Toxically Optimistic with Zainab Johnson

Comic Zainab Johnson is here to chat with Chelsea about how her ballsiness won the adoration of the Obamas, what it’s like being one of 13 siblings, and the party girl they have in common: Yamaneika. Then: Too many emojis are an ick in the making for one girlfriend. An artist recovering from chemo struggles to allow her friends in. And an ex-box is taking up physical and mental space for a man ready to move on. * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [email protected] mailto:[email protected] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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  It's not clean unless it's OxiClean. Pets don't hold back and neither do their stains. My dog Doug has been known to make a mess or two. I love that he can spend time running around outside playing with all of his friends. And I don't have to worry about stains on my floors because when Doug gets messy, it's not a problem. It's OxiClean to the rescue. OxiClean Versatile Stain Remover works on over 100 different types of stains. It's America's number one stain fighter additive. So when my dog goes all in, I've got OxiClean to get it out. And that's why they say it's not clean unless it's OxiClean. Okay, High and Mighty Tour, guys, is continuing.

• 2:02Speaker 00

  So please come and see me in San Francisco, November 7th. And November 13th is Salt Lake. November 20th is Austin, then Houston, and then Irving. November 20th, November 21st, and November 22nd, I will be touring Texas. December 5th is Denver. December 6th in Vancouver, Canada. I have two shows that night. There are tickets available for the second show. Two dates in Jersey City at the Lowe's Theater, December 12th. I'm shooting my Netflix special, my next Netflix special. Then I'm going to Palm Beach, Florida, December 16th by popular demand. Then Hollywood, Florida, December 17th. And then two shows in Tampa, Florida on December 18th.

• 2:46Speaker 00

  So I will see you guys on the road. Come and see the High and Mighty Tour. I'll give you some LSD.

• 2:53Speaker 04

  It's Catherine. If you've been thinking about writing into Dear Chelsea, now is your moment. We're specifically looking for sister questions, any kind of sister drama, working things out. We're looking for wedding drama. We're looking for any kind of issue you're having in your relationship. Maybe the new guy you're dating is like doing something kind of weird and you need some advice about it. Please write in to [email protected].

• 3:17Speaker 00

  Hi, how are you?

• 3:19Speaker 04

  Hi, Chelsea.

• 3:20Speaker 00

  Oh, what is that talk for? Are you excited about this election?

• 3:24Speaker 04

  Oh, my gosh, what is gonna be coming up?

• 3:26Speaker 00

  Okay, I got confused. My ADHD is not.

• 3:30Speaker 04

  That's all right.

• 3:31Speaker 00

  Fliridians, if you're listening, I know you are because I'm coming there to do shows there because I listen to you guys. And now you listen to me.

• 3:38Speaker 04

  Yes, and we have Denise chiming in from the other room.

• 3:40Speaker 00

  We have Denise chiming in. And what else do we have? What shows? Shows are pretty sold out. Oh, you know what shows aren't sold out? Texas, guys. I'm coming to Austin, Houston, and Irving, Texas, which is just outside of Dallas, Texas. So I'm coming to Irving, Texas next month. So please get tickets because I'll be there and you asked me to come to Texas and I'm coming. So let's sell out those shows.

• 4:03Speaker 04

  What did you think about You Can See Everything?

• 4:04Speaker 00

  Oh, God.

• 4:07Speaker 04

  It was everything.

• 4:10Speaker 00

  Kind of repellent characters that I've ever witnessed.

• 4:14Speaker 04

  Like what struck me most, even in the first half of the movie, is like you've, we've all seen someone that's like grifting our friend, right? Like one person is grifting the other in a relationship. And you've just never seen a mutual grift. Like you could just see in their eyes. It's just like, it's all about calculating what can I get from you? What do you bring to me? You know?

• 4:34Speaker 00

  Like I went with Jamie and her husband and, and she was like, her husband's like, you know, this happened to Thomas, not Thomas Edison, who invented electricity. Alexander, no, that's the telephone. Electricity.

• 4:45Speaker 04

  Benjamin Franklin?

• 4:46Speaker 00

  Was it Benjamin Franklin?

• 4:47Speaker 04

  He with the kite? Yes.

• 4:48Speaker 00

  I don't know. Okay.

• 4:50Speaker 04

  It happened to someone a long time ago.

• 4:51Speaker 00

  Maybe it was Thomas Edison he was talking about. But whomever he was talking about was like, you know, just like thought to be a fraud and a shyster.

• 4:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:58Speaker 00

  As they were going, like an inventor has a lot of false leads and has a lot of, you know, they, they, they're inventing something new.

• 5:03Speaker 04

  So although Thomas Edison did steal a lot of stuff. He did steal a lot of, yeah, specifically from black people.

• 5:10Speaker 00

  Oh, okay. Okay, good to know.

• 5:11Speaker 04

  But anyway.

• 5:12Speaker 00

  I actually am watching a five-part documentary. There's a documentary about like the history of America and the history of like the, this idea of democracy and government ruled by the people from the very beginning. So I started that last night. It was about 30 minutes into my Xanax. So I got about the first 20 and then I was sleeping. But it was really good. I'm like, good, I need this information. I need all this information. Anyway, that he was a shyster and that people didn't trust him and they thought he was a fraud. Whomever we're talking about.

• 5:39Speaker 04

  Right, right.

• 5:40Speaker 00

  And I was like, well, that's fine. But she like knowingly lied and put this product out into, into like the marketplace.

• 5:46Speaker 04

  Right.

• 5:46Speaker 00

  Affecting, having a negative impact on people. So that's a little bit different than just trying to invent something and not quite getting it.

• 5:52Speaker 04

  Right, and there is definitely an argument to be made about like, right, there is definitely an argument to be made about like there are zillions of men who get investments for things like this and they don't suffer any consequences when their business idea doesn't pan out. But she did like run tests on people with cancer. So there, you know, she did like some real, some real not great stuff.

• 6:10Speaker 00

  But I love that everyone's talking about a movie.

• 6:13Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 6:13Speaker 00

  I love that and it makes me so happy. I went in the daytime. I went with like five friends and it was just nice to go to the movies together and all be so excited to see something.

• 6:22Speaker 04

  I love it.

• 6:23Speaker 00

  So that's great.

• 6:24Speaker 04

  Good.

• 6:24Speaker 00

  Positive, too.

• 6:25Speaker 04

  Well, our guest today is toxically positive.

• 6:28Speaker 00

  Oh, yes, our guest today is so special. She just like, oh, my God. I didn't want to say during the interview because I just think it's weird to call people and tell people they're beautiful.

• 6:37Speaker 04

  No, I was thinking that when I was editing the episode.

• 6:40Speaker 00

  And I was like, you're so beautiful. I felt that when I did Michelle Obama's podcast recently. And I wanted to say that same thing to Michelle Obama, but I was like, don't say it. And afterward, I was like, God, I wanted to tell you. She's like, why didn't you? Why didn't you say it? And I was like, because it's weird to call people beautiful.

• 6:56Speaker 04

  Like as white women, it's like we, we're learning our rules.

• 7:00Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 7:00Speaker 04

  Boundaries, but it's also like, can we, can we tell you, black women, that you're so beautiful?

• 7:05Speaker 00

  Yes, we can, but it can't be, it can't be on camera.

• 7:07Speaker 04

  We can't be weird about it.

• 7:09Speaker 00

  And it can't be like, I know what you mean. I know.

• 7:12Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 7:13Speaker 00

  All right, so our guest today has a new Netflix special out that is produced by the Obamas. It's called Toxically Optimistic. You also know her from Last Comic Standing, Rami, Amazon Prime's upload, and Netflix's 100 Humans. And her name is Zainab Johnson, and you're gonna be seeing a lot of her. Please welcome her.

• 7:33Speaker 05

  I loved your special.

• 7:34Speaker 00

  Oh, thank you.

• 7:35Speaker 05

  It was awesome.

• 7:36Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 7:37Speaker 05

  High fucking quality.

• 7:38Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 7:39Speaker 05

  It's so nice. I wish there was a station where they just played female comedians.

• 7:43Speaker 00

  Is it okay if I take my shoes off?

• 7:44Speaker 05

  Absolutely. Take your clothes off. They will be probably in frame, just so you know.

• 7:48Speaker 04

  Oh, that's fine.

• 7:48Speaker 05

  We might have a Wikipedia situation.

• 7:50Speaker 00

  I'm happy to take my feet out, my feet out, too, if you need support.

• 7:53Speaker 05

  If we're getting comfortable, we're cross legging it.

• 7:56Speaker 00

  You don't need any water or anything in addition?

• 7:58Speaker 05

  Sure, I'll take some water.

• 8:00Speaker 00

  Do you like some flavored water?

• 8:01Speaker 05

  No.

• 8:01Speaker 00

  No?

• 8:02Speaker 05

  No, I'm a non-flavored water.

• 8:03Speaker 00

  Really?

• 8:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:04Speaker 00

  Non-sparkling?

• 8:05Speaker 05

  I like sparkling, but I do not like it to have flavor. I don't get it. I don't understand the science.

• 8:10Speaker 00

  Okay, well, I have some flavored water. That is the best flavored water that I, I mean, that I've ever tasted. I won't push it on you, but there is hope for the future of flavored water. So it doesn't taste so, it's still a brand. But if you don't want it, I'll finish it.

• 8:25Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 8:27Speaker 00

  But it's smooth.

• 8:29Speaker 05

  I don't like the bubbly ones on that.

• 8:31Speaker 00

  Oh, no. Oh, shit. Zainab doesn't even like the fucking water I just gave her. Oh, my God. We're off to a terrible start. Zainab Johnson is with us. Am I saying?

• 8:43Speaker 05

  You said it perfectly.

• 8:44Speaker 00

  Johnson, yeah.

• 8:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, you said it perfectly.

• 8:46Speaker 00

  I don't know if I was just saying.

• 8:47Speaker 04

  Johnson was the one you were worried about.

• 8:49Speaker 00

  Johnson was the one I was worried about.

• 8:49Speaker 05

  It does trip people up, though. People get so tripped up on a Zainab, then they call me like Johnston or Joe.

• 8:56Speaker 00

  I love having a name as original as Zainab because nobody can get, you get it twisted between you and anybody else. They can't confuse you with people.

• 9:03Speaker 05

  They can't, but there's a lot of Zainabs out there.

• 9:05Speaker 00

  Oh, really?

• 9:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, you know.

• 9:06Speaker 00

  Is it a Muslim name or an African?

• 9:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:09Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 9:09Speaker 05

  But yeah, Zainab is like, at my shows, if I say, will Zainabs please stand up? There's gonna be like three, there'll be like three hijabi girls that just stand up, for sure.

• 9:18Speaker 00

  Well, perfect, because I'm missing out on an entire culture, apparently. I can't believe we haven't met before.

• 9:23Speaker 05

  I know.

• 9:23Speaker 00

  Because we share someone very special in common.

• 9:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:27Speaker 00

  And that person is Yamanika.

• 9:29Speaker 05

  Yamanika Summers!

• 9:31Speaker 00

  Another person who doesn't need a last name, in my opinion. Yamanika should just go by Yamanika, don't you think?

• 9:36Speaker 05

  Yeah, she definitely doesn't need a last name.

• 9:38Speaker 00

  So Yamanika, when she goes to Vegas, a lot of times she'll stay at Zainab's house.

• 9:43Speaker 05

  And when she goes to Vegas, I don't live in Vegas.

• 9:46Speaker 00

  She's always staying with you in Vegas.

• 9:47Speaker 05

  Oh, no, no, no. When she comes to LA, sometimes she stays with me.

• 9:50Speaker 00

  Oh, she's staying with you when she comes here? Who's she staying with when she goes to Vegas?

• 9:53Speaker 05

  I have no idea. I have no idea.

• 9:56Speaker 00

  The whole time I was watching your special, which is out now, everybody. The whole time I was watching your special, I'm like, this woman doesn't seem like she lives in Vegas. That's really funny.

• 10:07Speaker 05

  So much so that every time Yamanika is working in Vegas, she asks me to come visit her and I say no.

• 10:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, she likes to make a lot of plans that never come to fruition.

• 10:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:15Speaker 00

  We were just on the road this past weekend and we had about one hour until dinner. And she made three different sets of plans for us to go to a museum, which was never gonna... Now I just, now that I know her, I'm just like, uh huh. We're not going there. We have two hours, first of all.

• 10:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:29Speaker 00

  And we're gonna sit here at the hotel bar and drink, is what we're gonna fucking do. Because that's what we do every single night before a show, is we go down for a pre-dinner drink, then we have dinner, then we have drinks there, and then we go to the show.

• 10:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:40Speaker 00

  And she likes to act like we're gonna pop off and go to, we're gonna go to this park, and then we're gonna go shopping here, and we're gonna do that. I'm like, this is an unrealistic set of ideas for the amount of time in which we have.

• 10:52Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, but she, I mean, she's, she's nothing if not ambitious.

• 10:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:55Speaker 05

  You know? And I think, I think she actually likes for someone to give her guidelines and barriers.

• 11:03Speaker 00

  Structure.

• 11:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, structure. I think that she, because that's our relationship too. She'll say, she'll try to do everything, and I'm like, this doesn't, we're not gonna do that. This doesn't make sense. You don't even like to do that.

• 11:13Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 11:14Speaker 05

  Why, why are you forcing this?

• 11:15Speaker 00

  Does she try to wrangle you into doing things that you also don't like? That she doesn't understand that you don't like?

• 11:21Speaker 05

  Yes, she used to, but I'm pretty, I'm a pretty good boundary setter.

• 11:25Speaker 00

  Oh, see, I need more boundaries.

• 11:27Speaker 05

  Oh, I'm a pretty good boundary setter.

• 11:29Speaker 00

  Okay, because she's trying to get me to go to fucking Dave and Buster's. And I'm like, listen. Know me less, you know what I mean? Like, that is the opposite of what I wanna do, is go to an arcade.

• 11:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, okay, so our relationship is a little bit different at this point. I think that I have worked on her enough where she's gonna say, I know you don't wanna come with me to Dave and Buster. You know what I'm saying? Like, she's gonna be like, I'm gonna go to Dave and Buster, I know you don't wanna come.

• 11:52Speaker 00

  I like it.

• 11:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:53Speaker 00

  I need some training on how to deal with Yamanika. Because I'm like, yeah, even though it's been a few years, I'm still, I'm getting better at it. But yeah, she'll come out of left and right field, so I'm glad that we share that.

• 12:05Speaker 05

  No, we share that. You know, I actually, I saw you perform recently, maybe at the improv or something like that?

• 12:10Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, we were doing a show, because I was looking for you, but I missed you. Where were you? You were there for my show.

• 12:16Speaker 05

  For my set.

• 12:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:17Speaker 05

  But weren't you on the lineup? Yeah, I think I went on right after you, did I not?

• 12:20Speaker 00

  I think I had a set at the Comedy Store, so I was going piggybacking. So I ran right out.

• 12:26Speaker 05

  Watching your set the entire time, I was like, I can see how, huh, Yamanika are friends.

• 12:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:31Speaker 05

  I don't know if that's what you were hoping for.

• 12:35Speaker 05

  But I was like, I could see them having like a good time together.

• 12:38Speaker 00

  We have a great time together. We get really stupid together.

• 12:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:42Speaker 00

  And we're like, it's like a modern day version of Ab Fab.

• 12:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, okay.

• 12:46Speaker 00

  Like, do you remember Ab Fab?

• 12:47Speaker 05

  I'm so sorry.

• 12:48Speaker 00

  Okay, this is an old British comedy where there's just two drunk whores. You know what I mean? They're just drinking, smoking weed, and I mean, they're, they're like, you know, they have money and then they go out and they get really sloppy. And that's how I view Yamanika and myself together. Yeah, basically. I wanna talk about your special, which is called Toxically Optimistic. It's produced by the Obamas, congratulations.

• 13:10Speaker 05

  Thank you, thank you so much.

• 13:11Speaker 00

  It is an A-plus special. There are so many specials out and coming out. Every week, there's a new bombardment of a special. And it is so nice to see a woman who is fucking sharp, razor sharp, razor funny, telling it like it is with fucking hilarious stories about your life.

• 13:29Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 13:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, I loved it. I loved all your callbacks. I mean, it was just really fresh.

• 13:35Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 13:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, we need more of that.

• 13:37Speaker 05

  Thank you so much. I'm really proud of it.

• 13:39Speaker 00

  You should be.

• 13:40Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm really, really proud of it. I've, you know, like in editing, you watch it over and over and over again. And I had to ask myself, like, I had to ask like, do I love myself too much? Because I never got tired of watching it. Like, no, I never got, I'm talking about, I may have watched it like 20 times, because I don't even try... I hate to say this, but I don't really trust men like that, even editors. You know what I'm saying? Like, I know you said you did it, but let me, let me look and see if you actually did what you were supposed to do. My editing team was great, but I watched it so many times. And I remember like maybe the second to the last time, I was like, oof. Okay, sit down, buckle up, you gotta watch this hour again.

• 14:17Speaker 00

  It's hard to watch yourself sometimes.

• 14:19Speaker 05

  It's hard, especially on repeat, I understand. 10 minutes in, Chelsea, I was like, I love this girl.

• 14:26Speaker 05

  I was like, I like her. I wanna be around her.

• 14:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, I like that too.

• 14:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:31Speaker 00

  I like your take on men also, which, I mean, we're all in a similar phase with men at this point in our lives. Well, not at that, we're at the same point in our lives, just culturally, I think. We're just kind of, men are really having to prove that they're of value and worth spending our time.

• 14:47Speaker 05

  Oh, for sure.

• 14:48Speaker 00

  With. And you talk about your sister, who's neurodivergent in the special, and you talk, she's been proposed to three times.

• 14:55Speaker 05

  Three times.

• 14:56Speaker 00

  Which is, and how many, have you been proposed?

• 14:57Speaker 05

  I have been proposed to no time.

• 15:02Speaker 05

  I have, I have had conversations about marriage, you know? But no one has ever gotten down on one knee and had a ring and been like, will you marry me? But I've had two or three conversations where it's like, is this something you're interested in? What would that look like? You know, stuff like that, but not, not a proposal. Those don't count.

• 15:22Speaker 00

  Okay, but what are your thoughts on marriage? Talk to us about, what would you do? I mean, yeah, just give us your thoughts, your take.

• 15:29Speaker 05

  On marriage?

• 15:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, in our current state of affairs, in this world, country.

• 15:34Speaker 05

  So I feel like my thoughts on marriage haven't changed, even given what's happening in the world. I feel like love is love and marriage is not love. Although a marriage can have love, I think that marriage, and I, this is, I don't think people like me talking about this, but I believe that marriage is a contract, this between three people. The parties that are, think that they're in love, and then the state. And I think that that is very different than just a love relationship, you know? I personally would like to be married. I'm gonna get him to sign a prenup, though. Because I feel like I, I'm gonna have a lot to lose, you know?

• 16:16Speaker 05

  But I do believe in love, and I do think marriage is like, sweet if you find the right person. I recently heard like another funny woman, like online, you know, like a content creator, said like, now my standards, now that I'm older, my standards have gotten higher for men. And that hasn't been my experience. My experience, my standards have always been high. And that's probably why I'm perpetually single, because I don't feel, you know, I didn't go through the phase of like, I'm gonna just deal with a bunch of guys who ain't shit, and then I'm gonna grow out of it. I've always looked for somebody who was worth something. You know?

• 16:54Speaker 00

  I'm with you on that.

• 16:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:55Speaker 00

  I don't date a bunch of losers either. I've never, I've, I've been single, I can go like a year with being single and have no problem with it. Whereas I have friends who, yeah, who like, well, Yamanika is a perfect example. She likes to keep things going. She's like, I need, I'm like, no, no, no. Until you are set and down with yourself, you're not gonna meet anybody that's worthwhile. You know, anybody that's bringing anything to the table for you. And it's not desperate. We don't need to be desperate, because what, what we're bringing, like, to professional women, and the self-confidence, and the work that I'm assuming you've done on yourself, because you have your shit together. It's like, it's, it's not, you have to have high standards.

• 17:33Speaker 05

  It's like, I'm not delusional, right? I, I don't think that relationships are supposed to be perfect, but I think that they should feel good. And like, it doesn't feel good to know that you're embarrassed by your partner. It doesn't feel good to know that like, you know, like, every time you gotta pay, like, you, you're paying for it. It doesn't feel, that doesn't feel good, like, and like, I feel like embarrassment of self is worse than public embarrassment. You know, so it's like, yeah, I wanna feel good. I wanna, if, if, if I'm gonna invite you into my life, I wanna feel good. Why, I mean, I hate to be cliche, but I can do bad by myself. But I'm actually doing really good by myself. So why would I bring you over here to add badness to that, you know?

• 18:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

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• 19:44Speaker 00

  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. What's taking up your mental real estate? If you could permanently delete one thing from your brain, what would it be? Maybe it's an interaction from years ago that still makes you cringe. An irrational fear, or a minor annoyance your coworker can't seem to stop doing, that somehow takes up way too much mental space. Why do you think this particular thing has stuck with you? With BetterHelp, therapy can help you stop mentally circling the drain and let go of whatever keeps scratching your brain. Insurance options may now be available nationwide with BetterHelp. With insurance, many members pay $15 or less. Some pay zero. That's great news. BetterHelp therapists are licensed, experienced professionals. Switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recommendations.

• 20:29Speaker 00

  BetterHelp is now in network with more than 125 health plans, with many copays as low as $15 for eligible members. And if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the US, you can still get 10% off your first month. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/dearchelsea. That's better H E L P dot com slash Dear Chelsea.

• 20:54Speaker 00

  So what kind of guys do you like? What kind of guys do you typically date? Do you have a type?

• 20:59Speaker 05

  I think I do have like a physical.

• 21:01Speaker 00

  Would you ever date a comedian?

• 21:02Speaker 05

  No, I don't think so.

• 21:05Speaker 00

  I mean, we gotta make sure and clarify that because.

• 21:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, I don't think that I would date a comedian. No.

• 21:15Speaker 00

  No, and not, not to shame any of the male comedians. No, they're definitely a type. Male, like male comics, there's definitely a type and they're not all bad. There's some great male comics out there, but there, most of them are depressed. There are, there are.

• 21:30Speaker 05

  See that face alive?

• 21:31Speaker 00

  There are a couple, there are a couple. Marc Maron's not disgusting, you know what I mean? John Mulaney's not disgusting. These are nice, Zach Galifianakis is a nice wholesome man. But you know, there are some other ones that are pretty gross. But the problem is the thread that I find with male comedians, and I don't find this with female comics, but you tell me what you think, is that most of them are depressed. Like there's a serious depression, like among male comedians. And I don't find that among female comedians as, it's not as prevalent in my opinion.

• 22:01Speaker 05

  Oh, okay, so I, I, I think that I agree with what you're saying, but even on a larger scale, like I just think that like men are more like unknowingly or undiagnosed depressed and just in the world versus like women, I feel like we're forced to sort of like face ourselves, even if it's just because we fellowship with one another and like we're like, girl, you depressed, you know, like whatever. But I think my experience, and I, I don't see this as much with female comedians, with male comedians, they just seem like, like the comedy aspect of it gives them license to be unserious in the rest of their life.

• 22:42Speaker 05

  Where I think women, we always wanna have it to, like, you know how, no, women don't get up on stage and say, I couldn't read and I was a fuck up in school, that's why I'm a comedian. We don't say that.

• 22:53Speaker 00

  We're actually reading at very advanced levels very early on.

• 22:57Speaker 05

  For the most part, women, you know what I'm saying? But guys, a lot of guys get up on stage and they're like, yeah, you know, I was the stupid one in class, so I was like, comedy. Like that's guys in comedy, you know? I don't know, sometimes even my closest friends, like when, when women really want them, because because I know them in their life, I'd be like, why would a woman allow you to like lead her life? Like, yeah, you're funny on stage, but every other thing is falling apart. You know, and so that's, I mean, until they become like superstar rich men, you know what I'm saying?

• 23:33Speaker 00

  But even then, sometimes they're not together.

• 23:34Speaker 05

  You can't change personalities and stuff like that.

• 23:36Speaker 00

  I've been around a lot of really successful men who are still like schlubs.

• 23:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:40Speaker 00

  Or like, you know, like thuggish or like just dumbasses about everything. Like they have no real world experience. They're interested in their fame and what their fame can get them.

• 23:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:51Speaker 00

  So it's not like they're going, you know, to travel the world and experience different cultures or they're reading lots of books.

• 23:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:58Speaker 00

  I mean, it's pretty hard, like that has to be a requirement moving forward for me. Like I have to know what books you're reading and you have to be reading one.

• 24:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:05Speaker 00

  Like you can't just be like, ah, and also you can't just be reading fucking books that you're interested in. I think it's really important for all of our edifications to read shit you don't wanna read about or things that don't interest you, you know?

• 24:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, I like a man that reads a book.

• 24:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, sexy, that's my fantasy. My fantasy is to come home to my house that I've paid for and have a man in the backyard reading, reading a fucking great book, you know what I mean?

• 24:30Speaker 05

  With a cocktail ready for you?

• 24:31Speaker 00

  Yes, yes. I need a man who can drink and hold his liquor, not be a fucking loser. You can do drugs too, but you can't be a loser about it. Um, I like to get down to business, but um, let me give you some bad examples of what, if you had to choose.

• 24:46Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 24:46Speaker 00

  Okay, if you had to choose between, you have to spend two weeks with this person romantically, okay, on an island, somebody who's not funny at all.

• 24:55Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 24:55Speaker 00

  Somebody who's hilarious, but 411. Or a Republican who's really good looking.

• 25:02Speaker 05

  And I just have to spend time with them or this is romantic time?

• 25:05Speaker 00

  It's romantic.

• 25:06Speaker 05

  It's romantic.

• 25:06Speaker 00

  It's just the two of you? Yeah, yeah, you've gotta sleep with them. It's like a thing, it's just basically to save the rest of your family.

• 25:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, and you, yeah, a good looking Republican. And then the, the guy who's not funny at all, what does he look like?

• 25:19Speaker 00

  The guy who is not funny at all, is not good looking and he's not bad looking. He's average looking, but he's, there's no personality. So there's nothing going on there. So you can either get somebody who's average and decent, no personality. You can get somebody who's hilarious, but a little nugget, okay, 411. Or you can get a really good looking Republican.

• 25:40Speaker 05

  For two weeks?

• 25:45Speaker 05

  For two weeks, I'll probably, I'd probably, ooh, I definitely wanna take the good looking Republican. Some in my soul, I just feel like, like I don't, I don't know if you can get an STI from that, but something about it just.

• 26:00Speaker 00

  Well, you know what there is? There's a sexually, there's a new sexually transmitted disease. Have you heard about this? Diarrhea is being sexually transmitted.

• 26:07Speaker 05

  What?

• 26:08Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 26:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:09Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 26:10Speaker 05

  Is this like even a lettuce thing or it's separate?

• 26:13Speaker 00

  I don't even think it has to do with anal penetration. I think it's just sexually transmitted. There's some sort of like an E. coli type of thing. It's not E. coli, but it's some sort of like Giardia bacteria that's being transmitted sexually that makes you have diarrhea.

• 26:27Speaker 05

  Well, I thought it was because too many people, I thought that just meant that people was eating butt.

• 26:31Speaker 00

  Well, I'm sure people are eating butt.

• 26:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I thought that.

• 26:34Speaker 00

  There's a lot of sick shit going on out there. And I don't know that I've never done that, so I don't even wanna be on the record about that. I mean, a lot of people do things in certain times in their lives when they're searching and I might be one of those people.

• 26:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:46Speaker 00

  But it's definitely not a recurring pattern.

• 26:48Speaker 05

  Okay, okay.

• 26:48Speaker 00

  Just put that out there, okay? You heard it here first.

• 26:51Speaker 05

  It doesn't even matter, as long as you didn't get explosive diarrhea, you know? To each his own.

• 26:56Speaker 00

  But there, thank you. And there's a lot of different, there's always new STIs, STDs popping in. Like so you don't know what's around the corner, so.

• 27:04Speaker 05

  But I mean, also too, just in, in, in the realm of STIs and STDs, diarrhea's not that bad. Is that something, you know, people like, it's like a shocking and funny to talk about, but it's like, if I had to choose between herpes and diarrhea, I'm taking diarrhea.

• 27:19Speaker 00

  I would just take, I would just take both and turn it into a victory party. How did it come about that the Obamas?

• 27:27Speaker 05

  Wait, let me choose my person.

• 27:28Speaker 00

  Oh my God, I'm so terrible, oh my God. I was just like getting scared I'm gonna start admitting more stuff, so I'm moving on. I was like, wait, yeah, let's choose, sorry.

• 27:37Speaker 05

  I think that, I think that I would go with the, you said the one who doesn't have a personality, he's not good looking either, like medium?

• 27:44Speaker 00

  He's medium, just no harm, no foul. Like you could deal with him.

• 27:49Speaker 00

  But he's not bringing anything to the table. He's not turning you on, he's not making you laugh and he's not intelligent.

• 27:56Speaker 05

  Oh, then I'm definitely gonna take this, this really funny short guy.

• 27:59Speaker 00

  That's what I'm thinking, that's what I'm thinking. Cause that would make a good story, A, which is always my impetus for things. I'm like, will this turn into something fun I could talk about later? And then B, yeah, I just think humor is so much more important from a man than anybody else.

• 28:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 28:15Speaker 00

  I really do think.

• 28:16Speaker 05

  And if we're, you know, if we're having a good time, it'll probably take up most of the two weeks. You know what I'm saying?

• 28:21Speaker 00

  Like, yeah, and it can't be, it can't be.

• 28:25Speaker 05

  Right, exactly. And if he's sure, he's already down there, like there's a lot of perks to this, you know? Like he, he, he still knows he's short because he's not alone. He's there in comparison to me, which is very tall. So he still feels a bit inferior, you know what I mean? And so he's gonna work extra hard. Oh, yeah, for sure.

• 28:43Speaker 00

  Unless he has Napoleon syndrome, you know, where he is an asshole and he's short, because we don't know, but we just know he's funny.

• 28:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, but if he's an asshole and he's short and it's just him and I on this island for two weeks, he's gonna have no power as an asshole.

• 28:57Speaker 00

  Right.

• 28:58Speaker 05

  You can only be an asshole if somebody gives you power.

• 29:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's the spirit.

• 29:01Speaker 05

  And I'll look down at him and laugh and go, and walk off and I'll reach up into the tree and grab a mango.

• 29:09Speaker 00

  I don't know why, I like, I like that you already know which island you're going to. I didn't say anything about tropical weather, I just said an island. It could be Iceland, you never know.

• 29:22Speaker 00

  Tell me how the Obamas got involved in producing your special.

• 29:25Speaker 05

  I had the crazy idea, two, two or three years ago during the 2024 election, I, election cycle, I made this like, uh, post, cause they were campaigning and Kamala was campaigning and Michelle was meeting her on the campaign trail and they were in Michigan and I was doing shows in Detroit. And I made this video that I posted to social media. I heard that Michelle is in Michigan, I'm doing a show, we have two tickets, we saved a table for you, let us know if you can make it. You don't have to bring Barack, he's not, you're like, you know what I'm saying? Like whatever you need, let me know. I'll see if Uber has bulletproof like black car, like I'm just going on this video. And I posted, in my mind, I'm not really talking to Michelle Obama.

• 30:09Speaker 05

  In my mind, I'm promoting my shows in Detroit, cause I keep saying, I mean, I'm at Detroit, I'm at this club, I'm, you know? And so when I posted it, so many people tagged her, tagged her, tagged her, tagged her, tagged her. And then her team was like, you know, she's such a big fan of yours. Right, and I was like, I did not know. And so, I don't know, shortly after that, I went to, I went to a like get out and vote event in Atlanta. And she was, you know, it was a lot of people there. It was like, almost like a concert. And she was speaking, and so I met her. And I had one of those like mean girl moments. You know, like when you're in a room of like important people? And you go to like someone who you're a fan of? It's almost like if I saw you, Chelsea, and I was like, oh, my God, Chelsea, I love you. You're so funny.

• 30:54Speaker 05

  And you were like, who are you? Ugh, and just walked away. I had a moment like that, right? And so I was like, well, let me sit, let me sit my behind down. Which is so crazy, because you would figure anybody in that room belongs in that room. Right? And so I just sat down. I was like, I tried to make myself just a little bit small, you know? And, and Michelle, she comes into the room. And everybody's like, like, like, you know, congratulating her on telling her how good her speech is, which it was, she's such a fantastic speaker. And in the middle of whatever she's saying, she turns and she sees me sitting down. And she's like, Zainab Johnson, ah, I love this girl. Ah, she's so funny. And then she just like ushers me to like everybody, right?

• 31:38Speaker 05

  And at the time, I had just put out my first special, which was on Prime. And she says, you have to check out her special. It's on Netflix. And she just keeps saying Netflix, right? But in my mind, I'm like, Amazon paid for this special. She gotta say Amazon. But I didn't correct her, because it's like, that's Michelle Obama. This is my first time meeting her. Like, I was, I was balancing a lot of thoughts and emotions. And so I didn't, I didn't, I didn't correct her. And then I spoke with somebody on her staff right after. And she was like, did she say Netflix? And I was like, yeah. She was like, why didn't you correct her? She knows it's Prime. I was like, well, I'm not gonna correct the freaking former first lady. But also, in my mind, I was like, she just spoken into existence, you know?

• 32:20Speaker 05

  And so now, fast forward, when I'm deciding to do a special, another special, I was actually watching Shang Wang. Do you know the comedian Shang Wang?

• 32:29Speaker 00

  Of course, yeah.

• 32:30Speaker 05

  Uh, I love Shang Wang, love Ali Wong, love how she kind of like ushers, you know, kind of like lays the, I don't know, just like, if you love me, you're gonna love him. And I really just, I was watching his, his most recent special. And I just loved that. But she doesn't do it in like a grand, like a grand way. It's, she almost does it like she's not her, right? And so I was like, hmm, who's gonna introduce me on my special? And I was like, I thought about like more obvious people, like, oh, should I ask Dave Chappelle? Should I, like, I thought about more obvious people. And then I just got the crazy idea. I was like, I'm gonna see if Michelle Obama will just do a voice of God for me.

• 33:14Speaker 05

  I'm just gonna, I'm gonna reach out to her communications team. And I'm gonna see, I, I wrote it, I, I put everything in one message. So it didn't have to be a back and forth. I'm asking, you know exactly what I need. If you decide, yeah, yes or no. And if you decide to do it, I gave them options. Like, she can do it on her phone. She can do it while she's taping her podcast. Like, I understand, like, you know, I, I said it really humbly. I understand that this is a wild idea. Like, I conveyed all of that in one message. And they came back. My team was like, my manager's like, well, let us know when you send that text. And we'll, you know, we'll just let the people,

• 33:51Speaker 00

  The team.

• 33:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, the team know that you sent that text. And then shortly after that, I just got calls from everybody. And they were like, yeah, she's, not only is she gonna introduce you, but they would like to produce it. And I was like, it's, I know, I know. And I was like, you know, so I always get these, these phone calls from like my reps, where it's good news, and they'll, they'll, they'll ask me like, like I'm gonna say no. They're like, so are you okay with that?

• 34:22Speaker 00

  They're like, you're gonna get paid an extra $250,000 for your one day of work. Are you okay with that?

• 34:28Speaker 05

  I remember, I remember the first time, like when I became a series regular, because I, I had taped this, I'm on a show called Upload, right? And I taped this pilot. And I was a, a guest star possible recurring, right? And when they, right before we went to series, they made, they offered me like a series regular. And all my men, all my team called me and was like, so they wanna make you a series regular? Is that something that you're? And I was like, why? Is there a school, are they teaching you guys to converse this way? Like, you know, like, and I mean, I guess I'm happy I don't have a team that's like, take the, you know what I'm saying? We need to come here.

• 35:05Speaker 00

  First of all, there must have been a team meeting where they had a bad experience with somebody. They're like, you have to ask permission. You can't tell these people, oh, great, we're doing it. Because why would they act like that?

• 35:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, they, every single time with me, whenever it's good news, they're like, so, you know, there's this wonderful thing that has never happened to anybody else, and it's happening to you. Are you okay with that? And I'm like, I was like kind of shocked. I was at dinner with my friend. And, and she went to the bathroom and came back, and I was on this phone call. And I was just sort of like, kind of just stuck. And she was like, what's happening? And I was like, you know, as soon as I hung up, I was like, so the Obamas are gonna produce my special? And she was like, yeah, she was like, and then she, and I, I'm the type of person, I don't tell, I don't tell people what I'm doing when I'm doing it. So as much as I had that idea, I didn't reach out to, I didn't reach out to anybody and say, I think I'm, I don't like ask my friends or family for permission.

• 35:59Speaker 05

  It's like, if I have, if it's in my mind, then, like, I, I, I ran it by my reps, because I needed them to tell me like if it's wildly unprofessional. You know what I'm saying? But other than that, I just keep everything to myself.

• 36:13Speaker 00

  I understand that. I don't do that, but I understand it. I wish I could do that, but sometimes I get ahead of myself. I guess as I've gotten older, but I totally get it. Because you don't want anybody out there having bad ideas or weighing in on your success. You know what I mean?

• 36:27Speaker 05

  You know, a lot of people think that that's actually not why I do it. I don't know if you know this, but I'm one of 13.

• 36:33Speaker 00

  I do know that.

• 36:34Speaker 05

  And I am just used to it not being about me. And I'm not even in a, in a sad way. Like, almost like in a refreshing way. Like, hmm, it's not really about me. Like, there's always, the moment I think that I have caused my mom the most devastation, my sister did something worse. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's never, it's, it's, there's always something else happening. And so I've just kind of, I think I've gotten into the practice of like, I, I gotta share so much. So everything, even good things, ideas, whatever, I just keep it all to myself. Because it's like, this is just my, my separate thing in my life and my, you know?

• 37:19Speaker 00

  I like it. No, I like it. I think it's an interesting perspective.

• 37:25Speaker 01

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• 37:27Speaker 02

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• 37:30Speaker 03

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• 37:56Speaker 00

  You've considered advancing your education or pursuing a new career. Rasmussen University has a seat saved for you. And with over 50 online programs, you can take a seat in your kitchen, your kid's soccer practice, your commute home, or wherever your busy schedule takes you. Plus, with a team dedicated to supporting you every step of the way, you may be online, but you will never be alone. Find the program that fits your goals at Rasmussen.edu.

• 38:23Speaker 06

  Bestselling author and America's favorite home cook, Ina Garten, is back with an all-new cookbook. Simply Ina features 85 simple, yet impressive recipes. Like mashed potato and leek soup, Provencal chicken with olives and capers, cherry berry crumble and Irish coffee affogato, as well as expert tips and tricks for achieving the best flavor with the least amount of effort. Get Simply Ina by Ina Garten and discover for yourself how simple is sophisticated. Available wherever books are sold.

• 38:53Speaker 00

  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. What's taking up your mental real estate? If you could permanently delete one thing from your brain, what would it be? Maybe it's an interaction from years ago that still makes you cringe, an irrational fear, or a minor annoyance your coworker can't seem to stop doing, that somehow takes up way too much mental space. Why do you think this particular thing has stuck with you? With BetterHelp, therapy can help you stop mentally circling the drain and let go of whatever keeps scratching your brain. Insurance options may now be available nationwide with BetterHelp. With insurance, many members pay $15 or less. Some pay zero. That's great news. BetterHelp therapists are licensed, experienced professionals. Switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recommendations.

• 39:38Speaker 00

  BetterHelp is now in-network with more than 125 health plans, with many copays as low as $15 for eligible members. And if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the US, you can still get 10% off your first month. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/DearestChelsea. That's Better H E L P dot com slash Dear Chelsea.

• 40:03Speaker 00

  I mean, when you're one of 13 kids, I'm one of six kids, so not quite 13. What number are you?

• 40:07Speaker 05

  Fifth, yeah.

• 40:08Speaker 00

  Okay, so are you, what, I'd like to talk about that.

• 40:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, let's talk about it.

• 40:12Speaker 00

  What is, what is the, what is the dynamic between men, women?

• 40:16Speaker 05

  So there are six girls, seven boys. Before my last younger brother, my youngest brother, they were six and six. The first two are girls, then it's two boys, then it's me, then it's four boys, then it's three girls, then it's one boy. So I was around a lot of boys.

• 40:33Speaker 05

  And, yeah, my, my, I think that there's a set of twins, boy and girl, so they have their own kind of relationship.

• 40:44Speaker 05

  I find that I'm, I'm equally close with all of, you know, like-

• 40:48Speaker 00

  All of your siblings?

• 40:49Speaker 05

  For the most part.

• 40:50Speaker 00

  That's a lot of people to be close to.

• 40:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, we have different relationships. We definitely have different relationships. I made the mistake in a group chat recently for my, one of my younger brother's birthdays. I said, "Yeah, cuz he's my favorite." Everybody, I just started getting screenshots of people changing how they had my name saved in their phone. My little sister sent me, she sent me a screenshot of, it, it, it went from "Bestie Z" with a heart to "Zainab Johnson."

• 41:19Speaker 05

  And they was like, you cannot, you're like, I, you can't, amongst all of us, we're all in a family group chat, you cannot say the F word, you can't say favorite.

• 41:27Speaker 00

  No, no, no, no, that's private conversation.

• 41:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I was, I was joking, clearly.

• 41:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know.

• 41:32Speaker 05

  I know better, but they, it was mutiny.

• 41:34Speaker 00

  I know, I know, but everyone knows who the favorites are, anyway. Everyone knows, so do you have tons of nieces and nephews, like I do, because of your, all your siblings?

• 41:42Speaker 05

  I have over 20.

• 41:43Speaker 00

  Oh, wow. So how do you guys organize your family with that many people, or do you spend all the holidays together?

• 41:50Speaker 05

  Some of them, but like, I don't think, I can't remember like, a time where in the, in the, I don't know, past like decade, or even 20 years, probably, that we've all been together, like, sometimes it's a good amount of, well, even the one time where we were all together, my one, my criminal brother, he was in jail, so, yeah, they wasn't gonna let him out. So, yeah, you know, but yeah, we, like, I think for this Thanksgiving, we're going to my older, one of my older brother's house, he lives in San Antonio, him and his family, I was actually just there the other day. And so maybe it's like, his wife, little Korean woman, she was like, "He, he said it's gonna be 50 people." And I was like, "No, it's not gonna, more like 22, it's not gonna be, it's not gonna be 50, it's not everybody and their kids coming, but like,

• 42:34Speaker 05

  it'll be like, you know, four siblings and their kids and..."

• 42:38Speaker 00

  Sure, I think it's such a big advantage to grow up with a lot of siblings.

• 42:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:42Speaker 00

  It really gives you a nice plethora of personality types to have to deal with, and also to become, you have to become independent when there are that many people around.

• 42:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, for sure, for sure.

• 42:53Speaker 00

  Because, yeah.

• 42:54Speaker 05

  I think, I don't know if, I don't know if you're like this, but are you, do you have a lot of siblings?

• 42:57Speaker 00

  I have three, so we're, I'm one of four.

• 42:59Speaker 05

  Okay, okay, I feel like I attract all, only children.

• 43:03Speaker 00

  Oh, interesting.

• 43:04Speaker 05

  My friends, love interests, only children, and if they're not an only child, that means, then they have step siblings, or they have half siblings, or like, there's a big age gap, like, they were raised and then their sibling is like 16 years younger than them, or older than them, but they've all, they've been raised almost like an only child, Yamanika.

• 43:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:22Speaker 05

  Only child, I'm telling you, every friend and love interest that has ever been close to me, they have been only child life, and I think it's cuz I know how to deal with their need.

• 43:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, what is your, what is your astrological sign?

• 43:35Speaker 04

  I'm an Aries.

• 43:36Speaker 00

  Aries, okay, and do Aries and Scorpios mix? I know Yama's a Scorpio, and that's her, she likes to talk about being a Scorpio a lot. She's actually gotten me more into astrology, and I'm reading this book called Hour of the Witch, I think it's called.

• 43:48Speaker 04

  Season of the Witch.

• 43:49Speaker 00

  Season of the Witch, thank you. And it really is, it kind of reminds you to like, all that witchiness, like, that you sometimes kind of denounce, or go, "Oh, that's too much," which is how I treat astrology, because I'm always like, "This is so ridiculous." Everything you read is applicable to every sign, depending on what fucking day of the week it is. But, it, it really is making me think that it is important to pay attention to all these signs, because women have such intuition about things, and we've been told our whole lives to like, shut it down, and that science is science, and that's fact, and that it has to be logical, whereas women's intuition isn't necessarily measurable, but we have it, we have an instinct about things, we have a gut reaction to things, and the more we mute that, you know what I mean, the less we listen to it.

• 44:34Speaker 00

  And so it's a good reminder of even things like, you know, astrology is important to pay attention to.

• 44:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:40Speaker 00

  How do Aries get along with Scorpios, nicely?

• 44:42Speaker 05

  So I don't really know much about signs, but I know that Yamanika hates Aries. I know she hates Aries, and I know that they are, they're, they might be like, the worst sign for her, and she reminds me every, whenever I'm like, you know, giving her guidelines, she, she's like, "And this is why," and she's, "And this is why," you know, she'll be like, she'll be like, "See, every time I think I could like you, then I remember your name." Yeah, yeah, so, yeah, so I don't know, but I did, one of my boyfriends was a Scorpio, one of my ex-boyfriends was a Scorpio, and I did learn with him, I was the most honest with him, I was the most, because he,

• 45:23Speaker 05

  he was the most, like, I don't wanna, vindictive's not the right word, but he had the most get back.

• 45:30Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 45:31Speaker 05

  You know, like, I would, I would tell him the truth, because I knew it would be better than letting it fester for him.

• 45:38Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 45:39Speaker 05

  Because he'll, he'll just build a portfolio against me. Do you get what I'm saying?

• 45:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, totally.

• 45:44Speaker 05

  Like, that, that was the thing about him that I just remember, he was so, he would, he would build a case against me for months, and then, and put the clues together, and then, and not that I was some horrible girlfriend, but I mean, he was that sort of, like, holding grudges, and like, I'm the type of person, if I have a problem with you, if I have a problem with you, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna confront you, cuz I don't want it to, I don't want it to be carrying it.

• 46:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, no, I'm, everyone needs to behave that way, it is such a waste of everyone's time.

• 46:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, and I, and I'm gonna confront you, I don't, I do not want it to be negative, I don't, I just want it to free us, of whatever.

• 46:19Speaker 00

  Because a conflict or a confrontation doesn't have to be negative, and there doesn't have to be yelling. You can simply say to someone, "This is upsetting to me for this, A, B, and C," you know, and have a conversation about it, which is a great tool, and a great strength tool, and a great tool for women to use when having direct conflict, you know? Because it doesn't have to blow up, and it doesn't have to be an argument.

• 46:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, but you know those people who, they'll be like, "Yeah, because in October, when you, in October, when you said this, I didn't, and then you did it again," like, they, they log. Every time you do that thing that they've wanted to speak up about, and they didn't, and then they come to you with a case, even, even they'll say, "Even when we were at dinner, my friends even said," in, in November, my friends said, and it's like-

• 47:03Speaker 04

  But then that's also on them for, like, not having brought it up when it came up, and letting it like, build and build and build inside of them, you know?

• 47:11Speaker 00

  You have a bit about Angie Nixon, who's running for the senator in Florida, because our white goblin, Laura Luma, one of our white goblins, called her a ghetto black bitch, and that it's a high compliment.

• 47:26Speaker 05

  Just like my bit said, I had no idea who Angie Nixon was, but then when I saw Laura, I don't, I didn't really even know who Laura Luma was, I try to stay clear of those types of people, you know, like, you ain't nothing to look at, you ain't saying nothing, you, you know what I'm saying? You just bad energy all around, so I try to stay clear of them, but it was so publicized, you know? And I'm like, ghetto black bitch, who, now who, who?

• 47:48Speaker 04

  Look at this bitch.

• 47:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, like, I don't know why I instantly got excited, it wasn't even fabricated for me, I was like, "It's a ghetto black bitch running? What's the campaign?" Like, I, and then-

• 47:59Speaker 00

  That is a great campaign slogan.

• 48:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, oh my god.

• 48:02Speaker 00

  Ghetto black bitch is, I mean, she should be taking that and running with it.

• 48:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, and, and here's the thing, then I started watching video, there's like, now I know exactly who Angie Nixon is, and I started watching videos on her, and I'm like, "Wow, this was the best they could come up with? This was the best that they could come up with?" And then I just, you know, I just got on stage, I told, I told my friend before I got on stage, cuz I was like, at the Comedy Cellar, and you know, Comedy Cellar, that's not the place where I just open up with a new joke. That's the place where I'll do a bit that I, that I feel I'm confident in, and then I'll, you know, and then I'll start the new joke, right? But right before I got on stage, I said to my friend, I said, "You know who Angie Nixon is?" And he was like, "No," and then I told him the story. I was like, "Don't ghetto black bitch sound like a superhero?" He was like, "Now that you put it like that."

• 48:46Speaker 05

  Like, he, I, I had sold it to him in a matter of seconds, and when I went on stage, it's like, the audience, the same exact reaction. "Do you know her?" "No." Well, this per, they knew Laura Luma, and they all had like, a, uh, you know, and I'm like, "Well, she says she was a ghetto black bitch," the entire audience was like, "Uh," cuz it's so, that's the last thing we expected to hear in politics. You know how low we have to be, where that's your retort, that's, that's your comeback? You know, but also, you know, I be walking in rooms refined and stuff, but I too have a ghetto black bitch inside of me.

• 49:26Speaker 05

  You know what I'm saying, you ain't, you don't even know, you appeal to a large base, you know, so I, I just, I like to turn when I can.

• 49:34Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 49:34Speaker 05

  I like to take something and flip it, I think like, that's the power of like, comedy.

• 49:39Speaker 00

  I agree, yes.

• 49:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 49:41Speaker 00

  De acuerdo. We're learning Spanish together, well, I'm learning Spanish, she already knows Spanish, but yeah.

• 49:48Speaker 00

  You grew up in Harlem, right?

• 49:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 49:50Speaker 00

  And so what, how do you, how, do you spend time in Harlem now?

• 49:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:54Speaker 00

  Do you, do you have the Harlem Comedy Club?

• 49:55Speaker 05

  I have never been to the Harlem Comedy Club.

• 49:57Speaker 00

  I'm gonna do that with Yamanika on her birthday.

• 49:58Speaker 05

  On her birthday?

• 49:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, are you gonna come to her birthday?

• 50:01Speaker 05

  I don't think that I will be here.

• 50:03Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 50:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, number one, it's on election day, I was like, "Girl, it's on election day, you gotta, everybody you're inviting, make sure they vote early."

• 50:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:10Speaker 05

  Just in case they, they have to leave, did you already vote?

• 50:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have my ballot, but I'm dropping my fucking ballot off, because these assholes are going into our ballot boxes.

• 50:19Speaker 05

  I, I believe I, I'm gonna be in Abu Dhabi, that's why.

• 50:22Speaker 00

  Ooh, look at you.

• 50:23Speaker 05

  I think I'll leave that night.

• 50:24Speaker 00

  Are you going there to perform?

• 50:25Speaker 05

  To perform, I'm working with Mo Amor.

• 50:27Speaker 00

  Oh, nice, yeah, didn't he just do Radio City?

• 50:30Speaker 05

  Radio City Musical, and he was like, do, he was like, "Come do Radio City Musical," I mean, I was like, "I have shows in Columbus, Ohio." And he was like-

• 50:38Speaker 00

  You're gonna do your own Radio City Musical, so.

• 50:40Speaker 05

  But you know what, everybody was like, "Why didn't you go do it, 6,000 people?" And I was like, "I have to build, build my people so that I can do it myself one day."

• 50:49Speaker 00

  Absolutely.

• 50:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 50:51Speaker 00

  That's awesome.

• 50:54Speaker 01

  GLP-1s are changing weight loss.

• 50:55Speaker 02

  My sister had amazing.

• 50:57Speaker 01

  The ideal treatment is.

• 50:58Speaker 03

  Seems like everyone's a GLP-1 expert these days. But when it comes to your health, it pays to listen to someone who actually is. Orderly Meds makes it easy to get started with personalized support along the way. And with your first month's order, we're giving you the second month free. Visit OrderlyMeds.com. Bringing orders to the chaos of GLP-1s. Individual results may vary. Eligibility and prescription required, not medical advice. Visit OrderlyMeds.com for details. Compound medications are not FDA approved.

• 51:24Speaker 00

  You've considered advancing your education or pursuing a new career. Rasmussen University has a seat saved for you. And with over 50 online programs, you can take a seat in your kitchen, your kid's soccer practice, your commute home, or wherever your busy schedule takes you. Plus, with a team dedicated to supporting you every step of the way, you may be online, but you will never be alone. Find the program that fits your goals at Rasmussen.edu.

• 51:51Speaker 06

  Bestselling author and America's favorite home cook, Ina Garten, is back with an all-new cookbook. Simply Ina features 85 simple, yet impressive recipes like mashed potato and leek soup, Provençal Chicken with Olives and Capers, Cherry Berry Crumble, and Irish Coffee Affogato, as well as expert tips and tricks for achieving the best flavor with the least amount of effort. Get Simply Ina by Ina Garten and discover for yourself how simple is sophisticated. Available wherever books are sold.

• 52:21Speaker 00

  This ad is brought to you by Vive Healthcare, the makers of Devoto, Dolutegravir, Lamivudine. Living with HIV, do learn about Devoto. Devoto is a complete HIV treatment by prescription only for some people 12 and older. Your doctor will determine if Devoto is right for you. No other complete HIV pill contains fewer medicines than Devoto. Most HIV pills contain three or four medicines. Devoto is as effective with two medicines.

• 52:52Speaker 07

  It is unknown if Devoto is safe and effective if you have HIV and hepatitis B. If you have Hep B, don't stop Devoto without talking to your doctor, as it may get worse or harder to treat. Don't take Devoto if you're allergic to its ingredients or taking Dofetilide due to serious or life-threatening side effects. If you have a rash or allergic reaction symptoms, stop Devoto and get medical help right away. Other serious or life-threatening side effects include severe liver problems and lactic acid buildup. If you're female or obese, you may be more at risk. Tell your doctor about your medicines or supplements, medical conditions, liver or kidney problems, pregnancy, breastfeeding, or planned pregnancy.

• 53:30Speaker 00

  Do learn about Devoto. Visit devoto.com or call 1-877-844-8872.

• 53:40Speaker 00

  Are you ready to take some callers? We give live advice here.

• 53:42Speaker 05

  Let's do it.

• 53:43Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 53:43Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 53:44Speaker 00

  What do we got, Catherine?

• 53:44Speaker 05

  Well, our first question.

• 53:47Speaker 00

  You sure you don't want another sip of your favorite water?

• 53:50Speaker 05

  The lemon lime.

• 53:51Speaker 00

  Wait, before you read it, I'm so sorry.

• 53:53Speaker 05

  It was so gross.

• 53:54Speaker 00

  I can't believe.

• 53:54Speaker 05

  It was so gross.

• 53:56Speaker 00

  I was gonna say that this is the least flavorful one, or the worst flavor, but then I was like, no, let me not, you know, like, influence your decision about it, which clearly I fucking did not. But I don't, I can't believe you don't like that. To me, water is so fucking boring.

• 54:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 54:12Speaker 00

  That I have got to liven things up. So anytime there's a new brand of flavored water, it comes my way and I am there to sample.

• 54:20Speaker 05

  Do you like kombucha?

• 54:22Speaker 00

  I mean, I can drink kombucha, kombucha, kombucha, because it's better than water.

• 54:28Speaker 05

  Yeah. Okay, so this is where we are opposite. I think water, just in its purest form.

• 54:34Speaker 00

  We like it.

• 54:34Speaker 05

  Is refreshing. And, you know, I hope we will continue to get to know each other, but

• 54:43Speaker 05

  from that recommend, from that recommendation,

• 54:48Speaker 05

  I'm probably not, you know, next time you say something is good.

• 54:52Speaker 00

  Next time I offer something, you're not gonna fucking listen to me. Okay.

• 54:54Speaker 04

  Maybe it's because you're an Aries and she's a Pisces. Who knows?

• 54:58Speaker 00

  I'm a Pisces, yeah. You should know that, moving forward.

• 55:02Speaker 04

  Well, our first question comes from Rose. And this is our one drink question, so it's just a shorty. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm in a new relationship. He's amazing and checks every box for me. He's kind, funny, sweet, gentle. He listens well and is very intelligent. I really, really like him, but I have a big problem. His text messages are horribly cringe. When I get a message, it makes me want to rip my clothes off and shed my skin. I've been avoiding changing the subject when it comes to texts, but I need help. I feel like you've mastered kind, clear communication, and I need your help. Here's an example of a message I would receive. Hope you have the best day. Smiley face. Go be your wonderful teacher self and crush it today. Two exclamation points. And if the kids drive you crazy, just remember you get to see me at 5:15.

• 55:46Speaker 04

  Winky face, winky face, kissy face. LOL. My sister told me to laugh at it and say it's too much, but I think that can be misconstrued over text message, and I should bring it up in person. Help, Rose.

• 55:58Speaker 00

  First of all, I'm with you completely. I don't like, I have, okay, what's her name, Rose?

• 56:03Speaker 04

  Rose.

• 56:04Speaker 00

  Okay, tell, first of all, Rose, just be grateful that these aren't spelling mistakes, because that's, that's not solvable. If somebody can't spell and they're texting you, then that is the biggest ick. So this is workable. You can get rid of exclamation points, which I find to be extremely annoying. I don't like emojis unless you're talking to your friends and fucking around. You know what I mean? And the emojis are ridiculous, but not in a flirtatious situation. I don't want any straight men using emojis. It's kind of like the straight guy that I talk about in my set who's going down on a woman. I don't know if you've ever experienced this, where a man is going down on you and then they're in this frogger position, basically, so their anus is completely exposed to the area.

• 56:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:46Speaker 00

  That is not a position that straight men are allowed to be in.

• 56:48Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 56:49Speaker 00

  And that's, to me, that is, there's a direct link.

• 56:54Speaker 05

  He's face down, ass up?

• 56:56Speaker 00

  Face, face down, ass up.

• 56:58Speaker 05

  Oh, wow.

• 56:59Speaker 00

  Exactly. It's not the way we like to fuck men.

• 57:02Speaker 00

  But when a man is in this position, and I've seen men in position, in this position a couple of times in movies, and once it was my girlfriend's boyfriend and he was on a show, and I forwarded it to her and he was basically going down, but he has, it's just, it's the most unflattering position for a male to be in. And it's unforgivable. You can't be attracted to someone after that.

• 57:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, I mean, he's definitely exposed.

• 57:22Speaker 00

  Exposed.

• 57:23Speaker 05

  Vulnerable position.

• 57:24Speaker 00

  I think there's a direct link between that, that, the usage of emojis and that physical position, sexual position. So you have to just say that. You can't do it over a text, I think. Zainab, you're gonna weigh in too, but I, I think that's something you just say straight away, go, I'm not into the emojis, or the smiley faces, or the exclamation points. Like, I'd rather just have direct communication for texting. I know you're trying to be really sweet.

• 57:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 57:50Speaker 00

  And I appreciate it, and I love the responsiveness and the back and forth, but let's just, like, put a pin in the extra stuff. It's not, it's ancillary. You don't need to be sending emojis. And he needs to learn about it. I feel very passionately about that.

• 58:07Speaker 05

  Okay, so I, I'm gonna play devil's advocate.

• 58:09Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 58:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:10Speaker 00

  Go.

• 58:11Speaker 05

  I think that if he's been doing that the entire time of their relationship, and she described him in perfection, aside from that, let the man send his goddamn aspirational texts. If that, if that is the biggest problem, there are so many single women unhappy, there's so many women who are like, I wish my man would text me. I wish my, you know what I'm saying? If that, if that is the biggest issue that you have, first of all, put your text on silent.

• 58:45Speaker 00

  That's not gonna prevent her from seeing the emojis, so eventually she'll see them. Whether it's silent or not, she's gonna see the emojis.

• 58:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, and that's, that's something that she should be able to.

• 58:55Speaker 00

  Get over?

• 58:55Speaker 05

  Not, it's not even get over.

• 58:57Speaker 00

  Ignore.

• 58:58Speaker 05

  Embrace.

• 58:59Speaker 00

  Embrace.

• 58:59Speaker 05

  Embrace.

• 58:59Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 59:00Speaker 05

  Embrace. My man sends too many emojis. You know my man, he gonna, oh, it's my man again, another smiley face. You gotta embrace it.

• 59:07Speaker 00

  Okay, well, that's one way to look at it. I completely disagree. I think that you absolutely have to nip it in the bud. I, I cannot, because it is a slippery slope, because if she's gotten the ick now, the ick will only get more and more pronounced if she tries to ignore it. Because you know, I know what you're saying, and that's a great thing, a great tool, to take something that annoys you about somebody and flip it, right? And go, I like it. But it, I find that that doesn't last. Eventually, the original ick comes back and resurfaces. And then you're almost mad at letting the situation get so far down the road. I know this, we're talking about emojis, but this is how serious I am about emojis. I mean, by the way, I fucking use them all the time.

• 59:49Speaker 05

  But I think, I think maybe what this is revealing to me is that I may have, like, a really low opinion of men. And the reason why I say that, and that's not really to, like, shit on men, it's just that I remember older women, when I was younger, saying, pick your poison. Nobody's gonna come to you perfect, so pick your poison, right? And so if this guy's poison, I, I agree with you in a sense of if something bothers you, you can bring it to your partner's attention and kind of talk about it. But if he's like, babe, I just, if that's the one thing, you figure out how to embrace that thing. I mean, there's, there's, there's women who are like, I mean, you know, my man's an alcoholic. I mean, you know, my man.

• 1:00:32Speaker 05

  You know, it's like, if we sat you down at a meeting for women who were unhappy, you know what I'm saying? They would, they would run you out of town if you said, I mean, he told me to be the best teacher I could be.

• 1:00:47Speaker 04

  What do you think, Catherine? I don't know. I might be with Zainab. I was originally on your team, but I think, Zainab, I think you've converted me.

• 1:00:55Speaker 05

  It's, okay, so my special, sorry to plug it, is toxically optimistic.

• 1:00:59Speaker 00

  You are.

• 1:00:59Speaker 05

  I'm telling you.

• 1:01:00Speaker 00

  This is why you're here is to plug your special. You can plug it as often as you like.

• 1:01:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, this is, I'm able to, I'm not trying to be delusional. I completely.

• 1:01:10Speaker 00

  I hear you. I hear you.

• 1:01:11Speaker 05

  I completely, it's like, yeah, speak on it because you also know that you honored yourself in saying like, this is like, this is not how I communicate and this is not how I've been communicating. It seems a bit like forced and is it? And if he's like, you know, no, I mean, ever since phones came out, my family, we, you know, we used all the emojis. You know what I'm saying? If he gives you the origin story of why he's like that, I think you just go, all right.

• 1:01:36Speaker 04

  Yeah. And maybe you can make fun of him for it. Like, you know?

• 1:01:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:01:40Speaker 04

  And then maybe get the picture.

• 1:01:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, in a passive aggressive way so he gets the message.

• 1:01:43Speaker 04

  Or like a silly, like, oh, this gives me the ick.

• 1:01:45Speaker 05

  I know it was from you because there were fucking 85 smiley faces. Maybe that'll put it in and nip it in the bud. But also, her example wasn't that drastic.

• 1:01:54Speaker 00

  No, but it's a small, I mean, I like when people call in about stupid things like that because it's like, it's not a big, it's not a deal breaker. It's just like, it could be sexier. You could be sexier. It's an opportunity to sharpen the sexiness in the relationship.

• 1:02:07Speaker 05

  Yeah. Is he sending eggplant emojis?

• 1:02:10Speaker 04

  I don't think so.

• 1:02:11Speaker 05

  One of my friends, when she sends me DMs that are funny, I hit that laughing out loud face. It's got, like, at first when we were doing it, I would send like eight of them to her. Now, if you look at our DMs, it's like this much laughing faces, just to show how much we're enjoying making fun of other people on the internet.

• 1:02:35Speaker 04

  Um, all right, Rose, well, take it. What advice you have?

• 1:02:39Speaker 00

  Let us know how you handle it and what happens.

• 1:02:44Speaker 01

  GLP-1s are changing weight loss.

• 1:02:46Speaker 02

  My sister had amazing.

• 1:02:47Speaker 01

  The ideal treatment is.

• 1:02:48Speaker 03

  Seems like everyone's a GLP-1 expert these days, but when it comes to your health, it pays to listen to someone who actually is. Orderly Meds makes it easy to get started with personalized support along the way. And with your first month's order, we're giving you the second month free. Visit OrderlyMeds.com. Bringing orders to the chaos of GLP-1s. Individual results may vary. Eligibility and prescription required. Not medical advice. Visit OrderlyMeds.com for details. Compound and medications are not FDA approved.

• 1:03:14Speaker 00

  You've considered advancing your education or pursuing a new career. Rasmussen University has a seat saved for you. And with over 50 online programs, you can take a seat in your kitchen, your kid's soccer practice, your commute home, or wherever your busy schedule takes you. Plus, with a team dedicated to supporting you every step of the way, you may be online, but you will never be alone. Find the program that fits your goals at Rasmussen.edu.

• 1:03:42Speaker 06

  Bestselling author and America's favorite home cook, Ina Garten, is back with an all-new cookbook. Simply Ina features 85 simple, yet impressive recipes, like mashed potato and leek soup, Provençal chicken with olives and capers, cherry berry crumble, and Irish coffee affogato, as well as expert tips and tricks for achieving the best flavor with the least amount of effort. Get Simply Ina by Ina Garten and discover for yourself how simple is sophisticated. Available wherever books are sold.

• 1:04:12Speaker 00

  This ad is brought to you by ViiV Healthcare, the makers of Devoto, Dolutegravir, Lamivudine. Living with HIV? Do learn about Devoto. Devoto is a complete HIV treatment by prescription only for some people 12 and older. Your doctor will determine if Devoto is right for you. No other complete HIV pill contains fewer medicines than Devoto. Most HIV pills contain three or four medicines. Devoto is as effective with two medicines.

• 1:04:43Speaker 07

  It is unknown if Devoto is safe and effective if you have HIV and hepatitis B. If you have Hep B, don't stop Devoto without talking to your doctor, as it may get worse or harder to treat. Don't take Devoto if you're allergic to its ingredients or taking dofetilide due to serious or life-threatening side effects. If you have a rash or allergic reaction symptoms, stop Devoto and get medical help right away. Other serious or life-threatening side effects include severe liver problems and lactic acid buildup. If you're female or obese, you may be more at risk. Tell your doctor about your medicines or supplements, medical conditions, liver or kidney problems, pregnancy, breastfeeding, or planned pregnancy.

• 1:05:21Speaker 00

  Do learn about Devoto. Visit Devoto.com or call 1-877-844-8872.

• 1:05:30Speaker 04

  Well, our next email comes from Lilly. And, Zainab, I know you went through a long period of recovery after your car accident when you were younger, so I thought you might be able to answer this question. So Lilly says, Dear Chelsea, this spring I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 37 and fell down the rabbit hole of tests, appointments, and reassuring loved ones I was okay. When I heard your episode with Saleka Jawad two days before my first chemo session, I figured it was a sign I should write in. In 2022, I started oil painting and I found what I'm meant to do. I'm finding success and deep inner meaning from my work, but my value as a person has always come from being tall, helpful, productive,

• 1:06:12Speaker 04

  self-sufficient, and most importantly, a natural caretaker. While I have outgrown my codependency, I still have a hard time putting myself and my work first with confidence. While I'm still tall, as I prepare for my second chemo treatment in a couple of days, I'm bald, slow, and surrounded by a doting husband, two cuddly cats, and a community of people asking how to help. I'm so grateful for their well wishes, gifts, I now have a small army of fuzzy socks, and support. If I'm completely honest, though, accepting help makes my skin crawl. I feel like all of my inner qualities that give me value have been stripped away. I'm trying to feel neutral about getting less done, but it's incredibly counterintuitive. After some kind-hearted prodding from friends, I've accepted help with meals for weeks I'm sick from chemo. However, in the back of my mind, I just keep

• 1:06:56Speaker 04

  thinking about how my husband and I could figure this out on our own, and I don't know how to repay everyone. Saying thank you seems lacking. When I do think of something I could ask for help with, I worry I'm imposing. This mental struggle feels almost as taxing as the physical treatments. I'm hoping a fresh perspective from you could help. When you couldn't be as independent as you'd like, how did you accept help? Thank you for this podcast and thank you for taking the time to read this. Also, P.S. I don't wash my legs unless they have dirt on them. Lilly.

• 1:07:24Speaker 00

  Hi, Lilly.

• 1:07:26Speaker 06

  Hi.

• 1:07:27Speaker 00

  Hi, this is our special guest today. Zainab Johnson is here. Hi, Lilly.

• 1:07:31Speaker 06

  Hi. So nice to meet you.

• 1:07:33Speaker 00

  Hi. Nice to meet you, too. That's a great top.

• 1:07:36Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 1:07:37Speaker 00

  Okay, well, first, we should talk about the leg washing, because this is, actually, this comes up with a lot of black women. My black women friends brought this to my attention when they told me that I don't, they washed their legs, like scrubbed their thighs. And I was like, I don't.

• 1:07:50Speaker 04

  Like in the shower every time.

• 1:07:51Speaker 00

  I said, I don't wash my legs. Like, the shower and the suds from my hair fall down or whatever, whatever falls onto the legs. And they were thoroughly disgusted with me. Where do you stand on this?

• 1:08:03Speaker 05

  I stand with my black sisters.

• 1:08:08Speaker 05

  As she was reading the letter, I had no idea what your ethnic makeup was because I wasn't looking at the screen. And then when she said, also, I don't wash my legs, I said, oh, right, okay, a white lady. Okay, all right. I turned and you are in fact a white lady. Don't apologize.

• 1:08:23Speaker 00

  I mean, we all have to be who we are.

• 1:08:25Speaker 05

  I love it. I love it.

• 1:08:26Speaker 00

  First of all, I would write the word grace down. Write it down in big fucking letters and put it on your refrigerator and put it on your mirror in your bathroom and put it everywhere that is going to remind you to have grace with yourself and to have grace with people that are trying to help you. Because there's no reason to add to your burden right now. Accept it and be gracious about the people that want to come in and help you. You're not, you know, taking advantage of a situation. You need help in this moment and you need to act in grace. And that's the only word I would say to put all over your house. So it is a reminder of you to take what is coming, to rest, to do as little

• 1:09:07Speaker 00

  as possible so that you can heal your body, and accept the love. Accept it. And there's going to be a time in your life where you can return the favor to different people and you can show up for strangers. They might not even be the people that are helping you in this moment. There's going to become a time where you're going to be able to help other people. And in that moment, you're going to show the grace that you've been gifted with.

• 1:09:29Speaker 06

  Yeah. I think I try really hard to remember that if it was anyone else in the situation that's in my life that I care about, I would be doing the same thing. I would be wanting to help them. And so I'm trying to remember that it's all coming from, you know, a source of love and them caring.

• 1:09:51Speaker 02

  About me, but I think it's it's hard when I guess like growing up, learning that like everything is somewhat contractual or like there is reciprocation that needs to be given. So.

• 1:10:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, but that's just a that's like a paradigm that you're attaching yourself to. That's not necessarily true. Not everything is contractual in life. Some people are just good people. Some people love you. Some people want to help you. That that's not a contract. And there's you're adding to the burden of what you're dealing with already. You're dealing with getting your body healthy again, and you're dealing with this illness, the sickness, and you you you don't need to be adding to it. Like, it's almost it's unnecessary. And women especially have a hard time taking something without thinking we have to give something in return. And so I would just really have you really meditate on this idea that you don't owe anyone anything in your time of need. This is it.

• 1:10:51Speaker 00

  That you are going to welcome in all the love with grace. And if you detect somebody there for the wrong reasons, you have every right to be like, no, I don't want it from that person, or I don't want that person to help me. But stop having I want this narrative in your head to just quiet. And you have the power to quiet it. And it it requires focus, like your focused attention to just be like, that's a negative thought pattern. I don't need any more negative thought patterns in my life right now. I'm healing. I'm trying to heal. And so, you know, you take the good and you take it with grace. And then you show grace outwardly while you're doing that. And that becomes kind of like a revolving door.

• 1:11:28Speaker 04

  I would even add to that. Your friends in this time don't know what to do, but they desperately want to do something. And so it's almost like a gift to them to be able to tell them a specific like, hey, I need, could you pick this up? Or, you know, could you run this errand for me? Or could you come over for a couple hours and we'll watch a movie because I'm just not feeling good? Whatever it might be to give them a specific of how they can help is actually really a gift. So they're not just home worried and and, you know.

• 1:11:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:56Speaker 00

  What about you, Zainab? What do you think?

• 1:11:57Speaker 05

  I think I agree with everything that the both of you said. I think words that I would add to grace are like gratitude, like like just reframing how you see things and see yourself, like see your situation, like gratitude, but also like deserving, like you're deserving of people caring about you. You're deserving of people helping you. Like, you're you're deserving of being a burden on someone for a little while, especially at the beginning of the letter. You described how helpful you always are, you know? And so you're deserving of that. But also, like, the the beautiful thing about you being like a survivor and hopefully

• 1:12:40Speaker 05

  in the future, someone who's simply thriving. The beauty in that is that you get to reinvent yourself. You get to change, like, you get to change your identity. So at before you were a tall woman who was always helpful and that. And now you get to be someone you now you get to be a light bird. You get to be a little fragile baby bird that everybody has to handle. And then after that, you get to be a phoenix and rise from that. You you you get to decide. And so in all of this, regardless of how you feel, how hard it is to to, you know, ask to to to ask for help, like, go back to grace, like, just.

• 1:13:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, but gratitude is good, too. All of the stuff, like, whenever you have these thoughts, and this is another thing to take you back to like, the season of the witch book. It's like, our thoughts are so fucking powerful. Like, we don't, we don't, it's immeasurable, so we don't take it so seriously until we grow up and we get older and we realize, oh, wow, we are fucking witches. We are powerful. We we do make things happen with our thoughts. So like, think about that. Think about what you want to happen. And and just and think about not, we have this idea that we don't, we're not deserving of all this care and all this love. And every single person is. And that includes you.

• 1:14:04Speaker 00

  So it's like you're giving a gift to yourself and to others by being open to things and being open to help and asking for it. And the people that are supposed to be there will remain there, and the people who aren't will find their way out.

• 1:14:17Speaker 05

  Yeah. And if anybody feels like they're doing it and they want you to owe them, by the time you get through this and it's time to pay back, it's like, girl, don't even worry about it.

• 1:14:25Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:14:27Speaker 05

  It's too late now.

• 1:14:30Speaker 04

  I'm driving.

• 1:14:31Speaker 05

  Sorry.

• 1:14:32Speaker 00

  That's when you become toxic. That's when you become toxically optimistic. Okay? That's Zainab's new special, so you want to go watch that on Netflix.

• 1:14:41Speaker 05

  Please.

• 1:14:41Speaker 00

  Watch it. Yeah. Share it. Yeah. Go make it, go watch it. That's exactly what you need. That's what the doctor ordered to go watch the special right now so that that can lift your spirits and find and find a way, like, literally, just start a practice in the morning so that you set yourself up for the positive vibes coming your way. So that you're in, you're ready to receive. And just do this every morning in a ritual way, whether it's talking to yourself or meditating or or looking at the sign that says grace on your on your mirror in your bathroom. Sit with that for a moment and just think about the intention that you have for the day. And your intention is to heal and receive love and kindness.

• 1:15:23Speaker 02

  Thank you. Yeah. I think it's hard to like reframe your brain, but the examples that you gave me in writing grace of the affirmation and kind of sitting with the gratitude rather than worrying about what I need to do in the future in order to be worthy of it now is really important. And I think that that's something I could definitely implement.

• 1:15:48Speaker 00

  Love it. Love it.

• 1:15:49Speaker 04

  All right. Thank you, Lilly.

• 1:15:50Speaker 00

  Wishing you a lot of healing and sending you a lot of love.

• 1:15:53Speaker 02

  Thank you so much. I'll see you in December.

• 1:15:56Speaker 00

  Okay, great. I'll see you in December.

• 1:15:59Speaker 04

  All right, bye.

• 1:16:00Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:16:02Speaker 04

  That was nice. I know. Sweetie.

• 1:16:05Speaker 00

  Men don't have any problem taking things from people. You know what I mean?

• 1:16:07Speaker 05

  The guy would have been ahead of bed.

• 1:16:09Speaker 00

  Exactly. Exactly.

• 1:16:11Speaker 04

  Yes. So our write in comes from Colin. He says, Dear Chelsea, my ex and I broke up six months ago. And when he left, he also left behind a bunch of very important stuff at my place. I'm talking diplomas, personal documents, and even some family heirlooms. Not long after the breakup, he moved all the way to Wisconsin and apparently into witness protection because no one can reach him. I've genuinely tried to do the right thing. I contacted friends and mutuals, and when I finally got an address, I mailed his diploma and documents. The package came back marked undeliverable, which felt like the universe saying, girl, you tried. I don't want to reconnect. I don't want closure. I just want my space back. At this point, holding on to his stuff feels like I'm running the world's saddest storage

• 1:16:56Speaker 04

  unit, except I'm not getting paid. So what do I do here? How long am I responsible for someone else's belongings when they won't take responsibility for themselves? And how do I let this go without being the villain? Colin.

• 1:17:08Speaker 00

  I mean, I would just, I don't know. Is it so much stuff you can't just hold on to it?

• 1:17:14Speaker 04

  He is a guy, but I think it's been like a while. It's been like quite some time.

• 1:17:19Speaker 00

  Oh, interesting.

• 1:17:21Speaker 05

  I feel like this is the one, this is where I've made you guys think so positively and optimistically that now, but it's like, throw that shit away.

• 1:17:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:29Speaker 05

  What?

• 1:17:29Speaker 04

  That's what I think.

• 1:17:30Speaker 05

  Throw it away. Who cares? Don't nobody need their diploma after the after you get it? If he doesn't want it, why, why should it be more important to you than it is to him? Throw that shit away. If you if he has to find his diploma or heirlooms or whatever, it must not. Okay, this is a great example. You ever had anything in your car trunk?

• 1:17:50Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:17:51Speaker 05

  And it's been like, you know what? I'm a I'm a do whatever I'm a do with this stuff in my car trunk. And then after two years, you realize this stuff is still in my trunk. It has to be trash. It I have not thought about it for two years. I had my car was total years ago. My car was total, and I had stuff in my trunk that I thought meant so much to me. And then when it got total, like, I lost everything in the trunk. And for a split second, I was like, I almost like wanted to argue with the insurance company, like, you gotta give me everything. And then I was like, I didn't open that. I didn't care about that stuff in that trunk for three years. Like.

• 1:18:24Speaker 00

  Yeah. I'm not, you're right. I'll agree with you on this one, that you should throw it away. Like, it's not your responsibility. And who are you to have to deal with that anyway? And it sounds like the guy's fucking dead or something. I mean, if you can't, nobody can find him. Yeah. It's not, it's definitely not your responsibility. I just don't like, do you put it in storage? Do you just toss it in the trash?

• 1:18:44Speaker 04

  Shred the paperwork, donate the heirlooms.

• 1:18:46Speaker 00

  Yeah. Also, you didn't, how long were they with this person?

• 1:18:49Speaker 04

  Um, it doesn't say how long, but it was at least six months ago. Yeah, I mean.

• 1:18:55Speaker 05

  Well, let me not make them feel, he don't know none of the family.

• 1:18:59Speaker 00

  She's like, no, I never met anyone in his family.

• 1:19:03Speaker 05

  Are you supposed to? I actually throw people's stuff away immediately.

• 1:19:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:19:08Speaker 04

  Good for you.

• 1:19:08Speaker 05

  I throw it away immediately. I'm not going to return it to you if you left it. If if if however we left, you felt like you needed to leave these things, I politely put, I don't give you notice of it. I'm not trying to bring it back to your house. As they said, I don't need closure. What's going to give me closure is when I put all of your belongings in the incinerator.

• 1:19:36Speaker 05

  Truly.

• 1:19:36Speaker 00

  Oh, Zainab, it was so nice to meet you.

• 1:19:39Speaker 04

  It was nice to meet you.

• 1:19:40Speaker 00

  Congratulations on all of your success and your newest special, which is called Toxically Optimistic. It's streaming on Netflix, so everybody go watch it.

• 1:19:51Speaker 04

  If you want advice from Chelsea, write in to [email protected]. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeart Media. Follow Chelsea on all socials, at Chelsea Handler, and find Catherine on Instagram and TikTok, at EggsOnAPlane. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brandon Dickert. Executive producer, Catherine Law. Find full video episodes and mini-sodes now on Netflix and get tickets to see Chelsea live at ChelseaHandler.com.

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