Nick Mohammed: Traitors BETRAYAL & Rebuilding Trust… with a CROSSBOW

It’s the showdown the nation has been crying out for! Nick Mohammed (comedian, actor, backstabber) enters the clinic to explain what was going on in his head when he turned on Joe on the finale of The Celebrity Traitors. What does it say about Nick’s trust issues? And what can a retired rugby player dressed up as a doctor do to help him overcome them? Spoiler… it involves medieval weaponry. Joe Marler Will See You Now – your appointment awaits. First episode drops Thursday 20th November. Follow us on Instagram & TikTok: @willseeyoushowshow #joemarler #nickmohammed #joemarlerwillseeyounow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:31Speaker 01

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• 0:59Speaker 02

  Ugh, I hate Mondays. King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Swirl Bite? Uh, Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.

• 1:09Speaker 03

  Hey, let's get back to work, please.

• 1:10Speaker 02

  But Taylor Hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites.

• 1:15Speaker 03

  Taylor Hansen? Nice.

• 1:17Speaker 02

  Try one.

• 1:18Speaker 03

  Mmm.

• 1:22Speaker 04

  King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites. There's nothing like it.

• 1:29Speaker 04

  Which of these treacherous people do you relate the most to? Judas? Mm-hmm. Brutus? Or Janine from EastEnders? I am being played like a flute.

• 1:39Speaker 05

  Why did you punish my daddy? He's a bad person.

• 1:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:51Speaker 04

  I'm now going to shoot this paper cut Mm-hmm. off of the top of your head. Using Using a a crossbow. Oh my god. Nick, do you trust me?

• 2:08Speaker 04

  Hello, you've found your way to my office. Welcome. This is Joe Marler, We'll See You Now, with me, Dr. Joe Marler. I ask questions, people get a little bit uncomfortable, and maybe, just maybe, I make a difference. With me on this journey is my faithful assistant, Jake. Jake!

• 2:27Speaker 06

  Joe.

• 2:28Speaker 04

  Please say hello first.

• 2:29Speaker 06

  Joe, hello, and thank you for having me. I am delighted to be in what is quite an incredible doctor's office you've managed to whip up. I mean, let's not, like, be under any other illusions. You are not a qualified doctor.

• 2:41Speaker 04

  As if you've led with that.

• 2:43Speaker 06

  Well, you're not a qualified doctor.

• 2:44Speaker 04

  Well, not yet.

• 2:45Speaker 06

  Not yet. I mean, you're getting there. You're qualified in the sense that you were sort of like quite good on The Traitors, and so therefore can sort of read people, which sort of makes you...

• 2:53Speaker 04

  I've watched loads of Netflix.

• 2:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, great, exactly.

• 2:58Speaker 04

  Dharma. Completed it.

• 3:01Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 3:02Speaker 04

  Do you know what I mean? You name the psycho show.

• 3:07Speaker 06

  Making a Murderer.

• 3:09Speaker 04

  Done.

• 3:10Speaker 06

  Um, Tiger King.

• 3:12Speaker 04

  Done.

• 3:13Speaker 06

  In another life, I could see you being Tiger King. I don't know why, there's...

• 3:18Speaker 04

  Exotic Joe?

• 3:19Speaker 06

  It's hard, yeah, Exotic Joe. He sounds like an actor at Benidorm. Just you pulling out rugby balls from different orifices. It's Exotic Joe.

• 3:30Speaker 04

  I'm trying my hardest to set this new...

• 3:34Speaker 06

  Sorry.

• 3:35Speaker 04

  Professional persona...

• 3:37Speaker 06

  Sorry.

• 3:38Speaker 04

  And within a matter of seconds... Poof!

• 3:42Speaker 06

  Right, Joe, come on then. People want to know, what is this show? What are we doing here?

• 3:46Speaker 04

  What is this show? This show is Pseudo-Psychologist Joe. Pseudo meaning fake.

• 3:54Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 3:55Speaker 04

  Joe meaning me.

• 3:56Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 3:57Speaker 04

  Putting it on celebrities. None of this usual, um, how are you? Where did you grow up? What did you do? You know, that sort of thing. Let's put some different questions to them, see if we can get some different answers.

• 4:11Speaker 06

  In terms of the sort of, the history of underqualified doctors that have made it big. Dr. Dre?

• 4:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:17Speaker 06

  Dr. Pepper?

• 4:18Speaker 04

  Good.

• 4:19Speaker 06

  Dr. Ertke?

• 4:21Speaker 06

  German bloke makes pizzas. Of the lot of them, I think you can genuinely be a force for good.

• 4:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:27Speaker 06

  I really do believe that.

• 4:28Speaker 04

  And you're the best assistant since Dobby.

• 4:38Speaker 06

  Wow, thank you.

• 4:44Speaker 06

  I am very excited about what we've managed to pull off here with our first guest.

• 4:48Speaker 04

  First guest.

• 4:49Speaker 06

  How has this happened?

• 4:50Speaker 04

  We've started big, haven't we?

• 4:51Speaker 06

  It is comedian, actor, fellow faithful, frenemy, Nick Mohammed.

• 4:58Speaker 04

  Huge.

• 4:58Speaker 06

  He is currently waiting in the, uh, in the waiting room, which definitely exists. Um, this is the showdown that everyone's been waiting for.

• 5:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's the showdown I've been waiting for.

• 5:08Speaker 06

  What I can't get my head around is that you, Joe Marler, were less trustworthy than Alan Carr, who basically every episode just said, "I'm a traitor." Oh, whoops. I mean, essentially, in, in not so many words. He couldn't, he couldn't say "I'm a faithful" with a straight face. He forgot he had a shield. Yet you, in Nick's eyes, was less trustworthy. Why, why do you think that is?

• 5:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, I need to get to the bottom of that. It has been bugging me a lot because he was my handy P. And I haven't quite gotten to the reason why at the last minute. We had a plan in place. It was going so well. And I thought, this is it.

• 5:46Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 5:46Speaker 04

  We're gonna nail this. You know, ultimately, it might be because at times I would say to him, look, I just, maybe I got a bit creepy.

• 5:55Speaker 06

  You think he came on a bit too strong?

• 5:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, a bit too strong.

• 5:58Speaker 06

  I want, I want it to be me and you, like Jack and Rose at the end of the Titanic. Okay, that round table is gonna be our door floating on the icy Atlantic. It's me and you.

• 6:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:07Speaker 06

  I think I might get rid of him. It's a bit much.

• 6:09Speaker 04

  It was, maybe I'm...

• 6:10Speaker 06

  David, do you wanna get rid of him? David's got no fucking idea what's going on. David still doesn't know who the traitors are.

• 6:16Speaker 06

  David thinks it's Linda from series two.

• 6:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're right, Jake. I, I need to get to the bottom of this. And I don't think there's any better way to do that than, you know, maybe putting it on him a little bit.

• 6:32Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 6:34Speaker 04

  Janet. Yeah, we're ready for him now. Okay, goodbye.

• 6:45Speaker 07

  Hello gorgeous.

• 6:48Speaker 04

  Can I just, yeah, I don't usually start but I think I have to.

• 6:52Speaker 07

  Thank you.

• 6:52Speaker 04

  Janet Smith's love as well.

• 6:53Speaker 07

  Oh, thank you. Yeah, that's great. She doesn't often do that. She's quite a grub.

• 6:58Speaker 04

  I've had a lot of work done.

• 7:03Speaker 07

  It's just grubby.

• 7:05Speaker 04

  I've got a grubby.

• 7:06Speaker 07

  You've got a grubby nose.

• 7:07Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 7:08Speaker 07

  Doc's in Jay Marler.

• 7:09Speaker 04

  Welcome to my office, my practice, my...

• 7:13Speaker 07

  I just seen that. That's good.

• 7:15Speaker 04

  Great. How are you feeling?

• 7:17Speaker 07

  I'm feeling all right actually. How are you feeling?

• 7:20Speaker 04

  Uh, it's not about me.

• 7:22Speaker 07

  We'll get on to it. We'll get on to it.

• 7:23Speaker 04

  It's about you. First thing I get every client to do is fill out a intake questionnaire.

• 7:29Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 7:31Speaker 04

  Oh, sorry, that's your file. You're not meant to see that yet.

• 7:34Speaker 07

  Okay, fine. It says Judas on.

• 7:38Speaker 04

  Apologies. Quite an aggressive start. Full name?

• 7:42Speaker 07

  Nicholas George Mohammed.

• 7:44Speaker 04

  Occupation?

• 7:45Speaker 07

  Axer, I guess.

• 7:47Speaker 04

  Star sign?

• 7:48Speaker 07

  Libra.

• 7:48Speaker 04

  Yes, you are.

• 7:49Speaker 07

  Hmm.

• 7:50Speaker 04

  Aren't you?

• 7:50Speaker 07

  I know a lot about Libras.

• 7:52Speaker 04

  Balanced. You've got a knack for keeping the peace in life, treating everyone with respect and kindness.

• 7:59Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 7:59Speaker 04

  They love helping others.

• 8:00Speaker 07

  Mm-hmm.

• 8:01Speaker 04

  And make great humanitarians, just like the symbol for their sign, the scales.

• 8:06Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 8:07Speaker 04

  They do their best to keep balanced in life and allow their gentle nature lead the way.

• 8:14Speaker 07

  That sounds about right.

• 8:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, it does. Biggest regret?

• 8:19Speaker 07

  Tool.

• 8:19Speaker 04

  I think you know that. Say again?

• 8:21Speaker 07

  I just went, "Ooh", I didn't see that coming.

• 8:26Speaker 07

  I thought you said "tool".

• 8:28Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no, no. Tool! I'm not here just to heckle you, Nick, I promise. I forgot I wasn't watching telly for a second there. I just thought, "Oh my gosh, he's gone there that quickly."

• 8:37Speaker 07

  What, uh, hang on, what was the question?

• 8:39Speaker 04

  Biggest regret.

• 8:40Speaker 07

  A biggest regret, well, I think we know.

• 8:41Speaker 04

  Do we?

• 8:42Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 8:43Speaker 04

  And what was it?

• 8:44Speaker 07

  Voting you off.

• 8:45Speaker 04

  Okay. Biggest fear?

• 8:49Speaker 07

  The response to voting you off.

• 8:53Speaker 04

  Biggest lie you've ever told?

• 8:56Speaker 07

  Oh, I regretted it. No, kidding.

• 9:00Speaker 07

  The biggest lie I've ever told? I once, I once had to, um, it's not, I just once pretended to be Scottish because I had to practise an accent, for, um, for a TV thing. So, and, and someone told me just the best way to practise accent is just to go out and socialise in that accent. And I was sort of just chatting to somebody who I didn't know, but I was just chatting in a vague, and it felt like I was really kind of hoodwinking them. And I guess that was a lie.

• 9:26Speaker 04

  Did you have a go-to line? Because I've done similar.

• 9:29Speaker 07

  There was a line, because it was like, whereabouts in Scotland are you from? And I actually said, Glentfordshire, which doesn't make any sense, but yeah.

• 9:37Speaker 04

  I would always go with, "I'll have my haggis on a silver plate."

• 9:43Speaker 07

  That's good. That's good.

• 9:45Speaker 04

  Proudest moment?

• 9:47Speaker 07

  Oh goodness me. I think when my son went on Casters Countdown, that was a pretty proud moment.

• 9:53Speaker 04

  What was he doing on Casters Countdown?

• 9:54Speaker 07

  He was playing Master Swallow to me as Mr Swallow. And he, because he's got an incredible memory, like a proper incredible memory, and he, and he wanted to go on because he'd seen me do the card memory. And so he, yeah, he, he went on and memorized all these like flashcards in a random order. And recounted them in reverse. He was only like six and a half at the time. And to the point where I kind of broke out, I was meant to be in character, but I just couldn't but be a proud dad. That was, yeah.

• 10:22Speaker 04

  In that moment?

• 10:22Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 10:23Speaker 04

  Coolest fact you know?

• 10:25Speaker 07

  The Tyrannosaurus Rex is closer in age, or in terms of number of years to the iPad than it is to the Stegosaurus. Because the Stegosaurus was extinct before the Tyrannosaurus Rex was around. Isn't that amazing?

• 10:40Speaker 04

  Which of these treacherous people do you relate the most to? Judas? Brutus? Or Janine from EastEnders?

• 10:48Speaker 07

  Oh, I'd love it for it to be Janine, but I think Judas, I think go with the original, who's the goat?

• 10:57Speaker 04

  Do you consent to being analysed by someone who is not a real doctor? That says I am a real doctor. I'm not, in case you didn't know that.

• 11:05Speaker 07

  I'm more than happy to be analysed by you.

• 11:07Speaker 04

  Okay, do you mind just signing that then?

• 11:09Speaker 07

  Physical examination, or mental examination?

• 11:13Speaker 07

  Okay, do you want my... okay, yeah.

• 11:15Speaker 04

  Your actual signature?

• 11:16Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 11:17Speaker 04

  Well, it would go a long way to building trust back up.

• 11:22Speaker 04

  Before we get started, I'd like to introduce you to the man slash assistant that has just been sat in the corner of my office the entire time so far.

• 11:31Speaker 06

  Nick, pleasure to meet you.

• 11:32Speaker 07

  Pleasure to meet you too.

• 11:33Speaker 06

  If you need anything Googling, I can do that.

• 11:36Speaker 07

  Great, so fact check.

• 11:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, I can fact check.

• 11:38Speaker 07

  Do you want to fact check the iPad and the Tyrannosaurus Rex fact?

• 11:41Speaker 06

  I did, and it's absolutely spot on. Eighty-three million years apart.

• 11:44Speaker 07

  Yeah, isn't that mad?

• 11:45Speaker 06

  It's incredible.

• 11:46Speaker 04

  Favourite dinosaur?

• 11:50Speaker 07

  Raptor, I think. Velociraptor? But I mean, it's so skewed because of Jurassic Parks. It's either gonna be T-Rex, Velociraptor, or what's the one with...

• 11:59Speaker 06

  Bronchitis.

• 12:00Speaker 07

  Not Bronchitis. No, with frilly things, not Dilophosaurus maybe?

• 12:05Speaker 04

  Oh, the one that goes...

• 12:06Speaker 07

  Yeah, Jake, that's one for you. No, Diplo...

• 12:08Speaker 06

  No, not that one, sorry, that's the one that's not, yeah.

• 12:11Speaker 07

  A long-necked one.

• 12:11Speaker 04

  Diplo docuses were renowned for being quite thick. Hence the term, "He's a bit dippy."

• 12:17Speaker 07

  Oh, really?

• 12:18Speaker 06

  Oh, wow.

• 12:18Speaker 07

  Is that where that comes from?

• 12:19Speaker 04

  Don't know.

• 12:19Speaker 07

  No, that's me.

• 12:20Speaker 06

  That will happen a lot, by the way.

• 12:21Speaker 07

  Fact check that one, Jake.

• 12:22Speaker 06

  That will happen. I don't think I need to fact that one, show that one.

• 12:24Speaker 07

  They were big.

• 12:26Speaker 06

  Cleopatra lived closer to World War II than she did to the building of the pyramids.

• 12:33Speaker 07

  What?

• 12:33Speaker 06

  You can have that one.

• 12:34Speaker 07

  That's a good one.

• 12:36Speaker 04

  Shall we just do the entire session of

• 12:38Speaker 07

  Just lots of these.

• 12:39Speaker 06

  Facts of things that lived closer to this. Yeah, I mean, it's a good format, we could explore it.

• 12:42Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 12:43Speaker 04

  Okay, that'll be season two. Well, thank you for that, Nick. From my perspective,

• 12:47Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 12:48Speaker 04

  I think there's an area we can work on. It's about rebuilding your relationship with trust. That's what I've...

• 12:57Speaker 07

  Surmised.

• 12:58Speaker 04

  Mm hmm.

• 12:59Speaker 07

  Mm hmm. From this.

• 13:01Speaker 04

  The questionnaire.

• 13:02Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 13:03Speaker 04

  But what do you think?

• 13:05Speaker 07

  I think the thing is, I, I am, I do trust people very quickly. And then I do then have doubts.

• 13:16Speaker 07

  Which I think you know all too well.

• 13:19Speaker 04

  On a scale of one to 10.

• 13:20Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 13:21Speaker 04

  Right now.

• 13:22Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 13:22Speaker 04

  How much do you trust me?

• 13:25Speaker 07

  Eight.

• 13:26Speaker 04

  A little bit more. Oh, just context on eight. Why have I been docked two?

• 13:32Speaker 07

  Well, just because we're still quite early into the process a little bit.

• 13:37Speaker 04

  That's a good point.

• 13:37Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 13:38Speaker 04

  Maybe at the end it'll be 10.

• 13:41Speaker 04

  I hope so.

• 13:42Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 13:44Speaker 01

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• 14:13Speaker 02

  Ugh, I hate Mondays. King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite? Uh, Taylor Hanson? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.

• 14:22Speaker 03

  Hey, let's get back to work, please.

• 14:24Speaker 02

  But Taylor Hanson's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites.

• 14:28Speaker 03

  Taylor Hanson? Nice. Try one. Mmm.

• 14:35Speaker 02

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. There's nothing like it.

• 14:47Speaker 04

  All right, let's get into it. What, uh, the bloody hell?

• 14:51Speaker 07

  Mmm.

• 14:52Speaker 04

  Was going on in your head?

• 14:54Speaker 07

  Mmm.

• 14:55Speaker 04

  In that moment where you changed your mind on me?

• 14:59Speaker 07

  Right, there are a few things.

• 15:01Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 15:02Speaker 07

  What you have to understand, as you know, it's an absolute pressure cooker. And so your mind is slightly skew if anyway.

• 15:08Speaker 04

  For some.

• 15:09Speaker 07

  So the big prefix to this is I was completely wrong, as we all know, as the nation knows. Because I knew obviously Jonathan was a traitor at that point. I was like, oh, hang on. Have you and Jonathan engineered this spat between the two of you?

• 15:24Speaker 04

  Ah. Is that how it came across?

• 15:26Speaker 07

  No, it didn't. Not, no, you know what I mean? You two having a pop at each other.

• 15:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:31Speaker 07

  And, you know, you were quite instrumental in him going.

• 15:33Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 15:34Speaker 07

  And I thought, but I sort of thought, well, yeah, but I sort of thought, well, maybe that's because you two have almost agreed. He knew he was slightly in the firing line. He was like, why didn't you come for me stronger?

• 15:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:44Speaker 07

  And it'll take heat off you.

• 15:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:46Speaker 07

  Um, and so I, and I didn't think that at the time when it happened, but then a few days after, a week after, I was like, oh, hang on, that, that would be quite good.

• 15:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:55Speaker 07

  And then everything becomes confirmation bias. Of course, a nail in the coffin was when you apologized to Kat, who I was so convinced was a traitor.

• 16:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:02Speaker 07

  And was right, but I obviously misread your apology as like, oh, I've got it, I've got it. Which was why I didn't then, I think, get Alan out because at that point.

• 16:11Speaker 04

  You were like, it's Kat.

• 16:12Speaker 07

  It's Kat, Joe and Jonathan. And it wouldn't be four because it's nineteen of us. It wouldn't be four, it's too many.

• 16:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:18Speaker 07

  And statistically, we hadn't got anybody out, so it made sense that it's three. And you made, you did make eyes, you did that. You did.

• 16:25Speaker 04

  You kept going.

• 16:26Speaker 07

  You kept on doing it to both Alan, both Alan. I was like, this is, I am being played like a flute.

• 16:33Speaker 04

  And I. I'm sorry, I'm just now picturing myself playing you.

• 16:38Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 16:39Speaker 04

  Like a flute.

• 16:40Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 16:41Speaker 04

  And how I would go about doing that.

• 16:42Speaker 07

  Well, I'd have to have very good core strength, which I did.

• 16:48Speaker 07

  To stay horizontal for that long.

• 16:50Speaker 04

  Yes, and I would have to work on my arms, of course.

• 16:52Speaker 07

  Which end, which?

• 16:53Speaker 04

  I'm just trying to work out what end I would play. Would I play your feet and get them to, you know, like how you whistle between a small gap?

• 16:59Speaker 07

  Two pieces of grass, yes.

• 17:00Speaker 04

  Like that?

• 17:01Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:01Speaker 04

  Would I get like a?

• 17:02Speaker 07

  Get a nicer?

• 17:03Speaker 04

  Yeah. Or would I just go with the mouth?

• 17:05Speaker 07

  And what, push farts out?

• 17:08Speaker 04

  No, I would hope that you control that.

• 17:10Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 17:10Speaker 04

  Um, there's other people that we know.

• 17:13Speaker 07

  Is she coming on?

• 17:16Speaker 07

  She's back in there with Janet.

• 17:19Speaker 04

  You're working, you're working with her at the moment?

• 17:21Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 17:21Speaker 04

  What is, is that?

• 17:22Speaker 07

  I'm filming this new HBO drama called War, which is about two legal firms.

• 17:26Speaker 06

  Is she farting on this show as well that you're doing?

• 17:29Speaker 07

  No, I haven't heard one. Um, I mean, there might be some silent, but I don't know. But like, no, no, bless, oh god, I adore it.

• 17:36Speaker 06

  Was that a one-off, that, what we saw?

• 17:38Speaker 07

  I wouldn't say a one-off.

• 17:41Speaker 06

  What was the real set of play, part-wise?

• 17:43Speaker 07

  We were all laying off wind. Let's not lie. We were being fed to the night. There was a lot of- So much chicken and-

• 17:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, there was a lot of wind, Jake, and, uh, even if it was me or Nick or Jonathan or someone else, uh, because Celia had, uh, committed the first crime in the cabin, it was just constant, "Oh, Celia again." Do you know, she, she actually did fart on the chessboard.

• 18:08Speaker 07

  Did she?

• 18:08Speaker 04

  She did. She went, "Oh, you're downwind, darling, get over it."

• 18:11Speaker 07

  And I was like- Just the honesty, the absolute honesty.

• 18:14Speaker 04

  She was incredible, wasn't she?

• 18:16Speaker 07

  Brilliant. Did you love it?

• 18:18Speaker 04

  Oh, it was so good.

• 18:18Speaker 07

  I loved it.

• 18:19Speaker 06

  Joe, we've actually had a, uh, a message come in on this topic from a Pixie aged four from Brighton. Uh, it should be on your work phone. Do you want to just check? Not that one. The one that works.

• 18:32Speaker 07

  Oh, the real work phone?

• 18:33Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 18:35Speaker 05

  Why did you punish my daddy? He's a bad person.

• 18:45Speaker 07

  Right, is that your kid? That is actually my daughter Pixie, yeah.

• 18:49Speaker 04

  That's so sweet.

• 18:50Speaker 07

  Just one more time.

• 18:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:51Speaker 07

  Why did you punish-

• 18:54Speaker 05

  Why did you punish my daddy? He's a bad person.

• 19:01Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 19:10Speaker 04

  Right, that was trust on The Traitors.

• 19:13Speaker 07

  Got it.

• 19:14Speaker 04

  Now, this is trust in your identity.

• 19:16Speaker 07

  Right.

• 19:17Speaker 04

  Who is Nick Mohammed?

• 19:18Speaker 07

  Mmm.

• 19:19Speaker 04

  Okay, you're actor?

• 19:21Speaker 07

  Mm-hmm.

• 19:21Speaker 04

  Comedian, magician, backstabber?

• 19:26Speaker 04

  How did you go from an expert in seismology, science?

• 19:31Speaker 07

  Expert, sir, tall order, but yeah.

• 19:33Speaker 04

  You're an expert, because I think seismology is working out the size of things.

• 19:38Speaker 07

  Sort of is, size of earthquakes, but yeah.

• 19:40Speaker 04

  Oh, is it?

• 19:41Speaker 07

  Sort of, yeah.

• 19:42Speaker 04

  So I wasn't that wrong. But anyway, how'd you go from seismology to comedy?

• 19:48Speaker 07

  I was doing, yeah, I was doing this PhD in seismology, but I just didn't understand it. I mean, I was flummoxed by it. And I guess I would have stuck it out, but then I had just got into comedy and made some great friends and I and I got an opportunity to go up to the Edinburgh Festival. And that meant I had to take some time off from my PhD, so I had to get permission to do that. They sort of just about granted it. Went up and was like, this is so much more me. I felt like I found my tribe, basically.

• 20:16Speaker 04

  Is that when you developed Mr. Swallow?

• 20:18Speaker 07

  Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it was an impression of a schoolteacher I had from when I was like 15, but...

• 20:22Speaker 04

  Was it actually someone?

• 20:23Speaker 07

  It was a real person, yeah, yeah.

• 20:25Speaker 04

  Was he called Mr. Swallow?

• 20:26Speaker 07

  She was called something else, but I've never revealed her name, but... Well, that's why it's my account, because I'm sort of being her, but it's not...

• 20:32Speaker 04

  Does she know it's her?

• 20:34Speaker 07

  I don't think she ever knew, she's passed away now, but like, I don't think she ever knew.

• 20:38Speaker 07

  Nommage. But that's when I first started performing it as a character, rather than just doing it in the playground at school.

• 20:44Speaker 04

  Does playing that character in your comedy, like we're speaking about, as a defence mechanism?

• 20:49Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 20:49Speaker 04

  For when it goes tits up?

• 20:51Speaker 07

  Completely.

• 20:52Speaker 04

  So you could go, well, actually, it's not me that wasn't funny, it was Mr. Swallow.

• 20:56Speaker 07

  To a degree, but it also, it makes, I mean, I'm touching wood when I say this, but even touring now, people don't tend to heckle me because the heckling account, it's fiction, it's fiction. They can't really heckle a fictional thing. So if someone does, I can just play, well, what? I can just be completely flum, you know, I can sort of react sort of how, I mean, not that I'd ever really be rude, even in characters and swallow, but like, it does give me licence to kind of say things or behave in a way that I would never behave, and I can sort of blame the character. Not that I've ever really had to take it that far, but it is definitely, you know, it's something to hide behind.

• 21:36Speaker 04

  Some would say you're in a purple patch.

• 21:38Speaker 07

  What does that mean?

• 21:40Speaker 04

  I think it means you've moved into an area of time in your career.

• 21:46Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 21:47Speaker 04

  That is covered in purple. And purple is a colour.

• 21:50Speaker 07

  Royal.

• 21:51Speaker 04

  That signifies.

• 21:53Speaker 07

  Is it a good thing?

• 21:54Speaker 04

  Success.

• 21:55Speaker 07

  Oh.

• 21:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's better than a brown patch.

• 21:58Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah.

• 21:58Speaker 04

  Like.

• 22:00Speaker 07

  Celia.

• 22:04Speaker 04

  We can't say.

• 22:04Speaker 06

  I was gonna use me.

• 22:05Speaker 04

  But you use Celia.

• 22:06Speaker 07

  Brown patch.

• 22:07Speaker 04

  Like my skids. Yeah, if you were in a bad point in your career, we'd go, you're in your skid patch. But you're not, you're in your purple patch, isn't that right, Jake?

• 22:17Speaker 06

  Yeah, purple patch, it's a period of exceptional success, good luck and performance.

• 22:21Speaker 07

  I mean, just this whole business's luck, right?

• 22:24Speaker 04

  Is it? So Ted Lasso, Slow Horses.

• 22:27Speaker 07

  Ted Lasso, a casting was like, you know, I could easily have not got it. Slow Horses was also a casting.

• 22:33Speaker 04

  But you did get them.

• 22:35Speaker 07

  I did.

• 22:35Speaker 04

  You could have easily not got them, but you did get them.

• 22:37Speaker 07

  Yeah, but I think that when you are chosen to do, and like, don't get me wrong, I'm not sort of like, um, suggesting that that was, I'm not trying to be deliberately, um.

• 22:44Speaker 04

  Self-defecating.

• 22:45Speaker 07

  Self-defecating, to go with your skid analogy. But, um, because I know like, from having a small amount of experience casting stuff that I've written, that actually someone could be really, really good and right for a part, but actually that, they wouldn't work well with that other actor who you've already cast. Or actually, we've got someone who is tall and looks like them actually, we want someone who looks sort of physically different, you know? There are lots of other reasons why you might get a casting that are actually out of your control. And of course, you have to do a good enough job to kind of be considered for the role.

• 23:14Speaker 06

  Would you want to act, Joe?

• 23:16Speaker 04

  Do I want to act?

• 23:17Speaker 07

  You could act.

• 23:19Speaker 04

  Why'd your voice go a little bit, mm?

• 23:20Speaker 07

  No.

• 23:20Speaker 06

  I think you'd be very good.

• 23:21Speaker 07

  You'd be great.

• 23:22Speaker 04

  What's this? Is this the setup, is it?

• 23:24Speaker 07

  No, it's not, it's just not, just chat. Have you had any offers through for acting work?

• 23:29Speaker 04

  Of acting?

• 23:29Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 23:30Speaker 04

  No.

• 23:31Speaker 07

  Oh, okay. That's, you might do.

• 23:33Speaker 04

  But all I wanted to do when I was growing up was be an actor.

• 23:36Speaker 07

  Really?

• 23:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, and then. Didn't really pursue that. The only thing I pursued was Ronnie, the bus driver in Art Day Out. Uh, where I had a solo, sang Mustang Sally.

• 23:47Speaker 07

  That's nice.

• 23:48Speaker 04

  Uh, it was pretty good, actually. Always loved drama. Always loved the sort of attention and narcissism.

• 23:54Speaker 07

  That's the thing, isn't it?

• 23:55Speaker 04

  Yeah. And then got into rugby and then used rugby as a bit of a

• 23:59Speaker 07

  Hmm.

• 24:00Speaker 04

  A stage.

• 24:00Speaker 07

  Well, I, there's performance element to rugby, right? You know, the sort of the standoffish sort of thing and

• 24:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, the like pantomime villain.

• 24:07Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 24:07Speaker 04

  That's what I did.

• 24:08Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 24:09Speaker 04

  And I often use that as an excuse for being a terrible person.

• 24:12Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 24:13Speaker 04

  That it's just me acting.

• 24:14Speaker 07

  Got it.

• 24:14Speaker 04

  Like a terrible person.

• 24:15Speaker 07

  Got it.

• 24:19Speaker 04

  What about magic?

• 24:20Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 24:21Speaker 04

  Like, how, how long did you do magic for?

• 24:23Speaker 07

  Since I was like five years old. But magic is so classic, I'm sure, bit nerdy, survival, this is defence mechanism. And pretty much seventy percent of magicians, particularly who, who would have been seen Paul Daniels' magic show and like who, who kind of grew up in the eighties and nineties, will have this same story of like, I was a nerdy kid at school and this was the way to either get attention or to, to not be bullied.

• 24:48Speaker 04

  So do you get sick of people just constantly asking you to do magic tricks?

• 24:51Speaker 07

  No, because I don't really do it so much. Because obviously I used to do it professionally then for ages.

• 24:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:55Speaker 07

  Before I became an acting comedian, I would work as a magician and like paid my way through university a lot, doing magic gigs, events and stuff. But now I don't. I mean, I occasionally do magic through Mr. Swallow occasionally, but it's, comedy has taken over. And I obviously don't gig as a magician anymore because that sort of has become weird.

• 25:11Speaker 04

  You can do magic on the spot at Will, can you?

• 25:14Speaker 07

  Do you want to do a show trick?

• 25:15Speaker 04

  Yes, please.

• 25:16Speaker 07

  I have got my cards on me because I thought it might come up. Do you want to see something?

• 25:19Speaker 04

  Please, yeah. Are you up for it?

• 25:21Speaker 07

  I'm well up for it.

• 25:22Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 25:22Speaker 07

  Only because I don't get to perform much, uh, magic stuff.

• 25:24Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 25:24Speaker 07

  Right. Do you wanna, do you wanna do something that is, um, uh, in, within this world of kind of giving away reactions and trust and things like that?

• 25:34Speaker 04

  That seems quite apt.

• 25:35Speaker 07

  That feels apt, right?

• 25:36Speaker 04

  Yes. Shall I close my card?

• 25:37Speaker 07

  You can if you want. And I, I might use it to lean on, actually.

• 25:40Speaker 04

  You want to use this file to lean on?

• 25:42Speaker 07

  Nick, Nick Judas Mohammed. It's in quotes though, at least. Awesome. So, um, here's what I want you to do. I'm going to demonstrate in a second. I'm going to get you to just take off an amount of cards, look at whatever card you cut to and then, and then just, and then mix them and then just keep, keep, keep hold of them like that in your hand, okay? So remember whatever card you cut to. Um, and, and you can do a good chunk of cards. I'm going to turn away so you don't think that I'm looking. Um.

• 26:06Speaker 07

  You looked at what?

• 26:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:07Speaker 07

  Yeah, and now shuffle those cards so you don't think I can get any, and keep them in your hand. And let me know once you're shuffling them and I'll turn around.

• 26:12Speaker 04

  I'm shuffling them and I've finished.

• 26:15Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah, okay, right, hold on to those, so, I'm gonna, the only thing I know at this point is that your card's in there, right? The card that you looked at's in there. Give him another mix. Well, unless you're taking it out and done something weird.

• 26:26Speaker 04

  Well.

• 26:27Speaker 07

  All right, okay, give him another shuffle so that you don't even know where that card might be in there. And here's what we're gonna do, oh, Joe.

• 26:37Speaker 04

  Does it still work?

• 26:38Speaker 07

  Well, we'll see. Right.

• 26:41Speaker 04

  It's all part of the act.

• 26:43Speaker 07

  You're happy that you don't know where your card is in there, because that's very important.

• 26:45Speaker 04

  I have no idea where my card is in here.

• 26:47Speaker 07

  So this is what I want you to do. I want you to, one at a time, deal them face up, one on top of the other in a second, okay? Now, and I want you to look at the cards as you're doing it. At some point, your card will appear, now it could be at the start, it could be the middle, it could be the end, because it depends how you shuffle them, okay? Do not obviously give anything away, don't start, I want you to deal all the way through to the end. I'm gonna try and see if I can tell, because you will probably give something small away even though you're not aware of it.

• 27:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:13Speaker 07

  Because you can't not, because you know that that's your card, right?

• 27:16Speaker 04

  Well, that's if I remember it.

• 27:18Speaker 07

  Oh god, Joe, this isn't gonna work. Right, here we go, go for it, okay, here we go, have you got it? Yeah, not too fast.

• 27:22Speaker 04

  This is good speed?

• 27:28Speaker 04

  Do I keep going?

• 27:32Speaker 04

  I'm not sure it's come out yet.

• 27:33Speaker 07

  Oh, Joe.

• 27:35Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 27:35Speaker 07

  Fine.

• 27:37Speaker 04

  That's it, okay, we're getting there.

• 27:40Speaker 04

  Done, voila.

• 27:42Speaker 07

  Okay, you are obviously very good at that. Hang on, I think.

• 27:46Speaker 04

  He's good at what? Turning your card over?

• 27:48Speaker 07

  Well, no, no, no, but just not giving anything away. I think.

• 27:51Speaker 04

  I gave you my heart.

• 27:53Speaker 07

  I know you did, sorry about that. I have to keep apologising. Right, I think, what's the tiniest, I think the tiniest little flicker.

• 28:02Speaker 04

  That's my card, is it?

• 28:03Speaker 07

  I think that's the one. What do you, what, you can say what you chose before and then you can turn it over.

• 28:07Speaker 04

  My card, I think, was the five of diamonds.

• 28:15Speaker 07

  Mm-hmm, okay.

• 28:18Speaker 07

  Oh god, okay, there you go.

• 28:21Speaker 04

  What's that about then?

• 28:23Speaker 07

  Isn't that good?

• 28:24Speaker 04

  Are you like in on this? Jake?

• 28:26Speaker 06

  Uh, nothing, that is, that is blunt.

• 28:28Speaker 04

  Is there some sort of...

• 28:29Speaker 07

  There's Janet.

• 28:31Speaker 04

  Have you got Janet on speed dial in your ear?

• 28:33Speaker 07

  I've got Janet in here.

• 28:35Speaker 04

  It's good, isn't it?

• 28:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, but we've spoken about my trust issues.

• 28:41Speaker 06

  Oh, this is backfired.

• 28:42Speaker 07

  Oh no.

• 28:44Speaker 04

  What's that about?

• 28:44Speaker 06

  It's a trick, Joe, don't worry.

• 28:51Speaker 04

  Nick, we've covered some very interesting topics today, so thank you for being so open and willing. Uh, before we finish, I do have one final exercise to really test

• 29:06Speaker 04

  how much we've built on your trust.

• 29:08Speaker 07

  Right, okay.

• 29:08Speaker 04

  It's quite a classic trust exercise.

• 29:11Speaker 07

  Is it falling back into your arms?

• 29:14Speaker 04

  No, it's not that one.

• 29:15Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 29:15Speaker 04

  Um, Nick?

• 29:17Speaker 07

  Yeah?

• 29:17Speaker 04

  I'm now going to shoot this paper cut off of the top of your head, using...

• 29:24Speaker 07

  Using a...

• 29:26Speaker 04

  Uh... A crossbow.

• 29:29Speaker 07

  Oh my god. Um, well, let me see about, where's the, where's the arrow? How big's the arrow?

• 29:37Speaker 04

  It's called a bolt.

• 29:38Speaker 07

  Is it?

• 29:38Speaker 04

  It's not called an arrow.

• 29:39Speaker 07

  Oh god.

• 29:40Speaker 04

  It's called a bolt. I have my bolts here, don't worry.

• 29:42Speaker 07

  Are you good at it?

• 29:43Speaker 04

  Am I good at crossbow?

• 29:44Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 29:46Speaker 04

  I was the East Sussex Champion, under fourteen, crossbow and skiing.

• 29:54Speaker 07

  You're skiing and crossbow at the same time?

• 29:56Speaker 06

  Yeah, Giant's full.

• 29:59Speaker 07

  Right, yes, I am happy.

• 30:00Speaker 04

  Are you happy for me to do that? Okay, well, what I need you to do is firstly put these safety goggles on.

• 30:08Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 30:09Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 30:09Speaker 07

  Is that all I get, safety wise?

• 30:12Speaker 04

  You don't need anything else, Nick.

• 30:14Speaker 07

  Oh, wow, they're blackout goggles.

• 30:16Speaker 04

  Yes, they are. So I'm now going to just, I need to get up from my chair.

• 30:20Speaker 07

  Hang on, do I need to put the thing on my head?

• 30:22Speaker 04

  No, that's what I'm gonna do, top my head, trust me.

• 30:24Speaker 07

  That's fine. Oh, my god.

• 30:26Speaker 04

  Sorry, that was me just getting the bolts out, Janet. Right, I'm leaning over now.

• 30:30Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 30:30Speaker 04

  I'm gonna place a cup on your head, Nick.

• 30:34Speaker 07

  Okay, so I keep very still, is that on, yeah?

• 30:35Speaker 04

  Nick, is that safe and secure?

• 30:37Speaker 07

  It is.

• 30:38Speaker 06

  For the audio listener, Nick Mohammed is currently sat with blackout goggles and a cup on his head.

• 30:43Speaker 04

  I'm just loading the...

• 30:45Speaker 07

  Weirdly, I've got my eyes closed as well.

• 30:47Speaker 04

  Just loading.

• 30:48Speaker 07

  For extra security.

• 30:50Speaker 04

  I've got one final question before we do this.

• 30:54Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 30:55Speaker 04

  Nick.

• 30:55Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 30:56Speaker 04

  Do you trust me?

• 31:03Speaker 07

  I do now, yeah. Oh, my god. That was a lot louder than I thought. Oh, my god.

• 31:10Speaker 04

  Please remove your safety goggles.

• 31:13Speaker 07

  Oh, I think I broke them.

• 31:14Speaker 04

  It's one way to remove them.

• 31:16Speaker 07

  What's this?

• 31:19Speaker 04

  Mate, I was never gonna shoot you with a crossbow, do you know what I mean?

• 31:23Speaker 07

  Like the My Little Pony, what is it?

• 31:26Speaker 07

  That was loud.

• 31:27Speaker 04

  That was loud and quite scary.

• 31:29Speaker 07

  Yeah, I could feel, I could feel it.

• 31:30Speaker 04

  Did you feel a little bit?

• 31:32Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 31:32Speaker 04

  Was it part of you that goes, I wish I never turned up today?

• 31:35Speaker 07

  No, no, no, I was always gonna turn up.

• 31:36Speaker 04

  Okay. Nick, I am proud of you. Well done for Nick.

• 31:40Speaker 07

  Thank you.

• 31:41Speaker 04

  We've refilled the truck. We have, we have a trusting handshake now. Oh, it's a double whammy.

• 31:46Speaker 07

  A double whammy.

• 31:47Speaker 04

  A squeeze. A squeeze.

• 31:48Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 31:49Speaker 04

  Okay, thank you.

• 31:50Speaker 07

  That's nice.

• 31:50Speaker 04

  That was really good. Uh, now, before you go, we do have one final treat for you.

• 31:56Speaker 07

  Nice.

• 31:57Speaker 04

  And it's the same for every client, isn't it, Jake?

• 31:59Speaker 06

  Yes, absolutely. We like to make a badge, um, just to sort of like, something for you to carry with you.

• 32:05Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 32:05Speaker 06

  As you leave the session.

• 32:07Speaker 04

  Remind you, thank you, Jake.

• 32:11Speaker 07

  Oh, original Hyundai.

• 32:13Speaker 04

  You always have been.

• 32:14Speaker 07

  That is, that, now, that's nice. That's nice.

• 32:17Speaker 04

  My original Hyundai. I'll wear it, I'll wear it with pride.

• 32:22Speaker 04

  And on top of that.

• 32:23Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 32:23Speaker 04

  Don't get a lollipop.

• 32:24Speaker 07

  Get a lollipop as well.

• 32:26Speaker 04

  Look at that. What colour lollipop you got?

• 32:29Speaker 07

  I want the Coca-Cola. Is that like a Coca-Cola flavour, I think?

• 32:32Speaker 04

  Uh, it's close.

• 32:35Speaker 07

  I don't know, I'm trying to see if I can sniff it through the plaster, but it don't work.

• 32:39Speaker 04

  Nick Mohammed, thank you.

• 32:41Speaker 07

  Thank you for having me.

• 32:42Speaker 04

  What a legend.

• 32:43Speaker 07

  Shall I go and see Janet? I'll go and see Janet.

• 32:47Speaker 04

  Janet, can you, yeah, can you come and pick Nick Mohammed up, please?

• 32:51Speaker 07

  Yeah. Thanks Janet.

• 32:52Speaker 04

  Thanks, bye bye.

• 32:54Speaker 07

  Here we go.

• 32:54Speaker 04

  Thanks, mate. If you want to join the doctor's waiting list, then please subscribe to our YouTube channel and follow us on Instagram, at We'll See You Now Show. Go there now to see Nick give me a full professional review. Remember, unless it's not clear enough already, I'm not a real doctor. If you need any professional help, you'll find a link to great support services on our Instagram. I've been Joe Marler, and I will see you next time. Goodbye.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Ugh, I hate Mondays. King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Swirl Bite? Uh, Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.

• 33:32Speaker 03

  Hey, let's get back to work, please.

• 33:33Speaker 02

  But Taylor Hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites.

• 33:38Speaker 03

  Taylor Hansen? Nice.

• 33:40Speaker 02

  Try one.

• 33:41Speaker 03

  Mmm.

• 33:45Speaker 02

  King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites. There's nothing like it.