7 kinds of rest (other than sleep)

In Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith's book, Sacred Rest, she outlines different kinds of rest you may be craving. From the mental to the physical, Dalton-Smith shares how to identify what kind of respite you need and how to embrace rest. Follow us on Instagram: @nprlifekit https://www.instagram.com/nprlifekit/?hl=en Sign up for our newsletter here. https://www.npr.org/newsletter/life-kit Have an episode idea or feedback you want to share? Email us at [email protected] mailto:[email protected] Support the show and listen to it sponsor-free by signing up for Life Kit+ at plus.npr.org/lifekit http://plus.npr.org/lifekit See pcm.adswizz.com https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for sponsorship and to manage your podcast sponsorship preferences. NPR Privacy Policy https://www.npr.org/about-npr/179878450/privacy-policy

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• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:16Marielle Segarra?

  You're listening to Life Kit from NPR. Hey, it's Marielle. Sometimes I like to sit still, close my eyes, and just take a little rest. I don't mean take a nap. I mean, I do like to do that, too. What I'm seeking here, though, is not sleep, but a reset, a moment of conscious pause. If I don't allow for these moments, I hit a wall, and every other part of my life starts to suffer. Dr. Sandra Dalton Smith remembers when she hit her wall. There was this moment when her kids were young. She'd just picked them up from daycare, sat them on the couch to watch TV, and she had this realization.

• 1:01Marielle Segarra?

  She had everything she'd been dreaming of, a life that she'd worked hard to build.

• 1:06Speaker 02

  I had a successful practice. I'd already written a couple of books, had children, husband, house, you know, all the things. My life on the outside looked extraordinarily successful, and it did not feel successful at all to be in the middle of. And so that particular day, I just kind of laid on the floor, looking up at the chandelier in my foyer, thinking, how did I get here?

• 1:30Marielle Segarra?

  Sandra is a doctor of internal medicine, and when this happened, she was splitting her time between the office and the hospital and never taking time to recover. This lying-on-the-floor moment led her to write another book called Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity. In the book, Sandra outlines seven different types of rest that we all need, based on decades of experience seeing patients.

• 1:54Speaker 02

  You know, 25 years in clinical practice, people would come in and say, something's wrong with me, doc. And I would do all of these tests and nothing would be wrong with them. They're perfectly healthy, but they looked horrible and they felt horrible. And for a lot of them, it was because of one of these types of rest deficit.

• 2:14Marielle Segarra?

  Physical rest, emotional rest, sensory rest, creative rest, we'll go through the list. But I should say, they don't all look like what I described earlier. That moment where you get very still, close your eyes and block out the world. Rest can look active. It can look social. It depends on what you're needing in a given moment.

• 2:34Speaker 02

  I think when you think about rest for myself, I'm always thinking about where am I spending energy? And so depending on where you're expending different types of energy throughout the day are going to impact where you're needing restorative practices to be implemented.

• 2:49Marielle Segarra?

  On this episode of Life Kit, I talked to Sandra about those seven types of rest, what they look like and how to know which ones you need right now. And this is a helpful framework you can use to think through your needs. But as always, when you have medical concerns, talk to your doctor.

• 3:10Speaker 00

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• 4:15Marielle Segarra?

  You talk about seven different kinds of rest in the book. Let's go through them. The first one, as you mentioned, is physical rest. What does that look like, other than just lying down?

• 4:25Speaker 02

  Yes, so, physical rest has two components. You have the passive, which does include things like sleeping and napping. And then, physical rest also includes those things that actually help improve your circulation, your lymphatic drainage, your flexibility, the way your muscles and your body feels. So, it includes things like going for a leisure walk, or getting a massage, or like using a foam roller. It also includes things like your body ergonomics, how you function with your workstation, and your desk, and your chair, and the height of your computer monitors. And so, it takes into account all the things that can have a negative impact on how your physical body feels, and what are some of the restorative practices and activities

• 5:07Speaker 02

  that help your body to restore itself, and to get to a stronger position, and feel more energized.

• 5:14Marielle Segarra?

  All right, takeaway one. Physical rest can be passive, sleeping, lying down on the couch, or it can be active. You could go for a walk, get a massage, stretch, do yoga, keep your body flexible and in motion. Some signs that you have a physical rest deficit: you feel tired, but you can't fall asleep, you're getting sick all the time, your muscles are always sore or painful, you're relying on substances like caffeine and sugar to keep you going, or like alcohol and pills to help you get to sleep. The next ones you talk about are mental rest and emotional rest. I wonder, how are those two things different?

• 5:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, I separate mental and emotional rest, because mental rest, we focus primarily on mental processes, decision-making, memory function, the ability to have recall, to concentrate. And so, someone with a mental rest deficit is this person who lays down at night and can't turn their brain off. Let's say they're super tired, but they lay down in the bed- And they're ruminating over all of the things that happen in the day. Or it's a person who finds that they are very forgetful. Or can't seem to focus their attention to get a job done. And so that's the mental part of it, the decision focus aspect of the brain. The emotional rest part of it is looking at how you process your emotions.

• 6:44Speaker 02

  And it tends to be one that I find that a lot of people struggle greatly with. Because many of us have jobs and careers and lifestyles. Where we carry a large amount of professional emotional labor. And the process of staying at a high level of customer service or performance. Where you don't have the ability to authentically express your emotions in that moment. That can lead to an emotional rest deficit. What are some ways to get emotional rest when you realize you need it? So, the three main ways are either expressing your emotions with someone else. And so that could be anyone from a trusted friend, to a counselor, to a therapist.

• 7:27Speaker 02

  The, the trick there is to make sure that you're not doing what a lot of us do, which is trauma dumping, rather than emotional rest. Often when someone says they're doing emotional rest, what they're doing is they're actually, rather than processing their emotions and being able to express them. They're actually expressing the event without talking about their emotions. So, they may tell all the details of what happened in the situation. But actually never get to what that situation made them feel. Because that's really what emotional rest is about. It's that level of, of transparency and vulnerability where you can share not just

• 8:08Speaker 02

  what happened, but how it impacted your emotions, how it made you personally feel. And the impact it had on your heart. And so, being able to do that with someone that you, where you feel safe and there's a level of trust, that's one way. Emotional rest can also be done through journaling. And some people process their emotional rest through actually some type of creative expression. So, for example, my son. He doesn't particularly like to talk about his feelings, but he plays guitar. And so I'll hear him up in his room sometimes strumming. And depending on what he's playing, I can pretty much let you know what type of emotion he's processing through. And so there's various ways of emoting.

• 8:52Speaker 02

  And it's a matter of determining what allows you to be able to be your most authentic in expressing how your emotions are impacting you.

• 9:03Marielle Segarra?

  Takeaway two. We all need mental rest sometimes, a chance to tune out the mental chatter that exhausts and drains us. Mental rest can look like meditation or simply putting down your devices and quieting your mind for a few minutes. It can also look like time blocking, scheduling blocks of time on your calendar to do particular kinds of tasks. Like in this hour, I'm going to make all those phone calls to my doctor's offices and set up appointments. And in this hour, I'm finally going to make those returns. This can help when you're feeling scattered. Some signs you might need mental rest. You're getting irritated when you think about everything on your to do list. You feel like you're in a mental fog. You're snapping at people over small inconveniences.

• 9:46Marielle Segarra?

  Or you feel overwhelmed all the time. Then there's emotional rest. That might look like talking to someone you trust about your feelings, journaling or processing your emotions through another form of creativity or even body movement. Signs that you might need emotional rest. You tend to focus on your failures and flaws. You're always apologizing. Or you feel depressed, angry or anxious when you're thinking about your life.

• 10:17Marielle Segarra?

  We'll have more types of sacred rest after the break.

• 10:26Speaker 03

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• 11:15Marielle Segarra?

  Okay, what is spiritual rest?

• 11:17Speaker 02

  Spiritual rest, at the very core of it is the need that we all have to have a sense of belonging, to know that our life has meaning and has purpose. Some people are able to experience that through a faith-based type system. Others who maybe don't have a faith-based concept or pattern that they follow can experience that as well through things like volunteerism, any type of specific causes that they feel connected to, places where they feel like they are part of something greater than themselves and that they're giving back to the greater good. It's the increase of just goodwill and feeling of connection that happens when we do something for others with no ability for them to do back to us.

• 12:01Marielle Segarra?

  Mm-hmm. Okay, tell me about social rest. Does this mean taking a break from socializing or resting through socializing?

• 12:08Speaker 02

  It includes both. So, many introverts will automatically go to the thought process, I get to get away from people. So, that's a part of it. But, the part of social rest that most people are actually most in need of is the rest that they experience when they're around life-giving people. Most of the people in our lives are negatively pulling from our social energy, and that doesn't mean they're negative people. It could be your spouse, your kids, your elderly parents, your clients. It just means they're people who need things from you. So, they're socially pulling from you. And then you have to take a look at the other side of your relationships and determine who in my life actually pours back into me. And so, it takes a level of intention.

• 12:54Speaker 02

  To be aware of how much giving and receiving is happening in the relationships. And I think it's also important to have people in your life where you just enjoy being around them. There isn't this huge expectation of each other, other than the expectation of, I enjoy your presence. And allowing those relationships to also have some place in our lives.

• 13:20Marielle Segarra?

  Takeaway three. Though Sandra is Christian, she says spiritual rest doesn't necessarily mean religious devotion. It can include prayer, but also helping others and being part of something bigger than yourself. You may need spiritual rest if you're feeling numb and apathetic, hopeless, trapped, or defeated. Social rest is about resting through community, prioritizing face-to-face time, listening to others instead of just talking, being around people who pour into you as much as you pour into them, and doing things as a collective. You may have a social rest deficit if you find yourself feeling alone, isolated, and detached from family and friends.

• 14:04Marielle Segarra?

  Well, okay, let's talk about sensory rest. So what does this mean, sensory rest? And why do we need it?

• 14:13Speaker 02

  Our world is highly sensory overwhelmed. Everything from just the ambient sounds. I mean, our gadgets make sounds, the lights have sounds, depending on the buildings that you're in. Elevators are going off, phones are ringing all the time, our cell phones, our notifications are vibrating. So there's this nonstop movement, noise, action that's always going. And it's having an effect on us. I think a lot of us seem to think that we are tuning out many of the sensory inputs that we're experiencing. But if you really think about that process, you're not able to tune something out without your brain filtering it. And so if the brain is working to filter it, then...

• 14:58Speaker 02

  By doing that work, it can become exhausted. It can have a level of fatigue that results from it. And what we find is that many people develop sensory overwhelm throughout their day. And then they have a sensory overwhelm response that presents itself as a psychological outburst. And they're not aware that all day their brain's been filtering through sensory inputs from all the things I just mentioned. And that something as simple as taking a couple of sensory rest breaks throughout the day, whether it's noise cancellation earphones, or if it's something like having a sensory break. If you're having Teams meetings back and forth all day, have moments where you actually

• 15:42Speaker 02

  shut the screen, close your eyes, five, 10 minutes. It's similar to the reboot we do on our computers when it gets frozen and, and won't respond to us anymore. We do a hard reset, five minutes, everything's back to normal.

• 15:56Marielle Segarra?

  Yeah. This is really huge for me. I get overwhelmed being in Manhattan sometimes. And you're always navigating all these other people and what they're trying to do. So that's like one form of sensory overload because I feel like I'm too attentive to what other people are doing, I guess.

• 16:15Speaker 02

  You're on high alert.

• 16:15Marielle Segarra?

  Exactly. And then I start to feel really overwhelmed. And once I get into our office, I'll go into a quiet room and sit alone with the lights off for like five minutes or 10 minutes. And that really helps me.

• 16:33Speaker 02

  And that's the thing. It sounds so simple, and I think that's the beauty of it. It doesn't require like some major million dollar sensory deprivation tank, right?

• 16:43Marielle Segarra?

  Yeah.

• 16:43Speaker 02

  To be able to accomplish that. It is actually very simple. It's the level of intentionality I find that most people struggle with. It's not that it's hard, but you have to have a level of self-awareness first. You have to recognize something's not right. I don't feel my best. What's wrong with me?

• 17:05Marielle Segarra?

  Takeaway four: sensory rest. I find myself needing this one a lot. This might look similar to mental rest. For me, it's about sitting in a quiet room for a few minutes, sometimes in the dark. You could also try setting aside all your devices for 20 minutes a day. Another way to do this is think about a sensory stressor you experience every day. The screeching of the train on the tracks, the smell of the automated air freshener in the office bathroom. Is there anything you can do to limit your exposure or undo its effects? Also, think about what sounds, smells, tastes, and textures make you feel relaxed and at ease. I like the feeling of velvet, silk, and chenille, and the smell of my hair conditioner.

• 17:49Marielle Segarra?

  You may need sensory rest if you find yourself highly sensitive to noises or smells, or the opposite, you're desensitized to smells or flavors, or you're just generally overwhelmed by the sensory inputs in your environment.

• 18:05Marielle Segarra?

  Okay, well, let's talk about the final type of rest in the book. It's creative rest, and you say that's allowing white space in your life and giving room for creativity to show up. It seems important here to not turn this into a compulsion to produce some perfect work of art.

• 18:23Speaker 02

  Oh, absolutely not. That's actually just what you said, "work of art." That's work.

• 18:28Marielle Segarra?

  Yeah.

• 18:29Speaker 02

  It's actually the opposite of creative rest. I did mention you can have an artistic release for emotional rest. Some people do use art as a way to emotionally express themselves, but that's not creative rest. Creative rest is when you allow what's already been created to really unlock creativity inside of you. It's going to a museum and maybe looking at a type of art you never look at before and letting it awaken something inside of you. For a lot of people, it can be listening to music, or it could even be natural beauty, like going to Central Park, or maybe going through the water. It could be looking at a beautiful sunset even, or sunrise.

• 19:13Marielle Segarra?

  Lastly, we have creative rest. Sandra says in her book that we should allow room in our calendars to be wooed by creation. Allow yourself to experience awe, looking at the natural world, at the built environment, at the work of an artist or performer, and see what that stirs in you. Sometimes you may need creative rest. You rarely feel that your work is of value. You find it difficult to enjoy nature. And you don't allow yourself to do anything that's just for you. So how can we know what kinds of rest we need? We've talked about some of the signs. Sandra also created a free assessment tool at restquiz.com. And she says you could start by simply looking at the past 24 hours.

• 20:00Speaker 02

  What did you do? And then what kind of energy was required to do that activity? And did you do something to pour back into the place where you used energy? I always say, start with the area that you have the greatest deficit. And pick a restorative practice that fits your personality, your likes, your background, where you live, all those kinds of things. It actually puts you back into a place where you don't feel like you are constantly on the hamster wheel, constantly kind of revving up, constantly on edge. And you can actually begin to enjoy some of what you're producing.

• 20:37Marielle Segarra?

  So if you don't want to be a hamster on a hamster wheel, what kind of animal would you rather be?

• 20:43Speaker 02

  This is going to be a strange answer, probably. But my dog, Rosie, because I love it. Every time she gets up from her seated position, or wherever she happens to be laying around, she does downward dog, she does reverse downward dog. And I'm like, you know what? That's restorative rest, right there.

• 21:02Marielle Segarra?

  Totally.

• 21:03Speaker 02

  Whenever you move, you make sure you put everything back into proper alignment. Then you set off for your day.

• 21:09Marielle Segarra?

  Oh, I love that. Thank you so much for this. I learned a lot.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  Oh, thanks so much for having me. It's been a joy.

• 21:20Marielle Segarra?

  OK, time for a quick recap. Sandra has identified seven types of rest that we all need: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, social, sensory, and creative. There are a lot of different ways to get each, and they don't all involve sitting quietly in a room or lying down on your couch. Some will look quite active. You may notice that the seven types of rest overlap. Something that counts as physical rest can also be emotional rest, for instance. Consider the signs that you might need each kind of rest. And also, think about your last 24 hours. What kind of energy did you expend? Did you replenish it in some way? If not, give yourself that kind of rest. And that's our show.

• 22:05Marielle Segarra?

  Before we go, are you looking to get into strength training? We have a special newsletter series to help you start your own routine. You can sign up at npr.org/stronger. This episode of Life Kit was produced by Lennon Sherburne. Our visuals editor is Beck Harlan, and our digital editor is Malika Garib. Megan Kane is our senior supervising editor, and Beth Donovan is our executive producer. Our production team also includes Andy Tagle, Claire Marie Schneider, Margaret Serino, and Sylvie Douglas. Engineering support comes from Kwesi Lee. Fact checking by Tyler Jones. I'm Marielle Segarra. Thanks for listening.