Richard Armitage Unleashes His Dark Side

GET TICKETS TO THE LIVE TOUR HERE: https://www.livenation.co.uk/joe-marler-will-see-you-live-tickets-adp1647830 Richard Armitage has made a career out of playing some seriously dark characters and now Joe wants to know how much of that darkness is really him. The Hobbit star opens up about getting inside the minds of villains, the role that gave him nightmares, being waterboarded for real and the childhood experience that left him terrified of water. He also reveals why he values his privacy, shares what Sandra Bullock taught him about acting and gives Joe a crash course in becoming a dwarf (spoiler: it involves gonads). Then, Joe sacrifices himself in an attempt to unleash Richard’s true dark side. Featuring Joe Marler (@joemarler17) and Jake Bhardwaj (@jakebhardwajtv) Follow the show on Instagram: @willseeyounowshow Joe Marler Will See You Now is a Platform Media production. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:24Speaker 03

  Not long now?

• 1:26Speaker 04

  You can't want to clock off already.

• 1:28Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:29Speaker 04

  You've just got it, mate.

• 1:31Speaker 03

  Unbelievable.

• 1:32Speaker 04

  That is ridiculous.

• 1:33Speaker 03

  I'm ready for work. I've got my suit on, tie up to my neck. Not long now for the tour.

• 1:39Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. How are you feeling about it? Because you've been, like, sketching out.

• 1:42Speaker 03

  Don't say that. They're filming this bit.

• 1:44Speaker 04

  I know, but...

• 1:45Speaker 03

  I don't want people knowing or thinking, sorry, that I've been sketching out as well.

• 1:48Speaker 04

  You've got this thing, you're like, "Oh, we need to rehearse."

• 1:51Speaker 03

  No, just don't say that as well! These are all the things I'm scared of, is that people will think, like, it's not as smooth and easy as the edit makes it look. Because without the edit, it's all over the shop.

• 2:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I think there's a lot...

• 2:06Speaker 03

  We're going to be exposed on that stage in front of 2,000 people, 2,500 in some places.

• 2:11Speaker 04

  Mate, there'll be none of that on stage, thank you.

• 2:14Speaker 03

  None of what?

• 2:15Speaker 04

  You keep that in where it's meant to be. You're not exposing anything.

• 2:19Speaker 03

  Well, I think from that far away, they won't see much, anyway.

• 2:23Speaker 04

  Mate, we'll have time to rehearse. There's a couple of hours before...

• 2:25Speaker 03

  I don't want to rehearse. If you're listening or watching this, we're not rehearsing. It's not a rehearsed podcast. I just want to know, like, where are we going? What are we talking about?

• 2:32Speaker 04

  Where are we going? Okay, we got Northampton, we got Bristol, we got London.

• 2:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, I've never been to Northampton, by the way.

• 2:39Speaker 04

  You've never been?

• 2:40Speaker 03

  No. It's quite a rugby town, isn't it?

• 2:43Speaker 04

  Very rugby.

• 2:44Speaker 03

  So you've been a lot?

• 2:45Speaker 04

  The Shoe Army.

• 2:47Speaker 03

  Oh, right.

• 2:47Speaker 04

  I think Northampton's quite famous for cobblers.

• 2:50Speaker 03

  What a load of old cobblers.

• 2:51Speaker 04

  Oh, what does that "cobblers" mean, actually? That'd be good to know before going.

• 2:55Speaker 03

  Meaning of what a load of old cobblers.

• 2:59Speaker 04

  We could probably put that into the rehearsal or something.

• 3:02Speaker 03

  Cobblers' awls rhymes with balls, and balls means rubbish. So it's nothing to do with Northampton. Because you know what I mean? Like, I'd hate to be on tour and end up doing that shit.

• 3:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, fair enough.

• 3:14Speaker 03

  That would be a terrifying situation.

• 3:16Speaker 04

  To me, that's gold.

• 3:19Speaker 03

  That's my worry.

• 3:20Speaker 04

  We've got Brighton as well, so that's easy for me. I'll just pop over last minute, say hello to everyone and then leave.

• 3:26Speaker 03

  I could stay with you as well.

• 3:29Speaker 03

  What? You've gone silent. I could stay with you.

• 3:32Speaker 04

  Why?

• 3:34Speaker 03

  Because we're friends and we're going to be working together and I'll need to stay somewhere near Brighton anyway for the night. Go on, let me stay with you. I'd love to know what... I think that's proper friendship, isn't it? Where you've stayed at each other's houses. Imagine the point. We've had a poo in each other's toilets, we've slept in each other's beds, we've eaten from each other's cutlery, I've helped you unload the dishwasher. "That's all right, Joe, I'll help that, I'm staying over." You know, can help out just because I'm a guest. All of that stuff, I think, brings you together. Could finally meet Daisy as well.

• 4:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, that'd be nice. Maybe she'd come to the show.

• 4:06Speaker 03

  She'll come to the show, won't she?

• 4:07Speaker 04

  Well, maybe.

• 4:07Speaker 03

  Maybe. I'll tell you what she won't do: follow me back on Instagram, Daisy, will you? You won't follow me back on Instagram. Fucking won't do that, will you?

• 4:15Speaker 04

  Is that legit?

• 4:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, last time I checked, anyway. I'm not trying not to check every day, but when I did follow her, I did sort of think, "Oh, maybe she's followed me back." Uh, let's see, Daisy, my...

• 4:30Speaker 03

  Where are you going?

• 4:33Speaker 03

  Oh, she's followed me. She's followed back, she's followed back.

• 4:36Speaker 04

  Has she?

• 4:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's followed back.

• 4:39Speaker 04

  She was going to get a right talking to.

• 4:40Speaker 03

  No, no, she's followed back.

• 4:42Speaker 04

  You're lucky you are.

• 4:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'll have a good look at that Instagram page later, I guess.

• 4:46Speaker 04

  Pardon? Why have you said it like that?

• 4:49Speaker 03

  Obviously, when you...

• 4:50Speaker 04

  Why have you said it like that, mate? It's mainly family stuff, buddy.

• 4:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, have a look at your family on Instagram.

• 4:56Speaker 04

  Okay, well...

• 4:58Speaker 03

  Well, that's what you would do, isn't it?

• 5:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, but the way you did it, where you were like, overlapped up like this, "Oh, yeah, she's followed me back. Oh, I'll have a look at that account, mate."

• 5:07Speaker 03

  I will have a look at it, I will have a look at it.

• 5:09Speaker 04

  All jokes aside, as long as you sort of row back a little bit on the creepy, typey chat, I'll let you stay at mine.

• 5:19Speaker 03

  All right.

• 5:19Speaker 04

  In a tent.

• 5:20Speaker 03

  All right.

• 5:22Speaker 04

  On the drive.

• 5:23Speaker 03

  Well, I could always stay in the caravan.

• 5:25Speaker 04

  No.

• 5:27Speaker 04

  You can stay next to the caravan. In fact, you can stay in the shed.

• 5:32Speaker 03

  Is it like...

• 5:33Speaker 04

  It's like a nice shed, like an office shed.

• 5:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a shed that you've sort of pimped out a bit.

• 5:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, and you've got your own sauna, you've got your own ice tub next to it.

• 5:39Speaker 03

  Wow, yeah, I love that.

• 5:40Speaker 04

  Come around for a spa. I'll put a little fire up.

• 5:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay.

• 5:43Speaker 04

  Mate, fill your boots, you come with me. I'll look after you. Oi, don't you worry, I'll look after you, mate.

• 5:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, now you've gone creepy. Don't you worry, you come over, boy. I'll look after you, boy.

• 5:52Speaker 04

  Don't you worry, mate, you worry.

• 5:52Speaker 03

  Ah, I'll look after you, yeah.

• 5:58Speaker 03

  You know what I was thinking? I always, we always sort of say, I don't want to get in bad, in just lazy habits, always go, "I'm very excited for the next guest, very excited for the next guest." Let's be measured and really think about the emotion you're feeling towards the next guest. You know what I mean? Rather than just, "Oh, I'm really excited, I'm really excited." For me, I'm excited to learn about the craft of acting from the next guest. I'm excited to explore what it is to have both a light and a dark side of human nature with our next guest. I'm excited to dissect what it is to be an on-screen villain.

• 6:38Speaker 04

  I, Jake, you have me.

• 6:41Speaker 03

  Yeah?

• 6:41Speaker 04

  You have me. I am very well-equipped and embraced with such joy and quivering endeavor to learn from the next guest in the chair and have the dichotomy to understand what it takes to be the very best of the best.

• 7:01Speaker 03

  Just chucking all the words and phrases you've learnt recently, all in one. Blah, blah, blah.

• 7:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, okay. Whilst I'm there, I will say aqueduct.

• 7:11Speaker 03

  He is an actor, he is a writer, he's a producer. It is Richard Armitage.

• 7:16Speaker 04

  Richard Armitage.

• 7:17Speaker 03

  Proper, proper acting royalty.

• 7:19Speaker 04

  Mate, he is a big wig actor.

• 7:22Speaker 03

  He's been in all of it: The Hobbit, Spooks, Hannibal, all those Harland Coben dramas.

• 7:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, and not just, like, walk-on parts.

• 7:28Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

• 7:29Speaker 04

  Not like Tracy at the bar.

• 7:31Speaker 03

  He is the guy, if you want a villain in a high-profile production, you find this man, you put him in your show.

• 7:36Speaker 04

  Mate, I want a villain in the, I want a villain in The Office.

• 7:39Speaker 03

  You want a villain in The Office? You're going to get a villain in The Office. I think it's time to pick up the phone, ring up your own sort of villainous assistant Janet, and bring in Richard Armitage.

• 7:50Speaker 04

  Shall I do it in a villain voice?

• 7:52Speaker 03

  I don't see why not.

• 7:53Speaker 04

  What voice was that?

• 7:55Speaker 03

  That was agreeable side character. I don't see why not.

• 8:01Speaker 04

  Janet, please, would you let Richard Armitage through the door? Now.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  Interesting. I wouldn't have, I would have, that's not what I would have done for villain.

• 8:13Speaker 04

  Goodbye. What's your villain one then?

• 8:16Speaker 03

  I would have gone, I would have gone...

• 8:19Speaker 03

  "Hello, Janet. Pleased to hear from me, are you? Yes, I know it's been some time, but I've got a surprise for you. But what have you got for me?

• 8:29Speaker 03

  Just as I thought. Sitting there, is he? Waiting. Time keeps ticking and he can keep waiting. That won't change anything.

• 8:39Speaker 03

  His thoughts in the matter needn't matter. Send in Richard Armitage. Now." That's what I would have done.

• 8:47Speaker 04

  Fucking hell, Jake.

• 8:55Speaker 04

  That was so good. But honestly, what the fuck to do that? That was so good.

• 9:01Speaker 03

  Thank you, thank you.

• 9:02Speaker 04

  Proud of you.

• 9:03Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 9:08Speaker 03

  You had me. I was like, "You fucking psycho."

• 9:14Speaker 03

  "Hello, Janet."

• 9:17Speaker 03

  You can't go...

• 9:18Speaker 04

  No! Shall I try it?

• 9:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:24Speaker 03

  "Hello, Janet.

• 9:29Speaker 03

  Please don't..."

• 9:29Speaker 04

  Shouted to me.

• 9:32Speaker 04

  Eh, I'm the boss, boss, boss.

• 9:36Speaker 04

  Yep. Just let Richard Armitage in, please.

• 9:40Speaker 03

  Let him watch Armitage in, yeah.

• 9:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, I can't do it. Okay, goodbye.

• 9:45Speaker 04

  Richard Armitage, everybody!

• 9:49Speaker 05

  Am I supposed to be in character? I'm supposed to be in character.

• 9:53Speaker 04

  Character?

• 9:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, I like your telephone acting.

• 9:58Speaker 04

  So, that's a great opening, okay. You met Janet?

• 10:00Speaker 05

  I did, I did. She's lovely, yeah. Was I supposed to take those meds that she gave me? Because I took all of them. I wasn't sure how many.

• 10:08Speaker 04

  This is mental. I spoke to her about the meth that was going on.

• 10:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:12Speaker 04

  And I told her to stop it, and now she's obviously gone down the prescription route.

• 10:16Speaker 05

  They're good, they're kicking in now, it's nice.

• 10:21Speaker 04

  Uh, this is Jake, my researcher.

• 10:23Speaker 05

  Hello.

• 10:23Speaker 03

  What an honour to meet you.

• 10:25Speaker 05

  Nice suit.

• 10:26Speaker 04

  Thank you very much.

• 10:26Speaker 05

  Very nice.

• 10:28Speaker 03

  You know, I don't often get compliments on the suit. I think when I'm sat down, I look very Asian Mr Bean, but when you stand up, you see the cut of it.

• 10:35Speaker 04

  And what changes?

• 10:37Speaker 03

  Um.

• 10:39Speaker 03

  I don't know, actually, not much. Mr Bean standing up.

• 10:41Speaker 04

  Before we begin, I like to examine the mind of every client, patient, guest, um, with an intake questionnaire to maybe work out what it is I can help you with today.

• 10:52Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 10:54Speaker 04

  Would you like to begin the intake questionnaire?

• 10:56Speaker 05

  How much does it cost?

• 10:57Speaker 04

  It may cost you some dignity.

• 10:58Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 10:59Speaker 04

  And almost certainly your integrity, but...

• 11:01Speaker 05

  That's what I'm here for.

• 11:03Speaker 04

  Okay. Full name?

• 11:05Speaker 05

  Richard Crispin Armitage.

• 11:08Speaker 04

  Your middle name's Crispin?

• 11:09Speaker 05

  It is. Yeah, my parents are very working class, but they liked a fancy middle name.

• 11:14Speaker 04

  That is quite a unique middle name. What's your preferred name, then?

• 11:19Speaker 05

  Richard Armitage.

• 11:20Speaker 04

  Any nicknames?

• 11:21Speaker 05

  Armo.

• 11:23Speaker 04

  Armo?

• 11:24Speaker 05

  That's the school nickname, Armo.

• 11:26Speaker 04

  Armo?

• 11:26Speaker 05

  Yeah. I inherited it from my brother, though. Yeah.

• 11:30Speaker 04

  He had the same surname?

• 11:31Speaker 05

  Yeah. Funny, that, isn't it?

• 11:35Speaker 04

  Not one of the questions that I want, is it? Star, sorry.

• 11:39Speaker 05

  Leo.

• 11:40Speaker 04

  Oh, he's a, he's a tiger. No, he's a lion, brara. Hairy?

• 11:46Speaker 05

  No.

• 11:46Speaker 04

  You've got a lovely beard.

• 11:47Speaker 05

  Have I?

• 11:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, really well kept, manicured. No, I'm a Neanderthal.

• 11:53Speaker 05

  We can do beards.

• 11:54Speaker 03

  But you've both got beautiful beards. I'm sort of playing catch-up here.

• 11:58Speaker 04

  I'd love to see you with a little bit more, like, girth to your beard.

• 12:03Speaker 03

  Girth to my beard?

• 12:03Speaker 04

  I mean, depth. What's your patient?

• 12:06Speaker 05

  Uh, actor, writer, producer. Can I have three?

• 12:11Speaker 04

  Hey, this is your intake questionnaire.

• 12:13Speaker 05

  There you go, then.

• 12:14Speaker 04

  You do whatever you want. You be whoever you wanna be, and that is the last time I ever take that fucking patronizing tone.

• 12:24Speaker 04

  Is there anything about your personality that you don't like?

• 12:28Speaker 05

  Um, I'd be quite greedy.

• 12:32Speaker 04

  Oh, greedy guts.

• 12:33Speaker 05

  With food, yeah.

• 12:34Speaker 04

  Okay. What's the naughtiest thing you've done this week?

• 12:37Speaker 05

  I'd a wank.

• 12:42Speaker 05

  Am I allowed to say that?

• 12:43Speaker 04

  That naughty?

• 12:44Speaker 05

  Oh, well, you didn't put a limit on it.

• 12:47Speaker 03

  That's not, that's a perfect amount of noisy.

• 12:50Speaker 04

  Amount?

• 12:51Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 12:51Speaker 04

  Uh, what's your favourite way to relax after a long day of filming?

• 12:55Speaker 05

  I do quite like a glass of wine with my feet up and really trashy television.

• 13:00Speaker 04

  What option would that be?

• 13:01Speaker 05

  Trashy television, like, oh gosh, I'm gonna really offend somebody now.

• 13:05Speaker 04

  Love Island?

• 13:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, Love is Blind, Love Island, Love, anything, yeah. Love Hunt.

• 13:13Speaker 04

  Love Hunt?

• 13:14Speaker 05

  Whatever. They're all called Love something, aren't they? Love, Love Here, Love There.

• 13:18Speaker 04

  Love Everywhere. Yeah.

• 13:21Speaker 03

  That's a pitch.

• 13:22Speaker 05

  I know, I do like The Apprentice. Is that right? Is that right?

• 13:30Speaker 04

  That's really good. Um, could you...

• 13:34Speaker 04

  Could you rank these famous Richard roles in how much they match your personality?

• 13:39Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 13:41Speaker 04

  Dwarf king Thorin Oakenshield. Have I said that correctly?

• 13:46Speaker 05

  Thorin.

• 13:47Speaker 03

  Thorin.

• 13:48Speaker 05

  Thorin.

• 13:50Speaker 04

  Thorin?

• 13:50Speaker 05

  Thorin Oakenshield.

• 13:51Speaker 04

  Thorin Oakenshield. MI5 spy Lucas North, serial killer Tooth Fairy.

• 13:57Speaker 05

  Probably Thorin Oakenshield.

• 14:00Speaker 04

  Number one?

• 14:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:02Speaker 04

  Where's Tooth Fairy in the...

• 14:06Speaker 05

  Close second.

• 14:09Speaker 04

  So then you put in...

• 14:09Speaker 05

  I'm scared now.

• 14:10Speaker 04

  Lucas North in three.

• 14:12Speaker 05

  No, I'd put, I'd put them equal second. Bit of both.

• 14:15Speaker 04

  Wow, there's no three. And then at the end of that, you said, "I'm scared now." What are you scared of?

• 14:18Speaker 05

  No, are you scared?

• 14:19Speaker 04

  Why am I scared?

• 14:20Speaker 05

  Because I'm a little bit like the Tooth Fairy.

• 14:23Speaker 04

  No, if, if anything, um, I'm ready for death.

• 14:28Speaker 04

  And if that was the way to go, because being murdered by the Tooth Fairy, well, that's a great story, isn't it? Get that on the headstone.

• 14:35Speaker 05

  Are you ready for death?

• 14:37Speaker 04

  Uh...

• 14:39Speaker 05

  It's quite a good way to live, isn't it?

• 14:41Speaker 04

  I think there's been large parts of my life where I was scared of dying. And then because large parts of my life, then I cons, like, considered I was ready to die. I'm now sitting in a comfortable position going, "Well, when I die, I die." And it, I know people go, "Oh, that's quite dark." I went, "No, it's the opposite, it's freeing." It means that the, the stuff that used to scare the shit out of me the most scares the shit out of me less.

• 15:13Speaker 05

  You've never been on stage, have you?

• 15:15Speaker 04

  Is it scary?

• 15:16Speaker 05

  You'd literally die a death.

• 15:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, I've died a few times on stage.

• 15:22Speaker 03

  Surely not you.

• 15:23Speaker 04

  That's the same as someone like Michael Jordan, who said, he, he's that, there's that quote, he said he missed 8,000 shots in his career. He, um, cost the team 21 or 23 times championship moments and all that lot. And he said, "That's why I was a winner." Because it's not, you, it's not, it's how you react to your failures.

• 15:47Speaker 05

  That's profound.

• 15:48Speaker 04

  Surely those moments that you fucked up on stage, or felt like you fucked up on stage, or on TV, on, on screen,

• 15:56Speaker 04

  that's how you learn, isn't it? You can't be perfect all the time.

• 15:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, you don't do it, you don't do it the next night.

• 16:01Speaker 04

  You're like, "Oh."

• 16:01Speaker 05

  That's for certain.

• 16:02Speaker 04

  Uh, do you consent to being analysed by someone who's not a real doctor?

• 16:06Speaker 05

  Yeah. Good job.

• 16:09Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 16:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:12Speaker 04

  I've signed it on your behalf.

• 16:13Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 16:13Speaker 04

  Richard, I think I know your problem.

• 16:15Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 16:16Speaker 04

  A lot of your characters are villains.

• 16:21Speaker 04

  They're bad, bad men.

• 16:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:23Speaker 04

  What I wanna know is,

• 16:26Speaker 04

  are those roles just you playing a villain?

• 16:32Speaker 04

  Or do you have a real dark side? I wanna find your dark side.

• 16:36Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 16:38Speaker 04

  You interested?

• 16:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:42Speaker 04

  Why do you love playing baddies so good?

• 16:47Speaker 05

  Um, I always wanted to be the hero, but I just never got cast as the hero. Uh, yeah. Apparently, these things here

• 17:00Speaker 05

  look a little bit demonic.

• 17:01Speaker 04

  What, what is it I'm looking at?

• 17:03Speaker 05

  These, these lines in my head.

• 17:05Speaker 03

  Wow, I'd never noticed them.

• 17:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, put, put the wrong light on me and I'm, I can look like Mephistopheles.

• 17:12Speaker 04

  You also, you know, you mentioned your nose. I think you've got a strong Roman nose, and that's, that shows a, a sign of leadership, true leadership. What's, what about your second toe? Is it bigger than your first?

• 17:23Speaker 03

  Evil.

• 17:24Speaker 04

  No, not evil.

• 17:25Speaker 05

  Really dark.

• 17:26Speaker 04

  No, not evil.

• 17:27Speaker 03

  Mine's, mine, mine, my second toe's longer as well.

• 17:30Speaker 04

  Oh, actually, that, that throws the leadership chat out the window, then.

• 17:33Speaker 05

  The what chat?

• 17:34Speaker 04

  Well, that's a sign of a good leader.

• 17:35Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 17:36Speaker 05

  What, big second toe?

• 17:37Speaker 03

  Big second toe, yeah. Are there qualities that are not physical ones that you think have drawn people to saying, "I wanna cast him as the, the villain, the baddie"?

• 17:45Speaker 05

  I don't know, you'd kinda have, have to ask them, but I guess I, uh, there were always the parts that I wanted to play at drama school. Like, one of the first, one of the first parts that I was completely miscast, but one of the first roles that I did that I really enjoyed was that, um, Dickens' character in, uh, David Copperfield.

• 18:06Speaker 03

  It's not vague.

• 18:06Speaker 05

  Uriah Heep. I played Uriah Heep.

• 18:09Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 18:10Speaker 05

  And I got him. I was like, "I know where you're coming from."

• 18:15Speaker 05

  A little twisted, evil weasel of a, of a man. I was like, "I get it. I know what you're pushing back at."

• 18:22Speaker 03

  Richard, I wanted to ask, actually. People talk about empathy being quite important in acting. Do you empathise in some way with these villainous characters?

• 18:31Speaker 05

  You have to.

• 18:32Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 18:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, and that's the scary bit, because you, you sort of put yourself in their shoes and think, "Well, what would I, how would I do this? What would, what would it feel like to do this?" But also, why? Why are they doing it? Um, which, with some characters, it's, it's really difficult. But, yeah, empathy, empathy and concentration, I think are, they're the two qualities you need to, to do my job.

• 18:53Speaker 05

  Concentration, 99%.

• 18:55Speaker 04

  And just 1% empathy?

• 18:56Speaker 05

  Probably.

• 18:57Speaker 04

  Is that, do you play these characters because it's so far from who you actually are? And you go, "Oh, I get to, I get to play around with the other side and get away with it." Because it's, it's pretend.

• 19:12Speaker 05

  Well, it's exactly that, except it's not so far away from who you really are. It's the side of yourself that you're not allowed to show or experience. Like, we have to go through life being very well behaved, don't we? Well, I did. So, when I get to explore those ones, you're like, "Oh, I can either be really, really naughty, really dark, or I can just scratch that itch that I've been dying to scratch."

• 19:40Speaker 03

  Were you well behaved as a kid, or were you getting up to mischief?

• 19:42Speaker 05

  I was, I was that kind of kid that would get up to mischief and then be very good at acting and pretending that I wasn't the one who did it.

• 19:52Speaker 05

  I was, I was probably a bit weasely.

• 19:54Speaker 04

  Not me, sir.

• 19:55Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's okay, with that face.

• 19:57Speaker 04

  It was my fat mate.

• 20:01Speaker 04

  Sounds familiar.

• 20:03Speaker 03

  It's the line I go for.

• 20:06Speaker 04

  Do you have a process of getting into the mind of that bad person?

• 20:12Speaker 05

  Well, for Tooth Fairy, obviously, read the book, kind of looked at all the things in the book that were so despicable, but I thought, I see how someone could be capable of that. But on a daily basis, I would just listen to really horrific, scary music that.

• 20:31Speaker 03

  JLS.

• 20:33Speaker 03

  Horrible.

• 20:35Speaker 04

  Piece of shit. Genuinely scary music, what you'd lose yourself, like, is that your method of like?

• 20:41Speaker 05

  Yeah. Yeah, that kind of.

• 20:43Speaker 04

  How long, like hours?

• 20:45Speaker 05

  Just while I was in the makeup chair and they were putting the hair lip on me.

• 20:47Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 20:48Speaker 05

  I did sit there, you know, terrorizing myself.

• 20:51Speaker 04

  And would, with the hamuas that were helping you? The hair and makeup.

• 20:56Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, hamuas.

• 20:57Speaker 04

  Hamuas. Yeah. I prefer to call.

• 20:58Speaker 03

  Hamuas.

• 20:59Speaker 04

  Got a little geeky.

• 21:00Speaker 05

  Hamuas.

• 21:00Speaker 04

  Hamuas. Do you not call them hamuas?

• 21:03Speaker 03

  Hamuas.

• 21:03Speaker 04

  Whenever it's written down, it looks like hamua.

• 21:07Speaker 03

  Hair and makeup.

• 21:08Speaker 05

  You see, because in the theatre, it's written like this.

• 21:15Speaker 03

  Wham. Wigs, hair and makeup.

• 21:16Speaker 05

  Which I thought, because I was just on Jesus Christ Superstar and I was like, oh, they're upstairs doing wham sessions. I thought they were all upstairs singing Wake Me Up Before You Go. I didn't realise what that meant until someone explained it to me. Anyway.

• 21:29Speaker 04

  So the whammas and the hamuas. Would you engage with them at all? Or if you did, would you engage?

• 21:35Speaker 05

  A little bit.

• 21:36Speaker 04

  In character?

• 21:36Speaker 05

  A little bit, yeah. You're, that, that, however long you're in that chair for, Hobbit, for example, was three and a half hours. It's like a very slow process of getting into character.

• 21:45Speaker 04

  Three and a half solid hours?

• 21:47Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 21:49Speaker 04

  Surely you're just asleep. You're not off.

• 21:50Speaker 05

  Four thirty in the chair, I would be, I would be sort of dozing for a while, but if you go, if you fall asleep, then you wake up and half the face is in the wrong place. So, yeah. You, you learn to sit there getting into your, getting into your character's brain.

• 22:05Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 22:06Speaker 05

  Otherwise you get mad.

• 22:07Speaker 04

  Yeah. I remember, I think he said it a while ago, Christoph, was it Waltz?

• 22:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:14Speaker 04

  Who played the, it was Christoph.

• 22:16Speaker 03

  He's a great baddie. He's a great, great baddie.

• 22:18Speaker 04

  Waltz. In Inglourious Basterds, someone asked him,

• 22:24Speaker 04

  how do you play this evil character so well? How did you make that, that character so evil? Like you were so evil. And he was like, what? I don't understand the question. And he was like, you, you got so, how did you become so evil that it came through? He said,

• 22:40Speaker 04

  but he didn't know he was evil. And I went, what? They went, what? He didn't know, evil people don't know they're evil or that they're doing evil things. They're just doing the things that they want to do. And that, I thought that was.

• 22:53Speaker 05

  Well, weirdly with, with Tooth Fairy, he knew what he was doing, but it was like, he just couldn't help himself doing it. So, you know, when you were saying about what naughty things did you do? You know, that thing of, I can't stop myself. I know I shouldn't do this, but I can't stop myself and, and I'll have periods where I'm fine. And then all of a sudden the dam will break and he'll go on a killing spree. So that, that's frightening as well. But, but yeah, and I, the Christoph Waltz thing is like, he, he, he wasn't, he was on the good side in his head.

• 23:23Speaker 04

  Yeah. What about switching out of that? Because if you tap into those characters for so long, is there ever a point where you're like, fucking hell, I'm still, I don't mean you then become a serial killer, but I'm like,

• 23:35Speaker 04

  it must be hard, quite hard to decompress from all of that.

• 23:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, that, that particular, I think that's the darkest part I've ever played, the, the one in Hannibal. And I do remember having like nightmares and taking a while to, to sort of shake it off, obviously because I was listening to that terrifying music. Yeah, no, I do dream a lot. I dream a lot as character. I dreamt a lot during The Hobbit.

• 24:02Speaker 05

  So, yeah, it takes a while to shed the skin.

• 24:05Speaker 04

  I'm still so intrigued as to what this sort of scary music was. Are we talking like?

• 24:11Speaker 05

  You're not far off.

• 24:12Speaker 03

  Michael Jackson.

• 24:12Speaker 04

  Have you?

• 24:15Speaker 04

  I'm trying to get the music and you keep doing it.

• 24:18Speaker 05

  Michael Jackson.

• 24:22Speaker 03

  I do not.

• 24:24Speaker 04

  That was clearly, you, you're laughing, you're encouraging him.

• 24:28Speaker 03

  I'm really in the band.

• 24:31Speaker 04

  I was clearly doing the psycho music.

• 24:34Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 24:36Speaker 05

  It's a bit Bee Gees.

• 24:39Speaker 03

  Still alive.

• 24:48Speaker 03

  Wow. What a choice to be in falsetto with, you both.

• 24:55Speaker 02

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• 25:54Speaker 04

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• 26:54Speaker 04

  This is a public service announcement that we are taking the podcast on tour.

• 27:01Speaker 03

  That's right. All over the country, you can come and see me, Joe, and that skeleton with a beard on it doing our thing.

• 27:06Speaker 04

  What about Janet?

• 27:08Speaker 03

  Well, she will maybe be there. I'm just worried that sometimes she sort of oversteps the mark a little bit. We've got a lot of people watching, that's the thing. We are going to have some very special guests, that's guaranteed. We're going to definitely get you your magnificent thighs on the show. People can see that in real life.

• 27:21Speaker 04

  All of them?

• 27:22Speaker 03

  What do you mean all of them? You've got three, actually. I heard the rumours.

• 27:28Speaker 04

  And I don't, I don't call my dick a thigh.

• 27:30Speaker 03

  There will be chaos.

• 27:32Speaker 04

  Who do you know that goes, hey, check out my thigh? As, as a reference for their dick? No one goes, oh, check out my third thigh.

• 27:39Speaker 03

  I thought when people talked about the thigh gap, it was a lack of dick.

• 27:42Speaker 04

  What?

• 27:43Speaker 03

  There'll be chaos.

• 27:43Speaker 04

  It's not why they go, check out my third.

• 27:45Speaker 03

  I have to read, I have to read the autocue. I have to read the, I'm so contracted to. There'll be chaos. There'll be audience participation and there's guaranteed to be some things we probably shouldn't say in front of a live audience. That will be one of them actually, probably. How do people get tickets and are they available now?

• 28:00Speaker 04

  Tickets are available right now. Haven't got a watch on. If you don't come, we will notice.

• 28:08Speaker 03

  I can't stress enough, these are massive venues. If you don't come, it will be a sea of empty seats. You have to buy a ticket. We really will notice. And it will bring shame on the podcast, which I don't think you want, because if you're watching this, you'd probably like it a bit.

• 28:19Speaker 04

  So get your tickets from the link in the description now.

• 28:31Speaker 04

  Talk to me about Dr. Ethan Winter.

• 28:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 28:35Speaker 04

  How much of you and your naughty side are in this character that you play in Winter?

• 28:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, there's quite a lot actually, because I've, I do tend to veer towards very serious characters, but there's a bit more of a comedic showman in Winter. So he's a forensic pathologist who sort of enjoys breaking other people's rules, sticks to his own, but likes breaking the police rules. And I'm, I met with a forensic scientist up in Leicester and I, he was such a showman and he'd set up this, this laboratory really according to his own rules. He, you know, no one goes in there unless they're invited. So he could kind of operate it the way that he wanted. So that side of it was really interesting.

• 29:20Speaker 04

  Is it out now? Can I watch it now?

• 29:22Speaker 05

  You can.

• 29:23Speaker 04

  When?

• 29:23Speaker 05

  Wednesday nights at nine o'clock.

• 29:24Speaker 04

  On a Wednesday?

• 29:25Speaker 05

  On a Wednesday night.

• 29:26Speaker 03

  And on ITVX as well, Joe?

• 29:28Speaker 05

  ITV, ITVX.

• 29:29Speaker 04

  That's where it's going, isn't it? Put everything kind of playing, mate. You catch up with it, innit?

• 29:33Speaker 05

  We'll be over in six hours. It's only six episodes.

• 29:36Speaker 03

  Suddenly transported into a pub with two old geeks. That's where it's all going now?

• 29:39Speaker 05

  All going. That's where it's going down the pan, innit?

• 29:42Speaker 03

  Says a man who's literally doing a YouTube show as we speak.

• 29:48Speaker 03

  What are the sort of more extreme things you've ever done to get into character?

• 29:52Speaker 05

  I was once waterboarded in Spooks.

• 29:55Speaker 03

  Fucking hell.

• 29:56Speaker 05

  Because I had to be waterboarded as the character and I said, um, I didn't want to pretend to know what that felt like. So I said, okay, do it for real. And they were like, so are you sure? I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, do it for real.

• 30:09Speaker 05

  But I lasted about three seconds.

• 30:11Speaker 04

  Wow. Do you think those three seconds really made a difference and helped you?

• 30:16Speaker 05

  I think the fact that I couldn't tolerate it made me kind of go, okay, now I know how serious it is.

• 30:20Speaker 04

  And then how do they actually do it in the scene then?

• 30:24Speaker 05

  Well, it was, yeah, they showed bits of me, bits of my mouth, bits of my face, you know?

• 30:29Speaker 03

  Heavy edit.

• 30:30Speaker 05

  Heavy edit and also just nostrils free, but um, it always ties into this fear of water. Every, all these different things that line up and I'm like, oh, there's a profound fear of water going on here, so.

• 30:41Speaker 04

  You don't like water?

• 30:42Speaker 05

  Nope.

• 30:43Speaker 04

  At all?

• 30:44Speaker 05

  At all.

• 30:45Speaker 04

  Can't swim?

• 30:46Speaker 05

  Uh, I, I think I can swim. I'm just never in the water long enough to know if I can swim.

• 30:51Speaker 04

  What? And you don't know where that originates from?

• 30:54Speaker 05

  Yes, I do.

• 30:55Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 30:55Speaker 05

  Doctor.

• 30:57Speaker 04

  Thank you, thank you. It's about time someone showed me some respect in this office.

• 31:01Speaker 05

  When I was a little kid, uh, I was in a, in a pushchair. For some reason I was, had a little seatbelt on, on, because I think maybe in the seventies, they used to strap kids into pushchairs. And I was in a, um, in a friend's duck pond and I sort of wheeled my way forward to look at the fish and the whole chair tipped upside down in the duck pond. So it was kind of straddling the edges of this pond and I was under the water like, ah! And my mum was in the kitchen with the neighbour, nutter in a way, so I, yeah.

• 31:33Speaker 04

  Buck!

• 31:34Speaker 05

  It was horrible.

• 31:34Speaker 03

  He was strapped in?

• 31:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:36Speaker 04

  How did you get pulled out?

• 31:37Speaker 05

  I think they heard splash in it, so they came and kind of pulled the chair out. And obviously I was covered in green like slime and got pushed home, but, and it was, it sort of became a bit of a family joke. But when I think back to, why, why do I hate water so much? I think it's because of that.

• 31:52Speaker 04

  I'd say it is exactly because of that.

• 31:54Speaker 03

  Definitely that.

• 31:54Speaker 04

  Diagnosis for free to you.

• 31:56Speaker 05

  Thanks.

• 31:57Speaker 04

  That is why you're scared of water.

• 31:58Speaker 05

  Can I get some more drugs from Janet?

• 32:02Speaker 04

  Thank you for sharing that, that's, that is dark.

• 32:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's really dark and I can imagine that at the stage with you. And I'm so sorry it became the family joke.

• 32:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:12Speaker 05

  But then all of these things keep following me around. Like every time I open a script, Captain America, perfect example, I open the script and I'm like, oh, he's in a submarine. He has to do this big dive, swim, scuba, had to do all of that. And I'm like, why, I can't say no to this job because I hate the water, so.

• 32:28Speaker 03

  So.

• 32:29Speaker 05

  Retraumatizing myself.

• 32:30Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 32:31Speaker 04

  What other things would you do that, that you've, maybe not that extreme, but other ways you try and get into that mode?

• 32:41Speaker 05

  Can I drop a name?

• 32:43Speaker 03

  Definitely.

• 32:43Speaker 05

  Okay, so on Ocean's Ape with Sandra Bullock.

• 32:46Speaker 03

  No, here we go.

• 32:47Speaker 04

  Here we go.

• 32:50Speaker 05

  Literally was cooking. I was cooking an omelette for her, but I had to make it in the shop and feed it to her by the end of the take with no cut. So sometimes it was completely raw, sometimes it was cooked. But I noticed what she, before every single take, she would, they'd sort of say turn over, they put the clapper board up and she would go.

• 33:09Speaker 05

  Like she'd corpse herself. Because, so that it puts like little sparkle in your eyes. Because I remember, I didn't ask her, but I just watched it. Every time she did it, she'd sort of just giggle to herself.

• 33:21Speaker 04

  What?

• 33:22Speaker 05

  So, and then it, when, when the scene started, she just had this little.

• 33:27Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 33:27Speaker 05

  Fire going on inside her eyes. So yeah, I, I do that sometimes. I took, I nicked that from her.

• 33:34Speaker 04

  Shall we, shall we engage in that now?

• 33:36Speaker 05

  Well, because what happened, yeah, well, what happens is you're, you're doing this and then someone comes in with a board and goes, okay, turn over and action. And you literally go.

• 33:46Speaker 05

  Serious now. So she goes. It's not serious, not serious, it's fun.

• 33:52Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 33:53Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 33:53Speaker 03

  You ready?

• 33:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:56Speaker 04

  What's the circumstance?

• 33:57Speaker 05

  You can be a dwarf, you be a dwarf. You're about to hit me with your dwarf hands, throttle me.

• 34:03Speaker 04

  What? You, how do, do I have to start laughing?

• 34:11Speaker 05

  There you go, look.

• 34:12Speaker 03

  And action!

• 34:13Speaker 04

  Give me your fucking.

• 34:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, you see, it's frightening, it's terrifying, look.

• 34:19Speaker 03

  Well, on that, I wondered if you could help Joe even further because um, he wants to be, he wants to get into acting. He will get into acting. Two things have happened on the internet. One is that um, people comment and say, if Joe's going to get into acting, he should have played either Hagrid or a dwarf in Lord of the Rings.

• 34:36Speaker 04

  Who says that?

• 34:37Speaker 03

  Internet comments.

• 34:38Speaker 05

  They.

• 34:38Speaker 03

  I'm there.

• 34:39Speaker 04

  Jake Bhardwaj nineteen eighty-five?

• 34:42Speaker 03

  Ninety-three.

• 34:47Speaker 03

  The other thing is, I've seen the dwarf training that happened.

• 34:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:53Speaker 03

  And I wondered if you might be able to give Joe like a mini dwarf bootcamp on how, how, how you become a dwarf?

• 34:59Speaker 05

  Yeah. What was in that training video? Were we, were we lumbering around with massive boots on?

• 35:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:04Speaker 04

  Was this the one with James Nesbitt and a big wooden stick doing that and stuff?

• 35:08Speaker 05

  Did we have the hands at that point?

• 35:09Speaker 03

  In fact, we've actually got some stuff there that might hurt.

• 35:12Speaker 05

  I feel like the hands came later.

• 35:14Speaker 03

  Yeah. Joe, I can give you these actually, in fact.

• 35:16Speaker 04

  What?

• 35:18Speaker 05

  That's from Vikings, isn't it?

• 35:19Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 35:20Speaker 05

  Oh, no, look, shoulder pads.

• 35:22Speaker 03

  So, so, so talk us through what was happening in the bootcamp in order to turn you into a dwarf?

• 35:26Speaker 05

  So, yeah, we were trying to, basically if you shrink a human, Peter Jackson style, you, you end up just looking like a child. So he wanted us to look more like warriors that were a completely different species. So the, the sort of visual animal was like buffalo, massive, kind of big shoulders. And kind of like this ability to sort of charge. So we had to, they made us bigger to get smaller, so we had all this padding on, but we had to change the way we moved as well. So one of the, one of the mental references, which was, you have to imagine that you have giant, heavy gonads.

• 36:06Speaker 05

  That was, that was the feeling of getting into character, so that your, your nuts were so massive and heavy that you were grounded.

• 36:14Speaker 03

  Okay, so let's see the massive gonad walk.

• 36:16Speaker 04

  So immediately I go from me.

• 36:19Speaker 05

  You.

• 36:19Speaker 04

  And then you say what?

• 36:21Speaker 05

  Massive, massive, heavy gonads.

• 36:23Speaker 04

  Massive, heavy gonads.

• 36:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, when you don't look at that.

• 36:31Speaker 05

  And I'll swing your axe.

• 36:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, but if I had massive, heavy gonads and sometimes, I'll be honest with you, this is something I'm going to share with all of you. This is personal.

• 36:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:43Speaker 04

  Sometimes if I've had a, a bath or a very long shower, I will have a very stretchy nutsack.

• 36:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:53Speaker 04

  And sometimes when I'm drying, in my drying area.

• 36:59Speaker 04

  I will, I.

• 37:02Speaker 04

  I will sometimes stand like this and because they're all like saggy and droopy, they swing really well and I'll just be like there. So when you said I'd have heavy gonads.

• 37:13Speaker 05

  You knew exactly where I was going.

• 37:15Speaker 04

  When we had to land here, I wouldn't just stop and then concentrate on the chat. I'd immediately go to swing the heavy gonads.

• 37:22Speaker 05

  Forwards and backwards. Well, that's the thing, because then when you're ready to charge, you have to get them going with you.

• 37:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, because massive mass.

• 37:29Speaker 03

  It's almost like when you guys stood there with those, with those heavy gonads, you've sort of formed another part of you as well going on.

• 37:41Speaker 04

  How did you first get into acting?

• 37:44Speaker 05

  I, uh, gosh, I don't know really, I don't know.

• 37:48Speaker 04

  Because my researcher specifically told me.

• 37:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 37:51Speaker 04

  That you got into acting by joining the circus and running away with it in Budapest.

• 37:57Speaker 03

  That's a common myth.

• 37:58Speaker 05

  It's partly true. It's partly true.

• 38:00Speaker 04

  Which part?

• 38:01Speaker 05

  The running away bit wasn't true.

• 38:03Speaker 04

  You didn't run away?

• 38:03Speaker 05

  It was a circus, but it, it was a legit job to get an Equity card. But it sounds good, running away to the circus, like running away from what? But no, I got on a coach and went to Budapest and worked in a circus to get, to get an Equity card. I was throwing batons to jugglers and hula hoops to skateboarders. Then there was a little bit of a song and dance bit that we did.

• 38:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:31Speaker 03

  What's this Equity card? I've heard people talk about it before.

• 38:34Speaker 04

  Equity?

• 38:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:35Speaker 04

  He's a millennial, isn't he?

• 38:37Speaker 03

  Yeah. What, what is it and do you need it to?

• 38:39Speaker 05

  It was a union.

• 38:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:41Speaker 05

  It still exists, yeah, it's a union, but back in, when I was starting out, you had to be a member of the union in order to even audition for anything, any, any job. So I got mine in a circus in Budapest.

• 38:53Speaker 04

  Why? Why did you choose that? Were there other options you could have got your Equity card?

• 38:57Speaker 05

  Nope, that was the only job that I, was unoffered to me.

• 39:00Speaker 04

  What?

• 39:01Speaker 03

  Because all the jobs require you to have an Equity card? It's that classic thing where you're trying to start out and work.

• 39:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:07Speaker 03

  And it's like, we, we need more experience, but we're not going to give you the experience.

• 39:10Speaker 05

  And the minute I read on this contract, you, you, this will qualify you for an Equity card, I was like, I, I was there. Yeah.

• 39:16Speaker 04

  But, and what, was there any, obviously the love or want to be an actor had started before Budapest?

• 39:24Speaker 05

  Well.

• 39:25Speaker 04

  Or was that what the catalyst for you to go?

• 39:27Speaker 05

  I was going to be a song and dance man.

• 39:28Speaker 04

  Right.

• 39:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, which is, it is acting, but it's a different field of acting.

• 39:34Speaker 04

  It's quite, also quite polar opposites to song and dance man. You go happy clappy, how are you, how are you doing, jazz hands, I'm here thinking. You've played fucking dark people all of your career, pretty much.

• 39:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:47Speaker 04

  So how do you?

• 39:48Speaker 05

  That guy was very short-lived. That guy really, like, because that guy was always being told, oh, come on, smile and look like you're enjoying yourself. And I was like, well, if I was enjoying myself, I'd be smiling. So obviously I need to go and be a serial killer. But then serial killers can also be that guy.

• 40:07Speaker 04

  What I'd like to know is that you're a prolific actor. You've been in fucking loads and yet you still seem to be a bit of an enigma. And you're not always front-facing and out there. Is that something you've consciously tried doing? And you think keeping a private life is so important to balancing your life all round?

• 40:32Speaker 05

  Um, yeah, I guess, I guess because I want a life. And I don't think that everything is for sale. And I kind of admire those actors that kind of come out when it's time. And then they go away when it's time. I think sometimes when there's this constant turnover of people that you feel are just there all the time. That you don't get any relief from them. And I also quite like having a life, you know, that's not consumed by where we're at.

• 41:01Speaker 04

  I like, I like that about you, that you don't think being an actor or a movie star is people's, like, part of the deal is that you have to offer, like, that's it. Because you're a celebrity, because you're an actor, because you're out there. Part of the deal is that people should have access to you pretty much as and when they want.

• 41:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, and also, I mean, there is a generation of people that will just not comprehend that not everything has to be captured and filmed and photographed. But also, the other side of it is that I suspect I'm a really boring person and I don't want people to know that. Like, when you said, what do you do after a long day's filming, I'm like, really boring shit.

• 41:49Speaker 04

  It blows my mind that you're so far away from the stereotype of a, of an acting Hollywood diva.

• 41:59Speaker 05

  I do find it odd that we, I, I tell you what, I remember going to, I think it was one of the BAFTAs. And sort of, because I live quite close, I sort of walked there. Um, and I stood there for a while behind the barrier, watching all these people swanning around in these expensive dresses and stuff. I had my suit on and then I went around the other side and suddenly it was like, oh, I've got to be him now and sign in the autograph. So I was like, I was there for a second ago, now I'm here. And isn't it the weirdest thing in the world that we do? We put these people in that place and sort of think that they're different or special. And they start to think they're different and special. And it's like, we're just, we're just the carriers of the story. I don't, I don't believe in putting actors on pedestals at all.

• 42:45Speaker 04

  Right, Richard, at the beginning, I said I wanted to help you unleash your dark side.

• 42:49Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 42:50Speaker 04

  Okay, um, and because of that, I'm prepared to take desperate measures.

• 42:56Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 43:02Speaker 04

  In a moment, I'm going to put that blindfold on.

• 43:03Speaker 05

  And I'm gonna, and I'm gonna surrender myself, uh, to your personal growth.

• 43:10Speaker 03

  As soon as that blindfold goes on, I'll be handing you an envelope.

• 43:14Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 43:15Speaker 03

  That contains three wicked tasks for you to perform on Joe.

• 43:21Speaker 05

  What?

• 43:21Speaker 03

  In order to finish the session, you will need to complete all three wicked tasks. Are you happy to proceed?

• 43:29Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 43:30Speaker 03

  Joe, please put on the eye mask.

• 43:34Speaker 04

  Can't get my arms above my head.

• 43:36Speaker 03

  All right, okay, you can, can you see?

• 43:38Speaker 04

  No, but I just heard someone knock the, knock the.

• 43:41Speaker 03

  Okay, I don't think you can see. This, this is for you, Richard.

• 43:43Speaker 05

  Thank you. And the winner is, do I, I'm allowed to open it?

• 43:47Speaker 03

  You can open it.

• 43:48Speaker 05

  Oh, it's sealed.

• 43:49Speaker 03

  Yes, but each task you're going to read in your head and then just do it.

• 43:58Speaker 03

  Okay, challenge one is give Joe a wet willy.

• 44:03Speaker 04

  This is mental, by the way.

• 44:13Speaker 04

  Oh, no, no, I, something, I'm getting a bit weird feeling in my tummy. Something's happening in my tummy. I can sense it. I feel like Spider-Man, but not, ah! Fucking hell! What was that?

• 44:28Speaker 03

  That's very impressive because there's not a lot of hole as well. So that's very impressive.

• 44:32Speaker 04

  Was that a wet willy?

• 44:33Speaker 03

  That was a wet willy.

• 44:34Speaker 04

  Oh, you piece of shit.

• 44:36Speaker 03

  Task number two, would you like to read in your head? And I'll give you something that you may need for it.

• 44:43Speaker 04

  Oh, this is like when I stand up against the wall and they hit balls at me.

• 44:47Speaker 03

  Challenge two is peg Joe with this clothes peg anywhere on his body.

• 45:06Speaker 04

  Ah! What was that? What is that?

• 45:09Speaker 03

  A wicked task?

• 45:13Speaker 04

  What is it?

• 45:14Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 45:17Speaker 04

  Couldn't get it there. He flinched.

• 45:21Speaker 03

  And task number three.

• 45:28Speaker 03

  I will provide you what you need.

• 45:30Speaker 04

  I feel like that Abramovich artist.

• 45:34Speaker 03

  What?

• 45:37Speaker 03

  Challenge three, the final challenge of the exercise. Will Richard pie Joe in the face?

• 45:48Speaker 05

  Right then.

• 45:51Speaker 04

  Am I right here? Yeah, well, I'd be better if you weren't. Oh!

• 46:01Speaker 04

  He's absolutely wicked. Congratulations, Richard. He has unleashed his dark side in the doctor's office.

• 46:15Speaker 04

  I can't believe we've done this. You lot happy here?

• 46:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:23Speaker 03

  Wait, incredible work, Richard.

• 46:29Speaker 04

  I am incredibly proud of you, you piece of shit.

• 46:36Speaker 04

  What is that? Was that meant to go on my nose?

• 46:40Speaker 05

  It was.

• 46:40Speaker 03

  That was gonna go.

• 46:41Speaker 04

  Now you needed a bigger peg than that.

• 46:42Speaker 05

  I know, I realise.

• 46:45Speaker 04

  Well done.

• 46:45Speaker 05

  I didn't feel anything, sorry. I didn't feel anything. I'm a psychopath.

• 46:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, you didn't feel anything, just numb?

• 46:52Speaker 05

  Nothing.

• 46:53Speaker 04

  Well, that is exactly what I was hoping.

• 46:54Speaker 05

  No empathy.

• 46:55Speaker 04

  Because it has proved that you have a dark side.

• 47:02Speaker 04

  Uh, Richard, you've been fantastic. Thank you so much. Um, I've really enjoyed your company. Uh, before you go, um, we like to give every client, guest, patient, uh, a badge.

• 47:15Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 47:16Speaker 04

  To remind them of the journey they've been on in today's session and the absolute useless help that we haven't offered you. Um, Jake, what have you gone for?

• 47:27Speaker 03

  We've gone with not evil, just method.

• 47:30Speaker 04

  Oh, good, yeah, I like that a lot. And we've done it in sort of festive colours, even though.

• 47:37Speaker 03

  To match you, yeah.

• 47:39Speaker 05

  Oh, oh, oh. Thank you.

• 47:40Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 47:41Speaker 04

  Please.

• 47:42Speaker 05

  Look at that.

• 47:42Speaker 04

  All right, it's not the last gift we give you. We're the pod that keeps on giving.

• 47:48Speaker 03

  Have a lollipop.

• 47:49Speaker 05

  I mean, I'm tempted to reverse this. Not method, just evil, yeah.

• 47:54Speaker 04

  Can work.

• 47:55Speaker 05

  Each could be applied. Thank you.

• 47:57Speaker 04

  Oh, oh, I see.

• 47:58Speaker 03

  He's gone for the dark one.

• 47:59Speaker 04

  Dark. Yeah, makes sense. Richard Armitage, everybody!

• 48:06Speaker 04

  Please, Janet, Janet will give you some, her prescription on the way out.

• 48:10Speaker 05

  Janet? Thank you.

• 48:16Speaker 03

  Brilliant.

• 48:16Speaker 04

  Righty-ho, righty-ho. If you want to join the doctor's waitlist, then please subscribe to our YouTube channel and follow us on Instagram. At We'll See You Now Show. Remember, unless it's not clear enough already,

• 48:33Speaker 04

  I'm not a real doctor. If you need any professional help, you'll find a link to great support services on our Instagram. I've been Joe Marler, he's been?

• 48:45Speaker 03

  Jake Podwatch.

• 48:47Speaker 04

  Happy, are you?

• 48:48Speaker 03

  I'm having the time of my life.

• 48:50Speaker 04

  This has been Joe Marler. We'll see you now. And you might see me next time. Bye-bye.