Beat performance anxiety with these quick tips

Whether it’s before a big race, during a job interview, or after meeting a new friend, performance anxiety can feel impossible to beat. So what if you talked to it instead? Certified mental performance coach https://cindrakamphoff.com/ and author of The Confidence Habit Cindra Kamphoff shares tips to tackle performance anxiety from within. Follow us on Instagram: @nprlifekit https://www.instagram.com/nprlifekit/?hl=en Sign up for our newsletter here. https://www.npr.org/newsletter/life-kit Have an episode idea or feedback you want to share? Email us at [email protected] mailto:[email protected] Support public media with NPR+ and enjoy perks for over 25 podcasts like this one. This show’s perks include sponsor-free listening and convenient playlists of popular help topics like personal finance, getting healthy, and more. Learn more at plus.npr.org http://plus.npr.org/. See pcm.adswizz.com https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for sponsorship and to manage your podcast sponsorship preferences. NPR Privacy Policy https://www.npr.org/about-npr/179878450/privacy-policy

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• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:24Marielle Segarra?

  I ran track in high school, and I found that I would always do the best when the least was expected of me. So to run varsity, there were only maybe seven varsity spots, and you had to get a certain time in a previous race, and then you would be on varsity. And every time I did that, and I would run on the varsity race, I would choke. And then every time that I ran on JV, I would get a better time than I did when I was running varsity. It was just performance anxiety, I guess.

• 0:56Speaker 02

  Yeah. I'm not surprised to hear that. One of the things that I teach is to have a wide variety of goals, like a gold, silver, bronze goal, because your gold goal is typically like the outcome goal that you really want, but an outcome is something you can't control. And so you decrease your anxiety, increase your confidence when you set a range of goals.

• 1:16Marielle Segarra?

  What are some other types of goals that you might have?

• 1:19Speaker 02

  Well, let's say, for example, your daughter is running the mile, okay? So her gold goal might be to win the race, but her bronze goal would be something that she's still happy with, and that might be to finish really strong in the last lap. And then the middle goal is the silver goal that's somewhere in between. Maybe she wants to run a personal best.

• 1:39Marielle Segarra?

  You're listening to Life Kit. I'm Marielle Segarra, and that was Cindra Kampoff, author of The Confidence Habit. Cindra has a PhD in performance psychology, and she does mental training with professional athletes and corporate executives who need to perform at a high level. Two of the things they focus on are confidence and performance anxiety.

• 2:00Speaker 02

  There's cognitive anxiety, anxiety in your head. And this typically sounds like automatic negative thoughts, like, what if I screw up? What if I don't have what it takes? Where the second type of anxiety is called somatic anxiety, and this is anxiety in your body. And so it's important to know where your anxiety is coming from or how it appears. So you use tools and strategies to be able to combat that performance anxiety.

• 2:25Marielle Segarra?

  I wonder, when does performance anxiety show up for people? Because you don't just have to be an Olympian or giving a talk in front of a bajillion people.

• 2:34Speaker 02

  That's true. For the average person, it's any time where you're doing something that you really care about. And that might be like speaking your mind, sharing your opinion. That could be applying for a new job. So it's any time you're really outside your comfort zone, when you're really pushing yourself. But we know that's actually how you keep growing and learning, is to push yourself past your comfort zone. And that's why confidence is so important. I think of confidence as a feeling that actually comes and goes. It's also a decision you get to make. You get to decide in the moment, are you going to be confident? And many times, the action of confidence comes before the feeling.

• 3:09Marielle Segarra?

  So we can overcome performance anxiety?

• 3:12Speaker 02

  Yes, absolutely.

• 3:13Marielle Segarra?

  On this episode of Life Kit, Sindra shares tools you can use to manage your anxiety and build your confidence before, during, and after a performance or a high stakes task, whether that's a presentation at work, a job interview, a race, or something else.

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• 4:49Marielle Segarra?

  Cindra, let's start with the days, hours, and minutes before a performance. What can we do when we're just feeling way too anxious and it's clouding our minds?

• 4:58Speaker 02

  One of my favorite tools is called the Truth Meter. And many times when we're getting ready to perform, our anxiety is a little bit higher than maybe we want. And so the Truth Meter is just three quick questions you can ask yourself to get back to the present moment and choose something that's more empowering. And so, Marielle, what's a thought that you have, an automatic negative thought that you have that sometimes leads to anxiety for you?

• 5:21Marielle Segarra?

  Oh, if it's before some sort of big talk, it might be like, you better do this well.

• 5:28Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 5:29Marielle Segarra?

  You better do this well, or else, you know?

• 5:31Speaker 02

  You better do this well, or else they'll never have you back, or your career's going to be over.

• 5:35Marielle Segarra?

  Yeah.

• 5:35Speaker 02

  Something like that.

• 5:36Marielle Segarra?

  Yeah.

• 5:37Speaker 02

  Okay. So the first question in the Truth Meter, because it helps you poke holes in the thought, is, is that thought true?

• 5:42Marielle Segarra?

  I mean, to a certain extent.

• 5:45Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 5:45Marielle Segarra?

  If I don't do it well at all, then yeah, they probably won't have me back.

• 5:49Speaker 02

  It's true.

• 5:50Marielle Segarra?

  It probably won't end my career, you know?

• 5:52Speaker 02

  Okay, so question two, is that thought serving you? Like, is that thought helping you be the best version of yourself and show up when the pressure's on and be your most authentic self?

• 6:02Marielle Segarra?

  No.

• 6:02Speaker 02

  No, because it's leading to more pressure, and then maybe you aren't able to think as creatively as you'd like. So the third question is, what would be a more empowering thought you could choose right in the moment when that thought pops in?

• 6:14Marielle Segarra?

  Maybe it's like, you know this stuff.

• 6:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, I love that. And your self-talk directly connects to your confidence and your ability to be flexible and adaptable.

• 6:24Marielle Segarra?

  Takeaway one, in the days and hours before a task, when negative thoughts are racing through your mind, try Cindra's Truth Meter. This method is similar to other frameworks from acceptance and commitment therapy, and cognitive behavioral therapy, and also to a method by Byron Katie called The Work. Take a self-critical statement and ask, is this true? Is this serving me? And what would be a more empowering statement? Then, when you're at the equivalent of your starting line, waiting for the gun to go off, and you feel nauseous, or you're sweating through your shirt?

• 6:57Speaker 02

  I usually tell everyone to not be thinking about their outcome goal, and instead, use your breath. Your breath is the most powerful way to get back to the present moment. That gets you back to the center and gets you back to the moment where that's where you play your best and perform your best.

• 7:14Marielle Segarra?

  Okay, so we talked about the before. Now there's the during, like, the talk, or the race, or the event, whatever it is, has started, and you freeze. What are some tools you can use in this moment?

• 7:28Speaker 02

  One of the most important things you could do is to move on that fast. And I'm actually going to snap and say that fast. And so I have a tool called the Learn, Burn, Return. And it's all about how to quickly move on from a mistake, or disappointment, or setback. And you can use it in the moment. Let's say you're in the middle of a race, and that first mile didn't go great. You can ask yourself, what did you learn? And remember that you want to just use the prompt, next time I will. And so, take the lesson. But most people, they get stuck on that lesson, and they learn, they learn, they learn, and they don't quickly move on and burn. So learn as quickly as you can. Then you got to burn. The burn is with an action or phrase, or both. And so you might literally pretend

• 8:13Speaker 02

  to flush a toilet, or you might say that fast. But choose the same phrase or action every time, because that strengthens a new neural pathway, and you're less likely to overthink. And then the return means you build yourself back up. You remind yourself, you've got this. You know, you're doing the best that you can.

• 8:31Marielle Segarra?

  Now, is this something that you can do in the middle of, let's say, a presentation at work? How actively can you participate in this Learn, Burn, Return when you're also in the middle of presenting?

• 8:43Speaker 02

  So if you just have a split second, do the burn. Just let it go. But then, when you have a moment to take a step back and reflect, then you can Learn, Burn, Return.

• 8:54Marielle Segarra?

  Takeaway two, when you're in the midst of the task and you fumble, or you freeze, consider Learn, Burn, Return. If you have time to pause, that is. If you don't, then just burn and return. Move on from your fumble as quickly as possible. Then, when you have time later, reflect on what you might do better next time. After the break, more tools to help us perform in high-pressure situations.

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• 10:08Marielle Segarra?

  What are power pauses?

• 10:10Speaker 02

  A power pause is a way to kind of get back to the present moment and includes two things. It includes a power breath and a power phrase. And what this allows you to do is just take a moment and you can breathe and then tell yourself something powerful about yourself. You know, you've put all this work in. You have the evidence that you can be successful. You have everything inside you that it takes.

• 10:35Marielle Segarra?

  And is this something that we can do in the middle of a performance?

• 10:39Speaker 02

  It could be. So, for example, one year I was running the Omaha Marathon and I had trained really hard for this race. But to be honest, about a week before the race, I had performance anxiety. And I'm like, I don't know if I really want to run this. Do I want to keep training? And so, I decided to stay committed to my goal and I wrote myself a race plan. And one of the race plan components was to talk to myself powerfully every time that I wanted to give up or I was struggling. And I wrote four power phrases. And so, I define a power phrase as a statement that starts with, I will, or I can, or I am. And I ended up writing them on my arm in marker. And it said, you know, I'm confident, I'm ready, I'm fit, I'm happy.

• 11:22Speaker 02

  And about mile 22, you know, when it gets really hard and you've got to dive deep, the second place woman got right on my tail. And then I had all these anxiety provoking thoughts like, I should just quit. This is dumb. Why am I doing this? Who do you think you are, Cindra? You think you could win a marathon? You know, like the doubt spiral started getting really, really deep. And I had a plan. And we know that pre-planned self-talk can help you in your performance. So, I just started repeating those things to myself in my head. I had, you know, trained for thousands of miles to run this race. Then I started thinking about how I was happy and I loved running. And then I started reminding myself that I should be confident. And all of a sudden, my pace picked up. And I ended up winning the race, which was pretty cool.

• 12:06Marielle Segarra?

  Yeah.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  But what I was most proud of is just like how I finished those last four miles. And my last four miles were the fastest of any part of the marathon. And the woman who was right near me at mile 22, I ended up beating her by three minutes.

• 12:21Marielle Segarra?

  Oh, wow.

• 12:22Speaker 02

  Because I talked to myself so powerfully.

• 12:24Marielle Segarra?

  She didn't have those power phrases.

• 12:26Speaker 02

  She didn't have those power phrases or a race plan like that.

• 12:30Marielle Segarra?

  How are power phrases different than just like, you know, thinking positively?

• 12:35Speaker 02

  I would say power phrases are more intentional statements that you've pre-planned and that you've been really thoughtful about how do you want to show up? You can say those to yourself every morning. It can be in the mirror if you'd like or just quietly in your mind, whatever fits you.

• 12:51Marielle Segarra?

  Takeaway three, try a power phrase. These can start with, I will, or I can, or I am. And it helps to have them in your pocket ahead of time. So, when you're in the moment, you can remind yourself. For instance, I can handle discomfort, or I am resilient. I am strong. I am ready for this. Another tool Cindra told me about is called PCR.

• 13:14Speaker 02

  And this has helped a lot of my clients who can feel really angry during a performance or frustrated. And the three steps are just pause, take a moment, take a breath. Consider, how do you want to show up right now? Is this who you want to be and how, you know, you want to show up? And then R stands for respond. Most of the time, our brain goes to like the reaction instead of response. That's our brain's default is to react, not respond. Whereas we respond, we choose how we want to show up. And this can be great during a performance. But let's say also, if a colleague says something that's really frustrating, pause, consider, respond to show up in the way that we want to show up.

• 13:56Marielle Segarra?

  Once we're done with the task, whatever it is, what are some practices to reflect on how we did and to build our confidence?

• 14:06Speaker 02

  A couple of things I would encourage is to take a step back and look for the wins.

• 14:11Marielle Segarra?

  Yeah.

• 14:11Speaker 02

  We get so caught up in how far we have to go that we don't take a step back and say, okay, what have I accomplished? So, one thing that you could do is you could write down three small things that went well. If you're really hooked on and stuck on something that didn't go great, write that out. What did you learn? How can you let it go? And how can you return? And what that tool allows you to do is to be compassionate with yourself, to soften that inner voice. And being kind to yourself leads to more motivation, higher performance, and more confidence.

• 14:43Marielle Segarra?

  Takeaway four, don't jump right into criticizing your performance. Look for the wins, three small things that went well. You can see the rest as a learning opportunity, but don't get stuck there beating yourself up. Because remember, we're often our own worst critics. You tell a story in the book about a talk you gave that you felt like you bombed. And then people told you after what a great job you did and how much they got out of it. It occurs to me that we're not always the best judge of our own performance.

• 15:14Speaker 02

  Yes, I did a TED Talk and wanted to completely crush it, as you could imagine. And by my own standards, it didn't go exactly the way I wanted. And for a year and a half, I didn't share the TED Talk with anyone. And you might be thinking, what? Somebody who studies confidence beat herself up around this? But this was a really huge goal for me. I wanted the TED Talk to go viral, which was honestly, the biggest mistake I made was I was so focused on the outcome and what I wanted that I wasn't connected with my heart like I typically am when I speak. But then some of my speaker friends, when I was telling them about this experience, they watched the TED Talk without even realizing that, you know, I had struggled with it and how it didn't meet my standards.

• 15:58Speaker 02

  And my friend, John, was like, wow, Cindra, you've grown so much since I heard you last speak. Like, that was incredible. And I was like, yeah, why am I being so hard on myself? You know, and so, our words really do matter. And so, I just encourage people to just keep remembering what's most important is what you think about yourself. And that's why you've got to keep leveling up that self-talk. Keep leveling up those power phrases and that identity.

• 16:23Marielle Segarra?

  Cindra, thank you so much for this.

• 16:25Speaker 02

  Thank you. That was a blast.

• 16:28Marielle Segarra?

  All right, time for a recap. Takeaway one, when negative thoughts are racing through your mind, try the truth meter. Take a self-critical statement and ask, is this true? Is this serving me? And what would be a more empowering statement? Then, when you're at the equivalent of your starting line, don't think about your outcome goals. Use your breath to bring yourself back to the moment. Takeaway two, when you fumble or freeze, consider learn, burn, return if you have time to pause. If not, then just burn and return. Move on from your fumble as quickly as possible and learn later. Takeaway three, try a power phrase. These can start with, I will, or I can, or I am. And it helps to have them in your pocket ahead of time.

• 17:12Marielle Segarra?

  There's also PCR, pause, consider, respond. And takeaway four, don't jump right into criticizing your performance. Look for the wins, three small things that went well. See, the rest is a chance to learn, but don't get stuck there. Because, you know, you probably did a lot better than you think. And even if not, it's not the end of the world. The sun will rise again tomorrow. Okay, that's our show. Before we go, do you ever find yourself saying to a friend, you know, I heard on Life Kit? First of all, thank you for talking us up. And second, what about telling another friend about us? Go ahead, send them an episode and thank you. This episode of Life Kit was produced by Lennon Sherburne. It was edited by Sylvie Douglas.

• 17:55Marielle Segarra?

  Our digital editor is Malika Gharib and our visuals editor is CJ Ricolon. Megan Kane is our senior supervising editor and Lauren Gonzalez is our executive producer. Our production team also includes Andy Tagle, Claire Marie Schneider, and Margaret Serino. Fact checking by Andrea Lopez Cruzado. Engineering support comes from Sina LaFredo. I'm Mariel Segarra. Thanks for listening.

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