Help I Left My Sunnies At My Situationship | And Jordan Can’t Speak

Jordan's convinced the flavour of chocolate has changed, William's suddenly obsessed with crocs (not the shoes) and one G&Diva needs to convince their ex situationship they're not trying to exchange their sunglasses for a shag. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected]. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  William and Jordan will be with you in just a moment, but first, here's one for your queue. Vicky Patterson has taken on a huge charity challenge, getting from Newcastle to London by kayak, bike and on foot. Now she's on her podcast Get a Grip with a proper, honest, blisters and all debrief. If you need a nudge to step outside your comfort zone, then this is the one for you. Once this episode's done, search Get a Grip and get it playing. Right, I've got to start the episode by saying I'm in my paddle kit.

• 0:32Speaker 01

  I think it's unprofessional.

• 0:33Speaker 00

  I'm playing paddle. Says you, you came in gym kit before.

• 0:37Speaker 01

  Because I was filming a parkour video.

• 0:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 0:40Speaker 01

  And at least my arms were covered. I mean, thank God we're not in a Catholic church, that's what I'd say.

• 0:44Speaker 00

  It's only a vest. I got paddle after this. I actually feel a bit weird with it on.

• 0:48Speaker 01

  Well, I've got, I've got the show, but I'm not sitting here with my birds and my pussy bow, am I?

• 0:51Speaker 00

  I beg your pardon?

• 0:52Speaker 01

  My birds and my pussy bow.

• 0:54Speaker 00

  Who's that?

• 0:55Speaker 01

  My pussy bow.

• 0:56Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 0:56Speaker 02

  If you are watching on YouTube, there is a

• 0:59Speaker 01

  If you're watching for a nip slip. Yes, if you're watching on YouTube, or it has now become YouPorn.

• 1:05Speaker 00

  Shall I put a t-shirt on or something?

• 1:07Speaker 01

  You look lovely.

• 1:09Speaker 00

  Just feel a bit weird now.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  The forums are going to love it.

• 1:16Speaker 00

  Hello and welcome to Help I Sexed My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life. Answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to those everyday dilemmas like, what should you do when your partner has been dry in their genitalia with your face towel? Or how'd you cope with being super duper extra horny during the heatwave?

• 1:36Speaker 01

  You turn up in a vest.

• 1:37Speaker 00

  And what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss? But we're not usually going to answer, are we? William Hanson, the UK's leading etiquette expert.

• 1:45Speaker 01

  No, we're not. Jordan North, Capital Radio Show host. I'm more London West End, you're more Preston North End.

• 1:50Speaker 00

  I beg your pardon? Preston North End?

• 1:53Speaker 01

  Is that a football saying?

• 1:54Speaker 00

  Well, yeah.

• 1:55Speaker 01

  You were born in Preston or lived in Preston?

• 1:57Speaker 00

  I lived there, but I'm not a North End fan, am I?

• 1:59Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 2:00Speaker 00

  Not a knob ender.

• 2:01Speaker 01

  You need to talk to Archie, because that was from Archie.

• 2:04Speaker 00

  Thank you, Archie.

• 2:05Speaker 01

  Would you like to do the G and D?

• 2:07Speaker 00

  I mean, yeah, all right.

• 2:09Speaker 01

  Do you want the measure?

• 2:10Speaker 00

  No, no, no, why measure? We're amongst friends, aren't we?

• 2:13Speaker 01

  Do you want me to do the ice first?

• 2:14Speaker 00

  Go on, pop some ice in there. Two in.

• 2:17Speaker 01

  Clear. You can do that one.

• 2:20Speaker 00

  What?

• 2:20Speaker 01

  I'm just telling you, you can do it clear. That one's clear now.

• 2:25Speaker 00

  Are you all right?

• 2:25Speaker 01

  Yes, I'm absolutely fine.

• 2:26Speaker 00

  I feel very self-conscious in this vest. Really do.

• 2:31Speaker 01

  Well, the general help. It's quite a lot of it. Oh, actually, do you need another D?

• 2:37Speaker 00

  No, there's enough there.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  There's loads of D.

• 2:39Speaker 00

  There's loads of D there.

• 2:40Speaker 01

  Not, not with his measures.

• 2:41Speaker 00

  No, look.

• 2:44Speaker 01

  That is half and half.

• 2:47Speaker 00

  Where's my shout wipe? I've spilt D on my PE shorts.

• 2:51Speaker 01

  And we're going to toast Katie, who messaged in to say, hi, would have been Jordan, I've been a huge fan of the shape for ages and my 21st birthday is coming up soon. To celebrate, I'm asking my favourite people for their best wisdom or absolute chaos from that age. What's the wildest, funniest or most memorable story you have from when you were 21? Keep doing what you do. Love the show, Katie. I sucked off Jordan North.

• 3:14Speaker 00

  That is not true. Um, oh God, I don't know.

• 3:18Speaker 01

  I can't, I mean, it sounds awful. I can't really remember.

• 3:21Speaker 00

  No, no, because you didn't really drink, did you?

• 3:23Speaker 01

  No, no, I didn't drink until I was 23.

• 3:24Speaker 00

  I went to Magaluf when I was 21.

• 3:27Speaker 01

  Hmm. I, was that, because I'm in between, I think one of my university holidays, I went around all the National Trust in sort of the South West area.

• 3:39Speaker 00

  You see, that's how we were different when we started out, because I watched my mate finger a girl from Stoke.

• 3:46Speaker 02

  Were you in Stoke at the time, or was the girl from Stoke?

• 3:48Speaker 00

  No, she was from Stoke.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  And now you're a bit Stoke on Trent.

• 3:51Speaker 00

  It was, it was on a dance floor.

• 3:55Speaker 01

  Hmm. Okay. Was there consent?

• 3:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, of course.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  Okay, fine, good.

• 4:01Speaker 00

  I'm not going to say it, but I've talked to this about Gen Z's before. When we, when we used to go out, I don't want to start the episode.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  When we, you.

• 4:10Speaker 00

  But everybody used to get fingered. Now you never see it, which is probably right.

• 4:15Speaker 01

  Why do you think I'm in freedom all the time?

• 4:16Speaker 00

  Oh, wow. Okay, cheers.

• 4:18Speaker 01

  It's a joke. Anyway, Katie, this is you. We can't really remember, but just whatever you do, just enjoy it and don't feel pressured to do anything that you don't want to do, is what we'd say.

• 4:26Speaker 00

  Exactly. Don't feel pressured to do a podcast in your vest.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  Jordan, we did not pressure you.

• 4:33Speaker 00

  You did?

• 4:34Speaker 01

  No, we didn't. I was advocating for the t-shirt.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  If you keep thinking about it.

• 4:41Speaker 00

  I'm putting my t-shirt on.

• 4:43Speaker 01

  Oh, for God's sake.

• 4:43Speaker 00

  Okay, hang on. I'll keep the cap on.

• 4:47Speaker 01

  If anything, I'd rather you kept the vest and took off the hat.

• 4:50Speaker 00

  Why?

• 4:51Speaker 01

  Well, because I just don't like hats indoors. Especially backwards as well. That's particularly offensive.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  Please hold, listeners. Jordan is just changing. To be fair, his pasty arms were actually breaking up the red, so I mean, maybe he should have stayed.

• 5:08Speaker 00

  The only reason I didn't wear this is because I've worn it in the gym, so it stinks of BO.

• 5:12Speaker 01

  Oh, good. Oh, lovely.

• 5:15Speaker 00

  Like, have we got any Fabreeze about?

• 5:18Speaker 01

  No.

• 5:19Speaker 00

  If it smells of BO, I'll put the vest back on.

• 5:22Speaker 02

  We're not changing again.

• 5:23Speaker 00

  All right, I've been told we're not changing again.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  Shall I go and wear the vest?

• 5:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, you should.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  No. How are you?

• 5:31Speaker 00

  I'm good. How are you?

• 5:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, what's gone on?

• 5:33Speaker 00

  Oh, you know, the same old, same old thing. I'm on a losing streak at the moment. And it happens every

• 5:40Speaker 01

  With your hair?

• 5:41Speaker 00

  Every now and then in my, in my, in my life. I've lost two pairs of good sunglasses.

• 5:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:47Speaker 00

  One of them weren't mine, which is annoying because

• 5:49Speaker 01

  I lost my sunglasses the other day. Now I become you.

• 5:52Speaker 00

  Always the expensive sunglasses you lose. I've only got one expensive pair of sunglasses and that's my Ray-Bans, right? And I like the classic Clubman ones and I wear them for best. All my other ones, right, are just cheap.

• 6:06Speaker 01

  What is best?

• 6:07Speaker 00

  Like for

• 6:08Speaker 01

  For sunglasses, anyway, because I wouldn't say you should wear sunglasses.

• 6:10Speaker 00

  For a nice outfit and stuff.

• 6:12Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 6:13Speaker 00

  You wear them, like, anyway, I've lost them and I don't know how, so I'm really pee'd off. Because all me, it's typical, so I've had sunglasses for years, like, I've got a pair of sunglasses that I think I've had about six years and they cost me about a tenner.

• 6:23Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 6:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, and some are like from ASOS that were four quid and I can't lose them for love of the money. But these ones, so I've lost them, my APods, wallet, I don't know where my wallet is. And I had to cancel all my cards, keys, a pair of shorts, two gym tops and a trainer.

• 6:44Speaker 01

  Just one trainer?

• 6:45Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 6:46Speaker 01

  That's annoying.

• 6:46Speaker 00

  Did I tell you about my trainer? Only got, yeah, I've lost another one since.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  Honestly, you would forget your head if it wasn't screwed on.

• 6:53Speaker 00

  So I'm on a bit of a, on a bit of a losing streak at the moment, which is annoying.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, I bet, yeah, I would agree. Talking of trainers, I have paused to jack it up, Joel.

• 7:04Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 7:05Speaker 01

  I have, if anything, he's, he's jacked off.

• 7:08Speaker 00

  Have you?

• 7:09Speaker 01

  For the time being.

• 7:10Speaker 00

  Have you fallen out?

• 7:10Speaker 01

  No, I haven't fallen out. I just need to conserve energy for other things. We're nearly at the end, but he was surprised that I was even trying to attempt to keep, keep it up during the show.

• 7:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's fair enough.

• 7:23Speaker 01

  So when I, I was attempting to keep it up during the show and I said, no, I can't. I haven't got the stamina. So Joel, I just need to sort of pause jacking it up. And once I'm back from a holiday after the show, I'll hit the ground running.

• 7:37Speaker 00

  You, your eyes look like two piss holes in snow, if you don't mind me saying.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  Thank you very much.

• 7:42Speaker 00

  You can tell it's getting towards there. But you, you know, you've done well. You've had a good stint.

• 7:47Speaker 01

  Oh, I mean, I'm not dying.

• 7:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know, but it's good and you need this holiday and have a nice rest.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  Well, it's taking two children to Disneyland, so I'm not convinced that's the, that's the, that's the most stressful of holidays.

• 7:57Speaker 00

  I'm Mikey.

• 7:59Speaker 01

  Oh, we'll be fine, but it'll be, it'll be happy memories.

• 8:03Speaker 00

  Yeah. Okay.

• 8:05Speaker 02

  What, are you on a losing streak on your paddle as well, Jordan?

• 8:08Speaker 00

  No, I'm honestly smashing paddle at the moment. I don't want to say it because I don't want to jinx it. You've just got to be the ball in paddle. And I was start, started out really bad, but now I'm like, I'm on, I'm on all these paddle clubs, I'm following, I'm watching paddle YouTube videos, smacking it off the wall, smacking it internet. My paddle's not too bad either. It's, yeah, smashing it.

• 8:32Speaker 01

  Okay, so I'm not obviously a tennis or paddle person, although I have played both. Genuinely, what is the difference in terms of the rules? I know paddle, you can obviously hit against the walls, et cetera. What is the difference from the rules between paddle and tennis? Or are there none? It is basically

• 8:46Speaker 00

  Similar, but you've got a wall and a smaller court and you

• 8:50Speaker 01

  Oh, the court's smaller?

• 8:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, a lot smaller and you tend to play in doubles.

• 8:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:54Speaker 02

  And different rackets is the

• 8:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's a smaller racket.

• 8:57Speaker 02

  It's like an E, but it's, it hits it

• 8:59Speaker 01

  It's not, it's not strong, is it? It's

• 9:01Speaker 00

  No. It's a great, I really love it. I really, I play every, usually every Thursday, but I love it so I actually go for beers after. It's just part of social.

• 9:09Speaker 01

  You know, you can just go for beers without attaching it to a sport.

• 9:12Speaker 00

  Like now, we're playing an hour and a half and we've got a good thing going as well with the people playing with it. Yeah, it's, it, it's great. Best thing as well, they serve Mau beer there at my paddle court. Proper Spanish good beer. Mau, M-A-U, is that how you speak it?

• 9:26Speaker 01

  Chairman?

• 9:27Speaker 00

  I've been told, I've been told as well to, when I say, what score is it? And they say 15 love.

• 9:32Speaker 01

  You've been told to stop saying that.

• 9:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, because they said it weren't funny in the first week. And I was, I always go, cheers, love. But the best one is I go, what score is it? They go, juice. And I go, no, all right, I've got some water.

• 9:43Speaker 00

  Sometimes gets a laugh.

• 9:44Speaker 02

  No.

• 9:45Speaker 00

  Am I doing jolly joke at week this week? Oh, God help us. So yeah, I'd love to play with you just to watch you.

• 9:51Speaker 01

  Well, invite me.

• 9:52Speaker 02

  Now, yeah, exactly.

• 9:53Speaker 01

  You, me, Jack and Ben.

• 9:55Speaker 00

  Invite yous to all sorts. You never want to hang out with me outside of here. You just want to take me for my time.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  Sorry, hang on, who are you looking at?

• 10:02Speaker 00

  All of yous. None of yous, none of yous want to hang out with me outside of here.

• 10:04Speaker 01

  Let's go round the room. Let's go round the room.

• 10:07Speaker 00

  Right.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  When was the last time that you were invited to something, Ben?

• 10:10Speaker 02

  I was invited by Jordan to play football with him before Socceroo and I did go to it.

• 10:14Speaker 00

  Okay. I've invited you to jet washing. I've invited you to paddle.

• 10:17Speaker 02

  You haven't invited me to jet washing?

• 10:19Speaker 00

  Let me know if you're free for a beer this Sunday, a couple of weeks ago.

• 10:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I said, yeah, I'm free. And you said, oh, actually, I'm busy. That doesn't count.

• 10:26Speaker 00

  What a thought.

• 10:27Speaker 01

  Jack, when was the last time you were invited to something?

• 10:30Speaker 03

  I was also invited for football, but I was given 24 hours notice, so I couldn't do that.

• 10:34Speaker 01

  Right.

• 10:35Speaker 03

  But I would have loved to.

• 10:36Speaker 01

  Okay. Izzy?

• 10:37Speaker 04

  Went to a Burnley match about two years ago, not.

• 10:40Speaker 00

  Got to a Burnley match two years ago. We went to, uh.

• 10:44Speaker 04

  Not last season, we did it.

• 10:44Speaker 02

  It was Burnley in the Championship, so it was two years ago.

• 10:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was QPR, wasn't it? Oh, God. It was a year ago.

• 10:51Speaker 01

  Izzy's coming to stay with me this week.

• 10:54Speaker 00

  Is she?

• 10:55Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 10:55Speaker 00

  Why?

• 10:56Speaker 01

  Well, just because we're friends.

• 10:58Speaker 00

  You've been kicked out?

• 10:59Speaker 01

  Okay. We're gonna hang out.

• 11:02Speaker 00

  Been kicked out? I don't know. I can imagine what for.

• 11:05Speaker 01

  No.

• 11:06Speaker 00

  Landlady.

• 11:06Speaker 01

  She has not been kicked out. She's only just moved house.

• 11:10Speaker 00

  So why are you staying over?

• 11:12Speaker 01

  She's just gonna just hang out.

• 11:13Speaker 00

  Oh, okay. Fair enough.

• 11:14Speaker 01

  She's not staying on the sofa, obviously, because I don't allow anyone to sleep on that.

• 11:18Speaker 00

  No.

• 11:19Speaker 01

  Giving an actual, giving her an actual bed in the guest room. Sheets on a boil wash afterwards, but.

• 11:26Speaker 00

  You've only yourself to blame, love.

• 11:29Speaker 01

  I'm joking. I'm joking. We actually do love Gen Z, Izzy. Oh, I'd love for you to come and stay at ours.

• 11:37Speaker 00

  I would. What else been going on with you?

• 11:39Speaker 01

  Well, I've got into my barbecuing, had some friends round on Monday for a little barbecue, a little prompt to barbecue.

• 11:45Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 11:46Speaker 01

  A little, did a little, got on my bike and went up to the butchers.

• 11:49Speaker 00

  Gas or coal?

• 11:50Speaker 01

  Uh, I'm gas and electric.

• 11:54Speaker 01

  I'm, I'm by fuel.

• 11:55Speaker 00

  That's not proper barbecue.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  Well, I'm enjoying it. Remember, I have never barbecued anything in my life, so I'm gonna make it easy for myself.

• 12:02Speaker 00

  But you're like a mum. You cook everything oven first and then put it on barbecue, don't you?

• 12:06Speaker 01

  I absolutely am not. Thank you very much. Um, no, I got into the bike, uh, onto the bike, uh, went up to the butchers, put all my meat in the basket at the front, sort of pedaled back home.

• 12:15Speaker 00

  Only you can make a barbecue sound gay.

• 12:19Speaker 01

  And, um, yes, and then we, you know, fire it up, bit of smoke. It's like stars in their eyes. I love it. And then you sort of pop all your sausages and your chicken kebabs.

• 12:29Speaker 00

  We know how a barbecue works.

• 12:31Speaker 01

  And after 10 minutes, it's all lovely, ready to eat. Did some nice salads, did a mix of wedges.

• 12:37Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 12:38Speaker 01

  A range of condiments. And it went down very well. And then did a lovely peach, hazelnut and raspberry cake for pudding.

• 12:46Speaker 00

  See, does that not just sound like the gayest barbecue you've ever heard of?

• 12:49Speaker 01

  Well, what do you serve for pudding at a barbecue?

• 12:51Speaker 00

  I don't. Everyone's too full to eat.

• 12:53Speaker 01

  No.

• 12:54Speaker 00

  Like get out 20 Marlboro Lights and that's about it.

• 12:57Speaker 01

  We don't encourage that.

• 12:58Speaker 00

  We don't encourage that. We actually don't. We don't. Seriously, we don't.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  Well, at my very executive barbecue, I wonder if I'll share a photograph of my executive barbecue.

• 13:06Speaker 00

  What salad did you do?

• 13:09Speaker 01

  Just a very plain, so I just get a mix of remain and the darker baby gem ones, the sort of the purply ones, chop that up, bit of olive oil and lemon juice, salt, that's all you need.

• 13:19Speaker 00

  Uh, see, I, I make a Greek salad.

• 13:21Speaker 01

  No, you see, I think salads, you can overdo a salad. You just want a classic French salad.

• 13:26Speaker 00

  A bit of Greek salad. Get it on. I put origami on mine, everything.

• 13:29Speaker 01

  Origami?

• 13:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, bit of olive oil.

• 13:31Speaker 02

  Folded paper.

• 13:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's what it, what's it called?

• 13:35Speaker 01

  Origano.

• 13:36Speaker 00

  Origano. Oh, sorry, I forgot the O and the E.

• 13:41Speaker 00

  Twat.

• 13:43Speaker 00

  And a lot. Nobs. Anyway, that's how I met my, I'm gonna have a barbecue. I'm gonna invite yous all round. I'm gonna have a barbecue.

• 13:49Speaker 02

  Sounds absolutely lovely.

• 13:51Speaker 00

  I actually, I actually will, um, that's, I'll remind myself.

• 13:54Speaker 01

  Who, actually, who do you think will get the team round first? Me or Jordan? We know that when it goes in Jo, on Jordan's to do list, it gets done.

• 14:04Speaker 00

  It's going on. My P A, William Hanson, will be in touch.

• 14:10Speaker 01

  Lovely.

• 14:11Speaker 00

  If it goes quiet after this West End stint, I'll sort it out.

• 14:14Speaker 01

  Jordan, I hope it goes quiet after this West End stint.

• 14:16Speaker 00

  I'll, I'll give you two days a week. Two days a week and put me washing away. You got yourself a deal.

• 14:22Speaker 01

  Okay. I mean, uh, Jordan's now shaking my hand. I mean, I didn't actually ask for that, but okay.

• 14:25Speaker 00

  You'd be such.

• 14:27Speaker 01

  I would be such a good P A. You would murder me, but I would, I would love to be your P A.

• 14:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:32Speaker 01

  I would sort quite a few things out. In a good way. Like, I like, I like, I, you know, it comes naturally to me to be bossy.

• 14:40Speaker 00

  And organised.

• 14:40Speaker 01

  And demonstrative. And so I think it would be great.

• 14:44Speaker 00

  Um, quick one. I just want your natural reaction. Okay. I am genuinely, I've been thinking about this a couple of years, nearly did it about two years ago, but now because a mate of mine's done it, I'm think, I'm gonna copy him. I'm gonna get a Vespa.

• 15:00Speaker 01

  Martini?

• 15:00Speaker 00

  No.

• 15:01Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 15:02Speaker 00

  A scooter.

• 15:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, you've, you've toyed with this before.

• 15:06Speaker 00

  I'm really thinking I might.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  Where will you scoot?

• 15:09Speaker 00

  Again, how can you make this sound gay?

• 15:12Speaker 01

  Jordan, you're getting a Vespa. That is pretty gay.

• 15:15Speaker 00

  So it's a moped, right? I'm gonna get a moped.

• 15:17Speaker 01

  You look like Jennifer Coolidge in White Lotus.

• 15:22Speaker 00

  These gays are trying to kill me. I've always wanted one and my mate's just got one, Jake, and I'm like, oh, and he looks so cool. And I'm like.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, but Jake is cool.

• 15:34Speaker 00

  I, I would get round that there London so quick. I'd never be late for this because I could put me helmet on, jump on Vespa. I'd be like Jamie Oliver. I genuinely want one. I've got a really good blue one that I like.

• 15:46Speaker 02

  Radio presenter.

• 15:47Speaker 00

  Yeah. Do you know, Izzy, we always ask you, do you think Vespas are cool?

• 15:53Speaker 04

  I actually do, but not when you do it.

• 15:56Speaker 00

  Genuinely, I could give you a backy.

• 16:00Speaker 01

  All right. Are you, are you thinking of taking it to work? You're sort of.

• 16:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:05Speaker 01

  But think, you're tired and particularly after the show, do you really want to, if you're tired, to be driving yourself?

• 16:12Speaker 00

  Everyone I've suggested it to is that, no, I'm really worried about you.

• 16:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would be. And it's dangerous. It's London. It's not like you're going around the, the coast and Palermo. You are in London, one of the world's.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  Get a Vespa.

• 16:24Speaker 01

  I'm not getting a Vespa.

• 16:25Speaker 00

  I want, I've seen one for a really good price near me, blue one, electric blue.

• 16:30Speaker 02

  Which, what, what is electric blue?

• 16:32Speaker 01

  It's like blue, but it's bright.

• 16:34Speaker 00

  Blue that's electric.

• 16:35Speaker 02

  Bright blue.

• 16:36Speaker 00

  Looks cool. I'm just genuinely, it might be a bit harder in winter.

• 16:39Speaker 01

  And do tell me you will wear a helmet.

• 16:41Speaker 00

  Of course I wear a helmet.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  That's a legal requirement.

• 16:43Speaker 00

  That's a legal requirement.

• 16:44Speaker 01

  Okay, good.

• 16:45Speaker 00

  Course I will. I think I'd look cool. I think, is this a midlife crisis or?

• 16:50Speaker 01

  It's something. Hmm.

• 16:52Speaker 00

  And they're only, they're just nippy, aren't they?

• 16:55Speaker 01

  Nip here, nip there.

• 16:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:56Speaker 01

  How, what's the range on it? What's the furthest you could go?

• 16:59Speaker 00

  Do you mean it's petrol?

• 17:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, but, yeah, but.

• 17:01Speaker 00

  We can't go all the way, so I can't go up to Burnley on it.

• 17:03Speaker 01

  No, well, no. Don't, don't take your Vespa to Burnley, darling.

• 17:07Speaker 00

  Why? They'd love it.

• 17:09Speaker 01

  They'd laugh.

• 17:10Speaker 00

  Would they? Well, I'll take it. I'll buy a Harley Davidson then. Go ahead.

• 17:14Speaker 01

  I don't think you can take that up to Burnley.

• 17:16Speaker 00

  Oh, maybe it starts with Vespa and then in two years.

• 17:19Speaker 01

  Jordan and his London ways, sit it on his Vespa.

• 17:21Speaker 00

  Is it quite London to get a Vespa?

• 17:23Speaker 01

  It, yeah.

• 17:23Speaker 00

  No, I think.

• 17:24Speaker 01

  I think I said to you at the time, and I know, I know not many people got the reference. I know my friend Christian got it, that you will look like the start of the Andrew Marr show titles when he was on this little Vespa. Back in the day, if you look it up, what the Andrew Marr show title, he was pootling around London, going past the Houses of Parliament and all that jazz on his Vespa.

• 17:41Speaker 00

  I think I've just got to scratch this itch. I've talked about it before and I think now's the time to do it.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  Okay. Well, if you're happy, go for it. Then you're not, it's not hurting anyone. It's more money.

• 17:50Speaker 00

  Your barbecue and I'm vespering, people change.

• 17:52Speaker 01

  They do.

• 17:53Speaker 00

  And if that doesn't prove it, I don't know what will.

• 17:55Speaker 01

  Who can say if we've been changed for the better?

• 17:58Speaker 00

  Because I can, because.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  Oh, so close.

• 18:01Speaker 00

  What is it?

• 18:02Speaker 01

  Because I knew you.

• 18:03Speaker 00

  Because I knew you.

• 18:04Speaker 01

  Because I knew you.

• 18:05Speaker 00

  Because I knew you.

• 18:07Speaker 01

  He's holding my finger. I have been changed for good. Oh, thank you. We did that on tour, brought the house down.

• 18:14Speaker 00

  It did.

• 18:15Speaker 01

  That's where then someone shouted gay.

• 18:16Speaker 00

  Gay. Anything else going on?

• 18:19Speaker 01

  I'm obsessed with alligator videos. Occasionally crocodile, when I feel like mixing it up.

• 18:23Speaker 00

  What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

• 18:25Speaker 01

  Well, one's an alligator and one's a crocodile. No, it's the width of the snout. Crocodiles have a sort of a narrower, pointier nose, whereas alligators, they're a bit bigger.

• 18:33Speaker 00

  Are they? But they're the same, aren't they?

• 18:36Speaker 01

  They're, they're both reptiles. Let's put it this way, an alligator, if you were in the water with an alligator, you probably wouldn't survive. But crocodiles will always attack, whereas alligators are a bit la, a bit la, lazier.

• 18:49Speaker 00

  Right.

• 18:50Speaker 02

  You've also got caiman.

• 18:51Speaker 01

  Yes, you have got caiman found in, uh, South America.

• 18:54Speaker 00

  What's them?

• 18:56Speaker 01

  Like smaller crocodiles. Again, you, you don't want to go near a caiman. You don't want to go near an alligator. And I tell you why this started, I think.

• 19:04Speaker 00

  My brother's started doing a podcast with Steve Irwin this. Bless his soul.

• 19:09Speaker 01

  My brother was as a child obsessed with the crocodile from Peter Pan. So thus, if we went to Bristol Zoo where they had a crocodile, I mean, it was absolutely microscopic, but they had a crocodile, we'd always have to look at it. We went to America where they had crocodiles, we'd have to go and look at them. And so much attention was put on James liking crocodiles and what, and I think James is interested in crocodiles now, but is actually not that fast. I'm, I, I said this on, on something else recently, I'd quite like to come back as an alligator.

• 19:39Speaker 01

  I just find them absolutely fascinating. Like if one, I mean, if one was in here now, I would panic, but if there was.

• 19:45Speaker 02

  We all would.

• 19:45Speaker 01

  Yeah. If there was a lake and there was a safe sort of barrier, I will, like Gatorland in Florida, I'm, I am obsessed with.

• 19:54Speaker 00

  I never knew this about you.

• 19:56Speaker 01

  I, there is something so, and also when you are like so close to them, where my, um, aunt and uncle used to live in South Carolina, you would go cycling and you would just literally cycle past one.

• 20:06Speaker 00

  Shut up.

• 20:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, they'd just get on the bank.

• 20:08Speaker 00

  I cycle past a snake in Spain and shit myself.

• 20:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, this is an alligator. And they're just, they're just basking in the sun. And there, that's where, I mean, you don't want to go up and start petting it. But that's where they're just sunbathing. It's like, well, if you leave me alone, I'll leave you alone.

• 20:21Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 20:22Speaker 01

  But then my aunt and uncle were told, because where they used to live, imagine sort of Desperate Housewives, the area, um, that's where they sort of lived during mating season in May, do not walk at night.

• 20:32Speaker 00

  Why?

• 20:33Speaker 01

  Just get in your car, drive, because that's where they, that's where they're more territorial and they're coming out of the lagoons and crossing.

• 20:39Speaker 00

  The world we live in. So, so crocodiles, their horny seasons, May.

• 20:44Speaker 01

  Alligators.

• 20:45Speaker 00

  Alligators.

• 20:47Speaker 01

  In South Carolina, I don't know if it changes depending where you are. But no, at night, you just don't walk, you just get in your car.

• 20:54Speaker 00

  And you obviously watch your pets and stuff.

• 20:57Speaker 01

  Don't have dogs. Literally, the bottom of my, sort of where the, um, what's the, Ellison, that studio.

• 21:04Speaker 00

  Jack.

• 21:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. As close as we are to there was a lagoon at the end of their garden with no defence other than grass. I'll put a video on, they don't live there now, so I can, I can share this video and they're just alligators going up and down.

• 21:16Speaker 00

  But the thing is, we're an alligator. If one come in your garden, you could probably shoo it away with a brush or a mop.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  You could give it a go, yeah.

• 21:22Speaker 00

  Whereas a snake, I'd just shit myself.

• 21:24Speaker 01

  Well, snakes go so quick, I mean, alligators can go quite quickly, but snakes really go.

• 21:28Speaker 00

  Do they?

• 21:29Speaker 01

  But if there is a, if there's a video about anything to do with alligators, my Instagram serves it to me. And I'm fine with that.

• 21:37Speaker 00

  Well, I was gonna put a question out whether chocolate tastes different now, but I think you've used up all your time on alligators.

• 21:42Speaker 01

  Have we? Sorry.

• 21:43Speaker 00

  Yeah. Is it me, or is the chocolate just not the same at the moment?

• 21:47Speaker 00

  Honestly, I had a Rocky the other day.

• 21:51Speaker 00

  It was like.

• 21:51Speaker 01

  You gave me a chocolate finger and it felt different.

• 21:53Speaker 00

  I know, it's somewhat not right about chocolate at the moment. Is that just me?

• 21:57Speaker 01

  Could be your taste buds changed.

• 21:58Speaker 00

  No, I don't know what it is. Is anyone else noticed it?

• 22:00Speaker 01

  Maybe that, well, but there was, I'm not gonna say that there was a big chocolate factory that got bought by another chocolate provider and there's all sorts of thoughts about whether the chocolate's not as good, so it depends.

• 22:08Speaker 00

  Some of it's not right, but it's all different brands. I don't know if it's my taste buds, maybe it is.

• 22:12Speaker 01

  Could be.

• 22:13Speaker 00

  Anyway, ready for Jordan's Jolly Joke of the Week?

• 22:14Speaker 01

  Jordan, please, here is the jingle.

• 22:34Speaker 00

  A man has admitted to the hospital.

• 22:37Speaker 01

  A man, a man has admitted to the hospital, or a man has been admitted.

• 22:41Speaker 00

  A man was admitted to the hospital today with 25 plastic toy horses inserted in his arse. And I'll tell you the punchline after the break.

• 22:50Speaker 00

  All right, Gene Devers, thanks for sticking with us. It's now time for the punchline of Jordan's Jolly Joke of the Week. This one is from, uh, Deborah White, who sent it me on Instagram. A man was admitted to hospital today with 25 plastic toy horses inserted in his arsehole. Doctors have described his condition as stable.

• 23:10Speaker 01

  That's funny. I like that.

• 23:12Speaker 00

  Very good. I've got another one as well for you. I know, I can't find it.

• 23:15Speaker 01

  So, should we actually just read it? And I'm not saying this to be like, we, Jordan's Jolly Jokes of the Week.

• 23:21Speaker 00

  Jordan's Jolly Jokes, I actually, I can't find it. You know, it was on about chocolate before?

• 23:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:25Speaker 00

  You know, bananas? Yeah. It's supposed to clean your colon.

• 23:30Speaker 01

  What? Putting one up, like, what?

• 23:32Speaker 00

  I found out today, you're supposed to eat them.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  Very good.

• 23:38Speaker 00

  Very good.

• 23:39Speaker 01

  Right, shall we go on to the dilemmas?

• 23:40Speaker 00

  You clean your colon, but you're meant to eat them. Now it's time for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, if you need our help with something, do get in touch. You can send your tales of trepidation to [email protected], or you can DM us, we're at Sex My Bus on the socials.

• 23:54Speaker 01

  All right, our first dilemma is from Joe. Hi, William and Jordan. Recently, I bought a suit for my upcoming graduation ceremony. I wanted to look the part and I realised quite early on that this would mean buying a shirt, but I had no idea what size I was. So off to the slopes I went. Needing to try on multiple shirt options, I took a few different options into the changing room. And here is where my dilemma starts. What is the correct etiquette for disposing of all the excess packaging that comes with a shirt once you've tried it on? You always have a piece of cardboard on the back and collar, multiple plastic clips to take off, and on occasions, random bits of paper. Am I supposed to try and refold the shirts and put them back into their original form with cardboard and all? Or do I leave what is in my eyes a big mess in the changing rooms, knowing that the staff members will clean it up after me? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Joe.

• 24:40Speaker 00

  Joe, I think you've done something wrong there. Usually they bring you the shirt to try on.

• 24:44Speaker 01

  Hmm, some, well, yeah, or they, or they will unpackage it themselves and go here.

• 24:47Speaker 00

  They've got try-on shirts, so you know.

• 24:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:50Speaker 00

  Which is always annoying, because I did one of the try-on shirts and I got home, put the shirt on.

• 24:57Speaker 00

  And it, funny enough, yeah, and it just didn't fit. And it looks massive on me.

• 25:02Speaker 01

  I would, if you are gonna take, you, you are not meant to fold it back and put all the cardboard back in and little clips on the shoulders, et cetera. No one is expecting you to do that. If you are then buying it, then obviously take it to the till. If you're not, you give it back to them and then say, I'll just, I'm not finishing, I'm gonna go back and clear up the packaging and then go and, you know, bring it to them and go, where's the bin?

• 25:23Speaker 00

  There is a lot that comes with shirts.

• 25:25Speaker 01

  There is, there's a lot of.

• 25:26Speaker 00

  And the clippy on bits as well.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  I often do, there are certain websites where you're buying them online and you can click, send it to me with reduced packaging.

• 25:32Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 25:33Speaker 01

  And that's a godsend.

• 25:34Speaker 00

  Oh, I did, I'll keep an eye out for that.

• 25:35Speaker 01

  Both, both the out of box.

• 25:36Speaker 00

  Do you know, I didn't know from Amazon, you taught me that you can get it all delivered together as well.

• 25:40Speaker 01

  On your delivery day.

• 25:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, when you're getting like little bits. Very good for the environments, we don't come in bits. Ben, you weren't aware of that, were you?

• 25:48Speaker 02

  I have no idea what you're talking about, to be honest.

• 25:50Speaker 00

  When you get stuff delivered from Amazon, you can press a button and it all gets delivered together in the same box.

• 25:55Speaker 02

  Right, yeah.

• 25:56Speaker 00

  So it's not coming on two different bags.

• 25:57Speaker 01

  Like, so you have one box tomorrow, one box.

• 25:59Speaker 00

  It's good for the environment.

• 26:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:02Speaker 01

  That's what we'd recommend. If it's not urgent, just have it on one day. Um, next is from anonymous. Hello, William and Jordan. I recently had a situation ship come to an end. Unfortunately, I'd left my prescription sunglasses at their house. Sunglasses? And because they made a suit my terrible eyesight, they cost over £400 and I'd buy them back. However, I've run into an issue where they're ignoring my text arrangements for me to come and collect them. How should I go about retrieving them? For a bit of context, they're the ones who ended this situation ship over text.

• 26:31Speaker 01

  Maybe they are, maybe, I mean, it's annoying and you, they're your property, so you just, you have every right to them.

• 26:35Speaker 00

  £400 quid though.

• 26:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, it doesn't matter if they're 40 quid, they're your sunglasses, you want them back. Um, and if they hold on to them, that is technically theft. So I would say, they are probably seeing it as you are trying to like, oh, I've left my sunglasses, can I come and get them? Ooh, whoops, you're inside me, type of thing. That's probably how they're seeing it. Okay?

• 26:58Speaker 00

  I'm with you.

• 26:59Speaker 01

  So I think you need to make it perfectly clear. Can I have my sunglasses back? I can send you some packaging if you would like to send them back. Or I can send my friend who is coming, so you, just so they know.

• 27:10Speaker 00

  That's a good point.

• 27:10Speaker 01

  That you are not doing it to, you know, have one for the road.

• 27:15Speaker 00

  Or if not, go round when you know they're gonna be in and just say, I'm not here to cause trouble, I just want my £400 sunglasses.

• 27:22Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 27:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, £400 is a lot of money.

• 27:24Speaker 01

  It's a lot of money, especially for sunglasses.

• 27:26Speaker 00

  The only person I knew that had subscription sunglasses were my grandma.

• 27:29Speaker 01

  Prescription.

• 27:30Speaker 00

  Prescription.

• 27:30Speaker 01

  I don't think she subscribed.

• 27:31Speaker 00

  But she had ones where she used to say, hang on, watch, watch, and they used to go dark in the sun.

• 27:39Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 27:40Speaker 00

  And I used to think it was magic.

• 27:41Speaker 01

  Polarised.

• 27:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, she's like, hang on, look, look.

• 27:46Speaker 00

  And they'd go dark.

• 27:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can get them.

• 27:48Speaker 02

  I don't think it's called polarised.

• 27:50Speaker 01

  I think they are.

• 27:51Speaker 00

  But you can have the flippy up ones as well.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  Oh, no, they're a bit, that's an ick.

• 27:55Speaker 00

  We don't see them anymore, do we?

• 27:57Speaker 02

  Photocromatic lenses.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  But I think it's polarised lenses.

• 28:00Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, but like, yeah, that's a type of lens.

• 28:04Speaker 01

  Okay. You're fairly polarising.

• 28:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:07Speaker 01

  This next one is from Elliot. Hi, William, Jordan and the rest of the production team. Since I started listening a short number of months ago, I have waited for a dilemma to pop up that I think is worthy of the show's time. I think I've finally found one. Recently, I found myself needing a lift somewhere and a friend kindly offered to take me where I needed to go. I met her in a car park and she told me to hop in the back, even though the passenger seat was free. I was completely fine with this and we had a pleasant journey, but it got me wondering, what is the etiquette for giving a friend a lift? Should you offer up the front seat or ask them to sit in the back? Love the show, all the best. Elliot. Yes, Jordan, a straight male. It's very odd to put you in the back, that is odd. You, like, if you're a child underage, you go in the back. Hopefully on a car seat.

• 28:46Speaker 00

  Maybe they don't like people sitting next to them, or maybe they had like a messy front.

• 28:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you would then say, oh, I'd have you in the front, but it's messy.

• 28:56Speaker 00

  Maybe they're a cautious driver and don't want, and some, Elliot, no, um, no offence, but do you have, how can I put this? Do you have a fat head? No, a big head?

• 29:06Speaker 01

  I'm sorry.

• 29:07Speaker 00

  You know, like, you know when someone's in front and they've got like a big head and you can't see out your mirrors? Maybe it's that.

• 29:12Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 29:14Speaker 00

  You know, like, people's got, see, you'd bug me if I was driving, you've got a big head, so I'd probably put you in back. I find big heads very distracting in car. I find big head very distracting. So I'd put you in back. Yeah. So if, I do, it's always in my provisional vision as well. What?

• 29:36Speaker 01

  Provisional vision.

• 29:37Speaker 00

  Provisional vision.

• 29:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what it's called.

• 29:40Speaker 00

  Provision, what is it? Provision?

• 29:41Speaker 01

  Peripheral.

• 29:42Speaker 00

  You're always, it's in your peripheral vision.

• 29:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:45Speaker 00

  So maybe it could be that if you've got a big fat head.

• 29:48Speaker 01

  Can we start a list that we can do eventually, or it can be a video montage of all the things that you've said wrong? Peripheral vision.

• 29:56Speaker 02

  That is gonna be a long montage.

• 29:57Speaker 01

  Subscription sunglasses, already in this, I think that'd be really sweet.

• 30:01Speaker 00

  Maybe we do it as a bonus episode one day, just all of them.

• 30:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:05Speaker 00

  Chopped together.

• 30:06Speaker 01

  Just start.

• 30:07Speaker 02

  Every single one.

• 30:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:09Speaker 02

  Be there for hours. No offence.

• 30:12Speaker 00

  What's prescri, yeah, I always get mixed up with prescriptions, I get mixed up with tomorrow and yesterday.

• 30:16Speaker 01

  Do you prescribe to Netflix?

• 30:19Speaker 00

  Now I subscribe to it.

• 30:20Speaker 01

  Well done.

• 30:21Speaker 00

  When I'm telling stories, I always go, I seen him tomorrow and I go, no, yesterday.

• 30:25Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 30:25Speaker 00

  Anyway.

• 30:26Speaker 01

  This is from L, E L. Hi, William Jordan and the Sexton team. I have an etiquette question. If I'm speaking English and then mention a word from another language, is it correct etiquette to pronounce it in that language or to say with an English accent? For words that are already well established in the English language, I say it how we would say it, of course. But in other situations, like certain place names, specific foods and the like, what's the proper thing to do? I don't want to come across as pretentious to other people by putting on an accent, but as a languages student, a little part of me dies every time I have to say a German or French word incorrectly. All the best, L. So some examples of this, for example, Barcelona. Do you say Barcelona or Bafalona?

• 31:03Speaker 00

  I say Barcelona because I'm not.

• 31:05Speaker 01

  Barcelona?

• 31:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, I won't go, oh yeah, we had a lovely weekend in Bafalona.

• 31:10Speaker 01

  How about Barcelona?

• 31:11Speaker 00

  Barcelona.

• 31:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, Barcelona or Basselona?

• 31:14Speaker 00

  Barcelona. Oh, for fuck's sake. Are you winding me up?

• 31:17Speaker 01

  Barcelona. It is a long A.

• 31:19Speaker 00

  It's Barcelona.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:20Speaker 00

  Barcelona, innit?

• 31:21Speaker 02

  You can't say Barcelona.

• 31:23Speaker 00

  I've been finding out, I've been saying.

• 31:24Speaker 02

  It's got an R in it.

• 31:24Speaker 00

  Do you know I've found out that I've been saying Wiggly's chewing gum wrong all my life?

• 31:30Speaker 00

  It's Wiggly's.

• 31:31Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 31:32Speaker 00

  Well, it's got a W though.

• 31:33Speaker 01

  It's got an R as well.

• 31:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, but.

• 31:35Speaker 01

  It's the R, it's the R that does it.

• 31:36Speaker 00

  Say Wiggly's, don't you?

• 31:38Speaker 02

  You know, I specifically remember when we started this podcast, what was it? Eight, is it eight years ago?

• 31:45Speaker 00

  I'm not doing this as well to get laughs.

• 31:47Speaker 02

  And I was all, yeah, I was, my mind was blown at that point that Jordan got to that point in his life and hadn't realised these things. We're eight years later.

• 31:54Speaker 01

  I'm sure when you were just on cover.

• 31:55Speaker 00

  And people go, oh, he does it for fat. I genuinely did it. I've always said Wiggly's chewing gum.

• 32:00Speaker 01

  Right. How, how often are you saying Wiggly's chewing gum?

• 32:03Speaker 02

  But that's the problem, isn't it? So it doesn't get caught.

• 32:05Speaker 00

  And Barcelona, is it Barcelona?

• 32:07Speaker 01

  Barcelona.

• 32:07Speaker 00

  So it's not Barcelona.

• 32:08Speaker 01

  How about, and you're, you're big into your Spanish, chorizo?

• 32:12Speaker 00

  Sometimes I might say chorizo, but I do say paella now.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 32:16Speaker 00

  It's not paella.

• 32:16Speaker 01

  Rendezvous?

• 32:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:18Speaker 01

  How else do you say rendezvous?

• 32:19Speaker 00

  Rendezvous.

• 32:20Speaker 02

  Rendezvous.

• 32:20Speaker 01

  Rendezvous.

• 32:21Speaker 00

  Rendezvous.

• 32:22Speaker 01

  No, rendezvous. Avant-garde?

• 32:26Speaker 00

  What does that mean?

• 32:27Speaker 01

  A bit sort of, you know,

• 32:30Speaker 01

  left of field, artistic.

• 32:31Speaker 00

  I thought that was an actor.

• 32:33Speaker 01

  Avant-garde? No.

• 32:36Speaker 00

  Avant, I've heard of that before, avant-garde.

• 32:38Speaker 01

  Avant-garde.

• 32:39Speaker 00

  Je ne sais quoi?

• 32:40Speaker 01

  Vice versa. Well, you're not going to go vice, oh, some people say vice versa, I guess, but it's incorrect. There's no A on it.

• 32:45Speaker 00

  Je ne sais quoi?

• 32:47Speaker 01

  A bona fide.

• 32:49Speaker 02

  Isn't it bona fide?

• 32:51Speaker 01

  No, fide.

• 32:52Speaker 00

  Bona fide?

• 32:53Speaker 01

  I believe. We can check it out. Mosquito? How do you say mosquito in any other?

• 33:01Speaker 01

  Kindergarten. Oh, we don't even say that. I should say nursery, thank you. And tsunami.

• 33:06Speaker 00

  Why, I'm.

• 33:07Speaker 01

  Japanese.

• 33:08Speaker 02

  I tell you who does that extremely well.

• 33:10Speaker 01

  Tsunami, which is the Japanese for, oh shit.

• 33:15Speaker 02

  Stanley Tucci does it with Italian words.

• 33:18Speaker 01

  Have I talked about?

• 33:20Speaker 02

  He's like, hello there, if you've got your fettuccine.

• 33:23Speaker 01

  I need to talk about, I need to come back to you on this.

• 33:25Speaker 02

  It's really hard to do it. Try and do Stanley Tucci and then go into Italian.

• 33:28Speaker 01

  My friend, who will remain nameless, absolutely cannot stand Stanley Tucci and has got some real beef with him.

• 33:35Speaker 00

  Why? Is he Italian?

• 33:36Speaker 01

  He's basically become a professional Italian, even though he was not born in Italy. None of his parents or grandparents were born in Italy. He's just decided.

• 33:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, but he's an American Italian.

• 33:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, because you know what Americans are like. They're like desperate to come up with an identity. And so.

• 33:50Speaker 00

  I think it's just so unfair to say this.

• 33:52Speaker 01

  This is my friend's opinion. He has decided that he is going to just do Italy and own all of Italy. And being Italian is his shtick. And it winds her up.

• 34:02Speaker 00

  Well, I, I disagree. I think he's great and I love that.

• 34:05Speaker 01

  I'm sure he's lovely.

• 34:06Speaker 00

  That series. I now have a proper coffee every morning because of him on the, what they're called?

• 34:12Speaker 01

  Mocha pot.

• 34:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, the mocha pot.

• 34:15Speaker 02

  He's great in The Hunger Games.

• 34:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, he is, to be fair. He is.

• 34:20Speaker 01

  He was great. I, my, the film I enjoyed him the most in with Meryl Streep, not the obvious one, is, uh, Julian, Julia.

• 34:28Speaker 00

  Not saying.

• 34:28Speaker 01

  It's about Julia Child, excellent film.

• 34:30Speaker 02

  Seen that.

• 34:30Speaker 00

  TikTok Italian players being sent off. The montage, literally, there's like a 40 minute montage of Italian players and they all go.

• 34:41Speaker 01

  Describe it for our audio listeners.

• 34:42Speaker 00

  And they like, they use the.

• 34:45Speaker 01

  Very expressive with their hands.

• 34:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, but they all do it and they go.

• 34:50Speaker 02

  Hands over mouth.

• 34:51Speaker 01

  We should just answer that question. I would say if it's going to distract, if you going, oh, I think I will have the pizza with chorizo and it's really obvious, just say it in your usual accent. But if it doesn't feel odd, then I would say it. Restaurant, for example.

• 35:09Speaker 00

  We've got a lot of French words in our language, haven't we?

• 35:12Speaker 01

  A lot of English is French.

• 35:13Speaker 00

  And you know why that is?

• 35:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:14Speaker 00

  Because of 1066. It is the Battle of Hastings.

• 35:18Speaker 01

  Just coming up to 11 o'clock.

• 35:19Speaker 02

  Insurance company.

• 35:19Speaker 00

  No, not the insurance company. The French beat us in the Battle of Hastings, didn't they? Is that right? Or it's one of them?

• 35:24Speaker 01

  The Norman invasion, yeah.

• 35:25Speaker 00

  Yeah. So then we started using French words, like café.

• 35:29Speaker 01

  They, honestly, in 1067, they, they couldn't move for cafes.

• 35:33Speaker 00

  Yeah. And then they started calling our Catherine's caf.

• 35:41Speaker 00

  Well, he would.

• 35:44Speaker 00

  Not the best example.

• 35:50Speaker 01

  Honestly.

• 35:51Speaker 00

  Is that, well, they would have had cafes in 1066.

• 35:54Speaker 01

  Oh, they go in for their croissants.

• 35:56Speaker 00

  Gone, eh, you English bastards, we have Btune from now on. Those places where you drink tea and coffee and have scones and pastries shall be called café.

• 36:06Speaker 01

  It's like sitting opposite Dan Snow, isn't it?

• 36:09Speaker 02

  What were they called before cafes in England?

• 36:12Speaker 00

  Restaurants.

• 36:12Speaker 01

  Or ale houses.

• 36:14Speaker 02

  Pure ale houses.

• 36:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:16Speaker 00

  Pubs.

• 36:17Speaker 01

  Hmm, I'd say pubs came last.

• 36:18Speaker 00

  Booty shops. They were known as booty shops in 1067.

• 36:21Speaker 02

  Good point.

• 36:22Speaker 01

  Our final dilemma comes from Ellen. Hi, boys. I wear, oh my, you literally can't write this. I wear prescription sunglasses. Or as Jordan calls them, subscription sunglasses.

• 36:33Speaker 00

  Have you lost them or have you nicked them off someone? Because this would be a very good full circle moment.

• 36:37Speaker 01

  I've always felt like it was impolite to keep them on while talking to someone who isn't wearing sunglasses. My question is, what's the etiquette when you're wearing sunglasses and the other person isn't? Should I switch to my regular glasses and look less cool? Or can I keep them on? Thank you for bringing me comfort and laughs whenever I'm having a hard day and for keeping me company on the good ones. Love you all. Ellen. Oh, you're going to take this one.

• 36:56Speaker 00

  I was going to say what I do.

• 36:58Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 36:58Speaker 00

  Is I just either bring them down or take them off for a moment, make eye contact, say hi, good to see you again. Especially if it's sunny like it is at the moment and pop them back on.

• 37:07Speaker 01

  I'm very proud of you. That's exactly what I was going to say.

• 37:10Speaker 00

  Eight years.

• 37:11Speaker 01

  Eight years. You do listen. Yeah. You acknowledge it. You take them off. And do you know where that habit goes back to? Little bonus etiquette amology of.

• 37:18Speaker 00

  1066.

• 37:20Speaker 01

  So, one year out.

• 37:22Speaker 00

  1166.

• 37:23Speaker 01

  1065. That's not one, right. Whole flipping century.

• 37:28Speaker 00

  Oh, I've been fucking so stupid and thick this episode, huh? Yeah.

• 37:33Speaker 01

  If it's any consolation, I couldn't notice the difference.

• 37:35Speaker 00

  All right. So it's 1067.

• 37:38Speaker 01

  No, it goes back to the suits of armour. And so when you would raise your visor to acknowledge, and that's the whole taking off sunglasses, it goes back to that. And tipping the hat as well is also the same. Maybe I'll do, I've basically just done it, but I could do that as a bonus etiquette amology.

• 37:52Speaker 00

  What?

• 37:53Speaker 01

  That.

• 37:54Speaker 00

  The visor. Is that why we salute as well?

• 37:57Speaker 01

  Oh, I don't know, but I can look into saluting.

• 37:58Speaker 00

  I'm sure it's something to do with saluting. It's to do with the visor.

• 38:02Speaker 01

  Yes, I think so. You used to tip it up, yeah.

• 38:04Speaker 02

  Do you think you'd be good in chainmail?

• 38:07Speaker 00

  Chainmail, what? As a knight?

• 38:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, like wearing chainmail and that.

• 38:10Speaker 00

  It's one sport I don't think I'd be into.

• 38:12Speaker 01

  Check, no, no, it's not a sport. Chainmail is what they would wear under the suits of armour.

• 38:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:17Speaker 01

  As protection.

• 38:19Speaker 00

  I've got a heavy bag with me today and I've done now butt winge, so walking around in that.

• 38:24Speaker 01

  No.

• 38:24Speaker 00

  And it's a very rough sport and.

• 38:26Speaker 02

  Jousting?

• 38:27Speaker 00

  Joust and you know, I don't like anyone touching my ribs.

• 38:31Speaker 01

  Not what I've heard.

• 38:33Speaker 00

  You know, I'd rather go into and stop poking me.

• 38:36Speaker 02

  That was the problem. Can you imagine getting poked by a massive wooden joust though? That'd be a bit of a.

• 38:42Speaker 00

  You know, Henry VIII was, got basically, he's very good looking, very handsome. What?

• 38:50Speaker 01

  You, I mean, I know I say come up with the same rubbish, but you.

• 38:54Speaker 00

  Have I said this before?

• 38:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:55Speaker 00

  Well, he got hurt in a jousting accident. That's why he got a gummy leg and got fat. But he was very, he was, he was very sought after was Henry in the old days. Hence the few wives.

• 39:05Speaker 02

  Six.

• 39:06Speaker 01

  Well, I also think he had issues with the church as well. That was also one of the reasons for lots of the wives.

• 39:13Speaker 00

  Love is love and he wanted to marry his love.

• 39:16Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 39:18Speaker 01

  Fine.

• 39:18Speaker 02

  Hot take.

• 39:19Speaker 01

  Hot take.

• 39:21Speaker 01

  Well, thank you for all those questions and dilemmas. It's been lovely.

• 39:24Speaker 00

  Ray Winstone played the best Henry VIII, if you ask me. And there's been a few.

• 39:28Speaker 02

  We did.

• 39:30Speaker 00

  And your man Jonathan Vernon.

• 39:32Speaker 01

  I don't think he's played Henry VIII.

• 39:34Speaker 00

  Who was he?

• 39:35Speaker 01

  Oh, I know who you mean. Jonathan Ruth Myers, yeah.

• 39:38Speaker 00

  He was good. Thank you for your questions and dilemmas. Remember you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday, Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player.

• 39:46Speaker 01

  Yes, and you can also prescribe to us on YouTube.

• 39:49Speaker 00

  We put the full episodes up on YouTube on every release day. Just head to YouTube and search for Sexton.

• 39:56Speaker 01

  We'll see you on Friday.

• 39:56Speaker 00

  Goodbye.