Pod Insights Joe Marler Will See You Now BONUS: Joe and Jake have exciting news... About this episode Joe Marler Will See You Now is going on tour!!!
All is revealed in this special bonus episode. No guest. Just Joe and Jake attempting to make a very serious announcement while discussing Joe’s legs, Jake’s rider and why you should never, ever wee in a kettle.
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REGISTER FOR WEDNESDAY’S PRE-SALE TICKETS HERE:
https://stan.store/JoeMarlerWillSeeYouNow/p/joe-marler-will-see-you-live
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Featuring Joe Marler (@joemarler17) and Jake Bhardwaj (@jakebhardwajtv)
Follow the show on Instagram: @willseeyounowshow
Joe Marler Will See You Now is a Platform Media production.
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Transcript 0:00 Speaker 00 This episode is brought to you by Petivity. Cat parents are basically mealtime detectives. Who actually ate? Did they finish? Was that less than yesterday? The new Petivity Smart Feeder for cats turns everyday meals into meaningful health insights, helping you identify changes in your cat's habits and be more proactive about their health. Plus, you can feed them from anywhere. Take the mystery out of mealtime. Visit petivity.com, P-E-T-I-V-I-T-Y.com/catfeeder to learn more.
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1:30 Speaker 02 To be or not to be? That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them? To die? Ah!
1:53 Speaker 03 Very good.
1:56 Speaker 03 Very good.
1:57 Speaker 02 The skull didn't come off, mate, so I had to go with the brain.
2:00 Speaker 03 Oh, you did, actually. Tried for the skull, to be fair.
2:02 Speaker 02 Tried with the skull, but we went with the brain.
2:04 Speaker 03 So, you're getting into your sort of like, uh, thespian.
2:07 Speaker 02 Thespian.
2:07 Speaker 03 Thespian. The ruff looks very good on you as well.
2:09 Speaker 02 Hello, ruff.
2:10 Speaker 03 And, um...
2:11 Speaker 02 Why was this called a ruff? It's got no relation to dogs whatsoever. Why is it not called a dog collar?
2:18 Speaker 03 I don't think it was ever ruff because of woof.
2:23 Speaker 03 I don't think so.
2:24 Speaker 02 Fair enough.
2:24 Speaker 03 But, this is a very special bonus episode, first bonus episode. We've talked about doing it for a long time.
2:29 Speaker 02 Been wanting to do an episode about bonus for a long, long time.
2:31 Speaker 03 Yeah!
2:32 Speaker 02 And yeah, bless it.
2:33 Speaker 03 So don't mind it. The thing is, with these bonus episodes, we've talked about great things.
2:40 Speaker 02 Great things.
2:41 Speaker 03 We've talked about you seeing off eight tubes of Pringles in an hour.
2:44 Speaker 02 Yes.
2:44 Speaker 03 We've talked about me eating 50 hot wings in an hour.
2:46 Speaker 02 You said 60 in the end, I think.
2:47 Speaker 03 I said 50. I will always, always, always say that I'm ahead of, um, having to do one a minute. That's what gives me the, the, the piece, inner piece, I think I can do.
2:56 Speaker 02 Still no chance that that's happening.
2:58 Speaker 03 We talked about doing a race, but for our first bonus episode, we're announcing something bigger than all of that.
3:03 Speaker 02 I know, and it makes my, uh, bumhole
3:08 Speaker 03 Mm.
3:09 Speaker 02 pulsate.
3:10 Speaker 03 Mm.
3:11 Speaker 02 With fear.
3:12 Speaker 03 Yes.
3:13 Speaker 02 Anxiety.
3:14 Speaker 03 Yes.
3:15 Speaker 02 Joy.
3:16 Speaker 03 And it sounds like IBS.
3:18 Speaker 02 Exactly. No, I looked up IBS, because I was worried.
3:21 Speaker 03 Yeah.
3:22 Speaker 02 Because I do like between five and seven a day.
3:24 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah?
3:25 Speaker 02 And my wife was like, mate, that you've got something wrong with you. I was like, no, they're all fine ones. And then I looked it up and then the slop did. Anyway, I haven't got IBS. Relax. No IBS here, it's fine.
3:34 Speaker 03 I know, it's gonna be hard to build that gravitas up again for what we're about to announce, but we'll do it. We are about to announce...
3:43 Speaker 03 Joe, you have to do it.
3:44 Speaker 04 This autumn.
3:46 Speaker 03 Yes.
3:46 Speaker 04 At a venue. Near you.
3:49 Speaker 03 Yes.
3:51 Speaker 04 Joe Marler will see you now.
3:55 Speaker 04 Live tour.
3:57 Speaker 03 Everybody, we're going on live tour. They're going crazy out there. They're on their feet. Producer Tom Stakin is top off. Producer George is swinging around. Oh my gosh, we're going on tour.
4:09 Speaker 02 Are we actually?
4:11 Speaker 03 We are going on tour and we are going all over the country. Um, I'm gonna do a quick fire for you. We are going to Manchester, Birmingham, Bristol, York, Northampton, the London Palladium. And a homecoming for you in Brighton.
4:25 Speaker 02 All over the country?
4:26 Speaker 03 All over the country.
4:27 Speaker 02 Up and down the country. Some people say. That's nationwide.
4:32 Speaker 03 Yeah, we don't have a sponsor yet. But we are looking for one. Um, what better way? Than before we go out across the country? Then to give you the opportunity to offend everyone in those regions. I was wondering, maybe we could.
4:48 Speaker 03 I'll say the name of the place we're going to and you give me just your initial reaction. It could be a sound, it could be a word. But in that accent or dialect.
4:55 Speaker 02 Go.
4:55 Speaker 03 Okay? So first up will be in Manchester.
4:58 Speaker 02 Eh, I ain't spiced.
5:02 Speaker 02 It's at Liverpool, isn't it?
5:03 Speaker 03 No, it's fine. It's whatever you want it to be. Uh, no, it's, yeah, yeah, you're taking a bit of that sort of calm down. This is, this is, and this is not a good way to sell tickets, but we're, we're in it now. Birmingham.
5:15 Speaker 02 Oh.
5:16 Speaker 03 Very good.
5:20 Speaker 03 Genuinely works. Genuinely does work. Uh, Bristol.
5:24 Speaker 02 Here, Baba.
5:26 Speaker 03 Oh.
5:27 Speaker 02 Here, where are you too then? Where are you too? You're no west or you're from Clefton? You're over a bridge, aren't you? You're on Suede or no?
5:34 Speaker 03 Very nice. Uh, York.
5:39 Speaker 02 Shambles.
5:41 Speaker 03 Wow, just in your own voice.
5:44 Speaker 03 So that one's in your own voice. No, the shambles is.
5:47 Speaker 02 Shambles. Oh, welcome to York, you've been down to Shambles there.
5:53 Speaker 03 For some, Yorkshire, you want to do Yorkshire accent like that, of course, but whenever I think of York itself, I think because it's so historic, you end up thinking, oh, York, the grand old Duke of York, but it's, of course, it's not, it's very, very, very far up north. Northampton. Hello.
6:07 Speaker 02 Shoes. Shoes, shoes.
6:10 Speaker 03 Shoes, shoes.
6:10 Speaker 02 They sell sho- cobblers.
6:12 Speaker 03 Cobblers.
6:12 Speaker 02 Hello, me old cobbler.
6:13 Speaker 03 Cobblers.
6:14 Speaker 02 No, cobblers.
6:15 Speaker 03 For the audio listener, every voice, everything he does dialect-wise is just accompanied with a gentle punch to the air. Um, the London Palladium.
6:26 Speaker 03 Bloody hell, have you planned the London Palladium? Oh, it must cost a pretty price.
6:30 Speaker 02 Oh. Hello there. Mate, be careful you don't tread on Brucey's grave.
6:37 Speaker 03 Oh.
6:38 Speaker 02 He's under the stage there, that's where he is standing. So just have a bit of respect for Brucey, doing a decent job.
6:46 Speaker 03 Bruce Forsyth.
6:47 Speaker 02 Go on, look after. Hello there, look after me. Perform as well as I did when I was there.
6:55 Speaker 03 Bloody hell, it's so true, is actually the lady of us on the stage of London, of the London Palladium.
6:59 Speaker 02 The London Palladium, let's have a bit of fun, that's a bit of a big, that's a big one, isn't it?
7:03 Speaker 03 When you're treating the boards, don't tread on my ashes.
7:05 Speaker 02 What do you, what do you want? Higher or lower?
7:09 Speaker 03 So higher or lower?
7:11 Speaker 02 Oh, well done darling, you get to go down, you don't get to say that.
7:16 Speaker 03 And we might ask an audience member to come on down.
7:19 Speaker 02 Oh.
7:21 Speaker 03 That for me is.
7:22 Speaker 02 Palladium, mate, that's mega, isn't it?
7:23 Speaker 03 Yeah, and of course, Brighton.
7:28 Speaker 03 Final one for that.
7:30 Speaker 02 Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.
7:33 Speaker 03 Oh, Seagull, very nice, really nice.
7:36 Speaker 02 Yeah, good.
7:36 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. So, yeah, we're going to these places, we're gonna do the podcast live, but with the people who listen to it and watch it. Although we've got a queue of audio listeners outside, just with sort of... Just with headphones, with a live feed of what's going on.
7:53 Speaker 02 Are we just gonna do like a live episode? Or we're gonna do a bit of a show, or we're gonna add stuff in?
7:58 Speaker 03 We're gonna do live episodes.
8:00 Speaker 02 Is Janet coming? Are we bringing Janet with us?
8:02 Speaker 03 I think you have to buy a ticket to find out. I simply think you have to buy a ticket to find out.
8:07 Speaker 02 Really, really well played.
8:09 Speaker 03 Yes. The things that we don't know are maybe some of the extra bits of spice. The things that we do know, celebrity interviews. It won't just be me and you, there will be a very famous guest having their mind analysed by you. Audience participation.
8:24 Speaker 02 Definitely. I wanna do like, I wanna... I wanna get some improv, let's use the lessons we've learnt so far on our, on our journey. Remember Super Kings?
8:36 Speaker 03 Super Kings.
8:37 Speaker 02 Or Sue Perkins.
8:38 Speaker 03 Super Kings, talk us about improv.
8:39 Speaker 02 Improv?
8:40 Speaker 03 Yeah.
8:41 Speaker 02 And what?
8:42 Speaker 03 Yes, and.
8:44 Speaker 02 Oh, maybe I...
8:45 Speaker 03 Unless you were just like, sick of me, and were saying, "Yeah, and what?" But I think the phrase in improv is "yes, and". Yes, and, so we can do some improv.
8:54 Speaker 02 I'm just picturing, have you seen that drunk, um, Shakespeare?
8:59 Speaker 03 Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, John Shakespeare, I've seen that.
9:01 Speaker 02 A bit like that, a bit, not the drunk bit, but like improv with some of the guests or some of the audience members and have a bit of fun with it.
9:09 Speaker 03 We've definitely got to get, well, I wanna meet, I wanna, what do you think a Joe Marler will see in our listener looks like?
9:14 Speaker 02 It's a really good question, right?
9:15 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'd be fascinated.
9:17 Speaker 02 I wanna find out.
9:18 Speaker 03 Yeah, well, please come along so we can find out what you look like. You'll be able to find out exactly what Joe looks like in the flesh. By that, I mean, you'll get to see his glorious legs in person.
9:26 Speaker 02 Oh no, if we're going on tour, I'll put trousers on.
9:29 Speaker 03 You're joking.
9:29 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's a s-
9:30 Speaker 03 All this, all this time? I'll fucking wear shorts to any fucking place I fucking go.
9:35 Speaker 02 If it's a serious tour like that, you've got to make an effort.
9:37 Speaker 03 Are you serious?
9:38 Speaker 02 No.
9:39 Speaker 03 No, you'll wear shorts, you'll wear shorts.
9:40 Speaker 02 I fucking want, but it's my tour. And what? And what?
9:45 Speaker 03 You've got to see them to believe in people.
9:46 Speaker 02 Yes, and?
9:47 Speaker 03 Yes, and, yes, and, more legs. Um, and I will be doing it in a thong, which will be lovely. So, well, look, there's a lot of ideas floating around about already, but we are in, if you're listening or watching this, we are really in the, in the thick of it, developing what it's-
10:01 Speaker 02 In the midst.
10:02 Speaker 03 We're in the midst of developing what it could be. If there's anything you'd like to see or hear, tell us. In comments, in messages, in emails. We don't have an email address.
10:10 Speaker 02 That sounds a lot like, um, a cop-out.
10:15 Speaker 03 Laziness, yeah.
10:15 Speaker 02 It could be a cop-out, it could be construed as a cop-out. Uh, we've got writer's block, we've got no creativity, we've got no imagination, we want you guys to come up with the ideas rather than us.
10:26 Speaker 03 Yeah.
10:26 Speaker 02 Do you know what I mean? Because we can't be asked. That's what it sounds like, but it's not what it is. What it is, is we want this show to be as much the audience's as it is ours.
10:38 Speaker 03 And that's how you get out of a cop-out like that.
10:39 Speaker 02 Do you know what I mean? Let's do it.
10:42 Speaker 03 That's how you do it. Um, I'm not, I'm not, I've not been on tour. I've done, I've, I've, I've been away-
10:48 Speaker 02 You do clap 'em.
10:49 Speaker 03 I've been to the end of, fucking hell. Been to the end of the fringe. I haven't been on tour.
10:55 Speaker 02 You've never been on tour?
10:56 Speaker 03 You've been on tour, you're, you're, you're, you've been a touring sportsman. What, what's it like? Is it all right? Are we gonna have to, are we gonna have to do initiations?
11:06 Speaker 02 No, it's not like that.
11:07 Speaker 03 Are you gonna share a room?
11:08 Speaker 02 No.
11:10 Speaker 03 I'll share a room.
11:11 Speaker 02 Not with me, you won't. I didn't share a room on tour.
11:15 Speaker 03 Did you not?
11:15 Speaker 02 Nah, the back end, I'd pay people off and get me own room.
11:18 Speaker 03 Who'd you pay off? It's not like a mafia, it's just, it's just the England rugby team, isn't it?
11:22 Speaker 02 No.
11:23 Speaker 03 Who'd you pay off to get your own room?
11:24 Speaker 02 Well, I just, it's just towards the back end of it. I'd be like, look, I'm a grown man.
11:28 Speaker 03 Yeah.
11:28 Speaker 02 I'm, I wanna spend a night on me own.
11:31 Speaker 03 What was the benefits of, like, was it accosting?
11:33 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:34 Speaker 03 Really? Even at that level?
11:35 Speaker 02 I reckon they also were like, oh, team building wise as well.
11:38 Speaker 03 Yeah, I thought they might do that.
11:39 Speaker 02 Oh, you know, all that lot. And there was, but also, you're like, no.
11:43 Speaker 03 When you were on tour in rugby, do you have, like, a rider?
11:47 Speaker 02 Uh, as in requests?
11:49 Speaker 03 Yeah, requests for things you want in your room or things like that.
11:53 Speaker 02 No.
11:54 Speaker 03 Cause in, in, in showbiz, I believe that that's the case.
11:56 Speaker 02 What's your rider gonna be?
11:58 Speaker 03 Thanks for asking. So, um, food wise, I would want, I'd, I'd be nice if there was, I don't know, it'd be nice if there was some, some pizza in the, when I got there. Some pizza or a kebab or something, I wouldn't mind.
12:07 Speaker 02 Oh my god, you're, oh, you're being serious, aren't you?
12:10 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'm not gonna say, I'm not saying.
12:11 Speaker 02 You want a rider?
12:12 Speaker 03 No, no.
12:13 Speaker 02 That is mental.
12:14 Speaker 03 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
12:16 Speaker 02 No, no, no.
12:16 Speaker 03 This is a hypothetical question, as if there was a rider. This is not, I want a rider. This is not me saying I want, if, if there's not a kebab in my room, I'll walk.
12:24 Speaker 02 That sounded a lot like it.
12:25 Speaker 03 If there's not a kebab in my room, I'll walk. I'm never saying that. I'm saying that if there was a rider.
12:30 Speaker 02 You didn't say that at the start.
12:31 Speaker 03 And a kebab was on the ride.
12:32 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'll have a pizza or a kebab.
12:34 Speaker 03 Right, I don't want a rider.
12:36 Speaker 02 That is the correct answer. We don't need riders, mate.
12:39 Speaker 03 I'll walk there.
12:40 Speaker 02 Nah.
12:40 Speaker 03 Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, I'll walk there.
12:43 Speaker 02 We don't have riders.
12:44 Speaker 03 No, we don't have riders.
12:45 Speaker 02 We don't have rider, why don't we just, why don't we share, actually?
12:49 Speaker 03 Yeah, let's share a room.
12:50 Speaker 02 Let's share. Single beds.
12:53 Speaker 03 Fucking hell.
12:53 Speaker 02 Next to each other. No snacks. No aircon.
12:58 Speaker 03 Do you, can you, genuinely, love you, can you, can you fit on a single bed? Can you fit on a single bed?
13:05 Speaker 02 Ah.
13:06 Speaker 03 You can't fit on a single bed. I, I'm, I'm.
13:10 Speaker 02 You're unbelievable.
13:11 Speaker 03 Look, I am, I am narrow and I struggle on a single bed.
13:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's, it's a bit of a squeeze.
13:16 Speaker 03 It's a bit of a squeeze, yeah.
13:17 Speaker 02 Yeah.
13:17 Speaker 03 You lie on your side, I suppose.
13:18 Speaker 02 Yeah, as long as you're not as bad as some old teammates.
13:22 Speaker 03 Go on.
13:22 Speaker 02 With their habits. There were some old teammates that were, had some weird habits about them. One of them couldn't be asked to get up in the night for a wee. So he would always put the kettle next to his bed.
13:39 Speaker 03 Oh my god.
13:41 Speaker 02 So that if he needed a wee during the night, he'd just roll over, piss in the kettle and then roll back to sleep. And you'd just go.
13:50 Speaker 03 And he's doing that while sharing a room?
13:52 Speaker 02 Yeah.
13:54 Speaker 03 Not, I mean, that is obviously a horrific thing to do anyway. But if that is for some reason your habit.
14:01 Speaker 02 Yeah.
14:02 Speaker 03 When you're paired to share a room, you must think to yourself, well, obviously no one can ever know about this. But he did it anyway. And what, what, how did he defend it?
14:10 Speaker 02 He was just like, oh, I don't want to get disturbed during the night and have to make the effort to walk to the toilet.
14:15 Speaker 03 But all those people using that kettle in the future.
14:19 Speaker 02 His argument is you boil a kettle.
14:22 Speaker 03 I knew it was gonna be that.
14:23 Speaker 02 It kills all the bacteria as it is. And you go, okay, so.
14:27 Speaker 03 All right, drink from this then cunt. Go on, if you say, if you drink from this, let me, let me piss in this kettle and you drink from that prick.
14:36 Speaker 03 Nah, that's really, that's really sour things that has.
14:40 Speaker 02 Hang on.
14:41 Speaker 03 Yeah.
14:41 Speaker 02 It's not sour does, it was just an assurance I needed from you.
14:44 Speaker 03 Yeah, I would never do that.
14:45 Speaker 02 That you're not gonna piss in any of the kettles.
14:46 Speaker 03 I would never do that.
14:47 Speaker 02 Don't piss in a kettle.
14:48 Speaker 03 No way.
14:49 Speaker 02 It's one of my mantras.
14:50 Speaker 03 Absolutely not.
14:51 Speaker 02 There's always a choice.
14:52 Speaker 03 Not a second.
14:52 Speaker 02 Don't piss in kettles.
14:53 Speaker 03 I might have a shit on the ironing board. That's it. That's it. So if you're listening to this or you're watching this, now is the time to take action because we want to see you at these tours, okay? So, click on the link in the description of this video or this pod, audio podcast. And then you're gonna sign up to get pre-sale tickets. Pre-sale is on Wednesday.
15:12 Speaker 02 That's for the hardcore.
15:13 Speaker 03 That's for the hardcore fans, the real ones. We're rewarding the people who are listening and taking action right now.
15:19 Speaker 02 Yeah.
15:19 Speaker 03 Then on Friday, general sale goes out. General sale at your service.
15:23 Speaker 02 Behave.
15:24 Speaker 03 It's a little thing I do.
15:24 Speaker 02 Honestly.
15:25 Speaker 03 Don't do it.
15:26 Speaker 02 No.
15:26 Speaker 03 Fine. Do you get your tickets though?
15:30 Speaker 02 Please, listen to Jake. Listen to me when we say we would love to have you come along and join in all the fun this autumn. For Joe Marler will see you now live tour. Anyway, thanks. Bye bye.
16:07 Speaker 05 Ugh, I hate Mondays. King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Swirl Bite? Uh, Taylor Hanson? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.
16:17 Speaker 05 Hey, let's get back to work, please. But Taylor Hanson's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites. Taylor Hanson? Nice. Try one. Mmm.
16:30 Speaker 05 King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites. There's nothing like it.
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