Men Don't Talk About Life Laundry

The boys talk about the phenomenon of men not knowing about important moments in one another's lives (life laundry) but get philosophical about actual laundry (socks) and discuss their approaches to interior design. (Spoiler: They don't really have one). GET IN TOUCH: Whatsapp us - wa.me/447822034330 http://wa.me/447822034330 Fill in our Fact Up Form - https://forms.gle/uzF6XWPqaA5aNTtN7 Subscribe on Youtube - www.youtube.com/@JoeandJamesPod/videos http://www.youtube.com/@JoeandJamesPod/videos Follow us on Instagram - www.instagram.com/joeandjamespod http://www.instagram.com/joeandjamespod Follow us on TikTok - www.tiktok.com/@joeandjamespod http://www.tiktok.com/@joeandjamespod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Hi, it's Danny Pellegrino from Everything Iconic. 12 celebrities, one Don, and cold, hard cash. From the producers of The Traitors comes The Mob, a new Hulu original series. The iconic Parker Posey hosts this unique reality competition show where 12 celebrity contestants shake down in an Italian villa to win a share of up to $250,000. Watch the new Hulu original series, The Mob, premiering October 26th on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

• 0:35Speaker 01

  Any conversation which is about like, oh, weird, like, I'm a celebrity, oh, I'm a celebrity, I think is a shit conversation. I don't mean, I think, I think, I think celebrity is really a desert in terms of like actual meaningful like content for conversation. There's nothing, there's nothing interesting to say about being in the public eye at all. Everything good about life takes place in the private sphere of like family and friends.

• 1:00Speaker 02

  Fucking certainly does, mate.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  That's it, but it's true, there's not, you, your life doesn't gain any value whatsoever from becoming a celebrity.

• 1:07Speaker 02

  Nah.

• 1:07Speaker 01

  Nothing, nothing. Nobody ever on their deathbed goes, oh, bring me some people who recognize me from telly.

• 1:13Speaker 02

  I might do that.

• 1:16Speaker 01

  Bring me my family and friends, that's it. Your family and friends, that's it. Celebrity has nothing. If you're not famous, you've got family and friends. If you are famous, you've still only got your family and friends, that's it.

• 1:26Speaker 02

  Can we get a regular sponsor for a, for a Joe rant? So I can say, that rant, that Joe rant was brought to you by Gillette, or something like that.

• 1:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'll note that down.

• 1:41Speaker 02

  Like a sports, you know, like, if you ever watch American sports, everything's sponsored by something.

• 1:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, I would love that.

• 1:49Speaker 02

  Like the replay, this, this replay is brought to you by Solero. I don't know why I said Solero.

• 1:56Speaker 01

  They're nice Soleros.

• 1:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:58Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 1:58Speaker 03

  What would you like unbelievable to be sponsored by?

• 2:02Speaker 02

  Oh, what can we get unbelievable sponsored by?

• 2:04Speaker 03

  It surely has to be a unbelievable name as well.

• 2:06Speaker 02

  It would have to be, and me and Claire talk about this kind of stuff a lot on our podcast, but it'd have to be like a shop that's called like Hairport or something like that.

• 2:18Speaker 02

  But that's not unbelievable.

• 2:19Speaker 01

  Curl Up and Die or something, like hairdressers called Curl Up and Die.

• 2:21Speaker 02

  Curl Up and Die.

• 2:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:22Speaker 02

  I remember I once was reading, I think it was Loaded magazine, when I was, I must have been about 15 or 16.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:29Speaker 02

  I was reading Loaded magazine, getting tips on, it was, they did a section on hair products.

• 2:35Speaker 01

  Right.

• 2:36Speaker 02

  And I was reading it.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  That is, that is, well, that is in betweeners, isn't it?

• 2:42Speaker 02

  I was reading it and, and one of the-

• 2:45Speaker 01

  What made the girls like me? And the answer, the answers are links. That's definitely true, right? That's definitely true.

• 2:51Speaker 02

  And if I just spray this, girls will like me.

• 2:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, look at the advert, look, she's come over.

• 2:57Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 2:58Speaker 01

  Oh god, she did come over. Oh god, I was worried I'd have to talk or something, but I'll just put this on.

• 3:02Speaker 02

  One of the things was, and I, I think about this often, I'd like, I'm going back many, many years and this has stuck with me. And nowadays I think, and I'm like, you shouldn't be able to fucking say that. Have I told you about this before?

• 3:17Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 3:18Speaker 02

  It was like, oh, use this product. If you don't wanna, if you don't want your hair to curl up like a baby on a bonfire.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  For so many other things they could say. It's so un- also, they wouldn't fucking curl up on a, what?

• 3:37Speaker 02

  It was like-

• 3:38Speaker 01

  What?

• 3:38Speaker 02

  If you don't want your hair to curl up like a baby on a bonfire, this is the product for you.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  You know what that is? They were worried that doing a feature about hair made them effeminate and not manly.

• 3:48Speaker 02

  You've got to keep it laddy, haven't you?

• 3:49Speaker 01

  And they were like, right, put in the worst thing you can think of.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  Got to keep it laddy. I used to buy lots of, when I was really little, when I was sort of like nine, 10, 11, I used to get like Smash Hits magazine and stuff like that and, especially if Spice Girls were on the cover. I remember I had a little blow up Sporty Spice from, I think it was Smash Hits magazine, I got that. It was about this big.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  I wonder what happened to that?

• 4:25Speaker 03

  Hmm, bit worse for wear, I imagine.

• 4:29Speaker 01

  Sent back to the factory for-

• 4:32Speaker 02

  For maintenance.

• 4:34Speaker 01

  Oh god, yeah, no, I mean, no, it was a whole, yeah.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  But it was, the way it was written was so casually as well. If you don't want your hair to curl up like a baby on a bonfire, then this is the product for you.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  It was so weird, those magazines, because it was a mixture of like, because I remember like, was it like, there was a few of them and it would be like pictures of women and then the other stuff was like, sort of like gore? Do you remember that? They'd be like, like I remember my mate showing me stuff in like lads mags where it was like-

• 5:05Speaker 02

  No, they'd be-

• 5:05Speaker 01

  This bloke was mucking around with something in his garage, he got fired against the wall and here's the outline of his body and my mates were, look at that, and I'd be like, well-

• 5:13Speaker 02

  Well, there was a, there was a sort of subsection of lads mag, wasn't there?

• 5:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:17Speaker 02

  Like bizarre magazine?

• 5:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:19Speaker 02

  And it was like, oh, this guy held a firework for too long, here's the picture of his blown up hands, his bloody, his bloody stump. I'm like, how am I supposed to wank over that?

• 5:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:30Speaker 02

  Jesus.

• 5:31Speaker 01

  You know, we managed it, but you know-

• 5:33Speaker 02

  We did, I got it done, yeah, because I'm not-

• 5:35Speaker 01

  One manages.

• 5:36Speaker 02

  My mama didn't raise a quitter.

• 5:38Speaker 01

  No, no, I can't be bothered to turn the page, that'll do.

• 5:47Speaker 02

  I'm not like, obviously I've had sex, all right? Twice. At least twice.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  But I don't, I really haven't looked at the vagina that much.

• 6:00Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 6:01Speaker 02

  I've not really looked at my own penis that much either.

• 6:05Speaker 01

  One looks away to some extent.

• 6:06Speaker 02

  A little bit, yeah.

• 6:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:09Speaker 02

  My, I'm going to a hotel tonight, I might just give it a good look over.

• 6:12Speaker 03

  I think you should actually.

• 6:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:14Speaker 03

  It's good for your health.

• 6:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're supposed to check it and stuff.

• 6:16Speaker 03

  Check it out.

• 6:17Speaker 02

  But I don't know, because-

• 6:18Speaker 03

  Is that okay for me to say? I don't know if it's-

• 6:19Speaker 02

  No, no, because you know, because blokes are supposed to check the testicles, aren't they?

• 6:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:25Speaker 02

  But they always feel, they've always felt a bit weird.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  They feel weird anyway.

• 6:29Speaker 02

  I don't think I'd notice a lump.

• 6:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, you gotta, you gotta regularly check them out.

• 6:37Speaker 01

  That's why I often, why the simplest thing is often just if you have something, you don't know whether it's weird, you just check the other side. So if you're checking it under your arm and there's all sorts under there, you're like, well, compare it to the other side, because it'd be very unlikely that you had exactly the same thing wrong on both sides. So if one's different to the other, then that probably means you've got a problem. Whereas if they're both weird in the same way, it probably means that you're all right.

• 6:58Speaker 02

  Plague.

• 6:59Speaker 01

  Or plague.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  Viewboes.

• 7:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:02Speaker 02

  But no, the, no, I don't really talk-

• 7:04Speaker 01

  If you're in the mirror, if you're checking one and the bloke in the mirror's checking the same one, and that's the same, that isn't, that's the man in the mirror.

• 7:12Speaker 02

  Unless it's a quick scratch.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  You make sure they're both you and it's not just the mirror guy.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  Fuck me.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  He can trick you as well.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  Right.

• 7:19Speaker 01

  Because you think, I have checked both balls, but one of them was him, one of them was him.

• 7:23Speaker 02

  Hang on, Joe.

• 7:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:24Speaker 02

  I don't, I don't want to steer to AI again.

• 7:29Speaker 01

  Oh, here we go. No, no, go on, go on.

• 7:31Speaker 02

  I was on the train-

• 7:32Speaker 01

  That's one thing they'll never have, they'll never have testicles.

• 7:33Speaker 02

  I was on the train yesterday, a guy came up to me and said, oh my god, is it you? And I never know how to answer that, it's always awkward.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  Oh god, I have things where people go, and you have to, I have to be like, look, just, just, I can't bother to go through it, so I just go, I got into a taxi the other day, and the bloke went, you're an actor, aren't you? And I was like, yeah, and he was like, what did I recognize you from? And I just went, it's the in-betweeners. And he went, no, it's not that, I don't watch telly.

• 8:07Speaker 01

  So now I'm in a situation where I'm expected to carry on a conversation with this man. He, this is his choice of conversation. He's told me he recognizes me, but he doesn't watch television. So now I've got to be like, you go, what, you go to the theatre a lot? Because I'm not in plays. This is a fucking dead end. Like, why did he bring this up?

• 8:24Speaker 02

  Right, well-

• 8:24Speaker 01

  And also, there was nothing to talk about and it was his fucking fault.

• 8:27Speaker 02

  I'm about to do one better.

• 8:28Speaker 01

  He could have, yeah, anyway.

• 8:29Speaker 02

  So a guy came up to me and was like, oh, it's you, isn't it? And I was like, I was like, well, yeah, I am me.

• 8:37Speaker 02

  It was like, oh, what is it? And I was going, oh, you probably might have seen me off TV or something. He was like, yeah, yeah, can I get a picture? I went, yeah, of course you can. Took a picture with him and then he was like, oh, this is weird, isn't it? He kept saying how weird this was.

• 8:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:54Speaker 02

  And I was like, it doesn't need to be.

• 8:57Speaker 01

  No.

• 8:58Speaker 02

  It doesn't need to be this weird. He was like, oh, thanks anyway. I was like, no, no worries. And then about 10 minutes later, he came back, he was like, I just need to ask, you're, you're not AI, are you?

• 9:14Speaker 01

  What?

• 9:15Speaker 02

  That's what he said to me.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  He said, you're not AI, are you? I went, no, I went, what? I went, what? I said, what? I did go, what? And other people were listening to this, to this going on. And they, he started turning to the other people going, this is weird, isn't it? This is weird. Uh. And then he went, cause all my friends, I've showed, I've showed them the picture and all my friends say it's AI. And now I just, you're not AI, are you?

• 9:43Speaker 01

  No, he don't know.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  No, no, he was younger than me. He was, he was a young fella. Must have been mid twenties, something like that. Um.

• 9:52Speaker 02

  And I just didn't know, I, I was, I, I unequipped. Didn't know how to handle that situation. Jumped out the window. No, I didn't. But I wanted to.

• 10:02Speaker 01

  If you had, that would have been AI.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 10:04Speaker 01

  And then if you grew wings and flapped away.

• 10:06Speaker 02

  I, do you know what? I was sit.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  He's misunderstood. What his friends are saying is, we think you've used.

• 10:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:13Speaker 01

  But he thought that they meant that they're accusing him of having met a kind of replicant, James.

• 10:19Speaker 02

  So this is, this is why I know he knew what he was talking about. Cause he said, oh, you're definitely real. He said that to me. So I don't know if he was a bit, um, having, having a bit of a Joe Thomas moment.

• 10:32Speaker 01

  Why, why is that a Joe Thomas moment?

• 10:33Speaker 02

  Well, cause if you mention AI to you, you suddenly go inside.

• 10:36Speaker 01

  I don't know. I don't think that, I know what I'm saying is that there is a.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  He seems really happy and really friendly.

• 10:42Speaker 03

  That's nice.

• 10:43Speaker 02

  Um, but it was a, it was an odd interaction.

• 10:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, that is weird.

• 10:47Speaker 02

  I'm having some really.

• 10:48Speaker 01

  That's really.

• 10:49Speaker 02

  Interactions with people at the moment for me, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm on a bit of a losing streak. They've, they've all, they're, they're, they've not been without incident for the last couple of weeks while I've been on a train. They've been a bit, something's happened where the, the interaction hasn't gone as well as I would like it to. Cause I do think, I do think, and it's all about opinions. You're allowed to have your own opinion. I, when people off the TV or something like that, they're like, hey, come on. I'm just, uh, you know, I'm on a train at the moment. I don't owe you anything. I don't, you know, I'm just trying to live my life.

• 11:22Speaker 01

  I don't agree with that.

• 11:23Speaker 02

  I don't at all.

• 11:23Speaker 01

  I, I.

• 11:24Speaker 02

  I think your job carries on. You want them to meet you and go away and leave and go, that was great. And I still love the in-betweens.

• 11:32Speaker 01

  But also you're in public and like you're, if somebody wants to come and speak to you, they're allowed to come and speak to you. I don't.

• 11:37Speaker 02

  Absolutely, yeah.

• 11:38Speaker 01

  I, I, I don't think that you should be filmed without your consent. But that's because I don't think anyone should be filmed without their consent.

• 11:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  What I'm saying is, I don't think that when you become a celebrity, I don't think you should lose rights that other people have.

• 11:53Speaker 02

  So this is.

• 11:54Speaker 01

  But nor do I think you should gain rights that other people don't have.

• 11:56Speaker 02

  This is the thing that's happened to me a couple of times in the last couple of weeks is, um, people go, um, can I get a picture with you? And I go, yeah, of course. Yeah, absolutely. And then they just put it on record and they go, oh, look, look, look who it is, look who it is. And I'm like, oh, like that, I, I don't really like that. I feel awkward.

• 12:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:19Speaker 02

  And that's fine, isn't it? I'm fair enough saying that.

• 12:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think so.

• 12:23Speaker 02

  I don't want to come across like, oh no, he's moaning.

• 12:25Speaker 03

  No, I think that's weird also. I find it awkward if someone's filming some, like filming you posing for a picture. That's just an awkward thing to film, isn't it?

• 12:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it, I've just had, I've just had, uh, just a little run of, of awkward interactions with people. And I just want to have a nice, friendly, fun one again.

• 12:46Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 12:47Speaker 02

  Cause it is fun.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  The AI thing is.

• 12:48Speaker 02

  It's the best thing in the world. Strangers coming up to you going, I fucking love what you do.

• 12:53Speaker 01

  Do you know what? I mean, in, in a way, I would say that that is actually a very traditional interaction of two people in real life, talking to each other. I mean, that's actually just something that I think you sort of, I, I don't re, yeah. If you're out in public with other humans and they want to speak to you, I think that, that's a very sort of, like, almost kind of prehistoric thing that people have done. Like people are sociable and they talk to each other. I mean, I think that's, uh, you should do that.

• 13:21Speaker 02

  Um, hey, should we get, should we start this podcast?

• 13:23Speaker 01

  Get into it.

• 13:24Speaker 02

  Let's do it. Um, hello and welcome to Joe and James Fact Up, a podcast loosely about facts, but it's more about the rants. Uh, if you want to get in touch, our email is hello at joeandjamespod.com. Our WhatsApp is four, four, four, four, four, four, four. No, that's not true. It's oh, seven, eight, two, two, zero, three, four, three, three, zero. And you can follow us on socials at joe and james pod. And you can watch all our episodes in full on YouTube and Apple podcasts. Just search for Joe and James Fact Up now. Let's get fucked up.

• 14:01Speaker 00

  Hi, it's Danny Pellegrino from Everything Iconic. 12 celebrities, one Don and cold, hard cash. From the producers of The Traitors comes The Mob, a new Hulu original series. The iconic Parker Posey hosts this unique reality competition show where 12 celebrity contestants shake down in an Italian villa to win a share of up to $250,000. Watch the new Hulu original series, The Mob, premiering October 26th on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

• 14:36Speaker 02

  Boom, Joe.

• 14:37Speaker 01

  You've been sending in some Fact Up stuff for us to discuss. This is from Alex via the Fact Up WhatsApp. Uh, so this is, um, loosely subtitled Dogs and Their Socks. Dear both, your story about James's dog eating, then vomiting up a sock struck a chord of concern with me as it made me remember an episode of The Yorkshire Vet, where a family strongly suspected their dog had eaten a sock.

• 15:04Speaker 02

  It can be dangerous.

• 15:06Speaker 01

  Yes, well, keep listening and you will continue to think that.

• 15:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:10Speaker 01

  They thought this because he was a serial eater, a contraband.

• 15:13Speaker 02

  Contraband. Chocolate, plastic bags, contraband.

• 15:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, contraband. And they had one sock, but not a pair. Sure enough, they scanned him and he had the sock in his innards. So they had to operate on him. The surgery seemed very intrusive and expensive.

• 15:31Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  And I remember being really surprised at the time, thinking surely a dog can eat a sock. I was also very impressed that they had spotted the missing sock as if I found, I totally agree with this. As if I found one singular sock, I wouldn't think anything of it. I've barely got any pairs. I mean, it's just, it's astonishing. I don't know.

• 15:46Speaker 02

  Do you know what, Joe?

• 15:48Speaker 01

  I, I, I, if I found one singular sock, I wouldn't think anything of it and will pop it in the drawer and hope to find the other. Yeah, regardless, it seems James's dog had a lucky escape.

• 15:57Speaker 02

  She did have a, she did have a lucky escape. So I've got a set of socks, a set of Fred Perry socks, right? And on one side, they say Fred.

• 16:05Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 16:05Speaker 02

  And on the other side, they say Perry.

• 16:07Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  Right? I do have a pair that just says Fred, Fred. So I'm missing two Perrys.

• 16:17Speaker 01

  What, you mean they came as two Freds?

• 16:19Speaker 02

  No, no, I, I wore them once and they've gone through the system. And now I've got a pair of Fred Freds, but no Perry Perrys have turned up.

• 16:27Speaker 01

  Have you lost, have you lost both, have you lost two Perrys?

• 16:30Speaker 02

  I've lost a pair of Perrys.

• 16:32Speaker 01

  Okay, so you had six socks, two have gone.

• 16:34Speaker 02

  Four.

• 16:36Speaker 02

  Two pairs of socks.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  What? No, you know, you've got the ones that you're wearing.

• 16:44Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, I've got these, these are fine.

• 16:45Speaker 01

  Okay, and then there's, and then.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  These are, these are just out of the packet today. Uh, these are just out of the packet.

• 16:51Speaker 01

  Okay, okay, okay. So you know that that's.

• 16:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:53Speaker 01

  And then you've got.

• 16:54Speaker 02

  Buy two other packets.

• 16:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. And you've lost both Perrys.

• 16:58Speaker 02

  I've lost Perrys, yeah.

• 17:00Speaker 01

  Well, I hope they're happy, wherever they are.

• 17:02Speaker 02

  Wherever they are.

• 17:05Speaker 02

  But in hindsight, you shouldn't really buy socks that are specific to one foot. Do you know what I mean? Cause they will go, they do go.

• 17:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:17Speaker 02

  Maybe the dog's fucking.

• 17:18Speaker 01

  Well, but also I don't think, I don't think anyone knows that they're Fred. I suppose maybe it's clear that there's that branding is quite distinctive, but I, I mean, I, I just, I just think we should just stop wearing paired socks.

• 17:29Speaker 02

  But also they're brand new.

• 17:32Speaker 01

  Those are, yeah.

• 17:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, and the ones that I wore were brand new, I wore them once.

• 17:35Speaker 01

  I don't know what, I, I honestly, and I know this makes me a bore, but I don't know, where do they go? Where do they go?

• 17:45Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 17:45Speaker 01

  In my house, we've got about 45 singular socks without a pair. Uh, like that quantity, like a pile, like, like a big, big pile. Where's the other pile? Where, where are, I don't, I mean, it's, it's.

• 18:02Speaker 02

  I remember watching.

• 18:02Speaker 01

  And I'm pretty good at getting the socks in the wash together.

• 18:06Speaker 02

  I am, I pair them up when I put them in the wash bag. So that I know that I've got two coming back well.

• 18:14Speaker 01

  Well, no, but you don't, they, they, it doesn't, they, nature finds a way.

• 18:17Speaker 02

  Nature finds a way.

• 18:18Speaker 01

  Nature finds a way. And, um, me and Hannah had an idea that we would set up a company just selling and we'd be called like, um, the Single Sock Company. You just buy one at a time and like, they're really beautiful and you just buy one.

• 18:31Speaker 02

  More.

• 18:32Speaker 01

  But I, I, I just think we need to get rid of the idea that you need to wear paired socks. It's ridiculous. You don't need to.

• 18:37Speaker 02

  No.

• 18:37Speaker 01

  Just wear whatever, why, what, it doesn't matter what, you've obsessed with symmetry or something. Who gives a shit? No one ever sees your socks anyway. If it's, if it's clean and it hasn't got holes in, put it on.

• 18:48Speaker 02

  Be safe.

• 18:50Speaker 01

  Keep it legal and be safe.

• 18:51Speaker 02

  Keep it legal and be safe. I remember.

• 18:53Speaker 01

  I mean, yeah, the idea that they've been pairs, I, I just think it's, I.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  It it feels like we could maybe move on from that.

• 19:01Speaker 02

  I remember watching MTV Cribs as a kid. And they'd have all these rappers on with their Lamborghinis outside and their great big mansions and stuff.

• 19:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:10Speaker 02

  And every, they would always brag how um they'd go into their closet and there'd just be like a wall of socks. And they would just always brag and they'd be like, wear them once, chuck them away.

• 19:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:21Speaker 02

  And I just think maybe that's, maybe when I get to that level, that I could afford that. Then you don't have to worry about whether pairs are coming back. You just wear, you wear them once. Yeah, it's decadent. Don't get me wrong.

• 19:32Speaker 01

  Was it wasteful as well?

• 19:33Speaker 02

  Ah, incredibly, yeah, but who gives a fuck? Do you know what I mean? They're ballers.

• 19:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:38Speaker 02

  A lot of them are now bankrupt.

• 19:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:41Speaker 02

  That you see on MTV Cribs.

• 19:43Speaker 01

  I do understand.

• 19:43Speaker 02

  And you do have to just watch their episode of MTV Cribs and you're just like, that's why you've got no fucking money left, mate.

• 19:49Speaker 01

  Hmm hmm.

• 19:51Speaker 02

  Spending all on socks. You fucking ruin yourself.

• 19:54Speaker 01

  I do love a new pair of socks. I mean, I I understand this. I I kind of, maybe there is no pure pleasure. I mean, it's absolutely.

• 20:01Speaker 02

  Sheets, fresh bed sheets, new pair of socks. That's, that's the peak of life.

• 20:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:08Speaker 02

  If I die.

• 20:09Speaker 01

  Do you ever iron your sheets?

• 20:11Speaker 02

  Well, I don't. Again, I, again.

• 20:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:14Speaker 02

  Again, I don't know the ins and outs of it. I just know that there are, you know, once a week or so, fresh sheets go on the bed.

• 20:21Speaker 01

  I mean, yeah, and particularly if they're ironed, um. It's um.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Claire likes things done in a certain way, so I let her get on with it.

• 20:31Speaker 01

  No, no, that's right. And I mean, I I do as well. I'm better at making the bed than than Hannah.

• 20:36Speaker 02

  If I start mucking about with washing machines and stuff, I'll flood the house.

• 20:40Speaker 01

  I'd be really, I'd be a really good cleaner and I'd be a fantastic cleaner. I'm I'm fastidious, I'm I'm precise.

• 20:47Speaker 02

  I'd be a bad.

• 20:47Speaker 01

  I have respect for what I'm doing as well. I don't just like shove it all in the bin or shove it like item by item, I would.

• 20:53Speaker 02

  I'm a bad cleaner. I'm a bad tidier upper. I can look around a room and be like, yeah, I've made a mess of this room, but I'm not a hundred percent sure what to do to make it look tidier again. So like I'll move something and I'll fold something and I'll be like, no, it still doesn't.

• 21:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  It's still not right. It's still not. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do here.

• 21:18Speaker 01

  Um.

• 21:19Speaker 02

  I can see that stuff's untidy and I don't like being untidy or being in an untidy room.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:26Speaker 02

  But I just can't, like if Claire tidies a room, it looks like fucking I'm in a hotel or something. I'm like, wow, this is amazing. But if I do it, it's like, it's not quite right. It's just not done right. I don't know what it is. Stupidity.

• 21:43Speaker 01

  No, no, no, I I.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  I think it's being a fucking idiot.

• 21:47Speaker 01

  Tell when it's good, but not being able to get it so it's good. I'm like that with interior design. I don't know how.

• 21:52Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 21:53Speaker 01

  I don't know how to make a room feel nice. I really don't know. Like, when I was at, when I was at university, I was just given this room and it had a little thin bed in it, like thinner than a, like it's like a prison bed, really. And nothing on the walls and like a desk. I just left it. I was like, well, that's just what it is.

• 22:11Speaker 02

  Well, I'm the guy.

• 22:11Speaker 01

  And then sometimes I'd go into other people's rooms and they'd have like, they'd have slightly decorated it a bit, like they might have put fairy lights up or they'd brought in their own cushion or their own throw or something. Or a, a, what they called a photograph of their family.

• 22:23Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 22:24Speaker 01

  And I would honestly, I'd go to myself, oh, we're allowed to do this. And they'd be like, yeah, of course you are. And it just hadn't occurred to me. I basically just accept what I'm given. I'm like, that's what it's like. I will clean it. I will clean it, but I will not change it. Whereas Hannah's really good at interior design. But at the same time, if a room has been much around with and the interior design's been changed and it's been made more pleasant, I will be able to recognise that it's nicer.

• 22:49Speaker 02

  I think.

• 22:49Speaker 01

  It's just I wouldn't know how to get it like that myself.

• 22:51Speaker 02

  I think it depends whether your parents are good interior designer or not, as to whether you then inherit that. Cause when I grew up, we had too much furniture.

• 23:00Speaker 01

  Right, yeah.

• 23:01Speaker 02

  For a tiny house.

• 23:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:02Speaker 02

  And fucking doilies everywhere. Doilies and potpourri.

• 23:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:07Speaker 02

  Um.

• 23:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:08Speaker 02

  Just like doily covers on the arms of chairs.

• 23:12Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  And net curtains and.

• 23:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  It was just like, it was a fucking.

• 23:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Doilies, I must admit, I don't know, cause it's like, they they get dirty. And they sort of look dirtier than the thing they're supposed to be stopping getting dirty.

• 23:26Speaker 02

  You can chuck those in the washing machine. You can't chuck a couch in the washing machine.

• 23:29Speaker 01

  No, you can't, but then I just. I think the key is to buy materials that look good as they get, as they age. I I I don't like.

• 23:39Speaker 02

  My parents.

• 23:40Speaker 01

  Like leather. I think leather's, well, I know you're not, are you?

• 23:43Speaker 02

  Supposed to look after leather.

• 23:45Speaker 01

  Also, it's not fair, is it, on the, like fake, yeah, faux leather.

• 23:49Speaker 02

  Patterns everywhere, patterns. Everything was patterned when I was growing up. My parents were terrified of anything plain. Anything neat and plain. Everything, the fucking couch looked like a, a summer's garden.

• 24:05Speaker 02

  Honestly.

• 24:07Speaker 02

  It's like you fell into an allotment or something in my living room. And there was brick, there was uh, there was a brick fireplace. There, there was uh wallpaper, flowery wallpaper, um a, a band that went round the middle of the wall with a different type of wallpaper. That was different to the rest of the house.

• 24:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:27Speaker 02

  We had coving, uh fucking spackly ceiling.

• 24:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, we had that.

• 24:33Speaker 02

  Like it was, like, it it looked like.

• 24:36Speaker 01

  What is that stuff?

• 24:37Speaker 02

  Artex.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  Has it got asbestos in it?

• 24:41Speaker 02

  Hmm, I don't think it does these, this day and age, but.

• 24:44Speaker 01

  Why is the, cause we had, what's the point of it? Like, I used to look at my bedroom ceiling when I was a kid and I'd be like, why didn't they finish it? Why is it all swirly and like?

• 24:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, it looked like um if you were gonna make a model

• 24:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:57Speaker 02

  Of a, a sea scape.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:01Speaker 02

  It looked like tiny little waves just constantly going across the ceiling.

• 25:05Speaker 01

  Some of the swirls. I didn't mind it.

• 25:07Speaker 02

  No.

• 25:09Speaker 01

  I used to look up and see, oh, that's that swirl.

• 25:11Speaker 02

  Windows, our windows had fucking um roses in them. Stained glass windows, like we were a fucking church or something.

• 25:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know, yeah, I I am.

• 25:25Speaker 02

  What was wrong with just neat, nice, neat, plain?

• 25:28Speaker 01

  Well, when we moved into our house, it had this wallpaper called, I think it's called anaglyptor, which is like really thick and textured, like Victorian wallpaper.

• 25:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  Like thick.

• 25:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:38Speaker 01

  Comes out from the wall with patterns. Yeah. And a lot of people said we should um keep it. A lot of people came around our house, they were like, oh, this is great, like, like.

• 25:48Speaker 02

  You don't see that anymore.

• 25:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know. They, they wanted, cause they liked.

• 25:51Speaker 02

  Can't even buy that. You can't buy that these days.

• 25:53Speaker 01

  I know, and you're like, well, yeah, but.

• 25:54Speaker 02

  That would cost you a fortune.

• 25:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:56Speaker 02

  And it is a bit like, what?

• 25:59Speaker 01

  Well, it might, yeah, just.

• 26:00Speaker 02

  It would cost an absolute fortune to make my house look shit.

• 26:04Speaker 01

  Anyway, what about this sock? So I mean, I, so so basically, I guess the upshot is that the um the dog didn't poo it out. And obviously at that point, that is gonna be, that's gonna be a problem, isn't it?

• 26:14Speaker 02

  Our dog, it was less than twenty four hours. I I would say it was about a twelve hour turnaround.

• 26:19Speaker 01

  Was it pooed out or vomited out?

• 26:20Speaker 02

  Vomited.

• 26:21Speaker 01

  Vombed out, yeah.

• 26:22Speaker 02

  It was vombed out. So it didn't, it didn't get down into the, into the intestines.

• 26:27Speaker 01

  Actually, I think it might, it might struggle to make its way through.

• 26:29Speaker 02

  It can be really, really dangerous.

• 26:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:32Speaker 02

  It can, and and you know, we spoke to someone on the phone, we're like, dog's just had a fuck, just had a sock. They went, just keep an eye on it over the next day.

• 26:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:40Speaker 02

  And if you don't see it again, then you've got problems. But luckily enough, she just ended, and I still, I still said to Claire, you could have just put, stuck that in the washing machine. You really could have done.

• 26:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:53Speaker 02

  There was nothing wrong with it.

• 26:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:55Speaker 02

  Um, apparently she didn't wanna.

• 26:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:58Speaker 02

  Wear a sock that had been vomited over.

• 26:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, and then you've got to chuck it in the other one as well, haven't you?

• 27:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:04Speaker 01

  That's the thing, isn't it?

• 27:04Speaker 02

  I know. It's the, it won't, it's you.

• 27:07Speaker 01

  It's um, I feel like one, I honestly, I feel like the sock that hasn't been lost, it's like, why does its life have to be over? It could still have a life. Do you know what I mean? It's like, oh, you're saying it can't be, like, in a way, I feel like it's a bit of kind of like,

• 27:22Speaker 02

  It is.

• 27:22Speaker 01

  It's sort of shaming single people.

• 27:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:24Speaker 01

  Saying, if you haven't got a partner.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:26Speaker 01

  You might as well just, or if, you know, if your partner dies.

• 27:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:30Speaker 01

  You should be sort of burned along with them.

• 27:33Speaker 02

  Socks stick together, though.

• 27:35Speaker 01

  Well, I don't, but I don't think they need to. I I I think, I I think um stop wearing um pairs of socks, you just.

• 27:45Speaker 01

  You don't need to, you don't need to, honestly, because I've got this mountain of socks in my house that they haven't got a pair and so.

• 27:53Speaker 02

  Do you not? Have you not gone through the mountain though? You're not gone to pair them up to see if there are pairs in there?

• 27:58Speaker 01

  I tell you what I hate.

• 28:00Speaker 02

  I think you've just got.

• 28:01Speaker 01

  All the different types of just like plain black sock and they're all slightly different. So you can't really pair them because like the top of the band that goes on there called sometimes it's that thick, sometimes it's that thick, sometimes it's that still that thick, but a bit thick, but like fatter.

• 28:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:17Speaker 01

  And you're like, well, I can't really put them together because then I'll it it then I.

• 28:22Speaker 02

  I don't, I don't want to keep talking about socks, but I do know what you mean. And I do, I, I am loyal to a sock brand and I've been, I've been, uh, on the whole. I've been buying the same type of pairs of socks for years. But then what happens is, is you get your fresh new crisp white socks, right?

• 28:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:41Speaker 02

  And then they get paired with the old sort of graying.

• 28:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:45Speaker 02

  Sock that are slight, a bit smaller and they're a bit fucked because of the tumble dryer and stuff, which is why I pair them when I put them in. Um, and then it, then it's a whole thing then. And I'm just like, oh, now I've got to go through all these and.

• 29:00Speaker 01

  But also what you've got is you've got these.

• 29:04Speaker 02

  Especially black.

• 29:04Speaker 01

  Just as bad, just as bad is creating a fake pair. Cause now you've got two, neither of them are supposed to be there. They're, they're both supposed to be somewhere else.

• 29:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:15Speaker 01

  And yet they're embedded in society.

• 29:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:21Speaker 01

  Posing in a sense.

• 29:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:23Speaker 01

  As a legitimate pair.

• 29:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:25Speaker 03

  It's like the couples that come off Love Island for the brand deals.

• 29:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, yes, exactly.

• 29:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  They're both supposed to be somewhere else.

• 29:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:32Speaker 01

  Get back in the pile, wait till you find your pair.

• 29:34Speaker 02

  It's like, um, a fresh new sock that's just sort of hung on to a Hugh Hefner type sock.

• 29:44Speaker 01

  Yeah. Just waiting for him to die.

• 29:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:48Speaker 02

  Anyway.

• 29:49Speaker 01

  Um, well, look, so vets, also vets are expensive. Um.

• 29:53Speaker 02

  They're well expensive.

• 29:54Speaker 01

  But you know, I mean, what, what do you want? You know, you've, you've chosen to take care of some random animal for no reason. Of course it's fucking expensive. It's your funeral. Like, don't, don't have a pet then. I've got no sympathy. You don't have to have a pet. Like people who go around with pets, they're like, oh God, what's he done now? And you're like, don't fucking have a pet then. Don't start just randomly looking after some random fucking animal. Don't tuck. So I mean, it's, it's, it's ridiculous. The other thing that annoys me.

• 30:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:17Speaker 01

  Is when like, there's a massive dog in the park and it's like attacking your child or something. And the owner's going, oh, he thinks it's a game. I don't, I don't care if he thinks it's a game.

• 30:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:26Speaker 01

  It might eat my child.

• 30:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:27Speaker 01

  Oh, he thinks eating your child is a game. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if he thinks it's a game. Yeah, of course he, I don't, don't care. That's the problem. Yes, that's the problem that he thinks it's a game. Oh, my child's been eaten by an alligator. Oh, the alligator thinks it's a game. Oh, that's all right then. Oh, if he thinks it's a game. I've got no sympathy really. You don't have to have a pet. Don't have a pet then.

• 30:47Speaker 02

  JT's furious.

• 30:48Speaker 03

  I really hope we get a rant sponsored by this episode.

• 30:51Speaker 02

  We need to move on to fact check. This is the part of the podcast, you take a breather for a second, Joe.

• 30:56Speaker 03

  Do you need a water? You okay?

• 30:57Speaker 01

  I'm all right.

• 30:58Speaker 02

  Okay. Uh, this is the part of the podcast where we read a fact or a question that you'd like us to get to the bottom of. And then we're going to have a good think during the break and we'll let you know how true it feels to us and decide whether it passes our fact check. I'll read this, Joe. So this week's fact check comes from Lily, who has sent us a WhatsApp. Lily says, hi, Joe and James. I heard this fact years ago. Have no idea if it's genius or complete nonsense. So it feels perfect for the podcast. Apparently a chef's hat has a hundred pleats in it. And each pleat represents one of the hundred different ways to cook an egg, which sounds absolutely bonkers. But also exactly the sort of thing people confidently tell you as if it's true. And while we're on chef's hats, I all, I was always told

• 31:43Speaker 02

  that the chef with the tallest hat in the kitchen was the most senior chef. So if that's true, professional kitchens are basically ruled by a hat based hierarchy. Have you ever come across either of these before? Or have I been listening to a load of old nonsense? Love the pod. Sorry, Queen Lily May. I don't know what she's apologising for.

• 32:00Speaker 01

  Is that because you don't like the word pod?

• 32:02Speaker 03

  I don't think so.

• 32:03Speaker 01

  Well, she's capitalized pod.

• 32:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:05Speaker 01

  So what, there was a bit where one of us didn't like calling it a pod.

• 32:08Speaker 02

  I think it might have been me, but just as a joke, I don't really care. Um, lots of love, Lily from Somerset.

• 32:14Speaker 01

  Sorry, because you have to like.

• 32:15Speaker 03

  I'll take the apology. Yeah.

• 32:17Speaker 01

  Take it. You need it.

• 32:17Speaker 02

  Thanks. Sorry, I, I think she's just sorry you're involved.

• 32:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, me too.

• 32:23Speaker 02

  Oh, my feelings.

• 32:26Speaker 02

  We're gonna, uh, we're gonna have a little think. Um, listen, listen to these adverts and we'll be back with our thoughts.

• 32:38Speaker 00

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• 33:14Speaker 02

  Right. Welcome back to Joe and James Fact Up. We were just fact checking on behalf of Lily. We wanted to know, does a chef's hat have a hundred pleats for a hundred different ways to cook an egg? I am calling bullshit.

• 33:28Speaker 01

  Well, it is interesting because.

• 33:30Speaker 02

  I don't, do they have a hundred pleats? I mean, I, I've, I'm just to accept that chef's hats have a hundred pleats.

• 33:36Speaker 01

  I mean.

• 33:37Speaker 02

  I think that in itself is, if that's true, that's a great fact. Chef's hats have a hundred pleats. I don't even think that's true. Chef's hats, where'd you get a chef's hat from? Where would you buy a chef's hat?

• 33:50Speaker 01

  Nizbut's.

• 33:51Speaker 02

  And I don't mean, um.

• 33:53Speaker 01

  You go to Nizbut's.

• 33:54Speaker 02

  I don't mean, uh, Nizbut's.

• 33:56Speaker 01

  Don't they sell like chef.

• 33:58Speaker 02

  Liam Nes- Nizbut's.

• 34:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. You don't give a fuck about nutzberries.

• 34:03Speaker 02

  James Nes- Nes- Nizbut's. Um, they don't, um.

• 34:07Speaker 01

  I think that is where you go.

• 34:08Speaker 03

  They are a catering company. Yeah.

• 34:10Speaker 02

  I don't, um, I'm not talking about, is that the place in London? And you see all their, is it near Forbidden Planet?

• 34:16Speaker 01

  Yeah. And in the window, they've got all the different.

• 34:18Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's on Shaftesbury Avenue, isn't it?

• 34:21Speaker 01

  Dressed up as, um.

• 34:22Speaker 02

  Why do I know that?

• 34:24Speaker 01

  No, this isn't, well, look, it's, it's interesting because was it in this podcast? Where you were saying that you did, you thought that maybe EG was egg example.

• 34:38Speaker 02

  Example, yeah.

• 34:39Speaker 01

  Well, this is a, this is a real life version. These are examples.

• 34:42Speaker 02

  These are egg examples.

• 34:43Speaker 01

  So these are.

• 34:45Speaker 02

  Careful, that's, that might be unbelievable.

• 34:46Speaker 01

  It could be unbelievable. So, and it is true that, um.

• 34:51Speaker 02

  It's just a French thing though, isn't it? The chef's hat. I don't think it really.

• 34:57Speaker 03

  I don't know if it is just a French thing.

• 34:58Speaker 02

  I think there's like, but I mean, that big, stupid pompous.

• 35:02Speaker 03

  The tall boy.

• 35:03Speaker 02

  French.

• 35:04Speaker 01

  Well, that is what we're talking, yeah, that is what we're talking. And those are the ones with the.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  But I don't think, um, I don't think that really, uh, uh, unless they learned in France or they, or they export, I think it came from France, the chef's hat. It must've done. Seems like a silly.

• 35:20Speaker 01

  There are lots of, there are lots of ways to cook eggs.

• 35:23Speaker 02

  I get a chef's hat to keep your hair out the way and stuff.

• 35:25Speaker 01

  Yeah. Quite why it needs to be that big.

• 35:28Speaker 02

  How many ways can you cook an egg that you can think of right now? Scrambled, fried, poached, boiled.

• 35:34Speaker 01

  Deviled.

• 35:36Speaker 02

  Oh, that, yeah, but they're boiled, aren't they?

• 35:38Speaker 01

  And then you wouldn't know, but then you mince up the yolk with some sort of, don't you make the yolk, the yolk into like a, a paste of some kind?

• 35:45Speaker 02

  I like the yolk.

• 35:47Speaker 01

  Yoast.

• 35:48Speaker 02

  I like yoast.

• 35:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:49Speaker 02

  And then you put it back in the egg.

• 35:51Speaker 01

  And put it back in and that's called deviled.

• 35:53Speaker 02

  But yeah, but you've boiled the egg. It's specifically how you cook an egg. Maybe there's a hundred ways to prepare an egg, which I think is a different thing.

• 36:04Speaker 01

  A hundred ways to cook an egg.

• 36:05Speaker 02

  I don't think there is a hundred ways to cook an egg. I don't think there are a hundred pleats in a chef's hat.

• 36:11Speaker 01

  But do you think it is the same number both times? So maybe there's eight ways and eight pleats. I don't know why that.

• 36:17Speaker 02

  I don't know either. How many pleats did the Swedish chef have from the Muppets? I don't think he had any pleats. I think it was more of a, just a, for want of a better word, dildo tube on his head.

• 36:30Speaker 01

  Um.

• 36:31Speaker 03

  It, it kind of had a bit of a floppy bit on top.

• 36:33Speaker 02

  He had a bit of a floppy bit, yeah.

• 36:35Speaker 03

  And then a bit of a floppy bit on top.

• 36:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:39Speaker 01

  I have to say that when I, when I imagine that, when I imagine a chef's hat. I'm imagining a sort of,

• 36:46Speaker 01

  sort of mushroom cloud.

• 36:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:47Speaker 01

  Affair.

• 36:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:48Speaker 01

  It doesn't really make me think of pleats particularly. It makes me.

• 36:52Speaker 02

  I've got to say, this is all, this is, this is all bullshit.

• 36:56Speaker 03

  Is that what you're going with?

• 36:58Speaker 01

  No, I don't.

• 36:58Speaker 02

  Oh, I'm talking about the podcast. No, no, I, no, I'm going, I'm going, no, I'm, I don't, I don't think there's any fact in here at all whatsoever. I think.

• 37:07Speaker 01

  There are.

• 37:08Speaker 02

  That Lily's dad told her this as a child. I do this sort of thing to my kids all the time. I tell them something and I get them to believe it, but then I forget to go back and say, oh, by the way, I did make that up. That was a wind up. And then they go off and they start writing into podcasts saying that chefs have a hundred pleats.

• 37:29Speaker 01

  It's, it's.

• 37:32Speaker 02

  You're trying to justify this. Do you think it's true, Joe?

• 37:35Speaker 01

  Chefs do have quite a lot of sort of lore, don't they? Like, you know, like, you know how like the taxi drivers do the knowledge?

• 37:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:42Speaker 01

  And chefs do have like, these are like, these are the five great base sauces of the French culinary canon.

• 37:51Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 37:51Speaker 01

  I think there are these kind of.

• 37:53Speaker 02

  Oh, there's tradition and stuff, sure.

• 37:54Speaker 01

  There's canon, that's what I mean. There is, there is, there is, there will be like, these are, like, what is it like? I've heard like Marcus Waring talk about it, like, these are like the, these are like the four basic sauces of like French cooking school.

• 38:10Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 38:11Speaker 01

  A hundred seems high for eggs, but I don't know, eggs are.

• 38:16Speaker 01

  Eggs, there are lots of ways to prepare eggs, more than you think.

• 38:20Speaker 02

  I'm sure, I'm sure there's more.

• 38:21Speaker 01

  Are there a hu- are there a hundred?

• 38:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

• 38:26Speaker 02

  Raw, you can have raw, that's one. Rocky had raw eggs, didn't he?

• 38:30Speaker 01

  Raw's one. I think chefs said, that'd be day one, wouldn't it? What are we doing on day one of culinary school? It's actually an easy day.

• 38:37Speaker 02

  Raw egg.

• 38:38Speaker 01

  Raw egg.

• 38:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, go home.

• 38:40Speaker 02

  Right, cool, I'm, I'm, yeah.

• 38:42Speaker 01

  You wanna just find out if it's true?

• 38:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:44Speaker 03

  Well, are you saying no?

• 38:45Speaker 02

  I'm saying no. I'm saying no, Joe, even you're saying it. You're sitting there going, how is there a hundred ways to? I'm saying, how is there a hundred plates?

• 38:54Speaker 02

  A hundred plates, by the way.

• 38:58Speaker 03

  A lot.

• 38:59Speaker 01

  Do you get one plate each time you?

• 39:01Speaker 02

  Cook an egg.

• 39:02Speaker 01

  Cook an egg, a bit like in Cub Scouts where you get a badge.

• 39:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  It could be if they had badges, wouldn't it, chefs?

• 39:08Speaker 02

  There'd be one chef, there'd be chef.

• 39:10Speaker 01

  Can you do a bayonaise? Yep.

• 39:12Speaker 02

  There'd be one chef that walks in, you're like, look at the fucking plates on that guy, he's cooked some eggs.

• 39:16Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's, um.

• 39:18Speaker 02

  Go on, what, what are we saying?

• 39:20Speaker 01

  And we haven't dealt with the other bit as well, which is, um, whether the chef with the tallest hat.

• 39:25Speaker 02

  Let's not get into that.

• 39:26Speaker 01

  Okay, but can I just tell you one other thing?

• 39:30Speaker 01

  If you go to a sushi restaurant.

• 39:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:35Speaker 01

  The lower the curtain, the better the restaurant. Is that right? I think that's right. You have to go under a curtain.

• 39:44Speaker 02

  What?

• 39:45Speaker 01

  I think that's true.

• 39:46Speaker 02

  This is news to me.

• 39:47Speaker 01

  So, there is something to do with height and quality.

• 39:54Speaker 02

  What?

• 39:54Speaker 01

  In, well.

• 39:55Speaker 02

  I would just make my curtain really low, I'd just go.

• 39:57Speaker 03

  You'll be able to walk through it.

• 39:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:00Speaker 01

  But then.

• 40:02Speaker 02

  Curtain?

• 40:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's a curtain.

• 40:04Speaker 02

  Oh, Joe.

• 40:05Speaker 01

  We can check that as well. In terms of the hats.

• 40:07Speaker 03

  Where's this curtain? On the way in?

• 40:09Speaker 01

  On the way in? You have to like, it's like, the lower you have to bow, right? So it's to do with how much respect you have to show, like, if he's not very good, you're like, oh, whatever, it's a nod. But then if he's really good, or she.

• 40:24Speaker 01

  You gotta lie down, like that, to get in.

• 40:28Speaker 02

  But I wouldn't be bowing.

• 40:28Speaker 01

  Please can I come in?

• 40:30Speaker 02

  I wouldn't be bowing, I would, I'd just be trying to get under the curtain.

• 40:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's it, yeah, basically.

• 40:36Speaker 02

  It's forcing people to bow to you.

• 40:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is, yeah. I think, I think it's literally that, yeah. Yeah.

• 40:43Speaker 02

  Right.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  Whereas with the chef's hat, it's like forcing people to go, oh.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  But the chef's always bowing then, because he's always trying to get through the door, especially like the top chef.

• 40:51Speaker 01

  It feels like a liability at being that high. It feels like they've, they've, they've solved one problem of like your hair getting in the sauces and then to, then they've come up with these other things, gonna knock.

• 40:59Speaker 02

  Wouldn't it be funny if the chef's hat came from, just because one chef, like a hundred and fifty years ago, just had a really weird tall head?

• 41:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:11Speaker 02

  It was, it was just all head in that, in that hat.

• 41:14Speaker 01

  Imagine if it was an egg in there? That'd really be.

• 41:17Speaker 02

  Do you think he'd go up to people and be like, that's all head, baby?

• 41:22Speaker 01

  There's like a cob piece.

• 41:23Speaker 02

  That's all me.

• 41:24Speaker 01

  Imagine that had cob piece, yeah.

• 41:26Speaker 02

  Right, what are we saying about this chef's hat?

• 41:28Speaker 03

  Okay, so I've done a little bit of research and there is, um, a culinary school that have put an article out about chefs' hats, and it's on E Scoffier, I wanna say.

• 41:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, the great French, uh, master.

• 41:42Speaker 02

  I know it'd be French.

• 41:43Speaker 03

  So, and, and you're right, it has French, um, tradition, so it's where the hats come from, the ones that we know and love. There are several chefs' hats in a kitchen, so the one we are talking about is the sort of tall one, which has plates. Here, it does say that the chef's hat has a hundred plates.

• 42:00Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 42:01Speaker 03

  And it's to represent the hundred ways he could prepare eggs.

• 42:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay.

• 42:06Speaker 03

  So that is a fact, that's true.

• 42:09Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 42:09Speaker 03

  The article goes on to say.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  I'm sort of angry that that's a fact, to be honest.

• 42:12Speaker 03

  The taller the hat, the more senior the chef.

• 42:15Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 42:15Speaker 03

  It is all absolutely one hundred percent fact.

• 42:18Speaker 02

  It's just, it is just a, it, it's a nob thing, isn't it?

• 42:24Speaker 02

  It's a nob thing.

• 42:24Speaker 01

  Well, how many plates have you got in your nob?

• 42:26Speaker 02

  Blokes, blokes get.

• 42:28Speaker 01

  And the sperm does prepare an egg in a sense, doesn't it, if it gets the lady pregnant?

• 42:32Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 42:34Speaker 01

  That's my, that's my sort of preparation. You wanna, uh, should we make some eggs together?

• 42:40Speaker 02

  Milady?

• 42:42Speaker 01

  And I don't, and I don't mean.

• 42:43Speaker 02

  I think I'll be preparing your egg tonight.

• 42:45Speaker 01

  Uh, let's just say tonight, there'll be a hundred and one plates in my, in my hat.

• 42:51Speaker 02

  If you're a, if you're.

• 42:53Speaker 01

  That's when you get the hundred and first, is when you've had sex.

• 42:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:57Speaker 01

  The final thing at culinary school is, you have sex.

• 42:59Speaker 02

  Hey, if you're a good girl, I might prepare your egg tonight.

• 43:05Speaker 03

  I will say, I can't see anything about, uh, the lower the curtains in sushi restaurants.

• 43:09Speaker 01

  Oh, but Katie Ray, before she walked out, I don't know where she went, but she was.

• 43:13Speaker 03

  Well, they say that they, they do low, um, have low fabric curtains in the doorways, um, called Noren, I think that could be right. And it's traditional to say that the shop is open, and it's also does the job of sort of like keeping dust out and stuff like that. So it's got a much more practical sort of use than.

• 43:33Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 43:34Speaker 03

  Than being sort of, yeah, about how good quality it is.

• 43:36Speaker 01

  I just.

• 43:38Speaker 03

  That's, that's from some very basic research and I'm happy to be corrected on this.

• 43:41Speaker 01

  Okay, well, I might be.

• 43:43Speaker 02

  Lily, if you're listening, despite everything I said, that was true.

• 43:48Speaker 01

  You were completely right.

• 43:49Speaker 02

  And keep telling people it.

• 43:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a great fact.

• 43:52Speaker 02

  Uh, unless we're winding you up.

• 43:55Speaker 01

  Oh, I tell you what.

• 43:56Speaker 02

  Unless this is an elaborate scheme to keep you still saying this fact about chefs' plates.

• 44:02Speaker 01

  Are we A I?

• 44:04Speaker 02

  Are we A I? Oh, Christ. Right, what's next? Joe's fact.

• 44:09Speaker 01

  My fact.

• 44:10Speaker 02

  Joe's fact.

• 44:10Speaker 01

  Okay, now.

• 44:12Speaker 02

  Hit me with your rhythm stick.

• 44:12Speaker 01

  Are you familiar with, uh, the period officially known as the Renaissance? Well, actually, before I do that, I was gonna do two things. I was gonna say I've got a kind of, I've got a sort of highbrow fact and a lowbrow fact.

• 44:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:23Speaker 01

  I'm gonna do the highbrow one.

• 44:25Speaker 02

  Go for it.

• 44:25Speaker 01

  So the Renaissance, um, do you know what that is?

• 44:28Speaker 02

  It's coming out the Middle Ages, isn't it?

• 44:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's right. Um, uh, it's the.

• 44:35Speaker 02

  It's after about

• 44:38Speaker 02

  five, six hundred years of everyone doing the same thing over and over again.

• 44:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:43Speaker 02

  So then going, it's all about washing your hands or something.

• 44:46Speaker 01

  Well, it, it, well, it, yes, and, and it's also connected to the rediscovery of, uh, the classical world. So it was in a sense, oh, well, let's, you know, let's come out of the Dark Ages, but the, the means by which they were coming out of the Dark Ages was to say, let's try and get back to Greece and Rome, basically.

• 45:01Speaker 02

  Grecian, yeah.

• 45:02Speaker 01

  And, um, one of the people who was sort of responsible for the Renaissance was, um, an Italian scholar called Petrarch, Petrarch. And he liked it so much that he wrote letters to dead Romans. So, um, he wrote to Cicero, for example, like as if he was his mate or his pen pal or something.

• 45:25Speaker 02

  Right.

• 45:26Speaker 01

  And, um, so I'm just gonna, this is his letter. And like, my, my quibble with this letter is that, to me, it seems completely pointless.

• 45:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're right into a dead person.

• 45:35Speaker 01

  Actually, good point, yeah. But even, even once you're doing that, even if Cicero was alive, you'd be like, well, this is shit.

• 45:43Speaker 02

  So he's just saying.

• 45:44Speaker 01

  So he's basically going, um.

• 45:44Speaker 02

  This is what I had for breakfast this morning.

• 45:47Speaker 01

  No, he's, he's sort of saying, um, well, no, well, basically, he's sort of having a go at him.

• 45:51Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 45:52Speaker 01

  Here we go. Oh, spirit ever restless and perturbed, in old age, I am but using your own words. Self-involved in calamities and ruin, what good could you think would come from your incessant wrangling? From all this wasteful strife and enmity? Bloke, the bloke's dead?

• 46:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's having a pop, he's having a go, isn't he?

• 46:12Speaker 01

  I'm gonna pop him.

• 46:13Speaker 02

  Well, what did, what did Cicero do out of interest? I don't, I don't know much about Cicero.

• 46:18Speaker 01

  Cicero was a sort of Roman, sort of speechwriter, in a way, he was involved in politics, a bit like a sort of spin doctor.

• 46:25Speaker 02

  Right.

• 46:25Speaker 01

  Well, if Robert Harris is to be relieved.

• 46:29Speaker 01

  He's Robert Harris who wrote Fatherland.

• 46:32Speaker 02

  Right.

• 46:32Speaker 01

  You know, Fatherland is about the Nazis winning the war and taking over Britain.

• 46:35Speaker 02

  Right.

• 46:35Speaker 01

  Uh, Robert Harris also wrote a trilogy of books about Cicero.

• 46:39Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 46:39Speaker 01

  Um, a bit like the Wolf Hall books, a bit like the, the Thomas Cromwell books.

• 46:43Speaker 02

  Right.

• 46:44Speaker 01

  Um, Cicero was kind of a smart guy, kind of worked for powerful people and, you know, wrote their speeches and stuff. And I think he might have got involved in politics himself. Anyway, so Petrot's writing to him, just having a go at him, basically saying, you were doing all right and then you should have just retired and like, just retired the country, but instead you kept on getting into fights. And then he carries on, of Dionysius, I forbear to speak.

• 47:10Speaker 02

  Dionysus?

• 47:12Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, Dionysus. No, I think it's someone else.

• 47:15Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 47:15Speaker 01

  Um.

• 47:16Speaker 02

  That's Greek, Dionysus.

• 47:17Speaker 01

  This bit, he's, he's going, um, of, of Dionysius, I forbear to speak.

• 47:23Speaker 01

  Of your brother and nephew too, of Dola Bella even, if you like. So he's sort of saying, oh, I'm not going to talk about, I'm not going to talk about him. And then he just is talking about them.

• 47:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:32Speaker 01

  So the half, load of the letter is him just going, I'm not, I'm not even going to mention him and he just is mentioning them.

• 47:37Speaker 02

  I could say some stuff about you, like, you know, but I won't.

• 47:42Speaker 01

  Um, and he, and then at the end he goes back to his old other theme of like, oh, how much better it would have been, how much more fitting for a philosopher to have grown old peacefully in the country, meditating as you yourself or somewhere said. He's like, this is what you said, upon the life that endures forever and not upon this poor fragment of life, to have known no, it looks like feces. I think it's fashers, but also I don't know what that means. Yearn for no triumph, found no catalines to fill the soul with ambitious longings. All this, however, is vain. Farewell forever, my Cicero.

• 48:15Speaker 02

  You better hit me with a fucking fact in a second.

• 48:18Speaker 01

  This is the fact.

• 48:22Speaker 03

  How, yeah.

• 48:24Speaker 01

  Um, Trinasaurs Rexes could put on, uh, two kilograms in a day.

• 48:29Speaker 02

  Brilliant.

• 48:30Speaker 03

  Bingo.

• 48:31Speaker 02

  Brilliant.

• 48:32Speaker 01

  And I will say to the Trinasaurs Rexes, hold my beer.

• 48:36Speaker 01

  Right, let's go with that one.

• 48:40Speaker 01

  Anyway, just so he wrote to Cicero, just slagging him off.

• 48:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:44Speaker 01

  He's going, I'm not going to mention Dionysius. He's like, we are mentioning him.

• 48:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:47Speaker 01

  And then at the end he goes, oh, you should have just retired, but instead you kept on getting yourself involved.

• 48:50Speaker 02

  How long have you been thinking about this, Joe?

• 48:53Speaker 01

  Well, it came up in a book I was.

• 48:54Speaker 02

  Is it made you angry? I feel like you, you're, I feel like you're this close to writing a letter to that bloke.

• 49:03Speaker 03

  I was going to ask if you could like slag off someone in a letter and send it to them of someone who's already dead. Is there someone you would, you would do that to?

• 49:11Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 49:12Speaker 01

  Um, yes. Who would I, who would I slag off who's already dead?

• 49:17Speaker 02

  Well, in that same vein.

• 49:19Speaker 01

  The, uh, the bloke, the bloke who shot, um, Franz Ferdinand.

• 49:22Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, what a dickhead.

• 49:23Speaker 01

  Stupid idiot. Well done.

• 49:25Speaker 02

  What a dickhead.

• 49:25Speaker 01

  Well done, mate. Didn't, didn't work.

• 49:28Speaker 02

  Do you know who called it? Almost to the day, I think about 25 years or 20 years previous, Otto van Bismarck.

• 49:36Speaker 01

  Did he?

• 49:37Speaker 02

  Said, this is going to fucking happen and it's going to kick off in the Balkans.

• 49:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, but he should have kept Germany out of it then. Didn't need to get involved.

• 49:45Speaker 02

  He was trying, he did the whole thing though. He united everyone.

• 49:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, it wasn't all Germany's fault, but they should have said to Austria-Hungary,

• 49:55Speaker 01

  you're on your own. Sorry. Like, you can't, you can't handle it, handle your own shit. Like, we're not getting involved. Cause if we get involved.

• 50:03Speaker 01

  Yeah?

• 50:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, but they, no, but they, if they'd have got involved a bit quicker, wouldn't they, wouldn't it have, um, snuffed out the Great War?

• 50:11Speaker 01

  The problem was.

• 50:12Speaker 02

  They fucking flip flopped about. Who was it? Who was the Kaiser? They were going, oh, this has happened. We better, we better fucking do something about it. And then you waited for days to sort of go, all right then, yeah, we'll do something about it now.

• 50:24Speaker 01

  They waited, they did wait. Yeah. Either, if you're going to wait, what, keep waiting.

• 50:30Speaker 02

  Either do it or don't. Yeah.

• 50:32Speaker 01

  Do it or don't. Yeah. But no, Austria-Hungary, I think was actually like, they, they, their, their pride was stung. And they were like, well, this can't go unpunished. And it's like, well, fine, but if you can't punish them yourself, you're just going to have to let it go.

• 50:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:49Speaker 01

  Because it's not, sorry, like, but you, never, you're not as big a deal as you think you are. And so, yeah, I think Germany was overly blamed afterwards, but they shouldn't have, they shouldn't have, they shouldn't have just said, whatever you do will back you up.

• 51:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:04Speaker 01

  Like, that was a mistake.

• 51:07Speaker 02

  Well.

• 51:07Speaker 01

  Anyway.

• 51:08Speaker 02

  That's what we did with Poland as well, didn't we?

• 51:13Speaker 01

  Well, that was, I think, I think, no, they would, in the end Hitler just wanted to fight everyone. He was a little bitch.

• 51:18Speaker 02

  Oh, he was, he was a.

• 51:19Speaker 01

  He was a little bitch and he, he just wanted to fight everyone. He would have, the, the problem is, is that the lessons of the First World War, didn't apply. So the First World War, they could have avoided a fight if they'd have just been more reasonable. And then in hindsight, they were like, oh, we should have just been more reasonable and just given people what they wanted. And then they tried to apply that lesson to the, like in 1939. And it was like, no, now the, the situation is completely different.

• 51:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, don't, yeah, be too reasonable.

• 51:41Speaker 01

  General was always fighting the last battle. And when I was a little boy, I had a book called, I think it was called Lazy Jack. And Jack used to always apply the lesson of the last thing to the new thing. So he'd always be sent on these errands and they'd be like, um, uh, like, put, oh yeah, go and get some gold coins. And he'd go and get the gold coins, but then he'd carry them back just in his hands.

• 52:06Speaker 02

  Right.

• 52:07Speaker 01

  And they, and he'd drop them.

• 52:08Speaker 02

  Drop them.

• 52:09Speaker 01

  And then they'd say, you should have put them in your pocket. And he goes, okay, pocket, pocket, pocket, pocket, pocket, pocket. And the next error, and guess what it is? Guess what it is?

• 52:16Speaker 02

  Go on.

• 52:16Speaker 01

  Pint of milk.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  Pint of milk, poured it in his pocket.

• 52:19Speaker 01

  In his pocket.

• 52:20Speaker 02

  Idiot.

• 52:20Speaker 01

  They go idiot. Next time, should have carried it on your head.

• 52:23Speaker 02

  He's not lazy though. He's not lazy.

• 52:23Speaker 01

  He goes, okay, head, head, head. Maybe he's not lazy. And then guess what is next? A cheese, big cheese.

• 52:29Speaker 02

  Big cheese.

• 52:30Speaker 01

  Almost down his head. I don't know where he was supposed to put that. Anyway, so they were, they were like Lazy Jack, basically.

• 52:35Speaker 02

  Right.

• 52:36Speaker 01

  I don't think it was Lazy Jack.

• 52:38Speaker 02

  Who would you write to though? The bloke that, the bloke that went for a sandwich and then shot them.

• 52:41Speaker 01

  Who, like, just pathetic little dick.

• 52:44Speaker 02

  They went down the wrong way as well, didn't they? Fucking, his driver.

• 52:47Speaker 01

  They were idiots. They, on the, on the drive went down the wrong, yeah. Basically, the bloke had given up.

• 52:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:52Speaker 01

  He'd given up. He was going home. He was like, oh, wait a minute.

• 52:54Speaker 02

  He stopped in a cafe and he was like, oh, fucking hell, he's back again.

• 52:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:59Speaker 02

  And then war. War off the back of that.

• 53:03Speaker 01

  Terrible war.

• 53:04Speaker 02

  I'd probably, I'd probably just, uh, yeah, mate, like same sort of vein as your guy. What was his name? Patrick?

• 53:12Speaker 01

  Lazy Jack?

• 53:13Speaker 02

  Pet, Patrick.

• 53:14Speaker 01

  Petrock?

• 53:14Speaker 02

  Petrock. Um, yeah, I'd maybe write to Nero.

• 53:19Speaker 01

  I'd write to Lazy Jack, actually.

• 53:20Speaker 02

  I'd write to Lazy Jack.

• 53:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:22Speaker 02

  I'd write to Nero. He was nuts.

• 53:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:25Speaker 02

  He was a bit insane, wasn't he?

• 53:26Speaker 01

  There were quite a few that.

• 53:28Speaker 02

  Coligula was, didn't he make a horse a senator or something like that or?

• 53:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, he went a bit. Yeah.

• 53:35Speaker 02

  Amazing. Well, I'm all fact out.

• 53:38Speaker 03

  We've got one great letter, I think we should have.

• 53:40Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 53:41Speaker 03

  Before we go.

• 53:43Speaker 02

  Where, where is it? Oh, here we go. I'll read it. I'll do this one. Um, Martin has written to us and says, hi, Joe and James. I tell my friends to listen to the podcast, but when they ask me what it's about, I honestly haven't a clue. I've listened to all the episodes on my way to and from work and I can't remember a thing, which is why I love it. It's reminiscent of those random stupid chats you have with your mates, which mean nothing, but to you mean the world. That's quite sweet.

• 54:08Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 54:09Speaker 02

  Uh, any help on what I can say when recommending the pod in the future? That would be great. Keep it up lads and crew. Well, I think you've, uh, you have described this podcast in the most beautiful way possible. It's reminiscent of those stupid chats you have with your mates that mean nothing, but to you mean the world.

• 54:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:28Speaker 02

  That's how I'd describe this podcast.

• 54:30Speaker 01

  Well, it also is, I, I don't really talk about like, um, sort of,

• 54:38Speaker 01

  like quite often I will have, I don't know, seen like, you know, a mate, like a male mate. And I'll come back and Hannah will go, did he enjoy his holiday? And I'll be like, how the fuck am I supposed to know?

• 54:52Speaker 01

  I do not, I do not even, I, I'm not, I, I can't even begin to care.

• 54:57Speaker 02

  I'll meet him.

• 54:58Speaker 01

  I don't care. I honestly, I don't know where he went. I didn't know he'd been on holiday.

• 55:01Speaker 02

  I'll meet a mate down the pub and Claire will be like, oh, what did you guys talk about? And I go, I don't know. I don't know. And she's like, what do you mean? You don't know? I was like, she was like, what, what were you chatting about? I was like, I don't know. I don't know. I can't remember.

• 55:14Speaker 01

  I'm trying to get away.

• 55:16Speaker 02

  And we weren't sat there in silence for about three hours. We were talking the whole time, but I can't tell you one thing that we spoke about.

• 55:22Speaker 01

  I don't want to talk about all the sort of, the life laundry of my, of my life because it stresses me out. I don't want to, I, I,

• 55:33Speaker 01

  it's a bit like, don't talk shop in the mess. Like, don't, you know, this is.

• 55:36Speaker 02

  Save it for the podcast.

• 55:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:38Speaker 02

  That's it really.

• 55:39Speaker 01

  Anyway, no, so I don't, I don't know what it's about really. Apart from I can say quite often it's about, um, wiping your bum. Um.

• 55:46Speaker 02

  Anal glands.

• 55:48Speaker 01

  Anal, it's quite often about Hitler.

• 55:50Speaker 02

  There's a lot of Hitler stuff. We always talk about Hitler.

• 55:52Speaker 01

  Um.

• 55:53Speaker 02

  And.

• 55:54Speaker 01

  Animals, a lot of talk about animals.

• 55:55Speaker 02

  Germanic.

• 55:57Speaker 01

  Germanic stuff.

• 55:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:59Speaker 01

  Um, just, you know, what you, what you talk about when you're just trying to.

• 56:04Speaker 02

  It's what you talk about when you've got nothing to talk about.

• 56:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:07Speaker 02

  That's what this podcast is. Anyway, I'm all fact out, Joe.

• 56:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:10Speaker 02

  Um, we'll, we'll be back next week.

• 56:16Speaker 02

  We'll be back next week. I want to be more facts, chats and chefs hats. Uh, don't forget you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to fact check something that feels true to you or whatever nonsense you'd like to tell us by emailing hello at joandjamespod.com. Send us a WhatsApp, oh seven eight two two zero three four three three zero. You can follow us on social media at joandjamespod and head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten those details. Bye guys, we'll see you next week.

• 56:45Speaker 04

  Joe and James, fucked up.

• 56:54Speaker 00

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