Harry Styles Saved Us!

The boys chat about how Harry Styles saved the first Inbetweeners film and discuss how they still think one day they'll be pro footballers. Plus there's a bum based Fact Check! GET IN TOUCH: Whatsapp us - wa.me/447822034330 http://wa.me/447822034330 Fill in our Fact Up Form - https://forms.gle/uzF6XWPqaA5aNTtN7 Subscribe on Youtube - www.youtube.com/@JoeandJamesPod/videos http://www.youtube.com/@JoeandJamesPod/videos Follow us on Instagram - www.instagram.com/joeandjamespod http://www.instagram.com/joeandjamespod Follow us on TikTok - www.tiktok.com/@joeandjamespod http://www.tiktok.com/@joeandjamespod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Hey, it's Hannah Burner from Giggly Squad and the holidays are around the corner, which means I'm officially entering my Hostess Hannah era with Arm & Hammer Hardball Cat Litter. You guys know I love cats and fostering, but when I'm hosting, I do not want my house smelling like cats. I want people focusing on my hosting skills. That's why I love Arm & Hammer Hardball Cat Litter. It delivers long-lasting odor control and forms compact clumps that make cleanup easy, so that's one less thing I need to worry about when people come over. Be guest-ready with Arm & Hammer Cat Litter. Find it now at Walmart or Amazon.

• 0:34Speaker 01

  We were doing, that was, it was Spinal Tap, that promotional tour of America, it just was, it was like...

• 0:39Speaker 02

  Wait, what was that? About Harry Styles?

• 0:41Speaker 01

  The Inbetweeners, what, Harry Styles tweeted about the first Inbetweeners film. And basically that got it a bit of interest. But we were supposed to be bringing it out in America and it went so badly. It was just like, we, uh, they, they kind of-

• 0:57Speaker 03

  We spoke about it before, surely.

• 0:58Speaker 04

  You don't even know about the film, you've not mentioned Harry.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  No, no, we got, we got Harry Styles, James got Harry Styles to tweet about it. And basically that essentially constituted the entire promotional efforts for the first film that was actually successful. There was meant to be a promotional tour as well and it just, it was like, everything went wrong. It was like, we, like, stuff got cancelled.

• 1:17Speaker 03

  People just, journalists just didn't turn up when we were supposed to have an interview with them. We went all the way to Minneapolis.

• 1:24Speaker 01

  He arranged an interview in a, in a cafe that had gone out of business about three years ago.

• 1:28Speaker 03

  The cafe was all boarded up.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, yeah, at one point I had Harry's number. I remember that.

• 1:36Speaker 02

  Did you ever text Harry Styles?

• 1:38Speaker 03

  Uh, doubt it.

• 1:40Speaker 01

  Booty call.

• 1:40Speaker 03

  I've had some...

• 1:42Speaker 02

  Booty call.

• 1:43Speaker 03

  I've had some, um...

• 1:44Speaker 01

  I know, I'll give it a go if you're lonely.

• 1:48Speaker 03

  Here's my, from the 9th of October 2011, "Hi mate, nice to meet you today. Just shout for those tickets, won't be a problem, Harry."

• 1:59Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 2:00Speaker 03

  And then I got back to him, I got back to him the next day, fucking call like that.

• 2:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:05Speaker 03

  "Cheers man, you're a star. Good luck on the tour. I'm sure you'll smash it. Keep me posted on how you get on."

• 2:10Speaker 01

  Should have texted back, "Who dis?"

• 2:12Speaker 03

  Who dis?

• 2:13Speaker 02

  Wow, that's amazing.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  That's how you say you're not bothered, isn't it? Who dis?

• 2:16Speaker 03

  Who dis? "New number, who dis?" I sent that to my son Harrison the other day. He sent me a text message and I just went, "New number, who dis?"

• 2:28Speaker 01

  Or block, block him.

• 2:29Speaker 03

  And he didn't get it.

• 2:31Speaker 01

  Block him?

• 2:31Speaker 03

  He was like, "What?"

• 2:33Speaker 01

  Oh no, he's just briefly heartbroken.

• 2:36Speaker 03

  You didn't get a message that I sent you. When was it? Yesterday?

• 2:41Speaker 04

  About petrol?

• 2:42Speaker 03

  No, somebody got, no, no.

• 2:46Speaker 03

  Right?

• 2:47Speaker 01

  You didn't get back your message about petrol?

• 2:49Speaker 03

  No, I'd made a-

• 2:49Speaker 01

  Oh, got back in today.

• 2:50Speaker 03

  I made a little jokey comment in the, in our WhatsApp group, me, Claire and Katie.

• 2:58Speaker 03

  Someone gave us a gift yesterday.

• 3:01Speaker 03

  And Katie said, "Oh, you, you left without your gift."

• 3:04Speaker 01

  Right.

• 3:05Speaker 03

  We were doing Gogglebox yesterday and the production company gave us a gift. But they never actually gave it to us.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 3:11Speaker 03

  So, I was like, "Oh, nobody gave it to us." Katie said, "I'll bring it to London," which she hasn't done.

• 3:17Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 3:18Speaker 03

  And then she put, "It's body wash and lotion," and I just went, "What's that?"

• 3:23Speaker 01

  Sorry.

• 3:24Speaker 03

  And then Katie went, "The gift."

• 3:29Speaker 03

  I was like, "Oh."

• 3:32Speaker 03

  I was just like, "Oh, just, you know, you've got some body wash for you." What's body wash? That was the joke I was trying to make.

• 3:39Speaker 03

  Oh dear, well, anyway.

• 3:40Speaker 01

  Oh, it was a joke?

• 3:41Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  I just thought you meant, what's, I don't really know what body lotion is.

• 3:46Speaker 03

  I'm a bad one.

• 3:47Speaker 02

  You're kidding?

• 3:49Speaker 01

  Body lotion?

• 3:50Speaker 03

  Yeah. It's a special lotion. No, it's a special lotion, this ground from people's bodies.

• 3:57Speaker 01

  Now you're talking.

• 3:59Speaker 03

  And you put it on your body. Don't get me wrong, I feel like-

• 4:02Speaker 01

  Then you live forever. So you, you kill a 40-year-old.

• 4:04Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  Grind them up, smear it on you, and you get 40 years back, so I become two.

• 4:09Speaker 03

  It needs to be a 21-year-old virgin.

• 4:11Speaker 01

  Okay, fine.

• 4:11Speaker 03

  And you grind them down.

• 4:13Speaker 01

  Grind them down.

• 4:13Speaker 03

  Into a paste.

• 4:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:15Speaker 03

  And you just rub that into your skin.

• 4:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:17Speaker 03

  I feel like that is something the Kardashians would do.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:21Speaker 03

  If they could. If someone told them, it'll make them live forever.

• 4:24Speaker 01

  Yeah. And the most important thing in life is to live for as long as you possibly can.

• 4:30Speaker 03

  Do you know what? I can't get out of my head, Joe. Cause I'm drinking a little Lucozade Sport.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:35Speaker 03

  At the moment.

• 4:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:36Speaker 03

  Which has got electrolytes in it.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:39Speaker 03

  And I just can't get that song out of my head. I keep in my head, I keep singing, "Ooh, electrolytes."

• 4:51Speaker 01

  Um...

• 4:52Speaker 03

  Do you ever, do you, what's the last song that you couldn't, that you just couldn't escape from? Do you know what? This is a shit thing to even talk about now, cause now all I'm gonna do is remind you of that song. You've probably forgotten about it.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  It would have been just like-

• 5:07Speaker 03

  Long Pigs?

• 5:09Speaker 01

  Well, Long Pigs is often in my, I mean, um...

• 5:12Speaker 03

  Something that's irritated you?

• 5:14Speaker 01

  Actually, it would, it just, it just would have been one of the fucking Pepper Pig nonsense that we have to listen to all the time. It was the one that goes, "Da, da, da, da, Amastegosaurus." All about, all, all children's songs are either about dinosaurs or farts.

• 5:30Speaker 03

  Right.

• 5:31Speaker 01

  Or in some cases both. Like, that's the, that's the, that's the mother lode. It's like, "Oh, the Fartosaurus."

• 5:36Speaker 03

  We never had Pepper Pig on in our house. Claire couldn't do it.

• 5:39Speaker 01

  I, listen, I'm gonna say about Pepper Pig, I find the animation almost insultingly lazy.

• 5:44Speaker 03

  Claire, that's fine. I like sort of weird-

• 5:46Speaker 01

  They're all the fucking same.

• 5:47Speaker 03

  I know, but I, I don't mind sort of simplistic animation. I think there's something actually quite, uh, there is an aesthetic that's quite cool.

• 5:56Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 5:57Speaker 03

  The problem was that Claire just thought that Pepper Pig was just a little bitch. She was just like, "Pepper Pig is such a little prick. Everyone else is fine in that TV show. She's such a little fucking, this busybody getting involved and her, she's, her opinion." I don't know. I didn't get, I didn't really get to watch Pepper Pig. The Pepper Pig thing sort of, and our kids were really tiny at the time when Pepper Pig was massive. Um, but Claire was like, "No, get that off."

• 6:28Speaker 02

  There's a famous scene where, I don't know if you've seen this, but Pepper Pig is trying to learn how to whistle.

• 6:33Speaker 01

  Right.

• 6:34Speaker 02

  And she's struggling to whistle and she calls up her friend and says, "Oh, do you know how to whistle?" And her friend's like, "Oh, let me see if I can give it a go." They whistle and Pepper Pig just hangs up on them because they can whistle and she can't.

• 6:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, rude.

• 6:46Speaker 02

  That's kinda rude.

• 6:47Speaker 03

  That's the sort of stuff that Claire could, could not stand.

• 6:50Speaker 02

  I couldn't believe that was allowed to be on television. How rude.

• 6:53Speaker 01

  I actually know that scene, yeah. And she does crack it in the end, doesn't she? They, she, I think she does it, she's like, "Oh, nobody got a whistle."

• 7:02Speaker 01

  And like, and she's almost like exhaling in frustration and then, then the whistle comes.

• 7:06Speaker 03

  Then the whistle comes.

• 7:07Speaker 01

  She doesn't deserve it though, you're right. She doesn't, she doesn't deserve to succeed.

• 7:10Speaker 03

  No.

• 7:10Speaker 01

  She's got a rotten attitude.

• 7:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, her attitude stinks.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  It does stink actually, yeah. It's very unsporting. If you can't lose with grace, you don't deserve to win.

• 7:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, Claire's like that with a lot of sort of, she's got a real problem about children's characters. She can't stand Harry Potter.

• 7:27Speaker 01

  Um...

• 7:28Speaker 03

  She's always banging on about Harry Potter. She's just constantly like, "Who does he think he is? He's so arrogant."

• 7:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:35Speaker 03

  It's like, cause we're all supposed to hate Snape and stuff. It's like, "Oh, we better put the cloak of invisibility on because if Snape catches us in the corridor, he'll tell us to go back." Yeah, of course, and Claire's like, "Yeah, he's the teacher."

• 7:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:49Speaker 03

  And it's always like, "Oh, Voldemort's just gonna come to the school. Oh, um, we can battle him." "No, get a teacher, get a help, get some help."

• 7:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:58Speaker 03

  "What are you teaching the children here?"

• 8:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, it does-

• 8:01Speaker 03

  "You find a policeman." That's what I was told when I was a kid.

• 8:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. Get out, get the fire brigade out.

• 8:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:07Speaker 01

  Stay out. And there's none of that.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  Everything's always like, and he's got all that money in green gots and stuff and he's so, he's so special.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  Do you think?

• 8:20Speaker 03

  And the rules don't, that's what Claire always says, "The rules don't apply to him, do they?"

• 8:24Speaker 01

  Yeah. He don't, there is favoritism. And also, at the end of the first film, I hate to say it, Dumbledore rigs the house cup.

• 8:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, he does.

• 8:32Speaker 01

  He rigs it. I mean, he does, he comes Slytherin are gonna win and he just makes up a reason to give Neville Longbottom 10 points for nothing. I mean, you know, he's a sweet kid, but-

• 8:41Speaker 03

  But also, doesn't he do something like, um, one of the books or something?

• 8:45Speaker 01

  It's most improved, isn't it?

• 8:46Speaker 03

  Doesn't he do something like, um, "And we're, and Gryffindor will lose 50 points because Harry Potter was out battling, but..."

• 8:58Speaker 01

  Because he-

• 8:58Speaker 03

  "...for sheer bravery, we're gonna give them 100 points."

• 9:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's it. Yeah.

• 9:03Speaker 03

  What's the lesson?

• 9:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, it's true. It's true. Yeah, I think she, I think she became aware of the, and she tried to write on some Slytherin characters who were, cause at the beginning you're like, "What is it with this house?" Where they're just-

• 9:16Speaker 03

  I know. You'd just be like, "Oh, he's gone to Slytherin. Right, he's a wrong-

• 9:19Speaker 01

  I know, just in, yeah.

• 9:21Speaker 03

  He's obviously a wrong'un then.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:24Speaker 03

  He's a death eater.

• 9:25Speaker 01

  It's a big, yeah. Well, that's, and there's a kind of, there's a, there's a sort of, there's a bit of ambiguity, um, sort of ambiguity at the beginning about whether or not they're like just the school bullies or whether they're like-

• 9:38Speaker 03

  Evil.

• 9:38Speaker 01

  Evil.

• 9:39Speaker 03

  Or they're like a sort of skull and bones society.

• 9:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's right, yeah. So at the beginning it's like, "Oh, he stole my lunch money." And then after a while it's like, "And he's a Nazi?" So it's-

• 9:48Speaker 03

  Because then it always, it sort of carries on, doesn't it? Cause you go to the Ministry of Magic and you, and you've got like the Weasley dad who works there and he's a nice guy that works for the ministry.

• 9:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:58Speaker 03

  Um, but the bad people, oh, he used to be in Slytherin. So like, "All right then, so we've worked out now that anyone that go, that was either in Slytherin or is in Slytherin now is an evil bastard." Is that what, and don't get me started on Quidditch. I still can't work out how that works.

• 10:16Speaker 01

  Well, again, it's like-

• 10:17Speaker 03

  You score points by doing something or another, but, and it doesn't stop until someone finds the golden snitch. But then if you find the golden snitch, your team wins anyway.

• 10:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's mental.

• 10:27Speaker 03

  So it's all pointless.

• 10:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's basically like, yeah.

• 10:28Speaker 03

  They should just have two seekers trying to find the golden snitch.

• 10:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly, yeah. Everyone should be looking for the snitch. Forget about all the other stuff.

• 10:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:34Speaker 01

  Yeah. When you score, you get to go through all that trouble to get it through the hoop.

• 10:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:36Speaker 01

  And it's like one point.

• 10:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:37Speaker 01

  And then if you catch the snitch, it's like a million points.

• 10:39Speaker 03

  Slytherin will be up 10-0 or something. It's like, "Oh, but wait a minute, Harry's found the golden snitch, so ha, ha, ha."

• 10:45Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's full of cheat codes, isn't it?

• 10:47Speaker 03

  It is.

• 10:47Speaker 01

  It's a very, it's a very cheat-cod-y, uh-

• 10:49Speaker 03

  It's almost as if somebody just made it up as they went along.

• 10:52Speaker 01

  Honestly, unbelievable.

• 10:53Speaker 03

  It's almost as if it's a children's book that someone made up as they went along.

• 10:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's perhaps carrying, it's probably carrying, it's probably become too much of a proxy for various things for too many people and we probably need to-

• 11:08Speaker 01

  But I do also, the time travel one annoys me as well. The one where you can tell, many people's favourite film.

• 11:13Speaker 03

  She's going to different classes at the same time.

• 11:16Speaker 01

  Hermione can go back in time. If you can go back in time, everything's me. Forget all of it then. Forget all of it.

• 11:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:20Speaker 01

  Forget everything.

• 11:21Speaker 03

  Doesn't matter, does it?

• 11:21Speaker 01

  Doesn't matter then, doesn't it? Doesn't matter then. Why, and again, why she got it? And why is it not there in the other?

• 11:26Speaker 03

  Dumbledore gave it to her because she's so bright and she wanted to do so many classes.

• 11:30Speaker 01

  But why? Until she came to the school, just been sitting around. Like, give it to someone else, it's bright.

• 11:36Speaker 03

  And she's a little fucking half-blood.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  Well, exactly.

• 11:39Speaker 03

  Mud-blood, that's it. Not half-blood. Don't say that. Don't put that in.

• 11:44Speaker 02

  Isn't Harry Potter the half-blood prince? Isn't that what they call him?

• 11:46Speaker 01

  No, Snape's the half-blood prince.

• 11:47Speaker 03

  Snape's the half-blood prince, yeah.

• 11:48Speaker 01

  Snape's the half-blood prince. Yeah, that's right.

• 11:51Speaker 03

  But she's a mud-blood.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  Just shove a Bezoia in its mouth. He writes in his potions book. Potions.

• 11:59Speaker 03

  He was always, he coveted the potions position, didn't he?

• 12:03Speaker 01

  That's the one he always wanted. No, no, we always wanted dark arts.

• 12:06Speaker 03

  Oh, that was it, dark arts. He was stuck in potions, yeah.

• 12:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:10Speaker 01

  Does he get it in the end?

• 12:11Speaker 03

  I think he does at some point. It's been a long time since I've read the books.

• 12:15Speaker 01

  Umbridge is a great villain, though. Like, Umbridge is a genuinely...

• 12:19Speaker 03

  Which one's Umbridge? The lady?

• 12:21Speaker 01

  The horrible little, like, you know you've been bad.

• 12:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:25Speaker 01

  Like, that is, that's like the voice in my head. That is the voice in my head.

• 12:29Speaker 03

  Right.

• 12:29Speaker 01

  And I think probably for quite a lot of people.

• 12:31Speaker 03

  It's turned you on a little bit. Did you ever get Hannah to talk to you like that?

• 12:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, there's an outfit.

• 12:36Speaker 03

  You know you've been bad.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, she has a one. Yeah.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  And so on.

• 12:44Speaker 03

  And it comes to its natural conclusion.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  And then things continue as they would. And then we go back in time. And do it again. Didn't do it right.

• 12:54Speaker 03

  You get your big Patronus out.

• 12:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:58Speaker 01

  And then, um, she gets a lot of house points.

• 13:02Speaker 01

  All over her.

• 13:04Speaker 03

  She gets covered in house points.

• 13:05Speaker 01

  That's it, covered in house points. She was like, well, I was prepared for fifty, but this is like a hundred. You're like, well, we haven't had a, haven't had a house cup for a while.

• 13:17Speaker 01

  So sorry.

• 13:19Speaker 03

  Oh, dear.

• 13:20Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 13:26Speaker 03

  Ooh, electrolytes. Welcome to Joe and James Fact Up, a podcast, Lucy, about facts, but is more about the chats. If you want to get in touch, our email is hello at joandjamespod.com. Our WhatsApp is 07822034330. And you can follow us on socials at joandjamespod. And you can watch all our episodes in full on YouTube and Apple Podcasts. Just search for Joe and James Fact Up. Now, let's get fact up.

• 14:00Speaker 00

  Hey, it's Hannah Burner from Giggly Squad, and the holidays are around the corner, which means I'm officially entering my hostess Hannah era with Arm and Hammer Hardball Cat Litter. You guys know I love cats and fostering, but when I'm hosting, I do not want my house smelling like cats. I want people focusing on my hosting skills. That's why I love Arm and Hammer Hardball Cat Litter. It delivers long-lasting odor control and forms compact clumps that make cleanup easy, so that's one less thing I need to worry about when people come over. Be guest-ready with Arm and Hammer Cat Litter. Find it now at Walmart or Amazon.

• 14:31Speaker 05

  You're listening to a quick ad. You know what else is quick? Selling your car on Carvana. Just put in your vehicle information and we'll give you an offer. Done. No hassle, no negotiation, no guy from an online listing lowballing you. Which means, by the time I'm done explaining this, you could have basically done it.

• 14:55Speaker 05

  Still haven't started? Hey, better late than ever. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply.

• 15:04Speaker 03

  What's going on, Joe?

• 15:05Speaker 01

  Uh, what am I doing? What am I doing at the moment?

• 15:10Speaker 01

  It's just, it's hot, isn't it? Got the fan going all the time.

• 15:13Speaker 03

  That right?

• 15:14Speaker 01

  I started with a flap out of the fan. And Hannah said, I don't think it's made any difference. But, no.

• 15:19Speaker 03

  Oh, with a Hoover?

• 15:20Speaker 01

  We've got a Dyson fan.

• 15:22Speaker 03

  Right, yeah, bladeless.

• 15:24Speaker 01

  One of those Tower fans.

• 15:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, I've got one, yeah.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  I swear the cooling thing's broken. It's just, I don't think it's making any cooling.

• 15:29Speaker 03

  Oh, is it one of the fat ones? I've got an old.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  No, it's like a big, um, it's the same, it's like a hippodrome shape, but on end.

• 15:36Speaker 03

  The base is a little bit bigger, then it goes in and then the thing comes out of it.

• 15:40Speaker 01

  The big, yeah.

• 15:41Speaker 03

  See, mine, I bought mine years ago. It's done.

• 15:45Speaker 01

  No, I've got the high one.

• 15:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, but your bottom, you've got a better one than mine.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  Have I?

• 15:50Speaker 03

  Your bottom's bigger.

• 15:53Speaker 03

  Yeah?

• 15:54Speaker 01

  Which we all prefer.

• 15:57Speaker 03

  Your bottom's bigger.

• 15:58Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 15:59Speaker 03

  Um, and it, it has like a cooling thing on it, right?

• 16:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:02Speaker 03

  Does it have a heating thing as well?

• 16:04Speaker 01

  Um, it, I think it does. I don't know why, I don't know why you don't have any of that, but, um...

• 16:09Speaker 03

  If you're in a caravan or something, I don't know.

• 16:11Speaker 01

  You might do, yeah. I've had, to be fair. We've still got electric heaters in our front room, because we haven't got any radiators in there, because the house is not ready.

• 16:20Speaker 03

  No.

• 16:20Speaker 01

  Um.

• 16:21Speaker 03

  It's not ready to be lived in. Yeah, here you are.

• 16:25Speaker 01

  It's, I've just adjusted, I can't, I've just adjusted to it now. But now when I go in, I'm like, this is mad that we live like this.

• 16:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, we won't be forever, will we?

• 16:35Speaker 01

  No, I am going to get it sorted. But at the moment, just in the mornings, I'm just like, you know, my daughter will go like, where's my blue bag? And I'm like... And it's, it could be anywhere. Like, there's rooms just for the crap.

• 16:50Speaker 01

  It's just...

• 16:51Speaker 03

  All right.

• 16:51Speaker 01

  No, we're just never going to do it, but it's all right. But I, what I did do, I had the upstairs room tested for asbestos, and there isn't any.

• 16:58Speaker 03

  Good, thank God.

• 16:59Speaker 01

  So I can tidy that up now.

• 17:00Speaker 03

  Brilliant. Amazing. Well, um, you guys have been sending in some, speaking of Fact Up stuff, you guys have been sending in some of your Fact Up stuff for us to discuss. We've got a voice note here, Joe, um, from Sunny.

• 17:14Speaker 06

  Yes, Joe, James, I hope you're all good. Sunny speaking here, big fan of the Pooh Boys.

• 17:21Speaker 06

  Here's one for you. So I grew up in London, and both of you boys being Essex lads may have come across it too. But growing up, there were always, or you would always see parrots or parakeets flying around in and around London. Um, I say always, you know, they're not everywhere, but you did see them. And obviously, parrots are not supposed to be in London or anywhere near London unless they're in a zoo, as Joe would know.

• 17:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:51Speaker 06

  I've heard a few stories over the years of how they ended up in London.

• 17:55Speaker 03

  There's loads.

• 17:56Speaker 06

  Like, they've escaped the zoo and they just started breeding themselves. Um, one, I think my dad told me was that they were filming a Pirates of the Caribbean film. They brought them over for it, and then they escaped and they now just are native there. But I don't know if you've come across it or if you've heard any weird stories as to how they ended up in London, but be interested to know. Cheers, boys.

• 18:19Speaker 01

  Well.

• 18:19Speaker 03

  Thanks, Sunny. Have we not spoke about this already?

• 18:22Speaker 02

  I don't think we have.

• 18:23Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 18:24Speaker 01

  Well, he's absolutely right. There are, for those who...

• 18:27Speaker 03

  Those green parrots.

• 18:28Speaker 01

  They're, yeah, they're emerald green, you know, like planthra form.

• 18:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:33Speaker 01

  They're, they're, they're planthra form coloured. They come to a tree in my garden.

• 18:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:38Speaker 01

  Do you want to know about the trees in my garden?

• 18:40Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 18:42Speaker 01

  Just dying.

• 18:43Speaker 03

  Right.

• 18:44Speaker 01

  All of them, just dying. Like, there's, um, it's horrible.

• 18:47Speaker 03

  Does anything work in your house?

• 18:48Speaker 01

  Nothing works.

• 18:51Speaker 01

  I get the impression that maybe my garden is becoming a bit of a talking point.

• 19:00Speaker 03

  I'm gonna be honest.

• 19:01Speaker 01

  I think maybe some of the people living near me are a bit like...

• 19:05Speaker 03

  I think you're gonna not have to go to the zoo anymore. Your garden keeps going the way it is. You've got parrots and foxes.

• 19:11Speaker 01

  Some of the stuff in the zoo, I'm like, well, I've already, I've got that already.

• 19:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:15Speaker 01

  Um, all I need is a Komodo dragon, and then I can open my own zoo.

• 19:19Speaker 03

  That'd be funny.

• 19:20Speaker 01

  But yeah, so, so I've got, so there were two trees in my garden. And I say this because one of the, one of them, the taller one, the lovely bright green parakeets would come and sit in it.

• 19:33Speaker 03

  Right.

• 19:34Speaker 01

  And one day it had gone. And my next-door neighbour told me that it appeared to have died overnight.

• 19:40Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 19:41Speaker 01

  And now she says the one next to it, which is called a copper beech, is a lovely tree, that seems to be dying as well.

• 19:48Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 19:49Speaker 01

  Um, or at the very, certainly half of it's died. It's got, it's got dead limbs. But I know, I know, but I'm just, I'm so...

• 19:59Speaker 03

  Get a tree surgeon in.

• 20:00Speaker 01

  I know, I know I need to get a tree surgeon in. And, um, I don't, yeah, I know. I, I do need to do that because I don't want to live in a...

• 20:07Speaker 03

  You don't want, because you can't get rid of a fucking dead tree. How the fuck do you get rid of that?

• 20:12Speaker 01

  I don't know. Well, at the moment, one...

• 20:13Speaker 03

  You're a real pain in the arse.

• 20:14Speaker 01

  I've been trying to get rid of...

• 20:15Speaker 03

  Are they near the fence or anything?

• 20:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:18Speaker 03

  Oh, mate. That's gonna be tricky.

• 20:21Speaker 01

  Well, the lady who lives near me, who said that the tree, which I think was in fact in her garden, but it was right just the other side, the one that died, her son is a tree surgeon, so he was able to come and get rid of it.

• 20:35Speaker 03

  Well, get rid of it, right.

• 20:36Speaker 01

  I think it did die. I don't think he was one of these, he wasn't like those two blokes who chopped a tree down for the last.

• 20:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:42Speaker 01

  I think it had died on its own.

• 20:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:44Speaker 01

  And around me, people are very protective of the trees. There's a save the trees thing at the end of my road.

• 20:49Speaker 03

  They're quite important trees.

• 20:52Speaker 01

  And they are, they, they are important. People really like them.

• 20:56Speaker 01

  I like them and it now appears that my garden is a place that trees die in.

• 21:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:01Speaker 01

  The trees are dying.

• 21:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, the garden, the place where trees go to die.

• 21:05Speaker 01

  That feels so sad. It feels so sad. So I don't know. I've got, it's a copper beach. So at the moment, the parakeets are in there.

• 21:12Speaker 03

  Right.

• 21:13Speaker 01

  Um, I've heard the story that they escaped from London Zoo.

• 21:16Speaker 03

  I've heard they escaped from London Zoo. I heard, uh, Pinewood. They came from Pinewood.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 21:21Speaker 03

  For a film.

• 21:22Speaker 01

  Well, Pirates of the Caribbean.

• 21:23Speaker 03

  Pirates of the Caribbean.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  Feels a bit recent.

• 21:27Speaker 03

  Um, I assume he's talking about the, I don't know, wasn't there, wasn't there a Pirates of the Caribbean film from the forties or fifties or something?

• 21:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:34Speaker 03

  Um, I also heard that they were, uh, Jimi Hendrix's pets.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 21:40Speaker 03

  Uh, that escaped.

• 21:42Speaker 01

  I feel like I've heard that as well.

• 21:43Speaker 03

  Um.

• 21:44Speaker 01

  Maybe from you.

• 21:45Speaker 03

  Probably, probably.

• 21:47Speaker 01

  I don't talk to anyone else.

• 21:49Speaker 03

  But I do, I mean, I do think, um, I mean, they're there, they're an invasive species. They, they're thriving.

• 21:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:56Speaker 03

  They've been around for a while now. I think a good sort of sixty or seventy years. I think they've been.

• 22:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:01Speaker 03

  Knocking about. Um, I don't know how I feel about them because I like them when I see them.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  I like them.

• 22:08Speaker 03

  Um, but are they?

• 22:09Speaker 01

  Yes, that's always the question.

• 22:11Speaker 03

  Are they damaging?

• 22:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:13Speaker 03

  Some other poor.

• 22:14Speaker 01

  And you know, I know, I'd say this, but do they fit in culturally?

• 22:19Speaker 03

  Are they prepared to assimilate?

• 22:21Speaker 01

  People, yeah.

• 22:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:23Speaker 01

  Like, cause now, you know, my daughter's nursery, you know, they don't even celebrate Easter anymore. They celebrate some bird thing.

• 22:32Speaker 03

  Right.

• 22:32Speaker 01

  I mean, no, I don't know.

• 22:34Speaker 03

  What about, is it a feminine thing?

• 22:37Speaker 01

  That's it. It's a girl, a girl's festival.

• 22:39Speaker 03

  Right.

• 22:41Speaker 01

  Um, she's got an opportunity to join, join some clubs now at nursery.

• 22:44Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:45Speaker 01

  She's going up into the year.

• 22:46Speaker 03

  What, um, what clubs?

• 22:48Speaker 01

  Choir, I was thinking about choir. I thought she might quite like choir.

• 22:51Speaker 03

  She a good singer?

• 22:53Speaker 01

  She's very loud. Yeah. I mean, I, so she'd be a good, she is, she, actually, she is a good singer. You'd hear her. She wouldn't need a microphone or anything.

• 23:01Speaker 03

  Good.

• 23:01Speaker 01

  Turn her down, if anything.

• 23:03Speaker 03

  Like Barry from EastEnders.

• 23:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. My thanks, sir.

• 23:09Speaker 01

  Um, so, yeah, that was the one I, that was the one that stood out. I thought, yeah, I could imagine her.

• 23:19Speaker 03

  But I don't think, uh, I don't think anyone's genuine, I don't think anyone has ever actually got to the bottom of it. I don't think there is a, I think there's lots of theories and lots of, um, different stories and no one has been able to. Oh, oh, this is a strange, this is new territory for Fact Up because it's like.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 23:37Speaker 03

  We know it's there, we know it's happening, but we just don't know how.

• 23:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:42Speaker 03

  We don't know what the fact behind the fact is.

• 23:44Speaker 01

  Well, I, like you, I'm happy they're there. It's a splash of colour in a dreary world.

• 23:52Speaker 03

  Yeah. Do they, Queen Lily May, can you find out whether their, their being here is a detriment? To any, uh, to sort of.

• 24:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:03Speaker 03

  Cause it is like the old, um.

• 24:05Speaker 01

  The grey squirrel?

• 24:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's it. Are they, um, are they eating anything?

• 24:11Speaker 03

  I think I've seen, I can only remember one time I've ever seen a red squirrel.

• 24:17Speaker 01

  I've never seen one.

• 24:18Speaker 03

  I saw one and I was like, fucking hell, it's a red squirrel.

• 24:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:23Speaker 02

  So I can see here that it says, um, wild parakeets cause, well, can cause significant damage. Particularly notorious for destroying garden crops, fruit or, uh, orchards and stripping bark and buds from trees.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  Oh my god, well, I've just had a thought.

• 24:40Speaker 03

  Is it killing the trees?

• 24:42Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 24:43Speaker 01

  Cause it is the trees that they sit in.

• 24:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:45Speaker 01

  They've already killed one. Now they're killing another one.

• 24:50Speaker 02

  It's parakeets.

• 24:51Speaker 03

  Evil.

• 24:52Speaker 01

  Fucking hell.

• 24:54Speaker 03

  Evil. They'll be getting into positions of power next as well.

• 24:59Speaker 01

  Unbelievable.

• 25:03Speaker 01

  I can't believe it. It was there, it's so obvious now. It's in plain sight. They were, they were there.

• 25:09Speaker 03

  They were, they were fooling you.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  Thumbing their nose at me.

• 25:12Speaker 03

  They were, uh, they were, cause you, all you were obsessed with was how pretty they were.

• 25:16Speaker 01

  How pretty they were.

• 25:17Speaker 03

  Well, what you didn't know was they were taking you for a ride, mate. They've bled you dry.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  Oh my god. The problems only started when they arrived on the scene.

• 25:33Speaker 02

  It does also say they damage property by chewing off roof beams, electric cables and building cavities. So you should be careful.

• 25:39Speaker 01

  What they can do now? Look at this.

• 25:41Speaker 03

  Right, you're finished.

• 25:43Speaker 01

  My god. I'm pretty sure my tumble dryer's not drying properly.

• 25:49Speaker 01

  So, I mean, do you know, yeah, foxes, well, probably the poor fox, one eye.

• 25:55Speaker 03

  Well, maybe, maybe a parakeet had his eye.

• 25:59Speaker 01

  That fox was trying to get a message to me.

• 26:01Speaker 03

  That fox was, he was on his way to warn you.

• 26:03Speaker 01

  And someone got to him first.

• 26:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:05Speaker 02

  Fuck.

• 26:07Speaker 01

  Scared him off. Well, I mean, this is unbelievable. This is unbelievable. So it was the fucking filthy, dirty little parakeets.

• 26:16Speaker 03

  I think you should, um, write a little children's book for your daughter about a gang of parakeets.

• 26:21Speaker 01

  Gang of parakeets.

• 26:22Speaker 03

  In the garden that are picking on all the other animals.

• 26:24Speaker 01

  Oh my god, and no one, and it'll be a good message. It'll be like, just cause they're pretty. Everybody, and it's actually, and it's the poor, ugly, disparaged fox.

• 26:34Speaker 03

  Beauty is but skin deep.

• 26:35Speaker 01

  Absolutely. Oh, I tell you what, have you heard the Welsh, the Welsh legend about, about the dog? Um, a man, it's so sad. A man has a dog and, um, he, he leaves the dog to defend his baby. While he goes out, he leaves there and he's like, people are like, you, you're stupid leaving that dog with the baby. The dog will kill the baby. He's, no, no, it's, I could trust this dog my life.

• 26:57Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 26:58Speaker 01

  He goes out and he comes back and the baby's gone.

• 27:04Speaker 03

  Right.

• 27:04Speaker 01

  And the dog has blood round his mouth.

• 27:06Speaker 03

  Oh no.

• 27:08Speaker 01

  And so he kills the dog in fury for having betrayed him and killed his baby.

• 27:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:12Speaker 01

  And then he hears the cries of the baby and the baby is alive and well and it's in, and it's just under some blankets. He just hasn't seen it. And then he finds at the back of the room, the body of the wolf that the dog has killed to protect the baby. And that's whales. They're so, they're so sad. Just tell a nice tale. And it's so sad, isn't it? Anyway, so the poor old dog, such a sad story that.

• 27:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:38Speaker 01

  So sad. Um, but it, you know, be, you know, be nice to your dog, basically.

• 27:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, treat, treat.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  And even if he has eaten your baby, just have a look. Cause it might not have, it might not have.

• 27:49Speaker 03

  Treat the dog like a big head.

• 27:50Speaker 01

  Treat it like a head.

• 27:51Speaker 03

  Um, so thank you for that message, Sunny.

• 27:54Speaker 01

  That's really interesting. And, and I mean, my god, it.

• 27:57Speaker 03

  I don't, I, I didn't see them, I don't think they're out in Essex, those parakeets. Um.

• 28:03Speaker 01

  No.

• 28:03Speaker 03

  I don't remember ever seeing them in Dagenham growing up. Uh, I think they're very sort of central London, maybe west London as well.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  They stay in London? Why?

• 28:15Speaker 02

  I, I actually have them near me in, up north as well.

• 28:17Speaker 03

  Oh, they're up north as well?

• 28:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's parakeets up there.

• 28:20Speaker 03

  Well, there you go, see.

• 28:22Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 28:23Speaker 02

  My trees are still alive though.

• 28:25Speaker 01

  Well, for now, for now, yeah.

• 28:27Speaker 02

  True.

• 28:29Speaker 03

  For now.

• 28:29Speaker 01

  Well.

• 28:30Speaker 03

  I wonder what the legalities are of.

• 28:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:33Speaker 03

  You know, I'm not saying they should be put down.

• 28:37Speaker 01

  But I'm just saying that in my life, I'd rather not live because I'm just getting into yoga.

• 28:45Speaker 03

  I'm just getting into yoga.

• 28:49Speaker 03

  Right, Joe, it is time for fact check. This is where we'll be reading a fact or question that you'd like us to get to the bottom of, and then we're going to have a good think during the break. And we'll come back and let you know how true it feels to us and to decide whether it passes our fact check. Last week was exciting.

• 29:05Speaker 01

  Yes, yeah, that was a good one. It was, it was Deb. I can't remember her fact.

• 29:09Speaker 03

  It was Deb. She said that if you hold the person's hand, it's tickling you.

• 29:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, brilliant, brilliant.

• 29:14Speaker 03

  We had, it was a new one for me. I'd never heard that before.

• 29:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, we were, we were too shy to test it.

• 29:20Speaker 03

  But I loved the fact.

• 29:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:21Speaker 03

  We said on the basis of the fact that it's just quite fun, we'll say it's true. Turned out it was actually true. It got verified by Queen Lily May.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 29:30Speaker 03

  Um, it was a roller coaster. If you missed last week's episode, you really missed out on something.

• 29:34Speaker 01

  My god, yeah.

• 29:35Speaker 03

  Um, so this week's fact check comes from Andy, who has sent us this. He says, here's a weird one. Apparently every single human starts life with an asshole before they have a mouth. I think that explains a lot, to be honest with you. Explains how we got to this very moment now.

• 29:54Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, well, we've never, we've never evolved the other bit.

• 30:01Speaker 03

  During, uh, the first few weeks of embryonic development, the opening that becomes your anus forms before the opening that becomes your mouth. Right. So biologically speaking, every person on earth was an asshole before they could talk. Uh, that's from Andy, AKA Rue41.

• 30:22Speaker 03

  It's like it's Blue Peter or something. That's from Andy, who's forty one. Um, so we're gonna, um, yeah. Put your, put your ages ne- next to your, on your.

• 30:32Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 30:32Speaker 03

  Letters to us. That's, that's funny. Um, we're gonna get on the case and, um.

• 30:38Speaker 01

  Rue's quite funny as well because there's no, it's not at all clear the journey that's gone from Andy to Rue.

• 30:43Speaker 03

  Well, maybe his name's Rooney or something. Um, we're gonna have a break, think about that and we'll be back and let you know what we've thought about.

• 30:59Speaker 00

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• 31:33Speaker 03

  All right, welcome back.

• 31:35Speaker 01

  Hello. Right.

• 31:36Speaker 03

  This is Joe and James Fact Up, by the way. We were just fact-checking on behalf of Andy, who wanted to know if every human starts life as an asshole.

• 31:43Speaker 01

  Now, can I say, this is very interesting because I've actually just been reading about the evolution of the anus and the mouth.

• 31:51Speaker 03

  Of course you have.

• 31:51Speaker 01

  And it's actually quite evolutionarily significant. It was one of the first things that living things had, rather than just being kind of very simple, kind of just a collection of cells, just filtering things. And it really, really made a difference to life on Earth. So what happened is that you used to have basically, so before you had the mouth and the anus, you had just one thing that was, that was both. So really early life had one opening. It was the mouth and it was the anus. And quite a significant step was having the mouth and the anus at different ends.

• 32:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:33Speaker 01

  Because, and I think also,

• 32:37Speaker 01

  yeah, at different ends of the system, because it meant that the, you're talking about like tiny things, right? But the feces all came out in a single blob, rather than just being sprayed into the water.

• 32:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:48Speaker 01

  And it all sank to the bottom. And that did something where it meant that some other forms of life went to the bottom of the sea. It was quite significant in there being more oxygen. One of the main reasons there was more oxygen in the air

• 33:04Speaker 01

  at a time where there hadn't been much oxygen up to that point was because of the development of the anus.

• 33:10Speaker 03

  Right.

• 33:11Speaker 01

  That is true. I can't, do I have to say, the paragraph in which it was explained, I actually didn't understand it.

• 33:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:15Speaker 01

  I had to do the thing where, which I don't like doing, but I do have to do, where I had to force myself to move on, even though I haven't understood the paragraph.

• 33:22Speaker 03

  So something went to the bottom of the sea.

• 33:24Speaker 01

  A load of feces.

• 33:25Speaker 03

  So shit started going to the bottom.

• 33:26Speaker 01

  Shit to the bottom of the sea.

• 33:27Speaker 03

  And then green stuff started growing on it then.

• 33:29Speaker 01

  And that meant that stuff that I think the oxygen would have reacted with at the top was now at the bottom. So it was away from the oxygen, which meant that there could be more oxygen in the atmosphere, or something like that, something like that.

• 33:43Speaker 03

  I'll buy that.

• 33:44Speaker 01

  Basically, yeah, the development of the anus is actually really important. And I'm not surprised that it happens early in embryonic life, because it is one of the first things that happened in life at all. And it sometimes seems to be the case, to me, I'm not a scientist, that some of the stuff that we evolved earliest as living things seems also to weirdly be a bit like the first things that happen in the womb. So we sort of evolved from fish and a really young fetus looks a little bit like a fish.

• 34:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:15Speaker 01

  So it's almost like they do, it's like they do the whole process of evolution just in that nine months, like inside the womb. So it's like all the, like it's like they reread everything they've written up until that point. I don't know whether that's true, but it is true about the anus.

• 34:29Speaker 03

  Well, it sounds true.

• 34:29Speaker 01

  It sounds true, doesn't it?

• 34:30Speaker 03

  First of all, um, this is pretty cut and dry for me. It's a fact about anuses, you know how I feel about that.

• 34:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:37Speaker 03

  Well, they're just true, as far as I'm concerned.

• 34:39Speaker 01

  The world up, the fact was won by an anus fact.

• 34:43Speaker 03

  There we go. Also, it makes sense for the anus to, um, to start before the mouth, because you don't really need your mouth. You're getting, you're connected by the cord, aren't you?

• 34:57Speaker 01

  Good point, yeah.

• 34:58Speaker 03

  But you do need to excrete stuff.

• 35:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:00Speaker 03

  So I'm gonna go, oh, I'm just gonna say that, that is so fact it hurts.

• 35:06Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 35:07Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 35:07Speaker 03

  That one.

• 35:08Speaker 01

  It sounds very good to me.

• 35:10Speaker 02

  Um, well.

• 35:11Speaker 01

  He's obvious, I mean, he's no mug, he knows his age.

• 35:13Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  So like he's, he's, he's a bit of a maths guy.

• 35:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  So, you know, 41 and all that, and, you know, successful user brackets as well.

• 35:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:22Speaker 01

  He's basically a sort of coder.

• 35:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:25Speaker 01

  It sounds true to me. I'm, I'm, I'm very happy to.

• 35:27Speaker 03

  Just throw it over to the queen.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  You know, I'm.

• 35:29Speaker 02

  I've had a, I've had a little look.

• 35:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:31Speaker 02

  And I think there's a few different sort of bits of research about this across the animal kingdom. Um, and I think it's, the fact can be true and untrue for different animals. But the sort of general consensus is that the mouth and anus are from the same system in your body. Obviously, your digestive tract.

• 35:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:51Speaker 02

  So, so that is one sort of system. So it usually starts with your anus. But generally speaking, because it is part of one system, it sort of forms

• 36:01Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 36:01Speaker 02

  as that part to start with, but usually the anus part of that develops first, rather than the mouth part. But it is different depending on your species, because some animals, like a jellyfish, it is, it remains the same whole.

• 36:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So, yeah, some animals, mouth and anus.

• 36:19Speaker 03

  They're very primitive, aren't they, the jellyfish?

• 36:21Speaker 01

  They are primitive.

• 36:22Speaker 03

  And I'm not slagging them off.

• 36:23Speaker 01

  No, no, they, they are primitive, but they are, they still do, they do a pretty good job.

• 36:32Speaker 03

  They do a good job.

• 36:32Speaker 01

  That's the general sort of, uh, concern.

• 36:36Speaker 03

  Um, so, yeah, we're gonna go.

• 36:37Speaker 02

  I think there's more research that needs to be done on this, though, actually.

• 36:40Speaker 03

  All right.

• 36:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:42Speaker 03

  Well, no, there is, no, we've decided it's fact.

• 36:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:45Speaker 01

  I thought that, that sounds, that sounds correct. I mean, I.

• 36:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, that, that sounds right.

• 36:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:50Speaker 02

  Perfect.

• 36:51Speaker 01

  Well, that's good. And also that's a fact that actually has actually lined up with what, so, yeah, one system can be the same, but if it's not the same, anus tends to come first, but might not, yeah.

• 37:03Speaker 03

  Brilliant.

• 37:04Speaker 01

  Love it.

• 37:05Speaker 03

  Brilliant. Uh, what do you want to do, Joe? We could go, we could do, um, we've got another little message here, or we could go into your fact and save the message to the end.

• 37:14Speaker 01

  Would you want to hear my fact?

• 37:15Speaker 03

  Well, because I was just, yeah, I think, uh, is that all right?

• 37:18Speaker 02

  Of course it is.

• 37:19Speaker 03

  Do that, it's a bit rock and roll, isn't it?

• 37:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, fuck it.

• 37:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:22Speaker 01

  Yeah. Um, well, my fact is actually from, from the same book that was about anuses. And, um, it's about the history of the world, the deep history of the world.

• 37:33Speaker 03

  Right.

• 37:34Speaker 01

  So way before humans and everything.

• 37:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:36Speaker 01

  And, um, it is a bit like your fact of last week, which was about, um, asteroids and stuff, but did you know that Earth, our very own Earth,

• 37:46Speaker 01

  did at one point have, um, rings?

• 37:51Speaker 03

  I did know that.

• 37:53Speaker 01

  A long, long time ago, but do you know what happened to those rings?

• 37:56Speaker 03

  Became the moon?

• 37:56Speaker 01

  They became the moon.

• 37:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:58Speaker 01

  They became the moon.

• 37:59Speaker 03

  Brilliant fact.

• 38:00Speaker 01

  Great fact. And, I mean, it makes me think about, you know, our conversation, was it last week about, about aliens? And, and it, it's interesting for how long the Earth really, really just was totally inhabitable, really.

• 38:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:19Speaker 01

  And then even when it was life, it was like,

• 38:21Speaker 03

  Single-celled.

• 38:21Speaker 01

  Like by far, single-celled or like, by far the most long-lived form of life has ever been on the Earth, was this thing that was basically just like a, a kind of load of, basically a bacterial colony. And for, for like sort of millions of years, that was completely dominant. And in, and, you know, in, I suppose in Darwinian terms, incredibly successful.

• 38:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:42Speaker 01

  Because it was alive, it was life.

• 38:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:44Speaker 01

  So it makes me think in terms of like aliens, probably a big part of it is like, we are only, we've only been around as a species for such a small amount of time.

• 38:54Speaker 03

  Oh, gosh, yeah.

• 38:55Speaker 01

  You know, maybe we're just not, so with Titan, maybe there will be life on Titan.

• 38:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:58Speaker 01

  But it'll be so far in the future that we'll, or maybe we'll Titan probably be gone as well by that point, but,

• 39:05Speaker 01

  or Titan, you know, might hit an iceberg as well.

• 39:10Speaker 03

  No, but I think, um, I think a planet in the early, when the solar system was forming, I think a planet smashed into Earth.

• 39:21Speaker 01

  That came up as well.

• 39:22Speaker 03

  And, um, that's one of the theories. Yeah, that's right, yeah.

• 39:26Speaker 01

  And loads of Earth just got boshed off.

• 39:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, and so it created a ring for a bit.

• 39:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:30Speaker 03

  And then all that ring sort of got together.

• 39:33Speaker 01

  So what we really need to do is get that moon, make a paste, very much, we've been talking about this, paste it up.

• 39:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:38Speaker 01

  Smear it back on the Earth.

• 39:39Speaker 03

  Saturn's rings aren't that old.

• 39:42Speaker 01

  How old are they?

• 39:43Speaker 03

  Lily May, I've forgotten what it is off the top of my head, but I'd, I'd learnt about it during the week there. And I was like, fuck me, Christ.

• 39:50Speaker 02

  Um, a quick search says that they're between 10 million and 400 million years old.

• 39:56Speaker 01

  It's not that old.

• 39:57Speaker 03

  No, that does sound old. I thought I heard.

• 39:59Speaker 02

  This makes them far younger than a planet itself, which formed 4.5 billion years.

• 40:04Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah, no, they, yeah.

• 40:05Speaker 01

  So I think when Earth had its rings, I think Saturn didn't have the rings.

• 40:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, and Saturn's rings are going as well.

• 40:12Speaker 01

  Are they gonna turn into a moon?

• 40:14Speaker 03

  Uh, I don't know if they'll turn into a moon. There's, there is

• 40:18Speaker 03

  at least one moon on Saturn that is in its rings.

• 40:23Speaker 01

  Inside the rings?

• 40:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:24Speaker 01

  Okay, so little bits might begin to coalesce.

• 40:27Speaker 03

  And it's, um, I think it's really hot, because it's, uh, oh, I might be getting my moons mixed up here. There's a moon that's like really close, it might, it's either Saturn or Jupiter, one of the big gas giants. Well, in our solar, one of the big boys on our solar system.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  Jupiter's kind of, that's the boss, isn't it?

• 40:45Speaker 03

  I think that it's either Saturn or Jupiter, there's a moon that's dangerously close to it. And it's, uh, and it's so hot, because it's being, it's, it's almost like egg-shaped a little bit as well, because it's been, it's been squished and twisted and turned. And all that friction, um, is creating a load of heat on the planet. It will eventually fall into the planet, whether that's Saturn or Jupiter, I don't know. It'd be good if I'd, if I remembered the stuff that I'd learnt.

• 41:15Speaker 01

  I mean.

• 41:15Speaker 03

  That'd make this, doing this podcast a lot easier, that's for sure.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  Jupiter's got that big permanent storm, because it's got that big blob.

• 41:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:23Speaker 01

  That's a storm that's been going on for ages.

• 41:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:26Speaker 02

  There's, uh,

• 41:26Speaker 03

  The red eye.

• 41:27Speaker 02

  A moon or something called Lo, which is a volcanic active world in our solar system, which, which is suggested. But there's also near Saturn, um, a moon that's icy and freezing, but also really hot because of some, um, hydrothermic vents.

• 41:45Speaker 03

  Right.

• 41:46Speaker 01

  Did you mention IO there?

• 41:47Speaker 02

  Oh, is it IO? Yeah.

• 41:48Speaker 01

  I know, because my, my friend was in a band called IO.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  I called it Lo, I couldn't tell if it was IO.

• 41:53Speaker 01

  Well, that's a good band as well.

• 41:54Speaker 02

  Well.

• 41:54Speaker 01

  Both good bands.

• 41:55Speaker 03

  Both good bands, yeah.

• 41:56Speaker 01

  Don't worry about it. You know.

• 41:58Speaker 03

  Saturn, a radiohead album or song.

• 42:01Speaker 01

  No, Lo, uh, Lo are a very nice band. Um, I think the drummer died. I think they're Mormons.

• 42:10Speaker 03

  Hmm. Aren't the killers Mormons?

• 42:13Speaker 01

  Killers Mormons.

• 42:16Speaker 03

  The band.

• 42:17Speaker 01

  The band, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, not, not all killers.

• 42:23Speaker 01

  They're Mormons too.

• 42:24Speaker 02

  Imagine dragons.

• 42:26Speaker 01

  I think they've got quite a good work ethic Mormons, they don't drink, they're quite sort of.

• 42:31Speaker 03

  I think they put a lot of pressure on each other to be successful.

• 42:34Speaker 01

  Pressure, I tell you what, if you wanna see somebody, if you wanna see like a, quite an intense person.

• 42:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:41Speaker 01

  An old ex Mormon.

• 42:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:43Speaker 01

  They are in, they are intense, they are intense.

• 42:47Speaker 03

  Alright.

• 42:47Speaker 01

  They've, they've, they've made their way out of a religion, they've argued their way out of it, and to do that has required quite a lot of sort of intellectual rigor on their part, and I think they find it quite hard to turn off that intellectual rigor.

• 42:59Speaker 03

  I do, I know I do.

• 43:00Speaker 01

  To turn it off, I, yeah, I mean, I, I can't, that's what people say.

• 43:04Speaker 03

  I struggle with that.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  Please, Joe, you've got too much integrity.

• 43:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:07Speaker 01

  Please try and just, just chill out, man, and I go, no, I can't, I'm on a mission.

• 43:13Speaker 03

  And our moon's floating away, isn't it?

• 43:16Speaker 01

  What a shame, it was once.

• 43:17Speaker 03

  Moving further away from us, that's gonna be a problem.

• 43:21Speaker 01

  Well, we need that flag back, you mean?

• 43:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, you won't be getting that back.

• 43:25Speaker 01

  Left all our stuff on there.

• 43:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:26Speaker 01

  It's like the tide's coming in, it's like, oh, for fuck's sake.

• 43:29Speaker 03

  It's like kicking your ball over the neighbours the day you're moving house.

• 43:32Speaker 01

  So annoying, yes, there's loads of balls in our back garden, no one's ever knocked for them.

• 43:36Speaker 03

  Do you know what, right?

• 43:37Speaker 01

  Cause the garden looks mental.

• 43:39Speaker 03

  There was a ball in my back garden and I kept kicking it back over.

• 43:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:43Speaker 03

  And it, and every day it was back in the garden, I was going to Claire, fucking kids next door, they keep kicking it over.

• 43:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:49Speaker 03

  Like, like every day, it's been going on for about four days, Claire, I keep kicking this ball, and she went, that's our ball.

• 43:58Speaker 01

  That's so good, have I told you the story about how I, um, I did an audition once for America and I put it on Vimeo or whatever?

• 44:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:06Speaker 01

  And it had like, I looked on, you, you can see how many people have watched it.

• 44:10Speaker 03

  Oh no.

• 44:11Speaker 01

  And it had two views.

• 44:12Speaker 03

  Oh, okay, I thought you were gonna say it had two point five million views.

• 44:15Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no, it had, no, it hadn't, it hadn't gone viral or anything, no.

• 44:19Speaker 03

  Joe's audition.

• 44:20Speaker 01

  No, it had, it had two views and the next day I had three.

• 44:23Speaker 03

  Right.

• 44:24Speaker 01

  And the next day it had four and I kept checking it and then it had gone up to like six and I was like, bloody hell, they must, it's getting passed up the chain, it's getting passed up to higher and higher producers, after a while I realised they were all me.

• 44:33Speaker 03

  It was you, it was you, you kept checking it.

• 44:35Speaker 01

  They were all me, got to about twenty.

• 44:44Speaker 03

  Oh, hey, listen, um, we've got some extra, uh, correspondence here from Adam via the Fact Up WhatsApp.

• 44:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, perfectly.

• 44:54Speaker 03

  Apparently he's got a fact of love for us, um, Adam says, I hope you're all well, I'll start with a question. Do you prefer smooth orange juice, orange juice with bits in it, smooth orange juice?

• 45:06Speaker 01

  Bits, please.

• 45:07Speaker 03

  Oh, Joe, oh, you're.

• 45:08Speaker 01

  I like the bits, so.

• 45:09Speaker 03

  Of course you do, of course you do.

• 45:12Speaker 01

  It makes me feel more like it's actually come from an orange.

• 45:15Speaker 03

  Do you know what, uh, the amount of times that I've asked for an orange juice and I'd go, oh, is it smooth? Uh, or are there bits in it? And they've gone, oh, there's no bits in it, and then they've given me orange juice with bits in it. It, it's happened so many times, I don't know why they lie to me like that, like I'm just gonna go, oh, and I do, I do go, I'll just drink that then.

• 45:37Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 45:38Speaker 03

  Um, anyway.

• 45:39Speaker 01

  Maybe it's as smooth as I could get it.

• 45:41Speaker 03

  Here's, um, here's Adam's fact, uh, all orange juice is first manufactured as smooth orange juice.

• 45:49Speaker 01

  I'm a mug, I am a mug, I can see already this is gonna make me look like a mug.

• 45:52Speaker 03

  Are then added back in at a ratio which depends on the market of the juice is going to be sold in. Apparently Asian consumers prefer their orange juice to have more bits than Western consumers, um, they've also got different earwax to us.

• 46:08Speaker 01

  Have they? And they say that we smell of milk.

• 46:11Speaker 03

  We, we've got sticky.

• 46:13Speaker 01

  They've hardly got any dairy.

• 46:14Speaker 03

  We've got like sticky, um.

• 46:17Speaker 01

  Sticky.

• 46:18Speaker 03

  Sticky earwax, their earwax is powdery.

• 46:21Speaker 01

  It's not wax then, is it? Come on.

• 46:25Speaker 03

  Um.

• 46:28Speaker 01

  Oh, here's a nice candle, that's just a load of dust, yeah, it's a different sort of candle, please.

• 46:33Speaker 03

  Adam goes on to say, I told that fact to a girl I fancied back in twenty twelve one morning over a McDonald's breakfast with a group of friends following a sixth form party, she was drinking orange juice at the time, we've been together ever since and have been married for five years now.

• 46:49Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 46:49Speaker 03

  She said a few years afterwards, that was the moment she realised she loved me.

• 46:53Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 46:55Speaker 03

  I guess this fact should also come with a warning that you should be very careful who you say it to.

• 47:02Speaker 03

  Just in case they fall in love with you too, oh, that's lovely.

• 47:06Speaker 01

  That's lovely, that's everything it should be, brilliant, I love this.

• 47:10Speaker 03

  That's really interesting and it has made you look like a fool.

• 47:13Speaker 01

  It's made me look like a fucking idiot.

• 47:15Speaker 03

  Because why would there be bits in it if it's the juice of something?

• 47:20Speaker 01

  One of the things I knew as a sort of young posho, but actually not from a fantastically rich family, but I was aspirational, is that I knew the orange juice we had in my house was not the posh sort, I knew my parents were getting the stuff that was maybe concentrate and then rehydrated, cause it was cheaper, and I always thought, when I'm older.

• 47:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:39Speaker 01

  I'm gonna buy the real orange juice with bits in.

• 47:42Speaker 03

  And then you'll know you've made it.

• 47:43Speaker 01

  And now.

• 47:44Speaker 03

  No juice in my house growing up, squash.

• 47:48Speaker 01

  Squash, okay, okay.

• 47:50Speaker 03

  Grew up on squash, that was it.

• 47:53Speaker 01

  Hot squash?

• 47:55Speaker 03

  Um, I only got, I only heard, I only realised that that was a thing after Simon Bird.

• 48:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was gonna say that, he loves hot squash.

• 48:04Speaker 03

  He's such a baby, isn't he?

• 48:05Speaker 01

  He is a baby, he, he, he wouldn't have jam with bits in, he had to have hot squash, he doesn't like tea, he doesn't drink tea or coffee.

• 48:11Speaker 03

  He doesn't eat the white bit of a egg.

• 48:15Speaker 03

  He has the yolk, I've, I've watched him eat a fried egg just, just picking the yolk out and leaving the white bit.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  Pots, and he's been taken into Willy Wonka's factory and taught a fucking lesson, and the lesson is they're killed.

• 48:28Speaker 01

  Right, or they're flattened or something.

• 48:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:31Speaker 01

  So cruel, doesn't it, like they all go in and then he's like, there you go, you stupid little bitch, good luck with how many years.

• 48:36Speaker 03

  That'll teach you for being a child.

• 48:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's awful.

• 48:40Speaker 03

  Um, right.

• 48:41Speaker 01

  Well, that's so nice, I love it and it's like, you know, you're both, you're both with the right person.

• 48:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:47Speaker 01

  She was impressed by that and you wanted to say it.

• 48:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:51Speaker 01

  It's really nice.

• 48:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, there's someone for everyone, isn't there?

• 48:54Speaker 01

  That's what we need from women, we need them to be impressed.

• 48:57Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 48:57Speaker 01

  By not very much.

• 48:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, they could lower their bar, expect so much, Claire, Claire knows me better than any person on, other person on this planet. And she still expects stuff from me.

• 49:11Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 49:11Speaker 03

  I don't know where she's got that from.

• 49:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, it would have happened by now, Claire, hello?

• 49:18Speaker 03

  I've never have been impressive, even the early days.

• 49:24Speaker 01

  Have I told you about my age? I, I, I was, I've always felt that I'll achieve more, but then when I watch a TV show like MasterChef and it's like contestant, and even when it was, I'm forty two now, even when it was like thirty eight, cause it'd be like sous chef twenty one, sous chef twenty four, then it'd be like, I don't know, senior sous chef thirty eight, and I'd be like, oh mate, just fucking give up.

• 49:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:45Speaker 01

  It would have happened by now, you're, you're not a genius, I just, and that's now below my age.

• 49:52Speaker 01

  So unless I'm the exception, I'm running out of people, as people said, like Wordsworth didn't write anything till he was, I think it was forty, that, that's gone. I'm running out of examples, there are people, like, when you're.

• 50:03Speaker 03

  I don't know if this is a boy thing, but.

• 50:06Speaker 01

  A lot of people are dead.

• 50:07Speaker 03

  Even though I'm not, even though.

• 50:08Speaker 01

  Died before, you know.

• 50:11Speaker 03

  Even though I've never been any good at football, I've always thought, there might be a chance.

• 50:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, what's got them a back pocket?

• 50:18Speaker 03

  There might be a chance that I might be a footballer.

• 50:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:22Speaker 03

  And then when I got to about thirty two, thirty three, I started going, hmm. So I'm, I'm around retirement age now, I don't.

• 50:31Speaker 01

  Like that, I need to get that call and that scout.

• 50:34Speaker 03

  I don't think it's gonna happen now.

• 50:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:36Speaker 03

  Now I'm about to turn thirty nine, I think I've got to let go of the, um, professional footballer dream.

• 50:43Speaker 01

  The other thing that annoys about football, cause I agree with you, is when a goalkeeper's like forty two and they're like.

• 50:49Speaker 03

  They don't have to run about as much, do they?

• 50:50Speaker 01

  But they go like, he still looks really with it, as though.

• 50:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, he should be like in a wheelchair with a blanket on his legs or something.

• 50:58Speaker 01

  As though it's surprising he's not like wandering off the pitch, then, hell, see.

• 51:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:03Speaker 01

  Can we put the kettle on the cat again, the children are parking, like, it's just, it's not.

• 51:10Speaker 03

  No, yeah, he's thirty seven.

• 51:12Speaker 01

  Some of the commentary implies that you would expect, that, that they are surprised their brains aren't beginning to drift.

• 51:17Speaker 03

  He's still good at thirty seven, imagine that.

• 51:20Speaker 01

  The grand old man, as though it's like an end or something, that's my age.

• 51:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, they've bought, they've bought, they've, they've spent two million pounds on a thirty seven year old goalkeeper, well, it's for, they want the experience, don't they? They need the experience in that team.

• 51:35Speaker 01

  The other thing that pisses me off is when players are basically just cheating, well, like at the end of the game, they're trying to waste time, they're like using all that experience, no, I could do that, that's the one bit of the game I could do, I can, like, that's no experience, they're like, oh, he's a wily old cat, it's not wily, that's fucking, it's so easy, so easy. Literally, I could do that, I could waste time, it's always this, this hard one experience, they are, he, no, he's a smart one. He's worked, it's ridiculous, it's ridiculous.

• 52:05Speaker 03

  Maybe there's a, maybe there's a chance for us yet, maybe we could just.

• 52:07Speaker 01

  If I could be brought on to waste time or cheat.

• 52:09Speaker 03

  Like a super sub, yeah.

• 52:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, could you do any of it, do you think, any part of football?

• 52:15Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm good, I can pass the ball, I can't run around, I can't run around that much, I'd like, uh, I'm more of a perlo.

• 52:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:25Speaker 03

  Sort of just running things from the midfield.

• 52:27Speaker 01

  And that penalty as well, do you know that penalty, he scored a famous penalty against England, a Panenka, the Panenka.

• 52:34Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 52:34Speaker 01

  He didn't, yeah, he scored it, well, the, the original Panenka was, I think invented by a man called Panenka.

• 52:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 52:40Speaker 01

  But, um, also I watched that video, there was video on the BBC website about, um, Just Fontaine, who's the record breaking goalscorer for the World Cup thirteen, he scored four of them in the third, fourth play off, just saying.

• 52:56Speaker 03

  He's still cats.

• 52:58Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 52:58Speaker 03

  Still cats, oh, Joe.

• 53:00Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 53:01Speaker 03

  That noise tells me that you're fact out, fact out.

• 53:04Speaker 01

  Oh my god, got it, fucking hell.

• 53:07Speaker 03

  I'm also fact out.

• 53:08Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 53:08Speaker 03

  Um, what have we learned today? We've learned that, um, the earth had rings at one point, we've learned that they put the bits back into orange juice. Uh, we've, there's one more, have we learnt one more thing? Oh, asshole, um, everyone starts off their life as an asshole. Some of us carry it on.

• 53:30Speaker 03

  Some of us stay true to ourselves, um, we hope that you've learned something or had a nice time, we'll be back next week, armed with more facts, chats and a different kind of earwax, what, different kinds of earwax, oh, fucked it, um, I'm not gonna do it again. Don't forget that you can get in touch with us, our email is hello at joandjamespod.com, our WhatsApp is oh seven eight two two zero three four three three zero or you can follow us on social media at joandjamespod and head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten those details. Bye guys, we'll see you next week.