Side Stories: Tootsie

Henry & Eddie bring you this week's biggest stories and true crime news - the boys process the new Netflix documentary The Crash, Bricks & Minifigs in hot water over massive stolen Star Wars Lego Collection scandal, Man who threw rock at Sea Lion in Hawaii facing multiple ongoing consequences, Unhinged girl stabs horses at Barrel Race in Las Vegas, Screw worms are back... the boys mourn the loss of our beloved furry friend Tootsie... and we close the show with a very special Listener Emails: Self Suck Edition...

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 0:48Speaker 01

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• 1:01Speaker 00

  There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left.

• 1:06Speaker 03

  Side stories?

• 1:09Speaker 03

  That's when the cannibalism started.

• 1:12Speaker 04

  Side stories. Yes.

• 1:35Speaker 05

  You know that song? You don't know this song?

• 1:37Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:37Speaker 05

  She's choosing Texas, I can tell by the way. She's two-stepping around the room. It's sang by those Malaysian triplets I like.

• 1:47Speaker 04

  The Malaysian triplets sing the song about Texas?

• 1:50Speaker 05

  I played it on the Billy Wayne Davis last stream. You weren't there for that one.

• 1:54Speaker 04

  I don't watch stuff that I'm not a part of.

• 1:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, of course, but the song is done by somebody else, but I only know it done by the three ageless Malaysian triplet boys, I think are men, that are on Instagram. What are they called, Rob? The Mu Yun. The Mu Yun Brothers. Yeah, the Mu Yun Brothers. Yeah, they do a great, like that song, I honestly feel like it's better than the original song. Because then I try to listen to the original song. It doesn't have the same Malaysian triplet style.

• 2:22Speaker 04

  No, yeah, it's kind of...

• 2:24Speaker 05

  of irreplaceable. I love seeing three people that are, you know, the audience knows, I like people that are tinier than me, but older, older than me. Yeah. I like. But I don't think these boys are older than you, unfortunately. How old could the Mahjong triplets be? They swear they're 24.

• 2:43Speaker 06

  I've looked this up before and it's, there's no definitive like information on that.

• 2:47Speaker 05

  They could be 50, they could be, but 20, but honestly, but they got a set of pipes on them. And you know what? Those pipes are only seven inches long. Man, I love watching Korean guys do Creed on karaoke. Well, that's. I hate Creed, but when I watch a dude from South Korea sing Creed perfectly, there's something magical about it. Philippines, South Korea, they have Thailand, that is the land of karaoke, my friend. They have it on lock. They are like, what's his name? Who replaced Stephen Perry? Yes, the guy, yeah, Journey. They're from Journey, the only one who's irreplaceable. You don't know? Where am I alone? Am I on an island alone? I'm the co-host and I know.

• 3:35Speaker 05

  Welcome to Side Stories. Sitting here, that's actually a really good reminder that he is my co-host. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. How you doing? What's going on? My name is Henry Zebrowski. Yes. My name is Henry Zebrowski. Yes, it is. I'm sorry, I just became one of those little Malaysian boys for a second. I didn't mean to. Uh, but we just came back from Rochester and boy, you're as our asshole tired. Panita is his name, the lead singer of Journey. Oh, yes, that's right. And God bless him and congratulations. He does a great job. He does. He's incredible. He sounds just like him. The other guy's still alive, right? Like, he just like got fired because he can't sing anymore? No, no, no. He can still sing. He specifically just chose not to because he said it was too much for him.

• 4:15Speaker 05

  He didn't like touring. He was blowing him out, blowing his, his voice out. And I think he also was an asshole. Can I say something that's guaranteed to piss off a lot of people? Please.

• 4:25Speaker 06

  Journey sucks.

• 4:26Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 4:28Speaker 05

  Journey fucking blows.

• 4:29Speaker 06

  I like Journey.

• 4:31Speaker 05

  Journey could go fuck with Bo in Bon Jovi.

• 4:33Speaker 06

  I, you know, I get it. I think Journey has its place.

• 4:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:37Speaker 06

  I think it has its place. But yeah, Steve Perry, he is not coming back to Journey, no matter how much we beg him. Sorry, guys. Side stories, L P O T L at Gmail dot com. How do we get Steve Perry back in Journey?

• 4:50Speaker 05

  Worst part of the Sopranos ending.

• 4:52Speaker 06

  Absolutely. I, oh, you know, I liked it, I liked it. But we have other big news. Again, a big update. Rochester isn't horrible. What's wrong with you?

• 5:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, Rochester was so nice.

• 5:03Speaker 06

  Well, everybody just said, oh, enjoy Rochester. Hope you like Graves. And we got there and it's the sweetest place in the world.

• 5:09Speaker 05

  We were in the nice part of town.

• 5:11Speaker 06

  That's what they said.

• 5:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. Later on, they were like, thank you for being so nice, but this is the nice part of town. Don't go over here.

• 5:16Speaker 06

  I won't go there, though, and you're correct. And thank you. And so when you say-

• 5:19Speaker 05

  We saw the sun.

• 5:20Speaker 06

  We did.

• 5:21Speaker 05

  On our, on our side of town. We were walking around, the sun was out and there was like-

• 5:23Speaker 06

  I think it only comes up on that side of town, though.

• 5:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, there was like, yeah, there was peaceful people. People said hi to me. I walked around and there was like, hello, how you doing?

• 5:30Speaker 06

  Yeah, people were waving at me and stuff. It was very strange.

• 5:33Speaker 05

  But great. Dude, Radio Social, big ups. You fed the fuck out of us and it was delicious.

• 5:38Speaker 06

  I am really sorry for ever doubting-

• 5:40Speaker 05

  Delicious.

• 5:41Speaker 06

  Ever doubting Radio Social. Holy shit. Great food. Go check it out. I mean, we had the duck legs. They were amazing. The fried cheese bricks.

• 5:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 5:49Speaker 06

  Some fat fucks.

• 5:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That giant hunk of pork.

• 5:52Speaker 06

  It was so good.

• 5:54Speaker 05

  I did have a little bit of the salad. It was fine.

• 5:56Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's kind of, it was like a bed.

• 5:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:58Speaker 06

  For the other ones to slide. It's like a sled in a way. More like a sled. It's like a sled and then the food just slid down it into my gullet. So, thank you, guys. Thank you, Rochester. Thank you for everybody who came out to both of the shows. We had a great weekend.

• 6:13Speaker 05

  It was the first time as like, a non-football fan, that I saw a bunch of people wearing Bills clothes. You know, like, as like a Dolphins fan, I hate the Bills.

• 6:22Speaker 06

  Yeah, sure.

• 6:23Speaker 05

  And I, like, there, but I, you know, renounced football.

• 6:26Speaker 06

  Yeah, you're out of the game.

• 6:27Speaker 05

  And I see a lot of people wearing Bills clothes and there was still like a little part of me in the back of my spine. I was like, fuck yourself. Fuck yourself, you fucking piece of shit.

• 6:35Speaker 06

  The power of advertising.

• 6:36Speaker 05

  And I was just like, I was like, oh, stop it. It doesn't matter. Now this matters. Football doesn't matter. It is what it is. But there was a little part of me that was like, you piece of shit Bills fan, go eat shit. I'm Brian Cox, two fingers up, but you, you fucking cocksucker.

• 6:47Speaker 06

  That's how-

• 6:47Speaker 05

  And then I was like-

• 6:48Speaker 06

  Powerful it is.

• 6:49Speaker 05

  Stop it. You're past this. You're better now. You're better. You're cured.

• 6:53Speaker 06

  You are. But you're not though, because you got angry. And you know what? I didn't say nothing to nobody. See, that's the I didn't say nothing to nobody. That's the thing. I'm a guy, I hurt nobody. Geez. I hurt nobody. I'm a good guy. That's all you can ask for. It's because that is where the healing is, is because he did not attack a random woman wearing a Bills jersey. But she was fucking ugly in it. Hey. Sorry. There's nothing you can do about it. Actually, see, look how powerful all of that is. He's still overcoming his NFL trauma. Yeah, still here. But it was a little piece of It was undercoming. Bills fans. Wow. Yeah, because they can't get them out, they can't get them semen out of their fat cocks. Why are we doing this, Eddie? There's no reason to be like this, Eddie. You don't watch football anymore. You don't have these rivalries inside of you anymore. You have to purge them.

• 7:40Speaker 06

  We have one little update, uh, from somebody who met Joey Chestnut. I just wanted to read this really quick. Oh, we got a, oh, wow, a sighting. Really, really quick. Really mean to prison? God, no, and worse, a macaroni eating competition. But that's fun. Uh, you know, to be, to me, to be a contestant, sure, but to watch many men eat as much macaroni salad. Are you telling me you don't want to go? No. Is that what you're trying to tell me right now? I want to be in the VIP tent. Yes. All right. I want to be guest of talent. I definitely don't want to be eating the same food as they're eating. No, absolutely not. So this person, I love this, this is just a little story about Joey Chestnut. For those of you that don't know, we covered him last week about how a judge allowed him to compete.

• 8:21Speaker 06

  He released him from his probationary holding in Indiana to be released to New York City for the July 4th Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest for the 250th year Celebration of the United States of America. And what a glorious year it is. And so this lady met Joey Chestnut. Yeah. I was in Woodstock, Georgia. He was at a restaurant that sadly been closed down called The Original Hot Chicken, or something like that. It was actually really good. They dipped the chicken in cornflakes and then they fried it. It's lunchtime. I'm hungry now. Anyways, he was at some event this place was having and he said he was in a macaroni eating competition there.

• 9:02Speaker 06

  Now, thank God I was not there to witness said competition, but my then fiance and I were there for lunch. And Mr. Nut himself was walking around and I stood up to meet him with the rest of my party. And he cut off my then soon to be future father-in-law to ask me, "Where'd you get that bag? My wife wants one so badly." Now, I'm not gonna lie. I straight up lied to that man. I told him I didn't know where I got it. Knowing full and damn well where it came straight from China as it was a knockoff of Goyard bag. But do you think I'm gonna admit that? Oh, hell no. You just did. Anyways, that's not the fun part.

• 9:42Speaker 06

  When I tell you the breath on that man could have killed every single competitor in the enhanced games. Oh, my God. I couldn't tell you what he looked like, what he said, what I said, what anyone said. Because that smell was so powerful, terrible. Oh, my God. It's been years and I can still smell it. If I think about it for too long, it will ruin macaroni for me. Because I'm pretty sure it was from the like 10 pounds or something stupid of macaroni that he had just bitched. I can't even describe it. I dated a wrestler for years and during wrestling season when he had a cut weight, he would get awful hot mouth and that was bad. I've smelled the breath of people with a rotten tooth or two and that's bad.

• 10:27Speaker 06

  This was a new level of horror. Hey, come on. This is slander. Hey, you know, hey, that's a part of it, dude. Yeah. I'm sorry. If you don't think that the man whose own hole and gullet is a sarlacc of such power, of such pure American fortitude, you don't think it's gonna give off some exhaust? Yeah, also like that's honestly, you know, I don't like to speak ill of the nut. But fucking if his breath was so bad that a woman from Georgia almost swore.

• 10:59Speaker 06

  Of macaroni.

• 11:02Speaker 06

  Fuck. That's bad breath. He just might need to look into that because that could be a gut issue, but I do think. It's definitely a gut issue. He's got a gut issue, but Joey Chestnut, still, we know you're killing yourself early for us. We love that about you. When you die early, I swear I'm going to be at your funeral, saluting your, your perfectly preserved nitrate ridden corpse. And I can't wait to be there because that's going to be the real 250th celebration because your martyrdom is what will allow our sins to dissolve. Please be the new Jesus Christ, Joey Chestnut. It kinda is to fat people everywhere. For America. When he dies, that's when we can really start to think about our sins. Oh, my God. You know, he's gonna die at like 94 and we're not gonna understand science anymore.

• 11:47Speaker 06

  Oh, it's gonna be, it's gonna break every rule. He's gonna just, he's gonna be like liquefying hot dogs and putting it in an IV and next to him in hospice. And it's just been like, it's gonna be, you know, like my, when your parents are like into one thing, like how they said, like my father in the end, they're like, you know, he shouldn't even quit smoking. That'll kill him. It's fucking, he's barely alive. I think at some point they'll be like, if he even quits hot dogs.

• 12:13Speaker 06

  They won't make it a week. He has to still eat several, at least a quarter pound of hot dog meat. 80% hot dog at this point. It has to stay, we have to keep it above him, but he does definitely have large unhinged jaws. Yeah, man. I'm really proud of him. I love the Chestnut. Shout out to you, brother. I'm glad you're gonna come back and fight even though you're probably a criminal, but you know. Hey, he got into, he was having. He had a go. He thought it was a funny, he thought he was doing something funny with the fan. I mean, I like, I wish that he like turned into Kirby and just swallow the guy. Oh shit. Yeah. Cause then he'd be like one of those Japanese folklore monsters.

• 12:51Speaker 06

  That's Kobayashi. Alright, so let's get into some stories of the week. Oh, Eddie. Oh, Eddie. I charged you with watching a documentary and you did. Yes, I watched the crash movie. Now, this story. I got all kinds of feelings about it. Yeah, this is a good one because I think it'll bring up a lot of conversation. It's kind of out in the, it's out in the zeitgeist right now and we'll talk about it because I watched documentary and I'm also angry. This, so this starts on July 31st, 2022. Seventeen-year-old Mackenzie Sharilla crashed a car going 100 miles an hour, killing her two passengers on impact. One of them was her boyfriend, 20-year-old Dominic Russo, and the other was their mutual friend, 19-year-old Davian Flanagan.

• 13:35Speaker 06

  Now, what we're seeing here is at first they thought it was a horrendous accident. She got pulled from the thing. Yeah. She was all disoriented. I remember first seeing this story as a body cam. So the body cam footage is fucking horrific. They show it in the movie. They show all the cut to of all stuff. So first you see this car that was obliterated, it ran into the side of the building. You could see all of the, the various CCTV footage leading up to it, which shows that it specifically sped up. And they also found that out when they took the black box out of the car. It never once hit the brake. It didn't really speed up as much as it maintained 100%. It just was pedal to the metal, all the way into the wall. For the last five seconds of what happened. They know it got, the, the wheel got jerked back and forth.

• 14:18Speaker 06

  At first, Mackenzie Sharilla was hospitalized and considered to be another victim. They thought that maybe she had, because they found a little bit of drugs in the car. She was, I don't think she was even all that intoxicated. No, it came back pretty clean. Yeah, she had like THC in her system. But that's it. And that's it. And they came back, first thing, it was a horrific accident. Everyone was doing mushrooms? There was no mushrooms in her system? She specifically didn't take mushrooms. Everybody else was on mushrooms. So she eventually had to go to trial and she was found guilty on two counts of murder. This came, this comes from a long, after a long unbelievable defense where she basically said, "I have an undisclosed medical condition that causes me to just go to sleep."

• 15:00Speaker 06

  And that I happen to also be tired and I also happen to be on drugs and I also happen to be extra sleepy. So I went to sleep. And I killed everybody.

• 15:09Speaker 05

  Dude, when I saw her lawyer, the first thing I thought in my head was, this guy ain't saving anyone's life.

• 15:15Speaker 06

  No, no, he was a mess.

• 15:17Speaker 05

  He looked like he was asleep and like he was like, he's kind of like a snoring awake type of dude.

• 15:22Speaker 06

  Yes, he's a freak and which is like, I, I don't want a low energy lawyer. I don't like one of those like, well, don't worry now, I'll be talking with the George after this. That's what I want. I want an uptight New York lawyer.

• 15:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, and also they really fucked up when they said they didn't want a jury trial, they just wanted the judge. A jury, you can like, a judge, you're not gonna get sympathy from just a judge.

• 15:45Speaker 06

  No, you could, a jury can fuck shit up.

• 15:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, that was a huge mistake.

• 15:50Speaker 06

  Well, I think they thought, they had a bit of overconfidence, which is really revealed in the documentary.

• 15:56Speaker 05

  Well, because it takes a lot of balls to charge you with murder and not manslaughter. Because you could definitely lock her up for manslaughter. That's really easy.

• 16:03Speaker 06

  Oh, they tried to negotiate a plea and they said no as well. So they went through all this. Now she's got 15 years to life, which is still technically light.

• 16:10Speaker 05

  Is it 15 or is it 15 plus 15? Is it 15 for each person?

• 16:14Speaker 06

  It seems that they are doing, I believe it is, yes, you're right, it's 15 and then 15. And then she can get parole. And she's still trying to get let out of jail and shit. But this is the thing, so from jail, she's automatically like, all of these like the people around her, she started this like Mean Girls squad, which is how she started shit to begin with. Uh, when she, uh, she grew up in Strongsville, Ohio. Apparently she had like a big ol', like, she did one of those, like, what do they call them? Slam books? And she had like a bunch of the different.

• 16:45Speaker 05

  It's very common.

• 16:46Speaker 06

  Remember?

• 16:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, no.

• 16:47Speaker 06

  My sister got it. Jackie got in quite a bit of trouble.

• 16:50Speaker 05

  I bet Jackie had a slam book. Oh, yeah. She was good at it.

• 16:54Speaker 06

  Oh, they were very upsetting. They were very upsetting.

• 16:57Speaker 05

  I would not want to be in Jackie's slam book.

• 16:59Speaker 06

  I, but this lady, Mackenzie loved the Regina George character from Mean Girls.

• 17:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:06Speaker 06

  Which is not what you're supposed to do.

• 17:07Speaker 05

  She is a 17 year old girl who sucks. And basically, you know, not to like, no, I'm not victim blaming by in any, in any case here, but her parents seemed like they were hands off.

• 17:21Speaker 06

  Oh, this is.

• 17:21Speaker 05

  And they were very enabling.

• 17:23Speaker 06

  We'll get all into this. So by 16, she was a. Essentially living with her 19 year old boyfriend Dominic.

• 17:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:29Speaker 06

  Her parents did not care. They thought that it was cool. They liked Dominic.

• 17:32Speaker 05

  They liked being alone and smoking weed.

• 17:34Speaker 06

  I think that's exactly what they liked. And I, believe me, you couldn't talk to two bigger weed lovers on the face of the planet, right?

• 17:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, but we don't have kids because of it.

• 17:43Speaker 06

  Yeah, cuz they don't want them, alright? And if I had kids, I'd have to keep them far away from the weed, or I'd smoke weed in another room. And eventually you would become the thing, oh, that's that smell. That's when dad likes us. Right? Because he went in, so that'll, then eventually they'll put two and two together. But it took, it would take a while, right, for them to first figure out what's happening. These guys were actively smoking weed with their daughter. They were actively, they, them allowing, they wanted their lifestyle. She was smoking so much weed, she was choking up blood.

• 18:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:13Speaker 06

  And I, I saw what she was smoking too. She was just doing those gigantic, four foot tall bongs.

• 18:19Speaker 05

  Huge blunts.

• 18:20Speaker 06

  Huge blunts. I've got, kinda made me jealous.

• 18:22Speaker 05

  She had, every, it seemed like every time she smoked weed, she filmed it and put it on her phone and they were able to use it as evidence.

• 18:29Speaker 06

  Very much so. Uh, she is, this is what I'll say right here to all my aspiring influencers that you say, go call yourself an aspiring influencer. I want you to remember to not just build evidence against yourself.

• 18:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, cuz you don't know what crimes you're gonna commit.

• 18:44Speaker 06

  Edit things. Edit things and remember, things go on to the internet forever and that's where they stay there because.

• 18:50Speaker 05

  I used to get so, watching like them talk about their friend group, my friend group was very similar. In high school, we did lots of drugs, we smoked lots of weed. We drank like fucking fish. And obviously, we all had our heads together, we loved each other, we were never violent towards each other, so that's like a very different situation. But like, looking at this, I'm so fucking happy. Only thing we had were disposable cameras that we just lost. You know, like.

• 19:11Speaker 06

  Poor kids, they have to have every.

• 19:14Speaker 05

  Everything.

• 19:14Speaker 06

  They have to have every moment of their lives documented, every single mistake documented, and it's just gonna destroy your life. Throw the cameras away, put the, you guys should have put cameras in bags when you go party, right? Anyway, so she ended up, so let's just say her relationship with the 19 year old that she kinda lived with wasn't the most mature one in the world, Eddie.

• 19:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, but they'd been dating for four years.

• 19:36Speaker 06

  I know, and that's just, you know how that's forever. And you know, when you're a teenager, you know what love is, cuz that's what her parents were just like talking about. They were like, well, they knew. They knew that they were in love. And it's like, are you fucking serious? They're 19 and 16, both of them are morons. Both of them should be in Iran right now. All right, like, these should not be, this is, they shouldn't be dating. This is ridiculous. They should not be, like, this is in your way of doing this. They shouldn't be fucking live together, but it's whatever. But of course, they're constantly breaking up, constantly getting back together, and constantly threatening each other with vehicular manslaughter.

• 20:13Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 20:13Speaker 06

  Which is mostly coming from Mackenzie's end. She threatened to kill Dom.

• 20:17Speaker 05

  It's only coming from her end.

• 20:18Speaker 06

  Yes. And she threatened to kill Dom multiple times while in the car. She threatened to kill Dom, she threatened to shoot him, she threatened to poison him, threatened to shoot herself. Threatened to kill them both, over and over and over again.

• 20:29Speaker 05

  To say the least.

• 20:30Speaker 06

  Yes. Uh, and they, every time, like, a week before the crash, they had broke up over text. And then two hours later, they immediately worked it back out. It's that type of dumb shit.

• 20:40Speaker 05

  It's the shit we saw a million times when we were kids.

• 20:42Speaker 06

  Just dumb kids being dumb until the moment someone does something that involves you just not being ever held accountable for a single thing.

• 20:52Speaker 05

  It's like, it's almost like she did this. Um, obviously, she's guilty. Um.

• 20:57Speaker 06

  Well, yeah, she got proven guilty.

• 20:59Speaker 05

  It's like one of those things where it's like, kids don't understand that you don't get another life. You don't get like a do, you don't get to reset the game.

• 21:08Speaker 06

  You don't just like.

• 21:08Speaker 05

  You know, like, it's like, it's, and it's unfortunately, like, it's really hard, and I didn't know that personally. And there's a couple of situations where I definitely could have died when I was younger, and I didn't, and I'm very lucky, and I, I thank whatever for it. But like, man. Just fucking calm down.

• 21:25Speaker 06

  Yeah, dude.

• 21:26Speaker 05

  It is crazy. Really scary and like these kids, they fucking, they don't understand death. And it was not till you get to your like late twenties where you really start to realize, oh, it's like permanent and shit.

• 21:38Speaker 06

  And there's no, like, you're gonna reason your way out of this. This isn't, uh, the problem is when you're in high school and you have a high school mentality, you really, I think, maybe believe, oh, I can like find a way out. I can go and do some extra credit or I can say I'm sorry. And because you're used to doing things that make your parents mad and not doing things that kill people. So when you then kill somebody, you're acting at, like, it's all the same exact level because your brain's not solidified yet. You're literally, you have no idea that, that these things are actually doing shit. Because this, this bitch loves, like, Sharilla, she loves you being called Sharilla the killer. That's what they call her in prison and she loved it. She also now has a prison girlfriend. She's fully acclimated to prison while then going on.

• 22:23Speaker 05

  You ever see the series Night Of?

• 22:25Speaker 06

  I, well, when it first came out.

• 22:27Speaker 05

  It reminds, it reminds me of that. As soon as I saw her, because at the end of the doc, they have an interview with her, I just couldn't, I'm like, this shit's Night Of with like a motherfucker.

• 22:35Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 22:35Speaker 05

  Because she's just like, she just became a gangster.

• 22:38Speaker 06

  Just.

• 22:38Speaker 05

  She goes like straight up, she's a gangster now.

• 22:40Speaker 06

  Right in and she, well, honestly, she loved it. She's really at home in prison.

• 22:45Speaker 05

  I think that, here's my controversial take on the whole thing. I think she's guilty, I think she got what she deserved. But I do think that the trial was very manipulative and, yeah, I guess they, they got the result they needed to. I think they were using evidence that like necessarily shouldn't have been evidence, like her flipping out when her boyfriend locked her out of the house. Like, and her screaming at the front door, like, she's 16 and she's locked out of her house, of course she's gonna freak out.

• 23:10Speaker 06

  But also she, it's all about how she does it.

• 23:13Speaker 05

  You know, and she does, and she used, and it's evidence that's used against her and she did commit the crime, but it's just like, ah, you know, it was one of those things. And then the stuff in jail, when they're doing the interview in jail and they ask her a question and then she asks her lawyer if she can answer it and they use that as like evidence against her, it's like.

• 23:32Speaker 05

  Of course she asked her lawyer if she could answer it.

• 23:35Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 23:35Speaker 05

  What do we fucking, what, what, since when are we not allowed to ask our lawyer before we answer questions?

• 23:41Speaker 06

  It depends on the question.

• 23:42Speaker 05

  Using that, like, no, it's like, using that against you is extremely fucked up and I think irresponsible on the filmmaker's, uh, part.

• 23:50Speaker 06

  Yeah, maybe, but also they, they, you don't talk to somebody before, like, don't talk to somebody. Don't fucking talk to somebody. Same thing with her, uh, going on to these, uh, jail calls and exhibiting that she has a secret language with her and her mother that no one else can decipher. So that she could say secret things over the fucking camera.

• 24:07Speaker 05

  I highly doubt they're able to because that mom is not smart.

• 24:10Speaker 06

  No, she is the, she's not a good mom.

• 24:12Speaker 05

  Tried to help, she just dug a deeper hole. She was not good at helping.

• 24:16Speaker 06

  So she-

• 24:16Speaker 05

  It's almost like she's stoned all the time.

• 24:18Speaker 06

  Sort of. The second one, like, she's going back and forth. So it's like, at first they went and they, they tried to get a, an appeal going. The first one was attempted in September 2024. They upheld the conviction. There was another appeal that was supposed to happen in 2025, but they fucked up and didn't put the paperwork in correctly. After that, Mackenzie got new attorneys who filed another appeal, claiming that a previously unexplored medical condition could have been at fault, which is horseshit. Um, but she is still in jail and it is concurrent. So it's 15 years.

• 24:47Speaker 05

  Okay, it's 15 years.

• 24:48Speaker 06

  So she has 15 years, then she gets her first parole hearing.

• 24:50Speaker 05

  I mean, they're gonna let her out. She'll do it. She'll do her time. Just hopefully she's not a fucking, hopefully she can grow. And right now she's obviously regressing and becoming, uh, you know, turning into college for her, obviously.

• 25:01Speaker 06

  She's only gonna get worse, unfortunately, but-

• 25:04Speaker 05

  Because that's the prison system we have in this country.

• 25:06Speaker 06

  But she also killed two people. So that is the issue is because she's also, when you start off as an asshole and then you go to asshole classes, you're gonna become a master asshole.

• 25:14Speaker 05

  Yeah. It is that, it is that thing though. I, I will forever feel something for people under 18 that get the book thrown at them.

• 25:21Speaker 06

  I know what you're saying. I know what you're saying, but she, I always like, you're allowed to. I'll always take it with a grain of salt because it depends on what's happening. And on some level, people that kill someone, they have to have the whole fucking book dropped on their fucking face.

• 25:36Speaker 05

  Yeah, because otherwise other people are gonna see it and be like, oh, that's not that bad. I could do five years.

• 25:40Speaker 06

  If you could kill somebody- If you kill somebody with your actions, unfortunately, that's kind of as bad as it goes. And you need to experience the adult ramifications of your, even if it's just a tragic mistake.

• 25:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:54Speaker 06

  That is a thing you must learn from.

• 25:56Speaker 05

  I think that one of the things I kept going back to was the fact that she said that she fell asleep and then accelerated. To me, like, don't, if you're gonna make up a disease to the reason you didn't stop accelerating, choose a seizure, something that like stiffens your leg, you know, where you have to like press the pedal, like asleep, you would have let go of the pedal.

• 26:17Speaker 06

  Too young to be good at crime.

• 26:18Speaker 05

  It's just like, yeah, so you choose, choose a crime, choose a better.

• 26:21Speaker 06

  Choose a better crime. Choose a better angle. But honestly, the documentary really made me angry. And you can go check it out over Netflix.

• 26:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, it's totally, it's totally worth a watch.

• 26:34Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's really great, but it makes me angry. Here's another story makes me angry. Oh, I hope it's good for everybody. See you again. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is an all-in-one website platform that helps you stand out online. Yes, that's right. You don't have to smash your face with a hammer. You can just start a business. It's got everything you need on Squarespace, from securing your domain to building a professional site and showcasing your work all in one place. Let's say you want to show everybody how you can carve your ribs out of your lower abdomen so that you look more like a Ken doll. That's amazing. You can bring your vision to life with AI-powered design or curated templates.

• 27:16Speaker 06

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• 27:44Speaker 05

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• 28:08Speaker 05

  And while you're there, grab one for yourself. I mean, you've been powering through this whole year on fumes. You've earned it. Every order comes with a 100 night trial, so there's no guesswork. Give yourself a damn break. Get 25% off the holiday gift guide for a limited time at coopsleepgoods.com/ comedy. That's C-O-O-P, sleepgoods.com/ comedy. Live from Northridge. This one I don't know much about. I'm ready to hear your take.

• 28:35Speaker 06

  Okay, so this is a bit of a, this is a windy one. This is a windy one. So this story, first of all, involves Legos. So my wife-

• 28:45Speaker 05

  I gotta go.

• 28:45Speaker 06

  Yeah, I know. I know. My wife loves Legos. Marcus loves Legos.

• 28:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 28:51Speaker 06

  Right? I think it's Lego. Are you even me saying it incorrectly? I can already hear the Lego people going like, "I'm in a little house."

• 28:58Speaker 05

  I think it's Legos.

• 29:00Speaker 06

  "I'm in a little house."

• 29:01Speaker 05

  I think you could say Lego. It's the Lego store, not the Legos store.

• 29:04Speaker 07

  "I like my palm trees to be fake. I live in a little clicking, clicking house."

• 29:09Speaker 05

  I like to get my Legos and Lagos.

• 29:11Speaker 06

  Me too. Lego my Legos, because if you don't, I'm gonna fucking sew your ass. Coming for you, bricks and minifags.

• 29:19Speaker 05

  I was, you know, I build a wall like any motherfucker.

• 29:23Speaker 06

  I know you love building a wall.

• 29:24Speaker 05

  "This is my wall. This is my wall." And I used to, my old wall, it'd crumble, and this wall I put, at the bottom, I put base. It's always be harder to break this wall.

• 29:33Speaker 06

  You're talking about the big bricks Legos. They're different now. They're very delicate.

• 29:37Speaker 05

  I like ones that I can punch.

• 29:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, I know you do. It's just real bricks. Here we go. Let me try to, if I can disseminate this. I'm gonna do this as thoroughly as I can, but we'll, we'll talk about this. So this starts with Brian Menzel. He's an Oregon man. Him and his father, they spent years putting together what is considered to be like, it's one of the biggest collections, massive collection, of vintage Star Wars-themed Lego sets. Apparently, the collection was worth like 200 grand.

• 30:09Speaker 05

  It's a lot.

• 30:10Speaker 06

  It's a lot in toy money. And they go and they got they've been doing this for years together. This father and son Mormon activity of collecting Lego sets together is so much better than collecting wives and child brides. So, good on ya. Good on ya.

• 30:25Speaker 05

  Keep them busy.

• 30:26Speaker 06

  Keep them busy, right? So, they went to this place called Bricks and Minifigs. No, no, that's not your new local brewery with the Pork Belly Date skewers. No, that is a, the worst name of a store I've ever heard. It's a, it's a thing for Lego consignment sales, right? So, it's a franchise. It's like a consignment stores. So, you go and like they sell old vintage Lego sets. And they, uh, they buy them from you and you buy, and it's like, it's like a thing, right? And they, I guess it's like, there's many branches of it. And it's a Mormon-run company, which is a thing that comes out, I find interesting.

• 31:03Speaker 05

  They love toys.

• 31:03Speaker 06

  They love toys, because we're all just little fucking toys to them, aren't we? So, eventually this father and son have decided, we, uh, uh, we must sell this. We need money, I guess. So, what they did is they went to their local Bricks and Minifigs. It was run by a woman by the name of Crystal Gorman. And they said, they, they set up this little individual deal with her.

• 31:25Speaker 05

  Psycho Gorman.

• 31:25Speaker 06

  Psycho Gorman. Man, that was great. We talked to the director. He's actually, he's a lot of fun. So, the goal with this was that they were gonna take the collection of Star Wars toys. They could use it for advertising, so, which they did. They then said, you can come and see this gigantic, like, only here, collection of Star Wars Lego. Here in this very specific Bricks and Minifigs.

• 31:49Speaker 05

  I like when stores become like museums.

• 31:51Speaker 06

  It was like that. And it was also, the goal was to sell them off. And then the, the Bricks and Minifigs would get a percentage, and then they'd give the larger percentage back to Brian Manziel and his father. Everybody's happy.

• 32:02Speaker 05

  It was cosignment.

• 32:03Speaker 06

  It was like a cosignment. It was a whole thing, right? So, all of a sudden, Crystal Forman, she would like later on, a little while later, she, I guess, according to Crystal Forman. She notified the corporate end, that she and her husband, they were gonna go, they might be leaving the country, and they, they thought about, can we sell our store? According to Crystal, she immediately was replaced. These guys show up, these two guys from corporate arrive and say, we're taking the store back, we're taking the locks, they changed the locks, seize control of all the inventory, which includes all of the unsold Star Wars shit, right, sitting in there, right? So they got these new guys, two fuckers by the name Brandon Best and Josh Johnson, two Mormons, right?

• 32:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, white shirts, shorts.

• 32:45Speaker 06

  Oh yeah, you know exactly what they look like.

• 32:47Speaker 05

  Backpacks, tie, yeah.

• 32:48Speaker 06

  They got the, they got a rifle, they got a shirt with a rifle on it with like, from a brew, maybe, no, I guess not a brewery, they're Mormons. So they got one, like, maybe something from a trampoline park? And then they got like a Colorado Rockies flat brim hat or whatever?

• 33:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:03Speaker 06

  God knows. And so they go in there to straight up say, they finally go like, okay, new management, we'd love to know about, what do we do with this? Would they want to like, re-up and find out what you guys have sold, what we're gonna do? They said, first of all, fuck you. Uh, that contract's not viable, everything in the store's ours, we might have about five grand worth of stuff for you somewhere in here. Then cuts to him go- going through all these legal matters to try to be like, I have a contract that says that we're doing this, and this is a contract that says that this is, and that's my stuff, I have all of it fully inventoried by the fucking little scan number, it's all set, you can't lie to me, that is my stuff, that's me and my father's stuff.

• 33:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, we have pictures of it, God, I, when nerds get mad, I get so, I get so sad.

• 33:46Speaker 06

  Right, cuz it's just like, it's just Legos, right? And then, and the, and the worst part about this now is the police are getting involved. So this all came to the attention of a little-

• 33:54Speaker 05

  So that's good.

• 33:55Speaker 06

  No, so it came attention to a little YouTube boy named Reckless Ben. I have never, I don't know who this kid is, I've never heard this before, I don't know what he does, but I ended up watching the full hour and a half special he did on this, and it is, he did a fantastic job.

• 34:09Speaker 05

  Hell yeah, Reckless Ben.

• 34:10Speaker 06

  This dude got involved and he said, I want to get you your Legos back. So he's went hardcore in the paint, and this is when shit starts getting blowed up. So Ben starts inserting himself in the scenario to try to like, go to the, go to the franchise and try to work his way through. They immediately called the cops. So they also then, you're, he doesn't understand that they're-

• 34:29Speaker 05

  So they called the cops-

• 34:29Speaker 06

  And the guys trying to get their shit back. Yes, and so the cops come and say they've issued a trespass warrant on you, so we're gonna kick you off the property. And he's like, well, actually, I'm here and you see the body cam footage. She's like, I'm here. This is the contract that I have signed. They have my material in here. I would love to sit and just have a conversation about what we're supposed to do here. And and they literally, you're gonna go to jail. You're gonna go to jail right the fuck now, like couldn't care less. We're now seeing that the Mormon police, these are Mormon police officers, are coming to help this company. Keep these guys from get this money because bricks and minifigs in a recorded conversation, straight up told Brian, the Brian dude. Listen, this is how this is gonna go. You're gonna sue us to try to get your shit back.

• 35:13Speaker 06

  You and your fucking father's precious little slave Leah jerk off material, right? You're gonna try to get that back from us, powerful Mormons. That can fucking happen. Because if you do, guess what we're gonna do? We're gonna sue you back and then we're gonna make it so long. We're gonna take this out, so we're gonna drag this out for fucking years and we're gonna bleed you fucking dry to the point where this lawsuit's gonna cost you three times as much as you would ever have made from the Star Wars collection. So you might as well drop it and that's written down. Isn't that evidence? Yeah, no, it doesn't matter because the cops have to file. Evidence to me. The cops have to file a crime. So right now, bricks and minifigs, this is now it's blowing up. This whole thing's fucking blowing up because the reckless Ben dude is going deeper and deeper and deeper. Fuck yeah, brother.

• 35:58Speaker 06

  Because every time he goes to a level, he finds out a new way they figured out. Because what they did was that they finally actually made a form of agreement to kind of settle whatever was gonna happen. And when they finally went to go have the meeting where they were gonna sign the contract to say, alright, this is a settlement. They just shut the franchise. So then they just shut the franchise and they say, well, that's a franchise. It's got nothing to do with us. We're bricks and minifigs. You can't touch us. Yeah, bricks and minifigs. I mean, talk about these, I guess maxi figs, right? These mini figs out here are doing incredible work, right? So they they decided to just like say we're franchised, which is what then they did. So they started pretending to be bricks and minifigs so that bricks and minifigs.

• 36:39Speaker 06

  sue them back. It's a whole long process. So right now, go follow the saga. That's what I would do because it's going back and forth.

• 36:47Speaker 05

  So right now, there's still no result?

• 36:49Speaker 06

  Well, Bricks and Minifigs has come out, just said, everybody's wrong, said that the lady that originally got rid of the franchise that they took over, they try to say that she defaulted on payments. She's saying that that's not, that's horseshit.

• 37:00Speaker 05

  So they stole from her too?

• 37:02Speaker 06

  They stole from everybody. This is all about Mormon egotism. All of this is Mormons not wanting to be incorrect about a thing because what Bricks and Minifigs try to say in the very beginning was that, oh, well, you made a contract with the franchisee, we don't do that. So you, that it doesn't matter. We can't do that. So it doesn't matter. And it's like, oh, but I have a contract in my hands. So does this exist or not? Is this a piece of fucking paper that I signed or not? Is this a fucking contract that I fucking put together or not?

• 37:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 37:33Speaker 06

  Right? Because it doesn't matter. Because you have to fucking go by the contract. But it doesn't matter. They don't think it doesn't matter because they know better than us because they're fucking suck off God through a fucking curtain every fucking week.

• 37:42Speaker 05

  And the police are corrupt.

• 37:43Speaker 06

  Of course they are.

• 37:44Speaker 05

  Yeah, clearly.

• 37:45Speaker 06

  Well, the police are Mormon.

• 37:48Speaker 05

  Where is this? Is this in Utah?

• 37:50Speaker 06

  This is all in Oregon.

• 37:51Speaker 05

  Oh, it's in Oregon?

• 37:52Speaker 06

  This is in Oregon, but it's still Mormons.

• 37:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 37:54Speaker 06

  It's all Mormons and it's a Mormon community and the cops are fighting for the Mormons versus investigating the crime because they are all in bed with the religion. And all of this is about, that's the thing that no one, again, that truly, if you look at the, the material about this, there's not a single mention of the Mormon stuff anywhere, much like every other article about Mormon criminals that I think is fascinating because no one really wants to talk about why it's going down. The reason why they're even fighting for this to begin with is because Mormons are always right and we are wrong.

• 38:31Speaker 05

  Man, so their GoFundMe already has $250,000.

• 38:35Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah. No, they're gonna make a lot of money and I'm also, and I'm, I'm not pumping a GoFundMe because we don't really do that, but

• 38:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:41Speaker 06

  I, if you look at the statement.

• 38:42Speaker 05

  I'm curious about, that is, I mean, like, well, if this is, then why not give up?

• 38:46Speaker 06

  I don't know.

• 38:47Speaker 05

  Or just use this money to fight them?

• 38:49Speaker 06

  I have.

• 38:49Speaker 05

  I think that's what you should do.

• 38:50Speaker 06

  I think that's what, that is what they are doing. Uh, but just know it is, uh, their, Bricks and Minifigs put out a statement. You can go to their website. They're of course, they're not guilty until proven guilty. So we are obviously in that section, we, you know, who knows? But I, uh, I know they're liars. That's me. And I can say what I think I want.

• 39:11Speaker 05

  They're better than us.

• 39:11Speaker 06

  Well, yeah.

• 39:12Speaker 05

  They think that we're all gonna die and go to hell and they're gonna die and go to heaven.

• 39:16Speaker 06

  We just had an incredible interview with Mormon influencer, ex Mormon influencer Alyssa Grenfeld. That was like talking about this idea of like the, the little silly things that they talk about. How their $400 billion slush fund is a rainy day. I'm sick of this cute shit from you Mormons, you fucking evil Mormons.

• 39:32Speaker 05

  And just hoarding fucking money, stealing from people, just trying to collect Legos with their father.

• 39:40Speaker 06

  It is literally just because.

• 39:42Speaker 05

  The purest thing I think I can think of.

• 39:44Speaker 06

  They have decided that it should be theirs and it should not belong to him. And obviously they knew what to do with those Star Wars Legos and those, that father and son were wasting it by enjoying them.

• 39:54Speaker 05

  Oh, man.

• 39:55Speaker 04

  This YouTuber, he's generated over 10 million views talking about this situation.

• 40:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, dude.

• 40:00Speaker 04

  And, uh, he ended up getting swatted because of all of it.

• 40:03Speaker 06

  Oh, no, they're coming for him. They sued, the bricks and minifigs is suing him. Bricks and minifigs is coming hard for reckless Ben. So I, again, he seems like a fine young man and I think he's doing a good job. And I think that if you're gonna weaponize YouTube.

• 40:17Speaker 05

  I like this.

• 40:18Speaker 06

  Yeah, I like this. This is a good way to weaponize YouTube because we're going up against something bigger than just a Lego selling company. This is about us versus God and reckless Ben is gonna beat God.

• 40:31Speaker 06

  That's what this is about and I hope so.

• 40:33Speaker 05

  Oh, well, here, there's another piece of shit in the news.

• 40:35Speaker 06

  Yay.

• 40:37Speaker 05

  There's a guy that, um, we haven't talked about yet, which I'm very surprised of myself, to be honest with you, that we haven't brought this guy up. But, uh, he's back in the news again and, uh, I'm not gonna say his name wrong, but his name is, uh, Igor Litvinchuk.

• 40:51Speaker 06

  Oh, Igor Litvinchuk. I love this guy.

• 40:54Speaker 05

  He's from Covington, Washington. And if you haven't noticed, uh, he got in a lot of trouble for throwing a big old rock at a monk seal when he was in Maui.

• 41:03Speaker 06

  No, I saw the video. He literally just sort of like, like, I love how he pretends. To have his side of the story. Yes, no, he's since developed a side of the story, but it like blew up in Hawaii. Uh, this guy is a gigantic piece of shit. He got caught on camera throwing this giant rock at a monk seal. He barely missed it. Which is also the saddest thing in the world. They not only did, but he also has bad aim. Yeah. Not only is he a piece of shit, but he almost. Yeah, no, it's really, and the monk seal obviously is a protected, uh, is a protected endangered animal in Hawaii. Um, he claims he thought it was a sea lion trying to attack a turtle. That is what. That's his claim, but that claim also came out weeks later.

• 41:45Speaker 06

  After this video, he was caught on video that he told the woman who took the video. I have more, I have so money that I can take the fine. It doesn't matter because I'm rich. Yes, he just wanted to throw a thing at, oh, just out of, of, an aquatic mammal. So Hawaii took it amongst themselves and one of the locals, you don't fuck around in Hawaii. I don't know if people understand this or not. Hawaii's not fucking around. Yeah, you don't fuck around in Hawaii. Uh, you don't mess with the locals. You don't mess with the wildlife. They fucking, some dude found his ass the next day and beat the living shit out of him. As he deserved. Camera, um, they could, they didn't, the guy who beat him, they didn't see his face. Um, so he was never caught. Um, the, uh, the, the sheriff said that they're not looking for him too. No.

• 42:29Speaker 06

  And so then, you know, and so this guy, he goes back to Washington and all, when he gets back to Washington, they fucking arrest him as soon as he gets there. You know, the, uh. Guys, they should. Yeah. And he's going after an innocent animal that is literally just in its home. It felt like it arrived in your fucking hotel room. It is in its home. Yes. And so now he is saying that he's, his life has since been destroyed. Oh, no. Yes. Maybe it's because he threw a fucking rocket at an endangered animal on camera, you fucking idiot. Yeah, he claims that he's a fisherman and he.

• 43:01Speaker 05

  Loves turtles and he was protecting turtles.

• 43:03Speaker 06

  Oh yeah, you fucking idiot.

• 43:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:05Speaker 06

  You pick up the turtle.

• 43:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, so he.

• 43:07Speaker 06

  Pick up the turtle. It's slow. The turtle's super slow. If you want to pick it up and move it someplace, it's easy to do.

• 43:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, but he was charged in violations of the Endangered Species Act and the Marine Mammal Protection Act. Um, and they are critically endangered species, the monk seals, especially this one. This one, they all knew her name and they loved her. Um, but he has pleaded not guilty in court and if convicted, he faces a fine up to fifty thousand dollars.

• 43:32Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 43:32Speaker 05

  And, uh, and then also another twenty thousand dollar fine under the Marine Mammal Protection Act.

• 43:38Speaker 06

  What's his name again?

• 43:39Speaker 05

  His name is Igor Litvin, Litvinchuk.

• 43:44Speaker 06

  Oh, Igor Litvinchuk. Oh yeah, Igor Litvinchuk. Hopefully you never work again.

• 43:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, man. This guy fucking blows. His life is ruined.

• 43:54Speaker 06

  Yeah, as it should be because all he had to do is be like, oh my God, I'm drunk. I'm in a program. Oh my God, I'm, oh my God, I have a rage issue. I need to go to therapy.

• 44:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 44:03Speaker 06

  Oh my God, I'm just, oh my God, I don't know what I was thinking. Like, like, these are all just samples, guys. Oh God, what, oh, I wish I could take it all back. Oh man, I do, oh, I thought it was a ugly woman.

• 44:14Speaker 05

  But this is.

• 44:14Speaker 06

  Oh my God, like, there's so many other things you could have said. If he just said he thought it was a homeless man covered in kelp and he threw a rock at it, they would have applauded him. You know what I mean? Like, if he just went and ju, if he just did that. But no, nobody has sympathy for you, dude. You're fucked.

• 44:31Speaker 05

  No, no, he is fucked. And this is the exact thing we should be doing to people like this.

• 44:35Speaker 06

  Shame his ass.

• 44:36Speaker 05

  Shame him into poor, make him poor. And you know what? He probably is fine and he probably is rich. And you're like, this is the fucking attitude that people who are too rich have when they go visit places. They go to beautiful places to destroy them.

• 44:50Speaker 06

  They go to Hawaii and they think that just because they're on vacation, they could do whatever they want because they are on vacation and they have paid to go to Hawaii.

• 44:56Speaker 05

  Good on the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration who fought and sought to arrest him when he got back to the Seattle area.

• 45:06Speaker 06

  Honestly, this is great.

• 45:07Speaker 05

  Fucking nailed it.

• 45:08Speaker 06

  They took it very seriously.

• 45:09Speaker 05

  Honestly, I hope that. This guy gets the top fucking punishment and just like, and you know what? Beat his ass again.

• 45:17Speaker 06

  Dude, fuck him. He obviously has not learned his lesson.

• 45:21Speaker 05

  No.

• 45:21Speaker 06

  So I feel like he is going to unfortunately reoffend. I think that he's going to do now especially that he's gonna be so butthurt after something like this. I can almost guarantee he's gonna reoffend doing something just as obnoxious. And when he does, hopefully there'll be a group of people there to beat him again.

• 45:38Speaker 05

  God, I hope he gets divorced. I hope his kids never talk to him again. I hope he gets everything.

• 45:43Speaker 06

  I, because you could see him becoming as he's like, I'm not owned. I'm not owned. Like you could see him just be like angry that he got caught and angry that everybody's coming down on him. And that will hopefully force him to do something that'll put him in real jail.

• 45:59Speaker 05

  When I look at a guy like this, I'm like, oh, there's no chance that anyone tells this guy, I love you.

• 46:05Speaker 06

  No one has ever been like.

• 46:06Speaker 05

  No one loves this man.

• 46:07Speaker 06

  I'm so glad you're here Igor.

• 46:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:09Speaker 06

  You know, he's never heard that. Oh my God Igor, what'd we do without you?

• 46:13Speaker 04

  People keep mailing him shit.

• 46:15Speaker 06

  As they should.

• 46:15Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, yeah. No, he's getting harassed. Yeah, they literally mailing him shit. So, you know, I'm sure his address is on the internet somewhere. If people keep mailing him shit.

• 46:24Speaker 06

  Go get him. Am I allowed to say that? Go get him. Just send him stuff.

• 46:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, I mean, well, you know, if you don't, it's fine too. But you know, if you do.

• 46:33Speaker 06

  Who cares?

• 46:33Speaker 05

  Make sure it's gross.

• 46:35Speaker 06

  So we got, there's another fucking animal attack on this thing. This was one of those that's just more out of the movie. Ever seen the movie Equus?

• 46:43Speaker 05

  No.

• 46:43Speaker 06

  You ever see it with, um, what's his name? Not the fat guy from Harry Potter. What's his name? That was on the play. When a Harry, when um, Harry Potter showed dong.

• 46:50Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 46:51Speaker 06

  I saw that play. I saw the little penis.

• 46:52Speaker 05

  You saw his penis?

• 46:53Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 46:54Speaker 05

  How was it?

• 46:55Speaker 06

  British.

• 46:56Speaker 05

  Good.

• 46:56Speaker 06

  Uh, but you know, it was a good play. It was very, um, it was, it was very cool. The original.

• 47:01Speaker 05

  I wanted to see it myself.

• 47:04Speaker 06

  I'll, I'll show you a picture of Daniel Radcliffe's penis.

• 47:07Speaker 05

  Hell, yeah.

• 47:08Speaker 06

  It's actually probably just on here.

• 47:10Speaker 05

  To people, I'm sure people snuck some pictures. Daniel Radcliffe penis. Thank you. Use it on the office computer, please.

• 47:15Speaker 04

  I got you.

• 47:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, thank you. Yeah. Safe search is off.

• 47:19Speaker 06

  Images, right there.

• 47:19Speaker 05

  Where is it?

• 47:20Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 47:21Speaker 05

  I don't see it.

• 47:21Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah, because it's just far away.

• 47:23Speaker 05

  Oh, that's a good dog. That's a healthy dog. What, does he have to touch the horse?

• 47:29Speaker 04

  Why is he with the horse?

• 47:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, why is he with the horse? This is a different-

• 47:32Speaker 06

  In the movie, so in the show slash movie, now we're just looking at naked, a naked man. Now we're just looking at the frozen pictures, those, they are adding to his penis and those, oh, why'd they do the butthole shot? Get this out of here. Get this truck out of here. Why did he bend over like that on stage?

• 47:49Speaker 05

  I love that Harry Potter did this.

• 47:51Speaker 06

  Why didn't he show the audiences?

• 47:53Speaker 05

  I love Daniel Ekwes for this.

• 47:55Speaker 06

  Get this out of here.

• 47:56Speaker 05

  I wish that every grown up child star just shows their cock onstage in New York City.

• 48:03Speaker 06

  I did not know about the taint and asshole.

• 48:05Speaker 05

  Patronus.

• 48:06Speaker 06

  Ah, well, alright, well, speaking of this-

• 48:10Speaker 05

  That's amazing.

• 48:11Speaker 06

  So Ekwes, in the play Ekwes, a boy blinds a bunch of horses-

• 48:14Speaker 05

  Is it weird that his dick looks like Dobby?

• 48:19Speaker 06

  Please don't beat me, master. It's so nice. Just fall in lip, eh?

• 48:23Speaker 05

  Is this why Dobby committed suicide?

• 48:25Speaker 06

  Yes. Little ears. That's what, when he got circumcised, that's all they chopped off. His two side ears. Chop off.

• 48:37Speaker 06

  Gotcha, Daniel.

• 48:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, I do love you.

• 48:39Speaker 06

  You're doing really well, Daniel. I think it's gonna be okay.

• 48:41Speaker 05

  Swiss Army Man was incredible.

• 48:42Speaker 06

  We all liked it.

• 48:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:44Speaker 06

  So, in Ekwes, this boy blinds a bunch of horses and then the whole thing's about his like relationship, this weird pseudo sexual relationship he has with these horses and the psychiatrist and blah blah blah, right?

• 48:57Speaker 05

  That's hilarious.

• 48:57Speaker 06

  It's, oh my god, laugh a minute. When he pulled his pants down and, and he went, "No, there's a salt lick, Ekwes." That was, the whole audience said it at once, just like Rocky Horror Picture Show.

• 49:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, the tagline was, "Nay means nay."

• 49:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's so funny.

• 49:17Speaker 06

  That's disgusting. So, this story is about a teenage girl who did something very similar. Now, this was in a barrel race in La Vegas. Uh, La Vegas. No, I don't know what barrel racing is.

• 49:31Speaker 05

  Is that like when someone's on their hands and the other person's holding their feet?

• 49:35Speaker 06

  That's a real barrel race. I'm close. I'm close. Yeah, the horse is on, the horse, you pull up a horse's hooves and you, you drive it by its dick? And run around barrels.

• 49:46Speaker 05

  Oh, they run around barrels.

• 49:47Speaker 06

  Got it, boom, done, easy.

• 49:48Speaker 05

  Okay, great.

• 49:49Speaker 06

  Easy, easy.

• 49:49Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, yeah, that's why, I mean, it's better than the rodeo, I guess. I guess it's a part of the rodeo, probably.

• 49:54Speaker 06

  This teenager was apparently like super creepy. They haven't named her yet, but she was super creepy and a lot of the parents were saying that she was around... Sarah.

• 50:08Speaker 06

  Tatiana?

• 50:09Speaker 05

  Tatiana's not that.

• 50:11Speaker 06

  Horse stabber. Tatiana horse pricker. So, Tatiana horse pricker was over in her, um, she was walking around with the various competition. Now, a lot of people said that Tatiana horse pricker was not super good at barrel racing.

• 50:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 50:27Speaker 06

  And then she apparently only finished for the qualifying match, like 23 out of 25. And there was some talk about whether or not she did this as a way to sabotage the other horses. So Tatiana went into the stables and stabbed three horses.

• 50:42Speaker 05

  Jesus.

• 50:43Speaker 06

  Now, we don't know whether or not the horses were stabbed, because if they are stabbed anywhere but the trunk, they have to be killed.

• 50:49Speaker 05

  Really?

• 50:50Speaker 06

  Yes, because if they have any emerg, anything done to their extremities, I guess they have to just, I honestly, Eddie, I have no idea why.

• 50:57Speaker 05

  I've heard of a broken leg, you gotta kill a horse.

• 50:59Speaker 06

  Side stories, L P O T L at gmail dot com. Why are we killing these horses so willy nilly? Can't there just be no legged horse?

• 51:05Speaker 05

  Gigantic and could take a stab.

• 51:07Speaker 06

  Can we not put a horse on a, in a wheelchair?

• 51:10Speaker 05

  What kind of knife did she use?

• 51:11Speaker 06

  I don't know.

• 51:12Speaker 05

  And I don't think you can put a horse on a wheelchair. That's a big wheelchair.

• 51:15Speaker 06

  But I'm just saying, there's gotta be, like, put a horse on a cart, right? Can't there be a horse on a cart?

• 51:19Speaker 05

  I think it's really hard.

• 51:21Speaker 06

  Can't horses just sit on their bellies?

• 51:22Speaker 05

  If a horse falls on you, you die.

• 51:25Speaker 06

  But if a horse is on its belly and then you just flip it back and forth, if you just make sure it's on even sides. We don't know whether or not the horses were what they were stabbed with. But they were stabbed. A lot of them, uh, they say it's a knife. They definitely use a knife.

• 51:40Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 51:41Speaker 06

  Um, so they were all stabbed and she, they think partially was just because she didn't want to race that day. And she was afraid that she was gonna get wrapped. That's uh, uh, she was gonna get lapped by all the other people, but I could also be. She just plum crazy.

• 51:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, she seems like a psychopath.

• 51:56Speaker 06

  Well, yeah, either way, it's not a real rational way.

• 51:58Speaker 05

  If you stab a horse for no reason, you're a psychopath.

• 52:00Speaker 06

  Also, you know, I would say a reasonable response would be if you feel that you're not getting the results you want from your competitive like sport.

• 52:08Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 52:08Speaker 06

  Practice harder.

• 52:09Speaker 05

  Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, also.

• 52:11Speaker 06

  That's what I would say. Before you stab all the other horses. That's me. Only just because I'm super not into stabbing horses.

• 52:18Speaker 05

  Also, just getting there. Is the, is the part of the prize?

• 52:22Speaker 06

  Dude, you're there. You're top 25.

• 52:25Speaker 05

  You're, you could barrel race better than most people in America.

• 52:27Speaker 06

  There's thousands of barrel races.

• 52:29Speaker 05

  Be happy about that.

• 52:30Speaker 06

  You're in the top 25. Celebrate it.

• 52:32Speaker 05

  This isn't Angola prison rodeo. You're fucking in Vegas. People paid tickets to see you.

• 52:37Speaker 06

  Are you a Spaniard princess? Why do you need to be the queen of horses, Tatiana Horsepricker?

• 52:42Speaker 05

  Even if you come in last, you're still a horse barrel rider.

• 52:46Speaker 06

  Stay home. Well, you know what? Not anymore though. Cause now that you stab these horses, you're officially on my naughty list. And I don't think you should be allowed to go back, but that's just me. That's just one humble broadcaster's opinion, you know? And then maybe that's, maybe she just needs a timeout.

• 53:02Speaker 05

  Yeah. Well, she's joined the, you know, maybe they should stab her and she should be in the dehance camp. See how fast that bitch could go around a barrel.

• 53:11Speaker 06

  Don't sing her fucking so bad, man. This is so bad, dude. Did you see that guy doing anti-gravity pushups?

• 53:18Speaker 05

  No.

• 53:19Speaker 06

  There was one guy like held his hands and then he did like pushups in midair and there, and it's like, great. Now what?

• 53:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 53:27Speaker 05

  What does that do for you?

• 53:28Speaker 06

  Nothing, right?

• 53:29Speaker 05

  Oh, man.

• 53:29Speaker 06

  So gonna fucking die of a brain aneurysm from all your fucking peptides?

• 53:32Speaker 05

  Oh, my god. Every family has one. The person who says, "Oh, I don't want anything this year." Cool. Super helpful. Here's the fix. Coop Sleep Goods. It's the rare gift that gets used every single night instead of shoved in a closet by January. Coop's Holiday Gift Guide is now 25% off. Packed with best-selling adjustable pillows, cooling sheets, and toppers. And while you're there, grab one for yourself. I mean, you've been powering through this whole year on fumes. You've earned it. Every order comes with a 100-night trial, so there's no guesswork. Give yourself a damn break. Get 25% off the Holiday Gift Guide for a limited time at coopsleepgoods.com/comedy.

• 54:15Speaker 05

  That's C-O-O-P, sleepgoods.com/comedy.

• 54:22Speaker 05

  I got a tiny update for everybody, just to scare everyone a little bit. Please. Uh, screw worm, remember the screw worm? The, the screw worm that was getting in the cattle? And then we were buying the cattle and it was coming up at 3 a.m. Yeah, the screw worm is now, uh, 30 miles south of the United States. She's back! It's not, it's back, it's close. Yes, yeah, yeah, it's coming up there. So, they've noticed it down in...

• 54:48Speaker 06

  Oh, good for her!

• 54:49Speaker 05

  The Callahula State in Mexico. It's 30 miles south of Texas.

• 54:54Speaker 06

  Blow up of the century! Welcomes to Stadside!

• 54:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, they found it in some sheep.

• 55:00Speaker 06

  Travel-maxing!

• 55:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, actually, it's interesting, because they both, they said they found it in sheep, and then they're also like, they also found it in a goat-like animal. Which I don't know what that means.

• 55:12Speaker 06

  What do you mean? What are you talking about?

• 55:14Speaker 05

  It's a goat-like animal.

• 55:15Speaker 06

  Are we getting vague about animals?

• 55:17Speaker 05

  Just say, yeah, just say goat or ram. I don't know, like, what do you mean goat-like?

• 55:21Speaker 06

  Yeah, what the fuck are we talking about?

• 55:23Speaker 05

  Are you inventing animals to put screw worms in?

• 55:25Speaker 06

  You have like a thing called like a mamatubo or like a... Oh, it's called a, it's called a sloth! Yes, yes, it's a sloth goat. What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, I mean goat-like, dude. Fucking, I don't believe anything you're saying about these screw worms if you don't know what the animal it was in. If you don't know what animal it is, you don't know what a screw worm is.

• 55:45Speaker 05

  It's a goat or a ram or a lamb or some shit like that.

• 55:48Speaker 06

  It's not a cat! It's somewhere between a bison and a cat.

• 55:54Speaker 06

  It's somewhere between the two. It's goat-like. It's goat-like. Goat-like. By meaning it has legs like a goat does and it has eyes like a goat does. But that's really all I can compare it in that way. Cause it has fins like a goat does it.

• 56:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:10Speaker 06

  And wings like a goat does it.

• 56:13Speaker 05

  So they're worried about this outbreak getting too close to America, obviously. Cause then once it gets into the cattle, we're kind of fucked. The USDA estimates that a screw worm incursion could inflict 1.8 billion dollars in damage in the Lone Star State alone.

• 56:29Speaker 06

  Screw little screw worms.

• 56:32Speaker 05

  So, uh.

• 56:33Speaker 06

  Screw little screw worms.

• 56:35Speaker 05

  I mean, I don't know, man. This is gonna be tough. Uh, maybe it's time to eat less beef.

• 56:40Speaker 06

  Honestly, I really hope.

• 56:41Speaker 05

  I feel like the screw worm is a good time for all of us to like sit back and be like, you know what, maybe we should, uh, follow Chick-fil-A's, uh, advice here and, uh, eat more chicken.

• 56:50Speaker 06

  You know what I'll say? We'll just see how, how this all shakes out in 2028 when we see Buttigieg screw worm running for president of the United States of America. And honestly, I'm fine with the screw worm. Cause the screw worm mated from the bottom, now they're here.

• 57:04Speaker 05

  That's right.

• 57:04Speaker 06

  And that's such a huge get. Good work on your screw worm hustling. That's the hustle culture showing. It's bringing you to America and that's what we love about immigrants coming here.

• 57:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 57:16Speaker 06

  Well, that's where the whole thing is, is like hard working people making America great again.

• 57:21Speaker 05

  And then, you know, and just, and so we, we've blocked, um, all cattle imports from Mexico for a year.

• 57:27Speaker 06

  Done.

• 57:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, so that'll, that'll solve it.

• 57:30Speaker 06

  Hey, I didn't even know we were talking about it. Cause the problem's been solved. Except I think I'm sitting on a screw room right now.

• 57:36Speaker 05

  Whoa.

• 57:40Speaker 06

  We have really sad news.

• 57:42Speaker 05

  Is this more sad news?

• 57:43Speaker 06

  No, I think it's time.

• 57:44Speaker 05

  Oh, well, before I, I want to give a little bit of good news and then I'll get into the sad news. All right, just a little bit of, yeah, a little bit of good news.

• 57:51Speaker 06

  I thought it was a good, I thought it was a good segue.

• 57:54Speaker 05

  Screw worm, it is nice, but in honor of our episode, we just recently had episode 666 come out. We're talking about Anton LaVey, and I can't help but think that we have a piece, you know, I feel like it's, we do things on the show and then the week after, things happen. And I don't know if we got anything to do with it or not, alligator Alcatraz, alligator pelican shutting down.

• 58:16Speaker 06

  We shut it down, yeah.

• 58:17Speaker 05

  And now, uh, now bus-

• 58:19Speaker 06

  Certainly not all the activists.

• 58:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:21Speaker 06

  It was us.

• 58:21Speaker 05

  Well, I know, I'm just saying, like, it's, it's interesting.

• 58:23Speaker 06

  It's interesting, it is.

• 58:24Speaker 05

  It's interesting, you get, but bus route 666 is now going back to hell. That's right, in Poland, there was a bus route that goes to a town called Hell, H-E-L-L. And it was always bus route 666, but now, they changed it to bus route 669.

• 58:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, because everyone was scared and going to hell.

• 58:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, some guy went in there and he's like, you know what, I want it back to be 666. And they changed it back. So 666 now goes back to hell. Uh, shout out to Poland, shout out to Hell, shout out to 666.

• 58:58Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 58:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:59Speaker 06

  Wow, that's, wow, they could really just change that one thing, huh?

• 59:02Speaker 05

  Yep, they can just do, Poland, they're, you know, they're surprisingly better than us.

• 59:05Speaker 06

  Well, just on that one thing.

• 59:08Speaker 05

  Yes, and speaking of a highway to hell, still a segue.

• 59:12Speaker 06

  I just want to just say, Eddie, we've, we've honestly made a lot of fun here, but I think it's important for you to send-

• 59:21Speaker 05

  I lost Tootsie yesterday, poor girl, she finally passed away. Um, I loved her with all of my heart, she's such a good baby, and it was definitely Tootsie's time. Um, we, um, we sent her to the back rooms.

• 59:37Speaker 06

  Can I honestly, would you honestly say, great for Kane, great for Kane Pixels, he's been, I'm big, shout out to Kane. Um, can I ask, and I don't want to be, I want to be as sensitive as possible about this, because I know it's, you're very sad, it's a lot-

• 59:49Speaker 05

  We did let them keep the vagina, yes.

• 59:51Speaker 06

  Great. Great, because they work so hard on it. Um, my other question is that, did, did it have to be done with a silver bullet?

• 59:59Speaker 05

  Oh, well.

• 1:00:00Speaker 06

  Like, did you have to remove her head and then put garlic in the head and burn the head separate?

• 1:00:04Speaker 05

  Well, we did, what we did was, we gave her the normal, you know, sedative, and then we gave her the, the extra anesthesia that, you know, takes them out eventually and stop breathing. And then Tootsie was like, "I like it, give me more."

• 1:00:16Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:00:17Speaker 05

  She's like, "This is great. This is the first meal I've enjoyed in months."

• 1:00:20Speaker 06

  Yeah, she got all active.

• 1:00:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so the doctor's like, "We don't usually have to do this." But then, they fucking, they brought out the silver bullet, and you're like, and then they, they shot her, and then the craziest thing happened.

• 1:00:31Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:00:31Speaker 05

  She turned into a woman. We're like, well, like, what? It's just like, all of a sudden, there's like-

• 1:00:37Speaker 06

  Old?

• 1:00:37Speaker 05

  It's, no, just like, beautiful, naked woman.

• 1:00:40Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:00:40Speaker 05

  Just like, in the vet's office.

• 1:00:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:00:42Speaker 05

  Sitting there, and we're like, "Tootsie?"

• 1:00:44Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 1:00:44Speaker 05

  And then she was like, "Thank you, all you have done to me." And then, and then, and then she turned in the dust.

• 1:00:49Speaker 06

  Well, you had this hot naked woman in your house this whole time?

• 1:00:51Speaker 05

  This whole fucking time!

• 1:00:52Speaker 06

  Jesus Christ. Did Julie get instantly jealous and then relieved?

• 1:00:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, it was one of those.

• 1:00:58Speaker 06

  Honestly, it's-

• 1:00:59Speaker 05

  It's like, "Thank you for releasing me."

• 1:01:01Speaker 06

  And then Julie's like, "Forget what those breasts look like."

• 1:01:05Speaker 06

  You forget.

• 1:01:06Speaker 05

  But, yes. It was a long, it was a long journey with Tootsie. We had her for almost five years, four years, three months. It was honestly-

• 1:01:14Speaker 06

  You took amazing care of her.

• 1:01:15Speaker 05

  You know, the dog, you know, she was barely a dog for the last year, but she was the sweetest, kindest baby. We took a wonderful nap yesterday. We, like, I put it, we went skin to fur, and I, we had a nice, long nap.

• 1:01:28Speaker 06

  And she got to see the Grand Canyon!

• 1:01:29Speaker 05

  She got to see the Grand Canyon.

• 1:01:31Speaker 06

  Which she was always wanting to.

• 1:01:32Speaker 05

  She got to finish the Martin Scorsese documentary.

• 1:01:35Speaker 06

  That's huge, before Julie.

• 1:01:37Speaker 05

  Well, we watched it together yesterday, and then at the end, she's like, "I'm about to kill this at the flower moon." I'm like, "Tootsie, I think that one's a little too long even for you."

• 1:01:45Speaker 06

  Yeah, I feel like that. Should've showed her silence.

• 1:01:50Speaker 05

  She's no silence. She was there!

• 1:01:51Speaker 06

  She was, during the filming, yeah, during the, there's the story, the original story, yeah.

• 1:01:56Speaker 05

  She was there, "Take that, please, and put him in the ocean."

• 1:01:59Speaker 07

  Put him in the ocean, make him denounce his faith.

• 1:02:04Speaker 06

  Damn, Tootsie. You fucking fall real.

• 1:02:07Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah. But, uh, yeah, I love Tootsie. I love her so much. I cried way more than a big man should cry yesterday. And, uh, I will see you on the other side, old girl. And, um, if there is a afterlife, you were already there.

• 1:02:23Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's the thing, because I think she'd already been there. But we love you, Tootsie.

• 1:02:28Speaker 05

  I love you.

• 1:02:29Speaker 06

  Enjoy. Last piece of my mom. That's the la- well, no, no, that's wrong. My aunt.

• 1:02:36Speaker 06

  My mom's sister. Yeah, get her.

• 1:02:40Speaker 06

  But she's- but your aunt's not your mother. She didn't belong to your mother, you know?

• 1:02:48Speaker 06

  Well. Well, in truly more important news, in an update to last week's question, I'm sorry about this, guys.

• 1:02:57Speaker 05

  Oh, wait, before we move on, in honor, Tootsie's last wish is for, for you to come to Phoenix this weekend to, so I can sell out the show.

• 1:03:04Speaker 06

  If you love Tootsie.

• 1:03:06Speaker 05

  At all, you would come to the Desert Ridge Improv on Sunday and see me, Amber, and Julie perform live. Uh, because like, you know, and she's like, she's like, please tell them to fly in, tell them to come in from all parts of the world and celebrate. This is gonna be Tootsie's funeral.

• 1:03:23Speaker 06

  It's real. He's bringing her body.

• 1:03:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, we're gonna shoot her out of a cannon at the end, which is what they like in, uh, Phoenix.

• 1:03:29Speaker 06

  That's the only thing they like is a dead dog there. It's the only thing they laugh at. You pull out a dead dog, it's a clear- that's his closer.

• 1:03:36Speaker 05

  Oh, all right. Take your picture off the screen.

• 1:03:41Speaker 06

  Well, thank- thankfully, it brings us to the most important topic of the day, which is, uh, last week, I asked for,

• 1:03:51Speaker 06

  and very hastily, didn't even think about it.

• 1:03:53Speaker 05

  In honor of Grogu blowing himself throughout the entire movie.

• 1:03:57Speaker 06

  I asked for evidence that sucking your own dick is real.

• 1:04:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:04:03Speaker 06

  And let's just say, here comes another one.

• 1:04:09Speaker 06

  I gotta say, I've not really regretted something as much in a while, only just because, like, I'm as, I'm as open-minded San Francisco as you get, right?

• 1:04:21Speaker 05

  We have talented fans.

• 1:04:22Speaker 06

  I love, I love everybody. I am the most fucking, like, truly, I'm down with women's lib. I am all about every kind of sucking and fucking. I think it's all great, but I, nothing has made me feel more like a Christian senator than reading these emails. Because some of these, I'm just like, wow, I just didn't understand how big of a genre sucking your own dick is, how big of it is all pervasive against all, through all gay porn, about how it's, it's not only common, but liked, it's a fetish, and it happens all the time, and not only that, but I'd say solid 12% of our audience has done it, or can do it, or continues to do it.

• 1:05:07Speaker 05

  It's easier to do if you still have your foreskin.

• 1:05:09Speaker 06

  Apparently.

• 1:05:10Speaker 05

  It's like a straw.

• 1:05:10Speaker 06

  Cause you suck on the top and you pull it in like it's like, like you're, you're, you're, you're reeling in a fucking giant fish. Okay, so here we go. Let me just go through some of these emails. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. Otto Flatio, ahoy, 31-year-old, highly flexible, trans woman. Ahoy. I've been able to self-suck when I was younger, and I can confirm it's possible. Number, next one. Right, I'm gonna share my personal experience. When I was a teenager, I discovered I was the right combination of flexible and skinny enough and endowed enough to get about two inches into my own mouth. As Henry alluded to, it's much more like sucking dick than getting your dick sucked. I can only really describe it as trying to tickle yourself. There was no pleasure gained, and the discomfort of both being stretched and folded onto yourself,

• 1:05:53Speaker 06

  and having a penis in your mouth, meant that there was no way I was ever gonna get myself there. That said, I was a dumb teenager, and I figured I would just need to give it a few tries, so it wasn't a one-time thing. My usual method was laying on my back and then bringing my hips up to my face while keeping my shoulders and neck flat on the bed or floor. Another method was sitting on the edge of the tub or similar, and craning my upper body down. I tried it probably five or six times before I fully gave up, and in retrospect, I'm extremely thankful no one ever walked in on me. Um, like someone sent it here, several driver's licenses are all, these are all redacted. Probably like 10 different redacted driver's licenses. What do you mean? Uh, people just sending in their driver's license, but with all of the information blacked

• 1:06:36Speaker 06

  out just to prove that they're sending a driver's license. Um, what does that have to do with sucking your own dick? Just to say, I'm a person that sucks its own dick. Here's my driver's license. I suck my own dick. Oh, wow. So they want to be like on a government registry. And they're on. I sent it right, I sent it right to Steve Miller, guys. So, here's a, here's a next, this one's brutal. I dated a man who had osteogenesis imperfecta, typically referred to as brittle bone disease by dumb bitches like me. This genetic disease affects your collagen production and causes your bones to break super easily. This man had steel rods in both legs and at 26 had lost count of how many fractures he'd suffered after 200, not including all the bones he'd broken during his own birth.

• 1:07:20Speaker 06

  I make hella suck in your own dick jokes and he'd always look a little embarrassed when I did. Till about a month in dating, when he finally said to me, I can do that, you know? I got way too excited and immediately asked him a million questions about it. Not do it? I even asked him if he broke two ribs, just be able to do it, but he somehow did not get that reference, you know, too real maybe? I also asked him, does it feel like getting your dick sucked or does it feel like sucking a dick? He quietly responded that it does indeed just feel like sucking a dick. Anyway, I asked if I could see it of, cause I'm of course, cause I want to see it and he said, yes, but only if I didn't laugh. So I told him, maybe it's not such a good idea after all. Thinking about the idea of it right now is making me laugh. There's a way I would have

• 1:08:05Speaker 06

  been able to witness it in front of him. So it didn't happen. And then she's like, you know what? I'm dumping you. Yes. You know what? You're weak.

• 1:08:16Speaker 06

  My hot ex coworker in a pizza place was rumored to have done a solo porn where he sucks his own dick. I didn't believe it until I actually saw the video and it scarred me for life. He was lying on his back on a table and pretzled himself into a crazy position where he put his legs over his shoulders. I canceled our hangout and couldn't look him in the eyes ever again. I think I only, I don't know if he came because I ran away like 12, like right before he did it, right? So here's another one. This is, this one fucking also scares me.

• 1:08:43Speaker 05

  Got a video on of a cow sucking its own udders.

• 1:08:45Speaker 06

  Hey, hey, that's fucking really fun. This one I really like.

• 1:08:48Speaker 05

  What's that?

• 1:08:50Speaker 06

  Hey, you know, hey, hey, hey, it's making his own milk. I wish, honestly, if milk came out of it, I'd be much more willing to suck my own dick.

• 1:08:57Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:08:57Speaker 06

  If straight up milk came out of my penis.

• 1:08:59Speaker 05

  It's a lot easier.

• 1:09:00Speaker 06

  Like chocolate milk, I would suck my own dick.

• 1:09:02Speaker 05

  We're supposed to drink milk.

• 1:09:03Speaker 06

  I'll drink milk, but I won't suck. I don't like penis. I won't eat semen.

• 1:09:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:09:08Speaker 06

  So listening to this week's Side Stories episode, I was compelled to share some personal experiences. I will admit, as a young, curious teen, I attempted to deflate myself, but was unsuccessful. Not for a lack of trying, I digress. Recently, I was overseas for work. While over there, I met a woman for what I thought would be a standard night out for drinks with no strings attached. The night was going well, but as she drank more, I began to learn more. Somehow, we had gotten onto the topic of sex. I wasn't complaining as the aspect was part of the reason we were meeting up in the first place. However, I quickly became self-aware about how vanilla my sex life was when she began to detail some of her own experiences. She was a self-proclaimed muscle mommy and enjoyed dominating.

• 1:09:54Speaker 06

  Her MO was making dudes bust their nut into their own mouths. To do this, she'd get them all horned up and perform oral sex on them. And when they were about to climax, she would hop off, flip their legs up towards their head, and proceed to jerk them off until they were left with no choice but to either spit or swallow their own poop.

• 1:10:15Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 1:10:16Speaker 06

  Her number up to that point had been four. And I sure as hell didn't plan on being the fifth. We went our separate ways.

• 1:10:23Speaker 05

  I'll never do it to you. This is something I've done. I'm cured. I never do things like that anymore.

• 1:10:36Speaker 05

  What's that movie with the chick who kills the guys? A pretty young woman or something like that? That came out a couple of years ago.

• 1:10:43Speaker 06

  She didn't even do it. She didn't fucking do it, dude.

• 1:10:48Speaker 05

  Oh, my God. Remember, like, we used to have a bit in our show that we do in JK Ultra that we had to cut where Henry would suck his own dick.

• 1:10:55Speaker 06

  I hurt my back.

• 1:10:56Speaker 05

  You hurt yourself pretending to do it. And we had to stop.

• 1:10:59Speaker 06

  I had to stop doing the bit because it legitimately hurt my back. It's hard to do.

• 1:11:05Speaker 05

  Just pretending. You you got injured. It wasn't even like hurt, it was injured.

• 1:11:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, oh, yeah, no, I was, yeah, I was injured. I was really hurt. I had to go to the doctor. I had to get a cortisone shot. But hey, man, look at me, I'm great. All right. So that's this one last one about the bunch of 16 year olds convincing a guy on Omegle to send him a video of him sucking his own dick. And it's just, it's just a lot, man.

• 1:11:30Speaker 05

  What do you do in the 16 year olds are the predators?

• 1:11:32Speaker 06

  This is the problem is that they are manipulating you. Don't just let any 16 year old tell you to suck your own dick on camera.

• 1:11:41Speaker 06

  But I will say I learned a lot because I, you know, they someone had sent me the subreddit too. And it's just, it's amazing. Men are incredible. That's what I'll say.

• 1:11:52Speaker 05

  Determined.

• 1:11:53Speaker 06

  Men are simply the most incredible of us all. And if you really don't.

• 1:11:58Speaker 05

  Keep a woman out of your life.

• 1:11:59Speaker 06

  Thank God, I'm so thank you so much, Rob, for pulling up the book called Self Suck Hotel by Ethan Haney.

• 1:12:06Speaker 05

  You don't need a hotel.

• 1:12:07Speaker 06

  Yeah, honestly.

• 1:12:08Speaker 05

  You could self suck anywhere.

• 1:12:09Speaker 06

  I'm not paying to be self sucked.

• 1:12:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's this say? When, uh, when he gets a hotel room, uh, for himself for a night, a college student Dylan Turner plans to indulge at his favorite pastime, sucking his own dick.

• 1:12:23Speaker 06

  You could do that at home.

• 1:12:25Speaker 05

  You don't need a whole book.

• 1:12:27Speaker 06

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:12:27Speaker 05

  That's not a book.

• 1:12:28Speaker 06

  Yeah, how long is that? It's just like.

• 1:12:30Speaker 05

  It better be a leaflet.

• 1:12:32Speaker 06

  An inch.

• 1:12:33Speaker 05

  You know what?

• 1:12:33Speaker 06

  To the dick.

• 1:12:34Speaker 05

  Not one one star reviews. Not one, everyone really liked this author.

• 1:12:39Speaker 06

  Three inch.

• 1:12:40Speaker 05

  Four stars.

• 1:12:41Speaker 06

  Close to the dick.

• 1:12:41Speaker 05

  This is only on Kindle, though. So, yeah, so anyone.

• 1:12:44Speaker 06

  Well, so you could jerk off at the work.

• 1:12:45Speaker 05

  Two stars, short suck hotel.

• 1:12:48Speaker 06

  Yeah, that person's mad at how short it was, Eddie.

• 1:12:51Speaker 05

  Novel concept for me, anyway.

• 1:12:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, he said it didn't evolve. He said the concept didn't evolve.

• 1:12:55Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:55Speaker 06

  That's the problem, is that.

• 1:12:57Speaker 05

  Well, if we start with self sucking, where do we go after that? I actually felt that the man, the drifter from outside, was kind of a hat on a self sucking dick. Four stars from Gilberto Del Rio, oh my girth. Wow, very intense sex depicted in this lustful story. I was erect the entire time, so hot and sexy. Definitely recommend to my friends.

• 1:13:22Speaker 06

  Hey, Gilberto, thanks for the recommendation, no more, please.

• 1:13:25Speaker 05

  Three people found it helpful, Henry. It's not for you.

• 1:13:29Speaker 06

  That was his two friends.

• 1:13:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:31Speaker 06

  That was him and his two friends.

• 1:13:32Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:33Speaker 06

  Well, guys, we learned a lot today, and I just want to say, Eddie, thank you for sharing your vulnerability.

• 1:13:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, whatever.

• 1:13:38Speaker 06

  Um, and I just love the fact that Eddie and I are too big to suck our own dicks.

• 1:13:43Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:13:43Speaker 06

  And I laugh at even just the idea of Eddie and I trying to suck our own dicks, because even just in a playful, funny way, I tried to do it, and hurt me to the point where I had to go to the doctor, so.

• 1:13:52Speaker 05

  I can't really touch my toes.

• 1:13:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, I just gonna live the fact knowing, I don't want to suck my own dick, I'm not even really that curious about it, but also thankfully, if I had to do it, it would have to be done on purpose by a muscle mommy. I do think at that point, a lot of other things have really kind of become questionable for me.

• 1:14:09Speaker 05

  Well, those people don't suck their own dick, they just got shot at.

• 1:14:12Speaker 06

  To me.

• 1:14:12Speaker 05

  Anyone can eat their own cup.

• 1:14:14Speaker 06

  The lady forcing the penis into your mouth and then jerking you off in your own mouth is like, oh, to me, can just be hard coming back from.

• 1:14:21Speaker 05

  God, I miss you, Tootsie. Oh, baby girl, you were so good to me.

• 1:14:26Speaker 06

  She never did that once. She never did that one. Go to page here on dot com slash podcast and see Ed's grief. Yeah. Over on Netflix. If you go on Netflix, you'll see Ed's open grief. You'll see it. Enjoy his grief. Honestly revel in it. It's good to do. Attack a clown when they're down. It's the best time to get a clown. And go at LP on the left for all our social media needs. Go over to YouTube for HGX2. It is coming out. We're in the playoffs. The playoffs are out. Done dude. We're fucking hitting the finals. Two episodes, the finals. It's huge. Fucking ready to go. You are going. It's you versus my wife. I'm gonna beat the shit out of your wife. Also shout out to Tootsie who died on television in HGX2 in the first season.

• 1:15:12Speaker 06

  Amen. We milked it all. We milked it all. We really did. Uh, but yeah, HGX2 is honestly, I don't know how else to promo this show. It's one of the funniest things I've ever done. Yes, it's the best. It's one of the best edited things we've ever done. Yes. We have like editors from Adult Swim, uh, sitting there working on this thing. Go and watch it for the whole second season. The whole first season's good, but the second season really fucking hums along. We're really good. You can burn through the whole, you could binge the whole thing in a night. Get ready for the finals. It's like every, you have no idea what's coming. It's gonna be so much fun, dude. Yes, you gotta check it out. Over on YouTube, it'll be on TV. It's over there and go check out someplace underneath LPN, Romanci, The Foreign Report, and No Dogs in Space is over there. And Brighter Side's got new videos as well.

• 1:15:56Speaker 06

  That's right, man. We got all kinds of shit. Brighter Side is full on. Go to the Brighter Side, LPN on YouTube. Subscribe, follow. It's a great way to watch Amber, Ashley, and Julie and I have some fun. And then go see me on the road. I'm touring. I got lots of live standup shows coming up. I'm gonna be in Bethlehem, PA, Newark. I just dropped a date at City Winery with Kirsten Michelle Sills over at, uh, in Manhattan. That's gonna be a lot of fun. That's gonna be on July 13th. And I'm gonna be in DC, Denver. Uh, we got all the play no, I'm, I'm all over the place. Just go to eddytunes.com and check out when you can see me. Oh, and the Disney show's coming back. Dead Men Tell Some Tales. That's gonna be a Dynasty Typewriter on August 16th.

• 1:16:39Speaker 06

  As a way is to tell the D23 fest to go fuck itself. Yeah. But which I'm very excited about. So Dan's gonna come back out to LA for that. And then Henry and I are gonna be at the Comedy Store. Yeah, can't wait.

• 1:16:50Speaker 05

  26th in the Belly Room, so get tickets for all that. It's gonna be a lot of fun. It's all definitely gonna sell out.

• 1:16:56Speaker 06

  And we're gonna be super offensive.

• 1:16:57Speaker 05

  Yes, well, you know, it's the comedy story. You give the people what they want.

• 1:17:00Speaker 06

  Gotta be super offensive. We're gonna come for everybody.

• 1:17:03Speaker 05

  That's right, folks. I love y'all and uh...

• 1:17:06Speaker 06

  Go suck yourself!

• 1:17:07Speaker 05

  Go suck yourself and hail Tootsie.

• 1:17:09Speaker 06

  Hail Satan!

• 1:17:10Speaker 05

  Peace.