The Etiquette Police Come For William Hanson | And Sexytime AC

Someone's been a very naughty boy, and the etiquette police have come knocking for William. Will his defence stand up to scrutiny, or will he be sent to prison quicker than you can say "laser pointer" to a Swiss customs official? Meanwhile, Jordan's decided there's only ONE reason anyone really needs air conditioning. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected]. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  William and Jordan will be with you in just a moment, but first, here's one for your queue. Vicky Patterson has taken on a huge charity challenge, getting from Newcastle to London by kayak, bike and on foot. Now she's on her podcast Get a Grip with a proper, honest, blisters and all debrief. If you need a nudge to step outside your comfort zone, then this is the one for you. Once this episode's done, search Get a Grip and get it playing.

• 0:34Speaker 01

  Hello and welcome to our Friday episode. This is where we see how much extra content we can squeeze in, random bits that have been sent in, extra bits that have been going on, and how our advice went down with you, our wonderful G and Divas.

• 0:46Speaker 02

  How the dickens are you, love?

• 0:47Speaker 01

  I'm very good, love. How are you?

• 0:49Speaker 02

  Yes, I'm fine, thank you. Obviously, I'm just working again this weekend. What are you doing?

• 0:53Speaker 01

  Oh, poor you.

• 0:55Speaker 02

  No, I didn't say it with any, with any approbrium.

• 0:58Speaker 01

  I'm joking. Sorry, that was a bit harsh.

• 1:00Speaker 02

  It was. Sorry.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  You bitch. Well, at the time record, I'll be on holiday. I'm looking forward to it.

• 1:05Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  Going to Garth.

• 1:06Speaker 02

  Lying on your back with the leftovers.

• 1:10Speaker 02

  It's the book you're reading, isn't it?

• 1:11Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. I'm probably, I've nearly finished it now.

• 1:13Speaker 02

  What other books are you taking? Because you only told us one.

• 1:17Speaker 01

  Can't remember. I'm really bad with the titles, but I've got a few. One called Slags. It's actually called Slags.

• 1:24Speaker 02

  You've finally written your autobiography.

• 1:29Speaker 02

  Doing the final proof before you release it.

• 1:33Speaker 01

  There's one called Slags and there's, she wrote Tin Man.

• 1:38Speaker 02

  Judy Garland?

• 1:39Speaker 01

  No, and I've got that. It's meant to be good.

• 1:41Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:42Speaker 01

  And I was gonna take Wuthering Heights, but I've seen the films, so.

• 1:49Speaker 02

  I think probably the book's probably better, normally is, compared to films.

• 1:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, that and Harry Potter.

• 1:55Speaker 02

  Harry Potter?

• 1:56Speaker 01

  I'm joking.

• 1:57Speaker 02

  Why are you gonna get into Harry Potter now? It's a bit late.

• 1:59Speaker 01

  But no, I'm gonna be eating me body weight in satseki and hummus and bread. What? What?

• 2:07Speaker 02

  I think everyone else heard it, didn't they?

• 2:11Speaker 01

  We're bodyweighting satseki.

• 2:12Speaker 02

  You said, oh, I did you say, I heard I'm gonna be eating my boy weight.

• 2:17Speaker 01

  Boy weight?

• 2:17Speaker 02

  I just heard eating my boy. I was like, okay, wow.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  You, honestly, I'm just gonna put this out there, you need shagging. Cause you're hearing things.

• 2:27Speaker 02

  I don't.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  Is Mike away?

• 2:29Speaker 02

  No, well, he was, he was with you at Henley.

• 2:32Speaker 01

  Mike, if you're listening, just put out in the next couple of days, cause he's like a dog on a eat this lad.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  Hearing sexual innuendos. What's up with ya? Go and have a wank. Go on, we'll wait five minutes.

• 2:44Speaker 02

  We'll be back after these messages.

• 2:45Speaker 01

  Go on, go and have a quick wank and then you'll be fine.

• 2:47Speaker 03

  In the downstairs toilet.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  That's all you need. Go knock one out in disabled time.

• 2:53Speaker 02

  I'm not going to knock one out in the accessible lavatory.

• 2:58Speaker 01

  Go on, I'll wait. Sometimes you just need a wank.

• 3:03Speaker 02

  What's the difference between an egg and a wank?

• 3:04Speaker 01

  Can't beat an egg.

• 3:06Speaker 02

  A few weeks ago, we were discussing which of us is funnier and we, we, you, suggested a poll.

• 3:12Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 3:13Speaker 02

  For a long time, I'm told, it was agonizingly close with all three of us. So, cause bizarrely Ben was in this poll as well. Uh, within one percent of each other and after thousands of votes, shock horror. The eventual winner was Jordan.

• 3:27Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 3:27Speaker 02

  With thirty eight percent of the votes.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  That's very sweet.

• 3:30Speaker 02

  Producer Ben got thirty four percent of the votes.

• 3:33Speaker 01

  Why was producer Ben even an option in it? It was out of William and me.

• 3:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:37Speaker 03

  We discussed it in the episode.

• 3:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you weren't in it, eating your apple over there.

• 3:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, could you, could you eat your cocks later?

• 3:45Speaker 01

  Finish it, cause it's gonna go all mouldy and weird.

• 3:49Speaker 02

  And the apple.

• 3:51Speaker 02

  And I got twenty eight percent of the vote. Well, there's no accounting for taste.

• 3:54Speaker 01

  Well, I think, I think you're the funniest.

• 3:56Speaker 02

  Thank you very much. I do too.

• 3:57Speaker 01

  You are what makes this podcast.

• 3:59Speaker 02

  Oh, shut up.

• 4:00Speaker 01

  No, you are, cause you're very unique and you're you.

• 4:02Speaker 02

  Okay, well, you can't be very unique, but.

• 4:04Speaker 01

  You, you, you're an etiquette expert. Me, there's, there's loads of me on pod, you could plonk me on any other, but there's loads of versions of me on podcasts. You are you. I'm being, I'm being sincere there.

• 4:14Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 4:14Speaker 01

  So you're way funnier. You fucking idiot northerner makes willy jokes, wank jokes, plop, pop them on, there's about forty podcasts with me on. You are you.

• 4:23Speaker 02

  Well, that's very sweet.

• 4:24Speaker 01

  Jonathan a close second.

• 4:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, that, well, thank you very much. Um, Ben had shared the poll in his stories, however, which is a bit desperate. I decided not to do that because I didn't want to skew the votes as one of Time 100's, you know, creators of the world or whatever, with a few more followers than Ben.

• 4:41Speaker 03

  I didn't ask, I didn't ask for anyone to vote for me, though.

• 4:44Speaker 02

  No, but by sharing something, darling.

• 4:46Speaker 03

  Here's the poll, if you want to, if you want to vote for who's funniest, then be my guest.

• 4:50Speaker 02

  Well, I think it's bias.

• 4:53Speaker 02

  I don't want to become Donald Trump, but I think you rigged the election.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  Sos. Um, however, uh, Jordan, you also said that you think everyone feels hornier in the heat. You weren't speaking from your own experience at all, so we carried out some highly scientific research, another poll on Instagram. Only 37% of people feel hornier when it's hot, apparently.

• 5:13Speaker 01

  Bollocks, that's bollocks, I want to recount on that.

• 5:17Speaker 02

  Now it was Donald Trump.

• 5:18Speaker 01

  Do you know how many people have banned me? Someone said, as a bisexual, that peanut butter analogy was great, you know, a few months ago. But they also said, you've hit the nail on the head regarding the heat and horniness. There's a, there's a collaboration, there's a, what's the word?

• 5:33Speaker 02

  Correlation.

• 5:34Speaker 01

  There's a correl-

• 5:36Speaker 03

  Is it, but is it causation?

• 5:37Speaker 01

  There's a correl-

• 5:40Speaker 01

  Coronation Street, I don't know. There's a, there's a correlation and loads of people have messaged, I don't, not that read the comments, but it's in the comments saying, yeah, Jordan's nailed it, yeah.

• 5:48Speaker 02

  Well, have you seen the comments if you don't read the comments?

• 5:50Speaker 01

  Well, I just, what, accidentally.

• 5:52Speaker 02

  Shut up, you read the comments, just say it.

• 5:53Speaker 01

  I don't read the comments.

• 5:54Speaker 02

  Yes, you do, Jordan!

• 5:55Speaker 01

  I don't read the comments, don't read comments, you'll never get out of bed in the morning if you read comments.

• 6:00Speaker 02

  The general vibe-

• 6:01Speaker 03

  Is that what it is?

• 6:03Speaker 02

  The general vibe from Pete, that and the restraints, the general vibe from people's comments was that some people do feel hornier, but absolutely do not want any physical contact with another person when it's hot.

• 6:13Speaker 01

  I never said that, I never said, I said, you're just horny, I don't mean you're because of the heat.

• 6:17Speaker 02

  Jamie said, hot weather does make people horny, and if someone on Grindr has AC in their profile, all my standards and limits disappear. For AC, I will be their plaything until my core temperature drops.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  You, you're officially renting your arse out for cold air.

• 6:31Speaker 02

  People have done it for worse.

• 6:33Speaker 01

  We're not judging, I'm just saying, Jamie, when you put it like that, I'm your mate that'll tell you as it is at the pub, and you're, you, you, you're giving your arse away for cold air.

• 6:46Speaker 02

  People do anything to, you know, that's climate change.

• 6:48Speaker 01

  And I'm not judging.

• 6:49Speaker 02

  No, you want something hot inside you and cold around you.

• 6:52Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 6:53Speaker 02

  James had a solution. I hooked up with a coworker in the walk-in freezer at the small ice cream shop I was working in. I mean, full on, all clothes off, right down to business. We were working with a close friend who took over the full heatwave rush of clients while we went at it.

• 7:07Speaker 01

  Oh, Faz.

• 7:08Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  Did I do a call there?

• 7:11Speaker 02

  You don't want to go and buy any of their ice cream.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  Did you film it, Jamie? Send it over. James.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  Laura said, in the UK, no, but on holiday, yes. And lots of our G and D was messaged with filthy stories about getting frisky on holiday, like Hannah, who managed to break two hotel beds on holiday.

• 7:27Speaker 01

  Go on, Hannah, what a goer. Go on.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  So would you say, oh, holiday is the best?

• 7:32Speaker 01

  And there's, everyone's up for it. There's no, not tonight, I've got headache. I've talked about this before.

• 7:37Speaker 02

  When you say everyone's up for it, what do you mean by that?

• 7:39Speaker 01

  Well, the whole hotel.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  Everyone's up for it. It's great. You've been on, but you got back.

• 7:46Speaker 02

  Are you a swinger?

• 7:47Speaker 01

  You haven't, no. You have a nap, you have a pack of lays and you think.

• 7:52Speaker 02

  A few lays, I would imagine.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  You're all nodding your heads in agreement because on holidays.

• 7:56Speaker 02

  What sort of holidays are you going on?

• 7:58Speaker 01

  So you're telling me, it's like, it's, it's quite, it's pretty, it's quite regular. Am I right in saying it? It's quite regular on holiday. It's the best thing about going on holiday, isn't it?

• 8:08Speaker 02

  That and the sun and the food and the bed. When escaping the, you know, the routine of your normal everyday life.

• 8:12Speaker 01

  Afternoon delight. I see people on holiday, right? Here's another one.

• 8:17Speaker 02

  Oh, here we go.

• 8:17Speaker 01

  Right. I'll see people.

• 8:20Speaker 02

  They're on it.

• 8:21Speaker 01

  Izzy, pass me your sunglasses for this. It's a visual gag. Right.

• 8:25Speaker 02

  Hello, welcome to an audio podcast.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  I see people on holiday, right? And I'm on some.

• 8:29Speaker 02

  Jordan's now put the sunglasses on.

• 8:30Speaker 01

  I'm on the sunbed, right?

• 8:32Speaker 02

  Actually, they sort of suit him. Sort of tortoiseshell effect.

• 8:35Speaker 01

  Don't interrupt this because it's funny.

• 8:37Speaker 02

  He's got his hands. I'm describing it for podcast listeners.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  I'm, I can describe it.

• 8:42Speaker 02

  Well, then get on with it.

• 8:43Speaker 01

  I'll be on the sunbed on holiday. I'll see a couple get up and I'll go.

• 8:48Speaker 01

  Am I going for a shag?

• 8:50Speaker 03

  He's looked over the rim of the sunglasses.

• 8:52Speaker 01

  And then I'll, it's usually always about the same time, it's about three, four o'clock on holiday and I'll be lying down. And I go, another couple get up, I go, oh, am I going for a shag?

• 9:07Speaker 01

  Then you see another couple, you think, oh, them as well. Then I'll go, should we go for a shag?

• 9:21Speaker 01

  You do though, you see it.

• 9:23Speaker 03

  You don't have any proof that they're going off to have a shag.

• 9:25Speaker 01

  Of course you are. Why would you leave the heat at three, four?

• 9:29Speaker 02

  To get out the sound of the.

• 9:30Speaker 03

  Have a bite to eat.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  And then, and then, and I'll tell you for why, it's always the lad that comes back down. Big smirk on his face. She's upstairs washing her fanny and he'll come down. Sorry.

• 9:42Speaker 02

  You are going on some degenerate holidays.

• 9:45Speaker 03

  What hotel are you going to?

• 9:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, because also.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  Also, can I just say, as well, whilst they're on one, um, any girls, I've talked about this before. In the pool, right?

• 9:56Speaker 02

  Voice of women.

• 9:57Speaker 01

  Girls get in the pool and when they get out of the pool, they get out like that and then they go.

• 10:05Speaker 02

  And pull their swimming costumes.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  Pull the swimming costumes and go, with their little fingers and go, let the water out. It gives me the ick.

• 10:14Speaker 01

  So just be warned.

• 10:14Speaker 02

  And why would it give you the ick?

• 10:18Speaker 01

  Anyway.

• 10:19Speaker 02

  Okay. And we also talked about how often we wash our sheets, which turns out is a topic that people have strong opinions on, quite rightly too. Lots of people are like you, Jordan, and wash their sheets on a Friday, though Sunday is another popular day. Ian says it's unlucky to change your sheets on a Sunday, although doesn't tell us why. Jessica has a rule that you must shower before getting into clean sheets. Then no sex for two nights.

• 10:43Speaker 02

  Most people are changing their sheets weekly, but Connor said William will not like this about once every two to three months, or after adult time forces be to.

• 10:54Speaker 01

  To be fair.

• 10:54Speaker 02

  Connor, I'm surprised you're having any adult time if you change it every two to three months. Surprised you haven't got sepsis. Lucy said, I can't remember when I last washed my sheets. Thanks for that.

• 11:03Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 11:04Speaker 02

  You're dirty. And on the other end of the scale, Vicky says, my husband is changing the sheets daily in the heat. He's obsessed with clean sheets. I mean, that's a bit excessive, but I am here for it. I've said it before. If I win the lottery, I'm having clean sheets every other day. I won't do every day, but every other day.

• 11:19Speaker 01

  It's annoying when you stay in a hotel for a week and they don't change the sheets. You don't mind every other day?

• 11:23Speaker 02

  They should change it after the third night. That's the normal standard.

• 11:25Speaker 01

  Oh, is it?

• 11:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:28Speaker 02

  Or you, or they have that thing that you put on the bed to go, we'll change it after the third night. But if you want new sheets, pop this on the bed and we'll then change the sheets.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 11:36Speaker 02

  That's normally what happens. And we've got more of your emails, messages and letters after the break.

• 11:41Speaker 01

  All right, Gene, David, thanks for sticking with us. This is our Friday episode. So let's go to some of your correspondence now, please.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  Now, recently, we sparked a heated debate over the correct pronunciation of England's tallest mountain, Skorfel Pike.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  Scarfel.

• 11:59Speaker 02

  Right. Well, we've had hundreds of messages from Cumbrian, Gene, Devis, and it turns out that they are just as divided as we are. Now, to help settle the debate, it says here, well, I've got thoughts, once and for all. Hmm?

• 12:11Speaker 01

  I was just gonna say, I've, again, seen the comments on this. It's, most people are saying it's Scarfel, and most people from Cumbria are saying it's Scarfel. Just saying.

• 12:20Speaker 02

  We've had a voice note from Whitehaven's very own James Robinson, who is co-host of, the lesser host, if I'm honest, of The Holiday Expert Show. Here's his voice note.

• 12:33Speaker 04

  Hi, guys. James from Cumbria here. And as one from several generations of Cumbrians, I thought I could help. And I'm delighted to say the way I say it is Scarfel, as all of my mates my age. But the older, more elderly, like my grandad, call it Skorfel, because in the 1800s it was called Skorfel, which probably explains what William is remembering. Love the pod. Bye.

• 13:07Speaker 02

  Right, okay, well, thank you, James. You're not completely my bad books. Well, I was going to look into this for next week, but I feel the need to do something that we don't normally do on a Friday.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  Oh, God, no, please, not on a Friday.

• 13:18Speaker 02

  Cue the jingle.

• 13:20Speaker 05

  It's William, William, the etiquette geek. His knowledge, knowledge, quite unique. He'll give you manners, manners, subtle tweak. It's time for William's Etiquetimetiquetimanology of the Week. Cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha.

• 13:38Speaker 01

  That's my weekend ruined.

• 13:42Speaker 02

  So, obviously, recently, Jordan, you, as a renowned Lakeland expert and Gnome impersonator, insisted that it is Scarfell Pike.

• 13:52Speaker 01

  It's Scarfell.

• 13:54Speaker 02

  Let's look at the history, shall we? Scarfell or Skorfell Pike is the highest mountain in England. How tall is it? It's taller than Ben.

• 14:02Speaker 01

  Just a bit below Everest, isn't it?

• 14:04Speaker 02

  It's way below Everest. It's 978 metres high. Which doesn't sound that much, really, when you think about it. No. This is a relatively recent honour of the highest mountain dating back to the 19th century because previously Helvellyn, also in the Lake District, was considered the highest, but during mapping by the Ordnance Survey, Scarfell, Skorfell, was found to be the highest, standing 28 metres higher. Now, the name of the contentious mountain is derived from the Old Norse name of the mountain, which dates back to the 9th century. The Vikings called the mountain Skali Fjall, which meant "bold summit", say nothing. This later became the English Skorfell.

• 14:44Speaker 02

  In 1865, the Ordnance Survey mapped the mountain and mistakenly dropped the W when they recorded the name for posterity. So whilst locals continued to keep the Skorfell, the more recent Skar, S-C-A, without the W, was adopted by many, especially in Lancashire. So, sorry, Jordan, you are wrong. It is Skorfell Pike and has been since the 9th century.

• 15:06Speaker 01

  But everybody says Scarfell.

• 15:08Speaker 02

  Doesn't mean to say it's correct.

• 15:09Speaker 01

  Well.

• 15:11Speaker 03

  Language is a movable object, William.

• 15:14Speaker 01

  It is.

• 15:14Speaker 03

  You've got to, you've got to catch up with the times, mate.

• 15:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's scarf.

• 15:18Speaker 02

  Excuse me, can I just say, I am Cumbrian, don't minimise my heritage, okay?

• 15:23Speaker 03

  You're Cumbrian?

• 15:24Speaker 02

  My grandmother was from Cumbria. So, shush.

• 15:27Speaker 03

  That's a bit of a stretch.

• 15:29Speaker 01

  Just, no, no.

• 15:30Speaker 03

  You're from Gloucestershire.

• 15:31Speaker 02

  I'm not from Gloucestershire.

• 15:33Speaker 03

  Sorry, Shropshire.

• 15:35Speaker 02

  Shropshire?

• 15:35Speaker 03

  Somerset.

• 15:36Speaker 02

  Bristol.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  You're getting mixed up between Cumbrian and cum dump. And you're the latter.

• 15:45Speaker 03

  He was desperate for that joke.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  Interrupted you about four times, Ed.

• 15:49Speaker 03

  It's a bad, bad, bad.

• 15:56Speaker 02

  Can I just say, when we are unplugged from this-

• 15:58Speaker 01

  Oh, frightened myself.

• 15:59Speaker 02

  When we're unplugged from this desk, Jordan, I'm going to push you on the sofa and I'm going to beat you up.

• 16:05Speaker 03

  You're going to poke him?

• 16:06Speaker 02

  I'm gonna, yeah, I'm gonna poke you beyond, I have, like, I've never poked you before.

• 16:11Speaker 01

  Oh, shut up, you little cum dump.

• 16:14Speaker 02

  Times you've said that.

• 16:18Speaker 02

  Or heard it said. Um.

• 16:21Speaker 01

  Read the next ones.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  Anyway, so I'm just-

• 16:23Speaker 01

  It's still up for discussion.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  No, it's not! I've looked at the flipping history.

• 16:30Speaker 02

  Alex has messaged in after stumbling across a tiny version of Jordan. Yes, even smaller than he already is, in the most unexpected place.

• 16:37Speaker 01

  I'm not sure, I'm not rising to it. I'm like, I'm a very average type person. A lot of people think I'm short. People say to me all the time, "Oh, you're taller in person."

• 16:46Speaker 02

  Hello, William and Jordan. I'm a fairly new listener to your podcast and have really been enjoying spending a few hours each week with you and the team. I work at Walt Disney World in Florida and it has-

• 16:55Speaker 01

  God, you don't have this on in Walt, in Disneyland, do you? You'll never work again.

• 16:59Speaker 02

  And it has been funny for me to notice the crossovers between things you mentioned on the podcast and things I now discover at work. For instance, I had never had Dubonnet before and I only, only knew of it because of the Dubonnet Club from The Great Muppet Caper. Oh my god, I loved that film as a child. I'm gonna have to re-watch that.

• 17:12Speaker 01

  Is there a Dubonnet Club?

• 17:13Speaker 02

  Yes, it's got Diana Rigg in it. Oh.

• 17:16Speaker 01

  Oh, is there a Dubon- I loved them.

• 17:17Speaker 02

  The Dubonnet Club?

• 17:18Speaker 01

  I loved the Treasure Island one. Muppet.

• 17:22Speaker 02

  Treasure Island.

• 17:23Speaker 01

  And the Christmas Carol one.

• 17:24Speaker 02

  No, great Muppet caper. Oh my god, I'm gonna watch that tonight.

• 17:27Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 17:28Speaker 02

  I was excited to see it on the menu at one of our restaurants and had to try it. It was quite charming. I've also been able to enjoy William's aftershave recommendations, thanks to one of the shops at Epcot. Oh, good. Apart from all this, the real reason I'm writing is because I wanted to share something that made me unexpectedly excited, and it ties directly back to you. I was in one of the Disney shops browsing a section of mystery boxes themed to recent releases, and one of them happens to include Jordan's garden gnome character from Toy Story 5.

• 17:54Speaker 01

  Get me one!

• 17:55Speaker 02

  All the, please.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  Please.

• 17:57Speaker 02

  Although I'm generally not a fan of mystery boxes, I have been very tempted to buy one purely in the hope of finding this tiny gnome.

• 18:02Speaker 01

  Oh, love.

• 18:03Speaker 02

  Thanks for all the fun and laughs. William, have fun at Disneyland Paris. As we say, see you real soon.

• 18:07Speaker 01

  That's my, that's my character.

• 18:10Speaker 02

  Not the one in the middle.

• 18:11Speaker 01

  No, the garden gnome and there's Shaun, pink flamingo.

• 18:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, so she's in the background.

• 18:15Speaker 01

  Yeah. Shut up, chair!

• 18:18Speaker 02

  Where's the chair?

• 18:19Speaker 01

  Just in the middle of a shop.

• 18:21Speaker 02

  Look, there you are. We could all, we could all buy you and play with you at home.

• 18:27Speaker 02

  She might enjoy that. Helen took part in our Are You Horny in the Summer poll, and has sent in some scientific research to Avis in our research. She says, "It's actually very scientific, you know. Sunlight boosts the production of mood-enhancing neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, while also increasing vitamin D and testosterone levels, which drive libido. Additionally, warmer weather and longer days suppress melatonin, the sleep hormone, which leaves you feeling more energetic and alert. Socially lighter, more revealing clothing increases skin-to-skin contact and exposes us to pheromones found in sweat, which can naturally trigger sexual arousal in potential mates." And that's it for my etiquetteology on the week of being horny. Helen.

• 19:05Speaker 01

  See, that was a great etiquetteology, Helen. Thank you. See, that's short, sweet, and actually interesting.

• 19:14Speaker 03

  He's brewing on a joke.

• 19:16Speaker 01

  For anyone's listening for the first.

• 19:17Speaker 03

  He's brewing on a joke.

• 19:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:19Speaker 03

  William is just thinking.

• 19:21Speaker 01

  For anyone listening for the first time, we genuinely do love each other.

• 19:24Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 19:24Speaker 01

  We're very, very good friends.

• 19:27Speaker 03

  Short, sweet and actually interesting.

• 19:28Speaker 01

  I've said this.

• 19:29Speaker 02

  Jordan and Spies are at least one of those.

• 19:30Speaker 03

  There we go.

• 19:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, let's cut that in the end. I, I've said this before, honestly, it's why everyone's horny in the heat.

• 19:36Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 19:36Speaker 01

  It is. It makes sense now. What's it do to you? Um, melatonin.

• 19:42Speaker 02

  It suppresses melatonin because it's lighter for longer. So melatonin is normally produced at sort of when it goes dark. Because it doesn't go dark for as long. It doesn't, isn't produced as soon.

• 19:54Speaker 01

  Is that why I'm more tired in the winter?

• 19:57Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 19:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, that makes sense. I'm living off like six hours sleep at the moment, five, six hours a night. I'm actually all right.

• 20:05Speaker 02

  Um, Emma thinks she's caught me making a mistake of Titanic proportions. Dear William, Jordan, EPB and the rest of the Sexton team, I come to you with what I can only describe as an etiquette iceberg. William, in a recent episode, you quoted the iconic line from Titanic as paint me like one of your French girls. Now, unless James Cameron has quietly released a director's director's cut, I'm fairly certain the line is draw me like one of your French girls.

• 20:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's the Mandela effect, isn't it? Everyone says paint me like one of your French girls.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Brings me to my dilemma. What is the correct etiquette when an internationally respected etiquette coach confidently misquotes the line from the very film that inspired the musical they're currently starring in? I'm trying not to be that person. I'm simply concerned that if draw can become paint, we may soon be living in a world where Jack definitely could have fit on the door. Well, he could have done. Thank you for your guidance on this matter of utmost national importance. Yours, trying not to be the etiquette police, Emma. In my defence, I'm not in that scene in the show, so.

• 20:55Speaker 01

  It's, it's a Mandela effect, that. We always say paint me like one of your French girls. It's draw me. It's like mirror, mirror on the wall.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  Who's the fairest of them all, not in the film?

• 21:03Speaker 01

  Yes, she never says that.

• 21:04Speaker 02

  I think she says mirror, mirror.

• 21:06Speaker 01

  No, she says.

• 21:06Speaker 02

  Mirror, mirror. Magic, yes, magic mirror.

• 21:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's never mirror, mirror on the wall.

• 21:11Speaker 02

  We did. Can we talk about this ahead of the tour? We filmed.

• 21:14Speaker 03

  We've got to get that video. We've got to get it purely because.

• 21:17Speaker 02

  We filmed two trailers for the tour that never saw the light of day. One where Jordan and I are recreating the end of, not the end of Cinderella, the midnight bongs, as it were, I have at Cinderella. Where the prince and Cinderella are sitting on the steps of the palace.

• 21:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:32Speaker 02

  Sondheim reference for the case. And then for, just pointing it out. And then we did a mirror mirror one.

• 21:38Speaker 01

  Can we find these and maybe get an edit?

• 21:40Speaker 03

  I guess, I guess the problem is with like with promo videos, they obviously like they're, they're designed to sort of want people to buy tickets to the show, not put them off.

• 21:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, which is why you weren't in it.

• 21:50Speaker 01

  I was, I remember, I would like that.

• 21:52Speaker 03

  Well, actually, I got the biggest chair, so maybe that's the problem.

• 21:55Speaker 01

  That's true.

• 21:56Speaker 02

  Pity, shit, normally.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  I would like people to see that purely because that took a long time to film and.

• 22:03Speaker 03

  Well, we've got, we've got, we've, we've got, well, I, we, we have got the footage from the show and we did quite a lot of behind the scenes filming as well.

• 22:11Speaker 02

  Yes, it might be documentary at work.

• 22:12Speaker 01

  At some point coming out.

• 22:14Speaker 03

  So maybe we could all package it up.

• 22:16Speaker 02

  Do we tell?

• 22:16Speaker 01

  Pre-show meeting, can we bring that up today? The tour.

• 22:20Speaker 02

  Pre-show, well, we've.

• 22:21Speaker 01

  Post-show, whatever, wanna.

• 22:23Speaker 02

  We are doing the show currently. Do we tell, when do we tell them about when he comes on stage for tours normally? When do we actually tell him the truth?

• 22:32Speaker 01

  Well, that it's come.

• 22:32Speaker 02

  With the sound effect, yeah.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, sound effect.

• 22:35Speaker 02

  Just a little sweet nut. He thinks they're all cheering.

• 22:40Speaker 02

  It's actually normally when people walk out to go and get another drink.

• 22:41Speaker 01

  A lot of people being sick in the mouths when you came on, right, Kylie?

• 22:45Speaker 03

  Okay, right. Jordan North Pole, were you cheering when EPB came out on stage? Hundred percent, yes.

• 22:51Speaker 01

  Well, no, because that's boring.

• 22:53Speaker 02

  Um, Jess wants us to explain the mysterious world of the British social calendar. Hi, William Jordan, EPB and the rest of the Sexed team. I've been a listener for the past few years and even made quite an impression at a friend's dinner party. When I played the Cloner Willie dilemma clip. I think I may have converted a few new G and D'Vas. This is my first time writing in though. I have a specific question, which I think is right up William's street and it could even make a good etiquetteology. I've lived in the UK for five years now and I generally enjoy it here, particularly in the summertime. This year I attended Wimbledon for the first time, which I'd always wanted to do, and it was just marvellous. When my fiance and I got home, we learned that Wimbledon is part of the British social calendar or the season. We were wondering what other events make up this social calendar.

• 23:35Speaker 02

  Of course, we all know about Royal Ascot and I found a few lists online, but I'm not sure whether all the events are considered equally important or if. Some are more significant than others. I love getting dressed up and soaking up the atmosphere. So my question is, what events would you classify as the must attend occasions of the season? Where you go to see and be seen. I'd love to try and attend all of them over the coming years. So hearing William's thoughts would be incredibly helpful. All the best and many thanks. Jess.

• 23:58Speaker 01

  This is amazing, Jess, because I was telling friends about this only last week and you told me about this last year and I found it fascinating. So basically, like think Downton Abbey, they'd all come from their big manor houses in the summer, down to London for the season. Correct me when I'm wrong. And they'd stay in like their London townhouses, wouldn't they?

• 24:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  And then the season always started with Ascot.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 24:19Speaker 01

  Royal Ascot.

• 24:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:20Speaker 01

  And it was like the very.

• 24:21Speaker 02

  Depends what era of time you're going to.

• 24:24Speaker 01

  It was a very well to do like the aristocrats. So it was like Ascot, Henley Regatta and Wimbledon.

• 24:30Speaker 02

  No, well Wimbledon and Henley, no, traditionally no. I mean, Henley might have been latterly, but Wimbledon wasn't. But now is, yes, absolutely. I will try and see what we can do for etiquette and biology.

• 24:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:40Speaker 02

  On this. Cow's Week was one of them on the Isle of Cows boats.

• 24:44Speaker 01

  Um, because basically they didn't have jobs. They just had days. The summer must be.

• 24:48Speaker 02

  And it was a marriage market, basically. That was the whole point of the season. It was to find your daughter, the husband. And if you had to go through two seasons and you hadn't found one by the end of the season, then, then dicey. Why did no one want you sadly? But that's, you know, luckily the role of women has changed for the better.

• 25:07Speaker 01

  So what else was on there? It's definitely Wimbledon. Ascot was up there. It was definitely.

• 25:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, Ascot, absolutely. That was, that was the dueling. No, I've just said.

• 25:16Speaker 01

  Well.

• 25:17Speaker 02

  No, there was, it wasn't what you thought. Epsom used to be.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  What, the salts?

• 25:23Speaker 02

  Get you.

• 25:24Speaker 01

  What's Epsom?

• 25:25Speaker 02

  Uh, races. That is another form of racing. It's like Ascot, but not Ascot. There were lots of things. Chelsea Flower Show. That was one. So yeah, there's a lot, there's lots. And then you'd get presented at court. And you would bow before the Queen.

• 25:40Speaker 01

  I've seen that on Downton Abbey.

• 25:42Speaker 02

  That is on Downton Abbey, yes.

• 25:43Speaker 01

  The film.

• 25:45Speaker 02

  Uh.

• 25:46Speaker 01

  It's the movie.

• 25:47Speaker 02

  It wasn't in the film, it was in one of their Christmas specials.

• 25:51Speaker 01

  Same thing.

• 25:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:52Speaker 01

  Don't be.

• 25:52Speaker 03

  What's the modern day, what's in the modern day season?

• 25:54Speaker 01

  I told you, Henley Regatta.

• 25:56Speaker 02

  Jingle Bell Ball.

• 25:58Speaker 01

  Capital's Jingle Bell Ball, Summertime Ball. Uh.

• 26:02Speaker 03

  Help I Six to My Boss Live Show.

• 26:04Speaker 02

  No, it's March.

• 26:05Speaker 01

  I do love the summer, I do love the summer.

• 26:08Speaker 02

  I don't.

• 26:08Speaker 01

  Is anyone getting a bit apprehensive about the winter and the dark nights coming? Oh, let's not think about it.

• 26:11Speaker 02

  Don't be apprehensive, Jordan, you've got months.

• 26:15Speaker 03

  He was getting apprehensive about turning forty on Tuesday, and that's four years away.

• 26:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, imagine being fourteen in the winter.

• 26:23Speaker 02

  You might as well just book a one-way ticket to Switzerland.

• 26:25Speaker 01

  Are you allowed to wear big coats in your forties?

• 26:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course you are. Um, right.

• 26:31Speaker 01

  Let's finish with our comment of the week, this can be a comment from Spotify, YouTube, or any of our socials.

• 26:37Speaker 02

  Um, here are the honourable mentions, K G K commented on YouTube, Jordan looks so happy that he can now directly look into the camera and read his opening lines without looking at a script, heart emoji, achievement unlocked after eight years, to which I replied, lol, it's an autocue.

• 26:53Speaker 01

  You bitch, you absolute bitch, did you reply to that?

• 26:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:58Speaker 02

  Did you not see it? I thought you don't read them.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  You shit-house, as if you did that, you give away the little, little secret there.

• 27:05Speaker 02

  It's not a secret, it's just an autocue.

• 27:06Speaker 01

  I bet you couldn't wait, could you? It's an autocue.

• 27:09Speaker 02

  Oh, look at him, oh, he can read a script.

• 27:13Speaker 01

  Oh, someone's been nice to Jordan, it's an autocue.

• 27:16Speaker 02

  Excuse me, if someone's nasty to you, I will also stick up for you, but I can stop doing that if you like.

• 27:20Speaker 01

  No, don't reply.

• 27:23Speaker 02

  Uh.

• 27:23Speaker 01

  Don't reply.

• 27:24Speaker 02

  On Facebook, Gemma Lou commented on the reel of you talking about your fairy spray, Jordan is a bit Mrs Hinch. Comment of the week goes to Mark on Spotify, however, who commented on the episode in which Jordan did his Piggy Bits etiquette amology. Mark said, sure, Jordan had a go at William for the etiquette being too long to make them punchier, longest one ever.

• 27:42Speaker 01

  No, it wasn't.

• 27:43Speaker 02

  Yes, it was.

• 27:43Speaker 01

  It was a sweet etiquette amology.

• 27:45Speaker 02

  It was absolutely not, Jordan, it was a page and a half. And you added to it with handwriting.

• 27:52Speaker 02

  So, you know, just FYI.

• 27:55Speaker 01

  I don't think it was. I think it was quite short compared to yours. Yours can...

• 27:58Speaker 02

  Well, yours is quite short compared to mine.

• 28:00Speaker 01

  Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. If you want to get in touch about something that isn't a dilemma or a problem, drop into our DMs, send us an email, [email protected]. And we also love hearing back from people we have for advice to. So if that's you, get back in touch. We'll see you on Tuesday.

• 28:18Speaker 02

  Production question. Why is the intro on autocue for Tuesday? The intro for Friday is not on autocue, the outros aren't on... If we've got the flipping autocue, why don't we use it?

• 28:28Speaker 03

  I mean, like, do you not think at this point, like, we've been doing it for eight years, the intro for the week, for this Friday episode?

• 28:34Speaker 02

  Yes, I would agree. We don't need to actually have...

• 28:36Speaker 01

  I'm really, really sorry.

• 28:38Speaker 03

  At some point, you think...

• 28:39Speaker 01

  I want to go and enjoy my weekend. I don't want to discuss the autocue. So we're going to end this episode.

• 28:43Speaker 02

  No, we're not. Excuse me. Who died and made you sheriff?

• 28:47Speaker 01

  We're done here.

• 28:48Speaker 02

  Finished.

• 28:49Speaker 01

  Goodbye.

• 28:49Speaker 03

  Howdy.