Episode 688: Hans Holzer - Ghost Hunter

This week, it's getting spooky on the show as Henry takes the reins and leads the story of the "Father of the Paranormal", the Austrian-born American parapsychologist, author, and investigator who allegedly coined the term "Ghost Hunter": Hans Holzer.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  In New Orleans, truckers keep getting sideswiped the exact same way. When a man is found murdered under questionable circumstances related to these accidents, the rubber hits the road. And what the feds uncover is a complex scheme of staged wrecks, financial fraud, and a pair of conspiring lovers behind it. This is a story about fake accidents that lead to real consequences. Listen to "Over My Dead Body," Operation Sideswipe, wherever you get your podcasts. Audible subscribers can binge all episodes early and ad-free right now. Join Audible in the Audible app or by subscribing on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

• 0:44Speaker 01

  Everyone talks about how challenging it is to raise kids, but what about protecting them? Outlet covers, kitchen cabinet locks, baby gates, where do you even start? Well, protecting your home and auto is a great place to start. Progressive offers customized coverage options so you can be sure to have the right coverage. They're basically the baby gates of insurance. Get your quote today at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company affiliates and other insurers. Not available in all states.

• 1:14Speaker 02

  There's no place to escape to.

• 1:15Speaker 03

  This is the last podcast. On the left.

• 1:21Speaker 02

  That's when the cannibalism started.

• 1:25Speaker 02

  Who was that?

• 1:32Speaker 01

  Oh, that's not the sound of me slipping out of the bathtub. That's the sound of ghosts. No!

• 1:43Marcus Parks?

  No, I was screaming about you naked getting out of the bathtub. That's what I was screaming about. Yes.

• 1:48Speaker 01

  Falling out of the bathtub. And it was different. So, yes, welcome to a ghost episode.

• 1:53Marcus Parks?

  Actually, I bet you'd be kind of funny falling out of the bathtub, just rolling around mad and all naked and shit. Just like...

• 2:04Marcus Parks?

  Yes, indeed. Welcome to Last Podcast on the Left, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Marcus Parks.

• 2:08Speaker 01

  You're not in charge of this episode.

• 2:10Marcus Parks?

  Oh, I'm not.

• 2:10Speaker 00

  He still does the lead.

• 2:11Marcus Parks?

  That's a great thing. I still have to, we still have to tell people the name of the show.

• 2:14Speaker 01

  Fuck you, dude.

• 2:15Marcus Parks?

  Which you seem to, you seem to be against.

• 2:18Speaker 01

  Oh, that's me falling into the role of host.

• 2:21Speaker 00

  It's Halloween in two days and you're wearing your St. Patrick's Day clothes.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  No, it's not. It's leprechaun in the fucking space.

• 2:27Speaker 00

  Space has nothing to do with Halloween either.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  Weird. You're weird, man. Leprechaun is cross-generational welcome. I'm sitting here with the, I guess, not as friendly to the Irish, Ed Larson.

• 2:40Speaker 00

  That's right. Do you remember that, you fuckers?

• 2:42Speaker 01

  God damn it. And I'm also sitting here with our house skeleton, Marcus Parks.

• 2:52Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, I mean, I'm here to be a skeleton. I got my egg. I'm good. I got everything I need.

• 2:56Speaker 01

  You received that egg from the Slowman.

• 2:57Marcus Parks?

  The Slowman sent me an egg. I have, I have accepted the egg.

• 3:02Speaker 01

  So cool.

• 3:03Marcus Parks?

  Please watch Last Stream on the Left for, for more on that.

• 3:07Speaker 01

  Today's episode, I decided to cover something. This is all me now.

• 3:11Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 3:12Speaker 01

  Yeah. I had no researchers. Rachel's out. Joel's busy.

• 3:16Speaker 00

  I watched him give you the book.

• 3:18Marcus Parks?

  This is a book that I bought in Oklahoma City at a half-price books, Where a Dog Bit Me.

• 3:26Speaker 01

  He's like, yes, and that's the sign you're about to get lucky. He had a bookstore.

• 3:30Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  That was the dog's book.

• 3:32Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, when a woman brings in a blue healer that she has absolutely no business owning and less business bringing it into public where it bites strangers in a bookstore.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  But Oklahoma City. It got you out of there, though.

• 3:44Marcus Parks?

  It did.

• 3:45Speaker 01

  And that's important because today, because you gave me that book, it inspired a whole thing. Because then I got deep into the world of the man that we're covering today. Now, this is, this whole story, a lot of it is very interesting. Hans Holzer, as you will see, is a man that has showed up many times throughout the history of Last Podcast on the Left.

• 4:05Speaker 00

  I feel like I've heard the name.

• 4:06Speaker 01

  He has been around.

• 4:07Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, we, we talked about Battersea. He showed up, various, like, he's just one of those guys in the seventies, eighties, like, he just showed up at every legitimate ghost, or every ghost hunting, every ghost haunting that seemed legitimate.

• 4:23Speaker 00

  How does he seem compared to the Warrens?

• 4:25Speaker 01

  You will see. I actually find him a little bit more refreshing.

• 4:29Marcus Parks?

  He's more like Maurice from, you know, the Poltergeist, the infield Poltergeist.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 4:36Marcus Parks?

  He's more in that realm.

• 4:37Speaker 01

  Okay, cool. I find Hans Holzer both more and less serious than the Warrens. He is a flair about him, is a style, and there ain't a single bit of Christ in this, and it's the only thing that really matters to me.

• 4:50Marcus Parks?

  Wow.

• 4:50Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 4:51Marcus Parks?

  And what was it? Please tell the people the name of the book, because I bought this book based on the name of the book alone.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  Ghosts I've Met.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  You'll see. Let them all get into it now. And now it's time, we're going to be getting into some of the very, very spooky tales of ghost hunter extraordinaire Hans Holzer.

• 5:13Speaker 01

  That's me trying to read. In today's episode, we'll be covering some of the favorite tales of ghost hunter, author, TV presenter, producer, and psychic researcher, Professor Doctor Hans Holzer.

• 5:25Marcus Parks?

  Is that real?

• 5:26Speaker 01

  Yes, no, and yes.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  You will be disappointed to learn, as I was, that he does not have a very elaborate and stereotypical German accent. It made me very sad. He sadly is extremely boring sounding. So even as we read through his words today, they're going to give him, we're going to give him a little bit more spice. I've been that his character on the page is more extravagant than the man.

• 5:49Marcus Parks?

  Okay, so it's more just of a, yes, I am the ghost hunter.

• 5:53Speaker 01

  No, no, no. Hello, I'm Hans Holzer. He's literally just got nothing, no stink, nothing.

• 5:58Marcus Parks?

  Wow.

• 5:59Speaker 01

  He's a true psychic scientist.

• 6:00Marcus Parks?

  All right.

• 6:01Speaker 01

  He wrote over 120 books spanning the spectrum of the capital P phenomenon. He claims to have coined both the terms "the other side" and the term "ghost hunter."

• 6:13Marcus Parks?

  Okay.

• 6:13Speaker 01

  Because his first, his first book was Ghost Hunter, but Ghost Hunter definitely was used before, and "the other side" was probably used somewhere in the 1800s as well. But he was the first one to claim that he was the first one to say those things.

• 6:28Speaker 00

  He also coined the less popular phrase, "ghost lynchur."

• 6:32Speaker 01

  Very, very controversial. Very controversial, because it's so hard to tell which ghosts are black.

• 6:40Marcus Parks?

  Is that what, can we start calling priests ghost lynchers? Like Exorcist, a ghost lynchers?

• 6:45Speaker 01

  Yes. God, it's a hard, it's a hard L.

• 6:49Marcus Parks?

  It really is.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  Hans is definitely the architect of his own mythos, but he does have a lot of cool shit under his belt to support his legendary status. We would for certain not have the Ghostbusters or Unsolved Mysteries if not for this man. Which is more important? Ghostbusters.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  That's the easy answer for me. No doubt.

• 7:12Marcus Parks?

  I agree.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  He's of the old school, self-taught, obsessed, and as dramatic as the Phantom of the Opera himself. He definitely has a storyteller vibe to him as, and as you could see, and as the quotes from his first book, Ghost Hunter, that I've sprinkled in, you could see that he truly loved to spin a yarn from the get.

• 7:31Speaker 00

  You know what I learned about the Phantom of the Opera recently? He also had a tiny little half-mask for his penis that was half-deformed as well.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  I'm upset. You are going against him. Phantom of the Opera's penis is the only thing that worked on him. That is the only thing that worked on him.

• 7:47Speaker 00

  I'm not saying it didn't work.

• 7:48Speaker 01

  He's the horniest frogger that ever was.

• 7:51Marcus Parks?

  If I will say what I know worked on the Phantom of the Opera, when I saw Phantom on Broadway finally, the thing that worked on that Phantom was his salivary glands. I have never seen an actor spit and, I mean, it was the, people in the front row were seriously wiping it off their faces. It was so much spittle.

• 8:08Speaker 00

  That's a real actor.

• 8:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. Born in Vienna, his family left Europe for New York City right after the invasion of the Nazis. According to Holzer, "At the age of three, in my native Vienna, my kindergarten teacher threatened me with expulsion from the class for telling ghost stories to my wide-eyed classmates. These, however, were the non-evidential kind of stories that I made out of old cloth. Still, it showed I was hot on the subject even then."

• 8:41Speaker 01

  Apparently, he annoyed his parents so much with his prolific creative output that they bribed an elementary school to let him start kindergarten at the age of five.

• 8:48Marcus Parks?

  But isn't that the age that you start kindergarten?

• 8:51Speaker 01

  I think that depends on the bus.

• 8:53Speaker 00

  Not in Vienna or nowhere?

• 8:54Marcus Parks?

  No, he's in New York.

• 8:55Speaker 00

  He's in New York.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  I think I started, I started early too, because I was an early baby. I was like, in the year I was early.

• 9:01Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, May.

• 9:02Speaker 01

  I have no idea, man. This is according to the book.

• 9:04Marcus Parks?

  Okay.

• 9:05Speaker 01

  It took hundreds of dollars and a special ukase by the Minister of Education to get me in at that early age of five, but it was well worth it to my suffering parents.

• 9:15Marcus Parks?

  Maybe in the 40s it was different.

• 9:17Speaker 01

  Who knows? I think it was like 10. I think you worked until 10.

• 9:19Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 9:21Speaker 01

  And then you got schooling. He composively wrote poems, little theater scripts, and many a ghost story throughout his childhood into adolescence. My quaint writings earned me the reputation of being special without giving me any compensation of fame or fortune. Gradually, girls began to enter my world.

• 9:41Marcus Parks?

  Oh, Jesus.

• 9:42Speaker 01

  This fact did not shatter my imaginative faculties. Oh, no. It simply helped populate my ghost stories with more luring female ghosts.

• 9:53Marcus Parks?

  Hey, Charlie, I wrote a ghost story. You're in it. You're in it. You want, you're gonna be the ghost of my ghost story. Get away from me.

• 10:03Speaker 01

  Ah, there's just that chat about I mentioned the faculties. I will simply draw boobies in the margin. He would eventually spend summers with his also quote unquote special uncle, who indulged his young nephew's interest in the occult.

• 10:18Marcus Parks?

  Oh, that kind of different, that kind of special.

• 10:20Speaker 01

  That kind of special. He performed little rituals with him, like the raising of the spirits. And they would read through his collection of books on the history of witchcraft and ghost stories. He went on to instill in Hans the view that there is another world across the veil. And that is a nice, innocent uncle story.

• 10:38Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, it's nice to finally have one. It's, it's not like, yeah, my uncle took me behind a shed and he showed me pictures of the heads of the girls that he killed in Vietnam.

• 10:48Speaker 00

  I think this uncle had a wife.

• 10:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I think.

• 10:52Speaker 05

  Or he didn't have a wife, creating all this pressure to fuck her all the time.

• 10:58Speaker 01

  Now, Hans studied religious studies and parapsychology at Columbia, which is real, that is real.

• 11:04Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 11:04Speaker 01

  But he was, then he did claim to have earned a PhD from a fake school called the London College of Applied Science.

• 11:10Marcus Parks?

  Oh, Applied Science.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  Yes, and he has said this for a long time throughout his whole life, that's where professor doctor comes from. So he did, he was a professor and he got a professorship and he taught all over the world. And he taught in colleges and high schools, all this kind of shit. But he definitely wasn't a doctor.

• 11:26Marcus Parks?

  Gotcha.

• 11:27Speaker 01

  But he loved to say he was.

• 11:28Marcus Parks?

  A doctor of what?

• 11:31Speaker 00

  Ghosts.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  Applied science. It was ghosts. This guy also truly is one of the biggest, largest proponents of, like, it's kind of why Ghostbusters is specifically based on him. And, and Dan Aykroyd had an obsession with him, where it, he legitimately helped develop parapsychology as a legit college course.

• 11:53Marcus Parks?

  Okay. So like in Ghostbusters, when Bill Murray's walking around Dana's apartment for the first time and he's got the little thing and he's like, oh, just one of my little toys. Hans Holzer was one of the guys that developed those little toys.

• 12:06Speaker 01

  Yes, he was the guy who first used those toys. Yeah, and they were all like, look how amazing this is.

• 12:10Speaker 00

  So he's Egon.

• 12:11Speaker 01

  He's, oh yeah, he's Egon and Ray Stantz.

• 12:14Marcus Parks?

  Okay, okay.

• 12:15Speaker 01

  I would say the two of them together, because he definitely liked the ladies. Hans maintained a plethora. Yeah, his Peter Venkman, but Ray Stantz could have made love.

• 12:26Speaker 00

  So is everyone but Ernie Hudson.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it's just saying, he's as far from a black man as one could be, I'm pretty certain. I think the only person who's farther from being a black man is French Stewart.

• 12:41Marcus Parks?

  I always saw Ray as, you, you'd think he was asexual, but then I remember the ghost blowjob. I think more sexually frustrated.

• 12:48Speaker 01

  I think Ray could have used a helping hand. I feel like Ray needed like an older, like cougar.

• 12:56Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 12:57Speaker 01

  A ghost. Wow. Big sensual ghost.

• 13:02Speaker 00

  Smaller and ghost. God, I'd be so mad if like you had sex with a ghost and then you went to go grab their boobies and your hands just went right through.

• 13:09Speaker 01

  You're like, what's the point of all this?

• 13:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, why even have big boobies?

• 13:11Speaker 01

  Just kill me now, send me to hell.

• 13:12Marcus Parks?

  So you're saying that he needed a woman to like bring him into the room and, you know, take off her pants, point to her crotch and say,

• 13:19Speaker 01

  Get her.

• 13:19Marcus Parks?

  Get her.

• 13:20Speaker 01

  Yeah. That's your whole plan? Eventually, so Hans maintained a plethora of different freelance writing and journalism gigs. Obviously, the only regular job he could hold was as a writer and reviewer for magazines dedicated to numismatics.

• 13:36Marcus Parks?

  Numismatics?

• 13:36Speaker 01

  Collecting old coins.

• 13:38Marcus Parks?

  Oh.

• 13:39Speaker 01

  Right? He collected old coins and antiques since boyhood. And he made his hyper focus subject a career. Eventually, he began working with famous trans medium Ethel Johnson Myers. Hans would always use the talents of mediums in his paranormal investigations. He felt that they were necessary recording instruments for the left behinds, or spirits found in every type of residence, office space, or worship house. Here is a little example of Ethel's work, channeling the late Harry Houdini.

• 14:10Speaker 05

  Would you please give your full attention now to our distinguished medium, Mrs. Ethel Myers?

• 14:18Speaker 06

  Uh, hello. I am here. Got myself in a tangle here, huh? Can get out of it nevertheless. Still got the powers of freedom. But nobody says hello to me.

• 14:45Speaker 05

  Hello, Harry.

• 14:46Speaker 06

  Hi.

• 14:49Speaker 05

  Harry?

• 14:50Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:50Speaker 05

  Can I ask you a question?

• 14:52Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:53Speaker 05

  How is your friend Giovanni Bonanno?

• 14:57Speaker 06

  I tell you, he's there, he's looking at you, poking you.

• 15:05Speaker 05

  Would you please give your full attention now?

• 15:08Marcus Parks?

  It sounds like an old lady with Alzheimer's lost in the forest.

• 15:11Speaker 01

  No, that's Harry Houdini, and it's inside Ethel. As you'll see, you see, the problem is I couldn't find other, any recordings of it. But Ethel does a lot of character work throughout the years.

• 15:23Speaker 00

  Tangle here.

• 15:25Speaker 01

  Uh, she, uh, she definitely channeled all, every type of spirit across all ghost races.

• 15:32Marcus Parks?

  Oh, okay, so when you say all ghost races and channeled every type of spirit, so you're saying she did.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  Native American, Asian, black.

• 15:41Speaker 00

  So human.

• 15:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, ghost races. Because once they're ghosts, they can become Ethel.

• 15:47Speaker 00

  They're all white?

• 15:48Speaker 01

  Ethel's them, yes, exactly. Then Ethel, she's just doing characters, man.

• 15:53Marcus Parks?

  But the thing is, is that when she did Harry Houdini, she just sounded like, like a drunk old lady. So, but when she does other races, then she puts on the voice.

• 16:04Speaker 01

  Hardcore. And I couldn't find the recording of it. There is one recording of her doing Running Cloud. And I just couldn't get an isolated version of it that wasn't surrounded by a bunch of talking head shit. That was real, that is, it is, let's say a bit of a throwback.

• 16:19Marcus Parks?

  Gotcha.

• 16:20Speaker 00

  So she did it in broken English?

• 16:23Speaker 01

  Yes. She did it in the style of a grand Indian chieftain.

• 16:28Marcus Parks?

  Ah, perhaps a little bit like the early work of Paul Rubin.

• 16:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, very similar, very similar. God, I fucking love her. Now by this point, Hans, he quit the high octane world of antique coin journalism and he sought a career as a professional paranormal investigator, of course, it's a lateral move.

• 16:47Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, yeah, high mortality rate amongst antique coin journalists.

• 16:50Speaker 01

  Big turnover, it's all the fucking suicides and they realize I'm a fucking shit for their whole lives.

• 16:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, the thing is doing both is the ghost keeps stealing the coins.

• 16:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, and then he's just like, what the fuck? And they fall down from the ceiling and he's like, you dinged them.

• 17:02Speaker 00

  I had them all organized by year.

• 17:04Speaker 01

  You dinged my Adolf Hitler nickel. They only made five of those.

• 17:12Marcus Parks?

  I don't know what there is, there's something funny about a Hitler nickel.

• 17:15Speaker 01

  I hope somebody would be like, just try some out. Over here, down here, over here at the coronary, we're just trying some out. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is an all in one website platform that helps you stand out online. Yes, that's right, you don't have to smash your face with a hammer, you can just start a business. It's got everything you need on Squarespace, from securing your domain to building a professional site and showcasing your work all in one place. Let's say you want to show everybody how you can carve your ribs out of your lower abdomen so that you look more like a Ken doll, that's amazing. You can bring your vision to life with AI powered design or curated templates.

• 17:57Speaker 01

  Plus flexible editing tools that helps you create something that truly reflects your style. Especially if you are somebody that is trying to corrupt the young men of America. That's what Squarespace is really going to help you. Squarespace makes it easy, it makes it easy for you to put all it together and you just go to Squarespace and do it all. Thanks, Brayden. Head to Squarespace.com/left for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code LEFT to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. For kids, summer means freedom. And as adults, summer still means freedom, thanks to Mint Mobile's summer sale. Right now, all of Mint's plans are $15 per month, even unlimited.

• 18:38Speaker 01

  Free yourself from big wireless and switch to Mint for high speed data and coverage on the T-Mobile 5G network. Straight up, Mint's going to save you money. It does every month. Mint Mobile has all of the perks of all of the major other telephone providers, but this is the one that's actually saving you the dimes you need in order to really put them where they belong, which is, I guess, at the gas station. So Mint Mobile is going to help you pay for the one gallon of gas that you need. All right, but you will. And thanks to Mint, because at least Mint Mobile cares about your wallet. To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to MintMobile.com/LPOTL.

• 19:23Speaker 01

  That's MintMobile.com/LPOTL. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at MintMobile.com/LPOTL. That's it, there's no cash. Upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, and $180 for 12 months. Plan required, $15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra, initial plan term only. Greater than 50GB may slow when network is busy. Includes up to 20GB hotspot. Capable device required. Availability, speed, and coverage varies. See MintMobile.com. If you've been thinking about securing your home with SimpliSafe, now is the time. Right now, you can save 70% on a new system, the biggest savings of the year.

• 20:07Speaker 01

  Unlike traditional security systems that only alert you after a break in is already underway, SimpliSafe is built to stop it before it starts. Smart AI powered cameras watch for potential threats and alert a live US based agent to intervene. The agent intervenes in under 30 seconds, speaking through the camera to stop an intruder in their tracks and calling for urgent 911 dispatch when it's needed most. And that's why we use it here at the studio, it's extremely powerful. It keeps all the people trying to shut us down and quiet this down, all the government agents, all the various, uh, process servers, all the various barbarians that are literally trying to like come into our, our very studio and stab us, stab us and capture us and kidnap us. But thanks to SimpliSafe, they stop all that.

• 20:51Speaker 01

  We ain't been kidnapped once. SimpliSafe is offering your biggest savings of the year right now. 70% off your new system with professional monitoring when you visit SimpliSafe.com/left. That's SimpliSafe.com/left. And when you order right in LEFT at checkout, it tells them we sent you and it really helps the show. SimpliSafe, ahead of crime, in real time.

• 21:15Speaker 03

  Right from your grave.

• 21:17Speaker 01

  Now, Hans wrote many books about his encounters and according to Holzer, there are thousands of houses, if not hundreds of thousands, all over the world where staybys, ghosts, and memories that won't fade keep sharing the apartments with flesh and blood occupants. Now today, we will read transcripts from some of his first books, Ghost Hunter and Ghosts I've Met. What I love about all of these stories is that they read like it's an old timey gossip column, but it's about ghosts and poltergeist.

• 21:47Marcus Parks?

  Wonderful.

• 21:48Speaker 00

  So it's easy.

• 21:49Speaker 01

  Yes, it's easier.

• 21:50Speaker 00

  That's what I like about it.

• 21:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's easier. So we'll begin with this first one, The Riverside Ghost.

• 21:57Marcus Parks?

  Please help me find out what this is all about, pleaded the stranger on the telephone. I'm being attacked by a ghost. The caller turned out to be a young jeweler, Edward Carolanian of Paris, now living in an old apartment building on Riverside Drive.

• 22:15Speaker 01

  That's right down the street. Oh, wow.

• 22:16Marcus Parks?

  For the past two years, he'd lived there with his mother. Occasionally, he had heard footsteps where no one could have walked. Five or six times, he would wake up in the middle of the night to find several strangers in his room. They seemed to him people in conversation and disappeared as he challenged them on fully awakening.

• 22:32Speaker 00

  I know everything about vaccines.

• 22:37Marcus Parks?

  In one case, he saw a man coming towards him and threw a pillow at the invader. To his horror, the pillow did not go through the ghostly form, but slid off it and fell to the floor as the spook vanished.

• 22:50Speaker 00

  It's covered in cum.

• 22:53Marcus Parks?

  Yes, a slippery pillow is always a bad thing.

• 22:57Speaker 00

  That's my side pillow.

• 22:59Marcus Parks?

  The man obviously wanted to attack him. There was murder in his eyes, and Mr. Carolanian was frightened by it all. Although his mother could see nothing, he was able to describe the intruder as a man wearing a white uniform, like a cook, with a hat, like a cook, and that his face was mean and cruel.

• 23:16Speaker 00

  Like a cook.

• 23:17Speaker 01

  Cruel, yeah. Like a chef.

• 23:22Marcus Parks?

  On March 9th, I organized a séance at the apartment, at which a teacher at Adelphi College, Mr. Der Sarkisian, and three young... You can definitely tell which neighborhood in Los Angeles he's hanging out in.

• 23:34Speaker 01

  He's in Glendale.

• 23:35Marcus Parks?

  He's in Glendale, definitely.

• 23:38Marcus Parks?

  And three young ladies were also present. Mrs. Ethel Myers was the medium.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 23:43Marcus Parks?

  Although she knew nothing of the case, Mrs. Myers immediately described a man and woman arguing in the apartment and said there were structural changes, which Mr. Carolanian confirmed. Something is being strangled. The man goes away. Now, a woman falls and her head is crushed. They want to hide something from the family. Mrs. Myers then stated that someone had gone out through the 12th floor window after being strangled, and that the year was about 1910. In trance, the discarnate victim, Lizzie, took over her voice and cried pitifully for help. Excuse me, excuse me, I'm a used to be a lady now. I'm an old lady.

• 24:24Speaker 00

  Great impression, Marcus.

• 24:29Marcus Parks?

  Albert, Mrs. Myers' control, added that this was a maid who had been killed by a hired man on the wife's orders. Do you want extra towel?

• 24:39Marcus Parks?

  Do you want extra pillow? Apparently, the girl had had an affair with the husband named Henry. The murderer was a laborer working in a butcher shop by the name of Maggio. The family's name was Brady, or O Brady. The wife was Anne. After the séance, I investigated these data and found to my amazement that the 1812 city directory listed an A. Maggio, poultry, and both an Anne Brady and Anne O'Grady.

• 25:12Speaker 00

  No fucking shit!

• 25:13Marcus Parks?

  The first name was listed as living only one block away from the house.

• 25:17Speaker 00

  Get her!

• 25:18Marcus Parks?

  Oh, yes! Carolanian found out that a young girl accused of stealing had killed herself by jumping from that very room.

• 25:29Speaker 00

  It's real! Interesting. Corroboration! But if she jumped from there, wouldn't she be haunting the sidewalk?

• 25:38Speaker 01

  You think?

• 25:38Speaker 00

  Read your story, Ed. Read your fucking story, Ed. Now's not the time! Oh, yes.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  The haunted chair.

• 25:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, Henry gave me the gut-wrenching story of the haunted chair! Bernard Simon is a young writer with a great interest in the occult and very definitely a budding trance medium.

• 25:59Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 25:59Speaker 00

  He has done a highly evidential trance work in the strange language that turned out on later investigation to be authentic medieval Inca speech of Peru.

• 26:11Speaker 01

  Definitely.

• 26:11Speaker 00

  And he has a number of astral projections as well as clairvoyant dreams.

• 26:17Speaker 01

  You're gonna blow me later.

• 26:19Speaker 00

  I had a dream.

• 26:20Speaker 01

  You know the Incans, how they are.

• 26:21Speaker 00

  Yeah. Always playing with corn.

• 26:25Speaker 01

  I'm not gonna have to speak Incan, am I?

• 26:27Speaker 00

  Hmm, we'll see.

• 26:29Speaker 01

  Just take a whack at it.

• 26:31Speaker 00

  His wife, Joan, who is known professionally on the stage name under Joan Lowe. You know, she got that name.

• 26:40Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 26:40Speaker 00

  Blowjobs.

• 26:41Speaker 01

  Hmm, thank you.

• 26:42Speaker 00

  And is the niece, oh no, of the screen-luminary Joan Crawford.

• 26:46Speaker 01

  Ooh!

• 26:48Speaker 00

  Whom she greatly resembles.

• 26:50Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 26:51Speaker 00

  Also had psychic talents in addition to her artistic ones. Over the past two years, we have shared a number of séance experiences.

• 26:58Speaker 01

  Hans loves to share a séance experience with one of his friend's wives.

• 27:03Marcus Parks?

  I own 51% of this séance.

• 27:08Speaker 00

  A few weeks ago, the Simons moved into a brand-new building on West 12th Street. Shortly after their arrival, Bernard found himself drawn to a certain neighborhood antique shop where he saw a peculiar-shaped wooden chair. He immediately felt like he must buy this chair, which is said to be of Mexican Indian workmanship. Give me the chair. I want the chair.

• 27:30Speaker 01

  Are you sure? Are you sure this is Mexican Indian workmanship?

• 27:33Speaker 00

  Oh, my God, I need two of them!

• 27:34Speaker 01

  Okay, oh, then, then good.

• 27:36Speaker 00

  He brought the chair, a throne-like seat with a round back arm pieces and a strange base of cross staves to his newly furnished apartment and thought, no more of the peculiar force that made him acquire this unusual chair.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  Mexican Indian.

• 27:54Speaker 00

  A few days later, Bernard...

• 27:56Speaker 01

  Therapy shopping.

• 27:59Speaker 00

  A few days later, Bernard awoke rather suddenly in the middle of the night from a deep sleep. There was enough light in this small apartment to distinguish solid objects from each other. Thank God.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  Saget could have used that. God, help us all. Only Hans Holzer had met Bob Saget. He could have taught him all sorts of jokes about pussies and...

• 28:23Speaker 00

  His eyes were drawn to the chair, and it sat an extremely tall man. His back was turned to the observer, but it was clear to Bernard that the man was unusually tall. Before he could get up and challenge the intruder, he had vanished into thin air.

• 28:39Speaker 01

  More like tall air.

• 28:40Speaker 00

  That's right, you're right. It is more like tall air. But tall guys are also thin.

• 28:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:45Speaker 00

  I know that what kind of air you have. It's fat.

• 28:54Speaker 01

  Puddle. Mexican Indian.

• 28:57Marcus Parks?

  I see you more disappearing into curdled air.

• 29:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can see. Like a puddle. Yeah, that's fine. A woman described me as shaped like a shallot. The other day at the show, and I'm still haunted by that.

• 29:11Speaker 01

  Very lovely woman.

• 29:12Speaker 00

  Both Bernard and Joan Simon continually felt a presence and told me about their strange guest. I promised, I arranged for a séance soon and invited Ethel Johnson Myers to come down with me.

• 29:25Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:26Speaker 00

  Without, however, telling her any of the details of the case. On the morning of November 12th, I got an urgent telephone call from Joan. Something startling had just happened before her very eyes. Her husband, laughingly and tongue-in-cheek, had remarked that he didn't believe in ghosts and there was nothing to their visitor. With that, he got up and went to the kitchen, leaving Joan in her room. There was a small but fairly heavy metal figurine, a pagoda. It was placed in the middle of the small table near one of the walls. As Joan looked on, the figurine flew off the table and onto the floor with such violence that it broke in two.

• 30:08Speaker 01

  Not my pagoda!

• 30:10Speaker 00

  Three days later, the séance took place. Mrs. Myers took the chair and within moments was in a deep trance. Suddenly, she sat bolt upright and the Indian words came out of her mouth.

• 30:23Speaker 01

  And that sounded like what?

• 30:25Marcus Parks?

  Hey, how you doing? What's going on?

• 30:27Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 30:29Speaker 00

  Words that Bernard immediately recognized as a Kachua language.

• 30:33Speaker 01

  Definitely.

• 30:34Speaker 00

  The dialect spoken in ancient Peru.

• 30:37Speaker 01

  That's ancient Peruvian. I know that for a fact.

• 30:39Marcus Parks?

  Kachuan.

• 30:40Speaker 00

  A Kachuan, Kachui.

• 30:42Speaker 01

  Bless you. Yeah, first you Kachuan.

• 30:44Speaker 00

  Having learned a few words in Kachuan and prayer formulas himself, he managed to quiet the ghost.

• 30:50Speaker 01

  God, I would love to have gotten a recording of Ethel doing the Kachua. That's all I wanted.

• 30:57Speaker 00

  It appeared that the man was Huasaka.

• 31:00Marcus Parks?

  Right?

• 31:00Speaker 00

  Huask- waska. It appeared that the man was Huaska. And that he recognized Bernard as his son, apparently through reincarnation.

• 31:10Marcus Parks?

  Oh.

• 31:10Speaker 00

  He's ancient Peruvian Indian.

• 31:12Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, of course. No, that's how reincarnation works.

• 31:15Speaker 00

  Could be anyone, could be a dog. He had been instrumental in getting Bernard to buy this chair. And then was anxious to make himself known. This having now been accomplished, there followed a joyful embrace. And then the Indian was gone.

• 31:32Marcus Parks?

  Wow.

• 31:33Speaker 00

  The following day, all knocks and other strange noises that had accompanied the feeling of a presence prior to the seance were gone. The chair no longer moved and squeaked. All had been quiet since the Simons. Yes. Silent chair.

• 31:50Marcus Parks?

  See, you know, that's what's hard.

• 31:51Speaker 00

  Silent but deadly.

• 31:52Marcus Parks?

  The idea of just, you have a haunted chair.

• 31:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I do have an haunted chair, yeah.

• 31:56Marcus Parks?

  What is the deal with that thing?

• 31:57Speaker 01

  It's just super creepy chair and the guys said that they've never liked, the guys didn't like having it in the shop? And they said it moved stuff around and having in the shop and then we bought it and didn't do anything.

• 32:05Marcus Parks?

  No, of course not. No, of course it didn't do anything. I have a question about this, though. So there, according to this story, the spirit of this-

• 32:14Speaker 00

  Wanted the chair.

• 32:14Marcus Parks?

  No, the spirit of the man, the, the, the, the, the spirit, the haunting spirit, the Incan man, had been in this chair for years? Waiting for the reincarnation of his son to come along?

• 32:27Speaker 00

  I think, no, the, the, the, the ghost, the Indian man was inside the boy. And then the boy saw the chair and then realized, that was my chair in a different life.

• 32:36Speaker 01

  Yes, that's what it was. It was his old chair.

• 32:38Marcus Parks?

  Okay.

• 32:39Speaker 01

  Now it's back in the house.

• 32:40Marcus Parks?

  But the thing is that he's speaking in ancient, never mind.

• 32:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, you know, there's no reason to get too deep in it. Ethel just wanted to play Peruvian. Okay, you know how hard it is? You wanna get, do you remember how that big stink that Scarlett Johansson played to be a Japanese woman?

• 32:55Marcus Parks?

  No, that's right.

• 32:56Speaker 01

  She wanted that.

• 32:57Marcus Parks?

  Mm-hmm.

• 32:57Speaker 00

  That was Emma Stone.

• 32:59Speaker 01

  They're all, they're all Japanese to me.

• 33:03Speaker 00

  As far as I'm fucking concerned. God forsaken Japanese. But it is funny that they got the most wide-eyed American to play.

• 33:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, Chinese and Asian person. Here we go. Here's my story. Ghostly Lover.

• 33:20Speaker 01

  The Ghostly Lover, perhaps, is the most fantastic case of recent, recent vintage. It's a case involving Betty Ritter and the well-known psychoanalyst, Dr. Nandor Fodor.

• 33:32Marcus Parks?

  Oh, we've, uh, covered Nandor Fodor.

• 33:34Speaker 01

  Oh, yes, very much so. It's every character you could think of comes back a lot of times in these cases. Doctor Fodor-

• 33:40Marcus Parks?

  It was a small community.

• 33:41Speaker 01

  It was, yeah, it was. Of weirdo and weird men in this small town. Dr. Fodor had been treating a certain Edith Berger in Long Island for what seemed to at first be disturbing symptoms of split personality. And if you know any woman from Long Island, Rob, you know for a fact that's just their general character.

• 33:59Marcus Parks?

  Mm-hmm.

• 34:00Speaker 01

  Now, but Dr. Fodor is a trained parapsychologist as well. And he did not fail to recognize the case for what it was. Possession! He suggested that the Burgers call in a good medium and recommended Betty Ritter. Half in tears, Edith Berger's mother told Betty on the telephone how a possessive spirit personality had been annoying her and her daughter for the past four months. It seemed that Edith, the daughter, had a gentleman friend, a medical doctor, who died in the tropics not long before. The very day after his death, the young woman found that her erstwhile suitor had attached himself to her and was forcing himself on her physically.

• 34:44Speaker 00

  Well, not allowed.

• 34:45Speaker 01

  The attacks were so violent, the mother said, that she had to sleep in the same bed with her daughter for protection, but to no avail, the mother also felt the physical contact experienced by her daughter.

• 34:57Marcus Parks?

  So this is the entity?

• 34:59Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 34:59Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, and it should be called Ghost Rapist, not Ghost Lover.

• 35:03Speaker 00

  Loving is different on the other side.

• 35:05Marcus Parks?

  I guess so.

• 35:05Speaker 00

  I mean, how else is he gonna get it?

• 35:07Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 35:08Speaker 00

  Oh, man, I heard this Jim Croce song recently called Five Minutes of Love. And it's all about five minutes love gets you 15 long years in jail. And it's like, don't call it love.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ.

• 35:18Speaker 00

  Don't call it love.

• 35:19Speaker 01

  Don't do not, I hate this now.

• 35:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:21Speaker 01

  The problem is, he's got so sick of rhyme and rape, and all he got is grape, grape again, grape, rape, dape.

• 35:29Speaker 00

  Which means nothing.

• 35:30Speaker 01

  Nothing. If they make it a proper noun.

• 35:33Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 35:35Speaker 01

  Betty concentrated her psychic powers immediately in what can only be called a form of exorcism. Although there was some relief, the ghostly boyfriend was still around.

• 35:44Marcus Parks?

  Not a boyfriend.

• 35:45Speaker 01

  To Betty's horror, she woke up that same night to find the restless one standing before her bed, stark naked, in a menacing mood. Betty's context on the other side, however, protected her and took the erring one away. So he was gonna get her too.

• 36:02Marcus Parks?

  Okay.

• 36:03Speaker 01

  And they were like, hey now, hey, whoa, hey.

• 36:05Marcus Parks?

  Hey.

• 36:05Speaker 00

  So she called the ghost police?

• 36:07Speaker 01

  Her ghost bouncers.

• 36:09Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 36:10Speaker 01

  Telling Edith Berger of her experience the next day, she accurately described the visitor. Her efforts seemed to weaken the attack somewhat, and several days later she saw him again. This time, however, fully clothed. He wore riding boots and carried a whip. The Burgers confirmed that the man had been a lover of horses.

• 36:29Marcus Parks?

  Oh.

• 36:30Speaker 01

  And then on April 20th, 1961, Betty Ritter, Betty Ritter-

• 36:34Marcus Parks?

  Wait, so are they saying that he was a horse rapist?

• 36:36Speaker 01

  He was a horse-bound rapist.

• 36:39Marcus Parks?

  Okay.

• 36:39Speaker 01

  Loved horses.

• 36:40Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 36:41Speaker 01

  Actually, he just made love to the horses.

• 36:43Marcus Parks?

  Okay.

• 36:44Speaker 01

  He took them out on dates. He asked for explicit, explicit fucking yeses.

• 36:50Marcus Parks?

  Well, the thing is, you can't ask consent from a horse because all it can say is nay.

• 36:54Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:00Speaker 00

  Don't fuck horses.

• 37:01Speaker 01

  Back to the ghost rapist.

• 37:03Speaker 00

  Oh, 420.

• 37:05Speaker 01

  So, on 420, Betty Ritter telephoned the Burgers to find out how things were going.

• 37:12Speaker 00

  It was a fucking ghost problem, man.

• 37:16Speaker 00

  Let me show you this white woman who's an Indian sometimes.

• 37:19Speaker 01

  The moment Edith answered the telephone, the ghost started to pull her hair in a most painful passion, as if to prove you still very much in evidence. But the violent mind of the young doctor would not accept the separation from his physical body and its pleasures. The haunting continued. Thus Betty Ritter asked me to accompany her to the Burger home for another go at the case. The Burgers turned out to be very level-headed, middle-class people and completely ignorant of anything psychic. Edith seemed to be highly nervous but quite normal human being.

• 37:51Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 37:51Speaker 01

  You think she's nervous?

• 37:52Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, highly nervous.

• 37:53Speaker 00

  She's getting raped by ghosts every night.

• 37:55Speaker 01

  Her old boyfriend. Almost immediately, the entity got a hold of the medium and yelled through her, "I shall not be pulled away from you. I won't go!"

• 38:08Speaker 01

  I learned that the father had at first been highly skeptical of all this. He doesn't even believe in human-based rape. But his daughter's behavior changed so much and became so different from her previous character that he had to admit to himself that something uncanny was happening in his home. Edith, who'd wanted to be a singer and was far from tidy, suddenly became the very model of tidiness, starting to clean things up and behave like a nurse, the profession her late boyfriend had wanted her to follow.

• 38:39Marcus Parks?

  Hmm.

• 38:40Speaker 00

  Just in case she gets sick, it's a good plan.

• 38:42Speaker 01

  It is. At fir-, at times she assumed his ailments and passing symptoms. At times, she would suffer from genuine malaria, just as he had done. Since Edith was mediumistic, it was easy for the dead doctor to have his will. The message he wanted her to deliver most was to tell his mother that he was still alive. But how could she do that and not reveal her agony? One afternoon while she was praying for him, she felt a clutching sensation on her arm. Later on in bed, she clearly heard his voice saying, "It's me, Don!" Hey, it's me, Don!

• 39:17Speaker 00

  It's me, Don!

• 39:18Speaker 01

  Back from the tropics.

• 39:19Speaker 00

  It's me, Don, yeah. See if you can touch your breasts for me.

• 39:24Speaker 00

  Bring your mother in here.

• 39:26Speaker 01

  From that day on, he stayed with her constantly. On one particular amorous occasion, her mother clearly discerned a man's outline in the empty bed. She quickly grabbed a fly swatter and chased the earthbound spirit out of her daughter's bed. Once, when she was about to put her on her coat to go out, the coat, apparently of its own volition, came towards her as if something were holding for her to slip on. Whenever she was with other men, he kissed her, and she would hear his angry voice. This time the seance cracked his selfish shell. "I haven't been able to finish what I started," he sobbed, referring to his important medical experiments.

• 40:03Speaker 00

  Oh, is he a gooner?

• 40:06Speaker 01

  Actually, he didn't say. He didn't say. He then asked forgiveness, and then he'd be allowed to come back to be with Edith now and then. So after we left, Dr. Fodor had come along too. We all expressed hope that the Burgers would live in peace. But a few weeks later, Edith telephoned me in great excitement. The doctor had returned once more. I then explained to her that she had to sacrifice, rid herself of her own desire to have this man around, unconscious though it may be. And in closing the door on this chapter of her life, make it impossible for the earthbound one to take control of her psychic energies.

• 40:42Speaker 00

  I've heard no-

• 40:43Speaker 01

  Nothing further.

• 40:44Marcus Parks?

  Wow.

• 40:44Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 40:45Marcus Parks?

  That's beautiful.

• 40:46Speaker 01

  Cut him off.

• 40:46Marcus Parks?

  Wow.

• 40:47Speaker 01

  Dump him. That's what that means.

• 40:48Marcus Parks?

  Dump him.

• 40:49Speaker 01

  Dump him.

• 40:49Marcus Parks?

  Dump him. Don't make his career your career.

• 40:52Speaker 01

  Don't.

• 40:52Marcus Parks?

  Don't make his life your life.

• 40:53Speaker 01

  Don't. It's not your life.

• 40:54Speaker 00

  He's just a ghost. If it was his life, he'd be alive.

• 40:57Speaker 01

  He ended it. He ended it early by being weak.

• 41:01Speaker 01

  But arguably, Hans's most famous case that he covered was the Amityville Horror House.

• 41:05Speaker 00

  Oh, really?

• 41:06Speaker 01

  If you remember from back when we covered Amityville, Hans and Ethel Johnson Myers arrived at 112 Ocean Avenue in January of 1977. Ethel channeled a Native American chief rolling thunder who explained the backstory of this cursed land. This was the remains of a haunted Shinnecock tribe burial mound, and the ghosts of an angry chieftain inhabited the body of Ronnie DeFeo and led him around to murder his family that fateful night.

• 41:33Marcus Parks?

  Mm-hmm.

• 41:34Speaker 01

  It was an attack on white people. These claims were-

• 41:38Marcus Parks?

  Well, I said an attack on Italians.

• 41:40Speaker 01

  Italians.

• 41:41Marcus Parks?

  Specifically.

• 41:42Speaker 00

  Ruin. It's a stereotype.

• 41:44Speaker 01

  No. These claims are spectacularly debunked. The Amityville Historical Society showed evidence that this section of Long Island actually stood on stolen land of the proud Montauk, a whaling people and craftsmen of clam jewelry.

• 41:58Marcus Parks?

  That's certainly something that a historical society in Long Island would be an expert on.

• 42:03Speaker 01

  Oh, we see the Montauk, uh, Ali's action was super crucial in the first creation of Musa Del. They do some of the best red pepper fucking pork chop. You drop in, you get some sweet chili pops, you take a fucking, oh, it's nothing like my mother's Whispering Cats. She fucking loved my fucking sweet pepper pork chops, buddy.

• 42:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, man. These fucking people, they love killing whales and they love wearing clams.

• 42:30Speaker 01

  They love wearing clams.

• 42:31Marcus Parks?

  Don't fucking bring up clams to my wife, or you bring up clam jewelry, she'll be talking about for five fucking hours. You can't believe somebody went and turned it up on big clams. Someone turned it up on clams.

• 42:44Speaker 00

  You could sell it at the church on Sunday.

• 42:46Speaker 01

  That's authentic Indian stuff.

• 42:53Speaker 01

  Now, despite all this information, Hans believed in Ethel's abilities and subsequently wrote the infamous book Murder in Amityville, which would inspire the first sequel to Amityville, the first movie. And according to my count, you know that there has been over 70 films using the Amityville Horror as its base.

• 43:13Marcus Parks?

  Jesus.

• 43:14Speaker 01

  Get out.

• 43:19Marcus Parks?

  I'll let it stand.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  One of my favorite Hans factoids is his lifelong dedication to being a lactarian, a vegetarian who also eats dairy but not eggs.

• 43:30Speaker 00

  Oh, I never heard that before.

• 43:32Speaker 01

  It is a pain in the ass way to live. Hey, I- I only like milk. Did they? I like milk? No eggs.

• 43:39Marcus Parks?

  I get that because, eh, you know, eggs, that, that is the feat, that's a, uh, an embryo of a chicken. He doesn't want to eat a live animal, but milk is the byproduct of an animal. And sure, they get tortured, uh, to get it, but you know, they're still alive.

• 43:52Speaker 00

  Eggs are an abortion.

• 43:55Speaker 01

  We all gotta work. All right. We all gotta work here, Hans. Now, we see the strong dietary stance led to him being, this is a kind of a little side quest I took, led to him being a light, having a lifelong best friendship with a man by the name of Alex Sanders, AKA Verbius, AKA the King of All Witches. The King of All Witches. I love this fucking- The King of All Witches. This fucking guy. In my research, I, I became slightly obsessed with Alex Sanders. It's another story. I gotta do it another. There's a whole thing there. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing this Tuesday. Uh, but to sum him up for now, Sanders is a bisexual Wiccan version of Aleister Crowley.

• 44:36Marcus Parks?

  Ooh.

• 44:37Speaker 01

  Essentially, I'd call his group the Ordine della Luna, the Paisley OTO.

• 44:42Marcus Parks?

  Ah.

• 44:43Speaker 01

  It is essentially, he went into the women-led Wiccan world, created a new thing called Alexandrian witches after himself, and then basically said dudes rule here too. Like, that's what he did.

• 44:55Speaker 00

  He mansplained witches.

• 44:57Speaker 01

  Witches, dude, witches. This is like a whole thing, guys. It's like, it's very, it's very funny. He abandoned left and path magic because he was doing it for money and sex, and he said after too many magical gay orgies, it gave his sister breast cancer. Right? So that's when he stopped. He got punished for it because of all the gay sex he was having.

• 45:17Speaker 00

  I mean, if it's too much, anything that much fun's gonna give you cancer.

• 45:20Speaker 01

  That's, that's what I always said. And stress. And stress. He also led the public crusade for the awareness of Wicca, including in developing Alexandrian Wicca and all this kind of shit. He made a lot of enemies, the rest of Wicca. Uh, and in his last years, he spent his, his time with his coven casting magical workings to revive Merlin's ghost from Atlantis.

• 45:43Marcus Parks?

  Wait, so Merlin, Merlin-

• 45:44Speaker 01

  From Atlantis.

• 45:45Marcus Parks?

  Okay, but so-

• 45:47Speaker 00

  Same Merlin?

• 45:47Marcus Parks?

  Like King Arthur Merlin?

• 45:49Speaker 01

  There's only one.

• 45:50Marcus Parks?

  So was he alive from Atlantis until King Arthur?

• 45:53Speaker 01

  He's still alive.

• 45:54Marcus Parks?

  Merlin.

• 45:55Speaker 01

  But he's in a ghost state.

• 45:56Marcus Parks?

  Why do I keep saying Merlin?

• 45:58Speaker 01

  Merlin.

• 45:58Marcus Parks?

  Merlin.

• 45:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, you know, it's ghost state. He's in a holding state.

• 46:02Marcus Parks?

  Oh, okay. All right.

• 46:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, he forever, he lives forever.

• 46:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, he plays baseball for the Florida Berlins.

• 46:07Speaker 01

  He never came back.

• 46:13Speaker 01

  And they were only around after 1997. I mean, that's the only thing.

• 46:17Marcus Parks?

  And congratulations to the Milwaukee Brewers.

• 46:19Speaker 01

  Wow, congratulations, guys. Uh, but Hans, that's Hans's best friend. That's just kind of just showed like the world he trafficked in because this is really now when you see, as he first started writing books, as we can, as happens to every single paranormal researcher we know, the love of Hollywood comes calling.

• 46:39Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 46:39Speaker 01

  They want it so bad. And Hans is the guy. He's the guy that really made the template for all ghost hunters from then on out. There would be no Zach Bagans, it'd be none of that shit. He led a long storied career. He was the first TV Ghostbuster. He had a show called Ghost Hunter, uh, that was in the 1960s, and I can't find it anywhere. He was the original producer on In Search of.

• 47:02Marcus Parks?

  Oh, that's fucking, that's the one with Leonard Nimoy, right?

• 47:05Speaker 01

  Yes. And so he created that show into the, went into the seventies and eighties. He's also, uh, there's a current Travel Channel show called The Holzer Files-

• 47:13Marcus Parks?

  Wow.

• 47:13Speaker 01

  -that is currently going on, so the show's that his influence continues to this day.

• 47:17Marcus Parks?

  Hmm. They're lies, but entertaining lies.

• 47:20Speaker 01

  They are entertaining.

• 47:22Speaker 01

  That's right here. And it is, and now people, it's this group of guys, it's, the show's been on since 2019.

• 47:29Marcus Parks?

  Jesus.

• 47:29Speaker 01

  It is something like several hundred episodes where they just go through his files and they try to just go and do the, they just cover his files.

• 47:36Marcus Parks?

  Man, I just, stop paying attention to cable altogether.

• 47:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's hard, man, because there's a lot of these, but these guys are making a lot of money, and these are the guys eating our lunch at these cons, guys.

• 47:45Speaker 00

  It's true. Well, you know.

• 47:47Speaker 01

  We gotta work on this.

• 47:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, but they charge for their autographs.

• 47:49Speaker 01

  It's true. We won't do that.

• 47:50Marcus Parks?

  Yep.

• 47:51Speaker 01

  So now, this book is, the reason why I, I kind of focused, yet.

• 47:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, that's what we needed.

• 47:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:58Speaker 00

  Ten years, we'll be charging.

• 48:00Speaker 01

  When we do our seventies and we do last podcast, the left comes back to do our big, like, 40 year anniversary and we're in wheelchairs and stuff, you'll see it.

• 48:08Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, yeah. When we're charging for autographs, why don't you go ahead and just put an extra five in there?

• 48:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, we're gonna need it.

• 48:20Speaker 01

  You know what I've been putting off? Really getting my feet fixed. Cause I really, you know, I've been afraid to do it, simply because I'm afraid of the power I unleash having two perfect, sumptuous feet. But, you know, there's no right time, ever. And investing can feel the same way. The hardest part of investing? Starting, just like taking care of your feet. Acorns gets you past that part under five minutes and lets you start investing with whatever you've got right now, even your spare change. You got 15 cents? You're in the market, baby. You don't have to have it all figured out just to start,

• 49:01Speaker 01

  and Acorns is here to help. Sign up today at acorns.com/left, and Acorns will add a $5 bonus investment to your account. That's acorns.com/left. Acorns.com/left. Individual is not a customer of Acorns and was compensated in tier two for providing this endorsement. Compensation provides an incentive for the promoter to positively endorse Acorns. Material may be biased. View important disclosures at acorns.com/influencers. Investing involves risk, including the loss of principal. Please consider your objectives, risk tolerance, and Acorns fees before investing. Investment advisory products and services offered by

• 49:40Speaker 01

  Acorns Advisors LLC. Acorns, an SEC-registered investment advisor. Brokerage products and services are provided by Acorns Securities LLC, an SEC-registered broker-dealer, member FINRA/SIPC. For more information, visit acorns.com. Acorns.

• 50:05Speaker 01

  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If there was one thing I could permanently delete from my mind, it would be the sight of a famous Canadian body horror movie director and his backside. And I saw that accidentally in a room, uh, in Toronto. Is that vague enough or no? BetterHelp therapists, they can help you clear some of those thoughts that you're having that are taking up way too much mental space. And with insurance, many members pay $15 or less, some pay $0. And yeah, you might not have seen one of the best directors of a generation who obviously dips into drama, body horror, sci-fi, and

• 50:48Speaker 01

  novel adaptations. All right, you may not have seen the undercarriage of this old man, sure, but I'm certain there's many things that you wish the therapist could just delete, and that's why you're in good hands. BetterHelp therapists are fully licensed in the US with at least three years and 1,000 hours of hands-on experience. And when it comes to matching with therapists, BetterHelp does the initial work for you. Just take a short questionnaire to help identify your needs. Not happy with your match? Switch to a different therapist at any time for BetterHelp's tailored recommendations. BetterHelp is now a network with more than 125 health plans, with many copays as low as $15 for eligible members. And if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the US, you can still get 10% off your first month. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/lastpod. That's better H E L P dot com slash last pod.

• 51:39Speaker 00

  Alright, you guys know who I am. You know what I do, you know what kind of clothes I wear. If I gotta get on stage and show you guys how a man dresses, do you know what I'm wearing? You guessed it, it's Quince, cuz I wanna look good for you people. I wanna, I want you people to see me on stage and be like, "Ooh, Eddie, you're making me so happy, I just wanna touch, I just wanna rub," and I say, "No!" But you can look, you can look, and guess what? You can put it on too. You can go to quince.com and you can buy yourself all this stuff and make yourself look good at a reasonable cost,

• 52:22Speaker 00

  with really nice fabrics, alright? These guys know what they're doing over there. You know, I've been reading these ads for three years, and it seems like they only get more stuff. They only get more popular, they only get more comfortable. Do yourself a favor, look good this winter. Go to Quince, get some cash, man. Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks you where you heard about them, let them know it was Last Podcast on the Left. It's the best way to support our show. We love you, baby.

• 53:11Speaker 01

  So this little, the reason why I got obsessed with this book, because much like all, again, lots of ghost hunters, he's a genuine star fucker, right? Like, he loves celebrities. So he moved to LA for like 15 years, and he would just go to famous people's li- like, showed up, like, he wouldn't go to like big parties and all this type of stuff, and became kind of ingratiated in all these celebrity scenes, and then just essentially just reported on the ghosts of various celebrities and their families.

• 53:41Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 53:42Speaker 01

  So this is the first one called "The Stranger at the Door."

• 53:48Marcus Parks?

  I have found that there are ghosts in all sorts of places, in ancient castles, modern apartment houses, farms, and ships. But it's somewhat of a jolt to find out you've lived in a house for a few years and didn't even know it was haunted. But that is exactly what happened to me.

• 54:06Speaker 01

  That doesn't necessarily mean it's not haunted, it's just that you didn't see it.

• 54:09Marcus Parks?

  For three years, I was a resident of a beautiful 29-story apartment building on Riverside Drive.

• 54:15Speaker 00

  More Riverside.

• 54:15Marcus Parks?

  I lived on the 19th floor, and seldom worried about what transpired below me.

• 54:20Speaker 01

  Stomping around, just stomping, smashing dishes, and just moving his refrigerator back and forth.

• 54:27Marcus Parks?

  But I was aware of the existence of a theater and a museum on the ground floor of the building. I was also keenly aware of numerous inspired paintings, some Tibetan, some Occidental, adorning the corridors of this building. The museum is nowadays known as the Riverside Museum, and the paintings are largely the work of the great Roarach, a painter who sought his inspirations mainly in the mysticism of Tibet, where he spent many years. On his return from the east-

• 54:56Speaker 00

  To bet your ass you did.

• 55:01Speaker 00

  Fuck this fucking piece of shit, dude.

• 55:02Marcus Parks?

  On his return from the east, his many admirers decided to chip in a few million and build him a monument worthy of his name. Thus, in 1930, was raised the Roarach Building as a center of the then-flourishing cult of Eastern mysticism, of which Roarach was the high priest. After his death, a schism appeared amongst his followers, and an exodus took place. A new Roarach Museum was established by Sina Fossdick and is still in existence a few blocks away from the imposing 29-story structure originally known by that name. In turn, the building where I lived changed its name to that of "The Master Institute", a combination apartment building and school,

• 55:46Marcus Parks?

  and of course, art gallery. It was in February of 1960 when I met at a tea party, yes, there are such things in this day and age, a young actress and producer, Mrs. Rowland, who had an interesting experience at my building some years ago.

• 56:05Speaker 01

  That is Gina Rowland.

• 56:07Marcus Parks?

  Ah.

• 56:07Speaker 01

  The famous actress, Gina Rowland is who he's preferring to.

• 56:10Marcus Parks?

  Gina Rowland.

• 56:11Speaker 01

  Who was in "Woman Under the Influence", a famous, of, uh, very famous, but, she was a wonderful actor, favorite of it at John Cassavetes.

• 56:18Marcus Parks?

  Oh. She was not sure whether it was 1952 or 1953, but she was quite sure that it happened exactly the way she told it to me that winter afternoon in the apartment of famed author Claudia de Lys. A lecture meeting dealing with Eastern philosophy had drawn her to the Roarach Building. Ralph Houston, the eminent philosopher, presided over the affair, and a full turnout it was. As the speaker held the attention of the crowd, Mrs. Rowland's eyes wandered off to the rear of the room. Her interest was invited by a tall stranger standing near the door, listening quietly and with rapt attention. Mrs. Rowland didn't know too many of the active members,

• 57:02Marcus Parks?

  and the stranger, whom she had never seen before, fascinated her. His dress, for one thing, was most peculiar. He wore a gray cotton robe with a high-necked collar, the kind one sees in Oriental paintings, and on his head he had a round, black cap. He appeared to be a fairly young man, certainly in the prime of his life, and his very dark eyes, in particular, attracted her. For a moment, she turned her attention to the speaker. When she returned to the door, the young man was gone. "Peculiar," she thought. "Why should he leave in the middle of the lecture? He seemed so interested in it all." As the devotees of mysticism slowly filed out of the room,

• 57:46Marcus Parks?

  the actress sauntered over to Mrs. Fossdick, whom she knew to be "The Boss Lady" of the group. "Tell me," she inquired, "who was that handsome, dark-eyed young man at the door?" Mrs. Fossdick was puzzled. She did not recall any such person. The actress then described the stranger in every detail. When she had finished, Mrs. Fossdick seemed a bit pale.

• 58:13Speaker 00

  Get her a banana.

• 58:14Marcus Parks?

  But this, you know, sometimes my Fossdick gets pale.

• 58:19Speaker 01

  Mine's brown, dark.

• 58:22Speaker 00

  Gray over here.

• 58:26Marcus Parks?

  But this was an esoteric forum, so she did not hesitate to tell Mrs. Rowland that she had apparently seen an apparition. What was more, the description fitted the great Roarach in his earlier years. To a T, Mrs. Rowland had never seen Roarach in the flesh. At this point, Mrs. Rowland confessed that she had psychic abilities and was often given to hunches.

• 58:52Speaker 00

  That's not, that's-

• 58:53Marcus Parks?

  There was much, there was much-

• 58:54Speaker 01

  That's what they say to beautiful women a lot. You just say that to a beautiful, usually, "You've gotta be psychic, you're incredible."

• 59:02Marcus Parks?

  "Can you see these, are they?"

• 59:08Marcus Parks?

  There was much head shaking, followed by some handshaking, and then the matter was forgotten. I was, of course, interested, for what would be nicer than to have a house ghost, so to speak.

• 59:20Speaker 01

  He's fucking just desperate.

• 59:21Marcus Parks?

  Get it, house, house ghost.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  We're gonna be great, a house ghost.

• 59:26Marcus Parks?

  House ghost. The next morning, I contacted Mrs. Fossdick. Unfortunately, this was one of the occasions when truth did not conquer. When I finished telling her what I wanted her to confirm, she tightened up, especially when she found out I was living at the enemy camp.

• 59:44Speaker 01

  Oh my god, he would know the difference.

• 59:47Marcus Parks?

  Emphatically, Mrs. Fossdick denied the incident, but admitted knowing Mrs. Rowland. With this, I returned to my informant, who reaffirmed the entire matter. Again, I approached Mrs. Fossdick with the courage of an unwelcome suitor advancing on the castle of his beloved, fully aware of the dragon's lurking in the moat.

• 1:00:08Speaker 00

  I love this guy.

• 1:00:10Marcus Parks?

  While I explained my scientific reasons for wanting her to remember the incident, she launched into a tirade concerning her withdrawal from the original Roarach group, which was fascinating, but not to me.

• 1:00:26Speaker 01

  Shut the fuck up.

• 1:00:29Marcus Parks?

  I have no reason to doubt Mrs. Rowland's account, especially as I found her extremely well-poised, balanced, and indeed psychic.

• 1:00:37Speaker 01

  She had two large, swinging psychic abilities.

• 1:00:42Marcus Parks?

  I only wonder if Mr. Roarach would sometimes honor me with a visit, or vice versa, now that we were neighbors.

• 1:00:53Speaker 01

  Ah, slick. You read that, slick.

• 1:00:57Marcus Parks?

  Thank you, well, you know, he, he has a slick vibe. That's what I get, I get the slick vibe from him.

• 1:01:01Speaker 01

  And he dressed all suits and shit, he looked great.

• 1:01:04Speaker 00

  And she was married to John Cassavetes.

• 1:01:07Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:01:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:01:08Speaker 01

  Gina Rowland.

• 1:01:09Speaker 00

  Alright, I got another one.

• 1:01:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, and this is yours now. The spectral Mary, Queen of Scots.

• 1:01:15Speaker 00

  That's right.

• 1:01:17Speaker 00

  Back of Holyrood Palace, Edinburgh, residence of Mary, Queen of Scots-

• 1:01:24Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 1:01:24Speaker 00

  And other Scottish monarchs, you know, stands a little house of modest appearance, going by the quaint name of Crofton Ray. This house was once owned by James, Earl of Jones, I mean, Maray, half-brother of Mary and regent of Scotland in her absence. Today, the house is subdivided into three apartments, one of which belongs to a Mrs. Klein. But several years ago, this was the official residence of the warden of Holyrood Palace. The warden is the chief guide who has charge of all tourist traffic. David Graham, the one-time warden,

• 1:02:06Speaker 00

  has now retired to this house at nearby Portobello. But 14 years ago, he had a most unusual experience in this little house.

• 1:02:16Speaker 01

  We had fun.

• 1:02:19Speaker 00

  There were-

• 1:02:20Speaker 01

  We played Uno.

• 1:02:21Speaker 00

  There were 12 of us assembled for seance, and I recall, he said, "And we had Helen Duncan, who's now dead, and our medium. There we were, seated quietly in the top floor of Crofton Ray, waiting for developments."

• 1:02:40Speaker 01

  Helen Duncan, God rest her rotten fucking soul.

• 1:02:43Marcus Parks?

  Hey, fucking hell, you're sitting here, dude, nothing in me, sitting in me.

• 1:02:48Speaker 00

  He's growth in here, a killer again. They did not have to wait long. A figure materialized before their astonished eyes and was recognized instantly. Mary Queen of Scots herself.

• 1:03:03Speaker 01

  Ah, I do. Ah, you don't need.

• 1:03:06Speaker 00

  It's so good to see you again.

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  They are coming to me, let me see one. Let me see one.

• 1:03:12Speaker 00

  Who had been to this house many times in moments of great emotional turmoil. Within a moment, she was god damn. On several occasions, Mr. Graham recalls, he saw the ghost of a short man in 16th century clothes.

• 1:03:27Speaker 01

  I am French.

• 1:03:29Speaker 00

  The man insisted.

• 1:03:30Marcus Parks?

  I whoa, okay.

• 1:03:32Speaker 00

  Graham thought nothing of it until he accidentally discovered that the house was built by an architect named Fred.

• 1:03:40Speaker 01

  Jesus.

• 1:03:41Speaker 00

  Oh my God. Frank Stewart again.

• 1:03:44Speaker 01

  I am French. I, I am French.

• 1:03:47Marcus Parks?

  I am, but Yo Soy French.

• 1:03:49Speaker 01

  I am French.

• 1:03:49Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, like our friend Neil French. Who has helped us out with many, uh, minion episode over the years.

• 1:03:54Speaker 01

  I wonder if he's, I wonder if he's related.

• 1:03:56Marcus Parks?

  He might be, cause he is of, he's of northern stock.

• 1:03:59Speaker 00

  Well, French is the first name.

• 1:04:01Speaker 01

  French is the second name.

• 1:04:02Speaker 00

  Oh, is it?

• 1:04:02Speaker 01

  That's what I would imagine.

• 1:04:03Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 1:04:04Speaker 01

  Neil, are you the other French? Are you related to this architect named French? Get it back to us.

• 1:04:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, but there's French Stewart.

• 1:04:09Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, and, and, and he also, remember, uh, Neil took us around, uh, Edinburgh.

• 1:04:13Speaker 01

  I know. That's what I was saying. That's what it might works. It's actually French Stewart was born with the name France Stewart.

• 1:04:18Speaker 00

  Really? That's interesting.

• 1:04:20Speaker 01

  No, it's not. It's not real.

• 1:04:21Speaker 00

  He was German Stewart.

• 1:04:22Speaker 01

  You're right.

• 1:04:26Speaker 01

  So you wouldn't even believe the other celebrities he got to meet. He had several long exchanges with Abraham Lincoln and Thomas Jefferson. He saw a blob in the shape of Alexander Hamilton.

• 1:04:35Speaker 00

  He was wrapping and wrapping and wrapping. Would you believe he's one?

• 1:04:41Speaker 01

  And then he spoke to his old favorite comedian actor, Clifton Webb.

• 1:04:45Marcus Parks?

  Oh, Clifton Webb. What's he known for?

• 1:04:47Speaker 01

  Well, due to poor health, he spent the last five years of his life as a recluse at his home in Beverly Hills. On October 13th, 1966, Webb suffered a fatal heart attack. He was 76 years old and now he's laid in crypt. 2350 corridor G6 of the Hollywood Forever Cemetery alongside his beloved mother.

• 1:05:03Speaker 00

  Let's dig him up. Let's dig him up.

• 1:05:07Marcus Parks?

  The only information you could find about him?

• 1:05:09Speaker 01

  He made a bunch of short reels and then he lived with his mother until he was 71 years old. And then when she died, he died quickly after. So he was with her her whole life and then, um, he was very much a closeted gay man.

• 1:05:24Marcus Parks?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:05:26Speaker 01

  He loved him.

• 1:05:27Marcus Parks?

  But a funny one.

• 1:05:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:28Marcus Parks?

  Clifton.

• 1:05:29Speaker 01

  Dry.

• 1:05:30Marcus Parks?

  Ah, dry humor.

• 1:05:31Speaker 01

  Also Hans met Woodrow Wilson.

• 1:05:33Speaker 00

  Wow, my God.

• 1:05:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, what a lucky guy Hans was.

• 1:05:37Speaker 00

  He kick him in the nuts?

• 1:05:38Speaker 01

  He should have. You know, in his personal life, a man married Catherine Beaudovin. I believe it's Behovin. Behovin. The sixth generation descendant of Catherine the Great. Goes to show you the spooky goth dudes who look like Eddie Munster can pull a baddie if you could take you to enough haunted locations. They did get divorced though, probably because of his crazy high sex drive and his giant coin collection.

• 1:06:04Marcus Parks?

  Now, when you say giant coin collection, do you mean his coin collection was giant or collected giant coins?

• 1:06:09Speaker 01

  I think it's giant coins.

• 1:06:12Speaker 01

  It's like, we need dishes, Hans.

• 1:06:16Speaker 01

  See Hans was also. Ah, yes, the Batman. Ah, the Batman. Hans was particularly proud of his picture of the ghostly monks of Winchester Cathedral. He was there alone with his wife. I bet he left a couple of ghostly monks behind as well.

• 1:06:30Marcus Parks?

  What does that mean?

• 1:06:31Speaker 01

  Scum.

• 1:06:32Marcus Parks?

  Oh.

• 1:06:33Speaker 01

  Now, if you look at the picture here, you could see that, you see here where I can, I guess there's no, you see how there's a hooded.

• 1:06:39Marcus Parks?

  It is a, it is a audio medium.

• 1:06:40Speaker 01

  I know, but there's a picture here. It's a bunch of people standing in a dining room. And if you see it, that monk, there's like a character right here, like a hooded character right there. He said that character was not there, that hooded guy.

• 1:06:51Speaker 00

  Oh, really?

• 1:06:52Speaker 01

  Yeah. And he said, and this is the picture.

• 1:06:54Speaker 00

  Maybe he's just quiet.

• 1:06:55Speaker 01

  Maybe. According to Holzer, I'd heard that a number of persons had seen picked figures of ghostly monks walking in processions in Winchester Cathedral. Where no living monks had set foot since the early 1500s, when Henry VIII had executed many of them on the very spot. I took pictures in four different directions. When the photos were developed, one of the four pictures I took showed three hooded monks walking in procession. Interestingly, they seemed to be walking at a level somewhat lower than they should have been, as if their feet were in the cathedral floor. I found out later, however, that the floor of the cathedral was raised a century after the last monk had been driven out.

• 1:07:30Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 1:07:32Marcus Parks?

  Like he's such a good, he's so good with the, I later discovered. Like it's always like, he just has that term.

• 1:07:39Speaker 01

  Rips it back in.

• 1:07:40Marcus Parks?

  You need that with the, with the ghost story, you need that. Trust me.

• 1:07:44Speaker 01

  So this is really just a smattering of all the stories. I want to go through all of it because I just feel like you can go buy all the books. They're all like, kind of like, a lot of them are out of print, but there are a lot of them on Kindle. It's really fun ghost stuff. It kind of feels from a bygone age.

• 1:08:00Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:00Speaker 01

  You know, it's like this is really like, I, for some reason, why do I believe in these ghosts more than modern ghosts?

• 1:08:07Speaker 00

  You know what? I will say they're good stories.

• 1:08:10Speaker 01

  Right? They're fun stories. They're meaty. He's a man of many, you know, big history.

• 1:08:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, I love that he's like a star fucker even for ghosts.

• 1:08:19Speaker 01

  That's the thing. Cause he also went looking for famous ghosts. So he would go to places where there are famous ghosts and try to meet them. There were several ones that he met. Quote, quote, where he, but the thing is it was all through a trance medium.

• 1:08:31Speaker 00

  The most famous ghost has to be Lucille Ball, right?

• 1:08:34Speaker 01

  Of all time?

• 1:08:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:36Speaker 01

  Abraham Lincoln.

• 1:08:37Speaker 00

  Abraham Lincoln's been seen as a ghost a lot?

• 1:08:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:39Marcus Parks?

  Oh yeah. The Lincoln bedroom famously haunted in the White House.

• 1:08:42Speaker 01

  I'd say Abraham Lincoln's the number one most famous ghost.

• 1:08:45Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:46Speaker 01

  That it like is around often.

• 1:08:47Speaker 00

  Take that Lucy.

• 1:08:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, fuck you Lucy.

• 1:08:50Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, I didn't even know Lucille Ball was a ghost.

• 1:08:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, she haunts her home and you could, they, people who live in her home say they hear her laughing.

• 1:08:57Marcus Parks?

  Really?

• 1:08:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:09:00Speaker 01

  So Hans, Hans Holzer was a grand ambassador for the other side. He devoted himself to the sciences and mysteries of death until he died of a long illness. That's, that must've been so exciting for him.

• 1:09:11Marcus Parks?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:09:13Speaker 01

  And that's it. That's my Halloween little ghost episode. We got a bunch of ghost stories in there.

• 1:09:17Speaker 00

  That was nice.

• 1:09:18Marcus Parks?

  That was real nice.

• 1:09:19Speaker 00

  Good work, man. That was a lot of fun. We've been a while since we've done some ghost shit.

• 1:09:23Speaker 01

  You know, it's hard because they get debunked and it's just not, it's hard to, uh, you gotta, you gotta kind of work yourself up to being ready to be spooked.

• 1:09:30Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:09:31Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, you really do. And, and I let you have, you know, a lot of ghost stories. It's just, it's hard to find the ones that aren't just, uh, mentally ill people.

• 1:09:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:39Marcus Parks?

  It is. It's a lot of that. Um, a lot of that.

• 1:09:42Speaker 01

  Did you call my mother mentally ill?

• 1:09:44Marcus Parks?

  Yes.

• 1:09:44Speaker 01

  Yes. And my mom. My mother thinks she sees ghost dogs. My mom talks to angels. She'd see saints and stuff like that. She is, my mom is living the life of like an ancient witch.

• 1:09:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's the ghost spiders you gotta watch out for.

• 1:10:00Speaker 01

  Always. And the ones in your legs. Go to Patreon.com slash podcast left. You can listen to us ad free. You can also watch movie stories. It's on there. You can also see last stream on the left live every Tuesday, 5pm PST. Go and check us out. Go check us out on the social medias and help me on the left with all the horseshit. Go buy our new live show tickets. We got side stories live, still out there. Last Podcast on the Left.com.

• 1:10:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, uh, December 11th, we're going to be in Iowa City, but all the other side story shows are pretty much sold out.

• 1:10:30Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:10:30Speaker 00

  So fly to Iowa City. Uh, but you can come see Henry.

• 1:10:34Speaker 01

  Definitely fly to Iowa City.

• 1:10:36Speaker 00

  You're gonna love it there.

• 1:10:37Speaker 01

  I honestly think take the time out.

• 1:10:39Speaker 00

  Somebody actually reached me like, you gotta go to Iowa City. Someone told me that recently.

• 1:10:43Speaker 01

  The only reason why they're saying that.

• 1:10:44Speaker 00

  They said the food's good.

• 1:10:46Speaker 01

  I've been to Iowa City.

• 1:10:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, before.

• 1:10:49Speaker 01

  I went for the green gravel comedy festival. I talked about this when we were talking about side stories. It was with Dave Willis and I.

• 1:10:56Speaker 00

  That's right.

• 1:10:56Speaker 01

  And everybody, it's the drunkest place I've ever seen, but I'm excited.

• 1:10:59Speaker 00

  I can't wait to be there.

• 1:11:00Speaker 01

  I've never viewed it as like a winter time destination, but we're gonna make it that.

• 1:11:04Speaker 00

  It's gonna be wonderful. But if you want to, the week before, Henry and I are going to be at the Ice House in Pasadena. For Ed Larson and Friends, hosted by Henry Zebrowski. That's gonna be a fucking blast. And then right after Iowa City on December 13th, I'm gonna be in St. Louis. That's right. Over at the Helium Comedy Club. It's gonna be a fucking blast. I'll be there with Logan Metz. And then in January, January 24th, I'm going to be in Nashville at the Zany's Comedy Club with the Reformed Hors. And then the next week after that, I'm hitting Rochester. That's right. January 29th and 30th, I'll be at Comedy at the Carlson with Danny Pedrosian. And then on the 31st, I'll be in Albany, New York at the Funny Bone with the wonderful Danny Pedrosian.

• 1:11:44Speaker 01

  He can't get enough of Rochester.

• 1:11:45Speaker 00

  No, he loves it up there.

• 1:11:47Speaker 01

  You.

• 1:11:47Speaker 00

  Oh, me.

• 1:11:48Speaker 01

  They love it.

• 1:11:48Speaker 00

  They wanted me back for some reason.

• 1:11:50Speaker 01

  Love it.

• 1:11:51Speaker 00

  They were like, don't bring Henry back.

• 1:11:53Speaker 01

  Hey, man. Hey, I miss it.

• 1:11:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:55Speaker 01

  I want to move there.

• 1:11:55Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:56Speaker 01

  Go see it there and go see us and I'll go check our new YouTube channel.

• 1:11:58Marcus Parks?

  Rochester, New York, not my hometown of Rochester, Texas.

• 1:12:01Speaker 01

  Never, no.

• 1:12:02Marcus Parks?

  There is a stage still in the abandoned high school, which I suppose you could perform on.

• 1:12:08Speaker 01

  I want to perform for all the dead cheerleaders.

• 1:12:10Marcus Parks?

  No, no, perform for all the meth heads and the elderly people, because that's all that's left.

• 1:12:14Speaker 01

  Hey, I'll suck up their last coin.

• 1:12:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, you know, they're an audience.

• 1:12:18Speaker 01

  Go and check us out on all the Youtubes. Love you all. Hail Satan. Happy Halloween.

• 1:12:23Marcus Parks?

  Hail game.

• 1:12:24Speaker 00

  Hail Patrick Stewart.

• 1:12:26Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. He's in a ghost. That's his favorite.

• 1:12:29Speaker 00

  He's a new ghost.

• 1:12:30Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, finally they're, they're not going to make him run anymore and I'm happy.

• 1:12:33Speaker 01

  He can stop now.

• 1:12:34Marcus Parks?

  He can stop running.

• 1:12:35Speaker 01

  He can rest.

• 1:12:36Speaker 00

  The last generation.

• 1:12:37Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:42Marcus Parks?

  Hi, it's me, your gutters. Everything is totally fine. There's just a lot of debris up here and I've been managing it mostly on my own. I just thought you could find someone on Angie to clean me up. I could really use it.

• 1:12:54Speaker 00

  Your gutters have waited long enough. Find a pro at Angie.com.

• 1:12:58Marcus Parks?

  Hi listeners, Marcus, Ed and Henry here. A little bit of an announcement.

• 1:13:02Speaker 00

  You loving all the episodes of Last Podcast on the Left lately? Well, listen, now you can get even more from us.

• 1:13:09Speaker 01

  Squeeze it out of us. If you want to hear new episodes ad free and unlock access to Last Podcast on the Left seven days early. Subscribe to Sirius XM Podcast Plus on Apple Podcasts or visit SiriusXM.com/podcastplus to start your free trial today. Do it.