Jordan’s Personal Preferences | And Object Upgrades

Who doesn’t like a warm bum on a cold toilet seat? A little tongue in the ear action? It’s all about personal preference! The boys also discuss which everyday objects should have extras attached to them - for better or worse… Want more Sexted in your life? Join Help I Sexted My Boss Out Of Office for exclusive episodes every WEDNESDAY on Patreon! Just head tosextedmyboss.com/patreon http://sextedmyboss.com/patreon Want MORE Help I Sexted My Boss?: https://sextedmyboss.komi.io/ FOLLOW Jordan North Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jordannorth1 William Hanson Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/williamhansonetiquette TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@williamhansonetiquette If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected]. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  William and Jordan will be with you in just a moment, but first, here's one for your queue. Vicky Patterson has taken on a huge charity challenge, getting from Newcastle to London by kayak, bike and on foot. Now she's on her podcast Get a Grip with a proper, honest, blisters and all debrief. If you need a nudge to step outside your comfort zone, then this is the one for you. Once this episode's done, search Get a Grip and get it playing.

• 0:28Speaker 01

  I thought you were getting rid of your moustache. Did he not get rid of that?

• 0:31Speaker 00

  I've decided it might be an autumn/winter thing.

• 0:37Speaker 00

  Because the, a very, very many disappointed G and D'ivas. One of them DM'd me and said, "I can't cope without your tash."

• 0:46Speaker 01

  And you said what?

• 0:47Speaker 00

  Well, I'll grow it back. Terry.

• 0:51Speaker 02

  And you think he's joking?

• 0:54Speaker 00

  And Terry said, "Thank you." And then he said, "How much for your used socks?" And I said, "Don't take it too far, Terry."

• 1:02Speaker 01

  Not now, Terry.

• 1:10Speaker 00

  Hello, welcome to our Friday episode where we see how much extra content we can squeeze into a week. Random things that have been sent in, extra bits that have been going on and how our advice went down with you. How are G and D'ivas?

• 1:22Speaker 02

  What's she doing this weekend?

• 1:23Speaker 00

  This weekend? Ooh, doodle doodle doo. Obviously, I will be watching Help I Sex and My Boss live on Patreon.

• 1:33Speaker 02

  Okay, nice plug, yeah.

• 1:34Speaker 00

  We're now on Patreon, sextedmyboss.com/patreon, if you want to see us. So I am actually going to do that. I'm super buzzing. I'm going to get it up on telly and everything.

• 1:42Speaker 02

  Good.

• 1:42Speaker 00

  I'm going to watch the tour and the backstage BTS, behind the scenes bits of the tour, which I'm kind of dreading in a way, if I'm honest. Do I come across tired at times?

• 1:54Speaker 01

  I've actually only seen one bit, which is after the fail, the sort of the really hard bit in the costume change.

• 2:02Speaker 02

  And it cuts to the car and we all look like we are so pissed off with each other. Well, not actually with each other, actually. Just pissed off at the...

• 2:09Speaker 01

  I think I was starving.

• 2:10Speaker 00

  I want to watch this. So, have we got the bit where he stormed out of KFC in the service station?

• 2:15Speaker 02

  Alas, that did not. I didn't stop.

• 2:18Speaker 00

  Why's that been cut?

• 2:20Speaker 02

  Don't know if it was filmed, actually.

• 2:22Speaker 00

  They were taking piss in there.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  They were. Thirty-five minutes for a KFC.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  Oh my goodness.

• 2:28Speaker 02

  We've got a show to do.

• 2:29Speaker 00

  Oh, that was stressful.

• 2:30Speaker 01

  That was stressful.

• 2:31Speaker 00

  That was, I felt sick.

• 2:32Speaker 02

  I'll tell you who it was that really wound me up. Okay, and it was, well, I was being wound up anyway because it was taking forever for our order to come through. I didn't even want KFC. I was being made to try my first KFC, so that was taking forever. And then just, just as I'm really beginning to lose it, two members come up, Ben and Mikey, and they order food as well.

• 2:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:55Speaker 02

  Delaying us further.

• 2:57Speaker 00

  We had to cancel, we had to cancel an interview for that.

• 3:00Speaker 01

  No, hang on a second. Rewrite the bloody history books.

• 3:05Speaker 00

  He's not wrong.

• 3:05Speaker 01

  I came after, like, 30 seconds after you.

• 3:09Speaker 02

  He's not 30 seconds.

• 3:09Speaker 00

  And can I just say, that KFC, nobody ate it. It just fucking stunk the coach outfit rest of the trip. Anyway.

• 3:15Speaker 01

  Anyway, yeah, that's not in the cut, so enjoy that.

• 3:19Speaker 00

  Well, it should be because that's IRL. That's the real William Hanson right there. So I'm going to be watching that and then...

• 3:26Speaker 02

  I'll tell you what is in there. Jordan performatively putting rubbish away in the bid in Manchester when we arrive. Look at me. You're getting this on camera. This is what you do. I'm just putting some rubbish away.

• 3:37Speaker 00

  Did I?

• 3:38Speaker 02

  That's in there.

• 3:39Speaker 01

  God, I don't remember that.

• 3:40Speaker 00

  So I'll be doing that this weekend. And then Friday, I'm going to be doing, I've got friends coming around, playing Five Crowns. It's a great game.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  I did it on holiday.

• 3:47Speaker 00

  Did you get into it?

• 3:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, on your recommendation.

• 3:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, did you? It's basically rummaging.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love it. Love it. Yeah.

• 3:53Speaker 00

  Get the...

• 3:53Speaker 01

  The whole family loved it, Jordan.

• 3:55Speaker 00

  Did they actually?

• 3:55Speaker 01

  Yeah. We were only able to play in short windows because we got niece, my niece, Emma though. So it was when she was sleeping, but...

• 4:02Speaker 00

  Five Crowns. Did you actually get into it?

• 4:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's always awkward bringing a game because you never know the response, but with that one...

• 4:08Speaker 00

  Everyone loves it. We'll get you on cap round.

• 4:10Speaker 01

  We've got the viewing party. We've got Five Crowns.

• 4:13Speaker 02

  Basically, much. Moving.

• 4:14Speaker 00

  What are you doing this weekend?

• 4:16Speaker 02

  What am I doing this weekend? I'm going to...

• 4:18Speaker 00

  Apart from watching us on Patreon, we're not on Patreon.

• 4:21Speaker 02

  Obviously. I'm going to the producers' closing night. That's closing in London at the character theatre.

• 4:27Speaker 00

  I've always wanted to see that.

• 4:27Speaker 02

  Well, you've missed it. And...

• 4:31Speaker 00

  I'm super, thanks for, that's not the producers.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  That's not the producers, no.

• 4:34Speaker 00

  That's South Park, big gal. Where's that come from?

• 4:39Speaker 00

  I'm super, thanks for asking. Don't you think I look nice in this hat? That's, that's South Park the movie, isn't it?

• 4:46Speaker 02

  I've never seen that.

• 4:47Speaker 00

  Big gal, you've never seen that?

• 4:48Speaker 02

  No.

• 4:49Speaker 00

  No, it's funny.

• 4:50Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 4:50Speaker 00

  Have you ever seen the other one, Team America?

• 4:52Speaker 02

  No.

• 4:53Speaker 00

  I'm so, I can't sing lonely.

• 4:55Speaker 01

  So good.

• 4:56Speaker 00

  It's so good. Matt Damon, I nearly said Matt Damon like that on the radio, you boy.

• 5:01Speaker 02

  I've got that and then I'm working on Sunday doing a English manner afternoon tea etiquette masterclass. So it's a short weekend for me.

• 5:09Speaker 00

  Well, you're after.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  Small violin.

• 5:14Speaker 00

  What have you got for us today then, please?

• 5:16Speaker 02

  Well, last week, we chatted about the latest Dyson toothbrush and questioned whether we really needed a toothbrush with a built-in camera. So naturally, we took to socials to ask our G and D'ivas what object do they think is crying out for a major upgrade. Most of them replied, Producer Ben, but to get...

• 5:39Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 5:40Speaker 02

  To get the G and D'ivas' imaginations going, the example the team chose to give was a fleshlight with a built-in hand warmer.

• 5:48Speaker 01

  Also known as Producer Ben.

• 5:55Speaker 00

  That's good. A fleshlight with a built-in...

• 5:58Speaker 02

  Hand warmer. So it warms two things at once. Warms your hand as well. Good for winter. Use it in the Arctic. L Coxy suggested that we invent heated loo paper.

• 6:11Speaker 00

  That's not a bad shout.

• 6:12Speaker 02

  That's not a bad shout. I don't know how it would work. Because you wouldn't want it to be electrical.

• 6:16Speaker 00

  Heat me out. It's one thing I like about the winter.

• 6:19Speaker 02

  What?

• 6:19Speaker 00

  The cold seat on your bare bum. I do. It makes you feel alive. Do you know what I'm saying? I actually get a bit of a kick out of it. I do quite like it. Sometimes I'm in the shower, I put my back on the cold tiles. Is that just me?

• 6:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:36Speaker 00

  Is it? No, when you're in the shower, you just go, woo! Get a bit of a kick out of it. Some people like nipples. I like cold toilet seats.

• 6:44Speaker 02

  To each their own.

• 6:45Speaker 00

  Sue me.

• 6:46Speaker 02

  Hannah suggested a self-sorting washing machine.

• 6:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, something that folds the socks for you. That would be very nice. Gen Z Izzy, she's not here this week.

• 6:55Speaker 00

  She's formerly of this parish, currently in a parish.

• 6:59Speaker 02

  A different parish.

• 7:00Speaker 00

  Catholic.

• 7:02Speaker 02

  The Holy City.

• 7:03Speaker 00

  She's retraining to be a nun.

• 7:08Speaker 00

  It's not going well.

• 7:11Speaker 02

  Suggested a see-through toaster. I actually think I might have seen that.

• 7:16Speaker 00

  Oh my God, she's actually, fair play to her. I'll give you that. I know she'll be listening now. She'll be texting me as this goes, as she's listening.

• 7:22Speaker 02

  Well, I might have a text from her in a minute to play. Tab suggested a chair with a dildo attached.

• 7:29Speaker 00

  I'm sure. I've seen that.

• 7:30Speaker 02

  Jordan's had one of those for years.

• 7:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm sat on one right now.

• 7:34Speaker 00

  Fucking hell, Ben. I think that on Bruno, where he's got the little bike. He's sitting on Bruno. The seat's a dildo on it.

• 7:43Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 7:44Speaker 00

  The old Mecca Mike used to...

• 7:45Speaker 02

  Caitlin, thank God. Caitlin's...

• 7:47Speaker 01

  Film's not dildo chest.

• 7:50Speaker 02

  Caitlin suggested a bath with a bubble tap. That's quite sensible.

• 7:54Speaker 00

  Because you can get hot taps now.

• 7:57Speaker 02

  You can get what?

• 7:59Speaker 00

  We've got them at work. You literally have to wank a tap off to get hot water. That's what I'm showing you. It's so degrading. To make a brew now, people have got, what do they call those taps?

• 8:12Speaker 01

  Quaker.

• 8:13Speaker 00

  Quaker. Coker. You've got to go...

• 8:16Speaker 01

  More like cocker.

• 8:17Speaker 00

  And you've got to wank the tap off to get a fucking brew. So now, have you ever used one? And some ones, you've got to use your thumb and finger and you're like, "What are you doing? Trying to make a fucking brew?"

• 8:28Speaker 01

  Trying to make a fucking big cup.

• 8:31Speaker 00

  Come on. Come on, hurry up, I've got work in the morning.

• 8:36Speaker 02

  Chris says a voice activated vibrator.

• 8:40Speaker 02

  Prove you go harder, faster, on, off.

• 8:43Speaker 00

  AI.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  Yeah. Uh, Michael, a spatula that knows when to flip things. How would that work?

• 8:50Speaker 01

  So like a spatula that had like a little camera on it.

• 8:52Speaker 00

  Sure, that was on the Simpsons.

• 8:54Speaker 01

  That would be amazing.

• 8:55Speaker 02

  Hmm. E J C suggested a self cooling pillow. Again, I'm sure I've seen an Instagram.

• 9:01Speaker 00

  Oh, that'd be class.

• 9:02Speaker 02

  I've seen some sort of special mattress that heats or cools.

• 9:05Speaker 00

  No, I'd love to see everyone wants, everyone wants like blanket warmers. I'd love a like a cold pillow that just stays cold.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  I saw something recently about that the Japanese sleep generally on like, they're not, well, they're pillows of sorts, but they're sort of sculpted and quite firm, which is why they have very good jawlines. Whereas because we sleep on soft, generally over time, our jawlines, it's not really good for our jaw. I don't know if that's any true or not.

• 9:30Speaker 00

  They sleep, the Japanese.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  They do. And they sleep on quite firm mattresses or indeed the floor. Um, Johnny, a potato peeler with a built in flashlight.

• 9:41Speaker 02

  Is that?

• 9:42Speaker 00

  That's clever.

• 9:42Speaker 02

  You don't get that mixed up, do you?

• 9:44Speaker 00

  Wendy, can I buy you a flashlight for the therapy, man?

• 9:46Speaker 01

  It's got a ring to it, that, hasn't it?

• 9:48Speaker 02

  Johnny, do you not have electricity at home? Turn the light on.

• 9:50Speaker 00

  Oh, no.

• 9:51Speaker 02

  What?

• 9:51Speaker 01

  You never know when you need a flashlight.

• 9:53Speaker 00

  I love, I have a bit of a flashlight obsession. I've got loads of torches in my house. I love a good torch.

• 9:59Speaker 01

  Why?

• 10:00Speaker 00

  Don't know, I've always had.

• 10:01Speaker 01

  I don't even know if I've got a torch.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  How many torches do you have?

• 10:04Speaker 00

  Four, five.

• 10:05Speaker 02

  Four.

• 10:06Speaker 00

  Five.

• 10:07Speaker 02

  Five.

• 10:08Speaker 00

  On my shoes.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  Uh, Amy, a spicy margarita glass with a self salting rim.

• 10:15Speaker 02

  Well, the dream. And Jamie suggests a human sized hand dryer for a good blow after a shower.

• 10:22Speaker 00

  That's a great idea.

• 10:23Speaker 02

  To be fair, when I go and have spray tans, he presses a button and then you stand in this thing, it goes and it blows.

• 10:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:29Speaker 02

  Actually cool air, actually.

• 10:30Speaker 00

  We have it in pleasure beach as well.

• 10:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, you have it.

• 10:33Speaker 00

  In a big human hairdryer.

• 10:34Speaker 01

  Thorpe Park.

• 10:36Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 10:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:37Speaker 01

  After tidal wave.

• 10:38Speaker 00

  Wouldn't it be good to just have a toothbrush that just brushes your teeth?

• 10:41Speaker 02

  You understand that.

• 10:42Speaker 00

  A bit of Harry Potter. I'd love to have been a.

• 10:44Speaker 01

  Well, the bub, the bubble bath chap is a bit Harry Potter, isn't it? That was in.

• 10:48Speaker 00

  Then broom all the brush latifah and you could just do your teeth like. I was walking around now. Quite clever.

• 10:55Speaker 02

  It would be quite clever, yes. Um, we also had a major disagreement, Jordan, on last Tuesday's episode about what actually counts as intimate. Because you thought intimate was something very different. Um, I believe something as simple as holding hands is intimate.

• 11:08Speaker 00

  I don't do it.

• 11:09Speaker 02

  Whereas Jordan believes intimacy begins somewhere around being bent over the kitchen table.

• 11:14Speaker 00

  I just think you've got to be in them to be intimate. So whether it's a tongue in them, that's intimate.

• 11:20Speaker 02

  So if we're, okay, so if we're holding hands, this is not intimate. You let me know when this.

• 11:25Speaker 00

  Affectionate.

• 11:25Speaker 02

  Okay, so I'm sort of stroking your knuckles.

• 11:27Speaker 00

  That's affection.

• 11:28Speaker 02

  That's affection. So, okay, so it goes affection and then intimacy, or is there anything in between?

• 11:33Speaker 00

  So if you see that finger, if you stuck that in my arse, that would be intimate.

• 11:37Speaker 02

  All right, come over here.

• 11:39Speaker 00

  But if you kiss me and stuck your tongue in them, that to me would be intimate.

• 11:44Speaker 02

  But if I, if I give you a kiss on the cheek, is that intimate or not?

• 11:47Speaker 00

  No, but if you kissed my ear, because you're going in.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  I would not be doing that.

• 11:51Speaker 00

  I don't like a tongue in my ear. Makes me go giddy.

• 11:59Speaker 02

  If I licked you, okay, okay, fine.

• 12:02Speaker 00

  Get off.

• 12:02Speaker 02

  If I licked your arm, is that intimate?

• 12:05Speaker 00

  No, that's weird.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  No, I know.

• 12:07Speaker 00

  Why would you lick, why are you going?

• 12:09Speaker 02

  If I licked your cheek, is that intimate?

• 12:13Speaker 00

  No.

• 12:13Speaker 02

  If I licked your neck, is that intimate?

• 12:15Speaker 00

  Neck is borderline intimate. No, that's, that's.

• 12:18Speaker 02

  Or is that still affectionate?

• 12:19Speaker 00

  Like I've said, you've got to personally put, for me, that's how I see it. I might be wrong, but in my mind, intimate means inserting or just being in them.

• 12:29Speaker 02

  If you and I were in bed and we were spooning, is that intimate?

• 12:34Speaker 02

  Because I'd say yes.

• 12:35Speaker 00

  If like I could feel your balls and woolly, yeah, on my cheek.

• 12:40Speaker 02

  Okay, if we're spooning, top halves pressed to each other and our bottom halves are very pointedly away from each other because we would not in any way want to come across as gay. Is that intimate?

• 12:53Speaker 00

  Slightly. Are we still going to be doing this one with forty?

• 12:56Speaker 02

  What?

• 12:57Speaker 00

  Woolly jokes and stuff and what have you.

• 12:59Speaker 02

  One of us probably will be.

• 13:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:00Speaker 02

  You'll move on.

• 13:01Speaker 00

  But that's intimate, that's how I interpret intimacy.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  Okay, well, we asked the gene divas to send us further questions that we will decide whether they're intimate or not.

• 13:09Speaker 00

  God.

• 13:10Speaker 02

  Casey, picking, oh, this is disgusting.

• 13:13Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 13:13Speaker 02

  Picking off your partner's sunburn.

• 13:16Speaker 00

  Nah, affectionate.

• 13:18Speaker 01

  Affectionate.

• 13:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:19Speaker 02

  Beyond the call of duty. Tanisha, staring into each other's eyes.

• 13:27Speaker 00

  Nah, passionate.

• 13:31Speaker 02

  Neve, sitting on someone's lap.

• 13:35Speaker 00

  Hmm, no.

• 13:36Speaker 02

  I'd say that's quite intimate. Maybe not as intimate on the scale of intimacy, it's not as.

• 13:41Speaker 00

  Don't know, really. Keep going.

• 13:43Speaker 02

  Um, Connor, sharing roll on deodorant. Disgusting.

• 13:47Speaker 01

  Disgusting.

• 13:49Speaker 00

  I asked the lad, do you know if he could borrow his deodorant?

• 13:50Speaker 02

  No, you didn't.

• 13:52Speaker 00

  Shut me his roll on, I went. Who were you?

• 13:55Speaker 02

  You went, no, you come and do it.

• 13:58Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah, I'd say that's quite intimate, sharing a roll on deodorant.

• 14:01Speaker 02

  What?

• 14:02Speaker 00

  It's like sharing a toothbrush.

• 14:03Speaker 02

  It goes in, doesn't it?

• 14:05Speaker 00

  It doesn't go in. I'd say that was intimate.

• 14:08Speaker 02

  Removing a two week old tampon from my private area. As in, you're doing it yourself, Meg, or you're asking someone else?

• 14:15Speaker 01

  Someone else is doing it.

• 14:16Speaker 00

  That's inside, that's intimate.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  In fact, that's beyond intimate.

• 14:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:20Speaker 02

  Uh, Emma, seeing each other on the loo. No, that's disgusting.

• 14:25Speaker 00

  Have you never seen Mikey on the loo?

• 14:26Speaker 02

  Well, I have, but we try not, we shut the door and we don't, we try not to, you know, let the other see.

• 14:33Speaker 02

  Nate, pooing in front of each other. Again, same thing.

• 14:36Speaker 00

  I wouldn't say that was intimate. Nah. Because it's coming out. I don't know.

• 14:42Speaker 02

  Lauren, throwing my used chewing gum away for me. Oh, I mean, if it's in a tissue, then.

• 14:48Speaker 00

  That's quite intimate because again, it's in your body, so it's coming out.

• 14:51Speaker 02

  Paige, on the plane when your arm hairs touch the strangers next to you.

• 14:55Speaker 00

  It's just weird.

• 14:56Speaker 02

  Yeah. I'll try not to let that happen. G Cloud, using the same towel. Desperate. That's what that is. I would not do that unless you are absolutely desperate. Nathan, I think I know what you're going to say for this. A prostate exam.

• 15:10Speaker 00

  Oh, extremely intimate.

• 15:11Speaker 02

  Because they're in you.

• 15:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:12Speaker 02

  Yeah. Suzie.

• 15:13Speaker 00

  Why nobody likes getting them done at the doctors? Well, you don't want a stranger finger in your arse, do you? I mean.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  Well, it's going to have to be a stranger unless you know a prostate doctor.

• 15:22Speaker 00

  What you get up to in your private life is fine.

• 15:26Speaker 02

  And Suzie says sharing.

• 15:27Speaker 00

  You know what, he had, he had a look at my mole. I had a mole, I had a mole.

• 15:31Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 15:31Speaker 00

  And that was quite intimate. There's only a mole on my stomach. I did the worst thing ever. Got a mate who's a GP.

• 15:36Speaker 02

  Hang on, you had a mole in your stomach, but yeah, you had a prostate exam.

• 15:38Speaker 00

  No, I didn't. Not this time. Yeah.

• 15:40Speaker 02

  They saw you coming.

• 15:41Speaker 00

  I'm.

• 15:45Speaker 00

  So I did that worst thing ever, mates a GP in pub. I went, we checked this mole and he went, yeah, go and ask your GP to check it out. So I thought he'd look at it, a bloody eye thing on it and everything. Measuring it.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  Good to check.

• 15:58Speaker 00

  Taking pictures on his phone.

• 16:00Speaker 02

  I had to change.

• 16:01Speaker 00

  Just me to get a doctor that's got a mole fetish.

• 16:03Speaker 02

  I had to change, um, my optometrist because a few years ago, because when they would go and do my, and it happened twice each year I went and so I changed. When he was examining my eye and, you know, they got, they got.

• 16:16Speaker 00

  Oh, up there, I.

• 16:18Speaker 02

  When they're up quite close, sort of shining the light in, he would be like putting his tongue, going.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  Putting his tongue out.

• 16:25Speaker 01

  Like, turn you on?

• 16:27Speaker 02

  No, it did not turn me on. It disgusted me. And it was just too weird.

• 16:30Speaker 00

  Good job you weren't doing that when he'd given you a prostate exam.

• 16:34Speaker 02

  He was.

• 16:37Speaker 02

  Um, and Suzie says sharing a bed with someone whilst on a state visit to Burnley. To be fair, that was intimate.

• 16:43Speaker 01

  Passion, passionate.

• 16:44Speaker 02

  It was for.

• 16:44Speaker 00

  That was passionate.

• 16:46Speaker 02

  It was intimate.

• 16:50Speaker 00

  It wasn't.

• 16:50Speaker 02

  It was for half an hour. It was intimate. Now, before we take a break. It's too easy. Um, I'm afraid we need to discuss something quite serious, please. Um, you have severely offended a member of the team. I don't want to carry on the dig concept from Tuesday.

• 17:06Speaker 00

  Joe?

• 17:07Speaker 02

  No.

• 17:07Speaker 00

  Sorry.

• 17:08Speaker 02

  Um, well, there's a reason why she's not here. Let's put it that way. Um, it needs to be brought out into the open. Do you know what you've done? I think you know who you've done it to because I gave you a big clue.

• 17:17Speaker 00

  Gen Z, is he?

• 17:18Speaker 02

  Uh, let's take a very careful listen to exhibit A.

• 17:24Speaker 00

  Walked in today, she's like, not keen on my shoes, wears a moustache. She just likes to keep you, keep you on your toes, Jenny.

• 17:32Speaker 02

  Did you hear it?

• 17:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:34Speaker 02

  What did you say?

• 17:36Speaker 00

  Can't remember.

• 17:36Speaker 02

  What did you call Izzy right at the end of that clip? Let's hear it again.

• 17:40Speaker 00

  Walked in today, she's like, not keen on my shoes, wears a moustache. She just likes to keep you, keep you on your. Toes is Jenny.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  Does Jenny?

• 17:49Speaker 00

  Gen Z Izzy is what I was meant to say.

• 17:52Speaker 02

  Well, it sounded like Jenny.

• 17:54Speaker 00

  She's getting an tease about that.

• 17:55Speaker 02

  And that is why she has not come in today.

• 17:57Speaker 00

  She needs to honestly get back up north, that girl. She's getting offended by that.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  She has, however, sent this official statement that we will play live from the Holy See.

• 18:07Speaker 03

  Hello, boys. It's your favourite employee.

• 18:10Speaker 02

  Why should Carson say, why is she over, why is she over enunciation on this clip?

• 18:14Speaker 00

  Hello, boys.

• 18:15Speaker 02

  Hello, boys.

• 18:15Speaker 00

  She does not sound like a CBEB presenter. And trust me, she would come by, play, she's like, no.

• 18:22Speaker 03

  Hello, boys. It's your favourite employee, Gen Z Izzy, live from Portugal.

• 18:30Speaker 02

  She means.

• 18:30Speaker 03

  I've been catching up on my favourite podcast, Help My Sex My Boss, and it's come to my attention that Jordan has been cheating on me and in fact called me Jenny during a recent episode. Who the fuck is Jenny? I will be waiting for apology. If I do not get one, I will not be coming back from Portugal and I shall live my life here in the sun with a lovely man called Alfredo.

• 18:51Speaker 01

  Well, that's an easy out.

• 18:54Speaker 00

  All right, Gen Z Izzy, sorry for calling you.

• 18:58Speaker 02

  Ben doesn't want you to apologise. Then she's gone.

• 19:01Speaker 00

  All right, okay.

• 19:02Speaker 02

  No, you can apologise.

• 19:04Speaker 00

  We do love her.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  Thank you to YouTube for pointing that out to us.

• 19:07Speaker 00

  We love all of yous on our team.

• 19:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, Bruce, Debbie, we love you all. We'll be back in a minute.

• 19:15Speaker 00

  All right, Jeanne Evers, thank you for sticking with us. Let's now go on to your correspondence and responses, please. Is that the same thing? Correspondence?

• 19:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, responses, yeah. Dan has got in touch, wanting the answer to the, the cliffhanger that we have been cruelly leaving everyone for far too long. He says, hi, guys. Did EPB ever get around to doing his knife sharpening course? Would love an update.

• 19:38Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. What happened to that?

• 19:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, I did.

• 19:41Speaker 02

  Fantastic.

• 19:42Speaker 00

  And how was it? How was it?

• 19:45Speaker 01

  It was good, yeah. Yeah.

• 19:46Speaker 00

  How long's it last for?

• 19:48Speaker 01

  A couple of hours. It was, it was me and two other sort of middle aged blokes, older than you two.

• 19:55Speaker 00

  Hang on, two hours to show you how to sharpen a knife?

• 19:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:58Speaker 00

  Can you imagine me with the undiagnosed ADHD, I'd be fuming.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  No, yeah, it was very sharp.

• 20:05Speaker 02

  Can we send you there?

• 20:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, obviously.

• 20:08Speaker 00

  Two hours.

• 20:09Speaker 01

  I've actually, I've actually since, I've kind of forgotten what, what the tips were. So I've actually bought a book on how to sharpen knives.

• 20:16Speaker 00

  Jesus Christ. Two hours doing that.

• 20:19Speaker 02

  I think that mouse that you talked about on Tuesday probably threw itself on the mop cleaning paper just to escape listening to you.

• 20:26Speaker 00

  You're so boring, the mouse throw themselves in the traps in your house.

• 20:31Speaker 01

  Thanks, thanks, Jordan.

• 20:32Speaker 00

  It's a great Les Dawson job, that.

• 20:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:35Speaker 02

  Sexed medical.

• 20:36Speaker 01

  My cat's always out.

• 20:38Speaker 02

  You see, ironically, if the cat was in, you wouldn't have mice.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  Hey.

• 20:42Speaker 02

  Sexed medical correspondent, Dr. Ollie, has responded on the face, Ollie, we should actually call him, but apparently he goes by Dr. Ollie, has responded to my very serious medical inquiry about whether sitting down for a wee is better for you, which we talked about recently. Over to Dr.

• 20:56Speaker 00

  Oh, he's on, oh, it's like this morning then. She's got her own doctor. Honestly. Right, go on, let's have a listen to this.

• 21:04Speaker 04

  Standing up and sitting down wees. It's a good question. And actually, there was a very big study on this. And effectively, for men who don't have any prostate problems at all, that is purely a matter of personal preference and ideas of hygiene. However, in older men or men with prostate issues or bladder issues, when you stand up, you're using the muscles of your pelvic floor to hold everything up. And actually, that means you can't empty your bladder properly. So you're more prone to dribbling residual volume in the bladder, urinary tract infections. Whereas when you sit, your flow rate increases, those muscles are relaxed, so you completely empty the bladder. So sitting down is healthier

• 21:46Speaker 04

  for people with issues, but young, fit, healthy men, no difference at all, just personal preference and hygiene.

• 21:53Speaker 02

  Well, there we go.

• 21:53Speaker 00

  It's just, just treat yourself to one every now and then.

• 21:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, or all the time.

• 21:57Speaker 00

  You have a real gut, you can't beat a fatty wee.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 22:02Speaker 02

  Please.

• 22:04Speaker 02

  Thank you, Dr. Ollie. There's a huge debate still around Jordan's changing accent. So Lucy has emailed in with her academic opinion on the matter.

• 22:12Speaker 00

  Oh, right, okay. Oh, is she like, study accents?

• 22:16Speaker 02

  That's not what academic means, but yes.

• 22:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, I know that. Don't be a dick. I know that. Because I, I think this could be my thing. You know, like when Margaret off The Apprentice retired to go and study hieroglyphics.

• 22:28Speaker 02

  Hieroglyphics, yeah.

• 22:29Speaker 00

  In Egypt or Pythagoras or something. What was it?

• 22:33Speaker 02

  Hieroglyphics.

• 22:33Speaker 00

  No, she, she, I remember saying that.

• 22:35Speaker 02

  Papyrus scrolls and all.

• 22:37Speaker 00

  Papyrus scrolls. I'm, I'm gonna go off and study accents.

• 22:40Speaker 01

  I don't know that.

• 22:40Speaker 00

  Because I can watch Four in a Bed or any show and I could, have we done this before? And I proved it, that I'm like, they're from Chorley then. They're from Leyland, I can.

• 22:48Speaker 02

  But are they only North West accents?

• 22:50Speaker 00

  Pretty much, but you know, I could do it. Anyway, go on.

• 22:53Speaker 02

  She continues, Hollywood and Jordan and all that sexed. Like Jordan, I'm originally from Burnley and have just graduated from the University of York with a degree in English language and linguistics.

• 23:01Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 23:02Speaker 02

  I'm getting in touch following your bonus episode about Jordan's voice changing. During my final year, I took a socio linguistics module, which looks at how things like age, background and where you're from can affect how you speak. For one assignment, I had to investigate how public figures' voice or accent had changed over time. After years of hearing, have I changed on the podcast? Who better to study than my fellow Lancastrian, Jordan?

• 23:25Speaker 00

  She did an essay on me.

• 23:27Speaker 02

  I compared Jordan's.

• 23:28Speaker 00

  Oh my God, I've made it. Mum, I've made it. Can I, I wanna, I wanna read this.

• 23:33Speaker 02

  Hold on, hold on.

• 23:34Speaker 00

  Can you send it over? Hold your horses. This is amazing.

• 23:38Speaker 02

  I compared Jordan's accent to some old 2018 recordings and newer 2026 episodes of Sexed, taking acoustic samples and using software to analyse the waveforms. After around 3,000 words and a lot of data analysis, I can reveal that

• 23:54Speaker 02

  Jordan's accent has stayed pretty consistent.

• 23:57Speaker 00

  See, I told you.

• 23:59Speaker 02

  Lucy, did you pass your degree?

• 24:01Speaker 00

  No, it's because of the microphones and the.

• 24:03Speaker 02

  The differences you were hearing in the bonus episode seem to be more down to changes in pitch and tone of voice rather than the accent itself. So despite William's best efforts and the ongoing Jordan South allegations, academic researchers officially confirmed that Jordan still sounds as northern as ever. Thank you for being my favourite podcast for unknowingly becoming the basis of my final research project, which scored an 80. Woohoo.

• 24:25Speaker 00

  That's a first.

• 24:26Speaker 02

  And helped me achieve a first class degree. Wishing you all the best. Lucy.

• 24:30Speaker 00

  Lucy, that's great.

• 24:32Speaker 02

  P.S., she says, weirdly enough, apparently our dads grew up on the same street, Jordan. Ask Graham if he remembers Mark. And there's a surname there as well.

• 24:40Speaker 00

  All right, okay. That's amazing. It's more well.

• 24:43Speaker 02

  There is evidence here of the actual paper, From North to South: Intra-Speaker Vowel Variation in the Speech of Jordan North. Introduction. Speakers with regional accents have been found to accommodate their speech within a new community to fit in with its speakers, often standardising Mark's socially salient features. Trudgill, 1986. Accommodation typically occurs in specific speech contexts, including in stage.

• 25:08Speaker 00

  George Orwell.

• 25:10Speaker 02

  Don't make me laugh. Stage performance speech.

• 25:12Speaker 00

  No wonder he didn't get 90%.

• 25:15Speaker 02

  It's 1984.

• 25:16Speaker 00

  Oh, right.

• 25:17Speaker 02

  Not 1986, you little shit. Anyway, look, there are diagrams of all your vowels.

• 25:23Speaker 00

  I made myself one.

• 25:25Speaker 02

  That's amazing. Can we actually, if Lucy, if you're happy to share it, I would actually genuinely be interested to see the whole paper.

• 25:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, because you're quite interested in stuff like that.

• 25:32Speaker 02

  Well, I did English language, so yeah, I'd love to see that.

• 25:34Speaker 00

  I did English stats, so yeah.

• 25:39Speaker 00

  That's amazing. So yeah, I don't, I generally don't think my accent's changed.

• 25:43Speaker 02

  Sophia Capete, Capete, Capete, on Spotify needs a verdict on peanut butter, smooth versus crunchy.

• 25:52Speaker 00

  The bisexuals are revolting now, by the way.

• 25:54Speaker 02

  Don't call them revolting. There's nothing wrong with it.

• 25:58Speaker 00

  No, they're, they're uprising.

• 26:00Speaker 02

  It's the lesbians you want to be revolted about.

• 26:04Speaker 00

  No, the one that sent the message, and I wish I never sent you this now. I'm sick of hearing about it.

• 26:09Speaker 02

  Well, Sophia Capete says, hey, T, me again. William, a big thanks for singing my, oh, sorry, did I do that joke before? Singing my surname, all of my friends now refer to me as Carpete, Pette.

• 26:19Speaker 00

  Have we done that before?

• 26:20Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 26:20Speaker 00

  They'll roll into one of these episodes, I'm not gonna lie.

• 26:23Speaker 02

  I'm taking one for the team here, the bisexual team. At this point, I feel the two of you need to have a jar of smooth and a jar of crunchy and compare the two. It's obvious Jordan is obsessed with us buys, because let's be honest, we have the best flag. Ben, I believe you have the peanut butters to try. Oh, is that what this is?

• 26:39Speaker 00

  It's a cloche.

• 26:39Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 26:40Speaker 00

  Oh, for God's sake.

• 26:41Speaker 02

  Under the cloche.

• 26:43Speaker 00

  So what we doing?

• 26:44Speaker 02

  So I don't love peanut butter. I like peanut butter in things, but not on its own.

• 26:47Speaker 00

  See, again, like.

• 26:50Speaker 02

  So you've got smooth, you're starting with smooth, I'm starting with crunchy.

• 26:54Speaker 01

  Surely you should say, start with the same one.

• 26:57Speaker 02

  Well, we've done it this way now, haven't we?

• 27:00Speaker 00

  Well, no, he's right. I've got it. I'm there.

• 27:04Speaker 00

  I'm sorry, but eating peanut butter from my wooden elephant spitting.

• 27:08Speaker 02

  Okay, that was smooth for you, crunchy for me.

• 27:14Speaker 02

  Which one do you prefer?

• 27:18Speaker 01

  It's so claggy. The rest, the rest of the episode is gonna be.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, everyone. Now, you have to have a preference. Which do you prefer?

• 27:27Speaker 01

  Or you could be both.

• 27:28Speaker 00

  I'm gonna go.

• 27:31Speaker 00

  I'm gonna go crunchy.

• 27:32Speaker 02

  It's funny because I'm prefer crunchy peanut butter as well.

• 27:37Speaker 02

  Which will come as no surprise to anyone.

• 27:42Speaker 00

  There's something about it.

• 27:44Speaker 02

  Ben, you like it crunchy as well, don't you?

• 27:47Speaker 01

  More of a smooth man.

• 27:48Speaker 02

  Are you? Jack?

• 27:51Speaker 02

  Eva. Oh.

• 27:52Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 27:53Speaker 02

  Side.

• 27:56Speaker 01

  Asexual.

• 28:02Speaker 02

  And Jenny finally has sent a piece of street art on her travels that she is, that she feels very much inspired by Jordan North. Hi, beautiful people. I saw this and just had to share it as I immediately thought of Jordan. Lots of love, Jenny. And it is a street sign, no, it's like a telephone utility box where they have all the wires that on the side of it says, bring back fingering.

• 28:22Speaker 00

  Why am I on that?

• 28:24Speaker 02

  Because I think you previously said that you wanted to bring back fingering.

• 28:27Speaker 00

  Years ago.

• 28:28Speaker 02

  Couple of months ago.

• 28:30Speaker 01

  That's your heritage.

• 28:31Speaker 00

  It was Mickey Flanagan that said.

• 28:33Speaker 02

  Well, you, you said it on this.

• 28:35Speaker 00

  The demise of fingering. I didn't said that.

• 28:38Speaker 01

  It's also got brackets, Jordan North, 1999.

• 28:41Speaker 00

  Bring back fingering. Where's that? I recognise that street. Where was she from?

• 28:47Speaker 02

  Somewhere northern.

• 28:48Speaker 00

  That looks, I recognise that street. Anyway.

• 28:51Speaker 02

  It's not going to be Richmond, is it?

• 28:55Speaker 00

  Snob.

• 28:57Speaker 00

  I think that's the first time in eight years I've called you a snob.

• 29:00Speaker 01

  You've called him a knob before.

• 29:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's a knob and he's a snob and a knob. Snobby knob.

• 29:05Speaker 02

  Snob.

• 29:06Speaker 00

  I can't talk now. I feel like I've got cement in my mouth. With that peanut butter.

• 29:11Speaker 02

  Hmm. Right. Shall we finish with comment of the week?

• 29:14Speaker 00

  Let's finish with comment of the week. This can be a comment from Spotify, YouTube or any of our socials. What have you got?

• 29:19Speaker 02

  Ross on Spotify said, listening to William and Jordan tutting is turning into ASMR.

• 29:25Speaker 02

  Eve on YouTube said, William has moved from passive aggressive comments to passive aggressive actions, turning Jordan's inability to pay back for the gas into a business plan. At this rate, it will be over 100 by next week. It is 105.

• 29:37Speaker 00

  How much do I owe you now?

• 29:38Speaker 02

  105. This week it was 105.

• 29:40Speaker 00

  I need to pay you for that gas. I will.

• 29:42Speaker 02

  But our comment of the week goes to Zoe on Spotify, saying, don't hate me, but half sizes in shoes are an ick.

• 29:48Speaker 00

  How? How?

• 29:50Speaker 02

  You're eight and a half, aren't you?

• 29:51Speaker 00

  I'm eight and a half.

• 29:52Speaker 02

  Ick.

• 29:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:54Speaker 02

  I'm, I'm bigger.

• 29:55Speaker 00

  I'm between sizes. I'm either a small or a medium. It depends. A medium can drown me sometimes.

• 30:01Speaker 02

  Medium shoe?

• 30:02Speaker 00

  No, top. Right, jackets, shirts, grow up. Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday, give the ick, because I've got half an inch, I have a day off. Every Tuesday and Friday in 24 hours. Before anywhere else on Global Player, if you want to get in touch about something that isn't a problem or a dilemma, drop into our DMs or send us an email to [email protected]. We also love hearing back from the people we have for advice to, so if that's you, get back in touch.

• 30:27Speaker 02

  And don't forget, there's only a few days left. Sign up for 50% off our new Patreon. If you use the code OUTOFOFFICE, it's all in the episode description as well. Should you forget this, go to sexwithmyboss.com/patreon.

• 30:38Speaker 00

  See you on Tuesday.