Tom Read Wilson Has Joe Marler Lost for Words

Tom Read Wilson is life’s leading man. But when the curtain comes down and the audience disappears, Joe wants to know whether the showman ever actually switches off. Reunited in Dr Marler’s office, Tom and Joe waste very little time picking up where they left off - with enough flirting to leave Jake firmly embracing his role as the third wheel. Between the chemistry, Tom opens up about where his love of performing began, his lifelong obsession with musicals, and why he takes so much joy in the English language. But is all the theatricality simply part of who Tom is, or is there another side that only comes out when no one’s watching? And Tom’s rather spectacular lexicon doesn’t go to waste, as Joe calls on his expertise for a very special task… GET TICKETS TO THE LIVE TOUR HERE: https://www.livenation.co.uk/joe-marler-will-see-you-live-tickets-adp1647830 Featuring Joe Marler (@joemarler17) and Jake Bhardwaj (@jakebhardwajtv) Follow the show on Instagram: @willseeyounowshow Joe Marler Will See You Now is a Platform Media production. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:24Speaker 03

  I've not been very well, mate.

• 1:25Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:25Speaker 03

  I've been so ill. That's why I'm not, I'm not, I don't know if you've noticed, I'm not very, you know, as sprightly as I'd like to be today.

• 1:31Speaker 04

  No, you just seem normal.

• 1:33Speaker 03

  We were together, we were together about four days ago.

• 1:36Speaker 04

  Yeah. What sort of ill?

• 1:39Speaker 03

  Well, do you remember when I, I left your company three, four days ago?

• 1:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:43Speaker 03

  And I was like, "I need to go to the toilet." And you said, "I'll come with you." And I said, "That's not needed."

• 1:50Speaker 04

  No, I, I, sorry, we haven't actually clarified that bit since.

• 1:54Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 1:55Speaker 04

  I wasn't offering to come with you as in like a hand of support.

• 1:59Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:59Speaker 04

  I was, I was going, "Oh, I'll come with you because I need a poo as well."

• 2:03Speaker 03

  Oh, sorry. I thought you were like, "Oh, I'll help you out." Like moral support.

• 2:09Speaker 04

  What?

• 2:10Speaker 03

  But anyway.

• 2:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:11Speaker 03

  I got home, immediately shivering. It's like 26 degrees outside and I'm shivering, but I'm so hot. And then, and then, and then suddenly the head starts pounding, the skin starts, you ever get that when you're getting ill? The skin starts getting really painful. And then glands are swollen and then bang, it hits. Every five, 10 minutes, it's running to the loo. It's liquid. It's liquid.

• 2:35Speaker 04

  Why are you whispering that?

• 2:36Speaker 03

  Also, I've got a microphone, they'll just turn it up if they want to hear it. Turn it up. It's liquid, yeah. You can tell it is liquid, yeah. You're Ian Beale, you've got nothing left.

• 2:45Speaker 04

  Do it.

• 2:45Speaker 03

  I've got nothing left!

• 2:46Speaker 04

  No, I didn't buy it.

• 2:49Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 2:49Speaker 04

  You've got to be a bit more.

• 2:50Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 2:57Speaker 03

  I've got nothing left! Very good. Very good. But when you're like, you're having to like, you, you just finally you're like, I mean, I end up, I was, I was lying on the living room floor, basically. But then it starts rumbling again and it's like cramping, I'm like crawling towards the loo again. That's the bit I don't like at all.

• 3:18Speaker 04

  Crawling?

• 3:19Speaker 03

  Having to crawl, like knowing that you've got to like find the energy to muster your way towards the loo again is horrible.

• 3:24Speaker 04

  Just don't then.

• 3:25Speaker 03

  What, just go where you are?

• 3:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:28Speaker 03

  You've not done that.

• 3:29Speaker 04

  Why? Why would you? Because it's easy to mop up, actually.

• 3:34Speaker 03

  I would rather take the energy to go to the loo than have the energy then whilst in that situation, be like, "Well, now I need to..." I'm faced with the problem of mopping up my own shit.

• 3:42Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm not cleaning that.

• 3:44Speaker 03

  What do you mean?

• 3:44Speaker 04

  It's usually one of the dogs.

• 3:46Speaker 03

  Oh, no. No, I'm not having that.

• 3:48Speaker 04

  You've never had that?

• 3:49Speaker 03

  I'm not having that.

• 3:50Speaker 04

  I've told you that story.

• 3:51Speaker 03

  You're serious?

• 3:52Speaker 04

  I've told you that story.

• 3:53Speaker 03

  I thought you were just being, you were...

• 3:55Speaker 04

  When I got trapped, when I got locked outside my house.

• 3:57Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 3:58Speaker 04

  The kids wanted to do a bit of camping.

• 3:59Speaker 03

  Right.

• 4:00Speaker 04

  We've got a brand new tent and they were like, "Oh, can we do camping?" I was like, "Yeah, go on." I put the tent up. So I put it out in the garden and I woke up needing my morning poo, as I do, assuming that my wife hadn't locked the front door because I was outside.

• 4:16Speaker 03

  With two of the kids.

• 4:17Speaker 04

  With two of the kids. And that if there was a burglar or something, like we'd notice, like we'd be all right. You don't need to lock the door.

• 4:24Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 4:25Speaker 04

  But no, she shut it.

• 4:26Speaker 03

  You're joking.

• 4:26Speaker 04

  Yeah. So then I had to, like panic, I was like, "What am I going to do? There's not, I can't get in, it's quite early in the morning, I don't want to wake them up." And I was like, "Ah, what am I going to do? What am I going to do?" And I was desperate, mate. So I just perched up against the wall down the side, just went there. Didn't have anything to wipe with and I was like, "Oh God, what's going on here? Okay." And then found that the window next to the front door was actually open. So I was like, "Oh God, I'll climb into that." So I've climbed in, I've got no pants on.

• 5:02Speaker 03

  That big's a window.

• 5:05Speaker 04

  Big enough, Jake, thank you.

• 5:09Speaker 04

  Climbed in and as I'm like putting my hands, like I'm like Superman down, starkers, the door opens, she's like, "What are you doing? What's the matter with you? Why are you naked?" What, I was like, "Oh, just let me in." Went upstairs, showered myself down, felt really dirty and horrible. I was like, "I was dying for a poo and you locked the door. Why'd you lock the door?" She was like, "Okay, so there was a burglar, fine." I was like, "Fine." She was like, "You're disgusting, go and clean it up now." Went down to clean it up, gone. Walked around the corner, Zeus is there.

• 5:44Speaker 03

  Oh!

• 6:00Speaker 04

  Who've we got in? Shall we tell the people?

• 6:03Speaker 03

  We've got someone who is a trained singer, a trained dancer, someone who's done panto, someone who has auditioned on The Voice.

• 6:08Speaker 04

  The Voice!

• 6:09Speaker 03

  Someone who has been, and this is where I think everyone will really get it, who has been the Janet of a far more successful show.

• 6:21Speaker 04

  Than...

• 6:23Speaker 03

  Than this.

• 6:24Speaker 04

  Oh, right, so?

• 6:25Speaker 03

  It is the darling of Celebs Go Dating.

• 6:28Speaker 04

  Oh, I love him.

• 6:29Speaker 03

  It's Tom Reed Wilson.

• 6:30Speaker 04

  Tom Reed Wilson. Ah, he is a wonderful, glowy human being that has a plethora of vocabulary about him.

• 6:42Speaker 03

  Plethora of vocabulary about him, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he does. He's got a plethora of vocabulary, right? He's got the Italian vocabulary, he's got the English vocabulary, he's got the Chinese vocabulary, he's got a plethora of vocabularies about him, he does.

• 7:00Speaker 03

  Have you met him before?

• 7:01Speaker 04

  Hmm, several times.

• 7:03Speaker 03

  Really?

• 7:03Speaker 04

  Me and him, um, me and him just had a little bit of a shindig, a soiree, so to speak, at the, at the Ruggers, the Rugga Bugga.

• 7:14Speaker 03

  Can I just say something?

• 7:15Speaker 04

  Go on.

• 7:16Speaker 03

  And I've just, I, don't, you don't, because you're already doing it, don't feel that when he comes in, you need to offer three to four different words for each word you're saying in a sentence.

• 7:27Speaker 04

  I'm not.

• 7:27Speaker 03

  Either shindig, soiree, uh, Rugga, Rugga Bugga? Like you're already, you're already sort of offering sort of like a mini thesaurus for every time.

• 7:34Speaker 04

  That's what I do. Why would I bring up dinosaurs?

• 7:36Speaker 03

  What, and this is, you can't be doing that. You can't be doing that.

• 7:40Speaker 04

  You want me to stay on track?

• 7:41Speaker 03

  You've got, you've, you've, you've got Tom Reed Wilson here, who's going to be sort of turning every other sentence into a sonnet. You can't be sort of getting sidetracked on every word.

• 7:51Speaker 04

  Okay, so what you're saying is maybe, maybe we shouldn't look to pick holes or establish something that we can help Tom with.

• 7:59Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 8:00Speaker 04

  Maybe we should just sit and listen to him because, I mean, he is wonderful to listen to.

• 8:04Speaker 03

  He's wonderful to listen to.

• 8:06Speaker 04

  Shall we get him in?

• 8:07Speaker 03

  Go on, get Tom in.

• 8:09Speaker 04

  Hi Janet, could you please send in Tom Reed Wilson? Yes, thank you, goodbye.

• 8:19Speaker 04

  Tom Reed Wilson, everybody!

• 8:24Speaker 04

  How would you like to engage?

• 8:25Speaker 05

  She's the antithesis of you, she's very brusque. She's very brusque. Very brusque. Does that mean being from Brussels? Hello. Hello. This is your orifice. Look at your swollen cerebellum.

• 8:45Speaker 05

  Is that muddled on your own brain?

• 8:48Speaker 04

  I often like having you in my orifice. And this, I feel, is going to be

• 8:55Speaker 05

  No exception.

• 8:56Speaker 04

  The favourite of mine. You were right, Jake, I can't.

• 9:03Speaker 03

  Don't try to compete.

• 9:05Speaker 05

  Look at all your curious.

• 9:06Speaker 04

  This is my wonderful research assistant Jake.

• 9:09Speaker 05

  I have met Jake before. And he is utterly enchanting. And he's such a wit. I'm glad that he's prominent here.

• 9:18Speaker 04

  Well, hang on.

• 9:18Speaker 03

  If I had a poster, it'd be on it. That would be on it.

• 9:22Speaker 05

  I don't want to be fresh with you. But are we linked? Is this beneath desk channel complete? Can I actually get to you?

• 9:34Speaker 05

  Oh, I can.

• 9:36Speaker 04

  Yes. Yes, that is me.

• 9:39Speaker 05

  Hello.

• 9:41Speaker 04

  Is that an issue? Would you like it closed off?

• 9:43Speaker 05

  No, please. Let's keep it wide open, if you don't mind.

• 9:49Speaker 05

  I think that's lovely.

• 9:51Speaker 04

  Tom, with every client, patient, guest that we have on, we begin with, not usually that. But that was wonderful. We begin with an intake questionnaire. So we can get to know a bit more about you and then see where we can go.

• 10:06Speaker 05

  That sounds lovely.

• 10:08Speaker 04

  Full name?

• 10:09Speaker 05

  Tom Reed Wilson.

• 10:11Speaker 04

  Mmm, a Tom, not a Thomas.

• 10:13Speaker 05

  Oh, actually, no. God, I've started it off with a lie. Isn't that terrible? On my birth certificate, it is Thomas. That's true.

• 10:22Speaker 04

  Star sign?

• 10:24Speaker 05

  Scorpio. But very atypical. I don't really have a sting.

• 10:28Speaker 04

  A Scorpio?

• 10:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, I know. It's funny, isn't it? People think I'm Libra or...

• 10:32Speaker 04

  I'd have you as an Aries.

• 10:34Speaker 05

  Would you?

• 10:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:35Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 10:38Speaker 04

  Wistfully wandering, woefully wound.

• 10:46Speaker 04

  Occupation?

• 10:48Speaker 05

  Oh. I think I'd say performer.

• 10:52Speaker 04

  Well, it's your intake questionnaire.

• 10:54Speaker 05

  Yes. I never really know what to say.

• 10:56Speaker 04

  A performer, yeah. A performer's great, yeah. If your life was a musical, what would the title be?

• 11:02Speaker 05

  Oh. Well, there is a drum called a tom-tom. So what about I march to the beat of my own tom-tom?

• 11:14Speaker 04

  Good. And we could probably get that sponsored, couldn't we?

• 11:19Speaker 03

  Because what, sat navs?

• 11:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:20Speaker 04

  Definitely.

• 11:23Speaker 03

  Definitely.

• 11:25Speaker 04

  What's one word you'd love to banish from the English language? And what word do you?

• 11:29Speaker 05

  Oh, it's slightly controversial.

• 11:31Speaker 04

  You can touch.

• 11:33Speaker 05

  It's slightly controversial. It's banter.

• 11:37Speaker 04

  Banter?

• 11:38Speaker 05

  I think it's used.

• 11:39Speaker 04

  I don't think people use banter, do they? Anymore?

• 11:42Speaker 05

  Well.

• 11:43Speaker 04

  It's mingin'.

• 11:43Speaker 05

  I think, thank you. I agree. I think it should go in room 101 or the word bin or something because it's used euphemistically too much, I think. Oh, it's just banter. It's just banter.

• 11:55Speaker 04

  It's used as an excuse.

• 11:57Speaker 05

  It's used as an excuse.

• 11:58Speaker 04

  Oh, so it's just a bit of banter.

• 12:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, I was only taking the piss out of you directly and not making it fun for you to engage in. And it's just banter, so get on with it.

• 12:07Speaker 05

  I wholeheartedly agree.

• 12:10Speaker 04

  I did a fair few years of that. And then you look back at it and you go, oh, fuck is that? That is mingin'. Let's get rid of banter. But then how do you, what do you call?

• 12:20Speaker 05

  Well, this is the thing.

• 12:21Speaker 04

  What do you call the alternative that is actually nicer than banter?

• 12:25Speaker 05

  Well, the original synonyms of the original meaning of banter are ineffably lovely. They're badinage and persiflage. Light, frivolous talk.

• 12:38Speaker 04

  Like the old school version of banter? How would he be able to use those versions? Like in a sentence?

• 12:45Speaker 05

  Well, he might just say, Joe and I are famous for engaging in a soupçon of persiflage.

• 12:53Speaker 04

  Got that?

• 12:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think so.

• 12:55Speaker 05

  Just a suggestion of it.

• 12:57Speaker 03

  Suggestion of it. I think that's the thing is that if you were having a soupçon of you know what you said.

• 13:05Speaker 03

  You wouldn't be having the sort of banter that is maybe mean. It would be sort of gentle.

• 13:09Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 13:10Speaker 03

  Rather than slapping you around the face, it's sort of stroking you with a feather.

• 13:13Speaker 05

  Yes. Yes, it is. It's being tickled with one of those peacock plumes at hand outside.

• 13:18Speaker 04

  God, I love a peacock plume on my nipple.

• 13:21Speaker 05

  Me too. Oh, yes.

• 13:26Speaker 04

  Biggest guilty pleasure?

• 13:28Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 13:32Speaker 05

  Oh, I've got so many. On the weekend, I like to have a coupe of champagne.

• 13:37Speaker 04

  And with that coupe of champagne?

• 13:40Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 13:41Speaker 04

  Who would you like to have as your dream dinner guest party? That you could share a coupe or two with?

• 13:47Speaker 05

  What if I did have a giant coupe? And the lip was big enough that we could be across the table? I'd love to have you share my coupe.

• 13:58Speaker 04

  Hmm, what?

• 14:00Speaker 05

  I'd love to have you share my coupe.

• 14:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:02Speaker 03

  Tom, that's so lovely. You've got the whole of human history to choose from. Your dream dinner party guest. You've gone for Joe Marlowe and Nelson Mandela. I mean, I do love you dearly, but...

• 14:13Speaker 05

  Oh, oh.

• 14:14Speaker 04

  Oh, it's because it's dead or alive. We did explain it was dead or alive. Because he's got the options of dead.

• 14:20Speaker 03

  Well, even if it's alive, you could, I mean... Even if it's alive, you could have Michelle Obama or him. I mean, it's just, I don't know. It's up to you. It's your, it's your dream dinner party.

• 14:29Speaker 05

  Well, we have unfinished business, don't we?

• 14:32Speaker 03

  Do you?

• 14:33Speaker 05

  Well, I mean, we are parhelics at regular intervals. And it always feels like there's a sizable dot, dot, dot.

• 14:43Speaker 05

  Don't you think? That could be our dot, dot, dot.

• 14:46Speaker 04

  Do you consent to being analysed by someone who's not a real doctor?

• 14:49Speaker 05

  Yes, if it's you.

• 14:52Speaker 04

  Do you think I could ever be a real doctor?

• 14:55Speaker 05

  I think you're very good at probing a psyche.

• 15:05Speaker 04

  From where I'm sitting, Tom, the world looks like your stage. You bring light into the world. Especially every room. Every time I think of the quote from Coach Carter, let your light shine so others feel confident enough to let their light shine too. Don't hide it away because, you know, you don't want to be accused as arrogant or...

• 15:28Speaker 05

  I wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment.

• 15:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:31Speaker 05

  There was an old expression in music hall, in vaudeville in America, that performers wanted to enter a hot stage. So they act before them. They wanted to be brilliant because that feeling of picking up the baton, entering a hot stage was a thrill.

• 15:51Speaker 04

  Which is the opposite of what we insist on in here. Because we have the air con on all the time.

• 15:58Speaker 05

  Well, you are in very dense herringbone, aren't you? Very dense.

• 16:03Speaker 04

  But we're minus the sleeves.

• 16:05Speaker 05

  Oh. I see.

• 16:08Speaker 04

  From that to you bringing the light to every room and the world being your stage.

• 16:14Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 16:15Speaker 04

  I wonder what happens when you come off of that stage?

• 16:18Speaker 05

  Well.

• 16:19Speaker 04

  Are you up for?

• 16:20Speaker 05

  Oh, yes, absolutely.

• 16:22Speaker 04

  Shall we dig into that slightly?

• 16:23Speaker 05

  Yes, you're pumping, you're pro. You can really get out your drill and you can go, you can really go until I say no more.

• 16:33Speaker 05

  I give you permission.

• 16:38Speaker 04

  Thank you, yeah. Yeah.

• 16:43Speaker 04

  Right, Tom, you're a triple threat. You're a singer, a dancer, a lexicon artist.

• 16:49Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 16:51Speaker 05

  I'm not, I'm not really a dancer.

• 16:53Speaker 04

  What do you mean? You said you did.

• 16:54Speaker 05

  Well, I can tap a little bit. Which is lovely because you can measure it. You know, you can measure it when you've got it right because it's the right number of beats, you know. You become, you become part of the percussion, I think.

• 17:07Speaker 04

  Is there anything you can't do?

• 17:10Speaker 05

  Oh, God, there's so much I can't do.

• 17:12Speaker 04

  Like, what are you shit at?

• 17:14Speaker 05

  Very, very bad at maths.

• 17:16Speaker 04

  Maths?

• 17:16Speaker 05

  Yes. Terrible at that. I'm very bad at...

• 17:23Speaker 05

  I'm very bad at any game concerning balls. I'm quite athletic, but I think my hand-eye coordination is terrible.

• 17:32Speaker 04

  No good.

• 17:33Speaker 05

  So, no, I'm not very good. I'm not very good at tennis. I, I used to play rugby at school, but I was on the wing and if I got it, I could go hell for leather. But mostly I was demoted to oranges at half-time.

• 17:46Speaker 04

  Have you always been a performer? Like, where did it stem from? Like, what?

• 17:50Speaker 05

  Yes, I, yes, I pretty well always have. My, my dad was a teacher, an English teacher at college. And what they used to do to give the illusion of the oldest students looking much older, looking like real grown adults, they would ask the faculty if their children could play in the shows and play the children. So I always used to volunteer because I was always stage-struck. And that was my first exposure to Rodgers and Hammerstein, which I fell in love with. Because I played the little boy in South Pacific when I was eight, I think. And I just was bewitched, bewitched.

• 18:33Speaker 05

  And then my dad, he didn't think that we were ever too young to see Shakespeare. And he had the complete works at home and, and then I fell in love with the sonnets. Because I realised that, you know, there were a hundred and fifty-four sonnets, a hundred and thirty of them approximately, were written to a young man. And I was like, gosh, here are these queer love letters reaching across four hundred years to me.

• 18:59Speaker 04

  What do you love about it all? Like, what, what is it that?

• 19:02Speaker 05

  I think that-

• 19:02Speaker 04

  You were brought up amongst it all and you, like you said, your dad had the works of Shakespeare. But what is it that went, oh, this is a bit of me. This is what I want to be part of?

• 19:11Speaker 05

  Oh, gosh. Well, I think every element of the art spoke to me. But I think when the intersection of wonderful words and wonderful music was at its very best, I think that was, you know, the apotheosis. Because I've always loved words and I've always loved music. And so if they could kind of make love by the tympanic membrane, how divine. I can think of nothing better.

• 19:43Speaker 04

  Fucking, every sentence that comes out of your mouth could just be a sticker. Like, like, let's put that as a sticker on your car and go like, have a good, have a great day. Listen to this. Like, have a bit more Tom Reed Wilson in your life. Fuck, it's just great. I love it.

• 20:01Speaker 05

  Well, I could return the compliment because, I mean, the sonnets-

• 20:05Speaker 04

  Every word I say could be a sticker.

• 20:07Speaker 05

  No, but the sonnets-

• 20:08Speaker 04

  Go on, go have a fucking good day, you lazy fucks.

• 20:12Speaker 05

  I think the sonnets could have been written to you, especially at eighteen.

• 20:16Speaker 04

  Hmm. If I wasn't married, I would happily de-sheathe my sword. And become your knight.

• 20:27Speaker 05

  Thank you. That's the loveliest thing you've ever said to me.

• 20:31Speaker 04

  Does it work?

• 20:32Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 20:33Speaker 04

  Is it de-sheathe or unsheathe?

• 20:35Speaker 05

  It's whatever you like. As long as the sheath comes off.

• 20:44Speaker 04

  You are legendary with your words. If I say, oh, hello, Tom, you look lovely today. Um, what a lovely shirt and necklace you have on. It's gorgeous. You look fantastic and your eyebrows are so well groomed and I just have perfect teeth. And what a lovely smile. I don't think I've ever seen you not smile. And you're just, but you can see all the words I use are very basic and normal. So-

• 21:09Speaker 05

  Oh, gosh, well, I wasn't-

• 21:11Speaker 04

  How have you learnt?

• 21:11Speaker 05

  Preoccupied with your lexicon there. I was preoccupied with content.

• 21:17Speaker 04

  Why have you learnt all these other words to make it?

• 21:20Speaker 05

  Oh, well, I, I was very lucky with both my parents because my mum is a linguist. She teaches French and she speaks French like a native. It's just extraordinary. And my dad, um, he would do, when we were very small, he would do etymological wrestles. I remember at Christmas time going past a beautiful shop window display. And he said, look at that wonderful window display. Window, van der Alga from the Dutch, the wind's eye. Nothing to do with glass, all to do with the breeze hopping in and out of the holes

• 22:03Speaker 05

  in buildings. And I thought, that's magical. There's a story in that tiny two-syllable word. There's a story buried. And then the other thing he does is what I call the dance of the synonyms. And, you know, I'll see him for lunch and he'll say, Sonny Jim, this was lovely, but all too fleeting, transient, short-lived, ephemeral. And I, I love that sort of feeling of, oh, no, I haven't quite got the one that tastes right yet. You know, it's a very physical thing, I think, for both of us. Yeah.

• 22:40Speaker 05

  Like to masticate on words.

• 22:42Speaker 04

  Couldn't help yourself, could you?

• 22:43Speaker 05

  I couldn't.

• 22:47Speaker 03

  Right, Joe, I'm sorry to do this, but I'm gonna have to interrupt the episode for just one second. Okay? I've been sort of keeping a secret from you for a little while and I want to come clean.

• 22:59Speaker 04

  Right.

• 23:00Speaker 03

  So our sponsor, Cadbury.

• 23:03Speaker 04

  My favourite chocolate in the whole wide world.

• 23:05Speaker 03

  That's lucky. They encourage people to be kind. They encourage people to be generous to each other. And I wanted to extend that sentiment to you. So our listeners will know from this show that you're not necessarily very good at acknowledging how great of a person you are and how much of an impact you have on people's lives. So I wanted to show you it firsthand.

• 23:28Speaker 04

  What?

• 23:29Speaker 03

  We did a call-out on the podcast Instagram. Uh, we got honestly so many letters of gratitude from our podcast family saying thank you to you for being you. And I've got one here with the Cadbury seal of approval as well. I'm gonna hand you the letter now, all right? This is genuine. This is a real letter from one of our listeners. Round of applause for Joe, everybody.

• 23:56Speaker 04

  There's a glass and a half in everyone. That is a lovely seal of approval, that. That's really nice, okay?

• 24:04Speaker 04

  Don't know what to do with this, really.

• 24:05Speaker 03

  Read it.

• 24:07Speaker 04

  To Joe, you've been a hero of mine for years. Being an absolute unit on the rugby pitch and one of the most charismatic, entertaining players to ever don the quarters. Then seeing you on The Traitors and your rise to doctorhood has been such a joyful journey. Your honesty about experiences and mental health is so inspiring to a man who has also had hardships and felt uncertain how to process them. I can only hope you come to realise just how great you are and how worthy you are of being and accepting that you are loved. Hearing you speak of imposter syndrome and your tendency to shy away from letting people in is such a breath of fresh air. But you definitely need to learn to accept the praise you get for being an absolute legend.

• 24:52Speaker 04

  Oh, it's nice, wasn't it?

• 24:53Speaker 03

  It's very nice. It's a very powerful thing when someone takes the time to be generous with their words, generous with their time, which Ryan, thank you, Ryan, did in spade.

• 25:03Speaker 04

  Thank you, Ryan. It's really kind of you actually to go out your way and, and write that. And it is nice and lovely of you to do that.

• 25:10Speaker 03

  Does it inspire you to maybe want to go out there and be generous with your words? Tell people how you feel about them?

• 25:17Speaker 04

  Oh, definitely. But I think that's so important and we don't do it enough. We're so quick and fast to pick holes in people and point out the deficiencies in them. But no, be kind, like, that's lovely. I just remind you that there is generosity everywhere. I guess you've just got to be a little bit more open to receiving it.

• 25:39Speaker 03

  I couldn't agree more. Thank you, Ryan, for sending that in. Cadbury, there's a glass and a half in everyone.

• 25:49Speaker 02

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• 26:18Speaker 06

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• 26:47Speaker 07

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• 27:17Speaker 04

  You talked about, I think you've said it several times, that you feel like you're from a different era.

• 27:23Speaker 05

  I'm totally in.

• 27:24Speaker 04

  You're like, "I was born in the wrong era. Should have been born a few hundred years earlier and you'd have felt the place." But that baffles me sometimes because

• 27:36Speaker 04

  the misery that traditionally, you agree with me on this, Jake, don't you? Like, British people, especially years ago, you wouldn't have fitted in then, do you know what I mean? With all this joy and happiness and love and...

• 27:48Speaker 05

  Well, I think it's the arts that I cleave to from other times, but then I suppose that they were kind of always progressive. And they also were a sucker and a balm and a tonic to me when I was small.

• 28:08Speaker 05

  And I think that's why my identity is slightly anachronistic because I, I mean, I fell in love with things that people my vintage at the time would not really typically fall in love with. I mean, I had the most curious part. My granny gave me a stack of LPs from the early musicals, including My Fair Lady. And I remember being dazzled by Rex Harrison, which led me to the film version of Blythe Spirit, which led me to No Coward, which led me to Brief Encounter. And this was all before I was 13.

• 28:49Speaker 05

  And the stuff that I devoured was not fodder for a 12-year-old person, really. But I was obsessed with it. I was obsessed, and I got lost in that time. And I got lost in this sort of,

• 29:07Speaker 05

  in the way films were made in such a way that it looked like an oil painting that was still wet. If you watch Brief Encounter, you feel like you could almost climb into it. You know, it's extraordinary.

• 29:22Speaker 04

  It seems, all that seems to have influenced you massively for then the rest of your life.

• 29:27Speaker 05

  Oh, hugely so.

• 29:28Speaker 04

  Do you then sometimes feel that you're living a constant performance or a constant on mode? Where you have to, because people expect it from me all the time. Is there ever a moment where you go, "Fuck, I need to be, I need to be off"?

• 29:45Speaker 05

  I think.

• 29:46Speaker 04

  I'm drained it. Like, just a moment in the corner and I get to recharge on my own?

• 29:51Speaker 05

  I think therein would lie the rub if that were the case, but I think that me is my on mode, really. I think that, well, you know me. You know me beyond

• 30:09Speaker 04

  Beyond.

• 30:09Speaker 05

  The bells and whistles.

• 30:11Speaker 04

  Beyond my office.

• 30:12Speaker 05

  Yes, beyond your office. And it's very consistent. I think if it weren't, it would be exhausting. But it's funny enough, the question that my family and dearest friends get asked the most is, you know, surely it's not round the clock, but for better or worse. Sometimes definitely worse, I think, for people around me. But it is, it is round the clock, sadly.

• 30:40Speaker 04

  And I love that it is. I'm serious. I love because

• 30:47Speaker 04

  I saw, I knew the answer that you were going to say anyway, that it's not like one big act or performance or anything like that. There's parts of us all, at times, we have to be on a little bit more.

• 30:57Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 30:57Speaker 04

  Than we do for certain things. But as you described it, if it was a constant act, it would just be exhausting and you wouldn't, but you're never exhausted. You're never fucking exhausted.

• 31:08Speaker 05

  No, no. Well, and also, I think I'm a bit like you insofar as I believe that energy breeds energy. So, you know, you do something that is supposed to be taxing, but you actually feel like you could scale Kilimanjaro afterwards because it's so thrilling.

• 31:25Speaker 04

  No.

• 31:26Speaker 05

  No, you don't.

• 31:27Speaker 04

  No.

• 31:27Speaker 05

  No, fine.

• 31:28Speaker 04

  No, I will, I will disagree with you that. I will never be able to scale Kilimanjaro.

• 31:34Speaker 05

  No.

• 31:34Speaker 04

  No.

• 31:35Speaker 05

  Well, you practically are Kilimanjaro. I shall have to scale you.

• 31:44Speaker 04

  What do you do like when you're on your own?

• 31:46Speaker 05

  I really love a cryptic crossword. I tried abortively for years to do one. My granny tried to teach me about 17 times. And so I knew vaguely all the rules. And then I was away in Cyprus filming Celebs Go Dating, and I didn't have very much to do. I was just sort of the welcoming committee. And so I had a great book of crosswords, and I finished all the straight ones. And I thought, well, maybe I'll try the cryptics. And because I was just sort of sitting cogitating for such a long time, I finally mastered them, and now I'm an addict. I do one every day.

• 32:24Speaker 04

  For me, that, that, thank you for sharing. But it doesn't come as like, it's not like a shock and horror situation. I go, "Oh, right."

• 32:33Speaker 05

  But I'm a cruciverbalist.

• 32:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, the expert in words is also.

• 32:37Speaker 05

  A cruciverbalist.

• 32:38Speaker 04

  A cruciverbalist. Someone who does crosswords?

• 32:41Speaker 05

  Yes, yes.

• 32:42Speaker 04

  See, I'm picking up on it now. I'm getting it. What, is there anything that Tom Reed Wilson does that isn't of the norm, that people wouldn't expect?

• 32:52Speaker 05

  Well, you know I like to pump iron.

• 32:54Speaker 04

  You are a big iron pumper, yeah.

• 32:56Speaker 05

  I am.

• 32:56Speaker 04

  That's one of my favorite poems, actually. Can't remember who wrote it, and I don't actually remember all of it, apart from the end, which is, "Friends may come and go."

• 33:08Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 33:08Speaker 04

  "But 100 kilos will always be 100 kilos. The iron doesn't lie."

• 33:15Speaker 05

  Oh, I like that.

• 33:16Speaker 04

  No, I know people, I know everyone in the room might be going, "Well, what the fuck is he on about?"

• 33:21Speaker 05

  Well, you know where you are with it.

• 33:22Speaker 04

  And you go, "No, it is, it does mean a lot, and it is quite poetic because it goes, it doesn't lie. It doesn't manipulate. It doesn't backstab. It doesn't break your trust. You know what it is. It tells you what it is, and it's up to you to either lift it or not." What a weird thing to say out loud.

• 33:47Speaker 03

  Tom, we usually end each session with Joe helping the guest with one final exercise, but today it's very clear that you basically need nothing, you need no help with anything, really. You're sort of perfect.

• 34:00Speaker 05

  I think that's not true.

• 34:02Speaker 03

  You have wowed and dazzled everyone. So what we're going to do instead is I think you're going to potentially help him.

• 34:10Speaker 04

  Oh, Joe. This is bullshit.

• 34:13Speaker 03

  Are you familiar with Bergerac?

• 34:16Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 34:17Speaker 03

  Do you know Bergerac?

• 34:18Speaker 05

  Yes, and wonderful Adrian Lester's playing him now.

• 34:21Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 34:22Speaker 05

  In the play. And he's had this enormous hooter constructed.

• 34:27Speaker 04

  Have you thought about?

• 34:29Speaker 03

  Auditioning? Lester's got it. Lester's got it in the bag.

• 34:32Speaker 05

  No, no. It's a vast prosthesis. It's like, it's like that.

• 34:37Speaker 03

  So half the size of mine and Joe's.

• 34:39Speaker 05

  It's gargantuan, isn't it?

• 34:41Speaker 03

  You look like Nunu from Teletubbies.

• 34:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:43Speaker 05

  I think it's, I think it's because he can sniff things out, you know?

• 34:46Speaker 04

  Ah, yes. Okay, so why have you brought up the?

• 34:49Speaker 03

  So taking inspiration.

• 34:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:51Speaker 03

  I want you to help Joe find the words to express his love for his wife, Daisy. I think it would be amiss not to use this opportunity because you're always looking for the right words, Joe. Are you helping him out?

• 35:05Speaker 05

  Well, I am so ready and willing and hopefully able. Can you describe Daisy to me? What color's her hair?

• 35:16Speaker 03

  You've got to know this off the bat, Joe. You've got to know that. You've got to know those facts.

• 35:23Speaker 04

  She's got blonde hair.

• 35:24Speaker 05

  What's her eye color?

• 35:26Speaker 04

  They're like brown, they're like sunflowers in her eyes. Like the little black pupil. But around it, she's got like these sort of brownie type sunflowers in green, and it's just.

• 35:40Speaker 05

  That's amazing. Does she have a scent that you identify with her?

• 35:48Speaker 04

  Well.

• 35:49Speaker 05

  Does she sort of smell floral or?

• 35:51Speaker 04

  Mate, she guffs all the time. So it's hard to say that she's floral.

• 35:55Speaker 05

  More nutty.

• 35:57Speaker 04

  She's definitely got a lot nutty.

• 35:59Speaker 05

  Aerie? Nutty scent.

• 36:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, she's got a nutty scent about her.

• 36:02Speaker 05

  Okay. Is she witty?

• 36:05Speaker 04

  She's very funny, very, very funny.

• 36:07Speaker 03

  Shitty by the sounds of it.

• 36:08Speaker 04

  Shitty.

• 36:10Speaker 05

  Is she, would you say that she's very clever?

• 36:16Speaker 04

  She's strong.

• 36:22Speaker 04

  Sheow.

• 36:25Speaker 05

  Well, I'd be witty, you have to be clever.

• 36:27Speaker 04

  She would agree with me in that she is not academically motivated.

• 36:34Speaker 05

  But very intuitive, perhaps.

• 36:35Speaker 04

  But her.

• 36:36Speaker 03

  Less smart, more farts.

• 36:39Speaker 05

  Very emotionally intelligent. Jake, you're not helping.

• 36:42Speaker 03

  Sorry.

• 36:43Speaker 04

  You grow up, you piece of.

• 36:46Speaker 04

  Her emotional intelligence is through the roof. Her ability to, um, uh, love is also just undying.

• 36:58Speaker 05

  Oh, that is wonderful.

• 37:02Speaker 04

  I love her with every part of me.

• 37:05Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 37:06Speaker 04

  She is, uh, just the loveliest person I've ever come across. The mother she is to our kids is,

• 37:18Speaker 04

  I don't know, she's just another, she knows everything. She knows all the answers. She's so calming. She's, she's got so much love in her heart. She loves everything. Like her love for animals is as strong as it is for humans. And I'm like, how the fuck is your heart that big that you can give all this away to everyone else? And.

• 37:45Speaker 05

  Oh, this is wonderful. There's oodles here, Joe.

• 37:51Speaker 04

  Right, I think I would like to hear what this nib has done. Tom, what have you got down?

• 37:57Speaker 05

  Well, I'm ready to impart. Daisy, like the flower, your petals unfurl to greet the day. And in so doing, you make mine. You even my tempo, still my heart. I even like your nutty.

• 38:18Speaker 05

  Your intuition is so big, I can feel it when I have a cerebellum dig. And those eyes, sunflowers that diffuse into emerald, appetite, since you are a gem. In conclusion, now don't turn rouge. How the fuck is your heart so huge?

• 38:39Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 38:49Speaker 05

  Oh, right in my nest.

• 38:50Speaker 04

  Mm, I love it. I just nest in there. I'm just.

• 38:54Speaker 05

  It's very substantial, that story, isn't it?

• 38:56Speaker 04

  It's brilliant.

• 39:01Speaker 03

  So for the audio listener, Joe from nowhere has started calling his wife.

• 39:12Speaker 07

  Hi.

• 39:13Speaker 04

  My grand.

• 39:15Speaker 07

  Hi.

• 39:15Speaker 04

  Where are you? Where are you two?

• 39:18Speaker 07

  Uh, M and S.

• 39:20Speaker 04

  Okay, um, you got a second?

• 39:24Speaker 07

  Uh, yeah.

• 39:27Speaker 04

  I would, I would like to read you, I would like to read something to you, please.

• 39:34Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 39:34Speaker 04

  Okay. Um,

• 39:38Speaker 04

  Daisy, like the flower, your petals unfurl to greet the day. And in so doing, you make.

• 39:48Speaker 05

  Mine.

• 39:49Speaker 04

  Mice.

• 39:50Speaker 05

  Mine.

• 39:50Speaker 04

  Mine. You even my tempo and still my.

• 39:56Speaker 05

  Heart.

• 39:57Speaker 04

  Heart. I even like your mutty.

• 40:00Speaker 05

  Nutty.

• 40:01Speaker 04

  Nutty fart. Don't say it, though. Your intuition is so big, I feel it when I have a cerebellum dig. Cerebellum dig. And those eyes, oh, boy, don't get me started. Sunflowers that diffuse into emerald. Appetite.

• 40:20Speaker 05

  Appetite.

• 40:21Speaker 04

  Apa what?

• 40:22Speaker 05

  Appetite.

• 40:22Speaker 04

  Appetite.

• 40:23Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 40:24Speaker 04

  Since you are the conclusion.

• 40:26Speaker 05

  What?

• 40:27Speaker 04

  Concoction.

• 40:28Speaker 05

  Since you are.

• 40:29Speaker 04

  Since you are the conco.

• 40:31Speaker 07

  You're right.

• 40:32Speaker 04

  Since.

• 40:33Speaker 05

  Then.

• 40:34Speaker 04

  You, since you are a gem.

• 40:35Speaker 05

  A gem.

• 40:36Speaker 04

  In conclusion, now, don't.

• 40:39Speaker 05

  Turn rouge.

• 40:40Speaker 04

  Hey, in conclusion, don't turn rouge, but.

• 40:45Speaker 05

  How the fuck is.

• 40:45Speaker 04

  How the fuck is your heart so huge?

• 40:54Speaker 07

  That, Chat GPT.

• 40:57Speaker 04

  What?

• 41:00Speaker 04

  They. That was not Chat GPT.

• 41:03Speaker 05

  Chat GPT.

• 41:06Speaker 04

  Good, really good. You should cut, that should be kind. That was my lovely friend, Tom. He helped me write a sonnet for you.

• 41:12Speaker 07

  Thank you.

• 41:14Speaker 04

  Do you feel that or not?

• 41:16Speaker 07

  There's lots of big words in there, for you.

• 41:20Speaker 04

  Love you. Bye bye.

• 41:22Speaker 07

  Loving.

• 41:24Speaker 05

  Oh, she is an angel on terra firma.

• 41:31Speaker 05

  On solid ground.

• 41:32Speaker 04

  I'll be getting some tonight, I think.

• 41:34Speaker 05

  I think so, too.

• 41:39Speaker 04

  Tom, uh,

• 41:42Speaker 04

  usually this is the point at which we do some sort of prognosis.

• 41:47Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 41:47Speaker 04

  Um, where we conclude your session and say, look, this is what we've helped you with and be gone and on your way and you're, you're welcome for all the help that you've had from us today. Uh, but I can't do that with you.

• 42:05Speaker 04

  I have to flip it the other way around and just say thank you. You've been wonderful. The, the performer is alive and kicking in you. And I don't want you to be any different to what you are. Um, I think at the start when we said about Tom coming in and lighting up the room,

• 42:26Speaker 04

  he's just absolutely lived up to that.

• 42:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:29Speaker 04

  Um.

• 42:29Speaker 03

  We were sort of just saying it at the start, weren't we? But it was, it's real.

• 42:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, you sort of just, yeah, yeah.

• 42:34Speaker 05

  Well.

• 42:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's all right.

• 42:36Speaker 03

  Say, wasn't it?

• 42:37Speaker 04

  He's decent. He's nice, always smiley and stuff like, and he lights up.

• 42:40Speaker 03

  Lights up a room, yes.

• 42:41Speaker 04

  Fucking hell, he actually lights up every room. And not in the like.

• 42:45Speaker 03

  He's gonna replace the national grid.

• 42:46Speaker 04

  Pyromaniac way.

• 42:48Speaker 05

  Well, you've set off my Catherine wheel, too. It's still spinning. It's sort of, I can feel it here.

• 42:56Speaker 04

  Hmm, mhm. What do you want?

• 42:59Speaker 05

  Medicine? No, I don't want to be cured. That's the thing. If you're a sickness, I don't want the cure.

• 43:09Speaker 04

  What, what if, what if.

• 43:10Speaker 03

  What I said when I got gonorrhea.

• 43:11Speaker 04

  What the?

• 43:14Speaker 04

  How have you found today's, um, wobbling around of the cerebellum? How, how have you, how have you found your noggin being wobbled?

• 43:25Speaker 05

  You know that when our past helix, I am, yes, I am in heaven.

• 43:33Speaker 04

  You're my X-Pac to Triple H.

• 43:35Speaker 05

  I'm still in a kind of a, a suspended hammock in the astral plane. That's where I feel I am.

• 43:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:43Speaker 05

  And I, I know I shall feel that way for the remainder of the day.

• 43:46Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 43:47Speaker 05

  If not the week, if not the month.

• 43:49Speaker 04

  To keep you on that astral plane.

• 43:52Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 43:53Speaker 04

  Uh, we are gonna give you a badge.

• 43:55Speaker 03

  And today's personalized badge is life's leading man.

• 43:59Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 44:00Speaker 03

  Because you are life's leading man, Tom.

• 44:02Speaker 05

  And it's bespoke. I can't believe it. I'm really thrilled.

• 44:08Speaker 03

  This is for you.

• 44:10Speaker 05

  Thank you so much, Jake. Oh, look, I'm going to put it atop my sternum where my Catherine wheel spins.

• 44:21Speaker 04

  Because of you. Not only will the badge help you with your joy and happiness, um, so will the sugar rush of a lolly.

• 44:28Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 44:31Speaker 05

  Oh, I say, I'm going to, because of Daisy, I'm going to pick the emerald one.

• 44:37Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm. Which is exactly the one she would choose as well, because it's laced with ketamine.

• 44:45Speaker 04

  Liggly, that's just a joke, that's a joke. That's just a joke.

• 44:48Speaker 03

  Um, it's the red ones.

• 44:49Speaker 05

  This has been.

• 44:54Speaker 05

  This has been undiluted joy.

• 44:56Speaker 04

  I just, I just think you're wonderful. I think you're brilliant. If you, um,

• 45:03Speaker 04

  could just carry on doing what you do, that'd be great. You'd make the world a better place.

• 45:07Speaker 05

  Let's, let's play in the sandbox together as often as we can.

• 45:12Speaker 04

  I love you, Tom. Tom Reed Wilson, everybody. Janet will take you, please.

• 45:17Speaker 05

  Oh, thank you.

• 45:18Speaker 04

  Be gone, be gone, be joyous.

• 45:20Speaker 05

  To ten.

• 45:24Speaker 04

  Tom Reed Wilson, everybody. If you want to join the doctor's waiting list, then please subscribe to our YouTube channel and follow us on Instagram at We'll See You Now Show. Remember, unless it's not clear enough already, I'm not a real doctor. If you need any professional help, you'll find a link to great support services on our Instagram. I've been Joe Marler, he's been Jake Bardwaj, and this has been Joe Marler. We'll see you now, and I'll see you next time. Say it, Jake.

• 45:52Speaker 03

  Bye bye.

• 45:52Speaker 04

  Yay.

• 45:55Speaker 06

  When fall comes back around, there's a sense of a reset. And new pieces from Lululemon's fall drop are an inspiration to push your goals and elevate your routines. As your calendar fills, easy-to-layer styles meet the demands of your day. And as you challenge yourself to try even more, versatile sets transition with you. The Lululemon fall lineup brings new levels of comfort and confidence, whether you're starting something fresh or starting something over. Check out the latest arrivals in store and on lululemon.com now.

• 46:25Speaker 02

  This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground, or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you, so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

• 46:53Speaker 02

  Hey, Bose here. On your next track, listen for the decisions. Distortion on the bass, the vocal right up front, every choice deliberate. With Bose, you'll hear it all. Your music deserves Bose.