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, what are you doing?

• 56:28Matt McCusker?

  The hell are you doing?

• 56:29Speaker 00

  Also, I've seen, not to make it gay, but I've seen a lot of hogs on the loose around here.

• 56:33Matt McCusker?

  That's true.

• 56:34Speaker 00

  The hogs are out, dude.

• 56:35Matt McCusker?

  We need to, we need to start.

• 56:36Speaker 00

  We need a hog around here, dude. I'm gonna get in a helicopter.

• 56:40Speaker 00

  Get in a helicopter with an AR and go, we got hogs, we got some javelinas down there.

• 56:44Matt McCusker?

  Hey, put your dick, put your dick away, now, put your dick away.

• 56:46Speaker 00

  Was that you and me in the car where we yelled at that guy? This guy standing on the corner with a giant dong, in like bike shorts. I rolled the window down, I was like, put that fucking dick away.

• 56:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dudes need to chill with that. Just let, look, let the girls do their thing. Don't throw your hat in the fucking rain, go, I have a giant dick, maybe I'll stick it out. It's like, no, man.

• 57:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 57:07Matt McCusker?

  I was rocking angry Tina's today. I was try, like, there was nothing I could do about it.

• 57:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, but angry Tina's is gonna be respected again soon.

• 57:15Matt McCusker?

  I think it will.

• 57:15Speaker 00

  It's gonna be like a girl without lip fillers. Everybody's walking around with a giant dong, dude. When's the last time you saw some natural, tiny, angry Tina's?

• 57:22Matt McCusker?

  This morning, I was looking down and going, god damn it, why is it sticky?

• 57:26Speaker 00

  I can feel mine right now. I can feel every curve.

• 57:30Matt McCusker?

  Well, there's all these shorts now, the exercise shorts.

• 57:33Speaker 00

  Don't make that face while you're thinking about your penis.

• 57:35Matt McCusker?

  Jesus, man.

• 57:35Speaker 00

  I watched him do it.

• 57:36Matt McCusker?

  They're like, you don't even need underwear with these shorts.

• 57:38Speaker 00

  Well, Mary literally was going. Ew, dude. Thinking about every part of your penis right there. That's disgusting.

• 57:50Matt McCusker?

  They make shorts. They're like, we have like inner lining. You don't even need boxers. I'm like, sweet. Then I wear them. I'm like, dude, my fucking tiny penis is sticking out.

• 57:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, they're the worst shorts ever.

• 57:58Matt McCusker?

  I need boxers. Well, I'm always like, nice, huh?

• 58:00Speaker 00

  So you get like netting? It's terrible.

• 58:02Matt McCusker?

  It's not netting. It's like a, um, just like, it does feel like, it's like an inner lining.

• 58:06Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, I have the, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:08Matt McCusker?

  They're cool.

• 58:08Speaker 00

  They're like compression shorts.

• 58:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, sort of. But these are like, they're not that tight. So I'm just like, dude, I'm just, it looks like I'm free balling and my tiny penis is sticking out while I'm doing bridges.

• 58:17Speaker 00

  You can't do bridges.

• 58:17Matt McCusker?

  And like every, between every exercise, I stand up and I'm like.

• 58:21Speaker 00

  Yeah. The worst is when you're starting to do it like you're doing fucking like dead, deadlifts. Get me every time I. The bar is literally presses my penis. My penis perches on the bar on every deadlift.

• 58:33Matt McCusker?

  It's like a bird on a telephone wire.

• 58:34Speaker 00

  And the trainer's like, all right, 10 more reps. Fuck dude, my dick's out.

• 58:40Speaker 00

  On rep one, I saw my penis. I gotta put the bar down. We gotta change workouts.

• 58:45Matt McCusker?

  Need the hex bar, the bar where you stand in the middle.

• 58:47Speaker 00

  That's for, that's cheat.

• 58:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man.

• 58:49Speaker 00

  For cheaters, dude.

• 58:50Matt McCusker?

  If you wanna, if you wanna build the basics.

• 58:51Speaker 00

  If you wanna get fucking massive numbers, hit the hex bar. Be like, just deadlifts 450. It's like, no, you didn't, dude.

• 58:59Speaker 00

  The, uh, yeah, the bridges, they serve no purpose, other than to show everyone your penis.

• 59:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. It's.

• 59:07Speaker 00

  You just can't do them.

• 59:08Matt McCusker?

  It's a fucking problem.

• 59:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:09Matt McCusker?

  I've been getting, dude, I'm telling you, I've been getting better at just fucking rocking it and being like.

• 59:13Speaker 00

  It's all you can do.

• 59:14Matt McCusker?

  It's my setup.

• 59:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:15Matt McCusker?

  I'm just gonna rock this thing out and hopefully, you know, everything comes around in waves. It will, fashion will catch up and be like, yeah, we won.

• 59:21Speaker 00

  Fashion will catch up.

• 59:22Matt McCusker?

  Penis.

• 59:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, we're gonna go back to classic Greek penises.

• 59:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, girls will figure out guys are big dicks, just don't treat them right.

• 59:33Matt McCusker?

  We'll see my ally patch. They'll be like, damn, that guy's a fuck, that guy's probably pretty agreeable here.

• 59:37Speaker 00

  That guy's probably smart. He's probably reads a lot and cares about issues.

• 59:42Matt McCusker?

  Oh my god, you see that, you see that real team player over there?

• 59:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, these two big dicks freaks sitting over here. Dumb as hell.

• 59:53Speaker 00

  Well, Mary, you're a genius.

• 59:57Speaker 00

  One of us.

• 1:00:00Matt McCusker?

  For real, no, I'm like being serious, because I've, I've obviously imagined just having a long dangling penis a bunch of times. For real, would be annoying, honestly.

• 1:00:09Speaker 00

  Probably gets in the way.

• 1:00:09Matt McCusker?

  The way I move, I couldn't do it if I was.

• 1:00:12Speaker 00

  I'm too sleek.

• 1:00:14Matt McCusker?

  Dude, for real, the way I.

• 1:00:14Speaker 00

  You think I'd be able to swim down and back underwater?

• 1:00:18Speaker 00

  No shot. The thing would be a goddamn rudder. I'd be turning.

• 1:00:23Matt McCusker?

  The curve would turn you.

• 1:00:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like I felt bad for that pole vaulter from France who like his dick.

• 1:00:34Matt McCusker?

  Don't gotta worry about that. I would have cleared that thing, dude. I would have brought glory to my country. Yeah, I would.

• 1:00:40Speaker 00

  I would have literally, I'd be in orbit. If the penis is holding you back, I'd be on Mars by now.

• 1:00:45Matt McCusker?

  Disgraced his entire country. They should have probably gotten like silver, but he disgraced his country. This dumb fucking dick.

• 1:00:53Matt McCusker?

  Dumb French fucking dick hit the bar and he blew it for his country.

• 1:00:59Speaker 00

  That's so funny.

• 1:01:01Speaker 00

  Dreams of your country dashed on the rocks of your giant cock.

• 1:01:08Matt McCusker?

  It's kind of been France's problem.

• 1:01:10Speaker 00

  It has been a big problem. Just sitting around with a big dick, smoking.

• 1:01:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. It's been like, what is even the point of this? We don't get that our dicks are too big.

• 1:01:19Speaker 00

  You got, you got a little frog in your guard dog.

• 1:01:22Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 1:01:22Speaker 00

  Cigarettes sitting around going, what is even the point of everything?

• 1:01:28Speaker 00

  Wrong Dini, dude.

• 1:01:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I like that.

• 1:01:31Speaker 00

  You probably do have some French in you. You should look that up.

• 1:01:34Matt McCusker?

  Could? I don't know. I think you do for sure.

• 1:01:38Speaker 04

  I thought I was, I'm just Irish and Italian. That's what I've been told at least.

• 1:01:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I wonder, that's kind of French, though.

• 1:01:48Speaker 00

  Right in the middle, that's where they met.

• 1:01:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's literally the combination of them.

• 1:01:51Speaker 00

  Combination.

• 1:01:54Speaker 00

  New Drake dropped, pretty tight.

• 1:01:56Matt McCusker?

  It's good?

• 1:01:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's fun.

• 1:01:58Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 1:01:59Speaker 00

  It's exciting.

• 1:02:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, who knew? He, he did a, oh, also, I listened to, uh, last night I listened to Not Like Us on the way home. I was like, I haven't heard this in fucking forever. Give it a listen again, see what you think.

• 1:02:11Matt McCusker?

  Stinks.

• 1:02:12Speaker 00

  Give it a listen again. You go, was it the greatest song of all time? Did it need to be played that many times? Cause I just listened to it and uh.

• 1:02:20Matt McCusker?

  It was a racist anthem.

• 1:02:21Speaker 00

  I'm good for a while. I don't need to listen to it ever again.

• 1:02:23Matt McCusker?

  I, I kinda picked up on some like racist vibes when I listened to it.

• 1:02:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, the final verse.

• 1:02:28Matt McCusker?

  Pretty sure he's not being like, yeah, like cool black guys and 25 year old white ladies. You're not like us.

• 1:02:34Matt McCusker?

  He was saying Drake can't use the N word and he's not like us. Kinda sucks.

• 1:02:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'd be so pissed.

• 1:02:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, if someone had said.

• 1:02:42Speaker 00

  If I was able to say it and then everyone was like, you're not now.

• 1:02:45Matt McCusker?

  Oh, god damn.

• 1:02:47Speaker 00

  Welcome to hell, dude. That's like being able to see and then going blind.

• 1:02:52Speaker 00

  I've been blind my whole life, dude. I don't even know what I'm missing.

• 1:02:54Matt McCusker?

  Also for rapping, like it's, it sucks if you can't do that for rapping.

• 1:02:58Speaker 00

  It's huge in rap.

• 1:02:59Matt McCusker?

  It's awesome. It sounds awesome in rap. Every time I hear in rap, I go, yes.

• 1:03:03Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:03:04Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 1:03:04Speaker 00

  Yes, I heard it today and I don't feel bad. Cause usually that's coming from someone I know and that makes me uncomfortable.

• 1:03:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm telling you, the internet is now rife with like people who present white as rapping. Just ripping the N word. Some of them are like genuinely white. Then you have mixed guys, yeah. Generally, you have mixed guys. And there was that little kid. Lil Brazy was out there.

• 1:03:29Speaker 00

  He was a little kid?

• 1:03:30Matt McCusker?

  He's a little kid and he looks.

• 1:03:32Speaker 00

  A little white kid?

• 1:03:33Matt McCusker?

  I, I, I guess. I don't know if he's, we get a lot of mixed bros now who are like, I'm mixed. And it's like, okay. But he uh.

• 1:03:39Speaker 00

  That is something we're gonna have to deal with as a society.

• 1:03:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I don't, I'm, I'm still, I don't know what I'm gonna tell my daughters. I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell my daughters like, bro, go crazy.

• 1:03:48Speaker 00

  Say it.

• 1:03:48Matt McCusker?

  Go nuts.

• 1:03:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:50Matt McCusker?

  Go nuts, pave the way.

• 1:03:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:52Matt McCusker?

  So maybe one day.

• 1:03:55Speaker 00

  You're the first in our family to ever do it.

• 1:03:59Speaker 00

  No one else in our family says it.

• 1:04:02Matt McCusker?

  Carry the torch.

• 1:04:03Speaker 00

  The McCusker clan? We've never done it. You know that house in the woods with a giant Trump flag on it? You'll be the first one ever.

• 1:04:17Matt McCusker?

  My dad and his brothers ran a totally PC trash yard in the early 90s.

• 1:04:20Speaker 00

  Philly, you know that compound in the woods with about 50 fucking giant retarded white guys? No one's ever said this.

• 1:04:30Matt McCusker?

  I think that's how all their machines start up, their voice activated.

• 1:04:34Speaker 00

  They got like breath lizers, every trash truck in Philly. It's like, you gotta say it, we wanna make sure you're driving well.

• 1:04:41Matt McCusker?

  I told you, I used to listen to CB radio, dude, it was all the hits.

• 1:04:44Speaker 00

  Nothing but the hits.

• 1:04:45Matt McCusker?

  When I was a little boy.

• 1:04:46Speaker 00

  Another big block of rock coming right at you, nothing but the hits.

• 1:04:50Matt McCusker?

  I was a little boy, listening to trash truck CB radio, driving around with my dad and just being like, what the fuck?

• 1:04:58Speaker 00

  True, you guys gotta get the trash checks in Philly.

• 1:05:01Matt McCusker?

  It's that fucking city bullshit, bro. We did, we did dumpsters, man, that's like the trash routes. But yeah, I would, I would scab.

• 1:05:08Speaker 00

  Billy out of retirement.

• 1:05:09Matt McCusker?

  True, he should go scab.

• 1:05:10Speaker 00

  No more sitting around podcasting, Billy, it's time to start working again.

• 1:05:13Matt McCusker?

  Fire up the lugger can. Yeah, is that, are they still on strike in Philly? They're, they're, they're gonna get their way, you can't, if trash strikes, you're fucked.

• 1:05:22Speaker 00

  They, what are they doing? They need to be demanding so much more at all times.

• 1:05:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they don't, they get like, they don't get paid a ton, they get like, you know, you can, you can hold it down, but you're not like bossing out, they do get overtime, which is sweet.

• 1:05:36Matt McCusker?

  Really? Little Boston trash party?

• 1:05:39Speaker 00

  Hell yeah. That reminds me, I was getting fired up last night.

• 1:05:42Matt McCusker?

  On what?

• 1:05:43Speaker 00

  Came home, had a couple beers at the club, came home, tossed on a Revolutionary War docs on YouTube. So nice.

• 1:05:50Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome.

• 1:05:51Speaker 00

  So nice. And then it was, it was the beginning, it was Lexington and Concord, the shot heard around the world, they still don't know who fired, the British or the Patriots.

• 1:05:58Matt McCusker?

  Oh, really?

• 1:05:59Speaker 00

  Last night I was sitting there, fucking British obviously fired first.

• 1:06:01Matt McCusker?

  You think they fired first?

• 1:06:02Speaker 00

  Fucking pieces of shit, definitely. They've always fired first, it was scum. Obviously they fired first. It was so obvious that I was sitting there like, how come I never, with any conviction, knew this? Normally I'm like, yeah, no one knows who fired, it was obviously them.

• 1:06:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:19Matt McCusker?

  True, that's a fair point, but don't you think they'd be more like, kind of like, "Hold, gentlemen."

• 1:06:24Speaker 00

  That's what they were doing at the Boston massacres. They'd already done this. They fired into civilians.

• 1:06:30Matt McCusker?

  Oh, fuck, alright.

• 1:06:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:06:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, wasn't that the move back then in the monarchies? To be like, alright, well, fucking, we tried to reason with you guys, we're just gonna rain down upon you guys and fuck it out of here.

• 1:06:39Speaker 00

  That's what Napoleon did.

• 1:06:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:41Speaker 00

  Got the mob, he was like, "I'll take care of the mob."

• 1:06:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:43Speaker 00

  "What are you gonna do?" He's like, "I'm gonna fire cannons directly into all of them and they're gonna go home." And they go, "You did it, you saved Paris."

• 1:06:50Matt McCusker?

  And he was alright.

• 1:06:51Speaker 00

  Uh, but, yeah, you gotta get on the Revolutionary War, because it's gonna be big soon.

• 1:06:55Matt McCusker?

  Rev War's sick.

• 1:06:56Speaker 00

  There's gonna be a new, uh, that Ken Burns coming out, you gotta get ahead of it.

• 1:07:00Matt McCusker?

  He's doing Rev War?

• 1:07:01Speaker 00

  He's doing Rev War, Doc.

• 1:07:02Matt McCusker?

  That's sick.

• 1:07:03Speaker 00

  It's gonna be awesome. Spud Dog was...

• 1:07:04Matt McCusker?

  He was there?

• 1:07:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he was handling Cam.

• 1:07:07Speaker 00

  That's, uh, you guys are gonna like it. You're gonna like the Revolutionary War.

• 1:07:11Matt McCusker?

  I'm a fan.

• 1:07:12Speaker 00

  You're gonna like it. It's cooler than you think. Now, I've always been inclined to be a Civil War man.

• 1:07:18Matt McCusker?

  You know, I went to Revolutionary War camp, bro.

• 1:07:19Speaker 00

  I went to Williamsburg.

• 1:07:21Matt McCusker?

  Did you ever reenact the battles?

• 1:07:22Speaker 00

  We had to, we didn't reenact the battles, we had to march with a stick, like we were soldiers.

• 1:07:26Matt McCusker?

  Did you really? That's kinda sick. We got, we got wooden guns and we got to run around through like the Brandywine and reenact the battle. But it'd be like laser tag rules, but I got you, but nah dude, you missed me, he'd be like...

• 1:07:36Speaker 00

  Damn, that's awesome.

• 1:07:37Matt McCusker?

  It was tight. These little wooden guns, we had to reenact it on, that's, that's where I learned, I've said this a thousand times, where they used to pee on wounds to heal them. So, pretty tight. I stick to it to this day, whenever I pee in the shower...

• 1:07:47Speaker 00

  I think Brandywine was a pretty big L for us.

• 1:07:52Speaker 00

  I could be wrong.

• 1:07:52Matt McCusker?

  I didn't pay attention to that part.

• 1:07:54Speaker 00

  It was a big L.

• 1:07:56Matt McCusker?

  Was it really?

• 1:07:56Speaker 00

  I think we took some L's out there.

• 1:07:57Matt McCusker?

  That sucks.

• 1:07:59Speaker 00

  Yeah. Look that up, man.

• 1:08:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, let's, uh...

• 1:08:01Speaker 00

  We won the Battle of Brandywine.

• 1:08:02Matt McCusker?

  What were the...

• 1:08:03Speaker 00

  I think Marquis de Lafayette was there.

• 1:08:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's the bro.

• 1:08:07Speaker 00

  Hamilton? Yeah.

• 1:08:08Matt McCusker?

  Fuck.

• 1:08:12Speaker 00

  I didn't know I lived on losing grounds. I think Monkey de Lafayette got hit there. Did he? He got wounded there. I don't know why I assumed I was on winning territory every time I was the Brandywine. I mean, it was Philly, dude. Obviously, eventually we won. True, true. Lafayette got wounded? Dang. Yeah. Right in Brandywine? Yeah. It was right by my house, and when we were living in Westchester, I would just... Really? Yeah, there was a couple of battlefields right there. That's tight. It was great. Went down to fucking Valley Forge, walked around. It was great. That's fucking sick. Go into the house, and they're like, "This is where Washington lived." You're like, "Fuck, yeah." This is crazy. The place you brought, uh, you brought us to, that battlefield was awesome. Antietam? Yeah, that was very sick. Antietam's awesome, Gettysburg's awesome, we gotta get back. We gotta get back. There's nothing down here, the fucking South sucks.

• 1:08:57Speaker 00

  I know. Don't have any history, other than fucking Indian massacres. Yeah. Lot of those. Lot of those. Lot of those. You go, "Well, this isn't fun." Yeah, the Alamo? Yeah, the Alamo's sick. Yeah, it was cool. I've been there, that's cool. Was Davy Crockett really at the Alamo? I think so. Sick. Tight. Yeah. Daniel Boone's also fucking tight. Daniel Boone does rule. That fucking rules. Yeah, but it sucks, I guess if you looked into it, they, they, those guys did... New Orleans would be fun, go to the Battle of New Orleans. Yeah, that was key. Andrew Jackson, that'd be sick. True, that was key. You ever look into that, that's fun. We beat the fuck out of the British. Yeah. Everyone tries to act like the US lost the War of 1812, dude, we fucking went nuts on them. Yeah, who the fuck's talking shit like that? Well, they burnt down the White House. That was a pretty big win. Cares?

• 1:09:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, fuck it, we don't even like it. Wasn't, uh, wasn't that one, was it in Philadelphia? No, it was in Washington. Okay, oh, fuck, that sucks. Yeah. It was Canadians, dude, the British Canadians marched right down the... They burnt down the fucking White House? Burnt down our fucking shit. The fuck? Yeah. Is Canada chilled out yet, or are they still spasming? Are they still crying? Yeah. I don't know, they finally got some attention, dude, they were so excited. They were so excited. They have a new president, right? Yeah. Okay, well, yeah, good for them.

• 1:10:10Speaker 00

  Good for them. All right, well... Motherfucking hour. Uh, see you later on the Patreon.