Help He’s Entering My Tardis | And We've Got A New Studio!

The Help I Sexted My Boss studio has had a glow up, and the boys are fizzing with excitement! There are new features, new dilemmas, and newfound respect for anyone who thinks it's sexy to dress up as Doctor Who in the bedroom. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected], and for more Sexted fun sign up https://sextedmyboss.com/newsletter/ to our free VIG&Diva newsletter. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Help I Sexted My Boss is presented by William Hanson and Jordan North. It is an Audio Always http://www.audioalways.com production. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected]. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  It's time. It's the most wonderful time of the year. Halloween.

• 0:09Speaker 01

  And you guys know we don't do Halloween by halves.

• 0:12Speaker 00

  Full costume, full prosthetics, full commitment. I'm a rat.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  And I'm the chef. It's our Ratatouille special. Then we're grabbing our broomsticks for the witches.

• 0:22Speaker 00

  We've got a spooky hotline caller.

• 0:24Speaker 01

  An update from our woman who was in love with the ghost of Prince Albert.

• 0:27Speaker 00

  And your tarot card dilemmas.

• 0:29Speaker 01

  Listen to our Halloween specials, search for The Girls Bathroom.

• 0:43Speaker 02

  Hello and welcome to Help I Sexted My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life, answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to everyday dilemmas like what should you do if your member is so ginormous it makes people jealous? Or how'd you come to terms with the fact that you're such a short king they've cast you as a gnome in Toy Story? And what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss? But we're not your usual agony ants, are we? William Hanson.

• 1:13Speaker 03

  No, we're not, Jordan North. I'm more Dicky Bow, you're more Icky No. And that's Rupert.

• 1:18Speaker 02

  Very good, very good. And you are joining us as we're in our brand new studio. Look at this.

• 1:25Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:25Speaker 02

  Look at this. This was a joint interior design effort from me and William and I think it's fair to say it's worked quite well.

• 1:31Speaker 03

  Yes, now we'll describe it for audio listeners, you can obviously see it on YouTube. So we've got big marble pillars and this big sweeping staircase.

• 1:40Speaker 02

  No MDF in sight.

• 1:41Speaker 03

  No, no, it's not. It's, it's red, it is sort of brothel meets post office is probably how I would describe this, this set.

• 1:51Speaker 02

  Brothel meets post office.

• 1:52Speaker 03

  Yes, you're colourblind, so actually, can you see any of the colour in this?

• 1:54Speaker 02

  It's a deep rougy red, I'd say.

• 1:56Speaker 03

  It is.

• 1:57Speaker 02

  Is it a rougy red?

• 1:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a claret.

• 2:01Speaker 02

  It's not claret, that.

• 2:02Speaker 03

  Is it?

• 2:03Speaker 02

  Nah, it's not claret. It's a good red, though.

• 2:05Speaker 03

  I'll tell you.

• 2:06Speaker 02

  We've got a new table as well.

• 2:08Speaker 03

  Talking of a good red, I'm pouring the gin and debonnet. That has remained the same. If you want to, of course, see the new studio, you can look at our socials, or you can look on YouTube. Lovely. Anyway, how are you? I haven't seen you for a couple of weeks.

• 2:21Speaker 02

  No, how was your holiday? How was Greece? Did you mount Olympus?

• 2:24Speaker 03

  No, I didn't mount. No, because actually, it turns out Mount Olympus is nowhere near Greece. So we didn't go anywhere near it, sadly. But let's toast, before I tell you all about my holiday, let's toast Morella by her sister Anna Lisa, who wrote in to say, please can you raise a toast to my sister Mariella, who recently got the keys to her first home. We have plans to drink a few fizzy lizes, listen to the podcast and unpack. We're huge fans of the pod and have been to your live shows in Manchester and Sheffield, and quote, "all of you too many times." Thank you so much, Anna Lisa. So this is to you, Mariella, homeowner at last. Congratulations.

• 3:00Speaker 02

  Congratulations.

• 3:03Speaker 03

  Lovely. How does the D taste in the new home?

• 3:05Speaker 02

  Oh, it's great.

• 3:07Speaker 03

  Why are you pulling that face?

• 3:08Speaker 02

  It's got a bit more of a kick.

• 3:09Speaker 03

  I might have gone a bit too strong with the gin. That might be more of a 50/50.

• 3:12Speaker 02

  That's a strong gin and debonnet, I'm not gonna lie.

• 3:14Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 3:15Speaker 02

  Anyway, go on, tell us about your holiday. What did you get up to?

• 3:17Speaker 03

  Well, Greece, I'd never been to Greece before.

• 3:18Speaker 02

  Have you not?

• 3:19Speaker 03

  So it was sort of uncharted territory for me, and it was very nice. Beautiful people. They're lovely, they're very welcoming, they're very hospitable. The airport at Athens was very efficient, I thought, so that's nice. Always the sign of a good holiday.

• 3:33Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 3:34Speaker 03

  Both, you know, coming and going.

• 3:36Speaker 02

  Were you on the mainland, then?

• 3:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, just on the Athens Riviera.

• 3:40Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 3:40Speaker 03

  Really. I don't know if that's officially called it, but on a peninsula just down from Athens. We didn't do one of the islands.

• 3:45Speaker 02

  What were the weather like?

• 3:46Speaker 03

  What were the weather like? It was very nice, thank you. Yes, it was sort of, it was about 20, officially 24/25, but it felt a bit warmer. So that's lovely, gentle breeze. And I got into something that I'd always been a little bit cautious of. I don't know whether you're like this with swimming. I would much prefer to swim in a pool than the sea. Do you have a preference?

• 4:09Speaker 02

  I, I, I like both. I feel, I feel, there's something about swimming in the sea that feels fresher. And your hair's always great than I, you know, when you've been swimming at sea. And then you go and do your hair before you go out for tea.

• 4:20Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 4:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's really nice.

• 4:22Speaker 03

  Right.

• 4:23Speaker 02

  Do you tell her I've been back home?

• 4:24Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, if you can, I've heard it on myself.

• 4:26Speaker 03

  I, I'm not, I used to not like sort of swimming in the sea because you never know what else is around you.

• 4:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:32Speaker 03

  Uh, and we've all seen certain films and that always goes through my head.

• 4:36Speaker 02

  It's fresh, you feel more alive after swimming.

• 4:38Speaker 03

  Well, you do, it's flipping cold, but anyway.

• 4:40Speaker 02

  It's in Greece.

• 4:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, but it was very blue, to be fair, and we could, you could sort of see what was around you. So I felt more reassured. And they said to me, as I was getting in on the first day, and I was like, oh, you know, because there were all the markers in the water, the boys to sort of mark it out. And they said, you've just got to stay inside the boys. And I said, well, I don't need to be asked twice. And then I went.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  And I bet you thought, oh.

• 5:05Speaker 02

  Swimming, oh, I must write that in the notes on my phone.

• 5:08Speaker 03

  Yep, I did exactly that.

• 5:10Speaker 02

  And you did it, you did it.

• 5:11Speaker 03

  Hmm. So I was in there every day.

• 5:13Speaker 02

  Okay. How often would you swim? Every day, like?

• 5:16Speaker 03

  Yeah. Oh, no, just once a day.

• 5:18Speaker 02

  Oh, just once a day.

• 5:19Speaker 03

  And then I did the pool for the rest of the time, which was nice. Read a few books, finished that Anthony Horowitz book, uh, A Deadly Episode that I talked about a few weeks ago. Loved that. Finished off my book on Queen Elizabeth.

• 5:28Speaker 02

  Oh, wow.

• 5:29Speaker 03

  That's not me writing one, that's me reading a book by Hugo.

• 5:32Speaker 02

  Is this because Mikey wasn't there for the first few days?

• 5:34Speaker 03

  Mikey sadly wasn't there for the first few days. No, I'd finished the Queen, um, the book, uh, in the latter half of the holiday when Mikey was present.

• 5:41Speaker 02

  So he texts me and he was on his own and I felt a bit tight on you, but Mikey wasn't well, bless him.

• 5:45Speaker 03

  He wasn't very well and it was a decision made right at the last minute when it was too late to cancel the holiday. And, um, we, anyway, he went, you go on, I'll join you in a couple of days.

• 5:54Speaker 02

  So what did you do for the first few days?

• 5:56Speaker 03

  Well, I stayed inside the boys.

• 5:58Speaker 02

  I quite like the thought of just going on holiday, reading books on the home, but what did you do?

• 6:02Speaker 03

  It was, look, for two days, it was fine. I did, I did say to Mikey when he then eventually came on day three, I was like, first two days, I was like, oh, this is a novel. And then after that, I was like, no, I couldn't do a whole week on my.

• 6:13Speaker 02

  Really? I reckon I could. Did you eat on your own?

• 6:16Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, I mean, didn't starve to death. Yes.

• 6:18Speaker 02

  I know, but did you go down and we just, because I think that looks very chic. You're just there with a book and a glass of wine.

• 6:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, I have no problem eating on my own. I know some people get a bit het up about.

• 6:26Speaker 02

  I would if there was loads of people in there. That's the only thing that put me off. I'd probably go about five, six o'clock when no one else is in there.

• 6:32Speaker 03

  I did get, I know it's hard to believe now, but I did get a little bit of a tan. Um, although I felt really bad because on like day five, I got in the lift, I was in the lift and stopped off at a different floor and some American men came in and they sort of started chatting and they said, and they said to me, how do you manage it? And I said, how do I manage what? And they said, to stay so pale. And I was like, this is, this is, this is David Dickinson in comparison to what I'm normally am. If you actually see the video, I don't want to go on about it all the time. Uh, but the video I filmed to announce me in Titan E was filmed in Athens. I think I looked really bronzed in that video.

• 7:06Speaker 02

  I thought it was makeup.

• 7:07Speaker 03

  No, I didn't even take my makeup with me.

• 7:09Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 7:10Speaker 03

  That was raw.

• 7:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, wow.

• 7:12Speaker 03

  Raw and on the rocks. Oh, talking drama. So when Mikey was there. So there were different parts of sort of the beach and the, the pool and stuff and the staff, when they were sort of transporting sort of food or drinks or towels or whatever, they had like bikes, but tricycles, they were in effect glorified tricycles. Um, and they were sort of very wide paths. Anyway, Mikey and I are sort of walking back from the pool, back to our rooms, a room. And, um, we sort of, there was a young female member of staff on her bike and, you know, they're all very polite and say hello. And the next, and she goes past us and bear in mind, the path is as wide as this studio. Um, the next thing you know, we hear the most almighty crash and she has come off her bike, literally onto the rocks.

• 7:56Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 7:57Speaker 03

  I mean, we thought she was a goner. She's fine. Um.

• 8:01Speaker 02

  It's not like you and Mikey to be dramatic.

• 8:02Speaker 03

  No, it was, I was like.

• 8:04Speaker 02

  But she thought, oh God, the last thing I need is two dramatic gays here screaming louder than me.

• 8:08Speaker 03

  I think if you.

• 8:11Speaker 03

  I took a photograph of the rocks. In fact, Mikey has got a, not at the time, this is the next day. Mikey has got a picture of him pointing to the rocks, which we potentially will put on our carousel. But it was very dramatic. She cut her legs. I mean, it really was serious. We were all shouting. So yeah. Bad on you for laughing. We were all shouting, help, help.

• 8:32Speaker 02

  Did you not go over and help her?

• 8:33Speaker 03

  Yes, we did. We pulled, I pulled her off the rocks.

• 8:35Speaker 02

  She's bloody.

• 8:36Speaker 03

  Yes. She was fine. No broken bones. She was fine. We inquired about her a few days later. She was fine.

• 8:41Speaker 02

  She's American?

• 8:42Speaker 03

  No, she was Greek.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 8:44Speaker 03

  Hmm. A member of staff. But yeah, it was, it was pretty dramatic. It could have been a thousand times worse.

• 8:50Speaker 02

  Do you remember when I got run over on a bike by an Italian lady?

• 8:52Speaker 03

  I'm sorry.

• 8:54Speaker 02

  Just brought.

• 8:54Speaker 03

  You got run over on a bike by an Italian lady. Is the nationality of the woman relevant?

• 8:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, because I assumed Italian because she, I was on a run. Came up between two cars and then she crashed into me. We both went flying. She'd come off and she'd just kept going, shemo, shemo, shemo. And I worked out she was Italian from that. I assumed she was Italian. Even though she was like from Barnsley and had a head and woke up Italian from the accident. That happens, you know.

• 9:22Speaker 03

  Does it? Okay.

• 9:24Speaker 02

  But there's a woman who had a, hit her head and then woke up with a Chinese accent.

• 9:30Speaker 03

  Oh, I have seen that. Yeah. Hmm. It all goes on. Hmm. You all right?

• 9:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm good. I'm good. Whilst you were away, we had a game of five-a-side.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  Yes, I picked up on this and I thought, I sort of thought, do I feel annoyed? Like, no, because I was on a sun lounger. In Greece, having a nice time and also football.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  So in preparation for Soccer Eight, that would have happened when this episode's gone out, but whilst we're recording, it's happening this weekend. Producer Ben and I had a game of five-a-side. Oh, lanky legs over here. He looked like someone.

• 10:00Speaker 03

  Were you on the same team?

• 10:01Speaker 02

  He looked like someone from the 1980s. He had shorts up to his. Like the shortest shorts I've ever seen.

• 10:08Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 10:09Speaker 02

  And it was like, cause it was, and no offence to anyone that played, cause I appreciate everyone, cause it was at one o'clock on a Monday, on a Tuesday. And obviously it was quite hard to get people together because most people have proper jobs.

• 10:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:19Speaker 02

  So you can imagine at one o'clock, the reprobates that turned up. Like, and I mean this, and I, I owe them all the favour. Is his mate who's unemployed came. I met a lad in gym and then DM'd on Instagram and his brother turned up. They were like, honestly, they were, yeah. And, and Adam, uh, and James, my two mates who actually play football, they sorted out their side, but our side, we'd never met before. It was, yeah.

• 10:47Speaker 03

  So we, you and Ben were on the same side?

• 10:49Speaker 02

  Hmm. Have you got a new microphone in the stu- new studio, Ben?

• 10:52Speaker 04

  Same old microphone.

• 10:54Speaker 02

  So we had a game. What score was it?

• 10:56Speaker 04

  It was like nine, seven in the end to them.

• 10:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, we, I.

• 11:00Speaker 03

  Nine, seven?

• 11:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was quite a lot of goals.

• 11:03Speaker 03

  Normal in five a side?

• 11:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's pretty normal in five a side.

• 11:06Speaker 04

  Jordan was quite good, actually.

• 11:08Speaker 02

  Was, do you think that?

• 11:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  Yeah?

• 11:10Speaker 04

  I think you'll struggle when you sort of compare yourself against Wayne Rooney, but, um, compared to me and compared to the other boys, I thought you did alright.

• 11:17Speaker 02

  There's a bit, there's a moment where me and Ben looked at each other, it was like something from a film. Cause we had to swap keepers and I just looked at him, I went, please let me go in net for 10 minutes.

• 11:26Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 11:26Speaker 02

  I couldn't catch my breath, I was breathing out my arse.

• 11:28Speaker 04

  You were good in goal as well.

• 11:30Speaker 02

  I was alright in net. That's what I wanted to do. I wanted to go in net, but Joe Marler took it.

• 11:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:35Speaker 02

  So.

• 11:35Speaker 04

  Good with his hands.

• 11:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:36Speaker 03

  So have you been told what position you are?

• 11:38Speaker 02

  No. I, I must.

• 11:40Speaker 03

  How does Joe Marler know he's in the goal?

• 11:42Speaker 02

  Cause he's keeper's, goalie's, he's a one.

• 11:45Speaker 03

  Alright.

• 11:46Speaker 02

  But I'm worried because I'm missing the first day training because I'm doing Toy Story stuff.

• 11:50Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 11:51Speaker 02

  Now that I'm a Toy Story star. Uh, so I'm gonna worry that I'm gonna turn up on the Friday and they're all gonna be, be like, right. Let's see what he's made of and then gonna. Pass it to me and it'll just go through me legs. But Ben, Ben wasn't a bad player.

• 12:07Speaker 03

  Was he on what position was he?

• 12:09Speaker 02

  Well, in five a side, you're everywhere. He needs to work on his tracking. If I'm honest.

• 12:13Speaker 03

  What's that?

• 12:14Speaker 02

  You didn't track, you didn't track your man back enough for my liking.

• 12:16Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 12:17Speaker 02

  You were like, you were.

• 12:19Speaker 04

  He was, okay.

• 12:21Speaker 02

  You let your man go a bit.

• 12:22Speaker 04

  Bearing in mind, the previous day, I ran a half marathon. So I realised this and I was like, we're playing football.

• 12:29Speaker 03

  Was this on your day off?

• 12:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  Also, can, can I ask, and I played five side a lot, right?

• 12:36Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 12:36Speaker 02

  And can I ask how I ended up in a shower?

• 12:39Speaker 03

  I'm sorry.

• 12:40Speaker 04

  Sorry?

• 12:41Speaker 02

  I ended up showering with the opposite team.

• 12:43Speaker 04

  Why?

• 12:46Speaker 03

  Your honour.

• 12:49Speaker 02

  Genuine. So they were like, um, so I said goodbye to you, as, as you was there. And then I went in to get the bag and it was in the changing rooms. They're all walking around bolico. And I went, I jumped in the shower, George, and I went, oh no, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna go home. And they went, are you coming for a pint? I went, yeah, I will do. I said, I tell you what, I'll get you a pint for making efforts to come down. I appreciate you. So in court, I'll pitch out and that. And he went, you're gonna get in shower? And I went, oh no, I'll be right. I'll just put some deodorant on. He went, you can't come pubbing out of a shower. So I can end up jumping in with them all. And then I didn't have a towel, so I had to use one of their towels. It was all, yeah, it all just happened.

• 13:25Speaker 04

  Sorry?

• 13:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. How did I end up in the shower with the opposite team?

• 13:30Speaker 03

  If you do ever end up in therapy, there is even more to talk about now.

• 13:33Speaker 02

  It's just, it was, anyway, we went for.

• 13:35Speaker 04

  Was it a shared shower?

• 13:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was like an open one.

• 13:38Speaker 04

  God, it's like.

• 13:39Speaker 03

  It was afterwards.

• 13:40Speaker 02

  All of that team were in there. Shut up.

• 13:43Speaker 04

  They were proper footballers then, weren't they?

• 13:45Speaker 02

  Proper, like, they all play like semi-pro and stuff.

• 13:47Speaker 03

  So how are you feeling about soccer?

• 13:48Speaker 02

  I shit in myself.

• 13:49Speaker 03

  Oh, really? And is that, now soccer, is it a proper like 90 minute match?

• 13:53Speaker 02

  I, I'm assuming I'm gonna be a sub because they asked me what walk on music.

• 13:57Speaker 03

  I assume you will be.

• 13:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, so, but.

• 14:01Speaker 02

  A substitute, so that's.

• 14:04Speaker 04

  I think if you, if you come on as a sub.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:08Speaker 04

  Go for goal. That's my.

• 14:10Speaker 02

  Just go for.

• 14:11Speaker 03

  As in switch with Jay Marler?

• 14:13Speaker 04

  No, as in shoot.

• 14:15Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 14:15Speaker 04

  Go for your, like, go for your glory moment.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  Shoot.

• 14:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:19Speaker 02

  Okay. Thank you for playing. I appreciate it. Jack, you're dead to me.

• 14:24Speaker 04

  Jack was.

• 14:24Speaker 02

  Waiting in for a delivery. What's that all about? We're meant to be mates. Well, it was at one o'clock on. Well.

• 14:33Speaker 03

  And he has a job.

• 14:34Speaker 02

  I was stiff as a post the next day for two days.

• 14:38Speaker 04

  In the shower.

• 14:38Speaker 02

  I was so stiff.

• 14:40Speaker 03

  Thinking of the showers.

• 14:41Speaker 02

  I had to be helped out the bath.

• 14:43Speaker 03

  Right, who?

• 14:44Speaker 02

  More read next door before you ask.

• 14:45Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 14:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:46Speaker 03

  Wow, you really know it well.

• 14:48Speaker 02

  I was honestly, I was in agony. But I've, were you not, Ben?

• 14:52Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  I was so sore.

• 14:54Speaker 03

  You play in five a side?

• 14:55Speaker 02

  We played fifty minutes.

• 14:56Speaker 03

  Fifty minutes each half?

• 14:58Speaker 02

  No.

• 14:58Speaker 04

  Just in total.

• 14:59Speaker 03

  Oh, in total, okay, fine.

• 15:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, um, talking about preparations.

• 15:03Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 15:03Speaker 02

  How are you ready for Titanic?

• 15:06Speaker 03

  My West End debut.

• 15:07Speaker 02

  Your West End debut? Well, no, technically it's not because you've been at the.

• 15:10Speaker 03

  Well, it's been marketed as that, so we'll go with it. Um, I, um, well, I mean, look, we did two nights at the London Palladium, I'm doing forty-eight shows, so.

• 15:18Speaker 02

  And you've not mentioned it, I cannot wait.

• 15:20Speaker 03

  Excuse me, excuse me.

• 15:22Speaker 02

  Cannot wait for you to be four weeks in, absolutely fucking knackered and arsey and just, I just can't wait. Because I'm not going to say, oh, I'm just going to give you a look that you do me, I'm just going to go.

• 15:34Speaker 03

  When you mentioned Toy Story five, I said nothing just then.

• 15:37Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, I am so proud of it and the reaction you got was huge, but I'm just saying I can't wait for you to be. To be four weeks in and like.

• 15:46Speaker 03

  Well, you've got weeks to wait.

• 15:48Speaker 02

  I work a proper day, that's all I'm going to say. You do work very hard, actually, that's not fair.

• 15:53Speaker 03

  Thank you very much.

• 15:53Speaker 04

  So you're doing forty-eight shows?

• 15:55Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 15:56Speaker 04

  That means that your final performance will be your fiftieth performance on the West End.

• 16:00Speaker 03

  There we go, yes.

• 16:02Speaker 04

  That's quick, Matt.

• 16:02Speaker 03

  Thank you very much. Um, no, I'm loving it. So at the time of recording, we are.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  I was a bit, oh, sorry.

• 16:08Speaker 03

  Rachel Riley in the corner. Um, at the time of recording, uh, I've done three days of rehearsals. I should actually be in rehearsals as we speak, but, uh, there are some other drama queens I needed to spend my day with. Uh, so here I am, and the cast are gorgeous, they are so lovely.

• 16:27Speaker 02

  He was slacking them all off ten minutes ago.

• 16:28Speaker 03

  Oh, shut up, no, I wasn't.

• 16:31Speaker 03

  But no, they're all lovely. They are being, what is interesting is, which I think is a compliment, is they are talking to me as if I have, like they have, done proper training. I have not done proper training in anything, basically, but they'll say, and then on a count of four, we go to position two. And I'm like, sorry, sorry, what does that mean? Or they go, and now you do a parter, beret and a tonda closed. I'm like, okay, yeah, I'll do that. That's fine. And I have absolutely no idea what they're talking about. And we're watching the rehearsal videos. I know you are not watching the rehearsal videos because I look ridiculous. I'm sort of like two beats behind everyone else. In many ways, I have become you on the tour in the dancing, in that there's lots of lovely dancing.

• 17:10Speaker 02

  I didn't want to dance in the first place.

• 17:11Speaker 03

  There's lots of lovely dancing going on. And then it's sort of, it's like on a bit of a delay with me, but it is great fun. It's a hilarious show. My sort of monologue breakdown thing that we did yesterday for the first time got a massive round of applause from the four people that were sitting in the audience. And I'm very excited for everyone to come and see.

• 17:31Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 17:31Speaker 03

  So yeah, I am enjoying it. But in other news, in other more exciting news, I don't want to make this all about me. But as you might have seen on social media, I've written a novel.

• 17:43Speaker 02

  You have?

• 17:44Speaker 03

  And my novel, it's out next year. So don't, don't stand outside Waterstones just yet. But you can preorder it now if you so wish. I've written a murder mystery.

• 17:52Speaker 02

  What's it called?

• 17:53Speaker 03

  It's called A Fatal Forking.

• 17:54Speaker 02

  A fatal, a fatal for?

• 17:57Speaker 03

  Not a fetal forking.

• 17:58Speaker 02

  A fatal forking.

• 17:59Speaker 03

  A fatal forking. It's, you know, cosy crime is quite popular, always has been, Agatha Christie, et cetera. I am moving the genre on and I'm doing camp crime.

• 18:08Speaker 02

  Is it camp?

• 18:09Speaker 03

  It's campish, yes.

• 18:10Speaker 02

  Can I get to have a preview?

• 18:12Speaker 03

  You can. Tell you what, you can have a proof copy though. We'll be ready in about a month.

• 18:15Speaker 02

  I'll read it and then do it to give you a little, I mean, you're too big for me now. I remember back in the day when I used to be on the back of your books. But now.

• 18:22Speaker 03

  You were on The Bluffers Guide to Entertaining.

• 18:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:25Speaker 02

  Now you don't want to know me. I remember I used to have read that, give you blurb me your name and homes. We're doing all right for ourselves.

• 18:32Speaker 03

  Look at you now.

• 18:33Speaker 02

  Look at us both now.

• 18:38Speaker 03

  Neither on this morning.

• 18:45Speaker 02

  Well, I'll read it, yeah.

• 18:47Speaker 03

  Oh, thanks.

• 18:48Speaker 02

  To give you a.

• 18:49Speaker 03

  I would, no, because you do read fiction.

• 18:51Speaker 02

  Too big for me now. I do read fiction.

• 18:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, you do read fiction, so I genuinely would be interested in your, uh, your take on it. It's too late to change it if you don't like it, but, uh, anyway.

• 19:01Speaker 02

  It sounds fun.

• 19:02Speaker 03

  It, it, it is, it's a fun read.

• 19:04Speaker 02

  A Fatal Forking. I thought it was going to be called something else.

• 19:07Speaker 03

  Originally it was called something else, yes. I was told it was one word too long, so we've gone with a fatal fork.

• 19:11Speaker 02

  Listen to producers and publishers, what the hell.

• 19:14Speaker 03

  Well, I think do publishers do actually know what they're talking about.

• 19:16Speaker 02

  To fight back, stand your ground.

• 19:19Speaker 03

  No.

• 19:19Speaker 02

  Your creativity.

• 19:20Speaker 03

  I like a fatal fork king because it's getting, every time I announce it, it's getting it to like friends and family. It gets a little titter.

• 19:26Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 19:27Speaker 03

  So that's quite nice. Yeah. It's, it's about an etiquette coach gets framed for murder. I have absolutely no idea where I got the idea from. Um, anything else going on in your life?

• 19:34Speaker 02

  Oh, good. Yeah.

• 19:36Speaker 03

  But I've not been framed for murder. I just want to point that out. I've not been involved in any murder.

• 19:40Speaker 02

  I'm going to Amsterdam on Friday. Do you know why I'm going to Amsterdam on a Friday? Because I've only ever been when I went on Rick's stag do.

• 19:48Speaker 03

  Right.

• 19:49Speaker 02

  When I first recorded the first ever episode of this, the week, the Monday after.

• 19:53Speaker 03

  And you were pissed.

• 19:53Speaker 02

  And I can't, I always remember at the time thinking, this is a beautiful city. There's a lot going on, but I was just in and out of pubs and certain establishments pissed.

• 20:03Speaker 03

  Certain windows.

• 20:04Speaker 02

  Shit for, I never, can't remember much going down that way.

• 20:06Speaker 03

  No, I'm sure now, eight years later, you'll have a very different experience.

• 20:10Speaker 02

  So I'm gonna go and enjoy it and.

• 20:12Speaker 03

  It is genuinely, I, I, Amsterdam, I think, gets slightly besmirched because your average person thinks of that side of Amsterdam. And yeah, that all goes on, but you, you, it is perfectly possible to be in Amsterdam.

• 20:23Speaker 02

  Red light district.

• 20:26Speaker 02

  Christ, get you in a window.

• 20:28Speaker 03

  It is perfectly possible to go to Amsterdam and not see any of that. And it is a beautiful city. The Dutch are great. I've always said it. If Britain got bombed or destroyed or, um, you know, disappeared, I would go and live in the Netherlands.

• 20:41Speaker 02

  I think I've got a good sense of humour in the Dutch.

• 20:42Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. Yeah.

• 20:44Speaker 02

  You'd have to to wear them fucking clogs, wouldn't you? To be fair.

• 20:49Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 20:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:50Speaker 03

  Uh, you'll have a lovely time. I can give you some nice recommendations for that part of the world. Yeah.

• 20:54Speaker 02

  We're going waffle making on Saturday.

• 20:57Speaker 03

  Waffle making?

• 20:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, don't ask. I'll fucking know. I just, me, I like to wander about, go and get a coffee, read me book, have a wander, find a pub, go back, maybe swim in pool if it's in, oh, waffle making.

• 21:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, that sounds a bit shit. I'll be honest.

• 21:15Speaker 02

  And, and I, and I put in the WhatsApp group, there's a few mates going as well. Are we allowed to eat the waffles after? Hmm, let me check. Check. If I'm not eating that waffle.

• 21:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was gonna say.

• 21:25Speaker 02

  Waffle making.

• 21:28Speaker 03

  No.

• 21:28Speaker 02

  I work long hours, like I wanna be waffle making on a Saturday, Saturday morning, 11 o'clock. Waffle making.

• 21:34Speaker 03

  To be fair, Monday to Friday, it's, it's waffle, waffle, waffle.

• 21:37Speaker 02

  Exactly, I waffling off.

• 21:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, you don't wanna do it on a weekend.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  I wanna waffle at the weekend.

• 21:42Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 21:42Speaker 02

  There's certain people listening that like to do like little organised fun and stuff. Last time I went to Greece, we booked the paddle boards, our board after 20 minutes. I was like, great, yeah, I've done it.

• 21:55Speaker 03

  Hmm, well, look, um, the studio is not the only thing that's new on Help Us Sex It My Boss. We thought it was time to introduce a new feature. Um, now, before we get a flurry of complaints, this doesn't mean to say that we are getting rid of Jordan's jolly joke of the week, sadly.

• 22:10Speaker 02

  Bloody right, too.

• 22:11Speaker 03

  Or William's etiquetteology. We are just going to put a third one into the mix to spice things up a bit because you know, when things get a bit tired, you often introduce a third. So, Jordan, would you like to reveal the name?

• 22:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, if you came to one of our tour shows, you might have seen a player's, a version of this on stage. We are wonderful Jean Devers on stage, so it's our newest feature called Sweet Little Lies Cue The Jingle.

• 22:33Speaker 03

  We got a jingle.

• 22:35Speaker 05

  Three tall tales you won't believe, two are pure dishonesty. One is true, but which one can it be? Just tell the sweet little lies to me.

• 22:48Speaker 03

  I love it.

• 22:49Speaker 02

  Who was that?

• 22:50Speaker 03

  Ah!

• 22:51Speaker 02

  Ah! Who was that?

• 22:53Speaker 03

  That's lovely, Stephen, let's have it one more time.

• 22:57Speaker 02

  You're not on stage now.

• 23:12Speaker 02

  Ah, great. We're buzzing for this.

• 23:15Speaker 03

  Thank you, Stephen.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  I wasn't sulking at the start of the episode or anything regarding it, so.

• 23:18Speaker 03

  No.

• 23:19Speaker 02

  You know me, I'm not one to... I embrace change.

• 23:22Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 23:22Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 23:23Speaker 03

  So, here is how this works. Jordan Be... Sorry. Jordan, Ben and I, fuck's sake, will each read a statement about ourselves. We'll all be trying to persuade each other that our statements are true, but two of us will be lying through our teeth.

• 23:38Speaker 02

  So it's like that BBC One show?

• 23:39Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 23:40Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 23:40Speaker 03

  It's then up to the three of us to decide who is telling the truth and which have been telling sweet little lies. Jordan, you'll go first. We'll read our statements and then after the break, we'll put it to a debate.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  All right, I'll go first. As a child, I won an egg and spoon race at school whilst wearing my shoes the wr- wrong wa- wrong way round.

• 24:00Speaker 03

  Can't even say it. I was once going to be the new Kim and Aggie for TV.

• 24:07Speaker 04

  I stepped in dog poo this morning.

• 24:09Speaker 02

  Join us after the break to find out who's been telling some sweet little lies.

• 24:18Speaker 01

  Hello, I'm Joanna Fletcher.

• 24:20Speaker 06

  And I'm Marco Burchella.

• 24:21Speaker 01

  And this is Boots Off.

• 24:24Speaker 06

  We are friends who have spent a decade together, walking up mountains, across deserts and along coastlines with some seriously awesome groups of humans.

• 24:32Speaker 01

  And something happens when you're out there, feet on the ground, surrounded by nature. The conversations just spill out of you.

• 24:39Speaker 06

  This series is about the adversities that lead to adventure.

• 24:42Speaker 01

  The adventures that lead to adversity.

• 24:44Speaker 06

  And how life can be one big adventure in itself.

• 24:47Speaker 01

  Listen every Thursday. Just search for Boots Off.

• 24:55Speaker 02

  All right, Jean Divas, welcome back. Before the break, we were playing our newest feature, Sweet Little Lies, Don't Worry, Jordan's Jolly Joke of the Week and William's Etiquetology of the Week are gonna be back as well.

• 25:04Speaker 03

  I've got a good one for you next week as well.

• 25:06Speaker 02

  Oh, no, we're not doing it next week. It's every three weeks.

• 25:08Speaker 03

  I've got a good S K biology.

• 25:11Speaker 02

  Oh, is it not jelly jokes? I've got some crackers.

• 25:13Speaker 03

  Not anymore.

• 25:14Speaker 02

  What do you mean not anymore?

• 25:14Speaker 03

  Just decided it.

• 25:16Speaker 02

  Three statements, two lies, one truth. We've got to figure out who's been telling sweet little lies. William, remind us of our statements, please.

• 25:21Speaker 03

  Mine was, I was once going to be the new Kim and Aggie for TV.

• 25:25Speaker 02

  Mine was, as a child, I won an egg and spoon race at a school. I'm wearing my shoes the wrong way. I can't say wrong way round.

• 25:32Speaker 03

  And Ben?

• 25:33Speaker 04

  I stepped in dog poo this morning.

• 25:35Speaker 03

  So tell us about the, was it in the shoes that you're wearing now?

• 25:38Speaker 04

  No, it was in my, it was in my boots that I go for a walk with Diego every morning.

• 25:41Speaker 03

  Oh, I see. Was it Diego's poo?

• 25:43Speaker 04

  It wasn't Diego's poo. It was left on, along the path on the way to the dog walk that I do around Hackney Downs Park.

• 25:50Speaker 03

  Okay, now, I can tell that he's lying. Do you know how I can tell?

• 25:54Speaker 04

  Right.

• 25:54Speaker 03

  Because of how his eyes went. So when, are you right or left-handed?

• 25:59Speaker 04

  I'm right-handed.

• 26:00Speaker 03

  Yes, I thought you were. So when-

• 26:01Speaker 04

  What are you talking about?

• 26:02Speaker 03

  When someone's eyes go, if they're right-handed, go to the left, so they're left, so the right is I look at Ben, but they're left. You're accessing your imagination, which is in the left-hand part of your brain, whereas when they go to the right, you're going to the right. So, Jordan, egg and spoon race sounds very posh for your sort of school, if I'm honest.

• 26:20Speaker 02

  We did that every summer.

• 26:21Speaker 03

  Did you? And was it a proper egg? Or what sort of spoon? Was it plastic, presumably?

• 26:25Speaker 02

  We always had those rubber ones.

• 26:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. And, and you won it, you managed to not only compete in it, but you won in it wearing shoes the wrong way round. Is that even possible? I feel that's a fun social media video we should do at some point, is try and get Jordan to do an egg and spoon race.

• 26:39Speaker 02

  I often had my shoes on the wrong way round.

• 26:42Speaker 03

  And you were how old at this point?

• 26:44Speaker 02

  Seven, maybe eight.

• 26:45Speaker 03

  Okay, fine.

• 26:46Speaker 04

  Who came second?

• 26:48Speaker 02

  I don't know. Bloody eight.

• 26:49Speaker 03

  Can't even remember who was this head boy, so.

• 26:51Speaker 02

  Shoes on the wrong way round. I just remember having them on the wrong way round and winning it. Kind of helped me. You know, like cyclists have those helmets that come right down now, the pointy ones. I think it helps me for aerodynamic. Reasons.

• 27:06Speaker 03

  Right.

• 27:07Speaker 02

  Having him on the wrong way. Well, I actually know the answer to this one.

• 27:10Speaker 03

  Right.

• 27:11Speaker 02

  I know who's telling the truth. He's forgot about this.

• 27:13Speaker 03

  What?

• 27:14Speaker 02

  It's you. Because I was at one of your-

• 27:15Speaker 03

  How do you know that?

• 27:16Speaker 02

  I was at one of your dinner soirees in Manchester and we'd just finished dessert.

• 27:20Speaker 03

  Oh, God, okay.

• 27:21Speaker 02

  And you declared to the table, "I'm going to be a TV star."

• 27:24Speaker 03

  Excuse me, I don't think I would ever have said that.

• 27:27Speaker 02

  And you made me and Lucas and Daryl, and I think Mikey was there at the time, I think Stu-

• 27:31Speaker 03

  No, I don't think it was, Mikey.

• 27:33Speaker 02

  And you made us watch the full 27 minutes of your pilot. You're, "I'm going to be ITV's biggest name."

• 27:38Speaker 03

  The Spring Cleaners, that's what it was called.

• 27:40Speaker 02

  That was called, I remember it, yes, so there.

• 27:43Speaker 03

  I used to have that, I don't have it anymore, so they, we cannot find it and it's probably very legal if I shared it, so.

• 27:47Speaker 02

  I do remember that. Did you really step in dog poo?

• 27:49Speaker 04

  No.

• 27:50Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 27:50Speaker 04

  That was a lie.

• 27:51Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 27:51Speaker 04

  Not today.

• 27:52Speaker 03

  And did you really do a egg and spoon race with two shoes round the wrong way around?

• 27:55Speaker 02

  I never would, I hate to-

• 27:56Speaker 03

  It's very Jordan-coded, though.

• 27:57Speaker 02

  I hate to say, but I did used to get my shoes on the wrong way round a lot as a child.

• 28:01Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 28:01Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:02Speaker 03

  Well, it's good to know.

• 28:03Speaker 02

  Now it's time for us to help you with your modern day dilemmas.

• 28:06Speaker 03

  Remember, we have no idea what is coming up. This is from Dan. Whilst doing the laundry, I found a receipt for a sauna in my fiance's pocket. I genuinely thought chariots were some new Roman theatre production, but my friends quickly informed me that it is in fact a well-renowned sex establishment. Now, I have been told you can simply pop in for a coffee and cake, or perhaps a quick workout. However, I'm fairly certain more than a workout was taking place, mainly because neither of us could reasonably be described as gym fit, and I'm sure there are far better slices of cake elsewhere.

• 28:33Speaker 02

  I think I used to live in it. Is it Paddington? It's got like Greek... I've never been in, but-

• 28:39Speaker 03

  Oh, I think I know where you mean.

• 28:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, didn't we wear that flat you-

• 28:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, it was lovely on the inside.

• 28:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, it isn't it? Anyway, go on.

• 28:47Speaker 03

  I'm completely unsure how to approach this. One part of me wants to place his cloner willy in there and see who recognises it. Although I do appreciate that this may not be the healthiest way to handle the situation. I genuinely don't know how to open this conversation up and would really appreciate your collective wisdom on the matter. Well, there we go.

• 29:04Speaker 02

  Oh, I think you need to just, yeah, say, look, fam, because if you let that one fester, it's gonna bug you and bug you.

• 29:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:11Speaker 02

  Fester and.

• 29:12Speaker 03

  If you're not being honest with each other, then it's not, it's not gonna work.

• 29:15Speaker 02

  No.

• 29:16Speaker 03

  So I think you do need to talk.

• 29:18Speaker 02

  Yes, I agree.

• 29:19Speaker 03

  Just literally sit them down and go, I want to talk about this.

• 29:22Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 29:22Speaker 03

  I want you to respect, you know, I might say something that's upset, but forgive me, my insecurities are talking and lay it all out.

• 29:31Speaker 02

  And there might be a reasonable, he might be like, oh, yeah.

• 29:32Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 29:33Speaker 02

  I go all the time.

• 29:34Speaker 03

  Chariots, I know, they could have been buying some, they could have literally been buying a chariot, you never know. We all need them.

• 29:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, this is from anonymous. To the best solution sluts I and the world have ever known.

• 29:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, bye.

• 29:49Speaker 03

  A quandary comes in, in the form of embarrassment. One Saturday afternoon, after the wife told me I needed to be a bit more spontaneous in the bedroom, I decided to go down to my local fancy dress shop. The wife always had a thing for David Tennant as Doctor Who.

• 30:02Speaker 02

  I interviewed him this week.

• 30:03Speaker 03

  Did she?

• 30:03Speaker 02

  That was last, actually, he's good.

• 30:05Speaker 03

  So I purchased a costume to look like David Tennant. The costume came with a sonic screwdriver included.

• 30:12Speaker 03

  I, I just know where this is going. I drove home and upon pulling up into our road, I popped the costume on, knocked on the front door and she answered the door to me, saying, permission for Doctor Who to take a ride in your TARDIS.

• 30:22Speaker 02

  Class.

• 30:23Speaker 03

  Ignoring her frantic waving, I kept on talking, completely unaware that her mum and dad were in the living room and could hear everything. Her mum saw the funny side and after an hour of making me feel awkward, said to my father-in-law, come on, let's go, something tells me he didn't know we were coming over for a bit today.

• 30:38Speaker 02

  I would have styled it out.

• 30:39Speaker 03

  So my dilemma is, how do you make amends to my father-in-law? I clearly scarred him for life, we used to get on, but now it's just awkward pleasantries. How do I go about rekindling that former son-in-law, father-in-law bond? Anonymous.

• 30:52Speaker 02

  It could have been, you know, there's worse sex, sex costumes.

• 30:57Speaker 03

  Take, take your fa, I'm gonna sound like you, take him out to pub, take him out for drink, have a bonding time, no, no, don't, don't talk about it.

• 31:04Speaker 02

  I was gonna say, don't say.

• 31:05Speaker 03

  We're British for God's sake, we're not gonna talk about.

• 31:07Speaker 02

  Shagging your daughter as Doctor Who.

• 31:08Speaker 03

  No, but just take him out and sort of spend some quality time with him.

• 31:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, just don't worry about it, it, look, it all goes on and he, he.

• 31:16Speaker 03

  He should, like, come on, you're together.

• 31:17Speaker 02

  And you're, that's your wife's daddy, doesn't even think about that when it comes to that.

• 31:23Speaker 03

  And it was unpleasant, time is a great healer.

• 31:26Speaker 02

  No, dad does. Yeah. But I also, there's a, like. Now, I won't hear a bad word said about David Tennant, he's one of my favourite guests on Doctor as well.

• 31:36Speaker 03

  Would a David Tennant costume do it for you?

• 31:38Speaker 02

  No, surely this would have been, but each to their own, who am I to judge?

• 31:41Speaker 03

  What fancy dress character do you think is sexy?

• 31:43Speaker 02

  You came as Sean Dyche, I'd absolutely smash your back doors in.

• 31:48Speaker 03

  You came as Sean Mendes, I'd smash yours in.

• 31:52Speaker 03

  Then you'd be eating stitches.

• 31:53Speaker 02

  That was a joke. Oh god.

• 31:55Speaker 03

  Really? I'm off to find a Sean Dyche costume.

• 32:00Speaker 02

  I just talked all over your joke that we've heard many a times before.

• 32:02Speaker 03

  It's fine, it's fine. Our next dilemma is from Charlotte. Dear William and Jordan, I'm getting married next August. It's a small wedding with just twelve close family members and friends invited. Is it common for me to write a list of rules for guests? If so, how do I tell guests that talking with food in their mouths will not be tolerated and I shall not be held responsible for my actions if I witness anyone doing so? I think it is the most disgusting habit, but something that unfortunately several of the guests invited do. I fear I may not be able to stop myself from punching anyone I see doing such a disgusting act on my special day. I feel physically sick even thinking about it. Not inviting these people is unfortunately not an option, as one is my partner's mother. Thank you in advance, long time Jane Diva. Charlotte.

• 32:42Speaker 02

  I mean, Charlotte, you're lucky to get twelve close family members at your wedding, bloody hell.

• 32:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:47Speaker 02

  It's a bit.

• 32:48Speaker 03

  What's your, well, could you not do that?

• 32:51Speaker 02

  No, I'm saying you'd wanna go to a wedding.

• 32:54Speaker 03

  What?

• 32:55Speaker 02

  It's a bit harsh, isn't it?

• 32:56Speaker 03

  Well, I would say, I mean, and, and look, maybe Charlotte, you can't, you know, for various.

• 33:00Speaker 02

  Sounds like you've got Mr. Mimosia or whatever it's called.

• 33:02Speaker 03

  Misophonia.

• 33:03Speaker 02

  Misophonia, Charlotte, you should go to Doctor for that, because I knew I made you like that.

• 33:07Speaker 03

  She was one of my teachers at school.

• 33:08Speaker 02

  Um, Charlotte, you should go, honestly, this sounds like it's, because nobody likes when people talk with their mouth open, but the fact that you feel sick, genuinely, I, I'd go to Doctor about that, because if it's.

• 33:16Speaker 03

  Earplugs, maybe?

• 33:17Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, because.

• 33:19Speaker 03

  Style your hair.

• 33:20Speaker 02

  It sounds like, it sounds like you're in your head a bit about it, my love, so I'd definitely go to Doctor.

• 33:23Speaker 03

  It is disgusting hearing people eat.

• 33:25Speaker 02

  No, she's not, it's more people talking with their mouth open.

• 33:28Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, but okay, well, hearing them eat slash.

• 33:30Speaker 02

  Talking with their mouths.

• 33:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, but they shouldn't be doing that. But this is where potentially, money aside, you have a bigger wedding because then that sort of dilutes the awareness.

• 33:38Speaker 02

  I don't think you can send rules, can you, etiquette expert?

• 33:41Speaker 03

  I wouldn't say you can. No, I didn't. I mean, I told people what to wear, but I didn't.

• 33:45Speaker 02

  You have many rules. Maybe, here we go, Charlotte.

• 33:48Speaker 03

  Hire me and I'll go around.

• 33:49Speaker 02

  Do you know what, it is your special day. You get your fiancee, soon to be husband, just to send a text to remind everyone. Just say, hey, really looking forward to your coming. Just that, you know, Charlotte is lol a bit extra when it comes to people talking with a mouse fold. Could you just make sure you don't do it? It's something that we're trying to work on together as a couple. She really doesn't like it, makes her feel sick, so you can just bear that in mind.

• 34:12Speaker 03

  Jobs are good.

• 34:13Speaker 02

  Get the husband to take one for the team. That's what I'd do.

• 34:16Speaker 03

  This next dilemma is from Liv. Hello, William, Jordan, EPB and the whole crew. Just like William and Jordan, I have recently hired our first gardener. He's a lovely, cheery person and does an incredible job in the garden, but he's the biggest yapper.

• 34:26Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 34:27Speaker 03

  I work from home and he comes every six weeks for three hours. When he arrives, he spends 10 minutes telling me about his week and other jobs he's been doing, which is interesting to hear about. And if that was the only chat we had, that would be fine. Whilst he's doing the work, he will pop in to ask me various questions, which I appreciate him double checking what work needs to be done. But every time he does this, he will then go on another 10-minute tangent about something else. He always gets the job done in the end, but all the chatter interrupts my workday. I'm too polite to tell him I need to get back to work, so I just end up standing in the kitchen, smiling and nodding at his anecdotes, wishing I could get back to being productive. He's even aware he does it. As halfway through the conversation, he'll say, oh, sorry, I'm blabbling on, and then will continue to tell me another story. We've only had him come over twice so far, and now I'm dreading the next session as

• 35:11Speaker 03

  it's so disruptive to my day. I have to be home to let him in as we don't have rear access to the garden. The introvert part of me just wants to hire someone else, but I'm not really sure what to do. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you, Liv.

• 35:24Speaker 02

  That would be annoying if they're in and out. I think you might have to hire someone else. Poor bloke, he sounds like a lovely fellow. Or could you go up to your room whilst he's in for three hours? Could you have a desk upstairs so he can't come on?

• 35:33Speaker 03

  I think you just have to say in advance, you do your 10-minute chat, which is fine. I think you have no problems with that, that's what you've said. And then you just go, I've got lots of calls today. If you need any questions answering, text me. And then you bury yourself away in your spare bedroom or your office, wherever it is.

• 35:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, or just say if you need anything, just text.

• 35:50Speaker 03

  I pop the tea and coffee out on the side, help yourself.

• 35:52Speaker 02

  Hopefully he'll get the hint. And if he doesn't get the hint after this next one, then maybe go on to someone else.

• 35:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, totally. We'll finish with this dilemma from Chloe. Hey, dilemma daddies, I have trouble sleeping.

• 36:03Speaker 02

  Yeah daddy! Hey daddy! What the hell even is that? Daddy chill.

• 36:09Speaker 03

  I have trouble sleeping as my busy brain doesn't like the silence, so after I've listened to your latest episodes, I'll then use them with a sleep timer to fall asleep like white noise. William's voice is especially soothing. In last Tuesday's episode, Jordan announced that Alexa played a certain song, which my Alexa device in my bedroom picked up and did as instructed and scared the living shit out of the entire household.

• 36:30Speaker 02

  What was it?

• 36:31Speaker 03

  Safe to say it took a while to fall back asleep and after that, I know not to use that episode in future. So what should you do when your favourite podcast and bedtime sleeping companion starts scaring you in the middle of the night? Lots of love, Chloe. Alexa, play Alicia Dicks and the Boy Does Nothing. Thank me later.

• 36:48Speaker 02

  Don't be horrible, people will be listening.

• 36:49Speaker 03

  That's a nice song!

• 36:50Speaker 02

  Yes, but people will be listening. Alexa, switch off! People will be listening to this in bed.

• 36:54Speaker 03

  Jordan, switch off! Oh, good god, eight years that's taken.

• 37:00Speaker 02

  If only. And many people listen to us in bed. A few people said, "Oh, I have you on in bed every night", and stuff like that. So sorry about that, Chloe, yeah.

• 37:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, soz, but yeah, you could, I don't know if there's a way to delete that downline.

• 37:11Speaker 02

  Alexa, play Slipknot! No, I'm joking, Alexa, stop! Don't, don't, don't. Alexa, stop! Alexa, stop! Because that's not funny if you're in bed now.

• 37:20Speaker 03

  No.

• 37:21Speaker 02

  Do you know who Slipknot are?

• 37:22Speaker 03

  Slipknot?

• 37:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:23Speaker 03

  No.

• 37:24Speaker 02

  In my school, you were either a skater, a townie or a mosher. I know moshers love Slipknot. I don't think, dead, I don't think anyone likes Slipknot. And they listen to all Slipknot. I was a skater.

• 37:35Speaker 03

  Were you?

• 37:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:36Speaker 03

  Skater, you have all of them.

• 37:38Speaker 02

  Brothers of a townie had rock pots, which we talked about before.

• 37:41Speaker 03

  You've lost me now, really?

• 37:42Speaker 02

  Did you not have that in your school?

• 37:43Speaker 03

  Funnily enough, no. You're either a deck shoe, or you wore a nice sort of espadrille, or occasionally a brogue.

• 37:52Speaker 02

  Okay. Well, thank you so much for your questions, Delham. It's lovely to be back in our new studio.

• 37:57Speaker 03

  Yes, indeed. It's lovely to be back in your company, Jordan.

• 38:00Speaker 02

  Oh, bless you. Thank you. Remember, if you need our help with something, then get in touch. You can send your tales of trepidation to [email protected]. You can DM us. We're at Sex and My Boss on the socials, or you can write to William, who in the fullness of time, promises a handwritten reply on one of our luxury greeting cards of executive sales, sealed by lopes. The address is on the website, sextedmyboss.com. And remember as well, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday at 24 hours before, anywhere else on Global Player. And you can even watch us on YouTube as well. We put the full episodes up on every release day. Just head to YouTube and search for Sexed.

• 38:31Speaker 03

  Goodbye.

• 38:39Speaker 01

  Hello, I'm Joanna Fletcher.

• 38:41Speaker 06

  And I'm Marco Bertella.

• 38:43Speaker 01

  And this is Boots Off.

• 38:46Speaker 06

  We are friends who've spent a decade together, walking up mountains, across deserts, and along coastlines with some seriously awesome groups of humans.

• 38:54Speaker 01

  And something happens when you're out there, feet on the ground, surrounded by nature. The conversations just spill out of you.

• 39:01Speaker 06

  This series is about the adversities that lead to adventure.

• 39:04Speaker 01

  The adventures that lead to adversity.

• 39:06Speaker 06

  And how life can be one big adventure in itself.

• 39:09Speaker 01

  Listen every Thursday. Just search for Boots Off.