Pod Insights Help I Sexted My Boss Help I’ve Been Wiping My Face With His D*ck Towel | And EVERYONE’S Horny About this episode After a G&Diva casually mentions they like to keep track of who they thought was the most amusing in each episode, William and Jordan decide to actively compete in being the funniest person on the podcast. There's also a 'horny' atmosphere in the air, and Jordan is convinced he knows why. The boys also tackle your dilemmas involving growing a wispy moustache and finding out your partner has been using your face towel to clean their genitals.
If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected] , and for more Sexted fun sign up https://sextedmyboss.com/newsletter/ to our free VIG&Diva newsletter. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss.
Help I Sexted My Boss is presented by William Hanson and Jordan North. It is an Audio Always http://www.audioalways.com production.
If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected] . You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript 10,433 words · 8 speakers
0:00 Speaker 00 Mr. Monopoly here. Miss me? Monopoly is back at McDonald's with millions of prizes. A 2027 Jeep Cherokee, a Carnival Cruise vacation, gift cards from DoorDash and Best Buy. Feel free in the McDonald's app. Get your bag.
0:18 Speaker 01 No purchase necessary. 50 US and DC age 18 plus. See playatmcd.com for rules and playatmcd.com/amoe for info and playing without purchase by mail by November 2. Chess card game ends November 8. Game ends November 22, 2026. See rules for prize details. Monopoly is a registered trademark of Hasbro.
0:30 Speaker 02 Hello, this is Suzy Ruffel.
0:31 Speaker 03 And Maisy Adam.
0:32 Speaker 02 And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey Mais, what is it?
0:35 Speaker 03 Only the best podcast ever.
0:36 Speaker 02 Yeah.
0:37 Speaker 03 A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffel.
0:47 Speaker 02 Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping, too.
0:49 Speaker 03 Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip.
0:51 Speaker 02 Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts. Just need to search Big Kick Energy.
0:57 Speaker 03 Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.
1:07 Speaker 04 Hello and welcome to Help I Sexted My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life, answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to those everyday dilemmas. Like, what should you do when your mum becomes a gay icon after wearing a I Heart Gays t-shirt? Go on, what's your mum called? Sarah. Or how do you admit to your partner you need to get a spreadsheet out to track your body count? And of course, what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss? But we're not usually liking the answer, are we? William Hanson, the UK's leading etiquette expert.
1:40 Speaker 05 No, we're not. Jordan North, Capital Radio Show host. You're more doodle doodle loo. I'm more any cock will do. It's not normally the way around we do it.
1:48 Speaker 04 I like that.
1:49 Speaker 05 And also, so much to say. That's from Mara, who was inspired by a card she found in Affleck's Palace.
1:56 Speaker 04 What's Affleck's?
1:56 Speaker 05 It's in Manchester. I went when I lived there.
1:59 Speaker 04 Ben Affleck's house?
2:00 Speaker 05 No, I thought it was National Trust, but apparently it's a department store thing. It says, "The only difference between you and a cockerel is the cockerel says cock-a-doodle-loo and you say any cock..." Will do.
2:10 Speaker 04 Very good.
2:11 Speaker 05 Lovely. Well, Mara, you need to pay closer attention to the podcast.
2:14 Speaker 04 Very good cards out at the moment, some really funny ones.
2:17 Speaker 05 I love a funny card.
2:18 Speaker 04 There is. Well, there is in Scribler and stuff.
2:21 Speaker 05 We, someone I know, sent a funny card to a relative, a parent, let's put it that way. And the parent was really offended. It wasn't an offensive card. It wasn't like that one. It was just a witticism. And the parent was really offended that they didn't send a sincere card. You know those cards that have poems on them?
2:38 Speaker 04 Yeah.
2:39 Speaker 05 You're going like, you're the best son, or you're the best daughter-in-law I could ever imagine, et cetera. I can't stand those. It's got to be a funny card.
2:47 Speaker 04 I see. Do you, where are you? I was gonna say, where are your unfunny cards? Cause I always send you funny cards.
2:52 Speaker 05 Yes, I always send, always.
2:53 Speaker 04 Do you send your parents ones?
2:54 Speaker 05 Absolutely.
2:55 Speaker 04 Your parent, I don't send me mum one, but I send me dad one.
2:58 Speaker 05 Do you send your mother a card?
2:59 Speaker 04 I send her a card, but I won't send her a funny one.
3:01 Speaker 05 Oh no, I always send. I've sent my mother one about drinking alcohol. It's her birthday coming up.
3:06 Speaker 04 It's very close to home, darling. I had a sense of humour fairly, but thank God it's my birthday, so I pissed on champagne from two nights before.
3:14 Speaker 05 Um, talking of.
3:15 Speaker 06 Hi guys.
3:15 Speaker 05 Oh, hello Ben.
3:16 Speaker 06 I would say though, that in those card shops, some of the cards are absolutely savage.
3:20 Speaker 05 Yes, my uncle gets the really rude cards from me, cause he sends me really rude cards. And I've got him one, I think this year's, it said, it was like a window with night sky. And some stars. And it said, the Coldplay lyrics, "Look at the stars, look how they shine for you." And they just were there saying, "Twat."
3:36 Speaker 04 Hmm.
3:37 Speaker 05 Or maybe something stronger, I forget.
3:39 Speaker 04 One that's like, you've got a big arse, but your arse is bigger. Happy birthday mum. And it's just like, Christ.
3:44 Speaker 05 No, I wouldn't send that.
3:45 Speaker 04 No.
3:45 Speaker 06 What do you do with your old birthday cards?
3:47 Speaker 05 I do keep certain ones.
3:48 Speaker 04 I do as well.
3:49 Speaker 06 The good ones.
3:50 Speaker 04 I've got a memory box now. It's more of a.
3:52 Speaker 05 You keep forgetting where you put it.
3:54 Speaker 04 No. It's turned into like, it used to be a shoebox, but now.
3:58 Speaker 05 Well, that's used for other things.
4:00 Speaker 06 Yeah, isn't that under your bed?
4:01 Speaker 04 No, it's an old hairdryer box now. Um.
4:07 Speaker 06 You'll be onto a vacuum cleaner soon.
4:09 Speaker 04 Um, but, but now, I've got like a big MDF box full of memories.
4:15 Speaker 05 An MDF box?
4:18 Speaker 06 A coffin.
4:19 Speaker 04 Big cardboard box.
4:20 Speaker 05 Gosh, well, how lovely. Look, here is a drink for you. It's a little bit on the table, but don't mind.
4:26 Speaker 04 What drink have you got, gee?
4:27 Speaker 05 Oh, I've gone for, call me unfashioned, you don't drink it anyway, so what does it matter? Gin and Toboly. Um, this week's toast goes to, uh, Misha, who Sister Ella sent in this message. Hi, boys. A few years ago, I messaged you in the hope of surprising my sister with tour tickets for her birthday. Thanks to you, we ended up coming to see you in London together, and it's still one of my favourite memories. Since then, we've listened to every episode on the way to work, followed naturally by a post-episode debrief, where we solve the world's problems and decide who was the funniest that week. It's always William. Fast, I might have added, fast forward a few years and I'm getting married in September 2027. My sister, Misha, uh, pronounced Misha because my parents enjoy keeping strangers on their toes,
5:06 Speaker 05 isn't just my sister, she's my absolute best friend. I wondered if you might help me ask her one very important question. Would you be willing to ask Misha if she'll be my maid of honour?
5:16 Speaker 04 Oh.
5:17 Speaker 05 It would genuinely mean the world to us both, and I can't imagine my wedding day without her beside me. Thank you for all the laughs over the years. Whether the answer is yes, no, or absolutely not, I'll still be listening every Tuesday and Friday. Lots of love, Ella Brown.
5:29 Speaker 04 Now, there's a good chance with, uh, Ben being in charge of the admin that they've been happily married, might be divorced by now.
5:35 Speaker 05 Onto the second.
5:36 Speaker 04 And this could have been sent months ago, years ago.
5:39 Speaker 06 Says, what, hang on a second.
5:42 Speaker 04 However, if that's not the case, and Ella's still not heard this, then congratulations.
5:49 Speaker 05 Yes.
5:49 Speaker 04 And Misha, she wants it to be.
5:50 Speaker 05 Misha, would you like to be her maid of honour?
5:52 Speaker 04 Maid of honour.
5:53 Speaker 05 I'm sure the answer is a resounding yes. This is to both you, Misha and Ella.
5:57 Speaker 06 Very great. Can I just come back on that after the nice moment?
5:59 Speaker 04 You know the rules, you have no right to reply on this podcast.
6:03 Speaker 06 Well, I do because I've got a button now, and if it was a handwritten reply, then that would be all the case. But it was an email, so that came in this week.
6:10 Speaker 04 All right, will you email them to let them know that it's going to be going out on Tuesday so they can listen to it together? Because that'd be a special moment.
6:16 Speaker 05 I think they listen anyway.
6:17 Speaker 04 Yeah, but they might listen ahead.
6:18 Speaker 06 The other thing I wanted to just pick up on from that, um, from that message was, did you spot the bit where it says that each time there's an episode, they vote for who was funniest?
6:27 Speaker 04 Yeah.
6:27 Speaker 05 Hmm. No, we're not doing that on socials.
6:29 Speaker 06 I think we should do that for this, today's episode.
6:31 Speaker 04 Yeah, I reckon that's it. You're on.
6:33 Speaker 05 Oh, because you'll win.
6:35 Speaker 04 No, I'm not funny.
6:36 Speaker 06 No, you have to.
6:37 Speaker 05 No, I know, but you'll still win.
6:38 Speaker 04 That's a great, see, that's why he's a good producer. That's.
6:41 Speaker 06 Well, it crossed my mind that maybe like we should do it for the entire back catalogue and have like, then we'd have a final score.
6:47 Speaker 05 Who can remember episode 402?
6:49 Speaker 06 No, whatever.
6:50 Speaker 04 We'll do this for the socials.
6:51 Speaker 06 Yeah, we'll do it for today.
6:52 Speaker 04 For today's episode of Help, I Sex and My Bus, who do you think was the funniest? Myself or William? Vote now.
7:00 Speaker 05 William or me?
7:02 Speaker 06 Well, don't vote now. We vote at the end of the episode.
7:04 Speaker 05 Yeah. Yeah. Let's at least do the episode. I'm actually going to not make any jokes because I don't, I want, I just can't be bothered.
7:10 Speaker 04 No, don't, don't.
7:11 Speaker 05 They're gonna, they're gonna vote for you anyway, Jordan.
7:12 Speaker 04 When you try to be funny, it's never that funny.
7:18 Speaker 06 It's a good start.
7:19 Speaker 05 I'm still waiting for you to try.
7:22 Speaker 04 Oh, we've started. We've started.
7:24 Speaker 05 That's a lovely waffle effect top you're wearing.
7:28 Speaker 05 I want to have a towel.
7:30 Speaker 04 See, when you try, it's not funny.
7:32 Speaker 05 That wasn't, I wasn't trying to be funny. That was just me being a bitch.
7:35 Speaker 04 Anyway, how's your week been, superstar?
7:38 Speaker 05 Yes, it's been absolutely fine. Thank you. Thank you for coming to watch me entitle it.
7:41 Speaker 04 It was amazing. Gene, so many lovely Gene Divers there as well.
7:46 Speaker 05 Yes.
7:47 Speaker 04 Honestly, it was great. Like, I've got to meet so many lovely people that listen to podcasts and were going to see you. It was great. Um, there was a woman there that had been down three times to see you.
7:57 Speaker 05 We have people that come every night.
7:59 Speaker 04 Really?
8:00 Speaker 05 Yeah.
8:01 Speaker 04 So like you with?
8:03 Speaker 05 They, they see whoever's in the cast. They, they're not coming because of me. They have seen the show. And let's put it this way, I'm, they're all lovely and I met one of them, yes, I said hello to one of them yesterday at Stage Shore. And she said, oh, I've just booked my 300th ticket. And I said, oh, so what one are you on now? And she said seventy five.
8:20 Speaker 04 So she's gonna watch it three hundred times?
8:22 Speaker 05 Mm hmm. And she's only now on time seventy five.
8:25 Speaker 04 Wow.
8:26 Speaker 05 I can't comment. I've seen Mary Poppins forty five times.
8:28 Speaker 04 Can I just say, as we left you, it was great to meet all the cast and stuff after you.
8:32 Speaker 05 Yes, I know you've sent them some lovely messages.
8:34 Speaker 04 I it was so nice as we as we were leaving that there was people outside.
8:39 Speaker 05 Yeah.
8:39 Speaker 04 Waiting for you, like you was a big West End star.
8:43 Speaker 05 Like I was a big West End star.
8:44 Speaker 04 Because you are a big West End star.
8:46 Speaker 05 I'm not that big.
8:47 Speaker 04 It was so nice.
8:48 Speaker 05 It was it's it is just.
8:50 Speaker 04 Big cheers.
8:52 Speaker 05 Yeah.
8:52 Speaker 04 It's amazing.
8:53 Speaker 05 It's it's honestly, so when you have good audiences and you had a you had a very good audience that night, thank thankfully. I was always pressured when there are people that you know it, you want the audience to be good.
9:02 Speaker 04 I just weren't expected because you come on. I thought you'd come on like twenty minutes. You're on straight at the start in a parka.
9:08 Speaker 05 Yes, I look a little bit like Noel Gallagher.
9:10 Speaker 04 Yeah, you were. You're like that kid from East Desise. Quite a reference, but have a look at it if you if you've never seen it. I thought. What? Did you think I'd do all that? Count the mushy fucking piece? It's a great film.
9:23 Speaker 05 Seen that for ages.
9:24 Speaker 04 Growing up in East Lancashire, everybody watched that film.
9:27 Speaker 05 We watched that in RE. I don't really know why.
9:30 Speaker 04 You watched that in RE?
9:31 Speaker 05 Yeah.
9:32 Speaker 06 It's set in.
9:32 Speaker 04 Shut up and get inside and wash your neck curtains, dude.
9:34 Speaker 05 It's set in chef, set in chef.
9:36 Speaker 06 Salford.
9:37 Speaker 05 Salford.
9:38 Speaker 04 It's so good.
9:39 Speaker 06 Where this podcast started.
9:40 Speaker 05 Yes.
9:40 Speaker 04 Yes.
9:41 Speaker 05 Um, no, but you generally, like, forget me. I knew you would like that show because you love the film.
9:46 Speaker 04 Yeah.
9:46 Speaker 05 And obviously the show is a parody of the film. And it was so lovely, not just during my bits, but during the whole show, which is like, I obviously I can, I know what your laugh sounds like. It's quite, it carries in a good way. Well, it's not, it's no, it does. No, it's good. You want, you want, you actually do want to hear your audience laugh, but you were, and I could see you, you were loving it.
10:05 Speaker 04 Yeah, I was.
10:06 Speaker 05 With your glasses on.
10:07 Speaker 04 Yeah, I had respect, Sam.
10:09 Speaker 05 I know.
10:09 Speaker 04 I had to run back to get them. I thought, oh, I need respect. There was one bit where I filmed, yeah, and I didn't realise.
10:14 Speaker 05 At the end, when you're allowed to film.
10:15 Speaker 04 And and you looked right at me.
10:17 Speaker 05 Yes.
10:18 Speaker 04 Yeah.
10:18 Speaker 05 No, I always, if I know where people are sitting, I will sing at them.
10:21 Speaker 04 You were so funny. You were born for that role. Thank you for my mention as well.
10:25 Speaker 05 Yes, I thought you'd like it. And thank you for laughing at it. Thank God.
10:27 Speaker 04 Can we also talk about the fact that, oh, my fucking God, Adele went to see it?
10:33 Speaker 05 Yes.
10:33 Speaker 04 Actual Adele.
10:34 Speaker 05 I mean, honestly, thank God, an actual celebrity came to see us, which is just.
10:38 Speaker 04 I'll set that.
10:38 Speaker 05 Yeah, no, she like.
10:40 Speaker 04 Her laugh carries.
10:41 Speaker 05 Yes, and she was sitting much closer.
10:45 Speaker 04 Well, how did that happen? How did Adele?
10:47 Speaker 05 They booked tickets. I mean, you did as well, but like they they booked tickets.
10:51 Speaker 04 And she went to see it?
10:53 Speaker 05 So an hour before, she was just with some friends. A couple of them had seen it many times before and others were new to it as well. And literally an hour before, when we finished doing vocal, I know, vocal warm up and um, which I don't know why am I there, but anyway. Uh, I I go along with it. And um, the company manager says, right, we've got a big star in tonight. And I assumed he'd say like, my mum, or you know, some, you know, he was doing a joke. And I went, Adele.
11:20 Speaker 04 What did everyone do? Let me do an impression. So it's all West End stars on stage.
11:26 Speaker 05 Mm hmm.
11:26 Speaker 04 And he said.
11:28 Speaker 05 Adele.
11:33 Speaker 04 Was it a bit like that?
11:34 Speaker 05 Yes, basically. It's like if you were there.
11:37 Speaker 04 Yeah.
11:37 Speaker 05 Well, everyone sort of lost their mind. I was quite calm because I don't really know any song, other than Skyfall. Good song.
11:46 Speaker 04 She's amazing.
11:47 Speaker 05 Oh, no, she, I know, I know she's a big star and it was, it was lovely to have her.
11:50 Speaker 04 Like, you don't get, when he said a big star, you don't get much bigger than.
11:53 Speaker 05 No, we're sort of trying to work out who would be bigger.
11:56 Speaker 06 How did, how did they know that it wasn't like Adele from Slough?
11:59 Speaker 04 Yeah.
12:00 Speaker 06 Did she just fill out, was the ticket just given to Adele? No surname?
12:03 Speaker 05 No surname, yeah.
12:04 Speaker 04 Is it?
12:04 Speaker 06 It could have been anyone.
12:06 Speaker 04 Atkinson, yeah, Adele Atkins. Is it?
12:08 Speaker 06 Yeah, Stuart, Stuart is saying yes.
12:10 Speaker 05 Yes, yeah. A A.
12:12 Speaker 04 And what was it like when she, did she enjoy the show?
12:14 Speaker 05 She loved the show. She loved the show. I mean, we could hear her and see her loving the show. She was, it's a small theatre, so we, you know, you can see quite a lot. Um, she loved it. Um, she, she, there's a bit at the end, obviously I don't sing, as I have said. But there's a bit at the end where I speak, sing a line and uh, she wet herself at that. So that was nice. Ah, when I did my thing and I sort of looked at her and nodded. Thanks very much.
12:40 Speaker 04 This is amazing. This is like, and did you do my bit in front of her?
12:46 Speaker 05 Yes.
12:46 Speaker 04 Adele's heard my name. Did she laugh at that?
12:50 Speaker 05 No, I think she looked confused as to who that was a reference to. No, to be fair, in my bit where I do that main breakdown, I can't look at anyone really. So I just look at the, I look at the, um, just the back of the theatre.
13:03 Speaker 04 Yeah, Adele's heard my name. You've performed in front of Adele.
13:08 Speaker 05 Well, and very excitingly, last night, we had my friends in the Earl and Countess of Urn, so they've heard your name as well.
13:14 Speaker 04 That not so much, but Adele's heard my name.
13:16 Speaker 05 Yeah.
13:17 Speaker 04 In the same week, you've had Adele and Jordan North visit you.
13:21 Speaker 05 One uptight, under talented diva.
13:25 Speaker 04 And the other?
13:26 Speaker 05 And Adele. Joking.
13:29 Speaker 04 That's amazing, but it's a very funny show.
13:31 Speaker 05 It's, it's, it's, I enjoyed it.
13:33 Speaker 04 I've got to apologise, I'm so, I'm so sorry and I don't do this on purpose, but before, because I'd come, I was working all that day. I can't remember what I was doing last.
13:42 Speaker 05 This.
13:42 Speaker 04 Thursday, yeah. And then I went to Jim because I thought I'll kill an hour. Anyway, I went in pub and I'd had, I'd had, I'd had a good few. Um, it was known by my friends that I was a bit, I was pissed.
13:56 Speaker 05 I, I think it helps with the show to be perfectly honest.
13:59 Speaker 04 I'm not, because I was killing time because I thought, I'm not going to go home now. There's no point, so I was killing time. So I think I had three pints of Guinness before I met with Meg.
14:07 Speaker 05 Yeah, I was watching your location going, well, they're still in the pub. They're still in the pub. Delay the curtain.
14:13 Speaker 04 I hate that location thing. I think it's ridiculous. Um, but then just before I left, because I thought, I've not eaten. Well, I had, I'd had Guinness, but I thought, so I had.
14:22 Speaker 05 That's not food.
14:23 Speaker 04 So I had a scotched egg from pub, right? And all the.
14:28 Speaker 05 Just a Scotch egg.
14:29 Speaker 04 Just a scotched egg.
14:30 Speaker 05 Scotch.
14:31 Speaker 04 No, it's scotched.
14:31 Speaker 05 No, it's not.
14:32 Speaker 04 We've talked about this before, you can say Scotch or scotched. We can.
14:36 Speaker 05 Everyone here is saying no.
14:37 Speaker 04 It's a scotched egg. Anyway, I had it, but then I was doing really horrible eggy burbs all the way through first part.
14:43 Speaker 05 God, you were sitting in Rowan.
14:44 Speaker 04 To the point where like, you know, when you're trying to keep burping, but it still comes out and it's like, but then you can smell it. And I'm sorry, I know that's disgusting. Sometimes I think burbs can smell worse than farts. And I was told off by. The people are with.
14:58 Speaker 05 Yeah.
14:59 Speaker 04 But I'm really worried that the lady next to me might smell the eggy burbs.
15:03 Speaker 05 Well, probably, yeah, if the people next to you that side.
15:05 Speaker 04 It's about worse than a Scotch eggy burb.
15:07 Speaker 05 Scotch.
15:08 Speaker 04 I just wolfed it down. So sorry for doing that. But other than that, it was great. It was so fun.
15:13 Speaker 05 The, um, very excitingly tonight at the show, I'm very excited about who we've got in.
15:19 Speaker 04 Who?
15:20 Speaker 05 Stephanie Jones, who played Mary Poppins.
15:23 Speaker 04 Off at lunch?
15:24 Speaker 05 No. No, not Steph Macbeth.
15:27 Speaker 04 Oh, off at lunch?
15:29 Speaker 05 Yeah, no, no, no.
15:30 Speaker 04 I thought Ceezy's.
15:31 Speaker 05 Yes, Ceezy did it in the, in the West End and then Stephanie did it latterly on tour, which I went to go and see numerous times and met her, et cetera. Um, she's coming tonight. She's about to go into Les Mis.
15:40 Speaker 04 That's your Adele, isn't it?
15:42 Speaker 05 I probably am a little, no, no disrespect to Adele, who is lovely. Um, probably more excited that Stephanie Jones is coming. I think also, who else is coming tonight? I forget. Um. Uh, oh, Art's parents are coming tonight, which is nice. Not Art, because she's a bit, she's a bit young and my friend Anthony and, oh, this lot.
16:04 Speaker 04 Oh, sex.
16:05 Speaker 05 I knew, I knew there were people I was forgetting.
16:07 Speaker 04 You'll have a great time.
16:08 Speaker 05 Yeah.
16:08 Speaker 04 Yeah.
16:09 Speaker 05 Which will be lovely.
16:10 Speaker 04 I'm so proud of you. It was amazing.
16:11 Speaker 05 Bless you. Well, thank you for, thank you for coming.
16:13 Speaker 04 Very fun. The lady who plays Celine Dion.
16:15 Speaker 05 Astrid.
16:16 Speaker 04 I was talking like her all day yesterday because she talks a bit like Celine Dion and I thought she was brilliant.
16:22 Speaker 05 Can you smell toast?
16:23 Speaker 04 I thought she was great, Celine Dion. She was like, oh, my God, this is amazing.
16:26 Speaker 05 She, she has got the Celine mannerisms down pat.
16:28 Speaker 04 It's, it's spot on. It is. What else has been going on in your life?
16:32 Speaker 05 No, what else has been going on in your life?
16:34 Speaker 04 I'm really into at the moment, Fairy Skip the Soap.
16:39 Speaker 05 Or as you call it in your house, skip the soap.
16:41 Speaker 04 Very good. No, um, so you know, I've.
16:44 Speaker 05 What, what, what is this?
16:45 Speaker 04 Well, I was, I'm, I'm, I'll always be, I'll always be.
16:49 Speaker 05 Here we go. This is going to end with gal.
16:51 Speaker 04 Till my, my dying day, I'll always be a vinegar spray kind of gal.
16:55 Speaker 05 There we go.
16:56 Speaker 04 Right. But I vinegar spray is not for your surfaces.
17:01 Speaker 05 It makes everything stink of vinegar. It's not like a fish and chip shop.
17:04 Speaker 04 It's to buff and to shine. But I'm getting bored of my current surface spray. Welcome to your thirties, wherever you're listening to this. So I seen an advert, I seen an advert, I'll tell you for why, I seen an advert on Amazon Prime during um Clarkson's Farm. And it's called.
17:18 Speaker 05 Oh, you don't pay for.
17:20 Speaker 04 It's called Fairy Skip the Soap, right? And basically, you don't have to soak stuff now overnight. You just spray this fairy spray on it and they're not paying.
17:28 Speaker 05 So, hang on, is this for surfaces or is it for like pans?
17:31 Speaker 04 Well, if you'd let me finish.
17:32 Speaker 05 Okay.
17:32 Speaker 04 So you can spray it on pans, you can do it on surfaces as well, but also it says on the front, encourage you to spray just a bit inside your dishwasher. It all comes out sparkling, your dishwasher's clean, your dishwasher doesn't smell anymore. It's, honestly, I can't wait to get home each night and do my.
17:47 Speaker 05 My dishwasher doesn't smell anyway.
17:49 Speaker 04 Well, yeah, because mine don't now. Just spray your dishes with it and they come out extra shiny, I promise you. And then it makes your sink look really shiny. It's great, but you do, you don't have to soak dishes anymore. My air fryer, just put the surf, put the thingy on it. Leave it a couple of minutes, go and do your other bits and come back and it comes off.
18:06 Speaker 05 Lovely.
18:07 Speaker 04 So I'm really into that at the moment, William.
18:09 Speaker 05 God, you just sound so like your mother.
18:12 Speaker 04 I'm really into that at the moment.
18:13 Speaker 06 That sounds life changing.
18:14 Speaker 04 It is, you should get on it, Ben.
18:16 Speaker 06 I'm, I've been tempted. I've thought about it. I needed a review like that to.
18:19 Speaker 04 I was, I've, I've been with the same.
18:20 Speaker 05 Have you been influenced?
18:22 Speaker 04 I've been with the same surface cleaner for a couple of years now. You know, you just.
18:25 Speaker 06 What's his name?
18:25 Speaker 04 It was, I won't say because it's not fair in the brand. I'll still use that, I'll still buy it, but I'm.
18:29 Speaker 06 It's just a joke.
18:30 Speaker 04 Very much come to, to.
18:32 Speaker 05 Just skip the same. Well, I will give it a go. Can you get it in most supermarkets or is it at Amazon?
18:37 Speaker 04 And I'll mention flash bleach, which I still think is the best for your bathroom.
18:40 Speaker 05 Yeah, but you do, and you talked about flash bleach.
18:43 Speaker 04 The bleach spray, the bleach spray is the best for your bathroom.
18:47 Speaker 05 You talked about this when we did the collab with Jonathan and yeah, you can't use bleach everywhere.
18:53 Speaker 04 No, but in your bathroom.
18:54 Speaker 05 Yeah, but even still, you don't need to use bleach absolutely everywhere.
18:59 Speaker 04 Sif, sif for like when you're doing a big clean.
19:03 Speaker 05 So, and what I would say bleach for a big clean.
19:05 Speaker 04 No, you be.
19:06 Speaker 05 Don't use bleach every day.
19:07 Speaker 04 No, but for your bathroom, when you do your bathroom.
19:10 Speaker 05 Okay.
19:10 Speaker 04 Bleach, I gotta say, bleach spray.
19:14 Speaker 05 Right.
19:14 Speaker 04 Anyway, um, how are you coping in the heat?
19:17 Speaker 05 Um, well, luckily the theatre's air conditioned, so at work we're absolutely fine.
19:21 Speaker 04 A lot of others aren't, are they?
19:22 Speaker 05 I know, we are, I think a big selling point for our show is that we have got air conditioning. Um, and also four floors underground, which helps, but I would say.
19:31 Speaker 06 Did Titanic have air conditioning?
19:33 Speaker 04 That's a great question.
19:34 Speaker 05 It did at the end, it was quite airy.
19:36 Speaker 06 Or quite wet.
19:37 Speaker 05 Yeah.
19:38 Speaker 04 All right, people perished on that boat, let's just.
19:41 Speaker 05 Excuse me, you're doing a musical about the Costa Concordia, so you can shut up.
19:44 Speaker 04 Yeah, but I'm just waiting for permission off the families and it'll be fine.
19:50 Speaker 05 Right.
19:51 Speaker 04 Anyway, carry on. No, they didn't have air conditioning, wouldn't have had air conditioning back then.
19:56 Speaker 06 Did they have skip the soap?
19:58 Speaker 04 Probably, yeah, because Farley's been around for ages. Shut up, you, carry on.
20:02 Speaker 05 Um, I'm okay. Today I'm all in linen.
20:05 Speaker 04 Mm hmm.
20:06 Speaker 05 So I'm just adjust my fabrics rather than start doing, you know, shorts and things.
20:10 Speaker 04 People aren't sleeping well, I've noticed. Everyone's a bit agitated.
20:13 Speaker 05 Yeah, a bit, bit cro- crotchety.
20:15 Speaker 04 Yeah.
20:16 Speaker 05 How are you coping?
20:17 Speaker 04 I'm all right, I can't complain.
20:18 Speaker 05 Do you like it though?
20:19 Speaker 04 I've got a good fan in my room, so I'm doing all right.
20:22 Speaker 06 Do you not think everyone just looks like, just a bit more sort of sexy in the heat?
20:27 Speaker 04 Yeah.
20:28 Speaker 05 Not, not everyone.
20:29 Speaker 06 Not everyone.
20:30 Speaker 04 Well, let's face it, he's brought a good point to the table here, which is Ben, and I say this all the time, right? And I'll say this for many a year, especially, yeah, people look fitter in the sun. And I think it's A, because people dress less, so you see a bit more. And B, let's face it, in the heat, everyone's just mad horny, aren't they? Aren't you? You know, like when you're on holiday and stuff, everyone's just mad extra horny in this heat. I see it, I see people get on tube, I think they're horny.
21:05 Speaker 04 I do. I do. What, I do. I can tell, and people I'm working with. Fucking she's like a dog on heat, eh? A dog with two dicks at the moment, I won't name any names. But you can, I can just tell it, I've got a good, a good horny dar. I can tell when someone's horny. And in this heat, eh, like, are there many G and divas listening? They don't know what it is, but people just get mad horny.
21:32 Speaker 05 But I think that's the, that is what is so odd, because I, I do think you are sort of.
21:37 Speaker 04 Jack, don't hide in shame, it's fine, it's perfectly normal, a young lad like you at your age, it's fine. In this weather.
21:43 Speaker 05 He's older than us, but okay.
21:46 Speaker 04 Forget it.
21:48 Speaker 05 I would say, I sort of know what you mean, but also, I don't know about you, in an un-air-conditioned bedroom, that is the last thing I would like to do. I absolutely, I've said this before on this podcast, I say to Mikey in about sort of early June, see you in November.
22:02 Speaker 04 No.
22:02 Speaker 05 And that's the end of that.
22:03 Speaker 04 It's part of the fun, it's like Titanic.
22:05 Speaker 05 It's not part. What do you mean it's part, what?
22:08 Speaker 04 When they're all sweaty in car.
22:09 Speaker 05 Did you like that bit in the show?
22:12 Speaker 04 Bip, bip, bip, bip, bip. Did I miss that bit?
22:14 Speaker 05 Yes, they bring on a windscreen.
22:16 Speaker 04 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was funny.
22:20 Speaker 05 Can't remember that bit.
22:21 Speaker 06 I think we need to put Jordan's horny dar to the test, and we can just like go walking around the street up to people saying, you're horny.
22:27 Speaker 04 Well, I can't, because that's.
22:28 Speaker 06 You're horny.
22:29 Speaker 04 It's not the nineties and on channel four.
22:31 Speaker 06 You said it.
22:32 Speaker 04 It's twenty twenty-six and I'll probably end up in prison.
22:34 Speaker 05 That's got big breakfast written all over it, hasn't it?
22:36 Speaker 04 Yeah, it is, it is.
22:37 Speaker 06 Horny.
22:38 Speaker 04 Horny.
22:38 Speaker 06 Horny, horny, horny.
22:40 Speaker 04 Horny, horny, honestly, everyone's mad horny in this heat.
22:43 Speaker 05 And are you horny?
22:44 Speaker 04 No comment. Bit more than usual, maybe, yeah. But who isn't?
22:50 Speaker 05 And to say where we normally are in the winter, that's.
22:51 Speaker 04 Right, let's not. Be a dick. So, yeah. Just, just, if you're listening right now and you are horny, that's perfectly fine.
23:02 Speaker 05 Yeah, well, yes, it's fine.
23:04 Speaker 06 Jordan, Jordan's big pole?
23:07 Speaker 05 Are you horny?
23:08 Speaker 06 Are you horny right now?
23:09 Speaker 05 Not that big, from what I hear.
23:12 Speaker 04 It's just, I'm just saying it's perfectly fine.
23:15 Speaker 05 Okay.
23:15 Speaker 04 But you're right, it's everyone, everyone, because people, I'll be out with mates and they go, "Fwah, look at her." And I'm like, "Yes."
23:23 Speaker 05 Sorry, which, I'm, on the basis you brought some of your mates on stage, let me tell you, no one is saying that.
23:28 Speaker 04 I have an, I have an array of friends, right? And I'll go, "Yes, she's an attractive lady, sure, but also you're mad horny at the moment." So anyone could walk in, you'd be like, "Fwah, I'd shag that."
23:42 Speaker 05 Again, see previous comment.
23:44 Speaker 04 Do you reckon that's where the saying comes from, like a dog on heat?
23:47 Speaker 05 No, because I think heat is-
23:48 Speaker 06 I think the heat, I mean, heat on, it's a different kind of heat.
23:51 Speaker 04 What is it?
23:53 Speaker 06 Heat is like-
23:54 Speaker 05 What is it?
23:55 Speaker 06 It's like-
23:55 Speaker 04 I always thought it's because they, when they get next to a fireplace and-
23:59 Speaker 06 No.
23:59 Speaker 04 No.
24:00 Speaker 06 It's because-
24:01 Speaker 05 Why would they be next to a fireplace?
24:02 Speaker 04 I always thought that saying was like, I don't know why, but in my head, a dog on heat would come in from the cold and then go up on its hind legs and-
24:09 Speaker 05 And find the nearest fire to be roving it.
24:11 Speaker 04 And like, warm itself up on the fire.
24:13 Speaker 05 Right, no.
24:14 Speaker 06 It just means, it's a, it's a phrase used for female dogs when they're in the fertile phase of their reproductive cycle and can become pregnant.
24:21 Speaker 05 Heat. Well, there we go.
24:23 Speaker 04 There you go.
24:24 Speaker 05 Any more for any more?
24:25 Speaker 04 No, but I, no, I know you've been super busy lately.
24:28 Speaker 05 Yes.
24:28 Speaker 04 Um, uh, and I know you was meant to do an etiquette analogy of the week, but we've had a busy week.
24:33 Speaker 05 Very busy week.
24:34 Speaker 04 And I've had busier weeks, but still never missed Jordan's Jolly Joke of the Week. So, I-
24:40 Speaker 04 I'm gonna help you out today.
24:42 Speaker 05 Mm-hmm.
24:42 Speaker 04 Eight years, never missed it. Or change an episode.
24:45 Speaker 05 Didn't do it for eight years, actually.
24:46 Speaker 04 Uh, anyway, I'm gonna be doing etiquette analogy of the week this week.
24:51 Speaker 05 Oh, are you? How lovely.
24:53 Speaker 04 Yeah.
24:53 Speaker 05 What a surprise.
24:54 Speaker 04 So I thought, to give you a rest off, it's, it's hard work being a Western star.
24:58 Speaker 05 Do you wanna do my show tonight?
24:59 Speaker 04 Uh, maybe, actually.
25:01 Speaker 05 Do you know, I genuinely would love to see you do it.
25:04 Speaker 04 Don't talk to me about unfair! Unfair! Unfair! See, I could do it.
25:11 Speaker 05 It's, the word's fair, but you-
25:12 Speaker 04 Unfair is having bonfucks in your head. Fair? See, I could do it.
25:18 Speaker 05 Wow.
25:18 Speaker 04 That's quite a good impression, wasn't it?
25:20 Speaker 05 Oh, it's uncanny, yeah.
25:21 Speaker 04 Fair is still on the comments about Jordan North!
25:26 Speaker 04 Fair!
25:29 Speaker 05 Suddenly I'm hating my own performance.
25:30 Speaker 04 I thought you were fa-fa-fa-fa-fulous.
25:33 Speaker 05 Fa-fulous.
25:34 Speaker 04 I've even done my own etiquette methodology of the week jingle.
25:37 Speaker 05 Oh, you've done it, have you?
25:38 Speaker 04 Do you wanna hear?
25:39 Speaker 05 Yeah, go on.
25:39 Speaker 04 Here we go.
25:40 Speaker 07 It's Jordan.
25:41 Speaker 04 Jordan.
25:42 Speaker 07 The etiquette geek, his knowledge.
25:44 Speaker 04 Knowledge.
25:45 Speaker 07 Quite unique, he'll give you manners.
25:47 Speaker 04 Manners.
25:48 Speaker 07 Subtle tweak, it's time for
25:50 Speaker 04 Jordan.
25:50 Speaker 07 Etiquette, etiquette, methodology of the week. Cha-cha-cha, cha-cha-cha, cha-cha-cha. Cha-cha-cha-cha, cha-cha-cha-cha, cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha.
25:58 Speaker 04 Jordan.
26:02 Speaker 04 Don't waste my ear, Finn.
26:03 Speaker 05 No.
26:04 Speaker 04 All right, so my etiquette methodology of the week is all about
26:11 Speaker 04 Picky Tees.
26:14 Speaker 05 Honestly, you've got one tune that you play, don't you?
26:19 Speaker 04 Fair! Fair! And I'll tell you all about the etiquette methodology of Picky Tees next.
26:28 Speaker 00 Hey, it's Adam Grant from TED's Rethinking Podcast. As businesses scale, success depends on how well knowledge is captured, shared, and kept up to date. Camtasia Pro turns teams' expertise into engaging training, onboarding, and documentation. No professional editing experience required. With the industry's best screen recording, video editing, and AI-powered workflows, you can train faster and boost operational efficiency. Get over $100 off your first year at camtasia pro.com and start building a smarter way to educate customers, onboard employees, and ensure valuable expertise is shared across teams.
27:03 Speaker 02 Hello, I'm Joanna Fletcher.
27:05 Speaker 01 And I'm Marco Burchella.
27:07 Speaker 02 And this is Boots Off.
27:10 Speaker 01 We are friends who've spent a decade together walking up mountains, across deserts, and along coastlines with some seriously awesome groups of humans.
27:18 Speaker 02 And something happens when you're out there, feet on the ground, surrounded by nature. The conversations just spill out of you.
27:25 Speaker 01 This series is about the adversities that lead to adventure.
27:28 Speaker 02 The adventures that lead To adversity. And how life can be one big adventure in itself. Listen every Thursday, just search for Boots Off.
27:40 Speaker 05 Welcome back to Ian Devers. It's time for Jordan's Etiquetemology of the Week. He's going to tell us all about something we don't talk about enough on this podcast, picky teas.
27:50 Speaker 04 A picky tea is a plate of assorted snacky bits instead of a proper cooked meal. Think cheese crackers, pork pies, sausage rolls, crisps, dips, cold beats, any leftovers in the freezer, all picked out rather than plated as a single dish. It has roots in high tea, the original working class evening meal. The industrial Northern English and Southern Scotland factory workers came home around six in the evening famished. So a substantial evening high tea of bread, cheese, vegetables, and sometimes meat evolved to fill the gap. The sit-down, hearty ancestry of today's picky spread. It's like people would come home and they'd be starving. So you'd have, don't be rude. So you'd have a high tea.
28:35 Speaker 04 The high in high tea refers to furniture, not fanciness. The name comes from being eaten at a high dining table.
28:42 Speaker 05 It was like there.
28:43 Speaker 04 Unlike the low, comfortable seating used for genteel afternoon tea. So despite how it sounds, high tea was always the plainer working class meal, hence why we say tea now. It's the opposite of a posh afternoon tea. Afternoon tea has its roots in the 1800s hundreds with Anna, Duchess of Bradford, Bedford, who got hungry mid-afternoon and started ordering tea and cakes to bridge the gap to a late dinner. Picky tea shares none of that daintiness. It's unpretentious fridge raiding by comparison. It shows up at this very, it shows up at very British social occasions. Think village hall fates, wakes at the pub, park picnics, or the aftermath of a rough hangover when opening packets of all you can manage.
29:28 Speaker 04 It's as much a communal, low-effort catering solution as a meal in its own right. It's meant to feel both lazy and special at once. It's a meal that's supposed to be easy but can be luxurious. Born from indecision and the fatigue of choosing, so you just have everything instead. The term picky tea.
29:49 Speaker 04 Was made mainstream by popular radio and TV host Jordan North in the 2020s.
29:54 Speaker 05 I thought it was Jane McDonald, wasn't it?
29:56 Speaker 04 Often talking about it on national radio and judging people's picky tees on social media. Supermarkets and many other media outlets then went on to coin the term picky tea. North has not made any money on this, however, but is happy that many people across the UK and now in Europe use the term picky tea. Indeed, the Spanish have stopped saying tapas and say el picky tea.
30:27 Speaker 05 That was actually quite interesting, that, actually. Yeah, it was lovely. I think your friend Jem and I might have, might have helped you with that. But the, um, the, what I liked about it is the type stuff. And then at the end, that last bit looked a bit handwritten.
30:42 Speaker 04 Just adding a few more notes.
30:44 Speaker 05 Yeah, I like that.
30:45 Speaker 04 Now it's time for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, if you need our help with something, then get in touch. You can send your tales of trepidation to [email protected] or you can DM us. We're at Sex with My Boss on the socials. The address is on the website, sextwithmyboss.com. All right, what have we got then, Willie?
30:59 Speaker 05 All right, this first one.
31:00 Speaker 04 Big Willie!
31:01 Speaker 05 Thank you. I told you he's horny. This first one is from AJ. Hello, William and Jordan. My boyfriend and I have a collection of rare cars between us. However, we have some normal cars too, and this year has been very busy with weddings. My dilemma is, do we take our rarer cars and risk outshining the bride and groom on their big day? Or do we take our normal cars? Some friends request our rare cars in our collection and some friends don't, and I can respect everyone's opinion. Whenever we get a wedding invitation, I always make sure to ask which friend is getting married. However, I don't want to appear rude or interrupt their busy time planning weddings. Best regards, AJ. Well, I mean, it's a lovely problem to have if this is.
31:37 Speaker 04 It's a great, great question.
31:38 Speaker 06 We've all been there.
31:40 Speaker 05 Yeah.
31:40 Speaker 04 Not a car person itself.
31:42 Speaker 05 No.
31:42 Speaker 04 Is that Motorhead, petrol head?
31:44 Speaker 05 Hmm. I would just take a normal, I, I do agree. If you have a particularly rare car, normally the couple getting married are in a fancy car.
31:53 Speaker 04 Hmm.
31:54 Speaker 05 If your car looks better than theirs or gets confused, I mean, don't put ribbon on the front of it, obviously. But if you are. Worried about it, just take the, you know, take the Skoda or whatever.
32:03 Speaker 04 My idea is you've done well for yourself, so take your car and it's when you've got a rare car collection, you don't really get out anymore. So just take it and don't make a big deal of it. Like when you get there, maybe drop the bride or the groom a text and just say, hey, um.
32:19 Speaker 05 Well, that's what AJ's saying they do, but they don't really want to sort of bother the couple getting married because.
32:26 Speaker 04 Yeah. And then I suppose you don't, because the nine times out of 10, even the couple, personally, I won't be bothered.
32:31 Speaker 05 Because imagine if you were getting married and every single guest, imagine every guest has a collection of rare cars and normal cars is texting you going, which car? You know, the brand would be like, do you know what? I've got other stuff to worry about here.
32:42 Speaker 04 I would, if I were getting mine, I won't bother if you turned up in your fancy car.
32:45 Speaker 05 I do, I've said this before on the podcast years ago, when we were getting married and people would sort of, certain people, not anyone in this room or connected to anyone in this room, were asking us lots of sort of quite boring logistical questions like, is there parking? How do I get there? How far is it from the church to the?
33:03 Speaker 04 That's annoying.
33:03 Speaker 05 The thing. And it's like, well, we're not a concierge service. We can't do this with everyone. And my friend Ella gave me the one wonderful piece of advice. It's again passive aggressive. So you can see why I like it. You just say to people, all the options that are available to me are available to you. And I love it.
33:17 Speaker 04 Well, no, you just say, go and read the website.
33:19 Speaker 05 Yeah, quite. All the options.
33:21 Speaker 06 The internet.
33:21 Speaker 05 The information that's available to me is available to you.
33:24 Speaker 04 You don't think AJ should go in the posh car?
33:26 Speaker 05 No, and I don't, I don't ask them. Just, just make it easy. Just go in a car.
33:29 Speaker 04 Yeah.
33:29 Speaker 05 It's, it's a functional thing.
33:31 Speaker 06 Judge the people, who the, who's getting married.
33:33 Speaker 04 Yeah, I, I think Ben's right there because I know if you're, if I turned up in a fancy car, you wouldn't be bothered.
33:39 Speaker 06 We were just happy that you turned up at all.
33:41 Speaker 05 Barely did.
33:42 Speaker 06 On time.
33:43 Speaker 04 She, that wife of yours was 15 minutes late to my show at Manchester.
33:49 Speaker 06 Our show.
33:50 Speaker 04 Our show at Manchester Arena. So bitch please, we're even. You tell her I said that.
33:57 Speaker 06 Would you ever drive a convertible?
34:00 Speaker 05 What, with his hair?
34:02 Speaker 06 Yeah, I was gonna say it might do something to your hair.
34:04 Speaker 04 It looked like that woman sat behind Camilla at Wimbledon.
34:12 Speaker 04 I've won this episode for being.
34:15 Speaker 05 I'm not bothering, I've told you. I did last year, you offered me an open top. That was quite nice. This is from anonymous. Hello, William Jordan and producer Ben. A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I were dog sitting his parents' house for the weekend whilst they were away. His parents are lovely. They all have been very generous and welcoming to me and we get along well. However, they are messy. I think for them, vacuuming is a once a year occasion, which I think you'll agree is crazy when you have four pets. It's, wow, it seems to be the same with cleaning the loos and sinks, let alone mopping the floor, wiping the hob, cleaning the shower, anything in the house. I hate to say it, but it's gross. I'd get out to the shower and instantly feel dirty and just by being in the bathroom, I'm feeling dirty just reading this
34:54 Speaker 04 letter. Some people are like this.
34:56 Speaker 05 So staying there for a couple of nights made me feel fidgety and I wanted nothing more to clean their house from top to bottom. One night, my boyfriend and I cooked a quick meal. So afterwards, I felt like because we'd used the cooker, I could scrub off all the old crusty food from the backsplash and hob. So I scrubbed it clean and then couldn't help but continue wiping the surfaces of the kitchen down, clean the sink and even the kitchen windowsills and its ornaments, which had been covered in thick sticky dust.
35:21 Speaker 05 I would have happily carried on cleaning the kitchen and every other room in the house, but stopped myself there because I felt rude. I didn't want them to come home to a clean house and think that I think their house is dirty, but maybe they wouldn't even have noticed. Since then, they have never mentioned the cleaner kitchen and next time I went around there, the hob was just as dirty as it had been before. I haven't brought this up with my boyfriend. He is generally a tidy person, but he seems blind to the mess in his parents'
35:42 Speaker 04 It's all he's known. It's all, I've got, I've got, I know friends and family that, no, not my family actually, they're pretty clean.
35:49 Speaker 05 So my question is this, is it rude to clean someone else's house when they're not there? Love the pod. I always save the episodes up to listen during my luteral phase.
35:58 Speaker 04 What's that? She's trying to get pregnant?
36:00 Speaker 05 What's that? L U T E A L.
36:03 Speaker 06 The second half of the menstrual cycle.
36:06 Speaker 04 Yeah.
36:06 Speaker 06 From ovulation until the start of your next period. Come on, guys. You didn't know that.
36:10 Speaker 04 Have you heard about this theory that's going around?
36:13 Speaker 05 Hang on, let me just finish this letter. So I have something to cheer me up when I'm feeling low. Thanks, anonymous, long time listener. Carry on.
36:19 Speaker 04 Um, okay. First things first, I would say fairy skip the soap.
36:25 Speaker 04 Great for those hobbs.
36:26 Speaker 05 Sounds like they've skipped, so.
36:27 Speaker 04 No, I I would personally clean up my mess and then.
36:30 Speaker 05 Yes.
36:30 Speaker 04 I would leave it tidy or at least in the condition you found it no worse. So I would clean up my mess, especially I've stayed at people's houses for weekends. And it's not been up to my standards and I've cleaned it and left and they've not said anything. I've gone back again a couple of weeks later and it's been the same.
36:47 Speaker 05 Hmm. I think what what Anonymous did was absolutely fine. They cooked and so anything, even if the kitchen was immaculate, you tidy up and you clean up the kitchen afterwards. You that you can't as much as you may want to, you cannot then go round and do the rest of the house unless you have sort of made a mess. Um, I know it it sounds deeply unpleasant. I think I would bring it up with your boyfriend because it's going to, it's going to fester.
37:09 Speaker 04 Can't be that bad. Just some people are a bit untidy, that's all.
37:12 Speaker 05 This sounds pretty scummy, if I'm honest, and I think it's, you don't want it to, you presumably you want your boyfriend to maybe become your husband at some point. And if it's going to stop you from seeing his family, that's going to be a problem. So I I would say, look, we need to either maybe stay somewhere else or. But they are, they aren't going to change their ways. I mean, I've got, I've got friends who are like this. They are just not going to change their ways. We're all different. We might find it a bit gross.
37:35 Speaker 04 Would we would be friends if I was a bit scruffy in house? If I had a dirty house?
37:40 Speaker 05 I'd still be friends with you. I probably just wouldn't come over very often.
37:43 Speaker 04 We don't anyway.
37:44 Speaker 05 No, well, don't get invited.
37:48 Speaker 04 Okay.
37:48 Speaker 05 Hmm. What's, you had a, you had a, you had a phrase.
37:51 Speaker 04 So I've never heard of that before. Is it lethal?
37:53 Speaker 05 Luteal phase.
37:54 Speaker 04 Is that where you're trying to get pregnant? No, there's this theory going around on TikTok that girls.
38:01 Speaker 05 Must be true.
38:02 Speaker 04 That, and some couple of girls have mentioned it to me. I speak to a lot of the ladies. Um, but, uh, a lot of girls have two periods in June. Or an extended period.
38:16 Speaker 05 Okay.
38:17 Speaker 04 Yeah.
38:18 Speaker 06 So what's, what's, what?
38:19 Speaker 04 Just thought I'd tell you.
38:20 Speaker 06 What's the?
38:22 Speaker 05 And that's coming up on your TikTok.
38:24 Speaker 04 Yeah.
38:24 Speaker 05 Your TikTok broken.
38:25 Speaker 04 But what do you mean? Like, there's loads of girls saying like, yeah, had an extended, extra, uh, extra elongated period in June.
38:32 Speaker 05 Elongated.
38:33 Speaker 04 Elongated.
38:34 Speaker 06 Extra elongated.
38:38 Speaker 05 Okay, well.
38:39 Speaker 06 What, what?
38:39 Speaker 04 And I've. What?
38:42 Speaker 05 Well, write in, girls. Let us know.
38:44 Speaker 04 Just saying if you're listening now and think that's you, there's something going on.
38:51 Speaker 04 Just saying, just saying.
38:53 Speaker 05 Yeah?
38:53 Speaker 04 Let's not do a poll.
38:56 Speaker 05 This next dilemma is from Tom.
38:59 Speaker 05 Good afternoon, gents. We're not at Lavatory. Around a year ago, I made the decision in my mid-thirties to grow a moustache, which everyone I know has agreed has been the right move for me, as it adds a certain frisson to my face I was apparently lacking. The only issue is that despite everywhere else on my body having thick, copious, dark hair, I have been shocked to learn that my upper lip can only apparently grow blonde hair. I've taken it upon myself to remedy this by using hair dye on my soup strainer. Well, don't call it that.
39:25 Speaker 04 The old fanny tickler.
39:28 Speaker 05 In order to match the carpet to the drapes, as it were. But my colleagues seem to notice the darkening shades and comment on it. In response, I have shamefully been lying and responding that I haven't been dying my upper lip, which I'm not sure they believe. What do you think the response to this dilemma is? Should I just accept I have a blonde moustache and continue to die and lie? Or should I die and say, yes, I am incredibly vain and can't bear my moustache not matching the rest of my body hair? Luckily, my partner says she doesn't mind what colour it is, as long as it tick...
39:57 Speaker 05 as long as it tickles her in the dark.
39:58 Speaker 04 I don't read him before now, so I genuinely didn't know that that was gonna be a thing. The old fanny tickler.
40:06 Speaker 05 I'd love to hear your opinions, and as an added fact you may enjoy, did you know that Debonne remains part of the official kit in the French Foreign Legion for soldiers to this day, often packed into their boudin noir? Okay, black pudding. Best regards, Tom in Tokyo. Konnichiwa.
40:23 Speaker 04 Well, Tom, that's a great letter.
40:25 Speaker 05 I think own it.
40:27 Speaker 04 Yeah.
40:27 Speaker 05 Yeah.
40:27 Speaker 04 And it don't matter if the carpet don't match the curtains, that's very in at the moment. It's not the 80s.
40:34 Speaker 05 Oh, no, I get you, Jordan's helpfully pointing to parts of his anatomy. Yes, I got that.
40:39 Speaker 04 I will say, as an admirer and a grower of the moustache...
40:45 Speaker 05 I wouldn't say that's going very well this week.
40:46 Speaker 04 Well, I'm gonna explain to you what's happened here. I will say to you that the old blonde moustache...
40:54 Speaker 05 I can't, you wouldn't look good with a blonde moustache.
40:56 Speaker 04 No, you would. So if it looks... own it, it don't matter, it don't matter, dye it, if people are saying it. So I grew my moustache last week. And I actually shaved, and I actually thought it looked really good.
41:10 Speaker 05 Did you shave your beard off?
41:12 Speaker 04 Yeah.
41:12 Speaker 05 Right. What?
41:13 Speaker 04 Well, yeah, like...
41:14 Speaker 05 Not all off?
41:15 Speaker 04 Not all off, but it's like the closest shave I've done for years. It's grown back.
41:20 Speaker 05 Gillette.
41:21 Speaker 04 The best a man can get. And I um had a really big interview. I can't say too much because it's it's massive. But I had a real big interview that I had to do of all things on a Saturday night. And we had to set up a WhatsApp group.
41:39 Speaker 05 Mm hmm.
41:39 Speaker 04 With certain bosses and stuff. So that and then it was strongly advised that I shaved the moustache.
41:49 Speaker 05 Yeah. So did you do it almost clean shaven?
41:52 Speaker 04 And do you know what stuck with me?
41:54 Speaker 05 Hmm.
41:55 Speaker 04 Was Ben saying at your wedding with that picture behind you there, he regrets it now. And we think this interview is quite big and it might get quite a lot of views. So in years to come, I'll be like, why do they have that moustache? But I am going to grow it for my holiday.
42:06 Speaker 05 You do? Yeah. Try it when you're on holiday and you're not being recorded, et cetera. Try it then. The late Queen, when she went grey, because there are like, sort of, the Queen sort of had brunette hair and then all of a sudden had grey hair.
42:20 Speaker 04 Really?
42:21 Speaker 05 There was no, but there was a little bit on the sides, but it was because she then basically went to Balmoral, stopped dying her hair.
42:27 Speaker 04 Did she dye it?
42:28 Speaker 05 And then came back as we sort of latterly knew her. So you just do it and just get it over and done with.
42:34 Speaker 04 Okay.
42:35 Speaker 05 Try it on your holiday. That would be my suggestion. This is from Anthony. Dear William Jordan and the Sexton Gang, my husband and I, yes, gay, were recently at a restaurant and sitting across from us was a young family. My husband doesn't like kids, so he wasn't very happy with a noisy child beside us. However, that was not the issue. The male adult, we can assume the father, but you never know these days, was sitting there and proceeded to remove his shoes.
42:55 Speaker 04 You never know these days.
42:57 Speaker 05 He was not in, he could be the stepfather. He was not in my eye line. Thankfully, he was in my husband's, so he had a direct view. It was over thirty degrees in London that day, and I have a very sensitive sense of smell. I'm sure you can imagine the combination. Think cheesy watsits and a damp sock held under a washroom hand dryer. My husband has a face like Williams, it doesn't move. But the eyes tell you everything. Unfortunately, I think his stinky side eye was outdone by cheesy feet guy. So how should one approach this situation? It was a packed restaurant, so moving wasn't an option, and it was too close to us to bring to the service's attention. Is this normal for a London airport in the height of summer?
43:32 Speaker 04 Oh, was it in the airport? That's fine.
43:34 Speaker 05 No, it's not fine. I should also add that this was on Aer Lingus, Ireland's only four-star airline, not the other one. Thank you for all the laughs and I hope you can help with this. I would, I would sort of get up to go to the loo and go and talk to the maitre d' and say to the person, explain what's going on and then get them to do it when, you know, you're back.
43:52 Speaker 04 So yeah, if you're in a fancy restaurant.
43:53 Speaker 05 Or ask for another table.
43:54 Speaker 04 I was gonna say, that's good advice.
43:57 Speaker 05 Hmm.
43:57 Speaker 04 Cause I was gonna say, you clearly don't take your shoes off, do you?
44:00 Speaker 05 No.
44:00 Speaker 04 In, in a restaurant. That's rude. However, at an airport when you've got the old Birkenstock on, they do just tend to slip off naturally, right? It's the same on holiday. You go down for breakfast.
44:10 Speaker 05 They're not tight then.
44:11 Speaker 04 You go down for breakfast and the old flip-flop just kind of slips off, doesn't it? And you, you're kind of eating barefoot. Am I right?
44:18 Speaker 05 No.
44:19 Speaker 04 So I think that's acceptable as long as they don't smell.
44:23 Speaker 05 Yeah, but.
44:23 Speaker 04 The same on an aeroplane. Is it ever, is it ever okay to take your shoes off on an aeroplane?
44:27 Speaker 05 Uh, yes. If you are, if you're flying, there's a distance between you and the other person or there's no one around you and they don't smell and maybe you put on the flight socks, then yes.
44:36 Speaker 04 See, I always travelling with Birkenstocks because on the aeroplane, just slip them off, can't you? And it's just comfortable.
44:41 Speaker 05 But do your feet smell?
44:42 Speaker 04 I wanna take my shoes off.
44:43 Speaker 05 Don't take your shoes off.
44:44 Speaker 04 First thing I do.
44:44 Speaker 05 We're in an office. We're in a world of work.
44:46 Speaker 06 I take my shoes off in the office.
44:48 Speaker 04 Yeah.
44:48 Speaker 05 Yes, I've been in. It's like Sandy Shaw. That's.
44:50 Speaker 04 So look, in a restaurant, yeah. In an airport thing, if he's just in flip-flops and Birkenstocks, I'll accept it. But if he's took his trainers off, maybe not, no. Is it?
45:01 Speaker 05 But if you have smelly feet, do not, or it's hot, 30 degrees, as you were mentioning, do not take your shoes off. I don't care whether you're in Esperdils, you're in Birkenstocks, you're in flip-flops. You shouldn't be in a restaurant in flip-flops anyway.
45:13 Speaker 04 Why is it 2010?
45:15 Speaker 05 I'm in Esperdils. They're called Riviera.
45:18 Speaker 04 Um, I, I, I think in a restaurant, yeah, but an airport. So you're saying if you're on just a normal, like. Easy jet flight to Malaga, you can't take your shoes off.
45:27 Speaker 05 Unless there's no one around you.
45:28 Speaker 06 Disagree.
45:29 Speaker 04 I agree.
45:29 Speaker 06 Hard disagree.
45:30 Speaker 04 But when you get up, put them back on.
45:32 Speaker 05 Hmm. Yeah. Okay, this is from anonymous. Hi boys, my boyfriend, let's call him Barry, and I have recently started living together. And other than getting used to each other's particular quirks of how we like things done, i.e. teaching him the correct way of stacking the dishwasher, it's all been going great. That was until yesterday. In our bathroom, we have a tall radiator for hanging our towels. I use one large towel for my body, a smaller one for my hair, whereas Barry, who has shorter hair, just has the one large towel that he uses for both. Yesterday came to my attention that Barry thought this third, smaller towel I used for my hair was a spare. And having come from a period of living with his male friends where such amenities clearly didn't exist, thought it would be quite luxurious to adopt this as a spare towel as his own and make it his quote unquote dick and balls towel.
46:14 Speaker 05 So what is the etiquette when you discover you've been drying your hair and face with a towel that your partner has exclusively been using to dry his dick, balls and dare I say, asshole? Please help, anonymous.
46:25 Speaker 04 What a good idea.
46:26 Speaker 05 So how many, okay, how many towels do you use?
46:28 Speaker 04 Do you know what? I might adopt that. What a great idea.
46:33 Speaker 05 How many towels do you use?
46:34 Speaker 04 I used, I'm a two towel kind of guy.
46:35 Speaker 05 Yes, two towel.
46:36 Speaker 04 Yeah.
46:36 Speaker 05 One for your head and your hair, smaller one.
46:38 Speaker 04 No, one for my lower and one for my upper. It's often said that when I come out, I look like the Pope.
46:46 Speaker 04 I know, I have like.
46:47 Speaker 05 Are they white?
46:48 Speaker 04 Yeah, they're white.
46:49 Speaker 06 Still waiting on that letter, aren't we?
46:50 Speaker 04 I have a smaller. Oh, yeah.
46:52 Speaker 05 Yeah, Ben's reminded us when we wrote to the Pope about the contraceptive position of rats or something.
46:56 Speaker 04 I have a smaller towel around me and a big one around my waist.
46:59 Speaker 05 No, you have one for your hair that you can do a little turban, ala Norma Desmond, and then one for your body.
47:05 Speaker 04 No.
47:05 Speaker 05 But I've got quite, I've got, I have a bath sheet that's quite big as opposed to a small.
47:08 Speaker 04 I have a small and a, and a big bath on. But I do like the idea of how luxurious, a little towel for your balls and willy.
47:15 Speaker 05 Just have a flannel.
47:17 Speaker 06 How, how, yeah, would you?
47:18 Speaker 05 Just give a flannel, yeah.
47:19 Speaker 04 A little, a little.
47:20 Speaker 05 You could probably get away with a cotton pad.
47:24 Speaker 04 I like that, that's very luxurious.
47:26 Speaker 06 Kitchen paper.
47:27 Speaker 05 Just one single Kleenex.
47:29 Speaker 04 Imagine be doing.
47:30 Speaker 05 If there's any left.
47:31 Speaker 04 Imagine doing so well in your life.
47:33 Speaker 05 Hmm, that you have three towels.
47:35 Speaker 04 That you have a towel for your balls.
47:37 Speaker 05 I've said it before, if I won the lottery, I'd have clean sheets every night.
47:41 Speaker 04 Would you?
47:41 Speaker 05 Hmm, I love clean sheets.
47:43 Speaker 04 How often do you do your sheets?
47:44 Speaker 05 Once a week, twice actually a week in this weather, because of, you know.
47:48 Speaker 04 Every Friday for me.
47:50 Speaker 05 I know, you say it changes depending what we're doing.
47:52 Speaker 04 Yeah, get, get home from work on a Friday and you've got a fresh bed in.
47:55 Speaker 06 Oh my. Sunday, it's gotta be Sunday, surely.
47:57 Speaker 04 What? No, Friday.
47:59 Speaker 05 Just, we just do it after the seventh night, because obviously if we've been away, it just changes, so it's like.
48:04 Speaker 04 Who are you, Jesus?
48:04 Speaker 06 That's even worse.
48:06 Speaker 04 Yeah, after the Sabbath.
48:10 Speaker 06 And on the seventh day, he changes his sheets.
48:14 Speaker 04 Yeah, on the Sabbath, one shall change thy sheets.
48:17 Speaker 05 Yes.
48:18 Speaker 04 Okay.
48:19 Speaker 05 Um.
48:19 Speaker 04 And look, I'd try and get over it.
48:21 Speaker 05 Yeah, you just say to him, but also have coloured towels. This is where, yeah, so one person has pink and the other one has green. Or one has white and one has grey or whatever. So if they're all the same, I mean, Mike and I have the same coloured towels now, but we know positions on the, um, on the towel rail, whose is whose.
48:41 Speaker 04 Look, if.
48:42 Speaker 05 Generally, I'm top.
48:46 Speaker 04 That's a good idea. You'll tell you when my mum came round, she won't let me, because I've got all white towels. She said, your dad's not using white towels.
48:54 Speaker 05 Oh.
48:55 Speaker 06 I'm surprised you trust yourself with white towels.
48:56 Speaker 04 She went, have you not got any brown ones or redy ones? I was like, no, he's actually, are you sure? I went, she went, don't start whingeing when the shit stains on him. I was like.
49:06 Speaker 05 But you can get that out, to be fair. That does wash out.
49:09 Speaker 06 He can also wipe your bottom.
49:11 Speaker 04 He's known for leaving, he's known for leaving skiddies on towels and stuff like that. Jordan. So, yeah.
49:16 Speaker 05 That's not something, can I just say, can I just say, outside of Lancashire, that is nothing to be proud of.
49:23 Speaker 04 I'm proud of it.
49:24 Speaker 05 No, but your father shouldn't, that shouldn't be how you're known.
49:28 Speaker 04 Well, he's not, he's done it a couple of times.
49:30 Speaker 05 He's a great raconteur. He makes a lovely gnocchi. He leaves.
49:34 Speaker 04 She changed bed once and he sat on bed and left the skid mark.
49:39 Speaker 04 She went mad at him.
49:39 Speaker 06 I think that is the end of the episode.
49:41 Speaker 04 She went mad at him.
49:42 Speaker 05 Can we just move on?
49:43 Speaker 04 I was gonna say something about, oh, but also if people have been complimenting you on your skin and saying your skin looks nice, maybe use that then, maybe the balls sweat's been good for you.
49:51 Speaker 05 Right.
49:51 Speaker 04 Thank you for your questions and dilemmas. Remember you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. And you can even watch us on YouTube as well. We put the full episodes up on every release day. All you've got to do is head to YouTube and search for Sex Did. Goodbye.
50:07 Speaker 05 Goodbye.
50:07 Speaker 06 Quick straw poll on who was funnier?
50:09 Speaker 05 Ben.
50:10 Speaker 04 Ben.
50:18 Speaker 02 1965, London. The world's largest uncut diamond has been stolen from the Natural History Museum.
50:27 Speaker 02 Shortly after, a young London window cleaner is arrested. They said you're nicked, you're in a lot of trouble. But was he set up? Wanted add led to a fall of two cops. His family say he is guilty, but of a totally different crime. You're not gonna end up going to prison, are you, kidlet? I'm Josie Long and this is Rough Diamond. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.
Previous Strava Caught Me Sh*gging | And William Is A FAKE Next Mistaken Identities | And Skinny Dipping Fun Page updated October 29, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated