Episode 682: Clifford Olson Part I - The Uncle Game

The boys head on back to Canada for a new Heavy Hitter series covering the Beast of British Columbia, Clifford Olson. This week, peeling back the layers getting into Olson’s early years, from childhood scams growing up in a family of crooks to a string of increasingly ridiculous prison escapes, all leading up to the murder 11 children and teenagers in just the span of nine months.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

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• 1:09Speaker 01

  There's no place to escape to.

• 1:11Speaker 02

  This is the last. On the left.

• 1:17Speaker 01

  That's when the cannibalism started.

• 1:26Speaker 00

  We ready? We going? Oh, finally. Finally? Back in Canada. Oh, Canada. Where kids are killed every day. We are. That's really great. I really didn't know those lyrics until just back.

• 1:46Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:47Speaker 00

  No, I love this series because we're back at talking about Canadian police. Yep. And how they're just all over it. Oh, yeah, man, Canadian police. Man, they're just all fucking over it, dude.

• 2:00Speaker 04

  If they spent a little less time picking out crazy hats.

• 2:07Speaker 00

  They have got it on lock. Things are all right.

• 2:13Marcus Parks?

  Oh, man, if you guys thought that the Canadian police work in the Robert Pickton series was, you know, Dirty Harry level, top notch, you're talking, like, this is Reacher level.

• 2:23Speaker 00

  This is Reacher. Yeah, Jack Reacher's on it. Old Jack Reacher.

• 2:31Marcus Parks?

  Welcome to Last Podcast. On the left, ladies and gentlemen, my name is Marcus Parks. I'm here with the Canuck, Henry Zebrowski.

• 2:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, what you're gonna wanna do there is that you're listening, you're a podcast see, but what you're gonna wanna do is you're gonna wanna get a job.

• 2:48Speaker 04

  You're gonna wanna marry the first girl you meet.

• 2:54Marcus Parks?

  And we got hoser number one, Ed Larson.

• 2:58Speaker 00

  That's right, I'm here, I'm visiting from America.

• 3:02Speaker 00

  I don't do voices well.

• 3:03Speaker 04

  You're loud. You're too loud.

• 3:06Speaker 00

  A. A.

• 3:08Marcus Parks?

  A.

• 3:09Speaker 00

  Nail the national character of Canada. B. They don't like that word. B. That's not the one that you...

• 3:18Marcus Parks?

  Perhaps our coverage of Canada today will make up for how truly abysmal the Wolverine game is.

• 3:24Speaker 04

  You don't like it?

• 3:25Marcus Parks?

  I hate it.

• 3:25Speaker 00

  He's coming for it. Wow, Rob's bad too. He's coming for it.

• 3:28Marcus Parks?

  I hate it. It's the worst camera work I've ever seen in a video game.

• 3:32Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 3:33Marcus Parks?

  It is, it should have been released a year from now after they figured out how the camera works.

• 3:37Speaker 04

  Wow, Canada's gonna be angry.

• 3:40Marcus Parks?

  What? The Omega Red...

• 3:41Speaker 00

  Because Wolverine's a comedian.

• 3:42Marcus Parks?

  The Omega Red boss fight is already bad and you make me do it a second time? Fuck you.

• 3:47Speaker 04

  Oh, no.

• 3:48Speaker 00

  Is this actually the fault of the Japanese? Let's get into it.

• 3:53Speaker 00

  Who's the real bastard? The Canadians or the Japanese? God forsaken, Japanese.

• 4:00Marcus Parks?

  Oh, fuck Wolverine, I'm playing Titanium Court. That game fucking rules.

• 4:04Speaker 00

  All right, I don't know what that means.

• 4:06Speaker 04

  I don't know either, Eddie, but let's support him. I've been getting really into Solitaire. It's on my phone, it's a video game, it's just you play by yourself.

• 4:17Speaker 00

  You know who's super into Solitaire? Clifford Olson.

• 4:22Marcus Parks?

  So, for this brand new installment of our long-running, heavy hitter anthology of serial killers, we're covering a bit of a hidden gem in the annals of true crime history.

• 4:32Speaker 00

  It is.

• 4:32Marcus Parks?

  Today, we're covering the so-called beast of British Columbia, Canada's own Clifford Olson. Over a period of just nine short months, from the fall of 1980 until the summer of 1981, Clifford Olson raped and murdered eight teenage girls, two teenage boys, and a nine-year...

• 4:51Speaker 04

  Partridge in a chair.

• 4:52Speaker 00

  No, no, no. He just garroted them. He just garroted them and left those tortured bodies in Asia.

• 4:58Marcus Parks?

  You don't wanna know what he did with the maids of Milken.

• 5:02Speaker 00

  I cut their tits off.

• 5:04Marcus Parks?

  Nine-year-old boy. That was the file.

• 5:06Speaker 00

  Okay, all right.

• 5:07Marcus Parks?

  And that's 11 murders overall. But Clifford Olson's story is far more interesting than that of a simple predator. Olson was a true agent of chaos in every sense of the term. Considering how he conducted himself during both his murders and his extensive criminal career, he was almost on the level of a fictional character like the Joker. But there is another fictional character that could be used for comparison.

• 5:31Speaker 00

  For this first episode?

• 5:33Marcus Parks?

  Yes. Personally, when I was reading about Clifford Olson's childhood, I couldn't help but think that if Martin Short's classic and incredibly underrated character Clifford from the movie of the same name, if Clifford was a real boy in the real world, that little ball of chaos would be Clifford Olson.

• 5:50Speaker 00

  Can't you ever make a normal face?

• 5:54Marcus Parks?

  Just be a normal boy. Be a no...

• 5:59Speaker 00

  Probably one of the best movies ever made. And if you don't think so, you're wrong, buddy. You are incorrect.

• 6:04Marcus Parks?

  And if anybody out there, I make a plea...

• 6:07Speaker 00

  There's an R-rated cut.

• 6:08Marcus Parks?

  If someone can find and release the R-rated cut of Clifford...

• 6:13Speaker 00

  Oh, my God.

• 6:14Marcus Parks?

  I, I, I, I don't know what I'll do.

• 6:17Speaker 00

  Nothing.

• 6:17Marcus Parks?

  I'll pay for your...

• 6:18Speaker 00

  I'll suck your dick.

• 6:19Marcus Parks?

  I'll pay for your parents' retirement home. When your parents have to go into a home, I'll pay for it.

• 6:24Speaker 00

  Dude, you're gonna have to fucking pony up. Someone's gonna be like, this is my ticket. Dude, it's an R-rated Clifford cut. I would like to see it, but that's like 50 grand. Does Mary Steenburgen get naked in it? That would be amazing. That would break for Eddie.

• 6:41Marcus Parks?

  No, but Charles Grodin hangs dong.

• 6:42Speaker 00

  Oh, man, I would love to see Charles Grodin, that scene from Spitters where that girl's just playing with his dick and balls. Nothing would make me respect him more. I'm sure it happened to him.

• 6:52Marcus Parks?

  Now, before Clifford Olson, that's our subject today, before he was exposed as a serial killer, he had gained some small measure of fame in Canada as a prison escape artist. This was back when he was just known for petty crimes like theft and fraud, before he was known as a murderer and rapist. And he would spend much of his time in prison writing letters to government officials pleading early release. Because Clifford Olson was often in contact with government officials and because he escaped prison over and over again, Clifford Olson was sometimes better known as Senator Rabbit, which is far too adorable of a nickname for a man who murdered 10 teenagers and a little boy.

• 7:32Speaker 00

  It's, it's too silly. This is another example of Canadian silliness that bakes its way into the judicial system. Calling, like, he was arrested several times for buggery.

• 7:47Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 7:47Speaker 00

  What is buggery? Buggery is Canadian rape.

• 7:50Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 7:51Speaker 00

  It's when they, it's a different cut of rape, like the bacon.

• 7:55Marcus Parks?

  I believe specifically buggery is sodomy.

• 7:57Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 7:58Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:59Speaker 00

  You think it's kinda ah-amy?

• 8:00Marcus Parks?

  I think it might be anal, no, I think it's just sodomy in general.

• 8:03Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. He was, he was too selfish, he never got, they never got him for tuggeri.

• 8:09Speaker 00

  No, no, that's when you reach it around. That's if you're pulling too hard on a improperly regulated towing device.

• 8:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's like being too much of a gentleman.

• 8:20Marcus Parks?

  Oh, that's a good murder fish name for you. Yeah, tuggeri. Tuggeri Johnson.

• 8:24Speaker 00

  Tuggeri, yeah, Tuggeri was your bald Reginald.

• 8:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, Tuggeri Johnson.

• 8:30Speaker 00

  I'm pretty sure that is the guy that arrested Clifford Olson.

• 8:33Marcus Parks?

  Tuggeri Johnson?

• 8:34Speaker 00

  Tuggeri Johnson.

• 8:37Speaker 04

  Out there, baby. I'm gonna get John Pouncing.

• 8:39Speaker 00

  Which is what they also call rape.

• 8:41Marcus Parks?

  Pouncing.

• 8:41Speaker 00

  Pouncing.

• 8:42Speaker 04

  Really? Really? You know, you can't make rape sound cuter.

• 8:45Speaker 00

  No, it's too cute.

• 8:46Speaker 04

  It really is.

• 8:47Speaker 00

  Or giving her the baby, the old, give it to her, huh?

• 8:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. When they do it with a, when it's a guy raping a guy, it's a having a go, eh?

• 8:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, oh, you're having a go.

• 8:56Speaker 04

  He's having a go.

• 8:57Speaker 00

  Okay, break it up, break it up. All right, you walk home that way, you walk home that way. All right, now you stop raping each other. Hey, hey, you're back to raping each other.

• 9:08Speaker 04

  What do I gotta say about this again?

• 9:09Speaker 00

  Hey, hey, all right, if you keep doing it to him, I'm gonna make him do it to you. Okay, then, why don't you?

• 9:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, now smoke the whole pack.

• 9:18Speaker 00

  Now fuck me.

• 9:22Marcus Parks?

  You're right, the entire Canadian justice system is like, you know, just dealing with fifth graders.

• 9:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:29Marcus Parks?

  Now Clifford Olson was not a conventionally intelligent man. As a kid, he rode the short bus to school and due to a dyslexic condition that he refused to manage or improve, he often mixed up words. For example, he routinely referred to anal sex as annual sex.

• 9:44Speaker 00

  Well, it depends on how often you do it.

• 9:46Speaker 04

  Well, the way I'm doing it, it should be called daily sex.

• 9:50Marcus Parks?

  And he did that with all seriousness. But while Olson's conventional intelligence was low, he made up for it with extremely high social intelligence and an impeccable memory. He was also a pure sociopath. I, I read that in the, the psychopath test, he scored some, it was like 38 out of 40. And this combination of natural talents made Clifford Olson a master at running scams and manipulating people. Clifford Olson was such a successful scammer that he infamously convinced the Canadian government, after he was caught as a serial killer, mind you, to pay him $10,000 each for the 11 locations where he dumped the bodies of his victims.

• 10:34Speaker 00

  This would become the infamous Bodies for Cash scandal.

• 10:38Marcus Parks?

  Mm-hmm. Like some sort of fucking greasy salesman, Olson told the Royal Canadian Mounted Police that since he liked them, he'd give them all 11 body locations, tell you what, give it to you for an even hundred grand. 11th bodies on me.

• 10:51Speaker 00

  And you gotta know, if you give me a chance, I'll make a 12. Just, you can toss that on top, you can toss that right on there, that's right, that's a baker's dozen.

• 11:00Speaker 04

  But in America, it's only like 1,200 bucks.

• 11:02Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 11:04Speaker 00

  They're fucking Monopoly money.

• 11:07Marcus Parks?

  It's like fucking, it's like fucking tankers on, uh.

• 11:09Speaker 00

  Games are so angry already.

• 11:13Marcus Parks?

  I'm sorry, we really enjoy you, we love coming to Canada.

• 11:16Speaker 04

  We know it's a better place, we know it, that's why I make fun of you.

• 11:19Marcus Parks?

  Exactly, yeah, you, you get to live a better life than we do, so you get, you have to be made fun of, I'm sorry.

• 11:24Speaker 00

  Sorry.

• 11:26Marcus Parks?

  But incredibly, the RCMP actually paid Clifford, Clifford Olson the fucking money. That's how good he was at manipulation.

• 11:33Speaker 00

  Or is how, is that how bad the police are?

• 11:35Marcus Parks?

  Sure.

• 11:36Speaker 00

  Or lazy. It's all of it, buddy. I think that Canadian police officers are the laziest humans that have ever existed.

• 11:45Marcus Parks?

  Well, Clifford's ability to scam and manipulate other people is even more remarkable due to the fact that Clifford Olson was a relatively grubby little man who spoke with an outrageously stereotypical Canadian accent. This is, of course, in addition to his voice, which, as Henry pointed out to me a couple of days ago, sounds very much like a cartoon mouse.

• 12:07Speaker 00

  I can't even get up to the natural timber.

• 12:10Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 12:11Speaker 00

  Because it's very, it is truly the, the exact voice you expect when you see the words goofy Canadian.

• 12:20Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 12:20Speaker 00

  Right, like, the words come out, oh, yeah, but try, that's how it goes, ah, you know how it is, oh, I wish I could see the outside from in here. There's something about it, we've covered.

• 12:30Speaker 04

  If you mix it with your high pitched Italian, it might work.

• 12:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, but then I start to slide, don't do that to me now.

• 12:36Speaker 00

  See, this is the issue, is that, well, I feel like in the history of last podcast on the left, we're now really touching on several of the more important stereotypes within Canadian and we're seeing it through their criminals.

• 12:50Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 12:51Speaker 00

  One, you got your Robert Pickton, which we covered. Robert Pickton is your stereotypical dumb yet tough Canadian. There is the tough.

• 12:58Marcus Parks?

  The biker.

• 12:59Speaker 00

  The biker, rural, really, really tough, thinks he's a lot smarter than he, than he is, right? Thinks he's a criminal mastermind, they never are.

• 13:08Marcus Parks?

  Incredibly dangerous and will beat you within an inch of your life.

• 13:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, dangerous guys.

• 13:12Speaker 04

  The Canadian biker's a real deal.

• 13:14Speaker 00

  Yes, that is, that's one side. Then we have the Paul Bernardo's, which to me is the obsessed with America, little bit like wanting to be up with the Joneses, the fact that he went to be a rapper and stuff, very Toronto, very like city boy with all his fake shit, but still indelibly Canadian, which means a half step wrong. Just always kinda wrong about the choices he's making.

• 13:37Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, he's the type of guy who thinks that if only I can make it to Los Angeles, like if I can get an apartment in Burbank, oh, I got it made, they're gonna love me there.

• 13:45Speaker 00

  Listen, my DJ name's DJ Avalanche. You know, like that style, right? But now we finally have come to Clifford Olson that, to me, represents, and I am not, no bones about it, I think Clifford Olson is one of the most dangerous men to have ever been born.

• 14:01Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 14:01Speaker 00

  Because what he is, is an evil goofy Canadian.

• 14:05Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 14:05Speaker 00

  Which is a powerful, powerful combo. Because I think a part of it is that the goofy Canadian cuts through so much Canadian horseshit that everybody just wants everything to be okay. They all want things to be okay, they don't want to be a lot of drama, they wanna get along with their fellow man. This guy is always, he always reverts back to goofy Canadian. And they just simply believe in their hearts of hearts that anybody that's that goofy, he can't be doing that wrong.

• 14:35Marcus Parks?

  Now, he's a good guy, no.

• 14:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's a good guy, he's a funny guy.

• 14:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, they respect, the one thing Canadians respect more than anything else is the power to make them laugh.

• 14:42Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 14:43Speaker 04

  They fucking love that shit, it means the world to them.

• 14:46Speaker 00

  Clifford Olson cuts right to the part of it, and I've been listening to that BBC podcast, Calls From A Killer, and I've just, it sends chills up my spine.

• 14:55Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, cuz he's talking to these, uh, he's talking to a journalist and he's just so gleeful. He's so happy talking about anything like, oh, yeah, I know, I know exactly what I was doing the entire time, but I just didn't give a fuck.

• 15:09Speaker 00

  He literally says, he's like, oh, I know I killing kids and stuff like that, but I don't give a fuck.

• 15:13Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 15:14Speaker 04

  I mean, I feel victim to it myself a little bit, but learning about this guy.

• 15:19Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 15:19Speaker 04

  Occasionally, I catch myself giggling and like, I kinda like this guy. And then it's like, and then you're like, oh, wait, stop yourself.

• 15:25Marcus Parks?

  That's his, that's his game, and that's how strong his manipulation is, is that he can reach you even through just reading about his stories, like you could, and imagine being in the same room as him.

• 15:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:36Marcus Parks?

  You know, and he could charm almost anybody. It was, he's an incredibly, incredibly dangerous person.

• 15:44Speaker 00

  He's, he's a largely, I, I'd say he's the most dangerous Canadian criminal I've read about.

• 15:50Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, cuz he's dangerous because he is, like, imagine the chaos of a Looney Tunes character.

• 15:58Speaker 00

  Imagine if Joe Para was a serial killer. Right, if Joe Para, you found out that he killed people everywhere he went on tour.

• 16:07Speaker 04

  Great at it, right? Except for, you know, I think he, you know, he needs, he likes washing his hands too much.

• 16:11Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, sure, sure. But this is, but, but it's like, it's like a, it's the chaos of a Looney Tunes character, uh, set loose on the world. Like an actual, like if you let a cartoon character loose, uh, this is what would happen. And the far darker side of things, people like Clifford Olson, who hold that master manipulator gene, they also have all the makings of a rapist. And Olson was a bisexual who routinely raped men, women, boys, and girls. This, of course, is where the culpability of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police comes into play. Over the course of this series, we will show that the RCMP's repeated lack of action portrays Canadian law enforcement in the 20th century, I don't know how they are now, but back then,

• 16:54Marcus Parks?

  they were quite possibly the laziest working-for-the-weekend group of cops in Western history.

• 17:01Speaker 00

  I just can't, the idea of how little work they did.

• 17:05Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 17:05Speaker 00

  Well, it's cuz there's no crime. Well, this is a, this is one of those things that makes my blood boil.

• 17:11Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 17:11Speaker 00

  The concept of, oh, you know, back in the day, we didn't need to lock our doors, the kids, they walk back and forth. There is a literal, like, conservative coded thing through all of that that allows this shit to fucking happen because it's just not happening to you. If you look at this entire area, you killed every fucking Indigenous person that was there to be there. Right, and they were all going missing, every day, women were going missing, and Indigenous children are going missing, so it's like, it was dangerous for them already.

• 17:39Marcus Parks?

  And it's not just Indigenous children, it's like you say, like, there's no crime, but I'm about to tell you about a lot of crime.

• 17:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:46Marcus Parks?

  That happened in Canada.

• 17:47Speaker 00

  There's one guy.

• 17:51Marcus Parks?

  He had so many accomplices. He always had a buddy, you know, uh, is there is, there was a lot of crime back then. There was so much fucking crime back then. It just wasn't investigated. It wasn't prosecuted and it actually, and a lot of times it wasn't seen as crime, you know, like it was seen as something else. It was seen as their fault, you know, it was something to be blamed. Now, while Clifford Olson was reported for rape again and again throughout his life, and this is to that point, that's not usually why he went to jail. Usually he got locked up for theft or fraud, but because the RCMP did not take the rape report seriously, especially the reports from the male victims, Clifford Olson gradually was allowed to escalate from rape to murder.

• 18:35Speaker 00

  It legitimately emboldened him.

• 18:37Marcus Parks?

  It did, every time. Now, cause that-

• 18:39Speaker 00

  It got sexier for him.

• 18:41Marcus Parks?

  Yeah. Now Clifford Olson discovered that murder was the best way to ensure a rape victim did not make a report because even though he didn't go to jail for rape that often, it was still a hassle. And because most of Olson's victims were either teenagers or young kids from poor or dysfunctional homes, the RCMP dismissed the disappearances of these victims as just a part of the runaway phenomenon of the 1960s and 1970s.

• 19:05Speaker 00

  We also forget the child hooker.

• 19:07Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 19:08Speaker 00

  That's the thing you keep saying. It's like, ah, well, she was just a hooker. And it's like, she was 14 years old.

• 19:12Marcus Parks?

  Yes. Well, this dismissal of missing kids as simple runaways enabled dozens, if not hundreds of serial killers to rack up high body counts in Canada and America during the mid 20th century. Everyone from Dean Corle to John Wayne Gacy took advantage of the gross indifference cops showed towards missing working class kids during those decades. And Clifford Olson was no exception. In fact, it's rumored that Clifford Olson may have even dabbled in snuff films, like it was rumored that John Wayne Gacy and Dean Corle dabbled in snuff films, although that's pure speculation.

• 19:45Speaker 04

  Yeah. I don't think he'd be able to like get the camera work together.

• 19:48Speaker 00

  That's your only thing. That's not a producer. What I need here is I need a DP. I need a guy to do catering. This is all a lot of pressure on me. Why do I have to be a multi-aphonet?

• 20:02Marcus Parks?

  I don't wanna move to Toronto.

• 20:05Speaker 00

  I don't need the media sphere.

• 20:07Marcus Parks?

  Oh, excuse me, Chirano.

• 20:09Speaker 00

  Chirano.

• 20:10Marcus Parks?

  I wanna move to Chirano. I wanna stay in Vancouver. Now, after Clifford Olson began to get a taste for the act of murder itself, his killings evolved to reflect the chaos and cruelty that Olson applied to his everyday life as a selfish, unfeeling, petty criminal. His chaotic, haphazard method of committing murders ended up drawing those murders out for hellishly long periods of time. I can't remember the last time I read about murders that would last this long. And eventually Olson got to the point where he was hammering nails into victims' heads while they were still alive. That, of course, is just a small preview of the depravity you can expect over the next few episodes.

• 20:53Marcus Parks?

  And it also tells you, again, it's fucking cartoonish.

• 20:56Speaker 00

  Yeah. So we're like- Well, I was just doing that to hang pictures from them.

• 20:59Speaker 04

  So it's got like a Snowtown vibe to it a little bit.

• 21:04Marcus Parks?

  Little bit.

• 21:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, cause that was, those were long ass killings.

• 21:08Marcus Parks?

  But this is why, but this is a different, those were draw, long and drawn out like on purpose. Hit, the chaos, like Clifford Olson's were long and drawn out just cause it was almost like an ADHD thing. Like, ah, okay, let me try this. Oh, let me try this. Oh, okay, that doesn't work.

• 21:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, the Snowden boys were literally torturing people over a long period of time. Oh, he was just too curious for his own good.

• 21:32Marcus Parks?

  You know what? That's a good way to put it. It's a, again, again, you can't help it. It's, it has to be, it's a little cute. It's like, oh, he's just so curious.

• 21:41Speaker 00

  I'm just a fun guy. I'm just a little kitty cat.

• 21:43Marcus Parks?

  But before we get into the story of how Clifford Olson got to the point of hammering nails into the skulls of living humans, let's acknowledge our source for today. For this one, we used a classic true crime paperback called Predator by Peter Worthington, which was based on court records and extensive interviews conducted with Olson himself. But since some of this information comes from a master manipulator, you can take some of these stories with a grain of salt. But interestingly, Clifford Olson was one of those rare serial killers, he really wasn't all that interested in justifying his actions. In his extremely Canadian words, he really didn't give a fuck about anything.

• 22:20Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 22:21Marcus Parks?

  He doesn't care. He wants, he wants, he wants to talk about it. He doesn't care.

• 22:25Speaker 00

  No, he thinks it's fun.

• 22:27Marcus Parks?

  Yeah. Additionally, quite a bit of his story is backed up by either evidence or testimonies from the people who were unlucky enough to have Clifford Olson in their lives. So this story is actually pretty fucking thick with detail. It is a fascinating tale of a pure sociopath. So without further ado, let's explore the story of Clifford Olson, AKA The Beast of British Columbia.

• 22:51Speaker 00

  Eee.

• 22:52Marcus Parks?

  It's like-

• 22:53Speaker 00

  Eee.

• 22:57Marcus Parks?

  So Clifford Olson was born New Year's Day in Vancouver, B.C. in the year 1940. Going back to the industrial pollution theory of serial killer proliferation we covered in our Gary Ridgway series, Olson was born near the Tec Camenco smelter outside of Vancouver, which has the dubious distinction of being the largest lead zinc smelter in the world.

• 23:17Speaker 00

  No way! What's really nice is, is that then his placenta could have kept him safe from an X-ray machine.

• 23:23Marcus Parks?

  Vancouver, of course, was one of Canada's serial killing hotspots in the 20th century. In addition to Clifford Olson, it was also the home of the aforementioned Robert Pickton, who picked up and killed over 50 sex workers from the East Hastings area of the city in the 1990s. The dead bodies were fed to the animals on Pickton's pig farm, and the meat that came from the pigs raised on human flesh was sold to unsuspecting customers. It bears repeating, I know we've said this 100 times, but this is incredible. It is speculated that Pickton's meat contaminated by brain destroying prions might be responsible for cursing Michael J. Fox with Parkinson's disease.

• 24:00Speaker 00

  God, took our Back to the Future 4 away from us.

• 24:03Marcus Parks?

  Now, as opposed to his fellow Pacific Northwestern Gary Ridgway, Clifford Olson was not abused by his parents during childhood, aside from a heavy helping of neglect. In fact, Clifford could have benefited from a heavier hand in the parenting arena. But Clifford Olson was one of those rare kids who was actually born smarter than his parents. His parents were fucking dolts.

• 24:27Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 24:28Marcus Parks?

  His father, Clifford Senior, was a soldier in the Canadian Army with limited talents and ambition. He didn't care for children and mostly ignored his son, but after World War II, Clifford Senior worked as a milkman, driving an actual horse drawn milk wagon.

• 24:43Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 24:44Marcus Parks?

  And Clifford would sometimes ride along on these milk deliveries.

• 24:47Speaker 00

  Fun!

• 24:48Marcus Parks?

  It's here that Clifford learned at a very early age, how to spot opportunities and how to take advantage of any situation, no matter where he was or what he was doing. From birth, almost, the only thing on Clifford's mind was crime.

• 25:04Speaker 00

  That's fun.

• 25:05Marcus Parks?

  For example, while on these milk runs, the preschool Clifford began by stealing change from his father. The young criminal then figured out how to steal money from the houses where the milk was being delivered. But he finally discovered that the biggest score was the other milk wagons full of cash that the other milkmen would leave unattended at the end of a long workday. This is all when Clifford was still a very young boy. He's like four or five. And this was a pattern he would follow throughout his life. When Clifford found an opportunity, he would push it as far as he could until he got caught. And if he never got caught, he'd just keep pushing it. This, unfortunately, would one day apply to the escalating cruelty in his murders.

• 25:47Speaker 00

  Well, he straight up said it's not a crime unless you get caught.

• 25:50Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 25:51Speaker 00

  And he, uh, it's very interesting to see somebody that kind of thinks like this some, from the very, very get.

• 25:57Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 25:58Speaker 00

  And that nobody, like, I don't know if just like his father, like, obviously this is controversial. I don't know if his father just like wailing on him would have like made him better. You know what I mean?

• 26:06Marcus Parks?

  No, no.

• 26:07Speaker 00

  I don't know if it would have.

• 26:08Marcus Parks?

  It would have done nothing.

• 26:09Speaker 00

  But he obviously has this kind of this, I would say, almost like an ability to just not care. And if you've left the money out, it's kinda on you. That you quote unquote left your money out. And that's, he blames everybody else.

• 26:21Marcus Parks?

  Oh, of course. Yeah, you should have done that.

• 26:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, that was for me, should have left it out for me to take.

• 26:25Marcus Parks?

  Mm-hmm.

• 26:26Speaker 00

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• 30:48Marcus Parks?

  Now, while Clifford was not abused by his parents, he was unfortunately the victim of a creepy uncle. Clifford said that his earliest memory involved his 15-year-old uncle and a cousin, who all played together when Clifford was just four. So the uncle told Clifford and his cousin that he had a brand-new uncle game to play.

• 31:05Speaker 00

  There's so many uncle games.

• 31:08Marcus Parks?

  That's the thing. For the sake of just keeping it straight, we're just gonna refer to this as "The Uncle Game."

• 31:12Speaker 00

  Yes, we, yeah, cuz sometimes an uncle game just involves you doing like reverse 69s. It's a lot of stuff in an uncle game.

• 31:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, don't play uncle games.

• 31:21Speaker 00

  No.

• 31:22Speaker 04

  Don't play uncle games, cuz it's either sex or just gambling. So either way, you know, it's not gonna help.

• 31:27Speaker 00

  Or burying a hooker.

• 31:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:30Speaker 00

  Well, that's an uncle task. Thank you, yeah. An uncle chore.

• 31:34Marcus Parks?

  Actually, I kinda now wanna, I wanna write this screenplay just called "The Uncle Game."

• 31:38Speaker 04

  No, I don't want to. Directed by Paul Bear.

• 31:46Marcus Parks?

  Now, the kids were, of course, eager to play the uncle game. So the uncle had the kids take off their clothes and lay naked on top of the uncle's body.

• 31:54Speaker 00

  What's the game?

• 31:54Marcus Parks?

  Well, the game was for the kids to not tell anybody about it. Yeah, and you win the game by keeping your mouth shut. And if you win, you get a shiny nickel.

• 32:04Speaker 00

  Oh, I mean, a nickel.

• 32:10Marcus Parks?

  Well, like many kids who were abused in this way, Clifford would later play the uncle game with young kids when he got to be a teenager.

• 32:16Speaker 00

  That's not fair.

• 32:17Marcus Parks?

  He would, however. How is it, what do you mean, "that's not fair"?

• 32:19Speaker 00

  He's not an uncle. He doesn't get to play uncle games without the actual title. And I also think if you're a 15-year-old uncle, there should be a new term for it. I think if you're below 18, and yes, you are an uncle, you should, there should be another childlike uncle term for that. Because uncle, to me, is a man that drinks and drives.

• 32:38Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 32:39Speaker 00

  It's called baby uncle. You're right. Baby uncle's great.

• 32:41Marcus Parks?

  I was an uncle when I was 15.

• 32:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, you were a baby uncle.

• 32:44Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, but then by the time, but by the time my nephew, Callan, was old enough to call me Uncle Marcus, I was 18, so it was okay.

• 32:53Speaker 00

  There is a, yes, that would've been fine.

• 32:56Marcus Parks?

  Well, Clifford would maintain that his own experience playing the uncle game had no effect on him at all.

• 33:03Speaker 00

  No.

• 33:04Marcus Parks?

  Because in his words, quote,

• 33:06Speaker 00

  "There was no penetration."

• 33:09Speaker 00

  You know, that's the whole thing, is that that's more of a father's game.

• 33:14Speaker 04

  You know, if it happened to me, I'd probably say the same thing.

• 33:17Speaker 00

  Of course, yeah. I'd be like, "Ah, it was fine. We were just stocking." It was more Uncle Stocking. That's all it was.

• 33:25Speaker 04

  Could've been worse, doesn't mean you weren't abused.

• 33:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:29Speaker 00

  Clifford Olson specifically does not look inward.

• 33:31Marcus Parks?

  No.

• 33:32Speaker 00

  He does not look inward, at all. There is no, there is no inner Clifford Olson.

• 33:37Marcus Parks?

  No, you're absolutely right. He is an entirely external person.

• 33:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:43Marcus Parks?

  Now, Clifford Olson was one of those people who were born with a natural talent for manipulation. Clifford was so clever that even as a child, he dominated and controlled his entire household, and everything was all to achieve his personal goals of self-gratification.

• 33:58Speaker 00

  Carmelita? That's what it sounds like, Carmelita.

• 34:02Marcus Parks?

  See, while Clifford did have the cartoon mouse voice, he had an engaging smile, he laughed easily, he was relatively handsome in a 1970s sort of way, and he was impossibly cheerful. As such, he was a master at charming his way out of trouble by displaying an angelic face that had just a touch of irresistible mischief.

• 34:23Speaker 00

  Will you hold my dinosaur?

• 34:27Speaker 00

  Stefan? Stefan.

• 34:29Marcus Parks?

  This mischief, however, was encouraged by his family, because the lowlifes who raised him laughed with joy and approval anytime Clifford did something that was clever but ultimately dishonest. For example, when Clifford was five years old in the year 1945, his mother and uncles were hanging out, drinking beer, when they found themselves running low on Sud. So what do you do? You tell the kid, "Go find more beer." And they told Clifford, "Hey, go get the beer, and if you bring us back a beer, we'll give you a dollar." So Clifford immediately devised a plan to scam the adults. He gathered up a bunch of empty bottles and bottle caps, filled the bottles with water, and hammered the caps back on.

• 35:13Marcus Parks?

  Then delivered the beer bottles full of water and said, "Give me a dollar."

• 35:17Speaker 00

  That is amazing. That's amazing.

• 35:21Speaker 04

  But like, did they also give him money for the beer?

• 35:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:24Speaker 04

  So he probably got two times money.

• 35:26Marcus Parks?

  Well, no, it wasn't that they gave him money to go buy beer. It's like, go look around the house and see if there's any beer.

• 35:33Speaker 00

  Oh, I forgot, I forgot it's Canada.

• 35:34Marcus Parks?

  It's Canada, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:35Speaker 04

  This is beer laying around.

• 35:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He could just break into somebody's hut, I guess, and then just steal their beer from their beer shed or whatever. I don't know how it works.

• 35:45Marcus Parks?

  Now, the adults, of course, discovered Clifford's little ruse immediately, but instead of calling out his dishonesty, they burst into laughter, praised his ingenuity.

• 35:54Speaker 00

  You're the funniest little fucker.

• 35:56Marcus Parks?

  Oh, my God, you're so smart. Oh, man, I couldn't think up a scam like that.

• 36:00Speaker 00

  You're the funniest little fucker in the world.

• 36:02Marcus Parks?

  And they gave him his dollar. Clifford later said that this incident became cemented in his mind. He'd not only avoided trouble for trying a scam, he'd also gotten praise from adults for cheating, and he got paid.

• 36:16Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 36:17Speaker 04

  I mean, it's, it's so hard when a kid does something wrong, and it's hilarious.

• 36:21Marcus Parks?

  Well, that's the thing.

• 36:22Speaker 00

  Well, yeah, but that's different when it's like actually funny, when it's like a scam. You're like, oh, this is,

• 36:27Speaker 04

  This is kinda funny.

• 36:28Speaker 00

  This is pretty complicated, though.

• 36:29Marcus Parks?

  It's super funny.

• 36:30Speaker 04

  I would've been elated by this, to be honest with you.

• 36:33Marcus Parks?

  I would too, but the thing is, is that you say like, "Yeah, it's really funny, but no, you don't get your dollar. You tried to scam us. You don't, you don't get rewarded for trying to scam people."

• 36:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you are.

• 36:43Marcus Parks?

  It's funny, it's funny, it's clever, but yeah, yeah, you, no.

• 36:47Speaker 04

  That's gangster behavior.

• 36:48Marcus Parks?

  Exactly. Now, even though Clifford was smarter than both of his parents, his mother, Leona Olsen, was certainly an influence in the manipulation department. She was a passive, subdued woman who worked as a meat packer. And she was,

• 37:01Speaker 04

  Yes, she did.

• 37:03Marcus Parks?

  And she was brilliant at finding a path to manipulating people into giving her what she wanted.

• 37:08Speaker 04

  Mom?

• 37:09Marcus Parks?

  But, but since,

• 37:12Marcus Parks?

  But since Clifford was smarter than his mother, Leona, she found that the easiest way to deal with him was to just give him whatever he wanted, or failing that, she could bribe him into being good. Clifford therefore became such a mama's boy that when he grew up, it's believed that he actually talked to his mother in great detail about the murders he committed. But by that point, Leona Olson was so intimidated and terrified of her son that she simply listened and did nothing to alert the authorities to her son's heinous crimes. At the very least, she may not, he may not, like, we don't know for sure if he went into full detail, but it's thought he probably did. At the very least, she did have enough information to go to the cops and say, like, you need to lock this guy

• 37:57Marcus Parks?

  up.

• 37:58Speaker 04

  Moms don't do that.

• 37:59Speaker 00

  No, you know, it's hard because my mom would lie to the police for me, but I told her she shouldn't.

• 38:04Speaker 04

  Really?

• 38:05Speaker 00

  I told her she shouldn't.

• 38:06Speaker 04

  Really?

• 38:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, but she would. She can't wait.

• 38:08Speaker 04

  My mom would have went down for me, that's for damn sure.

• 38:10Speaker 00

  No, that would have been the only, because then, guess what she could do? Guilt you from jail for the rest of your life. Then have total control of your life from jail, like she's fucking kingpin.

• 38:19Marcus Parks?

  No, your mom would go down for, like, one of your acquaintances that she met once.

• 38:24Speaker 00

  Yeah. She just wanted to go to jail. I think she just loved to lie to police.

• 38:29Speaker 04

  That's, you know, that comes from growing up in Elizabeth, New Jersey.

• 38:31Marcus Parks?

  Yeah. Now, by the age of five years old, Clifford Olson already had a reputation in his neighborhood as a habitual criminal. But as it used to go back in those days, Clifford was both a nuisance and a local legend.

• 38:45Speaker 00

  Canadians love their mischievous boys.

• 38:47Marcus Parks?

  God, they do. See, Clifford Olson quickly figured out that crime could be converted into popularity if you knew where and how to spread the money. For example, when he was just five years old, he stole $200 Canadian from his uncle's wallet, then used that money to buy all the local kids' ice cream at the local soda fountain.

• 39:07Speaker 00

  He's the mayor of kids.

• 39:08Speaker 04

  Yeah. $200 at 1945, too.

• 39:11Marcus Parks?

  Holy shit.

• 39:13Speaker 00

  Take it out of my wallet, I would have beat him to fucking death.

• 39:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's lucky he's alive.

• 39:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, no, he's dead now.

• 39:18Marcus Parks?

  Clifford then led the parade of happy children to the barber shop, and this is such a five-year-old thing. Come, go watch me have a haircut.

• 39:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, this is like a plot line from The Little Rassles.

• 39:29Marcus Parks?

  It is, yeah. But when the barber noticed the fat wad of cash in the five-year-old's pocket, he called the cops. Apparently, apparently got the soda fountain and didn't give a shit.

• 39:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like, yeah, I'll take your fucking money. Who do I care? Wow, this is the richest kid in the world. Wow, where are you from? Where are you, where have you come from, little child?

• 39:49Marcus Parks?

  My god, are you from Edmonton?

• 39:51Speaker 00

  That's a big city.

• 39:53Marcus Parks?

  Well, Clifford was busted, but the only thing he learned from this experience: Never flash your cash, because if you flash your cash, people are gonna know you've done something wrong.

• 40:03Speaker 00

  Start asking questions.

• 40:04Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 40:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're like, you learn lessons when you're growing up.

• 40:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, this is important lesson for you guys to even know as listeners.

• 40:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, don't flash your cash around.

• 40:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, keep it around, right? Because people are gonna fucking look for marks. They'll look for marks every day.

• 40:13Marcus Parks?

  Mm-hmm. Now, considering how we're talking about Clifford on this show, his childhood criminal past was not limited to petty theft. Clifford was an inherently violent child who was particularly cruel with the smaller and weaker kids. He liked threatening other kids with knives, but always knew how to use his puppy dog eyes to disarm adults and deny everything when he was confronted with childhood knife crimes. But because he could talk his way out of trouble, Clifford soon learned that he could force girls into the bushes with his trusty knife, where he'd touch them and make them undress. And this wasn't just with strangers either. He routinely did it with both his sister and her friends.

• 40:54Marcus Parks?

  Clifford's childhood violence even bordered on murder at times. Once Clifford found an abandoned wood stove, so he locked a small child inside and lit a fire just to see what would happen. The child thankfully was saved from being burnt to death, only because some nearby adults heard him screaming for help.

• 41:17Speaker 00

  Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up, I'm trying to watch the hockey game. What's happening out here? Oh, you're just playing Hansel and Gretel. That's a normal game for kids to play. Because it does feel like they all saw him do stuff, and they were all like, "Hew Clifford, you better watch yourself."

• 41:36Marcus Parks?

  You're gonna hurt yourself one day.

• 41:38Speaker 00

  You're gonna really get yourself into some trouble this day when you held a little girl at knife point and make her undress and touch her body. You might get in trouble someday for that. You do that two more times, we're gonna take your knife. We're gonna take the knife. We're gonna take the knife if you do that two more times. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna put two blacked-out eyeglasses on you, so you can't see what you're looking at. Yeah, and yeah, let's see you try to do it with a fork. Let's see you try and do it with a fork. Now smoke the whole pack.

• 42:06Speaker 04

  Well, I'm coming back to just smoking a whole pack of the grunts.

• 42:11Marcus Parks?

  Now, violence was obviously a part of Clifford Olson's childhood. He focused on petty crime for decades before finally graduating to murder. For Clifford, crime was just about immediately gratifying whatever desire he had, and it never mattered who the victim was or how vulnerable they might be. No conscience. And I've never seen a lack of conscience in someone like this.

• 42:34Speaker 00

  It's a Ted Bundy level. That's kind of how I put him.

• 42:36Marcus Parks?

  One of Clifford's favorite childhood targets, for example, was a local blind street vendor. Clifford would offer to help out the blind man with this and that, but Clifford's ultimate goal with this was to switch out the blind vendor's higher denomination bills with single dollars. Clifford was also incredibly brazen with his scams. Sometimes he would steal fruit from the trees in a person's backyard, then go around to the front door, knock, and try to sell their own fruit back to them at a heavily discounted price.

• 43:07Speaker 04

  You gotta do it to the neighbor.

• 43:08Speaker 00

  At least he picked the fruit. You know what I mean? That's kind of the hardest part there. But I will say about, like, switching out the bills for the blind man, that is a really brave thing to do because a blind man has a stick.

• 43:19Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 43:20Speaker 00

  And he can beat the fuck out of you. I see, I saw Daredevil. Clifford's got a knife.

• 43:24Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 43:25Speaker 00

  Hmm, the blind man can't tell. Blind man don't know.

• 43:27Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, but also, he's a little boy. Sticks longer than the knife.

• 43:30Speaker 00

  That's, they, whap, whap, whap, whap, he could.

• 43:32Marcus Parks?

  The thing about Cliff...

• 43:33Speaker 00

  We have to be wearing a bell or something.

• 43:37Marcus Parks?

  But the thing about Clifford Olson was that he always shared his ill-gotten gains with his friends, because he had learned at the age of five, with the aforementioned ice cream caper, just how useful sharing the wealth could be when it came to manipulating other people.

• 43:56Speaker 00

  That's a Peter Thiel lesson that he understood as a little boy.

• 44:00Marcus Parks?

  Yep. See, like a lot of successful sociopaths and narcissists, Clifford Olson knew that being liked was key if he wanted to keep getting away with bad shit. And the easiest and fastest way to get someone to like you is to be extremely generous with your money. Clifford therefore learned at an early age that you can buy friendship and loyalty, and he strengthened those friendships by being likable. But to that point, see, if I've learned anything, it's that people like Clifford Olson are very good at convincing people that ride or die is a noble concept, when they're in fact just using that loyalty as a shield to keep doing bad shit without consequence, or at least that's their hope. Unfortunately, Clifford Olson learned this technique at an early age, as these people

• 44:44Marcus Parks?

  often do. He took advantage of people's loyalty and friendship throughout his entire fucking life, but he got away with it for so long because he was a master at presenting himself as a likable and generous person.

• 44:57Speaker 00

  And he also had the other inner gift of this type of manipulative person, is that he understood to take the conflict level up to an uncomfortable place.

• 45:07Marcus Parks?

  Yes.

• 45:08Speaker 00

  Where even if you go to challenge this person, what they would say is he'd transform into another person.

• 45:14Marcus Parks?

  In a second.

• 45:15Speaker 00

  In a second. He would go from the guy you knew to a dangerous person.

• 45:19Marcus Parks?

  It scares the shit out of you.

• 45:20Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 45:21Speaker 04

  It's a true gangster move.

• 45:22Marcus Parks?

  Yeah. Now, by his teenage years during the early 1950s, Clifford Olson had his own little gang of Canadian hoodlums. These kids would burglarize homes by crawling through old-timey milk doors at night while people were sleeping so they could rifle through their belongings.

• 45:38Speaker 00

  Are they Norwegian characters out of a folk tale?

• 45:41Speaker 04

  That's what it sounds like.

• 45:43Speaker 00

  Someone stole the cheese.

• 45:45Marcus Parks?

  It sounds like the Iceland, the Icelandic characters, the Yule Boys, the Yule Lads.

• 45:50Speaker 00

  You didn't leave an acorn out for the little, for the Heidenstike. They are here to take all our fresh newly born cheese.

• 45:58Marcus Parks?

  Oh, and go check out the Reykjavik Grapevine sometime. We got, we got a new website.

• 46:04Speaker 00

  That's great. You got any nudies in there?

• 46:05Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, we don't, no, we don't have nudies.

• 46:07Speaker 00

  You don't do a Page Six girl in there?

• 46:08Marcus Parks?

  No, we don't do a Page Six girl with Reykjavik Grapevine. I'm part owner, but quite proud of it, and the paper's fucking fantastic right now. ReykjavikGrapevine.com, check it out.

• 46:17Speaker 00

  You have such a collection of old pornography, you can just start slipping it in there.

• 46:21Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, buddy. Well, next time I talk to Yonti on the call, I'll fucking ask him about it.

• 46:26Speaker 04

  And like, where's the porn in this?

• 46:30Marcus Parks?

  But that's what Clifford did for money. Mostly, he just fucking caused chaos. He'd shoot his 22 rifle at airplanes or boats for no reason.

• 46:41Speaker 00

  That's fun as hell.

• 46:42Marcus Parks?

  This one's incredible. He would steal weather balloons, tie fireworks or flares to them, light the fucking fuse, and then just send it up in the air. And he's just creating these flying fire starters.

• 46:53Speaker 04

  Sounds Florida.

• 46:55Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, it does, yeah. But as far as professions went, Clifford often got jobs at places where shady shit was already going down, like his job at the local horse track. Yeah, I mean, that's the thing. If you're fucking twelve, twelve years old, getting hired at the horse track.

• 47:11Speaker 00

  That's incredible. It's so much fun.

• 47:13Speaker 04

  This is, I've been seeing a little too many parallels in my own life. I spent a lot of time at the horse track as a child.

• 47:20Speaker 00

  But you also have a, you have a conscience, and it traumatized you.

• 47:24Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 47:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, I guess so. You're right.

• 47:26Marcus Parks?

  And I spent a lot of time at the horse track, too, at Riedosa Downs, but, but because my grandfather was a security guard at the racetrack. He'd wear, he'd always wear a fake mustache.

• 47:36Speaker 04

  I was one of the few, like, tiny children that they let place bets. My grandfather owned ten horses. And they were just like, oh, that's Herb's kid. If we don't take the bet, he'll yell at us.

• 47:50Speaker 00

  Five dollars on a rumpity rump.

• 47:56Speaker 04

  Whatever you want. You must be of age. You're.

• 47:58Speaker 00

  How, how big are you? How fat are you, little boy?

• 48:01Marcus Parks?

  I'm on five dollars on hot dogs, little pointy.

• 48:05Speaker 04

  All right, huge boy. Don't destroy the boot.

• 48:10Speaker 00

  That man looks like a child.

• 48:11Speaker 04

  Throw meat in it.

• 48:14Marcus Parks?

  Well, Clifford's paying job at the track was to walk the horses after races to cool them down. This job's known as a hot walker. This, however, was just a front for the scams and thefts that made Clifford the real money. And keep in mind, we're talking about a 12-year-old boy here. Clifford often stole wallets from the racetrack grooms. Those are the guys who took care of the horses. But his biggest marks were the gamblers. During the inevitable celebration after a race was over, Clifford became a master at stealing winning tickets from people right out of their hands. Then he would disappear into the chaos of the crowd.

• 48:51Speaker 00

  It's like a Charlie Chaplin movie.

• 48:53Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 48:53Speaker 04

  It really is kind of a good move.

• 48:55Marcus Parks?

  It's a great move. No, it's an amazing move. No, it's, that's the thing. That's why the, the whole time you're like, god damn it, he's really good at it.

• 49:02Speaker 00

  He knows what he's doing.

• 49:03Speaker 04

  My time at the track, I would brush the horses and they'd buy me ice cream.

• 49:06Marcus Parks?

  Oh, that's nice.

• 49:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, the horses would go up and they'd be like.

• 49:11Speaker 04

  And they'd be like, all right, another one for the horse.

• 49:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, they're butter, Scott.

• 49:15Speaker 04

  Hello, kid, I don't like it.

• 49:17Speaker 00

  That's right.

• 49:20Speaker 00

  Call the police.

• 49:23Marcus Parks?

  And so by 1956, Clifford had decided that his, that his would be a life of crime. Because after flunking out of the seventh grade twice, he quit school completely. Starting at the age of 16, Clifford Olson lived a life based solely on scamming and stealing. And he did so on a near daily basis.

• 49:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, you've always gotta have a second skill.

• 49:46Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 49:49Marcus Parks?

  Now, right around the time Clifford quit school, he had sex for the first time. And the act unlocked the true evil that lived within Clifford Olson. It was said that after having sex with his sister's friend, he became quote unquote, sex crazy. And every person who knew him back then said that was the only thing Clifford ever wanted to do from that point forward. I mean, yeah, when we're all 16, yeah, we're all obsessed with sex, but it was pathological to a dangerous level.

• 50:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:18Marcus Parks?

  Clifford also learned early on that he could pressure people into having sex with him. Once, he caught a bunch of kids sneaking around the racetrack. He chased all the kids off except for one young girl. That young girl Clifford pressured into having sex with him at the track. But the racetrack life ended after Clifford's boss caught him forging a $400 check. But presumably because the boss just liked Clifford so darn much, no charges were filed. Clifford didn't even get in trouble when he and his friend Dave stole a truck from the racetrack, then used that truck to steal a shitload of wine.

• 50:56Speaker 04

  Well, you gotta leave one case of wine in the truck and no one cares.

• 50:59Speaker 00

  Yeah. Get work at it, another good criminal shit fucking tip.

• 51:04Speaker 00

  Honestly, I think partially it's just they are like, here kids having whatever, oh, you know, everybody steals a truck and steals a bunch of wine. That's what you do. You're a kid.

• 51:15Speaker 04

  Honestly, especially back then, especially in the 50s and 60s.

• 51:19Speaker 00

  I guess. I don't think every child burgled. No, only the cool ones. Yeah.

• 51:24Marcus Parks?

  That's true, yeah.

• 51:25Speaker 00

  That's the problem.

• 51:26Marcus Parks?

  And it took a surprisingly long time for Clifford Olson to actually run afoul of the law itself. In 1957, Clifford was 17. He was finally caught breaking into a furniture store by an off-duty cop.

• 51:39Speaker 00

  I'm trying to look at the ottoman.

• 51:44Speaker 04

  I need him for my empire.

• 51:49Marcus Parks?

  Clifford ran and hid in a BlackBerry bramble.

• 51:52Speaker 00

  Rabbit.

• 51:53Marcus Parks?

  But he was sniffed out by a neighbor's dog.

• 51:55Speaker 00

  The rabbit.

• 51:56Marcus Parks?

  Who barked and alerted the RCMP officer searching for Olson. Once all the charges were added up, Olson had 17 counts and was therefore sentenced to nine months in the New Haven Borstal Institution. This would be just the first of many, many stretches in prison throughout Clifford Olson's life. Although this stretch would have a decidedly British flair.

• 52:18Speaker 00

  He liked prison, by the way.

• 52:20Marcus Parks?

  I think he liked everything.

• 52:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, he just had fun.

• 52:23Marcus Parks?

  He ser-, he didn't care. He liked everything. He was always happy. He's quite possibly the happiest person ever exists.

• 52:29Speaker 00

  He talks about prison as a way for him to not have to work.

• 52:32Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 52:33Speaker 04

  Also, I gotta say, I never heard the word Borstal before, but it scares the shit out of me.

• 52:37Speaker 00

  You gotta be careful. The doctor says anything about a Borstal test? Yeah. You got it. Okay. All of it. I'll remember.

• 52:46Marcus Parks?

  Well, this institution used the Borstal system, which was created in England as a way to right the path of juvenile delinquents before they landed in adult prison. Basically, it's a boarding school crossed with a prison. For all you punk fans out there, Sham69 wrote a classic punk song about doing time in a Borstal institution called Borstal Breakout. But part of the reason why Sham69 wrote Borstal Breakout is because it was extremely easy to break out of a Borstal institution. Clifford, for example, lasted just four months in a Borstal institution before he and a couple of other delinquents just walked away from the facility and found their way to civilization by following the nearby train tracks.

• 53:28Marcus Parks?

  Eventually Clifford and his friends came upon a speedboat on the Fraser River. But since none of them knew anything about boats, they tried hotwiring it like a car because they knew how to steal a car. But what they ended up doing is they tried spraying primer like onto the engine, caught the engine on fire. So they all took off their shirts and they put out the blaze with their shirts. But then the speedboat was running. So they took the motorboat all the way down the river to Vancouver until the motor died. The boys abandoned the boat and Clifford simply went home. But for reasons that are unclear, his father convinced Clifford to turn himself in. So Clifford was sent back to prison for an additional two years. His escape and rearrest, however, was a damn good story.

• 54:10Marcus Parks?

  So it was covered by the press in the Vancouver Sun. This was the start of Clifford's status as a criminal celebrity known for prison breaks. And it was all before Clifford was even 18 years old.

• 54:23Speaker 00

  I actually think that his infamy is a part of the reason why he felt the need to diversify.

• 54:28Marcus Parks?

  Hmm.

• 54:29Speaker 00

  Why he became the serial killer that he did.

• 54:31Marcus Parks?

  Sure. You mean like, so he could be known for more things?

• 54:35Speaker 04

  Keep upping it.

• 54:35Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, yeah. Now, by 1959, Clifford was still in prison. And it was there that he discovered that he was bisexual. Now, a lot of gay serial killers over the years, like John Wayne Gacy, tried saying they were bisexual because while they couldn't deny they had sex with men, there was no way that John Wayne Gacy could deny that. He still just couldn't admit that he was gay for one reason or another.

• 54:59Speaker 00

  Well, that was also the line he used to his wife. That was his line, it was ex-wife. That was the line he used to his buddies. That was a line he used to get guys to fuck him.

• 55:06Marcus Parks?

  Mm-hmm.

• 55:07Speaker 00

  Was by saying like, oh, you know, we fuck whoever, right? We do whatever. Yeah. And so, but the bisexual thing allows, because John Wayne Gacy was so obsessed with his masculinity, that allows him to like, no, no, I'm taking it on. I'm taking this. This is the thing I choose.

• 55:21Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, he would say like, there's animal sex and there's love sex. And with men, it's animal sex. It don't matter. But the thing is, Gacy was fucking gay.

• 55:29Speaker 00

  He's gay.

• 55:30Marcus Parks?

  Super gay.

• 55:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's in the name.

• 55:31Marcus Parks?

  But.

• 55:32Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 55:34Marcus Parks?

  But I do believe that Clifford Olson was truly bisexual, and here's why. The way I see it, based on everything we know about serial killers, anyone can do a bit of a true crime sexuality test. And you can apply it to serial killers or even yourself. Are you ready?

• 55:50Speaker 04

  I'll do it.

• 55:51Marcus Parks?

  All right. Put aside your morality for just a second.

• 55:53Speaker 04

  Ah, fuck. Okay.

• 55:55Speaker 00

  Shut it off, imagine what it's like.

• 55:57Marcus Parks?

  Turn it off completely. Morality gone. We're in a purely intellectual exercise here. Now, ask yourself, what gender of person would you murder if you were to become a serial killer?

• 56:10Speaker 04

  Eddie, see, I go for job more than gender.

• 56:14Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, I, I, I get it. I get it. Well, but your answer, I believe.

• 56:19Speaker 04

  Is priests.

• 56:21Marcus Parks?

  Will tell you quite a bit about your sexual orientation.

• 56:24Speaker 00

  I could kill a nun.

• 56:26Marcus Parks?

  Okay.

• 56:26Speaker 04

  But it depends on the nun. Some of them are nice.

• 56:29Speaker 00

  When?

• 56:30Speaker 04

  There was two nuns out of the 10 that were at my school that were fine.

• 56:33Speaker 00

  Oh, but I'm just saying without morality.

• 56:36Marcus Parks?

  Sure.

• 56:36Speaker 00

  I have morality. I don't want to kill.

• 56:38Marcus Parks?

  Putting your morality aside.

• 56:39Speaker 00

  But I would kill a bunch of nuns.

• 56:41Marcus Parks?

  My point here is that with serial killers, with serial killing, it is attached so much to sex. And people tend, serial killers kill people that they are attracted to. Gacy, for example, only killed men, so it's pretty safe to say that Gacy was gay. Ted Bundy only killed women.

• 56:59Speaker 00

  Very rarely, very rarely do serial killers change up victim type.

• 57:04Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, and that's the thing. Clifford Olson killed and raped both genders with a slight preference for women. So we can surmise that Olson was that rarest of serial killers, the bisexual.

• 57:17Speaker 00

  Or it's the idea that what she kept saying, which is like, it's sort of like bisexual. Like, there's something else that is probably just psychopath when you just look at people as a collection of holes.

• 57:28Marcus Parks?

  Well, that's what I was just about to get into.

• 57:31Speaker 04

  Were there any other killers that killed both? Who else killed both?

• 57:35Speaker 00

  Maybe, I guess technically, the Atlanta Child Murderers, there's a little bit of that.

• 57:41Speaker 04

  Kids. I feel like that's different.

• 57:42Marcus Parks?

  No, kids are totally, that's a totally different thing. Yeah. Yeah.

• 57:47Speaker 00

  I'm trying to see who did it.

• 57:49Speaker 04

  Interesting. You can't even, we can't even think of it.

• 57:51Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, it's like, it really does, like, and that's kind of my entire point.

• 57:55Speaker 00

  Andre Chikatilo. He, he, you would go back.

• 57:59Speaker 04

  He was an agent of chaos.

• 57:59Speaker 00

  He would go back and forth between kids, like literally children. And again, that was about opportunity and power.

• 58:04Speaker 04

  Same thing with the Hammer Maniacs. They were just whoever was around.

• 58:08Marcus Parks?

  I would say, and, but that's the thing, that's more about like thrill killing.

• 58:11Speaker 00

  Albert Fish, technically, boys and girls.

• 58:14Speaker 04

  But that's kids.

• 58:15Marcus Parks?

  That's kids.

• 58:15Speaker 00

  It's against kids.

• 58:16Marcus Parks?

  It's the thing. It's, it's kids. Like, it's.

• 58:18Speaker 04

  So there's three?

• 58:19Marcus Parks?

  Yeah. Four. With bisexual, yeah. And it, because that's the thing, it's, it is about, you know, sexual preference. It's about like what they're attracted to. All those guys like Albert Fish, they kill kids because they're attracted to kids.

• 58:32Speaker 00

  And Richard Mears killed couples.

• 58:34Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 58:34Speaker 00

  There's a couples or something else.

• 58:36Speaker 04

  Couples as well, yeah.

• 58:37Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, yeah. And that's a whole, that's a whole different thing. But when we're talking about like sexually motivated crimes, yeah. It's whoever they kill, that's who they are, that's where their orientation lies.

• 58:48Speaker 00

  That's who they like.

• 58:49Speaker 04

  It's very interesting. I never thought of it that way.

• 58:51Speaker 00

  Well, that's great.

• 58:52Marcus Parks?

  No, I'm glad I could open your mind.

• 58:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And my tushy.

• 58:57Speaker 00

  Fuck him?

• 59:00Speaker 00

  You gonna fuck him?

• 59:00Marcus Parks?

  Not yet, not yet. Now, as far as how Clifford Olson was awakened to his sexual nature, it was quite unfortunately through rape. He said that while he was in prison, he walked in on two young men raping a 16 year old named Lauren Johnson. And Clifford's immediate reaction was to-

• 59:16Speaker 00

  That's a great idea. Oh, that's the best idea I've ever seen.

• 59:20Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, his immediate reaction was to join in. Clifford Olson's personal views on his sexuality were predictably reprehensible. It's kinda like what you were pointing out earlier, he never considered himself gay, bi, or even straight. He said that he didn't care who he had sex with as long as they had a hole and they were quote, "as young as possible." FBI profiler John Douglas was actually of the opinion that Clifford didn't even see his sexual partners as actual humans. He just saw them and their so-called holes as a means to masturbate.

• 59:52Speaker 00

  It's like my character from Percival from MurderFist.

• 59:54Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 59:55Speaker 00

  Having sex with a woman is like just like masturbating with yourself.

• 59:58Speaker 04

  That's right, yeah. It's for cranking out more men.

• 1:00:01Speaker 00

  It's for cranking out more men.

• 1:00:02Speaker 04

  I understand, I remember the jokes.

• 1:00:04Speaker 00

  Less funny now, though.

• 1:00:10Marcus Parks?

  But concerning Lauren Johnson, Clifford's first male rape victim, Olson did somehow become good friends with Lauren afterwards.

• 1:00:17Marcus Parks?

  Or at least as good a friends as two guys could be after this sort of introduction.

• 1:00:22Speaker 00

  That was crazy, huh? Hey, that got out of hand.

• 1:00:26Marcus Parks?

  Hey, Lauren, tell him how the story of how we met. Tell him the story of how we met. This is crazy.

• 1:00:31Speaker 00

  I was getting tag team raped by two murderers and this guy just jumped in on my mouth.

• 1:00:37Marcus Parks?

  I just came in, I just came in.

• 1:00:40Speaker 00

  And you know, we ended up having a, we, during the downtime, we ended up finding out we had a lot in common.

• 1:00:44Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, yeah, he groomsmen at my wedding.

• 1:00:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:51Marcus Parks?

  If it tells you anything, Clifford and Lauren would later meet up on the outside and go on crime sprees together. According to Clifford, the two of them shared a bond because after the rape Clifford said that he and Lauren got prison married in front of all the other prisoners in the prison auditorium. And they even exchanged rings made from copper pipe.

• 1:01:13Speaker 00

  That's beautiful.

• 1:01:14Marcus Parks?

  I mean, I, this, I asked our researcher Joel, I asked Joel, I was like, dude, could you like try to find any other example of this ever happening in the history of man? He found no evidence of this happening whatsoever. So this could just be, in Joel's words, a Clifford Olson original.

• 1:01:36Speaker 00

  Wow. Well, you know who reminds me of? Richard Speck.

• 1:01:39Marcus Parks?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:01:40Speaker 00

  A little bit, just because Richard Speck got, put those tits in.

• 1:01:42Marcus Parks?

  If they knew how much fun I was having, they'd turn me loose.

• 1:01:45Speaker 00

  But that is also, this is manipulation tactics.

• 1:01:49Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:49Speaker 00

  Right? Like, this is all, he doesn't care about Lauren.

• 1:01:53Marcus Parks?

  No.

• 1:01:53Speaker 00

  This was about having a set bitch in prison, like literally not getting fucked with by anybody else. And you got a guy that wants to do crime with you after the fact. He's just fucking bringing them in, it's very practical.

• 1:02:05Marcus Parks?

  And not just that, like it's, he's providing entertainment for the rest of the prisoners who like him, who, that makes them like him even more.

• 1:02:13Speaker 00

  They never get to go to weddings. You know how hard that is? Never get to go, you never get to spend a bunch of money and stay in a city you don't wanna be in. You never have to spend a bunch of money on a gift and fucking go to a stupid ass wedding where you're gonna meet all these fucking people. It all sucks. Well, yeah, he does, yeah, it's in prison.

• 1:02:30Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:31Speaker 00

  But in prison, it's right there, you're not gonna travel.

• 1:02:33Speaker 04

  And like a true bisexual, he picked the only guy named Lauren.

• 1:02:39Marcus Parks?

  And while discovering his sexuality was indeed a milestone, Clifford Olson mostly spent his time in prison learning how to be a better criminal by picking up tips and tricks on more efficient ways to lie, cheat, and steal. But according to official records, Olson was considered to be more of a nuisance than a menace.

• 1:02:56Speaker 00

  Just Canadian shit all together, man.

• 1:02:59Marcus Parks?

  Nah, he's not really a menace, he's more of a nuisance.

• 1:03:02Speaker 00

  It's like a series of crimes ever escalating, but it's just kind of annoying.

• 1:03:08Marcus Parks?

  Parole granted.

• 1:03:10Speaker 00

  Get out of here, he's annoying me, you get out there and do crimes on the street. I'm sick of you doing crimes inside of this prison where it only happens to other criminals. You go out there and do it to a family, please. We'd have a nice, clean prison if we got you out of here. This is a nice prison built with guys that consensually fuck each other.

• 1:03:30Marcus Parks?

  Well, the assessment of Clifford Olson being more of a nuisance than a menace, that was of course incorrect. While Olson often presented as friendly, his personality could quickly change to aggressive and frightening. Then just as quickly change back. The worst was when he switched to the part of his personality driven solely by sexual desire. Because that part was strongly tied to an urge to physically hurt other human beings. See, the way people described it, even putting aside Olson's violent tendencies, he subjected people to a sort of emotional whiplash, kept everybody constantly off balance. Olson learned that if he flattered people, then they would quickly trust him.

• 1:04:11Marcus Parks?

  And even if he ended up crossing, hurting, or using them, he could easily get them to trust him again using more flattery and, more importantly, more generosity. Just a couple hundred bucks, couple thousand bucks go a long way to smoothen over any bad shit that he did.

• 1:04:28Speaker 00

  Buying drinks for people, buying dinner for people, by hanging out, paying for the whole thing, like doing all this kind of big, high roller shit.

• 1:04:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, what does he give a fuck? He just stole the money that afternoon.

• 1:04:38Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 1:04:39Speaker 04

  It's not his money.

• 1:04:39Speaker 00

  No, he's very, it's, it works.

• 1:04:41Marcus Parks?

  And in the end, the thing that defined Clifford Olson was that he never regretted his actions, ever. He only regretted getting caught, because the way Clifford thought about it, if he didn't get caught, he hadn't actually done anything wrong.

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• 1:09:53Marcus Parks?

  Now, after being released from prison yet again in 1961, Olsen proved that he truly had no scruples when it came to who was an acceptable criminal target. See, after he moved back in with his parents, Clifford went along with his dad to the Canadian Legion Hall one night, and while Clifford's dad and the other vets traded war stories, Clifford somehow, I don't know how he pulled it off, he stole all their watches.

• 1:10:17Speaker 04

  Close-up magic, never trust them.

• 1:10:22Marcus Parks?

  Clifford's father, that's Cliff Senior, he discovered the watch thefts, and he appeared to be outraged. But since the whole Olsen family were fucking dirtbags, Cliff Senior fucked over his son instead of turning him in. After finding out where Clifford had stashed these stolen watches, Cliff Senior just sold the watches and kept all the money for himself.

• 1:10:45Speaker 00

  And I'll tell you another thing, buster. All right, you won't be stealing nothing ever again. Now, you're gonna smoke that whole pack in front of me. You're gonna smoke the whole thing up.

• 1:10:53Speaker 04

  And then you're gonna drink the whole bottle after that, and see how you feel.

• 1:10:56Speaker 00

  You're gonna drink this whole bottle of whiskey.

• 1:10:58Speaker 04

  And then you're gonna take those watches and you're gonna tell all the time. You're gonna take my keys and you're gonna drive down to VFW and say I'm sorry. But honestly, would they like all take their watches off, like together and put them in the bag?

• 1:11:14Marcus Parks?

  I have no, that's what I mean. I don't know how he managed to steal all their watches.

• 1:11:17Speaker 04

  You know, if we all take our watches off, we won't know when to go home.

• 1:11:20Speaker 00

  Listen, this is a no-watch party. This is a no-watch party, no alarms, no stopwatches, no seconds, no minutes, only hours, which is our time to spend together.

• 1:11:32Speaker 04

  Those guys are still drinking there to this day.

• 1:11:34Speaker 00

  All right, now you fucking, we're gonna do our daisy chain like we do every week.

• 1:11:39Marcus Parks?

  Maybe in a Canadian Legion Hall, it's like in Vegas, like there's no clocks in the casinos.

• 1:11:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:44Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. If we don't know what time it is, then old Barbara can't get mad at me for not coming home.

• 1:11:50Speaker 00

  That's gold, that's information I didn't have.

• 1:11:55Marcus Parks?

  Now, I've never seen Cliff Senior's prison record, so this next part, this is a bit of speculation, but from what it seems like, Clifford Olson's parents, they may have started doing cons and scams later in life because they saw how much money Clifford made being on the wrong side of the law. As I said, Clifford dominated his family, so it's possible they just followed his lead.

• 1:12:19Speaker 00

  Just jealous of him.

• 1:12:20Marcus Parks?

  Yeah. For example, a few months after the watch heist, Cliff Senior was arrested for running a bingo scam with Clifford's mother at the very same Canadian Legion Hall where Clifford had stolen the watches.

• 1:12:32Speaker 00

  Goddamn Olsons. God forsaken Olsons.

• 1:12:37Marcus Parks?

  Now, a bingo scam, that sounds like small potatoes, but these bingo games were fucking huge.

• 1:12:43Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, no, bingo is not small potatoes.

• 1:12:46Speaker 04

  There's lots of money in bingo. My mom would play bingo every Sunday, and occasionally she'd come home with like a grand.

• 1:12:51Marcus Parks?

  Yeah. No, 3,000 people would show up to all, to these games, $10,000 jackpot, and that's $10,000 in 1961. So Cliff Senior talked his way into being the bingo caller, which put him in control of the bingo balls. Scam worked like this. Cliff Senior would memorize a bingo card, then hand that card to his wife. The wife would then hand the card to a supposedly trusted relative. Apparently, photographic memories kind of ran in this family. They did all have, I mean, if you're a scam artist, a successful con artist, you have to have an incredible memory.

• 1:13:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's just a bingo card.

• 1:13:28Marcus Parks?

  Because you gotta keep all the lies straight.

• 1:13:29Speaker 00

  I know, but at least it's just like, that shows it's like Canadian criminal mastery.

• 1:13:33Marcus Parks?

  Oh, God, you would never be able to memorize a bingo card.

• 1:13:36Speaker 00

  And that's how I was making my money.

• 1:13:38Speaker 04

  Yeah. I guess, yeah, after a while, but I would never be able to do that.

• 1:13:42Speaker 00

  That's why you're not a great criminal.

• 1:13:44Speaker 04

  I wasn't a great criminal.

• 1:13:46Marcus Parks?

  No, no.

• 1:13:47Speaker 00

  You'd lose your money all the time. I remember we went through all the books and we found all the cash that she hid from herself.

• 1:13:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's pretty great. That was kind of fun.

• 1:13:54Speaker 00

  That was fun.

• 1:13:55Speaker 04

  I would get hammered and I'd hide cash myself. My favorite was when I hid the cash in the, um, the fuse box.

• 1:14:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:14:01Speaker 04

  And then it wasn't till the power went out and $400 fell on my foot, and I was like, wow!

• 1:14:05Speaker 00

  Oh, my God!

• 1:14:08Marcus Parks?

  Well, before the bingo game, this is, and this is the, this is the key part of this scam. Before the bingo game, Cliff Senior had set up a trapwire door onstage at the bingo table that he could activate with his foot. So, once the relative with the memorized card was getting close to a bingo, Clifford would get a signal, and at that point, he would press the trapdoor and release the fake balls that would lead the relative to a bingo. After winning, the relative would split the cash with Cliff Senior, no muss, no fuss.

• 1:14:42Speaker 00

  This is another example of just, a job is easier than this scam. Just going to work and leaving work and getting a paycheck.

• 1:14:51Speaker 04

  This is very impressive.

• 1:14:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's too much work.

• 1:14:54Speaker 04

  It's hard, there was like carpentry involved.

• 1:14:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, you should be doing all this. It's like, um, you're all focusing on the wrong things.

• 1:15:01Marcus Parks?

  Yeah. Now, this scam actually worked perfectly. Nobody ever suspected anything fishy about it. But after Cliff Senior and Leona chose the wrong relative as their accomplice, because you, you can't use the same person every time.

• 1:15:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:15:14Marcus Parks?

  That relative decided to keep all the winnings for themselves instead of going with the agreed-upon split. It was one of those like, what are you gonna do about it? Call the cops on me?

• 1:15:23Speaker 00

  Beat the shit out of you.

• 1:15:24Marcus Parks?

  Yeah. Well, the family had a good old-fashioned dirtbag falling out over the whole thing.

• 1:15:28Speaker 00

  Well, that's my stolen money. I built the trapdoor.

• 1:15:33Marcus Parks?

  And in the aftermath, the relative decided to snitch on Cliff Senior for the bingo scam, and Cliff was duly sent to jail for fraud. I unfortunately don't know, however, if the relative managed to snitch without implicating themselves in the scheme. If I were to guess, I would imagine they tried to, but ultimately failed and were also sent to jail.

• 1:15:54Speaker 04

  Or they just gave the money back. That's the Canadian way. Yeah, just give it back.

• 1:15:57Marcus Parks?

  Oh, actually, you know what? In 1961, yep, okay, here's the money, I'm sorry.

• 1:16:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:03Marcus Parks?

  Now, while Cliff Senior was going into prison, Clifford Olson was just coming out. He'd, of course, been arrested and jailed again.

• 1:16:10Speaker 00

  He was so proud of his dad.

• 1:16:11Marcus Parks?

  Oh, yeah. But after entering the world once more as a 21-year-old, red-blooded Canadian, Clifford Olsen began a relationship with a 17-year-old named Janet after seeing her at a bus stop and offering her a ride. Now, the tale of Clifford and Janet tells you a lot about Clifford's personality, and it's very important to the overall story. See, Janet later said that she liked how Clifford listened to her, and she liked how he was, in her words, she used these exact words, "exceedingly energetic." But after talking his way into having sex with her, his personality switched mid-coitus to violence, and he choked her until she almost blacked out. But once Clifford reached his climax, he let his grip loose, and he once again became

• 1:16:55Marcus Parks?

  sweet and gentle. And that's that emotional whiplash, like you never fucking, like, it's, it's so, it's so back and forth that you almost wonder, it's like, is it me? Like, do I, am I imagining this? Because it's, it's, it can be surreal.

• 1:17:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:11Marcus Parks?

  But despite that, Clifford and Janet kept seeing each other, and Janet eventually got pregnant. Clifford, however, couldn't stay out of jail, and when he was arrested again, Janet put the baby up for adoption. Now, Clifford kept calling Janet and writing letters when he was in prison, asking for conjugal visits, but because of his dyslexia, he kept calling them congenial visits.

• 1:17:31Speaker 00

  They would be.

• 1:17:32Marcus Parks?

  Yes, they would be, it's technically true. Janet, however, dropped Olsen completely and dodged a massive bullet.

• 1:17:39Speaker 00

  I don't think I should be with that career criminal anymore.

• 1:17:43Speaker 00

  Maybe I should stop dating that career criminal who keeps doing crap.

• 1:17:46Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, maybe the guy who choked me out the first time we ever made whoopee. Nah.

• 1:17:53Speaker 00

  Nah, I don't know, I'm gonna kick him to the curb, I'm gonna date, have you met my new boyfriend, Paul?

• 1:17:59Speaker 04

  Because having sex in prison is kinda like vacation, but you know, I prefer to actually be in a hotel.

• 1:18:06Speaker 00

  I just feel like having sex on a conjugal visit has got, is got to be either, it either has to be the hottest thing you've ever done, or the grossest thing you, anybody can do.

• 1:18:17Speaker 04

  I think it depends on the crime, because you're in a trailer, and the guy's gotta watch you.

• 1:18:21Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, yeah, that is true.

• 1:18:23Speaker 00

  And so unless you like that.

• 1:18:25Marcus Parks?

  Which you might, I mean, I would imagine it is both the hottest thing you've ever done and the grossest thing you've ever done at the same time, porque no los dos.

• 1:18:31Speaker 00

  Side stories, L P O T L at gmail dot com. Have you ever done a conjugal visit?

• 1:18:34Marcus Parks?

  Let us know.

• 1:18:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:18:37Marcus Parks?

  Now, another thing that defines Clifford Olson is his impossibly cheerful personality, which is why I like to compare him to the Joker. See, Joker is just as happy causing chaos in the streets of Gotham as he is sitting in a cell in Arkham Asylum. That smile don't fucking change, because the Joker knows he's gonna get out eventually, one way or another. Clifford Olson had the exact same attitude, because by the early sixties, Clifford became so good at escaping from prison, that people began to refer to him as "The Rabbit." He had not yet had "The Senator" title added.

• 1:19:11Speaker 04

  Well, yeah, yeah, he was still just a page.

• 1:19:13Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:14Speaker 04

  Which worked out in the mailroom at this point.

• 1:19:16Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, Representative Rabbit.

• 1:19:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:19:18Marcus Parks?

  Now, Olson didn't have a knack for elaborate escape plans. Instead, just like a rabbit, Clifford Olson relied on escapes of opportunity, which usually came as a result of inept Canadian jailers who simply didn't care about their job enough to pay attention.

• 1:19:34Speaker 00

  But also, if you have no scruples, and if you have no conscience, making really impulsive decisions that help you in these ways, it's actually much easier.

• 1:19:42Marcus Parks?

  It is. Well, for example, during one stretch in a Saskatchewan jail, Olson picked the lock to the laundry room, stole some clothes that were not prison issue, and confidently just walked out the jail's front door, as the guard gave him a polite wave and said, "Have a good weekend."

• 1:19:58Speaker 04

  It's really nice to see you, Mr. Lincoln. So I'm glad you could visit the jail here. He's like, "Yeah, it was a bit of a trip, huh? Alright, back to the grave."

• 1:20:09Marcus Parks?

  Olson then hailed a cab to downtown Saskatoon.

• 1:20:12Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:20:13Marcus Parks?

  Where he invited the cabbie to lunch.

• 1:20:15Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 1:20:16Marcus Parks?

  The cops, of course, soon found Olson, and his, and his hours-long escape added another year to his sentence. Clifford, of course, didn't give a fuck, because he knew that there would always be another opportunity to escape from the, let's say, infamously porous Canadian prison system.

• 1:20:34Speaker 00

  Something about a taxi driver in Saskatoon that'll definitely help you fucking get out of jail, and just sit and have like a big soup and sandwich with, you know, like, big wet sandwich together, just sitting there, and he's like, "You know, I tell you about the time I broke out of jail, I started driving a cab. That was thirty-five years ago today."

• 1:20:52Speaker 04

  I wonder if he like, didn't have money for the cab, because he just broke out of jail, and he's like, "Yeah, we'll go, I'll steal you a sandwich."

• 1:20:58Speaker 00

  I also just think that a Canadian will take free food.

• 1:21:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:21:02Speaker 00

  More than an American. More than an American, you could make your way through Canada with several baguettes.

• 1:21:08Speaker 04

  Oh, you think on their Halloween, they don't need candy with wrappers, probably, they just a handful of candy corn.

• 1:21:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, they just drop it in the children's mouth, like the baby birds.

• 1:21:18Marcus Parks?

  And so, throughout the early to mid nineteen sixties, Clifford Olson would commit a petty crime, go to jail, escape, commit more crimes, get arrested again, then escape, and this just happened over and over and over again. During one actual release, Clifford reunited with his prison husband Lorne, and the two of them went on a burglary and fraud spree.

• 1:21:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, we're co, we're co-parenting a butt baby right now. It is really beautiful.

• 1:21:45Marcus Parks?

  Olson was arrested once again, but as he would do over and over, Olson completely left his partner in crime in the lurch. See, the, the whole loyalty thing, that only applied to Clifford, it did not apply from Clifford to other people.

• 1:22:00Speaker 04

  It's because he's a winner.

• 1:22:00Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:04Marcus Parks?

  Well, instead of helping out his friend, Olson told the RCMP that he alone had information on a drug dealing operation, which he would lead the cops directly to, if they promised a lighter sentence. But when the cops took Olson to the alleged location of the drug operation, took him, it was like an abandoned warehouse or something, while the RCMP's back was turned, like he's fucking Bugs Bunny, Olson just jumps out the window.

• 1:22:30Speaker 00

  "It's time for Clifford to make his escape." "Let it go, let it go. See you idiots in Albuquerque."

• 1:22:40Speaker 00

  He, uh, that's a Ted Bundy move, too.

• 1:22:42Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, yeah, he ran away, and it took another month for the RCMP to track down The Rabbit one more time. Now Clifford Olson finally served all the time he was given in the nineteen sixties by nineteen sixty-four, but it's speculated that after that nineteen sixty-four release, he may have committed his first murder, although we don't know for sure if this was indeed Clifford Olson. In May of nineteen sixty-four, a twelve-year-old girl named Judy Howie was walking home from school in the lumber town of Skrimish. When she didn't make it home that afternoon, a search was conducted, and Judy's body was found at eight PM. It was ten feet off a dirt path in the woods, and it was soon discovered

• 1:23:22Marcus Parks?

  that Judy had been raped and strangled with a man shirt that was still tied around the neck of her corpse. Now Clifford Olson was in the area at the time, and the crime does fit his later MO, but we really can't say for sure that Olson actually did this, especially because Olson was very fond of confessing. All we know for sure is that no one was ever arrested for the murder of Judy Howie.

• 1:23:48Speaker 04

  Well, when they found him, was he wearing a shirt?

• 1:23:51Speaker 00

  That's Canadian thing, you, that's a fifty-fifty thing, man. You don't know.

• 1:23:55Marcus Parks?

  They didn't know until years later.

• 1:23:57Speaker 00

  No, no.

• 1:23:57Marcus Parks?

  It actually, it wasn't, that actually kinda wasn't put together until much, much later, it's like, oh, he was here at this time, like, they started to look at where, you know, he had gone, but they often do with serial killers, like, look at his path and see which murders match up.

• 1:24:10Speaker 00

  I personally believe he would have told that he did it.

• 1:24:13Marcus Parks?

  I kinda, I kinda think so, too.

• 1:24:16Speaker 00

  Part of the bodies for cash thing that he did.

• 1:24:17Marcus Parks?

  I think.

• 1:24:18Speaker 00

  If it was indeed.

• 1:24:19Marcus Parks?

  Well, but this body was, but that's the thing, this body was found.

• 1:24:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:24:22Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, so there was no bodies for cash, he would, it would have just been something he talked about.

• 1:24:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, maybe.

• 1:24:27Marcus Parks?

  Um, but I don't, I.

• 1:24:28Speaker 00

  Maybe it was something he wanted to do.

• 1:24:30Marcus Parks?

  No idea.

• 1:24:30Speaker 00

  Maybe he was jealous.

• 1:24:32Speaker 04

  Did he kill anyone else by strangling him with a shirt?

• 1:24:34Marcus Parks?

  Uh, just, there was a lot of improvised strangling. That, it's not necessarily, it's not the shirt that's the important part, it's the improvisational nature of it, of like, wow, what am I gonna strangle with a shirt, you know?

• 1:24:47Speaker 00

  It's like Robin Williams could kill a girl with a tie, he could kill a girl with a belt, he could kill a girl with a hose from the garden, he could kill a girl with.

• 1:24:54Speaker 04

  That's just his Bill Cosby impression.

• 1:24:56Speaker 00

  Yes, but that was just, that was when he'd go to sleep.

• 1:24:59Marcus Parks?

  Now Clifford Olson was wanted for robbery and burglary once again by the summer of nineteen sixty-four, but when the RCMP showed up at his door to arrest him, The Rabbit once again ran.

• 1:25:10Speaker 00

  Up, up, away!

• 1:25:11Marcus Parks?

  Twenty officers were called in to find Olson, but none of them had any luck. Incredibly, though, Olson's life was about to experience a massive echo. See, the cops brought in two search dogs named Rinty and Tiger. I want a dog named Rinty.

• 1:25:27Speaker 04

  You can get one. It's named after, that's what was Rin Tin Tin's, uh, nickname.

• 1:25:31Marcus Parks?

  Oh, Rinty?

• 1:25:31Speaker 04

  Rinty, yeah.

• 1:25:32Marcus Parks?

  Oh, that's really nice, yeah. Yeah, maybe I could just call the dog Runty. Well, but just as it had been when he was a kid, Rinty and Tiger tracked Olson directly to his hiding place in a BlackBerry Thatch. Rinty was awarded Police Dog of the Year for his service, which, you know, fuck, fuck Tiger, I guess.

• 1:25:50Speaker 00

  I guess it really comes down to.

• 1:25:51Marcus Parks?

  Tiger was there, but fucking Rinty gets all the goddamn credit.

• 1:25:53Speaker 00

  I mean, fucking talk to those, the three astronauts that had a fight to come out of that fucking door. All right, now the long conversation. All right, and those guys got real fucking butthurt later on about, talking about like, oh, he's only the second fucking chode on the moon.

• 1:26:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, the other guy had to stay with the car.

• 1:26:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, he had to sit there making sure nobody stole it.

• 1:26:15Marcus Parks?

  Well, after this crime, Clifford Olson was sentenced to three and a half years in the pen, but after less than a year, he got bored, and in April of nineteen sixty-five, The Rabbit devised another escape. This one, however, was planned, and I gotta admit, this is a pretty clever fucking scheme.

• 1:26:31Speaker 00

  And I'll also put this to our current incarcerated listeners, this is a good way to escape from jail.

• 1:26:36Marcus Parks?

  This is a very good way.

• 1:26:37Speaker 00

  It's a really good way, so really pay attention.

• 1:26:40Marcus Parks?

  Although it does depend solely on the incompetence and laziness of the prison guard.

• 1:26:46Speaker 00

  You know what, you know those guys, you know the bad ones.

• 1:26:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, right, yeah, so we're talking to you, Ocala.

• 1:26:52Marcus Parks?

  Well, the scam started with Olsen telling the prison doctor that he'd been going to the bathroom a lot and he was constantly thirsty.

• 1:26:58Speaker 00

  A lot.

• 1:26:59Marcus Parks?

  A lot. The doctor naturally asked for a urine sample, but while Olsen peed in the cup, he pricked his finger with a needle so he could make it look like he was peeing blood. At the very least, there was a bit of blood.

• 1:27:10Speaker 00

  Look at all the blood in this. Oh my god. Oh my god.

• 1:27:16Marcus Parks?

  This is, of course, quite serious. So the doctor, who I would imagine liked Clifford Olson, just as most people did.

• 1:27:22Speaker 00

  I gotta make sure his dick's okay.

• 1:27:24Marcus Parks?

  He ordered Olsen to a nearby hospital for more tests. And once a guard got Olsen to the hospital waiting room, he, for some reason, removed Clifford's handcuffs.

• 1:27:34Speaker 04

  Well, it's hard for him to piss without the handcuffs.

• 1:27:36Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:27:37Speaker 04

  Because then the guy's got to hold it.

• 1:27:38Marcus Parks?

  But he's sitting in the waiting room.

• 1:27:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, but he doesn't care.

• 1:27:40Marcus Parks?

  He's sitting in the waiting room.

• 1:27:41Speaker 04

  You know how you get a cop to remove your handcuffs? Someone's gotta wipe my ass. You gonna do it?

• 1:27:45Speaker 00

  I shit. Fucking shit. Cops love that, too.

• 1:27:50Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:51Speaker 00

  They love that, hearing that you need to shit.

• 1:27:54Marcus Parks?

  I would imagine the cops probably just say, "Have a dirty ass."

• 1:27:58Speaker 00

  They'll just say shit on the, "Yeah, you're gonna shit your pants."

• 1:28:00Speaker 04

  That's an American thing. In Canada, they're too nice.

• 1:28:02Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, that is true.

• 1:28:03Speaker 00

  Oh, we don't wanna muss up the jail cell.

• 1:28:07Marcus Parks?

  Well, after taking off the handcuffs, the guard fucking wandered off for just a moment.

• 1:28:12Speaker 00

  I gotta go chase a bike.

• 1:28:14Marcus Parks?

  Presumably, I would imagine he gave Clifford a very stern, like, "Don't go anywhere now, mister. I'm trusting you."

• 1:28:20Speaker 00

  I promise. I'm as good as my word.

• 1:28:25Marcus Parks?

  Olsen, of course, walked out of the hospital the second the guard was out of sight. He stole a bicycle and just fucking took off.

• 1:28:32Speaker 00

  Again, unceremonious escape possible. Does that sound?

• 1:28:35Marcus Parks?

  Rabbits on the loose. Now Olsen immediately embarked upon a crime spree after this escape. But Olsen also, he liked having a partner in crime. So he called up his old buddy Dave. That was the guy who had helped Clifford boost wine using the truck that they'd stolen at the racetrack.

• 1:28:52Speaker 04

  Oh, okay. He stays in touch with people.

• 1:28:54Marcus Parks?

  He does.

• 1:28:54Speaker 04

  He's a good friend.

• 1:28:58Marcus Parks?

  And together, the two of them ran even more wild. Clifford, however, finally took it too far with the impromptu robbery of a Safeway supermarket. See, Clifford Olson relied on impulse, intuition, and targets of opportunity for his criminal endeavors. So when he got the idea to rob the supermarket, he just pulled out his stolen 22 pistol a split second later and got on with it. Now, the pistol wasn't loaded. Clifford just liked carrying it around because it made him feel important, but the effect was the same as if it had been full of bullets. But since Clifford was so impulsive with his crimes, he often missed out on big scores. During this Safeway robbery, for example,

• 1:29:39Marcus Parks?

  Clifford and Dave came away with little more than a sack containing eighty-nine dollars in coins. They had completely missed the store's cash bag, which was stuffed with fifteen thousand dollars Canadian.

• 1:29:53Speaker 04

  Do your homework. Do your research. He reminds me of Nicolas Cage from Raising Arizona.

• 1:29:59Speaker 00

  It's a little bit like that. He is just like, he's both, it's, the only reason why he's a career criminal, just because he doesn't stop doing crimes.

• 1:30:08Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:09Speaker 00

  He's not a great criminal. No.

• 1:30:11Marcus Parks?

  No, he's not. I mean, he-

• 1:30:12Speaker 00

  He just stopped. He just wouldn't stop doing crimes.

• 1:30:15Marcus Parks?

  You know, it's like that, it's like that scene in Pulp Fiction, you know, in the diner. It's like, "Let's do it right here, right now. Right, rob the diner."

• 1:30:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:30:23Marcus Parks?

  Less preparation than that.

• 1:30:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:30:25Marcus Parks?

  You know, it's, it's just like, "I wanna rob the Safeway." Boom, pulls out the gun and let's figure out how to do it. And let's just go along with it. He comes with eighty-nine dollars and fucking change.

• 1:30:34Speaker 04

  Imagine how many times it works that we didn't even know about.

• 1:30:36Speaker 00

  Unfortunately, it's a really good way to rob something because if you case it and you go, someone can end up finding it, someone can bust you, it's a whole thing.

• 1:30:44Marcus Parks?

  What, you're big on giving, like, tips and tricks today?

• 1:30:48Speaker 00

  I'm just saying. It's just a part of it. It's like, I'm in the mode now.

• 1:30:53Marcus Parks?

  Now, grabbing a bag full of coins instead of a sack of cash, it's funny. And the small score, eighty-nine dollars in coins, it makes the crime, it's, it's cute.

• 1:31:04Speaker 00

  It's not cute. He fucking rhymed. He fucking robbed everybody at gunpoint.

• 1:31:08Marcus Parks?

  It's cute.

• 1:31:09Speaker 04

  But it's just a bunch of nickels.

• 1:31:10Speaker 00

  I know, but that's because he's a fucking moron.

• 1:31:12Marcus Parks?

  And nickels is a funny word.

• 1:31:14Speaker 00

  It is.

• 1:31:15Marcus Parks?

  But therefore, it was picked up by the local media. And because the prison escape was added to the story, Clifford was almost approaching folk hero status in Vancouver. See, after the robbery, Clifford and Dave narrowly escaped the cops again and again. You know, they're, they're guys that, you know, you wanna root for. And while listening to the police radio at a motel, Clifford and Dave heard the cops describing them as cunning, resourceful, and dangerous.

• 1:31:42Speaker 00

  They're like an evil Spider-Man and Batman. They're the two handsomest men I've ever seen. If I could make one a woman, I'd marry her. Oh, I love these boys. Hey, guys, let's stay home. Let's not go after these boys.

• 1:31:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, we're hiring fellas, you know.

• 1:32:00Marcus Parks?

  The media also heard these colorful descriptors being discussed over the police band. So the media went deeper on the story and decided to interview Clifford's mother, Leona. She had some choice words to say about her son, offering this assessment.

• 1:32:16Speaker 00

  He's a coward by himself and he needs a partner. This is the seventh time he's gotten away from the police, though. If you got to admit, he's quick on his feet.

• 1:32:27Speaker 04

  This is turning into Trailer Park Boys.

• 1:32:29Speaker 00

  Dude, it is, it is.

• 1:32:31Marcus Parks?

  I, I got a little thing on Trailer Park Boys at the end.

• 1:32:34Speaker 04

  Oh, you do?

• 1:32:36Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, it is. It is. It is. Now Clifford and Dave were in full outlaw mode by this point, so they crossed the American border to the town of Blaine, Washington.

• 1:32:46Speaker 00

  Blaine.

• 1:32:47Marcus Parks?

  The police chief in Blaine stopped Clifford and Dave and immediately pegged them as the Safeway Change robbers.

• 1:32:53Speaker 00

  You're just dumb enough looking.

• 1:32:54Marcus Parks?

  And but once again-

• 1:32:56Speaker 04

  I mean, they're jingling. No, no, no. No, no, no. We're just, their pants are falling around their knees. Oh, we're sad as hell. All right, let me buy that TV from you.

• 1:33:11Speaker 00

  Canadian coin money.

• 1:33:14Marcus Parks?

  But once again, once the police chief kinda pegged them as the robbers, Olsen rabbited out into the woods in the middle of their chat with Washington's finest. And he left his-

• 1:33:25Speaker 00

  He probably blinded the cops with a handful of nickels. Ain't a way I don't.

• 1:33:31Marcus Parks?

  And of course, he left his buddy Dave to take the rap. Once in the woods, Olsen climbed a tree and used his shoelaces to tie his unloaded 22 pistol to the tree branches to hide it from the cops. And after climbing down, he jogged a good distance away, dug a little hole for himself with his hands, and covered himself up with leaves.

• 1:33:52Speaker 00

  Don't you say nothing, tree. Don't you say nothing, listen. And now, this is when Clifford becomes the potato.

• 1:34:02Speaker 00

  They'll never find the potato.

• 1:34:06Marcus Parks?

  His idea was to literally lay low.

• 1:34:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:34:08Marcus Parks?

  Until he could once again rabbit away.

• 1:34:11Speaker 00

  This is a, this is wily coyote shit.

• 1:34:13Marcus Parks?

  Yeah. But by this point, the RCMP had been notified. And the RCMP had already pinpointed Dave's weakness, the Batman in Robin, to his Joker, if you will. The dynamic duo in this case was Rin-Tee and Tiger, police dogs extraordinaire.

• 1:34:29Speaker 00

  They're the only police doing a job. They're the only police officers doing a single thing to help.

• 1:34:36Speaker 04

  Canadian cops are worse than dogs.

• 1:34:41Marcus Parks?

  I know, I can't find him. You wanna give it to the dog?

• 1:34:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:34:45Marcus Parks?

  I'm tired of the fucking dog taking all the goddamn credit around here.

• 1:34:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, your sense of smell is shit, Dave. Well, if you quit smoking, like I told you, your fucking sense of smell might come back, Dave.

• 1:34:58Marcus Parks?

  And they fucking, these two dogs got brought over the border, found him immediately.

• 1:35:02Speaker 00

  Boom, done.

• 1:35:02Marcus Parks?

  He's like, "Yeah, cuz he's hiding in a hole covered in leaves."

• 1:35:05Speaker 00

  It's a perfect place for a dog to find you.

• 1:35:07Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:07Speaker 00

  If dogs are looking for you, that's where they're gonna find you.

• 1:35:10Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:10Speaker 00

  Guess where they're not gonna find you? No motel there. In the tree. Up in the tree with the gun.

• 1:35:19Marcus Parks?

  This time, both dogs were rightfully awarded for service.

• 1:35:23Speaker 00

  It's just cuz Tiger fucking-

• 1:35:24Speaker 04

  Bitch.

• 1:35:25Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, Tiger made it fucking stink about it.

• 1:35:28Speaker 04

  Fucking deal.

• 1:35:28Marcus Parks?

  Yeah. And Clifford Olson went back to jail. He was sentenced to seven years, but because of the media coverage of his robberies and his escapes, Clifford Olson had become a small time Canadian criminal celebrity. Now, as you said, at this point, he's very much on the level of a trailer park boy when it comes to the crimes for which he's been arrested. And if I'm being honest, I understand trailer park boys on a whole new level after learning about Clifford Olson. Like, it seems so much more like a reality show.

• 1:36:01Speaker 00

  It's a type of Canadian. That's kind of what I mean. It's a stripe of Canadian.

• 1:36:05Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, it's this criminal idea, like it's.

• 1:36:09Speaker 00

  Funny, mischievous little crimes, little scams, kind of fun. Again, it's all too cute for anybody to sort of take it as seriously as they need to until somebody then murders and rapes ten children.

• 1:36:22Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, yeah. No, it's like getting the trailer park, like the best joke is when they're having, you know, the scene where they're having the gunfight and then one of them gets shot and they go, "Time out, time out. I got shot. Oh, we got a guy hurt over here."

• 1:36:36Speaker 00

  What's his name? He's got gations. The guy with the glasses got big time gations.

• 1:36:39Marcus Parks?

  Oh, yeah, that's a whole different, yeah, bubbles. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:36:42Speaker 04

  His name's Bubbles.

• 1:36:43Speaker 00

  He just is Clifford Olson.

• 1:36:45Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, well, let's focus on Ricky and Julian. I'd like to focus on that because as opposed to the relatively harmless adventures of Ricky and Julian, Clifford Olson was not just a confused, petty criminal with good intentions and a heart of gold. See, during this seven year stint in prison, Clifford Olson would be introduced to the weapon he would come to rely on when he finally began his serial killing spree. In prison, Olson found out what happens when hammer meets skull. And that is where we'll pick back up for part two of this three part series. It will kill. Yeah. It will kill.

• 1:37:25Speaker 00

  It will kill.

• 1:37:26Marcus Parks?

  When you put hammer to skull, it will kill.

• 1:37:28Speaker 00

  It will kill.

• 1:37:28Speaker 04

  You really gotta keep those hammers out of those prisoners' hands.

• 1:37:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, what the fuck? Why is he hanging out hammers?

• 1:37:33Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:33Speaker 00

  We'll get there though. God, it's good to be back in it your crime.

• 1:37:36Marcus Parks?

  It is, it is. And you gotta keep the hammers out of the skulls. Hammers don't belong in skulls.

• 1:37:41Speaker 00

  No, they belong in the workforce.

• 1:37:43Marcus Parks?

  That's right.

• 1:37:44Speaker 00

  Patreon.com slash Last Podcast on the Left. You can listen to us ad free. You can also go and see Last Stream on the Left live every Tuesday, 5:00 PM PST. Also, you get Movie Stories, the video on Patreon. Go fucking get it. We're working really hard on it. Or you're currently watching us on Netflix right now because we're there.

• 1:38:06Marcus Parks?

  And also, No Dogs in Space is back. It's back. It's out. It's out. I think by the time you hear this, we should have two new episodes out. Yeah, New York Dolls Parts One and Two.

• 1:38:18Speaker 00

  How many are you doing?

• 1:38:18Marcus Parks?

  Uh, it's gonna be a five part series with Akoda at the end because the, uh, the careers of the New York Dolls after, uh, the New York Dolls is an insane story all on its own.

• 1:38:32Speaker 00

  Keep it hot, hot, hot.

• 1:38:36Marcus Parks?

  Buster.

• 1:38:37Speaker 00

  Keep it hot, hot.

• 1:38:38Marcus Parks?

  Buster Boydexter is the least interesting part.

• 1:38:40Speaker 00

  I love Buster Boydexter.

• 1:38:42Marcus Parks?

  But it's still, it is the least interesting part. Like, you know, Arthur Kane, the bassist, was almost murdered during the Los Angeles riots, the Rodney King riots.

• 1:38:51Speaker 00

  Oh, really?

• 1:38:51Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:38:52Speaker 00

  Don't spoil it. I can't wait to listen.

• 1:38:54Speaker 04

  Stay in New York.

• 1:38:55Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, that's the only, that's always been his problem. You go to YouTube, LPNTV, Bloodbath 77 is also wrapping up.

• 1:39:00Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:01Speaker 00

  And go check out the ending episodes. They are fucking fantastic. And we will be coming back with a new announcement very soon about the third season. And also, I'm allowed to now announce, within days, we will be putting out the day for our re-release of our Halloween Sound Effects album.

• 1:39:18Marcus Parks?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:18Speaker 00

  Cause we're doing a second, or second printing. It is coming out any day now.

• 1:39:22Marcus Parks?

  Second pressing.

• 1:39:23Speaker 00

  Second pressing, thank you. And we will, we'll all be coming out very soon. And just so you know, it's coming out and those records will be out, will be in your home by Halloween.

• 1:39:32Speaker 04

  That's what I'm fucking talking about, bro.

• 1:39:34Speaker 00

  Talking about fuckers. So they're coming out, fuckers.

• 1:39:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, and then go to Spotify and check out the song. If you got, if you're worried about it.

• 1:39:41Speaker 00

  Master Trash.

• 1:39:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's right, man. That's fucking awesome. I'm hitting the road. I'm always, this weekend on Sunday, I'm gonna be in Milwaukee, pretty close to Canada. I'll get some inside information on what's going on.

• 1:39:51Marcus Parks?

  Please do.

• 1:39:52Speaker 04

  I'm gonna be at the Laughing Tap with my boy Logan Metz. It's gonna be a lot of fun. Tom Goss is gonna be hosting the show. We're gonna have a great time. October 4th at Denver at the Comedy Works, my first show sold out.

• 1:40:03Marcus Parks?

  Can't wait.

• 1:40:03Speaker 04

  So I added a second show. So come on with it, dude. That's my birthday show. And then Henry and I are gonna be at the Warsaw in Brooklyn on October 9th. We're gonna have a lot of fun. I've always wanted to play that fucking place.

• 1:40:15Speaker 00

  Me too. And then Hartford, Connecticut, man.

• 1:40:16Speaker 04

  On October 11th, we're gonna have fun. And of course, October 14th in Los Angeles at the Stray Theater, Slammers Comedy Bash with Amber Nelson. All kinds of shows coming down the pipe for you fuckers. Go to eddytunes.com to see where I'm at.

• 1:40:29Marcus Parks?

  And the reason why y'all are doing the show at the Warsaw is because we are gonna be at New York Comic Con this year.

• 1:40:35Speaker 00

  That's right. 5:00 PM, I believe, is our.

• 1:40:38Marcus Parks?

  It's five or six.

• 1:40:39Speaker 00

  Five or six. We're doing a big panel and signing.

• 1:40:41Speaker 04

  October 8th.

• 1:40:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:40:42Speaker 04

  October, yes, October 8th. October 8th is the panel and on Saturday is the signing.

• 1:40:47Marcus Parks?

  Yeah, we'll be doing a sign in with, uh, Z2 Comics to, uh, yeah, cause if you haven't checked out the newest edition, you know, like I did that fucking story with Matt Wagner, uh, there's an incredible Bonnie and.

• 1:40:59Speaker 00

  So fucking good.

• 1:41:00Marcus Parks?

  There's an incredible Bonnie and Clyde story done by the creator of Arsenic Lullaby that might be one of the funniest things I've ever read in my life.

• 1:41:06Speaker 00

  And we wrap up our little Detective Popcorn mini-series as well. So please check it out. It's, I think it's our best one.

• 1:41:12Marcus Parks?

  We're doing a bunch of cool shit. Lot of cool shit. Thank you very much for, uh, supporting our cool shit that we do, uh, throughout the years.

• 1:41:18Speaker 00

  And I love you. Hail Satan.

• 1:41:20Marcus Parks?

  Oh, Hakeem.

• 1:41:21Speaker 04

  Uh, hail, uh, Rick Danko, great Canadian musician who was part of the band.

• 1:41:26Speaker 00

  Oh, I thought you were gonna hail Rinty, the most awarded dog today.

• 1:41:30Speaker 04

  He's a fucking cop.

• 1:41:32Marcus Parks?

  Yeah. Okay, we can, we can hail Danko just as long as we don't hail Robbie Robertson.

• 1:41:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, we all know.

• 1:41:39Marcus Parks?

  We'll be okay.

• 1:41:40Speaker 00

  He stole the fucking money.

• 1:41:43Marcus Parks?

  Love Danko.

• 1:41:48Speaker 05

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