Help I've Grown A Moustache | And I Found Dad's Secret Account…

Jordan's latest moustache has been attracting plenty of attention, although perhaps not for the reasons he'd hoped, while William's recent etiquette video has the internet wondering whether common sense really needed its own series? There's also plenty of dilemmas to get through, including what to do when your dad's testicles unexpectedly appear on Twitter and how to politely tell people to stop asking when you're reproducing. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected], and for more Sexted fun sign up https://sextedmyboss.com/newsletter/ to our free VIG&Diva newsletter. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Help I Sexted My Boss is presented by William Hanson and Jordan North. It is an Audio Always http://www.audioalways.com production. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected]. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  William and Jordan will be with you in just a moment, but first, here's one for your queue. Vicky Patterson has taken on a huge charity challenge, getting from Newcastle to London by kayak, bike and on foot. Now she's on her podcast Get a Grip with a proper, honest, blisters and all debrief. If you need a nudge to step outside your comfort zone, then this is the one for you. Once this episode's done, search Get a Grip and get it playing.

• 0:31Speaker 01

  Hi everyone, it's Katie Couric. And on my podcast, Next Question, we love stories about how women are taking control of their lives. They are increasingly leading financial decisions in their households. Yet, many say they don't feel fully prepared for the long-term financial choices ahead. Real confidence comes from knowing your financial future is protected, whatever happens. Pacific Life has helped generations protect what matters today and prepare for tomorrow with life insurance and lifetime income solutions. It's a promise Pacific Life has kept for nearly 160 years, so its customers can keep theirs. Ask a financial

• 1:14Speaker 01

  professional about how Pacific Life can help you create a more confident financial future. Pacific Life Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska, and in New York, Pacific Life and Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona.

• 1:36Speaker 00

  Hello and welcome to Help I Sexted My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life. Answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to those everyday dilemmas, like, what should you do when your favourite game has gone woke? Or, how do you move on from the childhood trauma of accidentally seeing someone's beast? And of course, what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss? But we're not usually like any ants, are we? William Hanson, the UK's leading etiquette expert.

• 2:05Speaker 02

  No, we're not. Jordan North, Capital Breakfast Show host. I'm more top of the range melee. You're more second hand of eBay.

• 2:12Speaker 00

  Not wrong with that.

• 2:13Speaker 02

  And that's from Rebecca, after my melee pronunciation correction.

• 2:17Speaker 00

  What was that?

• 2:18Speaker 02

  I can't remember what I said it was, or what people said it was, but having just Googled it, it's Mila, not melee. But anyway, we've said it melee to make that work, Rebecca. Apologies if I've got it wrong again, or offended someone. Life's too short.

• 2:31Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 2:32Speaker 02

  I never thought I'd say that.

• 2:33Speaker 00

  That's all right, my love. Just when you're wrong, which is quite a lot.

• 2:36Speaker 02

  I can't, yeah, but I can't now remember if I was wrong or they were wrong, et cetera. So I'm not going to... God, good God, how much ice have we got?

• 2:43Speaker 00

  Loads there.

• 2:44Speaker 02

  This'll see us out.

• 2:45Speaker 00

  Go on, put us a couple in. I've just bought that t-shirt you're wearing, that potlote top today.

• 2:49Speaker 02

  You, oh, hang on. You've bought this?

• 2:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, literally bought it last week.

• 2:54Speaker 02

  Oh my God, we must coordinate, because if you've now got the same clothes as me, this is inevitably going to happen, where you at some point probably come in dressed as me.

• 3:03Speaker 00

  Probably.

• 3:03Speaker 02

  I can't, I can't be dressed as you.

• 3:05Speaker 00

  All right, how much ice have you?

• 3:06Speaker 02

  You just said pu... Not happy, are you? Anyway, how are you?

• 3:11Speaker 00

  I'm good, yeah.

• 3:12Speaker 02

  We'll get on to talking about the elephant in the room in a minute.

• 3:15Speaker 00

  What elephant in the room? I have no idea what you're talking about.

• 3:18Speaker 02

  Jordan is stroking his upper lip, where there is something, seems to be a bit of food or something stuck to it.

• 3:24Speaker 00

  So the tash is tashing at the moment. And the thing is...

• 3:28Speaker 02

  That is such an ick.

• 3:30Speaker 00

  It was getting mixed reactions a couple of weeks ago when I grew the moustache out. But right now, there's...

• 3:34Speaker 02

  Well, to be fair, I didn't actually realise last week you were growing a moustache, because your beard was quite thick. It was quite hard to distinguish moustache versus beard.

• 3:40Speaker 00

  But right now, the tash is tashing. And it's, it's really awkward, because I'm turning heads. Izzy's like, all of a sudden fancying me. And like, usually I'm a walking ick to Izzy. Now she's like, oh, stop looking at me. Oh my God, if you was in a bar in Clapham, I'd totally think you were Australian, and I'd be like, smash. So, I'm all right, Izzy?

• 4:02Speaker 00

  Ben's fuming because he's like, yeah, it looks good. But three years ago, when I had a tash, she took the piss out of me constantly. I was like...

• 4:08Speaker 02

  Ben was ahead of the curve, wasn't he?

• 4:10Speaker 00

  He was. So yeah, I just, I like it. I think it's my new summer thing. The tash is tashing. Hey, old tickler. For many of our G and D'v'as listening right now, I'll just give you an example of how the tash is tashing.

• 4:25Speaker 02

  That is disgusting.

• 4:25Speaker 03

  That is the low point of this podcast so far.

• 4:29Speaker 00

  But yeah.

• 4:29Speaker 02

  Could you say hi, guys, please? People don't like...

• 4:31Speaker 03

  Hi, guys.

• 4:31Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 4:32Speaker 00

  Say hi, guys.

• 4:33Speaker 03

  Hi, guys.

• 4:34Speaker 00

  Hi, Ben. What did you say?

• 4:38Speaker 02

  We'll listen this time.

• 4:39Speaker 03

  That is the low point of the podcast so far.

• 4:41Speaker 00

  Apparently, I didn't know, you've got to keep your tash clean, especially after the weekend I've had. Jesus, glad you laughed.

• 4:55Speaker 03

  Going red again. He's so red. Look, he's blending in. He's blending into the set.

• 5:02Speaker 00

  Anyways.

• 5:02Speaker 03

  You!

• 5:03Speaker 00

  So...

• 5:04Speaker 03

  You can hear it in your voice as well.

• 5:09Speaker 00

  So I've just been informed by our chairman of Moots, that you can get like a tash cleanser type thing. But I'm happy with it.

• 5:17Speaker 02

  Lovely.

• 5:18Speaker 00

  You should grow one.

• 5:19Speaker 02

  Absolutely not. Before we continue moustache chat, let's just do a toast, because I really need a drink after all this discussion. This week's toast goes to Wendy, not your mother, via her friend Abby, who said, "I was hoping this could be read out on the podcast to shout out Wendy, who introduced me to Sexted. We are both big fans, and it's just one example of the many ways in which she has helped make my life brighter. She will never know how important she is to me, but I'm so grateful to her for not only introducing me to you both, but for everything she does. I know one of her favourite moments from the podcast is William telling Jordan about his engagement. It was so special to watch. Your podcast provides an escape and brings so much comfort to so many people. Thank you. Yours sincerely, Abby." Well, Wendy and Abby, this is to you.

• 5:58Speaker 00

  To you, Wendy and Abby.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  Thank you for listening.

• 6:00Speaker 00

  That was a lovely moment, engagement. That was before we were bitter and twisted by the industry, weren't it?

• 6:05Speaker 02

  I'm just speaking for yourself. I'm not bitter and twisted.

• 6:08Speaker 00

  I'm not as happy as I've ever been. Genuinely.

• 6:11Speaker 02

  Good.

• 6:11Speaker 00

  In my life, yeah.

• 6:12Speaker 02

  Good. Well, that's lovely. No, I can't grow a moust-, back to moustache chat. I can't grow a moustache because I have laser hair. So it would be very difficult for me to do it. It would just be a little wisp.

• 6:21Speaker 00

  I am thinking of keeping it through to September. It's just a summer thing.

• 6:27Speaker 02

  Okay, it's only like, two weeks to go.

• 6:29Speaker 00

  Getting mixed reaction on the WhatsApp group. Wendy's like, "I told your dad in 80s, 90s. I didn't like it then. I certainly don't like it now."

• 6:36Speaker 02

  It is a bit retro.

• 6:37Speaker 00

  And my dad went, "I knew this would happen when he moved to London." So it'll be an handlebar one next.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  Oh yes, you would, on a penny farthing. That would be fun.

• 6:46Speaker 00

  No, handlebar moustache is...

• 6:48Speaker 03

  Ali Davidson.

• 6:50Speaker 02

  True.

• 6:50Speaker 03

  Or a Vespa, in Jordan's.

• 6:52Speaker 02

  Yes, how is the Vespa? Have we got it yet?

• 6:54Speaker 00

  Don't get me started. 36 years old and being told that I'm not one.

• 6:59Speaker 02

  You're not one?

• 7:00Speaker 00

  I'm not allowed one.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  Oh, you're not allowed one?

• 7:01Speaker 00

  And yeah.

• 7:02Speaker 02

  Well, you're your own man.

• 7:03Speaker 00

  Everyone at Capital has been like, please don't get a Vespa.

• 7:06Speaker 02

  It is...

• 7:07Speaker 00

  You're too, the clothes are, you're too wonky as a person to go on a moped every day.

• 7:12Speaker 02

  Wonky as a person?

• 7:13Speaker 00

  I think Jimmy said, "I just worry about you all the time." You know, the producer.

• 7:17Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 7:18Speaker 00

  So, but yeah, I got this. And then the next midlife crisis will be the Vespa.

• 7:24Speaker 02

  Right. That's September's midlife crisis, isn't it?

• 7:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, that'll be September's midlife crisis.

• 7:28Speaker 02

  But where would you park, I was thinking this, where would you park your Vespa?

• 7:31Speaker 00

  Outside my house.

• 7:33Speaker 02

  Oh, really? Just change it to the railings?

• 7:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:34Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 7:36Speaker 00

  I was Disney, so you've just got back from a week away at Disneyland. And tell everyone that you went to surprise your niece and nephew, but I didn't realise that then you had four, five days on your own in Disney, just you and my...

• 7:46Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, no, we didn't. No, we had two nights just in Paris, probably Paris, Paris, central Paris, ourselves, just Mike and me. Then we went to Disney and met on the day we arrived at Disney. Annie and Henry, my niece and, well, Mike is niece and nephew, but my niece and nephew, were already in France, driving home, thinking they were driving home. But actually, what is that? Oh, it's, it's Disney. We're going to go to Disney Kids. So they're already surprised. And then they walk into the Disneyland hotel where we were staying, and Mike and I were in reception.

• 8:17Speaker 00

  And what was their reaction?

• 8:18Speaker 02

  They loved it.

• 8:19Speaker 03

  The energy just went out of the room as they saw William and Mike.

• 8:22Speaker 02

  They both ran to us.

• 8:24Speaker 00

  I bet they thought, oh Christ, it's going to be all about these two now and not us.

• 8:32Speaker 00

  Oh, you didn't lie about that one.

• 8:39Speaker 02

  They loved it. They thought it was great. The first time going to Disney and it was very nice because I was last there, well, I was last there two years ago, but I, as a, at their age, went to Disney Paris and was very lucky to be taken there. So all the memories I had from 2000 or whatever it was, I sort of could relive with them. So it was, it was very cute. And, uh, I mean, we did slightly fail. Have you done any Disney's?

• 9:01Speaker 00

  The, the one in Florida?

• 9:02Speaker 02

  Yes, of course. You did, you, when you were doing that TV thing. Yeah. No, weren't you doing a TV thing?

• 9:07Speaker 00

  Oh yeah, I did that as well. Yeah. We went to Wish Upon a Star, I'm 21.

• 9:11Speaker 02

  Wish, what?

• 9:12Speaker 00

  Wish Upon a Star.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  The Make-A-Wish Foundation?

• 9:14Speaker 00

  No, yeah, Wish Upon a Star. When you wish upon a star is another, that's why you make a wish and wish, when you wish, it was-

• 9:20Speaker 02

  So why were you there?

• 9:21Speaker 00

  Because it was Bradley's wish when he-

• 9:22Speaker 02

  Oh, right.

• 9:24Speaker 00

  Finished his chemotherapy.

• 9:25Speaker 02

  Of course. Yes. Okay. And that was the American one?

• 9:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:29Speaker 02

  Okay. Well, I mean, they're similar. There are distinct differences, but-

• 9:33Speaker 00

  He said it, wish your wish, if I don't want to go to Disneyland. And Wendy were like, he is one of four brothers and they'll be wanting to come as well.

• 9:43Speaker 00

  We will fly the economy.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  And was it LA or Florida you went to?

• 9:48Speaker 00

  Uh, Florida.

• 9:50Speaker 02

  Florida, no, okay. Um, anyway, Henry is only four and had not done any of it. And, we probably pitched the rides wrong to begin with because we started with what used to be called Snow White Scary Adventure is now just rebranded Snow White.

• 10:05Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 10:06Speaker 02

  But it's still quite a scary adventure. So he was mildly traumatised after that.

• 10:10Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 10:11Speaker 02

  Because it's in the dark, you meet the witch, the evil queen.

• 10:14Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 10:14Speaker 02

  Wood tree crocodiles jump out at you. I mean, it's fun. It's relatively tame.

• 10:18Speaker 00

  Did he not like it?

• 10:20Speaker 02

  Didn't love that. Then Annie, his sister, wanted to go and see the dragon, which is underneath the castle. It's a massive animatronic dragon that breathes fire in very low light. Again, he was traumatised after that.

• 10:31Speaker 00

  Christ, this poor child.

• 10:33Speaker 02

  Yeah. So then after that, we broke glass and did It's a Small World and he, he quite liked that. Although it was still like, is this dark? Is this a dark ride? Is this a dark ride? It's not. So that was fine. Meanwhile, Annie, the next day, we go to the new Disney Adventure World, which is the sort of the second park, which has got the frozen land and everything in, which is amazing. And she's like, I want to do Crush's Coaster. Now, if I say to you, Crush's Coaster is a Finding Nemo ride, what are you picturing? Finding Nemo, fun, Disney Pixar film, gentle. No. It doesn't quite go upside down, but you basically go on your side, spinning around in the dark in a torture shell, four of you back to back. Woo, like, it's, it's intense because it's meant to recreate the, the tide, what's the current?

• 11:17Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 11:18Speaker 02

  The Australian, yeah, whatever that is. It's in, it's in the film.

• 11:23Speaker 02

  And it's predominantly in the dark. The first bit she absolutely loved.

• 11:26Speaker 03

  The EAC.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  EAC, the East Australian Current. Thank you.

• 11:30Speaker 00

  Is that where Finding Nemo is based? In Australia?

• 11:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, in Sydney.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 11:34Speaker 00

  Never knew that. I've seen it loads.

• 11:35Speaker 02

  They've all got moustaches.

• 11:36Speaker 03

  Because he has to remember the address, doesn't he? It's Sydney Bay.

• 11:40Speaker 02

  Anyway, we do that. She comes off it. Again, she's traumatised. She's nearly seven. The next day, she then surprises us and says she wants to do Crush's Coaster again. We're like, really? But you were, you were shaking when you came off that. Um, no, I want to do it again. Okay. And we thought, well, maybe she's processed it overnight. And, you know, she thought, actually, it's only because I didn't know what was happening, but actually I quite liked it. And I appreciate roller coasters are not for everyone. So we do it again. More traumatised. So she didn't, she, that was a mistake. But she's fine. But other than that, we had a lovely time. Tales of Magic, the Castle Show, it's got Mary Poppins bit in it. It's the first time I've seen Mary Poppins in the Castle Show. You can imagine what I was like.

• 12:20Speaker 00

  You cried.

• 12:21Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 12:23Speaker 02

  You should take Austin and Seb. Now, how old are Austin and Seb now?

• 12:27Speaker 00

  Oh, I ask me, 13 and 10.

• 12:32Speaker 02

  Okay. No, all this, this stuff that you should take them. That is what Uncle Jordan should do. Austin and Seb.

• 12:38Speaker 00

  My brother can take him. He's, he's kids.

• 12:41Speaker 02

  We'll go, we'll go as a family.

• 12:42Speaker 00

  Who am I? Uncle Buck.

• 12:45Speaker 02

  Uncle what?

• 12:46Speaker 00

  Doesn't matter.

• 12:46Speaker 02

  Okay. Yeah. You should go.

• 12:47Speaker 00

  I would love to. And we've always said we want to do it.

• 12:49Speaker 02

  And go now.

• 12:50Speaker 00

  Because, don't forget, I've got other nieces and nephews.

• 12:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, but how old are they?

• 12:54Speaker 00

  Well, young.

• 12:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, far too young.

• 12:56Speaker 00

  Under five.

• 12:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I would wait for them to be at least.

• 12:58Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 12:59Speaker 02

  Maybe Henry maybe should have been a year older. I don't know. But go. You, you should.

• 13:04Speaker 00

  It's bad off when they come stay. It costs me a fortune. Football stickers. And I'm bloody, how much were a drink at one of these parks?

• 13:12Speaker 02

  Well, alcohol. Do you know, I, I hardly had any alcohol because you're, you're high on the endorphins of Big Thunder Mountain.

• 13:20Speaker 00

  Good.

• 13:20Speaker 02

  And that's all you need. I'd love to see with some Minnie Mouse ears.

• 13:24Speaker 00

  Who, me?

• 13:24Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 13:25Speaker 00

  I'll, I'll have a picture. I'll get your, I'll, I'll try and find my carousel of me and Disneyland in-

• 13:30Speaker 02

  Oh, yes. What with the Make-A-Wish Foundation or whatever it was. Wish Upon a Star.

• 13:34Speaker 00

  2011, I went.

• 13:36Speaker 02

  That's nice.

• 13:37Speaker 00

  I've told the story loads of times. My dad nearly got us thrown out.

• 13:39Speaker 02

  Yes, because he, he maybe attacked Goofy or something.

• 13:41Speaker 00

  No, Goofy came in, you know, we were in restaurant and we were all crammed and

• 13:47Speaker 00

  jet lagged and characters just come in. Everyone loses their shit. And Goofy come up to my dad and you were like-

• 13:53Speaker 02

  Jordan's miming.

• 13:54Speaker 00

  Waving at him. My dad just went, fuck off, Goofy.

• 13:56Speaker 02

  I don't, I don't swear at-

• 13:59Speaker 00

  Goofy stayed in character to his credit, went like, oh, he's-

• 14:03Speaker 02

  What do you mean goofy stayed in character?

• 14:04Speaker 00

  Covered his ears with his big white hands, you know, they had the gloves on.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  With four fingers.

• 14:09Speaker 00

  And yeah, so we got told off. But other than that, we were on our best behaviour. We loved it. It was the best holiday we've been on.

• 14:14Speaker 02

  It's, it's the happiest place on earth?

• 14:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:16Speaker 02

  It's, it's very, and immaculately clean.

• 14:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:19Speaker 03

  I got rejected by Jafar when I was there. He refused my signature.

• 14:23Speaker 02

  Even the villains don't want to.

• 14:24Speaker 00

  He refused to what?

• 14:25Speaker 03

  He refused my signature and then he went over to the-

• 14:28Speaker 02

  Hang on, your sign, what? You were trying to give him your signature?

• 14:30Speaker 00

  He was trying to get his autograph.

• 14:32Speaker 03

  No, I wanted to get his autograph.

• 14:33Speaker 00

  Oh, how old are you?

• 14:36Speaker 03

  Like, what, 17?

• 14:38Speaker 00

  How old are you?

• 14:39Speaker 03

  I don't know, like 12 maybe?

• 14:40Speaker 00

  Oh, no, that's probably why, that's explained a lot.

• 14:43Speaker 03

  I've not been able to watch Aladdin since.

• 14:46Speaker 00

  He's not in Aladdin?

• 14:47Speaker 03

  Did he not?

• 14:48Speaker 02

  What did, Jafar is-

• 14:49Speaker 00

  Lion King, innit?

• 14:50Speaker 02

  No, Jafar is the villain in Aladdin.

• 14:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, that one.

• 14:53Speaker 00

  Oh, I'm thinking of Scar.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  Scar, Scar Jafar.

• 14:56Speaker 03

  Definitely Jafar that scarred me.

• 14:57Speaker 00

  Favorite Disney, uh, villain?

• 14:59Speaker 02

  Oh, Maleficent.

• 15:01Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  Yours?

• 15:04Speaker 00

  Hmm. Well, my favourite Disney film is probably Toy Story. I'd say Sid is always good, but then-

• 15:14Speaker 02

  Oh, Sid's not a proper villain.

• 15:15Speaker 00

  Proper villain, I'd go for, oh, The Beast in Beauty and the Beast.

• 15:21Speaker 02

  Not a villain?

• 15:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, he is.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  Not a villain?

• 15:24Speaker 00

  He's well-nosed, Peter Bell.

• 15:27Speaker 02

  Well, no, he's a bit grumpy to begin with, but he is absolutely not a villain.

• 15:30Speaker 00

  That old man in the little cupboard thing.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  Admittedly, that's beastly behaviour, yes, but that's not, he's not a villain. The villain in Beauty and the Beast is Gaston.

• 15:39Speaker 00

  No, he's just a bit of a knob. He's not a villain.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  Um, right. Okay. Can we do, can we do Jordan North slash William Hanson's poll? Who is the villain in Beauty and the Beast? Gaston or Beast? Please, can we vote?

• 15:49Speaker 00

  Gaston's not a villain, he's just a-

• 15:50Speaker 02

  Go to our Instagram to vote, please.

• 15:52Speaker 00

  Dick, innit? All right. What else?

• 15:55Speaker 02

  Ursula from Little Mermaid, Jafar from Aladdin.

• 15:58Speaker 00

  Keep going.

• 16:00Speaker 02

  The Lady Germaine, the stepmom in Cinderella.

• 16:03Speaker 00

  Lady Germaine, the wicked stepmother. I played her in the Year Six play.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:09Speaker 00

  I did.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  Uh, well, she's called Lady Germaine, but she is the-

• 16:12Speaker 00

  Oh, keep going.

• 16:13Speaker 02

  The evil queen in Snow White.

• 16:15Speaker 00

  She's pretty evil.

• 16:17Speaker 02

  I forget the, the thing in Pinocchio, the sort of the foxy thing, the sly fox.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  Izzy says horrible. Um, Scar in, in Thingy.

• 16:28Speaker 00

  Keep going.

• 16:29Speaker 03

  I think it's got to be Scar.

• 16:30Speaker 02

  Hades in Hercules.

• 16:32Speaker 00

  He was a knob.

• 16:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, but they're all pretty, you know.

• 16:36Speaker 00

  Who else? What's, who's it?

• 16:38Speaker 03

  Bruce, Bruce in Finding Nemo.

• 16:40Speaker 02

  The shark voiced by, voiced by, who's voiced Bruce in Finding Nemo? One of my favourite comedians, now dead. Don't say Patricia Routledge.

• 16:49Speaker 00

  Oh, was it Barry Humphries?

• 16:50Speaker 02

  Correct. Yeah.

• 16:51Speaker 00

  Really?

• 16:52Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 16:52Speaker 00

  I didn't know that. Quick, I need to, who's my, who's my favourite baddie? No, it's going to bug me.

• 16:57Speaker 02

  Here's Bruce.

• 17:00Speaker 02

  Well, the fact you, I mean, you can't-

• 17:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, I've not really thought about it.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  No, well, come back to us when you remember who was head of school in your, in your-

• 17:10Speaker 02

  At school.

• 17:11Speaker 03

  Head girl.

• 17:11Speaker 02

  Head girl, that's it.

• 17:12Speaker 00

  That still bugs me. I think it was Jade's rucksack, but I'm not sure.

• 17:16Speaker 02

  Jade's got my rucksack?

• 17:18Speaker 00

  No, it's bugging me.

• 17:20Speaker 03

  That's not head girl behaviour.

• 17:22Speaker 00

  And I've asked my mates, I went, who were head girl in our year at school? No one can remember. Hey, moving on. Now, I say this with a heavy heart.

• 17:32Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 17:32Speaker 00

  And I don't know if you've noticed, but I've had a few DMs. You know the Help My Sex and My Boss book?

• 17:37Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 17:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, I've had a screenshot. I need to find it because I thought I'd find it before the episode. Somebody sent me a DM and I've had a few. They're turning up in charity bins, which is, it was always going to happen.

• 17:49Speaker 02

  I mean, that is what happens with books and I'd rather it would go to a, a good cause.

• 17:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's, it's not as big. Do you remember years ago where you weren't allowed to send fifty shade to grey anymore?

• 17:58Speaker 02

  Well, no, but yeah.

• 17:59Speaker 00

  So they're, they're turning up in charity bins. The, the one that I got sent recently.

• 18:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:04Speaker 00

  Hurt the most because this was a signed copy.

• 18:07Speaker 02

  Oh, I think I saw that, yeah.

• 18:08Speaker 00

  So we, you know, spent days signing those books.

• 18:12Speaker 02

  It was the one that we had done for Stuart, which was a bit harsh.

• 18:16Speaker 00

  So we signed a lot of these books and now I always thought, well, someone will keep that forever. I would if it was a signed book. By the way.

• 18:21Speaker 02

  The ego on this.

• 18:22Speaker 00

  By the way, I always keep my books with a paperback novel. Even if I weren't that into it, I keep it. I like to put it on my display. I have had a clear heart in the past. Don't get me wrong. Some books that.

• 18:33Speaker 02

  Well, then you don't keep your books.

• 18:34Speaker 00

  You know, like the, the, I've got like the Garrett, Gary, the Gavin and, the Gary and Steve annual.

• 18:41Speaker 02

  Sure you have got that.

• 18:42Speaker 00

  Gavin and Stacy annual two thousand and eight.

• 18:44Speaker 02

  Right.

• 18:45Speaker 00

  No good to anyone. So you, you put that to be recycled, but I thought if we'd signed it, the etiquette would be to, to keep it.

• 18:52Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 18:53Speaker 00

  But someone's obviously thought, I don't want that.

• 18:55Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 18:56Speaker 00

  But we signed it. A signed copy of a book that we both wrote.

• 19:00Speaker 02

  Well, I would, I would, I mean, that showbiz.

• 19:03Speaker 00

  It was only going for two quid. You put an extra quid on for the signature, surely.

• 19:06Speaker 02

  Well, maybe they had.

• 19:08Speaker 00

  Oh, God, that's depressing. But yeah, just letting you know, the, the popping up Help My Sex and My Boss book is popping up in charity bins and stuff.

• 19:14Speaker 02

  Well, I'm sure it's still available in paperback from any reputable bookshop or selected charity shops.

• 19:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, there you go. So just wanted to.

• 19:20Speaker 03

  My, my copy of Billy Piper's autobiography, I kept that because it was signed. It was, that would have been in the bin, but I was like, I don't want to get rid of it.

• 19:27Speaker 02

  But did you keep that because you wanted to?

• 19:29Speaker 00

  Sorry, why have you got a copy of Billy Piper's autobiography?

• 19:34Speaker 03

  A signed copy.

• 19:35Speaker 00

  A signed copy.

• 19:36Speaker 02

  Did you get my joke?

• 19:37Speaker 03

  I, I, I get that it, that was probably a Billy Piper.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  Because you want to, because you want to.

• 19:41Speaker 03

  I loved Doctor Who.

• 19:43Speaker 02

  Oh, you liked her from Doctor Who?

• 19:44Speaker 03

  Rose. Is that what she was called?

• 19:46Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 19:47Speaker 00

  Did you ever watch Secret Day of a Call Girl?

• 19:49Speaker 02

  I bet you did.

• 19:50Speaker 03

  I didn't.

• 19:50Speaker 00

  Oh, Hattie's watched that all the time. She lives there. Yeah. She was a call girl.

• 19:56Speaker 02

  Billy Piper's character, not Hattie.

• 19:58Speaker 00

  Pardon? Yeah, Hattie wasn't.

• 20:00Speaker 02

  No.

• 20:00Speaker 00

  God, no, my housemate wasn't. She'll kill me.

• 20:02Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 20:02Speaker 00

  My, um.

• 20:04Speaker 02

  Billy Piper's character, based off a very popular book.

• 20:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  Okay. Yeah, I believe so. I think, I think it was a dramatization.

• 20:10Speaker 00

  Good for you. I don't think I've got any signed books.

• 20:13Speaker 02

  And you, you've got mine.

• 20:15Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, I've got yours, apart from yours.

• 20:16Speaker 02

  Unless that's gone to the charity shop.

• 20:19Speaker 00

  Oh, no, I do. I've got Chris Tarrant's.

• 20:23Speaker 02

  Lovely.

• 20:24Speaker 00

  Uh, and there's another one I've got.

• 20:28Speaker 00

  Edmund is a guest. I got him to sign it. Anyway.

• 20:31Speaker 02

  Hmm. Um, what else has been going on with you?

• 20:34Speaker 00

  Just a quick one. I've got an idea for you and I think it's an epidemic at the moment.

• 20:39Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 20:40Speaker 00

  For one of your new TikTok etiquette videos.

• 20:42Speaker 02

  Fine, great. We always need ideas.

• 20:44Speaker 00

  Scraping the barrel with a recent coffee one.

• 20:47Speaker 02

  Oh, well, at least you watched.

• 20:49Speaker 00

  I mean, how to cool the coffee down. Fucking hell. It's been a quiet month for you. I know you've had a lot going on. I genuinely thought you were going to say, put a little bit of cold water in and you went, just wait until it cools. Fucking hell. What's going on here?

• 21:05Speaker 02

  You, you laughed.

• 21:06Speaker 00

  Who sent that one on?

• 21:07Speaker 02

  Well, I did. It was my, it was my own idea.

• 21:09Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. But babe, you had all sorts going on. You were doing two shows a day at some points.

• 21:15Speaker 03

  What's the etiquette of letting paint dry?

• 21:17Speaker 00

  I know.

• 21:18Speaker 02

  Watch it.

• 21:18Speaker 03

  Couple of hours.

• 21:19Speaker 00

  Or like this video. Um, can you, by the way, put cold water into a coffee? That's what I do sometimes.

• 21:24Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, you can do it.

• 21:25Speaker 00

  Yeah. Why didn't you say that?

• 21:28Speaker 02

  Well, that, well, okay.

• 21:29Speaker 00

  Anyway.

• 21:29Speaker 02

  Well, I'll do a video on that.

• 21:30Speaker 00

  One of your videos and I genuinely think it's epidemic at the moment and I don't know if it's because I'm, I'm getting older or what have you and I think we need to. You know, remember when I called out like, it's going to be another Jordan. Like, remember when I called out cold beers at barbecues and stuff like that? And this needs to.

• 21:44Speaker 02

  Hashtag call it out.

• 21:45Speaker 00

  Hashtag call it out.

• 21:46Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 21:47Speaker 00

  People, right, need to chill with their aftershave. As someone who loves.

• 21:52Speaker 02

  Already done how many squirts?

• 21:54Speaker 00

  Oh, have you?

• 21:54Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 21:55Speaker 00

  Oh, okay. Well, I just think at the moment, and everyone's wearing the same sandal ripoff one. Like, you know, the sandalwood or whatever it's called, or the, the cheap Santal thirty-three, La Bobo, whatever it's called.

• 22:09Speaker 02

  The La Bo.

• 22:09Speaker 00

  Yeah. So I think we're all going a bit too strong on our aftershave. Couple of squirts, that's all you need.

• 22:15Speaker 02

  The La Bo, sorry.

• 22:16Speaker 00

  The La Bo. So what are you saying? I do, one, one, I, this is how I do it.

• 22:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:22Speaker 00

  One on each side of the neck, one in the middle, one on your wrist.

• 22:26Speaker 02

  Just one wrist?

• 22:27Speaker 00

  Yeah. Don't rub them together as well because that separates, but just one.

• 22:32Speaker 02

  I do two. I go, that's it.

• 22:35Speaker 00

  Oh dear, that's fine.

• 22:36Speaker 02

  Two squirts and I'm done.

• 22:37Speaker 00

  But I, I, some people just go.

• 22:40Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 22:45Speaker 00

  They get on and smell like a tart sandbag. I don't care if you can't say that these days. It's, it's too strong. It's too much.

• 22:50Speaker 02

  I would say you can maybe get away with three squirts in the evening when it's in, but for professional environments or daytime, two is absolutely fine. It does, I mean, it sort of does depend on the strength of the scent because some are stronger than others. Some last for twenty-four hours, others are gone within an hour, but generally two is a good rule of thumb.

• 23:09Speaker 00

  And if it's a perfume and an oldie toilet, a perfume.

• 23:12Speaker 02

  Parfum.

• 23:13Speaker 00

  Parfum's going to be old. Parfum's going to be stronger.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  Parfum.

• 23:16Speaker 00

  And an oldie toilet.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  Oldie toilet.

• 23:18Speaker 00

  You can have a few more.

• 23:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:20Speaker 00

  So just, just everyone go a bit easy on it. That's all I'm saying.

• 23:23Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 23:24Speaker 00

  So we'll all agree and then just do a.

• 23:26Speaker 02

  Less is more.

• 23:26Speaker 00

  Less is more.

• 23:27Speaker 02

  Less is more.

• 23:28Speaker 00

  Less is more.

• 23:29Speaker 02

  Nothing should, it's like makeup in general or any sort of accessory. It shouldn't distract from you. We want to notice you rather than your scent.

• 23:37Speaker 00

  Also, can I just say whilst I'm on the rant, and I've said this and I'm happy to be quoted on this, I now with the moustache, know what it's like to be a woman with big breasts.

• 23:48Speaker 02

  I'm sorry?

• 23:49Speaker 00

  And you're doing it and everyone's doing it, eye contact. Don't look at the tash.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  It is quite distracting.

• 23:54Speaker 00

  Look at the eyes, right? It's the same with women with big boobs. They have the same.

• 23:58Speaker 02

  You do.

• 23:59Speaker 00

  You go, excuse me, I know I'm, I'm looking, I know I've got a sexy moustache and yes, it's in for summer twenty twenty-six, but I can't, just touch it. I know you want to.

• 24:07Speaker 02

  I don't want to touch it. I'm not into moustaches.

• 24:09Speaker 00

  I know you want to. Just get, just touch it. Go on and give it a good.

• 24:14Speaker 02

  Oh, oh, oh, no.

• 24:15Speaker 00

  Give it a proper, don't that flick it. Just give it a proper stroke, stroke it.

• 24:19Speaker 02

  It's so icky.

• 24:22Speaker 00

  Do it properly. Just do it with both hands. Go on.

• 24:29Speaker 02

  But what do you want me to say?

• 24:31Speaker 03

  You've got to stroke it up and down, not just down.

• 24:33Speaker 00

  Does it feel better?

• 24:34Speaker 02

  Can we wait until the end?

• 24:35Speaker 00

  You've scratched that itch now because I can tell you've been hiding it up all show.

• 24:39Speaker 02

  I did too. Do you know what you do, who you do look like going back to our Disney chat? In the film Inside Out, the dad in Inside Out.

• 24:45Speaker 00

  A lot of people have said that.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  You look like that.

• 24:48Speaker 00

  I went out the other day and I actually had a red hat on and it was told to me that I looked like a Mario brother.

• 24:54Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 24:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:55Speaker 02

  Like Mario or Luigi.

• 24:56Speaker 00

  Luigi, it's me, I'm Mario.

• 25:01Speaker 00

  Right, uh, what is it? A jolly joke of the week?

• 25:03Speaker 02

  No.

• 25:04Speaker 00

  Is it an etiquette?

• 25:05Speaker 02

  It's etiquetteology.

• 25:06Speaker 00

  And what is it this week?

• 25:07Speaker 02

  I have actually prepared one this week.

• 25:09Speaker 00

  What is it this week?

• 25:10Speaker 02

  This week, it's why do we in Britain have pudding and then cheese, whereas in other countries like France, they have cheese and then pudding?

• 25:18Speaker 00

  Oh, that would actually be quite fascinating.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  Thank you. I'll tell you why after these messages.

• 25:28Speaker 01

  Hi, everyone. It's Katie Couric and on my podcast, Next Question, we love stories about how women are taking control of their lives. They are increasingly leading financial decisions in their households, yet many say they don't feel fully prepared for the long-term financial choices ahead. Real confidence comes from knowing your financial future is protected, whatever happens. Pacific Life has helped generations protect what matters today and prepare for tomorrow with life insurance and lifetime income solutions. It's a promise Pacific Life has kept for nearly a hundred and sixty years, so its customers can keep theirs.

• 26:10Speaker 01

  Ask a financial professional about how Pacific Life can help you create a more confident financial future. Pacific Life Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska, and in New York, Pacific Life and Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona.

• 26:28Speaker 02

  Cue the jingle.

• 26:30Speaker 04

  It's William. William. The etiquette geek, his knowledge. Knowledge. Quite unique, he'll give you manners. Manners. Subtle tweak. It's time for William's Etiquette, Demetiquette, Demonology of the Week. Cha cha cha, cha cha cha, cha cha cha. Cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha.

• 26:48Speaker 02

  Okay, Jane Davis, we're talking about cheese before or after pudding. Do you have a preference if you're doing a little soiree? Do you ever, do you even serve cheese full stop?

• 26:56Speaker 00

  I, uh, yeah, I'll have cheese. I can't have both.

• 27:01Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 27:02Speaker 00

  See if I want over, if I'm in a cheese mood. But I do like a portselo.

• 27:08Speaker 02

  I know you like a portselo.

• 27:10Speaker 00

  I'm really into mozzarella at the moment. It's a nice summer cheese mozzarella in it, with some tomatoes, a bit of olive oil.

• 27:16Speaker 02

  But, yeah, but that would be as a first course, rather than sort of post, post dinner.

• 27:20Speaker 00

  But you can't go wrong with a cheddar. And I've still said it, I'll say it again, a dairy leaf slice.

• 27:24Speaker 02

  Serve a cheddar or a dairy leaf slice.

• 27:26Speaker 00

  Serve me a dairy leaf slice on a cracker, a bit of ham.

• 27:30Speaker 02

  I said this a few, a few months ago now, but I am quite into baby bells, but not post dinner. This is just as a bit of a snack.

• 27:36Speaker 00

  Have you ever had a cheese drink?

• 27:38Speaker 02

  Oh, when I was like four.

• 27:39Speaker 00

  Did you have them when you were younger?

• 27:41Speaker 02

  Once, and then we realised they were processed and we went back to Rubleschon.

• 27:45Speaker 03

  I'm just boiled cheese though. It's like, it's not boiled.

• 27:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:49Speaker 00

  What's boiled cheese?

• 27:51Speaker 03

  Those things.

• 27:52Speaker 02

  Baby bells.

• 27:53Speaker 03

  Baby bells.

• 27:54Speaker 00

  You've got boiled cheese?

• 27:55Speaker 02

  Yes, you can. You can boil anything. Boil you if you're lucky.

• 27:58Speaker 00

  Do you mean boiled cheese?

• 28:00Speaker 03

  You know how, how you get boiling water?

• 28:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:02Speaker 03

  Put something in it, like an egg, and it boils it.

• 28:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm gonna fucking swing for him one of these days.

• 28:10Speaker 02

  Ben's socky explanation.

• 28:12Speaker 00

  Come on. See, everyone thinks I'm a bad guy. Off camera, this, and Mike, this is what people are like with me. Genuinely.

• 28:19Speaker 03

  Such a hard life, isn't it? I tell you what's good with cheese on a cheese board, dangerous chili jam.

• 28:25Speaker 02

  Oh, okay. Well, anyway, shall we go back to the etymology?

• 28:29Speaker 00

  Get the much, Dick City.

• 28:30Speaker 02

  So in many parts of Europe, cheese is served at formal dinners before a pudding, or the dessert course, whatever you want to call it, which ends the meal. However, in the UK, we do pudding and then we do cheese. But why is this? Well, it began in the 19th century, when dinners began to be served in separate courses, rather than sort of all at once, or sort of all at once, which you had before. And this is where the divergence occurs. Now, in Europe, cheese followed the savoury main courses, cleaning the palate for sweet desserts or puddings served with sweet wine. Whereas in the UK, French wines were either illegal or heavily taxed for much of the 18th or 19th century. Now, port, which came from Portugal, was not taxed as, and was seen as patriotic.

• 29:12Speaker 02

  So port was served at the end of a meal, as it was too heavy for puddings. Port and cheese, as we know, go very nicely together.

• 29:18Speaker 00

  Oh, it's the best.

• 29:19Speaker 02

  And were often served when the ladies had left the table after the pudding course. And this is why cheese was most often served at the end, because it paired well with port, and port was not heavily taxed or illegal. So there we go.

• 29:33Speaker 00

  Great.

• 29:33Speaker 03

  So, so that makes cheese as the sort of final bit of a meal completely sexist then?

• 29:38Speaker 02

  Slightly, yes, because women wouldn't have enjoyed the cheese traditionally.

• 29:42Speaker 03

  Well, maybe they weren't offered the cheese.

• 29:43Speaker 02

  Because they, yeah, well, they would have retired to, you know, the city ground to talk about kittens or something.

• 29:48Speaker 00

  And the men would have smoked cigars. Oh, I do, I want a bit of port and cheese now. Mate, I'm gonna have some cheese and crackers when I get in after this. I usually do for my bliss hour.

• 29:57Speaker 00

  Have a little cheese and crackers.

• 29:58Speaker 02

  Pull on that cheese string.

• 30:00Speaker 03

  Which cracker?

• 30:02Speaker 00

  Just a wafer thin, white one.

• 30:06Speaker 00

  What they call.

• 30:07Speaker 02

  Jordan sitting there, playing with his wafer thin white one.

• 30:10Speaker 00

  It's what they call William now, these days.

• 30:15Speaker 00

  I, Jake, no, it's a, uh, just the M S, the M S circle brand home ones. They're called like water wafer.

• 30:21Speaker 02

  Water biscuits, yeah.

• 30:22Speaker 03

  Water biscuits. I used to eat them just plain.

• 30:26Speaker 00

  Is he all right today, like?

• 30:28Speaker 02

  Can't wait for the film.

• 30:29Speaker 00

  Has, has Cat been away this weekend? Yeah, you can tell you've not spoken to anyone all week last year.

• 30:35Speaker 02

  Shall we go on to the questions and dilemmas?

• 30:38Speaker 02

  Don't be mean to Ben.

• 30:39Speaker 00

  I'm not. He's being very funny today. I'm not being mean. Sorry, Ben.

• 30:46Speaker 02

  Oh, he's crying.

• 30:47Speaker 00

  Sorry, Ben. Is he in a planer?

• 30:49Speaker 02

  Very suggestively.

• 30:51Speaker 00

  During a recording, which I don't think is very professional. Right, go on, questions and dilemmas.

• 30:55Speaker 02

  Talking of professional, I'm the only one in long trousers today in the studio. Have you noticed? I'm glad I'm taking it seriously.

• 31:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, but it's the summer. Now it's time for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, if you need our help with something, then do get in touch. You can send your tales of trepidations to [email protected], or you can DM us, we're at sexwithmyboss.com on the old socials.

• 31:12Speaker 02

  We're just at Sex with My Boss, actually.

• 31:14Speaker 00

  Oh, are we?

• 31:14Speaker 02

  On the socials, yeah.

• 31:16Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, we're just at Sex with My Boss, whatever.

• 31:18Speaker 02

  Um, right, we have no idea what's coming up, and our first dilemma is from anonymous. Hi, William, Jordan and Ben, I'm getting really sick of people asking me when I'm having babies. I got married last year and we've been trying ever since with no luck so far, which is upsetting enough. The last thing I need is Margaret from work going, so when are you gonna have a baby? Or my mother-in-law asking, when am I getting grandkids? I even bumped into people I haven't seen in years, and somehow they feel the need to ask me about it. What should I say in response when I really want to say is, fuck off, Peggy? Thanks so much in advance. I can't wait to hear your words of wisdom. Anonymous.

• 31:50Speaker 00

  It's a, it's a very old fashioned, because I used to say this, and I would never, ever say now, because I've got friends that are going through it and stuff that are trying to conceive. And it is heartbreaking. It's the, one of the worst questions you can ask someone who's trying for a baby, genuinely. And alls I say anonymous is, they probably don't know. They're not doing it to be spiteful or horrible. But just, I don't think nowadays you should ask somebody when they're gonna have a baby.

• 32:16Speaker 02

  You shouldn't have done it back in the day, but, but now you absolutely shouldn't.

• 32:20Speaker 00

  It's a very novel mum. When am I getting grandkids? Or have you been trying? Or are you gonna? Another one is apparently that I asked recently, and I didn't realise, is are you gonna have another? Should never ask that.

• 32:31Speaker 02

  No.

• 32:32Speaker 00

  Why?

• 32:33Speaker 02

  No, you absolutely shouldn't.

• 32:33Speaker 00

  Well, I just thought, will you have another? And they went, yeah, maybe. But apparently you're not meant to ask that.

• 32:39Speaker 02

  When, when mother-in-laws or mothers say, oh, when am I having grandkids? Why are you making it about you? It's not about you.

• 32:45Speaker 00

  Well, they don't matter. How would you deal with it? I, I think we should all agree that you shouldn't be asking people when they're having kids.

• 32:50Speaker 02

  Completely agree.

• 32:51Speaker 00

  But if people do ask you, what's the response?

• 32:55Speaker 02

  Uh, well, I don't know. It's not as easy as that, is basically what I'd say. If it was as easy, we would have had them.

• 33:01Speaker 00

  I mean, if you feel comfortable, we are trying, but we're not quite there yet.

• 33:06Speaker 02

  Like this conversation, but it's trying.

• 33:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:09Speaker 02

  No, I just don't ask, or just make them feel awkward.

• 33:12Speaker 00

  Give them an answer that kind of tells them that you don't want to talk about it. Just be like, yeah, we're trying.

• 33:18Speaker 02

  Or, or you could just say, we don't want kids if you don't want kids. That's the other thing. There are people out there that do not want kids. Whether they, whether they can conceive naturally or, or with help, they just don't want children. Why, why have we got a society that everything is geared around having children? That's my thoughts anyway.

• 33:34Speaker 00

  Well, it's, you know.

• 33:36Speaker 02

  Hmm?

• 33:36Speaker 00

  I suppose most people do want kids.

• 33:41Speaker 02

  Can we just backtrack on that, please?

• 33:42Speaker 00

  Most peo, most people do want kids. Most of my friends and family want and have kids.

• 33:48Speaker 02

  There's a lot of my friends don't.

• 33:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, but we live in a little London bubble where everyone's like, yeah. It's different down here, but most people, I R L, want or have kids.

• 34:00Speaker 02

  It's the dangers where people sort of superimpose their own desires on others and just assume that everyone thinks the same as them.

• 34:07Speaker 00

  Oh, kids are wonderful. Kids are great.

• 34:08Speaker 02

  Kids are absolutely gorgeous. I love kids, but I don't necessarily want them myself.

• 34:12Speaker 00

  All right.

• 34:14Speaker 02

  What?

• 34:14Speaker 00

  You sound like Miss Trunchbull.

• 34:16Speaker 02

  Glad I never was one.

• 34:17Speaker 00

  You probably weren't ever one, to be fair.

• 34:19Speaker 02

  I wasn't ever one. No, no, no, no. You are absolutely right. Um, this is also from anonymous. Hello, Sexed team. Firstly, I'd like to start off by letting you know that my period in June was totally normal length.

• 34:30Speaker 00

  Nope. Loads of people have been DMing me saying, can I just say, since I mentioned that, loads of people have been DMing me saying I have two periods in June.

• 34:37Speaker 02

  Your DMs are just full of bisexuals and people menstruating.

• 34:40Speaker 00

  The bisexuals with the peanut butter comment. Honestly, I'm very, very big in the bisexual community now.

• 34:49Speaker 00

  Since I compared them to peanut butter, genuinely.

• 34:52Speaker 02

  Onto my dilemma. Imagine you're going on holiday with a big group, a few couples, a few single friends, all staying together in the same villa by the beach. Only some of the rooms have en suite bathrooms. In my opinion, the best time to have sex is between 11am and 4pm. First thing in the morning is a bit too morning breathy and sleepy, but, and by the evening, you're just tired. Usually this would be the time you're at work, most of us are at least. So being on holiday gives you much more opportunity for excellent sex. But if you're staying in a room without an en suite, it's a bit awkward. It is also awkward to disappear from the group in the middle of the day for a nap, only to emerge after a suspiciously timed shower. So what do you say? What do you do? What's the best way to optimise prime sex time when you're on holiday with a large group? Many thanks.

• 35:30Speaker 00

  Everyone knows. Let's just be, let's just hope you don't have.

• 35:33Speaker 02

  You don't be prudish about it.

• 35:34Speaker 00

  No, everyone knows. Let's just hope you don't have a dickhead in your group like me that says they're going for a shag. Or when you come back going, how was your shag? You know, let's just hope you don't have someone like me in the group. But yeah, everyone knows.

• 35:45Speaker 02

  If people are monitoring your activities, whether you're going for sex, whether you're going to eat something, whether you are going for a nap, tell them to F off. None of their business.

• 35:55Speaker 00

  My mate put on his Insta stories and all their close friends on, a little good star. His picture of him on holiday with a pint and just put, this in a shag.

• 36:04Speaker 00

  I thought, yeah. So, um, don't worry, we're all adults. Don't be, everyone.

• 36:08Speaker 02

  Or own it and just go, right, we'll see you in an hour.

• 36:11Speaker 00

  Yeah. And, and try in the morning. Brush your teeth. Lasts longer in the mornings as well. So I've been told.

• 36:19Speaker 00

  What's the next one?

• 36:21Speaker 02

  Does it? Why?

• 36:25Speaker 00

  Hmm?

• 36:26Speaker 03

  He's going red again.

• 36:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know, and I'm enjoying it.

• 36:29Speaker 00

  Next, so yeah, try it.

• 36:31Speaker 02

  How long would you say is your average?

• 36:33Speaker 00

  What?

• 36:34Speaker 02

  You know.

• 36:35Speaker 00

  I'm not talking about this. Well, how long's your average?

• 36:39Speaker 03

  What are you talking about?

• 36:39Speaker 02

  Fifteen minutes.

• 36:40Speaker 00

  Fifteen minutes?

• 36:42Speaker 02

  Five zero, I just wanted to clarify.

• 36:43Speaker 00

  Oh, fifty?

• 36:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:46Speaker 00

  Fucking hell. Fifty minutes?

• 36:49Speaker 02

  I think that's quite quick.

• 36:53Speaker 00

  I've done it in the adverts at Corrie before now. I have. I've moved. Right, shut up. Anyway.

• 36:59Speaker 02

  This is from M. Hi, Jordan, William and the Sexted Team. I'm a relatively new listener the last year or so, and I've absolutely loved the pod. I particularly enjoy your actions to people's cleaning horror stories, so I thought I'd share one of my own.

• 37:10Speaker 00

  Oh, here we go.

• 37:10Speaker 02

  When I was at school, I went to a friend's house for tea. She lived in the posh part of town, so I was excited to see how the other half lived. The moment I walked in, I was hit with the strangest smell. The only way I can describe it is like walking into a bathroom just after someone's done a number two and lit a candle to disguise it. Later, while helping clear up the dinner, I opened their huge kitchen bin and found it was almost entirely full of empty Fabreeze bottles. I'm talking like 50-plus bottles. Then I noticed there were four bottles of Fabreeze in almost every room. That's when I realised something else. They didn't have a washing machine. Curiosity got the better of me, so I asked my friend why they had so much Fabreeze but no washing machine. She candidly replied, "We don't have one. Mum just sprays all of our clothes with fabric Fabreeze and uses it on the carpets and furniture because it's easier." Suddenly, the smell made sense. They weren't cleaning anything, just masking it. No washing

• 37:55Speaker 02

  clothes, no washing cushion covers, no carpet cleaning, just Fabreeze. I shortly left afterwards and shat the moment I got home. Ten years later, I still can't bring myself to buy Fabreeze because the trauma is so deeply ingrained. So my question is, what is the etiquette when you discover a household's entire cleaning routine is essentially just air freshener? Love, M. Well, I think just, I mean, it's disgusting. Just never go back or eat anything in their house. I wouldn't.

• 38:20Speaker 00

  I, I, I am a big fan of Fabreeze. I don't use as much.

• 38:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you do not use it to compensate for everything else.

• 38:26Speaker 00

  Use it on my cushions and my sofa.

• 38:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, but how often do you get that professionally cleaned?

• 38:30Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, I've never had it cleaned. Do I need to get that cleaned? I wipe it down with a wet cloth.

• 38:38Speaker 02

  Why are you wiping a sofa down with a wet cloth, George Ross?

• 38:40Speaker 00

  We just do it with a wet cloth, don't we? Just do it with a damp. I've never had my sofa professionally cleaned.

• 38:44Speaker 02

  You want to have my carpet cleaners round.

• 38:47Speaker 00

  Absolutely. I'd love to.

• 38:48Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 38:48Speaker 00

  Can you send me their number?

• 38:50Speaker 02

  I will.

• 38:50Speaker 00

  I'll get them down before you come to barbecue in a couple of weeks.

• 38:53Speaker 02

  Well, I hope so. Yes, please do. I'm not sitting on anything at yours.

• 38:56Speaker 00

  I wipe it down and then, and then I wipe it down. I wipe it down at least once.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  Wait, the whole sofa? You wipe down a sofa?

• 39:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you're.

• 39:05Speaker 02

  Do you vacuum the sofa at any point?

• 39:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:09Speaker 02

  What material is your sofa? Remind me.

• 39:11Speaker 00

  It's the fabric one.

• 39:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, but what fabric? Suede? Linen?

• 39:15Speaker 00

  Real suede one. It's got a big yogurt mark now, thanks to frigging nephews.

• 39:20Speaker 02

  Yogurt.

• 39:20Speaker 00

  It is yogurt as well. I'm sick of telling that story every time people come round. It's my nephew. Well, I'm not convinced it was my nephew. I think it might have been our brads, but he blamed it on the kid.

• 39:30Speaker 02

  Right. When Izzy came to stay with me, she dropped halloumi on one of my dining chairs. It has come out.

• 39:36Speaker 00

  You have in hallou- you've changed from clivero, halloumi.

• 39:40Speaker 02

  We served her halloumi, to be fair.

• 39:41Speaker 00

  Oh, fair.

• 39:42Speaker 02

  Yeah. Um, just in her defence.

• 39:44Speaker 00

  Was she like, "Halloumi? What's that like? Isn't it like rubbery cheese? I've never had it before. Is it nice?"

• 39:51Speaker 02

  Sankani. Um, please, please get your carpet.

• 39:54Speaker 00

  I will. I didn't know that was a thing.

• 39:55Speaker 02

  Do you have your carpets cleaned?

• 39:56Speaker 00

  I don't really have carpets. I'm.

• 39:58Speaker 02

  Okay, well rugs?

• 40:00Speaker 00

  No, I thought they do need a, right, I'll get them.

• 40:02Speaker 02

  Once a year, minimum.

• 40:03Speaker 00

  Okay, can you send them round? Because I actually do want my carpet cleaned.

• 40:07Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 40:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'll get them to do that.

• 40:08Speaker 03

  We need a full schedule.

• 40:10Speaker 00

  More money to frigging spend this. What?

• 40:13Speaker 03

  We need a full schedule from William of like what we need to clean at what point in the year. Like if it's like, right, bedding every week.

• 40:20Speaker 02

  Bedding every, oh, yeah, definitely. Twice a week in this weather.

• 40:22Speaker 00

  Towels, how often?

• 40:24Speaker 02

  Oh, well, we do ours twice a week.

• 40:26Speaker 03

  Twice a week.

• 40:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, in this weather.

• 40:28Speaker 00

  I do it once a week.

• 40:29Speaker 02

  Once a week is fine if you absolutely.

• 40:31Speaker 00

  I'd say.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  Depends how many showers.

• 40:33Speaker 00

  Monday to Friday, then on Friday I put me in on it.

• 40:35Speaker 02

  Well, that's, that's every five days.

• 40:36Speaker 00

  That bleach you got me.

• 40:38Speaker 02

  Ace for whites.

• 40:39Speaker 00

  You've changed my life, my friend.

• 40:41Speaker 02

  Thank you. I've just done a new order.

• 40:42Speaker 00

  I've.

• 40:43Speaker 02

  To be fair, Jonathan got me into it, so credit to him.

• 40:45Speaker 00

  I was always an oxy action powder.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 40:47Speaker 00

  I'm a bleach for whites now, whatever it's called.

• 40:50Speaker 02

  Hmm, ace for whites. Ace for colours is also good, but it doesn't really do much. It just sort of brings the colour back. Oh, talking of colours, can we just go back? I want your opinion because you're sort of known for sort of semi-fashion.

• 41:03Speaker 00

  Known for semi-fashion?

• 41:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:05Speaker 00

  I'll say that. That's a compliment. Thank you, my friend.

• 41:08Speaker 02

  Thank you. What do you think? It's this, it's the one I put on my story. Uh, oh, Disney. What do you think of my shirt?

• 41:15Speaker 00

  Ah.

• 41:15Speaker 02

  Okay. That says it all. So for those listening, it's a shirt, it's a striped shirt, white stripe, and there are different sort of bigger panels. One's yellow, one's orange, one's blue, one's green, and it repeats. And people either love it or hate it. When I put it on my story, I had lots of people saying, "I love that shirt. Where's it from?" And other people saying it was an ick.

• 41:36Speaker 00

  It looks a bit like you're presenting on Cash in the Attic.

• 41:41Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 41:41Speaker 00

  But I like it.

• 41:42Speaker 02

  Well, so I bought it for, um, at Titanique a few weeks ago now. We had, it was Pride. And so we did a Pride warm-up. So everyone had to wear something sort of.

• 41:50Speaker 00

  Rainbowy.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  Rainbowy. And I suddenly went, "Oh my God, I don't have nothing." I have lots of things that you would be considered gay, but nothing that is rainbowy. So I, I found this shirt and I thought, well, that's a nice enough shirt that it'll, it'll do the warm-up, but it'll also, I can wear it, you know, beyond the warm-up. And so I wore it to Disney because, you know, colourful. And, uh, yeah, some people love it, some people hate it.

• 42:12Speaker 00

  I like it.

• 42:13Speaker 02

  Okay, good. But you did just go, "Ah," when I showed it to you.

• 42:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, I can imagine getting a mixed reaction.

• 42:18Speaker 02

  Okay, fine. This is from Gemma.

• 42:20Speaker 00

  Haters gonna hate, babe.

• 42:21Speaker 02

  Yes, exactly. Dear Help, I sext.

• 42:23Speaker 00

  Don't mind me. I'm just blocking out the haters. Oh, hey there. I'm just blocking out the hat. Anyway.

• 42:28Speaker 02

  This is from Gemma. Dear Help, I sext to my boss team. I'm a fairly new listener and I've absolutely fallen in love with your pod. You're the only people I trust on a matter of national importance like tea etiquette. Here's my dilemma. When I'm served tea in a cafe or restaurant, what am I supposed to do with the teabag or little loose leaf filter once it's brewed? Leaving it in the cup means tannin-flavoured regret, but putting it on the saucer leaves a sad little puddle that makes the cup drip and run as the saucer unusable.

• 42:52Speaker 00

  This is a great question.

• 42:53Speaker 02

  Why don't cafes provide a tiny dish?

• 42:55Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 42:56Speaker 02

  Surely that's the only civilised solution. Is there an actual etiquette rule here or do I simply need to start going to places where tea is treated with the respect it deserves? Please advise before I accidentally commit a social faux pas involving a soggy teabag. warmly, Jana from Hampshire.

• 43:09Speaker 00

  Now.

• 43:10Speaker 02

  Hampshire, of course.

• 43:11Speaker 00

  I tend to not have tea out.

• 43:14Speaker 02

  Correct.

• 43:14Speaker 00

  I only have brews at home. But if you do, I always like either keep it, keep the teabag in if it's a week brew. But if you're going to take it out, just take it to the bin and throw it in the bin, or just put it on a little napkin. But give it a squeeze so it don't go everywhere. There's not worth it when you leave it on the saucer and then it's damp and you can't put your cup back on the saucer.

• 43:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:33Speaker 00

  Over to you. This is your.

• 43:34Speaker 02

  It is. No, I don't like, I mean, you're clearly, you are in a lower established, lower class establishment if they are not providing anything for you to put your teabag in.

• 43:41Speaker 00

  Really?

• 43:41Speaker 02

  Leaving it in the cup, awful.

• 43:43Speaker 00

  Well, how's it gonna brew?

• 43:44Speaker 02

  Well, no, no, yes, but then after four minutes or however long, you want to take it out so you don't get hit in the face with a soggy teabag or put it, or putting it in the saucer. Again, as they say, leaves a puddle. Ick. Not very nice. And then you have a sort of, if you've got a cup and saucer, then the bottom of your cup is wet and then as you're drinking, it splashes, et cetera. So I would say ask for a little dish. Just ask them. So please, could I have a little dish to put this in? Or where would you like me to put my teabag?

• 44:09Speaker 00

  You'd think they'd give you a little like pot to put in.

• 44:11Speaker 02

  They should, yes.

• 44:12Speaker 00

  A little ramekin or something.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  Or if it's, I don't mind if, sometimes you get a teapot that has got in effect a glorified teabag in it where they've put loose leaf in, and that's fine because you're then pouring out into the cup. That's okay. But if you're, if they're expecting you to sort of make the tea in the cup, then it's, it's a bit grim.

• 44:28Speaker 00

  You know, I go more northern when I'm speaking to my mum and family and stuff.

• 44:31Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 44:32Speaker 00

  You've got extra posh when you're talking about tea and etiquette. You've got cap.

• 44:36Speaker 02

  Cap.

• 44:37Speaker 00

  Into the cap.

• 44:38Speaker 02

  Pour, yeah.

• 44:39Speaker 00

  Pour, which is nice.

• 44:40Speaker 02

  And it's pour into the cup and pour, as in no money, if you want a sort of, yeah, different spelling.

• 44:46Speaker 00

  Poor and poor.

• 44:46Speaker 02

  Because it's P double O. We don't say poor.

• 44:50Speaker 00

  So he's really poor.

• 44:52Speaker 02

  But well, it's sort of, it's because it's a diphthong, so it is sort of the same.

• 44:56Speaker 00

  And you've got one of them.

• 44:57Speaker 02

  A diphthong? Yeah, I need to give it to you back. Um, the, yeah, it's the sort of the two, two sounds in one. So poor and how do you say it?

• 45:07Speaker 00

  Poor.

• 45:08Speaker 02

  Poor, yeah, same thing. Different, different sound, but same thing. Our final dilemma is from anonymous. Hello, William, Jordan and the wonderful Sexted crew. Firstly, thank you for making me question my sexuality after telling me that liking Adele is camp. I absolutely love the podcast, but I have a dilemma and I don't know where else to turn. My dad is 78 years old, but is surprisingly tech savvy and spends a fair time on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter.

• 45:32Speaker 00

  Oh, God.

• 45:33Speaker 02

  The other day I was looking for some new accounts to follow when one popped up from my contacts. It was my dad, except I already followed my dad. The profile picture was tiny, so I clicked on it. To my absolute horror, I was greeted by a series of photographs featuring my old man's wrinkly sausage alongside someone who definitely wasn't my step mum, but rather somebody else's granny, Spready gone a bit. I didn't dare scroll any further because I'd already seen far more than any child should ever have to.

• 45:59Speaker 00

  Oh my God, he's got a Sex X account.

• 46:01Speaker 02

  The posts were recent too. My dilemma is this. My dad and I have a lot of mutual friends on X and now I'm terrified that half the people we know have accidentally seen my father's conquests, or even worse, his dick pics. Do I say something to my dad?

• 46:12Speaker 00

  Seventy-eight?

• 46:13Speaker 02

  Spare any.

• 46:14Speaker 00

  Fair play.

• 46:15Speaker 02

  Gives you hope. Spare him any further embarrassment, or do I simply pretend I never saw any of it and spend the rest of my life trying to erase those images from my memory? Thanks, anonymous.

• 46:24Speaker 00

  Okay, this, there's lots to unpack it. Maybe you could DM and create another X account and just say, "Hey, just so that now your friends and family have seen this."

• 46:32Speaker 02

  This is linked to your mobile phone number.

• 46:33Speaker 00

  This is linked to your mobile phone number from an anonymous account. So then.

• 46:37Speaker 02

  From what account?

• 46:38Speaker 00

  Nonominous account. So then you don't cause any embarrassment. I'd say I suggest delete it and then hopefully it deletes it.

• 46:45Speaker 02

  Or become a private account. That's the other thing he could do, even if it is linked to his mobile phone number. And I, I don't, I don't, I don't use Twitter slash X, but I would imagine you, you have to put in a phone number maybe now to create an account.

• 46:59Speaker 00

  I don't know.

• 46:59Speaker 02

  But let's create a private account so at least those photos stay hidden.

• 47:03Speaker 00

  I'd do that. But then, I'd do that personally, but he's, he's got like a porn account.

• 47:10Speaker 02

  Hmm. I mean, to each their own.

• 47:14Speaker 00

  I mean, I wouldn't personally, because I wouldn't want that conversation. I'd just anonymously tip him off and say this is linked to him.

• 47:21Speaker 02

  That's, I, I quite like Jordan's suggestion of doing a, creating your own anonymous account and messaging them and saying.

• 47:28Speaker 00

  Do you think his, his step mum knows?

• 47:30Speaker 02

  Well, I mean, that is an entire other conversation.

• 47:33Speaker 00

  I'd stay clear.

• 47:36Speaker 02

  If you aren't comfortable sitting him down and saying, "I'm aware of this. Could you do something about it, please? It's embarrassing." For your own embar- I don't know, maybe the dad doesn't care. There is no.

• 47:45Speaker 00

  He's got his chop out on X.

• 47:47Speaker 02

  He has, and clearly not on a private account. Not that doing it on a private account necessarily makes it any better, but at least there is some control over who sees it.

• 47:54Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 47:56Speaker 02

  It all goes on.

• 47:57Speaker 00

  Well, thank you for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. And you can watch us as well on YouTube. We put the full episodes up every release day. Just head to YouTube and search for Sexted. Goodbye.

• 48:13Speaker 02

  Goodbye.

• 48:20Speaker 01

  Hi, everyone. It's Katie Couric. And on my podcast, Next Question, we love stories about how women are taking control of their lives. They are increasingly leading financial decisions in their households, yet many say they don't feel fully prepared for the long-term financial choices ahead. Real confidence comes from knowing your financial future is protected, whatever happens. Pacific Life has helped generations protect what matters today and prepare for tomorrow with life insurance and lifetime income solutions. It's a promise Pacific Life has kept for nearly 160 years, so its customers can keep

• 49:01Speaker 01

  theirs. Ask a financial professional about how Pacific Life can help you create a more confident financial future. Pacific Life Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska, and in New York, Pacific Life and Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona.

• 49:18Speaker 05

  Mr. Monopoly here. Miss me? Monopoly is back at McDonald's with millions of prizes. A 2027 Jeep Cherokee, a Carnival cruise vacation, gift cards from DoorDash and Best Buy. Feel and play in the McDonald's app. Get your bag. No purchase necessary. 50 US and DC age 18+. See playatmcd.com for rules and playatmcd.com slash AMOE for info and playing without purchase by mail by November 2nd. Chance card game ends November 8th. Game ends November 22nd, 2026. See rules for prize details. Monopoly is a registered trademark of Hasbro.