Help I Regret Pup Play | And My Bad Boyfriend

After Jordan called up one of his three brothers to say "I love you" for the first time, it seems word of this has reached the rest of them, and they ARE NOT happy about it. Meanwhile, not content with West End success, William has been daydreaming about being a rockstar. The boys also address your dilemmas on bad boyfriends in the bedroom and the dangers of 'pup play'. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected], and for more Sexted fun sign up https://sextedmyboss.com/newsletter/ to our free VIG&Diva newsletter. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Help I Sexted My Boss is presented by William Hanson and Jordan North. It is an Audio Always http://www.audioalways.com production. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected]. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  I'm Claire Buckley and this Halloween on my podcast, Pretty Scary, we are gonna cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts and aliens. Plus, the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So, as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat, right? Get the candles lit in search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.

• 0:46Speaker 01

  Hello and welcome to Help I Sexted My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern day life, answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to those everyday dilemmas. Like, what should you do when the bride and groom go to bed before you get to their wedding? And, how do you reassure your brother that you're not actually dying when you're called to say you love him? And what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss? But, we're not your usual agony ants, are we? William Hanson, the UK's leading etiquette expert.

• 1:16Speaker 02

  No, we're not. Jordan North, Capital Breakfast Show host. I'm more Bevel, you're more Bovril. That's from Adam.

• 1:23Speaker 01

  Very good. Oh, I've not had a Bevel for donkey's years.

• 1:25Speaker 02

  Have you not? I haven't had a Bevel in the last hour.

• 1:28Speaker 01

  What's a Bevel?

• 1:29Speaker 02

  It's not a type of chocolate. It is, it's a sort of that thing I showed you with my sort of camp leg.

• 1:35Speaker 01

  Oh, that's the Bevel.

• 1:37Speaker 02

  I Bevel a lot on stage, in the thing that will not be mentioned.

• 1:40Speaker 01

  No, you can mention it.

• 1:41Speaker 02

  No, no, because you're all going...

• 1:43Speaker 01

  No, it's not. It's fine. How are you, my little West End girl?

• 1:47Speaker 02

  Yes, I told you to stop calling me that during the day.

• 1:52Speaker 02

  I'm gonna just do the I Swat.

• 1:53Speaker 01

  Enjoying it now?

• 1:54Speaker 02

  Loving it. Loving it, genuinely.

• 1:57Speaker 01

  Are you feeling like a star?

• 1:58Speaker 02

  No, don't be silly.

• 2:00Speaker 01

  I've got my tickets.

• 2:01Speaker 02

  Have you? Are you telling me which performance you're coming to?

• 2:04Speaker 01

  I will... No, I might keep it surprise.

• 2:06Speaker 02

  Because they'll want to, they'll probably inevitably want your photo with you afterwards for some reason. So, you'll need to let me know.

• 2:11Speaker 01

  Although, I've had a few people DM me saying that I get a good mention.

• 2:16Speaker 02

  For now. I didn't fail, got a very good laugh on the Saturday matinee, so it might go.

• 2:22Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:22Speaker 02

  No, but it's back in there tonight.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  Oh, is it?

• 2:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:25Speaker 01

  So you're tucking it out?

• 2:26Speaker 02

  But equally, nothing got a good laugh on the Saturday matinee.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  Oh, is it a tough? It's always different in the afternoon.

• 2:31Speaker 02

  I just don't think people have been drinking long enough. Sunday matinee, on the other hand, you know, they've accrued it over the, over the weekend.

• 2:39Speaker 01

  I can't wait to watch it.

• 2:41Speaker 02

  Oh, please let me know when you're coming.

• 2:42Speaker 01

  Wait to see my little West End girl. I'm gonna be beaming from here to here.

• 2:45Speaker 02

  Bless you. Well, I'm looking forward to having you there.

• 2:48Speaker 01

  I'm coming in the week, though.

• 2:49Speaker 02

  Oh, you're coming in the week?

• 2:51Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 2:51Speaker 02

  Because you don't care.

• 2:52Speaker 01

  So much you mean to me.

• 2:53Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 2:54Speaker 01

  You know me.

• 2:54Speaker 02

  I'll try and go quickly so you can go to bed.

• 2:56Speaker 01

  I only leave the house for paddle in the week, football and you.

• 2:59Speaker 02

  You're genuinely not coming to one, you genuinely have not booked one of the shows that I'm not doing.

• 3:04Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 3:05Speaker 02

  You know, on the website, did you book via the website?

• 3:09Speaker 02

  It has my face on all the shows I'm doing.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  Oh, well, what shows aren't you doing?

• 3:13Speaker 02

  Are you coming this week?

• 3:14Speaker 01

  No.

• 3:14Speaker 02

  You'll be fine.

• 3:15Speaker 01

  Why?

• 3:15Speaker 02

  Because there are only two I'm not doing in this this week.

• 3:17Speaker 01

  Oh, why? Prior commitments?

• 3:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm leading a protocol training course in Brussels. It's very similar to.

• 3:24Speaker 01

  Couldn't you cancel that?

• 3:25Speaker 02

  No.

• 3:25Speaker 01

  Why?

• 3:26Speaker 02

  Um, so there's something called a contract.

• 3:28Speaker 01

  That's why you get a liar.

• 3:30Speaker 02

  I also want to.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 3:31Speaker 02

  That's the other thing. Right, I've done, I've done Eugene and Debonne.

• 3:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:34Speaker 02

  Um, this week's toast goes to John, the lovely John, who I met at the stage door of the aforementioned show that I'm not allowed to say.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  Titanic.

• 3:43Speaker 02

  I didn't say it, Ben. I didn't say it. Now, John, he's a teacher. He listens religiously every week. He wakes up always on a Tuesday and has never not listened to us within sort of an hour or two of what?

• 3:58Speaker 01

  I thought Andy was coming.

• 4:01Speaker 02

  God's sake.

• 4:01Speaker 01

  If you're mentioning yours, I'm mentioning mine.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  We're gonna mention yours in a minute. Um, he wakes up, listens religiously to, uh, the podcast every time it drops. He has never listened a day late.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 4:13Speaker 02

  For however long he's listened.

• 4:14Speaker 01

  He's a platinum Jane Diva.

• 4:16Speaker 02

  Oh, okay, yes. I think he's probably platinum something else, having met him. He is the uncle of, uh, one of my fellow cast members, Charlotte Sue, who has been phenomenal. She was on as Celine. She was first cover Celine.

• 4:27Speaker 01

  You name every friend and tell us what they've been in.

• 4:31Speaker 03

  Julie, Julie Walters.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  Oh Julie, yes, Julie, a good friend of mine back in the eighties, we did a show in Scumthorpe. We did a show in Scumthorpe and then obviously Julie went off to do the TV. Um, uh, and you, you, you know, Miriam, Marglie, Marglie's Miriam, yes, Miriam to me, yes. She was also on the West End.

• 4:48Speaker 02

  Mizz, actually.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  We had some great laughs, me and Miriam back in the day.

• 4:52Speaker 02

  Right, well, look, this is for John.

• 4:53Speaker 01

  Oh, and also to Wendy, happy sixtieth.

• 4:56Speaker 02

  No, she's fifty.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  Don't start creeping now, because I've not, I'm waiting to hear back from her regarding last week when you asked about her employment history. So.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  I'm waiting to hear back about it.

• 5:08Speaker 01

  Actually, just happy birthday, Mum.

• 5:10Speaker 02

  Happy birthday Wendy and John, this is to you.

• 5:14Speaker 02

  Delicious.

• 5:15Speaker 01

  Can't believe I'm sixty, I still feel twenty-one.

• 5:17Speaker 02

  She definitely doesn't look sixty, to be fair to your mum.

• 5:20Speaker 01

  She doesn't. Oh, you're doing well. Go on, chuck another one in there. Get on, good folks.

• 5:28Speaker 01

  Say, your hair looks nice.

• 5:29Speaker 02

  Her hair looks lovely.

• 5:32Speaker 01

  She always likes to take some care of her.

• 5:33Speaker 02

  She, she, and she's also one of those that like, she can do a lot with her hair. Like, I've seen her different, no, I've seen different, I've seen her do different hairstyles.

• 5:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:41Speaker 02

  And she, she's not afraid to try things.

• 5:43Speaker 01

  Yeah. I couldn't tell you what she is naturally.

• 5:48Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 5:49Speaker 02

  Ask your dad.

• 5:52Speaker 01

  Wow. Wow.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  How are you?

• 5:55Speaker 01

  I'm good. I am, uh, I'm good. How are you? What's been going on?

• 5:59Speaker 02

  Yes, I'm fine. Uh, well, I was in, uh, I was in the Tesco Express near the theatre the other day buying a bottle of fairy liquid for, or as I just call it in my house, liquid. Um, for, uh.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  That's very good.

• 6:11Speaker 02

  Thank you. Um, for my dressing room, for my martini station, which is proving controversial, we'll come on to that. And, um, I was literally just buying the fairy liquid. It was just in the self-service checkout and this guy next to me goes, "Excuse me, mate, can I ask you a question?" And I thought, "Okay, what's this gonna be? Are you the guy of TikTok, podcasts, blah, blah, blah?" "Did your missus tell you to go out and get that?"

• 6:36Speaker 02

  And I just looked at him and I thought, I didn't really know where to start. I went, no, I'm gay and I quite like washing up. And he didn't really say anything after that. But what, A, it is of no business to anyone what another person is buying that you do not know. Even if you know them, I wouldn't even comment on a friend's basket. But also, what, a man cannot go out and buy washing up liquid? What sort of stone age are we living in?

• 7:01Speaker 01

  Maybe he was chatting you up to see if you had a girlfriend.

• 7:03Speaker 02

  I downed it.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  Why did he say that? That's a random thing. Was he pissed?

• 7:07Speaker 02

  No, this was the middle of the day.

• 7:08Speaker 01

  Was he like?

• 7:10Speaker 02

  He was just.

• 7:10Speaker 01

  A bit, whoo.

• 7:12Speaker 02

  A bit what?

• 7:13Speaker 01

  Like, usually I'll get Mark Hamill to work, that kind of thing.

• 7:17Speaker 02

  He was, just from a, life's moved on and he hasn't. That's, that's what I would say. But I was, I was quite taken aback.

• 7:24Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 7:25Speaker 02

  But I was buying this very liquid for my martini station, which I discussed last week on the podcast that I, you know, I'd got permission from the company manager to sort of have the equipment you needed for a martini in my dressing room. Allo many other actors who are known to have martinis in the dressing room. Anyway, so it all arrived and ahead of the Friday performance, I made one for myself. No one else was really around. A couple of people started to arrive. This was about two hours before the show.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  Oh, that's early to get.

• 7:52Speaker 02

  I got, I was keen and um, uh, I'm standing chatting to some of the, the chaps in their dressing room and we're chatting. And another member of the company walks in and looks at me as if I was a suicide bomber. And I was like, what, I'm, I'm sorry? And he was like, what are you doing? I was like, I'm, I'm having a martini. And turns out you're not really encouraged to drink before the show.

• 8:15Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 8:15Speaker 02

  Or indeed during.

• 8:16Speaker 01

  Oh, why?

• 8:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  Is it bad luck?

• 8:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, I have checked my contract. There's nothing in it, but um.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  I thought a lot of us, because we usually have a good.

• 8:23Speaker 02

  Everyone does.

• 8:24Speaker 01

  Well, you, this is.

• 8:24Speaker 01

  We have a good few before we go on stage for the tour.

• 8:27Speaker 02

  You know, if I was in Casabian, for example.

• 8:31Speaker 02

  Well, no, don't laugh. If it's a gig, if I was a stand up comedian, you have a drink. If you're a musician, you have a drink.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  Nah.

• 8:40Speaker 02

  But if you're a theatre performer, you can't drink, even though certain actors I referenced last week do.

• 8:47Speaker 01

  A lot don't drink now. In the early days, they'd be on it and then because it's touring is now how they make the money. So a lot of them don't drink. So when you interview them and stuff, a lot be like, oh no, we don't really drink when we're on tour. A lot of them do the tours now sober and then go on holiday and get pissed and stuff.

• 9:03Speaker 02

  Hmm. Well, anyway, I have not had a martini.

• 9:05Speaker 01

  Are you ruffling feathers? Behave.

• 9:07Speaker 02

  I'm not ruffling feathers.

• 9:08Speaker 01

  Because we love you, know what you're like, but some people don't. So just.

• 9:12Speaker 02

  They're getting to know what I'm like.

• 9:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, I can imagine. So and where this works, this cocktail station is, have you, has it replaced somebody who was meant to be, I don't know, doing the makeup there?

• 9:22Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 9:23Speaker 01

  Is it a free space?

• 9:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:25Speaker 02

  Oh, it's tiny. I mean, it's, you know, it's yay big. So it's, it's, it's fine. But anyway, I haven't touched it since.

• 9:32Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 9:33Speaker 02

  The allure has faded. But never mind, just go out for a martini now.

• 9:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, definitely.

• 9:40Speaker 02

  Which again defeats the object of having one.

• 9:41Speaker 01

  Make your own, make your own.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  What's been going on with you?

• 9:44Speaker 01

  I do love our G and D'ivas.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  Even the ones that comment about the set that you get very.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  Oh, even them ones. Everyone's entitled to an opinion, William.

• 9:52Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  I love our G and D'ivas because I was at the tennis this week.

• 9:57Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 9:57Speaker 01

  And on the way up, a couple said hello and stuff. And just as the match finished. By the way, you've changed, you're going to the tennis. I got tickets, I thought, go and have a look, go and show me face.

• 10:14Speaker 02

  Generally encouraged if you have tickets to go to the tennis, yes.

• 10:16Speaker 01

  So I was there and this guy come up with his phone and I assumed he wanted a selfie. This is happening quite a lot.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  And he wasn't from this country. So he, he, he, he didn't know. Just saying it, because we didn't know who I was.

• 10:39Speaker 02

  And he'd gone to watch Toy Story in another country, had he?

• 10:41Speaker 01

  Yeah. And there's a lot of people watching.

• 10:44Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 10:44Speaker 01

  And I thought, oh, here we go. So he came and I went, oh, yeah. And he went, I went to take a selfie with him and grabbed him. He didn't want the picture, wanted me to take a picture of him.

• 10:56Speaker 02

  Just, just with the.

• 10:57Speaker 01

  With the court in the background, which then got a lot of laugh in the audience. So everyone's like laughing.

• 11:03Speaker 02

  In the audience?

• 11:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, so in the crowd.

• 11:05Speaker 02

  Right.

• 11:06Speaker 01

  It felt like a knob. It was very humbling experience and rightly so. Got off my station. And then some, uh, gene divas actually came over, like Natalie.

• 11:14Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 11:15Speaker 01

  Who, um, asked me to, uh, get a picture and sign an autograph. And then Mary came over, who's daughter listens to podcasts and made me sign an Andy Murray autograph card.

• 11:25Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 11:27Speaker 01

  But it just makes me love them even more. So it's a very embarrassing, humbling moment. And then some gene divas came to, to rescue me. So thank you to them.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  Oh, bless you.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  It was very, and they did the whole, oh, I'd expect William here, but not you. And you've changed. And I was like, oh, for God's sake. I wasn't in like a suit or anything.

• 11:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:44Speaker 01

  My jeans and it's very casual. Yeah.

• 11:47Speaker 02

  Oh, was it casual? Is there a dress code for that?

• 11:49Speaker 01

  No.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 11:50Speaker 01

  And yeah, anyway, so.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  Did you watch any good, uh, action?

• 11:54Speaker 01

  I don't really know much about tennis.

• 11:56Speaker 02

  No, I don't really.

• 11:56Speaker 01

  I can't. I'm even in paddle. I annoy people because I'm, I'm playing off the list actually.

• 12:01Speaker 02

  Oh, are you? Because I was going to ask you what you're doing after this. What are you doing after this?

• 12:04Speaker 01

  Paddle.

• 12:05Speaker 02

  Literally paddle.

• 12:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, why?

• 12:06Speaker 02

  Oh, I'm going to the gym. I thought we'd.

• 12:08Speaker 01

  Oh, thank God, because I would have been going. Oh, that's, that is meant to be. Oh, praise the exercise gods. Thank you. Cause I, yeah.

• 12:18Speaker 02

  I can text someone. I can change my plans.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  No, you can come to paddle if you want.

• 12:23Speaker 02

  No.

• 12:23Speaker 01

  Anyway, I'm always going, what score is it? What score is it? I've been told as well, you know, I go.

• 12:27Speaker 02

  They're not bored or something?

• 12:29Speaker 01

  No, not in paddle. It's just things that you go, what's going to 15 love? And I go, cheers, love. And then I'll go, what score is it? They'll go juice. And I was going, no, I'm all right. I've got water. Never gets a laugh.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  No.

• 12:39Speaker 01

  Never gets a laugh, but I, it makes me happy.

• 12:41Speaker 02

  Well, if the producers of my show are listening and would like to cast Jordan, you know, there we go.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  I'm a very angry paddle player as well.

• 12:48Speaker 02

  Are you?

• 12:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, I get, I get a bit frustrated.

• 12:50Speaker 02

  It's just a game.

• 12:51Speaker 01

  It's because of my, again, undiagnosed. It's because of my, well, my mum and brother have been diagnosed here with dyspraxia. I'm a bit like, I'm told I moved like Buzz Lightyear.

• 12:59Speaker 02

  Oh god, everything's a reference.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  No, that wasn't a reference.

• 13:03Speaker 02

  Was it not?

• 13:04Speaker 04

  Hi guys.

• 13:05Speaker 02

  Hello Ben.

• 13:05Speaker 01

  Hi Ben.

• 13:06Speaker 04

  Can I pick up on something Jordan just said?

• 13:08Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 13:08Speaker 04

  Did you say that you did a sig- like you pretended to be Andy Murray with your signature?

• 13:13Speaker 01

  No, no, no, I just signed Andy Murray's card.

• 13:15Speaker 02

  Oh, but you signed at Jordan North.

• 13:17Speaker 04

  You signed at Jordan North?

• 13:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'll put it up on, we'll put it up on carousel.

• 13:20Speaker 04

  Your crimes. I don't want you to be committing fraud.

• 13:24Speaker 01

  And it was really embarrassing because then I was like, because not only had I, like, um, not only had I thought someone was asking for a selfie, then I had to ask how you spell tennis.

• 13:37Speaker 02

  What?

• 13:38Speaker 01

  For me, I can never spell tennis.

• 13:41Speaker 02

  How do you spell it?

• 13:42Speaker 01

  I was Chloe, tennis, appreciate. And there's loads of other words that I can't spell, but tennis, is it two, is it double N and double I S? And I was being.

• 13:50Speaker 02

  No, T E double N I S.

• 13:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know.

• 13:54Speaker 04

  Tennis isis.

• 13:55Speaker 01

  No, I have a stuff dyslexia. Alright, fine.

• 13:58Speaker 04

  I wonder, the confusing one in all that must be paddle, because paddle is P A D E L.

• 14:03Speaker 01

  Technically, it's padel.

• 14:05Speaker 04

  Padel. Padel.

• 14:09Speaker 01

  Anyway, uh, so yeah, and then.

• 14:12Speaker 02

  So happy with yourself. So sweet.

• 14:15Speaker 01

  Are we being nice to each other today?

• 14:17Speaker 02

  We're always nice to each other.

• 14:19Speaker 01

  I know, we are, we are. Um, so yeah, I got that after this.

• 14:23Speaker 02

  Um, we are now, again, I'm sorry, going to be representing the other, the other much discussed T word, which is Toy Story 5. Um, and I had a message from my sister-in-law to say that, uh, it says, this morning, Matt, that's her husband, was talking to Annie, my niece, or Mike's niece, about Willie being in the West End, trying to explain more about it. And she just responded, but Jordan's in Toy Story 5, which is really lovely. So thanks, Annie.

• 14:47Speaker 01

  My work here is done. Thank you. Thank you very much.

• 14:49Speaker 02

  And I just responded with, Annie will live to regret this at Disney when I take her in a few weeks and she inevitably wants a toy and I will say, why don't you ask Jordan to buy it for you instead?

• 14:58Speaker 01

  Well, that's fine.

• 14:58Speaker 02

  Tough love.

• 14:59Speaker 01

  Oh, no, that's fine. I can, I can understand that. I forgot you're going there.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  Do you think there'll be Garden gnome toys at Disneyland for us to buy?

• 15:05Speaker 01

  You've shown a picture of it.

• 15:07Speaker 02

  You're pitching it to Disney.

• 15:10Speaker 01

  Yeah. I don't want to give, can't give too much away, but yeah.

• 15:12Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 15:12Speaker 01

  Garden gnome's gonna try and get back up to Burnley.

• 15:15Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 15:16Speaker 01

  To find his other garden knobs.

• 15:17Speaker 02

  Put that in the Pixar release.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  An inflatable flamingo is gonna come with us.

• 15:21Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 15:22Speaker 01

  And then, yeah.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  I think that's lovely.

• 15:25Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 15:25Speaker 02

  That would be great. Now, something we did last week, to much success, was we got in touch with one of your brothers.

• 15:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:35Speaker 02

  Brad's. Our Brad's.

• 15:36Speaker 01

  He's annoying me at the moment.

• 15:38Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  Brotherly love.

• 15:39Speaker 02

  Do you not love him this week?

• 15:40Speaker 01

  Well, no, his little boy's not pooed for a week, so we've been having regular updates, which everyone in the family's up to. And then the little baby is literally still a baby, had a massive shit in a nappy that was the biggest shit I've ever seen from a baby.

• 15:55Speaker 02

  Please don't say he sent a photo.

• 15:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, yes, he did.

• 15:56Speaker 02

  And we are absolutely not putting that on our carousel. No.

• 15:59Speaker 01

  So he put that out, so now I'm annoyed at him again now. But that's part of brotherly love. Do you know what? I love my brothers.

• 16:05Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 16:05Speaker 01

  There you go.

• 16:05Speaker 02

  Right, hold that thought.

• 16:07Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 16:08Speaker 02

  Because I noticed when I was watching the clip back and listening to the episode, you said to Brad's, "I love ya." Now, I would say, "I love ya."

• 16:16Speaker 01

  I love ya.

• 16:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's not quite the same as "I love you." It's the same as when people go, "Love you," as opposed to "I love you."

• 16:23Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  You need "I" is the personal bit and "you" is making it about them.

• 16:27Speaker 01

  But you say to your family, "I love you," I love you to bits.

• 16:29Speaker 02

  Yes, "I love you." So listen, listen, listen. Look at me, look at me. "I love you."

• 16:35Speaker 01

  I love ya.

• 16:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, you see?

• 16:38Speaker 01

  I love you.

• 16:40Speaker 02

  Look at me.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  I love ya. It's quite hard.

• 16:46Speaker 02

  Well, also.

• 16:47Speaker 01

  Love you.

• 16:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, that was just "love you." People can say "love you," but they, very few people can actually get away with, or comfortable with saying, "I love you."

• 16:55Speaker 01

  Can we just all be like in their 30s and 40s and not show our emotions and then deal with it?

• 17:00Speaker 02

  We really have switched personalities.

• 17:02Speaker 01

  Deal with it in later life.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  Right.

• 17:05Speaker 04

  Do you say, "I love you" to James like that? "I love you."

• 17:08Speaker 02

  I love you.

• 17:09Speaker 01

  Do you tell Dom you love him, your brother?

• 17:11Speaker 04

  My brother, no, I don't.

• 17:12Speaker 01

  See? Thank you. Everyone's having a go. Have you ever told your brother you love him?

• 17:15Speaker 04

  I don't think so.

• 17:16Speaker 01

  Right, we'll bring him up now and tell him.

• 17:17Speaker 02

  Hang on, we'll hold that thought.

• 17:19Speaker 01

  Have you ever told your brother you love him? Jack, have you ever told your siblings? Ah, sisters different.

• 17:26Speaker 02

  Well, on this, one of your other brothers got in touch with us because he was a bit put out.

• 17:31Speaker 01

  Which one now?

• 17:32Speaker 02

  They all sound the same, but I believe it's Dom's. Here's the clip.

• 17:35Speaker 05

  So I've heard through the grapevine, you asked Jordan to call one of his brothers and tell them that he loves them. And he's picked Bradley and I was a second four, I wasn't even a four. And I'm starting to think this is a recurring theme. I was left in the dark for summertime ball again. Why, what's going on? You've known me longer for a start. You've locked me in suitcases.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  Right.

• 17:59Speaker 05

  We've lived together as adults. Is it to do with the fact that you wouldn't let me go on your bike and cut tricks? I punched you in the nose. You're harboring ill feelings against me still. Just let me know. Anytime you feel like calling me up and telling me you love me, I'm here. I'm an open book. You know where I am. Love you. Love you, Sexton gang. Love you, William.

• 18:19Speaker 01

  Right. First of all, I didn't, we were playing magicians and I locked him in a suitcase, nearly died.

• 18:25Speaker 02

  Magicians.

• 18:27Speaker 01

  I was, I was a big Stephen Mulhern fan.

• 18:29Speaker 02

  Oh, please tell me you were Debbie McGee.

• 18:31Speaker 01

  No, Bradley was. I was, I loved Stephen Mulhern, so I was playing magicians and I couldn't open the case, nearly died. But it's all fine. My mum had to ring my dad at work. It was a Samsonite. I had to remember the code.

• 18:43Speaker 02

  Right.

• 18:44Speaker 01

  And at the time, I think he was away on exercise in the Brecon Beacon. So we had to ring him and get the code for the suitcase. It's fine. He's not traumatised or got deep issues with claustrophobia or anything like that.

• 18:54Speaker 02

  So hang on, who was in the suitcase?

• 18:55Speaker 01

  Dom.

• 18:56Speaker 02

  Dom, right.

• 18:57Speaker 01

  We were playing magicians. Well, that's normal.

• 19:00Speaker 02

  Right, okay.

• 19:01Speaker 01

  So it's not like that MI5 agent. I won't.

• 19:03Speaker 02

  No, it's not London's spy.

• 19:05Speaker 01

  Uh, I, he came to Soccer Aid and he, yeah, okay.

• 19:10Speaker 02

  And what happened to summertime ball?

• 19:12Speaker 01

  Cause I could, I only get certain tickets and.

• 19:14Speaker 02

  So who got your tickets?

• 19:16Speaker 01

  My other brother and his wife and kids.

• 19:18Speaker 02

  Right.

• 19:19Speaker 01

  So.

• 19:20Speaker 02

  And did your other brother that came to summertime ball come to Soccer Aid?

• 19:23Speaker 01

  No.

• 19:23Speaker 02

  Okay, well, that's fair enough.

• 19:24Speaker 01

  And he will, that means he's on the list for Jingle Bell. Dom's knows I love him. Dom, if you're listening, I love you. Oh, you.

• 19:31Speaker 02

  Said it.

• 19:32Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 19:33Speaker 02

  I also feel for balance, you should also just broadcast to Ryan.

• 19:36Speaker 01

  Ryan, I love you.

• 19:38Speaker 02

  Well done.

• 19:40Speaker 01

  There you are. I'm seeing Ryan tomorrow. We're going to watch the footy together.

• 19:43Speaker 02

  Oh, well, that's lovely.

• 19:44Speaker 01

  There you go. Right.

• 19:46Speaker 02

  Good. Well, we've, we've done that.

• 19:48Speaker 01

  Speaking of family.

• 19:49Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 19:49Speaker 01

  Wendy's birthday this weekend.

• 19:51Speaker 02

  Yes, what's she doing? The big five O's.

• 19:54Speaker 01

  You're good. You're good. We're having a just a little house party with picky bits and stuff.

• 19:59Speaker 02

  Plus the change.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  She's not doing a barbecue because your dad gets too pissed and just leaves it all to me. So I'm just gonna do picky bits. Everyone's coming around. It's gonna be chilled. So I'm picky bits. I'm on blow up bed.

• 20:12Speaker 02

  Are you?

• 20:12Speaker 01

  The camp bed, as it's called in our house.

• 20:15Speaker 02

  Just the bed.

• 20:15Speaker 01

  So just the bed.

• 20:18Speaker 01

  She went, might be a big, think you're a big star, but you're on blow up bed in living room. I'm like, that's fine. She's like, don't make an issue of it. I'm like, I'm not. I said, it's fine. She said, and don't be staying in Airbnb as well. You'll be fine on camp bed. Remember your roots. I'm like, mum, it's fine. She went, no, I've been staying all week. You'll blow up a fuss. I'm like, I'm said it's fine. I'm not saying a word. She went, you'll be all right, won't you? I said, yes. She thinks I've been saying to your dad, he'll have a face on, thinking he is something now. I said, I'm not making an issue of the camp bed. You are. I am fine on the camp bed. Cause you know, I'd put you in spare room, but Dom's and Annie are in there with baby. I'm like, it's fine. Said it's not though, is it?

• 20:55Speaker 02

  I said, it's fine. Oh my gosh, she is really poking the bear.

• 20:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm fine on a blow up bed. I've lived and slept on many a blow up bed.

• 21:04Speaker 02

  I think what you should do, can you do this for content, please? Turn up, presume you arrive in the morning, lunchtime, whatever. And just secretly audio or film you going, I've actually booked an Airbnb.

• 21:16Speaker 01

  That's good shout.

• 21:17Speaker 02

  And just record her reaction.

• 21:18Speaker 01

  Oh, that's fine.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  That's fine.

• 21:21Speaker 02

  Or you go, you're going back that evening.

• 21:24Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh no, God, no. I've tried that before.

• 21:27Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 21:27Speaker 01

  So what do you mean? I said, I'll get last train. It's only like, it's just before, like, it's just after eleven. I said, I'll be home and be in my own bed. What about your family? I said, well, everyone's, everyone, this was, this was, this was at five o'clock when the meal had finished. I said, I've got to get back. And I said, Sundays, you know, Sundays, I need to get back because I don't have much longer because I'm back in bed for eight o'clock. She went, no, you'll stay out. I went, all right, that's me told.

• 21:49Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 21:50Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then we got pissed in Longridge.

• 21:51Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 21:52Speaker 01

  Hmm. Yeah. Anything else? All good?

• 21:55Speaker 02

  Uh, you know, all good, all good.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  We do have some, uh, really exciting news because we're doing a special collab episode this Friday with Joe and James from the Fact Up Podcast. So Joe Thomas and James Buckley, you know them from The Inbetweeners?

• 22:10Speaker 02

  Well, I don't because I've never seen that episode. I mean, I know who they are.

• 22:14Speaker 01

  It's honestly one of the best TV sitcoms ever made. I'm not just saying that. It's, it's, it's one of the best. It's like my teenage years watching the.

• 22:23Speaker 02

  Is it as good as The Good Life?

• 22:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:25Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 22:26Speaker 01

  Yes. It was, it kind of like, everyone thought.

• 22:28Speaker 02

  Is it a similar vibe to, to The Man of Born?

• 22:31Speaker 01

  No.

• 22:31Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 22:32Speaker 01

  Everyone imagined their teenage years to be like Skins.

• 22:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:35Speaker 01

  Did you watch Skins?

• 22:37Speaker 02

  Uh, the episode that my school was in, because my school was in Skins, the posh school.

• 22:41Speaker 01

  Oh, yes. Oh, was that Clifton?

• 22:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  Oh, I remember that. Didn't they like drop paint on it or something?

• 22:48Speaker 02

  I can't really remember.

• 22:50Speaker 01

  So this is the best. So if I said to you like, ooh, Friends.

• 22:54Speaker 02

  With the sitcom?

• 22:55Speaker 01

  No, this, this is a quote from.

• 22:59Speaker 02

  Okay. Yeah. Tell me what I need to know about The Inbetweeners.

• 23:01Speaker 01

  That bus wanker.

• 23:03Speaker 02

  I only asked.

• 23:04Speaker 01

  Hmm. Uh, bring your ellies.

• 23:07Speaker 02

  Oh, we're going to the country?

• 23:08Speaker 01

  No, because we're going to be knee deep in Clunge.

• 23:11Speaker 02

  Isn't, well, that's a discontinued Farrow & Ball paint colour, isn't it?

• 23:14Speaker 01

  Clunge?

• 23:15Speaker 02

  Clunge.

• 23:16Speaker 01

  No.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 23:17Speaker 01

  Uh, when I fingered her, she shit down my arm.

• 23:23Speaker 02

  Well, it's not really like to The Man of Born then.

• 23:26Speaker 01

  Whilst I was shagging this one, I was fingering the one up here and I was toe fucking the one on the floor. That's the best sentence in the caravan. And he's like, I shag my man. It, it, it's.

• 23:35Speaker 02

  Does it win any awards?

• 23:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, loads. Have you not seen the movies?

• 23:38Speaker 02

  No.

• 23:39Speaker 01

  Don't worry. Kitty don't bite, not now she's been fed.

• 23:46Speaker 01

  You're not seeing them.

• 23:48Speaker 02

  I'm sure it's hilarious.

• 23:49Speaker 01

  Who is it that, because Sean always does the best impression that. Who is it that he shags? And he's like a second old woman. You're, there's this, and he goes, don't worry Kitty, don't bite. Not now she's been fed. It's the best scene. And there's also Will says, I don't like football, but Burnley, Burnley can fuck off. There's lots of Burnley fans on there.

• 24:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know how to feel.

• 24:11Speaker 01

  Okay. Well, there you go. That.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  Well, I can't wait to fact out with them.

• 24:14Speaker 01

  I, I don't, that's happening on Fridays, special bonus episode. I, I've never met them before. Do you know what?

• 24:20Speaker 02

  Oh my God, are you going to be like that fan in Alan Partridge?

• 24:23Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 24:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:24Speaker 01

  What's he called?

• 24:26Speaker 02

  With, with the room full of Alan Partridge's face.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, but, um, uh, and I've not met.

• 24:30Speaker 02

  Or one of those royal watches you see when they have jubilees and coronations and they've got all that memorabilia and mugs with dinar on.

• 24:37Speaker 01

  Hmm. And they bring the tea towels out.

• 24:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  You brought your tea towels. A bit like you. That would be you.

• 24:41Speaker 02

  I'm not that bad.

• 24:42Speaker 01

  If you weren't doing what you do.

• 24:45Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 24:45Speaker 01

  Hmm. Uh, but yeah, and it's, I've really pushed for this. I'm not going to lie. Cause I've been like basically to the point where I've been commenting on their posts and their podcast is, is brilliant.

• 24:54Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 24:55Speaker 01

  So, yeah.

• 24:56Speaker 02

  Okay. Well, I'm looking forward to that on Friday.

• 24:58Speaker 01

  All right. So that's happening on Friday. Right now, what is happening is Jordan's Jolly Joke of the Week. Are you ready?

• 25:04Speaker 02

  I am so ready for it. Here is the jingle.

• 25:24Speaker 01

  All right. This one's from Brian. A man walks into a bar, pulls out a small man about one foot tall, places him on the bar. He reaches into the other pocket, pulls out a small piano and puts it on the bar and the small man starts playing. And I'll tell you the punchline after the break.

• 25:43Speaker 06

  Hello, I'm Joanna Fletcher. And I'm Marco Burchella. And this is Boots Off. We are friends who've spent a decade together, walking up mountains, across deserts, and along coastlines with some seriously awesome groups of humans. And something happens when you're out there, feet on the ground, surrounded by nature. The conversations just spill out of you. This series is about the adversities that lead to adventure. The adventures that lead to adversity. And how life can be one big adventure in itself. Listen every Thursday. Just search for Boots Off.

• 26:21Speaker 01

  All right, Gene Devers, thanks for sticking with us. It's now time for Jordan's Jolly Joke of the Week. A man walks into a bar, pulls out a small man, about one foot tall, places him on the bar, reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a piano, and puts it on the bar. And the small man starts playing the piano. And the bar man says, wow, that's fucking brilliant. Where'd you get that guy from? Man replies, there's a genie down the road, giving out free wishes. So the bar man runs out and comes back with a bunch of ducks around him. And says, that genie you recommended was fucking awful. Asked for a million bucks and he gave me a million ducks. Man sat at the bar and says, well, do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?

• 27:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's from Brian. That's a good one, isn't it?

• 27:11Speaker 02

  Lucky old, good old Brian.

• 27:12Speaker 01

  I like that one because my dad sent me that, told me that years ago, I remember.

• 27:18Speaker 02

  Yes, it had a ring of familiarity to it.

• 27:20Speaker 01

  I've got another for you. Oh, can I read that one? This is from Carl. What does licking fanny and the mafia have in common? One slip of the tongue and you're in the shit.

• 27:36Speaker 02

  I am laughing, just also despairing at the same time.

• 27:38Speaker 01

  There you go. Two crackers for you this week. There've been some good jolly jokes at the moment.

• 27:43Speaker 04

  Two very butch.

• 27:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, very butch jokes.

• 27:46Speaker 04

  From Carl and Brian.

• 27:49Speaker 01

  Do you think it's because I've mentioned home, I've gone a bit more.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  We should record a podcast day after I've got back from home.

• 27:57Speaker 02

  Sunday.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  It's a bad idea.

• 28:00Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 28:01Speaker 01

  Right, shall we go on to the, uh.

• 28:03Speaker 02

  Questions and dilemmas, yes. This is from anonymous. Hi, William Jordan and the team. My friend is seeing an older man, twenty year age gap, and let's just say he isn't as sexually active as she would like. In an attempt to wake up his inner passion, she asked if she could use her toys, to which he replied, yes. So off she went. While he just commented how loud it was and went back to watching a documentary about mooring boats, wish I was joking, and then said, well, it's past the witching hour, I'm off to bed, while she was mid buzz. Please, please, please read this out so she can hear from you guys that she needs to sack him and his shit documentaries off and live happily ever after with her rampant rabbit. Lots of a concerned friend. Um.

• 28:42Speaker 02

  Well, if she's happy with him, regardless of when he is going off to bed, it's none of your business, is what I would say.

• 28:49Speaker 01

  And he might, yeah, and he might be tired, you're on, some people do get up early for shift work and what have you, so. Sometimes it's just like, you crack on. I'm gonna go to bed.

• 29:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, have a nice time. I mean, I would hope that there is some sort of sexual connection between the two of them at some point, that would be nice, but maybe you just have to do it earlier on in the day.

• 29:10Speaker 01

  If it's the documentary I think it's on about, by the way, it's not that, there's a, there's a new documentary on Channel Four. Right, it's something afternoon. I was in a hotel room. And watched it.

• 29:22Speaker 02

  Right.

• 29:23Speaker 01

  And it's basically like a place in the sun. You know, they find all these characters that have moved abroad, but it's basically people that have bought canal boats. Oh, it's fantastic. They all bit off. Got such a better life now as they're in this tiny kitchen trying to fucking get the way around. It's class. I don't know what it was called, I watched it on Channel Four, so if it's that. But if it's a Tony Robinson one, it's probably a bit.

• 29:43Speaker 02

  Boldrick.

• 29:44Speaker 01

  Did you ever watch Time Team?

• 29:46Speaker 02

  I've watched Blackadder, so I feel I'm the one who's worked.

• 29:48Speaker 01

  Time Team was good, but then he started doing. Never seen any of them railway ones or anything, have you?

• 29:54Speaker 02

  What, with Michael Portillo?

• 29:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:55Speaker 02

  No.

• 29:57Speaker 04

  I think it's called Narrow Escapes.

• 29:59Speaker 01

  Narrow Escapes.

• 30:00Speaker 02

  Oh, that's a good title.

• 30:01Speaker 04

  Which is a great title.

• 30:02Speaker 02

  That is a great title.

• 30:04Speaker 01

  It's class.

• 30:05Speaker 04

  Can I read the description for you?

• 30:06Speaker 01

  Go on, of course you can. Hi Ben.

• 30:09Speaker 04

  From bobbing businesses to continuous cruisers, we meet the vibrant community who call the UK's canal network home.

• 30:16Speaker 01

  They're great. They're honestly.

• 30:17Speaker 04

  It's on every day at 4pm on Channel 4.

• 30:19Speaker 01

  Ah, I'm gonna get back into it.

• 30:21Speaker 02

  You'll be on that.

• 30:22Speaker 01

  Ah, oh yeah.

• 30:23Speaker 02

  Continuous Cruiser.

• 30:24Speaker 04

  It's only three series deep.

• 30:26Speaker 01

  Is it free? I thought it was only, when it was first I'd heard of it. You'd like it Stuart. Yeah, Executive Chairman, the Meritor Stuart. It's right up your street, like, when you just get in after a stressful day.

• 30:38Speaker 02

  This is from James. Dear William Jordan and the rest of the sexy crew, recently while driving, I found myself behind a slow-moving hearse, complete with coffin, lay off an R. Since this was a dual carriageway and we were well under the speed limit, I could have safely and legally overtaken said hearse at any time. But as it was clearly carrying someone's deceased loved one, it felt disrespectful to do so, and so I opted to remain behind the hearse until we naturally went our separate ways. Had the hearse been empty, I probably wouldn't have given it a second thought. So now I'm wondering what is the etiquette in this situation? Loving the podcast, it keeps things interesting on long journeys.

• 31:10Speaker 01

  That's a great question. I don't think I'd overtake a hearse if it had a coffin in.

• 31:14Speaker 02

  No, I would be interested to hear what the highways agency says about this, or the DVLA, because it's a dual carriageway, and that's presumably national speed limit on a dual carriageway unless signposted otherwise. And so I would probably say actually then going at 20, 30. Although if the hearse is doing it, I guess it is legal, they're not going to break the rules. But maybe hearse's do go a bit quicker. If we have any undertakers listening, could they let us know what speed hearse is when with a load are meant to be going at on dual carriageways and motorways? Do hearse's go on motorways? I'd be keen to know.

• 31:48Speaker 01

  But is it bad etiquette to overtake one when it's?

• 31:50Speaker 02

  Um, not if you do it safely.

• 31:52Speaker 01

  Do you think?

• 31:52Speaker 02

  No, it's fine.

• 31:53Speaker 01

  No, I, I wouldn't personally. I think it's quite disrespectful. I disagree with you there.

• 31:57Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 31:58Speaker 01

  And especially if the family are in the car behind. Yeah, I do. And then what, knowing my luck, I'd end up in middle. I'd be like, oh shit. So, sorry, I'll overtake, oh shit. Also, when I die.

• 32:12Speaker 02

  I love it when you do your little, little hand. Also.

• 32:16Speaker 01

  Also, when I die. And let's face it, it's probably gonna be me before you.

• 32:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, definitely, yeah. Probably me murdering you, but yes.

• 32:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. Cut that bit out for me. Save money. The hearse, like, pick it up at your house and stuff.

• 32:28Speaker 02

  Oh, oh, hang on.

• 32:29Speaker 01

  Just take me from funeral home to, to cemetery and whatever it's called.

• 32:34Speaker 02

  Cemetery?

• 32:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, the cemetery.

• 32:35Speaker 02

  All right, Kiki.

• 32:36Speaker 01

  The, the, the burning place. What's the burning place called?

• 32:39Speaker 02

  Crematorium.

• 32:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, take me to that. Don't go around me house. That's gonna cost you more. I don't want people paying money for that.

• 32:44Speaker 02

  So, what?

• 32:45Speaker 01

  Can't they just, in, surely.

• 32:46Speaker 02

  Is this a northern thing?

• 32:47Speaker 01

  No, surely, I don't know, but I think it's a bit of a con, right? I don't work in the funeral homes and trust me, it's not a.

• 32:53Speaker 02

  But I don't get what route you're saying.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  It's literally not a dying business. They, they, they must make enough money. There should be an option.

• 33:01Speaker 04

  It's alive and well.

• 33:03Speaker 01

  It's not a dying business.

• 33:04Speaker 02

  Unlike their clients.

• 33:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, it isn't. It's not, just, there must be an option to say.

• 33:09Speaker 02

  So, hang on, but you're saying.

• 33:10Speaker 01

  Coffin.

• 33:11Speaker 02

  So, you start at the, at the undertakers. Then you go to your house.

• 33:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, cause they go around and then everyone has to shut the curtains.

• 33:18Speaker 02

  That is definitely an northern thing. I'm sorry, we don't do that down here.

• 33:21Speaker 01

  So, you don't go into the, you don't go into the, the, the car, get in and then you, the family usually follow the coffin, don't they, to the?

• 33:29Speaker 02

  No, it normally, it normally turns up at the church.

• 33:33Speaker 01

  No, it's usually the family follow it behind. Oh, come on, everyone does that. Anyway, I'm not even saying take it to church, just put me back at van and get me there before everyone else.

• 33:43Speaker 04

  Straight to heaven.

• 33:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, just get, don't, don't, I'm gonna say to them, is there an option where we can just cut all that shit out?

• 33:49Speaker 02

  Well, I don't think you'll have much choice.

• 33:51Speaker 01

  Chuck me back at, back transit van, chuck me back at there and just get lads to get me out and I'll be right.

• 33:56Speaker 02

  It's what he would have wanted.

• 33:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:58Speaker 04

  Do you know what they do in, um, some South American countries?

• 34:01Speaker 01

  Oh, did you go on holiday to South America?

• 34:03Speaker 04

  Piss off.

• 34:06Speaker 02

  Gosh, that's the most.

• 34:07Speaker 01

  You deserve that, to be fair. I'll always back you up, but you deserve that.

• 34:12Speaker 02

  Yes, Ben, tell us, what do they do in South America?

• 34:14Speaker 04

  So there's a lot of dead bodies and they've got massive, massive, I went to a few of them of like.

• 34:20Speaker 02

  When you're on holiday.

• 34:21Speaker 04

  Graveyards, but instead of like having the gravestone and it being like stuck forever and burying it forever. Basically what they do is every like year they chop up the remains and like half the size of the remains. So you go from having like a normal grave to then being in like a tiny little box.

• 34:38Speaker 01

  This is why I don't want to go travelling, just go on, just go on holiday. If that's all you got from six months off.

• 34:44Speaker 02

  I don't know what they do with dead bodies.

• 34:46Speaker 01

  I know, you could have Wikipeded that.

• 34:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:49Speaker 01

  I get years ago it would broaden your horizon because they weren't, they're only wish you were here on. So you didn't really know much about the world.

• 34:58Speaker 02

  R I P Jesus.

• 34:59Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, blessed Jesus. Anyway, I get it, but no, I'd rather just go on holiday.

• 35:05Speaker 02

  Can we just have also pause, something we were discussing before. So Toy Story 5 is all about, um, the villain, this is in the trailer, it's not a spoiler. Is the iPad or the tablet, it's not an Apple product, obviously, it's just a, it's a tablet. And in the news now

• 35:24Speaker 02

  is social media is being banned for the under 16s. And obviously that's basically the plot of Toy Story 5. Have you killed social media?

• 35:35Speaker 02

  For the under 16s, has that fallen, is that the biggest victim of the Jordan North curse?

• 35:40Speaker 01

  That and the Toy Story franchise.

• 35:42Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 35:44Speaker 01

  Do another question, come on.

• 35:45Speaker 02

  I think we all know the answer. Uh, this is from, uh, Elise. Dear Ruth, garden gnome and the bee of BJ services. I was invited to a close friend's 30th last week. Lovely. We're in a group of four, so the rest of us clubbed together to buy her a voucher, which we gave to her on the night. My only issue, another member of the group also recently turned 30, but we didn't get her a present as a group. I couldn't make her party and I hadn't given her a gift. My plan was to bring her 30th present along too, but then it hit me, what's the etiquette for bringing a birthday present to a party when it isn't for the host? Is that considered rude? I was originally planning to gift her alcohol, which would have meant walking in with a large gift bag that looked like it was for the host, potentially having to say,

• 36:25Speaker 02

  oh, this one isn't for you. So what is the etiquette of this very 21st century dilemma? Lots of love, never stop the pod, Elise.

• 36:33Speaker 02

  Um, I think you would, you just have to say to whoever's you're trying to give the present to, by the way, I've got something in my car for you. Don't want to give it in here because it's, it's not for the host. Don't, don't let me leave without getting it.

• 36:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:45Speaker 02

  That's all I'd say.

• 36:46Speaker 01

  That's very good. Just say, I've got, well, if they're not in a car, just say.

• 36:49Speaker 02

  Well, you're stuffed.

• 36:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, probably best not to take it to a birthday party and give it to someone else.

• 36:54Speaker 02

  I do think it does, and at least, at least you are aware of that.

• 36:57Speaker 01

  I'd just say, say to them, I've got a present for you at home or in, in work.

• 37:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:02Speaker 01

  Good, good, good question.

• 37:03Speaker 02

  And well done for, for being conscious of, of how it looks. Um, this is from Megan, Dear William and Jordan, and producer Ben, if applicable, I'm a newer listener and I don't know if PB is still with the podcast.

• 37:13Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 37:14Speaker 02

  Sadly, yes.

• 37:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, he never came back from travelling.

• 37:17Speaker 02

  No.

• 37:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:19Speaker 02

  We're gonna go, we're gonna go out in a, in a year's time and chop his remains up into smaller.

• 37:23Speaker 01

  Ha, ha, ha. He's like that kid from Jungle Book, what's he called?

• 37:27Speaker 02

  Mowgli.

• 37:28Speaker 01

  He's Mowgli now, he's just in a jungle in a forest in South America somewhere.

• 37:31Speaker 02

  Eating a guinea pig.

• 37:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:34Speaker 02

  I work part-time in a shop, Megan says. It's a liquor store that my friend owns. There is a bit of a drama. He got the manager pregnant. Wow, shouldn't have licked her. And now their daughter is a year old. My quandary is this. I open the store and work until 4pm on weekends. We have had people quit recently and now the boss, owner, my friend and the manager, his girlfriend come in to relieve me. The problem is that they never come in on time. Sometimes it's only five minutes late, sometimes 20 minutes. They never explain or apologise for the tardiness. I was raised in a punctual family, especially when it comes to work. My father always told me, if you're on time, that's five minutes late. How do I go about asking them to come in on time? If they were my subordinate, I'd have no issue saying, hey, I really need you to come in on time. But phrasing it like

• 38:18Speaker 02

  this to my superiors makes me uncomfortable. If my boss and manager weren't in a relationship, I'd feel more comfortable talking to either one about the issue of being chronically tardy. Thank you so much. Best, Megan. No HR department in Massachusetts.

• 38:30Speaker 01

  I know, it's a bit of a piss take that, because if you were 20 minutes late, they won't be happy, would they?

• 38:33Speaker 02

  No, they would not.

• 38:34Speaker 01

  No, it sounds a very unprofessional, uh, uh, business. Getting the boss pregnant, tipping up when they want.

• 38:41Speaker 02

  Gosh, tell us what you really think.

• 38:42Speaker 01

  Well, it does. Doesn't sound very professional. I believe.

• 38:45Speaker 02

  Isn't that what you do here? We haven't.

• 38:48Speaker 01

  I, right.

• 38:49Speaker 02

  Excuse me, we have not got anyone pregnant.

• 38:51Speaker 01

  We've not got anyone pregnant and.

• 38:53Speaker 02

  Given it a go, but it's a joke.

• 38:56Speaker 01

  And I've been well on time of late.

• 39:00Speaker 02

  Too fair, you were today.

• 39:01Speaker 01

  I was last week. I've been on time of late.

• 39:05Speaker 02

  Emphasis on late.

• 39:06Speaker 04

  I think that, I would say the, the sort of the, the excuses, like the tube line status down hasn't happened for a while. Because that used to happen like every week.

• 39:15Speaker 01

  Well, it was.

• 39:18Speaker 02

  Jordan, I'm gonna tell you something. In the interest of light entertainment.

• 39:22Speaker 01

  I know where this is going.

• 39:23Speaker 02

  You would walk in, go, oh, sorry, Piccadilly Line's gone down. And I would open up the Tube Line status and it was good service on every single line without fail. And Ben and I would genuinely, we were, before you even got here, we'd look at the Tube Line status, go, see good service everywhere, and wait for you to text to go.

• 39:41Speaker 01

  You shitheads.

• 39:43Speaker 02

  Oh, major disruption at Popfosters.

• 39:46Speaker 01

  Sometimes they don't up late up most. Sometimes they're like behind. So shut up. And I walked here today, thank you very much. And I was on time. I had two interviews, did the other Capital podcast and was still on time.

• 39:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, yeah, I said, well done.

• 40:01Speaker 02

  Well done.

• 40:01Speaker 01

  And if you, you're lads from Jackass and Adam Lambert did a podcast and came here.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  Johnny Knoxville?

• 40:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:08Speaker 02

  Gosh.

• 40:09Speaker 01

  That was a weird moment.

• 40:10Speaker 02

  You've got me coming in next week, I believe.

• 40:13Speaker 04

  Maybe William could do some Jackass.

• 40:15Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, it's a quiet week, yeah.

• 40:21Speaker 04

  Being nice to each other lasted long, didn't it?

• 40:23Speaker 02

  Yes. Um, no, going back to Megan with no HR department, I would probably, you just have to say to them, I have, I have to leave at four o'clock. Please make sure you're on time.

• 40:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:33Speaker 02

  Because I don't, I don't want to have to lock up the store.

• 40:36Speaker 01

  I think you need to make it an issue, just like, please be on time, especially at weekends. I've got plans, I've got people waiting on me. So, yeah, yeah.

• 40:42Speaker 02

  Yeah. Just communicate in advance. And if not, then you have to, you have to say to them, look, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to find work elsewhere because, um, you know, et cetera. For all your reasons. You are within your rights. And yes, you're friends with them, but they're not being friendly with you. We'll finish with this from Dexter.

• 40:57Speaker 01

  Get out of my laboratory!

• 40:59Speaker 02

  Dear William, Jordan and EPB, my friend and I visited Gran Canaria, they're gay, for the first time during Pride Week. Told you. Excited to experience all the usual fun that gay guys get up to around the Yumbo Centre. We're also both in... into pup play, which I'm sure we know all about by now. On our last night of the holiday, we decided to visit the cruising bar Noxen for one final adventure. We were both feeling a little frisky and ended up in the slings next to each other, having a great time with plenty of pups and other guys joining in. My friend had one particular guy come over who we noticed earlier at the urinal trough. Thinking nothing of it, they got together and everything seemed fairly normal at first. The guy was giving my friend a good time and then started rimming him, which again didn't seem unusual in that environment. However, without any warning or discussion,

• 41:45Speaker 02

  if this is where I'm... He suddenly remained inside my friend and moments later walked away dripping wet. My friend looked at me in shock and said, "He just pissed in me and walked off." By the time we realised exactly what had happened, he'd already disappeared into the darkroom and ran off before we had the chance to confront him or even ask what he thought he was doing.

• 42:02Speaker 01

  So, so, so, so, just so I'm definitely on the...

• 42:07Speaker 02

  Right, shall we roleplay?

• 42:08Speaker 01

  No. Just so I'm definitely keeping up here.

• 42:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:15Speaker 01

  He was getting shagged in a swing.

• 42:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, that's fair enough.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  Dressed as a puppy.

• 42:21Speaker 02

  Well, someone was dressed as a puppy, it was unclear who.

• 42:23Speaker 01

  And he pissed in his arsehole.

• 42:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, now, I have limited experience of all of the above, but I believe it's quite hard to... when you're tumescent.

• 42:38Speaker 02

  I think it's quite hard to...

• 42:39Speaker 01

  How do you know he was from Holland?

• 42:41Speaker 02

  What?

• 42:42Speaker 01

  He was tumescent.

• 42:43Speaker 02

  No, tumescent means erect.

• 42:44Speaker 01

  Right.

• 42:45Speaker 02

  And I believe when you are erect, it is quite hard to...

• 42:48Speaker 01

  Carry on.

• 42:48Speaker 02

  Urinate.

• 42:49Speaker 01

  Carry on, I just wanted to clear that out, alright.

• 42:51Speaker 04

  Maybe, maybe you might need like good control of your pelvic floor.

• 42:54Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 42:55Speaker 01

  Yes, and remember not to... you're Kenny Longjia.

• 42:59Speaker 02

  No, but it's pretty disgusting.

• 43:01Speaker 01

  Carry on.

• 43:02Speaker 02

  So my question is, what is the etiquette for when it comes to something like this in a darkroom? Is it ever acceptable for someone to do something like that without asking first? Or is consent in a quick conversation always expected regardless of the setting? Thanks, your friendly pup Dexter. I would agree with that last statement. Wherever you are, whether it's a darkroom, your own bedroom, the studio, you absolutely need consent and a quick conversation.

• 43:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, you need consent to piss in someone's arse. And if you-

• 43:28Speaker 02

  Stick that on the carousel.

• 43:29Speaker 01

  Well, you do. You need consent to piss in someone's arse.

• 43:32Speaker 02

  You need consent for it all.

• 43:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:34Speaker 02

  Even if you're just doing kissing.

• 43:36Speaker 01

  Even to piss on someone, you need consent.

• 43:38Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 43:38Speaker 01

  Yeah. And also you can get these now, because it just reminded me, you can get these like,

• 43:45Speaker 01

  fold up mop buckets. So if you're into that, you can take it with you. Because if it's gonna come out your arse, you're gonna have to- Literally the term pissing out me arse when you've had a bag of curry.

• 43:58Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 43:59Speaker 01

  So maybe if you're into that, get one of those fold up mop buckets that you can take with you.

• 44:03Speaker 02

  Vialda do a lovely one.

• 44:04Speaker 01

  I did. I've got a fold up wash basket. I love it. It goes- Bit like his arse.

• 44:14Speaker 04

  What happens in that situation?

• 44:16Speaker 02

  In what situation, Ben? Why are we still talking about this?

• 44:18Speaker 01

  We just, how would you get up in like, you're gonna go, Dave, Dave, it's Dexter. Take the, take the mask off. Seriously, no, no, no. You're gonna have to go to the toilet because I've got piss in me arse and I need to get to the bag. So you have to hold it in.

• 44:35Speaker 02

  Could be quite difficult.

• 44:38Speaker 01

  Thank you for your questions. We're not, we're not yuming anyone's yick. Yum, yuck in anyone's-

• 44:43Speaker 02

  I am.

• 44:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, yum. Thank you for your each to the round. What goes on behind closed doors is-

• 44:50Speaker 02

  A bunch of perverts.

• 44:53Speaker 02

  William. What?

• 44:54Speaker 01

  Thank you for your questions and reminders. Remember you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday, 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. You can even watch us on YouTube as well. We put the full episodes up on every release day. Just head to YouTube and search for Sexton. Goodbye.

• 45:11Speaker 02

  We'll see you in a darkroom. I really need a wee. Alright.

• 45:24Speaker 00

  I'm Claire Buckley and this Halloween on my podcast Pretty Scary, we are going to cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts and aliens. Plus, the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So, as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat, right? Get the candles lit and search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.