Help He’s Got Secret Viagra | And Bussing It With Wayne Rooney

Jordan's back from Soccer Aid with tales from the dressing rooms. Not to be outdone on dressing room chat, William's been hard at work preparing for his West End debut and has an update on his bevel. The boys also help you with your dilemmas involving changing hairdressers, massage parlour faux pas, and how to confront your partner over his secret stash of Viagra. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected], and for more Sexted fun sign up https://sextedmyboss.com/newsletter/ to our free VIG&Diva newsletter. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Help I Sexted My Boss is presented by William Hanson and Jordan North. It is an Audio Always http://www.audioalways.com production. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected]. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:05Speaker 00

  Hello and welcome to Help I Sextured My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life, answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to those everyday dilemmas like, what should you do when your partner wants you to dress up as Doctor Who in the bedroom? Or, how should you react when your guest tells you she's got a huge pimple on her puss?

• 0:29Speaker 01

  Yes, that's a throwback to Tony and Ryan.

• 0:32Speaker 00

  And what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss but we're not usually going to answer, are we? William Hanson, the UK's leading etiquette expert and West End star.

• 0:41Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, as of tonight, yes, thank you, Jordan, and hopefully. No, we're not. Jordan North, Capital Radio Show presenter, Soccer Aid person, whatever, player, that's the word I was searching for. I'm more holding midfielder, you're more left back in the changing room. That's from Brad.

• 0:58Speaker 00

  Very good, very good.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  I don't really understand any of that, but I did it anyway. Look, we've got ice.

• 1:04Speaker 00

  We've got an ice bucket.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:06Speaker 00

  Is it bouquet?

• 1:07Speaker 01

  It's bouquet. Oh gosh, it's all frozen together.

• 1:10Speaker 00

  Or wedgie pinchers, as they're called in my house.

• 1:13Speaker 01

  Would you like to see some tong action?

• 1:14Speaker 00

  Yes. Told the wedgie pinchers story to the Capital Crew recently.

• 1:17Speaker 01

  Sorry, what is wedgie pinchers?

• 1:19Speaker 00

  Because obviously, to show you, so it sounds weird.

• 1:23Speaker 01

  I mean, what can you do with that? I mean, look, it's basically an iceberg.

• 1:27Speaker 00

  Sink the Titanic.

• 1:28Speaker 01

  Yeah. We just did the same joke.

• 1:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know. We've been doing that for eight years, babe. Wedgie pinchers, I told you this, it's what they call in my house.

• 1:37Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:38Speaker 00

  Because my dad used to make us a bacon butter on a Saturday morning.

• 1:42Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:42Speaker 00

  And then we'd be in the kitchen and he'd pretend to grab your wedgie. And we'd all run around and go, wedgie pinchers.

• 1:47Speaker 01

  Can we add that again to the list for therapy?

• 1:49Speaker 00

  Wedgie pinchers, and he'd grab your willy, and it weren't in a weird way, he wasn't like this.

• 1:53Speaker 01

  No, not weird at all.

• 1:54Speaker 00

  But sometimes he'd proper grab your cock, and you'd be like, ah, dad, now he's got your wedgie. Sounds weird, but that's why they're called wedgie pinchers.

• 2:01Speaker 01

  My father used to read extracts from Margaret Thatcher's autobiography.

• 2:04Speaker 00

  Well, there you go.

• 2:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:05Speaker 00

  And look how we've both turned out.

• 2:07Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 2:07Speaker 00

  I've told the wedgie pinchers story before, haven't I?

• 2:10Speaker 01

  Possibly.

• 2:10Speaker 00

  They were, they were called, and as even now, when I'm making a barbecue, I'm like, someone possibly make wedgie pinchers. Cause they pinch your wedgie.

• 2:17Speaker 01

  Okay. Well, that's lovely. Um, this week's toast goes out to Anna, who says, uh, I met William today in Sainsbury's and he was bloody lovely.

• 2:26Speaker 00

  You were in Sainsbury's?

• 2:27Speaker 01

  I know. I spent, I didn't at that point realise that if I turned right out of the rehearsal studio, there was a Waitrose. Uh, turning left, there was a Sainsbury's. Thanks to him for taking the time to say hello. I wish I said thank you for being my comfort podcast in tough times. I always listen as well when I'm walking home late at night. As it brings me comfort. Also, he is very tall and handsome in real life. It was barbed, isn't it?

• 2:50Speaker 01

  Whereas on the clip, you look bloody ugly. What a day. Good luck with Titanic. Titanic. Anna. That's lovely. Anna, you were lovely. I'm glad that we bring you comfort.

• 3:01Speaker 00

  I'd like to toast Anna and all the YouTubers that love our new studio as well.

• 3:05Speaker 01

  Oh my God, the inundated with praise.

• 3:08Speaker 00

  Thank you to everyone. And I'm looking right at you on YouTube, all those lovely comments. Honestly, we love change too, you know, embrace change. So to all those lovely YouTube comments about the new studio. Thank you. Thank, honestly, it's really helped us this week with everything else that's going on. Your comments have been just what we've all needed. So thank you.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  He's being a wicked old tease. Um, I am wearing blue just to break up some of the large expanses of red.

• 3:34Speaker 00

  You'll never win. You'll never win.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  I think, look, you know, we are aware of a couple of little things that we need to tweak.

• 3:40Speaker 00

  What?

• 3:41Speaker 01

  Just we.

• 3:42Speaker 00

  It's fine.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  In the next coming weeks, we'll just see some little tweaks.

• 3:45Speaker 00

  Nobody likes change.

• 3:45Speaker 01

  It's like when they, can you remember back in the day, you know, I wa, I was in sixth form, so it must've been two thousand and six, two thousand, two thousand and six, two thousand and seven. Um, where, one, one for the kids. And, um, they redid the BBC breakfast studio and it was all the clouds. And it literally lasted a month. And I actually thought it looked really good. It was a red sofa and clouds. And then they changed it to orange squares. I'll find, I will find these photos. We'll put it on the carousel.

• 4:16Speaker 00

  Well, I.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  We're not changing this.

• 4:17Speaker 00

  I can confirm we're not changing this. We all love it.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  No, this'll see us out.

• 4:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, definitely. Yeah.

• 4:23Speaker 01

  Anyway, how the dickens are you?

• 4:24Speaker 00

  I'm good.

• 4:25Speaker 01

  Let's talk about soccer age.

• 4:27Speaker 00

  Well, I want to talk about Titanic.

• 4:29Speaker 01

  Well, shall we toss for it?

• 4:31Speaker 00

  Uh.

• 4:33Speaker 00

  Well, you decide.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  Let's talk about, so let's, let's work in descending levels of butchness and we'll start with Soccer Aid. Um, how was it for you?

• 4:43Speaker 00

  I know it sounds corny, but probably one of the best weeks of my life.

• 4:45Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 4:46Speaker 00

  It was so, what with the Toy Story premiere?

• 4:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:48Speaker 00

  So I was like pretending to be a movie star.

• 4:50Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 4:50Speaker 00

  I felt like Salt Bait at the World Cup. You know, when Salt Bait just turned up at the World Cup and he was like at the end celebrating with Argentina. Was it Argentina that won? It was, wasn't it?

• 5:00Speaker 01

  No.

• 5:01Speaker 00

  So, and everyone's like.

• 5:01Speaker 01

  And pouring salt down your arm is such an egg.

• 5:03Speaker 00

  And everyone was like, what are you doing here? And he was just there. So even Argentinian. Um, uh, so we get to the red carpet and all the cast are on there, like, um, Tim Allen, Tom Hanks, John Cusack.

• 5:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, Grant Lee, they're all on there and then they're like having a picture and they're like, oh, George Sean, you jump on. I was like, no, no, no, you're all right. I was like, it looked, it looked like when Ashley Cole had that picture taken with Chelsea. You know what I mean, don't you?

• 5:30Speaker 01

  No.

• 5:30Speaker 00

  Yeah. So I was like, but it was a wonderful experience. Great.

• 5:34Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 5:34Speaker 00

  And then I went and drove to Soccer Aid.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:37Speaker 00

  And, yeah.

• 5:38Speaker 01

  And that was at Wembley?

• 5:40Speaker 00

  That was at the London Stadium, but we trained in.

• 5:42Speaker 01

  Where's the London Stadium? Is that Arsenal?

• 5:44Speaker 02

  West Ham.

• 5:45Speaker 00

  West Ham.

• 5:45Speaker 02

  Hi guys.

• 5:46Speaker 00

  Hi guys. Hi.

• 5:47Speaker 02

  East London.

• 5:48Speaker 00

  East London. So London Stadium, where West Ham play, where the Olympic Stadium was, where the Olympics were.

• 5:53Speaker 01

  Oh, okay, right.

• 5:54Speaker 00

  Yeah. So we played there, but, um, the week was just great. It very nerve wracking going down on the first day for breakfast.

• 6:01Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 6:01Speaker 00

  And all the teams were in there and you're like, who did you sit next to? I had a little tray.

• 6:04Speaker 01

  Who did you sit next to?

• 6:05Speaker 00

  Oh, he's a diamond. Yeah. All right, George, Danny Dyer. Sounds a bit like producer Ben's dog, Diego.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 6:11Speaker 00

  But you sit here, you little.

• 6:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, but can I just say producer Ben's dog Diego is camp. I don't think you want to do a camp impression of Danny Dyer.

• 6:17Speaker 00

  You sit here, you little salt. That's what he said. He said, how are you? And I've only ever like interviewed him on the radio. So he kind of tucked me under his ring a bit and, and Paddy McGinnis. And it was, yeah, he, and he's Danny Dyer off the telly. He's exactly the same.

• 6:29Speaker 01

  Mm.

• 6:29Speaker 00

  At breakfast, he's just in the queue and he's like serving himself and he goes, have a bit of that, slap a bit of that on me tickle, want a bit of that? What do you think of that, sweetheart? And he's like, yeah, a bit of sausage, that'd be all right. He's exactly like he is. I R L.

• 6:42Speaker 01

  Must be exhausting.

• 6:43Speaker 00

  So it's great. Did, uh, training. Yeah.

• 6:47Speaker 01

  Lovely.

• 6:47Speaker 00

  It was amazing. Just, you, you just walk around in, in the training kit thinking you're a footballer.

• 6:52Speaker 01

  And can I ask?

• 6:53Speaker 00

  Who's the longest in the shower?

• 6:56Speaker 01

  No.

• 6:56Speaker 00

  Okay, because I'm not going to confirm.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  When you say who's the longest in the shower, we're talking about length of how long you were in the shower or length of something else.

• 7:04Speaker 00

  See, you've just ruined a football joke there.

• 7:06Speaker 01

  Oh, have I?

• 7:06Speaker 00

  Because that's what you, that's what footballers always get asked.

• 7:08Speaker 01

  Oh, who's the longest in the shower?

• 7:10Speaker 00

  And you never know, do you mean, did he take the longest or? Yeah, it's a soccer, soccer AM joke.

• 7:15Speaker 01

  I should get into football.

• 7:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:17Speaker 01

  Um, question for you, which is my standard question to sound interested in football. What was your score on aggregate?

• 7:25Speaker 00

  We didn't have aggregate.

• 7:27Speaker 01

  Do you not?

• 7:28Speaker 00

  No.

• 7:28Speaker 01

  I thought every game.

• 7:28Speaker 00

  I don't even think aggregate's a thing now. Yeah, we, we won by the way.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  Yes, I know that. Well done.

• 7:35Speaker 00

  Thank you. Thank you.

• 7:37Speaker 01

  And how many goals did you score?

• 7:38Speaker 00

  I didn't score any goals, but I got a good block in, I like to think. Did you watch it, guys? Yeah. Ben, what did you think of the performance?

• 7:45Speaker 02

  I think you were really good.

• 7:46Speaker 00

  I did all right.

• 7:47Speaker 02

  You get stuck in.

• 7:48Speaker 00

  I got stuck in.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  You were tight. You had a couple of tidy passes. I wanted to, I wanted to see more of you.

• 7:53Speaker 00

  I wanted to stay on.

• 7:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:54Speaker 00

  I didn't want to go off. I only played 23 minutes. But everyone's got to have a go, you see.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:59Speaker 00

  So everyone's got to play, but I, I did all right because it was my first one. I'd love to be called up again. It was on the way there. I get on because I'm faffing with my hair. So I get on the coach. Everyone's got the seats, the only seat left, Wayne Rooney. Wazza.

• 8:15Speaker 01

  Somebody who can't faff with his hair.

• 8:16Speaker 00

  And when I first met, so I'd been trying to play.

• 8:18Speaker 02

  He can now.

• 8:19Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah, okay. I thought they all fell out. No? Okay, carry on.

• 8:23Speaker 00

  I've been trying to play it cool all week. And when I first met Sinan, I was like, do I call him Wayne or Wazza? Do I went?

• 8:29Speaker 01

  Wazza?

• 8:30Speaker 00

  That's what, that's what he's known by his teammates. Football, my teammate, I went, all right, Wazza's Wayne, I'm Jordan. Anyway, so I sat next to him.

• 8:39Speaker 01

  Isn't he a manager now?

• 8:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:41Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 8:41Speaker 02

  For who? Right out of work.

• 8:43Speaker 00

  He's not working at the moment. I think Plymouth was his last job.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  Okay, fine.

• 8:47Speaker 00

  Sat next to him, tried to play it cool. Ended up just saying, so I'm on my phone, he's there and I go, you know, uh, World Cup 2006? And he's like, yeah, yeah. I said, in our E, our E teacher, uh, made us all say a prayer. So you met at Arsenal, I'd be all right for the game. And that was the first thing I said to him and he went. All right, and he laughed, and then I kind of broke the ice.

• 9:10Speaker 01

  And was his metatarsal then okay?

• 9:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, it did, yeah.

• 9:14Speaker 01

  Did it heal?

• 9:14Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 9:15Speaker 01

  So your, your prayer?

• 9:16Speaker 00

  I think our prayer, but it's great, it's a great experience. I said to him at the end as well, I went up to him, because he, he's generally, him and Beckham are like my favourite England players.

• 9:24Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 9:25Speaker 00

  I was like, Wayne, um, I mean, all right, I know you get pestered, but you're all right to sign this for me cousin, our Paul, and my best mate, Rick, the big fans. He went, yeah, that's all right. He's lovely. He's a proper sound. He went, yeah, no problem. And I went, I've been trying to play it cool all week, but can I just say, it's been an honour to play on the same pitch as you. And then I said, Paddy, we're gonna say, and he went, play it cool all week, been following him around like a fucking shadow.

• 9:49Speaker 00

  Oh, lads love that. So, yeah, it's good. It's, it's, um, yeah, it's fantastic. Wonderful experience.

• 9:55Speaker 01

  And you get to keep the shirt?

• 9:57Speaker 00

  Get to keep it all, got it all, yeah. Got two shirts, got the sliders. I've been walking around with socks and sliders all week because I'm a footballer.

• 10:04Speaker 01

  Are you gonna be one of those sort of asking about being in Soccer Aid sort of people? Yeah, yeah.

• 10:08Speaker 00

  So how's rehearsals going for Titanic?

• 10:10Speaker 01

  Well, in fact, I do actually have a follow up question about football, but we can do that now or we can come back to it.

• 10:15Speaker 00

  Ask me now.

• 10:15Speaker 01

  And genuinely, this is something I was thinking about a while ago, and I wrote it down in my phone, and I thought off the back of Soccer Aid, it, it's the time to ask. And this is, this, by the way, I'm not leading up to a bit here, I was actually genuinely, it went through my head. Do goalkeepers ever score goals?

• 10:30Speaker 00

  It's been known, not really. Sometimes they'll go up if it's like last minute, they'll go up for a corner. I think there probably would have been a goalkeeper that's maybe scored a goal this season, but it is very rare.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 10:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  When can you think of an example?

• 10:45Speaker 00

  Was it Schumichael was quite a famous one. I remember as a kid.

• 10:48Speaker 01

  Schumichael? Is that like Shimon?

• 10:51Speaker 00

  No, Schumichael, Peter Schumichael.

• 10:53Speaker 01

  Oh, Peter Schmeichel?

• 10:54Speaker 00

  Schumichael.

• 10:55Speaker 01

  No, Schmeichel.

• 10:56Speaker 00

  No, it's Peter Schumichael then.

• 10:57Speaker 01

  It's not Peter Schumichael. I know it was Peter Schmeichel.

• 11:00Speaker 00

  It's Peter Schumichael.

• 11:02Speaker 02

  It's Schmeichel.

• 11:03Speaker 00

  It's Schmeichel. It is, trust me. How am I being corrected on football players by him?

• 11:09Speaker 02

  Schmeichel.

• 11:10Speaker 00

  It's Schmeichel.

• 11:11Speaker 02

  You're mixing up Schumacher and Schmeichel.

• 11:14Speaker 00

  No, it's Peter Schmeichel. And what was his son called?

• 11:17Speaker 02

  Caspar.

• 11:18Speaker 00

  Caspar Schmeichel, played for City.

• 11:20Speaker 01

  No, it's not.

• 11:22Speaker 00

  Anyway, I'm sure he scored a header once.

• 11:25Speaker 02

  There was a goalkeeper this season who scored a last minute winner for Exeter versus Stockport.

• 11:32Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 11:33Speaker 02

  The 96th minute equaliser.

• 11:35Speaker 00

  From the goal?

• 11:36Speaker 02

  No.

• 11:36Speaker 00

  He got up for a corner. That's what I mean. No, no, no. I mean, we can all do it if we, well, if, you know, we go near the goal, but from goal to goal.

• 11:44Speaker 02

  That has happened because it has happened to Stoke City, my beloved team. And Asmir Begovic scored against.

• 11:50Speaker 00

  Who?

• 11:50Speaker 02

  Everton, yeah, who? Exactly. But he did score from, he booted it. It was a, it was a particularly windy day and it blew it into the net. Over the keeper's head.

• 12:00Speaker 01

  Well, that's it. That's all I have to ask.

• 12:01Speaker 00

  Come on then, Titanic. So at the time of this episode going out, you'll be on stage.

• 12:06Speaker 01

  Getting ready for your first show. We'll be having our second dress rehearsal in the afternoon. And then we do the first show Tuesday evening.

• 12:12Speaker 00

  All right.

• 12:14Speaker 01

  Uh, I'm nervous but excited.

• 12:16Speaker 00

  Tense?

• 12:17Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 12:17Speaker 00

  But you've been wonderful to be around these past couple of weeks.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  I actually have been. Thank you very much. I'll have it be known, but my husband will back me up. I've been very relaxed.

• 12:26Speaker 00

  Good. You're gonna smash it.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  Well, bless you. Thank you very much. And thank you to all the lovely June Divas that have messaged to sell the book tickets. I very much appreciate that. I'm in it for six weeks only. So if you don't come and see me by the 19th of July, miss it, miss out.

• 12:38Speaker 00

  I'm gonna come when you want us to come. So you just tell me a date and I'll.

• 12:42Speaker 01

  20th of July.

• 12:43Speaker 00

  20th. Is that the last show?

• 12:46Speaker 00

  Is that when you're off?

• 12:46Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, you can come whenever.

• 12:48Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 12:49Speaker 01

  So you literally surprise me, don't surprise me. There are, depressingly, members of the cast who are very keen for you to come.

• 12:57Speaker 00

  Oh, really?

• 12:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:59Speaker 00

  Who?

• 13:01Speaker 01

  Uh, I won't say. I'll introduce you.

• 13:04Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:05Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 13:06Speaker 01

  Don't get excited.

• 13:06Speaker 00

  How do you do, John?

• 13:09Speaker 01

  Why are you offering your hand out?

• 13:10Speaker 00

  I don't know, because it's thespian, isn't it?

• 13:12Speaker 01

  It's what?

• 13:13Speaker 00

  Thespian.

• 13:13Speaker 01

  Thespian.

• 13:14Speaker 00

  Jim Michael. Thespian.

• 13:17Speaker 01

  I think we know after eight years and a couple of months of this podcast, you can't pronounce words.

• 13:21Speaker 00

  But you're ready for it.

• 13:22Speaker 01

  I am ready for it, and I was low-key, I wasn't really embarrassed, I was quite flattered, in rehearsal uh, last week, when we were rehearsing uh, near where I met uh, Anna, uh, in a rehearsal studio, and um, uh, Louis, our wonderful director, said, uh, we were about to do a scene, and she went, can I just, can I just stop everyone? Can I just stop everyone? I'd just like to embarrass this person particularly, uh, but it is phenomenal. William Hanson has a fantastic bevel, to which I think I turned to either Cameron or Josh and went, what's a bevel? Because I hadn't, and it's just, it's the sort of the very butch and manly way that you put your foot. And uh, so I showed, I'm working in a bevel, what's the hell's a bevel? Would you like me to show you a bevel?

• 14:03Speaker 00

  Didn't I just have them at half-time at the football? Show us a bevel.

• 14:09Speaker 00

  Uh, you stand like that all the time.

• 14:11Speaker 01

  I know, that's why I've got a fantastic bevel.

• 14:13Speaker 00

  It's just, it's just a very camp stand.

• 14:16Speaker 01

  It's a dance move, actually. Describe it.

• 14:20Speaker 00

  It's, your toes pointed and looks proper. There's your bevel. Right, put your bevel away, you little slop, come on, sit down.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  So I was in a room full of, you know, professional dancers and people that know what they mean, I was very flattered.

• 14:35Speaker 00

  I want to give you a bit of a pep talk, right?

• 14:36Speaker 01

  All right, love.

• 14:37Speaker 00

  Because a few of our friends, uh, and we've got a lot of close friends, and our sassy American agent, Glenn, can we call him that?

• 14:44Speaker 01

  Your words.

• 14:47Speaker 00

  Has also said.

• 14:48Speaker 01

  Your sassy former agent.

• 14:50Speaker 00

  That we, that you were a bit nervous, so you've got this, right?

• 14:53Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 14:54Speaker 00

  You were born to do this, just be yourself. You brought the house down on tour.

• 15:00Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 15:00Speaker 00

  This is gonna be absolutely fine, and if you mess it up, don't worry.

• 15:04Speaker 01

  It's only six weeks.

• 15:05Speaker 00

  It's only six weeks, and hopefully I'll get a call up.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, you probably will.

• 15:08Speaker 00

  So, you've got this.

• 15:10Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 15:10Speaker 00

  Seriously, you'll be fine.

• 15:11Speaker 01

  Oh, bless you. Well, thank you very much. Um, it's, it's, it's genuinely, it's lovely, it's the, the whole cast, the crew, gorgeous people. I am, if nothing else. If they do, if I do one show and they decide, no, not for the show, I've had a lovely time in rehearsals.

• 15:26Speaker 00

  And you've been on the West End, you'll love it, you'll love it.

• 15:28Speaker 01

  Well, thank you.

• 15:29Speaker 00

  I also, before Soccer Aid and Toy Story and everything, I was in Amsterdam.

• 15:33Speaker 01

  Yes, how was that? How was waffle making?

• 15:34Speaker 00

  Oh, I had a face like a slapped arse. I absolutely bloody loved it. I've, I've got pictures. I will put them on the carousel. I've got pictures. I've got pictures.

• 15:43Speaker 01

  On a scale of sort of one to escape room in Leeds, where were you in terms of your, your moodiness?

• 15:51Speaker 00

  I never, I've never liked escape rooms.

• 15:52Speaker 02

  Gordon doesn't like trying new things.

• 15:54Speaker 00

  No, I don't like escape rooms. Fucking, you're there, right? And it's like, we had a bit of, when we were on tour years ago, we decided to go to an escape room. We actually recorded an episode that never went out.

• 16:03Speaker 01

  No, because you tripped over the Zoom recorder and the batteries fell out and we lost half the episode.

• 16:07Speaker 00

  But anyway.

• 16:08Speaker 01

  And then proceeded to lie on the floor whilst Ben and I tried to sort of.

• 16:11Speaker 00

  Get there.

• 16:12Speaker 01

  Pretend to be pirates.

• 16:13Speaker 00

  And we had some nineteen year old student going, who are, I'm like, you're from bloody Bradford.

• 16:17Speaker 02

  It's part of the fun.

• 16:18Speaker 00

  Who are, welcome to the escape room Leeds. Are you ready to board the ship? I was like, fucking shit, no. But I, I was a very similar attitude, face like a slapped arse, got to waffle making. And it's pretty much all done for you. I still managed to mess it up.

• 16:35Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 16:35Speaker 00

  All you had to do was put water in, but I managed to get the wrong measurement of water.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:39Speaker 00

  Absolutely loved it. The, the, the girl who did the course was very sassy, very Dutch.

• 16:43Speaker 01

  Did you use a waffle maker? Are you just basically pouring a batter into a waffle maker?

• 16:47Speaker 00

  You make your own and you keep rolling and kneading it and stuff and then you put your toppings on. It was great.

• 16:52Speaker 01

  And did you get any nice toppings?

• 16:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:54Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 16:55Speaker 00

  Two. It was very good.

• 16:56Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 16:56Speaker 00

  I was fuming though, because the cleaner in the hotel binned it the next day. It was in a bag.

• 17:00Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 17:01Speaker 00

  So I only had half of it. But it was great. Am- Amsterdam is a beautiful city, by the way.

• 17:06Speaker 01

  I said, I said this to you, it was in a way, you're not, not your first time, because you went there on the stag do, but your first time properly.

• 17:11Speaker 00

  I think it's up there with Spain for me. I can imagine myself living there. There's loads of great restaurants, the food.

• 17:16Speaker 01

  Literally said this to you, it's good.

• 17:17Speaker 00

  The canals. It's a, it, it, Jane Davis, if you're listening, and you can get some cheap flights out there, it's only a hop, skip and a jump. Get yourself to Amsterdam. Couple of problems.

• 17:29Speaker 01

  What?

• 17:30Speaker 00

  Just a few things I wanna flag up.

• 17:32Speaker 01

  With the Dutch or just you and your trip?

• 17:34Speaker 00

  With the, with my trip.

• 17:36Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 17:36Speaker 00

  So walked into one bar and it was like little hatch and we got there and thought, oh, this looks fun. There was a few mates, get there and goes striptease boxers. I was like, ah, so I'm trying to haggle with him going, don't really do that, pal. Can I just undo my shirt?

• 17:51Speaker 01

  Don't you?

• 17:52Speaker 00

  Stripto boxers. So that was, I've heard certain places like that.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 17:57Speaker 00

  Walked past this vibe, really vibey bar.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  Yeah. And when you say vibey bar, what do you mean?

• 18:02Speaker 00

  Like loads of people outside, everyone looked cool, everyone looked like.

• 18:05Speaker 01

  You had lovely weather.

• 18:06Speaker 00

  Really fit, yeah. And so walked out and I, so walked past it and I'd only had two drinks by then. Walked in, yeah, and I was like looking for the bar and this guy was like, excuse me, how are you? And I was like, who are you who's asking? He was like, this is my house. So I'd walked into someone's front room and didn't realise.

• 18:24Speaker 01

  Cause they live so close on the canal.

• 18:26Speaker 00

  They live so close on the canal and they have people around it the weekends and they all sit outside drinking. It's like, this is my house, come my house. I was like, where's your bar? And I didn't read, cause they're all, they all just sit outside with bottles of wine. I thought, oh, I'll go in it's a really cool bar. I was like, whilst I'm here, can you use your piss? I was like, leave, please leave. So that was one issue. Uh, Anne Frank's museum, you know, I've always wanted to go to Anne Frank, yeah?

• 18:50Speaker 01

  The house.

• 18:51Speaker 00

  The house.

• 18:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:51Speaker 00

  And I've read the book in here, right?

• 18:53Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 18:53Speaker 00

  So I'm in the queue for like 20 minutes and she's like, tickets please. And I'm like, oh, sorry, can I get tickets? She's like, it's a shixma fweyden lish. But I really wanna go. So next time I'm gonna go, you've got to book it. Just any G and D'vers watching and listening, just make sure you get your tickets for the Anne Frank museum in, in time. I just.

• 19:09Speaker 01

  Gosh, it's like Judith Chalmers is still with us.

• 19:15Speaker 00

  So yeah, other than that, wonderful city. Yeah.

• 19:19Speaker 01

  Good.

• 19:19Speaker 00

  So just if you're gonna go, cause make sure you get your tickets.

• 19:23Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 19:23Speaker 00

  And then we're gonna go to Van Gogh, Van Gogh museum.

• 19:26Speaker 01

  Van Gogh, yeah.

• 19:27Speaker 00

  Can see it on the internet, can't you?

• 19:29Speaker 01

  Well, I mean, you can see anything on the internet. Trust me, I know. Um.

• 19:33Speaker 00

  So that's me. What else has been going on with you?

• 19:35Speaker 01

  Well, I went to go and see after a long, uh, it was my Christmas present from Mikey. I went to go and see my biggest op, Paddington in the West End. And obviously I've got, I've got opinions about Paddington because he turns up to anything. I was surprised he was even on this, on this stage, probably, I just assumed he'd be busy turning up somewhere else. But no, he was there. It's a good musical.

• 19:56Speaker 00

  Is it?

• 19:56Speaker 01

  It's a very good musical.

• 19:57Speaker 00

  Did you say that begrudgingly?

• 19:59Speaker 01

  Um, no, act two's too long, but other than that, uh, it is a good musical. Um, there was one bit, I don't want to spoil it with anyone. I mean, it is the plot of the first film. So if you have seen the first film, I'm not ruining anything, but there was one bit where like Mikey was in absolute floods of tears. And I went, no, Mikey, they have not just killed Paddington Bear in front of a room full of kids. Like, calm down. All right. Okay. He isn't dead. Um, I was proved right.

• 20:24Speaker 00

  He cried.

• 20:25Speaker 01

  Mikey was in absolute floods of tears. Um, and I sort of got a little bit emotional at points, but I didn't, I didn't cry like he cried because I knew that he wasn't going to die. But the songs, there are a couple of good songs.

• 20:38Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 20:39Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 20:39Speaker 00

  When, when I come to watch you in Titanic, I'm going to take a note, pad and pen.

• 20:43Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 20:44Speaker 00

  And just make critiques. I'll be like, okay, second act, too long. I might just, when we make eye contact, I might just do a.

• 20:50Speaker 01

  When we make eye contact, you're going to sit that far forward, are you?

• 20:54Speaker 00

  Just brag some.

• 20:55Speaker 01

  Jordan, you're joking. I've done three weeks of rehearsals. That's what Louis, the director does. She sits there and I do something and then I see her eyes go down and she's like, I know I did my kickball change on the wrong foot. That's fine. I know I'm going to get pulled up on that.

• 21:05Speaker 00

  Well, yeah, what's the.

• 21:06Speaker 01

  I am struggling.

• 21:07Speaker 00

  What's your plinth? What's it called?

• 21:09Speaker 01

  Bevel.

• 21:09Speaker 00

  Your bevel, I'll be keeping.

• 21:10Speaker 01

  No, I won't get any notes, negative notes on that.

• 21:12Speaker 00

  I might have a couple of things to say on them.

• 21:14Speaker 01

  Right, well.

• 21:15Speaker 00

  Bevel not beveling.

• 21:19Speaker 01

  There are lovely bits where, um, I will, um, where we all have to turn in the same direction. And there's a nice, generally if the cast are having to turn to the right, I will go to the left. So you have your own little, um.

• 21:31Speaker 00

  Are you doing that accidentally on purpose?

• 21:34Speaker 01

  No, I'm, I'm doing that completely accidentally.

• 21:36Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 21:36Speaker 01

  But Louis has said to me, if in doubt, go to the right.

• 21:38Speaker 00

  If in doubt, go to the right.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  Obviously, part of the reason why you got the role is because if you're.

• 21:44Speaker 00

  Because he's fab and I won't have anything else said about our friend.

• 21:48Speaker 01

  Oh, bless you, darling.

• 21:48Speaker 02

  Thank you. Uh, the Kylie, the Kylie performance.

• 21:51Speaker 01

  It is actually genuinely. So I, when I got asked to do it.

• 21:56Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  And they said, do you have any examples of you performing on stage? And I thought, well, I've got, um.

• 22:03Speaker 00

  Couldn't possibly think of anything.

• 22:04Speaker 01

  The arena tour.

• 22:05Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 22:05Speaker 01

  So we.

• 22:06Speaker 00

  You dressed as Kylie.

• 22:06Speaker 01

  We clipped up me as Kylie and you and me as our respective mothers. And um, we uh, we, I sent that to them and that, and then they offered off the back of that.

• 22:17Speaker 00

  That's amazing.

• 22:18Speaker 02

  Well, I was gonna say, actually, obviously, as, as that performance is, is now infamous, the Kylie, obviously, a lot of people have seen it in arenas.

• 22:26Speaker 01

  Documentary.

• 22:27Speaker 02

  Have you seen it?

• 22:28Speaker 01

  I started to watch it the other day, yes.

• 22:31Speaker 00

  I need to watch that and Hulk Hogan.

• 22:34Speaker 01

  Very similar.

• 22:35Speaker 00

  I do, they're on my documentary.

• 22:36Speaker 01

  I watched twenty minutes of episode one.

• 22:38Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 22:38Speaker 01

  And then fell asleep.

• 22:39Speaker 00

  Oh, and Vinnie Jones as well. That'll be what I do this, I'm in a hotel tonight.

• 22:42Speaker 02

  Well, I'd recommend Kylie. It brought me to tears.

• 22:45Speaker 01

  Uh, did it? Oh, I haven't got to anything emotional yet.

• 22:48Speaker 02

  Well, there's lots of emotion to come, William.

• 22:50Speaker 01

  Also, I've seen a clip where she was talking on a radio station. They asked her what was her most of, what costume would she like to wear again? The most. And she talked about the uh, the blue showgirl costume, which is what I wore. And then she was saying, oh, it's, it was very stiff and I couldn't move my neck, et cetera. Well, she wanted Quinton to uh, design it for her, then she could have done, because I could.

• 23:10Speaker 00

  Hey, where is my Kylie costume? I want that back for memory purposes.

• 23:14Speaker 01

  Halloween.

• 23:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, where is that?

• 23:17Speaker 01

  It's in a warehouse, I believe.

• 23:18Speaker 00

  Oh, it's in Manchester.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  They will, they are ours, I believe.

• 23:23Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 23:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, Stuart is saying that he's got them and, and will reunite us with them at some point. Stuart's just using them his, for himself for, for a few weeks.

• 23:30Speaker 00

  Speaking of Kylie, Paddington.

• 23:32Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 23:32Speaker 00

  Guess which celebrity is a massive Gene Deaver? But wasn't just saying it to be like, oh, I love your podcast.

• 23:38Speaker 01

  Give me some clothes.

• 23:39Speaker 00

  Genuinely bumped into him this week.

• 23:41Speaker 01

  Okay, give me some clothes.

• 23:42Speaker 00

  In Global. Wazza. Uh, not Wazza, not part of Socrate, not Amanda Holden. It was in the Global building.

• 23:48Speaker 01

  Are they a global presenter?

• 23:49Speaker 00

  No.

• 23:52Speaker 02

  Tom Holland.

• 23:54Speaker 00

  Spiderman?

• 23:56Speaker 01

  If only. Uh, give me more clues. I don't actually, funnily enough, know who's been in the global building this week.

• 24:03Speaker 00

  Writer.

• 24:05Speaker 01

  Uh, of what? Russell T Davies.

• 24:09Speaker 00

  Yeah! Genuine Gene Dever and then sent me a lovely message. I was chatting to him for ages. He loves you.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  Yes, I know. I did the wheel with him years ago.

• 24:17Speaker 00

  Oh, did you? Oh!

• 24:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know him and his boyfriend.

• 24:20Speaker 00

  But he said when he's next in London, I said, we'll go for a drink, man.

• 24:24Speaker 01

  Well, hello, Russell.

• 24:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:26Speaker 01

  You can watch his new show, Tiptoe, on Channel 4.

• 24:28Speaker 00

  That's on my list. That, Vinnie Jones.

• 24:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's on my list, too.

• 24:30Speaker 00

  Kylie, Siobhan, Hulk Hogan.

• 24:33Speaker 02

  You're either doing really butch or really not butch with that list, I feel.

• 24:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, pick a lane.

• 24:39Speaker 02

  Vinnie Jones, Kylie.

• 24:41Speaker 00

  What do you mean?

• 24:42Speaker 01

  Well, you know, either do sort of lean into the campness or, um...

• 24:47Speaker 00

  The butchness?

• 24:48Speaker 01

  The butchness.

• 24:48Speaker 00

  I like to broaden my horizons.

• 24:50Speaker 01

  Right. Okay. Well, talking of broadening horizons, would you like to, uh, make us all roar with laughter with Jordan's Jolly Joke of the Week?

• 24:58Speaker 00

  Yes, of course.

• 24:59Speaker 01

  All right. Here's the jingle.

• 25:16Speaker 01

  Oi!

• 25:17Speaker 00

  All right, let me try and find them. It's been a while. I've got a few.

• 25:20Speaker 01

  It's been a while.

• 25:21Speaker 00

  All right, this is from India. Says, I got fired from my job at the sperm bank recently.

• 25:26Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 25:26Speaker 00

  And I'll tell you the punchline after the break.

• 25:30Speaker 00

  All right, Gene Devers, thanks for sticking with us. Uh, today's jolly joke is from India Dale, who sent this one. I got fired from my job at the sperm bank recently. Apparently, I couldn't drink on the job.

• 25:42Speaker 00

  She also, she also sent this cracker. India's nailed it. So I've just found out that grandad is addicted to Viagra.

• 25:50Speaker 00

  No one's taking it harder than grandma.

• 25:58Speaker 01

  Good jokes. Well done, India.

• 26:00Speaker 00

  There you go, India. There you go. No one's taking it harder than grandma.

• 26:03Speaker 01

  Yes, it's fun, yes, yeah.

• 26:04Speaker 00

  Taking it harder than grandma. Now it's time, uh, for us to help you with your modern day dilemmas. And remember, we have no idea what's coming up. So William Hanson, what have you got for us, please?

• 26:14Speaker 01

  This is from anonymous. Dear William, Jordan, EPP and the wonderful Sexed team, I'm writing to you with an uncomfortable dilemma. I have a great relationship with my husband. We've been together for nearly 20 years. Our sex life has had its ups and downs, but generally it's been doing very well lately. However, I think I've found out why. The other day... Oh my God, it's as if we write this. The other day, I found a bottle of Viagra hidden in the closet.

• 26:35Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 26:36Speaker 01

  I was definitely...

• 26:36Speaker 00

  I didn't know this, genuinely.

• 26:37Speaker 01

  No, we didn't. It was definitely placed out of the way somewhere I couldn't have been expected to find it. I'm feeling iffy about this. I feel like my husband and I have always been able to be open about things, but it also seems like he's been intentionally hiding his use of Viagra. I'm not upset that he's taking it. Things have been going very well in the bedroom. I just feel a little upset that it was kept secret, or maybe that he feels the need to hide it. My question is, do I bring this up and address it at some point with him? If so, what do I say? Or do I just ignore it, knowing that clearly it's something he feels self-conscious about? Thank you in advance for your advice and perspective. Well, do you talk about yours? Joke.

• 27:11Speaker 00

  Not wrong with taking a Viagra?

• 27:13Speaker 01

  No, he, I would say, he does clearly feel a little bit conscious about it. I don't think, I think you can, I can understand why you would very easily go into the, oh my gosh, he's hiding something from me. What else is he hiding from me? Spiral. I understand that. I think in this instance, it is, it's purely that he feels a bit self-conscious about it. He shouldn't, but he does. Because even though there is nothing wrong with taking Viagra, if you need to take it for, for medical reasons, there is still a slight stigma around it. And I would imagine that is in his head and nothing else.

• 27:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, I did dress it, definitely. And, and, and say, look, and say what William said. There's no, there's no shame in it. I think that's probably why he's been hiding it, to be fair. So just, yeah, just address it and say, there's no shame in it.

• 28:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, find a way to talk about it. Um, but if he doesn't want to talk about it, he doesn't want to talk about it.

• 28:07Speaker 00

  I dropped one in my brew once.

• 28:10Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 28:11Speaker 00

  My knob won't go...

• 28:15Speaker 01

  It's, it's, the punchline is biscuit, isn't it?

• 28:17Speaker 00

  I mean, knob won't go hard, but my biscuit won't go soft.

• 28:22Speaker 02

  How would you think you would start that conversation with the partner in a sort of, in a, in a way that wouldn't embarrass the other half?

• 28:29Speaker 01

  Um, I've got a bit of a hard question for you.

• 28:33Speaker 00

  Very good.

• 28:34Speaker 01

  Yeah. Um. I don't know, because you can't really admit that you found it, because then it sounds like you've been snooping. Depends where you have found it.

• 28:43Speaker 00

  Is it true if girls get them, they get a wide on?

• 28:47Speaker 01

  Um, on the basis that the girls in the studio have just reacted how they have reacted, I think the answer is no.

• 28:52Speaker 00

  I think I told that in year 10 or so.

• 28:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, I think year 10, probably not.

• 28:58Speaker 00

  Is a wide on even a thing? No.

• 29:01Speaker 01

  An unnamed member of the production team has just said, you want it tighter, not wider.

• 29:08Speaker 01

  This is from anonymous.

• 29:09Speaker 00

  We're not a sex podcast.

• 29:10Speaker 01

  Not a sex podcast. Dear William and Jordan and the sex team, I recently started listening to your podcast when I'm cooking, or occasionally in the shower. Been struggling a bit recently and this podcast always brings a smile to my face.

• 29:24Speaker 01

  I've just been told by, I'm just being direct, well, I take direction very well, actually, is what I've been told.

• 29:28Speaker 00

  Not from bloody us, you don't.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  No, only by people that know what they're talking about. I bring to you a dilemma, which I'm sure is shared by many other listeners.

• 29:37Speaker 00

  All right, don't take the piss, but do it your normal way. Go on.

• 29:40Speaker 01

  I matched with a lovely gentleman on Bumble. He was tall, fit, had a Scottish accent, was my type and emotionally intelligent, or so I thought. It seemed like the perfect match. The only problem was that he worked in the military and I work shifts, so finding a time to actually have a date proved difficult.

• 29:56Speaker 00

  Oh, it's hard in military.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  We continued to message regularly and shared plenty of photos, normal and cheeky. He then had a nine-month deployment. We'd already been chatting for around three to four months by this point. We agreed that once he returned, we'd finally go on a date and see if we were as compatible in real life as we were online. Cut to nine months later, it's December. We've been talking throughout and he finally returns to the UK. I ask when he's available to go out and then he ghosts me. Over a year of time and effort spent on this, only to be ghosted, which I found quite confusing.

• 30:26Speaker 00

  Oh, that's a shit do that.

• 30:29Speaker 01

  As he didn't even get a shag out of it. My dilemma is this, do I get my frustrations out by sending him a rude message about how he wasted my time and that if he wasn't interested, he could just have said so? Or do I just cut my losses and try and move on? Another year older and still single. Anonymous.

• 30:43Speaker 00

  I, that's horrible that for nine months, you're texting and messaging him and then when he gets back, he's, yeah, I'd send him a message. Usually I would say ignore it, but I think he deserves a shitty message, if I'm honest.

• 30:55Speaker 01

  I, I would, okay, I would say, do two things. One, write that message in the notes section of your phone. Or on a piece of paper.

• 31:04Speaker 00

  That's good advice.

• 31:05Speaker 01

  Get it out your system and then sit on it for a few days. Don't do anything and then go back. Personally, I don't actually think sending that message will achieve anything. But if it, the only thing it would achieve is making you feel better. And if it's going to achieve that, send the message, but I think you can probably achieve the same results by writing it in the notes section of your phone.

• 31:30Speaker 00

  Write in the notes section of your phone and then a few days later, when sober and perfectly fine, if you feel like sending it, send it. I would.

• 31:37Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 31:38Speaker 00

  No, no, writing stuff in your notes section is very.

• 31:40Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 31:41Speaker 00

  It saved me many a job. Oh, yeah.

• 31:43Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 31:44Speaker 00

  To be fair, still, my way's still doing this.

• 31:46Speaker 01

  Yes, ditto.

• 31:51Speaker 01

  You are never going through that note section. Our next dilemma is. I'm joking. Our next dilemma is.

• 31:58Speaker 00

  Mind your own tour rehearsals.

• 32:00Speaker 01

  Oh, for god's sake!

• 32:05Speaker 01

  Our next dilemma is from Riley. Dear Saxon team, I'm a 16-year-old G and D-va, but I regret to admit, I've been watching for many years. Arguably too young, but it's impossible to resist the weekly fun of each episode.

• 32:16Speaker 00

  Too young to watch this.

• 32:18Speaker 01

  In September, I'll be in sixth form and I want to commit to my goal of wearing a suit each day. The majority of students wear casual clothes, which could include grey joggers, t-shirts and even crop tops. I want to defy this norm and channel my inner William Hanson.

• 32:30Speaker 00

  Was this Freddie from years ago? Is this, is this, is this Freddie that's sending this in and it's only just come through now?

• 32:36Speaker 01

  Also, I need help from you both in deciding which method of storage. luggage I would use to bring my essentials to and from school. My initial thoughts were a briefcase.

• 32:43Speaker 00

  No, don't. We're sitting in between us.

• 32:45Speaker 01

  Because it seemed like the only acceptable form of luggage with my outfit. Thus, please could you both give me some guidance on which colour suit I should buy and how I'm going to carry all of my needs to and from school? May I add that just good manners significantly helped me to put other people before myself and develop my confidence. So thank you, William. Kind regards, Riley. Well, Riley, you sound like a good egg.

• 33:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, Riley, you be you, pal, as well. So I love this. And if you're gonna go into college, sixth form in a suit, you do it. I'd recommend a navy one.

• 33:13Speaker 01

  Yes, dark navy, yeah.

• 33:14Speaker 00

  Also, you can get, uh, you can get, you can get some good, good suits from like Primark and that now. So I want. And just, just if it's a bit big, just get it tailored for twenty, thirty quid.

• 33:27Speaker 01

  I would completely agree. It doesn't matter where you get it from, just having it. If, if depending, because some people can just wear suits off the peg and it, it doesn't, you know, they wear it beautifully. Most people need a little bit of a nip and a tuck.

• 33:37Speaker 00

  Let's get a nip and a tuck on it. It won't cost too much getting taken in. But then also, he's only sixteen, so he's gonna have a growth spurt.

• 33:45Speaker 00

  I, I wouldn't say briefcase. I mean, if you wanna do a briefcase, that's cool, but not many people have briefcase now. So there's many alternatives. There's like shops you can use.

• 33:54Speaker 01

  Riley, I have some thoughts.

• 33:55Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 33:56Speaker 01

  So I love the fact you want to wear a suit. I think that's great and should be applauded. And I'm sure you'll look great in it wherever that suit is from. Provided if you get it nipped and tucked. However, it does depend on what your sixth form dress code is. If it, if you have got other people in t-shirts and grey joggers. You just have to accept that you are going to stand out. And whilst adults know that you are standing out for all the right reasons. People of your age, you are setting yourself up for a slightly more difficult time than you probably need. Now, if you're okay with that, that's absolutely fine. But I would perhaps find a, a middle ground.

• 34:38Speaker 01

  Maybe a nice relaxed jacket, an open neck shirt, or you could wear over a t-shirt. It needs to be a nice, good quality t-shirt. And some smart trousers would be fine, perhaps. Maybe start with that. It also depends on whether you are going to this, is this the sixth form of your existing school? So you have existing relationships with people. Or is this a new place that you're going to and you don't know anyone? And first impressions do count. So I would probably say. Work up to the suit rather than starting with the suit personally. As someone who, you know, did wear quite a bold suit um in my sixth form.

• 35:14Speaker 00

  What colour?

• 35:15Speaker 01

  Chalk stripe, um grey and navy. Well, one was grey with a chalk stripe, one was navy with a chalk stripe. Um I remember Mr Bin's a great inspiration uh to me, one of my English teachers wa- walking past me in uh in assem- in assembly going chalk stripe, bold.

• 35:33Speaker 01

  Which I think I knew what he meant, um but I I committed to it. I just wonder if we can find a photograph. I'm sure we have a photograph.

• 35:39Speaker 00

  Let's find one.

• 35:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, but just you might just want a bit of an easy life because whilst you are there to, you know, wear whatever you want to wear, you are also there to learn. And then the thing that's going to distract you from learning or put you in a in a in the wrong headspace because people are being a bit nasty to you. You perhaps just might want to to build up to it, as I say.

• 36:07Speaker 00

  You be you, right? If you want to wear a suit, but even even better, take if I'd say take the briefcase if you've got a brother that's older and harder. That was like me at school. I got away with murder.

• 36:17Speaker 01

  I I

• 36:18Speaker 00

  You're like, don't.

• 36:18Speaker 01

  I actually find briefcases impractical, so I wouldn't take a briefcase.

• 36:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, I do as well.

• 36:23Speaker 01

  You can get a so if it's a soft leather brief, it's where it's the very hard sort of Freemasonry sort of briefcases.

• 36:29Speaker 00

  A soft leather one with a strap on.

• 36:32Speaker 02

  A satchel, if you may.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  A satchel.

• 36:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, that'd look cool.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  I would do that. Or a canvas tote is fine.

• 36:38Speaker 00

  Do you think anyone ever said to James at school, oh, don't mess with him, he's William Hanson's brother?

• 36:43Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm sure, yes. I mean, I'm sure James, you know, James got a really easy ride at school because, you know.

• 36:49Speaker 00

  Because I did as well, as Ryan Nash's brother. Yeah, and then he joined the army at sixteen.

• 36:54Speaker 01

  Ryan and I are very similar characters, to be fair.

• 36:56Speaker 00

  He joined the army at sixteen, so yeah, ten, eleven, I had to fend for myself. Lot of people got their revenge in year 10, that's all I'm gonna say. Go on.

• 37:05Speaker 01

  This is from Luke. Dear William Jordan, EPB and the Sexed Team, I have found myself in a rather hairy situation. I've been getting my hair cut by a hairdresser called Rachel for over five years now. She's lovely, knows all my gossip and generally does a decent job. However, recently she went on holiday and her colleague Andrew stepped in to cut my hair. He did an amazing job and my hair looked vastly better. So here lies my hairy conundrum. Do I remain loyal to Rachel and continue receiving what I can only describe as perfectly adequate haircuts? Or do I come clean and tell her I'm switching to Andrew despite the fact that he works for her? Am I overthinking this or is changing hairdressers within the same salon the follicular equivalent of leaving your wife for her sister?

• 37:42Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 37:42Speaker 01

  Your dilemma daddy wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Love the show and I can't wait to see William in Titanic in June. Luke? Well, I'll be looking out in the audience for the person with an adequate haircut.

• 37:51Speaker 00

  I, I don't think you can. On it, you could.

• 37:54Speaker 01

  I don't think you can either.

• 37:54Speaker 00

  You could leave.

• 37:56Speaker 01

  Leave the salon and go somewhere else.

• 37:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, but Ollie who does my hair, just before I went to Amsterdam, funnily enough, I couldn't, um. I couldn't get him into it to go to somewhere near work. And he was fine with it. Like it was, it was like.

• 38:10Speaker 01

  Well, at least you gave him first review.

• 38:11Speaker 00

  It's like having a relationship is like, it's fine. I want you to do this. Like you just get it done. It needs doing. Like the texts we were sending each other, I've even got voice notes and, and stuff like, it's like, don't worry, tell him you want this. And at the end I was like, he weren't as, you know, he weren't as nice as you. He's a lot quicker, that kind of thing. He was quite rough and stuff. And then when he seen me, pretended to be cool, he went, oh. I mean, what, what's he doing? You're like a South American soccer player, is what he said. So I don't think you can cheat on Rachel. You've got to stick around. But maybe just say, can I have it a bit more like this?

• 38:48Speaker 01

  You could.

• 38:49Speaker 00

  But they all do their own thing anyway. They never bloody listen and the hairdressers or barbers.

• 38:53Speaker 01

  You could try to find out when your Rachel is next going on holiday. Uh, you know, that's, that's the number one topic of conversation with hairdressers is when you're next going on holiday. If you've got any holidays planned and then make sure you then keep booking with the other person over those times. And you might be able to sort of have them both and sort of have a couple with him, couple with Rachel.

• 39:11Speaker 00

  When you go, you chat away, you say, and how's Am? Do you say that? Cause she obviously cuts Princess Am's hair as well.

• 39:18Speaker 01

  Princess Am would go to the same salon, yes.

• 39:20Speaker 00

  Do you say, has Am been in this week? How is she?

• 39:23Speaker 01

  The salon goes to her.

• 39:24Speaker 00

  Oh, I was seeing her on telly over the week, a bob look cracking. Do you say stuff like that?

• 39:29Speaker 01

  Well, I don't think the Princess Royal has a bob.

• 39:31Speaker 00

  No, you say, I do look cracking.

• 39:33Speaker 01

  Right.

• 39:35Speaker 00

  She's all right, Am.

• 39:36Speaker 01

  Actually, I was talking, yes, I do like the Princess Royal. I was talking about this with Mikey yesterday. When we lived in Manchester, my lovely hairdresser, Kate, who was actually, turns out was called Gemma, long story. But I called her Kate. She was in a salon in the city centre for years. That's where I would go. And I'm making these figures up now. I would pay forty pounds or something for a haircut. And then in the last year of me living in Manchester, she moved to a salon in Droylesdon. So, which for those that don't know, is a city or a town outside of Manchester. So I would then drive to Droylesdon and would have exactly the same haircut for fifteen pounds. It's great.

• 40:18Speaker 00

  So, so it's cheaper to get your haircut in Droylesdon than Manchester?

• 40:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. The city centre of Manchester versus Droylesdon, but the hairdresser was saying she moved salons.

• 40:28Speaker 00

  You're gonna bring the house down on that western show, I'll tell you.

• 40:31Speaker 02

  Can't wait to read the novel.

• 40:36Speaker 01

  You.

• 40:37Speaker 00

  Where the hell was that going?

• 40:39Speaker 01

  You little Judas in the corner.

• 40:42Speaker 00

  Can't wait to read the novel. That was a good one from you, Ben.

• 40:46Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 40:47Speaker 00

  Go on, do one more.

• 40:49Speaker 01

  Our final dilemma is from J D.

• 40:52Speaker 00

  Vance.

• 40:52Speaker 01

  You are going to regret that.

• 40:55Speaker 00

  That's gonna bite you on the arse, that one, mate.

• 40:57Speaker 01

  Hmm. And the rest. Dear William Jordan and the rest of the Sexton crew. I'm a long haul truck driver and your podcast has been a huge help in keeping me entertained on the road. I've been listening for a couple of years now and I finally have a dilemma worthy of your expertise.

• 41:11Speaker 00

  Bring it to us, J D.

• 41:12Speaker 01

  I'm a man who enjoys going to a massage parlor occasionally towards the end. The masseuse may offer me what we'll delicately call additional relaxation services.

• 41:20Speaker 00

  Is that a thing?

• 41:23Speaker 01

  During one such visit, I was receiving my weekend release and in an effort to be polite and discreet, I tried to let the woman know that I was nearing completion. Not wanting to be loud, I whispered it. Unfortunately, she didn't hear me and leaned in closer at the exact worst possible moment. Before either of us could react, I had reached the point of no return and accidentally finished on her face and hair. So my question is this: what is the proper etiquette for warning a masseuse that one is about to reach climax without causing a truly unfortunate facial incident? Yours in shame and confusion, J.D.

• 41:55Speaker 00

  I mean, I'm... the poor masseuse, but surely...

• 41:59Speaker 01

  Well, if she's offering that, I mean, that probably is gonna happen.

• 42:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, and surely she should have known.

• 42:03Speaker 01

  I would just say, don't whisper it.

• 42:04Speaker 00

  You know...

• 42:06Speaker 01

  I've... I mean, I don't like massages because I don't want people touching me.

• 42:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, but when you've tossed someone off, have you known they're gonna... you don't have to say, "I'm gonna come." You kind of just... you know, don't you?

• 42:14Speaker 01

  Sometimes. Hmm. But communication is very important in a relationship.

• 42:19Speaker 00

  I think if the masseuse is... unless it was a first time, she'll learn. She'll learn the hard way, but surely... like, you watch porn and you know they're gonna come.

• 42:31Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 42:31Speaker 00

  Don't you?

• 42:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, you generally do know, I would say.

• 42:34Speaker 00

  So maybe the masseuse needs to work on a... not a technique, but a...

• 42:39Speaker 01

  I don't think you did anything wrong, JD, so I wouldn't... I wouldn't sort of worry too much.

• 42:44Speaker 00

  Well, if his toes are curling and he's on vinegar stroke, surely... if his eyes are like that...

• 42:48Speaker 01

  I think the learn here is don't whisper it.

• 42:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, maybe don't whisper it.

• 42:52Speaker 02

  Scream it to the rooftops.

• 42:54Speaker 00

  Yeah. How would it sound, Ben? Go on, role play. I'm the masseuse, go on.

• 43:00Speaker 02

  I'm not doing this.

• 43:02Speaker 00

  Come on, we're role playing. Come on.

• 43:05Speaker 02

  I'm coming!

• 43:06Speaker 00

  Oh, my God. Wait, wait, wait, come on. Let's do it again. Right, so I'll cue you.

• 43:10Speaker 01

  Been a bit sick in my mouth.

• 43:13Speaker 00

  How's that for you?

• 43:14Speaker 02

  I'm coming!

• 43:16Speaker 01

  There you go. Well, that's helpful.

• 43:19Speaker 02

  Glad, glad we worked that through.

• 43:21Speaker 00

  You sound like you're on fucking dog gems at Blackpool. Please don't, I hope you don't say that.

• 43:25Speaker 02

  I'm coming.

• 43:26Speaker 00

  I'm coming. Yippee.

• 43:31Speaker 01

  Can't wait to read your novel.

• 43:33Speaker 00

  Oh, I told you that, oh, that'll fester. That will fester, that one. When is, um, teacups and fork spoons out?

• 43:43Speaker 01

  A fatal forking, May next year and we've got months.

• 43:46Speaker 00

  What's it called? Teacups and fork spoons?

• 43:48Speaker 01

  A fatal forking.

• 43:49Speaker 00

  Oh, fatal forking.

• 43:50Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 43:51Speaker 00

  Uh, thank you for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, if you need your help with something, then do get in touch.

• 43:55Speaker 01

  You can send your tales of trepidation to [email protected] or you can DM us, we're at Sex and My Boss on the socials.

• 44:01Speaker 00

  Uh, you can write to them here in the fullness of time, promises, handwritten reply, and our luxury greeting cards of executive cell seal envelopes. The address is on the website, sextedmyboss.com. You can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player and you can even watch us on YouTube as well. We'll put the full episodes up every release day. Just head to YouTube and search for Sexted. Goodbye.

• 44:23Speaker 01

  See you on Friday.