Did Shrek find the 4th Dimension?

This Week Joe Thomas and James Buckley share lines from the Inbetweeners that still lives in the their vocabulary, enthuse about going to the tip and ponder whether Shrek should get a Nobel Prize for finding the 4th dimension. Plus this week the Fact Boys find out where the phrase 'blowing smoke' comes from... GET IN TOUCH: Whatsapp us - wa.me/447822034330 http://wa.me/447822034330 Fill in our Fact Up Form - https://forms.gle/uzF6XWPqaA5aNTtN7 Subscribe on Youtube - www.youtube.com/@JoeandJamesPod/videos http://www.youtube.com/@JoeandJamesPod/videos Follow us on Instagram - www.instagram.com/joeandjamespod http://www.instagram.com/joeandjamespod Follow us on TikTok - www.tiktok.com/@joeandjamespod http://www.tiktok.com/@joeandjamespod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:06Speaker 02

  I've got some little memories here, Joe.

• 1:08Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, go on.

• 1:09Speaker 02

  Like, when, sort of in the middle of the night or something, I have a little flashback of the in-betweens.

• 1:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14Speaker 02

  Do you remember, right? Where were we? Right, I don't, all I've written here is Shrek 4D. And I don't know anything else about it. I just remember me and you being annoyed. Because you know you go to, like, theme parks and stuff like that?

• 1:29Speaker 03

  I don't like three-dimensional films.

• 1:31Speaker 02

  Well, 3D's fine.

• 1:32Speaker 03

  Do we still do them?

• 1:33Speaker 02

  No, we spoke about this already. But, but when you go to a theme park or something, you'll go on a ride that's called Shrek 4D. I remember me and you talking about this and both being,

• 1:45Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 1:45Speaker 02

  both being annoyed about it because we're like, oh, they've found a fourth dimension. It's like, it's not 4D, is it? That a bit of water sprays in your face or something like that?

• 1:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's.

• 1:55Speaker 02

  So you'll go and see, like, a 3D thing of Shrek, but the wind will blow on you and stuff like that. That's not a fourth dimension.

• 2:02Speaker 03

  It's part of the third dimension.

• 2:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, it absolutely is. And I, and I, I remember, I just remember me and you. It was, I don't know if we went to somewhere and there was a ride where it was 4D. Was we maybe at, was we maybe at Salt Park or something like that? Or somewhere in Australia? But we were just sort of like, no, not having it. Not having 4D. You can't call a ride 4D. You haven't discovered the fourth dimension.

• 2:27Speaker 03

  We're very, um. We're very keen as a species to, we can't wait to be able to go, we've got the fourth dimension.

• 2:35Speaker 02

  We've found it, we've found the fourth dimension.

• 2:37Speaker 03

  We've kind of, we've kind of got the press release ready.

• 2:39Speaker 02

  Which is sort of.

• 2:40Speaker 03

  We've now got it, here it is. And you're like, that, mate, is a bucket of water.

• 2:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, it's totally, we would not be able to understand the concept of it at all whatsoever.

• 2:52Speaker 03

  Well, some people say it's time. Do they?

• 2:57Speaker 02

  Some people do say that.

• 2:58Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 2:59Speaker 02

  Well, I just heard that some people do say that. No, I think some people do. Um, but time's a whole thing as well. I've started looking into time now and that's fucking, that's fucked me up. Don't understand time at all whatsoever anymore now. Because, because planets and suns and stuff can warp time. They can, gravity has a huge impact on time. The co- the thing that we, the way that we see time as it starts here and then we'll get to there in the future. Planets and stuff can fucking mess about with it. So you end up with Inception. Not Inception, what's the other film? Interstellar?

• 3:40Speaker 03

  E.T.

• 3:41Speaker 02

  E.T. You end up with E.T. Yeah, there was a whole half hour cut out of E.T. where Elliot and E.T. Talk about time.

• 3:50Speaker 03

  That's what you're gonna say.

• 3:53Speaker 02

  No, but it does, the sun messes about with time. And then when you get close to a black hole, then time goes all fucked. It goes all mental.

• 4:01Speaker 03

  The, the speed of light.

• 4:04Speaker 02

  That can curve.

• 4:05Speaker 03

  Is a constant.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  No, that can.

• 4:07Speaker 03

  Time isn't.

• 4:08Speaker 02

  No, but also.

• 4:09Speaker 03

  So if you have, if you've managed to get light.

• 4:14Speaker 03

  If, if light appears to have gone faster than the speed of light, what's actually happened is that time has slowed down.

• 4:22Speaker 02

  That's it, yeah, time slowed down, right.

• 4:24Speaker 03

  Slows down. Light, you don't fuck with light, you do fuck with time.

• 4:28Speaker 02

  Because there's things in the observable universe that are so far away. That they shouldn't really be there or something because it would take us longer than when.

• 4:40Speaker 03

  I see.

• 4:41Speaker 02

  The big bang happens. Honestly, it makes me sick, all that stuff.

• 4:45Speaker 03

  Are you saying that we're like looking at something and we're going, how have you got all the way over there?

• 4:49Speaker 02

  Well, how old's the universe? What is it? What do they say? About 15 billion or something like that? 14.6 billion, I think, is the. I've plucked that out of somewhere.

• 4:58Speaker 04

  Thirteen point eight billion years old.

• 5:00Speaker 02

  Thirteen point eight, but there's stuff that is like fifteen billion light years away. So we're going, oh no, that doesn't make sense. So time's fucked. Light can get curved as well. Light can get sucked in by a black hole. Um, it's all a mess. Shouldn't really worry about it, I guess. There's parts of Scotland that I haven't seen yet.

• 5:24Speaker 03

  Why are we worrying about, you know, look what's in your own backyard?

• 5:28Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 5:28Speaker 03

  Before you're looking in someone else's.

• 5:31Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 5:34Speaker 03

  It is confusing and I began reading a book about it and stopped on about chapter four of twelve.

• 5:43Speaker 02

  Right.

• 5:43Speaker 03

  Which I think gives you an idea of where I'm at.

• 5:45Speaker 02

  Cause there's an episode of Futurama where they go to, they get, um, they go so fast or something. Um, have you seen Futurama? It is really interesting.

• 5:56Speaker 03

  I've seen bits of it.

• 5:57Speaker 02

  It's, it's equal parts interesting and, and clever and also very funny as well.

• 6:01Speaker 03

  I saw, yeah, I've seen bits of it. I don't know, I'm still talking.

• 6:05Speaker 02

  There's a, there's, there's an episode of Futurama where Doctor Farnsworth?

• 6:10Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, he, uh.

• 6:11Speaker 04

  I think it's Professor Farnsworth and Doctor Zoidberg. Yeah.

• 6:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, and Doctor Zoidberg. Yeah, that's right. There's an episode in, in Futurama.

• 6:19Speaker 04

  Hey, they earn those titles.

• 6:21Speaker 02

  That's it, yeah.

• 6:22Speaker 03

  Fair enough.

• 6:23Speaker 02

  Didn't, uh, you know, it was at Mars University where Farnsworth was professor. Uh, there's, um, there's an episode where Farnsworth soups up, like he sort of pimps my ride. Their little spaceship, their little delivery spaceship. And he starts, the episode is basically an episode of Fast and Furious, but he ends up going so fast.

• 6:44Speaker 03

  Right.

• 6:45Speaker 02

  That, um, he ends up in the second dimension.

• 6:51Speaker 03

  Right.

• 6:51Speaker 02

  And so they're all flat. And they can, they can only like move in certain, and it becomes, and what I took from that episode was, oh no, if there was a fourth dimension, I wouldn't be able to understand it. Like, I just wouldn't be able to understand

• 7:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:06Speaker 02

  how it works and everything.

• 7:07Speaker 03

  Yes. It, it, it's not really, yes, it, it'd be, it'd be like expect, expecting like an ant to understand chess or something.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, it, it definitely isn't having water sprayed in your face.

• 7:22Speaker 03

  It's not having water and it would be really extraordinary if we had found a fourth dimension and the sort of spearhead of its entry point into our world was on the Shrek ride.

• 7:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:34Speaker 03

  Do you know what I mean?

• 7:36Speaker 02

  Here's a question that I've wanted.

• 7:36Speaker 03

  Weird if they had it.

• 7:37Speaker 02

  A question that I've wanted to ask you, Joe.

• 7:39Speaker 03

  No Nobel Prize, but they've got it. Yeah, sorry. Yeah.

• 7:43Speaker 02

  Is there anything from the in-betweeners that you actually say in your life? Because there is something for me.

• 7:49Speaker 03

  I say hmm.

• 7:51Speaker 02

  You do, don't you?

• 7:52Speaker 03

  But I think that doesn't really count because they.

• 7:54Speaker 02

  They adapted that into the in-betweeners.

• 7:56Speaker 03

  Yeah. What do you say?

• 7:58Speaker 02

  Funny.

• 8:00Speaker 03

  Funny. Yeah. Yeah.

• 8:03Speaker 02

  Why would you do that? Funny. Say that a lot in my actual life.

• 8:08Speaker 03

  I wanted to say something the other day. I was at London Zoo and I bought a brownie.

• 8:15Speaker 02

  Right.

• 8:16Speaker 03

  Um, for my daughter. And this is me getting old. But it was $4.95.

• 8:22Speaker 02

  Right.

• 8:23Speaker 03

  For a brownie.

• 8:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:25Speaker 03

  And I felt like saying, it better be delicious.

• 8:27Speaker 02

  Right.

• 8:29Speaker 03

  That's the first time it's happened.

• 8:30Speaker 02

  It's better be the best fucking brownie you've ever had.

• 8:32Speaker 03

  But I did think after, oh, this is terrible, isn't it?

• 8:34Speaker 02

  You better stop fucking crying now I've given you this brownie.

• 8:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:37Speaker 02

  Otherwise I've just wasted a fiver.

• 8:39Speaker 03

  Well, yeah. It was, um, whenever, whenever Hannah's not there, I immediately start bribing our daughter with

• 8:47Speaker 02

  Claire, um, I say it to Claire a lot because Claire's always asking me, why, why, why did you do that? And my answer is always funny. Um, she spoke to me the other day, like, um, like a builder on a building site.

• 9:01Speaker 03

  Right.

• 9:02Speaker 02

  We've got, Claire's got these posh hand soap things. What are they called? Oh, fuck, I can't remember what they're called. I didn't know what they were until Claire told me about them.

• 9:14Speaker 02

  It begins with like A, A sop, that's it.

• 9:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, the nice A sop.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  So I'd never heard of them. Claire bought some A sop for the kitchen and she's got a soap and a hand cream.

• 9:27Speaker 03

  Right.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  They're both there and they make, um, and they're there purely to impress people that come to our kitchen, right?

• 9:35Speaker 02

  Um, because, and I don't think, I don't know whether I should say this out loud or not. It was A sop, but now it's filled with something else.

• 9:46Speaker 02

  I don't know what it's filled with.

• 9:47Speaker 03

  That's amazing.

• 9:48Speaker 02

  So we've got hand soap and hand cream and the hand soap's on the left and hand cream's on the right. And what I like to do every now and again is just switch them. So that eventually she goes to put some hand soap on her hands and it's hand cream and she's like.

• 10:01Speaker 03

  And it's like, yeah.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  And it happened the other day, we were both in the kitchen and I didn't even, it took me a little while to realise what she was talking about. But she was by the, she was by the sink, she went to wash her hands and all I heard was, it's fucking pointless, mate.

• 10:17Speaker 02

  That's all she said to me, like as if I'd hidden the drill on a building site or something like that, or.

• 10:24Speaker 02

  She just went, fucking pointless, mate. I was like, funny, funny, isn't it? Um, but that's something that I genuinely like to, uh, like to say from the in-betweeners.

• 10:34Speaker 03

  I've had bad experiences with the cream next to the soap. I don't know, I don't know.

• 10:39Speaker 02

  Just put soap there.

• 10:40Speaker 03

  We don't need cream. I think cream is, cream is one's own business, I think. I don't, I don't think we need to be.

• 10:46Speaker 02

  No.

• 10:46Speaker 03

  There's lots of things that I need. I mean, I take a, I take a dietary fibre supplement, but I don't need that next to the soap. Just leave it. Soap's fine.

• 10:56Speaker 02

  So.

• 10:57Speaker 03

  You don't need to put the antidepressants there as well.

• 11:01Speaker 03

  Do you know what I mean? That's private.

• 11:04Speaker 02

  I've also got some quick facts here, Joe. Before I realised that we were gonna do themes.

• 11:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:13Speaker 02

  I started writing down, like, any time I'd come across a weird fact, I'd write it down.

• 11:17Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, I didn't know we were gonna do themes.

• 11:19Speaker 02

  No.

• 11:20Speaker 04

  We don't have to do themes.

• 11:21Speaker 03

  No, we're doing them, doing them now.

• 11:22Speaker 02

  Here's a quick one.

• 11:23Speaker 04

  Oh, my God.

• 11:23Speaker 03

  Sorry.

• 11:25Speaker 02

  The average person walks past 16 murderers in their lifetime. Have I said that already?

• 11:30Speaker 04

  I don't know. I don't think so.

• 11:32Speaker 02

  I saw that. I was like, I'll write that down. I'll bring that up on the podcast.

• 11:35Speaker 03

  I met a lady at the stage door once of a play I was in. And she was like, have you heard this? I was to watch True Crime podcasts.

• 11:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:41Speaker 03

  She said, have you heard this one? She went, my sister's in that. I went, oh, sorry. She went, no, no, no. She's, she's the killer.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  Fucking hell. Claire would like to meet that person.

• 11:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:54Speaker 03

  She, I was like, oh, God. And I didn't know what to say, because I was like, am I allowed to, like, say something rude about murder? Do I need to start being quite, you know? And she was like, it's okay, you can.

• 12:02Speaker 02

  Here's one for you.

• 12:03Speaker 03

  I'm very polite. I was like, oh, I better not. I also thought I better not slag off murderers now.

• 12:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:08Speaker 03

  And she was like, it's all right. Don't worry.

• 12:09Speaker 04

  You should be careful, to be fair.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  You should. Good point. Good point.

• 12:14Speaker 02

  In fact, I'm gonna quickly come up with a Pilkington-esque pun.

• 12:20Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:21Speaker 02

  For this one. Everyone has grenades.

• 12:27Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 12:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, obviously. So I understand. Yeah. I get, no, see, yeah.

• 12:30Speaker 02

  It's, it's.

• 12:31Speaker 03

  I say it's like, it's like, it's not his vault.

• 12:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get a lobe of this.

• 12:36Speaker 03

  I'm committed to this treatment.

• 12:39Speaker 02

  I'm committed to this treatment. It is illegal to own only one guinea pig in Switzerland.

• 12:46Speaker 03

  Because they get sad.

• 12:47Speaker 02

  Swiss federal law, under Article 13 of the Animal Protection Ordinance, mandates that animals deemed social must be kept with at least one companion of their species. Guinea pigs are explicitly listed.

• 13:00Speaker 03

  They're, I mean, listen.

• 13:02Speaker 02

  They must be kept in pairs or groups.

• 13:05Speaker 03

  Well, that's nice.

• 13:05Speaker 02

  And I saw this one the other day as well, and I don't know whether this is true or not. Dogs, you're not allowed to walk one dog at a time in Germany. Apparently, that's a rule. That's a law. You have to, you can't just have one dog on the lead. You've got to have at least two while you walk them.

• 13:26Speaker 02

  Is there anything coming up with that?

• 13:27Speaker 04

  Yes, in public areas. Oh, hang on a second. I've got here that a person is limited to walking only one dog at a time.

• 13:35Speaker 03

  That makes more sense.

• 13:36Speaker 04

  In public areas, yeah.

• 13:37Speaker 03

  That makes more sense.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  Um, the US military tried to create a gay bomb.

• 13:42Speaker 03

  I think I might have heard about this.

• 13:44Speaker 02

  They tried to create some kind of bomb or chemical.

• 13:48Speaker 03

  Is that a pan on A-bomb?

• 13:51Speaker 03

  They're like, what about gay bomb? Who's in the, is that frat boys in the military?

• 13:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, they dropped an A-bomb on the Russia.

• 13:57Speaker 03

  We can't have the gay bomb.

• 13:59Speaker 02

  More like a gay bomb.

• 13:59Speaker 03

  More like a gay bomb, yeah. We've got the A-bomb, you've got the gay bomb. We're fantastic, you're made of plastic.

• 14:08Speaker 02

  No, but they did, um, try to, they thought, honestly, like.

• 14:12Speaker 03

  Try and turn people gay?

• 14:13Speaker 02

  The sort of post-Second World War military.

• 14:17Speaker 03

  I know, it was bonkers, wasn't it?

• 14:17Speaker 02

  They went insane.

• 14:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:19Speaker 02

  They were like, maybe we could make a bomb, we could make, make all the, um, enemy army gay.

• 14:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:24Speaker 02

  So they'll be too, too interesting getting off of each other then.

• 14:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And also like, didn't they rule into like LSD and trying to make it so that.

• 14:33Speaker 02

  They were all doing that.

• 14:34Speaker 03

  Let's try and make it so that our soldiers can travel in time and read each other's minds.

• 14:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, MKUltra and all that sort of stuff. Which I think was a big influence on Stranger Things. Have you watched Stranger Things?

• 14:44Speaker 03

  No.

• 14:45Speaker 02

  Finished just.

• 14:46Speaker 03

  No, I'm gonna, I'm gonna watch it.

• 14:48Speaker 02

  Honestly, I haven't stopped. I haven't stopped thinking about it since it's finished. I thought it was great. I thought it was so good.

• 14:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, I wanna watch it. I mean, I could, no, I haven't.

• 14:56Speaker 02

  The whole last episode of Stranger Things is over two hours long. And, uh, yeah. And I watched Stranger Things with my eldest son Harrison. And God knows how young he was when we started watching it. And now he's like a 14-year-old boy and I was watching.

• 15:10Speaker 03

  He was one when he started.

• 15:11Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, pretty much.

• 15:12Speaker 03

  Yeah. Oh, I see. Really? For real? Yeah, okay.

• 15:14Speaker 02

  Well, he was 10 years old. I think it's taken them 10 years to sort of, like, the cast were all 12 and stuff and they started 11, 12. And now they're all sort of 21, 22.

• 15:24Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 15:25Speaker 02

  And, uh, and all the way during, it's also, it's quite sad anyway, anyway that it's coming to an end. They really play into the sort of, oh, look, we're all, this journey that we've been on together is coming to an end. And I was with my little boy, who's now a sort of young man, I suppose now.

• 15:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:43Speaker 02

  And fucking that last episode, I was like, trying not to cry all the way through it. And we got, and then we finished the episode and then he had a skating lesson and I was like, mate, I'm gonna be honest with you there, fuck, it took loads to not make me cry during that episode. He was like, yeah, me too dad, it was a bit much, wasn't it?

• 16:01Speaker 02

  Um, but I haven't stopped thinking about Stranger Things since it ended. My god, I wanna watch it all again, because there was loads of stuff that I forgot about. Um, I think I brought this up actually, the cost to end world hunger would be less, uh, would be about forty billion dollars a year. It's less than what the world spends on luxury goods in a week.

• 16:23Speaker 03

  Yep, I know.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  Sorry to go out and brawn you.

• 16:26Speaker 03

  That's true.

• 16:27Speaker 02

  Sorry to make you feel shitty about yourself, just because you might have, you know, you fucking work hard and stuff and you might have treated yourself to a little handbag or something like that. Um, but if you hadn't have bought that handbag, you could have solved world hunger, so.

• 16:44Speaker 03

  So every time you open a handbag.

• 16:45Speaker 02

  So you're a bastard. That is a cold open.

• 16:49Speaker 04

  It's cold, yeah, that's a chilly one.

• 16:51Speaker 02

  A chilly open. Joe and James.

• 16:53Speaker 04

  Joe and James?

• 16:54Speaker 02

  Ah, Joe and James. Joe and James.

• 16:59Speaker 04

  It's Fact Up again.

• 17:01Speaker 02

  Joe and James, Joe and James, Joe and James, Joe and James, Fact Up! Welcome to Joe and James Fact Up. Each week we'll bring each other a fact that we deem interesting and our policy is the more interesting, the more true it is. Um, it doesn't have to be fact, um, but it can be true. Uh, we'll also dig into the weird things that you'd like to think are true, that don't, you don't wanna research yourself in a segment we call a fact check. So if you do wanna send those things in, our email is hello at joandjamespod.com. Our WhatsApp is 07822034330 and you can follow us on our socials, at Joe and James Pod, where you can message us there as well. Uh, and you can watch all our episodes on YouTube, just search for Joe and James Fact Up. Now, let's get Fact Up!

• 17:50Speaker 02

  I've got a message here from Jack who sent us a little WhatsApp. It's called Bad Tea Bagging. What?

• 18:00Speaker 03

  Well, no, that's Lily May's title.

• 18:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I know. It talks, I'd honestly forget about what we talk about at the end, instantly at the end of every podcast.

• 18:09Speaker 03

  I can't remember the, I remember masturbation, I don't remember orange.

• 18:12Speaker 04

  So basically you asked for, off the back of a letter, which was a guy who used tanning lotion instead of normal lotion.

• 18:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:20Speaker 04

  When masturbating, his penis went orange.

• 18:22Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 18:23Speaker 04

  You asked then for inspiration that people have taken from the in-betweeners.

• 18:28Speaker 03

  Oh, good idea. Good idea?

• 18:29Speaker 04

  It was a good idea.

• 18:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, good idea.

• 18:32Speaker 04

  And this message has followed up from that.

• 18:33Speaker 03

  Okay, fine.

• 18:34Speaker 02

  Okay, following on from the orange masturbation session chat.

• 18:38Speaker 03

  Because when I saw that, I assumed it meant-

• 18:40Speaker 02

  I definitely feel like that's something I should remember, though.

• 18:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:42Speaker 03

  I assumed it meant somebody masturbating into an orange.

• 18:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, that would sting, wouldn't it? It's slightly acidic, the orange.

• 18:51Speaker 03

  Terrible idea.

• 18:52Speaker 02

  Pound for pound.

• 18:53Speaker 03

  Pound for pound, use an onion. I don't know, just anything at this stage.

• 18:57Speaker 02

  There's more sugar in a strawberry.

• 19:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:00Speaker 02

  Right.

• 19:01Speaker 03

  Is everybody deaf? That's a different, it doesn't matter.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  Following on from the orange masturbation session chat in the last episode, I'd like to, it was a few episodes ago, wasn't it? I'd like to share how I was inspired by the, by the in-betweener. When I was 14, I set the smoke alarm off in my kitchen with my mum rushing down the stairs, worried and finding me smoking an empty tea bag, rolled inside a piece of A4 paper. I don't know what that means, Lily May, I don't know.

• 19:34Speaker 03

  Well, no, because there's a bit where I think, believe Donovan says he's selling you drugs. And you can see that it's tea.

• 19:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, and we go, oh, that's not drugs.

• 19:44Speaker 03

  And he makes you say, thank you for the drugs.

• 19:45Speaker 02

  Thank you for the drugs.

• 19:46Speaker 03

  What worries me there is less the tea, but the A4 paper. Think of the bleach that's in there and the chemicals and...

• 19:53Speaker 02

  Cyanide in there, cyanide in paper, isn't there? Do you know what, right? Is that true? Did you hear that? I was told when I was a kid in primary school in the nineties, don't chew paper, they use, they use cyanide.

• 20:04Speaker 03

  It's not true, is it? They just, you can't just lie to children. I love that parent, not parenting, teaching or kind of like child ruining.

• 20:12Speaker 02

  No, but also parenting, yeah.

• 20:14Speaker 03

  If you do that, they'll chop your fucking arms off.

• 20:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:17Speaker 03

  And it'd be like, just stop doing it. Like, it's not fair to children. Just don't lie to them.

• 20:22Speaker 02

  I don't know, I think the ends justify the means, sometimes.

• 20:25Speaker 03

  That's kind of, yeah, that's always exactly the opposite of what, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:26Speaker 02

  I feel like we miss. I feel like we're actually missing that nowadays. Because, because they've sort of gone, because one, well, one don't.

• 20:35Speaker 03

  Because children, because, okay, I was told in Cub Scouts that if I sniffed glue once.

• 20:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:42Speaker 03

  I'd definitely die.

• 20:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:45Speaker 03

  Not true. I'm sure that's not true. I'm sure people have died from sniffing glue, but as a scientific fact.

• 20:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:50Speaker 03

  If you, no, if you chop your head off once, you'll definitely die.

• 20:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:54Speaker 03

  If you sniff glue once, you won't definitely die. And then what happens is that you realise that they were lying to you.

• 21:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:00Speaker 03

  And then you have a worse attitude towards children, because now you're like, well, they were just full of shit anyway, so I won't listen to anything that those, like, they become like the boy. Ironically, they become like the boy who cried wolf. They become like the child who lies. And then after all, you're like, we can't trust anything they say. And then adults come back and want children to listen to them. And they're like, well, why should we listen to you? Because you lied the first time around. So like, if you're not gonna be straight with us, like, forget it. Like, well, I mean, so you can't, you can't have it both ways. If you want children to stop listening to you, tell them lies that later on they'll realise were lies.

• 21:29Speaker 02

  No, but by the time, by the time you realise. By the time you realise, it might be too late and the, what they wanted to get out of it has worked. Because it's like, oh, don't sniff glue because then.

• 21:41Speaker 03

  It works in the short term, it doesn't work in the long.

• 21:42Speaker 02

  Because then you'll, then you'll end up on heroin. Or something like that.

• 21:46Speaker 03

  It doesn't work in the short term, but it, sorry, it works in the short term, but it doesn't work in the long term. Like, if you say to children, don't go into the forest because there's a Tyrannosaurus Rex that lives in there. It'll work until they realise that there isn't a Tyrannosaurus Rex that lives in there. And then they'll be like, there's no Tyrannosaurus Rexes anywhere. I'll just do whatever I want. There are no risks. They were lying. And it's like, there are risks. And like, that's what I, that's what I think.

• 22:06Speaker 02

  Isn't it the same as sort of fables? Little lessons to learn?

• 22:09Speaker 03

  I think they're clearly analogies, though. I don't, I think, I think the, I think the, I think the sense that, um, I, I, yeah, I don't.

• 22:17Speaker 02

  I don't mind.

• 22:17Speaker 03

  Every child knows that they're not a hare or a tortoise.

• 22:20Speaker 02

  In hindsight, I didn't mind being lied to, to be honest with you. Because it kept me, kept me sort of straight and narrow. It kept me sort of on, on the good path.

• 22:29Speaker 03

  For quite a long ti- only very recently did I realise that if you sit close to the television, you don't get square eyes.

• 22:35Speaker 02

  You don't get square eyes. I think it's bad for your eyesight though. I don't, I don't know if that's fact, but it's.

• 22:39Speaker 03

  Why don't they say that then? Because if you say, because what you do, what happens is you're like, well, my eyes didn't go square. So you can sit as close, so that my conclusion is you can sit as close to the television as you want.

• 22:48Speaker 02

  You might, you might ruin your eyesight.

• 22:51Speaker 03

  Well, say that then.

• 22:51Speaker 04

  Apparently, sitting too close to the TV won't permanently damage your eyes, but it can cause temporary eye strain, dryness or headaches.

• 22:59Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 22:59Speaker 02

  Right. See, I don't do, I don't do any of that with my kids.

• 23:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:04Speaker 02

  I do think there is something for, well, until my kids came along, because I was quite young in my family. I've got a younger sister, but I was one of the, of, all my cousins are older than me, pretty much. Um, some of them are like way older than me as well. And I was quite young in my family.

• 23:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:23Speaker 02

  Um, so until I had kids myself.

• 23:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:27Speaker 02

  I ha- I, it'd been a long, long time since I'd been around babies and children. And I've never spoken to my kids like that. I've been like, don't do that. And they'll be like, why? And I'll go, well, because you'll just look like an idiot.

• 23:42Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, that's much better.

• 23:44Speaker 02

  Like I just say stuff like, like I've never sort of like.

• 23:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:48Speaker 02

  Tricked them into anything. I've just been like.

• 23:50Speaker 03

  I, yeah.

• 23:51Speaker 02

  I've just been like, mate, leave that out.

• 23:53Speaker 03

  Completely.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  Like, why? Because it's annoying.

• 23:55Speaker 03

  Because it's annoying. Yeah. Yeah. It's if you just, if you keep bashing that spoon on the table, it's a really annoying noise.

• 24:02Speaker 02

  Really irritating.

• 24:02Speaker 03

  It's just.

• 24:03Speaker 02

  Whereas I think if I was a kid, it was like, don't bash that spoon on that table, otherwise the devil will come.

• 24:08Speaker 03

  Yeah. The police will come and arrest daddy.

• 24:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:12Speaker 03

  For what? Well, those police. Yeah.

• 24:16Speaker 02

  But I do think I've always had like, yeah, I suppose I sort of disagreed with you and now I'm agreeing with you again. Just looking at my relationship with my kids, which I genuinely think, um, I don't think I'm a goo- good dad or anything like that. I think I'm a.

• 24:29Speaker 03

  I'm sure you're a very good dad.

• 24:30Speaker 02

  No, but I think I'm a dad, because now that I'm a dad, you then go, oh yeah, my parents didn't fucking know what they were doing either.

• 24:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, that is unbelievable.

• 24:39Speaker 02

  I think I'm just sort of like, quite comfortable with.

• 24:44Speaker 02

  Like e- even sometimes when I don't have the answer for something.

• 24:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:48Speaker 02

  I'll be like, I don't know, I don't know, but I just know that we shouldn't do that.

• 24:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:53Speaker 02

  Just know, like, I just think we shouldn't do that. Just trust me on this one.

• 24:56Speaker 03

  It's quite.

• 24:57Speaker 02

  I'm just gonna have to, I'm just gonna have to play my just trust me card on this one. And I do, that's how I've like brought my kids up and Claire's the same as well. We've never sort of. We talk, we've, we've just always spoken to them like they were sort of had, even when they were babies. When they were ba-, but I do the same with my dog as well. I talk to my dog like I'm having a conversation with him.

• 25:19Speaker 02

  I'm just like, oh mate, we can't do that, I'm sorry, like the, and Claire's like, why are you explaining that to the dog?

• 25:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:25Speaker 02

  Oh, you can't go on the grass, they've just put some chemicals down on it and I don't want you getting sick. He's like, he doesn't understand any of that.

• 25:31Speaker 03

  No.

• 25:31Speaker 02

  Sentence.

• 25:32Speaker 03

  I once.

• 25:32Speaker 02

  But I think he looks at me like he does.

• 25:35Speaker 03

  They look like they understand, don't they?

• 25:36Speaker 02

  I'm convinced he's gone. And he does wink at me sometimes, by the way.

• 25:42Speaker 02

  And Claire will back me up on this one. Sometimes he'll be across the other side of the room and you just look at him and he just goes like that.

• 25:54Speaker 03

  It is funny with dogs though, because I was once um doing a, I attended a um, not Crufts, but a Crufts like event.

• 26:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:03Speaker 03

  And when the dogs went wrong.

• 26:05Speaker 02

  Half Vulcan.

• 26:06Speaker 03

  Half Vulcan, half human. Now get that dog out of my sight.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  Get that dog out of my sight.

• 26:12Speaker 03

  Um, and when the dogs made a mistake, some of the owners were going, oh, you stupid fucking twat.

• 26:18Speaker 02

  Right.

• 26:18Speaker 03

  And I was getting quite upset. I was like, well, they shouldn't be calling the dog a twat.

• 26:22Speaker 02

  No.

• 26:22Speaker 03

  And then someone else went, well, the, the dog doesn't know that that's, and actually, it's quite right. And I wa-, and I think I probably was being sentimental. I don't think the dog isn't offended if you.

• 26:33Speaker 02

  Maybe. Again, I don't know what it says about me.

• 26:36Speaker 03

  Something.

• 26:36Speaker 02

  Well, I do call my dog a little prick every now and again.

• 26:39Speaker 03

  I really think the dog, I can't believe I'm even saying, I don't think the dog understands the word.

• 26:44Speaker 02

  But when I say it, I think he does understand.

• 26:47Speaker 03

  He will know your tone.

• 26:48Speaker 02

  I should be like, oh, you've been a little prick there, mate. Why are you doing that?

• 26:50Speaker 03

  It's interesting how much of a bond we have with animals and it makes us realise how little language and the semantic meaning of language really matters.

• 26:59Speaker 02

  See, I do, I genuinely feel like sometimes, like, that dog's the only person, I was about to say, the, like, the only thing that likes me in the house.

• 27:09Speaker 03

  A dog.

• 27:10Speaker 02

  Like, I do sort of, like, I do, like, when I've annoyed Claire enough, uh, and the kids can't be arsed to me, I'm like, oh, still got you, mate. Thanks. I appreciate that.

• 27:21Speaker 03

  It's an ancient bond. Like, dogs have lived among humans for thousands of years.

• 27:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:29Speaker 03

  And I don't know whether that has any kind of actual scientific meaning to it. I mean, as in, I know it's thousands of years, but I don't know whether it seeps into our DNA or something. I don't know how that would work, but like, it feels like there's a very clear, yeah.

• 27:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. And I will argue that they do, they do know what you're saying. They do know what you're saying. Because there's certain things that I say to the dog and he answers me back. He does.

• 27:58Speaker 03

  I know what you, I know what you, I think.

• 27:59Speaker 02

  I say to him, I say the word, do you want something to eat? And he barks and I go and get him his food.

• 28:06Speaker 03

  So he can, yeah, I'm sure he can identify the sound.

• 28:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:10Speaker 03

  Eat, right? I, I, I would have thought so. I mean, I, they, they, I mean, they, they can hear different whistles, can't they? When it's the sheepdog.

• 28:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:17Speaker 03

  So they've got an ability to sort between different noises. He obviously doesn't know, he wouldn't know that it would have any meaning as in written language, but like, yeah, he would know.

• 28:27Speaker 02

  Those phrases that he understands.

• 28:30Speaker 03

  I imagine they're also able to distinguish different patterns of kind of physical arrangement of the humans in the room. Like, they can see, oh, something, this is, these humans are about to leave for a walk because they are doing the kind of.

• 28:46Speaker 03

  Types of movement that they do when they're going to get their coats or something, but obviously they wouldn't know it was getting to get coats, but they would, they would recognise.

• 28:53Speaker 02

  No, I know exactly what you mean.

• 28:54Speaker 03

  The way in which the kind of shoal of humans is kind of moving and coming back together and moving like there must be different patterns that they recognise.

• 28:59Speaker 02

  Cause it is a bit of a problem, actually. Cause you know what you were saying the, the other day there on the podcast? Um, about how, um, you'd pick your daughter up at half eleven.

• 29:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:12Speaker 02

  And you could, you, you can, everyone can tell you're just freshly showered by that one.

• 29:16Speaker 03

  Yeah. So I haven't got anything done.

• 29:17Speaker 02

  Which, by the way, I would do the exact same. In the morning, school run.

• 29:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:21Speaker 02

  I'd look like fucking shit.

• 29:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's just about, yeah.

• 29:24Speaker 02

  And then, and then the, the afternoon pick up.

• 29:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:27Speaker 02

  I'd look like I've got my shit together. But that's just because I can't, like, in the morning, it's like, I've got to get this one. I can't, the brain can't handle getting me ready as well.

• 29:38Speaker 03

  I now realise why.

• 29:39Speaker 02

  I need to focus on getting this guy ready right now.

• 29:41Speaker 03

  I remember little bits of controversy around parents delivering their children to school still in their pyjamas, as in the parents.

• 29:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:49Speaker 03

  And thinking, what's all that about? And now, now I'm like, oh, I can see, I can see there is a temptation to just kind of not really bother.

• 29:56Speaker 02

  But also, if I have to leave the house, I could get ready in 10 minutes.

• 30:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:01Speaker 02

  I, they can't.

• 30:02Speaker 03

  No.

• 30:03Speaker 02

  They just can't. It's a thing, it's a whole thing.

• 30:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a big deal.

• 30:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, right. But what you were saying, so now because of my life, because I've got such a great, not, don't mean to brag, but I've got a really fucking good life, right? I, I've manoeuvred work where I can just do it from home.

• 30:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:21Speaker 02

  Pretty much, unless I'm doing the podcast.

• 30:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:24Speaker 02

  Um, so whenever I'm dressed.

• 30:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:28Speaker 02

  And or got a jacket on, the dog's like, we fucking, is this it? Are we going out? Are we going out? We must be going out. Cause he's usually just in his fucking, in the same jogging bottoms he's been wearing for the last four days.

• 30:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:39Speaker 02

  He's put some new clothes on. We must be going out for a walk now.

• 30:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:43Speaker 02

  And I have to explain to him, I'm going, no, I'm just, I, I do have to pop out, but I'm just, I'm not taking you with me, mate. Sorry.

• 30:49Speaker 03

  You once told me that you were going to the tip so much.

• 30:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:53Speaker 03

  Every time you left the house. Your kids were like, are you going to the tip?

• 30:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:00Speaker 03

  I love the tip.

• 31:01Speaker 02

  I love it as well. I have a chat with them.

• 31:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, I always ask, I always have a question.

• 31:06Speaker 02

  And they're good.

• 31:07Speaker 03

  Can you recycle, um, you know, soft plastics here?

• 31:11Speaker 02

  I spend about.

• 31:12Speaker 03

  You can't actually.

• 31:13Speaker 02

  I spend about ten minutes getting rid of all the stuff out of my car and about twenty minutes just chatting.

• 31:18Speaker 03

  I just have a little look at all the different hoppers.

• 31:20Speaker 02

  To the lads down the chip, down, down the tip.

• 31:21Speaker 03

  I'd love to work in the tip. It does stink. That's the only thing.

• 31:26Speaker 02

  Mine's really good, man.

• 31:27Speaker 03

  No, mine, mine does have a bin smell and fair and it, and it would, I mean, it would.

• 31:31Speaker 02

  Mine doesn't smell at all. I remember as a kid going to the dump was like, fucking yeah, let's go.

• 31:37Speaker 03

  Brilliant.

• 31:37Speaker 02

  And it was just a great big. Like it was a great big building with gla- glassless windows, I'd call it.

• 31:49Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 31:50Speaker 02

  Where you would just chuck things and it would just like crash.

• 31:54Speaker 03

  You're allowed to do so many things that you're not normally allowed to do. Like, I've got a load of glass here, what should I do? Go and smash the fuck out of it.

• 32:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah.

• 32:01Speaker 03

  Really, yeah, you mentioned, you'll be annoyed if you don't do it. Go and do it. You're like, oh yeah, right, yeah. It's really good.

• 32:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was great.

• 32:08Speaker 03

  There's another little area in.

• 32:09Speaker 02

  My, my, my, my dump where I go to is very, and I, cause I'm there so much for some reason, I don't know. Um, I'm like, when someone, I'll be chatting to like one of the blokes that work there or something and someone will come up to me and be like, um, where does this, where, where does some small appliances go, da, da, da? And, uh, I have to stop myself from answering. I let them answer and then they'll walk off and I'll just be like, fucking.

• 32:36Speaker 02

  First day here, is it?

• 32:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:38Speaker 02

  They must get annoying.

• 32:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, there's a fucking sign. How much clearer can you make it?

• 32:42Speaker 02

  But I'm like, I'm like, yeah, they'll go, what you got, what you got today, James? I go, I've got, uh, I've got mostly carburetor, bit of general, a bit of glass in there as well. So, um, I'll add to seven, twelve and sixteen, shalah. And they're like, yeah, you know what you're doing.

• 33:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was there yesterday.

• 33:03Speaker 03

  The diary.

• 33:03Speaker 02

  I was at the dump yesterday.

• 33:05Speaker 03

  This, the, I've got.

• 33:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, I've got that kind of diary as well.

• 33:10Speaker 02

  But.

• 33:10Speaker 03

  There's nothing in it. And then the only thing for an entire month is like fridge.

• 33:14Speaker 02

  But sometimes, sometimes I've got, sometimes I've got a lot, I've got so much cardboard. I'm always there for cardboard. And Claire's like, oh, I've got a load of cardboard. Can you take it away? I go, yeah, that's like the one thing I can do.

• 33:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:26Speaker 02

  And then when I get there and I look in the back of the car, look in the cardboard, and there's some fucking bubble wrap or something like that.

• 33:33Speaker 03

  I know.

• 33:34Speaker 02

  Fuck's sake, Claire, they're not gonna have it down here. They're not gonna put up with that shit. So I have to separate the bubble wrap from the.

• 33:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, the, um, a composite.

• 33:42Speaker 02

  Most people would just chuck that in, wouldn't they? They would just.

• 33:45Speaker 03

  No.

• 33:45Speaker 02

  Nah, there's a code.

• 33:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:47Speaker 02

  There's the dump code and, um, you know.

• 33:50Speaker 03

  Composite packaging is really annoying.

• 33:51Speaker 02

  Work there. I feel like I'd be happy working there.

• 33:59Speaker 00

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• 34:33Speaker 01

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• 35:04Speaker 05

  Nineteen sixty-five, London. The world's largest uncut diamond has been stolen from the Natural History Museum. Shortly after, a young London window cleaner is arrested.

• 35:17Speaker 06

  They said you're nicked, you're in a lot of trouble.

• 35:19Speaker 05

  But was he set up? Fall of two cops. His family say he is guilty, but of a totally different crime.

• 35:28Speaker 07

  You're not going to end up going to prison, do you, kid, later?

• 35:31Speaker 05

  I'm J C Long and this is Rough Diamond. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.

• 35:44Speaker 03

  Today we're serving up some sporting facts for one another.

• 35:50Speaker 02

  Was that in the script?

• 35:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, serving up.

• 35:53Speaker 04

  You're welcome.

• 35:54Speaker 03

  Nice, actually.

• 35:55Speaker 02

  There's loads of sports going on at the moment, as of, as of transmission.

• 36:00Speaker 04

  Yep, as of transmission.

• 36:01Speaker 03

  Premier League transfer window closes, Winter Olympics, Men's Six Nations. I love the Six Nations.

• 36:07Speaker 02

  You do. You do love the Six Nations.

• 36:09Speaker 03

  That's my favourite. I love, I'm, um, yeah.

• 36:13Speaker 02

  I just have too much PTSD with rugby.

• 36:17Speaker 03

  Because you had to do it at school.

• 36:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I was tiny. And it was just like getting beaten up on a fucking rainy morning.

• 36:28Speaker 03

  I definitely derive pleasure from watching sport and part of me thinking, I'm so fucking pleased I don't have to do that. I quite like, I like, I like watching a run, like when I, I'll always watch a marathon and it's people just going,

• 36:44Speaker 03

  and I'm like, I'm so fucking pleased I'm not on that fucking run. Like, I bet, are they happy?

• 36:49Speaker 02

  I know. Well, that's the thing, so I've.

• 36:50Speaker 03

  What are they thinking? What the fuck am I doing?

• 36:53Speaker 02

  I really loved the ice hockey. I'm always banging on about the Chieftains.

• 36:58Speaker 03

  I nearly had a puck fact.

• 37:00Speaker 02

  Nearly had a puck.

• 37:01Speaker 03

  Well, I found a better one.

• 37:01Speaker 02

  But I was talking to, um, I was talking to a mate of mine, Cam Bartlett, who's one of the players, and he was just telling me about how much he loves it, how much he loves playing ice hockey. And I was like, well, you'd have to, you'd absolutely have to. I was like, I could be Wayne Gretzky. I could be the most gifted hockey player to ever exist. I could be the greatest hockey player ever. You.

• 37:25Speaker 02

  Fucking splatter me up against the wall, like shove me up against the wall or or I get hit by a puck or something like that. I was like, I'm not going, I'm not doing this next week. I'm not doing it.

• 37:37Speaker 03

  It looks.

• 37:38Speaker 02

  You've got to really, really love it.

• 37:41Speaker 03

  When I go ice skating, which I did over Christmas, of course, this is when we go to the rinks, don't we? And we.

• 37:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:48Speaker 03

  We stagger about and.

• 37:49Speaker 02

  I've got to be honest.

• 37:50Speaker 03

  Another little penguin.

• 37:51Speaker 02

  I've got to be honest, it was annoying. Cause my kids, between the two of them, I honestly, I'm at the ice rink at least five days a week.

• 38:00Speaker 03

  So they're good.

• 38:01Speaker 02

  Right. And they go there and they're learning to ice skate. One of them's uh playing ice hockey now. And um so we're there all the time. December.

• 38:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:14Speaker 02

  They were just like, can't even skate. Fucking mobbed.

• 38:18Speaker 03

  People.

• 38:18Speaker 02

  And it's a bit like those, it's a bit like those people that only turn up to mass on Christmas.

• 38:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:24Speaker 02

  My dad used to be like, yeah, where are the, where are these lot been all year round eh?

• 38:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:30Speaker 02

  Eh? We can't even get in. We're standing at the back. We're just watching from the back now.

• 38:35Speaker 03

  And we're.

• 38:35Speaker 02

  It's absolutely mobbed.

• 38:37Speaker 03

  And we're real fans.

• 38:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:40Speaker 03

  I can see that that would be annoying.

• 38:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, my.

• 38:43Speaker 03

  If I was an ice hockey player.

• 38:45Speaker 02

  My youngest was well annoyed. He's like, I couldn't even, couldn't even go fast, couldn't even move then. I was like, it'd be fine, don't worry about it.

• 38:52Speaker 03

  I'm in a five-a-side team and I'm the worst player.

• 38:55Speaker 02

  With Coxey.

• 38:56Speaker 03

  I'm on the wor- Coxey. I'm the wor- I'm the worst player on the team.

• 38:59Speaker 02

  I bet Coxey's.

• 38:59Speaker 03

  We won, we won eight one last night and I could tell that the other team's entire strategy was like, get it to their right back because he's the worst.

• 39:09Speaker 02

  We can exploit that.

• 39:10Speaker 03

  And I was like, you're, you're right. Like the only goal they scored.

• 39:13Speaker 02

  If you're playing right back and you scored eight and only let one in. I think, I think you're doing alright. You must have been busy. You must have been working hard.

• 39:22Speaker 03

  They carried me. Whenever I got the ball.

• 39:24Speaker 02

  I bet Cox is good.

• 39:25Speaker 03

  He's, he's so good that it actually demoralises the other team. Like, we always, there's always a point about 2000 ways in the game. Where we're like, we can see them, we can see their hearts starting to break because they're like, we can't score. Like, these are good shots. These should be going in.

• 39:41Speaker 02

  That's why he's a, well, he's literally a director. Like, that's his job. He directs TV shows and stuff. So, I assumed.

• 39:49Speaker 03

  He knows what he's doing.

• 39:50Speaker 02

  He's pretty handy on the, on the five-a-side pitch.

• 39:52Speaker 03

  But I would be the worst player in an ice hockey team as well, is my point. And do you think, would eyebrows be raised if I came on and I did have a little penguin? To lean on that they have at Christmas.

• 40:02Speaker 02

  No, no, go, go, that's Simon. That's Simon from the Inbetweeners.

• 40:07Speaker 03

  I'm such a soft touch.

• 40:08Speaker 02

  I wanted to do a thing.

• 40:09Speaker 03

  Last night, someone came over to me on the pitch and went, Simon. And I was like. Oh, and I hadn't seen him before. And I was, oh yeah. Hello. And I, actually, I did say, oh, my name, my name's Joe, really, you know, whatever. I said, what's up, Simon? And he was like, oh, are you playing with us? And I was like, oh yeah, I guess, I guess I am. And I was, and I was about to go over and then my team were like, what the fuck are you doing, Joe? And I was like.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  That's it.

• 40:33Speaker 03

  I'm so pliable. I was, I was on the.

• 40:35Speaker 02

  I'm so glad that you weren't like.

• 40:37Speaker 03

  It was another game that was on at the same time as my game. And I was literally on the verge of being like, yeah, I'll play, I'll play for you.

• 40:43Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 40:44Speaker 03

  Oh, I guess I can't because.

• 40:45Speaker 02

  I don't know how you haven't joined a cult or anything yet. You, you would be so easy to recruit.

• 40:53Speaker 02

  And you'd, you'd drag Hannah.

• 40:56Speaker 03

  Poor Hannah.

• 40:58Speaker 02

  Hannah would be going, what the fuck is going on here? What is going, what are we doing here?

• 41:02Speaker 03

  I sometimes think Hannah's main job in life is to keep me out of cults.

• 41:10Speaker 03

  She's kind of there.

• 41:12Speaker 02

  Because you would, you'd start wandering off and then she'd just grab your hand and go, no, no, no, come back.

• 41:16Speaker 03

  No, no, no.

• 41:16Speaker 02

  Come on.

• 41:17Speaker 03

  Yeah. Take a beat.

• 41:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:20Speaker 03

  Just have a think.

• 41:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:22Speaker 03

  Do you want to live on a farm?

• 41:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:27Speaker 03

  Do you want to help with the sugar beet harvest every day?

• 41:32Speaker 02

  But we are doing a, what are we talking about? We are doing a, we're doing, yeah, we're doing sporting facts. So I believe you've got a sporting fact for me, Joe.

• 41:39Speaker 03

  I think this is one of my favourite facts I've done.

• 41:43Speaker 02

  All right.

• 41:44Speaker 03

  Between 1912 and 1948, one of the medal, things you could meddle in at the Olympics was art. They gave out medals for art. And it was part of this idea that being an Olympiad, the Olympiad was supposed to be a celebration of like a 360 degree view of humanity, all the things that humans excel at. And so they only stopped doing it.

• 42:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, because I just, when I think of the Olympics, I think of, of strength and speed.

• 42:15Speaker 03

  But you don't think of the fine application of a 2B pencil. And but what's, so here's, so this is a guy who won.

• 42:23Speaker 02

  It's very soft.

• 42:25Speaker 03

  That's a soft one.

• 42:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:27Speaker 03

  You've got in real trouble at my school if you tried to use an HB because they'd say, that's just a pencil you happened to be holding at the time. And you, and I'd say, yeah.

• 42:34Speaker 02

  HB is the standard. That's what you use.

• 42:39Speaker 03

  No, HB is the standard that you use.

• 42:40Speaker 02

  I would say the HB pencil is probably the, the best pencil ever, that ever existed. I'm going out. Come at me in the comments.

• 42:51Speaker 04

  Comment your favourite pencil.

• 42:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, let us know what your favourite pencil.

• 42:55Speaker 03

  Where is it?

• 42:55Speaker 02

  To be or not to be.

• 42:58Speaker 02

  Anyway, oh no.

• 43:00Speaker 03

  So here we are. So

• 43:03Speaker 03

  Jean, I think it's probably Jean Jacoby.

• 43:05Speaker 02

  Can I just say that that to be or not to be joke was just me desperately trying to fill time while Joe was trying to find his, find his fact.

• 43:13Speaker 03

  I got it now.

• 43:14Speaker 02

  I was felt under pressure there, so don't.

• 43:17Speaker 04

  It's happened now.

• 43:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:18Speaker 04

  Staying in.

• 43:18Speaker 02

  It's out there.

• 43:19Speaker 04

  It's out now.

• 43:21Speaker 03

  Jean Jacoby.

• 43:23Speaker 02

  Jean Claude Jacoby.

• 43:24Speaker 03

  Jean Lucien Nicolas.

• 43:26Speaker 02

  Jean Claude Jacoby with his jacket on.

• 43:28Speaker 03

  Jacoby or Jacob not to be?

• 43:32Speaker 03

  He won Olympic gold medals in the Olympic art competitions of nineteen twenty four and nineteen twenty eight, making him the most successful Olympic artist ever. And we can probably put this, well, it's quite sweet. The one that won him a gold medal in nineteen twenty eight is this drawing. I'll show you that there it is, right?

• 43:51Speaker 03

  And it's called rugby. And it's two blokes playing rugby.

• 43:56Speaker 02

  Yeah. It is good. It's a good picture. I like it.

• 44:00Speaker 03

  It's good. Yeah. I mean, it's in, what's, I'd say.

• 44:05Speaker 02

  Is that him?

• 44:06Speaker 03

  That's him there. Self portrait. Look, he's good.

• 44:08Speaker 02

  You're gonna have to send these pictures to Lily May.

• 44:11Speaker 03

  I'll send them.

• 44:12Speaker 02

  And if you're not watching, check us out on YouTube.

• 44:15Speaker 04

  Thank you. We'll put it in our carousel, our Friday carousel as well.

• 44:19Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 44:20Speaker 03

  So.

• 44:22Speaker 04

  On social media.

• 44:23Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 44:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:27Speaker 03

  He owned, they, they, they stopped giving out the medals because they were beginning to be won exclusively by professional artists. And the Olympics was supposed to be for amateurs.

• 44:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, see, I don't.

• 44:38Speaker 03

  Which is interesting because obviously now the Olympics is not. Is it, it's not amateurs anymore either, is it?

• 44:46Speaker 02

  Well, I don't know, man. Cause I don't, I don't think you get paid to be in the Olympics.

• 44:50Speaker 03

  Okay, alright, okay.

• 44:51Speaker 02

  I think you get, you can cash in.

• 44:55Speaker 03

  Just a bit.

• 44:55Speaker 02

  You win yourself a gold medal or something. There's, there's a little, there's a little carrot at the end of the tunnel. To quote Stuart Pearce.

• 45:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:03Speaker 02

  Right?

• 45:04Speaker 03

  Is that what he said?

• 45:05Speaker 02

  I think he said, that's one of his punditry.

• 45:07Speaker 03

  It's a carrot at the end of the tunnel.

• 45:08Speaker 02

  Right? Can you look that up for me, Lily May, actually? I think that's a Stuart Pearce.

• 45:14Speaker 04

  Carrot at the end of the tunnel?

• 45:15Speaker 02

  I think that's a Stuart Pearce, Pearce quote. But, um.

• 45:19Speaker 03

  It's like how you catch a rabbit.

• 45:20Speaker 02

  Yeah. But, um. Well, it's blurred now, isn't it? Because like the USA basketball team turn up and it's fucking LeBron James and Steph Curry and stuff like that. And the rest of the world are going, why are we bothering? Why are we gonna bother turning up to try and win gold in basketball?

• 45:37Speaker 04

  Stuart Pearce did use that.

• 45:39Speaker 02

  Can, can, can you remind, does it say anything about the context that you used in?

• 45:43Speaker 04

  It basically says that it's, um, well, it's obviously a mashup of carrot and stick and end of the tunnel.

• 45:53Speaker 02

  I remember, um, I do like, uh, I do love my, uh, and I got that from a book, actually, Joe. Does that impressed you?

• 46:01Speaker 03

  It does.

• 46:01Speaker 02

  Um, there was a book of like funny punditry quotes, sporting quotes, and that one stuck with me for some reason. There's a carrot at the end of the tunnel. I remember I was listening to Talksport years ago and Stan Collmore was on it. And, uh, uh, it's fair to say, I think he's the brightest bulb.

• 46:23Speaker 03

  No.

• 46:23Speaker 02

  In the shed. And, uh, and, uh,

• 46:29Speaker 02

  and, um, he go, he was going, you know, they should have passion. It should just be coming out of them from every, um, and I was going, and he, as I was, I was driving the car, listening to him talk. I was going, poor, poor. And he went, orifice.

• 46:49Speaker 02

  And I was, and I was going, I knew you were gonna say orifice, Stan. I knew you were gonna say that.

• 46:54Speaker 03

  Yeah. There aren't that many orifices is the problem.

• 46:58Speaker 02

  No.

• 46:59Speaker 03

  So if it was coming out, even if it was coming out every orifice, that's still not very much passion.

• 47:04Speaker 03

  It's still not enough.

• 47:06Speaker 02

  I was like, I was shout, I was talking out loud as well. I was in the car on my own going, poor.

• 47:11Speaker 03

  Poor.

• 47:12Speaker 02

  Orifice.

• 47:14Speaker 03

  Oh, it's, um. So any, so, so, yeah, I like the fact that he won for a drawing called rugby. So they're quite like, it's like, does it still have to be sporty?

• 47:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, I suppose, yeah.

• 47:25Speaker 03

  It's a pretty, it's a pretty, look, it's a pretty good, it's a pretty good drawing.

• 47:29Speaker 02

  The thing that we can all agree with on the Olympics is, is that it is just heaviest, longest, fastest, everything's measured.

• 47:38Speaker 03

  Everything's measured.

• 47:39Speaker 02

  Everything has an absolute, everything's like, that was

• 47:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:43Speaker 02

  Faster than, fucking hell.

• 47:44Speaker 03

  I'd, I'd be interested to know.

• 47:46Speaker 02

  That was faster than that. The art, art is subjective, isn't it? It's, it like, I don't like the idea of judging art. I don't like, you know. Because of, well, because of the industry that I work in. Um, it's great if somebody finds something that I did funny.

• 48:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:07Speaker 02

  Also, on the flip side, if you're like Katie and you didn't find it funny.

• 48:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:13Speaker 02

  That's absolutely, that's absolutely fine as well.

• 48:15Speaker 03

  If you hated it.

• 48:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't say, I never take it, I'd never take it personally. So to sort of.

• 48:20Speaker 03

  Which is good, because she told you, didn't she?

• 48:21Speaker 02

  She did. She said, that was fucking shit. That was.

• 48:25Speaker 03

  And I hate this and.

• 48:28Speaker 02

  Um, but I don't, I don't, yeah, you can't, you can't take art personally, can you? So it's weird that they would, they did, I, I, and I didn't even know that at all whatsoever, that they had, that, that art was in the Olympics. That's an interesting fact though, Joe. They did, they, they did, uh, they did, they.

• 48:47Speaker 03

  For some time, and I only stopped doing it, not because art is not a sport, but because.

• 48:53Speaker 03

  It was too many, it was becoming dominated by professionals.

• 48:56Speaker 02

  I've never been massively into the Olympics.

• 49:00Speaker 03

  I find it a bit hard to get into.

• 49:02Speaker 02

  Because I like football, right? But Olympics, I don't, I've never been into the Olympics because like. It's like football but without the ball.

• 49:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:14Speaker 02

  So, so, so I can imagine why people don't like football. And I'm like, well, imagine if you also just got rid of the ball and it was just blokes running from one end to the other.

• 49:23Speaker 03

  This is probably really rude to athletics, but to me, it seems like football is like a meal where like eight or nine ingredients have been brought together into a whole. And it's as though somebody's just separated them all out and gone, there you go. There's the tablespoonful of flour that was in it.

• 49:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:36Speaker 03

  There's the teaspoon of salt that was in it.

• 49:39Speaker 02

  There's the running, there's the kicking.

• 49:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's, it's been separated out and maybe it's pure.

• 49:44Speaker 02

  There's the throwing.

• 49:45Speaker 03

  There probably is also. Extraordinary narrative within it and stories and stuff. I just think that every football match is a little bit like a little mini story in and of itself that's quite.

• 49:57Speaker 02

  I do like the, I do like the, like, I, I always enjoyed. The off the pitch stuff more than football. It's the same with me with boxing as well. I, I absolutely love boxing. But I guess I'm a sort of.

• 50:10Speaker 02

  I'm not a pure sort of, I like the sort of pageantry. Is there anything you'd like to add to the Olympics? I'd like.

• 50:21Speaker 03

  Jigsaw puzzles?

• 50:22Speaker 02

  Jigsaw puzzles. I'd like food challenges or something like that.

• 50:28Speaker 03

  Eating challenges, hot wings.

• 50:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'd like that.

• 50:33Speaker 02

  I'd really love that. Your classic sort of, we don't do, that's what we need to do. You see, you hear about them all the time in America, the hot dog challenge. How many hot dogs you can have in, in, like, half an hour or something? Can we do a fact up? Special? Can we, can we arrange that? Can we get like?

• 50:55Speaker 04

  Do you guys do a food challenge?

• 50:56Speaker 02

  No, we do. No, not just us. We do it for the public. If you think you're good at eating hot dogs.

• 51:03Speaker 04

  We host a.

• 51:04Speaker 02

  We host a hot dog eating competition.

• 51:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:08Speaker 03

  Fact up Olympics is actually.

• 51:10Speaker 02

  Fact up Olympics, yeah.

• 51:13Speaker 03

  We'll have a little torch.

• 51:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:16Speaker 03

  Carry it.

• 51:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:18Speaker 03

  Into this building.

• 51:19Speaker 02

  Should be people lighting their fags off it.

• 51:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:24Speaker 03

  Before the event.

• 51:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:25Speaker 03

  Before the football.

• 51:26Speaker 02

  I'd be wondering how many cigarettes can you smoke in a?

• 51:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:30Speaker 02

  Half hour or so.

• 51:31Speaker 04

  Who can get to the end of their vape first?

• 51:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:33Speaker 04

  We're good.

• 51:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:35Speaker 02

  How much beer can Buckley drink?

• 51:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:37Speaker 02

  In one episode?

• 51:42Speaker 02

  It is time for fact check, where we'll be reading a fact or question that you'd like us to get to the bottom of. Then we're gonna have a little think during the break and we'll come back to let you know how true it feels to us to decide if it passes our fact check. Joe, have you, oh, go on, introduce this first, Joe.

• 52:01Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm, I'm merely going to introduce a voice note from Shaun.

• 52:06Speaker 06

  Hi, Joe and James. Doing a great job with the podcast. I've got something I'd like you to check out if it's a fact or not. So where I'm from, we've got a saying, if someone is trying to be too nice or pull the wool over your eyes a little bit, we say they're blowing smoke up our arse. And apparently the saying comes from when people drowned, it was an approved medical thing to revive them, to get a tobacco and a pipe and blow smoke up their arse. Um, apparently we had stations along the river Thames. It sounds a bit unbelievable, but I wondered if you could check if it was a fact or not.

• 52:48Speaker 06

  If it is true, how did it then become a almost like pleasuring someone? Or pulling the wool over their eyes? How did it evolve from that to that? Yeah, I'll leave you with that one, guys. I'm sure you'll make sense of it.

• 53:03Speaker 03

  Well, you're right to say we will.

• 53:05Speaker 02

  Thank you, Sean. We'll be, we'll get to the bottom of that, uh, literally, uh, after these messages.

• 53:20Speaker 00

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• 53:53Speaker 01

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• 54:23Speaker 07

  Hello, this is Susie Ruffel. And Maisie Adam. And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey Mais, what is it? Only the best podcast ever. Yeah. A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffel. Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping too. Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. You can listen wherever. Get your podcast, just need to search Big Kick Energy. Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.

• 55:00Speaker 02

  Anyway, we are back.

• 55:04Speaker 03

  Right, so James.

• 55:05Speaker 02

  Go on, Joe.

• 55:06Speaker 03

  That voice note just there from Sean. Bloody good voice note, if I may say.

• 55:09Speaker 02

  Really good.

• 55:10Speaker 03

  Really nice.

• 55:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:12Speaker 03

  Um, I began kind of talking into it as though he was here, expecting him to come back.

• 55:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:17Speaker 03

  So that's just quite a stupid thing for me to do.

• 55:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:22Speaker 03

  And good question as well. Where does the phrase blowing smoke up someone's?

• 55:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:26Speaker 03

  Ass.

• 55:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:27Speaker 03

  Come from. And now, and is it to do with blowing tobacco smoke up their arse? When I was at school, we believed that if somebody needed to be revived in the jungle, I don't know whatever that means. What you did was you shoved a cigar up their arse.

• 55:50Speaker 03

  That caused a huge influx of nicotine.

• 55:54Speaker 02

  Right.

• 55:54Speaker 03

  And brought them back from the brink.

• 55:55Speaker 02

  Right.

• 55:56Speaker 03

  But don't be thinking you should, you could swap the cigar for a cigarette.

• 56:01Speaker 02

  No, it had to be.

• 56:01Speaker 03

  Because if you put a cigarette out there, they'd die.

• 56:04Speaker 02

  No, it'd have to be a little caf caf creme.

• 56:07Speaker 03

  Probably something you'd got from the Thermador.

• 56:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:10Speaker 03

  And, uh.

• 56:13Speaker 02

  Well, I see you'd smash the Thermador open.

• 56:15Speaker 03

  Smash the Thermador open.

• 56:16Speaker 02

  Emergency.

• 56:17Speaker 03

  Yeah. And the lobsters are like, what's going on? You're like, haven't got time to explain, guys. Hand me that. And they go, and you go, oh, let me get it.

• 56:28Speaker 02

  And they were just chopping all the time. They'd go and grab them. They'd go, oh, no.

• 56:32Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 56:36Speaker 03

  Um.

• 56:37Speaker 02

  That's probably why, that's probably why lobsters don't smoke, to be fair, isn't it?

• 56:42Speaker 02

  They would just keep chopping the cigarette, wouldn't they?

• 56:44Speaker 03

  They want to.

• 56:45Speaker 02

  They do. They're desperate for a fag.

• 56:46Speaker 03

  Want to.

• 56:49Speaker 03

  Please, can I just have a cigarette?

• 56:51Speaker 02

  Um, so.

• 56:53Speaker 03

  Lobsters on death row. Give them their last cigarette, which is always their first.

• 56:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:59Speaker 03

  And they say, that's nice. And you go.

• 57:02Speaker 02

  Alright, time to die. Anyway.

• 57:04Speaker 03

  Family behind the screen.

• 57:06Speaker 02

  In the pot. It's now illegal to boil, uh, live lobsters.

• 57:11Speaker 04

  Without giving them a fag.

• 57:12Speaker 02

  Without giving them a cigarette first.

• 57:15Speaker 03

  In some states.

• 57:16Speaker 02

  No, it is. Um, I think it's been, uh, like the last couple of weeks or so. I think it's been a sort of the world. Who's, who's decided that?

• 57:25Speaker 04

  Let's have a little look.

• 57:27Speaker 02

  Um, it's been, it's been a, yeah, it's now sort of.

• 57:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, in last month, it was, um, made, well banned.

• 57:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:35Speaker 04

  For, yeah, you can't boil lobsters alive anymore.

• 57:37Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's weird that they were like, oh, they don't feel it. It's fine. It's weird that that was, no, it's fine. It's fine. Uh, because also it was like, oh, you hear them scream as well. Like lobsters like scream when you throw them in boiling water. And they're going, oh no, that's just, that's fine. They don't feel it.

• 57:55Speaker 03

  When they said they don't feel it, I think what those people meant was we don't feel it.

• 58:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:01Speaker 03

  Which is a mistake I've noticed quite a lot of people make in lots of different circumstances.

• 58:05Speaker 02

  That is.

• 58:05Speaker 03

  They're like, no, look, honestly, it's no big deal. And you're like, do you mean for you?

• 58:09Speaker 02

  Won't all the other lobsters be worried when you're there? They won't remember.

• 58:17Speaker 03

  So you can't do that anymore. I think you'd have to say fair enough.

• 58:21Speaker 02

  Right. So listen, our fact check, we're, we're trying to, the blowing smoke up the arse. Can you revive someone who is drowned? By blowing tobacco smoke?

• 58:30Speaker 03

  Came from.

• 58:30Speaker 02

  Joe's school taught him that you need to shove a.

• 58:33Speaker 03

  Shove a cigar up there.

• 58:34Speaker 02

  Cigar, cigar up the bum.

• 58:36Speaker 03

  Presumably not lit. Or may, I think maybe you light it once it's up.

• 58:39Speaker 02

  Right.

• 58:41Speaker 02

  Now, this has got me thinking, right? So blowing smoke up the arse, right? I think that's derived from kissing someone's arse.

• 58:53Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 58:53Speaker 02

  By sucking up to them.

• 58:55Speaker 03

  Like as in brown nose?

• 58:56Speaker 02

  Brown nosing, yeah.

• 58:58Speaker 03

  Disgusting phrases.

• 58:59Speaker 02

  So I think, I think, I think the phrase kissing someone's arse came before blowing smoke up their arse. Because I feel like it's like at a time where everyone would smoke cigarettes. You'd be like, oh, you're just blowing smoke up their arse now because you you just naturally have a fag on or something.

• 59:17Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 59:18Speaker 02

  Maybe.

• 59:19Speaker 03

  So, yeah.

• 59:21Speaker 02

  I think.

• 59:22Speaker 03

  And can I offer another?

• 59:23Speaker 02

  Go on.

• 59:24Speaker 03

  Little angle on this?

• 59:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:26Speaker 03

  Bees. Because you calm them down by.

• 59:30Speaker 02

  Not true. Carry on. No, go on. Carry on.

• 59:33Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 59:35Speaker 02

  I'm about, I'm about to fact your brains out here.

• 59:39Speaker 03

  Please. Well.

• 59:42Speaker 02

  So you can't, so what you was about to say was that you calm, you can't, you calm them down by, um.

• 59:48Speaker 03

  The bellows and you get the smoke.

• 59:50Speaker 02

  Right.

• 59:50Speaker 03

  I've seen, I've seen Meghan do it on a documentary.

• 59:55Speaker 02

  Who's Meghan?

• 59:56Speaker 03

  Meghan, Harry and Meghan.

• 59:57Speaker 02

  Oh, Harry and Meghan, Meghan.

• 59:58Speaker 03

  Harry and Meghan, Meghan.

• 59:59Speaker 02

  Right. Um, not true. Not true.

• 1:00:03Speaker 03

  Why are they, why is she doing it then?

• 1:00:04Speaker 02

  Not true. Right. So it does, right. It doesn't calm them down.

• 1:00:09Speaker 02

  So I've just done a film, which comes out soon, which I will be mentioning in the next couple of episodes.

• 1:00:15Speaker 03

  Another Christmas.

• 1:00:16Speaker 02

  Because I want you to go and watch it. Um, but I've just done a film where I play a beekeeper.

• 1:00:22Speaker 03

  What are the chances?

• 1:00:23Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:00:23Speaker 03

  I've stumbled into, blundered into.

• 1:00:26Speaker 02

  I had to spend a day with these bees and I fucking loved it. Absolutely loved it. With a proper beekeeper. Because we felt it was important that I knew what you do around bees and I had no experience. And I was lifting these bee, these hives up and stuff where they make their honey and you pull these slats out. They're so heavy when they're full of bees, like.

• 1:00:50Speaker 03

  Because it adds up.

• 1:00:51Speaker 02

  You can't imagine the weight of thousands of bees, right? Um.

• 1:00:56Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah.

• 1:00:58Speaker 02

  And and for the purposes of the film, that's exciting, isn't it? The bellows and the smokes and stuff. It looks great on film.

• 1:01:07Speaker 03

  Smoke is great on film.

• 1:01:08Speaker 02

  You may, you look like a beekeeper, da da da. And I was doing a lot of that when we were, when we were making the film. He was going, if we, if we be, if we're going for realism here, you probably wouldn't do that.

• 1:01:20Speaker 02

  And the director was like, don't care about realism. That just looks good. That looks good. That looks great on camera.

• 1:01:25Speaker 03

  Maybe stay in your lane.

• 1:01:26Speaker 02

  And I was going, I was going, yeah, that looks really exciting, all that stuff. We, I wanna keep all that in. That's really good. And but he was going, I'll be honest with you, like, and I was, and I said what you said. I said, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, because that calms them down, doesn't it? He said, doesn't calm them down. What it does is it disrupts their uh communication.

• 1:01:46Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:01:47Speaker 02

  It stops them from being able to talk to each other, the, the pheromones and the things, pheromones, just threw that out there.

• 1:01:54Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:01:54Speaker 02

  The signals that they give off to each other um get cut. So it, if anything, it confuses them. It doesn't calm them down. It confuses them. Are you looking this up, Lily May? Because also I might have dreamt this conversation.

• 1:02:14Speaker 04

  Right, okay.

• 1:02:17Speaker 03

  Are you in a film?

• 1:02:18Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:02:19Speaker 03

  That's not a dream as well.

• 1:02:20Speaker 02

  I feel like that's what the bloke told me, but I was really excited, like, you've been around me on film sets. I do get a bit, I do get a bit gun ho and a bit excited about stuff.

• 1:02:29Speaker 03

  I know, and if there's this stuff that.

• 1:02:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:31Speaker 03

  I don't wanna have a go at film sets, but they can be a bit boring as well. So if there's a toy.

• 1:02:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:36Speaker 03

  Then you're gonna wanna.

• 1:02:38Speaker 02

  And I do feel like this bloke was talking to me and I was saying the word yeah a lot to him.

• 1:02:42Speaker 04

  It does, I've got here that.

• 1:02:43Speaker 02

  I was going, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:45Speaker 04

  Smoke interferes with the bee's primary form of communication, smell.

• 1:02:49Speaker 02

  Yes, that's it. Yes. So it doesn't cut, he was like, it doesn't calm them down necessarily. But it stops them, you know, it's like.

• 1:02:58Speaker 03

  So it does help?

• 1:02:59Speaker 04

  And it does, and it does say they emit strong smelling pheromones.

• 1:03:03Speaker 03

  So you were right about pheromones as well?

• 1:03:05Speaker 02

  Um, so I'm great.

• 1:03:09Speaker 02

  I'm correct.

• 1:03:10Speaker 03

  About that, yes, you're right about that, but it, so it does.

• 1:03:16Speaker 03

  So it does calm them down. But this chap, he sounds like a lovely man. I think he's being a little bit pedantic.

• 1:03:22Speaker 02

  No, no, no. He's a beekeeper. He knows what he's talking about. It doesn't calm them down. It just stops them from being organised. It's like cutting the communications of the army.

• 1:03:31Speaker 03

  Does it make the beekeeper's job easier?

• 1:03:35Speaker 02

  I don't think it does.

• 1:03:37Speaker 03

  Why are people doing it if it doesn't help?

• 1:03:38Speaker 02

  I think it's, I think it's like a la- it's a last ditch thing that you'd do.

• 1:03:44Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:03:44Speaker 02

  The smoke stuff.

• 1:03:45Speaker 03

  Okay, so maybe, maybe slightly, maybe Meghan, who's maybe not as advanced to be, I don't know. But maybe not as advanced a beekeeper as this beekeeper. Maybe she's a bit, been a bit trigger happy.

• 1:03:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:58Speaker 03

  She just wants to use it.

• 1:04:00Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:04:00Speaker 03

  I can't remember whether she was using it. She had a beekeeper there as well.

• 1:04:03Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:04:05Speaker 02

  But for tell- in her defence, if you wanna, if you wanna talk about bee- or feature beekeeping in TV or film. They want the glamour. They want the, they want the glamour shot of all the smoke and all the dramatisation of that.

• 1:04:20Speaker 03

  I'd like to do a shot, most dramatic scene ever. It's on a steam train platform.

• 1:04:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:26Speaker 03

  And everyone's smoking.

• 1:04:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:29Speaker 03

  And there's a beekeeper there. Imagine how fucking dramatic that'd be.

• 1:04:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, during the fire of London.

• 1:04:33Speaker 03

  And it's foggy.

• 1:04:37Speaker 02

  That would look great on film.

• 1:04:38Speaker 03

  That looks so good.

• 1:04:39Speaker 02

  Look at that in the IMAX. I'm surprised Nolan hasn't written a scene like that.

• 1:04:43Speaker 03

  That's four, that's four D. There's a four D.

• 1:04:44Speaker 02

  That's four D, yeah.

• 1:04:46Speaker 03

  That's four D. It's coming out the bellows.

• 1:04:48Speaker 02

  And in the cinema that we, someone will light a little fire.

• 1:04:51Speaker 03

  Little fire. The fourth dimension is fire.

• 1:04:55Speaker 02

  Yeah. Um, but Sean, back to your, back to your, what was it? What was he saying? Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:01Speaker 04

  Blown smoke.

• 1:05:01Speaker 02

  I think the blown smoke up the arse derives from kissing someone's arse. I don't think that you, that it was ever a fact that, or, or a misconception that you could revive. You could give mouth to arse. Uh, if someone, if someone was drowning.

• 1:05:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, a guy gave me mouth to arse once.

• 1:05:26Speaker 04

  That was in the hanging rooms, wasn't it?

• 1:05:28Speaker 03

  I wasn't feeling unwell or anything.

• 1:05:29Speaker 02

  He was going, you're drowning, you're drowning. And you were going, I'm not.

• 1:05:32Speaker 03

  I said, I feel all right. He was like, yeah, but better safe than sorry.

• 1:05:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:37Speaker 03

  Um, I honestly think it's a little bit like the Stuart Pearce carrot at the end of the

• 1:05:42Speaker 02

  carrot at the end of the

• 1:05:42Speaker 03

  Because I think it's a kind of mashup of

• 1:05:44Speaker 02

  I think there's a few sayings.

• 1:05:46Speaker 03

  I think it's a mashup of smokescreen and kissing an ass or something.

• 1:05:49Speaker 02

  But what I would like to get into is the origin of kissing an ass.

• 1:05:55Speaker 03

  Well, what that means is basically, I'm sorry to come in quite so aggressively there, but, but I just think that means that you, I think that's like, if you are too in awe of somebody.

• 1:06:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:10Speaker 03

  You have forgotten that they too go to the toilet, fart, have a bum. It's almost like you have started to think that even their shit doesn't stink to kind of crib that phrase. And, and I think it's that sense of like, you shouldn't kiss anyone's ass. No, nobody is an angel. Everybody still farts and burps and goes to the toilet. And if you have started to forget that about somebody, you have put them on too higher pedestal and you've lost your ability to, to judge them. And I think, and, and so, yeah, so that's kissing ass, I think comes, comes from that.

• 1:06:48Speaker 02

  Do you think blowing smoke up someone's ass comes off of the back of that though? That's what I'm saying.

• 1:06:56Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:06:56Speaker 02

  Yeah. I'm thinking of like, I don't know what period of history, bad men, that's sort of where everyone's got a cigarette on the go. And you'd be kissing their ass so much that you'd actually start blowing smoke up them. In the assumption that you would definitely have a cigarette as well, because everyone smokes at this point, because it's good for you.

• 1:07:18Speaker 03

  I'm also not convinced that reviving somebody is quite, is really an analogue for

• 1:07:24Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:07:25Speaker 03

  stroking their ego. Like, i- i- if, if you were, if I was like flattering you loads, you wouldn't go, oh, you, you, you're just trying to give me CPR. It does, it just doesn't quite feel like the same type of thing.

• 1:07:39Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:07:41Speaker 02

  Are we saying not fact?

• 1:07:44Speaker 03

  We're saying not fact.

• 1:07:46Speaker 02

  I think we're going not fact.

• 1:07:47Speaker 04

  Not fact.

• 1:07:48Speaker 02

  Has it been not fact for a while now? When's the last time we agreed with a fact with someone?

• 1:07:53Speaker 04

  Was it maybe, was it last episode? Did you not agree with last one?

• 1:07:56Speaker 02

  Did we? What last episode?

• 1:08:00Speaker 02

  I can't remember.

• 1:08:03Speaker 04

  Let's have a look. Let me, let me, let me quich it.

• 1:08:06Speaker 03

  Well, literally the last episode, as in.

• 1:08:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, if you cut a worm in half, it, no, did you believe that a worm, if you cut it in half, it stays alive?

• 1:08:15Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:08:15Speaker 04

  No, okay.

• 1:08:16Speaker 03

  No, one, one, no, no, we believed it stays alive. We didn't believe that it creates two worms.

• 1:08:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:20Speaker 04

  Okay, so half facts there then. Half agreed.

• 1:08:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:23Speaker 02

  That's at least two episodes in a row where we've gone.

• 1:08:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're non-believers.

• 1:08:28Speaker 03

  I also think we're now starting to turn stuff down.

• 1:08:31Speaker 04

  You're not basing it on if it's interesting, you're just doing it whether you think it's true.

• 1:08:34Speaker 03

  I think we actually should say this is.

• 1:08:36Speaker 02

  No, no, but also, um, that's what comes into, in my brain, the interesting part is that it might be true. That's the most interesting part about a fact.

• 1:08:48Speaker 04

  Making it conceivable.

• 1:08:50Speaker 02

  Yeah. I don't think this one is. It was very funny though.

• 1:08:54Speaker 03

  I also think it would be incredibly difficult to genuinely blow smoke up someone's arse. Blow it into their mouth.

• 1:09:02Speaker 02

  Yeah. Gross as well. What, um, what, what's, we're saying not fact, we're saying not fact on that one, Lily May.

• 1:09:11Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:09:11Speaker 02

  Thank you, Shaun.

• 1:09:12Speaker 04

  Thank you, Shaun.

• 1:09:13Speaker 02

  What's the, what's Queen Lily May got to say about?

• 1:09:15Speaker 04

  So, uh, the Queen's decree is that there was a thing once upon a time called a smoke, tobacco smoke enema, which was used up the rectum as a medical treatment for people potentially who had drowned or become cold or were drowsy. Uh, and the phrase blowing smoke does come from that because it was sort of quite ineffective. So the idea is blowing smoke up someone's arse is ineffective.

• 1:09:42Speaker 03

  I see. So it's crazy because it doesn't work.

• 1:09:46Speaker 02

  You're creating illusion, you're trying to big someone up, make them better than what they are.

• 1:09:49Speaker 03

  Okay, you're a snake oil salesman.

• 1:09:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:51Speaker 04

  So it's insincere, it doesn't work.

• 1:09:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:54Speaker 04

  So it's the same as blowing smoke up someone's arse because it's kind of pointless and insincere. So it is a fact.

• 1:10:00Speaker 02

  It is a fact, but it's not fact up.

• 1:10:04Speaker 04

  It's not, it didn't pass your fact check and that's okay?

• 1:10:06Speaker 02

  That's all that matters. Um.

• 1:10:09Speaker 03

  Wow, gosh.

• 1:10:10Speaker 02

  Thanks Shaun.

• 1:10:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:11Speaker 02

  Cheers for that.

• 1:10:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, a rare example of some actual information.

• 1:10:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, um, if there's anything that you'd like us to fact check, head to our episode's description for all the ways to get in touch.

• 1:10:25Speaker 03

  Have you got a sporting factor? Throw in for us, James?

• 1:10:29Speaker 02

  Yes, I do.

• 1:10:30Speaker 03

  Maybe at the stumps?

• 1:10:31Speaker 02

  I do.

• 1:10:32Speaker 03

  From the field to see if you can run out one of the other team's batsmen.

• 1:10:37Speaker 02

  It's a sporting fact about a Japanese athlete who I'm almost certain I will, um,

• 1:10:44Speaker 03

  Meet?

• 1:10:45Speaker 02

  Get their name wrong.

• 1:10:46Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:10:47Speaker 02

  And I don't, I hate getting people's names wrong. Um.

• 1:10:52Speaker 02

  Shiso Kanakuri.

• 1:10:56Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:10:56Speaker 02

  Shiso Kanakuri.

• 1:10:57Speaker 03

  It's not obviously wrong.

• 1:10:59Speaker 02

  Um, in the 1912 Olympics, Japanese marathon runner Shizo Kanakuri started the race in Stockholm and then vanished.

• 1:11:11Speaker 03

  That is.

• 1:11:11Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 1:11:12Speaker 03

  Not, well, cool.

• 1:11:13Speaker 02

  Hang on.

• 1:11:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:14Speaker 02

  I'm gonna get to the bottom of this now. What actually happens? He collapsed from exhaustion in the heat. A local Swedish family took him in.

• 1:11:26Speaker 02

  He felt embarrassed and quietly returned to Japan.

• 1:11:31Speaker 02

  Officials assumed he'd gone missing and was possibly dead.

• 1:11:37Speaker 02

  Fast forward 54 years.

• 1:11:40Speaker 03

  Something he didn't do.

• 1:11:41Speaker 02

  In 1966, Sweden invited him back and asked him to officially finish the marathon.

• 1:11:47Speaker 03

  Oh Sweden, you Stalin country.

• 1:11:50Speaker 02

  So he crossed the line and recorded the greatest Olympic time in history. 54 years, eight months, six days, five hours and 32 minutes. His official comment, it was a long run.

• 1:12:09Speaker 03

  Talk about a bad day at work.

• 1:12:14Speaker 03

  Oh, wow.

• 1:12:15Speaker 02

  Talk about a rough day of work.

• 1:12:19Speaker 03

  That's really good. Sweden comes out of it very well.

• 1:12:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:24Speaker 03

  I think that's what I'd do.

• 1:12:26Speaker 02

  They're so.

• 1:12:27Speaker 03

  I would, not, not the Sweden bit. I'd also.

• 1:12:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:30Speaker 03

  Just be like, I just can't just not tell anyone.

• 1:12:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, I would as well. I love them. There's a lot about Japanese culture that just rings a bell with me. That just I can get on board with.

• 1:12:42Speaker 03

  I think, I think a lot of English people feel that way.

• 1:12:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:46Speaker 03

  I think we like the fact that there is a sense of etiquette.

• 1:12:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:51Speaker 03

  Manners and also.

• 1:12:53Speaker 02

  We don't wanna be any trouble.

• 1:12:55Speaker 03

  Repression.

• 1:12:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, we don't wanna be any trouble. We don't want to tell, we don't wanna tell you our true feelings about.

• 1:13:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:04Speaker 02

  We'll just quietly go back to Japan. Anyway, Joe, I'm all fact out.

• 1:13:10Speaker 03

  I'm fact.

• 1:13:10Speaker 02

  I don't know about you. What have we learned today, Joe? We've learned that the R was once an Olympic sport.

• 1:13:18Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:13:19Speaker 02

  Was included in the Olympics. We've learned that blowing smoke up someone's arse came from people actually blowing smoke up, tobacco smoke.

• 1:13:31Speaker 03

  Tobacco enema.

• 1:13:31Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah.

• 1:13:33Speaker 03

  But the, the reason it's now in common parlance is because it's, was known to not.

• 1:13:37Speaker 02

  Phoney, it was false and phony. And we've also learned that a bloke, a Japanese bloke took 50 odd years to finish a marathon once. Don't forget that you can get.

• 1:13:50Speaker 03

  Still better than my time.

• 1:13:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:54Speaker 03

  The London Marathon?

• 1:13:55Speaker 02

  Well, you did the marathon, didn't you?

• 1:13:57Speaker 03

  Did you in Covid?

• 1:13:58Speaker 02

  And then you couldn't keep up, your phone ran out of battery.

• 1:14:01Speaker 03

  My phone was about to run out of battery and also it couldn't find, I couldn't find a signal. So I was, it wasn't logging my distance. So the last half a kilometre took me like 45 minutes because it just couldn't find a satellite and, and not because I was going to tell you, literally I've got evidence that I did run more than before anyone.

• 1:14:16Speaker 02

  That's it, that's it. We're done. We are done. We'll be back next week armed with some more facts, chats and wing attacks.

• 1:14:24Speaker 03

  What was that from?

• 1:14:24Speaker 02

  What was that from?

• 1:14:25Speaker 04

  It's just a sporting position.

• 1:14:27Speaker 03

  A wing attack?

• 1:14:27Speaker 02

  A wing attack, right. Yes, of course. And don't forget that you-

• 1:14:31Speaker 04

  I won't bother next week.

• 1:14:32Speaker 03

  No!

• 1:14:32Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:14:32Speaker 03

  We forgot. Look, we just forgot the theme of the episode. It's not a big deal.

• 1:14:37Speaker 02

  Don't forget that you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to fact check something that feels true to you, or whatever nonsense you'd like to tell us by emailing us.

• 1:14:46Speaker 03

  Oh, to us?

• 1:14:48Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 1:14:48Speaker 03

  What did it say, us?

• 1:14:49Speaker 02

  At joandjamespod.com. Our WhatsApp number is 07822 034 330, or you can follow us on social media at joandjamespod, and head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten those details. That's another podcast episode done. It was a rubbish one, like the one before.

• 1:15:06Speaker 04

  Gold medal.

• 1:15:06Speaker 02

  And next week's one is probably going to be rubbish as well.

• 1:15:09Speaker 03

  Imagine how bad the next one's going to be.

• 1:15:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:11Speaker 03

  Bye.

• 1:15:12Speaker 02

  Bye, guys.

• 1:15:16Speaker 03

  I thought that was a good one.

• 1:15:19Speaker 03

  Jane James, fucked up.

• 1:15:26Speaker 00

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• 1:16:32Speaker 04

  I'm Claire Buckley, and this Halloween on my podcast, Pretty Scary, we are going to cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts, and aliens. Plus, the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So-

• 1:16:51Speaker 04

  As the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved, and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window.

• 1:16:59Speaker 04

  It's probably just the cat. Right. Get the candles lit, and search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.