Side Stories: Fake Children

Henry & Eddie present this week's biggest stories and weirdest news - new Michael Jackson rumors claim he rescued children from Epstein Island, UFO Scientists continue to go missing while hiking, Nick Reiner seeking inheritance funds to pay for defense attorney, the ballad of Looney John Franklin Toon, Meet the 37-Year-Old Woman who posed as 12-Year-Old Autistic Child To Con Family, Eddie vs. Summer House, Listener E-Mails, and MORE!

• 0:01Speaker 00

  In New Orleans, truckers keep getting sideswiped the exact same way. When a man is found murdered under questionable circumstances related to these accidents, the rubber hits the road. And what the feds uncover is a complex scheme of staged wrecks, financial fraud, and a pair of conspiring lovers behind it. This is a story about fake accidents that lead to real consequences. Listen to "Over My Dead Body," Operation Sideswipe, wherever you get your podcasts. Audible subscribers can binge all episodes early and ad-free right now. Join Audible in the Audible app or by subscribing on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

• 0:44Speaker 01

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• 1:16Speaker 02

  There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left.

• 1:22Speaker 01

  Side stories?

• 1:24Speaker 02

  That's when the cannibalism started.

• 1:27Speaker 01

  Side stories, yes.

• 1:37Speaker 00

  I can talk to you now. I'm done with my text messages and I may speak with you now.

• 1:43Speaker 01

  Who'd you text?

• 1:44Speaker 00

  I was texting with Julie.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, what'd you say?

• 1:47Speaker 00

  We were talking about Summer House. We'll get into it later, though.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  I, um, I'm already angry. Just like thinking about it. I know Eddie has brought this up. He has said he is the only person that could properly do Summer House slash Last Podcast on the Left news coverage.

• 2:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, man.

• 2:05Speaker 01

  But you're saying that you, you know...

• 2:08Speaker 00

  There's a whole, there's context. There's context. We gotta talk, we will talk about it. We'll get to it towards the end. We have updates, we have updates.

• 2:14Speaker 01

  We do.

• 2:15Speaker 00

  We got all kinds of shit.

• 2:16Speaker 01

  We have a lot of stuff.

• 2:17Speaker 00

  I think the most important issue of the day...

• 2:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:20Speaker 00

  Is...

• 2:22Speaker 00

  Does anyone actually like the handlebar mustache?

• 2:24Speaker 01

  Okay, I'd like to put this right here to everyone. We're gonna start this out hot. Okay, welcome to Side Stories.

• 2:30Speaker 00

  You don't have, no, no, not you.

• 2:31Speaker 01

  No, no, not you, Rob. You have no idea. No. It's gross like this. Let's just talk about this.

• 2:35Speaker 00

  Alright, so there's two different handlebars.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  Let's start organized, okay? Welcome to Side Stories. My name is Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with the properly bearded Ed Larson.

• 2:45Speaker 00

  Hello, how are you?

• 2:46Speaker 01

  Also, Rob, you don't have a handlebar mustache. You have what I call a western droop. That is a normal droop. Mustaches are supposed to go down. I believe this, okay? I'm sorry for everybody. I already know, my friend who runs the Red Hot, who is one of the, Kim, who is one of the most wonderful, brilliant artists I have ever met, truly incredible artist. Her husband has a handlebar mustache, and I don't know what happened there. Because she's so incredible, her husband's a wonderful man, I don't know why he chose the handlebar mustache, because what we were saying right before we were recording, is that the handlebar mustache is an exact example of a thing a man chooses.

• 3:26Speaker 00

  Now, I think we need to, before we even go further, there are two types of handlebar mustaches.

• 3:32Speaker 01

  Are there?

• 3:32Speaker 00

  There's the one that goes straight down like this.

• 3:34Speaker 01

  See, I don't know, is that technically, I don't think it's a handlebar mustache if it goes down.

• 3:38Speaker 00

  I think that's also a handlebar mustache, but you are specifically talking about the frilly one, the dynamite, the tie the girl to the railroad tracks.

• 3:48Speaker 01

  If you have a handlebar mustache, I pretty much assume you are a non-union stunt rigger. If you have a handlebar mustache, I assume you are somebody that is running from allegations someplace else, and is trying to hide, right? Because what you'd have, just straight up here, this is a good example.

• 4:06Speaker 00

  Fu Manchu is what I was thinking of.

• 4:08Speaker 01

  A Fu Manchu is different, but a Fu Manchu, like, Rob doesn't have a...

• 4:11Speaker 00

  And a horseshoe's okay.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  A horseshoe's okay, but Fu Manchu, Rob doesn't even have a Fu Manchu, because it'd go all the way down. I would do a Fu Manchu, I've done it, but I'm saying this to my boys, alright? We're starting hot here. [email protected]. To me, it feels like if I, like, how do you put this? Like, the beard, I've put the beard on as man. Makeup because I've decided to and I can't right when I have the mustache and I choose my mustache. Reason why I have my mustache is because of the polarizing effect of my mustache. I love the fact that people wonder if I'm a pilot, wonder if I'm a police officer.

• 4:45Speaker 00

  Full mustache.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  I love my fucking mustache.

• 4:48Speaker 00

  We all know what your mustache looks like.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  And I love all mustaches. I was saying this, I'm gonna pay Ed money to have a pencil thin mustache.

• 4:53Speaker 00

  We'll see, we'll talk about it.

• 4:54Speaker 01

  I'm gonna pay, imagine Eddie.

• 4:56Speaker 00

  Up a price yet.

• 4:57Speaker 01

  Imagine Eddie with a pencil thin mustache and tell me that that's not gonna be the single funnest day of all of our lives. When he's walking around with a pencil thin mustache and how fun that will be if we put a big chef's hat on him and he walks around going.

• 5:11Speaker 00

  I wish I had a pencil thin mustache.

• 5:13Speaker 01

  I think you'd look amazing, personally. But the thing about the handlebar mustache, it's a stubborn male choice. Much like, how I for a while, I did civil war hair, right? I cut, I cut the, what's that very bottom middle one, the one where I cut the chin hair off and I would just did the full. I did the full chops, right? I did the full civil war thing.

• 5:32Speaker 00

  Into the mustache.

• 5:33Speaker 01

  Into the mustache.

• 5:34Speaker 00

  I love the way it looks, but it looks bad.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  You know why you like it? Cause you're a man.

• 5:40Speaker 00

  And it's stupid looking. And I enjoy things that are stupid looking.

• 5:42Speaker 01

  Yes, and I like how other men look when they look stupid and when they make a choice to look stupid. Except for the handlebar mustache, only just because to me, it's telling me, you got too much time. Clip off the edges, be serious about the mustache, everything else carries.

• 5:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, like what, do you ever, do any of those people have like good jobs?

• 6:03Speaker 01

  I ca- I don't know.

• 6:04Speaker 00

  Cause you have to like.

• 6:05Speaker 01

  Kim, what does your husband do? You have to email me, side stories, L P O T L at gmail dot com.

• 6:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's because it's, here's the deal, like, I know, well, we might get a little heat for this, but I don't.

• 6:14Speaker 01

  We get heat for every single thing we've ever said.

• 6:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't really care.

• 6:17Speaker 01

  No.

• 6:18Speaker 00

  But yeah, no, it's silly. And I, it's hard for me to take you serious, like if I'm hiring somebody to do something for me, whether it's like. Write jokes or like fix my toilet and you show up with one of those curly mustache.

• 6:32Speaker 01

  Get the fuck out of my house.

• 6:33Speaker 00

  I don't think you can do the job properly.

• 6:34Speaker 01

  I don't want you, again, you have to own, you have to be selling popcorn.

• 6:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:39Speaker 01

  The only way you have that handlebar mustache and I'm gonna.

• 6:41Speaker 00

  And if you do sell popcorn with the handlebar mustache, good on you.

• 6:45Speaker 01

  Excellent. And also truly, because we're not, we're not IPA guys either.

• 6:50Speaker 00

  No.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  Neither one of us. We don't like IPAs. We don't like the big, heavy things. And we're not like, I like a cocktail now.

• 6:55Speaker 00

  Mustache.

• 6:55Speaker 01

  It's an IPA mustache.

• 6:56Speaker 00

  It really is. Now I know why we don't fucking jam with these fuckers.

• 6:59Speaker 01

  There's something about it that doesn't mix with our lifestyle. And unfortunately, every time I see a handlebar mustache, I just want to attack.

• 7:07Speaker 00

  Yeah. I mean, and I think you're allowed to have it. Just know that this is how people might feel.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  That's how men feel. It's also why I kind of stopped clicking the Jordans.

• 7:17Speaker 00

  Nice, nice mustache.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, because they don't have the mustache and they like seeing you walking around looking like an idiot.

• 7:22Speaker 00

  Someone should have it.

• 7:24Speaker 01

  Sure, if you work in the circus.

• 7:26Speaker 00

  Yeah. What about if it's a different color? Like if someone dyes it?

• 7:29Speaker 01

  Disgusting. Again, keep them, don't let the mustache do all this work for you. Mustache is not a personality.

• 7:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:36Speaker 01

  All right. You have to be, I'm too much personality.

• 7:38Speaker 00

  Give you personality.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  No, it can't.

• 7:39Speaker 00

  It can give you, it can make you more fun to look at and talk to.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  Deterrent. It makes me angry at you.

• 7:45Speaker 00

  No. For having a mustache?

• 7:47Speaker 01

  No, a handlebar mustache.

• 7:48Speaker 00

  A handlebar mustache.

• 7:51Speaker 00

  The curly Q one. I didn't do this. You took, you came in hot like this.

• 7:54Speaker 01

  I'm sorry, everybody. I love everybody.

• 7:55Speaker 00

  You're the one who came in hot.

• 7:56Speaker 01

  I just thought, I love everybody. Everybody's upset already. I already can feel it.

• 7:59Speaker 00

  I mean, I just think that it's important to, all mustaches, what about the Salvador Dali?

• 8:04Speaker 01

  Nothing I love better than a Salvador Dali. It's different because it's a true affectation and no one does the Salvador Dali.

• 8:09Speaker 00

  Well, someone who's a painter, they're allowed to have the mustache.

• 8:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:13Speaker 00

  A professional bowler.

• 8:15Speaker 01

  Professional bowler doesn't really have any standards.

• 8:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. They can have the mustache.

• 8:20Speaker 01

  They can do whatever they want.

• 8:21Speaker 00

  Well, yeah. Ice cream salesman. As long as they don't have the truck and attracting children.

• 8:26Speaker 01

  Oh, they what? That they're just doing it on the street? This is a barista thing. Yeah, I've seen the hybrid. That's new. The hybrid mustache soul patch, that is a new, like the Zappa's coming back.

• 8:36Speaker 00

  You know what?

• 8:36Speaker 01

  But it's taken time for it to come back.

• 8:38Speaker 00

  You know, it's a weird thing I've been doing lately and this will, this will expose me, but I've been, obviously I need a beard trim and all that stuff, but I get rid of this.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, people do that.

• 8:47Speaker 00

  I get rid of the soul patch. And like, I keep it empty. You know why? I talk for a living. Not that it gets in the way. I just want people to see my lips because I mumble, you know, and like, and so I, I mumble a lot. It's like literally, yeah, so people can see me mumble and then they might be able to understand me a little more if I'm mumbling.

• 9:07Speaker 01

  Your true ally. That's what this is about. He made a little mouth window. That's what he's saying. The Flavor Saver, that's what they call it. But you know what, hey? That's why, you know, but you know who loved his Flavor Savers?

• 9:19Speaker 00

  Who?

• 9:20Speaker 01

  Jeffrey Epstein.

• 9:21Speaker 00

  Let's get in with an update.

• 9:23Speaker 03

  It's an island adventure.

• 9:25Speaker 04

  It's an island adventure.

• 9:28Speaker 05

  Heck yeah, it's Jeffrey time.

• 9:32Speaker 01

  This one isn't a super thick update.

• 9:34Speaker 00

  No, this is kind of, this one's actually, I think it's our first fun one?

• 9:38Speaker 01

  You know, I like this one because this lives in a world of total fantasy. And it's such like, this is a way to like, if this was true, everything'd be alright. You know what I mean? It's not. So it's not, but it would be funny if it was.

• 9:55Speaker 00

  Alright, so it has been, with the, the Michael Jackson biopic came out and everyone's loving it. It's doing great.

• 10:02Speaker 01

  People love it.

• 10:03Speaker 00

  It's really, it's really, like, it's honestly, it's made like 300 million dollars.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  It's because they crushing it. They did the smart thing. You know like how every movie, uh, you know, Goodfellas, Blow and stuff? The first half's amazing.

• 10:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:17Speaker 01

  And then it's the fall and you're like, oh, that's sad. What they did with the Michael Jackson movies, they understood, just do the good stuff.

• 10:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, just do the good stuff.

• 10:26Speaker 01

  That's just like, just like.

• 10:27Speaker 00

  Do they even have his father like beating him and shit?

• 10:29Speaker 01

  I think he literally goes like, Michael always knew you could dance. And that's the only thing he says.

• 10:34Speaker 00

  I remember the Tupac movie was so bad. Oh, yeah. His mom was like, Tupac, you go out there and you do your rapping. Tupac, I know that you're gonna rap your way out the hood, Tupac.

• 10:46Speaker 01

  It's one of my favorite, my favorite ones. Yeah, yeah. And it's just like, played by a Native American woman, you know?

• 10:53Speaker 00

  So the why this is going on is there's the famous, in the Epstein file drop, there's a couple pictures of Michael Jackson. There's the famous picture of Michael Jackson.

• 11:02Speaker 01

  One of my favorite ones.

• 11:03Speaker 00

  Looks like a ghost.

• 11:04Speaker 01

  The super creepy one. That one is my favorite. I send that to my family and friends.

• 11:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So.

• 11:09Speaker 01

  That's one of my favorite, being like, guess who's coming? That's like, one of my favorite new life bits I've been doing is, guess who's coming out tonight? And then I send this picture.

• 11:14Speaker 00

  He's as white as the wall.

• 11:16Speaker 01

  He is a frightening in this picture.

• 11:18Speaker 00

  He looks very scary.

• 11:19Speaker 01

  Both of them.

• 11:19Speaker 00

  I think it's on his, in his most unhealthy. So here's the deal with everything here. There is a conspiracy going around, which I don't believe.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 11:32Speaker 00

  I love the story.

• 11:34Speaker 01

  Very much so.

• 11:34Speaker 00

  Is that Michael Jackson was going to Epstein Island, buying children to rescue them and bring them back to Neverland Ranch where they'd be safe.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  He's flipping kids.

• 11:48Speaker 00

  So like that's.

• 11:49Speaker 01

  He's flipping kids.

• 11:50Speaker 00

  This is the conspiracy and it, it, it, right when the Epstein files dropped, it came out a little bit. And then it went away, but now that the doc's out, it's coming back out. A lot of people are saying it's true. A lot of, and it's obviously very ridiculous.

• 12:05Speaker 01

  Well, I love the idea of, you know, Michael Jackson popping in a little St. James. He's going like, oh Jeffrey, I just gotta have some new potential backup dancers to my new toes. He's like, yeah, absolutely, Michael. Let's go take a look at a couple of these. And then they go over and the mic is like, okay, now boom, walk, okay. Okay, now let, now lean, now keep leaning, keep leaning.

• 12:27Speaker 00

  Backwards.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  No, nah, now lean. All right, now throw the hat. Okay, I take these four, they're the goat. I'm done with that. I don't need to see those.

• 12:35Speaker 00

  And then they're, all the kids are like, oh my God, we're going with Michael to Neverland Ranch. And he's gonna save us from having to be cocktail servers covered in sand.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  Meanwhile, there's just like a loose chimpanzee.

• 12:51Speaker 00

  They get into Neverland Ranch. He's like, okay, here you go. Easy, Rube.

• 12:56Speaker 01

  Michael, why are you staying here?

• 12:59Speaker 01

  Stay rude. We all share the best. I got a bell and can't send him like it's close.

• 13:03Speaker 00

  I think you should see where the kids just go, oh no.

• 13:10Speaker 00

  Straight from the fucking pan into the llama's asshole. Man, that has gotta be frightening. You get picked up like Michael Jackson.

• 13:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:18Speaker 00

  You go on one carousel ride and then you get your dick sucked. Man, where is that? Why, why is it Neverland Ranch? Like reopen it. At least make it like a haunted carnival.

• 13:28Speaker 01

  I think there's a lot of people that are still super like upset. About it.

• 13:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:34Speaker 01

  You know, I let me see who owns it now.

• 13:36Speaker 00

  Ron Burkle, Ron Burkle.

• 13:37Speaker 01

  Oh, you don't mean Ron Burkle doesn't want to fucking?

• 13:40Speaker 00

  Who's Ron Burkle? Come on, you know Ron Burkle.

• 13:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, our guy.

• 13:43Speaker 00

  What do you mean I know Ron Burkle?

• 13:45Speaker 01

  Our guy.

• 13:46Speaker 00

  What the fuck you talking about?

• 13:47Speaker 01

  Our investor in Yacapoyco Company's co-founder, Ron Burkle.

• 13:51Speaker 00

  Oh, God, Jesus.

• 13:52Speaker 01

  Look at that guy.

• 13:53Speaker 00

  In front of us.

• 13:54Speaker 01

  That guy is.

• 13:55Speaker 00

  Oh, he's with Diddy.

• 13:56Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, I love the first picture is him and Diddy. There is no.

• 13:59Speaker 00

  So funny.

• 14:00Speaker 01

  You know what I like about that guy? He doesn't fuck kids.

• 14:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, no way Burkle does it. Oh, he also produced the Michael movie? He was involved. Oh.

• 14:10Speaker 01

  He's quite smart.

• 14:10Speaker 00

  So he's in on it. So, all right, so anyway, so the picture is, uh, so Michael Jackson's, um, uh, security guard has come out and said, I was there when the picture was taken. We were going around and we, Michael wanted to buy a house in West Palm Beach. And so he was going to houses and looking at everyone's house. And then he went to, he was thinking about buying Jeffrey Epstein's house. And he said that every house that they went to go look at, the person who owned the house wanted the picture with Michael.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  Of course they do.

• 14:40Speaker 00

  And so he ended up taking picture with like 10 people that day.

• 14:43Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 14:43Speaker 00

  And the reason he wanted to buy, um, his house is so he can live next to his best friend, uh, Barry Gibb.

• 14:50Speaker 01

  Oh, his favorite, oh, that's really nice. And then they could get back and forth and they could eat like bone soup together and they could, they could Eiffel Tower, a couple of kids. I don't think he's done anything wrong, right? Did Barry Gibb do anything wrong?

• 15:03Speaker 00

  No, no, no, Barry, he's just a BG.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's just a BG.

• 15:06Speaker 00

  I think he's got cancer, that's all.

• 15:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, and like, you know, I could see him loving Epstein's place. He's got all the stuff he loves, he's got all the stuff he needs. He's got the medical chair, it's got the dentist area that he can get his propofol and get his milk.

• 15:18Speaker 00

  He's still kicking. Oh, Barry Gibb still, oh, the other Gibb got cancer then. Well, anyway, so, so basically, and then so. Michael was only there in West Palm, not the island. The other famous picture was with Jeffrey Epstein, Bill Clinton, Michael Jackson and Diana Ross.

• 15:33Speaker 01

  And that is just

• 15:34Speaker 00

  That's just like they're at a benefit together.

• 15:36Speaker 01

  Can you even imagine what that dinner is like? Just silence. I just feel like you see in the four of them, those four people sitting together at a table, Jeffrey Epstein, Bill Clinton, Diana Ross and Michael Jackson.

• 15:46Speaker 00

  I gotta say Jeffrey Epstein created the silence because I feel like the three of them would have had a great time.

• 15:51Speaker 01

  Bill Clinton's a fun guy.

• 15:52Speaker 00

  So was Diana. Diana Ross is kind of unbelievable.

• 15:55Speaker 01

  Is she?

• 15:55Speaker 00

  I love that.

• 15:56Speaker 01

  Well, you saw her live, right?

• 15:57Speaker 00

  I saw her live last year and I couldn't believe how good it actually was.

• 16:00Speaker 01

  Wow, that's great.

• 16:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. She had like four costume changes. She was unbelievable.

• 16:03Speaker 01

  No, she gets it now. There, no, see, this is the, the time.

• 16:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, and they block out the children's faces, but it's already been said that the children are Diana Ross's children.

• 16:11Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 16:12Speaker 00

  And so it's not even actual children, like, you know, so it's, it's one of those type of situations.

• 16:17Speaker 01

  No, Michael Jackson kept his activities inside of his own bedroom with the children that he was teaching at a dance. And that's the difference here that he was just peddling to himself. And that's the, you know, Epstein, they kept saying, oh, he was just trafficking people to himself. He was not. Michael Jackson was. Michael Jackson's a one man shop. He wasn't trying to pass these kids around because you know why? He got jealous.

• 16:43Speaker 01

  And he didn't want them having them around. He got so angry thinking about Lindsey Graham fucking one of his boys. He didn't want to peddle them out.

• 16:51Speaker 00

  So the reason this is back in the news is because Dan Reed, he's the guy who directed Leaving Neverland.

• 16:58Speaker 01

  Oh, yes.

• 16:58Speaker 00

  HBO documentary.

• 17:00Speaker 01

  The one that, the sad one.

• 17:01Speaker 00

  The sad one.

• 17:02Speaker 01

  The super, super sad one. The one that kind of featured like all of the exposes that the guys coming out, yes.

• 17:06Speaker 00

  I know what I felt bad for was Finding Neverland. I thought that movie was great. Now everyone just thinks that's that.

• 17:12Speaker 01

  You know, it's funny though, but Finding Neverland is also about a child molester. Isn't it?

• 17:16Speaker 00

  I mean, no, it's about the guy who wrote Peter Pan. Is he a child molester?

• 17:19Speaker 01

  Wasn't the guy who wrote, was the one though, Allison.

• 17:21Speaker 00

  Wonderland's the one I believe.

• 17:23Speaker 01

  Wrong doll.

• 17:23Speaker 00

  Continue, let's continue. I think it's the same guy. I don't care. I don't care about that fucking shit. Here's the deal. So Dan Reed. People have been, people, so Dan Reed was like, hey, don't fucking talk like this. Michael Jackson is worse than Jeffrey Epstein. That was his statement that he came out with. And so when he came out with that statement, some of Michael Jackson's fans AI'd a photo of Dan Reed and Jeffrey Epstein together.

• 17:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:53Speaker 00

  And so they're trying to say that you are, you are Epstein's friend. And then Dan Reed's like, no, that's not me. That's my face on Noam Chomsky's body.

• 18:02Speaker 01

  Which is the most hilarious body swap possible. If I could find out that I could be a direct body swap for Noam Chomsky, I'm quitting life.

• 18:09Speaker 00

  Just fucking, just off yourself.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  Just disgusting. What a horrific body. Also, yes, there was a, uh, Lou Evan Davies, uh, was the woman that, uh, uh, was the, the, the JM Barry, who was the author of Peter Pan. He got, uh, way too close with the boys that the Peter Pan stories were based upon and he adopted them and lived with them. And they also, very Michael Jackson-y, they kind of slept in the bedroom with him and did all the stuff, but he famously said he was asexual and he couldn't do it, and just like Michael Jackson said, and he just slept it because he slept with the kids because he loved the comfort of children.

• 18:45Speaker 00

  So he, um, yeah. And then he wrote a story about going to an island.

• 18:48Speaker 01

  Filled with never changing boys. Oh my god. No matter what you do to them. And the best part about them is that they keep getting older, but they stay exactly the same. And that's what he loves. Nothing JM Barry wanted more than a thousand year old little boy that he could fucking suck and a little boy can come right back at and do all sorts of fun things because he's actually a thousand years old.

• 19:09Speaker 00

  Yeah. Well, I love finding Neverland.

• 19:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a good movie. Oh, he had a handle on. He had a western style. He had a western style mustache. Again, it's different before the whole thing changed, culture changed and shifted. So Michael Jackson didn't save the children.

• 19:23Speaker 00

  We don't know.

• 19:25Speaker 01

  We don't know for certain, but I'm gonna say Michael Jackson was busy. I don't think he was like, he had enough kids.

• 19:32Speaker 00

  Macaulay Culkin still stands by him.

• 19:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, he did molest Macaulay Culkin.

• 19:36Speaker 00

  Macaulay Culkin.

• 19:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, he did molest the most famous child of all. You're right.

• 19:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:40Speaker 01

  He also did molest, uh, the technically Corey Feldman he didn't molest.

• 19:44Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 19:44Speaker 01

  But who else was? was molested by everybody else and then he also uh

• 19:48Speaker 00

  it is crazy Corey Feldman's like everybody fucked me but Michael Jackson

• 19:52Speaker 01

  but Michael Jackson which is why he's continuing to try to sound like Michael Jackson alright and then there was Elizabeth Taylor why'd you think is the only person who actually got molested by Michael Jackson as an adult

• 20:03Speaker 00

  yeah well Diana Ross was Michael Jackson's buddy

• 20:06Speaker 01

  and Elizabeth Taylor he was there for her wedding

• 20:08Speaker 00

  oh well everyone went to Elizabeth Taylor's wedding

• 20:11Speaker 01

  he was her best man

• 20:12Speaker 00

  about this shit

• 20:13Speaker 01

  he was her best man

• 20:14Speaker 00

  oh was he

• 20:14Speaker 01

  yeah look up the picture of Elizabeth Taylor with Michael Jackson

• 20:19Speaker 00

  I'll show you

• 20:19Speaker 01

  marrying he was the best man while she was married I believe it was David Getty the guy that was like he's famously gay and he's just like he's this look in his face cuz like he was like big old like this this look at this

• 20:37Speaker 01

  look at the way he's looking at her when she's yeah watch he gags as soon as they kiss watching the background yeah he pretends to gag he's very cute yeah he's very silly

• 20:47Speaker 00

  he's being cute

• 20:48Speaker 01

  why is he framed in the shot because he's put himself in the frame

• 20:51Speaker 00

  Jackson they want to make it a better shot you put Michael Jackson in a picture it's a better picture that's good directing by the wedding photographer

• 21:00Speaker 01

  I will say though he does go right like I do find that gauche wouldn't go right for the tongue in the wedding kiss you know what I mean

• 21:06Speaker 00

  yeah well he's you know he's trying to prove

• 21:08Speaker 01

  oh this lies a manelli by the way god damn it

• 21:10Speaker 00

  it's lies a manelli that makes a lot more sense yeah Elizabeth Taylor didn't

• 21:14Speaker 01

  but he's friends he was friends with Elizabeth Taylor

• 21:16Speaker 00

  everybody was friends with Elizabeth Taylor

• 21:19Speaker 01

  not everybody

• 21:20Speaker 00

  well everyone in Hollywood

• 21:21Speaker 01

  well anybody you get closer

• 21:22Speaker 00

  yeah man I complained about this on the show before when she shut down Disney when I was there I had to go home early

• 21:28Speaker 01

  I fucking hate that comment

• 21:30Speaker 00

  fuck that bitch

• 21:31Speaker 01

  alright here we go

• 21:31Speaker 00

  dead ass bitch

• 21:32Speaker 01

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• 26:11Speaker 00

  From your grave.

• 26:13Speaker 01

  Here we go, here we go, here we go, Eddie.

• 26:15Speaker 00

  Oh, by the way, to close out the Epstein update, uh, Trump, uh, fuck kids.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  Ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah, he does. And he would still, if he could get it up.

• 26:29Speaker 00

  Forgot to put that in there.

• 26:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, just remember that. He would still be doing it if he could perform sexually.

• 26:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, now he's the one in diapers.

• 26:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's kind of fun in that way. So he's getting shit put up his ass and one day he will fucking die very, very soon.

• 26:42Speaker 00

  All right, we have normal updates.

• 26:43Speaker 01

  Yes, we do. So what we have here is the, the missing scientists, the whole NASA like missing sites, all these things attached to the UAP phenomena. It's kind of like, it's still there and it's not getting any clearer. With especially with this new news. Now, we know that, that Cash Patel came out and said straight up, there is no conspiracy around all of these missing scientists. And I actually can't help but sort of agree.

• 27:11Speaker 00

  Really?

• 27:12Speaker 01

  Only just because if you look at the.

• 27:13Speaker 00

  It's all so fishy.

• 27:15Speaker 01

  Yes, it's wildly fishy. That's the problem is that it's only fishy without any real connective tissue yet. Because the things that are starting to come out, like we now know that the McCaslin, that general, he's still missing.

• 27:28Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 27:29Speaker 01

  Uh, these other, one other scientist is still missing. All the other ones that died in these like various, uh, very unusual ways. But the one that is now, we have a new update. We have an update on one of the missing scientists, Melissa Cassius, who's 54 years old, who worked at Los Alamos. Her remains have just been found, um, which was they found the car and they found her abandoned right out in the middle of the, they found her out there in the middle of the desert. They found a handgun. And so now they're trying to decide whether or not they, the gun belonged to her because there was no indication that she had had a gun before. Uh, now we're looking at, trying to see.

• 28:05Speaker 00

  There was no indication that she even left her car.

• 28:08Speaker 01

  Well, her car was left behind with these laptops in it and all of her personal information, keys in the ignition.

• 28:15Speaker 00

  Someone smashed a boulder through the back window?

• 28:18Speaker 01

  Yes, and the last person.

• 28:19Speaker 00

  She had a burner phone that was unopened?

• 28:21Speaker 01

  She was apparently going to do this local mountain climbing trip. They was trying to hit this one specific mountain.

• 28:27Speaker 00

  Alone.

• 28:27Speaker 01

  Alone.

• 28:28Speaker 00

  Which is weird.

• 28:29Speaker 01

  And her family already said that she was suffering from extreme stress.

• 28:35Speaker 01

  Right before all of this went down. So she was suffering from extreme job stress, personal stress. So I'm not saying it's definite, but she dropped off everybody. Like she did like the way her her last days were really interesting because she dropped off her kids and then she was gonna go to work. She dropped off her husband at work and then she just said, I'm actually, I left my ID at home. I'm gonna go home and get my ID. She drives home. She tells her daughter, I'm actually gonna work from home. And then the next video-

• 29:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, she stopped. She stopped at her daughter's school on the way home.

• 29:05Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 29:05Speaker 00

  And brought her like a sandwich or some shit.

• 29:07Speaker 01

  Yes. And then she came home and then she basically packed up her stuff into the car, drove away and then the last person who saw her was somebody helping her on the side of the road when her car broke down. So they were helping her with the car. This is before the rock was smashing it, but according to the the people that stopped there, they they were like, well, we didn't quite see. We don't know whether or not the boulder had already smashed in her window at that point or why. But she was saying to them, like, get it all wrapped up. Let's go. I want to get going. And they're like, you know, it's almost nighttime. You should probably find a place to stop. And she's like, I'm gonna get to the top of that mountain no matter what. And she said, like, she was obsessed with getting some mountain, the top of this local mountain. And so I actually think it's quite,

• 29:49Speaker 01

  it makes a lot of sense if she committed suicide. But it's also, why? Why are all of these high pressure scientists doing that then? Why are they all running away?

• 29:57Speaker 00

  And they all know each other.

• 29:59Speaker 01

  Well, they are like one degree of separation from each other and some of them know each other. Like, it's just a small world. It's like if you're in the the physics world and the in the mechanics world, like especially this type of like top secret shit, it's a small world.

• 30:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:14Speaker 01

  So they all kind of are tangentially connected. Uh, there's the other story of this woman.

• 30:19Speaker 00

  Ingrid Colleen Lane?

• 30:21Speaker 01

  Yes, Colleen Lane. This is another one that was, uh-

• 30:24Speaker 00

  By the way, if you name your daughter Ingrid, she's gonna be a scientist.

• 30:27Speaker 01

  It just has to be. It's like Harriet, Helen, they're gonna become one. Um, this was a lady that I went on a silent retreat.

• 30:35Speaker 00

  A meditation retreat.

• 30:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, but she said it was for silence. That's what I looked up. So she was silent and she left the retreat early. She was a scientist. Um, another person that had laptops all in the, in the, in the car and all this kind of shit.

• 30:51Speaker 00

  So it's the same type of story.

• 30:53Speaker 01

  But why are they doing it? Why are they trying to kill? Like, what exactly is the point?

• 30:57Speaker 00

  A lot of them, did they, didn't they all work at Los Alamos?

• 31:00Speaker 01

  Yes, and some of them did like this.

• 31:02Speaker 00

  They worked with UFOs and they also worked.

• 31:04Speaker 01

  We don't know if they, what they did. A lot of them work with, yes, they did work in the aerospace industry, missile industry. Uh, that the, uh, anti-gravity industry, like this idea of creating new fuel types. That's a main one of the things that they're working on is that is like legitimately alt. Flight fuels.

• 31:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:23Speaker 01

  Which is literally, that's also one of those things. We were going to take something from a UAP.

• 31:28Speaker 00

  I mean, that'd be very cool.

• 31:29Speaker 01

  But if you believe the lore, like if you believe, believe the Bablo Zahr of it all, and think that we've been working on this for a long time. Then it, why would it come to a head now? You know what I mean? Like, we've been working on this since nineteen forty-seven.

• 31:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:44Speaker 01

  Like, why is it all coming to a head now? What is, uh, like, we already said Bablo Zahr was saying that even the, while they were trying to retroactively work on the UFOs. If you do believe that is real, that it might have killed several engineers just working on it. So it also would make sense to me, if the whole thing's dangerous, like, if the whole thing's dangerous and the whole process is dangerous. It might actually talk about the, like, let's say it's all real. Like, let's say there's one side of this and it's all real. And there is an actual black program that we have been working on, doing this shit with UFOs for a long time. And we've never fully cracked it. Like, let's say we never, and now we're kind of sorting, we're starting to finally get over the lip of making things that look like the thing.

• 32:29Speaker 00

  I could think that it's very, it's even easier and simpler than that, that they might have cracked an alternate.

• 32:38Speaker 00

  Energy resource that wouldn't, that would kill the oil industry.

• 32:42Speaker 01

  Unlike, but this is also one of those things I've never understood of like, then why doesn't the oil industry just get in on it? And be the, make that the new oil industry?

• 32:51Speaker 00

  Because they're, they're in too deep with the other shit.

• 32:53Speaker 01

  Just fucking change.

• 32:54Speaker 00

  Why don't the tobacco companies grow weed? I don't fucking know.

• 32:57Speaker 01

  Let's not start that.

• 32:58Speaker 00

  You know?

• 32:58Speaker 01

  Cause it's gonna be bad. They designed, they designed the infrastructure to be supported by oil and by these things. And if you're gonna try to change the whole game, they have to change their whole infrastructure. Maybe, but this is, but if it's literal alien technology, wouldn't we change it for that? Versus just stuff that we're making in a lab? So, no, I'm just saying, if it's all real.

• 33:19Speaker 00

  There's also NASA scientist Monica, uh, Jacinto Riza. She went missing while hiking last year in California.

• 33:27Speaker 01

  Our scientists bad at hiking.

• 33:30Speaker 00

  All sci, I think we should, we need to like, get together and like, buy all these scientists treadmills.

• 33:36Speaker 01

  We honestly, we need Pelotons. Peloton has gotta get involved here. Someone's gotta get, bring them inside, but no, I, but.

• 33:44Speaker 00

  Two of them were shot in their own home. They're scientists, why are they getting shot in their own home?

• 33:49Speaker 01

  Here's my original kind of pitch is, if you're already working on highly theoretical, potentially dangerous technology. It might take a type of person. It might take, much like how the CIA, which I do believe, and I, I hate when people kinda shoo shoo me on this because I fucking have had CIA guys tell me this is fucking real. That they bring in unreliable people on purpose. That's the point. That's Bob Lazar. Yes, you're bringing in an unreliable person on purpose so that no one will believe a per, thing that they say. That is the point of it. So I think that if you're having this type of technology, it makes sense you'd bring a couple of the crazy guys in. Instead of having it just be all the boilerplate scientists with shit that you have to go, put them in front of a board of directors and have them do all the shit.

• 34:34Speaker 01

  And like, you know, if you're making space shuttles, you have to like, talk to the thing, you can't just have Edward Nigma from Batman Forever working on that shit. Right? It has to be, that guy's gotta be behind a bunch of paywalls, behind a bunch of places you can't get to. And that guy might every once in a while, flip out and fucking blow his brains out. I don't know. That could also very well be it.

• 34:57Speaker 00

  But the missing and dead scientist number is up to 12?

• 35:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, or it depends on, you see, it's accordions in and out. Cause it depends on which, when do you want to decide it begins and doesn't? Cause there's some lists.

• 35:08Speaker 00

  2023.

• 35:09Speaker 01

  That's where they're, some lists take it all the way back to 2022.

• 35:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  For me, I'm looking at the ones in the last two years. If I'm like, if there's a, if we're saying that there's a rash of missing scientists, it would be the one that is clumped up right now.

• 35:24Speaker 00

  How come no scientists that knew these people are coming out and saying anything?

• 35:28Speaker 01

  They are, they are. They are just not really, if you look at it, there's many of the family scientists are actually saying they're extremely upset that their families have been dragged into a conspiracy theory. They're really, most of them have basically just said for the large part that there are simple explanations for most of these and largely it seems to be suicide and accident. So, right now, it's like, so the families are devastated. The families are fucking devastated. They don't know what to do about it. The public's confused. We have the worst people in the world in charge of this disseminating information, which is making it even worse. If you look at aliens.gov, they decided to put out a thing where they just, uh, which is what I said, which is what I fucking said.

• 36:08Speaker 00

  You did, you did say it.

• 36:10Speaker 01

  About the UAP footage, which was a thing to flip to ICE and the idea of getting rid of people, getting rid of humans. Right? So that's exactly what they used it for. So that's why it's, that's why it sucked. That's why the file drop sucked, guys. It sucked because it was just a way for them to pitch ICE. Again, so we, we're looking at is that it's extremely confusing. And then one of the worst parts about it right now is the fact that every, every outlet I read puts it at a different parameter, like puts it at a different start point. So, so, you know, the FBI, if they are indeed, uh, working for. Or some hidden group within the government is doing a great job.

• 36:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, the FBI, you know, they're suspect right now.

• 36:57Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, they are literally, uh, I would say I would consider them a foreign body inside of the United States of America. At this point, like literally, I would consider them not an actual agency inside of America. They're something else.

• 37:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:09Speaker 01

  And they're doing whatever they want. So, good luck.

• 37:13Speaker 00

  What do you think about this Brazil UFO?

• 37:16Speaker 01

  This is fascinating. So let's take a look at this footage. Can we pull this up?

• 37:21Speaker 01

  This is, this is truly one of the best. I don't care. So in the spirit of this, in the spirit of this, I am talking about a video that makes me filled with wonder and delight again. Now, this came out of the mountains of southern Brazil. The witness, Mike Laio. Right now, he was doing, he was like filming stuff around his property, as you can imagine, right? He, uh, he said, all of a sudden, he realized.

• 37:46Speaker 00

  Influencer. He's like a garden influencer.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  He's hot, right? He's hot and resilient, right? Good mustache. So he, he's a rancher and out of nowhere, while he was filming his lands, he said he noticed his animals were getting super like, like restless, very alert, a lot of barks and yaps.

• 38:09Speaker 01

  And then all of a sudden.

• 38:11Speaker 00

  Was that you?

• 38:12Speaker 01

  I know, no.

• 38:13Speaker 00

  God, Henry, are you auditioning right now? Is this like, that is unbelievable.

• 38:19Speaker 01

  I often been going in for groups of animals.

• 38:21Speaker 00

  I thought, I thought someone opened the door and a bunch of goats got in here.

• 38:25Speaker 01

  Nope, I'm a regular.

• 38:26Speaker 00

  I'm so impressed.

• 38:28Speaker 01

  I'm a regular, who's the fat guy from the fucking fat guys that does the beats?

• 38:32Speaker 00

  Oh, my God.

• 38:33Speaker 01

  Fat boys, the guy who does the beats?

• 38:35Speaker 00

  The human beatboxers.

• 38:37Speaker 01

  I'm him.

• 38:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:38Speaker 01

  Right? I'm him.

• 38:40Speaker 00

  By the way, this guy is very hot.

• 38:42Speaker 01

  Oh, he's very attractive. Yeah.

• 38:43Speaker 00

  So what do you think about his mustache?

• 38:45Speaker 01

  That's what I said.

• 38:46Speaker 00

  Is it down too low?

• 38:47Speaker 01

  No. His mustache is perfect.

• 38:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:50Speaker 01

  Has a masculine, full mustache.

• 38:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, it is a good mustache. It's a nice mustache.

• 38:55Speaker 01

  It's a Tom Selleck mustache.

• 38:57Speaker 00

  It's such a nice mustache. He doesn't need a shirt.

• 39:00Speaker 01

  He doesn't need a shirt. He'd cover. It covers the shirt. He's Brazilian. So he said that once he had seen this, he said, and then he heard like a throbbing, mechanical rhythmic like noise throughout the valley. Kind of sounded like wow, wow, wow.

• 39:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:17Speaker 01

  He then began to film this object. Now, if you look at it, it's fucking thick. It is a desk. It is.

• 39:26Speaker 00

  It's blurry as all fuck, but it looks good.

• 39:28Speaker 01

  It is solid as all fuck. It is.

• 39:31Speaker 00

  It's big.

• 39:32Speaker 01

  Very large.

• 39:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  And it has lights running all the way around. Now, those lights are really, now, the thing that makes this video particularly fucking good is that you will watch it move. So you're sitting and you're watching it hover. It's hovering. It is, it is extremely disturbing.

• 39:52Speaker 00

  And it was there all day.

• 39:53Speaker 01

  Yes. And he said eventually the, he watched it land. See, it moved. See how it moved up the mountain range and it's just sitting there? That is truly haunting. That is, and Brazil, like as we know, might be the UFO hotspot of the world.

• 40:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, because they are the ones who claim they got in like a war with aliens.

• 40:14Speaker 01

  Many of them. Virginia. In Virginia. And they are truly, it is like an epicenter of UFO activity. And it's been that way for a very long time. And maybe it's just because.

• 40:25Speaker 00

  Love ass.

• 40:25Speaker 01

  It's the ass. I was gonna say that, Eddie. You got ahead of me, but you knew exactly what I was going for. It's all that luscious, luscious, incredible Brazilian carnival ass. And those aliens know what's up. And I get it because they don't have asses where they're at. Think about that. You live a world with no, no tits, no butts, no penis, nothing, no.

• 40:51Speaker 00

  So I think the name is Zebrowski Tron.

• 40:53Speaker 01

  You know, think about, how sad is that? No fucking mustaches. They don't have mustaches. Greys don't get to have them.

• 41:01Speaker 00

  No, not anymore.

• 41:02Speaker 01

  So they go to Brazil and they get to see some mustaches and collect them. So that is, so we're, we're still here, aren't we folks? Right here, smack dab between one of the most corrupt organizations we've ever witnessed as a human population here and the ever mysterious phenomena that doesn't care what we do, does it?

• 41:26Speaker 00

  Now, but here's the thing though, if it landed in the middle of the woods, it doesn't make sense to me because it's such a big ship. Like it wouldn't have been able to land without, without like destroying a bunch of trees.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  It's very possible, but yeah, or is it entirely material at all?

• 41:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:42Speaker 01

  Does it disappear? Does it get kind of wiggy wiggy?

• 41:45Speaker 00

  Wiggy wiggy is how you're gonna explain it?

• 41:47Speaker 01

  Yep. It's a UFO, bro. What am I supposed to say? It doesn't fly away either. No, it doesn't. No. It does feel like, you could see it flatten.

• 41:55Speaker 00

  Someone should go look for it.

• 41:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. It sounds like it's out in the middle of fucking nowhere. That's the reason why I didn't go out there. But you know, you know why they go if you believe how many times we've seen these UFO stories where they send like guys down to kind of hunt for things on the ground, like when they did the alien robot story or the, like with them, sometimes they'll like drop a line into a lake or something and suck up water. That's a thing that they do.

• 42:17Speaker 00

  Oh yeah? Yeah. Maybe they run on water.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  Maybe.

• 42:20Speaker 00

  Maybe they're just floating data centers.

• 42:22Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, hopefully. Our data centers, oh, I wish, so the LPN data center will be opening up very soon. I just want to say thank you to everybody. It's really big for us.

• 42:32Speaker 00

  Really big. I mean, physically big.

• 42:34Speaker 01

  The Kickstarter went great and we've been so excited about the response that we got that we decided to open up a second data center. It's gonna be in Oahu.

• 42:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:42Speaker 01

  Um, that is what I'm really excited for. We're real, we've built up a whole bunch of infrastructure around Oahu.

• 42:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:49Speaker 01

  And the Galapagos. Uh, and I'm really happy with our, I think our data center at the Galapagos is great because we painted a turtle on it.

• 42:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. Well, what's good about that one is it's, we're creating something called Spay Eye where we're just neutering all the animals in the Galapagos.

• 43:04Speaker 01

  And the best part, the water all it takes is a hooked knife.

• 43:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's just this hooked knife I bring to the island.

• 43:12Speaker 01

  We have another update. Nick Reiner wants his 1.5 million dollar trust fund. Good luck.

• 43:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know. He wants his 1.5 million dollar trust fund so he can buy his defense attorneys. Um, and here's the deal. I hate him. He definitely did it, but he's not convicted yet.

• 43:30Speaker 01

  That is the problem is that he's not.

• 43:34Speaker 00

  It's like a weird little loophole.

• 43:35Speaker 01

  It is. He's not guilty yet. He technically is innocent until proven guilty.

• 43:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:41Speaker 01

  And that is the only argument he has is like, how would you know if I killed him until I'm proved fucking guilty? Even though you're the only one that everybody, everybody knows he did it and he fucking confessed to it. And he did it. And now you're just being a fucking asshole because you're a fucking asshole.

• 43:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're, you're fucking crazy ass brother who's been a problem your whole life. Kills your parents, your very famous, kind parents.

• 44:09Speaker 01

  Beautiful, famously kind, famously incredible.

• 44:13Speaker 00

  They take in fucking people who they don't even know and like change their lives.

• 44:17Speaker 01

  Change your fucking life, Nick Reiner.

• 44:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:20Speaker 01

  Try to give you a fucking movie to, to direct. Try to do lots of stuff for your untalented fucking ass. I'm sorry it didn't take Nick.

• 44:27Speaker 00

  That movie was bad.

• 44:28Speaker 01

  You suck, Nick. You fucking suck. You suck. You suck as a convicted murderer. You suck as a non convicted murderer. You're not a good director. You're not a good actor. You got nothing, bro. You're the fucking least talented human being in the whole Reiner family. You suck, dude. You killed the only people that are gonna give you a shot. And guess what? Now you're gonna fucking get murdered in jail because everybody loves Princess Bride. Even rapists, even rapists and murderers love Princess Bride. And you killed the guy that did it and they're gonna come for you, you fucking idiot.

• 45:00Speaker 00

  My name's Nick Reiner. I killed my own father. Prepare to die.

• 45:04Speaker 01

  You are fucking. That's why they're mad at you, buddy. It's not gonna happen.

• 45:09Speaker 00

  But after all of this, he's stealing 1.5 million dollars from his brother and sister.

• 45:14Speaker 01

  I doubt it's gonna happen. I doubt, I think that they are gonna figure out a way to like loophole around it.

• 45:19Speaker 00

  If they can just push it long enough to the trial.

• 45:21Speaker 01

  That's kinda, I think that's partially that. I think that they, I believe how it works too is that there's a certain amount of time. Please, side stories, L P O T L at gmail dot com. I just start conjecturing on law stuff and then people like, were like, what the fuck are you talking about?

• 45:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 45:35Speaker 01

  I do think that, let me ask, can he do that? Can he push all the way through this process? Or is at some point is a judge gonna be like, I don't care what they decide, we're doing this trial now? I do believe sometimes it's like that, but I will ask the audience because they're always right, Eddie.

• 45:52Speaker 00

  Yes, they usually.

• 45:53Speaker 01

  Except when they're wrong.

• 45:54Speaker 00

  Oh, well, you know.

• 45:55Speaker 01

  And then I fucking tear you a new one, don't I?

• 45:57Speaker 00

  Well, a lot of times when the people write in, we have to take it all with a grain of salt. Cause they're like, I'm a lawyer and I just have to believe it.

• 46:03Speaker 01

  Honestly, and I do.

• 46:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:05Speaker 01

  Cause I don't have to fucking, that's it. That's me, I'm Joe Rogan.

• 46:09Speaker 00

  All right, here we go, we got updates.

• 46:12Speaker 01

  Let's hear this next story. The only reason why I'm covering this is because it's a funny title and I just think it's funny to go up this far to change your name, but don't change your look. So this happened in Portland, makes a lot of sense.

• 46:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:27Speaker 01

  Man by the name of Looney Tune, uh, he's arrested after a, um, Milwaukee.

• 46:33Speaker 00

  John Franklin Colb Tune.

• 46:34Speaker 01

  So he legally changed his name to Looney John Franklin Colb Tune, right? So he is legally Looney Tune.

• 46:43Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 46:43Speaker 01

  And so he had already had, um, I guess he had already had a bunch of warrants out for his arrest. And he was pulled over for a traffic stop. Uh, he had a female passenger in the video. He, they tried to stop him by putting spike strips in the back of the car. He said, fuck it. He fucking drove through the spike strips, nearly hit a bunch of police, drove off, fired his gun at the police, blah, blah, blah. Obviously probably had drugs in there, we'll find out.

• 47:08Speaker 01

  But he did say, I'm sorry.

• 47:10Speaker 00

  He has 16 former felonies.

• 47:12Speaker 01

  He does. He does. And he is, let's just say, he's in character.

• 47:18Speaker 00

  As someone, I like to stick up for everybody.

• 47:20Speaker 01

  That's a lot. It's a lot of felonies. I would just, the one thing about him too, is I would say, like, I think it's funny, because you look at his, like, his mugshot. Nothing loony about him. Why would you change your name to Looney Tune? And not do a fun, like, face tattoo, or do like a fun, like, like, kind of, good guy, theme or something? Like, that's the only reason why I'm, like, upset, because, like, at first, I was like, oh, man, Looney Tune's gonna look funny as hell. And then I looked up his mugshot, and I was like, this is a waste. Why would you go through all this? Because that's the hardest part, is going through the courts to change your name.

• 47:59Speaker 00

  He's got the white glasses.

• 48:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, but that doesn't, that doesn't make you loony. It looks like the cake boss.

• 48:03Speaker 00

  A lot of people get white glasses instead of a personality.

• 48:06Speaker 01

  Well, that's the thing. It's like a handlebar mustache. Funny glasses. It's like a funny thing. You wear funny glasses, and then all of a sudden, you're like, oh, I'm crazy. It's like, it's whatever, it's a professional chef thing.

• 48:18Speaker 00

  I like crazy sunglasses.

• 48:20Speaker 01

  Crazy sunglasses are great, always. And I don't even fucking come down on them. It's just more just understand that, like, a pair of glasses doesn't just make you loony. You know how he'd be loony? It's if he was in that jail cell, and had Groucho glasses on. Then he'd be loony. Then I'd be like, that's a loony, funnycan guy. Oh, look at him. He brought his own funny little props into jail. He put Groucho glasses up his ass. You wanted him to, like, break himself with a hammer. That is what, I want big, white gloves.

• 48:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, I want him to get pa- packages from Acme.

• 48:49Speaker 01

  That is what I want. Your name's Looney Tune. I want you to have a rollout, fake, like, wall.

• 48:56Speaker 00

  If this guy ever gets a cake shaped like a saw.

• 48:59Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, they'd be like, god damn it, Looney, you know, like, pulling all the fucking files out, pulling the, the giant ticking bomb out of the fucking cake. Yeah, buddy. But that's like, that's why I'm just being like, you know, like, he let us down, as a people. He let me. Down.

• 49:18Speaker 00

  Oh, man. So I I got a story. I rarely enjoy stories sent to me from people.

• 49:24Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 49:25Speaker 00

  And but this one, I don't, this flew under our radar. I hadn't heard about this at all. To me, this should be front page on every newspaper. Uh, the story is from May 20th, so it is a slight, it's a couple of weeks old.

• 49:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:38Speaker 00

  But once I heard about it, I was like, what the fuck? So this guy, all right, Lucas Jones, he's a young man. He's a, he's 19 years old. He's accused of dumping suitcases with human remains in Palm Bay's compound area, and he has now been indicted for murder. All right, normal story, guy kills somebody.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:59Speaker 00

  Put some, puts them in a suitcase. You know, it's Palm Bay. I lived in Palm Bay.

• 50:03Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 50:03Speaker 00

  Short period of time.

• 50:04Speaker 01

  It's very Florida.

• 50:05Speaker 00

  It's a bad place. I did not enjoy it. Uh, you know, I was a child, but you know, what are you gonna do? So the reason this is interesting is because Lucas Jones killed Coley Lee Daniel. Who's Coley Lee Daniel? Seems like just a normal guy. He was a registered sex offender. Does that mean he should be murdered? No, but he was, and he found him. And then what happened is Lucas started courting him on a dating app. And he started, and he like, he like, found out who this guy was, and he, so he, and he started courting him, and then he get, he knew he was a sex offender, and then they went and met up, and then he beat him to death with a baseball bat.

• 50:46Speaker 01

  See, this guy is doing the, like, it's hard to do, you know, like, we got it, like, just straight up. Even from last week's story, we talked about bricks and minifigs, right? You had to stop showing it. You can't harass the places because bricks and minifigs has got nothing to do with it. Same thing with this, where we're like, I can't tell you to go kill pedophiles. Okay, I can't recommend that you go and groom pedophiles and then invite them out to, like, areas and beat them to death. Okay, I can't. But I will say, if we're gonna do it to one person, that's fine. I think it's okay to do it once or twice. So.

• 51:24Speaker 00

  Just, he's going to jail.

• 51:26Speaker 01

  He should.

• 51:27Speaker 00

  So Jones, he dismembered the body using a cleaver or saw a knife. Um, and then he helped and he forced his girlfriend to help him transport the remains.

• 51:36Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 51:37Speaker 00

  And they, he just threw it in the like, kind of like in the swamps of Palm Bay, which is next to Melbourne is a lot, it's just a lot of fucking marshland around there. And they, the cops found a bunch of vultures circling and then they found the body.

• 51:50Speaker 01

  This is what I also like recommend too. Don't murder a pedophile. Psychologically torture a pedophile. Like, and also, this is my other, my other big tip here is like, don't murder him. Do stuff like, take a cock gun, fill, you know, block his mailbox.

• 52:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:06Speaker 01

  Um, slash his tires. Uh, you know, like, do stuff like that, like put lots of like dog shit filled bags on fire on his front stoop.

• 52:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:16Speaker 01

  That's like, totally on, that's on the fucking table. You can do all of that. It's all stuff you could do. You could steal his license plates. You could break his windows and stuff like that. That's again, that's fine. It's not murder.

• 52:30Speaker 00

  See, this guy, Lucas Jones, he is, seems, it seems like he is crazy. Um, he got in trouble for almost killing some friends for driving recklessly, uh, recently and he's, they've worried that they said he should have been put in jail for that, but he wasn't. Um, but here's the deal. The reason they're calling him like Dexter is because he kept a slide of the guy's DNA.

• 52:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's just doing it now.

• 52:55Speaker 00

  He kept like a microscope, uh, microscope slide of the guy's DNA.

• 52:59Speaker 01

  It's not good, man.

• 53:00Speaker 00

  So he was obviously influenced by Dexter.

• 53:04Speaker 01

  Oh, yes, very much so. And he had plans to do more.

• 53:07Speaker 00

  Yes, and he had, he had a list of other pedophiles that he was gonna kill.

• 53:11Speaker 01

  You know, it's.

• 53:11Speaker 00

  And he got caught after the first one.

• 53:13Speaker 01

  He's just not, he's super not good at it. He was super not good at it and that's why you gotta put more time and thought and I'd say you'd gotta, you know what I'd say is wrong with the generation before us is what I was saying, man. You gotta read. You gotta read some books. I feel like if you read more books, it'll, you'll read murder based books.

• 53:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know. Yeah, just watching SVU is not, is not gonna get you out of the crime.

• 53:34Speaker 01

  Cause that's what those TV writers know. Nothing. They know nothing.

• 53:37Speaker 00

  They do hire lawyers to be on the show.

• 53:39Speaker 01

  Yes, but still, they fucking don't give a shit. You gotta read the books, read some books, get some full, large format learning in there. Because that's gonna help you do the things you wanna do.

• 53:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:49Speaker 01

  And all the other, yeah, 19, he's stupid, he's going. in jail for the rest of his life and that does suck but I will say in jail I think people will like him will he go to jail for the rest of his life though for this will they give him like 20 years and then he'll no oh no it's premeditated first degree murder yeah

• 54:05Speaker 00

  Florida Florida they still have the death penalty

• 54:07Speaker 01

  yeah he's a he I think he's getting in life in prison

• 54:10Speaker 00

  love pedophiles in Florida

• 54:11Speaker 01

  they love them it's like their favorite

• 54:13Speaker 00

  you're killing the pedophiles like killing the predators

• 54:16Speaker 01

  pedophiles move yeah like pedophiles move to Florida because that's where

• 54:21Speaker 00

  it's a refuge

• 54:21Speaker 01

  yeah they're comfortable there yeah they like it there yeah yeah that's why they go there so because again because they support them this is a paid ad by better help truly some of the best things our government can do is make another holiday and it's so nice when they put up something like world mental health day to remind us all that we should be taking care of our mental health because definitely I think the government is helping us all I think the government is really helping our mental health and I think that them putting the focus on mental health does it not give you a sigh of relief finally the government cares but I don't think the people should focus on a certain date

• 55:05Speaker 01

  to care for their mental health I think that it should be every day and all year round that you take time to celebrate your mental diseases with better help with over 30,000 therapists worldwide better help is one of the leading online therapy platforms having served millions of people globally alright some people therapy can only be one way to support their mental well-being remember therapy isn't just for big life choices either alright it can be a place to talk about relationship problems work issues or simply the sense that something feels off you might be haunted or possessed but let a better help therapist tell you that better help therapists have at least three years and a thousand hours of hands-on experience plus

• 55:47Speaker 01

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• 56:32Speaker 01

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• 57:17Speaker 01

  behavioral issues because Carmy's also, she did pedal inside, Wendy did poo poo inside of her English teacher's classroom. She did do a little tiny hard poop, but they're easy to clean, they're little poops. But she is doing well on her paper for the Canterbury Tales. And that's all because of iXL. So, thank you so much, iXL. Keep our puppies, I mean children, learning and growing each day. Make an impact on your child's learning. Get iXL now. And Last Podcast and the Left listeners can get an exclusive 20% off iXL membership when they sign up today at ixl.com/left. Visit ixl.com/left to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price.

• 58:02Speaker 01

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• 58:41Speaker 01

  And also these wonderful ads, because without Simply Safe, people would be running into this building attacking me, not allowing me to read these ads. And thanks to Simply Safe, I could read this ad for Simply Safe, which I think is one of the best things they've ever done. And it gives me peace of mind, and that allows me to give you a piece of my mind. Join the more than 6 million people who entrust Simply Safe with their home security. Right now, save 60% off with professional monitoring when you visit simplysafe.com/lpots. Get simplysafe.com/lpots. And when you order, please write in last podcast on the left in the checkout survey.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  It lets them know we sent you, and it really helps support the show. Simply Safe, ahead of crime in real time.

• 59:32Speaker 01

  Love them.

• 59:32Speaker 00

  Live from New York.

• 59:35Speaker 01

  Now, we went to Florida, but do you want to go back to Brazil for? Zee zee zee. Yeah. Ay ay ay ay. You love this one. You know I love every story, my friend. Now, this story comes out of one of my favorite things in the world, which is old lady pretending to be baby. Yeah. We got another orphan story. I love. You don't like about this one, it is one. It's not the fake one like Natalia Grace. That one made everybody sad in the end, even though we all wanted it to be true. Everyone dead, even Natalia. And we, none of us can, can make it happen. And so now it's actually happening, and I'm as excited as I've ever been in my fucking life. So this is great. A woman by the name of Amanda. Maria Salsa de Oliveira.

• 1:00:19Speaker 01

  She has launched this scheme. And it's been going on for many years. So she's thirty seven years young. And, uh, she spent about fourteen months convincing a pastor and his family. She was a twelve year old girl. Now you may say like, how, how, right? How? She drank from a baby bottle. She's a pacifier. She faked night terrors, right? All these different needles put inside of her and shit.

• 1:00:45Speaker 00

  Can I see her?

• 1:00:46Speaker 01

  I'm looking her up. I'm trying to find her. Oh, you'll see her, right? You can see the back of her, right? So the, the, the couples, right? They said a part of it being like, oh, she's a big twelve year old. And the pastor congregation said, oh, they were concerned for her weight, so they got her on Mungaro. They threw her a twelfth birthday party and their whole thing, they were on the way to adopting her. But then this thing turns out like what she said was Amanda told them, when they met her, they guessed that she was, she arrived at a service for this pastor. And basically acted like she was mentally handicapped. She has this sort of affectation that she uses. Like she is, she's mentally handicapped and then she says all this stuff about how

• 1:01:25Speaker 00

  Show us.

• 1:01:26Speaker 01

  she was a part of, well, she does this, let me.

• 1:01:30Speaker 00

  In Spanish, I think you could go like.

• 1:01:37Speaker 01

  Right? Is that mine? Oh, my God. This is just a grown woman. No, it's a full on grown ass woman.

• 1:01:42Speaker 00

  It's just a woman, yeah.

• 1:01:43Speaker 01

  It's a full, I think a lot of hope turned her twelve. Uh, but the family did not.

• 1:01:47Speaker 00

  She would have been better off saying she was a twelve year old boy.

• 1:01:49Speaker 01

  The problems of pastors were, were stupid. So she said that they had forced tit growing, uh, experiments on her as a little girl. They made her, they used hormone treatment on her and that she was trafficked.

• 1:01:59Speaker 00

  They grew my breasts to big sizes.

• 1:02:02Speaker 01

  Hey, listen, listen, I think that everything that they say, I listen. I do think that is terrible that they.

• 1:02:08Speaker 00

  Oh, I'm so sad with my huge juicy titties.

• 1:02:12Speaker 01

  We are all sad for it. What the fuck? But my question, my question to you, Amanda.

• 1:02:16Speaker 00

  She looks older than me.

• 1:02:17Speaker 01

  Amanda, do you have any of that big tits? For my wife. I like to stick some of the big j- juice into my wife. And so she came out, she said that she was forced into prostitution as a little girl because her original father forced her into satanic witchcraft rituals. Right? That was the whole thing. And the pastor was like, yes. I mean, she said she seemed like an obese autistic teenager and spoke like a child. Which is honestly, you're talking about half of Missouri.

• 1:02:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's a, yeah, that's a big old, that'll happen.

• 1:02:48Speaker 01

  I've seen them. So they said that like, uh, it's kind of quick. So she had kind of tortured herself. She had put needles inside of her own skin to create the story of that she was tortured for years.

• 1:03:01Speaker 00

  Oh my god.

• 1:03:02Speaker 01

  Eventually she was broken down by the investigators. Eventually just said like, you're a forty year old fucking woman.

• 1:03:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, we're gonna start punching you.

• 1:03:12Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, she also been, she had already been arrested and convicted of stealing an identity in Goulas. In another part of Brazil earlier. This is not her first rodeo. She's done this several times. And to me, it's really about the dumb, for, for me, it's, it is taking advantage of a dumb religious family, number one.

• 1:03:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:33Speaker 01

  Uh, also an advantageous religious family, because there's nothing a religious family loves more than to take in like a mentally handicapped person or something like that. And use it as like a badge of honor for everybody to love them, right? So how many times I've seen this, I've seen so many like religious families that would like, you know, they adopt somebody from Africa. Call him Timothy, then make him like American, you know what I mean? Like that thing, like they do the thing and they're just so proud, like, oh, look at that, he can Skype board now. Like, they've got style where, I think these, these pastors are so excited to, to flip an autistic child. That they want it so bad that they'll do anything to get one. And I think that's what this is. They wanted to flip her into something bigger, better, something cooler.

• 1:04:17Speaker 01

  Obviously because they're trying to make her skinnier. They're trying to make her fuckable by giving her mungaro for some reason. So I don't know why. I don't know why they were trying to fucking, you know, like lean her out.

• 1:04:25Speaker 00

  Twelve year old weight.

• 1:04:26Speaker 01

  But then she'd be one, wouldn't she? And she wouldn't have giant forty year old, middle aged, beautiful tits, right?

• 1:04:34Speaker 00

  I don't think that. I don't think. You gave, you said giant and beautiful. I don't think those are accurate adjectives.

• 1:04:39Speaker 01

  Nice. I'm just trying to be nice to the woman and just say that she had bigger than a twelve year old's breasts. And let's just say, we all know it's different.

• 1:04:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:48Speaker 01

  Right? So that's the thing. Just putting a Prada Lion King shirt on her and a baby bottle in her mouth does not make, does not a twelve year old make.

• 1:04:57Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:04:57Speaker 01

  So I think that they were looking for an easy go at a good new orphan and, uh, you know, some things are just too good to be true. And if you look at this stuff, like again with Brazil, it's also just kinda easier.

• 1:05:10Speaker 00

  I love how we believe the alien footage and not her.

• 1:05:13Speaker 01

  Oh, oh, of course. She's obviously a thirty seven year old woman. She looks like a lunch lady in a cafeteria in Toledo. And if you act like a twelve year old, if you act like one of the ABDL people, you better have like, they're stolen valor. You shit in a diaper. If you're not shitting in a diaper.

• 1:05:32Speaker 00

  That's it. You ain't that. You ain't that.

• 1:05:35Speaker 01

  You ain't that. Alright, so I love this story because I love fake children. I think fake children are one of my favorite things in the world. Everybody wants to be a baby again. I get it, but it's just, it's hard to wheel that clock back successfully.

• 1:05:48Speaker 00

  Yeah. No, what's good about fake children is people don't get as mad when you hit them.

• 1:05:53Speaker 01

  But now you go back, you can really clock the hell out of it.

• 1:05:57Speaker 00

  That's a full grown woman. Alright, so I want to talk to you about this and it's just like such, it's something that like I'd started off as like a bane to my existence and has now like become somewhat interesting. So alright. Right. You know how like you got your shows and your wife's got her shows?

• 1:06:19Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:06:20Speaker 00

  All right, so.

• 1:06:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, she watches her shows, uh, long form, uh, discussions of people that have molested.

• 1:06:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:06:26Speaker 01

  And I, um, I watch a lot of cooking shows.

• 1:06:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, so Julie's like a lot more normal than Natalie.

• 1:06:33Speaker 01

  Yep, yes.

• 1:06:34Speaker 00

  Uh, she likes reality television.

• 1:06:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, she does.

• 1:06:36Speaker 00

  And a lot of people love reality television, but she's got me watching this fucking show called Summer House.

• 1:06:41Speaker 01

  Now, you're, what, what is it? And what is, what is this?

• 1:06:43Speaker 00

  Summer House, here's like, here's the context for all this, all right? So Summer House, the, the main storyline is within four people who live at the house. So basically, it's a bunch of rich fucking Instagram people and they go in the summer, they go spend their weekends in Long Island. At the Summer House, it's very nice.

• 1:07:02Speaker 01

  Is this real or is it just a show?

• 1:07:04Speaker 00

  It's real, you know, it's, it's reality television and it's supposedly real, but we all know that it's very scripted.

• 1:07:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:07:11Speaker 00

  All right, and so.

• 1:07:12Speaker 01

  Now, you, you did say, this does come to last podcast.

• 1:07:15Speaker 00

  I'm telling, just let, just come with me on the Marcus context here and it will, and it will come around, all right?

• 1:07:21Speaker 01

  Got it.

• 1:07:21Speaker 00

  And I want you.

• 1:07:21Speaker 01

  It's filmed in my hometown.

• 1:07:23Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah?

• 1:07:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's where I grew up, Watermill.

• 1:07:25Speaker 00

  Oh, Watermill, great, great, this is perfect.

• 1:07:27Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 1:07:28Speaker 00

  All right, so the guy, so Summer House has been going on for a long time, something like 10 years, all right?

• 1:07:32Speaker 01

  It's been going on for that long?

• 1:07:34Speaker 00

  Dude, it's crazy. People fucking love this shit. I hate it, it makes me crazy.

• 1:07:37Speaker 01

  People just fucking.

• 1:07:38Speaker 00

  Literally like every time I watch it, like my blood boils and it just makes me super mad because I also think Andy Cohen's a demon.

• 1:07:45Speaker 01

  Can we go burn that house down?

• 1:07:46Speaker 00

  I mean, it's, here's the deal. So the house is owned by this guy named Kyle. Kyle, this is my version of this lady, so if you watch this show, I'm about to ruin it for you.

• 1:07:57Speaker 01

  Good.

• 1:07:57Speaker 00

  Um, so Kyle is a piece of shit. He always gets too drunk and he ruins the fucking, the good time for everybody. Everyone else on Summer House, Kyle's like in his late 30s. Everyone else on Summer House is like a child.

• 1:08:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, so anybody.

• 1:08:11Speaker 00

  They're like 20s.

• 1:08:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, so somebody in their late 30s, if those of you that are not in your late 30s or in your 40s, to a 25 year old, you are a living, walking corpse.

• 1:08:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, so there's Kyle, he's a fucking douchebag. The whole season.

• 1:08:24Speaker 01

  No, not with that haircut.

• 1:08:25Speaker 00

  Everyone fucking hates Kyle.

• 1:08:26Speaker 01

  That guy's a douchebag?

• 1:08:28Speaker 00

  He ruins every dinner.

• 1:08:29Speaker 01

  Andy, no! That guy's a douche, that guy?

• 1:08:33Speaker 00

  He flips out randomly, he like throws shit, everyone, no one likes him and he's married to Amanda.

• 1:08:39Speaker 01

  I'm really excited for him to end up in a true crime.

• 1:08:41Speaker 00

  Case where he's the victim. And Amanda, Amanda was, and they're married and they hate each other. Oh, good. They, they, they fight constantly. But that's the heart of the show, right? He's like, yeah, it's kind of like the heart of the show. Uh, they are now in the middle of a divorce. Great. And, uh, but he, she was mad because he decided out of nowhere, I'm gonna be a DJ. And so he's out all night. He's partying with fans. He's getting real fucked up. He's doing a lot of things that don't seem right for a married man. It's kind of nice. It's all things that will eventually stop his career. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Anything that keeps him from working is great. So Amanda is like in the middle of a divorce with him. Now, her best friend is this chick Ciara. Very hot black chick. She's on the show. She's gorgeous. Everyone loves Ciara. She's very kind.

• 1:09:26Speaker 00

  She's got, she's lots of, you know, she's a model. She's like, she's wonderful human being. She's the only, out of everyone on the show, I would say she's the only one I would voluntarily hang out with. Okay. All right. She seems like a decent human being. She was dating this dude named West. West is an amazing scumbag. He looks horrible. Kyle and West? Yeah, yeah, no. Well, how are you watching the show, Eddie? I hate it. It makes me crazy. How are you making through, how are you making it through this? Julie has to tell me to be quiet because I pick it apart and she's like, you make, you make me mad whenever you, I'm like, well, I'm the only person who's gonna watch this with you. This is just fucking sucks, dude. And so West is such a fucking scumbag. He's the worst. He's like, he's like. Eddie, stop watching this. He's a professional, West is a professional reality star.

• 1:10:10Speaker 00

  Oh, I'd rather fucking be, I'd rather him be a family annihilator. I'm telling you, this is gonna come around. All right? Just stick with me. God. Okay, so West starts like, he's dating Ciara, okay? And they break up and he's trying to rekindle things with Ciara. And they're going, and things are going well and they filmed the entire season. Amanda's breaking up with Kyle. And, and then, and then he's like, he's like trying to rekindle things with Ciara. All, and it's all like very much part, so they filmed the whole thing. We know this is what happens. After the season ends, it comes out that West was secretly fucking Amanda. The whole time and someone like found them and like took pictures. Of them like hooking up.

• 1:10:52Speaker 01

  Cool.

• 1:10:53Speaker 00

  And then released it to the internet.

• 1:10:54Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:10:54Speaker 00

  And so now everyone and then Amanda and Ciara are like best friends. And so now as everyone's like, everyone jumped ship from hating Kyle. And now they hate Amanda. All right. And so like Amanda and Kyle, they like, and then Andy Cohen's the puppet bastard. He fucking loves it.

• 1:11:10Speaker 01

  I hate all of the.

• 1:11:11Speaker 00

  He's like, he loves all this shit.

• 1:11:13Speaker 01

  All right.

• 1:11:13Speaker 00

  He's like, he's a street demon. So now they have the reunion. All right.

• 1:11:18Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:11:19Speaker 00

  So like everyone, so Wes has to atone for everything he did wrong to Ciara.

• 1:11:24Speaker 01

  Is he gonna cut his dick and balls off? Is he gonna fucking, cause he slit his throat, so do we crucify him?

• 1:11:29Speaker 00

  So basically they had, they filmed this reunion.

• 1:11:31Speaker 01

  I wanna crucify that guy. I literally wanna nail him to a crucifix.

• 1:11:35Speaker 00

  He's the worst human on earth.

• 1:11:36Speaker 01

  I wanna fucking, I wanna watch him die.

• 1:11:38Speaker 00

  The entire world agrees with you.

• 1:11:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, I wanna, just looking at him, I hate that jacket. I just wanna fucking cut, I wanna cut his side to make sure he's.

• 1:11:47Speaker 00

  He had like, one day he was on and he had like a horse hair tie on, like a piece of shit.

• 1:11:51Speaker 01

  These guys don't deserve these women. No. She's awful. She don't deserve anything.

• 1:11:56Speaker 00

  All right.

• 1:11:56Speaker 01

  Amanda is a fucking cunt.

• 1:11:57Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:11:57Speaker 01

  All right.

• 1:11:58Speaker 00

  So they're having, so they do the whole show and now they're having like the reunion, you know, where like they all sit together for like a three hour conversation. And they just like rip each other to shreds.

• 1:12:07Speaker 01

  Yes. That's like my least favorite part about stuff. Like that's with, with I like Drag Race, I like the costumes and the dancing.

• 1:12:13Speaker 00

  No, it's just so aggressive. They all hate each other. They fight all the time. I want something nice for my mom.

• 1:12:18Speaker 01

  Creative things.

• 1:12:20Speaker 00

  So they have the reunion and everyone's just whipping into Wes. Everyone's whipping into Amanda. Ciara's fucking crushing it cause she's cool as shit and she's always nice, but now she's gonna take these motherfuckers out. And it's fucking awesome. And people are like, and she's sitting next to Kyle and they're on one side and then Wes, Wes and Amanda are on the other side. And then Wes also has this other secret girlfriend and everyone's shitting on this. And so like, they're doing this whole big meetup and then turns out the day before. No one knew this when they were filming, but the day before the filming started, Wes, his cousin.

• 1:12:59Speaker 00

  His name is, uh, his cousin is, they, Dakota Sweeney, a man. His name's Dakota Sweeney, murdered his grandmother.

• 1:13:10Speaker 01

  Wow. Murdered Wes's grandmother.

• 1:13:12Speaker 00

  Wes's cousin straight up murdered his grandmother the day before the reunion. And so this.

• 1:13:22Speaker 01

  So are you trying to say that everyone's dog piling on?

• 1:13:27Speaker 00

  And they're dog piling them on the reunion. He's just sitting there taking it like a fucking wounded dog.

• 1:13:33Speaker 01

  Honestly, though.

• 1:13:35Speaker 00

  No one knows about this fucking grandmother that got murdered.

• 1:13:38Speaker 01

  That's kind of.

• 1:13:39Speaker 00

  The day before.

• 1:13:40Speaker 01

  Can I say?

• 1:13:41Speaker 00

  Getting destroyed. It's like his cousin murdered his grand sweet.

• 1:13:49Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:13:52Speaker 00

  It's all like.

• 1:13:52Speaker 01

  You know what, man?

• 1:13:54Speaker 00

  It's just like, I'm like, when I found out about like, hold on.

• 1:13:58Speaker 01

  That makes me kind of laugh.

• 1:14:01Speaker 00

  Imagine this, imagine being this big of a scumbag. Your cousin murders your grandmother, but you still show up to your reality television. Get beat on show.

• 1:14:12Speaker 01

  Yep. Cause he has to, cause he's contractually obligated. He's getting paid to be there.

• 1:14:15Speaker 00

  Cohen is the real demon here. He knows this fucking 26 year old just had his grandmother murdered. And he's like, no, you gotta show up today.

• 1:14:23Speaker 01

  I think that.

• 1:14:23Speaker 00

  You gotta fucking be here. You gotta show up.

• 1:14:26Speaker 01

  I, I might say straight up that Andy Cohen might not be a nice guy.

• 1:14:30Speaker 00

  I would love the, um, Sounds Like a Cold podcast to do an Andy Cohen episode.

• 1:14:35Speaker 01

  They are.

• 1:14:36Speaker 00

  If you were listening, I would love it if you did an Andy Cohen, Sounds Like a Cold episode because I really think Andy Cohen is a bad man.

• 1:14:44Speaker 01

  I think he's a bad man.

• 1:14:45Speaker 00

  He's a bad dude.

• 1:14:47Speaker 01

  Fucking insane, dude. That's like very, very like, I just feel like we're getting to a point where like, was the secret lives.

• 1:14:54Speaker 00

  Call out of work.

• 1:14:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I just insane.

• 1:14:56Speaker 00

  Not show up. Your grandmother was murdered.

• 1:14:59Speaker 01

  I just went on.

• 1:15:00Speaker 00

  Cousin.

• 1:15:00Speaker 01

  Dude, I just went on a full on dreading is covered the story of the fucking bitch from, uh, mortgage. What was it? Mormon why? The secret lives of Mormon wives.

• 1:15:12Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:15:13Speaker 01

  Would, and talked about like that whole thing and the idea of like, they're shooting, they're shooting the show like while she's beating the shit out of her husband. And like, while she's doing all these like horrible things and, but it's like, she essentially like, which I also don't even understand how she created a Mormon Tik Tok world where they're all showing their belly buttons. Like literally they're all like scantily clad, showing their butts and stuff like it doesn't really make any sense. It's all falling apart. And I do think, um. I think that these things might be getting out of hand. Yeah. I think that, that once we're at the point where we're making, cause like, I think it started once we had whatever that piece of shit's name, what was his name, Spicer? Was that on, we had him on Dancing with the Stars, Sean Spicer. Sean Spicer, yeah.

• 1:15:57Speaker 01

  When Sean Spicer went on Dancing in the Stars. But that's a competition show. But it's changing everything that we're doing now. Now we're really in the world where you can genuinely do a crime to get enough juice. Yeah. To get a television show. I mean, they had Carol Baskin on Dancing with the Stars. We're now really in the area. Don't forget Rudy Giuliani on The Masked Singer. I remember, I remember. But we're really at a, we're really getting to a point where, like, someone's like asking me, like, oh, where is our television show? Blah, blah, blah. And it's like, we would have to like, commit a crime. Yeah. To be famous enough to do this shit. I will say this. It's just fucking wild, like where we're at right now in terms of like, how is this help anybody?

• 1:16:42Speaker 01

  How is this good work for anybody? No. How is this helping the industry? How is this helping the people, the crews that work in the industry? How is this doing anything?

• 1:16:50Speaker 00

  Reality television sucks because everyone's just watching them to, like, they're basically validating how awful they are by watching it and supporting them.

• 1:16:58Speaker 01

  But the idea is that we're all.

• 1:16:59Speaker 00

  And they go in and they destroy each other and they treat each other like shit. And then we all fucking watch it and validate and we're like, I hate them, but like, you're fucking watching it.

• 1:17:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I like, I watch true crime, I like watching, I like all my exploitive true crime. I like it all, I like every single bit of, I like the evil stuff, I like all of it.

• 1:17:16Speaker 00

  But that's a story.

• 1:17:17Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:17:17Speaker 00

  You're not like two fucking blonde chicks fighting over, uh, who came up with a phrase.

• 1:17:23Speaker 01

  Well, that shit is like a.

• 1:17:25Speaker 00

  That shit makes me crazy.

• 1:17:26Speaker 01

  It's like why Jerry Springer was popular, though. Oh, yeah, it makes sense, it makes sense, why?

• 1:17:30Speaker 00

  But at least there was real controversy with Jerry Springer. At least it was like paternity tests and stuff like this. This is just nonsense, rich people complaining about their fucking lives being great.

• 1:17:42Speaker 01

  Well, what it is, is showing the United States, the people in the United States of America. Number one, this idea that you'd make a certain amount of money and you'd get to a certain point. Where you're an influencer, it means you count more, it means your voice counts more, it means your vote counts more. All this type of shit. That's one of the reasons why people, I think, like it because they want to be in the same scenario. They think that they can get into the reality television loop, but what they don't realize is number two is the secret sacrifice you make.

• 1:18:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:18:06Speaker 01

  That they don't fully understand that is the lesson that no one is learning right now, which is, we didn't learn it with Mom Donnie. We're not learning it with all these other culture of things. We're not learning about how you also give something up though. It is a two-way street.

• 1:18:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:18:23Speaker 01

  So it is not something that you, once you become a reality television star, you definitely sign a deal with the devil of show business itself, where you are giving up a piece of your very soul for money.

• 1:18:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:18:38Speaker 01

  You're giving it up. And the problem is that the United States of America is viewing that as awesome. They think that right now is like, that's the way to go, when it really should be, what I love is something like how with Mom Donnie, we're really missing the message here of, he's straight up just saying, I'm gonna be the mayor of New York City and that's it.

• 1:18:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:18:57Speaker 01

  I don't care about being president. I don't care about being senator. I'm here to do this thing right now. And they're all automatically, automatically, everyone's dogpiling all of this like, hope on him. Hunter Biden, same thing. They're dumping all this kind of hope on him. And it's like, don't do this to these motherfuckers.

• 1:19:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:19:16Speaker 01

  They're not the ones for you. And also, we need to figure out other things. We're just at a, we're at a weird place where nobody understands, in order to get that top seat, you also have to sacrifice something. And when we are constantly saying how wonderful it is, how they sell their souls.

• 1:19:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:19:35Speaker 01

  For money, it's, it's just gonna lead to more pain.

• 1:19:39Speaker 00

  Also, I gotta say, like, if you're just watching all these people fight with each other all the time, then you all of a sudden become petty yourself.

• 1:19:46Speaker 01

  It can be. It's true. But also, I get the, the schadenfreude. I get the idea of like, watching people in a fishbowl be tortured and why you like it. I understand why you like it.

• 1:19:55Speaker 00

  Love Island was fucking horrifying to me. I felt like they were all prisoners forced to fuck each other.

• 1:20:01Speaker 01

  I'd rather. Rather hang out with the John Wayne Gacy than anybody from Summer House.

• 1:20:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:20:05Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? I'd rather hang out with Daniel, with David Berkowitz.

• 1:20:08Speaker 00

  I don't know, man.

• 1:20:09Speaker 01

  Than any member of any one of these shows.

• 1:20:12Speaker 00

  I, I have to say that I think that all of us would love to hang out with Ciara.

• 1:20:16Speaker 01

  I, I think that Ciara is trying to keep us at arm's length.

• 1:20:21Speaker 00

  Carl seems like a lunatic.

• 1:20:23Speaker 01

  They're all monsters.

• 1:20:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:25Speaker 01

  Again, I-

• 1:20:26Speaker 00

  Carl, like, everyone loves Carl and he's very nice, but I, I, I don't know why, I just feel like he's gonna fucking strangle someone to death one day.

• 1:20:33Speaker 01

  I'd rather hang out with Vladimir Putin.

• 1:20:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:36Speaker 01

  Like, all these people, I'd rather hang out with any villain of history. These people have less inside of them.

• 1:20:42Speaker 00

  There's another guy who's nice.

• 1:20:43Speaker 01

  Than the worst villains of history.

• 1:20:45Speaker 00

  How's this guy, Luke? Luke sucks.

• 1:20:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course Luke sucks.

• 1:20:49Speaker 00

  Luke sucks. The, uh, they all fucking suck, but the, where's the black guy? Go down, go down, go down again. Well, they put him at the bottom. Whoa, they didn't even include him, uh, Google AI didn't even include him? Yep. Oh, man, well, I don't remember his name, so I'm not much better, I guess.

• 1:21:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're, I guess you're all racist too.

• 1:21:04Speaker 00

  Yeah. There's a lot of people in this show. Oh dude, it's been running forever. People come and go, and the thing is, like, everyone's like, oh, they're gonna recast, they don't wanna, people don't wanna be on with Wes and Amanda next year. They don't understand, the show's gonna get cancelled, there's no show without Wes and Amanda.

• 1:21:20Speaker 01

  Nobody gives a fucking shit.

• 1:21:21Speaker 00

  Fuck, cuz they're the horrible people, cuz you need the horrible people to fucking do it.

• 1:21:26Speaker 01

  Yep. Well, yeah, cuz good people on a tel- on television isn't interesting.

• 1:21:30Speaker 00

  Yes. Yeah, you're just like, oh, they're nice, and then you move on.

• 1:21:34Speaker 01

  No, but I, that's why I like my Great British.

• 1:21:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:21:36Speaker 01

  I watch my Great British.

• 1:21:37Speaker 00

  Wonderful.

• 1:21:37Speaker 01

  I watch my Great British, I watch my, uh-

• 1:21:39Speaker 00

  By the way, I do like Dancing with the Stars.

• 1:21:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, I understand.

• 1:21:41Speaker 00

  Dancing with the Stars is kinda like, I hope it replaces football.

• 1:21:45Speaker 01

  I understand.

• 1:21:45Speaker 00

  If that's one of those things. I was like, it's, I think it's better than sports.

• 1:21:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, sure, sure. See, I like, uh, you know, I like, my, my simple shows are like, it's Great British and Antiques Roadshow.

• 1:21:56Speaker 00

  Antiques Roadshow is fun.

• 1:21:57Speaker 01

  I've been watching a lot of Antiques Roadshow to shut off at the very, very end of the night.

• 1:22:00Speaker 00

  I like the pottery throwdown.

• 1:22:02Speaker 01

  My only thing with pottery throwdown, too sexual for me.

• 1:22:05Speaker 00

  Really?

• 1:22:05Speaker 01

  The too, too many fucking tongue in cheek.

• 1:22:07Speaker 00

  I love the big guy who cries all the time. He like sees like a nice, a nice bowl and he just starts crying. I love that fucking guy. Yeah, he's all huge and shit. Yeah, that guy. What's his name? I fucking think he's the best. He's so cute. He's such an old man. He just cries.

• 1:22:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, but it's just, but also if you cry at a bowl, what are you gonna do with the news, buddy?

• 1:22:26Speaker 00

  Oh, man.

• 1:22:27Speaker 01

  Alright, here we go. Let's get some listener emails.

• 1:22:29Speaker 00

  Alright, this is gonna get dark, isn't it?

• 1:22:31Speaker 01

  Actually, I don't think so.

• 1:22:33Speaker 00

  There's a whole bunch of stories about stabbing horses.

• 1:22:35Speaker 01

  No, but it's actually more hopeful than I thought.

• 1:22:38Speaker 00

  Okay, let's hear it.

• 1:22:40Speaker 01

  Finally, my tenure of being a full-time horse girl out there, listener can come in handy. You absolutely do not need to kill a horse if it's injured or stabbed anywhere but the trunk. I work with fancy pants, expensive sport horses and these beasts are out there injuring themselves and others constantly. This persistent myth exists because a horse's legs don't have great circulation to heal soft tissue injuries. Picture a horse, the lower limbs are almost all bone, little flesh, and their very large size means extra pressure on skeleton to stay upright. A horse can't hop around like a tripod dog, right? Like, they're not built to do that. So what you have to do is it takes a very special pen, right? So there's very advanced medical care available for these extremely expensive money pits that people love called horses.

• 1:23:23Speaker 01

  Yes, a stab wound in the leg could end up being fatal if it were to penetrate the joint capsule and start an infection in the joint itself. But more often than not, with injuries to the limbs, they are stitched up, they're bandaged, and treated until the wounds heal. What they'll do too is, they put him in a situation where they're in a super tight stall.

• 1:23:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:23:42Speaker 01

  Because the legs, the way they sleep, which I didn't understand, is they never lay down, because they'll die. Like, they'll die if they lay down. Their organs will stop functioning because they're so heavy and they can't get back up. So what they do is...

• 1:23:53Speaker 00

  But I've seen horses lay down.

• 1:23:55Speaker 01

  They do, but they, it's, it doesn't, they don't do it a lot to sleep. Normally to sleep, they lock their knees. They have this like, this thing that their legs go into like a lock position and they sleep standing up.

• 1:24:04Speaker 00

  That's kind of, that sounds great.

• 1:24:05Speaker 01

  It's interesting. And so what they do is they put him in that, they can put it, they can squeeze him in like a sling and like a thing. But the main issue is, it costs a lot of money. So if you get stabbed...

• 1:24:16Speaker 00

  For your hor- it costs money for the horse to sleep?

• 1:24:19Speaker 01

  To get the... Specialized barns you would need to do medical care to the horses. For the therapy. Yes.

• 1:24:26Speaker 00

  My grandfather spent the whole family's money on ten racehorses.

• 1:24:29Speaker 01

  People do that.

• 1:24:30Speaker 00

  One fucking race out of all of them.

• 1:24:32Speaker 01

  You could have a, you could have had a much better life if he didn't do that.

• 1:24:35Speaker 00

  I really could.

• 1:24:35Speaker 01

  Like think about how much nicer your life could have been if he had put all that into the restaurant, right? Which was doing well.

• 1:24:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:24:42Speaker 01

  The restaurant was doing really well on your family.

• 1:24:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's gone.

• 1:24:46Speaker 01

  And he took it all out of that, he put it in the horses.

• 1:24:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:24:48Speaker 01

  It's way worse.

• 1:24:49Speaker 00

  I got to go to the track every day when I was a child.

• 1:24:51Speaker 01

  See, that's nice.

• 1:24:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's nice.

• 1:24:52Speaker 01

  Instead of the working restaurant.

• 1:24:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:55Speaker 01

  Um, the horses are recovering though. Oh, yes, they are. The ones from the story that got stabbed last week, they are okay. They got stabbed in the torso. They're okay. They're gonna be, all be fine.

• 1:25:03Speaker 00

  What kind of, what part of the horse is the trunk?

• 1:25:07Speaker 01

  The, the middle part of it.

• 1:25:09Speaker 00

  That's the trunk?

• 1:25:09Speaker 01

  That's the trunk.

• 1:25:10Speaker 00

  Cause I Googled horse trunk and some gross things came up.

• 1:25:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, I bet.

• 1:25:14Speaker 00

  It was just cases made of horse.

• 1:25:16Speaker 01

  Oh, yes. So it's like, but largely people, so this is, uh, and the example is, th- this is a very like, this was a premeditated attack that the Emily did, the Emily girl did against these horses from last week.

• 1:25:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:25:30Speaker 01

  But again, all savable.

• 1:25:31Speaker 00

  Okay, good.

• 1:25:32Speaker 01

  So all the horses, okay? It really looks like she was doing it because she was bad at, at doing the barrel racing.

• 1:25:38Speaker 00

  Ah.

• 1:25:39Speaker 01

  And she wanted to, she was angry and she was like a stalker. And apparently, horse stalkers are also a big thing. People that have become obsessed with the horses.

• 1:25:49Speaker 00

  And they just can't afford to take care of them, be a part of it.

• 1:25:52Speaker 01

  Yes, and so like they've, this one lady told, like honestly, it's a very long story.

• 1:25:56Speaker 00

  Become a vet.

• 1:25:57Speaker 01

  It is a, the whole thing is about, this lady kind of became like a horse groupie. Where she started hanging around by the horses and was like looking for all these things that eventually found her way into a pen. Late at night and was like fucking with the horses, like really weird. It all come, like, reading the play Equus. Like, what are we talking about with Daniel Radcliffe's penis last week? People have extremely personal relationships to horses.

• 1:26:23Speaker 00

  Well, it's the only thing that can make a cowboy cry.

• 1:26:25Speaker 01

  They are the most, they're like dogs in that way to many. They all say that, they're all very.

• 1:26:29Speaker 00

  Bigger than dogs, they're more. If you have a really strong bond with a horse, people, I would say it's probably a bigger bond than a bond with a dog.

• 1:26:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, cuz dog can't also be your car.

• 1:26:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 1:26:39Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? The dog and like the horse can be your car.

• 1:26:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:26:43Speaker 01

  But they are, they are fucking awesome, dude. Horses are really cool. Um, but yeah, they have to be, it's just depending on whether or not they want to spend the money to fix the, the poor, poor, sweet, sweet, sweet horsies.

• 1:26:55Speaker 00

  Yeah. Man, I went to this, on our honeymoon, Julie and I went to this place called VKs. It's a little island off of Puerto Rico. And it's like abandoned cuz they did a lot of nuclear testing there. Uh, but there's like a whole like resort part of it, which is super nice. And I was like, oh, we'll go check it out. There's a lum, there's a luminescent bay or a bioluminescent bay and all this stuff. I was like, this sounds wonderful. No one told me that the whole island is just littered with stray horses.

• 1:27:20Speaker 01

  Cool.

• 1:27:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, like, and I call them stray rather than wild. Well, they eat trash.

• 1:27:25Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:27:26Speaker 00

  You know, they're just walking, they're like walking along the street. They're not like frolicking in the woods. They're just like everywhere and it's like a nuisance. And they're like walking around, like when I was in the pool, they were like drinking out of the pool.

• 1:27:38Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:27:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, it was very, it was, it was very weird, but they were, they were fun. And then what I noticed is all the wild dogs would like torture the wild horses.

• 1:27:50Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 1:27:51Speaker 00

  They would like circle them and bark at them and like nip at their legs and shit.

• 1:27:54Speaker 01

  They're doing weird, but hurting like activity.

• 1:27:56Speaker 00

  It was, it was interesting.

• 1:27:57Speaker 01

  Um, all right. And I have one little, I thought this was really funny.

• 1:28:01Speaker 00

  I wanna hear it.

• 1:28:01Speaker 01

  We don't normally get that, like, this is to me, this is my version of a last podcast and left human interest story. Because this is a very funny story in the name of Pride Month. We're here. I want to tell the story of someone's very funny coming out, which is very, it's, you know, made me laugh. I've been out as a trans woman for six years. Uh, and when I was going through my name change, I decided is when I was, it was finished, I would all come out at work. Bosses already knew. I went through HR, paperwork. So everything was great. On the last Wednesday of March, I changed my name. And on Thursday, I got my new driver's license. And on Friday, I went into work as a guy for the last time. I explained to my direct coworkers, I changed my name to Spice. I'm trans. It all went fine. Problem one.

• 1:28:47Speaker 01

  I only told my direct coworkers. Nobody else in the building got a memo, which leads into problem two. Ladies room I was not going to be using was in a different section because my group was between two spots. Regardless of where I went, someone might think because that Monday also happened to be problem three, April Fool's Day.

• 1:29:06Speaker 00

  Oh, my God.

• 1:29:07Speaker 01

  As mentioned, I changed my name on the last Wednesday of March and Monday happened to be April 1st. So my first day out as a trans woman at my office job was on April 1st because I'm a smart person. And not only that, but I was so anxious, I tried taking the stall at the far end to have as much distance between me and everyone else as possible, which is how I learned the gap in the door of the handicap stall goes directly over the middle of the toilet. And I gotta say, having my lady lance in line of sight was not what my anxiety needed. Thankfully, nothing ever happened. I was anxious, but other than that, things were fine. I eventually got fired for other reasons. Um, and now I work somewhere else, but only now they know me as a woman, which is nice. You wouldn't think a warehouse would be accepting, but we're a union and most people don't give a fuck. That's right.

• 1:29:50Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:29:51Speaker 01

  They don't give a fuck.

• 1:29:51Speaker 00

  No, warehouse is oddly acceptable.

• 1:29:53Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Wanting to share because I'm an attention whore and you guys have been so fun over the years. Thank you. Honestly, I just thought it was really funny. It's funny how it's kind of those foible things. But yeah, honestly, I found like work people, blue cup. This is the whole thing. When it comes to these issues is that pretty much every person everywhere knows somebody in a true alternative lifestyle.

• 1:30:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:30:14Speaker 01

  And everybody in every town, every little town probably has, you know, has a trans person, a gay person, the kind of thing. And you notice those guys, they're all fine with their local alternative person.

• 1:30:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:30:26Speaker 01

  Because they met them, they know them. They just literally don't have the ability because they've lost it over the years of either not meditating, not taking care of themselves, not paying attention, not letting empathy let in. They don't understand that they can apply that to other. Because they're like, no, well, I know that one and I like that one. That must be one of the good ones.

• 1:30:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:30:46Speaker 01

  They don't understand like, no, you just, that's your neighbor. And actually just neighbors have the same percentage points of being dickheads, murderers, rapists, and angels.

• 1:30:57Speaker 00

  You can hate them for their human aspects.

• 1:30:59Speaker 01

  Honestly, there's so many rich, wonderful ways to hate a person.

• 1:31:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:31:04Speaker 01

  You know, not just even for what they identify as. Truly, honestly, that's the last thing.

• 1:31:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:31:10Speaker 01

  You could be a trans bitch. You know what I mean? Like, that's one of my favorite things in the world about it.

• 1:31:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:31:16Speaker 01

  So, thank you for sharing your story and I hope that Pride Month's fucking awesome for you. And don't worry, Eddie and I are not going to be out there stealing the grand marshal of any parade from anybody. You know, we're not going to be doing that. We're not those kind of white guys in podcasting.

• 1:31:31Speaker 00

  We do have like a fun, um, a fun Pride episode coming up next week.

• 1:31:35Speaker 01

  We do.

• 1:31:35Speaker 00

  Aside stories.

• 1:31:36Speaker 01

  We really do.

• 1:31:36Speaker 00

  You're going to be very happy about this.

• 1:31:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, really excited for it. I'm not letting the old bullshit out of the can yet, but you guys are going to fucking love it. Friend of the show. And we want to, uh, give a shout out to Reckless Ben. We were supposed to talk to him today. It didn't work out. He is currently under a gag order. There's a whole thing going on with this Bricks and Minifig story that is obviously wildly out of control. He has been harassed by the police. He's got a gag order put on him by the same judge that is currently overseeing the Charlie Kirk's murderer trial, who's this extreme Mormon. So, right now, Reckless Ben is in a lot of fucking trouble. But it does look like Bricks and Minifigs is folding. So, they look like they're giving them all the collection, whatever the fuck that means.

• 1:32:19Speaker 01

  And again, I also want to point out, Kim, that guy, the main villain of that story, is a Mormon with a handlebar mustache. And I want you to remember that, okay? Because that handlebar mustache, to me, is the reason why he's doing this.

• 1:32:33Speaker 00

  Full circle.

• 1:32:34Speaker 01

  It is. And live every day knowing for a fact, when you see a handlebar mustache, don't judge the man, judge the mustache.

• 1:32:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:32:41Speaker 01

  All right? You know, love the fact that that mustache is one of the, it's a key indicator that that person's trying to tell you, which is to laugh at them. And I think it's a really good idea. Now, go check out our new show.

• 1:32:53Speaker 00

  That's right. We won't stop.

• 1:32:55Speaker 01

  We are doing a show, okay? Let's just say it's certainly not just contractually obligated. We were super excited. So this is a big old fucking show we're doing for Sirius XM exclusively over on Sirius XM Podcasts. Plus, uh, it is movie stories with Ed and myself. We are putting onto a whole, we're telling stories around some of our favorite movies, investigating our favorite directors, talking about them, and then kind of just like having a fun, like last podcast themed movie style adventure.

• 1:33:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, because Henry and I are big movie fans. We've always been movie fans, been a big part of our friendship for over 20 years.

• 1:33:32Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:33:33Speaker 00

  But there, no matter how much you love movies and you are obsessed with them, just you haven't seen all of it.

• 1:33:39Speaker 01

  You haven't seen anything.

• 1:33:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:33:40Speaker 01

  We haven't seen, I've seen so many movies that I still haven't seen anything, so.

• 1:33:44Speaker 00

  So the series, the first four episodes are about William Friedkin because Love the Exorcist, Love French Connection, have I seen anything else? No.

• 1:33:51Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:33:52Speaker 00

  So Henry and I watched the whole fucking catalog.

• 1:33:54Speaker 01

  Everything he made, yep.

• 1:33:56Speaker 00

  And then we're, we're doing it, we're doing a big thing on them. And then we're gonna move on to other directors and then in between the director highlights, we're gonna have little, uh, little, just quick little episodes.

• 1:34:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's what I'm really excited for, so I hope we like, go check it out. And the video's on Patreon, so if you go to patreon.com slash last podcast on the left, you get all the video too, for just, for just that, so.

• 1:34:16Speaker 00

  If you are on Patreon, it comes out every Thursday.

• 1:34:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:34:20Speaker 00

  If you are on Patreon, you don't need to do the fucking Sirius XM thing. You can just watch it on Patreon.

• 1:34:25Speaker 01

  If you want to.

• 1:34:26Speaker 00

  If you're on Sirius XM, make sure you don't have to do the Patreon.

• 1:34:29Speaker 01

  Boom.

• 1:34:29Speaker 00

  It's just how it is, it's not, you know, it's just something we're doing for fun and I hope you guys enjoy it. Side stories, of course, will always be free.

• 1:34:38Speaker 01

  We're not, always, all, our goal is always make sure our shows are always available for free. And we have a lot of shows over here on LPN. Check out all of them, I'll go to someplace underneath, LPN Romancacy, The Foreign Report, No Dogs in Space, Brighter Side, Page Seven, Nerd of Mouth. Go check out our new shows, go check out our YouTube channels, LPN TV.

• 1:34:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:34:58Speaker 01

  All of it's there.

• 1:34:58Speaker 00

  The finals for HGX2 start this week, dude. You versus Julie and Amber. I wonder what's gonna happen. It's gonna be fucking awesome. We're gonna run the final. The finals are huge. They're gonna run for two weeks. Um, so the next two Thursdays at 7:00 PM on LPN TV, uh, make sure you're watching the HGX2 finals. We're gonna crown a ham lord. It's gonna be wild. I hope you're fucking ready for this shit. Yep. It comes on right after we release last stream on the left on the YouTube. So just stick around after that. You'll go right into the next episode. And also I'd like to give a big ol' welcome, big ol' American style, bienvenido to the Screwworm. Congrats for making it to Texas. I'm so proud of you. Knew, knew you'd love Texas. Um, and so. It's in New Mexico too.

• 1:35:42Speaker 00

  Come to America. Yeah. So go enjoy yourself Screwworm. I hope you run for president. Yep. No, it's just, uh, yeah, we're just gonna have to kill a bunch of cows. Hope those Screwworms were working to its way up through Govern- Governor Abbott's useless fucking legs and, uh, drop a bunch of eggs into his fucking useless fucking intestines and they kill him from the inside out. Oh, please, please, please. We'll see. We'll see. Yeah. I got lots of shows coming up. Uh, come and check me out July 10th Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Salute to Bethlehem, July 12th Newark, New Jersey, Newark Culture Club, July 13th NYC City Winery, July 19th Plano, Texas, the mic drop over there, uh, July 26th, the Comedy Store. Henry's gonna be

• 1:36:24Speaker 00

  joining me for that one. July 31st and August 1st, I'm gonna be in Chicago at the Lincoln Lodge. And, uh, on August 1st, uh, Logan Metz is gonna be joining me for Promise of the Real. Oh, yeah. And then on August 16th, Dead Men Tell Some Tales is coming back to Dynasty Typewriter. And I think we're gonna do a little, uh, you can watch online type of deal. Fuck, yeah. All right. So we got a lot of things coming out. Go get tickets to all of that at eddytunes.com. Hail Satan. See you soon. Peace out.