We’re In A Haunted House! | And William's Spooky Story

William and Jordan don’t need any excuse to have the willies put up them, so when we suggested taking them to a haunted house for a Halloween spesh, they were thrilled! That thrill doesn’t last for long, however, as the reality of spending the evening in one of the most haunted houses in London all too quickly dawns on them... -- Want more Sexted in your life? Join Help I Sexted My Boss Out Of Office for exclusive episodes every WEDNESDAY on Patreon! Just head to sextedmyboss.com/patreon -- Want MORE Help I Sexted My Boss?: https://sextedmyboss.komi.io/ -- FOLLOW Jordan North Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jordannorth1 William Hanson Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/williamhansonetiquette TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@williamhansonetiquette If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected]. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:38Speaker 01

  Better be good there, some missing traitors.

• 0:41Speaker 01

  Hello and welcome to our Friday episode where we see how much extra content we can squeeze into your week. Random things that have been sent in and how our advice went down with you, our wonderful Jean Divas. Now, it's a bit different today's episode.

• 0:56Speaker 02

  Yes, might sound or look a bit different.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  Yes, because we're in a very haunted house.

• 1:02Speaker 02

  Apparently.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  For a Halloween special.

• 1:04Speaker 02

  If you believe in that sort of thing.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  I do. This is Stephen's house in North London.

• 1:09Speaker 02

  Thank you, Stephen, for letting us be here.

• 1:11Speaker 01

  Actually, that is Henry Stephen. We, for those of you that are listening, we are currently sitting in front of a massive portrait.

• 1:19Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:19Speaker 01

  Of Henry Stevens.

• 1:20Speaker 02

  About half the size of the one Jordan has normally in his house.

• 1:24Speaker 01

  Of him, him like, holding a horse. He's got a great moustache. He was ahead of his time.

• 1:32Speaker 01

  But I am getting spooky vibes from being here. I'm not gonna lie. And so much so that I did make William come to the bathroom with me before.

• 1:40Speaker 02

  That old chat out line.

• 1:43Speaker 01

  And I was feeling nervous, so I've got Gen Z Izzy to make me a cup of tea, bless her. Thanks, Izzy.

• 1:48Speaker 02

  Right. Well, there's nothing, nothing a cup of tea can't sort out.

• 1:51Speaker 01

  Also, at the time of recording, it's 6pm and I usually do have my.

• 1:55Speaker 02

  Is this normally when you crash?

• 1:56Speaker 01

  I usually, yeah, I usually have my first cup of tea now.

• 1:59Speaker 02

  Why are you having caffeine at 6 o'clock in the evening?

• 2:01Speaker 01

  It's only tea, innit?

• 2:02Speaker 02

  Got as much caffeine in it as a cup of coffee.

• 2:04Speaker 01

  That's not true.

• 2:05Speaker 02

  That's pretty true.

• 2:06Speaker 01

  That's a myth. Is it?

• 2:09Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 2:10Speaker 02

  They're all saying yes. It may not have exactly as much, but if you're having tea before bed.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  This is why I'm not sleeping, innit?

• 2:16Speaker 02

  Yes, Jordan!

• 2:17Speaker 01

  I have two cups of tea a night.

• 2:19Speaker 02

  What an idiot!

• 2:20Speaker 01

  I have one when I get in, but one about six and then one about eight.

• 2:25Speaker 02

  Why don't you have an espresso, love? Oh my God, are you putting espresso on your ice cream still at night?

• 2:30Speaker 01

  No, tea's not like coffee. It's, Google that. There's no, there's not as much tea. There's not as much caffeine in tea. It's a bit of a myth that.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  Well, if Jordan says so, it must be true. Yes, you need to have a decaffeinated English breakfast tea. You can buy them. I have a peppermint most nights before bed.

• 2:48Speaker 01

  I have a peppermint if I'm feeling a bit. Well, I'm gonna have to, after we've had all that pizza. But already spooky things have been going on because I bought a sandwich from M&S before we got here.

• 2:57Speaker 02

  For me?

• 2:59Speaker 01

  Right. For William, I was hoping to have half, I'm not gonna lie. So I bought William a horse.

• 3:06Speaker 02

  Beef and horseradish.

• 3:07Speaker 01

  Beef and horseradish sandwich because it's his favourite. Can I just say, it wasn't the cheapest out of the Rangers, but it's fine. And it's gone. No one knows where it's gone. And I don't know if it was a playing joke.

• 3:17Speaker 02

  Who's touched my beef sandwich?

• 3:19Speaker 01

  Spooky shit is happening already and I'm, I'm on edge.

• 3:22Speaker 02

  To be fair, that went missing in the studio.

• 3:25Speaker 01

  Well, no, because I definitely scanned it and put it in the bag.

• 3:30Speaker 02

  Officer.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  So I kind of dropped it in the street. Well, if I, I hope someone who's homeless got it.

• 3:36Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  That would be nice.

• 3:37Speaker 02

  That would be nice. Well, we, if you want to, by the way, watch our tour of this house, it's all on Patreon. It went up on Wednesday. It is, of course, this weekend, Halloween. Last Halloween was the first time I had done trick or treating in my entire life.

• 3:54Speaker 01

  Really?

• 3:55Speaker 02

  We had Mike, his niece and nephew, Annie and Henry come to stay with us for Halloween. And there was not a power on earth that was going to stop them from trick or treating. And so we went along with it. They're not coming this year. So we don't need to do all that pumpkin rubbish.

• 4:08Speaker 01

  Your mum and dad never took you trick or treating as a child?

• 4:10Speaker 02

  We lived in the middle of nowhere. There was no one to trick or treat.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  Could have joked at local estate.

• 4:14Speaker 02

  Tinsfield. That's a joke for the Bristolians.

• 4:18Speaker 01

  You know, could have gone to local estate and did a bit of trick or treating.

• 4:21Speaker 02

  No.

• 4:23Speaker 01

  We loved it.

• 4:25Speaker 01

  I'm usually in.

• 4:27Speaker 02

  You're normally away, aren't you? You go on holiday now.

• 4:29Speaker 01

  So I, I am, I'm usually in Skegness at this time of year.

• 4:32Speaker 02

  Indeed.

• 4:33Speaker 01

  So I have Halloween.

• 4:34Speaker 02

  Go on trick or treat, you get given a mango.

• 4:36Speaker 01

  So, yeah. But we're here, you'll be able to see on Patreon what happened when we had a tour of this very spooky building. Think Yvette Fielding, was it?

• 4:47Speaker 02

  Yvette, she's the, she's at the cabinet, isn't she?

• 4:50Speaker 01

  Yvette Cooper?

• 4:51Speaker 02

  No, not Yvette, Yvette Fielding. Yes, Yvette Fielding. No, Yvette Cooper's in the cabinet. Yvette Fielding was the.

• 4:57Speaker 01

  Ghost.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, so I think like all that, like early 2000s telly that used to be on Living TV or Living Plus.

• 5:05Speaker 02

  Sally Morgan.

• 5:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, all them, where they go round houses and, and I used to love watching them with my mum and sleep in her bed, aged 13, because I was scared. But.

• 5:15Speaker 02

  Hello Freud.

• 5:17Speaker 01

  So it was very much like that and it's a very spooky house.

• 5:20Speaker 02

  Sally Morgan, the, well, I say the late, he's still alive, but the wonderful Steve Allen, who used to present on LBC and would just make bitchy comments about everyone in the, everyone in the press, including you. We see our episodes when you went into the castle. And he was once, there was a story about Sally Morgan, the, the TV medium, as he said. And after, this is going into the news, and after, after the news, the story about Sally Morgan, TV medium, although she's actually a large.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  I bet that really made you laugh, didn't it?

• 5:57Speaker 02

  Ironically, she's lost an awful lot of weight recently, God knows how, and she's very slim now, so she's got the last laugh.

• 6:03Speaker 01

  Do you know who my favourite TV medium was? And if there's any Jean Divas listening or watching this, please get in touch. Joe!

• 6:10Speaker 02

  She's, Joe is not here.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  Joe, want to get me some comments on this if anyone messes.

• 6:14Speaker 02

  Please.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  Did anyone used to watch A Sixth Sense with Colin Fry?

• 6:19Speaker 02

  Jack did.

• 6:20Speaker 01

  I've got Jack. Jack's my age. It was.

• 6:23Speaker 02

  Colin Fry?

• 6:24Speaker 01

  He was super talented, no longer with us. And he used to go into an audience and he'd be like, getting the name, John.

• 6:35Speaker 01

  And he once, I'll never forget it, right? He went, your mother's here with me. And he went, but she's, she's laughing. She says, have you got your, have you brought some personal? And this woman had her mother's wig in her handbag and he read her, said she was here.

• 6:53Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 6:54Speaker 01

  And yeah.

• 6:54Speaker 02

  Well, so I never used to believe in the.

• 6:57Speaker 01

  Colin Fry, Sixth Sense, if anyone watched it or used to watch it on Living, get in touch because I thought it was fascinating. And they can't get any of it on YouTube on their clip. So if anyone knows where I can watch it, sorry, carry on.

• 7:10Speaker 02

  I never used to believe in the occult, but this year I've had two things that have happened to me. One, at the start of the year, I had my tea leaves read at Fawcett and Mason.

• 7:22Speaker 02

  I did, it's on YouTube. And they did, it was, it was a whole YouTube series they were doing. And she got loads of things right. And I was very sort of like, I'm not, you know, I'm going to control my face. It's quite easy with the botox, but I'm not going to give anything away. She got, she was like, later on in the year.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  I mean, to be fair, you are quite big on TikToks.

• 7:43Speaker 02

  No, she had no idea who I was, supposedly. But she said later on in the year, she, you're going to be on a, on some sort of holiday where you release your inner child. I was going to Disneyland Paris. That wasn't public domain information. Then she said, I'm going to be elsewhere, lying on my back. Don't, lying on my back, somewhere hot and a phone call is going to happen.

• 8:07Speaker 01

  You're going on holiday? Most people go on fucking holiday.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  I haven't finished!

• 8:10Speaker 01

  Sorry, sorry, sorry.

• 8:11Speaker 02

  I'm going to be lying on my back and someone, she's like, is there like, someone who like helps run your life that will be coming to you? And I'm, well, yes. They are going to bring the phone to you and a project that you think has gone away is going to come back.

• 8:30Speaker 02

  And there is a trip coming up where said person is coming and I think I'm going to get the phone call, whatever that phone call is. I think it's going to be that trip.

• 8:39Speaker 01

  Boozy Bot Club.

• 8:44Speaker 02

  I think I'll turn my phone off.

• 8:47Speaker 01

  It's an idea we've had for Patreon and it went away, but it's coming back.

• 8:53Speaker 02

  The other thing, recently, I did another podcast by the drag artist Miss Lee Ding. Misleading, get it?

• 8:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:00Speaker 02

  Where she read my tarot cards.

• 9:01Speaker 01

  Where we still have that?

• 9:03Speaker 02

  What? Oh, that's good.

• 9:07Speaker 01

  Well, for the podcast, yeah, fuck, it won't be best. It's been a long day.

• 9:10Speaker 02

  They're all wetting themselves at Acast for that joke.

• 9:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, they'll love it.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, anyway, misleading read my tarot cards. And again, and this isn't in the public domain, she went, was your grandmother called Kay? She was. I was like, what? Literally like.

• 9:23Speaker 01

  I didn't know that.

• 9:24Speaker 02

  No, exactly. Cause I just say granny or etiquette granny. So that was weird.

• 9:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, I will move on because we've got loads of bits to go through, but I once had my fortune took.

• 9:36Speaker 02

  Told.

• 9:36Speaker 01

  Told. Took.

• 9:38Speaker 02

  Hopefully your fortune wasn't taken.

• 9:41Speaker 01

  And it was fun enough, it was.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  How long ago?

• 9:44Speaker 01

  Oh, it was years ago. I was at Rocket Feminine, I was DJing at this Citroen Garage event.

• 9:48Speaker 02

  We've all done it.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  It was a casino night and I was DJing and she was pestering me and I was like, no, no, no. I don't believe it. Anyway, she told my fortune and it was my grandma. And she said loads of stuff to me and I didn't give much. And then she, she kept saying, she's, someone in your family is getting a motorbike and she's going mad at you behind me. And I'm like, she really doesn't like motorbikes. I'm like, oh, I was like, it's not me. She went, you've got to. So about two weeks later, I met an auntie's 50th. And I told him about it and they were like, oh, Mickey's on about getting a motorbike. And I didn't know, but her like brother or something died on a motorbike.

• 10:24Speaker 02

  Gosh. There we go.

• 10:27Speaker 01

  Right.

• 10:27Speaker 02

  So spooky. Well, seeing as we're currently trapped in a haunted house, we thought we would try and trapped in a haunted house. It's news to me. I thought we'd try and lighten the mood with some X-rated Halloween movie puns from Archie and Divas. And Jordan, I know how much you enjoyed these sort of last time we did something like this.

• 10:47Speaker 01

  Hit me up, baby.

• 10:48Speaker 02

  Emma suggested hunkus punkus instead of hocus pocus. I've never watched hocus pocus.

• 10:54Speaker 01

  Oh, you'd love it.

• 10:55Speaker 02

  One or two. Mikey quotes it at me all the time.

• 10:57Speaker 01

  Oh, you would love it.

• 10:59Speaker 02

  What's the one he says? Thank you, X, for that marvelous introduction. Never get it. Harry, the exophist. Think I've seen that.

• 11:06Speaker 01

  Exophist, not exophist, exophist.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  Exophist. I'm just spelling it out for, you know.

• 11:14Speaker 01

  These are good.

• 11:15Speaker 02

  Alex, Halloweena.

• 11:17Speaker 01

  Classic.

• 11:18Speaker 02

  Bethan, the conjuring.

• 11:20Speaker 01

  I'd watch that.

• 11:24Speaker 02

  Matt, Frankenstein.

• 11:27Speaker 01

  Good.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  Lovely. Charlie, Edward Scissoring Hands. One for the lesbians.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  Spooky.

• 11:38Speaker 02

  Dylan, Vabin in the Woods. What's that a pun on?

• 11:43Speaker 02

  Cabin in the, oh.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, all right, we'll have it.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  Emma, the hills have thighs.

• 11:51Speaker 02

  Rich. The hills have arms.

• 11:54Speaker 01

  The hills of Oz is a scary name, but the hills have thighs.

• 11:57Speaker 02

  Well, thighs, some people find thighs attractive.

• 11:59Speaker 01

  How are thighs? Oh, are they like, right, okay. Are these, are these like porn names?

• 12:04Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 12:05Speaker 01

  Oh, I've just switched on. Right.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  Gosh. Honestly, the scariest thing sometimes is your intelligence.

• 12:10Speaker 01

  Right, I'm, I'm, I'm just switching on the conjuring Frankenstein. Yes, exophist, right, the porn movie names, you didn't say that.

• 12:18Speaker 02

  I think I did, actually.

• 12:19Speaker 01

  The hills of thighs is good.

• 12:20Speaker 02

  I said. Rich, the Texas Chainsaw Mass Orgasm. Okay, less punny. Rob on Patreon said porn of the dead.

• 12:29Speaker 01

  Great.

• 12:30Speaker 02

  Aller on Patreon, beetle puss. Wow.

• 12:33Speaker 01

  Beetle pussy. Beetle puss sounds like you need to get doctors.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  Okay. Scott on Patreon, cream instead of scream.

• 12:44Speaker 02

  Ed, the knight of giving head.

• 12:46Speaker 01

  Favorite so far. No, exophist is actually.

• 12:49Speaker 02

  Okay. Sarah, the nightmare before kindlingus.

• 12:53Speaker 01

  Very good.

• 12:55Speaker 02

  Aaron, the semen headmaster. That's funny. That, I mean, it's not appropriate in any way, but.

• 13:02Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh, yeah. And headmaster. Yeah.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  Yeah. Shorty, the Blair Clip Project.

• 13:09Speaker 01

  The Blair Clip, yeah.

• 13:11Speaker 02

  Micah suggested instead of it, it could be tit.

• 13:16Speaker 02

  Molly, American Psycho.

• 13:19Speaker 02

  And Jack, a werewolf in Jordan. What? What was that punning on?

• 13:24Speaker 01

  Oh, werewolf in London.

• 13:26Speaker 02

  Oh, I see.

• 13:27Speaker 01

  It's an American werewolf.

• 13:28Speaker 02

  Oh, Jordan, as in what, the country or you? Oh, I see.

• 13:31Speaker 01

  That's the pun. Oh, I don't. That's the thing now with the internet, it ruined porn films. Used to get, you did, you used to get really creative titles, proper like actors be dressed up. Now it's just straight in. To be fair, you did used to fast forward all those bits, but you know, it was nice that it was there.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  They set up the, you know, the scene.

• 13:50Speaker 01

  Now it's just, now they don't even pretend to be a plumber. They're just like, we're gonna shag.

• 13:56Speaker 02

  Well, you could say.

• 13:57Speaker 01

  And they used to have really good names. I was, honestly, I've seen Shaving Private Ryan, I've seen them all.

• 14:03Speaker 01

  Schindler's Fist, seen them all.

• 14:05Speaker 02

  Well, there we go. Now, Jordan, I know you're feeling thoroughly spooked out in this haunted room. So I thought we'd turn it up a notch with a good old fashioned ghost story.

• 14:15Speaker 01

  Oh, I don't like ghost stories.

• 14:17Speaker 02

  Well, and in true ghost story fashion.

• 14:19Speaker 01

  Really?

• 14:20Speaker 02

  I'm going to read this whilst placing a torch under my face.

• 14:29Speaker 02

  Gonna have a migraine if I look at this for too long. We'll turn down or off the lights to add some ambiance.

• 14:35Speaker 01

  I don't like it. You've got some makeup on. If anyone jumps out and burns me, I will elbow them.

• 14:41Speaker 02

  Can I do that? But can I hold it between my legs?

• 14:43Speaker 01

  It's not got the same effect.

• 14:46Speaker 01

  That's better.

• 14:46Speaker 02

  Let me bring my legs up closer to my face.

• 14:49Speaker 01

  Right, you're gonna tell me a ghost story.

• 14:51Speaker 02

  Boarding school. Yes. My boyfriend moved out three weeks ago. My cat, Stanley, was really close to him. And now that he's gone, I can tell he's a bit lonely.

• 15:02Speaker 01

  How's it a ghost story?

• 15:03Speaker 02

  Just shush. I don't know either. I've never read this before. Especially when I'm at work, I came home a few times to find my curtains ripped up or all of the lavatory paper in shreds. The last straw was when I came home after working late to find he had clawed a hole the size of a dinner plate in the side of the sofa. Turns page. I decided I had to do something. I tried different toys, even catnip, but nothing worked. One night while browsing Amazon, I saw a pet camera. It's a tiny camera that records your pet on a live feed so you can monitor their behaviour while you're away. It even has an audio function so you can talk to them. They've put a link in. Sounded silly, but hey, I love my furry dude, so I bought it.

• 15:49Speaker 02

  I got overnight shipping. I think this is not very scary. And installed it immediately. I decided to set it up in my bedroom and that was where Stanley spent most of his time. My first day at work, I think I checked the camera 30 times. When I spoken to the microphone, Stanley seemed to be happier and I noticed there was no destruction around the house either. By day four, I figured I'd solve the problem with Stanley. This leads me to right now. About 30 minutes ago, I climbed into bed with Stanley, ready to close my eyes when my phone buzzed. A notification from the pet cam. I almost ignored it. Sure, I'd just triggered the thing, but I opened it anyway. What I saw made my grip tighten on my phone.

• 16:32Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 16:33Speaker 02

  Instead of a video of myself in bed, I saw a man, tall and gangly, with pale skin and large eyes.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  Is he a dick? Sorry. I don't, I don't call staff dicks. She's a friend.

• 16:48Speaker 01

  Shit myself then.

• 16:50Speaker 02

  He was moving into my room with exaggerated steps like a sneaking cartoon character. He got right up to the lens so close I could almost smell his rotten breath and he smiled. I immediately paused the video terrified. I looked at the spot where the man should have been standing, but there was no one there. I went on Amazon and found the pet cam and read the reviews, hoping for some weird glitch. It had to be a joke. The first dozen reviews were pretty standard, but it was the last that caused me to bolt upright. One customer complained that the camera was on a time delay, sometimes as much as 15 minutes. I went back to the video and pressed play with shaky fingers. I watched in horror as the man slithered under my bed, giving the hamper a wink before disappearing into the darkness.

• 17:34Speaker 01

  What the fuck? He slithered under a bed? He's like Loofah.

• 17:39Speaker 02

  Then I saw myself enter the room and climb into the bed before the video ended. Now I'm sitting in my bed, knowing he's under it. I could call the police, but I doubt I'd have time. So please do yourself a favour and read the reviews.

• 17:57Speaker 02

  We'll be back after the break.

• 17:58Speaker 01

  That's real. Is that real?

• 18:04Speaker 00

  Hot flashes, rage crying, forgetting words mid-senten. Yeah, we know. Menopause is a lot. Midi Health gets it. That's why Midi offers virtual healthcare specially tailored to women's needs. Built for women by women. Every symptom, every stage, every question. Visit joinmidi.com to get started today. That's join M I D I dot com. Individual results and coverage varies. Check with your plan for coverage.

• 18:38Speaker 01

  Welcome back, Jean Divas.

• 18:39Speaker 02

  Have you recovered from that?

• 18:40Speaker 01

  No, I thought that was very scared. I thought it was in a face head. I thought that was very, it's the curtain. I thought that was very scary.

• 18:47Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 18:48Speaker 01

  And you read that really well. So is that a Jean Diva that got in touch? Was it just a story?

• 18:52Speaker 02

  No, it's a story, it's a story on, from the internet. There was a lot of extraneous detail at the start about, you know, next day delivery, et cetera, which I didn't really add to the, it was world building. Okay, fine. I mean, what price did they pay for it?

• 19:07Speaker 01

  It's good. Yeah, I'm creeped out. I'm a bit on edge. Yeah.

• 19:11Speaker 02

  Okay, well, we have asked our Jean Divas to send in their spookiest.

• 19:15Speaker 01

  Don't know what we are for Skargill there, following me.

• 19:18Speaker 02

  Henry Stephens.

• 19:18Speaker 01

  Henry Stephens.

• 19:19Speaker 02

  And most terrifying encounters for our special Halloween episode, which is what you're listening to now. And we'll kick things off with Georgina, who has a seriously gruesome tale from her haunted house. I'd love to share a strange experience that happened to me shortly after lockdown. My cousin had just moved out, leaving me living alone in our one-storey house. Our bedrooms were along one long corridor and one night I went to bed as normal, turned off all the lights and fell asleep. At some point during the night, I woke up. I was lying there with my eyes closed when I suddenly became aware of footsteps coming down the corridor. Slowly. Step, step, step.

• 19:56Speaker 01

  I don't like this.

• 19:57Speaker 02

  Then my bedroom door opened.

• 19:58Speaker 01

  I don't like this.

• 19:59Speaker 02

  I was instantly terrified. I was lying flat on my back, but I was too scared to open my eyes. I had this horrible feeling that if I looked, I was going to see something I really didn't want to see.

• 20:09Speaker 01

  Get out.

• 20:10Speaker 02

  Then I felt someone walk over to my bed. They stopped beside me and they leaned over. I felt long hair brush against my face. I was completely frozen. I didn't open my eyes. I just lay there, waiting for whoever or whatever it was to leave.

• 20:27Speaker 01

  No, that's not true.

• 20:28Speaker 02

  Eventually, I felt it move away. I waited for what felt like forever before finally opening my eyes. There was nobody there. I grabbed my phone and put on Modern Family to calm myself down.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  Oh, I'd do that. That's what I'd do. See, this is believable because that's what I'd do.

• 20:44Speaker 02

  There was something strangely reassuring about hearing a sitcom playing in the background after what had just happened, although in hindsight, watching Modern Family at 3am after potentially being visited by a ghost.

• 20:53Speaker 01

  It's always 3am when they arrive.

• 20:55Speaker 02

  Was probably not the most conventional way to deal with it. Cheap travel. I've since moved house, but I still leave a few lights on every night. Thanks for reading and I hope you consider sharing my story on the podcast. Georgina.

• 21:08Speaker 01

  Maybe she's just having a bad dream.

• 21:10Speaker 02

  She might have been doing, yeah. I suspect it was a bad dream. I had a dream last night that I was cast in The Book of Mormon with one hour's rehearsal. I had to go on, I had, I suddenly went, I don't know the script. Not a show I'd want to do, as fun as it is. Anyway, Holly is recalling her haunted happenings from a house party in Bristol. My name's Holly and I'm from Bristol, like the lovely William. Cheers, Dreyf. My spooky story begins in a bridal path adjacent to a number of fields in a largely stately home called The Hilly Fields. My friends and I were at a party at my friend's house opposite the fields, enjoying a few drinks in the garden when we heard a strange moaning or gurgling noise coming from the stately home garden.

• 21:49Speaker 01

  Rrrrr.

• 21:50Speaker 02

  Just like that. We all heard the story of the teenager that had broken into the house and drowned in the pond around 20 years prior.

• 21:59Speaker 01

  Oh, that's horrible. Sorry.

• 22:01Speaker 02

  Go on, do those noises.

• 22:02Speaker 01

  No, well, the family might be listening, condolences.

• 22:05Speaker 02

  And said.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  What's funny about that?

• 22:12Speaker 01

  Have some respect.

• 22:14Speaker 02

  I'm.

• 22:15Speaker 01

  Can I? Where'd you get your kicks, is here, you know?

• 22:22Speaker 02

  And was said to still haunt the grounds. As we were all three sheets to the wind, we decided to investigate. When we got to the bridal path, we heard the noise again and to our horror, we saw a ghostly shadow moving around in the bushes with a dim, eerie light. We all screamed and ran back into our friend's house in terror. Five minutes later, our other friend showed up at the house, exclaiming, sorry, we're late, we got carried away and ended up shagging in the bridal path on our way here. Love you guys. Well, there we go.

• 22:50Speaker 01

  So what was the gurgling?

• 22:51Speaker 02

  Couple of shaggers. Well.

• 22:53Speaker 01

  Oh, was it the people shagging?

• 22:55Speaker 02

  Potentially.

• 22:56Speaker 01

  So it wasn't the, the teenager?

• 22:58Speaker 02

  No, it was maybe, you know, sounds of oral gratification.

• 23:02Speaker 01

  Ah, similar.

• 23:06Speaker 02

  How are you doing it?

• 23:11Speaker 02

  Katie has said, might not be good for squeamish listeners. When I was at uni, I went to a friend of a friend's house party at Halloween, where partway through the night, one of the hosts cut his, oh, cut his finger off by crushing it in a door.

• 23:26Speaker 02

  Somehow I, dressed as Medusa, ended up nursing the bloody hand of a guy I'd never met, who was dressed as a Greek god, while someone else packed his finger in ice.

• 23:35Speaker 01

  It come clean off. Oh, I've gone funny. It's another brew, love.

• 23:40Speaker 02

  He went off to hospital with his ex-girlfriend. The A and E waiting room emergency must have rekindled their sexual tension as they left the hospital early to go home and shag. Well, I mean, that kind of, that how, was he in pain or not?

• 23:52Speaker 01

  We had his finger.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  Fingerless. He literally sacrificed his finger for a shag. I have no idea who this guy was. I never saw him again. I just know him as the Greek god who cut off his fing-

• 24:02Speaker 01

  Did he ever get his finger back?

• 24:03Speaker 02

  I just know him as the Greek god who cut his finger off on Halloween.

• 24:06Speaker 01

  Imagine losing a finger for a shag.

• 24:08Speaker 02

  I think you can sew fingers back on, depending on how they come off.

• 24:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, but if you've gone home for a shag, you've probably missed the, the boat, the time thing.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  Well, we can do it next week.

• 24:21Speaker 01

  What?

• 24:21Speaker 02

  For an episode.

• 24:22Speaker 01

  I'm not cutting my finger off.

• 24:24Speaker 02

  Oh. Could do.

• 24:27Speaker 01

  Oh, fucking hell. Stuart.

• 24:30Speaker 02

  Stuart's just crept in.

• 24:31Speaker 01

  Where'd you come from?

• 24:32Speaker 02

  And the light from your laptop.

• 24:33Speaker 01

  I'm on Aunt Chelsea, yeah? So Chairman of the House, Stuart's just crept in. Hiya. Fucking hell.

• 24:40Speaker 02

  Emily has.

• 24:41Speaker 01

  Nearly as old as some of these ghosts.

• 24:44Speaker 02

  Don't do my joke.

• 24:47Speaker 01

  He's literally like two years older than us, for the record.

• 24:50Speaker 02

  Emily has always had the talent to communicate with the dead. From as far back as I can remember, I always felt strangely connected to the supernatural. Even as a toddler, there were stories of me talking about and playing with two children who very clearly.

• 25:02Speaker 01

  That, no, skip. I don't do child ghosts.

• 25:07Speaker 02

  Why, you're not CRB checked or?

• 25:09Speaker 01

  No, you, I just, that's, I don't like that shit. That scares me.

• 25:14Speaker 02

  Well, I'm going to continue.

• 25:15Speaker 01

  Skip, I'm not here for this.

• 25:16Speaker 02

  As I've grown older, that feeling has never really left me. In fact, I've become more open to it.

• 25:20Speaker 01

  Talking like that as well, it's scary.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  I've become more open to it over the years and now even read tarot cards. Oh, my dad, however, has never believed in any of it. He's always been the skeptic in the family until one particular experience completely changed his mind. It all started in 2017, when we moved into a little cottage with a surprisingly rich history dating all the way back to the Victorians. Not long after moving in, there were a few occasions where I had this overwhelming feeling that something or someone was trying to make themselves known to me. At first, I was incredibly skeptical. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to acknowledge it, let alone.

• 25:57Speaker 01

  Crazy.

• 25:57Speaker 02

  Make contact. But one night, I remember thinking, what's the worst that could happen? So I opened myself up to it.

• 26:07Speaker 01

  Is this like ghost? Where's she got?

• 26:09Speaker 02

  That was when I met her. She appeared to me as a woman wearing a long black dress, her hair tied back in a low bun.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  Fuck that.

• 26:16Speaker 02

  Her name was Mary.

• 26:17Speaker 01

  Fuck that.

• 26:18Speaker 02

  Have you ever opened yourself up at night and found a Mary?

• 26:23Speaker 02

  From that point onwards, she would appear every now and again. It never felt threatening or frightening, quite the opposite, actually. She had this incredibly warm, kind and almost motherly energy about her. It felt as though she was simply checking in on me, making sure I was safe. For years, I never really questioned who she was. I just accepted Mary as Mary. Then a couple of years later, I went away to university. While I was gone, my mum decided to give the house a bit of a refresh. She posted in our local community group, asking if anyone had any old photographs or information about the history of the cottage. A lovely neighbour got in touch and said that they had some old photographs and details about the house. When my mum showed me one of the photographs, I immediately froze. Standing outside the cottage was a woman.

• 27:05Speaker 01

  Mary.

• 27:05Speaker 02

  She was wearing a black dress. Her hair was pulled back into a low bun.

• 27:09Speaker 01

  If this isn't Mary, I'm going to be well pissed off.

• 27:12Speaker 02

  It was Brenda. It was Mary, exactly as I had always seen her.

• 27:16Speaker 01

  No.

• 27:16Speaker 02

  My mum couldn't believe it either, so she asked the neighbour if they could find out anything more about the woman in the photograph. A few documents and old records were eventually uncovered and there it was. The woman who had lived in our cottage all those years ago was in fact called Mary Thatt- oh, sorry.

• 27:33Speaker 01

  Mary Fat?

• 27:34Speaker 02

  There's a full stop I missed. Was in fact called Mary. That was the moment.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  Can I?

• 27:45Speaker 02

  That was the moment my dad stopped laughing at my stories about the supernatural. And to this day, I still wonder whether Mary was simply a figure from the past or whether somehow she really had been looking out for me. That's from M. Well, there we go.

• 28:00Speaker 01

  That's scary.

• 28:00Speaker 02

  How are you feeling?

• 28:02Speaker 01

  What are you looking up there for like that, you knob?

• 28:05Speaker 02

  What?

• 28:05Speaker 01

  Don't look up there, what's? Don't like, don't, yeah.

• 28:11Speaker 01

  Scary.

• 28:13Speaker 02

  So if you want more spookiness from Sexed.

• 28:15Speaker 01

  I have to tell you, I do feel like I have a touch, like contact with the, the spirits.

• 28:23Speaker 02

  Vodka, gin.

• 28:25Speaker 01

  I was, I've told you, I was once at a mate's house and I was a bit unsettled.

• 28:29Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 28:30Speaker 01

  And I was like, I was pretty young, I was about 11, 12, I was doing sleepover. And I, I went to the toilet, but it was a massive, it was quite a big house. And I think where I was going, so his grandma put me back to bed, right?

• 28:46Speaker 02

  Oh, yes, I think you have said this.

• 28:47Speaker 01

  And in the car the next day, I said to my, I'll tell your grandma, thanks for helping me get back to bed last night, I went, my grandma's dead. It was that from a film, I shut door and I just drove off.

• 28:57Speaker 02

  At 11 or 12, you drove off?

• 28:59Speaker 01

  My dad did. My dad, my dad did.

• 29:01Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 29:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:02Speaker 02

  Well, that's, that's very weird. And if you want more of this spookiness from Sexed.

• 29:06Speaker 01

  Why are you speaking like that? You can speak normally now. I'm really sorry if this is scared you and like your normal regular commute. Get back in touch. We'd love to hear your feedback though.

• 29:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:14Speaker 01

  How you found this.

• 29:15Speaker 02

  We filmed a haunted house tour, haven't we?

• 29:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:18Speaker 02

  If you want more of this sexed spookiness, you can head over to our Patreon and see the haunted house tour where we had the willis thoroughly put up us. You can check out our Patreon channel, Help I Sex My Boss Out of Office.

• 29:29Speaker 01

  Mine's still up, mate.

• 29:30Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 29:34Speaker 02

  For ad-free listening and an extra brand new episode every Wednesday.

• 29:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, we've got a fun episode on Patreon where we toured this very creepy building. So definitely, definitely go and check it out.

• 29:46Speaker 02

  Can we just be honest with everyone and say it? Actual time of recording, that actually hasn't happened. We're about to do that now.

• 29:51Speaker 01

  We're about to do it.

• 29:51Speaker 02

  And Jordan is already on the ceiling and I'm loving that.

• 29:55Speaker 01

  I'm shitting it. I'm not going to lie. If any of you jump out at me, I'll, I'll elbow.

• 30:03Speaker 01

  I will elbow. So I'm going to warn you. If you want to get, I was going to say something then. I'm creeped out now.

• 30:13Speaker 01

  I'm going to go out for a fag, but I want one of yous to come with me. If you want to get in touch about something that isn't a dilemma or a problem, drop into our DMs. Let us know what you thought of this episode or send us an email, [email protected]. We also love hearing back from people we have for advice to. So if that's you, get back in touch and we'll speak to you on Tuesday.

• 30:29Speaker 02

  Hopefully.

• 30:30Speaker 01

  Don't say that. Don't tempt fate. Touch wood. Touch wood. Is he touch wood? Just touch your head.

• 30:37Speaker 02

  She doesn't have to be asked twice. See you on Tuesday.