Marrying Yourself with Tiffany Haddish

Tiffany Haddish is here to discuss how dating cops led her to developing discernment, why she once shat in her ex’s shoes, and gives a play-by-play of the Netflix doc Maternal Instinct. Then: A single woman struggles to find a man who’s both interesting and interested. A surprise pregnancy signals the end of a relationship. And a divorcee isn’t sure how to fill her life now the chaos is gone. * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [email protected] mailto:[email protected] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed Human. Palm Wonderful antioxidant super teas provide a unique, refreshing flavor available in five delicious varieties: Peach Passion, Elderberry, Orange Blossom, Honey Green Tea, and Lemonade. Powered by the antioxidant goodness of pomegranate juice, that's my favorite fruit, by the way. Pomegranate juice and a bright blend of gently brewed teas. Each taste is like a delicious sip of sunshine. Palm tea is perfect on its own, on the go, or added in cocktails and mocktails. From Honey Green Tea with Floral Rose Notes to Orange Blossom White Tea and Peach Passion,

• 0:42Speaker 00

  each flavor offers a more premium fruit-forward taste experience than traditional bottled teas. So you can find delicious recipes and learn more about the antioxidant goodness of Palm Wonderful. Please go to palmwonderful.com. Season four of Sniffy's Cruising Confessions is here, everybody. This year, hosts Gabe Gonzalez and Chris Patterson-Rosso are unzipping the truth, challenging stereotypes, celebrating sex positivity, and keeping things delightfully unfiltered. Tune in for jaw-dropping, hilarious, and insightful chats with some of the boldest voices in the queer community and dive deep into the history of cruising queer scenes from Atlanta

• 1:27Speaker 00

  to Puerto Rico, how OnlyFans is reshaping adult content, and so much more. Feeling curious? Maybe a little bold? Just push play. Listen to Sniffy's Cruising Confessions now on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Sponsored by Healthy Sexual from Gilead Sciences. You've considered advancing your education or pursuing a new career. Rasmussen University has a seat saved for you. And with over 50 online programs, you can take a seat in your kitchen, your kid's soccer practice, your commute home, or wherever your busy schedule takes you. Plus, with a team dedicated to supporting you every step of the way, you may be online, but you will never be alone.

• 2:09Speaker 00

  Find the program that fits your goals at rasmussen.edu. Okay, guys, here are my dates for the High and Mighty Tour. In August, you can find me in Red Bank, New Jersey, Montclair, New Jersey, and Calgary. That's Canada. And September, I will be in Santa Barbara, San Diego, New York City, Philly, and New Haven, Connecticut. October is Atlanta, Baltimore, Saginaw, Michigan, Pittsburgh, Toronto, Boise, Idaho, and Spokane. And then in November, I'll be in San Francisco. I'm coming to Salt Lake City, Austin, Houston, Dallas, babies, I'll be there. And then in December, I am closing out my tour in Denver and Vancouver. So get your tickets at chelseahandler.com for the High and Mighty Tour.

• 2:56Speaker 00

  Hi, Catherine.

• 2:57Speaker 01

  Hi, Chelsea. How is the handsome Spaniard situation over there?

• 3:01Speaker 00

  Oh, I don't know. I'm so focused on my studies, you know that, I'm not even looking at men. You know me, when I have one focus of attention, it is to learn more.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  The consummate student.

• 3:12Speaker 00

  Estoy aquí para aprender. No me interesa en los hombres. Hasta mañana. Until tomorrow, that is, where I'm actually being set up with a man. So we'll see how that goes.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 3:29Speaker 00

  Yes, yes.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  We'll check back next week.

• 3:32Speaker 00

  Well, I'm going for a little aperitivo. How was your, ¿Cómo te fue el vacación?

• 3:37Speaker 01

  Muy bien, muy lindo. Estábamos en la piscina todo el tiempo. We were just floating in the pool the entire time and did almost nothing. It was really lovely.

• 3:48Speaker 00

  ¿Dónde fuiste?

• 3:49Speaker 01

  Playa Mujeres, cerca de Cancún. So I was playing with her near Cancún, and it was really lovely.

• 3:57Speaker 00

  Was it hot?

• 3:59Speaker 01

  You know what? I was worried it was gonna be like muggy and crazy, but it actually was quite comfortable. Like during the day, you definitely wanted to be like in the pool, in the water. But yeah, the evenings were like fine, and it was really, it was really delightful. Yeah.

• 4:13Speaker 00

  That's nice, that's nice.

• 4:15Speaker 01

  It was just like full relaxation, yeah.

• 4:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, I have to say, Madrid is one of the most special cities I've ever spent time in. I've been here for now for two weeks, almost. Estoy saliendo el sábado, el sábado. And I've been going to school every day like a good little girl with my, I have people in my class, it's very cute. I go from 9:30 to 1:00 PM. And then I go and I take myself to some ridiculous meal where I drink white wine and eat the freshest fish. They fly the fresh fish into Madrid every day. There's fires everywhere, unfortunately.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, what's the deal, what's going on with that?

• 4:51Speaker 00

  I don't know, there's fires everywhere in Europe, but this air is pretty bad. It's like you can feel it when you're walking around. But I'm just enjoying my life like Eloise at the Plaza. I'm staying at a really beautiful hotel. I already have set up like all these doctors just close to me. I get my back cracked, I get dry needling. I'm like, I'm just living my best life until I have to come home. And yeah, it's pretty exciting. I'll see everybody in Montclair, or no, Red Bank. Red Bank is sold out, Montclair. And then I have Calgary on the 13th of August, I believe, or the 14th, or the 15th. It could be any one of those days.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  It's one of those days.

• 5:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's one of those days, yeah.

• 5:33Speaker 01

  Go to chelseahandler.com to find out.

• 5:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm coming back on tour. I'm back and on track. This has been my reprieve, my respite.

• 5:41Speaker 01

  I can tell you're rested, yeah, I can tell you're rested and restored.

• 5:45Speaker 00

  I've been sleeping a lot.

• 5:48Speaker 01

  Good, that's excellent. Our guest was so fun this week.

• 5:51Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, she's one of my favorites. She's been one of my favorite friends for so many years. And I think she's coming to my house in Mallorca next month, so that's gonna be really fun. Because I don't think we've ever vacationed together. But she is a comic, she's an actress, and she's a star of the upcoming Haunted Heist, which is in theaters now. Please welcome Tiffany Haddish.

• 6:13Speaker 02

  Oh, I look cute.

• 6:15Speaker 00

  That reminds me of your bat mitzvah.

• 6:17Speaker 02

  Mine was at the SLS, though.

• 6:19Speaker 00

  Your bat mitzvah.

• 6:20Speaker 02

  Mine was totally perfect.

• 6:22Speaker 00

  It was really cute. That was a party that I'm glad I really didn't miss.

• 6:26Speaker 02

  I'm glad you didn't miss it either, because that was the best party ever.

• 6:28Speaker 00

  It was, it was a great party. Who did I sit with? Billy Crystal.

• 6:33Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 6:33Speaker 00

  Billy Crystal and his wife.

• 6:35Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 6:35Speaker 00

  And they were so proud of you. It was like they were your parents. It was so sweet.

• 6:39Speaker 02

  That's my auntie and uncle.

• 6:40Speaker 00

  Who did I go to that, who did I go to your party with? Sarah Silverman.

• 6:45Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 6:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was a Jew parade. You're a bunch of Jews parading around.

• 6:49Speaker 02

  It's supposed to be a bunch of Jews.

• 6:50Speaker 00

  I know.

• 6:51Speaker 02

  And a bunch of black people, too. It was a perfect blend, it felt like civil rights.

• 6:57Speaker 00

  You're here to promote your new movie, which is called Haunted Heist. It's on video on demand. First of all, I was watching a bunch of your stuff in the last couple of weeks. You like a fucking murder mystery, don't you?

• 7:08Speaker 02

  I do.

• 7:10Speaker 00

  You love that shit. You liked, you were a detective like three different times. I was like, uh.

• 7:15Speaker 02

  I love, I wanted to be the police, you know, I slept with so many.

• 7:18Speaker 00

  So many police officers?

• 7:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I want to be the police. I do love.

• 7:22Speaker 00

  Have you slept with a lot of police officers?

• 7:24Speaker 02

  I have.

• 7:24Speaker 00

  How many, do you think?

• 7:26Speaker 02

  Probably four.

• 7:28Speaker 00

  Really?

• 7:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:29Speaker 00

  I don't think that I've ever slept with a police officer. Was that to get out of something?

• 7:33Speaker 02

  No, no.

• 7:34Speaker 00

  To get into something?

• 7:37Speaker 02

  Well, to get something out of it. And one of them turned into a judge. Went from police, lawyer, judge.

• 7:44Speaker 00

  And did you ever get something out of it from them?

• 7:46Speaker 02

  No.

• 7:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  I got, I got some life lessons. And I, I picked up some character traits, and I'm able to like, I picked up discernment.

• 7:58Speaker 00

  That's right. I've also picked up discernment. And later, in my later years, I didn't get discernment until a couple of like years ago.

• 8:05Speaker 02

  Right.

• 8:06Speaker 00

  It's pretty recent.

• 8:07Speaker 02

  Right.

• 8:07Speaker 00

  And it's kind of shocking when you do, when you do achieve discernment, you're kind of like, wow, I was really fucking stupid before.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  That's stupid, yes.

• 8:16Speaker 00

  Like, and, and no one would ever look at me or you and think that we are easily taken advantage of. But I have been taken advantage of by friends, by lovers, by so many people, and not.

• 8:30Speaker 00

  Not that I'm a victim, I'm not saying that, but just like you would think I would be smarter than that and I'm not.

• 8:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, I am a victim. I am a victim and the victim side of me has taken all that, all that energy and mutated it into something good.

• 8:46Speaker 00

  I know. Well, things are going really well for you now.

• 8:48Speaker 02

  They're going okay.

• 8:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, they're going well. They're going well.

• 8:52Speaker 02

  All right.

• 8:52Speaker 00

  I'm going to say they're going well and then that's going to, we're going to invite in the positivity.

• 8:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, you know, the door is wide open for all positive. I'm like this for the positive. And I'm bending off the shit and I'm on the negative.

• 9:04Speaker 00

  We, you started off this year with your Sports Illustrated cover, which was badass.

• 9:09Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 9:10Speaker 00

  And you were so excited and Chris, Tiffany was full disclosure, was one of my first dinner guests at my house when I had to christen it with good vibes.

• 9:19Speaker 01

  Nice, good.

• 9:20Speaker 00

  Tiffany, my friend Sarah, my friend Jane, Jane Fonda was here and then Yamanika was here, but she was in a real fucking funk that night. So luckily we were like, get the fuck out of here. She came downstairs to meet Jane Fonda and she had a migraine and she didn't even acknowledge Jane. She sits down and she's just like, looks up and Jane's like, hello.

• 9:41Speaker 00

  So that was ridiculous.

• 9:42Speaker 01

  Someone had to bring the bad vibes.

• 9:43Speaker 00

  But yeah, you, so you helped christen my new house and put it in the good vibes.

• 9:46Speaker 02

  Good.

• 9:47Speaker 00

  But I want to talk about your Sports Illustrated because I know you were so proud of that and I was so proud of it. When you told me, I was like, wow. And then I saw it all the time. Like you guys did a runway show.

• 9:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:57Speaker 00

  Do they make you do all of this stuff when you're on the cover?

• 9:59Speaker 02

  They don't make you do it, but they definitely would like for you to do everything.

• 10:04Speaker 00

  Right.

• 10:05Speaker 02

  And there was so much more. I didn't do everything that they wanted because everything comes with the big check.

• 10:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:12Speaker 02

  I'm Tiffany motherfucking hat.

• 10:13Speaker 00

  Tiffany likes to get paid for everything.

• 10:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I do want to be paid. I want to be compensated. No exploitation without compensation. That is something that I picked up through discernment.

• 10:25Speaker 00

  Well, we both did a charity event the other night for Jane and we didn't get paid for that unless you had a side hustle going.

• 10:31Speaker 02

  No, we did not get paid for that, but I feel like there was compensation in that because we get the, the friendship of Jane Fonda. And that is very valuable. Like, I mean, she changed the light switches in my house so that I could have dimmers.

• 10:45Speaker 00

  She did?

• 10:46Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 10:46Speaker 00

  After we went over that night?

• 10:47Speaker 02

  Yes, she said, it's too bright in here. You need dimmers. And she sent a very sexy electrician over. And he came through and he changed my switches.

• 10:58Speaker 00

  Wow. Jane is amazing. Not me thinking you meant like she's in there with the screwdriver.

• 11:04Speaker 02

  No, but she sent the very hand.

• 11:07Speaker 00

  It's just amazing.

• 11:08Speaker 02

  That's what real friends do.

• 11:09Speaker 00

  I know, I know. She, it's amazing to me how much shit she gets done every single day. Like she is tireless. I've never seen anybody like that.

• 11:19Speaker 02

  I think she stares at the wall. Have you heard this new, this thing? It's, it's new to me, but it's probably as old as time. But when you take a break, like actually take a break, like don't do anything. Don't pick up your phone. Don't look at pictures or nothing. Just stare at the wall. Or just stare at a tree, but just stare at something for like 10 to 20 minutes. Like empty your brain out. Just stare at something.

• 11:42Speaker 00

  And then start again?

• 11:43Speaker 02

  And then start again.

• 11:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, boredom breaks, right?

• 11:45Speaker 00

  That's like meditation, like meditation almost.

• 11:47Speaker 02

  Yeah. And I think she does that because I feel like she does it in the middle of conversations sometimes.

• 11:53Speaker 02

  I feel like I'm telling her a story and she's like.

• 11:57Speaker 00

  I've seen, I've definitely seen her look at you like that for sure. Okay. So you got married to your, you got married this year?

• 12:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, to myself. Yeah, last year. Was it the year before?

• 12:07Speaker 00

  I don't know. I mean, it's your anniversary.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  Two year anniversary is coming up. It's in, it's in August.

• 12:11Speaker 00

  How did you decide to do that?

• 12:12Speaker 02

  Well, I just was really realizing like, okay, so everybody's like Tiffany, who are you with? Who are you with? Who are you dating? And that kind of bothered me. I don't like that because I remember before fame, nobody cared who I was dating. I could be whatever kind of whore I wanted to be. And nobody thought about it. Nobody asked questions about it. And then I started like, I'm dating these different guys and like, they all want to be with me so bad. But then I'm not wanting them like that. And then they're not like really serving me. And then I'm like, how can I expect them to make me happy if I don't know exactly what makes me happy? And how am I going to make a real commitment if I'm not making any commit? I've never made a commitment to myself, except like to fulfill my dreams.

• 12:50Speaker 02

  But nothing like for like, let me take care of you. Let me love on you. Like I've never really committed like that except for, I guess when I got married for real life to a man. And then I had to foreclose on him. That didn't work out. That did not work out.

• 13:04Speaker 00

  No, it didn't.

• 13:06Speaker 02

  No, but I'm lying, but discernment came with that lesson.

• 13:09Speaker 00

  So how did you celebrate your wedding to yourself?

• 13:11Speaker 02

  So, so basically I invited my best friends and we went to Africa and I had a ceremony and married me. And then we danced a little bit, ate some food. And now every year on my anniversary, I take me to like the Bel Air Hotel. Or I take me somewhere nice and that has a jacuzzi and I, I basically buy me flowers and I do all this nice stuff for me that I would want my man to do for me. And I'm made a manual basically, uh, and I'm about to, I think I kind of want to publish it, but then I think that might be too much. But I'm going to give it to the guy that I think is the guy and be like, this is all the stuff you got to do to just make me happy. This is how you win me over.

• 13:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:49Speaker 02

  This is how you can, you know, get whatever you want out of me. This is how you win.

• 13:52Speaker 00

  You know what's really annoying is when you tell people directly what you want, especially men that you're dating, if you tell them directly what you want and they don't follow that, like you're like.

• 14:01Speaker 02

  That's why I put it in a manual with sketches and stuff and then like Ikea. And if you can't do this, then we wasn't supposed to be together. You can't put this, you can't put this together.

• 14:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, exactly. It's like, listen, if we're telling you like we're self empowered, that means we're, we're, we need that in order to stay with you. So if you're not following the manual, then you're not going to get to stay with us.

• 14:22Speaker 02

  Right.

• 14:22Speaker 00

  This is a very frustrating thing. Being direct is like, sometimes you think, I want to ask you a question. I know you've had a lot of breakups, like I've had a lot of.

• 14:29Speaker 02

  I just went off on somebody earlier today. On the way here, that might be why I came so early.

• 14:36Speaker 00

  First of all, I've never seen you early in your life, so it was quite shocking and destabilized my last interview.

• 14:42Speaker 02

  I'm always early if I think it's work. If it's work, I will show up early.

• 14:46Speaker 00

  This is true. Yes, yes, yes. It's social that you're running behind.

• 14:50Speaker 02

  I get there when I get there, bitch. We hanging out.

• 14:52Speaker 00

  What did you do? What happened today?

• 14:54Speaker 02

  So this guy that I've been talking to that lives in New York, we've been talking for a while and we ended up hooking up and I was, I didn't enjoy it. I didn't enjoy it. I just didn't. And, but I like him as a person, but then it just, the more he would talk to me, the more I just don't want to talk. You know, like once you have sex with somebody and if it's bad or it's not necessarily bad, it's just not good enough for me. It's just like, yeah, I don't want to, I don't want to be bothered.

• 15:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:19Speaker 02

  I don't want to be bothered. And that might be this sex happened like two years ago. It hasn't happened since, but I still be like entertaining the conversation. And so I'm like, look, I can't keep entertaining this no more. Like I'm not into you. I'll never be into you. You ain't seen me naked in a long ass time. I don't want to see you naked. Like, and he's a beautiful man, but it just don't, don't, don't be putting your hopes on me. I hope you got other girls you talking to.

• 15:45Speaker 00

  See, this is the difference between women and men is that we will, I will put out a flame on behalf of the other person. Like what you're saying is you're like, I don't want to give you any false hope. Right? Whereas men want to keep women lingering around so they don't definitively tell you when they're not interested. Whereas we're not trying to waste anybody's time. I don't want to break your heart. If you're into this and I'm not into this, I want to just cut you loose and be respectful of another person.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  Right.

• 16:10Speaker 00

  It'd be nice if everyone behaved that way.

• 16:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Well, because it's like, well, to me, they, I think they do this case, this one that I really want to be with, don't want to give me no ass today. Maybe this one that I kind of like.

• 16:20Speaker 00

  Right, exactly. Yeah.

• 16:21Speaker 02

  Which is cool. I get it. I have dudes that are online for that. You know, that's just like, you know, if I need some, I'll give you a call. But it's not like, uh, I don't want to be, I don't want to be your thing. I don't want to be your main person.

• 16:33Speaker 00

  What is the lowest thing that you've ever done during a breakup?

• 16:37Speaker 02

  The lowest?

• 16:38Speaker 00

  Like, do you have, do you have a regret, any regrets about the way you've handled a breakup?

• 16:43Speaker 02

  Nah.

• 16:44Speaker 00

  Really?

• 16:45Speaker 02

  I mean, I've shitting in shoes, but I don't regret shitting in them shoes. I have, I have made, uh, sex videos, made, uh, copies of the dude's sex tape that he had with the bitch that he was cheating on me with. I didn't regret that at all.

• 16:57Speaker 00

  You got videos of the affair?

• 17:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:00Speaker 00

  How did you do that?

• 17:02Speaker 02

  Um, he had, he's stupid. He was stupid. He, he, he was dumb as fuck. So, okay, so he was trying to film me. He wanted to film me and him having sex. This is, we're 21 years old. He wanted to film us having sex together. And I was like, no, no, I don't want to do that. And then one day, uh, this is like a few days after my birthday. I wanted to film it. I'm like, let's film it. Okay, let's do this. I've been thinking about it. Yeah, you know, we only gonna be young for so long. We need to capture our bodies the way they are now. And our sex so good. Yeah, this is gonna be great. And I grabbed the camera and I start to push record. When I grabs the camera and it was on top of the TV, he yanks the camera from me. Scratches my face. I still got a scratch on his cheek from it. And he takes the tape out, goes outside in the rain, throws the tape in the dumpster.

• 17:47Speaker 02

  So I'm like, what the hell is on that tape? Right? So I play dumb or whatever. We start making, I'm like, oh, my stomach making weird noises. Let me go to bathroom real quick. I go to the bathroom. I wait like 20 minutes in the bathroom, just staring at the wall, deciding how I'm gonna murder this motherfucker. And then, um, I was like, I can't make, I'm not gonna commit murder. I got a lot of life to live. I don't want to do that. But I'mma, I'mma go in that dumpster. So I tell him, I'm sick. I'm really sick. I cannot do this. I gotta go home. And I get in my car and I drive about three blocks away, come back around, park about a, a half a block away from his place. Walk down, go down into the garage area where the dumpsters are, and I get the dumpster diving. It's raining too. It's nasty.

• 18:31Speaker 00

  It's outside the dumpsters.

• 18:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it's raining and it's raining. And I'm out there, I find the tape, okay? I needed one of those adaptive VHS tapes to see what was on there, because it's a little high eight. So I drove around till 3 o'clock in the morning to every drugstore, Walmart, I mean, everywhere, Kmart, Target. I was driving everywhere. CVS, I don't even think CVS existed then. I think it was Savon's and Walgreens, girl. I was driving around there trying to find that damn adapter. And then I remembered that my homegirl, Anna, Anna had, uh, the same video camera that he had. I had to start going into my memory, like, who do I know that got cameras? Who do I know? Like, literally, when I tell you I was sitting in my Geo Metro trying to manifest the thoughts, trying to find, like, I was trying to find the knowledge.

• 19:16Speaker 02

  And then I was like, ooh, Anna, Anna has the same Sony camera. So I call Anna like 5:00 in the morning and I say, Anna, I will bring you whatever alcohol beverage you want. Whatever, weed, tobacco, whatever you need, I will bring it to you right now if you let me borrow your camera for a couple of days. And she said, what do you need it for? I said, girl, I got this, this acting project I'm trying to put together. And she said, okay, yeah, just bring me, just bring me like a six pack and some cigs. I said, all right, bet. What, what brand you want? Got her the brand, got her the cigs, I even got her some Black and Milds, and I got her a fifth of weed. I was not playing, okay? And I brought all that and she gave me the camera and I went home. I, I was home probably about, about 7:00 in the morning.

• 20:00Speaker 02

  I plug up the camera, I put the tape in there, I rewound it all the way to the beginning before I push play. I push play and then I hear me going, ah, come on, let's make a movie. We making this movie. We gonna be so sexy. Our bodies gonna look so, ah, ah, ah, ah, you know how this? And then it cuts to, it cuts to him saying, no, that's not how Tiffany do it. When you do it, you gotta do it like this. This is how Tiffany do it. And da, da, da, and like he's telling her, he's basically teaching this bitch all my moves. And then they're like, and then it's, it's dark, it's dark. And then all of a sudden, the picture comes up and he's blowing this girl's back out. And he ain't got no condom on. And I watched it probably 50 times. I was so hurt.

• 20:45Speaker 02

  And I, I wanted, I wanted to, I wanted to destroy this man's soul, because it was, it was killing my soul. It was like, oh, it hurt so bad. So I went ahead and, um, went down to the swap meet. And, uh, and I had got that movie Charlie's Angels on bootleg. And I was like, I'mma watch this. This gonna make me feel better. Right? So I was watching that. And then he called me and was like, what's up? How you feeling? You feeling better? I was like, no, I'm still sick. But the more sick I get, the more I just think, I don't think we should be together no more. I won't break up with you. I told him I won't break up with him. He told me I'm crazy. You tripping. He come banging on my door. I don't answer the door.

• 21:28Speaker 02

  And then, um, he leaves, he leaves like flowers and stuff at the door, like, you need, you stop tripping. And then, um, his mama called me, his aunties called me, his grandmama called me. They all tell me I'm crazy. I got a mental problem. How could you break up with him? This man loves you. He'll do anything for you. And I'm like, that's bullshit. That's bullshit. But, you know, I, I, I still wanted to honor him, you know? But they kept on pressing me, kept pressing me. And it was pissing me off how they was pumping this man up and I started looking at him.

• 22:00Speaker 00

  Did you tell them the truth?

• 22:02Speaker 02

  Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. I just said.

• 22:06Speaker 00

  I like this. I like when women aren't reactive and they hold on to their evidence and then decide when they're going to.

• 22:13Speaker 02

  I just said to him, you need to talk, because his sister warned me. His sister, two months before, told me, you know my brother cheating on you. You know my brother be sleeping with the neighbor girl. Like, every time you leave from over here or when my mama go to work, he be with the neighbor girl. He, this little Jamaican girl. So you know, he don't, you know, he be cheating. And his sister was like eight and I'm like, this little girl lying. This little girl just don't want me to be with her brother or whatever. But then I just started thinking about it, like, man, she's always attached to me. She's like, she, the girl always wants to play with me, laugh with me, like, that, I don't think she, they don't start being like, she might not be lying. So then I ask him and he's like, she's making that up. I don't know where she get that from. So, and I want to believe him. I'm 21. I'm stupid.

• 22:56Speaker 02

  Fully dumb. So whatever he say, I believe. But after I saw that video, yes. So then I got so mad. I got so mad and I got so in my head. And I had my homegirl come over and watch with me. I said, what you think I should do? I think I'mma destroy this man. She was like, did you break up with him? I said, yeah, we broke up. And I'm like, his family keep harassing me, but I, it's really bothering me. I, I just really want to destroy him. Like, I feel like he's destroyed me. And she said, do it. Do what you think is right. And he had left some shoes at my house. So, um, I doo-dooed in those shoes. I ate corn and I doo-dooed in them. But before that, I went ahead and I got a bunch of blank, uh, VHS tapes.

• 23:38Speaker 02

  This is the early 2000s, by the way. And I took that Charlie's Angels movie. And right in the middle of the Charlie's Angels movie, I put his sex tape. And I made enough copies for every single family member that called me and told me this man love you. And for Christmas, I sent it to every single one of those family members.

• 23:59Speaker 00

  And did you tell them it was imperative to watch the movie? Because what if they weren't interested in Charlie's Angels?

• 24:03Speaker 02

  No. No, I did not say it was imperative. I said, either they watch it or they don't watch it. And right in there, I put Corn's Angel. His name was Cornelius.

• 24:12Speaker 00

  His name was Cornelius? Well, that, you missed that part. That's an important part of the story for you eating corn and then taking a shadoubi in his shoes. This is a strong play.

• 24:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:22Speaker 00

  Very strong move. This is another level of breaking up.

• 24:25Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. Actually, I wrote about that in my book and, um, I named him Titus, Titus in the book. So his name is Titus. Middle name Cornelius.

• 24:36Speaker 00

  You've considered advancing your education or pursuing a new career. Rasmussen University has a seat saved for you. And with over 50 online programs, you can take a seat in your kitchen, your kid's soccer practice, your commute home, or wherever your busy schedule takes you. Plus, with a team dedicated to supporting you every step of the way, you may be online, but you will never be alone. Find the program that fits your goals at rasmussen.edu. Women are expected to manage everything: work, family, hormones, cramps, and somehow we're still supposed to be in the mood. Because apparently having a uterus wasn't enough. That's where Vela comes in. The Vela Comfort Plus Pleasure Duo is designed for both sides of the female experience.

• 25:21Speaker 00

  Ebtide is made for those uncomfortable days when cramps and discomfort are seriously killing the vibe. And Pleasure Wave is for when you're ready to get back to the fun part. One is for comfort, one is for pleasure, because women shouldn't have to choose between feeling better and feeling good. Comfort when you need it, pleasure when you want it. Learn more at velabio.com. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. There are plenty of reasons we put off getting support, and for a lot of people, cost is one of them. So with BetterHelp, insurance options may now be available nationwide with an average copay for eligible members of just $23 per session.

• 26:02Speaker 00

  We women inherit a lot of unwritten rules. Be ambitious, but not intimidating. Be there for everyone, but still make time for yourself. Have it all, but don't look like you're trying too hard. I am not immune from having to unlearn those unwritten rules either. Maybe it's I should have figured my career out by now, or being a good friend means always being available. Or if everyone else can keep up, I should also be able to keep up. Consider where that rule came from and whether you would ever impose it on someone you care about. If you've been waiting to start therapy, give BetterHelp a try. Don't have insurance or live outside the US? You still get 10% off your first month.

• 26:40Speaker 00

  Visit betterhelp.com/dearchelsea to explore your payment options. That's better H E L P dot com slash Dear Chelsea.

• 26:51Speaker 00

  Have you had nice breakups with men?

• 26:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, uh, pretty much most of my breakups have been pretty nice.

• 26:56Speaker 00

  That's nice.

• 26:57Speaker 02

  But they all turn into a little bit of a stalker for a little bit, for a little bit. And then I get over it.

• 27:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, men can be like that. They don't.

• 27:04Speaker 02

  And I could too. I, I might have been a little bit of a stalker myself.

• 27:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:09Speaker 02

  Once or twice.

• 27:10Speaker 00

  I went through a phase like that. Once Tiffany and I, this is a story. Tiffany and I, I don't remember where we were, what we were doing, but we were backstage, we were doing something and she was like, I, you were like, come over here. And you were talking about, we were talking about how much, like, we pay for other people and family members and stuff like that. And she's like, I need you to come over here and look at my bank account balance. And she's like, does this seem right to you?

• 27:35Speaker 00

  And I remember being like, no. This does not seem right for the amount that you are working. This is not the right balance. And I was like, something has got to change. Oh, that was.

• 27:47Speaker 02

  But that's because I really admire you and I feel like you should not, like you can see my career better than I can see my career.

• 27:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:55Speaker 02

  And I'm like, you tell me what you think this, if this is right, because I feel like this is wrong.

• 28:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was wrong.

• 28:01Speaker 02

  And maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm just over thinking too highly of myself. Or maybe I'm just going extending myself too much. And so I was like, can you tell me if this is right? And you looked at the numbers and you said, nah, bitch, this is wrong.

• 28:16Speaker 00

  She was, it was when you were doing your game show. When you were doing your game show, she was working like fucking five shows a day, tilt filming, like. And I was like, no, no. We all need, I know, well, women especially need an education in finance. We just do.

• 28:32Speaker 02

  I feel like it was so important for us to talk about that, though. Like, and I think women, we don't talk about that with each other, men do. And they're like, yeah, man, I'm getting paid this, so then they know what to go ask for. But we don't do that, so that in that moment, that's when I decided I'm finna start asking my friends that I think is successful and I know is doing well, from my point of view, what they see in this, because maybe I'm tripping. And so, and you've been so good with that.

• 28:57Speaker 00

  Oh, thank you.

• 28:57Speaker 02

  With that, you definitely like, no, bitch, you broke right now, that's not, that's not okay. We need to make some phone calls, this, somebody is stealing from me.

• 29:04Speaker 00

  Well, it seems like you, it seems like you've repositioned yourself.

• 29:07Speaker 02

  I did.

• 29:08Speaker 00

  You have different management, you have different people around, it seems like everything is moving in the right direction.

• 29:13Speaker 02

  It is, it is.

• 29:14Speaker 00

  It is, I noticed, I noticed. Okay, we're gonna take some callers. Are you ready to give some advice?

• 29:19Speaker 02

  Yes, oh, I'm good at advice.

• 29:20Speaker 00

  I know, I know. I know, since you got discernment.

• 29:23Speaker 01

  This one is really juicy, so.

• 29:26Speaker 00

  Oh, we love juicy.

• 29:28Speaker 02

  I love a good juicy.

• 29:29Speaker 01

  Yes. Dee says, Dear Chelsea, I started dating my boyfriend about four months ago. Before we slept together for the first time, we had a conversation about contraception and I explained to him that I wasn't on birth control because my body doesn't react well to it. He said that it was no issue at all because he'd had a vasectomy. He already had two kids from his previous marriage and doesn't want anymore, so he said he'd made the decision to get snipped, or so I thought.

• 29:52Speaker 00

  Oh, this is like that fucking documentary on Netflix, that maternal instinct woman.

• 29:57Speaker 02

  Oh, my gosh, I thought that was like the fuck?

• 30:00Speaker 00

  Can you believe, first of all, let's just, let's break, stop down for a second, because we need to discuss that, maternal instinct.

• 30:06Speaker 01

  I haven't seen it yet.

• 30:07Speaker 02

  Oh, it's good.

• 30:08Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 30:08Speaker 02

  Oh, it's good, I couldn't take my eyes off of it.

• 30:10Speaker 00

  The level of white trash in this country, and I, listen, I don't use that term loosely, but the level of miseducation, like this guy couldn't even string a sentence together. He couldn't even put the right tenses together.

• 30:24Speaker 01

  What's he, what's, what's the premise?

• 30:26Speaker 00

  Okay, sorry, sorry, I'm getting, I'm too upset about the grammar. I just couldn't believe the dumbassness of these people. It's like, no wonder we have fucking Trump in office when people like this are just wandering around our country. So, the premise is, do you want to take it?

• 30:40Speaker 02

  Woman, two kids already, meets handsome cowboy type dude.

• 30:45Speaker 00

  Not that handsome, but, okay.

• 30:47Speaker 01

  Not worth it.

• 30:48Speaker 02

  I was DTS. Anyways, she, she wants to lock him in now. She's had atopic pregnancies before and had her tubes removed, okay? Tubaligation, like she removed it, okay? No, no, they had to take the whole uterus, hysterectomy, okay? She had a full hysterectomy. She dating this dude, she trying to trap him, okay? She tells him, okay, after a few months of dating, not even a whole year, that she's pregnant, okay? She starts pretending to be pregnant and her family is letting this lie. This woman done told a thousand lies, her family is not saying nothing. They, she had a gender reveal, a baby shower, all the shit.

• 31:30Speaker 02

  Nobody's in her family saying nothing because she got something over their head or whatever. A few people here and there saying something, one of the.

• 31:37Speaker 00

  His family is starting to get suspicious.

• 31:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, and, and the mama, the, the mama, his mama, calls up to the, or one of the friends, or sister, or somebody in his family, calls the doctor's office, because this is a small town, right? The doctor's office see her posting stuff on Facebook talking about baby on the baby.

• 31:53Speaker 00

  The doctor's office that gave her the hysterectomy.

• 31:55Speaker 02

  And they're like, they're like, the fuck? Now, she not having no baby, no way in hell she having a baby, right? And the, one of the family members call and they're like, they can't, because of HIPAA, they can't say she had a hysterectomy, but they saying, double check, I would pay attention if I were you. Like, they can't tell that this woman had a hysterectomy, but, and they can't say that she can't get pregnant, because who knows? God makes miracles, but, and, and no.

• 32:19Speaker 00

  Right.

• 32:20Speaker 02

  Right, so what she do, with this, with this crazy bitch too? She pretend like she pregnant, she, she just a big girl, right? But then I guess she put a little fake belly on, but how you hitting that, sir? How you have a sexist woman?

• 32:32Speaker 00

  This is what is so dumbassness.

• 32:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, and why you never see a foot pushing through the belly, nothing like babies move around, sir.

• 32:39Speaker 00

  The level of dumbassness in this country is astonishing.

• 32:42Speaker 02

  I'm thinking she ate milk, maybe she lactose intolerant, and you know how when you eat milk, you can feel that rumble? He like, she like, fill my belly, fill my belly, that's the baby.

• 32:49Speaker 00

  She had a fake pregnancy suit on, that she ordered, but like, at some point, the husband or the boyfriend would see her naked or have sex with her or see her walking to the bathroom and be like.

• 33:01Speaker 02

  Pig farmer, dude, he's a pig transporter.

• 33:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:04Speaker 02

  So, he ain't even, if you ain't a pig, he don't know.

• 33:06Speaker 00

  And he'd be like, I didn't know she had, she been, she, he'd be like, I didn't know she been expect, like, the, like, the sentence structure was, I couldn't even get past the language.

• 33:16Speaker 02

  It's where ghetto comes from.

• 33:18Speaker 00

  But people talk like this.

• 33:20Speaker 02

  No, he talked, they talked like, he's like, I don't know how in the hell she was, I didn't, she said she's expected, so we expected? Like, it just sound very Slazish. It's like borderline slavery, like oversphere type, it's just bad.

• 33:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:35Speaker 02

  It's just bad grammar, bad everything. And she basically went and befriended, this woman that she befriended, took pictures of this woman at her wedding and everything. She's a photographer too, the woman's a, the lying ass bitch is a photographer, okay? Took pictures of her friend at the motherfucking wedding, at the, at the, at her friend's baby shower, at her friend's party. Go over to her friend, girl, let's have tea, let's whatever, I'll come kick it with my friend and all the other friends. The friend is very pregnant and now she's 10 months. And everybody's like, hey, you 14 days behind your due date, what's up with the, where the baby at?

• 34:08Speaker 00

  Everyone has said, like even the mother of the guy was like, hey, this, we don't trust this woman, we don't think she's pregnant, we don't believe she's pregnant. She passed her due date by like a month, which is like, are you an elephant? That doesn't happen.

• 34:21Speaker 01

  Right, right, right, right.

• 34:22Speaker 00

  And, and, and then, so they were telling him and he's like, no, she says she's pregnant, and then.

• 34:29Speaker 02

  And then this bitch go over to the homegirl house, right? When everybody gone to work and stuff and her baby in there asleep, her daughter in there asleep, this bitch come over early in the morning, kills her friend, slices her baby out of her belly, okay? Leaves her on the floor, takes the baby, starts driving her radically, like she headed to the hospital because she done told her husband, to, or her boyfriend, to meet her at the hospital because she having a baby.

• 34:54Speaker 00

  She had the baby? In the car, she pretended she had the baby in the car. And so the baby still had the umbilical cord on, but everyone had been kind of red alerted in this town, the hospital and the police both, because they knew that she was lying and everyone knew the story. So, when they got there, they filmed everything and, and she's like, I mean, talk about a dumbass. She's like, what, like she, and they're like, well, let's see your vagina and make sure you're okay, basically. You just delivered a baby.

• 35:21Speaker 02

  Right, she's stupid, she should have did that shit when she was on her period. Oh, wait, you don't have periods because you got a hysterectomy? So, she's like, she ain't even got no blood, you know, when you bleed, like, you got a little blood on your pants, a little blood on the back of the pajama bottoms or something, you will be bleeding through. Then she came out of there with just a little bit of blood on her shirt from the bleeding baby she was holding.

• 35:41Speaker 01

  Did the woman survive?

• 35:42Speaker 02

  No, the woman did not survive.

• 35:44Speaker 01

  The woman died and the baby died.

• 35:45Speaker 00

  Oh, no.

• 35:46Speaker 02

  So, the lady, she doing life in jail, but I'm like, she's so dumb, she should have put that blood of the lady all between her legs or something like. Either way, but it doesn't matter, why you taking somebody else's baby?

• 35:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, that, but also, how do you think that plan? You think that you're gonna steal someone's baby from their belly, take it out of their stomach and they're not gonna find out? Or, right, they're not gonna find a body, like, what? I just don't understand how stupid people are. It's, I guess you're just so crazy that it supersedes the stupidity.

• 36:15Speaker 02

  She's mentally yawned.

• 36:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:17Speaker 02

  Mentally yawned.

• 36:18Speaker 00

  But then, it's like a full, permanent state of psychosis.

• 36:21Speaker 01

  Right, right, right.

• 36:21Speaker 02

  But then all your friends, your neighbors, like, everybody, like, they just let you keep talking that shit? Like, even her mama, her mama and dad said, they, oh, we don't deal with her at all. She, she's a pathological lion, we don't deal with her at all.

• 36:33Speaker 00

  What was really sad was after, the husband or the boyfriend, whatever he is, the farmer, the pig farmer, he is, he's like.

• 36:40Speaker 02

  He's a pig transporter.

• 36:41Speaker 00

  You know, what was the, the most touching part was how much his mother loved him and was like, I just wish he had listened to me, like, I warned him, I told him, but he was getting angry at. The people who were telling him the truth as, as, as one does. And, and then he's been shunned and ostracized by the community and society because he was with her. And so now this poor guy, and you know who I liked in that documentary, his best friend? He had some fucking soul. He came and he was like, you have to listen to me. Forget about all this gossip. You have to listen to me man to man. This woman is out, she's not, right, something's wrong with her. And he couldn't listen to her because it's the power of the pussy.

• 37:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:15Speaker 00

  Even though he wasn't getting any pussy, because if he was, he would have known she wasn't fucking pregnant.

• 37:19Speaker 02

  Right, but he probably don't know the difference between pregnant pussy and not pregnant pussy. And she probably was really just slurping it up, you know, giving us, hopping on the knob and keeping them drunk every night. And then she probably had gas and she's like, look, the baby's moving with gas bubbles and stuff. And then I probably gave her liberty to fart and burp like freely and stuff. And he's just thinking, oh, she making my baby, but really she's a nasty, dirty.

• 37:42Speaker 00

  Okay, anyway, that was a slight sidebar.

• 37:44Speaker 01

  Just a tiny sidebar.

• 37:46Speaker 02

  10, 15 minutes later.

• 37:47Speaker 01

  That is making this email sound very tame.

• 37:51Speaker 02

  Okay, go ahead.

• 37:52Speaker 01

  We'll pick back up where we left off. So, you know, she thought that he had, he told her that he had had a vasectomy, or so I thought. I missed my period this month, but still thought nothing of it and assumed it was due to stress or lack of sleep. But when I still didn't get it weeks later, I decided to take a pregnancy test. Well, it was positive. I'm hurt and upset that he lied about something so serious. I'm not someone who wants to carry a child and have never wanted kids. Even though I adore his children, I still don't want one of my own. Because of this, I've decided to terminate the pregnancy. I'm trying to figure out how I should handle these feelings. Things haven't been going well for us and I've been wanting to break things off anyway. But do I first tell him that I'm pregnant and demand an explanation on why he lied to me? Or do I go through this alone and keep it to myself?

• 38:33Speaker 01

  I feel incredibly betrayed and any advice you have on the situation would be greatly appreciated.

• 38:38Speaker 00

  What do you think?

• 38:39Speaker 02

  I'm an asshole.

• 38:42Speaker 00

  She wants to play a trick on him.

• 38:45Speaker 01

  Shit in his shoes.

• 38:46Speaker 02

  I'm evil, I'm evil. No, I would tell him his vasectomy doesn't work. And I would, um, if she wants to terminate the pregnancy, do the little pill or whatever.

• 38:56Speaker 00

  But absolutely don't fucking tell him anything. So you get that abortion. He doesn't get to know because he's untrustworthy. To lie about something like that is very deceptive and something's wrong with him. So get him, get rid of him as quickly as possible. If you want to confront him after the fact, go ahead. But, I mean, I know there's some self-satisfaction you think you're gonna get by confronting people, but usually.

• 39:17Speaker 02

  No, we're gonna get more.

• 39:19Speaker 00

  It's like the path, you're just gonna get more lies.

• 39:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I think if you're already thinking about bringing up him anyway, this is like way, way, way red flag.

• 39:26Speaker 00

  No, this would be a reason to break up with someone if you weren't thinking about it.

• 39:28Speaker 01

  Totally. Okay, can vasectomies not work? Don't they like work all of the time or are there chances?

• 39:34Speaker 02

  It depends on how they did it. Now, if they burnt the ends of the tubes, then it should be done. Unless he didn't get out 80 nuts before, but he got the vasectomy years before he met her.

• 39:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, right.

• 39:45Speaker 02

  So the only other thing is if they tied it in a knot, then the knot could come untied.

• 39:49Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 39:50Speaker 02

  And then it could flow through there. Those are the only two ways that I know of.

• 39:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, well, yeah, wow, I didn't even think about that. Maybe it didn't work.

• 39:58Speaker 01

  Do you tell him after?

• 39:59Speaker 02

  I would, I would handle business and I would let him know that you might need to go back to the doctor.

• 40:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:04Speaker 02

  And get your stuff checked because you, because as far as I'm concerned, you're a liar. Or the doctor messed up, the malpractice, because that's, that is not true.

• 40:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:13Speaker 02

  You have a vasectomy, it's not true.

• 40:15Speaker 01

  Yeah. All right, Dee, best of luck to you. You know a lot of medical stuff.

• 40:20Speaker 02

  I'm, because I'm a doctor.

• 40:21Speaker 01

  I know, but I'm a doctor, I'm a pharmacist, you're a doctor. She's an MD and I'm a pharmacist. We should have our own doctor, medical facility.

• 40:29Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  We should open one up in Mallorca.

• 40:31Speaker 02

  We could do it.

• 40:32Speaker 01

  We could, we could.

• 40:33Speaker 02

  All natural medicines.

• 40:34Speaker 01

  You diagnose them and then I prescribe them.

• 40:36Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 40:39Speaker 00

  You've considered advancing your education or pursuing a new career. Rasmussen University has a seat saved for you. And with over 50 online programs, you can take a seat in your kitchen, your kid's soccer practice, your commute home, or wherever your busy schedule takes you. Plus, with a team dedicated to supporting you every step of the way, you may be online, but you will never be alone. Find the program that fits your goals at rasmussen.edu. Women are expected to manage everything, work, family, hormones, cramps, and somehow we're still supposed to be in the mood. Because apparently having a uterus wasn't enough. That's where Vela comes in. The Vela Comfort Plus Pleasure Duo is designed for both sides of the female experience.

• 41:24Speaker 00

  Ebtide is made for those uncomfortable days when cramps and discomfort are seriously killing the vibe. And Pleasure Wave is for when you're ready to get back to the fun part. One is for comfort, one is for pleasure. Because women shouldn't have to choose between feeling better and feeling good. Comfort when you need it, pleasure when you want it. Learn more at velabio.com.

• 41:49Speaker 01

  Well, our first caller today is Miles. And Miles says, I was in a relationship for 15 years and when it ended, I felt like I lost everything. I lost my wife, my house, my family, and the future I thought I was going to have. Now I'm living on my own for the first time. I'm finding it hard to make new friends and honestly, the silence and loneliness can be overwhelming. One of the hardest parts is knowing my ex has already moved on and is in a new relationship while I'm still trying to figure out who I am on my own. How do I learn to be alone without feeling lonely? How do I build a new life when I feel like I'm starting from scratch? And how do I truly move on when the person I thought I'd spend my life with has already moved on? Miles.

• 42:27Speaker 00

  Hi, Miles.

• 42:29Speaker 03

  Hello, hello.

• 42:30Speaker 00

  Hello, hello, this is our special guest today, Ms. Tiffany Haddish is here.

• 42:34Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 42:35Speaker 03

  Oh my God, hi, I saw you recently in Sydney, you're amazing.

• 42:39Speaker 02

  I almost saw her, yes. Was this person you were with a bogan?

• 42:46Speaker 03

  A bogan? No, no, no.

• 42:47Speaker 02

  Okay, good, good, good, good.

• 42:49Speaker 03

  We're not all bogans.

• 42:50Speaker 02

  I know, I know you're not all bogans, I know that, I know, I know, I was just checking.

• 42:54Speaker 00

  Well, that sounds like you're going through a really difficult time.

• 42:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's been a lot.

• 42:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's been a lot. I'm reading this book, it's called, This is What Happens When Women Read. That's the name of the book. And it's about someone going through, not your exact situation, but like a complete like breakdown of what she thought was her life. And the end of one of, you know, of a part of her life. And while that transition period, like what you're in right now, is so scary and unknown and like you feel so destabilized, I can imagine. And this isn't what you expected from your life. This period of time is temporary, it's not permanent. And what you do with this time is gonna, is going to matter for the rest of your life.

• 43:40Speaker 00

  Like how you build and rebuild your life from here is gonna be really vital to how you go through the rest of your life. And it's a huge opportunity for intense growth and immense growth. Like you want to really just dive in to actually sitting alone and being alone with those feelings. Really, I know it doesn't sound desirable and it's not fun to be feeling this way. But the best way to get through these things are, is to go straight through them. And not to numb yourself with alcohol or drugs or any of that stuff or exercise or whatever. Like you want to do whatever you're doing, but you don't want to numb yourself to what you're dealing with. Because it's intensely painful, I understand.

• 44:22Speaker 00

  And, and you want to experience that pain because through that darkness, you will find your light, I promise you. Everyone goes through really dark periods in their lives. Some are more intense than others, but you have a choice of how you handle it and how you come out the other side.

• 44:39Speaker 02

  And as someone who's been divorced, it felt like everything, like that when, yeah, it felt like it was death. Death to the relationship. In my mind, kind of like he's dead to me, like everything was like, yeah, it was dark. And what I did was, I wallowed around in that shit for a little bit, I ain't gonna lie to you. I wallowed around in it and I did get drunk and I did a lot of stupid stuff. And I caused myself a lot of problems, okay? And then my grandma snatched me up and she said like, baby girl. Baby girl, how long you gonna be sad about this man that's probably not sad about you? That's probably already moved on, probably already doing somebody else. Like do things that you enjoy. Just start doing things that you enjoy. And if you don't enjoy nothing, pretend like you enjoy it.

• 45:25Speaker 02

  So I got myself a little groupie and I went to the little paint and sit classes. I didn't, my girlfriends wanted to take me places, but they reminded me of him because we all hung out together. So I didn't want to really be around them that much. I went to male strip clubs, I watched men dance and I threw money at them, $20. I never spent more than $20 and I yelled, um, I yelled really crazy things at them. Made, I, I objectified those men and that made me feel good. Now, probably was wrong, probably should have been nice to those young men, but I was not. I was, let me see that dick swing, motherfucker, dance better, bitch. Like I was yelling stuff like that and, um, it was a good time. And then 11 months, 11 months, I didn't date anybody else.

• 46:07Speaker 02

  And then I just like, kind of like, really started figuring out what do I want to do in my life? What do I want to be? I started getting, I enrolled in acting classes, I enrolled in a calligraphy class, which was weird as hell because I have the worst handwriting. It was still, but I failed that class. Uh, but also took a voice, vocal lessons, a dialect lessons, like a speed reading class. I just started taking classes, any kind of classes. I went to the AMAC, the AMAC, Acme, uh, you know, they have the, the speakers and the people that teach little things. And then, like, I went to the community college for a little bit, took a grooming dogs class. Like, and I'll just meet people in these classes and then I would get on stage as much as possible. Because I'm a comedian, I would talk about my problems.

• 46:52Speaker 02

  And, and the jokes didn't make no sense, baby, it was bad. I was bombing, but it's okay. I was getting the stuff off my chest and I went to therapy. And after 11 months, then I started dating and I started like, it's like the fog finally cleared.

• 47:06Speaker 00

  How long has it been for you?

• 47:09Speaker 03

  Um, well, it's been 12 months, but we live together.

• 47:12Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, you gotta get out of here.

• 47:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, no, we're not anymore, so we had to live together. We have a five-year-old boy, so we had to sell our house. I moved out in March, bought my own place. So, you know, I focused on, you know, getting a promotion at work, making sure I bought my own place. Sort of all the right things. And then it's, you know, now 12 months later, I've been living, you know, out of, on my own since March. And then all of a sudden, the craziness stops and, you know, all of the things that I wanted to achieve, I've done. And now it's just like emptiness.

• 47:45Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:46Speaker 02

  Now fill that up with something you always wanted to do. Crochet, sewing, maybe learn how to do hair, maybe become a dental hygienist, maybe you become a mechanic. Just pick up a little thing. You know, you in Australia, it's a gang of fine ass men out there, I would be hanging out at the little.

• 48:03Speaker 00

  Is it a woman or a man that you're with? Where you were with?

• 48:06Speaker 03

  I was with a woman for 15 years. Yeah.

• 48:08Speaker 02

  Oh, well, try a man now. See how that goes. Try, try something different. Just see how it goes. You might not like it. You might be like, you know what? Nope. But if there's a gang of fine ass men, it's a gang of fine ass women too. So I would go enjoy.

• 48:22Speaker 03

  I definitely have tried that.

• 48:26Speaker 00

  I think, listen, first of all, you have to be grateful for all of the things that you have. Like, you're not going through this and having financial struggles. You're not going through this and you're unhealthy, or you're sick, or your kid's sick, or anything like that. Like, you're feeling emptiness. That's a completely valid human emotion to feel. And feel it. But, because it's not going to last forever, I promise you. You have to just feed your soul. You have to read books that are gonna help you move on with your life. And what Tiffany is saying is great. I didn't know you did all that shit when you were going through your divorce. I mean, that's badass to fill yourself up. Like, do something that you never thought you'd do. Take a sailing class, or go take a pottery class, or do something that appeals to you, whatever that is. But just start giving to yourself

• 49:08Speaker 00

  more than you're giving in. It's okay to feel empty. It's okay to feel lonely. But you have to remember, like, even the good times aren't permanent. So the bad times can't be permanent either.

• 49:19Speaker 02

  Or you could marry yourself. We could have a wedding for you, girl. We could put this whole thing together. That should be awesome.

• 49:24Speaker 00

  Tiffany just married herself two years ago. She's coming up on her two-year anniversary.

• 49:28Speaker 02

  I'm coming up on my two-year anniversary in August, girl.

• 49:30Speaker 03

  Congratulations.

• 49:31Speaker 02

  Yeah. I marry me.

• 49:33Speaker 00

  Do you have a big support system? Do you have a good support system?

• 49:37Speaker 03

  So, obviously I have my family, but, you know, we were together a long time and we built a friendship group together. I think when she ended it, I stepped away because I didn't want to say anything hurtful or mean when I was angry to, you know, mutual friends. So I'm slowly trying to get back into, you know, that friendship group that we had, but it's, it's still awkward for me. Um, I do have, you know, three really close friends, which is enough.

• 50:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:04Speaker 03

  But now that I'm sort of living in, back in the city in Sydney, you know, I want to go out and meet new people, but it's, I feel like I'm not myself. It's just, it's awkward. I've never been alone. And then obviously, you know, in terms of support, I have my son half the time, which is incredible.

• 50:21Speaker 02

  But you're a new self. You're not yourself. You're not yourself anymore. You're not that woman anymore that was married before. You're a new person now. So it's like, yeah, it's time to get to know you. It's time to get to know what you're really into. For 15 years, you were always considerate of this other person and what they liked and what, what can we do together? Now, is what do I like? And what can I do with me that other people would want to do with me too?

• 50:47Speaker 00

  Yeah. I understand that you're like, experiencing this as a great loss, but like, you have to kind of flip the script on this because it's a new beginning in your life. And even though it's not one that you necessarily chose, you have it now. You have all this opportunity for a whole new life. And that's, while that can be daunting, it's super fucking exciting also. So like, you just want to change the way that you're talking to yourself about this experience. This is, this is, this can be the beginning of something very positive. And I know that it is. Every breakup leads to some rebirth, a new experience for people. Like, no one, I mean, it's very rare that you hold on to a breakup for years and years and years. So I think let go of the fact that it's been a year

• 51:28Speaker 00

  and let go of that timestamp in your head. It's not that pertinent. What you want to do is really, A, wake up and write down five things that are going well for you in your life. Write down how much you love your son, that you're grateful for your job, that you're grateful you got a promotion, that you're financially secure and independent, that you have a beautiful house. Write down all of these things so you remind yourself of how lucky and fortunate you are. You're not sick. You're not, you're not broke. You're not, you know, you have friends, you have family, you have wonderful things. You're just holding on to the pain. And in order to release the pain, you need to remind yourself of what's going well.

• 52:04Speaker 03

  Great advice.

• 52:05Speaker 02

  And don't be afraid to cry.

• 52:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:08Speaker 02

  Don't, yeah. Cry till you laugh.

• 52:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. Because you will start laughing.

• 52:12Speaker 02

  Yeah. Crying is just a removal of old beliefs and a replacement of new ones. So create some new beliefs.

• 52:17Speaker 00

  But just try to shake off that feeling of awkwardness when you feel that. Like, try to let it loose. Like, just like, let go of that. That's the old you. That's somebody who's holding on to the past. So every time you think of that, just think of that Taylor Swift song, Shake It Off. Just like, literally shake your body and be like, no, that's not who I am anymore. You know what I mean? And move through your life with that energy. And, and just start uplifting yourself because really, this is, all you can ever do is be your own best advocate. You can't rely on other people to lift you up. You have to do it yourself.

• 52:52Speaker 02

  Now, are you trying to get back out there dating again? Or no? Not yet? Or what?

• 52:56Speaker 03

  No, no, not yet. I mean, I have sort of gone out and met a few people, but, um, no, I've just been trying to focus on my son, make sure he's mentally okay.

• 53:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, good. Focus on that. If you decide you want to start dating other people, let me know, because I know a few millionaire bitches that's, you know, popping in Australia.

• 53:17Speaker 03

  I mean, I'm not saying don't send them away.

• 53:22Speaker 00

  There we go. That's the spirit.

• 53:26Speaker 02

  Because they was hitting on me while I was out there.

• 53:28Speaker 00

  That's the spirit.

• 53:29Speaker 03

  I bet they were.

• 53:29Speaker 00

  But treat yourself with love and compassion, okay? You are your best advocate and your happiness is important for your child's happiness. So you gotta just wake up every day and try and find the gratitude in where you are in this moment. And you're gonna look back at this time in another year or two, I promise. And you're gonna be like, wow, that was really tough. And I got through that like a fucking champ.

• 53:51Speaker 03

  Oh, you guys are incredible. I feel so much better already.

• 53:54Speaker 02

  Good, good.

• 53:55Speaker 00

  But promise me that you'll wake up and write down five things every day that you're grateful for.

• 54:00Speaker 03

  Absolutely. I do, I do love journaling, so.

• 54:02Speaker 00

  Okay, great. So yeah, do that every day because that just sets you up for success for your day. And when you get off track and you get sad, do it, do the same thing. Write it down again. Write down another five things. Just every time you start to feel like you're not on your right path, and that like, spirit of like, shaking it off and lifting up, then just remind yourself that you're healthy, you're strong, you're vibrant, you have a son, like, things are going well.

• 54:28Speaker 02

  You're winning.

• 54:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:30Speaker 01

  All right, Miles, let us know what you sign up for, what you start doing, what you start enjoying that you didn't think you would enjoy.

• 54:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, let's see, let's see. I'm looking forward to meeting those millionaire bitches, though.

• 54:42Speaker 00

  We'll send you a direct link to Tiffany's website.

• 54:44Speaker 02

  I got you, girl. I got you. I'm affording them all your information. I'm affording your information to the, no, you, I'm gonna get you.

• 54:51Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 54:51Speaker 02

  You know what? I'm gonna just tell you where they be hanging out at.

• 54:57Speaker 03

  It's so lovely to meet you guys. I appreciate your time.

• 55:00Speaker 00

  Thanks, Miles. Thanks, Miles. Sending you lots of love.

• 55:04Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 55:05Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 55:06Speaker 00

  What a sweetie. I, I, it breaks my heart when people's hearts are broken.

• 55:10Speaker 01

  I know. And she's really only like, three months out of the chaos part of it. So it's interesting that she says, like, now it just feels like there's nothing, because there is some, like, it's so stimulating to be in the chaos, even though it's like, bad.

• 55:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:24Speaker 01

  It's interesting.

• 55:24Speaker 00

  It's like, when you realize, after a breakup, there's that drama that comes with the breakup, right? And then when that goes away, it's almost like, well, now there's no, you know, like, even in the aftermath of the breakup, there's a, there's a possibility of reconciliation, or there's drama attached that keeps the engine going.

• 55:43Speaker 02

  I don't have that much drama after my breakups. Because I disappear.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, they had to like, live together for like, nine months afterward, though.

• 55:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, that, that, that would be.

• 55:52Speaker 01

  That's messy.

• 55:52Speaker 02

  Yeah. I disappear. You know, I'm a foster kid. I know how to evacuate the premises quickly and never show up again. I know how to do that. I hate that I do that. I hate that I do that, but I do that.

• 56:04Speaker 00

  Well, why do you hate that you do it?

• 56:07Speaker 02

  Because I know that the other person wants to say more and do more, but it's like, there's nothing else that could be said. There's nothing. And, and I would love to be that ear for them to like, pour their little heart out into, so they're not talking about me all over the world. But they're gonna talk about me anyway, so just let it go.

• 56:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, sometimes you're, yeah, sometimes there's just too many conversations around the breakup.

• 56:29Speaker 02

  Right. And I don't even want to have them. When I broke up with, um, you know, a few people, the last, like, I would say the last four relationships I had, I think they thought I was finna be like, why you don't want to, we, we can work on this. I'm like, uh, this seems like you want this to be over. Okay, cool. Let's, okay, you go your way. I'm gonna go mine. I'm gonna get my little duffel bag. Deuces. Bye. And they're like, wait, that's it? Yeah, that, that's it. That's it. We done. Bye. See you around. I'm always smiling. I always say hello when I see you.

• 57:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you actually, I, you're right. You're, I mean, obviously you're right. Because it's your life, but you aren't dramatic with breakups.

• 57:07Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 57:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's much better when it's not dramatic.

• 57:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's much more assault like it's better.

• 57:14Speaker 02

  The men be mad because they be like, you never really loved me. I'm like, what do you mean? You didn't fight for me. I'm not fighting. I'm not fighting for no man. There's too many of y'all out here.

• 57:24Speaker 00

  I was looking up the definition, the difference between suppress and repress earlier. Because I always get confused by those two words, which one is conscious? Suppress is consciously, when you consciously suppress it, and repress is unconscious. I just thought I'd throw that out there.

• 57:42Speaker 00

  In relation to what? I don't know.

• 57:43Speaker 02

  I repress these emotions.

• 57:45Speaker 00

  In relation to therapy and breakups.

• 57:50Speaker 00

  You've considered advancing your education or pursuing a new career. Rasmussen University has a seat saved for you. And with over 50 online programs, you can take a seat in your kitchen, your kid's soccer practice, your commute home, or wherever your busy schedule takes you. Plus, with a team dedicated to supporting you every step of the way, you may be online, but you will never be alone. Find the program that fits your goals at rasmussen.edu. We have spent way too long not talking about women's bodies. Half the population has periods, hormones, menopause, vaginas, and somehow we're still supposed to be uncomfortable talking about any of it. Well, Vella isn't. Vella makes science-backed products designed specifically for women,

• 58:35Speaker 00

  addressing things like period discomfort, dryness, intimacy, and pleasure. Because women spend a lot of their lives being told what they're supposed to want. And at this point, I think we can handle deciding that for ourselves. And yes, that includes sex, because sex doesn't have an expiration date. Neither should orgasms, and you definitely don't need permission to care about either one. Vella, women's health should include pleasure. Find out more at vella bio.com.

• 59:05Speaker 01

  Well, our next question comes from Olivia, and she says, Dear Chelsea, I never pictured myself writing into a podcast for advice on how to navigate men in the dating world, but here we are. I'm turning 35 in May, and I have been seriously single for about six years. I have a good job, hobbies like camping and film photography, a dog, solid friendships, and a wonderful relationship with my family. I have my own radio show once a week on one of the local community stations here where I play tunes and chat music. I feel I have a lot to offer in a partnership, and that's exactly what I'm seeking, a partner. I moved out to California on my own four years ago, and now I want someone to explore with. I'm on several dating apps, have been for a long time, and also try my hardest to put myself out there in the wild. But it seems whether via an app or in person, there's no follow through from the guys,

• 59:48Speaker 01

  and they just seem lackluster about dating in general.

• 59:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:52Speaker 01

  If and when I get a match, there is barely any follow through from them about wanting to get to know me or meet in person. It's beyond discouraging. I'm almost to the point where I've decided that my life might be better off without a man. I've enjoyed a lot of these last six years with just my dog. We have a peaceful existence and do as we please. Deep down, as much as I tell myself it doesn't matter, in the end, I want a partner. How do I keep putting in the effort when it feels totally unreciprocated by the opposite sex? Olivia.

• 1:00:16Speaker 00

  Hi, Olivia.

• 1:00:18Speaker 04

  Hello.

• 1:00:19Speaker 00

  This is Tiffany Haddish, our special guest.

• 1:00:21Speaker 02

  Hey, girl. Hey.

• 1:00:23Speaker 04

  Hi, Tiffany Haddish.

• 1:00:24Speaker 02

  Hi.

• 1:00:25Speaker 00

  The good news is you're not alone. Many women are feeling this way, and I do think the apps and the social media aspect of everything has diminished.

• 1:00:33Speaker 02

  It's too many prostitutes out here. Most of these women is prostitutes now. They're making it so easy. No, that's real talk. I don't talk about 52 dudes over the last 17 days. And they all said it's just really easy to just, you know, spend $200, and you can get a bad, a beautiful woman for $200, and she'll do nasty things to you and go away.

• 1:00:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you would do nasty things to somebody for free. So what?

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it's gonna take them a year for me to do it.

• 1:00:56Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. So that nobody has enough time. I would just say, you're open. You've put yourself out there. So that's like all you can really do. You and you seem like a go-getter. You've moved to California on your own. You have your own radio show. You have all these things going on for you. Like, I would really just invest in yourself and just know that when the person comes along, they're gonna come along and you're gonna be ready for them. You know what I mean? Enjoy your time without the expectation of meeting the guy, and it's a guy you're looking for, not a woman.

• 1:01:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:27Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:01:27Speaker 04

  I wish it was.

• 1:01:29Speaker 00

  I know. It's so, it would be so much easier.

• 1:01:31Speaker 04

  I feel like it'd be so much easier. Yeah, in fact, I'm back in Connecticut, visiting my family right now, and I've kind of told them that I was gonna be talking to you guys. And I fight, I fight the, I feel like oftentimes women are fighting the tide of like societal pressure. You know, when I talked to Catherine pre-interview, I've been happy like the last six years, right, doing my thing, moving to California. But I, I do sometimes find myself camping or on adventures, saying like, it would be nice to have someone sitting here with me, like drinking a glass of wine, or jumping in this lake, or sleeping in a tent, you know? So I'm very confident and fine traveling alone. You know, I went to Italy for a month last year by myself.

• 1:02:15Speaker 04

  But again, there are always just these little.

• 1:02:17Speaker 02

  Did you meet some guys there? They say they horny in Italy.

• 1:02:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:20Speaker 04

  Girl, no.

• 1:02:22Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:02:23Speaker 04

  I know. And so.

• 1:02:25Speaker 02

  Oh, I gotta tell you, you gotta come hang out with me. I gotta see what you're doing in these streets.

• 1:02:29Speaker 00

  You think you can help her?

• 1:02:30Speaker 02

  I think so.

• 1:02:32Speaker 04

  Sitting on the Spanish Steps in Rome, saying it'd be nice to like have a glass of wine with someone. I'm loving traveling alone, but there are moments where I say to myself, it really would be nice to. I think men too, I find between the ages of 35 and 39, think that, have this like predisposition to think that women are looking for a ring. And I just want someone to adventure with, have a good time, a committed partner in a way, you know?

• 1:02:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, I like that idea.

• 1:02:56Speaker 04

  And yeah, it's just, the last few experiences I've had have just been a total letdown, so.

• 1:03:01Speaker 00

  Why don't you do this? Why don't you get off this call and write down the 20 things that you want in a man? Write down everything that you're looking for. It doesn't matter if it's materialistic or superficial, like the way they look, whatever it is that comes into your head. The really most important 20 things to you, write that down on a piece of paper, put it in a drawer, and don't look at it again. And go about your business and go about your life, being grateful that you don't have the wrong guy in your life, or somebody who's draining you, or somebody, you know what I mean? That you're not in a toxic relationship. You're free, you're independent, you have all this stuff going for you. The fact that you went to Italy for a month by yourself, that's badass. I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't go to Italy by myself for a month. I don't even know how to find my way around, you know, places.

• 1:03:44Speaker 00

  Like I, so like, you're, you're crushing life, and any guy that would get to be with you is a huge addition. It has to be a huge addition. And, and so I don't doubt that you're gonna meet somebody that's gonna fit the criteria, but I think you need to really put it out there and put it in your drawer and just leave it there. And you can continue on the apps, or you cannot, but really just enjoy the time that you have by yourself. And, and because it won't be forever. There will be somebody that comes along. There always is. Whether it's your forever person, or just somebody for a few months, somebody will come into your life.

• 1:04:18Speaker 02

  They do show up.

• 1:04:19Speaker 04

  I think I, I go back and forth about the apps, because they're, they can become a really dark.

• 1:04:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:04:25Speaker 04

  A dark place. And so that was also something I wanted to pick your brain about, the apps. Because I know I've heard you do your stand up and talks, how you, you dabbled in the apps, I think, for like a bit. And I'm at the point now where I don't want to pay for them anymore, and I kind of just want to delete them. And maybe like, just as you were saying, let the chips fall, kind of as they will. I just feel like there's no success on there.

• 1:04:48Speaker 00

  Are you ever asking somebody out when you like are out in the wild and you feel a vibe? With like the cute barista or whatever?

• 1:04:55Speaker 04

  I did that. I did that about a month ago. I met a guy at a birthday party, and we hit it off. I was traveling, he was traveling. We said, let's get in touch when we get back. He got in touch with me. We went to a little music festival up the coast. We had a great time. Invited him back down to where I was living. We didn't have sex or anything. We hooked up. He in fact said that he was trying to approach his relationships differently and take things slow. So I thought, okay, these are like green flags. And as it goes, and what I've been experiencing the last, last six years, the next morning, he was saying how he could, he thought his summer was gonna be like his alone time, and he wasn't ready to like commit to anything yet, but that we should stay in touch.

• 1:05:40Speaker 04

  And, you know, I asked him to hang out a few more times.

• 1:05:42Speaker 02

  Girl, I would block his fucking ass.

• 1:05:45Speaker 04

  It was kind of just like a ghosting thing. Like, I asked him to hang out again. I told him I was coming up to San Francisco, and I just never heard from him.

• 1:05:51Speaker 02

  Girl, block that motherfucker.

• 1:05:53Speaker 00

  Well, she doesn't have to block him because he's not fucking trying to connect with her.

• 1:05:57Speaker 04

  Tiffany, what this guy still does is he'll like my Instagram stories.

• 1:06:00Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:06:03Speaker 00

  This is so. Yamanika, are you fucking listening, Yamanika? Please, I hope you are. Send this episode to Yamanika. Because honestly. See, I hate this shit with this idea that a man like this is, uh, this is why they

• 1:06:18Speaker 04

  He's thirty-nine.

• 1:06:19Speaker 00

  I know, but don't

• 1:06:20Speaker 02

  Block him, he a hoe. That's a hoe, okay? And that's what he wanted to be was a hoe. Did he eat your ass at least? Like, at the end of the day, like, like, uh,

• 1:06:28Speaker 00

  Definitive no.

• 1:06:30Speaker 01

  Definitely no.

• 1:06:30Speaker 02

  And then, and that's why you, uh, move on, move on. If I was you personally, okay, so I like Bumble. I don't know about y'all, but I like going on Bumble.

• 1:06:39Speaker 00

  Are you on Bumble?

• 1:06:40Speaker 02

  I like going on Bumble.

• 1:06:41Speaker 04

  I am on Bumble.

• 1:06:42Speaker 02

  And what I've noticed is, okay, so I'll go to a new place, uh, and I'll like pick, you know, you could pick locations and so I'll look for guys where I'm going to go, like I'm going to Louisville, Kentucky this week. So I'll look for guys on there and they're shocked that it's me. They're like, don't believe it's me. And what I love about Bumble is you can FaceTime with them through the app and they never have your phone number, right?

• 1:07:03Speaker 04

  Really smart.

• 1:07:04Speaker 02

  And so, and I tell them, look, I'm not trying to have no boyfriend. I'm not looking for nothing serious. I'm coming to your town. I want to do something fun. I want you to take me somewhere in your town. That's fun. You gonna have to, uh, uh, uh, and it better be a good time and don't be smelling funny. Don't be looking crazy. Don't be that, cause I will talk about you to your face, sir. Every single one's like, oh, man, challenge accepted. Like, and they show up, right? And I just give them kind of like a criteria of what they gotta do before they even like get in my space. If you're trying to be in my space, cause I think men love challenges. Men love rules and, and rules of engagement and like, oh, can I push the boundaries with her? And then, and then I'll tell them by the end of the day, like, like, hey, man, this was super fun. Thanks for taking

• 1:07:48Speaker 02

  me to this museum. Thanks for showing me a piece of your town. I don't ever want to see you again. They'd be like, what? Yeah, I'm cool on you, bro. Like this, but this was an amazing experience. I had a good time. Then that guy is constantly sending me messages in Bumble. Like, can we hang out again? Then he starts following me on Instagram, like, hey, it was really you and I really want to hang out. Look, to check out this thing. And then they're sending me facts about their town and shit, like, and I appreciate it, but that, that wasn't the guy for me. But, um, also, girl, farmersonly.com. If you into men with land, that know, that understands cycles.

• 1:08:23Speaker 00

  Men like the pig farmer from Eternal Instinct?

• 1:08:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, but they understand cycles.

• 1:08:27Speaker 00

  He's available, by the way.

• 1:08:28Speaker 02

  They're patient. You could tell them any motherfucking thing. He let you get away with it, like the guy from Eternal Instinct. No, I don't know about that.

• 1:08:34Speaker 04

  Have you had success on farming?

• 1:08:35Speaker 02

  I have, I've had fun. I've had fun. Um, I haven't had sex with anybody on there. I don't have a boyfriend from there, but I've made some really great friends. I've learned a lot about the land. I've learned a lot about investments. And, you know, as a businesswoman, you know, I'm always like, and I'm into food and stuff, so I wanna, I only want to be around people that's into what I'm into, right? So I've been learning so much. I done made some investments too.

• 1:08:59Speaker 00

  I love that. In farmland?

• 1:09:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, in farmland. And, and, and not necessarily in a guy who I was dating farmland, but like, in, anyways, it doesn't matter. I've made investments meeting these guys and I'm learning, I think I'm learning a lot. Like, at the end of the day, I'm not going into it thinking of, oh, I'm gonna get a husband. I'm going in, like, I want, like you said, a partner. I want to grow with somebody. I want to learn something. Can you teach me something? Like, I ask every guy, can, what you gonna teach me today? Like, I am, I am

• 1:09:28Speaker 00

  I want someone to teach me something. I like that.

• 1:09:30Speaker 02

  I am thirsty for knowledge, sir. Some of these women out here thirsty for dick. I'm thirsty for knowledge.

• 1:09:35Speaker 00

  Another thing you can do is, you can geo-target where you live, you know what I mean? And for Instagram and kind of slide into people's DMs.

• 1:09:42Speaker 04

  Oh, interesting.

• 1:09:43Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? Like, look at their profile. That kind of gives you a nice, full picture of what's happening, if they're married, or if they have a girlfriend, or, you know, what the situation is. And like, look within your area and just start like, you know, browsing. Use that as a dating app.

• 1:10:00Speaker 04

  Sliding into the DMs.

• 1:10:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, the DMs. That does work.

• 1:10:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, cause you're, you're fully, you know, you're, you have no problem like approaching a man. I mean, listen, you're my hero from this call. You're doing everything fucking right. So like, I love it. A lot of women don't have the balls to go up and ask men, like, to go out. You know, I can even be shy around that myself, which doesn't really make much sense. Yeah, just because, yeah, yeah. I don't know why, just girl stuff. But I love what you're doing. I love everything you're doing and it's just like, enjoy yourself.

• 1:10:27Speaker 02

  Are you afraid to date younger?

• 1:10:29Speaker 04

  I'm, I'm not afraid to date younger, but I do, I feel like there should, I feel like my cap is like twenty-eight.

• 1:10:37Speaker 02

  Uh, cause I know this twenty-six-year-old dude. He's six foot two, very handsome. He might be six foot four.

• 1:10:43Speaker 00

  Where? Where do you live?

• 1:10:44Speaker 04

  I'm in Santa Cruz, California.

• 1:10:46Speaker 02

  Oh, he's in LA.

• 1:10:48Speaker 04

  Here's my thing, like, even guys who are, like, the immaturity just lasts for like so long. So my fear with dating younger is like, I can't even get like a thirty-nine girl.

• 1:10:59Speaker 02

  But if they're a businessman, there's younger business, like, there's old souls out here.

• 1:11:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, forward thinking.

• 1:11:04Speaker 02

  They approach me all the time. It's some young grown men out here.

• 1:11:09Speaker 04

  I think one of my good qualities is that I am open. So

• 1:11:13Speaker 01

  Okay, this might not be your vibe, but just hear me out. I think a lot of women who are into a masculine guy need to start seeing about dating trans men.

• 1:11:23Speaker 02

  The fuck?

• 1:11:23Speaker 01

  Because you have, like, the personality, you have, like, they were raised right, and then you have all the masculine qualities of a man.

• 1:11:32Speaker 00

  You've, this is the second time you've brought that up. It feels like you want to date a trans man.

• 1:11:36Speaker 01

  I mean, listen, happily married, but you know.

• 1:11:40Speaker 00

  I mean, you shouldn't rule trans men out.

• 1:11:42Speaker 04

  No, I'm not. There's, I'm not real, I, like I said, I'm very open. It's just the years keep rolling on, you know?

• 1:11:49Speaker 00

  How old are you?

• 1:11:50Speaker 02

  She's thirty.

• 1:11:51Speaker 04

  I'm thirty-five.

• 1:11:52Speaker 00

  Yeah. I think you're probably gonna meet somebody. You know, I don't know that you're gonna marry someone, but you're definitely gonna meet a couple more guys in your life.

• 1:11:59Speaker 02

  Like, estate sales, funerals, it's always vulnerable men at funerals. I've met, I've dated a lot of men at funerals and they spoil you too, cause they trying to feel better. Uh, did I say estate sales? Auctions are usually good. There's a lot of good men there. Grocery stores near gyms.

• 1:12:16Speaker 00

  Gyms are a good place to meet people, period. Gyms.

• 1:12:19Speaker 02

  Grocery store near the gym is the best place. Not in the gym, but by the gym.

• 1:12:23Speaker 00

  Also, if you're in Santa Cruz, join a biking group, or join a hiking group, or whatever, rock climbing, whatever you're into.

• 1:12:28Speaker 02

  Surfers!

• 1:12:29Speaker 00

  And, and, and find some, you know, find some different kind of groups of people that way.

• 1:12:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, joining groups. That's something, I, yeah, I moved there. I've moved, I've been in California for four years. I've been in Santa Cruz for a little over a year. So still kind of, I've just now started feeling acclimated.

• 1:12:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, so you're new to that area. So, yeah.

• 1:12:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:48Speaker 00

  Give it a little bit more time. I bet you're gonna meet someone.

• 1:12:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're pretty. You're gonna pull fast. If you're just like, I'm just gonna have fun. And the guy's gonna be like, ah, yes, she will be mine.

• 1:13:00Speaker 00

  You've considered advancing your education or pursuing a new career. Rasmussen University has a seat saved for you. And with over fifty online programs, you can take a seat in your kitchen, your kid's soccer practice, your commute home, or wherever your busy schedule takes you. Plus, with a team dedicated to supporting you every step of the way, you may be online, but you will never be alone. Find the program that fits your goals at rasmussen.edu. We have spent way too long not talking about women's bodies. Half the population has periods, hormones, menopause, vaginas, and somehow we're still supposed to be uncomfortable talking about any of it. Well, Vella isn't. Vella makes science-backed products designed specifically

• 1:13:45Speaker 00

  for women, addressing things like period discomfort, dryness, intimacy, and pleasure. Because women spend a lot of their lives being told what they're supposed to want. And at this point, I think we can handle deciding that for ourselves. And yes, that includes sex, because sex doesn't have an expiration date. Neither should orgasms. And you definitely don't need permission to care about either one. Vella, women's health should include pleasure. Find out more at vellabio.com.

• 1:14:16Speaker 04

  This is a good story to tell. My girlfriends were like, you gotta tell this story. I met a guy on a dating app in San Francisco and it, it, very soon into the day, I was like, oh, this is gonna be a good time, not a long time, sort of situation.

• 1:14:28Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:14:28Speaker 04

  Which I was into, cause again, just trying to like make connections. We ended up being in Las Vegas at the same time for a concert and he met up with a bunch of my friends and I hadn't gotten laid in a really long time. And they were like, this is your night. Like, the guy from San Francisco's in Las Vegas, like, perfect, perfect, perfect. We go back up to the hotel room, we're hooking up. Inches from penetration, he tells me he has an STD.

• 1:14:53Speaker 02

  Oh, hell no.

• 1:14:54Speaker 00

  It's not the time.

• 1:14:55Speaker 01

  At least he told you.

• 1:14:56Speaker 02

  No, I'm not, he did, cause girl, you're the major concussion in Barney.

• 1:15:00Speaker 00

  I know, but at least he told you. What was the STD? What was the STD?

• 1:15:05Speaker 04

  Herpes.

• 1:15:06Speaker 00

  And was he having an outbreak, a herpes outbreak, or he just?

• 1:15:09Speaker 04

  He wasn't having an outbreak, but

• 1:15:10Speaker 00

  Oh, well, that's very responsible, by the way.

• 1:15:12Speaker 04

  He wasn't having an outbreak, but he didn't have a condom.

• 1:15:15Speaker 00

  Right. Well, but he did the right thing.

• 1:15:17Speaker 02

  You rub my coochie, I'mma jack you off. That's what we finna do.

• 1:15:21Speaker 00

  But where is that guy now?

• 1:15:23Speaker 04

  He's traveling the world somewhere.

• 1:15:24Speaker 00

  Okay, probably catching more STDs. So, okay, well, okay. Well, at least he told you. So that's not the worst thing in the world.

• 1:15:32Speaker 04

  No, it's not. But between that interaction and the one who keeps liking my Instagram stories, I just am like, those are the latest interactions I've had with the male species.

• 1:15:42Speaker 00

  My, my, listen, those are a lot better than some of the other stories that are out there. And my advice to all women is to stop fucking looking to check and see who is looking at your Instagram stories.

• 1:15:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:52Speaker 00

  It doesn't matter. If that person wants to contact you, they will. And it's not because they're looking through your stories. Like, it's like watching someone watching TV. It doesn't matter who's looking through your Instagram stories. It doesn't matter unless that person sends you a message about your Instagram story and then you want to, and then they're initiating a conversation. So I would just stop looking at that.

• 1:16:15Speaker 04

  You're very right. I think it's just this, this kind of like maddening, like, okay, never heard from him again. He didn't text me back. Why is he liking my story? Like, get out of my life. So to Tiffany's point, I think I'm just gonna like remove him.

• 1:16:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, mute his ass, block him. Where he, where he gotta call you to be like, hey, I can't see you on the stories no more. Well, you're not supposed to see me no more. You're a ghost. Boo. Bye.

• 1:16:40Speaker 00

  All right. Keep us posted. Will you let us know in a few months if you meet someone, what the vibe is. Okay?

• 1:16:45Speaker 04

  I will do that. And I am gonna take your invite.

• 1:16:47Speaker 02

  I want an invitation to your baby shower and to your wedding. I predict that in two years, she will be getting married.

• 1:16:53Speaker 00

  Okay, I like that prediction.

• 1:16:55Speaker 02

  Very pregnant. And I want

• 1:16:57Speaker 00

  Make sure we have it. Well, we have it on camera, I guess.

• 1:16:59Speaker 02

  Invitation.

• 1:17:01Speaker 04

  Okay. I'm not, I don't know if I want children.

• 1:17:03Speaker 02

  Okay, whatever. You're gonna be pregnant. You might not have it, but in two years, in two years, mark my word, in two years, you're gonna be like, dang, Tiffany said, I'm not saying I'm psychic, but my instincts tell me in two years, it's, you're gonna be hemmed up. You're gonna be cooking and cleaning and all this stuff and happy as hell.

• 1:17:22Speaker 04

  Okay, I like that mindset. Um, I'm gonna take your advice, though, Chelsea, and write down.

• 1:17:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:17:27Speaker 04

  Put it in a drawer.

• 1:17:28Speaker 00

  Write it down. That'll be helpful.

• 1:17:29Speaker 02

  And write, write down Tiffany said in two years, I'm gonna be in a relationship.

• 1:17:32Speaker 00

  We have that, we have that recorded now. So we're all set. We're gonna follow up.

• 1:17:36Speaker 02

  Invitation to the wedding and the baby shower, because I know you say you're not, you're not thinking about having no babies, but you gonna have a baby. You gonna have two of them.

• 1:17:43Speaker 04

  All of you, all of you are invited.

• 1:17:45Speaker 00

  We'll come together as a group.

• 1:17:47Speaker 02

  We will come and we will be like.

• 1:17:49Speaker 04

  Bring the party.

• 1:17:51Speaker 00

  All right, Olivia. Thank you so much.

• 1:17:53Speaker 01

  Thank you so much. Take care.

• 1:17:55Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:17:56Speaker 00

  Oh, that was, that was, she was awesome.

• 1:17:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:00Speaker 00

  She's great. That was great guests. Thank you. You're a great guest, Tiffany, as usual. I'm not surprised, obviously, with your nonsense. Her full name is Tiffany Sarah Cornelia Haddish. Did you know that?

• 1:18:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, I knew that.

• 1:18:14Speaker 00

  Did you?

• 1:18:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, I did. I did.

• 1:18:15Speaker 00

  And her new movie Haunted Heist is on video on man, baby.

• 1:18:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:22Speaker 00

  I love you.

• 1:18:23Speaker 02

  I love you more. Chao, Bella, muh.

• 1:18:27Speaker 01

  If you want advice from Chelsea, write into [email protected]. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeart Media. Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler and find Catherine on TikTok at Flash Kadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brandon Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. Find full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix and get tickets to see Chelsea live at ChelseaHandler.com.

• 1:18:57Speaker 00

  You've considered advancing your education or pursuing a new career. Rasmussen University has a seat saved for you. And with over 50 online programs, you can take a seat in your kitchen, your kid's soccer practice, your commute home, or wherever your busy schedule takes you. Plus, with a team dedicated to supporting you every step of the way, you may be online, but you will never be alone. Find the program that fits your goals at Rasmussen.edu. We have spent way too long not talking about women's bodies. Half the population has periods, hormones, menopause, vaginas, and somehow we're still supposed to be uncomfortable talking about any of it. Well, Vella isn't. Vella makes science-backed products designed

• 1:19:41Speaker 00

  specifically for women, addressing things like period discomfort, dryness, intimacy, and pleasure. Because women spend a lot of their lives being told what they're supposed to want. And at this point, I think we can handle deciding that for ourselves. And yes, that includes sex, because sex doesn't have an expiration date. Neither should orgasms. And you definitely don't need permission to care about either one. Vella, women's health should include pleasure. Find out more at VellaBio.com. It's 2026. We upgraded our phones, our cars, even our coffee. So why are we still acting like pleasure is negotiable? At Pink Cherry, it's not. They've got hundreds of toys that actually deliver. And whether you know exactly what you like, or you're still figuring it

• 1:20:26Speaker 00

  out, there is a wide range to explore. If you'd rather skip the guesswork, their mystery boxes make it easy. They curate a mix for you so you can discover new favorites without overthinking it. And they ship discreetly with free shipping on orders over $59, which we love. So go to PinkCherry.com and use promo code Chelsea to save up to 80% off site wide. Because life is hard, feeling good shouldn't be. PinkCherry.com, because everyone deserves pleasure. You know how the best traditions kind of sneak up on you. Nobody sits down and plans them. One glass of wine with a friend turns into a standing thing that you'd cancel almost

• 1:21:04Speaker 00

  anything for. Chateau St. Michelle has been leading Washington wine since 1967 with wines that are balanced, expressive, and easy to enjoy. Choosing the right bottle should not feel complicated. It should be something you open with confidence. So however you gather, you can redefine your own rituals with Chateau St. Michelle. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed Human.