William Tries to Catch Jordan Out | And Who's Spooning Who?

William Hanson and Jordan North take part in an etiquette test and discuss the pros and cons of being a big spoon/little spoon. The boys also dive into some listener replies regarding sh*gging with a smart watch on and find out what really happened after a G&Diva's dentist proposed to her. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected], and for more Sexted fun sign up https://sextedmyboss.com/newsletter/ to our free VIG&Diva newsletter. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Help I Sexted My Boss is presented by William Hanson and Jordan North. It is an Audio Always http://www.audioalways.com production. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected]. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  William and Jordan will be with you in just a moment, but first, here's one for your queue. Vicky Patterson has taken on a huge charity challenge, getting from Newcastle to London by kayak, bike and on foot. Now she's on her podcast Get a Grip with a proper, honest, blisters and all debrief. If you need a nudge to step outside your comfort zone, then this is the one for you. Once this episode's done, search Get a Grip and get it playing.

• 0:31Speaker 01

  Hi everyone, it's Katie Couric. And on my podcast, Next Question, we love stories about how women are taking control of their lives. They are increasingly leading financial decisions in their households. Yet, many say they don't feel fully prepared for the long-term financial choices ahead. Real confidence comes from knowing your financial future is protected, whatever happens. Pacific Life has helped generations protect what matters today and prepare for tomorrow with life insurance and lifetime income solutions. It's a promise Pacific Life has kept for nearly 160 years, so its customers can keep theirs. Ask a financial

• 1:14Speaker 01

  professional about how Pacific Life can help you create a more confident financial future. Pacific Life Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska, and in New York, Pacific Life and Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona.

• 1:36Speaker 00

  Hello and welcome to our Friday episode. This is where we can see how much extra content we can squeeze into your week. Random bits that have been sent in and how our advice went down with you. Our wonderful Gian Davis.

• 1:48Speaker 02

  How the dickens are you?

• 1:49Speaker 00

  I'm good. You got much on this weekend?

• 1:51Speaker 02

  Do you know what? I don't have an awful lot on, which is lovely. Obviously, because I've been doing the show and then I was away. Now we're into normality. It's quite nice to have a relatively empty calendar. Going to a housewarming on Friday night.

• 2:04Speaker 00

  Who's housewarming?

• 2:05Speaker 02

  Viral Freddy's.

• 2:06Speaker 00

  Oh god.

• 2:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:08Speaker 00

  That'll be Chesterfields and Percy's.

• 2:10Speaker 02

  That's just the guest list.

• 2:11Speaker 00

  I know, yeah.

• 2:13Speaker 02

  But other than that, very calm weekend.

• 2:16Speaker 00

  And can you imagine Freddy answering the door to his dinner party?

• 2:19Speaker 02

  It's a housewarming.

• 2:20Speaker 00

  Housewarming in a cravat and a whiskey. No, a brandy in a big brandy tumbler.

• 2:27Speaker 02

  A brandy snifter.

• 2:28Speaker 00

  Darling, come on in.

• 2:30Speaker 02

  As if you're there.

• 2:31Speaker 00

  How many's going?

• 2:32Speaker 02

  I don't know. I'm not organising it. I'm a guest.

• 2:34Speaker 00

  Jesus. Can you, I just want to know all the details about that.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  I will, I will. Once I have been, I will let you know.

• 2:40Speaker 00

  Every posh twink that's ever entered London will be there and it'll be fascinating. Am I wrong or am I wrong?

• 2:46Speaker 02

  Some of them are away.

• 2:46Speaker 00

  How are they?

• 2:47Speaker 02

  Actually, he said, I mean, doing it in August, interesting time to do a party. Who'd organise a party in August?

• 2:53Speaker 00

  There'll be more Ralph Lauren there than a Ralph Lauren store. Am I wrong or am I wrong?

• 2:57Speaker 02

  Well, yes. Talking of Ralph Lauren, can we just mention, you said to me just before we started, I'm in a navy Ralph Lauren polo. And you went, I've just bought that. And I thought, oh my god, Jordan's worn, Jordan has bought my clothing.

• 3:07Speaker 00

  Well, all these bloody influencers on TikTok are like, if you want to dress old, Bunny, it's like, well, I don't.

• 3:12Speaker 02

  Well, what's really interesting about Ralph Lauren is, in America, it's just absolutely not, I mean, it's popular in America, but it doesn't have, in Britain, it's seen as sort of

• 3:21Speaker 00

  High-end.

• 3:22Speaker 02

  middle plus class. In America, not so much. There are outlets everywhere. So it's just, it's not, it's not the same.

• 3:29Speaker 00

  Oh, really?

• 3:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, but an American company.

• 3:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, I've bought that exact one.

• 3:32Speaker 02

  Well, we should coordinate.

• 3:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, we'll wear this together.

• 3:35Speaker 02

  That would be nice. What are you doing this weekend? Bless you.

• 3:38Speaker 00

  I've sneezed so much this summer. It's not working with seven bloody dwarfs.

• 3:44Speaker 02

  Well, only one of the dwarfs was called Sneezy.

• 3:46Speaker 00

  I got more paddle.

• 3:47Speaker 02

  Name the dwarfs. Go.

• 3:48Speaker 00

  Sneezy.

• 3:49Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 3:50Speaker 00

  Bashful.

• 3:50Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 3:51Speaker 00

  Grumpy.

• 3:52Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  So far, it's just this studio.

• 3:56Speaker 00

  Sneezy, bashful, grumpy. Don't, because I'll get this. It'll piss me off. And this might be the longest recording because we're not moving until I get it. Sneezy, bashful, grumpy.

• 4:07Speaker 02

  Think of me.

• 4:09Speaker 00

  Fabulous.

• 4:10Speaker 02

  Oh, bless. No. Happy.

• 4:12Speaker 00

  Happy, yeah. There's one weird one, like jealousy.

• 4:17Speaker 02

  Doc.

• 4:18Speaker 00

  Doc, that's it.

• 4:19Speaker 02

  Dopey.

• 4:20Speaker 00

  Dopey.

• 4:21Speaker 02

  Have you said grumpy?

• 4:23Speaker 00

  Sneezy, bashful, grumpy, happy, doc, dopey. And there's always, there's always the seventh one everyone forgets about. Horny?

• 4:30Speaker 02

  No.

• 4:33Speaker 00

  Sleepy.

• 4:34Speaker 02

  That was the first one.

• 4:35Speaker 00

  No, Sneezy.

• 4:36Speaker 02

  Oh, sleepy, then, yeah.

• 4:37Speaker 00

  Sleepy, yeah.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  Not in the order that they appear, but

• 4:40Speaker 00

  Anyway.

• 4:41Speaker 02

  Doc's the first one, dope is the last.

• 4:42Speaker 00

  Paddle and I'm just waiting for this bloody hosepipe banter lift so I can do some jet washing.

• 4:46Speaker 02

  My cucumbers, oh my god, we came back from, from a week away. My cucumbers have wilted.

• 4:51Speaker 00

  Have they?

• 4:52Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 4:52Speaker 00

  Who can have pickled cucumbers?

• 4:54Speaker 02

  Well, you can, but I don't think my cucumber's firm. I don't actually know.

• 4:57Speaker 00

  Are you growing cucumbers?

• 4:58Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 4:59Speaker 00

  They're 40p from shop. Why bother?

• 5:02Speaker 02

  Because it's actually nice to do something.

• 5:03Speaker 00

  You've got, you're busy.

• 5:05Speaker 02

  So?

• 5:06Speaker 00

  Grow some, good.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  I'm going to grow potatoes.

• 5:08Speaker 00

  Great.

• 5:09Speaker 02

  That's my new thing.

• 5:09Speaker 00

  Grow some herbs and spices.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  I'm doing herb, spices?

• 5:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:14Speaker 02

  I'm doing herbs.

• 5:15Speaker 00

  Tarragon or something, I don't know.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  That's not a spice.

• 5:17Speaker 00

  Cumin.

• 5:17Speaker 02

  No, I've got mint.

• 5:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, great.

• 5:20Speaker 02

  Time and oregano.

• 5:22Speaker 00

  Perfect.

• 5:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:23Speaker 00

  Mint, yeah.

• 5:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've got

• 5:24Speaker 00

  Lavender. Grow some lavender.

• 5:26Speaker 02

  We've got lavender at the front.

• 5:28Speaker 00

  Great.

• 5:28Speaker 03

  That's not a herb or a spice.

• 5:30Speaker 02

  No, that's just a plant.

• 5:31Speaker 00

  Well, it's a smell.

• 5:34Speaker 00

  Oh, you lot are going to do me editing this record, I can tell. Gang up on Jordan. It's not a herb or a spice. But yeah, a bit of a chilled one for me.

• 5:41Speaker 02

  Lovely. Well, that's nice. Now, a few weeks ago, I mentioned that our English manner etiquette exam for our Train the Trainer course included the all-important question, what is the correct way to put a card in an envelope? As well as more difficult questions. So today, Jordan, inspired by that, I thought I'd put your etiquette knowledge to the test with a few more exam questions.

• 5:59Speaker 00

  Okay, I'll do this.

• 6:00Speaker 02

  Let's see how well you have been paying attention to me, not just on this podcast, but in life, on my social media. My whole, can I just, can I actually just, at this point, just, because I get, the one thing I get DMs about more than anything else is what has happened to my Saturday etiquette exam that I used to do?

• 6:16Speaker 00

  Oh, that was class, that.

• 6:17Speaker 02

  It's because Instagram took away the quiz function. That's what happened. I can't, I literally cannot do it. We do a sort of a version of it now where we put up the poll function and people can vote for what they think is the correct answer. And then the correct answer

• 6:31Speaker 00

  Why did they get rid of that?

• 6:32Speaker 02

  In my newsletter. I don't know.

• 6:34Speaker 00

  I used to look forward to that.

• 6:35Speaker 02

  I know, I love doing them.

• 6:36Speaker 00

  Saturday morning.

• 6:37Speaker 02

  But that's where it's gone. It's not to do with me. Anyway, we'll sort of do a version here.

• 6:41Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 6:42Speaker 02

  How many tines, that's the prongs, does a dinner fork have?

• 6:45Speaker 00

  Four.

• 6:46Speaker 02

  Correct. Well done. Complete this sentence. Don't wear, dot, dot, dot, it's multiple choice, brown in town, black at the back, yellow, be mellow.

• 6:55Speaker 00

  Brown in town?

• 6:55Speaker 02

  Correct.

• 6:56Speaker 03

  What does that mean?

• 6:57Speaker 02

  Shoes.

• 6:58Speaker 00

  Brown shoes in London.

• 6:59Speaker 02

  Don't wear brown shoes in London with a suit. The modern necktie originated in which country? This is not multiple choice. I'll give you a clue. You have been there.

• 7:09Speaker 00

  It's not France. It's not Britain. America.

• 7:15Speaker 02

  Correct. Well done. What is the, you're doing all correct answers so far. What is the correct style for our future king, William? That's just William, actually, I was about to say his title, which would give the game away, not me. HRH Prince William, HRH the Prince of Wales, HRH the Duke of Wales.

• 7:32Speaker 00

  HRH the Prince of Wales.

• 7:34Speaker 02

  Correct. In which direction, oh, classic, because we talked about this on, on Tuesday. In which direction should you stir tea and coffee?

• 7:41Speaker 00

  Back to four, four, 10 to six. Sorry, 12 to 12, 12 to six, 12 to six.

• 7:46Speaker 02

  Okay, this one's quite difficult. Last one. Which was invented last? Fork, knife or spoon?

• 7:53Speaker 00

  I believe they started with a spoon.

• 8:00Speaker 00

  Was it, was it the spoon? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It was, it was the knife.

• 8:08Speaker 02

  Incorrect. It's the fork.

• 8:09Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 8:10Speaker 02

  Forking hell.

• 8:11Speaker 00

  So close.

• 8:12Speaker 02

  Fork off. So close to fork.

• 8:14Speaker 00

  Forking hell.

• 8:15Speaker 03

  William put him off there. He was shaking his head and all over the shop. He was trying, he didn't want him to go.

• 8:20Speaker 00

  Fuck you.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  Fork you.

• 8:22Speaker 00

  You're a fork.

• 8:23Speaker 02

  Spoon you.

• 8:24Speaker 00

  Fork off.

• 8:25Speaker 02

  Jordan, this is a question I've never really thought of, but if we were ever to spoon, would you be big or little spoon? You are shorter than me, so does that automatically make you little spoon?

• 8:38Speaker 00

  I'd probably be little spoon, wouldn't I?

• 8:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, I thought so.

• 8:41Speaker 00

  Yeah. But we're never spooning.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, no. But if we, like, let's say

• 8:45Speaker 00

  I think spooning's more intimate.

• 8:47Speaker 02

  Nuclear apocalypse.

• 8:48Speaker 00

  I think spooning's more intimate than probably shagging.

• 8:51Speaker 02

  It's slightly better.

• 8:53Speaker 00

  Shagging.

• 8:53Speaker 02

  Yeah. If there's a nuclear

• 8:56Speaker 03

  Making love?

• 8:58Speaker 02

  We've done this before. If nuclear apocalypse and suddenly the world is like freezing cold and for survival, we have to spoon to share body warmth. That's what I was more thinking, not in any other

• 9:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, because I'd be warmer, so I'd have more chance of survival. I was little spoon.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  Yes, I guess you would, actually.

• 9:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, so I'd go for little spoon.

• 9:15Speaker 02

  Although, do big spoons then absorb the warmth of the little spoon?

• 9:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  In any way, they must do in some way, yeah. We could take turns.

• 9:23Speaker 00

  Not a big fan of spooning. I get bored after two minutes.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  What do you mean, you get bored after two minutes?

• 9:29Speaker 00

  Because there, there airs in your fucking mouth. It's of, trying to watch telly and

• 9:34Speaker 02

  Well, you don't spoon when you're trying to watch television.

• 9:37Speaker 00

  No one's spooning in this weather, are they?

• 9:39Speaker 02

  Well, if you've got air conditioning or you're in a hotel.

• 9:41Speaker 00

  Get off, clammy. Go away.

• 9:46Speaker 02

  Interesting.

• 9:47Speaker 00

  Are you spooning in this weather?

• 9:49Speaker 02

  It's been known.

• 9:49Speaker 00

  Are you spooning in this weather? Are you spooning in this weather? Oh, Christ.

• 9:55Speaker 02

  Um, Jordan, you and I have had a difference of opinion on whether it's acceptable to have a roast lunch or dinner in the summer. So we asked for our G and Dva's suggestions of things that they like to do at the wrong time of year.

• 10:04Speaker 00

  September, October is the best thing about it. I'm not wishing the summer away. I'm not like those, oh, only a few months till Strictly and a dressing gown on and the big fire.

• 10:13Speaker 02

  No, I would say by the time Strictly starts, normally it's still quite warm. Um, 37% of the responses contain Christmas at the wrong time of year. Andy said, in Australia, we do Christmas in July every year because it's cold and feels proper.

• 10:28Speaker 00

  Do they?

• 10:29Speaker 02

  Okay, that's Australia for you. Uh, Lee danced to All I Want for Christmas as you in the middle of August.

• 10:34Speaker 00

  If you're those wronguns that are streaming All I Want for Christmas, is you in July and August, get a grip, get a bloody grip.

• 10:43Speaker 02

  Wow. Catherine has Christmas tattoos, so it's Christmas all year.

• 10:47Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 10:47Speaker 02

  Dan's mum can't be bothered to take the Christmas tree down, so redecorates it with the seasons. Like, do you know what? I mean, it's obviously clearly artificial, but I, I quite like that idea. If it's like a summer themed tree.

• 11:03Speaker 02

  I think that's quite fun with sort of oranges on and, I mean, oranges you can do at winter. Um, Rhiannon said, if I eat a Ferrero Rocher in any month, that's not December, that's illegal.

• 11:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, it would be weird having a Ferrero Rocher in August, wouldn't it?

• 11:19Speaker 02

  I don't think they're particularly tied. I would be, I don't really eat Ferrero Rocher, so I don't associate them.

• 11:22Speaker 00

  I always thought they were posh.

• 11:24Speaker 02

  No, it's just the marketing, darling.

• 11:26Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 11:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. Um, so Roche ate ice cream in winter, even at minus 30. She grew up in Siberia.

• 11:33Speaker 00

  Is Siberia cold?

• 11:34Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 11:35Speaker 00

  I thought it was warm.

• 11:36Speaker 02

  Let's put it this way, you and I would be spooning the shit out of each other in Siberia.

• 11:40Speaker 00

  Um, I could eat ice cream in the winter, although I've got very sensitive teeth.

• 11:45Speaker 02

  Do you know on food delivery apps?

• 11:46Speaker 00

  Oh, here we go. You know? I've got 50p in him today.

• 11:51Speaker 02

  Sometimes, I've had a holiday. Sometimes.

• 11:53Speaker 00

  I'm telling, you're a miserable bastard last week.

• 11:59Speaker 02

  Well, welcome to how the rest of us feel most of the time.

• 12:01Speaker 00

  Oh, that was below the bloody bell. I'm a delight to work with. Is he? Am I a delight to, why is everyone turning the face in the wall? Why have I got this?

• 12:15Speaker 00

  Am I bad to work with?

• 12:18Speaker 02

  Anyway.

• 12:18Speaker 03

  No, before you pull me aside and say that was mean, you're a lovely, you're a delight to work with, Jordan.

• 12:24Speaker 00

  Oh, no, it sounds false.

• 12:25Speaker 02

  Jordan, take that gun away from his head.

• 12:27Speaker 00

  Say it with conviction. Carry on. What were you gonna say?

• 12:30Speaker 02

  On food delivery apps, you know, sometimes when you order food and it says, and sometimes it, it comes cold because it's, you know, they've been, they've not found your address, they haven't stored it properly for whatever reason. And you can, if you're on the help, you can say this was cold and you sometimes get, either get credit or a refund.

• 12:44Speaker 00

  It's always gonna be cold stuff, warm it off.

• 12:46Speaker 02

  No, not necessarily.

• 12:47Speaker 00

  Shit, nine times out of 10, a taker is not gonna be piping up.

• 12:50Speaker 02

  Yes, I would always agree.

• 12:51Speaker 00

  Put it in the microwave or the. Put it in the air fryer.

• 12:55Speaker 02

  Anyway, as I have said before, sometimes, we haven't done it for years now, but Mikey and I would order, um, crepes or puddings on delivery apps from pudding places. And I was always.

• 13:07Speaker 00

  How the other half live?

• 13:07Speaker 02

  I was always, it was during COVID, it was dark times. I was always tempted to see if you can get away with it. And I would like to know if any G and Dvans have done this. And I can't, the sort of the, the integrity part of me can't bring myself to do it, to order a pudding and then to report the ice cream as cold, to see if you get a refund. Cause I just want to know, can you cheat the system and report your ice cream?

• 13:29Speaker 00

  Or report it's melted?

• 13:32Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, well, that, that's not an option. It's either, because most food on Deliveroo is hot.

• 13:37Speaker 00

  Every now and then your posh boy humour from school comes out.

• 13:42Speaker 02

  I just like to know.

• 13:43Speaker 00

  And yeah, well, let's try it.

• 13:45Speaker 02

  I'm not going to try it because I, I have integrity.

• 13:47Speaker 00

  We'll try it.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  Someone without integrity, could you please order some ice cream and report it as cold?

• 13:51Speaker 00

  Top tip for food delivery apps, someone.

• 13:52Speaker 02

  And then donate the money to charity.

• 13:54Speaker 00

  Yes, that's good. Food, someone told me this. So instead of like going up to go, do you wanna go premium so it's quicker? Just always tip your delivery driver. Cause when they comes through the jobs, you see that one's been tipped, so you're gonna make an extra couple of quid.

• 14:05Speaker 02

  Well, there we go.

• 14:06Speaker 00

  So it's always quicker.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  Well, that's very good.

• 14:07Speaker 00

  If you can afford it.

• 14:08Speaker 02

  Going back to things at the wrong time of year, hailfire101, Jordan's new moustache is wrong at any time of year.

• 14:15Speaker 00

  The old tickler? Hey, how are you doing? Uh, excuse me, I've just been asked to be in an Old Spice advert, so. I haven't, but.

• 14:25Speaker 00

  Hey, fancy a nice can of brute? It's what real men smell like. Hey, do you know what I use in the morning to wash my balls and my moustache? Old Spice, cause it's the best for men, real men, men with moustaches. Oh my God, this moustache could be a great advertising campaign.

• 14:47Speaker 02

  For razors.

• 14:47Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 14:50Speaker 02

  Emma and Ben.

• 14:50Speaker 00

  Hey, do you know what I trim my face with, apart from my moustache?

• 14:54Speaker 02

  Gillette. Jordan, I say this.

• 14:55Speaker 00

  The best a man can get. Hey, do you know how I exfoliate my skin? Sandpaper, cause I'm a man with a moustache and that's what real men do. So don't be a pussy and use sandpaper in all good stores.

• 15:12Speaker 00

  How's your social start week?

• 15:16Speaker 02

  Can I just say something? And I say this with love, don't make it your entire identity. Cause it currently is. And there's so much more to your personality than a moustache.

• 15:24Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 15:25Speaker 02

  There's your northernness. Go back to that. I preferred that.

• 15:28Speaker 00

  Go on, do some more.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  Emma and Ben got horny in winter. Natalie ate hot cross buns in summer.

• 15:33Speaker 00

  Oh, that's wrong.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  And got told by a friend they were sinning. Jess once ordered a jug of Pimms whilst they were at the pub on a snowy day.

• 15:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's weird.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I, I'm not a huge lover of Pimms, but even I know it's associated with summer. I guess the opposite would be mulled wine in, on a, on a heatwave. That'd be very odd.

• 15:51Speaker 00

  I, um, I'd say Pimms is like gin and the body, gets you a giddy drunk.

• 15:56Speaker 02

  Can do. My hairdresser who doesn't, um, you all right?

• 16:00Speaker 00

  You got it cuts.

• 16:01Speaker 02

  Do you want me to scare you?

• 16:03Speaker 00

  You can't scare me. I'm a man with a moustache.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  Um, my hairdresser who does not drink went to Wimbledon years ago and ordered Pimms thinking it was non-alcoholic. I don't know why I'm half.

• 16:17Speaker 02

  She was absolutely sloshed.

• 16:19Speaker 00

  It does get yammed.

• 16:20Speaker 02

  She said, most people watch, she's so funny, but most people watching the tennis doing this. I was like, oh, head going up and down. Oh, anyway, we've got more of your emails, messages and letters after the break.

• 16:35Speaker 01

  Hi everyone, it's Katie Couric. And on my podcast, Next Question, we love stories about how women are taking control of their lives. They are increasingly leading financial decisions in their households. Yet many say they don't feel fully prepared for the long-term financial choices ahead. Real confidence comes from knowing your financial future is protected, whatever happens. Pacific Life has helped generations protect what matters today and prepare for tomorrow with life insurance and lifetime income solutions. It's a promise Pacific Life has kept for nearly 160 years, so its customers can keep theirs. Ask a financial professional about how Pacific

• 17:20Speaker 01

  Life can help you create a more confident financial future. Pacific Life Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska, and in New York, Pacific Life and Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona.

• 17:36Speaker 02

  Welcome back, G and Dvans. Riley has an update on advice we gave him about suitable attire for sixth form.

• 17:42Speaker 00

  Oh, it's, yes.

• 17:43Speaker 02

  Oh, and he sent a photograph.

• 17:44Speaker 00

  Oh, look at him, bless him.

• 17:46Speaker 02

  Dear sexted team, I've contacted the podcast several weeks ago, seeking advice about my sixth form attire. Since then, I've spent a lot of time searching for a suit that matches the style I'm aiming for, and I think I finally found one. I've settled on a single breasted navy suit with a plain red tie. I still need to invest in a few essentials to complete the look, including long sleeve shirts, a black leather belt, black Oxford shoes, and having the suit professionally tailored. Despite Jordan's advice against getting a briefcase, I'm still searching for the right bag, although I'm confident I'll find one soon.

• 18:13Speaker 00

  Oh, I didn't say get a briefcase. Now I feel bad. I said more of a satchel.

• 18:16Speaker 02

  No, you said, don't get a briefcase.

• 18:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, I did say don't get a briefcase, but do you know what? Be, fuck it, Riley, don't listen to me. I chat shit. If you want a briefcase, get a briefcase. And if anyone bullies you, it gives you shit, smack them in the face with it. See where the burn comes out of me. Just swing it around in the red.

• 18:31Speaker 02

  So.

• 18:31Speaker 00

  Cause he's, look at him, he's sent his picture and bless him. And he looks like a lovely lad. And I'm telling you, don't get a briefcase, ignore me.

• 18:38Speaker 02

  Um, Riley's main question is, do you think this suit achieves the formal polished look I'm aiming for? And is it appropriate choice for sixth form? I've attached a few photos and would love to hear your thoughts and any suggestions you might have. Kind regards, Riley.

• 18:49Speaker 00

  I'm looking at his picture now.

• 18:50Speaker 02

  Yes, just, well, he's in a navy suit, white shirt, red tie.

• 18:53Speaker 00

  Very handsome and his suit looks spot on to me.

• 18:57Speaker 02

  Yes. Um, if you, if you want to get it professionally tailored or just altered, or if you've got a relative who's good with a needle and thread, great, that's, that's gonna sort of always make any suit, even if it's an off the peg, look a little bit better, uh, or even better. Um, do up your jacket, Riley. I would suggest when you're standing up, top button only on a two-button, single breasted suit. Tie, lovely, if you like a red tie, touch Donald Trump. I perhaps would go for a different colour, but it does look very nice and it's a nice contrast as well.

• 19:25Speaker 00

  Also, I've said this before, the best advice I was ever given, right, is get a suit from M&S from High Street and just go to tailor. It costs you.

• 19:32Speaker 02

  I mean, I've literally just said that, but yes.

• 19:33Speaker 00

  And but honestly.

• 19:34Speaker 02

  Without, without the brand.

• 19:35Speaker 00

  But I think, was it you that told me it?

• 19:37Speaker 02

  Probably.

• 19:37Speaker 00

  And it'll cost you 25, 30 quid, 50 maximum. You shouldn't be paying 50 quid. It's just getting taken in and tailored and it looks the dog's bollocks on the leg and on the arms especially. Just want it taken in at the back.

• 19:50Speaker 02

  Talking of tailoring, and again, I don't wanna mention it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. One of the, one of the great things about doing the show that I was doing was Mikey in wardrobe, not my husband Mikey, different Mikey, um, would do alterations, you know, give him, you know, whatever he charged. And these trousers I'm wearing now, he'd just take it in, you just get them done at work. It's lovely.

• 20:08Speaker 00

  It's great.

• 20:09Speaker 02

  Half the price of it would be at a, at a dry cleaners. Jasmine has messaged regarding our chat about having sex with a smart watch on.

• 20:15Speaker 00

  Say what it says on the script.

• 20:17Speaker 02

  Shagging. Hi gang, I'm a few episodes behind and just listened to the episode where you discussed having sex with your smart watch on. Please, I beg you all, take my advice and remove your watch beforehand. I once accidentally called my dad mid act from my watch. It was the middle of the night and to this day I don't know whether he answered or if I left him the world's most unwanted voicemail. Please learn from my mistakes. Love the pod, Jasmine.

• 20:39Speaker 00

  Does anyone else think, and Jasmine, if you wanna ring in or sue me for slander, get in touch, but was. Do you know how that's happened? She's been shouting out daddy, or he said, call me daddy. And her watch was for, he said, call daddy. And I'm sorry, Jasmine, but that's how that's happened.

• 20:58Speaker 02

  Raised, raised for S I R I.

• 21:00Speaker 00

  Call me daddy is what the person's been saying. And her watch has picked up as call daddy. And she's going daddy, daddy, just saying. I'm just, that's how that's happened, if you ask me. Am I wrong, grandma wrong?

• 21:12Speaker 03

  Wow, you could be a detective.

• 21:13Speaker 00

  Ah, well, I know.

• 21:14Speaker 03

  With that moustache as well.

• 21:16Speaker 02

  Yes, Columbo.

• 21:17Speaker 00

  Hey, I'm Gaboro.

• 21:20Speaker 02

  What?

• 21:20Speaker 00

  The new show.

• 21:21Speaker 02

  Gaboro.

• 21:22Speaker 03

  Play on Columbo and Jordan, I think.

• 21:24Speaker 00

  Hmm, just one thing.

• 21:26Speaker 02

  Oh, wow, that's a reference.

• 21:28Speaker 00

  Columbo?

• 21:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know.

• 21:29Speaker 00

  Didn't waste my celebrations staying at my grandma's.

• 21:31Speaker 02

  No, you did not.

• 21:32Speaker 00

  Watching Columbo in a smoke filled living room. She said, it's coming, it's coming, it's coming. Just one thing, got you, is what she said. Um, that could be a detective.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:46Speaker 00

  Give me another product to sell.

• 21:48Speaker 03

  Daddy detective.

• 21:49Speaker 00

  Hey, you want beer? This is my beer, beer that men with moustaches have.

• 21:57Speaker 00

  Proper beer, huh? Next one.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  I once had sex with a watch on, by the time we finished, couldn't find it.

• 22:07Speaker 02

  I like the crocodile from Peter Pan by the end of it.

• 22:11Speaker 02

  Ames Louise has messaged in.

• 22:16Speaker 02

  To give us a vital update on that sort of made up story, just for the clarity.

• 22:20Speaker 00

  Fucking not, still don't know where it is. Oh, are you, Mikey?

• 22:24Speaker 02

  Ames Louise has messaged.

• 22:25Speaker 00

  Two months and I'm fucking ticking away. Where it is? Alarm went off this morning, lads.

• 22:33Speaker 02

  Ames Louise is messaging to give us a vital update on the dentist proposal story.

• 22:37Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 22:38Speaker 02

  From a couple of weeks ago.

• 22:39Speaker 00

  Of all this.

• 22:40Speaker 02

  Okay, firstly, to answer William's question, no, we'd never even had the marriage or children conversation, which is why the proposal completely blindsided me.

• 22:47Speaker 00

  Oh, this is great, best dilemma we've had in a while.

• 22:50Speaker 02

  The reason I eventually blocked him was because after I ended things, he called me up to fi- he called me up to five times a day for three months and sent me countless messages. I'd already explained three separate times why I wanted to end the relationship, but he refused to accept it. Recently, I asked a friend to call the practice pretending to book an appointment to see if he still worked there. She found out he did, and after asking which days he worked, discovered he had every Monday off. Perfect. I booked an appointment with a different dentist on a Monday, thinking I'd finally be able to avoid him. A few days before the appointment, he contacted me from a new number. Saying he'd seen my booking, spoken to the other dentist and transferred the appointment to himself. He even said he was coming in on this, in his, on his day off to see me. I cancelled the appointment immediately.

• 23:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, this guy sounds like a stalker and an absolute weirdo, I'm so sorry.

• 23:37Speaker 02

  He then tried calling me several times before sending flowers to my new home address with a note saying he still loved me, still had the engagement ring and it was waiting for me when I came back. I've since moved house, so I'm concerned he's got my new address from patient records. My question is, should I swallow the awkwardness and book another appointment there, knowing he'll probably change it again so he can see me? Thank you.

• 23:56Speaker 00

  No, no.

• 23:57Speaker 02

  Find another dentist.

• 23:58Speaker 00

  Let me just say, at the time I said, I didn't know this was all going on in the background. I just thought it was an, I just thought it was like a bit of a, an X. And I know how painful wisdom teeth is. So I was saying, just go and get him taken out. I take that back now. Um, because this guy sounds like a weirdo. You need to report this guy, it's like a medical practice as well, because I'm pretty sure someone can't get your details from files. So you also need to report him.

• 24:21Speaker 02

  It doesn't sound good.

• 24:22Speaker 00

  Like genuinely call up, I'm not a malicious person or anything. I don't, I don't mean anyone any alarm or anything like that, but this guy needs. What? What?

• 24:34Speaker 00

  I don't, someone.

• 24:35Speaker 03

  It was, it was serious, it was.

• 24:37Speaker 02

  It was serious.

• 24:38Speaker 03

  I don't mean anyone alarm.

• 24:39Speaker 02

  Any ill arm.

• 24:40Speaker 00

  Alarm.

• 24:41Speaker 02

  No, you can just say any ill or any harm.

• 24:43Speaker 00

  Any alarm. I don't mean anyone any arm, is what I'm trying to say.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  No, you're so adorable.

• 24:49Speaker 00

  Right, anyway, so, and I, even if someone annoys me or someone's done something bad, it's very rare that. But this guy, you need to report him to a medical practice, because I'm pretty sure someone can't get details off the file. So I hope you're fine and sorry for saying go back to him, I didn't realise he was a total fucking weirdo.

• 25:05Speaker 02

  Lydia from the Isle of Man has written in desperate need of Jordan's advice.

• 25:08Speaker 00

  Hey, Lydia, do you want Jordan's vice or Jordan moustache advice? Because there's one's really manly and the other's a little, uh, excuse me. I am manly, I'm speaking as myself now, it's happening.

• 25:20Speaker 02

  The schizophrenia has taken over. Hi, William E P B, but mainly Jordan. I'm turning 40 in October and travelling from the Isle of Man to Harrogate with my husband, Dan. On the way home, we've got a couple of spare days, so naturally I've decided to spend them in Burnley. A pilgrimage to pay homage to the great man himself, C. Ian McKellen. Is he from Burnley?

• 25:38Speaker 00

  He was born there, he's actually from Wigan, but he was born in Burnley, yeah. So, yeah.

• 25:42Speaker 02

  Jokes, I obviously mean Jordan, they say waggishly. So here's my request, I want the official Jordan North approved tour of Burnley, complete with a scavenger hunt. I need your hidden gems, local legends, cosy pubs, scenic walks, cafes or anywhere that's dead Burnley. My current itinerary includes.

• 26:00Speaker 00

  That was really good how you said Burnley then.

• 26:02Speaker 02

  Thank you. Knocking on Wendy's neighbour's door and getting a photo with the potato peeler.

• 26:07Speaker 00

  That was actually Northern Ireland where that happened, again, kidding the army.

• 26:11Speaker 02

  Heading to Turf Moor for a butter pie and a mug of bovril.

• 26:14Speaker 00

  Uh, butter pie's Preston, so.

• 26:16Speaker 02

  Right.

• 26:17Speaker 00

  I don't think.

• 26:17Speaker 02

  It's not, not a lot to do now.

• 26:19Speaker 00

  I don't think you can get a butter pie on turf.

• 26:21Speaker 02

  Can you get a mug of bovril?

• 26:22Speaker 00

  You can, but I'd, I'd, I'd recommend a Benny and Ot.

• 26:25Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 26:26Speaker 00

  On the turf. Or, or get a, I always get meat and potato pie. So I know they do a cheese and onion and they do a chicken bolty one, because that's what my dad has. I'll get meat and potato.

• 26:35Speaker 02

  Visiting Frank's, R I P's favourite walking spot, did he have one?

• 26:40Speaker 00

  Again, that was in pen with him, Preston, so.

• 26:43Speaker 02

  Lydia, I'd rebook your holiday, if I'll be honest. Um, asking five strangers if they know our Brad and getting a selfie with anyone who says yes.

• 26:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, everyone knows Brad's, all my grandma Glenys, everyone knows her. Or just actually ask for anti mags. Say, do you know anti mags? Everyone knows my anti mags.

• 26:58Speaker 02

  Making a pilgrimage to the singing ringing tree.

• 27:00Speaker 00

  Very good, go up there, avoid it at night, tend to be a lot of doggers.

• 27:04Speaker 02

  And finding the best place for a proper northern brew. Basically, if it's quintessentially Burnley, I want it on the list. This could be the Jordan North walking tour that Burnley Tourism Board never knew it needed. Thanks for all the laughs and hopefully for planning my birthday and O G G and Diva, Lydia from the Isle of Man. William, you'd flip and love it here, wink.

• 27:21Speaker 00

  Well, it's sweet that you're going there, it really is.

• 27:24Speaker 02

  Is it because it's got man in the title and I'm gay?

• 27:27Speaker 00

  I'd go to Townley Park, which is beautiful. Townley were like the, um, uh, they were like our, uh, what's it called? Downton Abbey, you know, they own Burnley, you know, like the Downtons.

• 27:40Speaker 02

  The landowners, shall I Google it, how, how do you spell it?

• 27:43Speaker 00

  Townley, Townley Park, I'd go there.

• 27:45Speaker 02

  E L Y.

• 27:46Speaker 00

  I'd go to Odees or Hafners.

• 27:48Speaker 02

  Townley Hall.

• 27:48Speaker 00

  Townley Hall, but there's a park as well called Townley Park. I'd go to Odees or Hafners for pie.

• 27:56Speaker 02

  Oh, is that better?

• 27:57Speaker 00

  Get a savoury from, yeah.

• 27:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, very nice.

• 27:59Speaker 00

  Beautiful, get a savoury from Odees. Um, pub I'd probably go to, well, go to, you probably have to go up Miners and get a Benny and Ot, Benedictine. Or, um, the Royal Dyche. Tell, tell Justina I sent you. There's all sorts, have a wander in town. End up in Smacks if you fancy a late night one.

• 28:19Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 28:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:20Speaker 02

  Go to the market.

• 28:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, I go to the market, I took William to the market, obviously the most famous place, Turf Moor.

• 28:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:26Speaker 00

  Canal, have a walk down Canal, it's always nice. So I go on the grandma.

• 28:31Speaker 02

  Lovely.

• 28:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:33Speaker 02

  Well, I'd probably extend your holiday, there's so much to do. Um, finally, anonymous has written in to reveal that my book, Just Good Manners, is quite literally a shit book. Dear William Jordan and the Wonderful Sexted Crew, not a, not a dilemma as such, but a request for your most esteemed recommendation.

• 28:47Speaker 00

  Ghostwriters, I spent ages writing that book.

• 28:49Speaker 02

  Excuse me.

• 28:53Speaker 00

  Got him, he did.

• 28:55Speaker 02

  Hmm, just a bit louder for the judge?

• 28:57Speaker 00

  You did write that, all.

• 28:59Speaker 02

  I've recently been trying to cut down my screen time by making a few analogue swaps. One of my worst habits was taking my phone to the lavatory.

• 29:06Speaker 00

  I'm the worst, I've sent selfies of me on the bog.

• 29:10Speaker 02

  Rather than trying to quit cold turkey, I just decided to replace it with something else. Enter the bog book, or if you prefer lavatory literature, a toilet tome. The rules are simple, it has to be something you can dip in and out of for a few minutes at a time, but interesting enough to replace the dopamine hit of scrolling. As fate would have it, sitting on my bookshelf was the perfect candidate, William Hanson's Just Good Manners. Whether William will take this as a compliment or an insult, I'm not sure, but it's completely cured my phone on the loo habit. I've been reading a page or two per visit and have learned all sorts of fascinating etiquette facts to regale my boyfriend with over breakfast. The problem is, I'm nearly finished. So, Jordan, as our resident literary expert and William, as the inadvertent curator of my bathroom library, what should be next on my lavatorial reading list?

• 29:51Speaker 02

  The help I texted my boss book is of course already waiting in the wings and at the SuRite of Hospice. With warmest regards and a blush of embarrassment, anonymous.

• 30:00Speaker 00

  I think our book's a good toilet book.

• 30:02Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 30:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, it is, I'm just thinking, because I have them in the spare room.

• 30:06Speaker 02

  Yes, you do.

• 30:07Speaker 00

  I might put them in.

• 30:08Speaker 02

  Put them in the loo.

• 30:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:09Speaker 02

  With a little price ticket on it, if you'd like, it's like a hotel, if you like this, you can buy it.

• 30:13Speaker 00

  Little sign saying these aren't to take, but if you'd like to buy it.

• 30:15Speaker 02

  Yes, seems, reception have got spare coppers.

• 30:18Speaker 00

  I need to do that, we've got family over, the good, can shower gel's gone walkies.

• 30:22Speaker 02

  Course it has. Um, and anything, I would say novels, I mean, he says with a novel out next year, but I, I would say novels probably aren't good new books.

• 30:32Speaker 00

  Is that the first thing you've got?

• 30:33Speaker 02

  No, it's, no, no, no, no, thank you for paying attention. I, um.

• 30:37Speaker 00

  Fearful and Forks, whatever it's called. What's it called?

• 30:40Speaker 02

  That's a quite a good title, a fatal forking.

• 30:42Speaker 00

  A fatal forking.

• 30:43Speaker 02

  Fatal.

• 30:44Speaker 00

  A fatal forking.

• 30:45Speaker 02

  And not a fecal forking, we don't want that, although if you took it to the loo, it would be.

• 30:49Speaker 00

  When can I read that?

• 30:51Speaker 02

  Well, I'm going to talk to you about this next week, actually.

• 30:53Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 30:53Speaker 02

  I've just got to check something with my publisher and then I'm going to run it past you.

• 30:57Speaker 00

  You're too big time to have me on the back of your blobs now.

• 30:59Speaker 02

  Well, just hold that thought.

• 31:01Speaker 00

  Oh, oh.

• 31:02Speaker 02

  Just hold that thought.

• 31:03Speaker 00

  I, I don't want a pity blurb thing.

• 31:06Speaker 02

  A pity blurb?

• 31:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:08Speaker 02

  In very, very small writing.

• 31:11Speaker 02

  Um, I would say novels probably aren't good, but maybe they are.

• 31:16Speaker 00

  Poetry.

• 31:17Speaker 02

  You do want something that you can just do.

• 31:19Speaker 00

  Like a book like William's Guide to Etiquette, The Help I Sexed My Boss book, like the books that you get given for Christmas stuff are perfect for that. Yeah.

• 31:27Speaker 02

  Tell you what, the books that I used to love as sort of a teenager, and actually he brought one out.

• 31:31Speaker 00

  Your Bluffers Guidebook.

• 31:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. In fact, Jonathan has that in his loo still. Dread to think what's on it. Um, but although knowing Jonathan, it'll be wiped down every day. Um, the, there's a book, there was an author called Ben Schott, who does Schott's Misselany. And at Christmas did, this Christmas just gone, did one called Schott's Significa. And they are very good books and I adore those books and you can just read, it's just absolute random. In fact, I should get it for you because you would love it. Random, it's probably, I mean, the, the ones he did back in the day are probably outdated now, but they are very good books.

• 32:03Speaker 00

  So I've got like Paddy McGuinness's Guide to the North.

• 32:05Speaker 02

  Very similar.

• 32:06Speaker 00

  Which is good. Um, I've got like the Phoenix Nights scripts, they could be quite good in there.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 32:14Speaker 00

  Wouldn't they? While you're having a poo and, um. Yeah. Oh, I've got like a Mock the Week one. I used to love Mock the Week, but like a little.

• 32:22Speaker 02

  The Private Eye Annual.

• 32:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, Private Eye Annual. Sure.

• 32:28Speaker 02

  Something like that.

• 32:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:30Speaker 02

  Um, shall we finish with comment of the week?

• 32:32Speaker 00

  Michael Gove, the editor of that now.

• 32:34Speaker 02

  No, Ian Hislop.

• 32:35Speaker 00

  Who's my spectator, he's.

• 32:37Speaker 02

  I believe so.

• 32:40Speaker 00

  Let's finish with the comment of the week. This can be a comment from Spotify, YouTube or any of our socials. Firstly, a couple of comments in response to our Campus Modes of Transport episodes from a few weeks ago, William.

• 32:51Speaker 02

  Here are the honourable mentions. Um, Georgie Kent Priestley says, as a teenager, I went to a Halloween fancy dress party. I went as a fairy and this boy went as a smurf, blue face paint and white shorts. We later had a bit of a snog. Everyone laughed as I walked past them because it was apparently very obvious what I had got up to earlier in the night and had blue face paint smeared up my face. I was finding bits of blue paint for days.

• 33:11Speaker 00

  That kicked off at our uni. This girl who my housemate was seeing ended up getting off with the guy she was seeing because he was dressed as Hulk. It was covered in green.

• 33:20Speaker 02

  Yes. Uh, Morgan says ostrich riding is a common activity in South Africa. This is in regards to the Campus Modes of Transport.

• 33:27Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 33:28Speaker 02

  Uh, that we were talking about.

• 33:29Speaker 00

  That would be quite camp, riding an ostrich.

• 33:32Speaker 02

  The ostrich's keepers hold it still while you get onto its back, put your legs under its wings and grab onto its neck. We've all done that. Then they let go and the ostrich sprints around its pen while you are clinging on for dear life. Also, the keepers run behind the ostrich the whole time. Once you've decided you have had enough, you simply let go of its neck, slip off the back of it. And the keepers catch you as you tumble backwards, exhilarating.

• 33:55Speaker 00

  All goes on.

• 33:56Speaker 02

  It all goes on.

• 33:57Speaker 00

  Is there that clip of that man in the ostrich in Wigan?

• 34:00Speaker 02

  No.

• 34:00Speaker 00

  And he goes, no, it's ostrich, it's a fucking demon.

• 34:02Speaker 02

  Oh, yes. Yeah.

• 34:04Speaker 00

  It makes you proud to be British.

• 34:06Speaker 02

  And Grace, who wins comment of the week, says, could Jordan get any sweeter? He's just in his own little world and I'd be very happy to inhabit it with him.

• 34:13Speaker 00

  That's very sweet, but I'm 36 years old, not a child. Why? What were I doing when I'm in my own world last week or something?

• 34:20Speaker 02

  I mean, not just last week.

• 34:21Speaker 00

  I am every other day, to be fair.

• 34:23Speaker 02

  Every, well, yeah, every day. God bless you.

• 34:26Speaker 00

  God bless you.

• 34:27Speaker 02

  Oh, bless you.

• 34:27Speaker 00

  God bless this team. God bless you for listening.

• 34:30Speaker 02

  Turn into a Christmas Carol.

• 34:31Speaker 00

  God bless you, my child. I heal you, my child. I remember you can listen to new episodes of it Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. And if you want to get in touch about something that isn't a problem or dilemma, drop into our DMs or send us an email to [email protected]. We also love hearing back from people we offer advice to. So if that's you, get back in touch and we'll see you on Tuesday. Goodbye.

• 34:53Speaker 02

  Goodbye.

• 35:00Speaker 01

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