Do You Say Mate, Man or Pal?

Ever wondered how many foxes live in Joe Thomas' garden? No well prepare to find out! James Buckley dwells on 'getting it wrong' with Matt King (aka SuperHans) and THE tournament of the summer kicks off here, it's time for the World 'Up. GET IN TOUCH: Whatsapp us - wa.me/447822034330 http://wa.me/447822034330 Fill in our Fact Up Form - https://forms.gle/uzF6XWPqaA5aNTtN7 Subscribe on Youtube - www.youtube.com/@JoeandJamesPod/videos http://www.youtube.com/@JoeandJamesPod/videos Follow us on Instagram - www.instagram.com/joeandjamespod http://www.instagram.com/joeandjamespod Follow us on TikTok - www.tiktok.com/@joeandjamespod http://www.tiktok.com/@joeandjamespod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  I'm Claire Buckley and this Halloween on my podcast, Pretty Scary, we are gonna cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts and aliens. Plus, the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So, as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat, right? Get the candles lit and search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.

• 0:41Speaker 01

  If TV shows and films and stuff were genuinely really realistic, I reckon 90% of people, you'd never know their name. Because no one calls people by their names.

• 0:52Speaker 02

  There's people I know, there's people I know quite well and I don't know their names.

• 0:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:57Speaker 02

  I mean, we don't really use names much, do we? I say man.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04Speaker 02

  I can't bring myself to say mate.

• 1:05Speaker 01

  I'll say mate.

• 1:06Speaker 02

  It sounds like I'm...

• 1:09Speaker 02

  What's weird is that man is clearly an affectation.

• 1:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12Speaker 02

  And I mean, man is basically American, I would say.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16Speaker 02

  I don't think British people would say man.

• 1:17Speaker 01

  Well...

• 1:18Speaker 02

  But to me, man feels...

• 1:20Speaker 01

  Feel like...

• 1:21Speaker 02

  I can pull off a man.

• 1:23Speaker 01

  Your parents, from what I know about your parents, they must have said man a little bit. Your dad must have said man.

• 1:28Speaker 02

  Dad said man. My dad was in...

• 1:30Speaker 01

  Your dad's...

• 1:31Speaker 02

  He was in, he was in Hay Ashbury in 1969, like proper like hippie central. And they used, he's met the original people who were saying man. They're like, hey man, yeah, you can stay.

• 1:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's cool, man.

• 1:43Speaker 01

  I can imagine your dad hanging out with Jack Kerouac or something.

• 1:46Speaker 02

  My dad was really sweet because he promised his mum he wouldn't take any drugs.

• 1:51Speaker 02

  And he didn't. So he was around, so he was this really sweet British boy.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  He was the sober hippie.

• 1:56Speaker 02

  He was the sober hippie. It was funny when you see your parents as a, suddenly you get a flash of them as a young man. I found a postcard that my dad had sent to his mum. From Amer- I think it was literally a postcard of the Grand Canyon. And it said, I'm having a nice time, mum. I've met some nice kids. And it was this, like, it was this slight sixties affectation of like, they were like, that's what they, they were like. Oh, they're, they're some pretty cool kids.

• 2:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:19Speaker 02

  Do you know what I mean? It was like, he didn't literally mean kids. Um, but it was quite sweet. It was like watching this slightly posh English boy trying to affect this San Francisco. Dialect, but it was to his mum as well. It was, it was quite sweet. It was like, he was like, I've changed a bit, mum. Um, I say kids now.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:37Speaker 02

  Instead of people.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  Cats.

• 2:39Speaker 02

  Just don't want you to be shocked when I come back.

• 2:41Speaker 01

  Did he ever say cats?

• 2:42Speaker 02

  Might have said cats. He might have said, not, yeah, I haven't got written evidence.

• 2:47Speaker 01

  Memoirs, your dad's, um, he could call it the sober hippie.

• 2:50Speaker 02

  The sober hippie is actually a pretty, um, good description of my dad, I would say.

• 2:55Speaker 01

  He could be like, I was there and I remember it.

• 2:58Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. I think that's, that's genuinely, I mean, you can tell the, the people who have sort of lived long after the hippie era are the ones who didn't take too many of the drugs.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:12Speaker 02

  Like, they're always the ones who are like, everyone around me, if you hear like an eighty seven year old man talking about the hippie era. He would always say, everyone around me was taking loads of drugs, but I didn't take as many. Like, that's, that's, um. Uh, but yeah, it was, I just quite sweet. But yeah, so he, so he would have said, yeah, he would, I mean, they were all saying man, you know, left, right and centre.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  Do you ever listen to, um, the Knowing Me, Knowing You radio shows?

• 3:40Speaker 02

  I think I have.

• 3:41Speaker 01

  And, uh, I can't remember what the character is. It's Patrick Marver. And, but he was, he's like this sort of, um.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  What was the David Bailey type, sort of was in it amongst it in the sixties.

• 3:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay.

• 3:57Speaker 01

  And, and he, and Partridge going, what was there, you know, he was like, there was a lot of sex. There was a lot of sex, Alan. We all, you know, we all, he was like, yeah, yeah. I mean, tell me, and Alan's like, tell me, tell me a bit more, was there, you know, he's like, yeah, oh God, it was free. Everyone was free with their bodies. He's like, was, you know, did you ever, you know, was that, was there two girls in it all? Everyone was in fun, like, yeah, there was two girls, you know, it wasn't a big deal. Did you ever do it with a bloke? No.

• 4:36Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 4:37Speaker 01

  I haven't listened to those for ages. I need to listen to.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, I had them, they're really.

• 4:41Speaker 01

  You can get them, you can get them on, on, I, I had them on CD. I had like a CD box set of them. Uh, but you can just get them on, I've got them on Apple audiobooks.

• 4:52Speaker 02

  Good example for me of.

• 4:54Speaker 01

  And on the hour as well. On the hour is weird.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  Well, that's the sort of the.

• 4:58Speaker 01

  That's the day to day. Yeah, but it's really like.

• 5:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:01Speaker 01

  You can tell they've just been let loose.

• 5:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:03Speaker 01

  And they can just do whatever they want.

• 5:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:05Speaker 01

  How are you, mate? You good?

• 5:06Speaker 02

  I'm all right, thanks. Um, I'm, so just to keep everyone updated. Um, I am, me and my daughter are now members of the zoo.

• 5:17Speaker 01

  Oh, thank God.

• 5:19Speaker 02

  Thank you very, thank you very much.

• 5:21Speaker 01

  I thought you were about to say me and my daughter aren't talking right now.

• 5:24Speaker 02

  She's still talking to me.

• 5:26Speaker 01

  Right. So you've finally got a.

• 5:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, cause, cause as I mentioned, it was getting to the point where I was, I was being recognised in the zoo, not as like in betweeners. Recognised as like, you're here all the time.

• 5:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:37Speaker 02

  Like, they were like, are you, are you a gold member?

• 5:39Speaker 01

  You go up to the stand, to the concession stand or whatever, but you're usual, Joe.

• 5:43Speaker 02

  Usual, yeah, absolutely. Um, so I'm.

• 5:47Speaker 01

  I once tried to, um.

• 5:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  When I was first going out with Claire, um, I ordered a curry and I just went, yeah, watch this. And I picked up the phone and, um, and they were like, uh, um, your address, please. I gave him my address and went, oh, right. Yeah. You're usual.

• 6:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:08Speaker 01

  And I went, no, I'm gonna have to add a bit more to that.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  That's okay.

• 6:13Speaker 02

  Oh, I see. So.

• 6:14Speaker 01

  I just used to, I honestly would just phone my local curry place when I lived in the flat. And I wouldn't, I wouldn't have to order. It would take me 12 seconds on the phone. I'd give them my address. They'd go, oh, right. Yeah, usual. I'd go, yeah, there'll be an half hour.

• 6:28Speaker 02

  I thought that you meant you were gonna try and show off to Claire by having a usual and then them being like, what's the usual? Cause this is, I, I, I always took it as a sign of sort of status. If you could go into a pub and you go like the usual.

• 6:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:42Speaker 02

  It sort of shows that you're.

• 6:44Speaker 01

  If you've got a tankard behind the bar.

• 6:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:46Speaker 01

  As far as I'm concerned, you're a fucking legend.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  If they've got, if they've got your cup.

• 6:52Speaker 02

  Your one.

• 6:53Speaker 01

  Hanging up behind the bar and they go, oh, usual Jim.

• 6:57Speaker 02

  They used to be quite posh.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  That'll be me when I'm 72. Wherever I end up in the next few years, that's where I'm gonna stay for the next sort of 30.

• 7:05Speaker 02

  They're not giving tankards out. That's based upon the bar. That's at a premium. You know, they need, they haven't got room for any old Tom, Dick or Harry's tankard up there. They need other things, horse brasses.

• 7:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, you've, you've brought up a good point though.

• 7:16Speaker 02

  Weird denomination, banknotes.

• 7:17Speaker 01

  Is the tankard a gift? Do, do you go to the pubs so often?

• 7:21Speaker 02

  Oh, I see.

• 7:22Speaker 01

  That they're like, oh, we've, oh, we've got you your own tankard. Congratulations.

• 7:25Speaker 02

  Oh, actually, it's probably one's own, isn't it? I would imagine.

• 7:28Speaker 01

  Do they bring it in?

• 7:29Speaker 02

  I think, I think, I think the customer.

• 7:31Speaker 01

  That's like trying to get people to call you a nickname though, isn't it?

• 7:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Um, I never managed to get.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  Do you reckon?

• 7:39Speaker 02

  My choice of nickname.

• 7:40Speaker 01

  Do you reckon? You've got a good name. You're JT.

• 7:43Speaker 02

  JT. Well, that's pretty good. At school I had Chunky Joe.

• 7:46Speaker 01

  Chunky Joe?

• 7:47Speaker 02

  Joe. It was a joke about how I wasn't chunky. I was small.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  Brilliant.

• 7:51Speaker 02

  And, um, Pen Boy.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  He never wore a hat?

• 7:53Speaker 02

  Never wore a hat. Yeah. Jimmy the Hat. No, he never wore a hat. That is funny to be fair. Um, uh.

• 8:02Speaker 01

  Tattoos down.

• 8:03Speaker 02

  Tattoos down, he had loads of tattoos that he'd just done himself and they're going, oh my god.

• 8:07Speaker 02

  And is it like all the ones on his, all the ones on his left arm were good and all the ones on his right arm were shit because he was right handed.

• 8:13Speaker 01

  There was loads of, uh, we had a recent, um, social clip that we put out about me, about when we were talking about, um, Matt King super hands.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 8:21Speaker 01

  And I kept watching it, I was going, why did I say drawed?

• 8:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, no.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  But there was just a load of pilker and stuff. Someone put drawed question mark, I put squozed.

• 8:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, that Matt King thing, it was so nice to being like the perfect interaction. You were like, oh, we shouldn't have said drawed.

• 8:41Speaker 01

  I know. Cause, cause he commented it on as well. And I was like, oh, I've said drawed in front of Matt King.

• 8:48Speaker 01

  It is, it was a bit like meeting him and then walking away, like spending, spending, like say if we were at a do or something like a comedy do or something, you know, back in the day when we used to bump into people all the time and some awards thing. It'd be like bumping into Matt King and saying that I drawed on his performance.

• 9:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:05Speaker 01

  I spent 12 seconds with him and then walked away just going, oh, no.

• 9:09Speaker 02

  It would be like bumping into him and the conversation's, um, going really well. And then like you just fart and you're like.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  Um, one time a bloke who, we didn't really know, this is when we lived in the Barbican, got into the lift with me and Hannah. And he's basically like introducing himself to us as like a neighbour. So we haven't met before. This is my name. And then he went, do you want, and also I have just farted.

• 9:34Speaker 01

  How old was he?

• 9:35Speaker 02

  He was about my age.

• 9:37Speaker 01

  Right.

• 9:38Speaker 02

  I was like, you don't need to just, just, you know, blame Hannah or something like, there's three of us, you know, I was like, oh.

• 9:48Speaker 02

  You don't actually need to, you don't need to say that. It was like, he was like, I can't lie. It was like, I was like, you're not George Washington.

• 9:54Speaker 01

  Yesterday I got on a.

• 9:55Speaker 02

  It was amazing.

• 9:57Speaker 01

  Yesterday I got on a train with Claire and, uh, and we were at the platform, I pressed the button for the doors to open. And then I needed to fart. I was like, I gotta do it now before I get on the train. So I farted.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:10Speaker 01

  And then, and then me and Claire, I had half a second where we were both standing there and I was going. Like ladies first sort of thing. And she went like that. So I went on first. I was like, oh, now you're walking through the wake.

• 10:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:28Speaker 01

  Cause I thought you were gonna go on first.

• 10:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:30Speaker 01

  And um, cause she recognised that we had like that half second sort of who's gonna get on first. She went, well, I always go the wrong way when I get on a train. You always tell me, well, we should, I should have gone left and I always go right. And then, and then she went, oh, it stinks of shit on this train. And I went, and I just farted. I thought you were gonna get on the train.

• 10:50Speaker 01

  I thought you were gonna get on the train first.

• 10:52Speaker 02

  It's um.

• 10:53Speaker 01

  She went, well, well, apparently I always go the wrong way when we got on a train. You like to find a special secret place where you're not gonna get bothered or whatever.

• 11:01Speaker 02

  Oh, the wrong way. Oh, yeah, well.

• 11:06Speaker 01

  But I thought she'll get on first. I'll do a little fart here. It'll go that way. Anyway, she ended up walking through it and she went, oh, it stinks of shit on this train. I went, no, it's cause I was just farted. And then she fucked off and went and sat somewhere else.

• 11:20Speaker 02

  What, not with you?

• 11:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, I followed it though.

• 11:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 11:23Speaker 01

  Like the fart.

• 11:25Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, yeah, you were, you were, the margins were too small there for you to, yeah. You should have checked the wind, taken a wind reading or something.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  I, I watched, something came up on my Instagram a couple of days ago. It made me, it was like, one, it made me laugh. And then two, I was like, yeah, that is. It was this thing, um, it, it just said, um, you know, uh, women, uh, women always, they're, they're weak, they have a weight tolerance thing. They're lactose intolerant and they've always got this problem, that problem. Whereas blokes just spend thirty years going, why do I have diarrhoea every day?

• 12:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:03Speaker 01

  And that is literally me.

• 12:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, honestly, um, don't, you know, I don't know whether, you know, I, I, I take, I'm on the. Silium husk, I'd heartily recommend that.

• 12:15Speaker 01

  Do you get the big tub from Amazon?

• 12:17Speaker 02

  My mum's taking it now as well. No, that's not Metamucil. So Metamucil is, um, the active ingredient is silium husk, but I just get like the raw powder. Cause I just thought, oh, I don't need, I don't need like an orange, you know.

• 12:26Speaker 01

  I can't do powder. I've got to do pills and everything.

• 12:29Speaker 02

  But I take quite a lot of this stuff.

• 12:31Speaker 01

  Right.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  And, um.

• 12:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've got silium husk, I've got magnesium, got a one a day, uh.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  Magnesium spray, have you sprayed that on? It's quite strong. It really knocks you out magnesium.

• 12:42Speaker 01

  I've just got tablets.

• 12:43Speaker 02

  Makes you really tired.

• 12:44Speaker 01

  Oh, I heard it's to help you regulate, it's to get you tired.

• 12:47Speaker 02

  Is it?

• 12:48Speaker 01

  I remember I took melatonin for years.

• 12:51Speaker 02

  That's to sleep.

• 12:53Speaker 01

  For years and years and years. I used to, um, cause I, I don't know how readily available it is in the UK.

• 13:01Speaker 02

  Where do they get it? Do they get it? Do they get it from like tired people? Like someone's falling asleep, they like stick a needle in their neck.

• 13:08Speaker 01

  They're harvesting it.

• 13:09Speaker 02

  Suck it out.

• 13:10Speaker 01

  Solent green or something. But, um, I used to get, uh, I used to get like a year's worth of, um, of melatonin.

• 13:19Speaker 02

  Did they go, don't take it all at once?

• 13:21Speaker 01

  Every time I went to America.

• 13:23Speaker 02

  Wow. Wow. Well, cause you could get it in America.

• 13:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, bloody America with a pharmacy, um, thing. Cause I got, um, cause I got a cot, well, I was in America for a while, for a few months. And I got a really bad chest infection and a cough. I couldn't be bothered to go to see a doctor, cause that's really fucking complicated over there. And, um, so I was just sort of buying over the counter stuff. Luckily, the stuff that you can get over the counter is fucking mentally strong.

• 13:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:55Speaker 01

  And I started getting, I, I started buying this stuff called, it's called Night Quill.

• 14:01Speaker 02

  Right.

• 14:02Speaker 01

  And it's got melatonin in it. And, um, the first time I took, took some of that, I woke up the next day and I was, and Claire was with me, Claire and the kids were with me. They were babies at that time. And I was going, um, I went, I've had the best fucking night's sleep I've ever had in my life. Like I was just knocked out. It was absolutely brilliant. So then my cough went, but I just kept taking the medicine. Before I went to bed. And then I discovered that, um, night, night quill do this thing called Z Quill. Where it's not the medicine, it's just the melatonin. So I bought a fucking ton of those. For about five years of my life, I was, I was taking melatonin every day.

• 14:41Speaker 02

  So Nyquil is supposedly a cough, or is, is a cough medicine.

• 14:46Speaker 01

  It's like Night Nurse, but I think it's Americanified. So it's like, it's Night Nurse on steroids. They, they do not.

• 14:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:54Speaker 01

  I like, I'm surprised that some of the stuff that they do regulate over there, but they don't give a fuck. You can just buy it. You go into a chemist pharmacy in America and you could, like, they're one step away from just selling you smack.

• 15:17Speaker 03

  Welcome to 215 Maple Drive. We just put this property on the market.

• 15:22Speaker 04

  Love the crown molding.

• 15:24Speaker 03

  Oh, wait until you see the walk-in closets and the bathroom tile.

• 15:28Speaker 04

  Does it have Verizon FiOS? You know, 100% fiber internet.

• 15:31Speaker 03

  No FiOS, but it looks like it's got cable. Let's check out the kitchen.

• 15:35Speaker 04

  No FiOS? Yeah, no, thank you.

• 15:38Speaker 03

  Don't you want to see the rest? Okay, bye bye.

• 15:41Speaker 05

  Dip Verizon FiOS because when you're moving, it's 100% or nothing.

• 15:48Speaker 00

  I'm Claire Buckley and this Halloween on my podcast, Pretty Scary, we are going to cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts and aliens. Plus the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat, right? Get the candles lit in search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.

• 16:27Speaker 01

  What have you been up to? So you've been zoo again, I guess?

• 16:30Speaker 02

  I went off to the zoo.

• 16:32Speaker 01

  How much is that, by the way? What is it, a year, the gold club?

• 16:35Speaker 02

  I was obviously able to, I got silver membership.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  How are you not in the top tier?

• 16:40Speaker 02

  Well, the truth is, silver membership gets you into the zoo.

• 16:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:45Speaker 02

  For free. Gold membership is just like 10% off ice cream and stuff. And I thought, well, you know.

• 16:51Speaker 01

  Also, you get ice cream and things, I assume, when you're there?

• 16:54Speaker 02

  I do, but it didn't seem to, it felt like it was a whole list of things. And some of them were like entry to other, you know, other sort of places as well. I think affiliated, it looked like a load of affiliated. To me, I thought, no, this is, this is padding, but maybe I'm wrong.

• 17:18Speaker 01

  I wish you'd have called me.

• 17:19Speaker 02

  I know. I probably should have got, I should have got gold.

• 17:21Speaker 01

  Well, you need to call me when you, when you make decisions, Joe.

• 17:25Speaker 02

  Well, what I'll say.

• 17:26Speaker 01

  Because, right, here's what you could have done. So what, like sort of, sort of sister places?

• 17:32Speaker 02

  Sister places, yeah.

• 17:34Speaker 01

  What you could have done is gone through that list. Gone, well, we're a gold member now. We're getting to these other places free. Maybe we don't have to go to the fucking zoo every other day. Maybe we could check out, do you want to check out, do you want to check out this other place?

• 17:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, but like, I'm, I'm such a sort of.

• 17:51Speaker 01

  A stickler.

• 17:52Speaker 02

  It's not a stickler. I think partly, I think I was brought up in a family that was a little bit suspicious of like advertising.

• 18:01Speaker 01

  Right.

• 18:03Speaker 02

  And secondly.

• 18:07Speaker 02

  Well, secondly, I suppose I'm a creature of habit. And thirdly, actually, when I've been going to the zoo. The people who are selling me the ticket are going, you could upgrade this easily. So just pop in, you know, silver membership, take off the price of today's ticket. So they're actually suggesting silver, so they're almost saying silver.

• 18:30Speaker 01

  Go for silver.

• 18:31Speaker 02

  Go for silver. It's like they're saying go for silver. So what, in a way, I, you know, I applaud that. They're not, they're not pushy.

• 18:37Speaker 01

  They're not trying to upsell you.

• 18:38Speaker 02

  They're not trying to upsell you. No, they're, they're actually saying. And, you know, that's, you know, that's good. That's the sort of person I'd like working with animals. The one that's trying to go, the animal's like, oh, do you want an extra bit of?

• 18:50Speaker 01

  I'll be honest, I think they thought you were vulnerable. They were like, this guy is here a couple of times a week and he's only just

• 18:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  Getting a season pass.

• 19:00Speaker 02

  Yeah. They probably thought that if they sold me gold, like my carer would come in.

• 19:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:06Speaker 02

  Go, what have you been doing?

• 19:07Speaker 01

  Your guardian.

• 19:07Speaker 02

  Yeah? This, you took advantage

• 19:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:11Speaker 02

  Of a young man to whom life is a daily struggle. And, um, uh, so anyway, but you're probably right. But we can probably upgrade it. And, um, but we haven't yet been as silver members.

• 19:29Speaker 01

  Right.

• 19:29Speaker 02

  So I'm, I'll be interested to see.

• 19:31Speaker 01

  Looking forward to it.

• 19:32Speaker 02

  Yeah. We'll just, you know, walk right on in there.

• 19:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:37Speaker 02

  We'll walk right on in there, I imagine. Do you want to know the number of foxes that now live in my garden permanently?

• 19:43Speaker 01

  Go on.

• 19:43Speaker 02

  Uh, two.

• 19:45Speaker 01

  I thought it was going to be more, carry on.

• 19:47Speaker 02

  Well, it's gone up. Well, it's gone up. It's gone up.

• 19:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:50Speaker 02

  So.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  That's nice.

• 19:51Speaker 02

  So there was obviously one fox there.

• 19:53Speaker 01

  Now they've got a pal.

• 19:54Speaker 02

  And I think they've gone, I, but I honestly think they've gone away and they've gone to this other fox. Look, there's this place I go.

• 20:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:02Speaker 02

  They're really relaxed there. Like the bloke never comes out.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  No.

• 20:05Speaker 02

  Like you can do whatever the hell you want. Something's dug a hole just in the middle of my lawn and he's living in the lawn.

• 20:13Speaker 01

  Something's dug a hole. Not sure. Don't know if foxes dig holes though.

• 20:17Speaker 02

  Um.

• 20:17Speaker 01

  Maybe they do, maybe they burrow. That sounds a bit like a badger to me. Badgers were a problem.

• 20:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:24Speaker 01

  Do you get urban badgers? I got chased by a badger once, I remember that.

• 20:28Speaker 02

  Well, they're quite, they're quite tough badgers. They're, they're, they used to do badger bait. I mean, this was horrible, I would say. But they used to be, uh, the Middle Ages was horrible.

• 20:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:38Speaker 02

  Particularly to animal, well, to everyone really, but and to animals. But they used to badger baiting, but they'd basically set a load of fierce dogs on a poor old badger. And the badger was quite hard itself. It would try and defend itself. But um, you know, it's no match for.

• 20:55Speaker 01

  There was, there was two stories.

• 20:56Speaker 02

  And it's probably still in his dressing gown and slippers and everything, you know.

• 20:59Speaker 01

  There was two stories, um, you know, when we used to do the in betweeners and we used to, you know, like months before they would start writing it, we would all meet up and talk about funny stories uh, from school and things like that. And uh, or, or just before they'd start writing it. Um, the series or the film or whatever. And uh, a couple of the stories that I told Ian Damon was one time when I got um, chased by a badger, where I s- I saw a badger and I thought it would run away and it didn't. And it sort of just, it sort of went like that to me.

• 21:38Speaker 01

  So I, I ran away and instead of like a 10 minute walk home, this little cut through, it took me 25 minutes to walk home from this, from the train station, because I was too scared of this badger. And then also there was a time, um, when I was, when I was.

• 21:52Speaker 02

  You never go back there now either. That's because you, you backed down once.

• 21:56Speaker 01

  That's it. But I was, um, I was out with my mates, it was late at night.

• 22:01Speaker 02

  All your stories about badgers.

• 22:03Speaker 01

  Well, no, this is, this, this one's, this one's about a fox.

• 22:06Speaker 02

  Buckets, did we say stories about badgers? Because Buckets has just given us.

• 22:10Speaker 01

  Buckets has given us some badger gold here. No, but there was this one time when I was out with my mates and uh, and there was a fox going through a bin. And um, and then uh, and we were walking and he went, oh, don't worry, it'll, it'll run away and shit itself. And then it didn't. And then my mate got really like, we were like, had to hold him back a little bit. He was like, fucking little dickhead. He was like, he was gonna square up to a fox.

• 22:38Speaker 01

  And that sort of, those stories sort of became um, the squirrel thing.

• 22:42Speaker 02

  The squirrel.

• 22:42Speaker 01

  In the uh, in the show. It's like, oh, don't worry, it'll run away.

• 22:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:46Speaker 01

  And then I end up, I end up running over a squirrel, which in hindsight, I wasn't aware of at the time. I hadn't watched Seinfeld at the time. But it's a rip off of Seinfeld.

• 22:57Speaker 02

  Is it?

• 22:57Speaker 01

  There's a thing where George is out on a date and uh, he just runs over a, a pigeon. And um, and he's like, but the deal is that they, they jump out the way. That's the deal. Like, they're supposed to just fly out the way.

• 23:10Speaker 02

  They do, I mean, the num- every time there's a bird in the road, I'm like. Get out the fucking way, like they live until the last minute.

• 23:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, they, or, and this has happened to me loads of times.

• 23:22Speaker 02

  I can't, they're gonna.

• 23:23Speaker 01

  Where I, where I've gone, you'll get out of the way, you'll get out of the way. Right, I'm gonna have to slow down. And he just fucking walks past my wheel.

• 23:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:32Speaker 01

  And then it goes, and then I have to carry on going. Taking the piss, these animals.

• 23:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. No, I know, they, um.

• 23:39Speaker 01

  Urban animals.

• 23:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  Urban animals are a bitch, are a bit.

• 23:44Speaker 02

  They, um.

• 23:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:47Speaker 01

  I don't mind a wood pigeon. I like a wood pigeon. They're sort of like grey doves. But those ones.

• 23:52Speaker 02

  Wood pigeon.

• 23:53Speaker 01

  The pigeons that you get in London.

• 23:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:56Speaker 01

  The pigeons, all the fucking.

• 23:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think, I mean, urban animals.

• 24:00Speaker 01

  Crack foxes, aren't they?

• 24:01Speaker 02

  Crack foxes. Well, yeah, I mean.

• 24:03Speaker 01

  I'm gonna hurt you real bad.

• 24:04Speaker 02

  Foxes are like.

• 24:06Speaker 01

  Just a funny, funny, funny sound.

• 24:08Speaker 02

  But you're, you know, you, you're right about foxes.

• 24:10Speaker 01

  Everything's different in the world of me.

• 24:15Speaker 02

  They, they really, they, they are, they don't give a fuck. I mean, in a way, I kind of respect them because it's like, humans have basically come on the planet and they've just bullied everything.

• 24:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:23Speaker 02

  And they've either killed it or they've made its life miserable or eaten it. And the fox is going, no, fuck you.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, the urban foxes.

• 24:29Speaker 02

  No, I'll take my time. And like, they don't.

• 24:31Speaker 01

  There was loads of foxes where I grew up.

• 24:33Speaker 02

  And in a way, the urban fox.

• 24:36Speaker 01

  And they've been through the mill. You look at them and they're like.

• 24:39Speaker 02

  One of the foxes in, so my back garden, the situation is two foxes, three eyes. Because one of these foxes.

• 24:45Speaker 01

  One eye.

• 24:46Speaker 02

  Has got an eye missing. And I just, I have a, a sort of, I feel like I'm running a sort of Chelsea pensioners home or something.

• 24:51Speaker 01

  Right.

• 24:52Speaker 02

  Like it's kind of, it's there. I'm like, you know what? You relax now, you can live here.

• 24:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:58Speaker 02

  It's fine. You've, don't, in a way, I don't like it going out because it's gonna lose the other eye.

• 25:04Speaker 01

  Worried about it.

• 25:05Speaker 02

  I'm a bit worried about it. It's got no depth perception, has it?

• 25:07Speaker 01

  Yeah. What about, um, what about the little one? Like going out in the garden and stuff?

• 25:11Speaker 02

  Uh, she, I think will, I think she'll be okay. I don't, I don't think these foxes, she's, she's, I think. She doesn't really go in the garden without me because our, our, our house is, um. One of the.

• 25:26Speaker 01

  That's brilliant.

• 25:27Speaker 02

  One of the problems.

• 25:28Speaker 01

  I can't let my daughter out in the garden without me.

• 25:29Speaker 02

  Because of my two pet foxes.

• 25:32Speaker 01

  Because of the wild animals.

• 25:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, and because of like the massive holes in the garden.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:37Speaker 02

  She'll like, she'll fall into a warren and then.

• 25:41Speaker 02

  Um, I am, I, I think these foxes are. My suggestion would be that foxes are going to play the percentages. They don't need to. They've got so much food. Like, we've mentioned the bins.

• 25:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:57Speaker 02

  They are in heaven. They don't need to hunt. They can just scavenge.

• 26:01Speaker 01

  I've got a ma- I've got a big mouse problem in my garage at the moment.

• 26:05Speaker 02

  How many mice?

• 26:06Speaker 01

  I don't, I don't know. I've not seen a mouse. I've seen loads of shit. I've stopped the kids from going in there.

• 26:12Speaker 02

  Mouse shit is like toxic.

• 26:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, um, because I made a, a mouse haven. I made, like, I basically made a mouse holiday camp.

• 26:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:25Speaker 01

  In my garage. I, I, I was storing up, I, I've already spoke about this on the Buckley's podcast, if anyone wants to check that out. Um, but I, um, I just, I was storing up cardboard.

• 26:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:38Speaker 01

  Which is, uh, which they use to make nests. And then also, um, I was just, I, I kept all my dog treats in a cardboard box.

• 26:48Speaker 02

  Right.

• 26:49Speaker 01

  So I just gave him a load of food and a place to live.

• 26:50Speaker 02

  In a cardboard box?

• 26:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:52Speaker 01

  I've now put it in a plastic box.

• 26:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:54Speaker 01

  And I was hoping that that would be like, now that they can't get to the food, that they'd all just fuck off or whatever, but.

• 27:00Speaker 02

  No.

• 27:01Speaker 01

  I'm gonna have to get some, gonna have to get some traps, boy.

• 27:03Speaker 02

  As generations of mice go by, they will gradually move away.

• 27:08Speaker 01

  I'm gonna have to get some traps. I'm gonna have to.

• 27:10Speaker 02

  Oh, it's a shame.

• 27:10Speaker 01

  Start doing that.

• 27:11Speaker 02

  We used, we had, um, I remember my dad, the sober hippie, bought a humane mousetrap when we were young.

• 27:19Speaker 01

  See, I can't do that because I've got.

• 27:21Speaker 02

  It did not work.

• 27:22Speaker 01

  Right.

• 27:23Speaker 02

  It didn't work. It, um.

• 27:25Speaker 01

  I've seen those things where there's a little trapdoor. You sort of go in and they, and it's a little plastic casing.

• 27:31Speaker 02

  Like, um, like a shoebox for a single child's shoe.

• 27:36Speaker 01

  Right.

• 27:37Speaker 02

  That's how I'm gonna describe it.

• 27:40Speaker 02

  And the mouse came in, the door swung closed behind it.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:44Speaker 02

  And then it's there in the box. I say it's there in the box. It was never there in the box. And then eventually dad got a non-human trap.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:53Speaker 02

  Got it straight away.

• 27:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:55Speaker 02

  Obviously.

• 27:57Speaker 01

  Um. It's awful killing stuff, isn't it?

• 28:00Speaker 02

  I, yeah, it's terrible. I mean, I still get a kind of.

• 28:03Speaker 01

  I love eating stuff.

• 28:04Speaker 02

  I still get a shudder when I see like roadkill. I think.

• 28:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:08Speaker 02

  Like that was, especially when it's really been done in.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  It's always.

• 28:13Speaker 02

  That's, that was once life and now it's just extinguished in a sort of smear.

• 28:17Speaker 01

  It's always a baby deer.

• 28:21Speaker 01

  It's always a baby deer.

• 28:23Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 28:23Speaker 01

  And that's what really gets to me.

• 28:25Speaker 02

  I know.

• 28:27Speaker 01

  Apparently they're a problem.

• 28:29Speaker 02

  Are they?

• 28:30Speaker 01

  Cause there's no, um, you know, we've got no wolves or anything.

• 28:32Speaker 02

  There's no youth clubs for them to go to anymore.

• 28:34Speaker 01

  There's no.

• 28:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, we've got no wolves.

• 28:37Speaker 01

  Just let them play out.

• 28:37Speaker 02

  My, um, my brother is in a folk band and he has a song about, um, hitting a, no, not hitting a deer. Driving past a dead deer. And one of the lines is, it's not your fault that there are no wolves anymore. So it's like, there's a, basically is Adam, Adam, Adam, like he loves a dead animal. Like this song about the deer, you're like, honestly, Adam, get out of the dead deer's arse. Like it's like, he's like, he's like, it's so beautiful. Like he's like, he's weeping and I'm like. Like honestly, you, you're, I'm, you're late for work.

• 29:12Speaker 01

  What's the character on Mid Morning Matters? Blackbird McKnight or something?

• 29:18Speaker 06

  Are you, no, um, that, that's, uh, that's off Mighty Boosh, isn't it?

• 29:23Speaker 01

  No, uh, is it?

• 29:25Speaker 06

  Like Obsidian Blackbird McKnight, which is one of the Mighty Boosh characters.

• 29:28Speaker 01

  Right. Yeah, yeah, that's been snoring. Or is he, does he call himself Blackbird? It is Julian Barrett.

• 29:35Speaker 06

  Maybe.

• 29:35Speaker 01

  He come, he's like a folk singer and he comes into the show. It's like, what would life be like without bees?

• 29:44Speaker 02

  The Adam's lyrics are a bit like that. They're all, they're all either about trees or dead animals. He's like absolutely.

• 29:50Speaker 01

  There one bit where he's like, I wrote a story about, um, old John, who, I can't remember all his names. He's like, who saved a girl from a, from a flood or something like that. And then Alan goes, wasn't he the bloke that got done for, um, paedophilia or something? Yeah, well, yeah, he was, but.

• 30:08Speaker 01

  That's not the song.

• 30:12Speaker 01

  What's Julian Barrett doing right now?

• 30:15Speaker 02

  Well, let's find out. Get him on speakerphone. No, I don't have his number.

• 30:20Speaker 01

  What's he doing right now?

• 30:21Speaker 02

  I don't know. I don't know, but I think he's a-

• 30:24Speaker 01

  He's another genius.

• 30:25Speaker 02

  He's in, um, have you seen A Field in England?

• 30:29Speaker 01

  No.

• 30:31Speaker 02

  Speaking of good folk music, so A Field in England is, um, I can't remember his fucking name, Ben Wheatley or something, director.

• 30:43Speaker 02

  And it's about some soldiers who have run off from a battle in the English Civil War. It's all in black and white.

• 30:51Speaker 02

  Uh, it's really good.

• 30:52Speaker 01

  Right. Did you ever see Mindhorn?

• 30:55Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 30:56Speaker 02

  No.

• 30:57Speaker 06

  Mindhorn, I don't know how you feel about this. It is essentially Alpha Papa, the plot.

• 31:03Speaker 01

  It is a bit, yeah.

• 31:04Speaker 06

  And it's, I don't know if, um, you know this, but Alpha Papa got completely rewritten on the set because it was meant to be about a terrorist attack, but then a genuine terrorist attack happened at that time. So they were rewriting it on the set, um, which I found really interesting. And I think, I don't know if, and it's made by Baby Cow, which is the same company that made, um,

• 31:27Speaker 02

  Feels like a-

• 31:28Speaker 06

  Mindhorn. So I wonder if they would, that's why they are so similar.

• 31:31Speaker 01

  Right.

• 31:32Speaker 02

  So they were like, we quick, we need another plot. We've got this other film.

• 31:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, why not?

• 31:36Speaker 02

  No one's gonna watch that.

• 31:37Speaker 06

  I don't know what the timelines are on those, but yeah.

• 31:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:41Speaker 06

  Interesting.

• 31:42Speaker 02

  That's interesting.

• 31:42Speaker 06

  It looks like Julian Barrett is booked and busy, by the way. He's, he's doing bits and bobs.

• 31:46Speaker 01

  He better be.

• 31:47Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 31:47Speaker 01

  Otherwise the world's gone mad.

• 31:50Speaker 02

  But anyway, so this, this film, um, A Field in England, it's got an amazing folk song in it that they must have just had written. And one of the actors sings it like, sort of in this kind of like untutored singing voice. It's just really, it's a lovely song. I don't know who wrote it, but I think it's like, I'd say it's almost like a canonical folk song. And it must have just been written for the film.

• 32:21Speaker 02

  It's the end of that story.

• 32:22Speaker 01

  The end of that story.

• 32:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:23Speaker 01

  Let me finish. That's the first time you've ever said that. It's the first time you've ever let it finish.

• 32:28Speaker 02

  Well. Oh gosh, no, no, to be fair, look at what happened. And what we're on, episodes.

• 32:32Speaker 01

  If this episode is not called Joe finishes a sentence.

• 32:38Speaker 01

  That's all it did. That is clickbait.

• 32:40Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 32:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:41Speaker 01

  Anyone that listens to this podcast will be like, well, I've got to fucking listen to this. Got to find out what the end, what this sentence is.

• 32:48Speaker 06

  Writing Joe finally finishes a sentence.

• 32:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's the, that's the first full stop we've had in this entire series so far.

• 32:54Speaker 01

  But because I'm such a comedy nerd, you can sort of trace back stuff. Especially with the boot, especially with like Partridge, you can then go back to, I mean, I knew then the day to day and then on the hour and then all that sort of stuff.

• 33:12Speaker 01

  That film Mindhorn, when I first found out that there was a Julian Barrett film called Mindhorn coming out, I was like, what the fuck is this going to be about? Because it is just the thing, it's a really bizarre reference to the Bush, one of the episodes on the Bush radio show. Where some bloke is just going, my name is Mindhorn. I am Mindhorn. I am.

• 33:37Speaker 01

  That was Mindhorn. It was like a talent show or something like that. I think they go, they go to, they go to a club. And anyway, you can't, you can't explain the Bush. You just have to watch it.

• 33:52Speaker 01

  Especially the radio shows, listen to the radio shows. They're fucking brilliant. Yeah, the Bush, they described it themselves like this as a sitcom, essentially without any jokes. There's no sort of, there isn't any punchline really.

• 34:11Speaker 02

  It's funny though, because the first time I watched The Office, I thought there aren't any jokes.

• 34:17Speaker 01

  When they advertised The Office, I thought it was a documentary.

• 34:20Speaker 02

  But then actually, when you watch it now, you're like, yeah, it's stuff full of jokes. It's just that it's, they're kind of, they're more like spikes on a graph.

• 34:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:28Speaker 02

  And but they're clearly meant to be spikes.

• 34:32Speaker 02

  Yeah. Huh.

• 34:35Speaker 01

  That would be huge. Imagine that Merchant and Gervais writing something again.

• 34:41Speaker 02

  Because they haven't written together for a little while, is that true?

• 34:44Speaker 01

  Since Extras, I think. I think Extras was the last thing they wrote together.

• 34:47Speaker 02

  Yeah. Come on, guys.

• 34:50Speaker 01

  Getting sort of coming up to 20 years. I think they complement each other so well. I think, I think Gervais has got the gags. And Merchant is a bit more, got the structure and got a bit more of the, let's make this stuff work. And also Merchant, Merchant in Extras is such a treat.

• 35:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:11Speaker 01

  Merchant going, oh, do you know what? I might do some stuff in front of the camera this time around. It's so good.

• 35:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  David Lam, is that his name, isn't it?

• 35:19Speaker 02

  Darren Lam.

• 35:20Speaker 01

  Darren Lam.

• 35:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:21Speaker 01

  It's so brilliant.

• 35:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:23Speaker 01

  I love watching, uh, the, uh, the outtakes come up for me quite a lot.

• 35:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:30Speaker 01

  Um, of just him, uh, of ju- of just Merchant and Gervais across a desk, just talking to each other. And they are just, it takes them forever to get through a take.

• 35:42Speaker 01

  There's a bit where Merchant keeps, he has to like take a big gulp of tea or something. And you know, when you're eating on set?

• 35:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  And you have to do so many takes, you do regret quite quickly going, oh, I wish I didn't take a bite of this sandwich.

• 35:54Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, yeah.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  Because then it's like, right, we've got to reset the sandwich and we've got, now you need to, and you end up taking about 50 bites of a sandwich, like. Once you've shot everything from every angle.

• 36:03Speaker 02

  And they go, do you want a bucket to spit it out into? You're like, I'm not a fucking animal. It's disgusting.

• 36:08Speaker 01

  Merchant just keeps spitting it back out into his cup.

• 36:10Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 36:11Speaker 01

  And then at one point, Gervais clock, cotton's on, he's got, and he's going, can we get him a new tea? Like, that is fucking disgusting.

• 36:18Speaker 02

  Honestly, I'd rather eat myself to death than spit my food out. I just think it's gross. You know those people who like taste wine and they have to like, and they spit it out?

• 36:30Speaker 01

  Spit it out back in the.

• 36:31Speaker 02

  It took me ages to realise that. Have you seen Sideways?

• 36:34Speaker 01

  No.

• 36:35Speaker 02

  There's a bit in Sideways where, where he, um.

• 36:38Speaker 01

  I've got to be honest, anything I've seen about that film does not interest me.

• 36:42Speaker 02

  It's about, it's about wine tasting and, yeah. No, it's a beautiful, it's a sort of unpromising. It's got, it's a little bit like, um.

• 36:48Speaker 01

  Jon Favreau got anything to do with that?

• 36:52Speaker 02

  Oh, maybe, not on screen, but it's the kind of, it's unashamedly sort of small stakes, like it's kind of about whether two guys are gonna have a nice road trip together, even though they're both getting on a bit. I mean, it's a little bit like the trip in a sense in terms of like the stakes. It's like, well, will they have, you know, as in the thing with Coogan and

• 37:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:13Speaker 02

  I don't like. But um, there's a bit where he's found out that his book, he's, he's, he's basically, I think he's a teacher and he's trying to get this novel published and it's like, he's a bit of a loser and um, he finds out that his novel isn't gonna be published and it just completely crushes him. This is the only thing he's ever wanted to do with his life. And he's in like a winery and he just wants a drink. He just wants a fucking drink and they will only give him this much because they're a wine tasting place. So he's like, can I just have a glass of wine? And they're like, sorry, sir, we're not a bar.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:48Speaker 02

  Then he's like, fine, fine. And he goes over and he gets, and I didn't realise, it's the thing that everybody spits their wine into. So it's full of other people's wine, other people spit and wine and he goes, and kind of throws it down.

• 38:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:04Speaker 02

  Um.

• 38:05Speaker 01

  That could be a thirty second sketch.

• 38:09Speaker 02

  Well, there's other stuff in the

• 38:10Speaker 01

  Don't need a whole film.

• 38:12Speaker 02

  Well, that, yeah, I'm not pitching the film. There's other stuff in the, there's other characters and um,

• 38:20Speaker 02

  yeah, um.

• 38:23Speaker 01

  Is there any explosions?

• 38:26Speaker 01

  Any explosions in it?

• 38:27Speaker 02

  I think they might.

• 38:28Speaker 01

  Is any tits in it?

• 38:30Speaker 02

  Them, them.

• 38:31Speaker 01

  There might be.

• 38:33Speaker 02

  There is some sex in it, um.

• 38:35Speaker 01

  Nipple, do you see nipple?

• 38:38Speaker 01

  I'm not watching it.

• 38:38Speaker 02

  My own nipple? I don't, I don't know. Anyway.

• 38:41Speaker 01

  Unless there's, unless there's killings or boobs in it, I'm not interested.

• 38:46Speaker 02

  I think that there might not be boobies.

• 38:52Speaker 01

  No, I'm not bothered.

• 38:53Speaker 02

  And they're definitely on explosions, but.

• 38:55Speaker 01

  Have you ever seen Under Siege with um Steven Seagal?

• 38:59Speaker 02

  No.

• 38:59Speaker 01

  Have you not seen it?

• 39:00Speaker 02

  Oh, but does it have a hilarious scene in a winery in it, though? That's, that's what, that's what I'm here for.

• 39:05Speaker 01

  No, it's a, it's an action film with Steven Seagal where he plays um a cook on a ship. But he's also ex-military or something like that. I might be misremembering, I haven't seen this film for about 20 years.

• 39:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:17Speaker 01

  But they tick all the boxes. Cause, cause I imagine that at one point they were going, there's no boobs in this. Gonna have to get some boobs in this somehow. And um, one of the characters is like a stripper gram.

• 39:31Speaker 02

  Right.

• 39:32Speaker 01

  And um, and she, she bursts out of a cake and starts dancing. But what she doesn't realise is that while she's in the cake, that some terrorists have stormed this boat. And um, so you'd think that when she'd burst out the cake.

• 39:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:48Speaker 01

  That she'd immediately realise, oh no, this isn't a party. This is, something's gone wrong here. But um luckily for us, for the viewer.

• 39:55Speaker 02

  She's focused on.

• 39:56Speaker 01

  She's got her eyes closed.

• 39:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:00Speaker 01

  She's got her eyes closed for about 50, for a good 15 seconds. And then she opens her eyes and goes, oh no.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:08Speaker 01

  But they must have really been racking their brains.

• 40:11Speaker 02

  How are we gonna, yeah, but she'd see, because she closed her eyes, but why would she close her eyes?

• 40:15Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 40:15Speaker 02

  She's just, they're just closed.

• 40:17Speaker 01

  They're just closed. Do you want boobs in this or not? Well, we do, we need boobs in it.

• 40:21Speaker 02

  Well, now her eyes are closed.

• 40:22Speaker 01

  Her eyes are closed, she can't see, yeah.

• 40:24Speaker 02

  Best we've got. Yeah. Well, um.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  Watch it, Under Siege, it's a good, it's a great film. It's a really good film.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  Steven Seagal.

• 40:32Speaker 01

  It is a good film.

• 40:33Speaker 06

  I might, I might watch the one that Joe mentioned instead.

• 40:36Speaker 01

  No, what did, no, you don't, honestly, you'd prefer Under Siege.

• 40:40Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 40:41Speaker 02

  Okay, sideways is good. Doesn't sound promising.

• 40:45Speaker 01

  Has it won awards? I bet it has.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  It probably has, yeah. It, it's um.

• 40:49Speaker 01

  And that's the tragedy. I don't think Under Siege won any awards.

• 40:52Speaker 02

  No.

• 40:54Speaker 01

  Terrible. The world's upside down.

• 40:56Speaker 02

  Not even after all, all their work on getting the boobs in and everything.

• 41:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's no Oscar for best trying to get boobs in a film.

• 41:05Speaker 02

  No, no.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  But they were really desperate.

• 41:11Speaker 01

  It's so like completely unnecessary, like so doesn't the film-

• 41:16Speaker 02

  It's quite route one as well to be like, how can we get nudity into a film?

• 41:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:19Speaker 02

  Stripper? Or just hire a stripper?

• 41:22Speaker 01

  They hire a stripper.

• 41:23Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, probably. Yeah, she probably is a stripper. Yeah. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hire a stripper.

• 41:26Speaker 01

  You can hire a stripper to a ship.

• 41:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:28Speaker 01

  To a boat.

• 41:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, you do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where's she? Yeah. Where's she going? She's got another job afterwards?

• 41:37Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 41:37Speaker 02

  Was she going to a dinghy and-

• 41:39Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 41:39Speaker 02

  Going to another boat?

• 41:40Speaker 01

  She's, she's, she does that. She does that, you know, seven minutes of stripping and then she's just on a ship and she has to go wherever the ship goes for the rest of the journey.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  Do some fishing or something.

• 41:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:54Speaker 01

  Under Siege. Check it out.

• 41:55Speaker 02

  All right. Good.

• 41:57Speaker 01

  Stevie and Segal.

• 41:59Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 41:59Speaker 01

  Shall we do this podcast?

• 42:05Speaker 01

  All right, here we go. Welcome to Joe and James Fact Up.

• 42:10Speaker 01

  Each week we'll brie, we'll brie.

• 42:12Speaker 02

  Brie. Each week we'll brie.

• 42:14Speaker 01

  Each week we'll brie-

• 42:16Speaker 02

  Brie.

• 42:16Speaker 01

  Binging facts to one another.

• 42:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:18Speaker 01

  That we deem interesting and our policy is the more interesting, the more true it is. We'll also dig into the weird things that you'd like to think are true, but don't want to research in a segment that we're calling Fact Check. So we need you to send us your facts or anything, any nonsense. Our email is hello at joeandjamespod.com. We've got a WhatsApp number, 07822 034330. And you can follow us on our socials at joeandjamespod and you can watch our episodes in full on YouTube. Just search for Joe and James Fact Up. Now-

• 42:48Speaker 02

  Let's get-

• 42:48Speaker 01

  Fact up.

• 42:58Speaker 00

  I'm Claire Buckley and this Halloween on my podcast, Pretty Scary, we are going to cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts and aliens. Plus the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window.

• 43:25Speaker 00

  It's probably just the cat, right? Get the candles lit in search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.

• 43:38Speaker 02

  Right, now, a few weeks ago. A few weeks ago.

• 43:43Speaker 01

  Joe's gone into presenter mode.

• 43:46Speaker 02

  To send in the puns.

• 43:48Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 43:49Speaker 02

  It took you a bit too long to understand.

• 43:52Speaker 01

  The filthy puns.

• 43:53Speaker 02

  Oh, I see. A few weeks ago, I asked for you to send in puns it took you a bit too long to realise were puns.

• 44:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:03Speaker 02

  And I used the example of Boyzone, which I think is a pun on the magazine Boys Own, as in a Boys Own magazine. And Match of the Day, which is, of course, a pun on Catch of the Day.

• 44:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:17Speaker 02

  But neither of which I realised for years. And this is a section that we are calling Punbelievable. I think the band Boyzone is a pun on Boys Own. Of course it is. Match of the Day is a pun on Catch of the Day. Fuck you. I didn't realise that Girls Aloud was a pun for a while, as in girls are allowed in this club too. And people say, you know, there's no new land left to discover. Well, in the mind there is. It's, it's. Punbelievable, Jeff.

• 44:51Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 44:52Speaker 06

  There we go.

• 44:54Speaker 01

  It's not a jingle, is it?

• 44:55Speaker 02

  I think it's great.

• 44:56Speaker 06

  It is. It's a jingle of sorts, yeah.

• 44:58Speaker 02

  It's, um.

• 44:59Speaker 06

  It's, it's not a sting.

• 45:00Speaker 01

  It's like a har- it's like a house.

• 45:03Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 45:03Speaker 01

  It's like a house.

• 45:04Speaker 02

  And I think it's great. I think it's, I think it's more than a jingle.

• 45:08Speaker 01

  People do that for the in-betweens.

• 45:12Speaker 01

  They like take audio from the show and like say it's a house music. If you're listening and you wanna, and you're a sort of a home DJ or whatever, the little hobby DJ-est, mate, do some house music.

• 45:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:28Speaker 01

  The in-betweens stuff, we'll listen to that.

• 45:30Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, I mean, I, I think it's a good, it's a combination of, um.

• 45:36Speaker 02

  Spoken word and some beats and some kind of archival sort of found footage almost.

• 45:43Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 45:44Speaker 02

  It reminds you a bit of actually the same boundaries that were being pushed back by Rudebox the other week.

• 45:50Speaker 01

  Rudebox, yeah.

• 45:51Speaker 02

  Like, let's see if we can make a new genre.

• 45:55Speaker 01

  Can we get the lyrics to Rudebox up quickly?

• 45:58Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 45:58Speaker 01

  Need to get to the bottom of this.

• 45:59Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 46:00Speaker 01

  I've, I, I, I think I've probably heard that song twice in my life. And that was about 20 years ago.

• 46:08Speaker 06

  Now, what are you wanting me to do with these old lyrics? You want me to read them out loud?

• 46:12Speaker 01

  Can you just tell me some of the lyrics to Rudebox?

• 46:15Speaker 06

  Hmm, okay. Uh, okay then, back to basis. Grab your shell toes and your fat laces. Uh, a little clap hand for some funk faces.

• 46:27Speaker 01

  Isn't there Semtex and Durex is, uh, is rhymed at some point?

• 46:32Speaker 06

  Um, up your jaxi, split your keks. Sing a song of Semtex, a pocket full of Durex, body full of Mandrakes. Are we gonna have sex? Yes. Do you wear knee socks? Oh, back to the Rudebox.

• 46:46Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 46:47Speaker 06

  There we go.

• 46:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:49Speaker 06

  It's something, isn't it? It's quite wonderful.

• 46:52Speaker 01

  Let that hang, just let that.

• 46:54Speaker 06

  Let it hang.

• 46:54Speaker 01

  Let that.

• 46:55Speaker 06

  Sure, it'll have a moment to hang.

• 46:56Speaker 01

  Just sit there for a second.

• 46:58Speaker 02

  Up your jaxi is the one that's sticking in my mind.

• 47:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:01Speaker 06

  Split your keks.

• 47:02Speaker 02

  Split your keks.

• 47:05Speaker 06

  What sort of mind could think of such things?

• 47:08Speaker 01

  I don't know, man. Listen, he's a, he's a genius, is Williams. I truly believe that.

• 47:15Speaker 02

  I do like, I do quite like, um, like retro slang.

• 47:21Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 47:22Speaker 02

  Like, one I quite like is, um, hand shandy.

• 47:26Speaker 01

  Hand shandy?

• 47:27Speaker 02

  It means like a.

• 47:27Speaker 01

  Blow, yeah, one, yeah.

• 47:28Speaker 02

  Hand job.

• 47:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, hand job, yeah, hand shandy. Yeah, I haven't heard that for a while.

• 47:32Speaker 02

  Probably just the, you know, self job.

• 47:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:38Speaker 02

  Hand shandy?

• 47:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:40Speaker 02

  Do you know what I mean?

• 47:41Speaker 01

  Going for a hand shandy.

• 47:42Speaker 02

  Hand shandy, it's quite, I'm, I'm surprised to have not found it in that.

• 47:47Speaker 01

  Hand shandy, yeah, cause it's quite, um.

• 47:49Speaker 02

  In that list of, um.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, I haven't had hand shandy for years. Thanks for bringing that back to me.

• 47:54Speaker 02

  Yeah. There you go.

• 47:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:59Speaker 01

  I think we, um.

• 48:02Speaker 01

  Do you remember when we were doing the in betweeners, it was just, and I think even, I, I think people had stopped saying it while we were doing the in betweeners, to be honest with you, but uh describing someone as fit, well fit.

• 48:17Speaker 02

  Fit, yeah. Well, that was, everyone said that when I was at school.

• 48:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, people said that when I was at school.

• 48:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:23Speaker 01

  But then by the time I'd left school and was doing the in betweeners, it was like, oh, she's well fit. She's fit, your mum's, your mum's fit.

• 48:31Speaker 02

  I haven't heard that.

• 48:32Speaker 01

  I was like, oh, I think people, even when we were doing it, I was like, I think people have stopped saying this now.

• 48:39Speaker 02

  Simon's haircut as well. No one had that haircut.

• 48:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was, that was done in ninety, that was over in ninety seven. That haircut.

• 48:51Speaker 02

  And no one had it in that way either, like the, the, the spikes, they're ridiculous.

• 48:55Speaker 01

  I had a mate.

• 48:56Speaker 02

  My hair was really quite long. Like, sometimes I'd go in and it'd be almost like this length. They'd be like, no, just put the spikes in. Like, we need to cut, obviously. You can't.

• 49:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:05Speaker 02

  Like, it's mental. There'll be times I was like, that's just ridiculous.

• 49:12Speaker 02

  It's not a cartoon.

• 49:13Speaker 01

  It was the thing in between, it was like, where um, I think, I think Ian and Damon wrote a joke and they were like, we're gonna have to explain this joke. Because it was like.

• 49:22Speaker 02

  It's always a sign of a good joke.

• 49:23Speaker 01

  He was like, yeah, I know. He was like, but we do, we do, it's written in the script. Where I go, it looks like um, the cross between the statue of liberty and a spotty baby. And they're like, what are you talking about? His hair.

• 49:36Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:38Speaker 01

  He's like, well, we're having to explain the joke now.

• 49:42Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's all right, use that bit of time, doesn't it?

• 49:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:46Speaker 02

  Before we had that episode that was sixteen minutes long, remember that one?

• 49:48Speaker 01

  Oh, Christ.

• 49:49Speaker 02

  The episode's finished, oh, great. And is there any bad news? I don't think so. It's sixteen minutes long, that's bad news.

• 49:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:55Speaker 02

  Sixteen minutes long.

• 49:56Speaker 01

  We've got to find nearly ten more minutes of stuff to put in this episode. Anyway, we're, we're playing unbelievable here.

• 50:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:05Speaker 06

  Didn't get the name of the feature right, didn't get the name of the, of the host.

• 50:08Speaker 02

  Oh, is it called unbelievable? I said, I said unbelievable, didn't I?

• 50:12Speaker 01

  We're, we're playing unbelievable. Um, we've got, we've got a unbelievable email from Simon, um.

• 50:19Speaker 01

  This is a good one. This would be brilliant because I've already read this email and it means nothing to me. Simon says, I'm a big fan of 60s music. So am I, including the famous barefoot singer Sandy Shaw. You've not heard of.

• 50:32Speaker 02

  I've already, this is all, yeah.

• 50:34Speaker 01

  No, who's Sandy Shaw?

• 50:38Speaker 01

  Um, pun believably, it never occurred to me um that this wa- uh this name was a pun. For years, I literally never twigged that Sandy Shaw was a pun on Sandy Shaw.

• 50:49Speaker 02

  Me neither. This is a, this is a absolute

• 50:52Speaker 01

  Bizarrely.

• 50:52Speaker 02

  solid, pun believable.

• 50:54Speaker 01

  Bizarrely, I was watching a documentary on the 60s when, for no apparent reason, like a thunderbolt, it struck me, Sandy Shaw is a pun. It's a pun on Sandy Shaw. Now, obviously, I keep saying the word Sandy Shaw. This doesn't work, uh.

• 51:11Speaker 02

  Well.

• 51:12Speaker 01

  Sandy Shaw is spelt S A N D I S H A W, the person.

• 51:17Speaker 02

  On Sandy Shaw, as in a beach.

• 51:21Speaker 01

  Yes, that's where we're getting to.

• 51:23Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 51:24Speaker 01

  How many other puns have I missed? Simon says, there could be puns everywhere that I've never grasped. Oh, no, I think we've sent Simon down a the world may be subtly different to how I imagined it. Have people been sniggering behind my back at my inability to get puns? This is life changing stuff. I hope you're all right, Simon.

• 51:42Speaker 02

  This is great. This is exactly what I wanted to happen.

• 51:47Speaker 01

  It's sort of like, um, with the character Sandy Cheeks from SpongeBob SquarePants.

• 51:53Speaker 02

  Oh, Sandy Cheeks, yeah.

• 51:55Speaker 01

  Um, both my boys loved that pun when they were, when they were dead little. Because you do, sometimes you, sometimes you're on the beach and a bit of sand gets in the crack there, doesn't it? You get sandy cheeks.

• 52:08Speaker 02

  Sandy cheeks. This is exactly the kind of thing I was, because I've heard of Sandy Shaw as well, and I hadn't realised it either. So, you know, Simon doesn't need to worry. He hasn't got a Um, you know, there's nothing wrong with him.

• 52:22Speaker 01

  No, well.

• 52:22Speaker 02

  Um, but this is, this is.

• 52:26Speaker 01

  This is what you wanted.

• 52:26Speaker 02

  This is exactly, this is exactly what I meant.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  Good email from Simon in the end. It's just me that didn't get it. As someone who's a fan of sixties music, but the good news is, Joe, is that I'm now gonna go and check out Sandy Shore.

• 52:40Speaker 02

  Again, I don't, I don't know, uh, any of Sandy Shore's music, but I have heard of Sandy Shore. And, but this is what I mean. I mean, they, they hide in plain sight, these puns. And they go on for, for.

• 52:55Speaker 01

  To be fair.

• 52:56Speaker 02

  They're, they're so long-lived without people realising, it's.

• 52:59Speaker 01

  To be fair, maybe sometimes you don't, you don't think about stuff enough, which is, um, which I've got in a, a WhatsApp from Joe here.

• 53:08Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 53:09Speaker 01

  Uh, and it, what they go on to say makes total sense, but to be honest, I just haven't thought about it enough. Joe says, hi, I've been having some unbelievable moments recently. So I'm sure you can imagine my delight when I heard about the new segment. Yeah, good.

• 53:25Speaker 02

  Wow. So he's, he was, it was already happening to him.

• 53:28Speaker 01

  It's already happening. I was on holiday.

• 53:29Speaker 02

  He was a lost sheep.

• 53:30Speaker 01

  Well, here you go.

• 53:31Speaker 02

  About to fold.

• 53:32Speaker 01

  I was on holiday in the sun, that's important, important bit of information, last summer, and it suddenly dawned on me that Ray Bans are called that because they ban the sun's rays from your eyes. Of course they do.

• 53:47Speaker 02

  Yes, yeah.

• 53:50Speaker 01

  It ruined the rest of my holiday.

• 53:51Speaker 02

  Ruined the holiday.

• 53:53Speaker 01

  Because I couldn't decide if I was a genius for figuring it out or an idiot for not knowing this. Love the pod, Joe. Yes, that is actually my name from Bedfordshire.

• 54:01Speaker 02

  This just sounds like it's me, because he's called Joe and he'd already come up with unbelievable as a feature. And also he is like me, because it's, he gets really thrown.

• 54:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:13Speaker 02

  By stuff.

• 54:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, I can imagine that would ruin your holiday.

• 54:16Speaker 02

  It would ruin my holiday. I didn't realise it was. So this is just, I assume I, this is, I must have just sent this.

• 54:22Speaker 01

  I wonder if he, I wonder if he had that, um.

• 54:24Speaker 02

  Well, Joe, that's, that's a good one as well. I mean, they're, they're amazing.

• 54:27Speaker 01

  I wonder if he had that moment day one of the holiday.

• 54:31Speaker 01

  And they went to the beach and he put his sunglasses on. Um, we got another, um, message via-

• 54:37Speaker 02

  There's so many!

• 54:38Speaker 01

  Via the Fact Up form-

• 54:39Speaker 06

  There's so much more as well.

• 54:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, this is good.

• 54:41Speaker 06

  Keep them coming.

• 54:41Speaker 01

  Um, Christian says, "Pun believable band names."

• 54:45Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 54:45Speaker 01

  Um, "Hi, Joan James. Just listened to the latest episode and loved the new pun believable segment."

• 54:50Speaker 02

  People are loving it.

• 54:50Speaker 01

  "I couldn't help but think of one of my favourite pun genres, which is the ever clever tribute band name." This is good. "Some of which are better than the names of the bands they're imitating. Anyway, here's some of my favourites. Loving the plod, the plod."

• 55:06Speaker 01

  Loving the pod. "I've listened since day one. Keep up the good work."

• 55:11Speaker 02

  Plodcast.

• 55:11Speaker 01

  Um, so-

• 55:13Speaker 06

  Very us.

• 55:13Speaker 02

  Oh, the Met Police have brought out their own show.

• 55:17Speaker 02

  It's, uh-

• 55:20Speaker 02

  It's called The Plodcast.

• 55:21Speaker 01

  Um-

• 55:22Speaker 02

  No, this isn't 909. No, you've come through to The Plodcast. No, let me, um, let me transfer you. No, there's no one here, just the presenters. No, they can't help you.

• 55:30Speaker 01

  Uh, here's some, um, tribute bands, tribute acts and their names. Oasisish.

• 55:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:37Speaker 01

  Oasisish. So it's, it's, it's sort of like Oasis. I mean, my favourite one is Noasis.

• 55:45Speaker 02

  Noasis.

• 55:46Speaker 01

  That's, that's the best one.

• 55:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:48Speaker 01

  Um, Amy Housewine.

• 55:52Speaker 01

  Nirvana.

• 55:53Speaker 02

  Nirvana's good.

• 55:54Speaker 01

  Um, Fleetwood Mac.

• 55:56Speaker 02

  That's good.

• 55:57Speaker 01

  Pink Floyd.

• 55:59Speaker 02

  That's a little bit too far away from Floyd, but it's, it's okay.

• 56:02Speaker 01

  Scamfender.

• 56:05Speaker 01

  Stereophonies.

• 56:06Speaker 02

  That's good.

• 56:08Speaker 01

  Fake That.

• 56:08Speaker 02

  That's perfect. That's literally perfect, Fake That.

• 56:11Speaker 01

  The Rolling Clones.

• 56:13Speaker 02

  That's good too. They are all really good.

• 56:17Speaker 01

  Um, slightly more extravagant is the elbow tribute, Ass. Now, now there's a, there's some, there's some stops you have to stop at before you get to it. As in, you don't know your ass from your elbow. So they've called themselves Ass.

• 56:35Speaker 02

  That requires too much explanation.

• 56:40Speaker 02

  They would need the whole bit-

• 56:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:42Speaker 02

  -in the name every time they were on.

• 56:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:46Speaker 02

  No one would, no one would ever book them. They wouldn't know that they're an Elway tribute band.

• 56:50Speaker 01

  An Elway tribute band. They go, we could book arse. What do you mean? Well, you're a big Elbow fan, aren't you? Yeah, I am a big Elbow fan. Well, why don't we book arse? Well, why would we book arse? I'm an Elbow fan.

• 57:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:04Speaker 01

  Well, it's because you don't know your arse from your elbow. Oh, okay then, book them.

• 57:09Speaker 02

  Oh brilliant, yeah. Oh, I see, yeah. It's, I mean, it's very clever. But it's, but it's not, okay, it's not very clever.

• 57:20Speaker 01

  It's too clever.

• 57:20Speaker 02

  It's too clever, it's too clever. It's too clever by half.

• 57:24Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 57:25Speaker 02

  Or by arse.

• 57:26Speaker 01

  Um, that's unbelievable.

• 57:28Speaker 02

  That's great. I like Christian says, thanks for having me. That's nice as well.

• 57:31Speaker 01

  Where does he say thanks? Oh, yeah. Thanks for having me. Christian, you're welcome.

• 57:35Speaker 02

  You're very welcome, Christian.

• 57:37Speaker 01

  Let's have a li- a little swipe or a break or a sting or something.

• 57:41Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 57:42Speaker 01

  Um, because we've got some big shit coming up in about three seconds' time.

• 57:50Speaker 01

  Right, here we go.

• 57:52Speaker 02

  Right, we're back.

• 57:53Speaker 01

  It's time.

• 57:54Speaker 02

  It's time. The time has come, everybody, to kick off the most exciting tournament happening this summer.

• 58:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:00Speaker 02

  If you wanna. It's the World Up.

• 58:04Speaker 01

  Twenty twenty six. Yeah, because we'll be back in four years' time to do this, I'm sure.

• 58:08Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 58:08Speaker 01

  I'll be honest, we've had loads more suggestions that I think are better names for this thing.

• 58:14Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's fair enough.

• 58:15Speaker 01

  The World Fact Up.

• 58:18Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 58:19Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 58:19Speaker 02

  But we've gone, we've gone with, we've gone with.

• 58:21Speaker 06

  I've printed off a wall chart now, so.

• 58:23Speaker 01

  I know, it's too late now.

• 58:24Speaker 06

  It's too late.

• 58:25Speaker 01

  We've got, we've got a wall chart. Joe and James, World Up. Twenty six.

• 58:29Speaker 02

  I like World Up. I think it's like the Beatles. Like, it's bad, but it's, we stuck with it.

• 58:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:36Speaker 06

  If I start being good now, then.

• 58:38Speaker 01

  No, it'll be good.

• 58:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's not. Something good in this podcast would stick out like a sore thumb.

• 58:42Speaker 06

  Yeah, can't do that.

• 58:43Speaker 02

  We don't want that. This is our level. I, I feel absolutely at home presenting.

• 58:49Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 58:49Speaker 02

  A competition called World Up.

• 58:51Speaker 01

  We've got a jingle.

• 58:52Speaker 06

  Uh, we have, but it's being made, so.

• 58:54Speaker 01

  It's being made.

• 58:55Speaker 06

  So, so you'll hear it next time.

• 58:57Speaker 02

  Because apparently the one that I sang, improvised, I improvised the jingle, apparently it wasn't good enough or something.

• 59:03Speaker 01

  Have we done anything with that, though?

• 59:05Speaker 06

  Um, well, we've all had a laugh in the office.

• 59:07Speaker 01

  Right.

• 59:08Speaker 02

  I've got.

• 59:09Speaker 01

  Anyway, for the next six weeks. We'll be pitting your facts against one another to crown the ultimate fact up fact.

• 59:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:19Speaker 01

  Right, so we'll have five knockout rounds with each winner earning a slot in the fact up final. Where we'll put the facts under even more scrutiny before unveiling the winner of the world up. So is it sort of like Britain's Got Talent rules?

• 59:36Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 59:37Speaker 01

  Cause there's always about twenty acts in the final or something, isn't it?

• 59:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, we'll have five finalists.

• 59:43Speaker 01

  We do have a wall chart behind Joe.

• 59:45Speaker 02

  There is, so if you can, it's quite, it's quite hard to understand this wall chart, but as you can see. Uh, there's five matches in the final.

• 59:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't think it matters really.

• 59:56Speaker 06

  I don't think that's hard to understand, is it?

• 59:57Speaker 02

  Oh no, I was joking really.

• 59:58Speaker 06

  Oh, okay, good.

• 59:59Speaker 02

  But no, to be fair though, initially I thought, there's like five, it's a knockout round with five, I thought that's weird, cause it's gonna end up, but of course it's.

• 1:00:06Speaker 01

  It's.

• 1:00:07Speaker 02

  It's a, it's a group final.

• 1:00:08Speaker 01

  It's five semi finals and then five will go, go through to the final.

• 1:00:13Speaker 02

  It's a little like.

• 1:00:14Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:00:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, alright, brilliant.

• 1:00:16Speaker 02

  It's a little bit like, um. It brings to mind Robot Wars genuinely with the five in the end just. Kicking the shit out of each other in the central area.

• 1:00:27Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:00:28Speaker 01

  Feel like that needs to come back, Robot Wars nowadays.

• 1:00:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:32Speaker 01

  People will be able to build some amazing shit.

• 1:00:34Speaker 02

  It'd just be terrifying, it'd be drones, terrifying.

• 1:00:37Speaker 01

  Do you reckon?

• 1:00:39Speaker 02

  That was good, Robot Wars, obviously, as I'm sure everyone knows, I was a member of my school Robot Wars team and we did get to the grand final.

• 1:00:46Speaker 01

  Tracy.

• 1:00:47Speaker 02

  Tracy, yeah, series one. Um.

• 1:00:52Speaker 02

  And.

• 1:00:53Speaker 01

  Carry on Joe, keep going.

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  One of the.

• 1:00:55Speaker 06

  He's obnoxious.

• 1:00:56Speaker 02

  One of the, uh, things that set our robot apart was that we had actually, I mean, I hadn't, I didn't know what the fuck I was doing, but like. We had actually built it from scratch, whereas quite a lot of the robots.

• 1:01:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:08Speaker 02

  Were just remote controlled cars.

• 1:01:09Speaker 01

  And they'd just modify them.

• 1:01:11Speaker 02

  Shell off and put something else.

• 1:01:13Speaker 01

  The guts out of remote.

• 1:01:13Speaker 02

  Taking the guts and put something else. And, um.

• 1:01:17Speaker 01

  Cheating, are you saying they're cheaters?

• 1:01:19Speaker 02

  No, I'm saying that.

• 1:01:22Speaker 02

  Well, they didn't need to cheat, they didn't win.

• 1:01:24Speaker 01

  Well, that was their problem. That was their problem.

• 1:01:27Speaker 02

  Not only did they try and cheat, it didn't even work.

• 1:01:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:31Speaker 02

  Because someone had built a proper robot. We didn't win either.

• 1:01:35Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:01:35Speaker 02

  I'll tell you one, roadblock. And before the final, they said to the guys who were controlling roadblock, you've got any tactics? And he went, straight in, straight out. Always remember that. I can't work out whether it's good advice or bad. I think it's just, it's very middle of the road advice.

• 1:01:52Speaker 01

  That was my dad's sex talk for me.

• 1:01:57Speaker 01

  When I was about fourteen, fifteen. He was like, straight in, straight out. Thanks dad. Anyway.

• 1:02:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:02:05Speaker 01

  Joe, you've got, you're, you're, you've got the honour of presenting our first fact.

• 1:02:11Speaker 02

  It comes from Lily on Instagram.

• 1:02:14Speaker 02

  Octopus.

• 1:02:17Speaker 02

  Octopus is punch fish for no reason.

• 1:02:21Speaker 01

  So do we.

• 1:02:22Speaker 02

  We do, like Neil.

• 1:02:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:25Speaker 02

  Scientists observed octopuses swimming with fish whilst hunting, and occasionally winding up and smacking a nearby fish out of nowhere. Even when, even when the fish did nothing wrong. Nothing, I love the idea of introducing our ethics into the world of the ocean.

• 1:02:43Speaker 02

  Researchers think it might be spite, social policing, or just their attitude. What researchers are saying that? But it's either their attitude, spite, or something to do with the police.

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:56Speaker 02

  I don't think any of those categories are applying under the sea. But that is a, I mean, that's a great fact. Um, I mean, it's, it's a very good opening sentence. Octopus is punch fish for no reason.

• 1:03:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:11Speaker 02

  That is, like, that, that really gives you the whole thing.

• 1:03:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:14Speaker 02

  And then, yeah.

• 1:03:16Speaker 01

  I'll be honest, I think I need a reason for a good fact.

• 1:03:22Speaker 01

  I'm just saying.

• 1:03:25Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:03:25Speaker 01

  Just saying. I believe it. I believe it to be true.

• 1:03:29Speaker 02

  You need a Y.

• 1:03:30Speaker 01

  And I believe it to be a fact. And I can imagine octopi, because they're they're very intelligent.

• 1:03:37Speaker 02

  They're intelligent. Now, what this is a somewhat.

• 1:03:38Speaker 01

  I can imagine them doing things without needing a reason. I can imagine them them going about just going, I'll just fancy punching that.

• 1:03:44Speaker 02

  Yeah. I mean, this is the this is a it's a bit sad, isn't it? Because what we're saying is that the first evidence of intelligence is actually sort of needless cruelty.

• 1:03:54Speaker 01

  Yeah. If you do something for no reason, I think that's.

• 1:03:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I I I agree with that. I think that's a good division to make.

• 1:04:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:03Speaker 02

  And octopuses are meant to be intelligent, aren't they?

• 1:04:05Speaker 01

  I would just say.

• 1:04:06Speaker 02

  Have you seen um the My Octopus Teacher?

• 1:04:09Speaker 01

  I've not.

• 1:04:09Speaker 02

  It's about a man who falls in love with an octopus.

• 1:04:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:11Speaker 02

  And he says um it helps him get closer to his son. And I always thought, if you want to get close to your son, spend some fucking time with your son.

• 1:04:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, stop hanging out with the stop hanging out with this octopus.

• 1:04:19Speaker 02

  The octopus is a bit weird. Um, also, is your relationship with the octopus too intense? Yes, it is.

• 1:04:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, I've seen that. It's Netflix, isn't it? Their documentary or something.

• 1:04:29Speaker 02

  To be honest, it is actually beautiful. There's an amazing thing where the octopus comes and gives him a big hug at the end. And they never hug anyone. They're normally really shy. And actually, it is lovely.

• 1:04:38Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:04:38Speaker 02

  So, uh, to be honest, it's fine. And they only live a year.

• 1:04:43Speaker 01

  But also, while.

• 1:04:44Speaker 02

  And at one point, it gets attacked by a shark.

• 1:04:46Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 1:04:46Speaker 02

  And fuck me, it nearly dies. And then it comes back. And then when they reproduce, I think octopuses, basically, they give all of their life to their to their young one. Like, it basically, it just leaches out of the parent and into the young one. And then they die. And um.

• 1:05:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:05Speaker 02

  It, I mean.

• 1:05:05Speaker 01

  Maybe we should maybe we should option that. Turn it into screenplay. Turn it into.

• 1:05:11Speaker 02

  Maybe it's an opportunity for us to do one of our script reads.

• 1:05:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:15Speaker 02

  You know, the upside down kiss? We could do the octopus hug.

• 1:05:17Speaker 01

  Can I play the octopus?

• 1:05:18Speaker 02

  You can be the octopus. You basically have to go

• 1:05:21Speaker 02

  and I have to go, oh, oh, God, that feels so close to my son.

• 1:05:24Speaker 01

  You should spend more time with your son.

• 1:05:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, it is a bit. It's funny. He says it made him close to his son.

• 1:05:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:30Speaker 02

  And like, how? How? How?

• 1:05:31Speaker 01

  His son's there.

• 1:05:32Speaker 02

  Because you're always down there on the fucking shore.

• 1:05:34Speaker 01

  His son's there going, where's dad? He's always with his fucking octopus.

• 1:05:37Speaker 02

  The fucking octopus again. Yeah. Oh, anyway.

• 1:05:42Speaker 01

  Um, good fact. I believe it. Totally believe it. Can see it happening. I just, the thing, I just would, I just need a bit, well, we'll see. Is it going up against something?

• 1:05:55Speaker 06

  Yes, it is. So, so we'll go for a break once you've kind of discussed this and we'll come back with the second fact.

• 1:06:00Speaker 02

  They punch fish for no reason.

• 1:06:02Speaker 06

  Is the researchers line, is that good enough for you? I'm assuming not.

• 1:06:07Speaker 01

  Um, I, I feel like the researchers, in quotation marks, are scientists that have been given a grant and have been paid to observe this behaviour, didn't.

• 1:06:22Speaker 02

  Didn't do it.

• 1:06:23Speaker 01

  I think they just hung out on the beach.

• 1:06:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:25Speaker 01

  Uh, got some mojitos.

• 1:06:27Speaker 02

  They ordered some calamari. There's always a sort of researching.

• 1:06:30Speaker 01

  Yeah. And they were like, why do they do it? Well, I don't know.

• 1:06:34Speaker 02

  Oh, I don't know. Quick, I'll give you three reasons and then two more if you need them.

• 1:06:37Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:06:40Speaker 02

  Just bad mood. Uh, drunk, put too much to drink.

• 1:06:45Speaker 01

  Policing.

• 1:06:46Speaker 02

  Just policing.

• 1:06:47Speaker 01

  Policing. But these people have been paid, right? They've been, you know, do you know what I mean?

• 1:06:52Speaker 02

  I have to say, well.

• 1:06:52Speaker 01

  And they've come back with nothing.

• 1:06:55Speaker 02

  Well, if octopuses are capable of spite.

• 1:06:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:59Speaker 02

  Then that does suggest real sort of higher level intelligence.

• 1:07:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:05Speaker 02

  Like, they're like, I know it's cruel, but I just, I hate that guy.

• 1:07:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:09Speaker 02

  You have to be quite intelligent to think that.

• 1:07:11Speaker 01

  Sort of like, um, octopuses are, can be prejudiced.

• 1:07:18Speaker 02

  They can be prejudiced.

• 1:07:18Speaker 01

  Maybe they just, maybe it was just a certain type of fish that they didn't like.

• 1:07:23Speaker 02

  Fishing a little wheelchair.

• 1:07:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:30Speaker 02

  Wouldn't need a wheel, wouldn't need a wheelchair, would they? Boat, fishing a boat.

• 1:07:38Speaker 02

  Oh, fish in a submarine.

• 1:07:42Speaker 01

  A little fish with a tiny fish bowl around their head or something.

• 1:07:46Speaker 02

  Tiny fish bowl, yeah. Oh, well, the thing, I've, I also have seen a David Attenborough documentary where killer whales appeared to play with seals when they basically, they, they would kill them and they'd, they'd throw them around.

• 1:08:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, they'd like flick them out the water and stuff like that.

• 1:08:04Speaker 02

  I suppose the truth is, is that octopuses don't have any empathy with fish, I guess.

• 1:08:14Speaker 01

  Evil bastards.

• 1:08:15Speaker 02

  And, um, yeah. Okay, look, it's a good fact. I think in a way, the weakest part of it actually ironically is the research bit at the end.

• 1:08:29Speaker 01

  That's the shit, yeah, that's the bit. They've sent people there. They've sent people, they've sent a team of people and they've come back with nothing. But listen, we're gonna have a little break and then we're gonna come back and find out what fact that is, uh, that's up against. So listen to some adverts, why not?

• 1:08:48Speaker 01

  It'd be the most entertaining part of this episode.

• 1:08:50Speaker 02

  No, we're doing all right. Are we? Don't know. We're doing all right.

• 1:08:56Speaker 01

  Okay, so I hope you, um, spent that little break to buy some stuff. Um, that's the point of adverts, isn't it?

• 1:09:03Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:09:04Speaker 01

  Uh, we've got the, uh, the next fact.

• 1:09:07Speaker 02

  Cash.

• 1:09:08Speaker 01

  We've got the next fact that the octopus factors up against. This comes from Jacob via the Fact Up form. This is a nice, quick one. Hmm, I've read it. Oh dear. Uh, Jacob via the Fact Up form says Ewan McGregor has a brother who's in the air force and his call tag is OB2.

• 1:09:29Speaker 02

  Because Ewan McGregor plays.

• 1:09:32Speaker 01

  Obi-Wan Kenobi, yeah. In the, uh.

• 1:09:36Speaker 02

  In one of those, one of those films.

• 1:09:39Speaker 01

  I th- that, that just seems like a pub joke to me. That's a, that's a joke that you'd say down the pub.

• 1:09:44Speaker 02

  But what, I don't know.

• 1:09:45Speaker 01

  I don't even know if that one's true.

• 1:09:47Speaker 02

  I think it's true.

• 1:09:50Speaker 02

  I think it's true.

• 1:09:51Speaker 01

  I don't even know if Ewan McGregor has a brother. I don't know if any of the, it's all very convenient, this one.

• 1:09:58Speaker 02

  People do have.

• 1:09:59Speaker 01

  I know people do have brothers, but I feel like, I feel like, I feel like this would be common knowledge. I feel like everyone would know this already. I feel like I'd have, I'd have already heard this. If, fuck it, if Ewan McGregor had a brother, right?

• 1:10:12Speaker 02

  In the air force.

• 1:10:13Speaker 01

  Right. First of all, this, this is so convenient. First of all, Ewan McGregor's got a brother. Second of all, he's in the air force. A, a convenient place where they have, um, nicknames and tags and stuff. And his call tag is Obi-Two.

• 1:10:28Speaker 02

  Is it the?

• 1:10:29Speaker 01

  He must have been in the air force before. Ewan McGregor was doing Obi-Wan. I, I don't know, man. This is all, I, I, there's too many holes in this one for me.

• 1:10:40Speaker 02

  Cause when he, you join the military when you're quite young, don't you?

• 1:10:43Speaker 01

  Some, yeah, I, yeah.

• 1:10:44Speaker 02

  So presume, so I mean, you know. I hope so, cause if there is, as we've discussed, if there is a war, I, I hope I'm too old.

• 1:10:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:53Speaker 02

  I really hope I'm too old.

• 1:10:54Speaker 01

  I struggle with stairs these days.

• 1:10:57Speaker 02

  I know, but then they press, they send you somewhere flat.

• 1:10:59Speaker 01

  I can't remember the last time I walked up an escalator.

• 1:11:04Speaker 02

  How do you, you don't have to.

• 1:11:06Speaker 01

  Exactly. That's what I'm saying.

• 1:11:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see. You do, I see. You don't, you don't bother to.

• 1:11:10Speaker 01

  Even if I'm in, even, even if I'm in a rush or, you know, I've got to be somewhere, I'm not fucking walking up. If they, if, if this thing's just gonna take me to the top.

• 1:11:18Speaker 02

  Yeah. Do you walk on the, um, moving things at the airport?

• 1:11:22Speaker 01

  I do.

• 1:11:24Speaker 02

  Standing on them still feels really.

• 1:11:29Speaker 02

  It's so slow.

• 1:11:30Speaker 01

  The point of them is, is that, is that if you, if you have to walk to a different terminal. Or something like that, it's because it's a long walk.

• 1:11:38Speaker 02

  It's to give you a bit of a bump, right?

• 1:11:39Speaker 01

  And it's to, it's to help you get there faster.

• 1:11:42Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's a bit like.

• 1:11:44Speaker 01

  If you stand on the travelators, you are just taking longer to get to where you, where you're supposed to get to.

• 1:11:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's true. You're actually going at slower than walking pace.

• 1:11:53Speaker 01

  And they're not, there's not an incline.

• 1:11:55Speaker 02

  No, no.

• 1:11:56Speaker 01

  It is just, you're walking on a flat surface.

• 1:11:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:00Speaker 01

  Don't stand on the travelators, people, for the love of God, please.

• 1:12:04Speaker 02

  They remind me a little bit of those things that you get on Mario Kart, where it's got the arrows and it goes.

• 1:12:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:09Speaker 02

  Like it's an extra bit of boost.

• 1:12:11Speaker 01

  Just gives you a little boost there.

• 1:12:12Speaker 02

  If they really wanted to make airports more fun, they would give you that level of boost.

• 1:12:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:15Speaker 02

  But zoom.

• 1:12:16Speaker 01

  Have you ever been on a, have you ever been on a cart in the airport?

• 1:12:19Speaker 02

  On a Mario Kart?

• 1:12:20Speaker 01

  No, have you ever, have you ever been on a cart in the airport? Have you ever got to?

• 1:12:23Speaker 02

  No, they look fun though.

• 1:12:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:26Speaker 02

  Wonder how fast they go. Like, are they? Are they really driving them well within the limits of what those things can do?

• 1:12:34Speaker 01

  I think you should put your foot down.

• 1:12:35Speaker 02

  If they've got a, if they've got a top speed of a hundred miles an hour.

• 1:12:39Speaker 01

  Do you reckon you could tune, tune one?

• 1:12:41Speaker 02

  Ah, yeah, I'd open up the engine.

• 1:12:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:44Speaker 02

  I'd put some holes in it so it went.

• 1:12:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:47Speaker 02

  And, uh, that's what I'd do. I'd lower it.

• 1:12:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:52Speaker 02

  Probably put some fuck off speakers in the back.

• 1:12:54Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:12:56Speaker 02

  You know what I mean?

• 1:12:57Speaker 01

  Get some speakers behind the plexiglass.

• 1:13:00Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:13:00Speaker 01

  Who's that guy from Pink My Ride? He was just obsessed with plexiglass. We go and put it behind the plexiglass. Everything was behind plexiglass.

• 1:13:11Speaker 02

  Turn the bass up, I can barely hear it.

• 1:13:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:15Speaker 02

  It's what you say if you're hard at my school.

• 1:13:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:18Speaker 02

  What part of the music do you want turned up?

• 1:13:20Speaker 01

  Bass.

• 1:13:20Speaker 02

  The bass. Because I'm a man.

• 1:13:23Speaker 01

  Well, it's all about that bass.

• 1:13:25Speaker 02

  It's all about the bass, yeah. I don't want to hear the words.

• 1:13:27Speaker 01

  So, Ewan McGregor.

• 1:13:29Speaker 02

  Right, Ewan McGregor. I, I mean, he might have a brother who's in the air force.

• 1:13:34Speaker 06

  I mean, I can, I am at liberty to share this if you want it.

• 1:13:37Speaker 01

  Can you come in? Yeah?

• 1:13:38Speaker 02

  Um.

• 1:13:39Speaker 06

  It's up to you.

• 1:13:40Speaker 02

  I don't, are we, but we're meant to judge on the basis of.

• 1:13:42Speaker 01

  I don't know, man. I don't think we can start. I think we need to have some, uh, Queen Lily May back up some stuff.

• 1:13:48Speaker 06

  If it would help the, the, you know, I could be.

• 1:13:50Speaker 01

  It would certainly help to, for me to learn whether it is an, an actual fact or not.

• 1:13:54Speaker 06

  Well, Colin McGregor is, uh, Ewan McGregor's brother.

• 1:13:58Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:13:58Speaker 06

  And he actually was featured in a BBC show called RAF at 100. So he's been seen on camera by the BBC.

• 1:14:05Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:14:06Speaker 06

  He's legit. And his call sign is OB2. That is true.

• 1:14:10Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:14:10Speaker 02

  I thought it.

• 1:14:10Speaker 06

  He's his younger brother.

• 1:14:12Speaker 02

  He's his younger brother.

• 1:14:13Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:14:15Speaker 02

  I did think that it sounded true. I suppose it's, it is, is the idea that you're meant to be thinking of their like. Is it, come in Luke Skywalker.

• 1:14:26Speaker 01

  Well.

• 1:14:26Speaker 02

  Oh, D- Archie's been hit. We're going down. Is it like, is that, is that? Well, what they called. Is he imagining?

• 1:14:33Speaker 01

  They were like Red One and Red Two, like during that, um, when they blew up the Death Star.

• 1:14:38Speaker 02

  Do you reckon he?

• 1:14:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think you need to have a call sign. I think it needs, I think, I, I, I assume it's just to make sure that you, you definitely understand that. Two people might be called Tom.

• 1:14:51Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:14:53Speaker 02

  It's like your spotlight name in a way.

• 1:14:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're only allowed one.

• 1:14:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:57Speaker 01

  There can be only one.

• 1:14:58Speaker 02

  Do you think Colin McGregor's always going, um, in the air force, lads, I've got an idea. And they're like, is it to fly into the exhaust port?

• 1:15:07Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:15:09Speaker 01

  What, Colin McGregor?

• 1:15:10Speaker 02

  Colin McGregor's always saying that. Cause it's in.

• 1:15:14Speaker 01

  If Colin McGregor, it hasn't been an extra in one of the Star Wars films where he plays a fighter pilot, then we've missed out there. Definitely. Um, but.

• 1:15:26Speaker 02

  A little, um, you mean that that'd be a kind of good, um.

• 1:15:30Speaker 01

  Just be a little sort of.

• 1:15:31Speaker 02

  Little Easter egg.

• 1:15:31Speaker 01

  Cause there's loads of Easter eggs in Star Wars films. Isn't Daniel Craig a stormtrooper or something? Um, because they shoot the Star Wars stuff in Pinewood and that's where they shoot the Bond stuff as well. So I think.

• 1:15:44Speaker 02

  So he was just.

• 1:15:45Speaker 01

  I think they, I think they were shooting stuff at the same time and Daniel Craig and they were like, oh Dan, do you wanna be a stormtrooper in this thing?

• 1:15:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, apparently in The Force Awakens, he was an uncredited cameo as a stormtrooper.

• 1:15:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, and you know Dan Craig, he's a barrel of laughs, isn't he?

• 1:16:01Speaker 02

  I, I, I mean, I don't.

• 1:16:02Speaker 06

  I don't know.

• 1:16:03Speaker 01

  Oh, he's a fine actor and I loved him as Bond, but when you see him, when he gets interviewed, it's just like, can't make cheer up. Cheer up a little bit. You're James Bond for God's sake. Fucking hell. Do you wanna do another Bond?

• 1:16:16Speaker 02

  What do you want? What, what do you want from life? What were you hoping?

• 1:16:19Speaker 01

  Honestly, I don't know. I don't know what he wanted as.

• 1:16:22Speaker 02

  What did you have in mind? Tell us what you had in mind.

• 1:16:24Speaker 01

  As a British actor.

• 1:16:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:26Speaker 01

  As a British male actor.

• 1:16:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:28Speaker 01

  You sort of hit the peak with Bond, didn't you?

• 1:16:31Speaker 02

  I would have thought so.

• 1:16:31Speaker 01

  You sort of, that's it. That's as good as it's gonna get for you. It was like, do you wanna do another Bond? And he went, I'd rather slit my wrists.

• 1:16:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:38Speaker 01

  That's what he said in the interview.

• 1:16:40Speaker 02

  Is that genuinely true?

• 1:16:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:42Speaker 02

  Hello Samaritans.

• 1:16:43Speaker 01

  But to be fair, I think anytime I see that geezer in an interview, I'm like, I feel like you're moments away from slitting your wrists anyway. Like you are fucking, you need to cheer up a little bit.

• 1:16:52Speaker 02

  Is it just because he had to go on a horrible diet? Cause I, I know that that does.

• 1:16:55Speaker 01

  I don't know. I don't know.

• 1:16:58Speaker 06

  What do you think of the new Bond candidates?

• 1:17:01Speaker 01

  Um, I'm not.

• 1:17:02Speaker 02

  Theo James is in there.

• 1:17:04Speaker 01

  I, I'd take Theo James.

• 1:17:06Speaker 06

  Well, they've, the, the three that are knocking around, there's three main ones that are knocking around, which is.

• 1:17:11Speaker 01

  Is it Mr. Darcy from the recent Wuthering Heights?

• 1:17:15Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 1:17:15Speaker 01

  Film.

• 1:17:16Speaker 06

  Jacob Elordi.

• 1:17:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:17Speaker 06

  Callum Turner. And then I think it's, is it Jack Dowd, Dowden's his name? Loudon?

• 1:17:23Speaker 01

  I don't know too much.

• 1:17:23Speaker 02

  Loudon, he's very, he's very good in, um.

• 1:17:26Speaker 06

  Yeah, Jack Loudon.

• 1:17:27Speaker 02

  He's very good in, um, Slow Horses.

• 1:17:32Speaker 01

  I've not seen these people, I've not watched any of their work, which is a problem. I'd seen a few Daniel Craig films before he was announced as Bond. And I was chuffed when Daniel Craig got the Bond gig. And I, and I do think he was a good Bond. I do really think he was a really, really great Bond.

• 1:17:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:50Speaker 01

  Just needed to cheer up a little bit in the old, in the, in the press, in the, in the PR trail.

• 1:17:55Speaker 02

  Yeah. Do it as Bond, if you must. Just stay in character.

• 1:17:59Speaker 01

  I think in hindsight, even his Bond.

• 1:18:03Speaker 02

  Needed to cheer up.

• 1:18:04Speaker 01

  Even when I, yeah, even when I watch the, the Daniel Craig Bond films, I'm a bit like.

• 1:18:10Speaker 01

  Come on, mate. He does look like a guy that doesn't want to fucking be there at all whatsoever.

• 1:18:16Speaker 02

  Well, don't they say that you've kind of got, you've got the two archetypal Bonds are Roger Moore and Sean Connery.

• 1:18:23Speaker 01

  This is my theory.

• 1:18:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, this is, this is what you said.

• 1:18:26Speaker 01

  This is what I said.

• 1:18:27Speaker 02

  So I'm plagiarising it. And so you've basically got the kind of more masculine one, or the slightly more kind of. Slightly, slightly more feminine energy, bit more humorous maybe. Um, so Pierce Brosnan, obviously probably up that end of the spectrum.

• 1:18:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:18:41Speaker 02

  And then Craig probably all the way over, all the way over here.

• 1:18:44Speaker 01

  Yeah. I think, I think we're due a little Roger Moore type Bond now. A little more. There, let's get some silly gadgets in there. Let's have a bit more fun.

• 1:18:54Speaker 02

  Let's have, let's not get serious about saving the world.

• 1:18:58Speaker 01

  Yeah. I think we can have a bit more fun with it.

• 1:19:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:19:02Speaker 01

  I think we've gone through, we've, we've had, we've had about 20 years of misery guts Bond.

• 1:19:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:19:07Speaker 01

  And now we need, now we need someone who actually likes turning up to fucking work.

• 1:19:12Speaker 02

  Yeah. And he's not always trying to sneak off and be a stormtrooper, like to be in your own film. You know, lots of us aren't in any films because you keep taking all the roles.

• 1:19:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. I would have been a stormtrooper.

• 1:19:22Speaker 02

  I'd do that. But no, you're giving it to someone who doesn't even need the money.

• 1:19:26Speaker 01

  Right. So we need to, um. Christ, we need to come up with a decision right now.

• 1:19:31Speaker 06

  For the, yeah, for the final, who's gonna go through to the final.

• 1:19:33Speaker 01

  We don't, um, like, sit on it for a week or something or come back. Right, um, well.

• 1:19:39Speaker 02

  Have we, have we, have we talked enough about the, um, the aeroplane one? So it's called OB2.

• 1:19:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, we, yeah, we did a good.

• 1:19:45Speaker 02

  We think that a lot of your stuff was basically that it wasn't true.

• 1:19:47Speaker 01

  We spent about 25 minutes talking about it before the break.

• 1:19:49Speaker 02

  That's what we were just doing, wasn't it?

• 1:19:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:51Speaker 02

  But, well, it could be, you were saying you weren't sure it was true. It is true.

• 1:19:54Speaker 01

  Yeah. So now that I know it's true, which I do think is an important bit of information.

• 1:19:58Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 1:19:58Speaker 01

  Uh, I do think that's, for me, is a more fulfilling fact. It's very, it's, it's, it explains everything. I know that it's true. Um, the octopus one, which is great. I love the octopus. I do get some joy out of it. Knowing that octopus is just smacking fish around the place. Um, but just because the researchers went, they're like, it might be spy it.

• 1:20:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:28Speaker 01

  Um.

• 1:20:30Speaker 06

  Lily's almost over explained now and now it's weakened the case.

• 1:20:35Speaker 02

  Well.

• 1:20:35Speaker 01

  It just, it leaves me want, that, that fact leaves me wanting more. It doesn't, it doesn't.

• 1:20:42Speaker 01

  It doesn't make me feel like I've learnt anything.

• 1:20:46Speaker 01

  Whereas OB1 can OB's brothers, they call him OB2 in the air force. Brilliant. Less, it's, I'll be, I'll, I'll, I'll grant you, it's less scientific. It's less sort of, I mean, nature's a tough one. There are so many great nature facts.

• 1:21:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:05Speaker 01

  And you've given me the octopus punchy fish.

• 1:21:07Speaker 02

  I think it is.

• 1:21:08Speaker 01

  And we don't know why.

• 1:21:11Speaker 02

  I think I'm, I'm, I'm tending more towards the octopus one.

• 1:21:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:21:14Speaker 02

  Cause I just imagine this tentacle coming out and.

• 1:21:19Speaker 01

  Oh, it's great. Yeah. I'd love to see it.

• 1:21:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:21Speaker 01

  Um, we'll have to, I'll tell you something about the octopus as well. If I could, right, let me try and throw something in for you, Joe, to think about.

• 1:21:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:32Speaker 01

  The octopus, when you grow up and you watch cartoons or things attacking ships. Yeah, that sort of stuff.

• 1:21:43Speaker 02

  Giant squid.

• 1:21:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:21:44Speaker 02

  The kraken.

• 1:21:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, things like that. When you actually see an octopus, you go, oh god, it's really unimpressive. I think the biggest octopus you can get is about as big as your fist or something.

• 1:21:56Speaker 02

  Oh, you're right. Yes, they're they're they're smaller than you expect.

• 1:21:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:22:00Speaker 02

  And it's often not.

• 1:22:05Speaker 02

  They're kind of the opposite of a peacock in as much as a peacock's constantly showing off.

• 1:22:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:22:10Speaker 02

  Everything that it's got. Whereas an octopus seems to be obsessed with sort of not really showing you that it's got the eight legs.

• 1:22:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's still quite fascinating though. They make themselves to look like a bit of coral or something, don't they?

• 1:22:25Speaker 02

  Yeah. And they they always they always seem to be like they're kind of the wrong way round, if that makes sense. Like, I I feel like the head's at the back, but then there's another load of stuff that's.

• 1:22:39Speaker 01

  What are you saying, Joe? Uh, what are we split?

• 1:22:42Speaker 02

  I don't.

• 1:22:43Speaker 01

  Are we split? Is it split decision straight away? Cause we'll have to throw it over to the queen.

• 1:22:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:22:49Speaker 01

  Fuck. Yeah.

• 1:22:51Speaker 02

  Hang on.

• 1:22:52Speaker 01

  I'm saying that the O B two's more.

• 1:22:54Speaker 06

  What what's your reasoning? Then that can help me make my decision.

• 1:22:57Speaker 01

  Well, that's what I said. I just feel like it's a more cut and dry fact.

• 1:23:00Speaker 06

  Satisfying.

• 1:23:01Speaker 01

  Uh, I think it's more I'm nourished. Um, but I do, I do understand that things happen in in nature. That hasn't that doesn't have anything to do with humans inherently i- is is way more interesting. But I'm just leaning towards O B two.

• 1:23:20Speaker 02

  My issue is that the O B two thing, it just feels like it's like it's a nice joke. But it is just a joke made by a human. It's just like, oh, I'm O B two.

• 1:23:30Speaker 01

  No, but it's not a joke. It's a it's a fact.

• 1:23:33Speaker 02

  The hit Colin McGregor is clearly doing it as it's a little joke. He's making, I'm doing wrong. It's a nice little joke. It's a nice little, that's that's quite funny.

• 1:23:40Speaker 01

  But also what's brilliant about that is is it's not just a joke. It's.

• 1:23:46Speaker 01

  It's a joke, right, that they've weaved into something genuinely important and.

• 1:23:50Speaker 02

  The air force.

• 1:23:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:23:53Speaker 02

  I'm not denying.

• 1:23:54Speaker 01

  Something serious.

• 1:23:55Speaker 02

  That the air force do better work than octopuses.

• 1:24:00Speaker 01

  What would your tag be in the air?

• 1:24:02Speaker 02

  Well, these octopuses particularly in the air force.

• 1:24:06Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:24:07Speaker 02

  Um, well.

• 1:24:09Speaker 01

  Panic attack. That's what I'd call you.

• 1:24:10Speaker 02

  Panic attack, yeah.

• 1:24:12Speaker 01

  It's always on the edge of, always, always ready to go on a panic attack.

• 1:24:16Speaker 02

  The ruminator.

• 1:24:18Speaker 01

  The ruminator.

• 1:24:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:19Speaker 06

  That's nice.

• 1:24:20Speaker 02

  Be, yeah.

• 1:24:21Speaker 01

  Ruminate coming.

• 1:24:22Speaker 02

  You've always, ruminate come in and then half an hour later, I'll be like, what?

• 1:24:28Speaker 01

  Mine would probably be plain wanker or something.

• 1:24:32Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:24:34Speaker 01

  Plain wanker.

• 1:24:37Speaker 01

  It's on your six.

• 1:24:40Speaker 01

  Roger that.

• 1:24:42Speaker 02

  I think. Oh, maybe your one is better. It's not your one. It's, um, Jacob's.

• 1:24:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, you've, you've adopted facts.

• 1:24:50Speaker 02

  Um.

• 1:24:52Speaker 02

  It's hard to. To me, the octopus one makes me think more. I sort of just think any fact with an octopus in it is inherently. Like, to me, it's a bit like playing a joker.

• 1:25:06Speaker 06

  Well, is that because of dear old Plathiform?

• 1:25:08Speaker 02

  I was thinking it is a bit like Plathiform, isn't it?

• 1:25:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25:10Speaker 02

  Because he'd punch a fish for no reason.

• 1:25:12Speaker 01

  I think we're gonna.

• 1:25:12Speaker 02

  And that's, he's a hard bit of a cat as a covered.

• 1:25:15Speaker 01

  We're gonna be here all day. We're gonna have to throw it over to Queen Lily May.

• 1:25:18Speaker 06

  Well, it's interesting because Joe's sort of trying to convince me to go with the octopus.

• 1:25:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:25:24Speaker 06

  Facts was actually to, to slander your fact, which was an interesting sort of.

• 1:25:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25:31Speaker 02

  I was, I was saying it was fine. I was just saying that there's.

• 1:25:33Speaker 01

  Joe plays, he's, he's the master of the dark arts.

• 1:25:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:37Speaker 06

  Interesting play.

• 1:25:38Speaker 01

  He's, he smeared my candidate.

• 1:25:41Speaker 02

  No, nothing would make me happier than for James's fact to win.

• 1:25:44Speaker 06

  Yeah. It's interesting, isn't it, watching you work?

• 1:25:48Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:25:48Speaker 06

  So, I don't know, I think, I don't know if I like that as a tactic, so that's made me sway towards OB2 if I'm honest.

• 1:25:55Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 1:25:56Speaker 06

  But I, I'm charmed by-

• 1:25:58Speaker 02

  The purity of the Jedi, rather than-

• 1:26:00Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:26:00Speaker 02

  The, uh-

• 1:26:01Speaker 06

  I'm sort of playing a game on the game.

• 1:26:04Speaker 02

  The, you know, the Empire.

• 1:26:05Speaker 01

  Angry fish, angry octopus. Go on, where we going, Lily, mate?

• 1:26:09Speaker 06

  Yeah, I think, I think we're gonna go for OB2.

• 1:26:12Speaker 01

  OB2, OB2's in the final.

• 1:26:14Speaker 02

  Alright, well-

• 1:26:15Speaker 01

  I'll be honest with you, I-

• 1:26:18Speaker 01

  Both facts are a bit shit.

• 1:26:20Speaker 02

  I don't think that's, I don't think that's true at all, I think they're both good facts.

• 1:26:24Speaker 01

  I do feel a bit-

• 1:26:25Speaker 02

  James, the shit that we turn up with-

• 1:26:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I know.

• 1:26:28Speaker 02

  I mean, just not, these were both very solid.

• 1:26:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:26:32Speaker 02

  I once came in and said that, like, the number of vans on the road had increased a bit.

• 1:26:37Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:26:37Speaker 02

  I had all week to come up with that.

• 1:26:39Speaker 01

  Well, Jacob's fact, uh, that Ewan McGregor has a brother who's in the Air Force and his call tag is OB2, has made it to the final.

• 1:26:50Speaker 01

  We're gonna have to leave you there, we'll love you and leave you. Um, I'm all fact out. What have we learnt today, Joe?

• 1:26:56Speaker 02

  We've learnt- That-

• 1:26:59Speaker 01

  We've learnt that Sandy Shore was a pun on Sandy Shore. We've learnt that octopuses just fucking like to knock people out, not, not people, but other fish.

• 1:27:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:27:09Speaker 01

  Um, I've got a real problem. That must be a thing with, um, what do you call it, personifying animals?

• 1:27:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, anthropomorphising.

• 1:27:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:27:20Speaker 02

  As in making them feel like, seem like they're humans.

• 1:27:22Speaker 01

  Like, I'll be, uh, like, we'll be in the living room and I'll be talking about the dog and I'll be like, oh, he's the only person in this house, and Claire goes, "Not a person."

• 1:27:32Speaker 01

  Um-

• 1:27:34Speaker 02

  He's not absolutely a person, but he's, he's something, he's something.

• 1:27:37Speaker 01

  But we've learnt that, um, the octopi, is that a word?

• 1:27:43Speaker 02

  I think, well, isn't it octopuses?

• 1:27:45Speaker 06

  It's octopuses. Um, octopi, I think, comes from the Latin, because I was looking at this when writing this.

• 1:27:49Speaker 02

  Okay, there we go.

• 1:27:50Speaker 01

  Um, they punch things. Um, and we've also learnt that, that you McGregor's brother is called OB2 in the air force.

• 1:27:58Speaker 02

  OB2.

• 1:27:59Speaker 01

  Which is great. Jacob's in the final. Yeah, Jacob, well done. Your facts got you into the final, mate, so stick around.

• 1:28:05Speaker 02

  Yeah. Is the, is, he's like the jockey and the facts like his horse.

• 1:28:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:09Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:28:10Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 1:28:10Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh, yeah. I didn't, I wasn't listening.

• 1:28:12Speaker 02

  That's okay.

• 1:28:13Speaker 01

  Um, don't forget, we'll be, hang on.

• 1:28:17Speaker 02

  Just carry on as always.

• 1:28:18Speaker 01

  Right. We'll be back, we'll be back. We hope that you've learnt something. That's the main thing. Um, but we'll be back next week armed with more facts, chats and another World Up match. And don't forget that you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to.

• 1:28:30Speaker 06

  Have fun.

• 1:28:31Speaker 01

  If you'd like to compete in the World Up 26, our email is [email protected]. Our WhatsApp is 07822034330. And also you can follow us on social media and you can write your World Up facts there as well. Uh, at joandjamespod. Uh, head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten those details. Bye, guys. Thank you very much.

• 1:28:53Speaker 02

  Goodbye. Goodbye.

• 1:29:09Speaker 03

  Hello, I'm Joanna Fletcher.

• 1:29:10Speaker 05

  And I'm Marco Bortella.

• 1:29:12Speaker 03

  And this is Boots Off.

• 1:29:15Speaker 05

  We are friends who have spent a decade together, walking up mountains, across deserts and along coastlines with some seriously awesome groups of humans.

• 1:29:23Speaker 03

  And something happens when you're out there, feet on the ground, surrounded by nature. The conversations just spill out of you.

• 1:29:30Speaker 05

  This series is about the adversities that lead to adventure.

• 1:29:33Speaker 03

  The adventures that lead to adversity.

• 1:29:35Speaker 05

  And how life can be one big adventure in itself.

• 1:29:38Speaker 03

  Listen every Thursday. Just search for Boots Off.