Help I’m Monster-Sized | And Jordan’s A GNOME?!

Not to be outdone by his co-host, Jordan has some of his own ‘big’ news to share regarding his new pint-sized role. But will the film industry seize this opportunity and cast him in one of the biggest roles in Hollywood? There’s also plenty of dilemmas to solve regarding the etiquette of sending sympathy cards and the pitfalls of having a monster-sized member. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected], and for more Sexted fun sign up https://sextedmyboss.com/newsletter/ to our free VIG&Diva newsletter. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Help I Sexted My Boss is presented by William Hanson and Jordan North. It is an Audio Always http://www.audioalways.com production. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected]. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  I'm Claire Buckley and this Halloween on my podcast, Pretty Scary, we are gonna cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts and aliens. Plus, the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So, as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat, right? Get the candles lit and search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.

• 0:40Speaker 01

  Entering the timer, lucky old timer. Three, two, one.

• 0:46Speaker 02

  I'm sick of this timer.

• 0:47Speaker 01

  Doing that timer, I, as a child, if there was a button, I would press it. I was obsessed with buttons, levers and knobs. You got a button, I'll press it. You got a lever, I'll pull it. You got a knob, I'll do whatever you like.

• 1:07Speaker 02

  Hello and welcome to Help I Sexed My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life, answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to everyday dilemmas like, how do you react to another one of Geordie's rants? I haven't been ranting, it's just...

• 1:22Speaker 01

  Uh, sorry, were you not present last week?

• 1:25Speaker 02

  Observations, observations.

• 1:27Speaker 01

  Can I just do another Geordie's rant?

• 1:29Speaker 02

  I am not.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  I don't know why I did Jonathan impression, it's because of after our luxury crossover episode from Friday.

• 1:34Speaker 02

  And how do you tell your other half you're not into pegging? And what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss? But we're not usually like any answer, are we, William Hanson?

• 1:42Speaker 01

  No, we're not, Jordan North, I'm more luxury spa deep tissue massage, you're more darkroom Kleenex tissue discharge.

• 1:49Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:51Speaker 01

  And that's from Archie.

• 1:52Speaker 02

  Archie.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  Do you know him?

• 1:54Speaker 02

  That's, I'm, actually, I'm, I'm not one to judge, but going by your name, that's proper posh boy humour. I'm more luxury deep tissue massage, you're more luxury north. Dock room Kleenex tissue discharge. Having that one Rory? I said, I said he's more dock room Kleenex tissue discharge. Are you having that?

• 2:14Speaker 01

  Probably find him in a pub near you.

• 2:16Speaker 02

  Uh huh. Henry, did you hear what I just said? Yeah, okay.

• 2:19Speaker 01

  Um, would you like to pour the G and D this week whilst I read this, uh, substantial message from Frere in Lincoln?

• 2:25Speaker 02

  I'll be mother.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  Who is going to get the toast. She says, hi guys, I'm writing to show you that your logo has made it into my Leavers shirt. I'm 16, so don't worry. I've been a G and diva for a while now and just wanted to say that your podcast is amazing and you guys were fantastic on tour. As someone with ADHD who often gets bored when listening to people just talk, I can confidently say that your podcast is the only one I can listen to without ever getting bored. So thank you. It also has been the best distraction from exam stress. So thank you both for being you and producing this incredible podcast.

• 2:56Speaker 02

  Why did you ask me to put sorry? Uh, that was a really lovely letter for you. I've just poured G everywhere, D everywhere.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  Um, and look, we've got a photo, we'll put it on the carousel there. Help it's Leavers Day.

• 3:08Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  On a white shirt with a, you know, a black marker and a red marker. You've recreated our logo, which is lovely.

• 3:15Speaker 02

  For an ADHDer to say that they don't get bored of us, that's a complete compliment.

• 3:19Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 3:20Speaker 02

  Let me empty me pockets here.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  Talking of ADHDers.

• 3:26Speaker 02

  Bloody all sorts of things today. Don't let me forget them. Well, I've got pliers in there.

• 3:34Speaker 01

  Are you okay?

• 3:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm fine. Just can't be doing bits everywhere. Where's my kids?

• 3:40Speaker 01

  The sooner you are medicated, the better.

• 3:44Speaker 01

  I'm just gonna rip the plaster off.

• 3:45Speaker 02

  No, I'm worried about it because I've got one cup. I'm worried that it'll. I'm worried it'll take off my shine.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  No.

• 3:53Speaker 02

  No.

• 3:53Speaker 01

  I don't think that's how it works. And also, if it does, from what I know about it, you just literally stop taking it in 24 hours, you're back to the same old you.

• 4:01Speaker 02

  I'm worried I won't be able to read radio, because I'm like.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  Well, try it on your holiday.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  Rayman on radio.

• 4:07Speaker 01

  Okay, well, then try it on your holiday.

• 4:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, because then I'm most relaxed, I just read.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  Okay, well, anyway, getting the diagnosis is the first step.

• 4:15Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  Anyway, did you have fun on our Luxury Podcast collaboration episode on Friday?

• 4:20Speaker 02

  I don't want to give too much away.

• 4:22Speaker 01

  No.

• 4:22Speaker 02

  Because it was very good.

• 4:23Speaker 01

  It was excellent.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  He was on top form as Jonathan Vernon Smith. So, so were you.

• 4:28Speaker 01

  Well.

• 4:29Speaker 02

  So, give it a listen. It was on Friday's episode. It was a good, good collab, good collab. I want to do it with the boys from in between us next.

• 4:36Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 4:37Speaker 02

  Joe and James.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 4:38Speaker 02

  James and Joe. Yeah.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, do they have a preference on how they're said?

• 4:42Speaker 02

  John.

• 4:44Speaker 02

  Or is it another letter from Metropolitan Police?

• 4:47Speaker 01

  Someone's just knocked on our door in a very musical way. Is this receiving a package?

• 4:53Speaker 01

  Is it genuinely some Kleenex tissues?

• 4:58Speaker 02

  Who've delivered them? A man.

• 5:00Speaker 01

  A massive box of Kleenex tissues.

• 5:03Speaker 02

  I'll get through them, love, don't you worry.

• 5:06Speaker 02

  See you later. Bye.

• 5:08Speaker 01

  That would last you about two bliss hours, wouldn't it, Jordan?

• 5:11Speaker 02

  One and a half.

• 5:14Speaker 01

  Anyway, we had lovely fun on that, so thank you for all the nice messages.

• 5:17Speaker 02

  We did.

• 5:17Speaker 01

  You all right?

• 5:18Speaker 02

  I'm good. How are you, my little rose, my little rosebud?

• 5:20Speaker 01

  No, I'm Ruth.

• 5:21Speaker 02

  Oh, you're Ruth?

• 5:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  I'm all right, thank you. What's been going on in your life?

• 5:26Speaker 02

  No, good. Well, I've kind of got an announcement of my own.

• 5:30Speaker 01

  Oh, here we go, Eleven a Reef, everyone.

• 5:31Speaker 02

  I don't want to Eleven a Reef, yeah.

• 5:33Speaker 01

  No, no, I'm sure, Jordan, it is on a similar level to being in a West End show.

• 5:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, it is. So, you, you announced last week that you were going to be in Titanic.

• 5:47Speaker 01

  Yes, I am going to be.

• 5:49Speaker 02

  That the musical, which is fantastic. I'm proud of you.

• 5:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, thank you.

• 5:53Speaker 02

  But my news is my big news and.

• 5:58Speaker 01

  You're going into Joseph.

• 6:02Speaker 02

  Is that, and this is somewhere if you'd asked like five year old me.

• 6:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:07Speaker 02

  I would never have believed you.

• 6:09Speaker 01

  Long time ago.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  Um. I, I, I'm, I've got an announcement to make. I don't know how to do it.

• 6:16Speaker 01

  Stand by everyone, it's happening.

• 6:17Speaker 02

  Uh, really. But, um, you might have heard.

• 6:20Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 6:21Speaker 02

  Uh, but I'm, I'm gonna be in the new Toy Story five film.

• 6:24Speaker 01

  Oh my god. Are we gonna see your Woody?

• 6:28Speaker 02

  Keep them coming. Go on. Any more?

• 6:32Speaker 02

  No. Alls I'll say is I'm no Jesse.

• 6:35Speaker 01

  Contrary to popular belief. Lovely. Well, I'm so happy for you. Congratulations.

• 6:40Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 6:41Speaker 01

  Can you tell us any more?

• 6:42Speaker 02

  I.

• 6:42Speaker 01

  Or do we have to go and watch it?

• 6:43Speaker 02

  Uh, so last time you all took the mic, cause I was in another animation film.

• 6:48Speaker 01

  Yes, which did incredibly well.

• 6:51Speaker 02

  But I have actually got parts. Uh, I'm gonna be a gnome.

• 7:01Speaker 01

  You're gonna be a gnome?

• 7:02Speaker 02

  I've been character acting. I've been at the bottom of my garden with a fishing rod.

• 7:12Speaker 02

  I've got a picture. You will put it up on the carousel. I've been method.

• 7:17Speaker 01

  Oh bless you darling.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  Character. I've just, just been at bottom of my garden.

• 7:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:22Speaker 02

  Seeing how long I can just go.

• 7:23Speaker 01

  Squatting. And, and does your character have a fishing rod?

• 7:27Speaker 02

  Pardon?

• 7:27Speaker 01

  Does your character have a fishing rod in the actual film?

• 7:29Speaker 02

  I've got a little hat and stuff. I'll send you a picture.

• 7:31Speaker 01

  A garden gnome's really a thing in America.

• 7:33Speaker 02

  Well, apparently so. Yeah. Yeah.

• 7:35Speaker 01

  Oh, well, that's fantastic. So you obviously must have recorded it a while ago.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, me and Sean.

• 7:40Speaker 01

  Are you and Sean?

• 7:40Speaker 02

  Sean's a flamingo.

• 7:43Speaker 01

  Lovely. I can see that.

• 7:45Speaker 02

  And yeah, so it's, it's mad. I can't believe it.

• 7:47Speaker 01

  A beautiful bird of paradise.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  Which is fitting for Sean Welby and a short, stumpy sort of thing that people put at the bottom of their gardens. Lovely.

• 7:57Speaker 03

  Do you, are you doing it in your own voice or?

• 7:59Speaker 01

  Yes, or are you, are you doing a gnome voice? Can you give us a little preview of something you might say?

• 8:05Speaker 02

  Don't know if I'm allowed, but, no, not there.

• 8:10Speaker 01

  Voices of experience.

• 8:15Speaker 02

  None of you took the piss when he did his Titanic. It was a lovely moment last week. Gee, there was fucking stew's on the floor laughing in the back there. What?

• 8:28Speaker 01

  No, not there, down a bit, no.

• 8:31Speaker 02

  We had such a lovely moment last week, you know, one text piss out of me. Ben?

• 8:36Speaker 03

  What?

• 8:39Speaker 02

  You're all shit houses.

• 8:41Speaker 01

  So if people want to go and witness Yanome and Sharm's Flamingo, they can go and see the last ever Toy Story in cinemas.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  Oh, don't. Come on, this is like a big Pixar franchise.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  What have Disney done?

• 8:53Speaker 02

  It's like, I couldn't believe it. When I got the call, I was like, I, I can't believe, and many people don't know this, we, we share the same agent, our agent, who we love dearly. And he's very like, we, we just love him.

• 9:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:07Speaker 02

  He's very sassy, he won't mind us saying that, really.

• 9:09Speaker 01

  Makes us look very normal.

• 9:10Speaker 02

  He makes us look very normal and we actually love him to bits. And, um, he rang me and he's going through all of it. He's American. He went, oh yeah, and, um, Toy Story 5, I want to know if you want to roll in it. I was like, what? He's like, Toy Story 5 would like, I was like, yes, absolutely. He's like, okay, I thought so. I was like, yes, absolutely.

• 9:29Speaker 01

  Oh, that's amazing. Well, I can't, I loved all the Toy Story films, so it would be, I obviously would see Toy Story 5 anyway, but now I will definitely see it on day one, just to see you.

• 9:37Speaker 02

  I'm not even joking. It's weird because you know, you, they say you don't manifestively write stuff down. I was just bored. Do you ever do this? I just write lists of my favourite things. So like, if I'm bored, I just put like, uh, favourite tin food and stuff. You know, I just sometimes just, I like to, I like to play.

• 9:56Speaker 01

  As I said about 10 minutes ago, the sooner you get medicated.

• 9:59Speaker 02

  But I do, I just like, and I play favourites for my nephews and stuff. I always go like, favourite film or.

• 10:04Speaker 01

  Oh, I thought you'd choose a favourite nephew.

• 10:06Speaker 02

  Favourite tea and stuff. So I, just before I got the call, I wrote down my top 10 favourite films. So it was, and this is in no particular order, it was Goodfellas, Casino, Godfather, Godfather 2, Shawshank Redemption, Boyhood, Top Gun, Toy Story, Titanic, Angela's Ashes.

• 10:30Speaker 02

  What?

• 10:31Speaker 01

  I don't know, I just, I don't know how you find the time to write those lists.

• 10:34Speaker 02

  So, yeah, I'm gonna be a gnome in Toy Story.

• 10:37Speaker 01

  That's amazing.

• 10:38Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 10:38Speaker 01

  Congratulations.

• 10:39Speaker 02

  And we went, went to like, the Disney studios to record it. And that they'd like, the director, oh, it's mad and stuff, yeah. And Pixar.

• 10:48Speaker 01

  You met the director?

• 10:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:49Speaker 01

  Who directs an animation? In all seriousness.

• 10:52Speaker 02

  It's a very, and he told me, he was like, when you say this next line, he's like, show me you, show me in your character. And then he gives you direction.

• 10:59Speaker 01

  When you got your fishing rod out?

• 11:00Speaker 02

  He sho- he sho- like, he gives you direction and you start to believe you're a gnome.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  You can piss off.

• 11:08Speaker 01

  Jordan's more of an unknown.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  It's a big deal for me, this.

• 11:12Speaker 01

  Well, that is such lovely news.

• 11:13Speaker 02

  You're gonna be in Titanic, I understand.

• 11:15Speaker 01

  Yes, Eight Nights.

• 11:16Speaker 02

  I'm gonna be in a, um, multi-billion pound Disney Pixar franchise, so.

• 11:22Speaker 01

  Soon to end.

• 11:23Speaker 02

  So, um, yeah.

• 11:25Speaker 01

  That's amazing.

• 11:26Speaker 02

  Yours, thank you, yeah.

• 11:27Speaker 01

  That's great.

• 11:28Speaker 03

  Which one's better?

• 11:30Speaker 01

  A different, one's a, one's a film and one's live art. What? No, it is one's live, one is, you know, a film is a different proposition.

• 11:40Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 11:40Speaker 01

  It would be like comparing Titanic to Titanic.

• 11:42Speaker 02

  Exactly. Obviously more people will see mine, but, you know. And I'm doing press junket and red carpet with Tom Hanks, but, you know.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  Yeah?

• 11:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:54Speaker 01

  Well, I'm, I'm, I'm going over to America in a few weeks, so I'll watch it in the cinemas there and see you.

• 11:58Speaker 02

  I won't be in the American.

• 12:00Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 12:00Speaker 02

  I don't think so.

• 12:01Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 12:02Speaker 02

  Maybe, but I think it's the European one.

• 12:05Speaker 01

  The European one? Well, presumably an English language speaking one.

• 12:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, the English language.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  Unless you're doing your German accent.

• 12:10Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, I was there for hours. The Spanish one, I nailed. It's noisy, not there. Yeah.

• 12:18Speaker 01

  Is that?

• 12:18Speaker 02

  You're all shit out, sir. I'm buzzing to tell you, you're all just fucking Stuart on floor laughing. No, I'm a no.

• 12:25Speaker 01

  Is that all you say?

• 12:26Speaker 02

  There's a, I don't wanna give away what I'm gonna say.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  And are you in one scene, several scenes?

• 12:29Speaker 02

  Uh, just one scene.

• 12:31Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  I'm not gonna give it away, but yeah. I'm in, I'm in the scene as well.

• 12:34Speaker 01

  Are we sure they haven't cut the scene?

• 12:36Speaker 02

  Well, I don't know yet.

• 12:38Speaker 01

  Just for sake of argument.

• 12:39Speaker 02

  But it's, you know. It started off with, now I've got parts and then maybe one day I'll be in my own Pixar film.

• 12:48Speaker 01

  You should be very happy.

• 12:49Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 12:49Speaker 01

  Question for you, now that you're a film star. Well, actually, if a film star had the power of two.

• 12:54Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 12:55Speaker 01

  Because you did your other one.

• 12:55Speaker 02

  Am I a film star?

• 12:57Speaker 01

  What film franchise? Could you go into next? What's the next move?

• 13:03Speaker 02

  No, there isn't. This is honestly.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  What do you mean there isn't? I love these. Don't think small, think big.

• 13:07Speaker 02

  I love, these are the biggest movie. You're not going to get much bigger than this.

• 13:10Speaker 01

  Toy Story 6?

• 13:11Speaker 02

  I mean.

• 13:13Speaker 01

  Monsters Inc 3?

• 13:14Speaker 02

  Apparently Tom Cruise don't want to do any more Mission: Impossible, so.

• 13:18Speaker 01

  And to be fair, you are the same height.

• 13:22Speaker 02

  I'm way taller than Tom Cruise, so I don't know. From gnome to Bond.

• 13:28Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, Jordan North for the next Bond.

• 13:30Speaker 02

  You know?

• 13:31Speaker 01

  You heard it here first. Move over, Jacob Elordi.

• 13:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, and for character, Ten, I could like pistol whip you or something.

• 13:38Speaker 01

  I'm sorry. Pistol whip? What Bond film does he pistol whip anyone in?

• 13:42Speaker 02

  Pistol whips people all the time.

• 13:44Speaker 01

  I could be your Bond girl.

• 13:45Speaker 02

  You could?

• 13:47Speaker 01

  I could be Pussy Galore.

• 13:56Speaker 02

  Ah, Mr. Big Cock.

• 13:58Speaker 01

  Wow, okay.

• 14:01Speaker 02

  Mahogany Cock. This is, ah, we meet again, Mr. Bond. We do, Mr. Mahogany Big Cock.

• 14:07Speaker 01

  Ah, Mr. Bond, do you expect me to die? No, I expect you to swallow.

• 14:15Speaker 02

  He's still thinking.

• 14:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm still thinking, yeah.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  That's a great character, Baddie. Mahogany Big Cock.

• 14:22Speaker 01

  I mean, I know sometimes the, particularly the vintage James Bond films were maybe a little bit on the nose with character names. Pussy Galore, Octopussy. We had an entire film title.

• 14:35Speaker 01

  Doctor Goodhead was the Bond girl in Moonraker.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  Called Goodhead.

• 14:40Speaker 01

  Holly Goodhead. Hmm.

• 14:42Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 14:42Speaker 01

  Uh, it's quite on the nose.

• 14:44Speaker 02

  It's mad, Goodhead.

• 14:45Speaker 01

  Moonraker has the best ending to any Bond film where they are, they've, they're coming down from the moon, coming back to earth. Bond has obviously seduced Dr. Holly Goodhead. They beam into.

• 14:57Speaker 02

  This is Roger Moore, isn't it?

• 14:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, they beam into the best Bond. They, I don't tell you. They built, they beam into MI6.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  I knew you'd say Roger Moore was your best Bond. He's so camp in it.

• 15:06Speaker 01

  They beam into MI6 and the camera picks them up and draped with a sheet over them, Bond and Holly are going at it. And M says, what on earth are you doing, Bond? And Q says, I think they're attempting re-entry. It's just the best joke at the end.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  It's so camp.

• 15:24Speaker 01

  It's so great.

• 15:25Speaker 02

  I was in a hotel room next to him one night.

• 15:27Speaker 01

  Oh, here we go. I know this joke.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  I was. Have you not?

• 15:30Speaker 01

  You've done, you have done this for eight years.

• 15:32Speaker 02

  All night, all day. Oh, Roger Moore.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  Izzy, don't laugh at that.

• 15:40Speaker 02

  Oh, Roger Moore. Well, there you go.

• 15:43Speaker 01

  What sort of Bond would you be? Cause my brother has a theory with Bonds that they alternate between a dark chocolate Bond and a milk chocolate Bond in terms of sort of, so Daniel Craig would be a dark chocolate Bond grittier.

• 15:54Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 15:54Speaker 01

  Whereas milk chocolate would be someone like Roger Moore.

• 15:57Speaker 02

  I'd, I'd, I'd maybe be in more of a spoof. Uh, ooh, what am I like?

• 16:02Speaker 01

  So white chocolate Bond.

• 16:05Speaker 02

  I'd be more Austin Powers.

• 16:06Speaker 01

  Okay. And would you want, what sort of gadgets would you want? Cause they are casting unless they announce, have announced before this episode goes out.

• 16:13Speaker 02

  I'd, some I couldn't lose. Cause a lot of them are small, aren't they? It's like a big gun.

• 16:19Speaker 03

  Could be a fob for this building.

• 16:21Speaker 02

  A fob for this building would, would help. The fact that I've still not got a fob key to get into this building, my own studio.

• 16:27Speaker 01

  Well, surely as, as a spy, you could break into this building quite easily.

• 16:32Speaker 02

  And if you play your cards right, you might be the spy who shagged you.

• 16:35Speaker 01

  I might be the spy who shags me.

• 16:37Speaker 02

  It's an Austin Powers film. I think we should move on.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:41Speaker 02

  But no, it was good. I'm chuffed to bits. I am. And I've been having a real, like, big bout of imposter syndrome lately. So that's, that's, it's been a bit, especially when I was filming for that. So it's been nice.

• 16:54Speaker 01

  Filming.

• 16:54Speaker 02

  Got a nice pep talk off Wendy. She's like, no, you deserve this. So, yeah. You know, when you have those days where you think, I get it, I get it. Everyone gets it, but I get, I've had it pretty bad the past couple of weeks.

• 17:05Speaker 01

  Oh, I don't.

• 17:06Speaker 02

  I feel like you're a bit shit on the radio and you're a bit annoying. Anyway, so it's been nice.

• 17:11Speaker 01

  Well, congratulations. We're all, I'm sure Toy Story 5 is out very soon in cinemas. You can pre-book your tickets now, I'm sure. And we'll all go and see you as the gnome.

• 17:20Speaker 02

  I've got a, like, beard and I can't give too much.

• 17:23Speaker 01

  Presumably, you, I mean, I haven't seen Toy Story 5 yet because it's not out, but presumably it has been animated.

• 17:29Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, it's not me.

• 17:30Speaker 01

  Okay, fine.

• 17:31Speaker 02

  That'd be weird.

• 17:32Speaker 01

  No, because you said you've got a beard. You mean your character's got a beard.

• 17:34Speaker 02

  Well, no, because I am the character. It's a message.

• 17:38Speaker 01

  Anything else been going on other than sort of, you know, Hollywood films?

• 17:40Speaker 02

  Not really. What about you? What have you been up to?

• 17:42Speaker 01

  Well, I've been told I need to. So are you in the gym? Do you ever do something called a lunge?

• 17:46Speaker 02

  I'm not a big fan of lunges, but I try to do them once a week.

• 17:49Speaker 01

  Right. Yeah. No, he gets me to do lunging all up. And you know, in my gym, that sort of thing in the middle, the sort of the track.

• 17:56Speaker 02

  The track.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. So we lunged across that a few times. And I've been doing it recently. And he told me, he went, no, you're doing it more as a curtsy.

• 18:04Speaker 02

  I bet you thought that was a compliment, didn't you?

• 18:06Speaker 01

  I said, yeah, what's the problem? And he went, no, no, you need to do it more as a lunge. And I went, Joel, for that is his name.

• 18:12Speaker 02

  Jack it up, Joel.

• 18:13Speaker 01

  Jack it up, Joel. I said, did you know I have a Guinness World Record in curtsying? So it's only natural that I do that. He looked very confused. I don't think many of his clients have ever turned around and said that to him.

• 18:21Speaker 02

  It's a compliment to him.

• 18:22Speaker 01

  So I am doing my curtsies as lunges.

• 18:23Speaker 02

  Oh, the thought of you doing a lunge gives me the ick. Do you ever do a trump?

• 18:28Speaker 01

  I'm sorry?

• 18:28Speaker 02

  You need to, like, has a trump ever come out when you've done a lunge?

• 18:33Speaker 01

  Because I've got an excellent pelvic floor.

• 18:37Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 18:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, so I don't. But we should, I do want to, and actually, once I go into the show, I have a lot of free time in the day, uh, because everything else is coming up my diary, other than Thursdays. Um, I'm going to, we could go to the gym together.

• 18:52Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 18:52Speaker 01

  We could work out.

• 18:53Speaker 02

  We'll just, we just need to get it out of the way and do it, don't we?

• 18:57Speaker 01

  And then we'll go to the gym.

• 19:00Speaker 02

  Do a nice big Trumpy gym workout.

• 19:02Speaker 01

  No.

• 19:02Speaker 02

  Can I just say?

• 19:03Speaker 01

  I'm not going to work out with you if you're gonna fart all over the.

• 19:06Speaker 02

  Me and Ben are gentlemen's, right? Gentlemen, because we always never do it in here. And whenever we go down the stairs, downstairs, we always trump in the little hallway, don't we?

• 19:15Speaker 01

  I don't know if Ben, I've, I've never.

• 19:17Speaker 02

  We've done it a few times.

• 19:18Speaker 03

  That's not true.

• 19:20Speaker 02

  We've farted in that hallway all the time, right?

• 19:22Speaker 03

  You do?

• 19:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, you do as well. And we giggle like year fives. Yeah.

• 19:27Speaker 03

  It's cute.

• 19:28Speaker 02

  It is cute. We always never do it in here for you lot. Izzy on the other hand, pull me finger lad.

• 19:34Speaker 01

  Oh, fucking hell, Izzy.

• 19:35Speaker 02

  Have some class.

• 19:37Speaker 01

  Um, other news.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 19:39Speaker 01

  Now, I, you didn't, I didn't actually message your friend of mine, Chris Stark, but I have gone ahead and got a barbecue.

• 19:45Speaker 02

  Have you?

• 19:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:46Speaker 02

  What did you get?

• 19:48Speaker 01

  It's a Ninja.

• 19:50Speaker 02

  Was it a gas one?

• 19:51Speaker 01

  It's gas.

• 19:52Speaker 02

  Ah, Willie. I've got a gas one. It's a mistake.

• 19:55Speaker 01

  No, I wanted gas.

• 19:56Speaker 02

  Might as well have another one.

• 19:58Speaker 01

  Well, well, what, what's yours?

• 20:00Speaker 02

  Gas.

• 20:01Speaker 01

  Okay, but what should I have got?

• 20:03Speaker 02

  Charcoal.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  I don't want charcoal. I'm not sure it's good for the environment.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  It is. You can get environmentally friendly ones. You can get environmentally friendly oak now.

• 20:10Speaker 01

  It would be more environmentally friendly just to have a piece of fruit, if we're going down that route.

• 20:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you, you can't serve fruit to your garden guests, can you?

• 20:20Speaker 01

  My garden guests.

• 20:22Speaker 02

  Can you?

• 20:22Speaker 01

  No. It hasn't gone up yet, to be fair, because I don't know what to do. So I'm trying to find a

• 20:28Speaker 02

  Get my key on it.

• 20:29Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, I'm trying to find a handyman to come and sort of pop it up.

• 20:33Speaker 02

  God, my God, you can't even put up your own bloody.

• 20:35Speaker 01

  A barbecue apparently is very complicated and it's got gas and I don't sort of want to like sort of blow the house up because I couldn't put a barbecue together.

• 20:42Speaker 02

  I got someone to do my garden, just couldn't eat a proper doing, but I'm on top of garden now, I'm jet washing. The only thing I don't do is put pictures up.

• 20:48Speaker 01

  When you're barbecue, did you assemble yours?

• 20:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, I did actually.

• 20:53Speaker 01

  Well, would you like to come around and do mine?

• 20:55Speaker 02

  If I can jet wash, yeah.

• 20:56Speaker 01

  I've been jet washed. I don't need to be flipping jet. You can do the front. To be fair, I didn't jet wash the front. You can do the front.

• 21:02Speaker 02

  You need to warn the neighbours though, it'll be.

• 21:04Speaker 01

  What?

• 21:05Speaker 02

  Well, splash, splash zone and.

• 21:07Speaker 01

  Be like SeaWorld, you're in the splash zone.

• 21:08Speaker 02

  Noisy and stuff. Yeah, SeaWorld, that's what we were all thinking when I said splash zone.

• 21:14Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, and SeaWorld, I used to go to SeaWorld as a child, see Shamu, R I P.

• 21:19Speaker 02

  And. Is Shamu dead?

• 21:21Speaker 01

  Well, the show is and you would, you would have, you know, if you sat near the front, it would say you are in the splash zone.

• 21:29Speaker 02

  You know, I was quite.

• 21:33Speaker 01

  I think I know this story.

• 21:35Speaker 02

  I was quite chubby as a child, yeah.

• 21:37Speaker 01

  You enjoyed your food.

• 21:38Speaker 02

  I enjoyed my food. I was a teenager.

• 21:42Speaker 01

  And Dominic.

• 21:42Speaker 02

  And I was in bath, my mum ran me a bath and I had a bit of pasta and went, oh, Shamu, how long are you going to be in?

• 21:48Speaker 01

  That's not good.

• 21:52Speaker 01

  Were they in the splash zone?

• 21:53Speaker 02

  Probably, yeah.

• 21:55Speaker 01

  Um, anyway, yeah, barbecue is there. It's not actually put up, so I can't actually do anything with it.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 22:01Speaker 01

  But I'm quite excited that I've reached a new level of butch. But I do have a lovely liberty print barbecue apron, so that's going to offset it.

• 22:09Speaker 02

  I bet you want us barbecue, it's more salad with you and I bet you put everything in the oven first, don't you?

• 22:14Speaker 01

  I've said it before, most things taste better in the oven than on a barbecue, but I appreciate the sort of, the sort of, the Neanderthal gene, it taps into barbecuing outside.

• 22:23Speaker 02

  And who are you going to have round at your barbecue? All those twinks going, oh, raw meat, oh, how gross.

• 22:29Speaker 01

  Raw meat? I hope it's not bloody raw meat.

• 22:31Speaker 02

  We're firing with our sensation Christmas, hummus. Don't, they won't like, none of your lot will appreciate, none of your friends will appreciate a barbecue. Freddie at a barbecue.

• 22:41Speaker 01

  I think they'll all love it.

• 22:43Speaker 02

  Trying to think of else.

• 22:46Speaker 01

  Jonathan likes a barbecue. In fact Jonathan actually could come and do the barbecue for me.

• 22:51Speaker 02

  All right, Jonathan would be good.

• 22:52Speaker 01

  I'll do the salads.

• 22:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, there you go.

• 22:54Speaker 01

  I'm looking forward to marinating the meat. Because they've got some lovely new Ottilengi marinades at Waitrose.

• 23:00Speaker 02

  I've met him on Saturday Kitchen.

• 23:04Speaker 01

  Yotaman, Yotamangal?

• 23:07Speaker 01

  Sorry, several G and D's. Yotamot.

• 23:10Speaker 02

  Here we go, this one goes.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  Yotam Ottilengi.

• 23:14Speaker 02

  Is that what his name is?

• 23:15Speaker 01

  I believe so.

• 23:17Speaker 02

  Ottilengi, yeah.

• 23:18Speaker 01

  Yotam.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  For those, our wonderful genes might not know him. He's always on Saturday Kitchen and he's got a couple of shops and restaurants.

• 23:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:25Speaker 02

  And he's got some beautiful cookbooks.

• 23:27Speaker 01

  His best cookbook he did, because quite a lot of them are very complicated and you'd need to be.

• 23:31Speaker 02

  No, they're not.

• 23:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, some of them are. Simple is very good. It lives up to its. I had a really bitchy, my really bitchy friend Matt once, when he was around at the, at the house wall wing. Came around, he looked at my cookbook and he went, hmm, I'm spotting a theme. Simple. Make it easy.

• 23:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:48Speaker 01

  One pot dishes. I could have punched him.

• 23:50Speaker 02

  But you can tell that when you've eaten at yours before.

• 23:54Speaker 01

  Excuse me.

• 23:55Speaker 02

  Hey.

• 23:56Speaker 01

  Corned beef hash.

• 23:57Speaker 02

  I'll.

• 23:57Speaker 01

  Or I just like to do like one great big thing that you just like pop in the middle and just like let it go and people help themselves.

• 24:04Speaker 02

  Greek lamb tray bake, throw it on a thing.

• 24:06Speaker 01

  I've never done you Greek lamb tray bake. That is a Monday to Thursday.

• 24:09Speaker 02

  What my mum did, she just got it from freezer, threw it on a tray and wiped it in oven and that's all you do. But hers were smiley faces and turkey dinosaurs.

• 24:17Speaker 01

  Well, this face isn't smiling.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  Okay. But Ottilengi, I've met him before. He's a lovely fellow.

• 24:24Speaker 01

  At least I serve on time.

• 24:26Speaker 02

  I always, no, because I purposely don't serve on time so everyone gets pissed.

• 24:30Speaker 01

  I think, what, what did you do last time when we went round with Sean and Chris and Chelsea and James?

• 24:35Speaker 02

  Was that a paella?

• 24:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. It was more of a breakfast by the time we were eating it, wasn't it?

• 24:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, I haven't hosted in a while. I've got my neighbours coming around actually.

• 24:45Speaker 01

  Lovely. Everybody loves good neighbours.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, I sent, put one of my, one of your posh postcards through though.

• 24:51Speaker 01

  Your posh postcards.

• 24:52Speaker 02

  I know that you got me from moving in present.

• 24:55Speaker 01

  Lovely. Um, just before we move on, uh, before we, uh, recorded today's episode, I was absolutely, uh, eviscerated or attempted to by his standards by producer Ben. Producer Ben, would you like to chip in and just recreate what?

• 25:11Speaker 03

  Hi guys.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 25:12Speaker 03

  Well, this was, this, it started a few weeks ago, actually, Jordan. Um, I'm keen to hear your thoughts on this.

• 25:18Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 25:18Speaker 03

  So obviously I ran the marathon. I don't know if I mentioned.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  Didn't mention it, no.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  I'm in a movie, but not allowed to mention it.

• 25:26Speaker 03

  And I made the decision that I think was the right one to book a day off work. The day after the marathon.

• 25:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course.

• 25:35Speaker 03

  To aid in my recovery.

• 25:36Speaker 02

  Yes, of course.

• 25:37Speaker 03

  Bear in mind that when I have not booked a day off of work to aid in my recovery previously, William also had a go at me.

• 25:44Speaker 02

  See Glastonbury episode.

• 25:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, one of them is, I wouldn't put Glastonbury on the par with running a marathon, even I wouldn't.

• 25:50Speaker 02

  Oh no, I reckon Glastonbury's harder. A full weekend at Glasto.

• 25:55Speaker 03

  So anyway, I then on that day off posted a lovely picture on my Instagram story of me in the park. Me just lying there chilling and William replied to it being like, you've had a day off after running the marathon.

• 26:09Speaker 02

  He's such a bitch. He is.

• 26:11Speaker 03

  And I was just like.

• 26:12Speaker 01

  I just thought it was unprofessional.

• 26:13Speaker 03

  Hang on a second, for someone who can.

• 26:16Speaker 02

  He ran a marathon in three hours. Give the lad a break.

• 26:19Speaker 01

  And 37 minutes.

• 26:20Speaker 03

  And 37 minutes. For someone who can swan around town whenever he wants to, getting his hair cut bloody harrods whenever he wants, at any point in the day.

• 26:29Speaker 02

  Honestly.

• 26:30Speaker 03

  Having a, maybe like a casual breakfast.

• 26:32Speaker 02

  We sound like.

• 26:32Speaker 03

  Putting it as a work meeting.

• 26:33Speaker 02

  Oh, we sound like his parents. When he starts work full time in a few weeks, this tight day, he's gonna bloody hit him. You won't know, you won't know the real world, world until it's hit your lad.

• 26:41Speaker 03

  You'll want a day off then.

• 26:42Speaker 02

  I know you will. Mondays.

• 26:44Speaker 03

  I guarantee after that 48.

• 26:48Speaker 03

  Showrun.

• 26:49Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 26:49Speaker 03

  William will do absolutely the square root of fuck all.

• 26:55Speaker 03

  On the Monday morning.

• 26:57Speaker 01

  Who's foot 50 being you?

• 26:58Speaker 02

  Yes, yes.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  Well, I have booked.

• 27:01Speaker 02

  Tell them, queen. You go, diva.

• 27:03Speaker 03

  We're snapping.

• 27:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, we're snapping our fingers. Yeah.

• 27:06Speaker 01

  What is lovely is that Ben, just like you, Jordan, is so easy to wind up.

• 27:10Speaker 02

  I'm not easy to wind up. Easy, easy.

• 27:12Speaker 01

  I know. What buttons to press.

• 27:13Speaker 02

  Easy, easy to wind up.

• 27:14Speaker 01

  When he puts this little sort of thirsty here at my legs, tight legs in the park.

• 27:21Speaker 03

  Says you turning up in gym kit the other week.

• 27:24Speaker 01

  I've got the receipts. You asked me.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  Also, and whilst talking about thirsty, you're all right thirsty little bitch these days on social media. So wind your neck in. Christ.

• 27:33Speaker 01

  What have I done?

• 27:34Speaker 02

  Oh, Jesus. You're worse than Izzy. Your arse is always out on bloody social media.

• 27:40Speaker 01

  I'll see you in court.

• 27:41Speaker 02

  Well, you will. Christ.

• 27:47Speaker 01

  Well, I don't know what to say other than would you like an etiquette biology?

• 27:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, what's it on? Being a thirsty little slut?

• 27:55Speaker 01

  Over to Jordan.

• 27:57Speaker 02

  I'm not thirsty.

• 27:58Speaker 03

  Day's off work.

• 28:02Speaker 01

  That's so much I can say.

• 28:04Speaker 02

  Why am I thirsty? I just reshare reels from Capital in here.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  I'm going to talk to you inspired by what we were talking about only the other week about is it the Union flag or is it the Union Jack? You asked for this.

• 28:18Speaker 02

  You can tell we both do a holiday.

• 28:21Speaker 01

  We'll tell you the answer after these messages.

• 28:28Speaker 04

  Hello, I'm Joanna Fletcher.

• 28:30Speaker 05

  And I'm Marco Burchella.

• 28:31Speaker 04

  And this is Boots Off.

• 28:35Speaker 05

  We are friends who have spent a decade together walking up mountains, across deserts and along coastlines with some seriously awesome groups of humans.

• 28:43Speaker 04

  And something happens when you're out there, feet on the ground, surrounded by nature. The conversations just spill out of you.

• 28:49Speaker 05

  This series is about the adversities that lead to adventure.

• 28:52Speaker 04

  The adventures that lead to adversity.

• 28:54Speaker 05

  And how life can be one big adventure in itself.

• 28:57Speaker 04

  Listen every Thursday. Just search for Boots Off.

• 29:06Speaker 06

  It's William. William. The etiquette geek. His knowledge. Knowledge. Quite unique. He'll give you manners. Manners. Subtle tweak. It's time for William's Etiquette, Etymetiquette, Etymology of the Week. Cha cha cha, cha cha cha, cha cha cha. Cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha.

• 29:24Speaker 01

  Now, this is quite complicated, so buckle up. The death of Elizabeth I in 1603, just after four o'clock, had an unintended consequence that had not been considered. With the accession of James I, England and Scotland became one realm, because James was the former king of Scotland. So we became the Kingdom of Great Britain, all whilst maintaining separate constitutions. The problem, however, arose at sea. Whilst England had its own flag, the flag of St George and Scotland that of St Andrew, the joining of the crowns caused a problem for flags on ships. Which flag was the navy to fly? Initially, vessels on the Scottish Royal Navy flew the Scottish flag above the English one and Scottish ones above the Scottish. However, this was bad etiquette,

• 30:08Speaker 01

  because as mentioned on the episode a few weeks ago, you don't double-flag national flags on the same mast. So in 1606, James I acted and created what was initially called the British Flag by combining the flags of England and Scotland. The term Union Flag first appeared in 1625. The Act of Union in 1801 added the Red Cross of St Patrick, representing Ireland, and forming what we have today. Now we get into the Jack debate. Many people refer to the Union Flag as the Union Jack. And Jordan's yawning, but I'm going to try not to say that personally.

• 30:44Speaker 02

  I didn't mean to. It wasn't personal.

• 30:46Speaker 01

  And just as many are quick to correct them that it's only the Jack when at sea. Well, is that true and why do we call it Jack? Well, basically, in Old English, Jack means something diminutive. So when a naval ship flew on a small flag on the bow, it was known as the Union Jack, the Jack or the King's Jack. In 1674, the Admiralty clarified that the small flag would be known as His Majesty's Jack, or informally, the Union Jack. But basically, both names were used by the Admiralty. So... Is the Union Jack only called such when flown at sea? Ish, but it is complicated because the government stated that in the House of Lords

• 31:27Speaker 01

  on the 14th of July 1908, that it may fairly be stated that the Union Jack should be regarded as the national flag and it undoubtedly may be flown on land by all of His Majesty's subjects. So whilst they are sort of both correct, you can say either the royal family, who are sort of the authority on etiquette-ish, say Union Flag, whereas Union Jack is more informal or affectionate.

• 31:51Speaker 02

  Ah, so it was, it did start at sea.

• 31:53Speaker 01

  It did start at sea.

• 31:54Speaker 02

  More formally, it's the Union Flag.

• 31:55Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 31:56Speaker 02

  But now it's colloquially known as the Union Jack.

• 31:59Speaker 01

  Correct. So I hope that clears that up.

• 32:03Speaker 02

  That was, that was very interesting.

• 32:04Speaker 01

  They always are.

• 32:05Speaker 02

  They always are.

• 32:06Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 32:07Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 32:08Speaker 01

  Shall we go on to the problems and dilemmas?

• 32:09Speaker 02

  Yes, please, let's. Now that I'm a movie star, do I have to scroll my own iPad or?

• 32:14Speaker 01

  Oh, go away.

• 32:15Speaker 02

  Now it's time for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, if you need our help with something, then get in touch. You can send your tales of trepidation to [email protected]. You can DM us, we're at Sex and My Boss on the socials, or you can write to William, who in the fullness of time promises a handwritten reply and one of our luxury greeting cards with executive self-seal envelopes. The address is on the website, sextedmyboss.com. And remember, we have no idea what's coming up.

• 32:38Speaker 01

  Our first dilemma is from Olivia. Dear HRH William, Master Jordan, EPP and the rest of the sexted gang. My long-term partner's grandfather passed away this weekend and I'd like to send his grandmother some flowers and a sympathy card. But do I say that they are from just me or me and my boyfriend? My boyfriend and me. It seems kind of odd for them not to be from my boyfriend too. However, I was always under the impression that someone grieving does not give flowers and a card to someone grieving the same death. I might be totally wrong in overthinking it, but I would appreciate your help nonetheless. I have the honour to remain your obedient servant. Very good. Olivia.

• 33:14Speaker 02

  Oh, I don't like that.

• 33:15Speaker 01

  That's how you sign off, that's how you sign off to a monarch in the very traditional form.

• 33:20Speaker 02

  Would you, oh god, don't, don't, don't, I'm not.

• 33:22Speaker 01

  Can't tell that.

• 33:24Speaker 01

  Not, not someone being your obedient servant.

• 33:26Speaker 02

  No, dead no. Um, oh no, you're overthinking it. It's from you and your boyfriend. It's simple, that one. You wouldn't not put your boy, it'd be weird if you didn't put your boyfriend's name in it.

• 33:35Speaker 01

  Especially if it's his, his grandfather.

• 33:37Speaker 02

  You put from both of you to any funeral.

• 33:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, generally flowers.

• 33:41Speaker 02

  The person who died, one of you's hated him.

• 33:43Speaker 01

  Well, there is always that. I would, generally flowers are in loving memory of the person who has died, rather than, so rather than to a specific person. So if a relative of yours, let's say Jordan, God forbid, passed away, I would not say, Jordan, here are some lovely flowers in memory of, or, Jordan, here are some lovely flowers for you, thinking of you, love, William. It would be in loving memory of X. The exception to that rule is if you had actually never met that person, then you might write.

• 34:11Speaker 02

  Ah, yeah.

• 34:13Speaker 01

  But if you have met that person, I assume you have, uh, then, yes.

• 34:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:18Speaker 01

  Send them from both of you.

• 34:19Speaker 02

  And lilies are apparently a funeral flower, but.

• 34:21Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 34:22Speaker 02

  Roses.

• 34:22Speaker 01

  You can send anything, really. It depends what sort of funeral they like. You could, I mean, we've, someone that we know, uh, has had a, gone through a death, so we have sent some pale pastel pinks, rather than sort of bright colours, because we know that they wouldn't want white lilies. So we've done that. Our next dilemma is from Coon. Dear William and Jordan, let me start by thanking you and the whole Sexton team for the many hours of entertainment, making me laugh out loud more often than I care to admit during gym workouts or on long flights. Before I get to my question, let me give you some background information. I work as an in-house videographer for a large Dutch shipbuilder. Part of my job involves travelling all over the world to film boats and ships.

• 34:59Speaker 02

  What a job.

• 35:00Speaker 01

  And even though I would love to go into detail on the difference between the two, my dilemma does not concern floating objects, but rather air travel. My frequent work trips enabled me to gain the top level in the frequent flyer programme of our national carrier.

• 35:13Speaker 02

  Nice, gold.

• 35:14Speaker 01

  That'll be KLM. This allows me access to the business class lounges at most airports. It is a welcome perk when I travel alone, however occasionally colleagues of mine are booked on the same flight. Often these people I only vaguely know and don't work with directly, even though they often do know me because of my unique job within the company. Also good to know, most of them travel less than me and therefore don't have lounge access. In comes my dilemma. I must admit that I much prefer to wait for my flight in a lounge surrounded by free drinks and snacks to an overcrowded gate next to people I don't share much more with than an employer. However, I also don't want to be the snooty antisocial filmmaker who just disappears until it is time for boarding. So what is the etiquette for this class division fabricated by the airline industry? Should I show solidarity

• 35:56Speaker 01

  with my colleagues and share in the suffering, or can I make an Irish exit after check-in and see myself to some middle-class luxury in the lounge? Your advice would be greatly appreciated. Kind regards, Coon, Rotterdam and Netherlands. Well, I would say you're trying to have your cake and eat it there. Unless you get to the airport well in advance and you can get yourself into the lounge before your colleagues arrive, and then again, leave it, you know, wait for boarding to start and then sort of toddle on later, you're sort of asking us for the impossible. I appreciate you won't be able to take all of your colleagues into the lounge. You might be allowed one guest, for example, rather than four. But, I mean, it's a lovely problem to have. It's a very first-world problem, but you can't have your cake and eat it. However, there are some

• 36:41Speaker 01

  airports, particularly in the Middle East, where the entire terminal is replicated on several layers. So if you are travelling business class or first class, your gate, so the gates are replicated, there are three points. So you, once you're in the lounge, you board from the lounge, so you don't have to come out the lounge and then find the gate.

• 37:02Speaker 02

  That's fancy.

• 37:03Speaker 01

  Yeah. And so actually, you don't see anyone else. But that's those airports. Most airports don't have that, although I think it's a very sensible innovation.

• 37:10Speaker 02

  Look, nothing lasts forever. Enjoy that business class lounge whilst you can. So go for it. Don't feel guilty. Go for it. I won't begrudge anyone if they said that I'm gonna go in. I'd be like, you crack on.

• 37:19Speaker 01

  But also, taking a colleague from time to time, go, right, this week I'm bringing in Jordan, next week it's Ben, then it's Sophia, then it's Stu.

• 37:25Speaker 02

  But you don't want to have to make small talk with colleagues before a flight.

• 37:28Speaker 01

  Well, I probably would. Suggest it.

• 37:32Speaker 01

  It is nice, personally. This is from anonymous. Hey guys, I had an incident some years ago when I was on a bus on my way back home to Wigan.

• 37:40Speaker 02

  Oh, this could be. Alright, let's get comfortable for this one.

• 37:45Speaker 01

  I started feeling very uncomfortable with some stomach pains, which soon became a desperate need to poo. However, this bus was stuck in traffic and I wasn't sure how long it was going to take to get to my stop, but I was getting rather panicky as my arse was quivering. The battle had begun, a real Hodor Hodder experience?

• 38:01Speaker 02

  Hodor.

• 38:02Speaker 01

  Hodor experience? Must be a Wigan thing.

• 38:04Speaker 02

  No, Hodor is from Game of Thrones.

• 38:06Speaker 01

  Oh, is it? Oh, right.

• 38:07Speaker 02

  Hodor. He was trying to hold it in.

• 38:10Speaker 01

  Uh, as more time went on, the bus still barely moved and I began considering more options. I sent a text to my mum, letting her know that I may have to shit in a carrier bag. But don't worry, I did not give in to this idea. The bus began moving and I managed to get into Wigan Town, where I got off the bus and walked, or rather waddled, to the Grand Arcade. I managed to get to the loos in the Grand Arcade and had the biggest poo of my life under the U-bend and above the seat.

• 38:32Speaker 02

  Can't you read what it says?

• 38:33Speaker 01

  No, I'm cleaning it up for everyone. I tried flushing, but as you may imagine, this was the beginning of the problems. The water raised and barely went back down, yet for some reason I decided to attempt a second flush, which just made the water fill to the rim and nearly pour over the edge.

• 38:47Speaker 02

  What the second flush?

• 38:48Speaker 01

  What should I do? I asked myself and decided there is only one thing that I can do and just leave it. So I used loo paper to place on top of this giant turd, like some kind of hat. I waited for the loos to go quiet and I made a run for it. You may wonder what happened after. What about the poor cleaner that would have to tackle this monstrosity? Well, who knows? All I can tell you is this incident made it into the local newspaper after the loos had to be closed off due to flooding.

• 39:12Speaker 02

  How big was this shit?

• 39:13Speaker 01

  That also flooded H and M and the floor below the loos.

• 39:16Speaker 02

  Shut up!

• 39:17Speaker 01

  So was this the correct way to handle this situation? I asked this as this was not the first or last time this happened.

• 39:24Speaker 02

  You need to go, who fucking, who's writing in? King Kong?

• 39:28Speaker 01

  And for anyone worried, I have seen a doctor about the issue and to check my anatomy. It's IBS. I've bet it is, anonymous.

• 39:35Speaker 02

  How big are these turds?

• 39:37Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 39:37Speaker 02

  You're causing bloody chaos. Also, what was the headline in the newspaper? Get back in touch. Massive shit causes flood.

• 39:46Speaker 01

  Big evacuation in the Grand Arcade.

• 39:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, that'd be a good one.

• 39:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:49Speaker 02

  Big turd causes.

• 39:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, send us the newspaper clipping. I'd like to do that for a bonus.

• 39:53Speaker 02

  Big shrug causes flood.

• 39:55Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 39:56Speaker 02

  I don't know. Um, um, and also, if you, personal advice, you have a block of toilet.

• 40:01Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 40:01Speaker 02

  But don't, we're all tempted. Never do a second flush. Get the toilet brush and try and.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  You said, and we've said it on Luxury Podcast. It's very antisocial not to provide a loo brush.

• 40:11Speaker 02

  Do you, do you talk about this sort of thing on Luxury Podcast?

• 40:14Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 40:14Speaker 02

  Right, get, get the toilet brush and try and like shove it down the U-bend.

• 40:19Speaker 01

  Jordan, we did a whole episode a few weeks ago about bins.

• 40:21Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 40:22Speaker 01

  Don't get that on sex.

• 40:23Speaker 02

  And that usually helps, especially if it's paper. But then try to knock off the paper. I know it's a dirty business because that wasn't when all the paper wraps around the bog brush.

• 40:32Speaker 01

  They can get for slightly ill.

• 40:33Speaker 02

  You need to, you're a frigging haphazard. You want to start taking Tupperware out with you.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 40:41Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 40:42Speaker 02

  Well, a lunchbox or something. Obviously.

• 40:45Speaker 03

  How big's your bloody Tupperware for that?

• 40:47Speaker 02

  I'm going to need a Pringles box or something for him.

• 40:50Speaker 03

  A Pringles box?

• 40:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, a big long thing.

• 40:53Speaker 01

  Tube.

• 40:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:54Speaker 03

  A few of them, I think.

• 40:55Speaker 02

  Tube. How big are these shits? What, we talk like the size of an arm?

• 40:59Speaker 03

  It fills up above the, above the seat level, if that's true.

• 41:03Speaker 02

  What's the biggest poo you've ever had?

• 41:05Speaker 01

  I don't know. I don't poo. This is from Mitch. G'day coppers. Apologies in advance for the sex podcast adjacent question, but recently having started dating again after exiting my last and first relationship of 10 years, I've encountered an unusual issue regarding the size of my member.

• 41:23Speaker 02

  Christ.

• 41:23Speaker 01

  I'll take this. And my ex, yes, gay, never commented on it, so I just assumed it was normal size. And while, yes, I have seen porn, I never thought it was anything special. So now that I've entered the dating world, the consistent feedback is that it is monster sized and porn worthy. I endeavour to provide a humble response, but it becomes such a focal point of attention in that moment that it makes me self-conscious. So what is the etiquette when a date rips your pants off during a make out session and exclaims loudly, well, that thing's huge. How do I respond?

• 41:55Speaker 02

  It's like that cleaner in Wigan.

• 41:57Speaker 01

  Further, how or what do I counter compliment their member without coming across as facetious? Generally asking for guidance in navigating these perturbing scenarios. Cheers, Mitch.

• 42:08Speaker 02

  I mean, it's just cheers and yours is cute.

• 42:11Speaker 01

  No, that's a reflex compliment.

• 42:14Speaker 02

  What does that mean?

• 42:15Speaker 01

  Don't, and, and.

• 42:16Speaker 02

  You're not so bad yourself.

• 42:17Speaker 01

  No, don't, anything, whether it's someone's whatever, or a jacket, or a pair of shoes. If I go, I love that jacket, don't then go, I love that quarter zip. What you do is you remember that I've complimented you and then later on go, and I love that quarter zip. Because if you, anything, if you give a compliment immediately back, it just comes off as innocency.

• 42:37Speaker 02

  Oh, does it?

• 42:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:38Speaker 02

  So even when you're comparing cocks? Just say, thank you.

• 42:43Speaker 01

  You just go, thank you, and move on.

• 42:45Speaker 02

  I bet you've got a lovely arse.

• 42:47Speaker 01

  No, no, because that's a reflex compliment. Don't say anything.

• 42:50Speaker 02

  All right.

• 42:51Speaker 01

  Thanks very much.

• 42:51Speaker 02

  Just say, oh, thank you.

• 42:53Speaker 01

  That's all you need to say. Thank you. Keep it short.

• 42:55Speaker 02

  All right.

• 42:56Speaker 01

  Which might be hard.

• 42:57Speaker 02

  From big old cocks to big old turds. What's the final dilemma, please?

• 43:02Speaker 01

  It's from anonymous. Hi guys, quick one for the pod. I'm a British hairdresser living in Australia and we have a supermarket, Woolworths here. You can collect your Woolies points every time you shop. This isn't an ad. I had a client the other day come in and tell me her boyfriend had broken up with her seven weeks ago and she was utterly heartbroken. However, three weeks into their separation, she gets a notification from her Woolworths Rewards app with a copy of the receipt from the most recent purchase. The ex-boyfriend had gone to the supermarket and had purchased condoms and scanned her Woolworths reward card. She texted him afterwards to ask if he had really moved on that quickly, to which she replied, I thought you'd appreciate the points.

• 43:36Speaker 02

  Oh, he's just doing that to be a knob. He weren't, he knew what he was doing.

• 43:39Speaker 01

  What is the etiquette when using your ex-partner's three weeks supermarket rewards card to purchase condoms? Anonymous.

• 43:44Speaker 02

  Be the bigger person. I think he was, I think he knew exactly what he was doing there.

• 43:48Speaker 01

  He was doing. I'd get in touch with Woolworths or whichever supermarket you shop in and get them to issue you a new card number and cancel the old cards. That's what I would do.

• 43:57Speaker 02

  Don't rise to it, but he knew what he was doing.

• 44:00Speaker 01

  He, I, he absolutely knew what he was doing.

• 44:02Speaker 02

  Men can be very mischievous, Liz, and.

• 44:05Speaker 01

  What?

• 44:05Speaker 02

  Mischievous and.

• 44:06Speaker 01

  What word were you, I think you were trying to say two words in one.

• 44:08Speaker 02

  Mischievous and manipulating.

• 44:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:10Speaker 02

  Machiavellating.

• 44:10Speaker 01

  Machiavellous.

• 44:11Speaker 02

  That sounds like he knew what he was doing. Uh, thank you for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Play App. You can watch it on YouTube as well. We put full episodes up every release day. Just head to YouTube and search for Sex Days.

• 44:28Speaker 01

  And we'll see you on Friday.

• 44:29Speaker 02

  There's a snake in my boot. To infinity and beyond.

• 44:34Speaker 01

  Oh, I remember that.

• 44:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, back in the day.

• 44:38Speaker 02

  I'm Mrs Nesbit.

• 44:40Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, I have got such a good video of you doing that at that wedding.

• 44:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, see, that was me.

• 44:44Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, you won't want us to post that.

• 44:46Speaker 02

  Why?

• 44:47Speaker 01

  Well.

• 44:47Speaker 02

  I think we've posted it before.

• 44:49Speaker 01

  Have we?

• 44:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was being Buzz Lightyear at a wedding, piss.

• 44:51Speaker 01

  In Toy Story One.

• 44:52Speaker 02

  I had a little floppy hat.

• 44:53Speaker 01

  Little did you know, when Toy Story One came out, you'd be in Toy Story Five.

• 44:57Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 44:58Speaker 01

  There we go. See you on Friday.

• 45:05Speaker 07

  Hello, this is Susie Ruffel. And Maisy Adam. And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey, Mais, what is it? Only the best podcast ever. Yeah. A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffel. Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping, too. Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts, just hit the search Big Kick Energy. Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.