Pod Insights Help I Sexted My Boss Strava Caught Me Sh*gging | And William Is A FAKE About this episode What do you do when your Strava detects some 'unusual activity' from the comfort of your own home? And how do you deal with the fact your best friend is turning into a FAKE?! The boys deal with both of these conundrums, plus tackle tacky birthday parties and some classic tumble dryer chat.
If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected] , and for more Sexted fun sign up https://sextedmyboss.com/newsletter/ to our free VIG&Diva newsletter. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss.
Help I Sexted My Boss is presented by William Hanson and Jordan North. It is an Audio Always http://www.audioalways.com production.
If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected] . You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript 0:00 Speaker 00 The all-new Whoop is here. Now more advanced than ever. Train smarter, sleep deeper, recover faster. Extend your healthy years. Understand your cycle phases. Now 7% smaller with 14-plus days of battery life. So your data never stops and neither do you. Power your best performance with memberships made for every goal. Join Whoop today.
0:30 Speaker 01 Hello, this is Suzy Ruffel.
0:31 Speaker 02 And Maisie Adam.
0:32 Speaker 01 And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey Mais, what is it?
0:35 Speaker 02 Only the best podcast ever.
0:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:37 Speaker 02 A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffel.
0:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping, too.
0:49 Speaker 02 Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip.
0:51 Speaker 01 Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts. You just need to search Big Kick Energy.
0:57 Speaker 02 Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.
1:08 Speaker 03 Hello and welcome to our Friday episode. This is where we see how much extra content we can squeeze into your week. Random things that have been sent in and how our advice went down with you. Our wonderful Gian Divas.
1:20 Speaker 04 How are you?
1:21 Speaker 03 I'm good, yeah, I'm good.
1:22 Speaker 04 Nice weekend planned? I hear you're going to Silverstone.
1:25 Speaker 03 I've got a big weekend.
1:26 Speaker 04 Yes.
1:27 Speaker 03 It's a big weekend and proper buzzing. Very lucky, I'm going to Silverstone. I'm going to watch Munson and Sons on Saturday.
1:34 Speaker 04 Lovely.
1:36 Speaker 03 Do you want to come to that, by the way? I might have to sort your ticket. Oh, no, because you don't like to spend any time with me socially outside of this capacity of L. Pisces and my boss.
1:45 Speaker 05 Jordan's talking to me and I'm not here this weekend.
1:47 Speaker 03 Where are you this weekend?
1:48 Speaker 04 Ben and I were going to...
1:50 Speaker 05 We're going to Bastille.
1:52 Speaker 03 You want to see Bastille?
1:54 Speaker 04 Yeah, we're doing... Did you not get them? Oh, no, we didn't invite, no.
1:58 Speaker 03 You know, that's not true because you're doing...
1:59 Speaker 04 Yeah, exactly.
2:00 Speaker 05 I'm doing the Three Peaks challenge.
2:02 Speaker 04 Oh, get you, you're like the Princess of Wales.
2:04 Speaker 03 I'm watching a sponsor in you this time.
2:07 Speaker 05 Well, I'm not asking for sponsors, I'm just doing it for fun.
2:10 Speaker 03 Oh, I would have done that, I'm not joking, I'll always fancy you.
2:13 Speaker 05 Thanks, George.
2:13 Speaker 03 Thanks, pal. There you are. Well, good luck on the Three Peaks challenge.
2:17 Speaker 04 Which are the Three Peaks? Snowdonia?
2:19 Speaker 05 Snowdon is the mountain.
2:21 Speaker 03 Jesus, that's a lot, that's a, so what, you're travelling in between then?
2:25 Speaker 05 Yeah, it's a lot of driving.
2:26 Speaker 03 Fair fuck, plenty.
2:28 Speaker 05 Well, I think we're.
2:28 Speaker 04 How do you do, is it over two days?
2:30 Speaker 05 It is over a 24-hour period.
2:33 Speaker 03 What? I'd love to do that.
2:36 Speaker 05 Yeah.
2:37 Speaker 04 How does it work?
2:37 Speaker 05 Quite scared, to be fair.
2:38 Speaker 04 How long does it take you to get up?
2:43 Speaker 05 Depends who's asking.
2:45 Speaker 03 If you've had a few drinks, it'll take a bit longer.
2:47 Speaker 05 We're not gonna have a few drinks.
2:49 Speaker 04 I don't think you do a few drinks when you do this, no, but.
2:51 Speaker 03 I was trying to be funny, I was trying to make it a boneless joke.
2:53 Speaker 05 Oh, it was a bone, he was trying to do a boneless joke.
2:55 Speaker 04 I'll rephrase it in a non-smatty way, how long does it take you to get to the top?
2:57 Speaker 05 I'm not sure, someone else is organising it, I think it's like a few hours from, for each mountain. It, you only guessed one so far.
3:05 Speaker 04 Snowdon.
3:06 Speaker 05 One's got a similar name to me.
3:07 Speaker 03 Scarfell, Scarfell Pike.
3:09 Speaker 05 And Scarfell Pike.
3:10 Speaker 04 Skorfell Pike.
3:11 Speaker 03 Scarfell.
3:12 Speaker 04 It's written Scarfell, it's pronounced Skorfell, welcome to English.
3:15 Speaker 05 No one says that.
3:16 Speaker 04 Excuse me, my grandmother's from the Lake District, I know.
3:19 Speaker 03 Excuse me, I've been to Lake District over a hundred times and it's Scarfell.
3:23 Speaker 04 Well, bully for you, it's Skorfell Pike.
3:25 Speaker 03 Scarfell, I've still never been up.
3:27 Speaker 04 Cumbrians, please write it and back me up.
3:28 Speaker 03 All right, well, whatever.
3:29 Speaker 04 Proper Cumbrians, you know, upmarket.
3:31 Speaker 03 Well, look, I'd love to do that, so next time you're doing it, would you?
3:34 Speaker 05 I'm not gonna do it again, and what does proper Cumbrians mean?
3:37 Speaker 03 Well, it would have been nice to have been invited, I'd love to do it, I like.
3:40 Speaker 05 What, with my mates from home?
3:42 Speaker 03 Well, you know, we are sociable fella.
3:44 Speaker 05 The Hartford Boys.
3:46 Speaker 03 I could have got on with them, sociable fella, I'm great with the middle classes.
3:51 Speaker 04 You are, you are one of them now.
3:53 Speaker 03 So, bitch please, working class always, one's a working class, always working class. So, Herbert, Ben's dad's a wine connoisseur, what does your dad do? Oh, okay, lovely, nice, thanks.
4:05 Speaker 05 My dad's from Stockport.
4:06 Speaker 03 Oh, here we go, good wine smelly, eh?
4:10 Speaker 05 Just a smell.
4:11 Speaker 03 Lovely bloke, by the way, lovely, love this bloke you'll ever, ever meet.
4:16 Speaker 05 Present company excluded.
4:19 Speaker 04 This weekend, thanks for asking, aside from doing.
4:21 Speaker 03 What are you doing, Titanade?
4:22 Speaker 04 Yeah, I've got other stuff, I do have a life.
4:24 Speaker 03 Oh, sorry, let me guess, you're gonna have a doodle-doodoo, a beef burrito in between?
4:29 Speaker 04 Oh, I actually did have one the other day, because they ran out of chicken, I didn't like it as much.
4:35 Speaker 03 Sorry, go on.
4:36 Speaker 04 Uh, no, we are. So at the time of recording this weekend, it's Pride in London and the cast of are performing in Trafalgar Square and we're doing a special performance of Pride.
4:45 Speaker 03 Oh my god, what has William Hanson come to? It's gonna be on a float.
4:49 Speaker 04 I'm not on a float.
4:50 Speaker 03 Shorts and a crop top, singing along to Celine Dion. You've become a caricature of yourself, my friend.
4:58 Speaker 04 Thanks for lending them to me.
4:59 Speaker 03 Yeah, you're more than welcome. Are you on a float?
5:01 Speaker 04 No, we're on the stage in Trafalgar Square and I will not be in slatty shorts and a crop top. I will have birds on my head and an anorak, so that'll be lovely.
5:11 Speaker 03 I can't wait for the, when they ask you to, uh,
5:15 Speaker 03 do a slot on The One Show or Good Morning Britain or Sunday Brunch. Just make sure if you're on Sunday Brunch, you're plugged in. A lot of times you've got a DJ on, but it's not plugged in there. Pretend DJ.
5:31 Speaker 04 I don't know, why, what are you, what?
5:34 Speaker 03 If you're gonna, you know, sometimes they get like the West End on.
5:37 Speaker 04 Do they?
5:37 Speaker 03 Yeah, they do on like Britain's Got Talent, Saturday Night Takeaway, that can't they always get them to perform on there?
5:42 Speaker 04 Oh, yeah.
5:42 Speaker 03 They did Mary Poppins and stuff.
5:43 Speaker 04 They have had Mary Poppins.
5:45 Speaker 03 I'd love for them to get on Good Morning Britain as well.
5:46 Speaker 04 The only thing that made me not enjoy Mary Poppins.
5:50 Speaker 03 What?
5:50 Speaker 04 I didn't like that performance.
5:51 Speaker 03 Why?
5:52 Speaker 04 It was just not quite right.
5:54 Speaker 03 It was on Saturday Night Takeaway? Was it at the end of the show show?
5:58 Speaker 04 Yeah. I didn't think it worked. Just my thoughts.
6:02 Speaker 03 What, we had it at Deck?
6:03 Speaker 04 Hmm.
6:04 Speaker 03 Why?
6:04 Speaker 04 I just, I just don't think it.
6:06 Speaker 03 It was a Saturday night, it was great. It was everything you'd see on the stage.
6:10 Speaker 04 Well, with Ant and Dec doing it.
6:12 Speaker 03 Yeah.
6:12 Speaker 04 Hmm.
6:13 Speaker 03 Kick your knees up, step in time.
6:14 Speaker 04 Yeah, I just, just my thoughts. I've seen them do better. Forty-five times I've seen that show. I know it inside out.
6:20 Speaker 03 Boys.
6:21 Speaker 04 I've actually seen that show more than I have performed in Titanic currently.
6:25 Speaker 03 Boys, he's basically saying he didn't think your performance, which I thought was one of the best of the end of the show shows you did, was the best. The best they ever did was Big Fam Jordan, hi, um, was, uh, with the drag queens.
6:39 Speaker 04 Of course you like that.
6:41 Speaker 03 All right, uh, shall we crack on? What, what, what have we got first bit then?
6:45 Speaker 04 Well, Jordan, we were talking about your mother's 60th birthday party. Can't believe she's 60.
6:49 Speaker 03 Yeah, and on the headline here it says tacky parties.
6:53 Speaker 04 I did not write that.
6:54 Speaker 03 I'm actually offended. Can we delete that, please? It wasn't a tacky party. It's a party up north in a kitchen. So the next bit, we're gonna do tacky parties?
7:04 Speaker 04 Yeah.
7:05 Speaker 03 It wasn't tacky.
7:07 Speaker 04 You revealed that at your mother's sixtieth, again, not tacky, what is tacky about this? She had a champagne bottle balloon, which I might have said was tacky, but obviously isn't, Sol's Wendy. Never want to miss a chance to disapprove of other people's life choices. We ask for tacky things that our G and Evers have seen at parties. So you're saying that a champagne bottle balloon is not tacky?
7:29 Speaker 03 I thought it was very nice and fitting.
7:31 Speaker 04 Lovely.
7:31 Speaker 03 It was actually a prosecco bottle, I think.
7:34 Speaker 04 Okay, so Claire hates beige buffet food. Anemic cocktail sausages, flavourless sausage rolls, and everything served directly from plastic packaging.
7:46 Speaker 03 That's why you get hummus and dips.
7:48 Speaker 04 Yeah, but hummus is beige.
7:50 Speaker 03 And mayo, you dip it in.
7:52 Speaker 04 Beige adjacent.
7:53 Speaker 03 And also, if they've been in the fridge too long, it loses its taste. You get it out of the fridge.
7:56 Speaker 04 Yeah, you should get everything out of the fridge.
7:58 Speaker 03 It's like steak, you gotta lay rest.
8:00 Speaker 04 Well, I would say that's tacky.
8:01 Speaker 03 Also, we had sushi at Wendy's sixtieth.
8:03 Speaker 04 Sushi?
8:05 Speaker 03 She did get a dig in it. I've got that, you. You know what? You've been in London. You and your London ways. And I were the only one that ate it.
8:12 Speaker 04 I mean sushi, I mean it's not, so fifteen years ago.
8:15 Speaker 03 Mick with air from Mick and Cal go, fucking sushi? Yeah, it's that for you, Bosch gets.
8:21 Speaker 04 Birthday sashes got flack from a lot of people, including Laura, who detests a birthday sash, especially a personalised one. Gem hates them too, particularly when they say things like thirty and hot, buy me a shot. Tacky.
8:33 Speaker 03 Well, I had some one in Crewe this weekend.
8:36 Speaker 04 And what's tacky about Crewe?
8:37 Speaker 03 It's a bride-to-be.
8:39 Speaker 04 Did it?
8:40 Speaker 03 They were going on the stag to Hendu.
8:42 Speaker 04 Oh, lovely. Samantha thinks the happy birthday song is tacky, saying no one sings it in tune and it goes on forever.
8:48 Speaker 03 I have got a few issues with that.
8:50 Speaker 04 It's not the greatest.
8:51 Speaker 03 I think we need to be brave.
8:53 Speaker 04 Yeah, it's not, it's not the greatest.
8:55 Speaker 03 Happy birthday.
8:56 Speaker 04 So you agree that that is tacky?
8:58 Speaker 03 Mm hmm.
8:58 Speaker 04 Okay, good. We are agreed.
8:59 Speaker 03 No, I don't, I don't agree it's tacky. I just, I don't think any of this is tacky particularly.
9:04 Speaker 04 Um, well, cover your ears for this, Jordan, because Craig thinks caterpillar cakes are tacky and common.
9:10 Speaker 03 Oh, Craig, you can fuck off.
9:15 Speaker 04 Don't tell our listeners to F off.
9:17 Speaker 03 Never told a listener to F off, but Craig, you've, you've done that to get a, a response out of me and you've got one. So Craig, fuck off.
9:25 Speaker 04 Have I tasted better cakes?
9:27 Speaker 03 When a Northerner tells you to F off, I just heard him and said.
9:31 Speaker 04 Have I tasted better cakes? Yes.
9:33 Speaker 03 No, you haven't. They're the best. E- even I get the little mini ones. I am with a brew on afternoons. Craig, sorry for telling you to F off, but you wanted a right, you wanted a.
9:44 Speaker 04 A right, yeah.
9:45 Speaker 03 You wanted a response and you've got one.
9:47 Speaker 04 Nicola said queuing at a twenty.
9:48 Speaker 03 I feel bad now, I'm so weak.
9:51 Speaker 04 Nicola said queuing at a twenty first to give the birthday person their twenty one kisses. What?
9:57 Speaker 03 What?
9:58 Speaker 04 Who?
9:59 Speaker 03 I've never heard of that.
10:00 Speaker 04 I'm thirty seven soon, so.
10:02 Speaker 03 Some blowjob.
10:04 Speaker 04 According to the internet, it's an Irish tradition. Ah, twenty one people queue up for a kiss with the last kiss reserved for someone of particular significance, be it familial or romantic. Should we celebrate more birthdays like this? Did Wendy, Wendy get sixty kisses?
10:18 Speaker 03 No, but I quite like that. So it's twenty one people queue up and give you twenty one kisses.
10:23 Speaker 04 Yeah. So it's, so it's not, I thought it was twenty one kisses from the same person. That would be a bit much.
10:28 Speaker 03 Hmm.
10:28 Speaker 04 Is this cringe? I do, I hope Mikey doesn't mind me sharing this, but when I'm going away for work, if I'm away for a couple of nights, because Mikey and I will normally kiss each other goodnight.
10:40 Speaker 03 This is sweet. I know what you're gonna say.
10:43 Speaker 04 If I'm away for three nights, we then do one for tomorrow night, one for tomorrow morning, one for tomorrow night, one for tomorrow morning, until, you know.
10:51 Speaker 03 Oh, you give one, that's sweet. So you give one for the night and one for the morning?
10:54 Speaker 04 Yeah.
10:55 Speaker 03 So what if you're going away for a fortnight? That's.
10:57 Speaker 04 Well, yeah, back, back in the day, I used to, we would just like.
11:02 Speaker 03 Fucking hell.
11:03 Speaker 04 Too far, I don't go away.
11:04 Speaker 03 Why do I keep swearing? I'm so sorry. I've got a potty mouth today. I'm so sorry.
11:08 Speaker 04 I don't go away that much now.
11:09 Speaker 03 You used to give forty one kisses?
11:11 Speaker 04 Well, if it was, when I was doing my two weeks.
11:13 Speaker 03 Sex.
11:14 Speaker 04 Hmm. Well, we weren't married at the time, so we weren't having sex.
11:19 Speaker 03 Of course. Were they all like face kisses or were they downstairs kisses?
11:24 Speaker 04 We did in the upstairs bedroom.
11:26 Speaker 03 Oh, okay. I'm so sorry, I keep swearing today, I'm like I've been dragged.
11:31 Speaker 04 I'm doing the podcast with Cathy Burke. Naomi said, any proper party for a child younger than four or five is ridiculous and tacky on the parents' part. It is purely to put on a show of how amazing they are as a parent. The kid would be happy with a simple cake and toys at home, maybe a family barbecue to celebrate them. But hiring a massive venue and going all out is a massive waste of my time because if I don't go, I look like the bad guy. I would agree, a two year old does not have a clue what day of the week it is, let alone their birthday. So you do not need to do a big birth, yeah, a little tea, have the grandparents over, blow on to cake if they can even do that. That's all you need to do. You can start doing proper birthdays when they, when they actually go to proper school, not nursery.
12:10 Speaker 03 My nephews was recently, there's a few days and it's just that they're other grandmas and it's great, resulting garden.
12:16 Speaker 04 Yeah.
12:16 Speaker 03 And stuff like that, it's great.
12:18 Speaker 04 Yeah.
12:19 Speaker 03 Um, really got into the, um.
12:22 Speaker 03 I think I talked about last time, little mini beers.
12:27 Speaker 04 Oh.
12:27 Speaker 03 From the German superstore.
12:31 Speaker 04 Continuing the theme, Jordan says chocolate fountains at kids' parties, you'd have to have a good immune system to dip in there and eat, yes.
12:37 Speaker 03 I love a chocolate fountain.
12:38 Speaker 04 Yeah, but not at a kid's party.
12:39 Speaker 03 Oh, I'd love dipping strawberries in chocolate.
12:42 Speaker 04 Yeah, but if it's your own chocolate, that's fine.
12:44 Speaker 03 Oh, I might even buy one of those chocolate fountains.
12:47 Speaker 04 Not sure you'll be allowed.
12:49 Speaker 03 Just feeling a bit down, just come home because I'm an adult, I can do what I want.
12:54 Speaker 03 It'll be like the toasty machine, I'll use it twice and never bother.
12:57 Speaker 04 Pig in shit.
12:57 Speaker 03 Oh, I would.
12:58 Speaker 04 And pinatas, I might just be against kids' parties. So now I think about it, I'd say kids' parties as a whole. I wouldn't say kids' parties as a whole are tacky, I would, even I would say on that, you can have.
13:08 Speaker 03 I've never done a pinata.
13:10 Speaker 04 No, they're, they're for quite American, well, they're obviously.
13:14 Speaker 03 Mexican, isn't it?
13:14 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that part of the world, but we don't really do them here. Um, now, Jordan, you told us that your grandmother used to cover her knickers up on the washing line with a teatow. So we asked our G and D's about other cute things they've done to avoid creating a scandal. Sticking with the scandalous laundry theme, Freya's mum used to hide the girls small on a bench in the front garden and would always put the boys on the back in full view.
13:34 Speaker 03 Mm hmm.
13:35 Speaker 04 Lucy puts pants on the inner bits of the rotary washing line and hides them behind other clothes.
13:40 Speaker 03 Yeah.
13:41 Speaker 04 Yeah, that's more normal. Yeah, than, but I guess the teatowel approach works if it's just underwear that's on the line. Stephen's granny dried her sister's frilly undergarments in the cold bunker to hide them.
13:52 Speaker 03 Gosh. What year were you?
13:55 Speaker 04 Yeah. Okay. I, I mean, I don't, I mean, I don't have a washing line, so I just dry mine in the tumble dryer on a low. Otherwise the elastic.
14:05 Speaker 03 I don't like them going in tumble dryer, they fade and go all.
14:07 Speaker 04 Fade? What colour are yours?
14:09 Speaker 03 Fade. And they go all.
14:11 Speaker 04 And they're not white or black?
14:12 Speaker 03 They smell weird.
14:13 Speaker 04 What?
14:14 Speaker 03 They smell like tumble dryer. Do you know what I mean?
14:17 Speaker 04 What? Do you not have a, I have a tumble dryer scent thing that just puts this.
14:20 Speaker 03 Oh, get me on them, I've never heard of that.
14:22 Speaker 04 Oh, I'll send you a picture.
14:23 Speaker 03 I've been using your bleach, by the way.
14:24 Speaker 04 Oh, Ace for Whites.
14:25 Speaker 03 My towels have never been whiter.
14:27 Speaker 04 There we go. You don't need to use every wash.
14:29 Speaker 03 Really good for socks as well.
14:31 Speaker 04 Yep. Anything white, funnily enough. Hmm. Um, there's also, Jonathan's also given me Ace for Colours, which is a bleach for your coloured clothes, but doesn't bleach them, but that's quite good. Um, Anna said, I went for my cervical screening, if you have a cervix, you get a screening, uh, and decided to go alfresco under a long skirt to avoid the stress of getting undressed under a time limit. Usually the nurse leaves the room, but this time she just pulled the curtain, so I mimed taking my knickers off, so she didn't realise I was walking around with no knickers on.
15:01 Speaker 03 That's good.
15:04 Speaker 04 That's funny.
15:05 Speaker 03 That's funny. Mimed taking your knickers off, yeah.
15:09 Speaker 04 Um, Elizabeth said that people hide their underwear for intimate medical procedures, even though the doctor or nurse is about to see everything. Chantelle Ann Nanda.
15:16 Speaker 03 Oh, that's, yeah, that's, yeah.
15:18 Speaker 04 Yeah. Um, mentioned holding a towel around someone while they wiggle around to get changed.
15:24 Speaker 03 Yeah, I've done that before. It's the lot the other way.
15:27 Speaker 04 Rebecca's mum won't be seen with an Aldi or Little shopping bag, she transfers it to an M and S or Waitrose bag if she has to frequent either store. I agree, I've said it before on this podcast, years ago, when I went, my very first and probably only purchase from the late Topman, uh, I, uh.
15:43 Speaker 03 You didn't.
15:45 Speaker 04 I did a port a t-shirt for a friend's party in a nightclub, and it was in the Arndale Centre of Manchester, and I went next door to the Waterstones, because that was next door to each other, and bought a book so I could then put my.
15:55 Speaker 03 She didn't want to be seen with a Topman bag?
15:57 Speaker 04 No.
15:58 Speaker 03 Wow, they were pretty cool.
15:59 Speaker 04 Yeah, I was not.
16:01 Speaker 03 I think I remember you vaguely telling this. You bought a shirt from Topman because you're going to a club.
16:05 Speaker 04 Yeah, I was going to a club and I thought this this boy won't like me if I'm wearing my usual stuff.
16:09 Speaker 03 And now you're never out of the clubs.
16:11 Speaker 04 I haven't been to a club for ages, actually. Bar, yes. Club, no.
16:16 Speaker 03 To be fair, I haven't been to a club for ages.
16:18 Speaker 04 Or as I call it, the club. Emily bought a pregnancy test and hid it amongst their other shopping despite being a twenty nine year old married woman.
16:26 Speaker 03 Yeah, I I do that if I have to buy.
16:28 Speaker 04 A pregnancy test.
16:30 Speaker 03 Yeah, I do.
16:33 Speaker 04 Yeah, I can get that. Josh's granny used to mute the.
16:35 Speaker 03 I did. I was doing it in, I was in, doing a shop. And then I'm fine, but I could just feel one brewing. I was buying some pile cream.
16:45 Speaker 04 Some what?
16:46 Speaker 03 Pile cream. And soon as I picked it up, someone went, love the show. I was like, oh.
16:53 Speaker 03 So I hid it. You know when sometimes you feel you've got one coming? Well, anyway, I've not used it. I didn't have them.
17:04 Speaker 04 Josh's granny used to mute the TV when she knew a swear word was coming up in a film.
17:08 Speaker 03 Don't.
17:09 Speaker 04 That's so nice.
17:10 Speaker 03 That's so sweet. That's so sweet.
17:14 Speaker 04 There's a nice skit in Hyacinth where she gets a TV repairman to come round to put a box over the T, a box in the TV that will go bleep every time. That's a swear word. It's obviously not how it works, but she thinks it was. Finally, an anonymous G and D as ex used to take his smartwatch off when they had sex so his wife wouldn't see the activity.
17:33 Speaker 04 Okay, uh, not sure if that counts as cute, but it's definitely scandalous.
17:37 Speaker 03 Those watches, my mate was telling me recently, I remember apparently, aren't they linked to Strava?
17:43 Speaker 04 Well, they can be, yeah.
17:44 Speaker 03 And and this mate, my mate was saying, and everyone at work were like, did you go for a run at three o'clock this morning?
17:53 Speaker 03 And it like, it went all on his straight, it had a wank. It went on a Strava account.
17:57 Speaker 04 No way.
17:58 Speaker 03 Yeah, apparently, because it was all linked. I know if you were like winding me up, it were funny pub tail anyway. But yeah, it was like.
18:06 Speaker 04 Do you, would you wear a watch during activity?
18:10 Speaker 03 It depends.
18:12 Speaker 04 What? Because you need to see the time?
18:14 Speaker 03 I don't know.
18:15 Speaker 04 Do you take it off? I never take mine off.
18:18 Speaker 03 What, for a wank?
18:20 Speaker 04 No for.
18:21 Speaker 05 No, for anything, for sleeping.
18:22 Speaker 03 Oh.
18:23 Speaker 04 Oh, I take mine off for sleeping. Yeah, yeah. Some people wear them because they.
18:26 Speaker 05 But it tells you your sleep score.
18:28 Speaker 04 I don't want to know my sleep score.
18:30 Speaker 05 I got ninety last night.
18:31 Speaker 04 Oh, what do you want to medal?
18:33 Speaker 05 No, just a good night's sleep.
18:35 Speaker 03 I'd, I'd, I'd be obsessed with it, so I don't bother.
18:37 Speaker 04 Are you sleeping any better now, by the way? I mean, obviously last night, ninety.
18:40 Speaker 05 Ninety, pretty good. I think so.
18:43 Speaker 03 Part of your insomnia, that.
18:44 Speaker 05 Yeah.
18:45 Speaker 03 Ben gets terrible insomnia. So I used to get really bad, but I've been all right. I don't want to say anything. I don't want to say anything. I'm not going to jinx it to try.
18:54 Speaker 04 We've got more of your messages after the break.
18:59 Speaker 06 Hey, it's Adam Grant from TED's Rethinking Podcast. As businesses scale, success depends on how well knowledge is captured, shared and kept up to date. Camtasia Pro turns teams' expertise into engaging training, onboarding and documentation. No professional editing experience required. With the industry's best screen recording, video editing and AI-powered workflows, you can train faster and boost operational efficiency. Get over a hundred dollars off your first year at camtasia pro dot com and start building a smarter way to educate customers, onboard employees and ensure valuable expertise is shared across teams.
19:34 Speaker 01 Hello, I'm Joanna Fletcher.
19:35 Speaker 07 And I'm Marco Burchella.
19:37 Speaker 01 And this is Boots Off.
19:40 Speaker 07 We are friends who have spent a decade together, walking up mountains, across deserts and along coastlines with some seriously awesome groups of humans.
19:48 Speaker 01 And something happens when you're out there, feet on the ground, surrounded by nature. The conversations just spill out of you.
19:55 Speaker 07 This series is about the adversities that lead to adventure.
19:58 Speaker 01 The adventures that lead to adversity.
20:00 Speaker 07 And how life can be one big adventure in itself.
20:03 Speaker 01 Listen every Thursday. Just search for Boots Off.
20:11 Speaker 03 All right, Gene Davis, thanks for sticking with us. What have we got now, please?
20:14 Speaker 04 Well, last, yeah, last week we wondered if we had any straight male listeners. And yes, they have been in touch in their tens.
20:21 Speaker 03 I've had many a DM from them. I do apologize. Yeah.
20:24 Speaker 04 So a manly hello to Michael, Ed, Mike, Toby, Lee, H from Swansea, not Steps, Adam the welder and Welsh Jay, who says Jordan's Welsh accent is terrible.
20:34 Speaker 03 I love you know, Jay. My accent from Wales is very good, thank you. And I, I'm questioning if you are actually straight. I'm going to say it.
20:41 Speaker 04 And that is it. That is all our straight male listeners.
20:44 Speaker 03 Really?
20:44 Speaker 04 So hello to them.
20:45 Speaker 03 Oh, we did. I can't remember what we said.
20:47 Speaker 04 You can't even create a football team with them.
20:49 Speaker 03 Have we not even got 11 straight male listeners?
20:52 Speaker 04 I think we might have more, but those are the ones that got in touch.
20:54 Speaker 03 We've got loads.
20:55 Speaker 04 Yeah. Ben, listen. David messaged in after hearing our advice regarding how to politely tell your guests to go home. Hello, William, Jordan and the team. I loved your recent episode where you talked about giving people the cold shoulder. A couple of years ago, I went to Bosnia and they have a great etiquette to get someone to leave. They serve them a cold cup of tea. The person receiving the tea knows it's their time to leave, says thank you and goes. Why would you?
21:20 Speaker 03 I know that seems just rude.
21:21 Speaker 04 Want to drink a cold cup of tea?
21:23 Speaker 03 Because it means you need to go.
21:24 Speaker 04 Yeah. Well, there we go. That's a bit of Bosnian etiquette.
21:27 Speaker 03 Yeah, I do actually.
21:29 Speaker 04 A staff member from Ben and Jordan's power washing company, BJ Services, has got in touch.
21:34 Speaker 03 It's gone on there because Ben doesn't want to spend any time with me outside of the podcast. Again, I've been trying to get him to do this for months. I want to come around and power wash his drive.
21:41 Speaker 04 He's done his drive.
21:42 Speaker 03 I want to power wash with my friend, but he don't want to power wash with me.
21:46 Speaker 04 Hello, boys. I've just been listening to the show for three years now and I love the podcast. I know Jordan and Ben were recently going through a bromance, short-lived, over power washing, and Jordan wanted to call their company BJ Services. Do you know that this company already exists as an oil service company based in Houston?
22:01 Speaker 03 We'll sue them. What have an oil company got that we haven't? We'll take them to court.
22:06 Speaker 04 And I used to work for them in Aberdeen. My email address was anonymous at bjservices.co.uk. To make matters worse, our mouse mats had the
22:16 Speaker 04 our mouse mats had the strap line, the deeper we go, the better we look.
22:20 Speaker 03 Shut up.
22:21 Speaker 04 Americans don't get irony. Keep up the great work, anonymous.
22:24 Speaker 03 The deeper we go, the better we look. BJ Services.
22:27 Speaker 05 That could sum up what we do as well, power washing.
22:30 Speaker 04 The harder we blast.
22:32 Speaker 03 We'll leave you clean but wet.
22:35 Speaker 04 Yeah.
22:35 Speaker 05 Yeah, yeah, we'll work on that.
22:37 Speaker 04 Catherine heard my recent etiquetteology regarding the Union Jack flag and had this to say. Hi guys, love the pod and hope you're well. I just wanted to let you know that I sent a very good friend of mine, William's etiquetteology book, no book, but regarding the Union Flag. He has had a very long and successful career in the Navy and thought you might find it interesting. Indeed, he did. And he also added some more of his own specialist knowledge to the subject and thought you might like to hear what he said. See below. Nowadays, warships only fly the Union Jack flag when alongside or at anchor, striking, lowering the Jack when sailing, except for certain ceremonial reasons. Simple. The main reason is that the Jack staff, the little mast and the bow, or do we say bow? I can't bow.
23:19 Speaker 04 Our bow gun would shoot it off otherwise. At no point in any of this do we call it jacking off. Keep up the great work. Love from Catherine from Pristat in North Wales. Yes, Jordan, my house is the one on the hill in the middle.
23:31 Speaker 03 You see those three houses, two houses on the hill, mine's the middle one.
23:35 Speaker 04 Do you know, it used to take, I never used to get that joke. And then I realised that what you're saying is, yeah.
23:40 Speaker 03 There is no bread, so we'll have some toast.
23:44 Speaker 05 I also didn't get it until just that moment.
23:47 Speaker 03 You see those two houses on the hill? Mine's the middle one.
23:51 Speaker 05 Because there's only two houses, you can't have a middle one.
23:53 Speaker 03 Over there, mine's the fourth one. I don't know what that's off.
23:56 Speaker 05 That one's not quite as clever.
23:58 Speaker 04 No. Anonymous has a burning question for us. Hi William and Jordan. I've discovered your podcast this year and it has been keeping me company for the last few months. I also watch Taskmaster, created by Greg Davis and Alex Horn, and I can't help but think you guys would be a great fit. Would you guys ever consider going on that show? I'm sure the GNDs would love watching you attempt the ridiculous tasks. Well, we would. They just don't want us on it. Well, they don't want Jordan on it because it's a very successful series. And they want to keep it going for as long as possible. No, I've not been asked.
24:33 Speaker 03 No, I haven't.
24:33 Speaker 04 So I think that's why we're probably not on Gogglebox, because they want that to continue.
24:37 Speaker 03 I'd love for us to.
24:38 Speaker 04 I know.
24:39 Speaker 03 I still watch it every Friday, and even if I miss out on a Friday, I'll watch it in a week.
24:44 Speaker 04 Yeah, but maybe, maybe, you know, next week, we could do a Taskmaster style challenge in the studio. If we won't go on Taskmaster, we'll just rip off their IP.
24:54 Speaker 03 What other shows could we do together? We got asked to do Race Across the World.
24:57 Speaker 04 We did get asked to do Race Across the World.
24:59 Speaker 03 A couple of times. I have said to the production team of Race Across the World, when the radio is, when I get the, you know, when the radio is over, I would absolutely love to do it. But I just can't be off for like three months.
25:11 Speaker 04 All right, well, next year we'll do it.
25:15 Speaker 04 Lol.
25:15 Speaker 03 You said you'd never do it.
25:17 Speaker 04 No, because I watched, I watched the series and literally when they were trying to leave Greenwich, I was getting stressed. So I thought, well, how am I going to do when I'm sort of, you know, strapped to a.
25:26 Speaker 03 You on a bus for 14 hours.
25:29 Speaker 04 In Burkina Faso, absolutely not.
25:31 Speaker 03 It'd be great telly.
25:32 Speaker 04 No, it would be great telly.
25:33 Speaker 03 We will, we'll definitely do that. I know, I said.
25:36 Speaker 04 I don't.
25:37 Speaker 03 We'll do that. Didn't we get asked to do Antiques Roadshow as well?
25:41 Speaker 04 And no, because they don't have guests on that other than.
25:43 Speaker 03 Yeah, they do.
25:44 Speaker 04 And to throw a trip. Road trip. Oh, did we get asked to bargain?
25:48 Speaker 03 We got asked to bargain on, but because of, I can't remember. There's something else that I said, oh, we'd definitely love to do it when the timings are right. Oh, was it that Dangerous Roads one? That's really, that's really well on you.
26:01 Speaker 04 Dangerous Roads?
26:02 Speaker 03 World's most dangerous roads. There was another one. Anyway.
26:05 Speaker 04 I'm not doing that. That sounds dangerous.
26:08 Speaker 03 Let's finish with our comment of the week. This is going to be a comment from Spotify, YouTube or any of our socials.
26:13 Speaker 04 Um, yes, this week it's a Wendy North special after her cameo in last week's episode to tell me off for being cheeky. Scolding aside, it was obviously such a joy to work with a charismatic and beloved member of the North family for once.
26:24 Speaker 03 Creep.
26:25 Speaker 04 She's also never been responsible for a TV series being cancelled. Before we get to our favourite one, here's the honourable mentions. Susie said, give Jordan his dues, his Wendy impression is actually pretty accurate.
26:35 Speaker 03 Thank you. My mates all say my Wendy and Graham impressions are best.
26:39 Speaker 04 Your Wendy impression is basically just you, but a bit higher pitched.
26:41 Speaker 03 Excuse me, it's absolutely not. Thank you very much.
26:44 Speaker 04 And Les Camp.
26:44 Speaker 03 So I said to her, right, so I wrote to her and I said to her, right, no, you were pushing in loves. And I were going to keep quiet, but I told her to piss off and she did.
26:54 Speaker 04 David said, is it because she criticised William's sofa? Well, she wouldn't know taste if she sat on it. And comment-
27:01 Speaker 03 It's a bit offensive to Graham. Oh, oh.
27:06 Speaker 04 Great, Jordan started beef with his own mum.
27:10 Speaker 03 No, that was a horrible fucking, I didn't realise what I've just said.
27:16 Speaker 03 Have you realised what I've just said? Ah, where the hell did that come from? Ah.
27:22 Speaker 04 And a comment of the week goes to Sam, who said, absolute diva. We now see where Jordan gets it from.
27:26 Speaker 03 Oh.
27:27 Speaker 04 Yeah. Are you more like your mother or your father? I mean, I would say you're probably a bit of both, which is sort of kind of how it works. But I would say probably-
27:36 Speaker 03 More like my mum, but I've got my dad's work ethic.
27:40 Speaker 04 But he moans as well, doesn't he?
27:42 Speaker 03 No, he's very hardworking. He's great though.
27:45 Speaker 04 Yeah.
27:45 Speaker 03 He's a very like, uh, what's the word? Studi- uh, like he's quite-
27:52 Speaker 04 Dedicated.
27:52 Speaker 03 Studious. Is that the right word?
27:54 Speaker 04 Um, diligent?
27:55 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah.
27:58 Speaker 04 Lovely.
27:59 Speaker 03 Are you more like your mum or your dad?
28:01 Speaker 04 Hmm, I'm more like my mother domestically. And again, I'm more work ethic, more like my father.
28:05 Speaker 03 Okay.
28:07 Speaker 04 So similar, aren't we?
28:08 Speaker 03 Uh, remember you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. If you want to get in touch about something that isn't a dilemma or a problem, you can drop into our DMs. Send us an email to [email protected] . We also love hearing back from the people we offer advice to. So if we've run out, why don't you let us get back in touch? I'm gonna speak to you on Tuesday.
28:27 Speaker 04 Goodbye.
28:27 Speaker 03 Bye bye.
28:35 Speaker 03 1965, London. The world's largest uncut diamond has been stolen from the Natural History Museum.
28:45 Speaker 03 Shortly after, a young London window cleaner is arrested. They said you're nicked, you're on a lot of travel. But was he set up? Wanted ad fled to fall of two cops. His family say he is guilty, but of a totally different crime. You're not gonna end up going to prison, do you, kidlet? I'm J C Long and this is Rough Diamond. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.
Previous Help I’m A Feminist | And What’s Your Body Count? Next Help I’ve Been Wiping My Face With His D*ck Towel | And EVERYONE’S Horny Page updated October 29, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated