The Gorgeous Pilanthriform

***EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/factup Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee.*** This week Joe Thomas and James Buckley discuss when Blake Harrison's coat was held for ransom by a schoolchild at at a screening for The Inbetweeners Movie, the weirdest dream Joe has ever had and James' interesting choice of nightwear... Plus they'll 'fact check' whether 'Half of the UK population stand up to wipe their arse.' GET IN TOUCH: Whatsapp us - wa.me/447822034330 http://wa.me/447822034330 Fill in our Fact Up Form - https://forms.gle/uzF6XWPqaA5aNTtN7 Subscribe on Youtube - www.youtube.com/@JoeandJamesPod/videos http://www.youtube.com/@JoeandJamesPod/videos Follow us on Instagram - www.instagram.com/joeandjamespod http://www.instagram.com/joeandjamespod Follow us on TikTok - www.tiktok.com/@joeandjamespod http://www.tiktok.com/@joeandjamespod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:32Speaker 01

  I'm Claire Buckley, and this Halloween on my podcast, Pretty Scary, we are going to cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts and aliens. Plus, the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So, as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved, and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat, right? Get the candles lit in search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.

• 1:11Speaker 02

  I was on a train yesterday. Yeah. I left my coat on the train. I had to run back. Yeah. It was quite stressful, right? Yeah. Because I got off the train. Yeah. And I was like, oh shit, I've left my coat. And I had to run back on the train, get my coat and get back off again before the train left. But in a way, quite exhilarating as well. Oh, I felt like an action hero, don't get me wrong. Yeah, absolutely. You've got to take it when you can. That's what was going on in my head. But it reminded me, it reminded me at the time where Blake, who plays Neil from The Inbetweeners. Oh yeah, I remember this. Yeah, this is his coat. Yeah. Yeah. Left his coat somewhere, right? So, when we were making The Inbetweeners, a guy who produced The Inbetweeners who lived in one of the Scottish Isles. Yes. The Isle of Skye. Yeah.

• 1:54Speaker 02

  And one summer, I mean, you say summer, we went up there. It didn't fucking feel like summer. Yeah. It did not feel like summer at all as well. We went to the Isle of Skye for a weekend and we went to the local school. Yeah. We did a screening of the film. Is that right? Yeah, we did a screening of the film and then we did like a queue and we didn't, yeah. We didn't just go to a school. Yeah, we always go straight round to the school. And then, and then we were like, oh yeah, great, like to the, right, nice to see you. Anyway, should we go to the pub now? And then Blake was like, oh shit, I've left my coat, right? So he was asking someone, he was asking someone, can you get my coat? I like, I don't know what to do about this. But because it was the Isle of Skye, and I think about four people live there or whatever. It was all like, don't worry about it.

• 2:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  Like, we'll get your coat back, it'll be fine.

• 2:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:40Speaker 02

  Anyway, one of the kids, right? Nicked the coat.

• 2:46Speaker 02

  One of the kids nicked the coat. Not only nicked the coat, what did they do? Started ransoming it.

• 2:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, no. He, um, he got in touch with Blake, I've got a little bit of dry skin on my lip.

• 2:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's alright.

• 3:02Speaker 02

  You could have just spat that. You swallowed it. You swallowed a bit of dry skin.

• 3:07Speaker 03

  I feel like it's still there.

• 3:08Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 3:08Speaker 03

  I think it's gone now.

• 3:09Speaker 02

  I can't see anything.

• 3:10Speaker 03

  I think it's gone now. Um, he got in touch with Blake.

• 3:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:14Speaker 03

  On Facebook.

• 3:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's right, yeah.

• 3:15Speaker 03

  Oh, I think you might be missing a coat.

• 3:17Speaker 02

  Didn't he send a picture as well?

• 3:18Speaker 03

  And, and he sent a picture and, and he was like, and Blake was like, yeah, yeah, that's great. Yeah, that's my coat. And then the guy was like, well, yeah, how much?

• 3:28Speaker 02

  How much? How much you want for it? Yeah.

• 3:29Speaker 03

  It was amazing. He was ransomed it. He genuinely.

• 3:32Speaker 02

  Blake was well annoyed.

• 3:33Speaker 03

  It was.

• 3:35Speaker 02

  Blake was furious.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  It was amazing. Yeah, that was.

• 3:37Speaker 02

  Did he get that coat back though? Cause I can't remember how that story ended. All I, all I remember was being around going, oh, fucking hell, some kid's ransoming their coat. Your coat, gutted.

• 3:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know, yeah.

• 3:47Speaker 02

  What are you gonna do about that?

• 3:50Speaker 04

  Joe and James?

• 3:51Speaker 03

  Ah, Joe and James. Joe and James.

• 3:56Speaker 04

  Fact up again. Joe and James, Joe and James, Joe and James. Joe and James, fact up.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  Right, we should probably do a formal welcome.

• 4:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  To the, to this episode.

• 4:07Speaker 03

  Um. Yep.

• 4:08Speaker 02

  I am James, that is Joe, this is Fact Up. Each week we'll be bringing one another a fact that we deem interesting. And our policy is, the more interesting, the more true it is.

• 4:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:21Speaker 02

  That's it, that's the bar. If it's interesting, then it must be true. Uh, we will unpack it, debate it, and probably wander off onto something completely unrelated. And we'll also dig into the weird things that you would like to think are true, but don't want to do any research yourself, in a segment that we're calling Facts Check. So we want you to send your facts for us. Our email is hello at joe and james pod.com. Our WhatsApp number is 07822 034330. And all our socials are at joe and james pod. Um, just a friendly reminder, reminder.

• 4:58Speaker 03

  Remainer.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  Ramona. Oh, God. Well, you're a Ramona.

• 5:07Speaker 03

  Pretty strong stuff.

• 5:13Speaker 02

  Sorry.

• 5:14Speaker 03

  One of the Ramonas.

• 5:15Speaker 02

  Ramonas. That's what they called it. They people that.

• 5:18Speaker 03

  They're people who voted remain.

• 5:20Speaker 02

  Right.

• 5:20Speaker 03

  And still, and still would have preferred it if we had remained.

• 5:24Speaker 02

  Right, okay.

• 5:25Speaker 03

  And they're sort of people that are sad, um, that we left the EU.

• 5:29Speaker 02

  Anyway, just a gentle Ramona that you can watch all our episodes on YouTube. Just search for Joe and James Fact Up. Um, and if, if I, if I may have got distracted and what I just said didn't make any sense.

• 5:42Speaker 03

  Well, if you were distracted by all the Ramona stuff and like trying to remember what that means.

• 5:46Speaker 02

  I couldn't remember what he meant.

• 5:47Speaker 03

  Opening up what you'd have to call a can of worms. During the, what's meant to be just like parish announcements, essentially.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  Head to the podcast description for all that important information without me or Joe going mental. Now, let's get fact up.

• 6:09Speaker 02

  That's the last time I'm doing that, Lily, mate.

• 6:11Speaker 03

  No, I, I, I think it's fine. Like, we've got it like.

• 6:13Speaker 05

  It brings joy to.

• 6:14Speaker 02

  I think it derails. I think it derails what's going on.

• 6:17Speaker 03

  I think.

• 6:17Speaker 05

  I don't think that's what's derailing what's going on.

• 6:19Speaker 03

  There's not much. Yeah, there's not. There are no rails. I don't know what rails. There's not a network.

• 6:23Speaker 05

  That's one of the few things keeping you on track.

• 6:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like, yeah.

• 6:27Speaker 02

  We're just a floating train, locomotive, going wherever it wants to go. Anyway, Joe, we've got, um, some admin. We've got some housekeeping. We've got some correspondence here.

• 6:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:37Speaker 02

  Um, you guys have been sending in some real fact up stuff for us to discuss.

• 6:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:42Speaker 02

  Uh, this is, uh, this just says Joe's facial hair. What?

• 6:46Speaker 05

  That's the, that's the, that's the topic that the answer is about.

• 6:49Speaker 03

  And I'm interested to get into this. Um, and, because this is interesting to me. So can, can I do this one?

• 6:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 6:56Speaker 03

  Because, because this is.

• 6:57Speaker 02

  I've not read it.

• 6:57Speaker 03

  Okay, well, so this is from, and he, this is from, and he's put guy, but people call me Yug.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 7:06Speaker 03

  Oh, I see, cause it's guy backwards.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 7:07Speaker 03

  Nice. Okay, right. And here's the letter. Okay, so this is a real life case study fact I experimented on myself. In the first episode, Joe was talking about how he can't and will never be able to grow a strong beard. I was, and he's put, I can help. In twenty twenty two, I was hairless. It was a really hard time. Not one little hair on my face. I thought I was doomed. It all changed when I discovered a combination of using a beard roller and caffeine shampoo. What you do is you use the beard roller and then apply the caffeine shampoo on your face and then wash away after a minute. This. This is a win win situation.

• 7:47Speaker 02

  How is it all? Go on.

• 7:49Speaker 03

  Okay. If Joe tests this hypothesis and it works, brackets, which it will, he will finally be the man his dad never was and destroy his family's curse of no beards. He will break the chain. If it doesn't work, then at least the pod has fact checked a fact. Good luck. Well.

• 8:06Speaker 02

  Do you know what, man? This feels like a bit of a wind up.

• 8:09Speaker 03

  Right.

• 8:10Speaker 02

  This feels like guys going, I did this. You do it. Let me know how you're getting on.

• 8:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, I suppose there's, there's no, um.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  What you should do is, um, rub pigeon shit into your face.

• 8:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  It worked for me.

• 8:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, I saw, yeah, there's no, there's no sort of photographs attached to, um, to this. Although I'm, I'm less cynical than you. I, I do, I think that this. I feel like you did do this.

• 8:32Speaker 02

  Do you know what a beard roller is?

• 8:35Speaker 03

  Not really, no.

• 8:35Speaker 02

  No, so I know what this thing is because I, I was, um, until recently.

• 8:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:42Speaker 02

  Cause I'm a bit. I mean, you definitely are. I'm not as bad as you, but I'm a bit of a hypochondriac.

• 8:47Speaker 03

  Oh, right. Yeah.

• 8:48Speaker 02

  Right?

• 8:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  And I was just, even though I've got quite thick hair.

• 8:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:52Speaker 02

  I was just convinced I was going bald.

• 8:55Speaker 03

  Oh, right.

• 8:56Speaker 02

  I was just like, I'm definitely going bald.

• 8:57Speaker 03

  Okay, that's good.

• 8:58Speaker 02

  I'm, I'm absolutely definitely going bald. And, um, so those, those roller things are like tiny little needles on a, on a roller.

• 9:05Speaker 03

  Oh, is that?

• 9:06Speaker 02

  I don't know what it. I think that's what they're talking about.

• 9:08Speaker 03

  Yeah. Oh, oh my goodness. Oh, I see. Yeah. So it's, it's to get

• 9:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:12Speaker 03

  your stu- the stuff right into the

• 9:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think so, yeah.

• 9:15Speaker 03

  Well, I suppose what, what.

• 9:16Speaker 02

  But it, it, just to.

• 9:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  On my baldness.

• 9:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:20Speaker 02

  Um, I actually saw a video, uh, we were watching an old family video. It's something that we actually do quite a lot.

• 9:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:26Speaker 02

  Um, cause we, we've got lots of stuff of our boys on our phones and stuff like that. And we were watching things from like well over ten years ago.

• 9:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:35Speaker 02

  And I looked at my hair and I was like, oh, my hair looks exactly the same there than it does now.

• 9:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:40Speaker 02

  And I went, I was going to Claire, I'm not, I'm not going bald, am I?

• 9:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:45Speaker 02

  I think I just always.

• 9:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  My hairline was just naturally.

• 9:49Speaker 03

  I, I've never, never struck me that you have a.

• 9:52Speaker 02

  Well, I was convinced, I, I was convinced I was going bald and Claire was like, no, you're not. You, no one ever, no one ever, no one ever said you were going bald.

• 9:59Speaker 03

  No.

• 10:00Speaker 02

  No one's ever said to you, so you, you got to sort that out.

• 10:02Speaker 03

  So you were like.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  You just decided this yourself one day.

• 10:05Speaker 03

  And then you, you were like, good news, Claire. I know you've been worried about it. I'm not going bald. It was like, at no point was I worried about it. Yeah.

• 10:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:11Speaker 03

  And the thing, this, were you, were you putting anything in?

• 10:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was using, um, Monoxidil, Monoxidil.

• 10:18Speaker 03

  So it's really just, it, it's a way of getting this hair growth stuff into your face.

• 10:23Speaker 02

  Think so, yeah.

• 10:24Speaker 03

  Instead of your head, but, but also he said caffeine.

• 10:27Speaker 02

  Caffeine shampoo.

• 10:28Speaker 03

  Caffeine shampoo. Is caffeine shampoo supposed to make your hair grow?

• 10:30Speaker 02

  I feel like it's a German thing.

• 10:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:32Speaker 02

  There's that advert with the shampoo. Yeah, yeah.

• 10:35Speaker 03

  It's a very, very simple advert.

• 10:36Speaker 02

  It's meant to make your hair thicker or something, but I don't, again, I don't, and like I say, I've looked into the baldness thing.

• 10:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:43Speaker 02

  I don't understand the science of caffeine shampoo.

• 10:46Speaker 03

  Well, look, I mean, I have done weird and stupid things before to my body.

• 10:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:52Speaker 03

  So, I mean, I, I don't mind doing this, but I, I, I, is it like, I don't, I don't think it's wind up.

• 11:00Speaker 02

  Right.

• 11:01Speaker 03

  The, I don't, I'm, I'm not sure why caffeine specifically would, I mean, should, I mean, should I, but mate, I don't know whether I just, this is now just part of my.

• 11:09Speaker 02

  Do hymns. That's what you should do. That's what this pro, this brand of.

• 11:14Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 11:15Speaker 02

  Thing is called hymns. It comes in like a spray. So what you should do is you could do that roller thing and then spray. I feel like that, if, if any of it's ever gonna work.

• 11:24Speaker 03

  If it's gonna work.

• 11:25Speaker 02

  I feel like that would be better than caffeine shampoo.

• 11:27Speaker 03

  Give it a little go on. I can do it on a small patch first, like when you're, you know, with a.

• 11:31Speaker 02

  I wouldn't do that.

• 11:32Speaker 03

  Just in case it does work.

• 11:35Speaker 03

  Oh yeah.

• 11:38Speaker 03

  Just have one.

• 11:39Speaker 02

  That'd be a disaster.

• 11:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's worse, isn't it? Where can I, could I try on a bit my leg or something?

• 11:44Speaker 02

  Do it on your face.

• 11:46Speaker 03

  We'll come back to this. I'm, I'm, look, um, Yug.

• 11:49Speaker 02

  Yug.

• 11:49Speaker 03

  Thank you very much. This is a real, this is real food for thought. I'm gonna have a think about whether I'm gonna commit to this fully. Uh, and, um, we'll, we'll come back to you. Um, the, the, the next one, do you wanna do this one?

• 12:01Speaker 02

  I'll do this one. It just says Australian cultural difference. This is from Dylan via email. Dylan says, hey, Joe and James, I've been led to believe all my life that Coca-Cola in Australia is vastly better than many places in the world it's being sold. Due to the quality of the Australian ingredients that go into it. But I myself have never been outside Australia. And haven't been able to test it.

• 12:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:28Speaker 02

  Um. Um, but the fact that you two have been here before and currently live in the UK, I'd like your thoughts on if any. Um, big fan regards, Dylan from Brisbane. Dylan, you are on to something. You are definitely on to something there.

• 12:42Speaker 03

  You, you agree?

• 12:43Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 12:44Speaker 03

  Right, okay.

• 12:44Speaker 02

  Not specifically about Australia. I think that Coca-Cola ironically tastes better anywhere else than America.

• 12:54Speaker 03

  Right.

• 12:55Speaker 02

  Because America have, um.

• 12:59Speaker 02

  These, well, if you leave America.

• 13:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:03Speaker 02

  Most of the food they eat there is banned anywhere else.

• 13:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 13:08Speaker 02

  Or has to be made in a different way.

• 13:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:10Speaker 02

  Right?

• 13:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:11Speaker 02

  And, and a lot of Americans say that Mexican Coca-Cola.

• 13:15Speaker 03

  Yes, okay, yeah.

• 13:16Speaker 02

  Or the glass bottle Coca-Cola. Tastes better to them.

• 13:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:20Speaker 02

  Than the Coca-Cola that, that they're used to.

• 13:21Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 13:22Speaker 02

  And I think it's because that Coca-Cola, a lot of the time. Actual sugar.

• 13:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:28Speaker 02

  Um, is, uh, i- is replaced with corn syrup.

• 13:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay, yeah.

• 13:33Speaker 02

  Because America makes loads and loads of corn.

• 13:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:36Speaker 02

  Right.

• 13:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  I'm gonna, I'm, this is the one and only time I'm ever gonna say this on this podcast. You might have to fact check me, right? But, um, but I, I assume.

• 13:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  Because corn is such, because they make so much fucking corn in America.

• 13:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 13:53Speaker 02

  And farming and stuff like that, it's such a big, um, part of their GDP or whatever, I don't know.

• 13:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:59Speaker 02

  That, um, they're, they just try and find new ways to make, to use corn.

• 14:05Speaker 03

  Definitely.

• 14:05Speaker 02

  So they go.

• 14:06Speaker 03

  If you've got a waste product in your industry, it's making no money.

• 14:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:09Speaker 03

  You go, what can we make out of this?

• 14:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:11Speaker 03

  There must be something.

• 14:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, and they go, right.

• 14:13Speaker 03

  Definitely.

• 14:13Speaker 02

  I'll tell you what we'll do, we'll ban sugar and make everyone, the government goes, we'll ban sugar and make everyone use corn.

• 14:19Speaker 03

  Corn syrup, yeah.

• 14:20Speaker 02

  Not because it's maybe better for your, not because any of that, just because it will.

• 14:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:24Speaker 02

  Prop up the farming industry, the corn farming industry.

• 14:27Speaker 03

  It may also be cheaper, I mean, I think that.

• 14:29Speaker 02

  There's that as well, yeah.

• 14:30Speaker 03

  If you're trying to put a drink together.

• 14:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:33Speaker 03

  You don't wanna pay for the expensive ingredients, you wanna get cheaper substitutes and.

• 14:37Speaker 02

  It's why chocolate tastes awful in America.

• 14:40Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 14:40Speaker 02

  And don't get me wrong, I don't wanna sit here slagging America off, especially when it comes to food, because they get a lot of stuff right.

• 14:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, absolutely. Well, no, I, I.

• 14:47Speaker 02

  Good golly.

• 14:48Speaker 03

  I suppose what I feel about America is that there's got a very, very high ceiling and possibly a very, very low floor. Because it's like, there's no, there's no, I feel like there is not very much regulation, so like, there's not. There's not many institutions that are gonna get in the way of the producer.

• 15:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:06Speaker 03

  Selling whatever they happen to want to put in their thing to the consumer and. But at the top end, that's amazing, so it's just a big, it's a big range.

• 15:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, but Dylan, I do think there is something in what you're saying and, but I don't think it's just Australia. I think it's America V the rest of the world.

• 15:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  Cause if you go to, like, Mexico, for example, they're allowed to use actual sugar.

• 15:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  Sugar cane, and it makes the Coca Cola taste better.

• 15:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:38Speaker 02

  Don't know if, if it's a more unhealthy, I'm not sure about that, but, um.

• 15:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:45Speaker 02

  I think you're right, Dylan.

• 15:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  That's a good little, that's a good little fact.

• 15:49Speaker 03

  Nice one.

• 15:50Speaker 02

  Was I right about the corn?

• 15:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, you were both right. So it's it's US policy for them to use corn syrup. Well, I say it's US policy. It's US policy. They tax other sugars higher, basically. And so corn syrup is one of the cheapest

• 16:04Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 16:05Speaker 05

  Sweeteners to use essentially. And so, yeah, it's widely used and it is used in American Coca-Cola.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:12Speaker 02

  Nice one, Dylan. Cheers for that, mate.

• 16:14Speaker 03

  Very good. Right.

• 16:16Speaker 02

  I believe it's now time for our facts.

• 16:20Speaker 03

  Right. So, um, James, I have wanted to do a fact episode about dreams.

• 16:28Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 16:28Speaker 03

  Because I.

• 16:29Speaker 02

  When was it? Last episode or the episode before you brought that up and said?

• 16:32Speaker 03

  A couple ago, maybe I want to tell a dream.

• 16:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:34Speaker 03

  Um, and, uh, so my fact's about dreams.

• 16:40Speaker 02

  Go on.

• 16:41Speaker 03

  And.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  Isn't it because you've got a story about dreams?

• 16:43Speaker 03

  I've got a story about dreams. I had the funniest dream I ever had. So which I'm going to come to.

• 16:48Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 16:48Speaker 03

  This is a dream I woke up laughing because it was so funny.

• 16:50Speaker 02

  I've woken up laughing before.

• 16:52Speaker 03

  I was genuinely laughing. I was like, that is funny.

• 16:55Speaker 02

  I've woken up laughing.

• 16:56Speaker 03

  It's so good.

• 16:56Speaker 02

  I've also woken up screaming, right? I do. There was one time where both our kids were ill.

• 17:05Speaker 03

  Right.

• 17:05Speaker 02

  With like flu or something like that.

• 17:09Speaker 03

  Right.

• 17:09Speaker 02

  And they didn't want to stay in their own rooms. They wanted to get in mum and dad's bed.

• 17:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:15Speaker 02

  But we couldn't take both of them at the exact same time.

• 17:17Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 17:18Speaker 02

  So I took one of them with me to the spare room.

• 17:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:21Speaker 02

  And Claire had the other one.

• 17:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:23Speaker 02

  So imagine this, right? You're about seven years old.

• 17:26Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 17:26Speaker 02

  You're already not feeling well. You're anxious and worried.

• 17:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:30Speaker 02

  Dad, can I sleep with you? Yeah, come on, get in. Like, we'll go off to the guest room. Don't worry about it. Everything will be fine. Uh, and then I started having a dream. I started having a nightmare.

• 17:42Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 17:42Speaker 02

  About a ghost chasing me, right?

• 17:45Speaker 03

  It's not even a, it's not even an adult scary thing. Like, you're just like a ghost.

• 17:50Speaker 02

  And, um, and I was making these noises in my dream where I was going, I wasn't screaming so much, but I was doing this. I was going.

• 17:59Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  I was making that noise, this sort of weird aggressive snorting noise. And my son was going, dad, dad, and I wasn't waking up and I was just going.

• 18:14Speaker 02

  Eventually I did wake up and I went and he was going. Daddy, you're okay. And I was going, yeah, yeah. I was going, I was having a nightmare. Was I making noises? He was going, yeah. And I was going to him, mate, that must have been terrifying for you.

• 18:28Speaker 02

  I was going, you must have been so scared.

• 18:30Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 18:30Speaker 02

  And I was like, I'm so fine. I'm just.

• 18:32Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 18:32Speaker 02

  I was just having a nightmare.

• 18:34Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 18:34Speaker 02

  He was already having a bad night.

• 18:37Speaker 03

  Oh, Christ.

• 18:38Speaker 02

  And the person that you turn to for safety and comfort and warmth.

• 18:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's having to comfort you. He's like, it's all right, dad.

• 18:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:45Speaker 03

  Was he sort of going, it wasn't a real ghost. It was just.

• 18:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:48Speaker 03

  It was all in your head. It's all gone. It's all over now.

• 18:50Speaker 02

  Come on, dad, get in here.

• 18:52Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, that's, that's, that's lovely. Um.

• 18:56Speaker 02

  But what's your fact, sorry, Jack?

• 18:57Speaker 03

  I'm gonna begin with my fact about dreams. So, um, my fact is that there is some evidence that spiders dream.

• 19:04Speaker 02

  Amazing.

• 19:04Speaker 03

  Spiders.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  Have they like put little electrodes on a spider's?

• 19:09Speaker 03

  There's a spider that has like a see-through head. I think maybe the juvenile version of the spider and they can see. And like bits of the brain.

• 19:17Speaker 02

  But they don't have a brain, do they?

• 19:19Speaker 03

  They've got brain.

• 19:20Speaker 02

  I thought insects and arachnids had like a sort of, um. Like a nervous system where their brain is all over their body.

• 19:29Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, like a, like a nervous, a nervous system, but it's kind of. As I understand it, it's kind of, it's, it's lighting up.

• 19:35Speaker 02

  It's firing.

• 19:36Speaker 03

  You can see like electrical activity.

• 19:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 19:38Speaker 03

  And they're sort of twitching and stuff.

• 19:40Speaker 02

  Right.

• 19:41Speaker 03

  And when they're asleep and they're like, yeah, they're having dreams.

• 19:44Speaker 02

  How do you know a spider's asleep?

• 19:47Speaker 03

  Well, after a.

• 19:48Speaker 02

  They put one of those little Dickensian sort of caps on.

• 19:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:52Speaker 02

  They've got like a little.

• 19:55Speaker 02

  I've got one of those.

• 19:56Speaker 03

  Well, they they pop on a little um sleep mask.

• 19:59Speaker 02

  You know.

• 20:00Speaker 03

  They have that they have like an avocado face mask on and everything. Cause they're very conscious about, you know, people calling them ugly.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  Absolutely. You know those, you know, um night shirts.

• 20:11Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, yeah.

• 20:12Speaker 02

  Buttoned up night shirts. I've got one of those.

• 20:15Speaker 03

  Have you?

• 20:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:16Speaker 03

  Right.

• 20:16Speaker 02

  It cost me quite a lot of money. It was from like a traditional sort of shop in London.

• 20:21Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 20:22Speaker 02

  And I bought it to annoy Claire.

• 20:24Speaker 03

  Right, okay.

• 20:27Speaker 02

  One day we were getting ready for bed. I was like, I'm gonna put my PJs on. Came out in a, in a sort of Scrooge-esque sort of long shirt, cotton shirt. Well, well comfy by the way, like genuinely really comfortable.

• 20:42Speaker 03

  I mean, it's, yeah, it is.

• 20:44Speaker 02

  And then, um, and then one time, um, we had, uh, we had all of Claire's family.

• 20:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:52Speaker 02

  Come to stay with us at the same time. Um, so not only were like all the beds taken.

• 20:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:58Speaker 02

  Um, but we had to set up a blow up bed in the living room of the house as well.

• 21:03Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 21:04Speaker 02

  And, uh, and I went, I'm gonna go and, um, check on your brother, Claire's brother and his wife. To make sure they're okay.

• 21:12Speaker 03

  They're all settling in, right?

• 21:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. So I put that night shirt on.

• 21:15Speaker 03

  And then, and then now they're like, we saw a ghost in, in James's house.

• 21:22Speaker 02

  I'm like, what are you doing?

• 21:23Speaker 03

  That is funny.

• 21:24Speaker 02

  And Claire was going, don't, don't come down.

• 21:29Speaker 02

  I was going, ah, it'd be funny, it'd be funny. She was going, no, they'll think you're a weirdo. Nah, they'll get the joke.

• 21:35Speaker 03

  Oh, it's good. That's, I mean, no, I love that. So you can, you, you can get them and you've got.

• 21:41Speaker 02

  Absolutely, yeah.

• 21:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:42Speaker 02

  You can get them, boy. Oh, you can still find them.

• 21:44Speaker 03

  He's a find them. Are they a bit like, if you want to do a wee, like, are they just?

• 21:48Speaker 02

  Just lift them up?

• 21:49Speaker 03

  It feels like there's a lot of stuff to, so you're basically in a dress, like.

• 21:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 21:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, all right. So I'm sorry.

• 21:54Speaker 02

  The thing is, right, is I don't, I don't stand up to piss.

• 21:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay, right.

• 21:58Speaker 02

  So Joe, your fact is that you're, that spiders dream.

• 22:02Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 22:02Speaker 02

  Is that what it is?

• 22:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, they were, um, yes, that they, they, yes, they dream and.

• 22:08Speaker 02

  And what was your dream that you woke up laughing?

• 22:10Speaker 03

  Okay, so my dream when I woke up laughing was that.

• 22:12Speaker 02

  Funniest dream. It's the, it's the, Joe Bill has billed this as the funniest dream.

• 22:16Speaker 03

  I billed this as the funniest dream.

• 22:17Speaker 02

  No pressure.

• 22:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, so.

• 22:21Speaker 03

  Um, this was my dream. Uh, I, oh god, I feel like I'm gonna fuck out now.

• 22:29Speaker 03

  So I, I partly wanted to do dreams because this is the funniest dream I've ever had. So I was watching a sort of film, like an American film, and it was American Jeeps or tanks driving through the desert to meet Osama bin Laden.

• 22:47Speaker 02

  Right.

• 22:48Speaker 03

  And first of all, I remember thinking.

• 22:50Speaker 02

  Funny so far.

• 22:50Speaker 03

  No, first of all, I remember thinking that

• 22:58Speaker 03

  they've shot this really badly.

• 23:00Speaker 02

  Right.

• 23:00Speaker 03

  Because I could tell that they were micro machines.

• 23:04Speaker 02

  Right.

• 23:04Speaker 03

  And at one point, a fly crawled over it and it was the same size as the Jeep. So I was like, that's funny.

• 23:12Speaker 02

  I should have cut that out.

• 23:14Speaker 03

  Then the Americans got to the cave.

• 23:17Speaker 02

  Right.

• 23:18Speaker 03

  And Osama bin Laden was in there.

• 23:19Speaker 02

  Right.

• 23:21Speaker 03

  And he was really, really rude to them.

• 23:26Speaker 03

  And at one, the way he was rude is that at one point he deliberately sneezed in their faces.

• 23:30Speaker 02

  Right.

• 23:31Speaker 03

  And they had all his snot down.

• 23:33Speaker 02

  Do you know what, man? If, if this was real, that would, that's probably one of the worst things Osama bin Laden's ever done.

• 23:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know, I know. That, that, not that.

• 23:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:44Speaker 03

  You've gone too far now. Right, you fucking had it now. Don't sneeze in our faces.

• 23:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:52Speaker 03

  Osama bin Laden.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  Sneeze on America.

• 23:57Speaker 03

  Osama bin Laden was wearing.

• 24:00Speaker 02

  Go on.

• 24:01Speaker 03

  A set of beautiful silk pajamas.

• 24:04Speaker 02

  Right.

• 24:06Speaker 03

  All covered over with little emblems, which if you looked closely, was a very, very beautiful, bright green octopus, o- octo- octopus creature.

• 24:20Speaker 02

  Was there more than one?

• 24:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, so it was like lots of

• 24:23Speaker 02

  Octopi?

• 24:24Speaker 03

  Lots of little, so all over, like, that was the pattern. So like the equivalent of polka dots, but they were actually

• 24:30Speaker 02

  Little octopi?

• 24:31Speaker 03

  Tiny little, bright green octopi.

• 24:35Speaker 02

  Right.

• 24:35Speaker 03

  And he was also holding in his hands a full-size version of whatever this creature was. This beautiful, bright green octopus.

• 24:46Speaker 02

  He's obsessed with this octopus.

• 24:48Speaker 03

  He's obsessed with this octopus.

• 24:48Speaker 02

  So he's stroking it like

• 24:49Speaker 03

  He's stroking it, like, you know, like, God's are evil.

• 24:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay.

• 24:53Speaker 03

  And then, and then, the Americans left the cave.

• 24:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:57Speaker 03

  And they were so freaked out by what had happened.

• 25:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:03Speaker 03

  That they realised that they'd forgotten to ask him anything at all. They hadn't, they hadn't even asked him any questions.

• 25:10Speaker 02

  They didn't say, what was that all about?

• 25:13Speaker 03

  They went out, and they, because I think they were supposed to be like, I don't know, like negotiating with him or something. They left, and they were like, we didn't ask him anything.

• 25:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:20Speaker 03

  And then a voiceover

• 25:21Speaker 02

  He was just playing mind games.

• 25:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. And then a voiceover came on in the dream. And it went, and so Osama returned to his lair, cradling the gorgeous Pilanthriform.

• 25:39Speaker 03

  And Pilanthriform was the name of the octopus.

• 25:43Speaker 03

  And it just made it up. And I was like, oh, the octopus was called Pilanthriform.

• 25:49Speaker 02

  Right. Can I just say that?

• 25:50Speaker 03

  And I woke, I woke up laughing. I was like, that is mental. And

• 25:56Speaker 02

  Can I just say, when I first said, I've got to do a podcast with Joey because he's insane.

• 26:04Speaker 02

  It has taken us a little while. It's taken us eight episodes to get to this.

• 26:08Speaker 03

  We've got to the nub of it now, right? But I did love it. It was, I just did it had a name, and the name was, and, and the name of the octopus was Pilanthriform. And that's why he had him all over his pyjamas.

• 26:21Speaker 03

  Because he loved him.

• 26:22Speaker 02

  That's really weird, man.

• 26:23Speaker 03

  And he had his own stuff made and that was, he was all over his pyjamas.

• 26:27Speaker 02

  That's brilliant. It's a funny dream.

• 26:29Speaker 03

  It was a funny dream, do you think?

• 26:30Speaker 02

  It was a funny dream.

• 26:31Speaker 03

  It was funny.

• 26:31Speaker 02

  Do you know what, Joe, like, when you first said, "I had a dream about Osama bin Laden", I was like, "I'm not sure".

• 26:35Speaker 03

  No, but, no.

• 26:36Speaker 02

  I'm not sure how funny that is. But you, you're right.

• 26:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:40Speaker 02

  It's fucking hilarious.

• 26:41Speaker 03

  I don't see. So, yeah, that was, um, that's, um, that's the Palantir form dream.

• 26:46Speaker 02

  Brilliant.

• 26:47Speaker 03

  That was, um, that's the best thing I've ever done.

• 26:49Speaker 02

  Listen, that's merch there, isn't it?

• 26:52Speaker 03

  Palantir form, yeah.

• 26:53Speaker 02

  Like a little green octopus. Was it green? It was green, wasn't it? What was it?

• 26:57Speaker 03

  Emerald, did you say? Emerald green, yeah, sort of emerald green.

• 26:59Speaker 02

  We need to get some emerald green.

• 27:00Speaker 03

  Emerald green octopus, but beautiful. Gorgeous. Gorgeous, gorgeous. Gorgeous. Gorgeous.

• 27:05Speaker 02

  We need to make some pyjamas.

• 27:07Speaker 03

  Make some pyjamas, Palantir, Palantir form pyjamas. So, anyway, that's, um... As seen on Osama bin Laden. As seen on Osama bin Laden.

• 27:14Speaker 02

  As seen on...

• 27:18Speaker 03

  Yeah. Clothes, models zone.

• 27:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:25Speaker 02

  It's time now for fact check, Joe.

• 27:27Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 27:29Speaker 02

  I don't know, do you know what, man, that's rea- that's difficult to, uh...

• 27:33Speaker 03

  Well, no, I mean...

• 27:34Speaker 02

  Move on from.

• 27:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:35Speaker 02

  But it is time for fact check. This is the, uh, this is where you send in something that feels like a fact to you, that you'd like us to confirm, because, as you can tell, me and Joe are of sound mind. And, uh, we, we are the authority on these things.

• 27:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 27:50Speaker 02

  Um, so we'll be reading a fact or a question that you'd like us to get to the bottom of. Uh, and then we're gonna, we're gonna have a little think during the break and we'll come back and let you know whether it's true or not. Uh, just to remind you, the, um, parameter, the, the rules are, if it, if it feels...

• 28:08Speaker 03

  If it pleases us.

• 28:09Speaker 02

  If it's interesting, then it must be true. Um...

• 28:14Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 28:14Speaker 02

  Joe, I think you've got this week's fact check.

• 28:17Speaker 03

  Right, here we go. Um... We are fact checking this from Matthew.

• 28:28Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 28:29Speaker 03

  He said, "Hello, Joe and James".

• 28:31Speaker 02

  Can I just say, were you trying to find the fact check there?

• 28:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, just couldn't find it, yeah.

• 28:35Speaker 02

  Couldn't tell, couldn't tell at all. It's so good.

• 28:38Speaker 03

  So, I'm here, um...

• 28:40Speaker 02

  The way you filled that time, Mike, it was seamless.

• 28:48Speaker 02

  Such a pro, isn't it?

• 28:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:50Speaker 02

  So, we are fact checking from Matthew.

• 29:02Speaker 03

  Um, from Sir Brian.

• 29:07Speaker 02

  From someone whose name is...

• 29:11Speaker 03

  We are very excited, very excited to hear from a young man by the name of...

• 29:16Speaker 02

  Right, go on.

• 29:17Speaker 03

  All right, so yeah, okay, okay, so this week's fact check comes from Matthew.

• 29:23Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 29:24Speaker 03

  He said, "Hello Joan James, I need a fact check. Is it true that nearly half of the UK population stand up to wipe their arse?" Okay, so feels like our level at least, so we're...

• 29:37Speaker 02

  Let's hold off there. Let's go for a quick little ad break and we'll be back to let Matthew know whether that fact is a fact or not.

• 29:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:51Speaker 00

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• 30:22Speaker 06

  Hello, I'm Joanna Fletcher.

• 30:24Speaker 07

  And I'm Marco Burchella.

• 30:26Speaker 06

  And this is Boots Off.

• 30:29Speaker 07

  We are friends who've spent a decade together, walking up mountains, across deserts, and along coastlines with some seriously awesome groups of humans.

• 30:37Speaker 06

  And something happens when you're out there, feet on the ground, surrounded by nature. The conversations just spill out of you.

• 30:43Speaker 07

  This series is about the adversities that lead to adventure.

• 30:47Speaker 06

  The adventures that lead to adversity.

• 30:49Speaker 07

  And how life can be one big adventure in itself.

• 30:52Speaker 06

  Listen every Thursday. Just search for Boots Off.

• 30:59Speaker 02

  Alright, we're back. Um, just before the break there, Matthew wanted to know, um, whether it is true or false that nearly half the population, UK population, stand up to wipe their arse. Now, I didn't know this was a thing.

• 31:20Speaker 03

  I think I used to stand up and then realise-

• 31:22Speaker 02

  I stood up when I was a toddler.

• 31:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:25Speaker 02

  You know, after I'd just learnt how to use it.

• 31:27Speaker 03

  Yeah. I don't know why you would.

• 31:30Speaker 02

  I've sat down ever since.

• 31:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:32Speaker 02

  You know me, I sit down. I sit down to do everything.

• 31:34Speaker 03

  But my views on this are also that we should be using B days. I don't know why we're so against it. Like, what's, like, it's far cleaner. Like, I don't understand.

• 31:45Speaker 02

  I've spoken many a time about my obsessive anal hygiene. It became a thing when I did, um, Bake Off. We've both done Bake Off, haven't we?

• 31:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:56Speaker 02

  Blake's done it as well.

• 31:57Speaker 03

  Has he?

• 31:57Speaker 02

  Has Bird done it?

• 31:58Speaker 03

  I don't think so.

• 31:59Speaker 02

  Has Blake done it? I feel like Blake has. But the, what do they call it? The showstopper, right?

• 32:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:04Speaker 02

  Um, it was make a cake of your favourite place. And I made it of the to- my toilet.

• 32:09Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 32:10Speaker 02

  Because I can shut the door. I've got two kids.

• 32:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  And a wife. And I can shut the door. And I'm just, and I'll, you know, I'll go-

• 32:19Speaker 03

  I have to say, I feel the same.

• 32:20Speaker 02

  I'll go through my phone and I'll read things and I'll catch up with stuff and I'll, I will, uh, going for a shit for me is an occasion.

• 32:29Speaker 03

  I honestly, I don't-

• 32:30Speaker 02

  There's some pageantry about it, we make.

• 32:31Speaker 03

  I don't think there's any shame in that. And I do think it's a bit of a temple, the toilet, and, and it's a place of reflection.

• 32:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:38Speaker 03

  And, uh, it's a break.

• 32:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:41Speaker 03

  And, and it's, it's-

• 32:43Speaker 02

  No one can get to you.

• 32:43Speaker 03

  Exactly. It's the only room where you can legitimately say, "I'm locking the door, you can't come in."

• 32:51Speaker 02

  Yeah. Right. And I don't, I feel like talking to you, you'll be a man that might understand what I'm about to say.

• 32:59Speaker 03

  Cool.

• 32:59Speaker 02

  Now, I got obsessed with, um, anal hygiene.

• 33:04Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah. If there's one, if there's one-

• 33:07Speaker 02

  I got to a point-

• 33:07Speaker 03

  Territory on which I will display full understanding.

• 33:10Speaker 02

  I got to a point where I'd have a shit and I wasn't convinced that I'd wiped it off.

• 33:14Speaker 03

  No, I think I can, I, yeah.

• 33:16Speaker 02

  Honestly, like, it's getting to a point where I was like-

• 33:20Speaker 02

  Getting down to my coccyx. No, I know. Like, I was like wiping so much. I know. And I don't think it's very good. And, and, and, and then during the night, I was getting a really, really itchy asshole. Right? Yeah. So for a while, I was convinced I had worms as well. Yeah. I, yeah. Because that's when they come out, is during the night. Yeah, and you scratch. I was convinced I had worms. I have said this story many a time on other people's podcasts and stuff like that. Right? It was, it got to a point where I was, didn't think I was clean enough down there. I've got worms. There's something going on with me. Uh, I was, it was, it was a mental thing. It was genuine mental. Yeah.

• 34:02Speaker 02

  That I went to the doctor and I said, I need you to look at my arse. Yeah, yeah. I need you to look into my arse because I'm freaking out here. Yeah. Uh, and I was like, I think I've got worms. Or, no, and then I thought I had piles. Yeah. Then he moved on to where I was convinced I had piles. Yeah, yeah. And, and so I went to the doctor and I said, you gotta, you gotta help me out here. Like, I'm going insane. Um, I need some medicine. There's something going on with my bum hole. Um, I've, I've definitely got piles. I think I might have worms. Yeah. Uh, so she, it was a woman doctor. She looked into, looked into my arse and went, she went, right. Um, where, where, where do you think you've got piles? Right. She went, can you just put your finger on where you think you've got piles? Yeah.

• 34:47Speaker 02

  And I reached behind me and I couldn't feel anything. I, I was convinced like I'd poked. And I just screamed. Well, I'm sure there was a lump there yesterday, right? So I just looked like, I looked like a really weird man. Yeah, yeah, you just got a, you just just got into. Just wanted to. Get a, get a free look. Yeah. Yeah. But I do sit down, but I also do, um, I do, you're like the B day, what you were saying. I do use. Which, yeah. Flushable wet wipes and they are flushable. Yeah. Believe me, like. Yeah. They, you've got to be careful with them because they're so delicate. They're gonna fall apart. They do fall apart. So they're not gonna block up any or damage any drains or anything like that. Um, but wiping your arse properly. Yeah.

• 35:31Speaker 02

  And making sure it's all clean down there is something that, that is close to my heart. No, I, well, listen. And I included, um, some anus hole, a little sort of, I think I made it out of, um.

• 35:43Speaker 03

  Fucking icing, sugar or something, a little anisole wet wipe in my, on my showstopper.

• 35:51Speaker 02

  Uh.

• 35:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:52Speaker 02

  Cake for Bake Off.

• 35:54Speaker 03

  Well, I, I, listen, I, I, I completely agree. I don't, I don't.

• 35:57Speaker 02

  Did win.

• 35:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:59Speaker 02

  Did you win?

• 36:00Speaker 03

  I did win.

• 36:01Speaker 02

  Oh, that's, uh, well, I was hoping to fucking.

• 36:05Speaker 03

  But, I mean, I don't know. I feel like, um, you know, I had, I had Paddy McGinnis on mine. I felt like he was, wasn't really taking it seriously. Like, he put a plastic tube into one of his bakes and that's not.

• 36:14Speaker 02

  Can't eat that.

• 36:15Speaker 03

  That's not edible, is it?

• 36:16Speaker 02

  No.

• 36:17Speaker 03

  That's, uh, that isn't edible.

• 36:19Speaker 02

  Can't eat that. But I was convinced that everyone, that once you get to a certain age, that you sit down to wipe your arse in the toilet. I've spoken to friends.

• 36:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:28Speaker 02

  And they're like, no, you've got to stand up. One of my mates was like, yeah, no, I like to put my foot up on the toilet there.

• 36:33Speaker 03

  I don't, I don't mind.

• 36:34Speaker 02

  Really get right in there.

• 36:35Speaker 03

  Foot up's fine. Because basically, but me, but really, standing up is, you're closing it all up. You're not going to get in there. It's crazy.

• 36:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, I need, I need my, I use the toilet. I use, like, I lift one cheek up so it can spread the, is this, is this really a podcast?

• 36:53Speaker 03

  Just literally talking about.

• 36:55Speaker 02

  Are we really gonna put this out? This is educational.

• 36:57Speaker 03

  I was gonna, I had some stuff to say about shitting as well. And, and I, I do, and I literally think I've said it before on this podcast. I feel we've been here before. And I was talking about how, basically, I don't think it's shameful to say that having a poo is quite pleasurable. And that's an okay thing to say.

• 37:13Speaker 02

  Lovely.

• 37:14Speaker 03

  And I also think, I don't really understand why we're so obsessed with the idea that you need to wipe yourself with dry paper. And that's the best way of getting yourself clean. Have a, have a wash.

• 37:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:24Speaker 03

  B days are out there.

• 37:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:25Speaker 03

  I don't know why we sort of seem to like look down our noses at them, as though they're some kind of weird foreign import. It's much cleaner. Use a B day or just have a shower.

• 37:34Speaker 02

  Well, like the thing.

• 37:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't understand it.

• 37:36Speaker 02

  The thing that people say is if you're trodding shit.

• 37:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:39Speaker 02

  Would you just get some tissue and just wipe the bottom of your soul?

• 37:42Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 37:42Speaker 02

  No, you're chucking the fucking washing machine or something, wouldn't you?

• 37:45Speaker 03

  Of course you would.

• 37:45Speaker 02

  Or throw them away.

• 37:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:47Speaker 02

  Like.

• 37:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, absolutely. And, and, um.

• 37:51Speaker 02

  But I do, but Joe, um.

• 37:53Speaker 03

  Is it true that nearly half the UK population is out there wiping their arse?

• 37:55Speaker 02

  I do think that's true.

• 37:56Speaker 03

  I think it's true and I think it's a crying shame.

• 37:59Speaker 02

  I do think.

• 38:00Speaker 03

  A, a, and, uh, you know, and you know, my, honestly, my heart bleeds.

• 38:04Speaker 02

  Yeah. Get the B day. Let's make the B day, they love it in Europe, don't they?

• 38:11Speaker 03

  And why not?

• 38:11Speaker 02

  Absolutely. You can't get enough of the B day. You go to Europe, they love a B day.

• 38:15Speaker 03

  Just wash it, for heaven's sake.

• 38:17Speaker 02

  I wanted to make a movement with the, um, mind the gap thing.

• 38:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:21Speaker 02

  That's not caught on, unfortunately. We're eight episodes in now. No, that's not lit a fire. Let's get B days. Let's get the Japanese toilets.

• 38:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know why we can't have them.

• 38:31Speaker 02

  Let's get the Japanese toilets. I want a toilet that sings to me and stuff and all that sort of nonsense.

• 38:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:37Speaker 02

  I did go, I did stay at a really posh hotel once. And I was like shouting at Claire. I was going, Claire, Claire, you gotta come into the toilet.

• 38:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:45Speaker 02

  I was like, and she was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I went. Heated seats. The toilet seat's heated. How posh is this?

• 38:53Speaker 03

  That is nice. That is nice.

• 38:56Speaker 02

  Why is not that, not just a part of our lives? But yes, I do think. I do think half the population does stand up to wipe their arse because I have asked people about it. And, um, and it has been fifty fifty. If anything, it's been more of a, I know more people probably that stand up to wa- wipe their arse.

• 39:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:12Speaker 02

  Than sit down. They were talking to me like, what? You just sit down?

• 39:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:16Speaker 02

  So yeah, of course.

• 39:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:18Speaker 05

  Do you want me to con- confirm or non-confirm with my research?

• 39:24Speaker 02

  What are you saying? What are you saying, Joe?

• 39:26Speaker 03

  I didn't, I'd, I'd, I'd be interested to know if research has been done.

• 39:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:33Speaker 03

  Um.

• 39:33Speaker 02

  Yeah. Let's find out. Let's throw it over to Lily May.

• 39:36Speaker 05

  Okay, so there has been research done on this. There's been surveys done.

• 39:40Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 39:41Speaker 05

  I'm looking at a research done by Tap Warehouse.

• 39:44Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 39:44Speaker 05

  They did a survey in twenty nineteen and thirty five point two percent of men stand.

• 39:50Speaker 03

  Right.

• 39:51Speaker 05

  So that is less than fifty percent.

• 39:53Speaker 02

  There's still a lot though. There's still, there's still, there's still a third.

• 39:56Speaker 05

  Mm hmm. And slightly lower, only thirty one percent of women stand.

• 40:01Speaker 02

  Right.

• 40:02Speaker 03

  Well, that's even more surprising because I feel, I feel like, you know, women aren't standing to begin with. Uh, in any event.

• 40:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:09Speaker 03

  At least men, you know, they've, maybe they've got some muscle memory of.

• 40:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:13Speaker 03

  Having stood up.

• 40:14Speaker 02

  But. That's nearly half.

• 40:17Speaker 03

  Nearly half, yeah. Thirty, thirty five.

• 40:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's nearly half.

• 40:21Speaker 03

  Thirty six. Fifty.

• 40:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:23Speaker 03

  And that's, that's, yeah.

• 40:25Speaker 02

  So, um, thank you, Matthew, for that fact.

• 40:28Speaker 03

  Thank you very much, Matthew.

• 40:29Speaker 02

  We have, uh, we've confirmed that. Um, if there's something that you'd like us to fact check, head to our episode's description for all the ways to get in touch.

• 40:43Speaker 08

  Hey, it's Adam Grant from TED's Rethinking Podcast. As businesses scale, success depends on how well knowledge is captured, shared, and kept up to date. Camtasia Pro turns teams' expertise into engaging training, onboarding, and documentation. No professional editing experience required. With the industry's best screen recording, video editing, and AI-powered workflows, you can train faster and boost operational efficiency. Get over $100 off your first year at camtasia pro.com and start building a smarter way to educate customers, onboard employees, and ensure valuable expertise is shared across teams.

• 41:16Speaker 00

  At Humana, our Medicare Advantage plans are easy to understand and easy on your wallet, like offering more benefits than you'd get from original Medicare alone, and including dental, vision, and hearing coverage in every plan. And the best part is, every plan has a $0 or low monthly plan premium, which makes it easier to save, too. So this Medicare planning season, plan well with Humana. Learn more at gethumana.com. Humana is a Medicare Advantage, HMO, and PPO organization with a Medicare contract. Enrollment in any Humana plan depends on contract renewal.

• 41:49Speaker 01

  I'm Claire Buckley, and this Halloween on my podcast, Pretty Scary, we are going to cover the stories that keep you up at night: real crimes, ghosts, and aliens. Plus, the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So, as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved, and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat, right? Get the candles lit and search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.

• 42:30Speaker 02

  Now, Jo.

• 42:32Speaker 03

  You have a fact for me now.

• 42:32Speaker 02

  It's time for my fact.

• 42:33Speaker 03

  I believe.

• 42:34Speaker 02

  And it's not a spooky fact.

• 42:36Speaker 05

  I've just taken that out. We don't need to reference that whatsoever.

• 42:39Speaker 02

  No, because I kept writing, I kept going, when I was like trying to write my fact in, I was like, God, it keeps going back to the, every time I go and try and write something, it keeps going back to the other.

• 42:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:50Speaker 02

  The old episode.

• 42:51Speaker 05

  Yeah. Inside information, I'll copy it from the second previous episode.

• 42:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, I won't there, actually.

• 42:57Speaker 05

  For the format.

• 42:57Speaker 03

  It would be spooky, though, wouldn't it? If it kept reverting back. Oh, the world's first haunted iPad.

• 43:04Speaker 02

  The world's first haunted podcast.

• 43:08Speaker 02

  Anyway, Joe.

• 43:09Speaker 03

  What about haunted podcasts?

• 43:11Speaker 02

  Joe, it is.

• 43:13Speaker 03

  What would that be like?

• 43:13Speaker 02

  I don't know. It is my fact, uh, and again, I'm, I'm just always trying to think outside of the box.

• 43:21Speaker 03

  Yes, yes.

• 43:22Speaker 02

  Now, you wanted us to do facts about dreams.

• 43:24Speaker 03

  Yes, yes.

• 43:25Speaker 02

  So I thought I would do a fact about his arguably history's most famous dreamer.

• 43:31Speaker 03

  Oh, nice. Okay. Joseph and his amazing.

• 43:36Speaker 02

  Take a cup of drink, O.

• 43:37Speaker 03

  Is it him?

• 43:38Speaker 02

  No, it's not.

• 43:38Speaker 03

  It's not him? No, okay, right, yeah, yeah, okay, I thought it might be.

• 43:41Speaker 02

  I went with Dr. King.

• 43:43Speaker 03

  Martin Luther King, yes, yes, yes.

• 43:46Speaker 02

  Um, so I've got, um, I've got a little, I've, I've got one, my main fact is just really, really quick. It's just like, there's not really any discussion about it.

• 43:54Speaker 03

  Fine, no, no problem.

• 43:55Speaker 02

  So I've just peppered it with little facts as well.

• 43:58Speaker 03

  Yep, yep.

• 43:58Speaker 02

  Um, so Martin Luther King Jr., he had a dream.

• 44:03Speaker 03

  Yes, yeah.

• 44:04Speaker 02

  History's most famous dreamer.

• 44:05Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 44:06Speaker 02

  Um, he was born Michael King Jr. Uh, after his father.

• 44:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:12Speaker 02

  His father later changed both their names to Martin Luther King.

• 44:16Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 44:16Speaker 02

  In honour of the Protestant reformer.

• 44:18Speaker 03

  Martin Luther, yes.

• 44:19Speaker 02

  Martin Luther, uh, and Martin Luther, he, he would have drunken parties. Where, and he would, he would make jokes and apparently he was a good laugh.

• 44:28Speaker 03

  The, the original, the original Martin Luther? Okay, right, yeah, okay.

• 44:31Speaker 02

  Apparently he was a right laugh.

• 44:32Speaker 03

  He was a good laugh, yeah.

• 44:33Speaker 02

  Uh, and he ma- he once made a joke that the Pope was the Antichrist.

• 44:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:37Speaker 02

  Do you know about this? You must know, you're a historian.

• 44:39Speaker 03

  Was that a joke or was it like the foundation of?

• 44:42Speaker 02

  No, he was just having, he was having a dinner party and he, he made jokes about, um, the Pope farting and being an Antichrist and all this. Like, he was, he was a good laugh.

• 44:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:50Speaker 02

  Um, and then people started selling tankards with the Pope as the devil.

• 44:56Speaker 03

  Right, yeah, okay, yeah.

• 44:57Speaker 02

  This sort of famous quip.

• 44:58Speaker 03

  Cause he, he was, cause he was after his, his speech.

• 45:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay, right.

• 45:02Speaker 02

  That's not the fact.

• 45:03Speaker 03

  No, yeah, yeah.

• 45:04Speaker 02

  Um, back to, um, Martin Luther King Jr.

• 45:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:07Speaker 02

  Um, he started college, proper smart, if you didn't already think that about Martin Luther King Jr.

• 45:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:13Speaker 02

  He started college at the age of 15.

• 45:15Speaker 03

  Right, okay, and this is, this is college as in like higher education.

• 45:18Speaker 02

  University, what we'd call it in, in this country. Um, he won the Nobel Peace Prize at the age of 35, making him the youngest person to receive it at the time.

• 45:27Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 45:27Speaker 02

  Um, it's just, uh, this is a throwaway fact for you. He was a huge fan of the original Star Trek series.

• 45:34Speaker 03

  All right, okay, yeah. Yeah, okay, yeah.

• 45:38Speaker 02

  Um, but this is my interesting fact for you, Joe.

• 45:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, go on, go on.

• 45:42Speaker 02

  About um the world's um history's most famous dreamer, Martin Luther King.

• 45:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:47Speaker 02

  What was he great at? Speaking, yeah?

• 45:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:51Speaker 02

  Um, despite being a gifted orator.

• 45:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:55Speaker 02

  He earned a C in public speaking.

• 45:58Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 45:58Speaker 02

  Um, during his first year at seminary.

• 46:00Speaker 03

  Right, wow.

• 46:02Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 46:03Speaker 03

  A C.

• 46:03Speaker 02

  And I don't want to.

• 46:06Speaker 03

  Well.

• 46:06Speaker 02

  I don't want to um compare myself to Martin Luther King.

• 46:10Speaker 03

  But, you know.

• 46:11Speaker 02

  I did get a C in drama for my GCSEs.

• 46:14Speaker 03

  Interesting, okay.

• 46:15Speaker 02

  So I'm sort of, and I took loads of GCSEs.

• 46:19Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 46:20Speaker 02

  I took about fucking twelve of them.

• 46:22Speaker 03

  Did you?

• 46:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think I took about eleven, twelve GCSEs.

• 46:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, they they were very numerous, weren't they? I felt like it was a lot. So I exam period was really stressful.

• 46:32Speaker 02

  I was put in like, you know, you have like tiers of stuff.

• 46:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:35Speaker 02

  I was like put in the top tier, like as if I was fucking smart or something.

• 46:40Speaker 03

  Well, you are smart.

• 46:41Speaker 02

  No, no, I'm not, I'm idiot.

• 46:43Speaker 03

  No, you are. I I I you are. You're very smart. I I I and I I think maybe you just didn't like school or something, but.

• 46:51Speaker 02

  No, it was boring.

• 46:52Speaker 03

  Very intelligent. Well, yeah, but that's their fault. They should have. No, they should have made it more intelligent. Like, not, they should have made it more interesting. Sorry. Like, they should have made it like, so you were actually stimulated by it. It's, anyway.

• 47:02Speaker 02

  Anyway, that's my fact for you.

• 47:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:04Speaker 02

  That Martin Luther King Junior, right? I had a dream.

• 47:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:09Speaker 02

  That amazing speech.

• 47:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:11Speaker 02

  So famous.

• 47:12Speaker 03

  Got a C in public speaking.

• 47:13Speaker 02

  Got a C in public speaking.

• 47:14Speaker 03

  But this is the thing, I I I just, I I I I think I'm quite interested in rhetoric a- and I think it's about whether you're saying something that you really, really believe or not. And I think that.

• 47:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:26Speaker 03

  That kind of.

• 47:28Speaker 02

  That takes over.

• 47:29Speaker 03

  That's, yeah, sort of, yeah. Because I think then it's not the, even your performing, you're just showing somebody your ideology. You're saying, look, there it is. I mean, this is what it is. It's fucking there. Like, it.

• 47:39Speaker 02

  He was just being him.

• 47:40Speaker 03

  He was being him and and that was and that was what he believed. And I think the idea that that rhetoric is this kind of series of kind of party tricks is is completely wrong. I think it, I think it's a kind of physical manifestation of an inner ideology. Then you'll be convincing if you're speaking what you believe. That is rhetoric, I think. So rhetoric should really be a process of internal investigation until you're like, who am I? Who am I? And then when you know, then you'll be good at rhetoric. That's, that's what I think it is. I don't think you start with the outside. I think you start with the inside.

• 48:11Speaker 02

  I wonder what Hitler got?

• 48:13Speaker 03

  He was very good. I don't mean, he was good at it.

• 48:16Speaker 02

  People loved him, didn't they?

• 48:17Speaker 03

  They was, I tell you what, they did love him.

• 48:20Speaker 02

  Because people forget that. He was, he was, people voted for him.

• 48:23Speaker 03

  He was basically a sort of celebrity. It was like going and seeing a stand-up. He'd go and he'd go to these like beer halls. And people were like, what are you doing tonight? I'm going to see Hitler. He's brilliant, honestly. I haven't seen. Oh, come, you'll love him.

• 48:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:34Speaker 03

  And then I'll tell you what, I was skeptical, but I really liked it.

• 48:36Speaker 02

  He really, he really roasts the government.

• 48:39Speaker 03

  He roasts the government. Yeah, but he was, he was almost like, he got, he was really, really good at getting people really worked up.

• 48:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:46Speaker 03

  And like, really like, yeah, yeah, I have been fucked. Yeah. And then, and then that's how you win an election. And then once you won an election, you destroy your country.

• 48:56Speaker 02

  There we go. There we go. There we go. Right.

• 48:58Speaker 03

  Right.

• 48:59Speaker 02

  I don't know about you, Joe, but I'm all fact out.

• 49:01Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 49:02Speaker 02

  What have we learnt? I'm fact out. I'm fact out. Um, what have we learnt today, Joe? We learnt that, um, Osama bin Laden used to have a pet octopus. And, uh, we learnt that Martin Luther King Jr. Got a, um, C in public speaking. Despite being an incredible public speaker. Uh, anyway, we hope that you've learned something or at least had a nice time. Um, but we'll be back next week armed with more facts, chats and wiping shats. And don't forget that you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to fact check something that feels true to you, uh, or whatever nonsense you'd like to tell us about by emailing us.

• 49:42Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 49:44Speaker 02

  It's a mess, isn't it? This is the worst podcast.

• 49:46Speaker 03

  Well, you said fact check wrong and you just carried on like, yeah, I didn't, I thought you were gonna go back and

• 49:50Speaker 02

  I couldn't be arsed.

• 49:51Speaker 03

  Just go back. You just

• 49:52Speaker 02

  I couldn't be arsed.

• 49:53Speaker 03

  All right. Fair, okay. Oh, sorry.

• 49:56Speaker 02

  I can't be arsed. I just don't care.

• 49:59Speaker 03

  Oh, no, you can wait. No, that was fine. So, no, not him. He can't be arsed. No, just, that's, um, yeah, no. So.

• 50:06Speaker 02

  If you want us to fact Check something that feels true to you, then you can email us. Hello at joeandjamespod.com. Our WhatsApp number is 07822 034 330. Or you can follow us on social media at joeandjamespod. And if, and all that stuff that I just said then is in the description. So you can find it all there. Anyway, that's a little podcast episode for you. We'll be back next week with some more bollocks. Bye, see you later. Bye. Bye.

• 50:35Speaker 00

  At Humana, our Medicare Advantage plans are easy to understand and easy on your wallet. Like offering more benefits than you'd get from original Medicare alone. And including dental, vision and hearing coverage in every plan. And the best part is every plan has a $0 or low monthly plan premium, which makes it easier to save too. So this Medicare planning season, plan well with Humana. Learn more at gethumana.com. Humana is a Medicare Advantage HMO and PPO organisation with a Medicare contract. Enrollment in any Humana plan depends on contract renewal.

• 51:06Speaker 09

  Hello, this is Susie Ruffel. And Maisy Adams. And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey Mais, what is it? Only the best podcast ever. Yeah. A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffel. Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping too. Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts, just need to search Big Kick Energy. Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.