Jocko Underground: Issues With Training Jiu Jitsu with Women Partners.

>Join Jocko Underground Full Episodes< https://app.redcircle.com/shows/64a89f88-a245-4098-8d8d-496325ec4f74/exclusive-content 00:29 — Training Jiu-Jitsu With Women: My wife is uncomfortable with me rolling with women? 08:55 — Being a Warrior With a Disability? 16:06 — Regretting Wasted Years: How do I stop regretting lost time and know I'm doing enough? 23:57 — Dealing With a Disruptive Teenager. 36:47 — Military Service in the Age of Drones. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/jocko-podcast/exclusive-content

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jocko Willink?

  This is the Jocko Underground Podcast, number 233, sitting here with Echo Charles. We have a variety of questions from the frontline troops. Those of you that are out there in the mix currently getting after it. Sometimes you run into some obstacles, some terrain features you gotta maneuver around. And we are here to answer your questions, give you some solutions, give you some recommendations, or at a minimum, give you some courses of action you can follow to navigate this terrain of life. Let's get into it.

• 0:29Speaker 01

  First question, I'm 35, married with kids and a Jiu Jitsu Blue Belt. Recently, my wife started bringing our daughter to the kids' class and realized men and women train together. She's uncomfortable with me rolling with women because positions like mount and closed guard seem too intimate. She trusts me completely, but admits she feels insecure about me training closely with athletic women. I explained, there's nothing sexual about it and she understands, but it still bothers her. I rarely train with women anyway, so avoiding it wouldn't be difficult. Should I simply stop training with women out of respect for my wife or handle this differently?

• 1:12Jocko Willink?

  Yep, stop training with women.

• 1:16Jocko Willink?

  Next question. This is just, it's just a total no brainer, right? Yeah, your relationship with your wife is paramount. Obviously, you have kids, this is your wife, right? You get nothing from training with women, right? You're not getting any training benefit. You rarely do it anyways.

• 1:35Jocko Willink?

  There's no reason to do it if your wife's concerned about it. And so you don't need to put yourself in a position with zero upside. So, and it's not that big of a deal, like to you, no one in Jiu Jitsu class has to train with anyone else in a Jiu Jitsu class. I know this might seem uncomfortable at times because you feel weird and awkward, but you, as a human being, whoever you are, do not have to train with any other human being in a Jiu Jitsu class. That's the way it is. If you're for some reason feeling any kind of like weird pressure out of social awkwardness or whatever, this is just wrong. When someone says, hey, do you want to train? You go, no, no, thanks.

• 2:17Jocko Willink?

  That's it. Uh, no, no, thanks, appreciate it. No, I'm gonna sit this one out. No, I'm already training with Echo over here. No, I'm not training with any smaller people today. No, I'm not training with any bigger people today. No, I'm not training with anyone younger than me today. No, I'm not training with anyone older than me. You just say whatever you want. No, I don't train with girls. I don't want to, I'm a little too crazy. I don't want to hurt anybody. No, it's fine. No, no, that's kind of one of my rules. And there you go. You don't have to give away like, you have to start bringing your personal life into a woman. My wife, you don't need to say any of that shit. No need for that. That's between you and your wife. That's your business, not anyone else's business. So, yep, you stop training with women. Say, hey babe, sorry. You're right, cool. I won't train with women anymore and we're done. We move on. We have an awesome marriage. We take care of our kids.

• 3:02Jocko Willink?

  We're never getting any weird situations. No one's ever accusing us of doing anything. You just carry on. That's what we're doing.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  So good. Yep. Yeah, there, I kind of, because at first, when, when I first started Jiu Jitsu, there was that question too. And not at first, because that first, first, there was no girls anywhere. But when Victory opened up and stuff, she's like, oh yeah, girls, train with, like, and my wife was kind of confused, you know? Because like, wait, why are you training with a girl? Like you were, you trained with Jocko and then a girl? It doesn't make sense, you know? Jocko's like big, he's teach you stuff and he's like big as you, you know, why would you? And I was like, oh yeah, that's true. I don't see it because I'm just, I'm training, I'll train with anybody. Freaking little 13 year old freaking kid wants to train? Yeah, I'll train, I'm taking it easy, you know, kind of a thing.

• 3:49Speaker 01

  But it's like, oh, okay. It, it doesn't matter that it's, that from your personal perspective, it's not like that. It doesn't matter like, and then the, even a bigger picture, I thought of it as like, yeah, no, Jiu Jitsu is supposed to help me and my family, not create issues that I gotta explain and freaking justify and all this, which doesn't even like, it doesn't even need a justification. In a way, brash, that's her opinion and it's correct. That's how you're, that's how everything's kind of set up. See what I'm saying? So you gotta prioritize, kind of thing. And I'm, I'm not saying, I'm not telling this guy this, I'm saying this is what I was kind of thinking of for myself. And then, um, but I do understand the, the question of should I handle it differently?

• 4:33Speaker 01

  Because there is a certain, almost intangible, it's an illusion, but it's like this intangible, like element of being in Jiu Jitsu that it's almost like your loyalty to the sport that like, hey, are you a, like, we're, let's say there's 10 of us in this class, you got two girls in there or something like this. And it's like, hey, they're there to train too, you know? And now you're, you know, you're partnered up with her and you're, now you're saying, no, you can't get the training on this round. So like, I owe it to this Jiu Jitsu class to be a good training partner. We know, like, we feel that, you know? But there's more important things. See what I'm saying?

• 5:08Jocko Willink?

  Yeah, maybe as a Blue Belt, he might think that there's some unknown etiquette that he shouldn't, that he needs to consider.

• 5:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:16Jocko Willink?

  But there isn't.

• 5:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:17Jocko Willink?

  And by the way, like, if there was some crazy situation where, you know, it was like, hey, can you help me show this position to her? You're not gonna be like, oh, no, I can't. No, you go, oh, cool. It's not like, you know, you're not like rolling, you, if you happen to do a round and like, oh, you know, you're just like, hey, man, I'm pretty much not rolling with girls anymore and you just do whatever you can. And if it happens once a month or once a year, you're like, okay, well, no big deal. I rolled with a girl, you know, well, it's, you know, whatever. So I wouldn't, I wouldn't sweat it too much. But yeah, just prioritize your wife, prioritize your kids, prioritize your marriage. And do you have to worry about training with girls?

• 5:53Speaker 01

  Yep. And that, and at the same time, that's not to say that training with, you shouldn't be training with girls.

• 5:59Jocko Willink?

  No, training with girls, I train with girls all the time.

• 6:00Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. There is value.

• 6:03Jocko Willink?

  I, I don't train with girls as much anymore, only because there's not as many girls in my element of people that I train with. Because there used to be, we used to have Penny around. You know, but I trained with Paige, you know, I'll train with Paige all day. Like Paige is freaking awesome to train with. Obviously, trained with Brana, trained with Freya, like I'm training with my daughters. Who else? I trained with Rafa the other day, like she's a, you know, one of the best in the world. Training with her, that's like totally cool. But again, that's, so it is totally normal to train with girls, but it's okay if you can't, if your wife's got a problem, no factor, just call it.

• 6:38Speaker 01

  Yep, I will, yeah. I, being in Jiu Jitsu, I missed this for the first part of it, but seeing it from someone else's perspective, Jiu Jitsu, and you say this, Jiu Jitsu is probably the most intimate sport there is.

• 6:50Jocko Willink?

  Not even close.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:51Jocko Willink?

  There's nothing even close.

• 6:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:54Jocko Willink?

  No, there's nothing even close. Uh, I guess maybe some like weird, like cheerleading situations where guys are like picking girls up by their butt and everything like that. So that's, that's one.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  But it's.

• 7:04Jocko Willink?

  But even that's like, hmm. Yeah, but even that is like, not, I mean, there's full intimacy in a physical perspective in Jiu Jitsu for sure. So, yeah, if, if your wife's like, no, then cool, no.

• 7:19Speaker 01

  Yep. Because I, yeah, because if you look at it from another perspective, you're like, I see exactly what she's talking about. Hundred percent. The word is mount. That's the name of the position. So it's like, bah. And like, if you think of, not to get too graphic here, but if you think of sexual positions, like just in life, like real sexual, there's very like, almost word for word, inch to inch overlap to some position. There is, eh, bro. I'm, like I said, because yeah, of course not, because you're looking at it from a non-sexual Jiu Jitsu situation. You look at it from the wife's situation. Bro, let's face it, see what I'm saying? And I know this, and this is when it was dawned on me, this was back in 2006-ish, I think something like this.

• 8:05Speaker 01

  She's watching a show called Sex in the City. Yes, one of your favorite shows. And she was like, um, oh yeah, uh, on the, on the show, she was like, I'm dating this guy, he's a martial artist, whatever. She's like, oh, what, what is it? Karate or whatever? He's like, oh, it's called Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. And now, isn't that the gayest sport in the world or something?

• 8:22Jocko Willink?

  So, that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko Underground Podcast. So if you want to continue to listen, go to jacood underground.com and subscribe. And we're doing this, we're doing this to mitigate our reliance on external platforms so we are not subject to their control. And we are doing this so that we can support the Jocko Podcast, which will remain as is, free for all, as long as we can keep it that way. But we, but we are doing this so we don't have to be under the control of sponsors. And we're doing it so we can give you more control, more interaction, more direct connections,

• 9:07Jocko Willink?

  better communications with us.

• 9:10Jocko Willink?

  And to do that, we are, we're building a website right now where we'll be able to utilize to strengthen this legion of troopers that are in the game with us. So thank you. It's jacood underground.com. It costs $8.18 a month. And if you can't afford to support us, we can still support you. Just email assistance@jacood underground.com and we'll get you taken care of. Until then, we will see you mobilized underground.