This Is What I'd Tell The Social Worker

Can you actually ever actually get wet? Joe and James explore this quandary as well as whether its okay to let your dog kiss you and why do uni halls always sinks in the bedrooms?? PLUS it's round 5 of the World 'Up! GET IN TOUCH: Whatsapp us - wa.me/447822034330 http://wa.me/447822034330 Fill in our Fact Up Form - https://forms.gle/uzF6XWPqaA5aNTtN7 Subscribe on Youtube - www.youtube.com/@JoeandJamesPod/videos http://www.youtube.com/@JoeandJamesPod/videos Follow us on Instagram - www.instagram.com/joeandjamespod http://www.instagram.com/joeandjamespod Follow us on TikTok - www.tiktok.com/@joeandjamespod http://www.tiktok.com/@joeandjamespod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  I'm Claire Buckley and this Halloween on my podcast, Pretty Scary, we are gonna cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts and aliens. Plus, the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So, as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat, right? Get the candles lit in search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.

• 0:40Speaker 01

  Do you know what I don't set them off? You don't need to when you've got a child, because they fucking get up. If I am not up by 10, it's because my child has died.

• 0:50Speaker 02

  Right.

• 0:51Speaker 01

  Alright?

• 0:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:53Speaker 01

  I'm honestly like, and then I have bigger problems. I don't, obviously. So it's like it's win-win. Because it's like, well, either I wake up anyway.

• 1:01Speaker 02

  I've said it to you a couple of times though.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  And if I'm tired, I'm like tired, child's still alive.

• 1:05Speaker 02

  When's she going down? When are you putting her to bed?

• 1:08Speaker 01

  Um. It varies.

• 1:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, but sort of roughly. And I'm not.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  Okay, on a good day.

• 1:16Speaker 02

  I'm about to come at you from a different position, which I think you think I'm coming at.

• 1:20Speaker 01

  Yes, please.

• 1:24Speaker 02

  Where you think.

• 1:24Speaker 01

  I was so keen to do that.

• 1:25Speaker 02

  Where you think I'm gonna go, make sure your baby goes down to bed at this time.

• 1:28Speaker 01

  No, I know that. Look, let me, let me say to you, I'm a complete flake, so it does vary. But if I was, you know, explaining to the social worker, what I would say is at 6, she will be in the process of eating dinner. By 6.30, she's finished and she's then in the bath where she has fruit. And not a small quantity of fruit either, a gigantic quantity of fruit.

• 1:52Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:52Speaker 01

  Looks like a fucking harvest festival in the bath there. Honestly, it's unbelievable. It's like grapes, blueberries, just four fruits.

• 1:59Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:59Speaker 01

  Four fruits, raspberries.

• 2:00Speaker 02

  Does it go in the water?

• 2:01Speaker 01

  She calls them ribberries.

• 2:04Speaker 02

  Does it go in the water and stuff?

• 2:06Speaker 01

  It does go in the water. She fishes it back out.

• 2:08Speaker 02

  Yeah. Kids are great, aren't they?

• 2:10Speaker 01

  It's often then given to me to eat. That's normally the.

• 2:12Speaker 02

  You've got to have a bit.

• 2:13Speaker 01

  You have a bit, yeah. Which one can I have? Can I have one of the clean ones in the bowl? No, you can have the one that's been in the bath of my pooey arse.

• 2:18Speaker 02

  Does she have a bit and then go, go on, you've got to have a bit?

• 2:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, as long as it's not obviously. Yeah. As long as it's not bread. I don't mind if it's. I will eat most of her, like.

• 2:31Speaker 02

  I shared a hot dog with my friend's toddler the other day.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  It's alright.

• 2:37Speaker 02

  I just thought it'd be funny.

• 2:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:40Speaker 02

  She had like a half chewed up hot dog and I'm really squeamish about this sort of thing. Uh, but I just thought it was like, yeah, go on, I'll have a bit. I just took it out of her hands and just, she was giving it to me, it was a gift.

• 2:52Speaker 01

  I think that shows good gumption from you and there one thing I couldn't do is, speaking of dogs, I don't think, I couldn't share food, I couldn't share food.

• 3:02Speaker 02

  Was dogs brought up?

• 3:03Speaker 01

  You said hot dog.

• 3:07Speaker 01

  So, in a way, I suppose, yeah. So you have this all on you. So no, so don't.

• 3:12Speaker 02

  Cause you looked a bit confused when he said, when he said, speaking of dogs, I looked at you straight away.

• 3:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, just.

• 3:18Speaker 02

  And you were like.

• 3:21Speaker 01

  This is what happens when you use figurative language, you know, it's a metaphor, isn't it, hot dog? It's a metaphor. Um, and so I couldn't, some people like, they'll like, give their dog a lick of the ice cream and then they'll lick it. I can't do that.

• 3:33Speaker 02

  No, I can't.

• 3:34Speaker 01

  You know, have you seen, I, there are actually few things, there are a few things at which the mind boggles more than with the more of a dog, because there is so much, the big, what's that big black thing that goes all around, like, do you know what I mean?

• 3:50Speaker 02

  Their lips.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  It's more than that, it's bent over, it's not, it's not a lip, it's like, it's more than a lip.

• 3:56Speaker 02

  I've got a dog and I'm.

• 3:58Speaker 01

  I love dogs as well.

• 3:59Speaker 02

  Claire.

• 4:00Speaker 01

  Love them.

• 4:00Speaker 02

  Claire takes the piss out of me for being too close to our dog, cause I have conversations with him.

• 4:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:07Speaker 02

  I just keep talking to him like he's my mate or something, which is, which I admit is nuts. But I won't, there's been times where I've gone up to my dog and I've gone, I've gone, I've put his face near mine, I've gone, hello mate, how you doing? And the tongue.

• 4:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:23Speaker 02

  Sort of does something like that and I'm freaked the fuck out and I love my dog.

• 4:27Speaker 01

  Completely.

• 4:27Speaker 02

  Like so much, even I'm like, that's too much, mate, we've got to stop this right now.

• 4:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  Cause this is gonna go, if you can handle it, then I'll go there.

• 4:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:38Speaker 02

  But if you're not up for it, mate, don't tease me.

• 4:41Speaker 01

  Exactly, yeah, don't you.

• 4:43Speaker 02

  No, I don't.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  Don't you get in over your head.

• 4:45Speaker 02

  I can't have, um, I've got friends that they like kiss their dogs.

• 4:50Speaker 01

  No, I can't, no, no, no.

• 4:51Speaker 02

  You can see the dog's.

• 4:52Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no.

• 4:53Speaker 02

  Tongue like wobbling around.

• 4:55Speaker 01

  No, in the end, it's, um, it's, yeah, it's to not.

• 5:01Speaker 02

  Men are be really clean though, the old dog's mouth.

• 5:03Speaker 03

  They lick their own bone holes.

• 5:05Speaker 02

  My dog sucks himself off.

• 5:09Speaker 02

  He sits there on the couch, his fucking thing comes out.

• 5:12Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 5:13Speaker 02

  He sits there licking it.

• 5:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, so that's why I get, that's where I'm a bit like, right.

• 5:19Speaker 03

  You don't wanna kiss him.

• 5:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't wanna go anywhere near you, mate.

• 5:21Speaker 01

  I think that's probably fair.

• 5:22Speaker 03

  I think that's fair.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  But anyway, so, so, so, so essentially, uh, threw it in the bath, that then finishes.

• 5:31Speaker 02

  Sorry, we were talking about a nice story about your daughter.

• 5:34Speaker 01

  No, it's all I know, it's no.

• 5:35Speaker 02

  And then it went into my dog sucking himself off.

• 5:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, but of course you were talking about dogs, which is how we got on to it.

• 5:40Speaker 02

  Exactly, I, I mentioned hot dog, so it's your fault.

• 5:43Speaker 01

  That's, that's the thing, it was, you know, what.

• 5:46Speaker 02

  Where do you want me to go with this? I mean, if you mention hot dog, I'm gonna think about my.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  I have to immediately.

• 5:50Speaker 02

  I'm gonna think about my hot dog.

• 5:52Speaker 01

  Exactly, exactly.

• 5:53Speaker 02

  Sucking himself off on the couch.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  That's what I thought you meant, and so, you know, I'm not to blame. So then after that, she comes out of the bath and then we.

• 6:07Speaker 02

  I was just thinking of your toddler just sort of getting herself out of the bath.

• 6:10Speaker 01

  Well, no, she does, she does, she does whatever the fuck she wants. Um, I, Hannah is often like, she prefers you as the parent.

• 6:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:22Speaker 01

  It's just not true at all. It's the fact that I have got absolutely no standing with her whatsoever. Like, I tell her to do something, she's like, fuck that, I'm not doing that.

• 6:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  They, they, she, I.

• 6:32Speaker 02

  She prefers you.

• 6:33Speaker 01

  She gets my stuff.

• 6:34Speaker 02

  You're, you're the soft touch.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  Exactly. It's like, would you like to live in a country where the police force is like hard and enforces the law? Or do you wanna live in a country where the police force is useless and frightened of you? This is if you're a criminal.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  You go, well, I'll go the one where they're rubbish and like they can't bring themselves to, to enforce the law. I was a prefect at school. I was so shit. I was so shit. I just couldn't, I couldn't do anything. I just could, I, I couldn't be a teacher. I couldn't do any of that.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  This is why I'm glad I've had boys.

• 7:07Speaker 01

  Because you think you can like.

• 7:08Speaker 02

  I think if I had a girl.

• 7:11Speaker 01

  It's a nightmare.

• 7:11Speaker 02

  I would bring up a monster. Because I would not, there'd be nothing good enough for her.

• 7:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  I like, she would get everything she ever wanted and I would do everything that she ever told me to do. I think it's like we're lads, we're boys, like it's easy to go, fucking knock that on the head.

• 7:31Speaker 01

  The only thing I managed to tell her to not do.

• 7:33Speaker 02

  Ring yourself in a bit, mate.

• 7:35Speaker 01

  I man- I managed to tell her.

• 7:37Speaker 02

  I wouldn't be able to do that to a little girl. I just wouldn't have.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  No, they're a nightmare, yeah.

• 7:40Speaker 03

  As you shouldn't.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  No, you shouldn't. I know, you shouldn't. But I did, I did yesterday say, no, you cannot have your child, you know, they have like a baby seat or a child seat.

• 7:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  On, on top of the regular seat and our one swivels so you can get them out. And she wanted it to swivel, so she was facing the back of the car. So she was just facing like the cushion of the car.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  Where would, where's her legs going in that situation?

• 8:05Speaker 01

  Good point. I didn't even think of that.

• 8:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:07Speaker 01

  But also I literally, I literally found myself resorting to the thing that I sort of swore to myself I'd never do. Of going, oh, the policeman will pull daddy over and then daddy will get in trouble.

• 8:18Speaker 02

  Absolutely fine.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  Well, that's pathetic, isn't it? Because it makes me seem weak then, because what I should be going is if he put, I fucking have him.

• 8:23Speaker 02

  When I, when I was.

• 8:24Speaker 01

  Oh, because it makes me seem like I'm scared of the police, which I'm not, by the way. I'm not scared of the police, like blue light, I don't give a shit.

• 8:32Speaker 02

  Fuck the police.

• 8:33Speaker 01

  Fuck the police. No, it's one of those I've, I've.

• 8:36Speaker 02

  No, the man.

• 8:36Speaker 01

  I've met, sure, when I've met people with the police, they'd be nice, but I'm just saying, I'm not scared of them. I do what I want. Like I obey the law because I happen to want to do that.

• 8:48Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 8:48Speaker 01

  Do you know what I mean? It's like.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  It coincides with my.

• 8:50Speaker 01

  It coincides, like that's exactly the speed I want to drive at. Good, I want to drive at that speed. I did.

• 8:55Speaker 03

  How did we get here?

• 8:56Speaker 01

  I did, so I was talking about when my, when my daughter.

• 8:58Speaker 02

  I mentioned my, it's because I asked Joe, what time do your daughter go to bed?

• 9:02Speaker 01

  Anyway, so then she's out of the bath. Often it's a case of, um, daddy bath, mummy bed. So I, um, get her changed, we clean her teeth.

• 9:14Speaker 01

  She will scream at me for some reason because I bought her the wrong pair of pants or something or like she's she's got socks that are like, they're not jama socks.

• 9:22Speaker 02

  You brush your teeth.

• 9:23Speaker 01

  What did I say?

• 9:24Speaker 02

  Clean your teeth.

• 9:26Speaker 01

  I say clean your. Oh, this will blow your mind. Hannah Toington, I will say Hannah Toington, actually.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  Toints.

• 9:32Speaker 01

  She says, wash your teeth.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  No, someone else said, wash your teeth.

• 9:36Speaker 01

  What?

• 9:37Speaker 02

  Someone else said, wash your teeth.

• 9:37Speaker 01

  It's like a sort of error in a chat bot or something. What the fuck are you talking about?

• 9:40Speaker 02

  Right, back me up here.

• 9:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:42Speaker 02

  Someone on the set of The Inbetweeners said, wash your teeth. And we all went, wash your teeth.

• 9:47Speaker 01

  It's madness. You're honestly like, you're something's off about you.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  Sort of soap and a

• 9:54Speaker 01

  That's like, that's like in, that's like in The Great Escape where it's like, good luck. Oh, thanks, old chap. Got you.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:02Speaker 01

  Gotcha.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:03Speaker 01

  Wash your teeth. I don't know what it's proof, it's proof of something though. It's proof of something. And I think it's that there's something not right about her.

• 10:12Speaker 02

  How many of our listeners do you think have watched The Great Escape?

• 10:16Speaker 02

  It's a long film. I haven't watched it for years.

• 10:20Speaker 01

  I haven't even seen all of it, I don't think.

• 10:22Speaker 02

  It's a good film, but it's a, it's a commitment. I used to, I used to watch it before, before I met Claire and before I had kids and stuff, it used to be like a Christmas film. Is it, is it a Christmas? I feel like it's classed as a Christmas film. It used to be something I used to watch over Christmas.

• 10:37Speaker 01

  I think at Christmas, it's just like, you've got time to watch it.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  Right.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  Do you know what I mean?

• 10:41Speaker 02

  I think that's it, yeah.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  It's a long film.

• 10:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:44Speaker 01

  Um.

• 10:47Speaker 01

  So it's, um, there's a really good bit of Eddie Izzard stand up about, um, The Great Escape, where he's saying that they're all there and they're kind of like putting on their disguises. They're putting on like Nazi uniforms and Steva Queens, they're just there in jeans and a t-shirt.

• 11:02Speaker 02

  Blue t-shirt.

• 11:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, and he goes, disguised as an American man. He's really good.

• 11:08Speaker 02

  Again, I don't think, like I say, how many people listen to this have watched The Great Escape? Let us know in the comments.

• 11:14Speaker 01

  We just kept talking about it, didn't we?

• 11:14Speaker 02

  I might be wrong.

• 11:15Speaker 01

  You flagged it up and then I just kept, but people know about The Great Escape, don't they? It's like the bible or something. You know, yeah, you weren't there when it was written, but you've, you've heard about it.

• 11:23Speaker 02

  What was the other one? It wasn't The Great Escape. The Great Escape wasn't Colditz, was it? There was another film about Colditz, wasn't there?

• 11:31Speaker 01

  The Great Escape was not Colditz. The Great Escape is.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  I don't even know whether it's a named camp. I think it's um.

• 11:39Speaker 02

  There is a, there is a Colditz film though. I watched it when I was younger. When I used to watch film and I was like, I'm gonna be an actor.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 11:47Speaker 02

  I'm gonna, I'm gonna watch film and I'm gonna put, I'm gonna watch Panic in Needle Park.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  Oh, you're talking about watching like, one thing I've never done is I've never watched worthy films. I've, I've never, I've never sat down and thought, I must watch like the canon.

• 12:00Speaker 02

  I used to watch worthy films and be like, and convince myself that I enjoyed watching that film.

• 12:08Speaker 02

  I used to be like, well, you wanna be an actor. So if you didn't enjoy watching this film, then you're never gonna be an actor. So I'd go, well, no, I did what, I. This is a conversation I have in my own brain.

• 12:17Speaker 01

  No, but I've, I've done that definitely with.

• 12:19Speaker 02

  And this was the days where you had to fucking go and buy the DVD of it.

• 12:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. No, that's, no, but it is, I think. I was a bit like that when I first went on social media, where there was a voice in my head saying, you said you wanted to work in the mass media. This is what the mass media is now.

• 12:36Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 12:36Speaker 01

  You can't be a hypocrite.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  In a weird way, it's even more important now than what it was when we were coming up.

• 12:42Speaker 01

  Oh, totally. Of course.

• 12:43Speaker 02

  I remember for a long time I was the only one on Twitter out of us boys.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:48Speaker 02

  And uh.

• 12:50Speaker 02

  Simon Bird. I, I think we were live on radio or like Radio One or something like that. Simon Bird decided to do a bit where he'd um. It did like five highlights of my best tweets or something like that. And one of the tweets was, oh, I still can't um shake off this tickly cough.

• 13:14Speaker 02

  And it was, I knew he was taking the piss out of me, but it was difficult to be angry with him. Cause I was like, oh no.

• 13:20Speaker 01

  The thing is though, is that actually.

• 13:22Speaker 02

  That was a tweet that I put out to the public.

• 13:28Speaker 02

  Oh dear.

• 13:28Speaker 01

  Um, but the thing is though, I think at that stage, I would have been frightened to even do that. It seemed like such a vast commitment to say something.

• 13:40Speaker 02

  Back in the early days of social media, when I got, when I got fifty thousand Twitter followers. That was like a real sweet spot because it was just, because it it was a weird, it was a very short window as well. Like, social media then became sort of this weird monster that it is now. But this was really, I've al- I've always been into sort of the internet and stuff that's going on the internet and YouTube and things like that and. Um, so when I got fifty thousand Twitter followers, it was like I'd. I have to travel into London for a meeting at eleven o'clock and then I'd have a meeting at four o'clock in the afternoon.

• 14:25Speaker 02

  And I'd be able to put out a tweet going, I'm in London right now. It what's, I've got five hours to kill, six hours to kill, what, you know, is there any ideas what I should be doing right now? And it would just genuinely be really helpful and thoughtful. And people go, oh, you have you been to this? Oh, there's an exhibit going on here and and oh, if you jump on the tube and you go to here, you'll be able to go and. That was, that was genuinely magical.

• 14:50Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, no, I I I think um. That probably was a sweet spot. I I mean, I was I was, you know, I was impressed that you were able to. To do it. I mean, I I, to me, it just seemed like this thing that everybody just took on as though it was just the lightest thing in the world. Like, yeah, sure, just just say something.

• 15:13Speaker 02

  Microblogging, it's just microblogging.

• 15:15Speaker 01

  It's just microblogging. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's cool. And I'm like, what are we talking about?

• 15:18Speaker 02

  And people can get involved and. It's like the Gervais thing, isn't it? It's like, um, you know, the the whole thing that he did about the, you know, the old uh piano lessons or guitar lessons.

• 15:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  It was like, I didn't want to learn the guitar, I want to learn piano, like.

• 15:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  It's like, well, don't worry about it, like, move on.

• 15:37Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 15:37Speaker 02

  But for some reason, social media is like, people just going, oh, this, uh, what? Just move on, just keep going, don't worry about it.

• 15:46Speaker 01

  Cause I'm just really old. The only analogy I could come up with was like publishing, that it was like suddenly being under pressure to publish something every day. Sure, it's not very much, but you're still being told this will represent you. This should embody who you are and people will judge you as such. It seemed like a gigantic ask to just suddenly say, everyone, uh, by the way, everyone now needs to publish every day. Right?

• 16:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:15Speaker 01

  It just seemed like, well, what? That's madness. I I I and it was just, and it was all treated as though it was this kind of light little thing. Uh, and and also that it should just sort of flow naturally from just being, you you're probably almost doing this already.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  I do think there's, I do think there's some responsibility that needs to be taken by people that put stuff out, especially with.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  Well, that was, but that was why I didn't.

• 16:43Speaker 02

  And I dread saying it, I dread saying these two letters because this can send you off, especially in the world of A I. Now, I do, um, like, get served stuff up on Instagram. And it, and there's footage and there's something and then the the s- the caption, the story that goes with it is like, this person was unfairly uh, uh, um, sentenced to death because, uh, but later they were found innocent. And then I go into the comments like, by the way, you've taken footage from a different court case and so it's all bullshit, right?

• 17:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:18Speaker 02

  And I just think, right, that, you know, we've we've grown up with doing television.

• 17:25Speaker 02

  You know, we were kids when we first started doing television and we do, I don't know, well, I do know about you, like I'll, I'll speak on your behalf, Joe, if you don't mind me saying for a second. But we do feel a responsibility. Uh, of standards of sort of like, oh, if you're broadcasting something, there needs to be a certain, uh, there, there needs to be some sort of care gone into it. And thought and stuff like that.

• 17:48Speaker 01

  That's.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  So I.

• 17:49Speaker 01

  That was the assumption I sort of grew up with.

• 17:51Speaker 02

  I do think that now that, when you tweet, when you Instagram, when you TikTok, you are broadcasting.

• 17:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:58Speaker 02

  And I do think there needs to be some sort of like, well, you can't just fucking say anything, by the way.

• 18:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:04Speaker 02

  You can't just dress things up as your opinion.

• 18:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:07Speaker 02

  You need to have some sort of, i- if, you know, you need to have some sort of facts or to, to back it. Um, but we don't, we don't have that, do we? Like TikTok, TikTok's a thing. I, I, I am skirted around TikTok for a week. And it seemed like a really unhappy, uh, intense, violent place. Instagram's quite nice for me. It's very, it, it, to be fair, so we like about A I, Joe. Um, but it's done quite a good job of the, the algorithm of serving up stuff that I go, oh, okay, right. It's, to be fair, if you went on my Instagram right now, it's mostly middle aged men playing guitar.

• 18:51Speaker 02

  Doing covers of, uh, Pink Floyd songs and I go, that's really good. You've done a really good job there and I like that. Whereas TikTok is like.

• 19:01Speaker 02

  Politics and it's like, oh, it's really angry and really likes, and I'm a bit like, oh, this doesn't relax me at all whatsoever.

• 19:10Speaker 01

  I go on Instagram for like, I don't know, twenty minutes and I come off it and I can feel my heart going. Like I can literally, my body's like, it's gone into like.

• 19:20Speaker 02

  Spend a bit more time and like stuff.

• 19:22Speaker 01

  Also, my body's panicking. It's literally panicking.

• 19:24Speaker 02

  You can, Insta- Instagram's genuinely like, and I, I do loathe social media. I don't, I don't get on with it at all, so I do hate it. And it's sent me, uh, on. A handful of occasions is sent me to the old psychiatrist to try and sort of fucking.

• 19:39Speaker 01

  But it's fine because the tech companies, they they pay for that, don't they? Like, because they they cause all that. But then when people get mental from it, they they pay for the treatment, don't they? They don't just fob that off. They do just fob it off on the NHS. So that's not their problem.

• 19:52Speaker 02

  I will say this.

• 19:53Speaker 01

  Oh, so they don't take all the profits? Oh, they do take all the profits. Okay, so they take the money.

• 19:56Speaker 02

  But I will say this, I can only speak, my my only experience with Instagram is that the stuff that you engage in and the stuff that you like and stuff is, it it does start to go, oh, that's the kind of thing that you're into.

• 20:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, it's not that bad. I mean.

• 20:10Speaker 02

  And it will just sort of serve stuff up. And do you know what? It does kill, you know, forty five minutes on the train and stuff like that.

• 20:21Speaker 02

  Strap yourselves in, guys. This is gonna be a weird one. Welcome to Joe and James Fact Up. Each week we'll be bringing facts to one another that we deem interesting. And our policy is the more interesting, the more true it is. We'll also dig into the weird things that you'd like to think are true but don't want to research yourself in a segment that we're calling Fact Check. So we do need you to send, we do need you to send in our facts really desperately. Our email is hello at joandjamespod.com. Our WhatsApp is 07822034330. And you can follow us on socials at Joe and James Pod. And also you can watch these episodes if you're listening to it and you think, I wonder what they look like while I'm listening to this. You can go to YouTube and search Joe and James Fact Up. Now, let's get fact up.

• 21:11Speaker 04

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• 21:41Speaker 05

  Hello, I'm Luke Jones.

• 21:43Speaker 06

  And I'm Poppy Damon.

• 21:44Speaker 05

  We love all the strange true crime stories that you might flick through on a newspaper and think, hang on a minute.

• 21:52Speaker 06

  And this is Strangely, a podcast where every week we bring you the weirdest, wildest stories ripped straight from the headlines or our notebooks from both sides of the Atlantic.

• 22:00Speaker 01

  From the stories that you almost certainly missed in the headlines.

• 22:03Speaker 06

  To the ones you did see and thought, that's odd, but never got to revisit again.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  If you like strange news.

• 22:09Speaker 06

  Unexpected twists.

• 22:10Speaker 01

  And stories that linger on way longer than they should.

• 22:14Speaker 06

  Listen and subscribe now. Search for Strangely wherever you get your podcasts.

• 22:23Speaker 02

  Here we go. Hey, listen, Joe.

• 22:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:25Speaker 02

  Just as we were doing the little cold open there and the intro, we had a quick break because I needed to go to the toilet.

• 22:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:31Speaker 02

  Managed to get myself into a situation.

• 22:34Speaker 01

  What happened? Was there no toilet seat again?

• 22:35Speaker 02

  No, I walked in, I'm like.

• 22:39Speaker 02

  Why did you not lock the door?

• 22:40Speaker 01

  Lock the door, mate. Lock the fucking door.

• 22:42Speaker 02

  He was a courier, so I don't think he's like part of the building or anything. I think he was just delivering something and then thought, I better pop to the toilet. There was one cubicle, I saw the little red dot, I saw that there, I went, I'm not even gonna try that. I know exactly where we're at with that. And there was another one where there wasn't, it was a white dot and I was like, okay, I can go in there. And I opened it a little bit and I was like.

• 23:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:05Speaker 02

  Feel like I can hear someone in there. I think there might be someone in there.

• 23:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:10Speaker 02

  So then I kept up.

• 23:14Speaker 02

  Because I was, because I was just like, well, if someone's in there, they'd lock the door, surely.

• 23:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  There he was, sat on the toilet.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  Sat on the toilet?

• 23:21Speaker 02

  I went, sorry, mate. Sorry about that. He went, oh, don't worry.

• 23:24Speaker 01

  Okay, now.

• 23:25Speaker 02

  I went, well, I'm glad, in my head, I was like, you're clearly comfortable with this situation.

• 23:29Speaker 01

  I'm sure.

• 23:29Speaker 02

  I'm not.

• 23:30Speaker 01

  I'm sorry to put it this way, but was he taking a poo?

• 23:32Speaker 02

  He was doing, yeah, he was.

• 23:34Speaker 01

  Lock the fucking.

• 23:34Speaker 02

  Well, no, because I sit on the toilet as well. And I just had a wee.

• 23:38Speaker 01

  Because I was gonna defend him, because what I was gonna say, there's sometimes a thing where you think, this isn't really my building, so I'm just gonna.

• 23:44Speaker 02

  In his defence, in his defence, there was, there was no smell when I did go in. He might have just been doing what I like to do, which is a little sit down wee.

• 23:52Speaker 01

  To be honest, I have to say.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  But he could have locked the door and helped everyone out.

• 23:56Speaker 01

  If you're gonna have a sit down wee, your, your whole, what, what that says to me, if you're having a sit down wee is, I'm about comfort, I want this to be a proper experience.

• 24:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:06Speaker 01

  I don't have a problem with that.

• 24:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:07Speaker 01

  But what I'm saying is he's giving out very mixed signals. And in one, in one way around, he's saying like, oh, this, this is like, I'm having a little.

• 24:13Speaker 02

  I think he was a bit too comfortable. I think he was so comfortable. I think he was, he was one step away from just sitting with the door open, as far as I'm concerned. Which would have made things easier. Cause I could have walked into the loo and gone, oh. Sorry.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  That's the thing. Well, I, yeah, I was.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  It's a fucking minefield.

• 24:33Speaker 01

  It is a minefield. I was primed to defend him. The other thing is that with, um, when you've got, um, a gents toilet and you've got. Urinal, urinals.

• 24:43Speaker 02

  Urinal, urinals.

• 24:44Speaker 01

  Urinals.

• 24:45Speaker 02

  Urinals.

• 24:46Speaker 01

  Uranus. And you've got, you've got urinals.

• 24:49Speaker 02

  There's no urinals in this one though, cause this building's quite posh.

• 24:52Speaker 01

  But there isn't, but there is an ambiguity where you have. Urinals and then the sit down toilets as well. And you think, well, gee. If I was at the urinal, I wouldn't have a door to close anyway. So maybe if I'm gonna wee standing up in the cubicle, I'll leave the door open.

• 25:08Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 25:10Speaker 01

  And that's why I assumed this was. Then you told me the man was sitting down and that's when I thought, this man is a nutcase.

• 25:14Speaker 02

  And also, let me chuck this into the mix as well, cause they're, they're sort of like posh public toilets in this building where. You, in the cubicle, you also have your own, um, um, what do they call it? Sink.

• 25:26Speaker 01

  Sink, yeah.

• 25:28Speaker 02

  What's that word there, Joe?

• 25:29Speaker 01

  I think they're calling it a sink.

• 25:30Speaker 02

  So it is, it does become your own little private toilet for a little while, doesn't it? You rent that toilet for a bit.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:38Speaker 02

  Uh, could have just, could have just done that with the old lock and, um.

• 25:45Speaker 02

  We would have been cool. It's thrown me a little bit, I'll be honest, I'm a bit.

• 25:48Speaker 01

  You've had two in a row now, cause I know that, I know that, I think it was last week. You, um, went to sit down and this is more, more on you, but the seat wasn't there. And so you, I suppose fell through in a way.

• 26:00Speaker 02

  I wasn't, I was absent, I absent mindedly sort of plunked my bum down on the cold porcelain.

• 26:09Speaker 01

  It's a funny sensation though.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  Wet balls. Anyway.

• 26:13Speaker 03

  I I accidentally went to the toilet in the men's uh a couple of weeks ago here because um the order of the toilets on our floor.

• 26:21Speaker 02

  It's different to the others.

• 26:23Speaker 03

  Disabled men's, women's.

• 26:25Speaker 02

  Do you know what?

• 26:25Speaker 03

  On the bottom floor, it's disabled women's, men's. And I didn't know until I walked out and there was a man walking in and he stood back, looked at the sign, looked at me. And then I walked out and saw that it was the men's. And the only thing I noticed that was different, I didn't realise I didn't have urinals, is that it smelled more of piss. But I thought that's because it was a hot day.

• 26:45Speaker 02

  Right.

• 26:45Speaker 01

  Okay, just kicking up a bit more. Evaporation.

• 26:48Speaker 02

  People are a bit more dehydrated on a hot.

• 26:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, I just, I just, maybe because it's hot, maybe it's not pissy.

• 26:52Speaker 02

  But there's no urinals in the men's.

• 26:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, there isn't, that's why, that's why I didn't notice.

• 26:56Speaker 01

  But that's why, that's, that's.

• 26:58Speaker 03

  It's exactly the same, but more pissy.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  So it's true, so the men, the men are smellier.

• 27:03Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 27:04Speaker 01

  When I was at university, um I had a room in a shared house and it was kind of like a three story house and it was like room, room, room. And um the girl who lived on the floor above me, I was hardly ever there in that particular year because I was always at my girlfriend's accommodation.

• 27:24Speaker 02

  Of course you were, mate, because you're a, you're a ledge.

• 27:26Speaker 01

  Hmm, yeah. So my room was basically pretty empty.

• 27:31Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 27:33Speaker 01

  All the time. And the, so the girl who lived above me was just drunk one night and basically just wholesale mistook my room for her room. She was like, well, this is my room. So she just like spent the night, I mean, I wasn't there, but she spent the full night in the room, just in my bed. Then the morning was like, what the fuck am I? It was just like.

• 27:55Speaker 02

  Do you not get locks on your doors and stuff? Well, that's what you got in university, everyone's got their own.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  I don't think I did, I, I can't remember.

• 28:01Speaker 02

  You're the guy that I've just walked in on, basically.

• 28:04Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 28:05Speaker 02

  It's what's happened there. It's your fault, Joe.

• 28:07Speaker 01

  I must have just left the door open or something, I must have.

• 28:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, I imagine you would do.

• 28:11Speaker 01

  It was a funny little room, it had, it had a bed. And then it had a kind of annex, which was a carpeted annex containing just a sink.

• 28:22Speaker 03

  Why do haws do that? Loads of haws just have a sink in there.

• 28:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:25Speaker 02

  The horse bath.

• 28:27Speaker 01

  The horse bath, is that what it's called?

• 28:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:30Speaker 01

  And um.

• 28:31Speaker 02

  You just wash your bits.

• 28:32Speaker 01

  Wash your bits, yeah.

• 28:33Speaker 02

  Wash your pits and bits.

• 28:35Speaker 01

  And let's be honest.

• 28:35Speaker 02

  Let you crack on with the day.

• 28:37Speaker 01

  You can, you can have a wee in it. It's all going to the same place, isn't it? I mean, who.

• 28:41Speaker 02

  I think so, not hundred percent sure.

• 28:43Speaker 01

  Also, urine's sterile, so it doesn't matter.

• 28:45Speaker 02

  Right.

• 28:46Speaker 01

  Well, now we've got a fact about piss.

• 28:48Speaker 02

  No, we don't.

• 28:49Speaker 01

  We have.

• 28:49Speaker 02

  Well, we might do. Let's um, we've got some correspondence first, though. Um, because you guys have, uh, even though we're in.

• 28:56Speaker 01

  Oh, it's correspondence.

• 28:57Speaker 02

  Even though we are well in to um, the World Up 2026. Uh, we do have your correspondence. You've still been sending uh, us some fact up stuff. Here's one from Dave via the fact up WhatsApp. Says how to deal, how to deal with Joe's foxes, because you were talking about the.

• 29:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, two foxes.

• 29:18Speaker 02

  If Joe wants to get rid of the foxes in his garden, which I don't think you do, really, do you?

• 29:23Speaker 01

  I don't know whether I do. I mean, I'm not using the garden.

• 29:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:27Speaker 01

  But anyway.

• 29:28Speaker 02

  You only paid for it.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  Yeah. I look at that garden and I honestly think.

• 29:33Speaker 02

  As a bonus.

• 29:34Speaker 01

  I honestly, I think, whose garden is that?

• 29:38Speaker 02

  Um, if Joe wants to get rid of the foxes in his garden, he can piss around the outside of the garden. Foxes don't like male urine. They stay away. Um, I provide this service for a friend when I visit her place. From Dave. I took a weird turn there at the end of it. Uh, I used to buy lion shit.

• 29:59Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 30:00Speaker 02

  Cause I, uh, there was a cat that kept fucking laying a turd in my front garden.

• 30:06Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 30:07Speaker 02

  Um, that was right in the middle of where if I leave the house, I need to walk through that. It became a real pain in the arse. I bought some lion's shit off the internet.

• 30:17Speaker 03

  Surely that's, you're gonna walk into that more often.

• 30:20Speaker 02

  Not well, I scattered it around, like, we've got, sort of, there's some flower bits in our garden. I don't know. Claire takes care of that sort of stuff.

• 30:31Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 30:31Speaker 02

  Um, so I scattered it in that. Uh, and it did sort of do the trick. I also bought, um.

• 30:38Speaker 03

  Does it stink?

• 30:40Speaker 02

  No, it didn't. It didn't smell that much, to be honest with you. Um. This was a while ago. I might have to revisit. I don't remember there being a smell. Um. But I bought some lion shit. Maybe you should have put some of that in your dorm room.

• 30:57Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 30:58Speaker 02

  Just scattered some lion shit around.

• 31:00Speaker 01

  Yes. No, I am.

• 31:02Speaker 02

  Cause if there's one thing I know about women, and I don't know much about women, Joe, they are terrified of male piss and shit.

• 31:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:12Speaker 02

  Um. It does keep them away.

• 31:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:14Speaker 01

  Yeah. Um.

• 31:19Speaker 02

  Um. So, yeah.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  So with this.

• 31:23Speaker 02

  Are you gonna piss around your garden? I mean, you don't, I don't.

• 31:27Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 31:28Speaker 01

  I'm not kidding. I don't, I don't have enough of a problem with the foxes.

• 31:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:31Speaker 01

  Is the truth.

• 31:32Speaker 02

  I don't mind foxes. I like, I like a fox. Um. It's just those stories where you hear they attack a baby in a cot or something like that.

• 31:41Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 31:42Speaker 02

  And you go, oh god, that's a bit much.

• 31:43Speaker 01

  I mean, I.

• 31:46Speaker 01

  Well, look, Dave, if I do, if I, you know, you, he can come and do it. Like, if I need it, he's obviously, he says he's doing it for someone else, so.

• 31:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, but he's doing it for his friend, who I assume. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Um. Anyway, uh.

• 32:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:01Speaker 02

  We've got a world up fact topper.

• 32:04Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 32:04Speaker 02

  Uh, from Aaron, and this is a voice note.

• 32:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:08Speaker 02

  That Aaron has left via the, via the old WhatsApp.

• 32:12Speaker 03

  Right. You ready for Aaron?

• 32:14Speaker 01

  Let's go, yeah.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  Go on, what's Aaron got to say?

• 32:16Speaker 07

  Hey guys, love the pod. Uh, my name's Aaron, and I've got an interesting fact for you to follow on. Uh, from your Ewan McGregor conversation I've just listened to, uh, obviously about his younger brother being obese too. Um, but there's another Star Wars character who is, um, related to Ewan McGregor. The one who plays Wedge Antilles, which is like one of the leading, uh, fighters, uh, in A New Hope, and he's in the other few, uh, episodes as well. Uh, that is Ewan McGregor's real life uncle. His name is Dennis Lawson. And he was in like BBC shows. He was a famous actor for the BBC and he played Wedge Antilles. And yeah, like I say, he's, uh, Ewan McGregor's real life uncle.

• 33:01Speaker 07

  So I thought you might like that interest in. Love the pod. Keep off going with it because it really drives up my Tuesdays.

• 33:08Speaker 01

  Oh, it's nice. I like the thing. Keep, keep going. It was like, it's like what you said, you're a slow runner.

• 33:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:14Speaker 01

  Come on, just finish. I'll carry you over the finish line.

• 33:18Speaker 02

  Dennis Lawson.

• 33:21Speaker 02

  Isn't he the footballer?

• 33:23Speaker 01

  Dennis Law.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Oh, right.

• 33:25Speaker 01

  This is Dennis Law's son.

• 33:26Speaker 02

  Right.

• 33:27Speaker 01

  His um, and Ewan McGregor's uncle. Well, that's interesting. So what, so, so he's in a way, is it a case of?

• 33:35Speaker 02

  So Ewan McGregor, from what I'm hearing, is a little nepo baby.

• 33:39Speaker 01

  He's a nepo baby, yeah. He already had an uncle.

• 33:43Speaker 02

  He already had a hunkle, a hunkle.

• 33:45Speaker 01

  Hunkle.

• 33:46Speaker 03

  Tell us how you really feel about Dennis Lawson.

• 33:48Speaker 01

  Is that like a yummy mummy? Oh, a hunkle.

• 33:52Speaker 02

  He had a hunkle.

• 33:54Speaker 01

  I call him a hunkle.

• 33:54Speaker 02

  Already in, in Star Wars.

• 33:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:57Speaker 02

  He probably put a word in for him.

• 33:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:59Speaker 02

  Next thing you know, bish bash bosh, he's Obi-Wan.

• 34:01Speaker 01

  Probably before he even had a licence for the jet, his uncle was letting him park it and stuff.

• 34:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. He grew up on Star Wars.

• 34:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, so I'm, I'm now voiding his entire acting career. That's enough. That's bollocks.

• 34:13Speaker 02

  All respect that I had for Ewan McGregor as an actor.

• 34:16Speaker 01

  He's probably not even Scottish. He probably grew up in Windsor Castle.

• 34:20Speaker 02

  He's, he probably, uh, he's probably from Edinburgh.

• 34:24Speaker 01

  And that's not Scottish, is it?

• 34:25Speaker 02

  No.

• 34:25Speaker 01

  That's like one of those, that's like the English people.

• 34:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:29Speaker 01

  I'm a Scot myself.

• 34:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:33Speaker 01

  There's a bit in um, documentary called Kenneth Clark Civilization, which I didn't really like to be fair, but there's a bit where he visits, he's literally an old aristocrat. He's saying, he's poshing his work and he's up in Scotland in all his tweed and he's like, I love Scotland and I'm a Scot myself. And you're like, no, no, that doesn't count.

• 34:49Speaker 02

  People are asking on set, Joe, uh, whether you're carrying the door or if the door is carrying you.

• 34:57Speaker 01

  Oh, that was unbelievable. Yeah.

• 34:59Speaker 02

  No, let's not go into that.

• 35:00Speaker 01

  No, let's not go into that because it just, I did honestly come out of that really badly.

• 35:03Speaker 03

  Sort of sounds a little bit like Ringo Starr.

• 35:06Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 35:06Speaker 02

  No, Ringo Starr.

• 35:08Speaker 01

  Don't send any more posts.

• 35:09Speaker 02

  Please don't send me fan mail. Stop sending me fan mail. Peace and love.

• 35:15Speaker 01

  I'm warning you. He says literally, I'm warning you with peace and love.

• 35:19Speaker 03

  Lovely way.

• 35:20Speaker 02

  That's good, isn't it?

• 35:21Speaker 03

  Lovely way to end.

• 35:21Speaker 01

  I'm warning you, I think when, you know, when Lennon came out with all that peace and love stuff, I'm not sure he meant it to sort of pad out Ringo Starr's don't send me fan mail messages.

• 35:32Speaker 02

  Um, listen.

• 35:33Speaker 01

  What did you say, John? Oh yeah, peace and love. Yeah. So can I skip the queue? Peace and love.

• 35:36Speaker 02

  Um, hey, listen, Joe.

• 35:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:38Speaker 02

  Uh, I don't know if you've realised, but there's a big tournament going on at the moment. It's the World Up 2026. I had to look over at their, uh, poster to remind me what it was called.

• 35:48Speaker 01

  What's nice about our tournament is that it actually takes place during normal hours.

• 35:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:54Speaker 01

  Whereas the other one, I don't know what's going on there, but it's all one in the middle of the night.

• 35:57Speaker 02

  Well, listen, try being the only English.

• 35:59Speaker 01

  Greenwich Mean Time, please, for everything.

• 36:01Speaker 02

  Try being the only English person in your house right now.

• 36:05Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 36:05Speaker 02

  Cause Scotland are very rightly excited about being involved in the World Cup and.

• 36:11Speaker 01

  They beat Haiti.

• 36:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, and, uh, that was a late night, believe me. Uh, anyway.

• 36:17Speaker 01

  Was that two o'clock in the morning or something?

• 36:19Speaker 02

  One o'clock, two o'clock, something like that, anyway.

• 36:21Speaker 01

  The really hardcore ones, the ones that are on like four thirty eight, who's watching them?

• 36:25Speaker 02

  Fuck that. Fuck that.

• 36:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know. It's fucking shit.

• 36:28Speaker 02

  Fuck that right up the arse.

• 36:29Speaker 01

  Everyone in it dies.

• 36:30Speaker 02

  Because, um, dear, because now it's time to kick off the most exciting tournament happening this summer. It's the World Up 2026. Have we got the jingle?

• 36:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, the jingle's live and well.

• 36:43Speaker 01

  Go.

• 36:44Speaker 02

  Can we hear it?

• 36:45Speaker 03

  If you want to.

• 36:46Speaker 02

  I've not heard it.

• 36:46Speaker 03

  You've not heard it yet?

• 36:47Speaker 02

  No.

• 36:47Speaker 03

  Okay. Well, you ready? Let me find it.

• 36:52Speaker 02

  What's that noise, Katie?

• 36:53Speaker 03

  Katie's heard it. That's why.

• 36:55Speaker 01

  I've heard it as well and.

• 36:56Speaker 02

  When did you hear it?

• 36:58Speaker 01

  No, I haven't heard it. No, I heard, um, no, I've heard the jingle for, um, I've gone to this.

• 37:04Speaker 03

  Right. Are you ready?

• 37:07Speaker 02

  Go on.

• 37:13Speaker 07

  So many facts.

• 37:17Speaker 07

  But which one is the best?

• 37:25Speaker 07

  Only the world up has the power to decide.

• 37:35Speaker 07

  If the world up, we can find out the greatest.

• 37:46Speaker 01

  At no point can I work out where like the first beat of the bar was.

• 37:53Speaker 02

  Oh god. What's depressing about that is that, you know that little thing that you recorded me saying at the end?

• 37:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:59Speaker 02

  I was about to say that in real life as well.

• 38:03Speaker 02

  I was once in a play and um.

• 38:06Speaker 03

  Can I just tell you that's been in all the episodes uh from from now?

• 38:11Speaker 02

  Well.

• 38:11Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 38:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:12Speaker 02

  We're in the last group stage.

• 38:14Speaker 01

  I only listen to the um the pre, I do listen to it. Don't think I don't listen to it. I listen to it before we put.

• 38:21Speaker 02

  We're in the last group stage and that's the first time I've heard our World Up theme song.

• 38:26Speaker 03

  It's just the way we record, we're so in advance.

• 38:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:29Speaker 03

  Yeah. But what do you think? I thought it was really good.

• 38:32Speaker 01

  I really, I really like it. I like the bit about.

• 38:34Speaker 02

  Has the power to decide.

• 38:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:37Speaker 01

  It reminds me a bit of the um.

• 38:38Speaker 03

  I like when he goes really up when the beat hits.

• 38:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's good.

• 38:42Speaker 03

  That's really good.

• 38:43Speaker 02

  Reminds me of Cher.

• 38:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:45Speaker 02

  It's, yeah, do you believe? Do you believe?

• 38:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:52Speaker 03

  Uh we'll shout out Bertie who made that, who's on the team.

• 38:55Speaker 01

  Thanks Bertie. You've, you've rescued something out of that, which was a dis, the recording session was a disaster.

• 39:02Speaker 02

  I'm just gonna say that was something that Bertie made. Uh, here we go. Right.

• 39:10Speaker 01

  If I play that in my garden, would it keep the foxes away?

• 39:12Speaker 02

  We've got two weeks.

• 39:14Speaker 01

  That's my question. I think it might be.

• 39:16Speaker 02

  I think it might. I think they'll wish they were deaf instead of blind.

• 39:21Speaker 01

  They'll start clawing each other's ears and trying to.

• 39:24Speaker 02

  Anyway, for the next two weeks, we've still got two weeks left of this. We'll be pitting your facts against one another to crown the ultimate fact up fact. Today's our final knockout stages, match five.

• 39:37Speaker 01

  It's the sharp end of the competition.

• 39:38Speaker 02

  With the winner earning a slot into the fact up final.

• 39:42Speaker 01

  And it's not just anyone who gets into the final. It's when it's five, it's five out of 10. So it is almost everyone.

• 39:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, you've got a 50% chance.

• 39:49Speaker 01

  50% chance and there's five in that.

• 39:49Speaker 02

  It's 50 50.

• 39:52Speaker 02

  But when we get to the final, we will put the facts under even more scrutiny before than before. What?

• 40:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:02Speaker 02

  Today is our final knockout stage where the winner will earn a slot in the fact up final. Where we'll, where will we, where will?

• 40:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is.

• 40:12Speaker 02

  Right, hang on. Will is short for we will, right?

• 40:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:17Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 40:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, so at the moment it says where we will.

• 40:20Speaker 02

  You've got to treat me like Ron Burgundy.

• 40:23Speaker 03

  The problem is I'm also thick, so.

• 40:26Speaker 02

  Well, no, well, no, if you're the thick one, what the fuck are we gonna do?

• 40:29Speaker 01

  Don't say that, Lily May, because we need to.

• 40:31Speaker 03

  This is the result of that.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  We're fucked, aren't we?

• 40:33Speaker 01

  We have to believe in you, like, because we have no faith in ourselves, so you don't.

• 40:37Speaker 02

  Right, listen, we're doing a little funny thing. We're doing the facts, right? And it coincides with the World Cup. So that's what we're doing. And we've got one more knockout stage. That person will get through to the final, where it will be put, their facts will be put even under, put under even more scrutiny. Because we'll pin them all.

• 41:00Speaker 01

  Pit them, pit them. We'll pin them down and really roger them.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  They'll be pinned down.

• 41:09Speaker 02

  That's the most of a spat in my life.

• 41:11Speaker 03

  That was so viscous, my goodness.

• 41:14Speaker 02

  That's the most of the spat. Oh dear. I covered that. Why did I have so much saliva in my mouth at that point? I've got it on my thumb. Right. No. What are we doing? Jesus.

• 41:26Speaker 03

  The World Up, round five.

• 41:28Speaker 02

  You're gonna, at some point, you're gonna have to go, I've got to protect my client.

• 41:34Speaker 02

  We need to stop this recording.

• 41:37Speaker 01

  What's that thing that Britney Spears had where someone else was put in charge?

• 41:41Speaker 02

  She shaved a cock into her head. Is that right?

• 41:43Speaker 01

  Yeah. Forty quid though, so.

• 41:45Speaker 02

  Yeah. Right. No. So you send us a fact, we put it up against another fact, we decide which one's better or not. It gets into the final. At the end, next week, is it next week?

• 41:58Speaker 03

  Next week.

• 41:59Speaker 02

  Next week, we will have five facts that we will discuss further and decide what's the winner of the World Up 2026. It's gone so fast.

• 42:10Speaker 03

  And we've decided we're gonna do a silver and bronze as well and I'll try and come up with some prize ideas.

• 42:14Speaker 02

  I think we should, yeah. Also, I think we should come up with some prize ideas. We can get some fucking in-betweeners stuff.

• 42:22Speaker 03

  I was thinking about getting some certificates.

• 42:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:25Speaker 02

  I'm sure we could.

• 42:25Speaker 01

  We can see if we've got some stuff. I have to say, I may have said this before, I've got a disappointingly small amount of merch.

• 42:34Speaker 02

  I've given all my shit away. I don't have, I used to have like box sets of the DVDs and stuff and like for my own, just to sort of look at them and go, oh, do you remember when I did that? I've given away to local pubs that need to sort of auction off some stuff. It's time for our first fact to be presented. It comes from Dean on email. Dean says, here's my fact for the World Up.

• 43:03Speaker 02

  Ah, yes. I know this one, and it's a good one. We don't actually get wet.

• 43:13Speaker 02

  And this is the reason. Technically speaking, humans do not have wet senses in their skin. The sensation of wetness is actually an illusion created by your brain based on changes in temperature and texture. No, I've really, uh, no.

• 43:31Speaker 01

  It's not what you thought it was.

• 43:32Speaker 02

  I thought Dean was gonna go somewhere else with this.

• 43:34Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 43:34Speaker 02

  I think, I think it goes to sort of.

• 43:39Speaker 02

  I'm gonna say some words now, Joe.

• 43:40Speaker 01

  No, go on. I love words.

• 43:42Speaker 02

  That I am only one percent sure of what they mean.

• 43:45Speaker 01

  That's fine. I'll make up my own meaning.

• 43:47Speaker 02

  Quantum physics?

• 43:49Speaker 01

  Fuck it. I don't know what that means.

• 43:51Speaker 02

  So.

• 43:51Speaker 01

  No one does. And I think that's the point, actually. I think physicists will, they say they don't know what it is.

• 43:56Speaker 02

  So, um.

• 43:57Speaker 01

  That they're proud of not knowing.

• 43:58Speaker 02

  Nothing ever really touches anything.

• 44:01Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 44:02Speaker 02

  You can feel the pressure on stuff and the, but nothing.

• 44:06Speaker 01

  Most of the universe is empty space, right?

• 44:09Speaker 02

  Well, I suppose if you were to actually feel something, if you were actually, like, you're, hmm, I'm really in

• 44:19Speaker 02

  deep water here, Joe.

• 44:20Speaker 01

  Don't worry.

• 44:21Speaker 02

  I need you as an educated man to sort of maybe

• 44:23Speaker 01

  I'm not.

• 44:24Speaker 02

  throw one of those little sticks out and go, come on, grab that.

• 44:27Speaker 01

  Have a, you know, keep going and I'll see if I've got a stick.

• 44:31Speaker 02

  Really be physically involved with something.

• 44:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:35Speaker 02

  You'd have to take that on. There'll, there'll always be a barrier. There'll always be a incredible microscopic thing between you and the other thing. So even, even sort of at the atomic level, if something touches, I say touches.

• 44:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:55Speaker 02

  If something comes into contact with something.

• 44:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:58Speaker 02

  Unless it fuses, I suppose. It's not actually, there, there's something stopping it from creating full, actual, genuine contact.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  Well, that does, that, that makes some sense. I think, the thing I've heard is that most, like, if you look at an atom, most of it's empty space. So if you're saying two atoms are in contact with each other, perhaps they're not really. If they fuse, presumably the different things inside the atom simply rearrange themselves into a different configuration and it's still mostly empty space. Um, and I, so yeah, I, I think I've, the other.

• 45:37Speaker 02

  But I don't know about this thing about the brain creating illusion.

• 45:41Speaker 01

  Well, what I would say is that when.

• 45:44Speaker 02

  Don't know if that's a, but.

• 45:47Speaker 02

  I don't know if it's like eyesight. I remember when I was in primary school, one of my primary school teachers told me that everything is actually upside down.

• 45:55Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, your brain, your brain's decoding it.

• 45:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:59Speaker 02

  I don't know what that means in, everything's relative, right? So what is upside down and what is not?

• 46:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:07Speaker 02

  Even when I was like nine years old, I was like.

• 46:11Speaker 03

  Were they Australian?

• 46:13Speaker 02

  No.

• 46:15Speaker 02

  No, they weren't from the sun. Yeah, it, it flips the image or something, right? But if it didn't flip the image, then you would just, you, you would just accept whatever you looked, looked at anyway.

• 46:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, you might, um.

• 46:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, everything is upside down, apparently.

• 46:35Speaker 01

  With this one, I'm thinking about when you're in the womb, you're wet in theory, aren't you? But you don't really think of yourself as wet, cause it's all you know.

• 46:47Speaker 02

  Didn't do a lot of my thinking in the womb, I'll be honest with you, Jay.

• 46:49Speaker 01

  No, you're not thinking like, I am.

• 46:53Speaker 02

  I wasn't in the womb and I was like, you know what, I'm gonna be in a sitcom when I'm older.

• 46:57Speaker 01

  No, I, no, no, no, that's true.

• 47:00Speaker 03

  But do you, do you like this fact? How do you feel about it?

• 47:03Speaker 02

  Now, listen, there's something in this fact, but I've heard, like I say, I've heard something different. Um, yeah, you do not get wet. But I don't know what the definition of being wet is. Of course I don't.

• 47:18Speaker 02

  Claire will tell, Claire will tell you that.

• 47:28Speaker 01

  She's going, what is it? And you're like, just define it for me.

• 47:34Speaker 01

  Can, if you only define it, then we can see what we can do.

• 47:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:39Speaker 01

  You're not defining it properly. Um, fuck, you know, um, I do, I do like this fact, actually. Um, but I, I'm sort of struggling to, cause some things, it's clearly different. You're like, oh, I mean, I heard a fact that humans didn't used to think that the, the sea was blue. And then we couldn't see it as blue. And then like, there's a line in, um, a poem, uh, an ancient Greek poem. That's like the wine dark sea, across the wine dark sea. So like, they didn't used to think it was blue. They just thought it was dark. So like, you actually see it, we, we were, we had to be told it was blue. And then we go.

• 48:17Speaker 02

  No.

• 48:18Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, it's blue. Yeah.

• 48:19Speaker 02

  No, I don't believe that. The, the.

• 48:21Speaker 01

  This seems like a similar thing though.

• 48:22Speaker 02

  The sea's a, a reflection of the sky, right? That's why we think the sea's blue. Unless the sky was red.

• 48:28Speaker 01

  Maybe the sky was red too.

• 48:29Speaker 02

  I don't think it was. Unless he was talking about the sunset or, or a different time of day.

• 48:36Speaker 01

  Could have been.

• 48:36Speaker 02

  But the, the, the sea is blue, the sea is see-through, but it reflects the sky. And that's why we, uh, say the sea is blue.

• 48:45Speaker 01

  Yeah. I'm not, I have to, I'm not, I haven't particularly firmed up on that, on that one, but.

• 48:50Speaker 02

  I'm not firm on anything that's going on right now.

• 48:53Speaker 01

  Do you wanna be?

• 48:57Speaker 01

  Um, so.

• 48:59Speaker 03

  This gin and a bonnet is some sort of crazy.

• 49:01Speaker 01

  Gin and a bonnet, my god, it's, it's got us all frumpy.

• 49:03Speaker 02

  Did you finish yours?

• 49:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh, good. Good for you.

• 49:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:07Speaker 03

  I wish I had some now.

• 49:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'll tell you what, they were right, it does.

• 49:11Speaker 02

  It's got a kick to it.

• 49:12Speaker 01

  It's got a kick, but it's also got a pep. So it's both. It's kind of like, it's not, I can see why the queen mother liked it.

• 49:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. Um, so.

• 49:26Speaker 02

  Like, I like this fact. The only thing I don't like is the brain creating an illusion.

• 49:34Speaker 02

  That's where I, that's where I have, that's where I'm a bit.

• 49:38Speaker 01

  Well, here's my, here's my question. So I, so what happens is that like, if you took a, a, a baby um, that has not yet had an experience of being in water, then you put them into water. And let's also say that this is, baby is like unsighted, right? So the baby is like, oh, something, something's different about my skin.

• 49:58Speaker 02

  Right.

• 49:58Speaker 01

  I suppose as an adult, you could say, and the word we're going to have for that from now on is wet.

• 50:04Speaker 02

  Right.

• 50:05Speaker 01

  So that is what he seems to be saying. But what I was gonna say is, are there animals that really do have wet senses? Like i- i- if it's just, if that experience is just, that's just what we mean by wet.

• 50:17Speaker 02

  See, I don't think there are. Cause if you were a fish, you'd be going mental all the time. You're going, God, I'm so fucking wet all this fucking time. Wish I could dry off a little bit.

• 50:29Speaker 01

  Oh, God. More.

• 50:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:32Speaker 01

  Towel, you, actually, you're, if you were fishing, you were always toweling off. What a waste of time.

• 50:38Speaker 02

  Towking. Constantly towking. Um, but listen, right? We've got, we do have another fact.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  We do, but this is good. I, I, I like it.

• 50:47Speaker 02

  It's not a bad fact. It's not a bad fact.

• 50:49Speaker 01

  I have to say it's quite cerebral. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

• 50:52Speaker 02

  Hmm. Depends on whether you know what the word cerebral means or not.

• 50:56Speaker 01

  Well, it means it's a little bit philosophical.

• 51:00Speaker 02

  Okay. So we're gonna have a little ad break now, and then we're gonna come back and find out what, um, wet goes up against.

• 51:14Speaker 01

  What wet goes up against.

• 51:22Speaker 04

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• 51:57Speaker 00

  I'm Claire Buckley and this Halloween on my podcast, Pretty Scary, we are gonna cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts and aliens. Plus, the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So, as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat, right? Get the candles lit and search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.

• 52:37Speaker 02

  Anyway, Joe, we are back.

• 52:39Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 52:40Speaker 02

  Uh, we just learnt that you don't feel wet because your brain um creates an illusion. I'm not sure about that one. So you've got the next fact, Joe, for us.

• 52:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, so the next fact comes from Zach on Instagram.

• 52:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:57Speaker 01

  He says, "I have a fact for the world up. Almost all mammals have seven neck bones, which is the leading theory behind us evolving from the same common ancestor. So as an example, whales, giraffes, mice and humans." Just, sorry, so I'm gonna, because I haven't given this enough evidence, which is the leading theory behind us evolving from the same common ancestor. That's the... Is that wildly known? I don't know.

• 53:22Speaker 02

  I know.

• 53:23Speaker 01

  So as an example, whales, giraffes...

• 53:25Speaker 02

  It doesn't matter on this podcast.

• 53:27Speaker 01

  No, okay. No, but I couldn't work out whether this is, this is like a kind of out there theory or whether this is a thing, well, sure.

• 53:34Speaker 02

  No, you just need to take Zach at his word.

• 53:36Speaker 01

  Okay, fine.

• 53:36Speaker 02

  That's how we...

• 53:37Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no, I do, I mean, I'm, I couldn't work out whether I had kind of

• 53:43Speaker 01

  judged that enough. Anyway, so as an example, whales, giraffes, mice and humans, despite being wildly different sizes, still maintain the same number of neck bones. There's a few exceptions in sloths and manatees, but they are considered evolutionary defects as opposed to a separate lineage. Love the pod, just thought this might be of interest. Well, lovely, and I mean...

• 54:05Speaker 02

  First of all...

• 54:06Speaker 01

  Not just of interest, I mean, it's, he's sashayed his way into the, into the world up, so...

• 54:10Speaker 02

  Listen, Zach, there's a load of words there that I didn't a hundred percent understand, but they sounded fascinating to me.

• 54:15Speaker 01

  Um...

• 54:16Speaker 02

  And that is what makes a good fact, as far as I'm concerned.

• 54:18Speaker 01

  Absolutely, absolutely. Manatee, what on earth, what the fuck? Um, so, I mean, that isn't so.

• 54:24Speaker 02

  The sea cow.

• 54:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:27Speaker 02

  Dugong, dugongs.

• 54:28Speaker 01

  The dugong is another one, and there's also something called a narwhal, which has a, a tusk.

• 54:35Speaker 02

  It's a tooth.

• 54:37Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 54:38Speaker 02

  Again, I might.

• 54:40Speaker 01

  No, I think.

• 54:40Speaker 02

  I'm gonna go, I'm gonna say that that's fact, but it's an actual tooth that grow grows through their head in a weird way. And scientists are still not a hundred percent sure what the point of it is, but they've decided that it's to carve out some breathing holes in, in um, sea ice.

• 55:01Speaker 01

  Well.

• 55:03Speaker 01

  It's as good a reason as any.

• 55:04Speaker 02

  That's it, that's all I need.

• 55:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, so, yes.

• 55:07Speaker 02

  I just need to hear what some, what some bloke told me.

• 55:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's true, move on.

• 55:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:13Speaker 01

  No, we're not gonna go back and study it more.

• 55:15Speaker 02

  No, why would we?

• 55:17Speaker 01

  Leave it, just leave it.

• 55:19Speaker 02

  Unless you're gonna pay me, I'll do it, but fuck, I'll just, I'll just take your word for it.

• 55:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, but just, that's what it's for.

• 55:27Speaker 02

  But, I'll be honest, Joe, I love everything about this fact.

• 55:30Speaker 01

  I've just spat on my T-shirt a bit.

• 55:31Speaker 02

  Well, it's not as much as what I spat earlier.

• 55:35Speaker 01

  I came out the bathroom, I, I sprayed a bit, if, what's, we've just done a, you know, an etiquette based podcast, I had water like sprayed up my T-shirt, is that?

• 55:43Speaker 02

  From a, from an.

• 55:44Speaker 01

  Matter. Also, the other thing was that when he came in, I was drying my armpit under the, when he came in.

• 55:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:52Speaker 02

  Did you lock the door?

• 55:53Speaker 01

  No, because by that point, no, I'd unlocked the door, but then I'd gone back to try and, because I had all water down me.

• 55:58Speaker 02

  Right.

• 56:00Speaker 01

  And I always feel that when I'm drying my armpit under the hand dryer, when someone comes in, I, I always act so guilty. I'm like, oh, God, you know, as though I'd been wanking or something.

• 56:12Speaker 02

  Do you know what, the same.

• 56:13Speaker 01

  But it's fine, you're out of it, that's all right.

• 56:15Speaker 02

  The same fucking thing happened to me once, right? I was in a theatre, I was doing a play, I was doing a play about spooky shit, it was about ghosts and whatnot.

• 56:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:24Speaker 02

  And the bloke that wrote this play also has a, a really good podcast, um, Uncanny, and to get.

• 56:31Speaker 01

  It's been recommended to me.

• 56:32Speaker 02

  And to get into the sort of, you know, the spirit of the show and, and the spooky shit that's going on and stuff, uh, my sort of. Pre-show ritual became listening to his podcast on the way in and it talks about all kinds of fucking nonsense about ghosts turning up and all this sort of stuff. And it is genuinely quite freaky and it did put me in a sort of, I was quite, I was heightened.

• 56:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:56Speaker 02

  Right? And um, and it's one of those buildings where all the floors look exactly the same. So I was in a dressing room on one floor and one of the other actors was the floor below me and the exact same layout, exact same dress. And he'd gone up one flight of stairs and he walked into the room and I went, ah! Like that, like I literally like shit myself.

• 57:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 57:18Speaker 02

  And he was like, what are you doing, having a wank or something?

• 57:22Speaker 02

  I was like, no, I was like, no, I'm just quite sort of like.

• 57:25Speaker 01

  I'm on edge.

• 57:25Speaker 02

  I, I was literally like, when the door started opening and he opened it a bit slowly. And I sort of went, ah, like that. And I, in my head, I was like, this is it. I'm about to meet a fucking ghost. And it was the Gilgood, it was the Gilgood Theatre, so it's like an ancient.

• 57:43Speaker 02

  It's an ancient building. It's a spooky building anyway.

• 57:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, they are, they are.

• 57:47Speaker 02

  And I spent weeks just going, I'm gonna fucking bump into a ghost at some point. I was like, I was ready to bump into a ghost. And that was my immediate reaction, by the way, if I'd saw, if I'd ever seen a ghost.

• 57:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:58Speaker 02

  It's the scream.

• 57:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:00Speaker 02

  Um, but yeah, no, I know exactly where you're coming from, man.

• 58:02Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? It's because like, anyway, I should have just locked it, but I thought, well, this is kind of.

• 58:10Speaker 01

  Whatever.

• 58:10Speaker 02

  Well, the cock wasn't out.

• 58:12Speaker 01

  Oh, god, no.

• 58:13Speaker 02

  That's what I mean, so like.

• 58:13Speaker 01

  No, exactly, no, but even that, it's just, why are we so embarrassed about sweating? I sweat, you know.

• 58:19Speaker 02

  There's not a problem sweating.

• 58:20Speaker 01

  I just don't know, I don't know, I, I, I can't stop it.

• 58:23Speaker 02

  I hope you don't mind.

• 58:24Speaker 01

  You can't have an operation.

• 58:25Speaker 02

  I hope you don't mind me talking about this, but I remember years ago when you were talking to me and you were like, I think I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get botox in my.

• 58:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can get it, yeah.

• 58:35Speaker 02

  And I was like, no, no, no. And I went to you, no, don't do that. You can't do that. And you went, well, because I do, like, I feel like I sweat excessively. And I was like, that's just your body. Like, that's just what your body's supposed to do. If you fuck up, like, you, your body's trying to cool down. If you start messing around with that shit.

• 58:51Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 58:52Speaker 02

  Like, you're gonna get into trouble.

• 58:54Speaker 01

  Well, my chemistry teacher at school um was talking about the merits and demerits of completely covering your body in paint. For a Halloween costume. And she was saying I would worry about pores, that you wouldn't be able to sweat.

• 59:09Speaker 02

  Isn't there like some sort of internet myth story?

• 59:13Speaker 01

  Died from it.

• 59:14Speaker 02

  Somebody sort of like internally combusted or something.

• 59:17Speaker 01

  Her, her take, uh, Dr. Dr. Nice Byfield. She said, I remember this.

• 59:24Speaker 02

  Shut up.

• 59:25Speaker 01

  Yeah. She said, you'll probably be all right as long as your kidneys are working at full whack. In other words, you can excrete all the stuff you need to get out through your urine. As long as your kidneys are going, you should be okay.

• 59:36Speaker 02

  How confident are you in?

• 59:38Speaker 01

  I'm, I have, I, I.

• 59:40Speaker 02

  Got good kidneys?

• 59:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, oh no, yes, I, I'm com- I back my kidneys and I, and I back, I continue to back that. I've stored that away as a little thing that I remember. So I think my kidneys are all right. Yeah. I haven't done any boxing or anything. Is it boxers kidneys end up that it's all scar tissue? There's just no.

• 59:59Speaker 02

  I wouldn't surprise me, yeah, cause there's literally kidney shots.

• 1:00:02Speaker 01

  And then the kidney repairs itself, but the big problem you have when you, when the body repair, if you can get wounded, the body will repair it. But it won't replace like for like, it'll just use a bog standard type of scar tissue. So. If half your kidney gets really fucked up, your bo- the body will fix the half, but it won't really be kidney anymore. It'll just be a scar.

• 1:00:20Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:00:21Speaker 01

  So, that's why, uh.

• 1:00:24Speaker 02

  I'm not kidney confident.

• 1:00:26Speaker 01

  I think I am. I've never had cause for.

• 1:00:29Speaker 02

  Kidney and liver. I think I've got some, there's some, uh. There's some problems there that are gonna rear their head at some point.

• 1:00:37Speaker 01

  How long do you need them to go for? I'm always thinking like, well, you know, if they conk out over after like a hundred years, I'll probably be, no.

• 1:00:45Speaker 02

  Be lucky, mate. Anyway, Zach, you're.

• 1:00:47Speaker 01

  So we haven't spent enough time talking about this.

• 1:00:49Speaker 02

  No, I think.

• 1:00:50Speaker 01

  Because I had to bring up my toilet trauma.

• 1:00:53Speaker 02

  I've also, well, why not?

• 1:00:55Speaker 01

  You got it. I mean, like, every time me and you go to the toilet, we always come back being like, something went wrong.

• 1:01:00Speaker 02

  There's always some fucking.

• 1:01:02Speaker 01

  Like a child.

• 1:01:04Speaker 02

  Fucking going on the toilet. You see, I don't like public toilets.

• 1:01:05Speaker 01

  I did go, but there was a man in there and I didn't get to finish.

• 1:01:09Speaker 02

  I don't like public toilets at all. I did a thing, I fucking. Needed a shit in an airport recently and. I went twice and I still couldn't do it. Cause I was abroad and I couldn't get any five G or whatever. I couldn't read the news while I was on the toilet. And all I could hear was people talking and coming in and out.

• 1:01:30Speaker 01

  That's before we had five G. Everyone was like, hurry up with five G because I really need a shit.

• 1:01:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:36Speaker 03

  I could get a sink in here, like in dorm rooms if you want.

• 1:01:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, you could. Carpet a small room, pop a sink in there and I'll.

• 1:01:44Speaker 02

  Um, but listen, Zach, I'm loving everything about your fact, mate.

• 1:01:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:48Speaker 02

  Just personal preference here. Um, don't know if it's true.

• 1:01:51Speaker 01

  Seven neck bones.

• 1:01:52Speaker 02

  But I love the, I love the specifics of it. Seven neck bones. Which also mice and giraffes and whales have. I'm all for it.

• 1:02:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I, I think I probably have said this on here before, but I like this idea of, of like common ancestry. I think it's. It, it's a, it's a pleasant idea. There was, I think, there was a, some scientists believe. That at one point, the, the number of humans had dwindled so much. This is like ages ago. That there was basically like, just like one group. In I think what is now Botswana, like one group, that's it. If that group gets hit by an asteroid. That's it. Humans are done. Like they're out.

• 1:02:41Speaker 02

  They can't all travel on the same plane together.

• 1:02:43Speaker 01

  They really, no, no, they, they mustn't. No, they mustn't. And, um. Uh, but yeah, so I'm, I, it appeals to me, this idea of like, um.

• 1:02:54Speaker 01

  And and the sloths and the manatees do not have the seven neckbones. They're considered evolutionary defects.

• 1:03:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:02Speaker 01

  Um, bit harsh perhaps on. I would also say the sloth is the only animal I've ever heard Attenborough just be a bit rude about. Like, he's, he's like, their muscles are puny and can do very little. And you're like, oh, you can't wait to see a fucking slug fuck another slug. But a sloth, which isn't, you know.

• 1:03:24Speaker 02

  What's the, what's the lifespan of a sloth? Uh, fucking hell.

• 1:03:30Speaker 03

  Christ.

• 1:03:31Speaker 02

  Really.

• 1:03:32Speaker 01

  When the iPad fell.

• 1:03:37Speaker 01

  It's me like half remembering something I saw on television 25 years ago and you're burping and then you're like, it's like an old people's home.

• 1:03:46Speaker 02

  Do you know what?

• 1:03:47Speaker 01

  What do you think?

• 1:03:48Speaker 02

  It is like.

• 1:03:51Speaker 01

  Plus.

• 1:03:52Speaker 02

  It is basically a gentleman's club.

• 1:03:55Speaker 01

  It's a gentleman's club.

• 1:03:56Speaker 02

  We should be.

• 1:03:59Speaker 01

  Like, it's just, it's, do you know what I mean?

• 1:04:00Speaker 02

  We should be in wingback leather chairs.

• 1:04:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:06Speaker 02

  Just checking out the footsie.

• 1:04:09Speaker 01

  Oh, that young lady, does she work anymore? She left, she left.

• 1:04:15Speaker 02

  We used to do that a lot, didn't we?

• 1:04:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, we did.

• 1:04:18Speaker 02

  It was a damn shame.

• 1:04:19Speaker 01

  A damn shame.

• 1:04:22Speaker 02

  We, that was one of our comedy characters that we had on the set in between us.

• 1:04:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:27Speaker 03

  Twenty years.

• 1:04:28Speaker 01

  Twenty, twenty years. Yeah, that's all right. Twenty years ago, that's all right.

• 1:04:32Speaker 02

  They got, I think he bought it in Burma, actually. Yeah. Yeah, it was a wonderful time growing up in Rhodesia.

• 1:04:46Speaker 02

  Uh, anyway, Joe, where are we gonna go with these? Um, I'm leaning towards Zach and I don't think I've made any, um, I don't think I've hid that.

• 1:04:58Speaker 01

  Um.

• 1:05:00Speaker 02

  I don't think that Dean's.

• 1:05:01Speaker 01

  Let's have a look at both.

• 1:05:02Speaker 02

  I don't think Dean's fact is true.

• 1:05:04Speaker 01

  No, I like Dean's fat. I'm, I, I am.

• 1:05:08Speaker 02

  I've heard, I've heard something similar, Dean. But not, not the brain creating an illusion thing.

• 1:05:17Speaker 03

  It's wet versus bone.

• 1:05:18Speaker 02

  Wet versus bone. It always is. Um.

• 1:05:25Speaker 01

  Um.

• 1:05:26Speaker 02

  I don't even know what that means.

• 1:05:28Speaker 03

  Sort of like, uh, men are from Mars, women are from Venus, I suppose.

• 1:05:31Speaker 01

  It is a BS, it's yes. Yes. Yes.

• 1:05:34Speaker 03

  In a way.

• 1:05:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:35Speaker 03

  If you don't think about it too much.

• 1:05:36Speaker 01

  I know, I know. Yeah, I get it. Um.

• 1:05:40Speaker 02

  I like Zach. What are you saying, Joe? What's your gut saying there? What's your kidneys saying?

• 1:05:46Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 1:05:49Speaker 01

  Uh, second.

• 1:05:52Speaker 02

  Uh, well, don't rush me.

• 1:05:54Speaker 01

  You're podcasting. Uh.

• 1:05:57Speaker 02

  Damn good port.

• 1:06:04Speaker 03

  The thing is, I know why you're doing this character, you're not thinking about what fact you want to.

• 1:06:07Speaker 01

  No, I know. Okay, all right. I know, I know. Sorry, I'm just trying to. All right, hang on a, hang on a second. Hold on. Um.

• 1:06:16Speaker 01

  Um.

• 1:06:18Speaker 02

  You're torn, Joe.

• 1:06:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, I like, I, I really like the Dean one, but I think that, um, I'm having, I'm having trouble kind of grasping what the opposite would be. Like, what is a wet? What is a wet sensor? Like, to me, it's a little bit like saying, you're not really, you know, you're not really hot. You're, it's just that your, your, your nerves are telling your, your brain that you're hot. You're like, yeah, but, you know, what's, that's what it is. That's what hot is to me.

• 1:06:49Speaker 02

  The brain creating an illusion.

• 1:06:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's get, we're getting a little bit, we're getting, we're getting a little bit into that matrix stuff. Where people go, nothing's really happening. It's just a load of things telling you that.

• 1:07:03Speaker 02

  Everyone sees us to exist when you leave the room.

• 1:07:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. And I suppose I'm like, uh, well, we've covered this. We, no, we don't care. We like it, just more.

• 1:07:15Speaker 02

  It's fine.

• 1:07:15Speaker 01

  More of it.

• 1:07:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:16Speaker 01

  Um, and also, even if that is true, that's,

• 1:07:23Speaker 01

  you know, it, you know, it may be a mess, but it's my mess. Do you know what I mean? When it comes to reality? I think we, I think we are putting Zach through.

• 1:07:31Speaker 02

  Toughest one, toughest.

• 1:07:32Speaker 01

  It's a difficult one.

• 1:07:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:34Speaker 01

  It's a difficult one. Look, I, I like, I feel like Dean is playing very sort of cultured football.

• 1:07:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:40Speaker 01

  Um, but maybe in the end Zach's just brought on his big man and he's brought on, um, Andy Carroll.

• 1:07:48Speaker 02

  Zach's just route won it.

• 1:07:50Speaker 01

  But he's route won it and, um, you know, in the end it is, that's what can happen in when.

• 1:07:56Speaker 02

  Zach's, Zach's parked, parked the bus.

• 1:07:58Speaker 01

  Tournament football.

• 1:07:59Speaker 02

  He's nicked a goal, he's parked the bus.

• 1:08:00Speaker 01

  Tournament football, yeah. So maybe over the course of a league, I think Dean might win.

• 1:08:04Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:08:04Speaker 01

  But it's not a league. It's, um.

• 1:08:07Speaker 02

  That's a shame that Dean's not gonna make it, but this is, this is the way cup tournaments work, isn't it? Can we do it? Can we say Zach's gone through?

• 1:08:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:17Speaker 02

  Neck bones has gone through.

• 1:08:18Speaker 01

  Zach, you're through.

• 1:08:21Speaker 02

  Well done, Zach.

• 1:08:21Speaker 01

  You may not win the final.

• 1:08:23Speaker 02

  Well, it's a good fact.

• 1:08:24Speaker 01

  Well, no, you might win. That's my way of saying.

• 1:08:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:30Speaker 01

  That's, do you know what I mean?

• 1:08:32Speaker 02

  So it works, isn't it? Listen, should we wrap this up?

• 1:08:35Speaker 01

  Probably.

• 1:08:35Speaker 02

  For the love of God, probably. Uh, listen, I'm all fact out, Joey. What have we learned today? We've learned, um, there's seven neck bones in the neck.

• 1:08:47Speaker 01

  Best place for them.

• 1:08:50Speaker 01

  That's where I keep mine. But listen, you do you.

• 1:08:54Speaker 02

  We've learned that there's seven neck bones in the neck. We've learned that you need, that Joe needs to piss around his garden to stop the blind fox from turning up.

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:02Speaker 02

  Uh, and we also have learned that.

• 1:09:06Speaker 02

  Didn't we have a voice note at some point during this?

• 1:09:08Speaker 01

  Something else about piss?

• 1:09:09Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:09:10Speaker 01

  What was that?

• 1:09:11Speaker 02

  What was the voice note?

• 1:09:12Speaker 03

  Yes, the voice note was an add-on from OB2.

• 1:09:17Speaker 02

  Oh, that's right.

• 1:09:18Speaker 03

  Dennis Lawson.

• 1:09:20Speaker 02

  We've also learned that Ewan McGregor isn't as talented and as great as actor as we all thought he was. He's actually just snuck in through the back door because his uncle, because he's hunky uncle.

• 1:09:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. Dennis Law.

• 1:09:35Speaker 02

  Because his hunkle got him involved in the Star Wars franchise. Guys, thank you so much for listening. We'll be back next week, armed with more facts, chats and final World Up. And the final.

• 1:09:46Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, the final. Yeah, we have. I mean, then we need to big that up a bit more. It's the final.

• 1:09:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was too casual about that, wasn't I, Joe?

• 1:09:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:53Speaker 02

  We'll be back next week with the final World Up match. And don't forget that you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to compete in the World Up what?

• 1:10:02Speaker 03

  Oh, it's fine. Actually, no one else can compete in there.

• 1:10:04Speaker 02

  Right, no, absolutely not. Keep your facts coming in.

• 1:10:08Speaker 01

  No, you can't.

• 1:10:08Speaker 02

  No, it's too late.

• 1:10:10Speaker 03

  It's too late.

• 1:10:10Speaker 02

  Keep your facts coming in. You can get in touch with us. Our email is [email protected]. Our WhatsApp is 07822034330. You can follow us on socials. Our handle thing is at joandjamespod. And head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten those details. That's it. That's the end of a podcast. We're done. That's the end of the episode, Joe.

• 1:10:34Speaker 01

  Bye, everyone. Goodbye. We've done it.

• 1:10:35Speaker 02

  Goodbye.

• 1:10:41Speaker 02

  That's the most drunk I've been during a podcast.

• 1:10:49Speaker 04

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• 1:11:24Speaker 07

  1965, London. The world's largest uncut diamond has been stolen from the Natural History.

• 1:11:33Speaker 07

  Shortly after, a young London window cleaner is arrested.

• 1:11:37Speaker 02

  They said you're nicked, you're in a lot of trouble.

• 1:11:39Speaker 07

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